October,2011.

Mostreveredladyinthefamily;alaswelostheron27thFeb,2012.
Inthememoryofmylifepartner.Forallthosetimesyoustoodbyme.
MadlyIwascalling,hereandthere,inthehousewhichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone. wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannotfindyou,comeoutofyourhiding;youalways attendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,nomoreteasingplease;pleasecomeout,Iwant toseeyou.Enoughisenough;unabletohearcallingmeback,thenrealizing,sheisgone.Sheisgone;so soon?Thiswasthetimenowforyoutoenjoythelifeinabigfamily,whereyouwerereveredmost,and respected.Wetriedtoprovideeveryfacilityrequired.YouryoungersonSajidwasalloutforyouatyour service,neverfailedinprovidingsufficientstockofmedicinesyourequire.YoureldestsonMr.Ahmed, onwhomyoutrustedmostaboutyourtreatment,tookwellcareofyou.Whydidthen,youturnedyour faceaway.Youwerecompromisingandalwaysignoredsomeofourfailings,butwehaveneverseen youbecomingangrytosuchanextent,youleftuspermanently.Isthisisafriendship?Toleavethe

partneratthetimeofneed.Manyfamilyfunctionswereahead,stillrequiringyourpresenceforthe prayersandpatronship. Youknewverywellthatmarriagesofyourbelovedgrandchildrenwereaheadsoonerorlater;youdid notwaitforit.Wasthismoreessentialtohaveeternalrestthantobeherewithus? Iearnestlydesiredsomeoneshouldsay;Nothisisnottrue.I,myheartmysixsenseswanttohear,thisis nottrue;andsaysheissleeping,nottobedisturbed;shewouldawakesoon.Butmyloveisgone withoutsayingasingleword,exceptgesturingapartingkiss.Thisgesturewasagainsthernature,she alwaysremainedshy.Thisgesturesurprisedmeandwarnedmethatsheknowssheisgoingotherwiseit wasnotpossiblegesturinglikethis;shehadneverdonesobefore,eveninprivacy.AlasIcouldnotgivea farewellkisstoapersonwhohadcaredmesomuchandhadwonmyheartandsoul.Shebecamea queentorulemywholeestate;wehaveburiedherwithourownhands,nevertoreturnandneverto seeheragain;somiserablymissingmybelovedwife.SheleftmeonlytwentydaysafterwhenIwrotea shortlifestory,thatwestartedlifetomakeavivacioushome,anewhome,wedidnothaveearlier.She leftmeaggrievedwithrollingtearsonmycheeks;shecouldneverwanttoseeinherlifetime. IwashospitalizedinNovember,2007foropenheartsurgery,Sheseldomvisitedme,becauseshecould notseemeinthatsituation.Sheremainedathome,busysayingprayers.Icamebackwith,heart refurbished,withhighspiritstomyhomewithinaweek;becauseIknewsomeoneawaitsmeeagerly. WithGodsconsentIwantedtoliveformyfamilyingeneralandmylovingshywifeinparticular. Onmysafearrivalhome,mychildrenshoweredflowers,butoutofshynessshecouldnotdothat.But afterIcametomyroom,Icherishthecareandlovesheshoweredonme.Shetriedtogivemecomfort toforgetmiserabletimeIspentinHospital.Thisactofhermademegratifiedandherrespectand staturewasincreasedinmyeyes.Ihadseenhertakingextradutiesthanthenormal.Myheartpains whenIrememberofhergesturesandservicestome. ButwhoknewthatwhensheherselfwillbeadmittedinHospital,shewillneverreturntoletmepay backthatgreatamountofdebtofloveandaffectionwhichsheshowedtomethen.Maybesheknew myinabilitytoperformthatway. WetookyoutoPOFHospital,feelingdifficultyinbreathing.Thishadhappenedmanytimesearlier,and fewpuffsofinhalerswouldhavestabilized.Thiswasthesamecondition.Doctorswerealsonotofthat opinionofanyseriousnessatfirstsight.Butonthemorningof23rdFeb,onperformingtests,some seriousalarmsrangandPOFdoctorsadvisedtotakeyoutoAFICimmediately.Iaccompaniedyouto AFIC,nevernewtocomebackalonewithoutyou.Yousaidtometoforgiveanymistakeorbaddealing orhandlingstowardsme,andjoking,Isaid,ok;Iforgive,andaskedyoutoreciprocate,whichyoualso smilinglysaidso.Iforgive.Hadweknownthatyouhavebecomesoseriousinanyannoyance,weall wouldhavegatheredaroundyoutoplease,andaskforforgiveness.Youryoungestsonalways succeededtomakeyouagreewithhim.Thishadhappenedmanytimes,yourefusedtoaccompany someouting,butSajidalwaysgotyoutoconsent.Andafteryousayyes;awaveofhappinesswould havebeenbeckoned,makingeverybodyhappyandjoyful.

