Research Paper Assessment

Name: Donna Robinson Date: 8/11/12 Student ID: 767608 Email: drobinson56@gmail.com

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Reframing Perspectives: Coaching as a Valuable Support Structure for Adult Children Clients

Contents
Introduction I. Alcoholic Family Systems and Patterns of Disease A. B. Adult Children Available treatments and therapies 1. Psychiatry and Psychology 2. 12 Step Recovery 3. Coaching

II.

Reframing Perspectives through Power Tools A. B. C. D. Lightness vs. Significance Responsibility vs. Blame Responding vs. Reacting Respect vs. Invalidation

Conclusion III. Bibliography

Introduction Members of Alcoholic Family systems, namely Adult children of Alcoholics, typically exhibit patterns, traits and behaviors that, although distinctly different from those of the alcoholic, are no less challenging to a satisfactory and successful life. In Adult Children, Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families ACOA World Services Organization indicates that denial and defense mechanisms in adult children of alcoholics can be difficult to overcome resulting in lifelong patterns of unhappiness and the inability to move forward. Alcoholics, as well as being victims themselves have an adverse impact on those with whom they associate. In her book Adult Children of Alcoholics, Janet Woititz, Ed.D, identifies how adult children display common characteristics that can impact their relationships and leave them feeling stuck for the rest of their lives unless they seek help to move forward. A life coach can use power tools to support recovering adult children in overcoming self-defeating patterns by reframing perspectives.

I.

Alcoholic Family Systems and Patterns of Disease

Alcoholism is a family disease. Compulsive drinking affects the drinker and it affects the drinkers relationships. Friendships, employment, childhood,

parenthood, love affairs, and marriages all suffer from the affects of alcoholism. Those special relationships in which a person is really close to an alcoholic are affected the most, and those who care are the most caught up in the behavior of

another person. 1 Over the last 25 years, research and clinical practice have verified the detrimental effects of growing up in a traumatic and hurtful family. 2 A. Adult Children

The term adult child does not mean that the individual lives in the past or that they are infantile in their thinking and actions. The term means that they meet the demands of adult life with survival techniques learned as children. It also means that when confronted, they regress to a stage in their childhood. 3 Before finding recovery, adult children suppress their feelings and are overly responsible. They try to anticipate the needs of others and meet those needs so that they will not be abandoned. They try to be flexible or supportive of others as they deny their own needs. They monitor their relationships for any sign of disapproval. They try to be perfect so they will be loved and never left alone. Or, they isolate themselves and think they need no one. Often, the family unspoken rules become: dont talk, dont trust, and dont feel. This is denial. Understanding the ideas stated in Adult Children of Alcoholics and The Twelve Steps of Adult Children, one could summarize that 12 traits are continued into adulthood. Adult Children: guess at what normal behavior is. have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

1 2

Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., How Alanon Works, Page 18 ACOA World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics, P. xxvii 3 ACOA World Service Organization, Adult Children of Alcoholics, P. vii

lie when it would be easier to tell the truth. judge themselves without mercy. have difficulty having fun. take themselves very seriously. have difficulty with intimate relationships. over-react to changes over which they have no control. constantly seek approval and affirmation. usually feel different than other people. are overly responsible or irresponsible. are extremely loyal. Even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, selfloathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

These traits are not limited to the adult children of alcoholics. They can apply to those from a dysfunctional environment where alcohol is absent. For example, children who grew up with parents who were addicted to any of the following: gambling, drugs, spending, over-eating, anorexia,

bulimia, sex addiction or any obsessive- compulsive disorders. They are

also present in adult children who were abused through the inappropriate use of intellect, manipulation, or silence.

B.

Available Treatments and Therapies

Several treatments and therapies used successfully to treat adult children are: Psychiatry and Psychology, 12 Step Recovery, Al-Anon for friends and families of alcoholics, ACOA targeted for adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families, CODA for co-dependents, and coaching. 1. Psychiatry and Psychology

Psychiatry and Psychology focus on the symptoms of pathology in personality and conduct. Some examples are: Behavioral Therapy, Rehabilitation, Group Therapy and Psychoanalysis. 2. 12 Step recovery

12 Step Recovery groups are a form of group therapy that emphasizes transpersonal or spiritual values in processes and guidelines. They are very effective as they offer support via fellowship, mentoring, and a safe place to share their experience, strength, and hope. These are worldwide organizations that offer meetings and are open to anyone identifying with the symptoms of growing up with addiction and dysfunction. 3. Coaching

Coaching is not therapy, counseling or psychology. It is a new profession established less than twenty years ago. According to the

International Coaching Federation (ICF), coaching is most prevalent in the U.S.A. followed by the United Kingdom, Japan, Canada, Australia, Singapore and New Zealand. The actual process of coaching should not be mistaken for a therapeutic intervention. Coaching is oriented towards goal setting and encourages the client to move forward. When the client has addressed past issues, is actively working a recovery program and/or receiving therapy, coaching supports them on their journey. If used successfully, coaching will synthesize skills from other disciplines such as pedagogy, psychology, spirituality, philosophy, business and sports, formulating a distinct process of supporting others to create an ideal life. A life coach is an advocate, a

sounding board, a cheerleader, an accountability partner, a truth teller and a supporter. 4 Psychoanalysis researcher and author Judith Viorst states in Necessary Losses: It is true that as long as we live we may keep repeating the patterns established in childhood. It is true that the present is powerfully shaped by the past. But it is also true that insight at any age keeps us from singing the same sad songs again. This insight reinforces the idea that with the support of the coaching process the adult child can reframe their perspectives in a safe environment and use the tools

International Coach Academy, iE-101-CWIT: Coaching- what is it? , P. 2

provided to gain self-awareness and a more positive outlook in order to move forward with their lives. This is especially important because adult children use survival traits developed in childhood to cope with their dysfunctional homes, and these defense mechanisms become stumbling blocks in their adult relationships. Coaching can provide the tools to help create awareness and support them in making lifechanging decisions, clarify values, give direction, acknowledge and encourage them in moving forward.

