Summary of ACTUALIZE Notes: Day 1 Overview/key concepts Actualize means to manifest your greatest potential and continually develop,

always seeking the next level. The root of Actualize is act, so you must take action to become your greatest self. This seminar is about the patterns that underlie success. 11 traits of Self-Actualizing people: 1: accurate perception of reality 2: accept self and others: In order to change something, you must first accept it. Carl Jung 3: Spontaneous. Not stuck in any pattern 4: Had a mission in life to solve a problem outside of themselves 5: Autonomous. Made decisions based upon what they thought was right. Who said you could do that? I did. Very empowering. 6: Continued freshness of appreciation (i.e., seeing the world with the eyes of a child, being in a state of constant amazement) 7: Identified with humanity and the human condition 8: Deep and profound interpersonal relationships 9: Comfort with solitude. Treasure your alone time. 10: Non-hostile sense of humor. Being able to laugh at oneself and not hurt others with their jokes. 11: Peak Experiences! Frequently experiencing high levels of energy, emotional joy, self-realization, presence in the moment, intimacy and connection with other people, and synchrony with the world. Who are you? The essence of who you are is revealed in your moment of greatness. We have a duty to actualize, to become our best self. Usual response: I dont want to, its my life. Answer: No it isnt. You belong to everyone. What I do in my life affects what happens in you life, whether I realize it or not. Therefore, we are all morally bound to become our greatest self, not only for our own benefit, but the benefit of all. Success isnt a result, it is an emergent. Success does not happen over night, it emerges as we consistently make the right choices and do the right things. Models of Understanding: Level 1: One goal, Actualization.

Level 2: Two forces of evolution: individual and collective, agency and communion, part/whole Level 3: Three great domains of human experience: physical, emotional, cognitive (reptilian brain, mammalian brain, cortex) Level 4: Four boxes of perspective: Interior/Exterior; Individual/Collective 3 philosophies: -Physical: philosophy = pragmatism. It is the physical philosophy. Do what has always worked because it is proven, and suspect anything that is new and unproven. They tend to be skeptical of wild and crazy ideas. -Emotional: philosophy = idealism. They have very beautiful ideas and ways that they express themselves (good decorators). -Intellectual: philosophy = rationalism. It must work abstractly. The numbers must line up. Strengths and Weaknesses: In business, do what you are best at, leverage your strengths. In personal relationships, improve your weaknesses. Schtuck: Schtick: ossified way of dealing with reality. Get unschtuck by noticing it and transcending it. Three stations of Love What happens when you fall in love? -Falling in love and its awesome! 1: Identification: you identify with the relationship: Submission Of course I will see a movie as long as I can see it with you.I will see whatever movie you want to see, as long as we are together. -Second station, falling out of love: 2: Disidentification; Separation Of course I dont want to see a movie with you. You know that I hate movies. How dare you ask me! 3: Sweetness/Integration: Old man spends 3 minutes to bend down and tie his wifes shoe. it is coming through the hard stuff, the pain, the betrayal, and they made it through to the other side. there is no man on this earth who needs a pardon from me. There is no such thing as seen. The beloved has poured herself into me. Poem: The secret/gift by Hazis.

3 eyes: Eye of the senses: tells you objective things Eye of the mind: tells you things you can rationalize with thought but cant know through your senses Eye of the spirit/heart: love, meaning, loyalty, commitmentall take place in the right brain Exercises: Exercise 1: Personal Evaluation Where do you feel blocked? Where do you feel friction? Specifically, where do you feel blocked? If health, what about your health? If money and finance, specifically what is the issue you are facing? Now, visualize your actualized self. What does that self look like physically/health wise, emotionally, what kind of relationships do you have, and what is your work/professional life like? Envision in great detail. Write specifically what your actualize self looks like, specifically in the domains of Health, Relationships, and Money/Work/Finance. Now visualize yourself as that person, your actualized self. What does it feel like? Share with someone where your are blocked, and what areas of life you can really improve and actualize. What is the low-hanging fruit for your self-actualization? What small steps can you take right now in your life that will have the biggest impact in improving your life and bringing you closer to your best self? Exercise 2: Memory Exercise Shut your eyes and remember your actualized self. Find a moment in your life: when you felt, That was my moment of greatness. Write the story of that moment in the third person. Exercise 3: Locating Our Awareness Direct our awareness to different aspects of reality. First, direct awareness to feeling in right foot. Now left. Now both. Right hand, left hand, both. Taste in your mouth, smell. Both. Hear in right ear, left ear, both. Eyes. We are differentiating and integrating in the 5 domains in the physical. Direct your attention to your emotion: what are you feeling? Where are they? Direct your attention to your thoughts. Where are they? Direct attention to your own awareness (self remembering, being present in this momen). Now, from this most relaxed spacetake a piece of paper, and while maintaining awareness of awareness, write numbers 1-10. This should be done very slowly.