Butthistimenothingworked,Doctorsfailed,Wefailedandsheleftallofuswailingandweeping,who gatheredatArmedForcesInstituteofCardiology,onweehoursof27thFeb,2012,at0730hours,the sametimeherbeloveddaughter;Dr.ShaziaZafar;aconstantprideforher,landedattheIslamabad Airportalongthegrandson,anotherprideforher.DrShaziaaskedmeonphonetowaitforherarrival; withtearsinmyeyes,Isaidtoherpleaseaskthistoyourmother,Idonotknowbutyes;shekept waitinganddelayedherflighttoheaven;shebeingincomaandwaitedtoarriveherdearestdaughter andGrandson.AssoonasDr.ShaziaandHammadlanded,thesametime,hersoulgotwingstotakeoff toherpermanentabode.Wasthisacoincidence? MyeldersonMr.AhmedhadtoldMr.Khalidyoungertohim,totakespecialaccountofthisandmay notethetimingsofDeparturetoHeavenandtheArrivaloftheplaneinwhichhertwooffspringare travellingandthishappenedexactlyasMr.Ahmedtoldtohisbrother.Thisisnotacoincidence;thisisa willofGod. LuckilyherlovingsonKhalidreachedalonghiswifeSairafromKuwait,besidesmytellingthatsheis doingwell,andInshaAllah,Godwilling,shewouldbebacktohome.Ialsomailedthemapicturesoas thosemayfeelcomfortablethattheirmotherisnotthatill.Butsomeintuitionalpowercompelledthem totravel,Sairahadsometerrificdreamabouthermotherinlaw,whichcaredandlovedSairavery much.Whentheyreached,shewasinsomesensesandshowedagestureoflovebyraisingherhandto touchtheirheads,amarkofshowinglovebyelders.Afterfewminutessheregainedconsciousnessand enquiredthathadKhalidandSairabeenservedwithfood?Theyhadtravelledalongway.Evenshewas ondeathbedstillshewasnotlackingherdutyofelderlycareforheradultsonswhoarethemselves grownupsandfathersnow. Allournearanddearonesfeltuneasefewdaysbefore,somesortofunknownfeardevelopedandmany ofusdreamedterrific.Hammadhergrandchildwasupset,sowereotherpeople.Mybrother MohammadAfzalrangmeonemorningtoenquireiseverythingOK.Similarlyallthegrandchildrenwere uneasy.Ilostmysleepamonthearlier,withstrangefeelings;somethingisgoingtohappen.Andit happened;mybestpartofhalfisgone.Iamunabletoexpressmydeepfeelingsofsorrowandgrief. ShewasatotallymadeforallofusandIafraidsuchexamplesofsacrificeandloveforthechildrenmight neverbewitnessedagain. 2012,theyear,whenIcalculatedtobemylastlivingyear;onthebasisofaveragelife;butnever thought;myfaithfullifepartnerwillleavemeearlierthanme.Virtuallythisisalsomylastyearoflively living;withoutmydearestwhosharedmyjoys,mysorrows,mysecrets,mythoughts,nobodyelsecan share.Thelifethatbecomestoastandstillisalsoequivalenttoadeadend;itiswhyformeeverythingis changedcompletely,andwhenIsaymylastyearoflivingisnotthatwrong.

LastdaysshespentcomfortablyinthePOFHospital.23rdFeb,2012.
Onlyfewdaysearlier,weweresittinginthelawnanddiscussingaboutthepurchaseofflowering nurserytobeplantedinnewlypaintedpots.Thepotswerepaintedgreyandsheaskedtobechanged toredtolookbetter,whichwasdoneaccordingly.ShealsowantedplantingaNiazboorTulsiplantfor thesummertomakeabasilchattni,becausethisalsohashealingproperties.Theplantswerepurchased andarefloweringbutwhoknewthatonlyafterfewdays,someofthesamehavetobetransplantedon her,andtheneighboringgraves.Thosearealsonowflowering.TheyoungestsonDr.Sajidhasdeputed Malitogethergravefreshwithflowers.Ismellthesamebodyscentwhichsheleftbehindintheshape ofhersonsandgrandchildren.Sheleftbehindformetotakepride,thereputeandflavoratacostof heavyandsadfeelings.