II.

Reframing Perspectives through Power Tools

Perspective can be described as a point of view, a way of looking at or interpreting a particular set of events. The adult child in denial, for example, has been looking at the world through a particular lens or point of view. The pedagogical model in coaching suggests that the clients perspective determines their experience in life, not their circumstances, i.e., adult children clients can choose to change their perspective at any time. With new information, adult children can change what they believe. Thoughts and beliefs impact feelings and, eventually, behavior: if adult children think differently, they can hope to act differently. The quote Opportunity is nowhere, Opportunity is here from How Al-Anon Works is a useful example of how ones view on life and opportunities are indeed a matter of ones subjective perspective.

Many coaching strategies, namely, power tools, can be applied in the coaching process. They can help the adult child see certain patterns of behavior that may be holding them back in their own recovery process. The following power tools developed by the International Coaching Academy (ICA) can be useful in eliciting adult childrens awareness of how to reframe their own perspectives:

A.

Lightness vs. Significance

Significance is best described as a fixed idea and deeply held beliefs about what is right and wrong, true and false. Significance means that an individual may interpret what is happening in terms of his or her background. The adult child weighs him or herself down with all the above mentioned negative or automatic underlying beliefs, and learned behaviors. Adult children lose their perspective easily. Small obstacles can seem like crises to them and major problems can be overlooked. Lightness is best described as the feeling that results from being unburdened after carrying heavy baggage for a time. Lightness can provide a feeling of freedom to adult children by unburdening them from negative patterns of self-judgment and allowing them to widen their perspective and act more spontaneously. B. Responsibility vs. Blame

When adult children do not meet their own needs, they begin a pattern of blaming others for these unmet needs. Often the adult childs legitimate needs or desires were not only unrecognized in their childhood, but many 10

were shamed when expressing these needs. As adults, they remember such interactions and often re-experience the pain of being dismissed; therefore, they may be likely to avoid asking for what they need or accepting the legitimacy of their own needs. When they stay in this pattern of blaming, they abdicate responsibility for meeting their own needs. When they can accept responsibility for their needs and the fulfillment of same, they choose freedom from blame and experience empowerment. Taking responsibility for their part in addressing these needs is a step toward positive behavior and appropriate self-care. When they find themselves blaming they always have the option to reframe their perspective, to change and alter their truth by choosing responsibility. C. Responding vs. Reacting

Reacting is best described as an automated response. Because of their background, adult children doubt and blame themselves in a knee-jerk reaction that is predictable and consistent. They react instead of thinking about options and then acting or responding appropriately. To respond appropriately, adult children can learn to check in with themselves before reacting by staying in the present. Being in the present means they cannot bring the past into that moment nor can they bring the reaction into that moment. By stopping the intrusion of the past into the present, adult children can begin the process of enjoying the present in their lives. This is possible as they learn to practice responding versus reacting as a way to reframe their perspective. 11

D.

Respect vs. Invalidation

Judging is often a psychological projection on others which mirrors and/or invalidates self, and invalidation can be best described as negating expressions of selfrespect or respect for others. Adult children are accustomed to judging themselves very harshly, and as a result judge others in the same way. Judging themselves harshly is often learned behavior from abusive and hypercritical parents. Outer judgment expresses inner judgment. Similarly, real inward respect allows the

establishment of real outward respect. The coaching process allows the adult child to view respect in an entirely different way. In Man and His Symbols, Carl Jung states: Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. In this way, reframing the inner perspective helps build self-respect, selfesteem and confidence.

Conclusion By helping reframe perspectives one can be persuaded that coaching is a valuable support structure to adult children as clients. The process of coaching provides the adult child with a safe space to re-discover and empower themselves to change old patterns and establish healthier ones. Through selfawareness the adult child can take responsibility for their own lives, develop selfrespect, find their own truth, know what is important and learn to respond appropriately. 12

III.

Bibliography

ACOA World Service Organization, Adult Children Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families. First Ed. Rev. Torrance: ACOA World Service Organization, 2006. Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics. Virginia Beach: Alanon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1995. Coaching- what is it? International Coach Academy, Pty. Ltd., iE-101-CWIT. 2010: 2. Jung, C G., M. L. von Franz, J. L. Henderson, et al, Man and His Symbols. Garden City: Doubleday & Co., 1964. Lightness vs Significance. International Coach Academy, Pty. Ltd., Module 305. 2010: 1-6. Respect vs Invalidation. International Coach Academy, Pty. Ltd., Module 304. 2010: 1-4. Responding vs Reacting. International Coach Academy, Pty. Ltd., Module 303. 2010: 1-4. Responsibility vs Blame. International Coach Academy, Pty. Ltd., Module 302. 2010: 1-4. Woititz, Janet G., Adult Children of Alcoholics., Exp. ed. Deerfield Beach: Health Communications, Inc., 1983.

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