Exercise 4: Confessing Your Greatness Find someone you dont know. Create silence with them. Confess your greatness to each other. Let the one person speak and confess their greatest dreams and ambitions, without limitation. And if they stop talking, the listener says, Is there more? Confess your greatness. Be your greatness. Exercise 5: Dynamic Tension Make eye-contact with somebody and hold it for 60 seconds. Exercise 6: Finding Sameness and Differences Look at the two flower arrangements on stage, notice the sameness and the differences, then feel the differences. Feel the temp of your feet and your hands. Right now, my hands are warmer than me feet. How do they feel the same. Think about someone you love. How are you different, fundamentally? Now, how are you the same? Values? How does difference with this person feel? How does sameness feel. Choose two things in the room that are very different. Look at them and notice how they are different. What is the same about them, or what could connect them? How are they connected? Exercise 7: Story of Your Career Write a little history of your work career. Events of your work career from the agentic perspectivethings you did. 4-7 steps Now write it from a communal perspective (i.e. I worked with) Exercise 8: The Three Stages of Love Choose a trajectory in your life: family, relationship, spiritual system or organizational systemand map the three developmental stations of love. (identification, differentiation, sweetness/unification) Exercise 9: Meditation and Visualization Set your body in position of poise, sit up straight not leaning up against the back of the chair. Tense and relax your body. A kind of buzz goes through your body. Next, pay attention to your body, feet, legs, taste in your mouth,

In our lives, we get these little windows, these opportunities to perform at our highest, give our best, reach our highest level of health. After taking care of ourselves, there isnt much time left over. Take the time to go through a physical and emotional centering exercise, then visualizethat way you are going to be in a pure place when you envision yourself actualized. Exercise 10: The 3 Eyes Name three certainties you know, either yourself or because you trust someone, that come from the eye of the senses (they are empirical, or they can be found). You can put them under a microscope. Next, name 3 certainties you know through the Eye of the mind: you cant obviously measure it, but it is deductive, through mathematic and physics. Lastly, name 3 certainties you know through the Eye of the Spirit: (e.g., my life has a purpose, true love is real). Exercise 11: Quieting the Mind Breath in half way, stop. Breath in the rest of the way. Stop. Exhale half way, stop. Exhale completely, stop. When you stop, your mind stops for a moment. The Zen Buddhists practiced this. Exercise 12: Applying the 4 Quadrants to Our Lives What is one obstacle in each of the four quadrants that you will face during your journey of Actualization? What is one solution in each quadrant to that problem? Or, what is one problem that you will face during your process of self-actualization? What is one solution to that problem from each of the four quadrants?

Notes There is a voice inside that doesnt want us to actualize. I am comfortable where I am. We must grow past this voice. Every meeting is an erotic encounter (eros=a deep interior encounter). You move to deeper and deeper levels of intimacy. Society wants to freeze us in our moment of failure. Yet we know that the essence of who you are is revealed in your moment of greatness. Depth Structures: things that everyone from every culture can agree upon. Seek the critical counter-intuitive: the next step is often not obvious, and is oftentimes counter-intuitive. Relaxed Attentive Precision: the optimal state to be in when performing, learning, or achieving. Grip: Growth, Reference, Integration/Integrity, Process. Learn one thing, then another, then learn how to do the both of them together. Chant: love the earth, or love the sky. Heat of fire, drop of wire. I can feel it, I can feel it I can feel it in my body in my body in my spirit and in my soul. Everyone lives in a framework. And our story both limits and empowers us. Step out of the framework, and create from a different framework. We can re-narrate the source code, and take a quantum leap of transformation, that we will be able to pour so much into life and life just holds us.

Our Journey to Actualization 1: We are on a pilgrimage Open yourself up to synchronicity, and dump the dogma. 2: Why arent we there? Find the gap. Why arent we actualized yet? We forgot. Solution: remember your actualized self. Problem: we have forgotten that weve forgotten. The mystics said to Plato: It is not the loss of knowledge that creates evil, it is the loss of memory that creates evil. Evil is live spelled backwards.

Ask yourself: What is motivating me right now? Practice seeing the part and whole of everything, the agentic and communal aspects. Pulling things apart and putting them back together. When in a fight, it is atypical to say out loud what emotion you are feeling. When you do that, the whole conversation changes. This requires trust and the ability to feel safe with another. What are your unique abilities and skills? How can you use those to give your greatest gift? What could you do to develop each of these skills independently? What can you do to develop these two powerful, unique abilities. What is something that you could do to integrate them and use them together? Developing them separately and together makes them much better. The point of meditation is to find that point before the Big Bang. When you love the person, silence is gorgeous (insert story of Marc dating a girl and the horrible car ride when neither had anything to say vs. car ride with girl he loved and the silence was beautiful because they both appreciated it). Silence becomes a vehicle of transmitting essence. An actualizer is not timid. There are things that I know, and I am passionately engaged in them, and there are things that I dont know. Audaciously claiming the passion of knowing. 1600: God is one glorious vending machine, and each religion holds the only tokens that the vending machine accepts. Applying the 4 quadrants to weight loss: -Inside Individual: motivate yourself and mentally pump yourself up; get clear on why this is important to you; eat consciously, educate yourself on proper nutrition (this all happens inside and only you can do this). -Individual outside: go to the gym, buy healthy food, join a program, dont eat certain foods. -Collective inside: weight loss support group, surround yourself with fit friends, get in sync with a health mentor, model people who have lost weight, immerse yourself in a culture that eats well. -Collective outside: join a group running club, shop for fit clothes with others, check yourself into fat camp, a community of people helping you lose weight. How doe we do Marriage in America?

Passion (upper left: inside the individual) Security: bottom right: outside collective Attraction: Upper-right: Outside individual True love requires all four quadrants. Romeo and Juliet only had the top two, they didnt have any support from the collective. Most of us will approach problems from just one perspective. By approaching problems from all four perspectives, we gain a richer understanding of the situation and create long-lasting solutions. John Macke of Wholefoods uses the 4 quadrants to manage the company. You cannot access that which you have never tasted. Dont take anything on faith, it all must be empirical and real where you do the action, get the result, and check with others if they have gotten the same result. The Great Chain of Being: spirit soul mind body matter All of the greatest spirits understand that there is change from inanimate, to biosphere, to mind, to a level of personal spirit. What happens when you find out that love is affected by neurochemicals? They are in matter and body, affecting the mind and soul.