Lawnofherhousewithflowersshelikedmost.
Fewdaysearlier,shewasingoodspirits,wenttolocalmarketwithhereldestsonandgranddaughters, selectedclothforhersummerclothingandgavespecialinstructionstothefamilytailor,whoknewthe choiceofthelady;theheadofalargefamily.Wecollectedthosewhichwerestitchednicely,butthose clothingcouldnotgethonortobewornonthebodywhichwaspiouslyspotless.Theseclotheswere takenbyheryoungerdaughter,residinginUSasasouvenir.Onecanimaginethedepthofpainand sufferingduetounexpectedpartingpermanentlyofthepersonsolovedanddesirabletoremainwith us. On5thofFebruary,wewenttoIslamabadforalongdrive,wenttoFatimaJinnahParkinF9.Wespent happymomentswithouryounggranddaughtersandsawthemplayingandlaughing.Thatsunnyday wasabeautifuldaybecauseshewaswithus.WehadafinallunchwithheratHotel.Shehadstopped takingpoultryitems;insteadshelikedonlymutton,onthepretexttobecleanerandhilal.Shewasvery carefulaboutthefoodandwouldnottake,ifshehadevenslightestdoubtofbeingnotinorder.

Theliferevolvedaroundher,shewasacentreofgravityofallthefamily.Herpresenceamongus,used togiveusunseenstrengthandpleasure;andasenseofprotectionasshewasveryparticularaboutthe safetyofherchildren.Sheremainedvigilantallthetimeskeepingeyesonthechildren,whiletheir mothersremainedsatisfiedandenjoyedthecompanyoftheirpartners.Whoknew?Sheisonthepath, leadingtoheaven,andonlyaftertwentytwodayssheleftuswailingandcrying.Herearefew photographstakenonthatsunnyday.

Granddaughtersplayingon5thFeb,wemadelastholidaywiththeir Grandmother

LastPhotographofahappycoupleon5thFeb,Neverknewshewillleaveus permanentlyon27thofFeb,
Oneday,outofherhumoroussensesheaskedmeastrangequestion.Iamasimplewoman, throughoutmylifeIhadneverbeeninanymakeuporgonetobeautyparlors.Ihaveneverbeenchoosy aboutultramoderndressings.YouareaqualifiedandeducatedEngineer.YouownanIndustryanda richman.Whyareyoustickingwithme;youcangetbeautifulwomen;whyMe.?Ilistenedwithcalm andmadesomejokes,thensuddenlythisjokesaddenedme;shecouldfeelandsensedit.Shefeltsorry andembarrassed.ItoldherIamshocked,whyshethoughtontheelines.Iloveyoufromthecoresof myheart.IamanEngineer;whomademe?IfIamrichasyousaidthoughIamnot,whoisresponsible forit?Andourdiscussionwasinterruptedbyarrivalofsomeguests,butnevertobementionedany more.Ididloveherbecauseofherhumanlovingnatureandgenerosity.Everypartofmybodyis indebtedtoher,Ididnotknowthen.Imissherbecauseshewasagreatperson.Shewasawhole sincere,sacrificing,loving,kind,compromising,generous,precise,sparkling,andGodfearing.

Hernatureofkindnessandsympatheticattitudeisverywellillustratedwhenmyelderbrother,whowas sickforthelastmanyyears,becamecriticallyillinlastJune.Heneededcare,goodfoodandacoolplace inscorchinghotweatherofJune.Intheareahelived,hadheavyloadsheddingandremainedwithout electricityforhours.Simpleelectricfansremainedoff;lifebecamemiserableforanoldandsickperson. Sohewastakentoourhome,theareahavingminimumloadshedding.Wesharedourbed.Mywifehad tosleepinotherroom.Wealwayssharedsamebed.Shealongwithherdaughterinlawhadtotake specialcareandextradutytolookafteracoughingpatientintheirhome.Nutrientfoodwithoutoilhad tobecookedwellforeverymealserving;donevoluntarilywithoutaniotaofshowingdispleasure, troubleorprotest.Mywifewouldhavebeenright,ifsaid;hehassons,daughterinlawandawife,why cannotthosetakecareofyourbrotherinhisownhome,butoutofherhumanandkindnature,she neversaidthat.Myailingbrotherremainedwithmeforamonthtillherecoveredandstartedgoingto bathroomhimself.Theserviceandnursingdonebymysweetheartthefaithfulwifetomyelder brother,wasremarkableandbeyondhisduties.Suchexamplesarehardlyshallbefoundinthis materialistword.Iremainedgratefulformywifeandmydaughterinlaw.

EarlyDaysofthecouplestrugglinghardforlayingfoundationstonesfortheir futureprogenies.1980.
Ienjoyedfully,mywholepartofthelifespentwithher,momentbymoment.Fromthesametimeher parentsgaveherhandtomeinearly1960,withoutknowingmuchofeachother.

Asalreadysaid,Iwasfortunateoraplayofmereserendipitythatmylifepartnerprovedtobea verycontentedandpiouswoman,generous,agoodandkindhosttomyrelativeswhousually visitedus.Mytwohalfbrothersandbrotherinlawremainedwithmetilltheycompletedtheir education,butmywifenevergrumbledorshowedanyirritationorexasperationandwe enjoyedlifeinallthecircumstances.Wedidnothavegoodprovisionsorfashionableclothing, yetwewerehappy. Ikeptongoingonmyownwayandavailingmyfadorhobbies,withoutmuchdisruptionfrom mywife,exceptonce,Iremember,whensheprotested,Ipaidacostequaltoaboutonethirdof mypayforbooksandjournals. Iadmit,Icouldhavenevergotauniversityeducationwithoutthecompletesupportand backing,asshestoodbyme,throughthickandthin.Shecompromisedontheease,comfort andfacilities,whichsheenjoyedatherleasedhouse,atWahCantt,comparedtoafaroff villagewithoutelectricpower,whereshehadtomovewithfoursmallchildren.Isawher
strugglingwithmevaliantlybutgraciouslyinmakingahousetoahomefullofcomfortformeandfor ourchildren

Shewashelpingtoneedy,andobedient.Shewastheonlyone,madelikeofherown,submissiveandat mysidealways,inanycircumstance. Shewasmadeforwholeofherfamilyandsheneverfailedinperformingherduties.Butwhenwewere aloneinourroom,thepartofherlovetothefamily,sheusedtowrapupthatpartandkeptsafely somewhereinadrawerofherheart;butthepartofloveformeshekeptseparatelyandsecretly.She neveropenlyconfessed,andneversaid,Iloveyou;butshewasalloutforme.Itlooked;shebelievedin that,actionsspeaklouderthanwords.Shehadalwayspleasedtoprovidemecomfortandease.Iam personallyhurtgreatlyandmiserablytoremembersacrificinghersentimentsforthesakeofconsoling andsoothingmeatthecostofherailinghealth.Shetookeverystep,Irepeattokeepmehappyand pleased.Shealwaysstoodbyme,wheneverIbecamethevictimofoverworkorbusinesstensions, advisingtorelax.Itseemedtobe,hersixthsensewasalwayson,andwithoutaskinganythingshecould understandmyrequirementorobligation,thisalwayssurprisedmebutIneverexpressedtoherthis qualityopenlyandneveraskedhowshecouldassesswhatIaminneedof?.SometimeswhenshesaidI donotcare,buthereyestelladifferentstory.Ismiledthenandpaidherinthesamecoinsofloveand affection. Shebecameworried,whenIremainedbusylateatnights,atthecostofmyhealth.Sheservedmewith hottea,thoughsheherselfwasaheartpatient:sheoverlookedmystrongprotestsandwarningstobe careful.Nothingcouldstopherdoingmefavorsofallsorts. Shefeltlotofmoralanxiety,whenshewasunabletodohisselfassignedduties;andtheconcernadded whenItriedtoserveherbecauseofherillness,butalwaysfailed.Ihadtoconsoleherandfeltsosorry andembarrassedwheneverIwantedtokeepherinpeacethatIamquitehappyandsatisfied.Sheused tonodherheadbutevidentlywithsuperficialsatisfaction,butfeltmyagonyandlimitations.

Occasionallyweusedtogoforoutingoronlongdrivesandsucheventswouldbetoreleasetensions andanalibiforgeneralmeetingofabigfamilytocreateloveamongallandtoforgetthebadmemories duetoilltreatmentsometimeshumannatureinducestodowithcolleaguesorwithinmembersofjoint familylivingstogether.DuringsuchavisittoKhanpurdamresthouse,allofthefamilywasingood moodandenjoyedeverymoment.Mynaughtygrandchildrenconspiredtogetapictureoftheirseniors whichmightbeaunique.Idonotknowwhoseideawasbuttheysucceededtogetthispicture.

Shynessofapiousandsincerewife.Mynaughtygrandchildren,whoknewthenatureof Grandma,wantedtobeamused.Thispicturewasmadeonstrongrequestofallthose.
Herabovegestureisevidentandshowsthatsheremainedshyeven,whenweareatthisoldage.She nevergotamakeupandourchildrenjoyfullyteasedusattimes.WhenevershelearnedIamcoming home,sheusedtoputherthopattaonherhead;thisactionofheramusedmygrandchildren.Those wereveryhappymomentsatKhanpurresthouse,andunderthedirectionofallnaughtycousins,andto pleasethoseall,wepreparedtobephotographed,thoughshewasnotinthatgoodhealth.Butthose memoriesnowhurtmeandmyheartpains.NotthatIlostmylovingwifetowhomIrevered,butwelost apersonmostcaring,andwatchfulaboutthesafetyofallofthekids.Shewasmytrustworthyand honorablecompanion. Suchmomentsofoutingjointlywithjoyswillbecomingmoreandmore,butthehappytimespassed withnearanddearwhohadleftus,willnomoregiveusjoyandhappiness.Insuch,onejuncture,our belovedsoninlawLateSajjadAhmedSiddique,whoexpiredlastJanuary,isseeninthefollowing picture.

Whoknew?Thebothbelovedsoninlawandmotherinlawwould,whohavegreatrespectforeach other,willhaveanabodetoheavenwithashortdifferenceoftime.Thosememories,engulfsallofus withadarkshadowofsorrowandgrief.

CentreofGravityofalargeFamily.WithherSons,sonsinLaws,daughtersand daughtersinlaw.Andgrandchildren.
Shehadabigfamily,allthefoursonsmarriedandhavingchildren.Thereweretidesunderthewater lookedapparently,untroubled.Whenevershewashurtbythemischievous,malignorplayfulbehavior ofsomeone,shekepttoherselfandremainedcomposed.Ihaveseldomfoundheryellingorshouting; yesprofusetearsdidflowonhercheeks.Butdidnotmakeanyprotestorcomplained.Shelikedmost herchildrenplayingandmakingfun.Thispictureshelikedmostwhereallofhergrandchildrenare makingmerry,unawareofthatwhatthefateistobringforthem. Afterherdeath,Ihesitatedtoopenherwardrobe,gatheringsomecourage,Ididitandobservedher suitingfinelypressedandhangedproperly.Itouchedeachtohavefeltofthebodyofmylovingwife, whoworethese:shewasingoodhealththen.Ivisualizedherstandingbeforemeindifferentsuitinglike aphotogallery.Iwantedmyselftoforgeteverything,andIrealizedthenwhysomepeoplebecome insaneandharmthemselvesinsuchsituations.Iclosedthewardrobeandturnedmyfaceaway.I

gatheredsomemorecourageandagainopenedittoseeitasalasttime,herotherarticlesofuse,boxes ofunconsumedmedicines,shoes,hairclips,hairbrush,apacketofblackcolor,nailcutters,handbags, halfconsumedherfavoriteperfume,caughtmysightand,calledherloudly,grumbleandshouted,What isthisfortoyouleftallthis.MyyoungestdaughterinlawwifeofDr.Sajidoverheardandtoldher husband,whocamerunning,foundmeandwrappedmeinhisarmsverywarmly,carefully,and helplessly.Webothhavetears,herverysensitivewifekeptawaywiselylestshealsoisnotbethrown herselfinthosetorrentialwavesofgriefandsorrow. Amongthoseobjects,Ialsofoundmyselftobeleftbehindlikealifelessarticle,shecaredmost.Better alltheseobjectsshouldhavebeentakenandthrownaway,includingmyself.AttheendofwardrobeI foundasmalluniformverywellpressedandpreserved.Thisisthefirstuniformofhergranddaughter, Nawalwhohasturnedtofifteenyears.Thisuniform,shekeptintactforabouttwelveyears,aftershe leftforUSA.Theobjectsofcommemorationlikethose,shewantedtokeepforeverychild,butshe preferredtolettheirmotherstakecareof,asallthosewerehereinPakistan.Butsheneverforgotto keepwithherthephotographsofallherchildren,whicharefoundafterwards. Wefoundfewgramsofgoldornaments,sheusedonlyonfunctions.Ifshehaddesired,shecouldhave purchasedandcollectedgoldinthousandsgrams,butprobablyshethoughtitunnecessary,oroutofher mostcompromisingnatureshemighthavenotdemandedatall.Maybethiswouldhavebeenher desire;thegoldisalwaysweaknessofwomen,butshenevereverexpressedthis.Shewasdownto earthinnature. IntheHospital,aslongassheremainedconsciousandawake,wehadtoassureher,thateveryAyahof Hospitalhasbeengivenduetip,eventothosewhotouchedherbed,orpulledherwheelchair.She wouldhavedislikedandfoundagainsthernatureifwewouldhavefailedinthataction.Myeldestson knewherhabitverywellandexhibitedthispurposefullybeforehismother,bygivingsomecashto Ayahs,soasthemotherissatisfiedthatthestandardssetbyher,arebeingverywellobserved.

Thehappyprogeniessheleftbehind.Thiswasthetimewhentheymadeusto yieldtobephotographed,offeringmyselfaredrosetomybelovedlady.

UniformofherGranddaughterkeptfortwelveyears,byherlovingGrandmom, withouttheknowledgeofnowgrownupNawal,livinginUSA.Thisuniformfound inherwardrobeafterherdeath.

Shewasareligiouslady;sayingprayersalsofortheprotectionandwellbeingofallhisprogenies.Her favoriteTVChannelwasliveSaudiChannel,whererecitationsfromQuranwereconstantlyrelayed.But assoonweenteredthehousesheusedtosurrenderherwillandhandovertheremoteforshorttimefor ustoupdatethelatestnews. Aftersheleftus,thewholeepisoderunsintomymindlikeafilmthatshedreamedtohaveahome, sweethome.Ittakeslotoftimetobuildahouseandevenmoretoturnittohome,whichshemadeit withhardlaborandpassion,thehomewhereentrycouldneverbedenied.Ownfamiliarkitchen,mugof hotcoffee,relax,love,care,sacrifice,emotions,understanding,forgiveness,compromises,watching movie,readingbooks,escapethedarknesswithlovedones,feeltheprotectionandshelterinthunder stormsandtorrentialrains,Urgetocomebackafteradventuresoutside.Moonlightemerging,being sievedfromopenings,sleeps,andawake.Thefirstraysofthesun,exclusivelyown,nobodycanshare. Homewhereheartslaughandtearsdrystealthilyoncheeks.Homewheresoftsobbingofchildren emerges,whendeniedthepurchaseoftheirfavoritetoys,andsometime,whenmildlypunishedover somemisbehavingtoelderbrotherssisters. Itisthehomewherenewlywedstartstheirlifewithhope,happiness,andheightenedsentimentsto sharefirstnightsonnewlydecoratedbeds.Whenallthebrothers,sisters,friends.Parents,near relatives,allmakingmerryandhallagullatocelebratesuchoccasions.Prayersofferedforthesafetyand wellbeingforthepairandhopingtobecomepartandbeabsorbedassoonaspossible;thehome,sweet home

Werememberinthewinterthepleasureofwarmthofquilts,wereenjoyedinthebeds,busyconsuming favoritenutsanddryfruitalongthecongenialpartner.Forthehealthofthefamilyingeneralandmine inparticularsheusedtomaketabletsorballsofflaxseed,believedtohavenutrientsandOmega3. Thisrequiredlotofefforts,startingfromthepurchaseofflaxseeds,separatingitfromsmalldebrisand stonestogrindingandfryinginacaramelsugar.Shefelthappytodothisserviceforothersbecauseshe seldomwilltakeherself.Whenshefeltmakingitdifficultshethenaskedherdaughter,ZakiaAsmat, residingatRawalpinditodothisdutyforherfather. Zakiathenvoluntarilyandhappilyconsignedthoseforme.Thiswasusualthataftereverymorningwalk Iwasservedwith,onetabletofflaxseedswithhottea.Thispracticeremainedtillhisdepartureandthe pictureofthese,istakenforrecords,whichwerepreparedwithloveandaffectionwhichshehad embeddeddeepinhertowardsherfamily.Thisisthelastconsignmentleftmadebyherhand.

TabletsofFlaxseeds,believedtobehavingOmega3,fiberandlignans
Shebelievedandmadethehomewhere;burstofwildlaughtercanbefashionedinitsownways, makingjokesorsatires.Homewherewarmthandsweetnesssofcomfortcanbesensedandfelt. Thisisahomefromwheresoundofflutesandbeatingofdrumsisheardwhenmarriagesofoffsprings takesplace,eldersgivehandsoftheirwellcared,groomedandsocializeddaughtersintothehandsof unfamiliarpeople.Theirfeelingsmixedwithjoyandsorrow.Itlooksthatallcolorsandilluminationof theuniversehaslandedinthehousewheremarriagestakeplace.Everybody,smallandbig,girlsand boysdressedupintheirbestsuiting,enjoythefeastsandabundantsuppliesofdeliciousfoods.Thejoy ofelderisthenonthepeakandcouldbefeltthroughtheireyes,thissceneisaworthobserving.The

marriageoffoursons,threedaughtersandtwogranddaughtershadbeenarrangedfrom1981to2011. Webothsharedthisjoy,butrecentmarriageofourbelovedgranddaughter,wholostherdearfather lastyear,wasremarkable.Wefeltmixedsentimentsofjoyandsorrow.Oureyeskeptwet,which providedusfulltimecompanytous;thankstooureyes.Tiredandsufferedthenervousnessand apprehensionstoremaineverythingsmoothandallrighttilltheendoffunction,wefellonourbedthat nightwithoutsayingasinglewordexceptthankingAllMighty.Webothwereoverjoyedandsatisfied. Werememberthepleasantfeelingsanddelightofnewarrivals,thelatesttoDr.Sajid,whenhewas bestowedwithabeautifulbabygirl,hearingtheirfirstcries.Thefeelingsofhappiness;motherandchild aresafecominghomealongnewlyborn,wrappedinsoftblankets,answeringthecuriousquestionsof toddlersthataswangooseloosenedhisgripandwecaughtthisbabysafely.Thewholehomebecoming aliveandlively.Sweetswasdistributedandgiftsexchanged.Allthistakesplaceinahome.Bouquetis offeredonthearrivalatthegateofahome. Weremember;thehomefromwheresmallfeetleaveforschoolsinthemorningstoreturnin afternoons:parentsandthengrandparentseagerlyawaittheirbelovedangels.Hotorcoldweatheror rainydayswatchedcarefullybytheelderslesttheirsmallchildrenarenottroubled.Thiswaitingusedto keepelderswithheightedconcernsunlesssafereturnofthetoddlers. Wehadsharedinourhomewhereoneplayswithchildrenwithfreneticactions;someoneelsecould watchmightthinktheparentsbecomingmad. Home,whereonecandancealone,privatelyoverfavoritemusic,couldneverbedoneanywhereelse. Singasonginbathrooms,comingoutofit,onlywithatowelifnobodyisaround.Home,whererainsare enjoyedbythrowingourselvesalongthechildreninthesmallpoolswhichformed,andgettingwet undertorrentialrains. Springstartsandonecanlistenfavoritechirpingofsparrowsandsingingofbulbulsinopeningsof windowAirConditioners. TheHomehavingflowersandshockingredbougainvilleahangingonthewallsorattheGate;the CamelliaorDaphnefloweringshrubsexhibittheirflavorsandaromainthebackyard.Wherepansy, Cosmos,CasaBlancaLily,Silverbell,Dahlia,Gardenia,Geranium,andJasminesgrowinthepots. Homeisaplacetodowholelot,andeverything,nowhereelsecanbedone. Thisisthehomewheresons,daughtersstudyingorhusbandsservingabroadreturnaftertravelling thousandsofmilestocelebrateoccasionswithlovedones.Thewiveswaiteagerly,cookingbestwell spicedfoods,thearomaandflavorofwhichcanbesensedandsniffedassoonasoneentersthehome. Husbandscominghomeafterlongtimearewelcomedwithmixedsentimentsofgettingpreciousgifts andanimmediateandurgentprivacy,andparentskissingandhuggingtheirprogeniesandchildren. Andthistakesalongtimetoensuesuchhappyactivitiesoflife.Awholelifeisrequiredtoturnahouse toacomfortablehome.Howmuchhardworkandtiringhourswouldhavebeenspentbythedeceased todoallthat.Ifeeluncomfortable,consideringhowmuchpainshewouldhavesufferedtoraisesucha

bigfamily,butwithoututteringasimplewordofobligationorshowingdispleasure.Insteadweboth remainedcontentedandhappy,Iprayforeverycoupletohavesuchlife. Andunexpectedlyandsuddenlysometimesthendarkcloudsofmisfortunatehangoverandbadluckis struckthewellsettledandsmoothgoingnormalhome. There was a time when a bad feelings and sadness is never known, then a storm swept past, desolating, depriving and taking the whole future: the hopes broken and unexpected happening takes place. Some one very near is dead.

Ahelplesshusbandwatcheshismostbelovedpartnergoing.Lastdayswhileshe wasstrugglingforlifeinAFICRawalpindi.25thFeb,2012.
Thefranticloudcriesofwailingandweepingburstandsorrowandgriefprevailsdeeplyinthehome, wherejoysandcomfortresided:somecherishedandmostlovedonedepartsfortheeternalabode,and leavesthathomepermanently,nevertoreturn.Relativesgather,arrangementsaremadetodisposeof themostlovedones,assoonaspossible.Hugenoiseofcriesemergewhen,thecoffinisliftedforburial. Forsomeone,thensuddenly;thehometurnstoahousemadeoflifeless,mortar,bricks,woodsand windows.Thearticlesofhomewhichlookedsolovelybeforebecomeirrelevantandextraneous. Everythingchanges;Wallhangingsbecomeuseless,andrepeltheirattractions.Clocksstopticking.The

bedswhichweresharedbecomebedsofthornsandspikes.Thehappymomentsturntomiseryand woe.Theblueskywithwhiteandblackcloudswithsilverlininglosesitscolors.Therainandpleasant weathersstarthurtinginsteadofenjoyableandpleasantfeelings.Itlookedeverythingwhichhadsome significancebeforeisuselessandworthlessnow.Everythinglosesitsplaceitbecomesajunkofyard,a disorderlyandirregularandanunpleasantplace. All the heap of living in to making a home is
suddenly disintegrates. Home where happiness and joy ruled becomes gloomy and depressing. You remember, when married, and arrived at our rented house, you said what is this junk of disarrayed books, and I quoted from a book and called Romeo, Romeo wherefore arent you and where are you now, where have you gone; so soon...?. Where are those times gone? You left that home Your hand was given in to mine by your parents, now living in heaven; did those need you more than me? Did I fail to take care of you? Did I make you angry over some unforgiving performance? Did not I need your company? Did you give considerable thought before leaving that I was so strong to bear it? Yes; I know you thought I could be in good hands, but did you know? How long nights of summer would be spent alone. You know that all of my near and dears are around me consoling and condoling and will take good care of me; but it were you and only you, who was direly needed, because you were my trustworthy and reliable friend. You always advised me on many matters but fearing I may not agree, so you never forcefully imposed on me, though at times I wanted that way. My purse remained open throughout during our partnership, I wished you dare to take some money out of it without telling me; you never rallied my desire. You are gone, but please tell me now, with what matter you were made. I promise not to disclose, you were human but sort of a superhuman, and why do not you confess? You fought bravely at different frontiers, a good mother, a good grandmother, a good mother-in-law, and good neighbor, a good mistress, a good wife; fought for eight years your failing heart, I believed you will not succumb to it another few years, please tell me what happened? What made you to leave Me.? I know I was not that good husband compared as a good wife you were. But not that so bad, who could annoy you so much that you decided to leave. I am sure you never wanted to punish me that way, and stayed with me if you could. God called you and so we are; at call, and let us now see when we shall meet in heaven. I am sure you will welcome me with open arms, suited in sparkling white dress of fairies; I will recognize you in whatever costume you may be. Till then take care of you my dear and May your abode, blossoms with white roses and flowers you liked most. Amen.

madlyIamcalling,hereandthere,inthehouse whichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone.wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannot findyou,comeoutofyourhiding;youalwaysattendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,no moreteasingplease;pleasecomeout,Iwanttoseeyou.Enoughisenough.Butacompletesilence excepttheechoofmysubmissionsprevailsshowingnosignsoflifearound.Godblessyoumydearest friendwhosuccessfullypartneredmewell,tilltheend.Missyousomuch,therealmeaningsofthis phrasecouldberealizednow. Rightly someone said House is made of roof and beams and home is made of love and dreams. Becauseformehome,isnomoreahomeandhasturnedtoahouseandIpraytobearthismisfortune theselinessungbyfamousCelineDiondeliverssomesentimentswhichIfeelsomiserably.

Still I am unable to believe this had happened and

For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you. Love you and miss you my lost heart. God Bless you. Will see you soon.

5th March, 2012, Engr. Manzoor Hussain Hasrat. House. # 13-C. Officers Colony, Wah Cantt. Pakistan. Cell.Tel 0092-30051791007 Resident phone, 0092514511510