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Your Financial Family Tree

Until you understand where your negative and conflicting attitudes about wealth come from, it is very difficult to accept money into your life and hold onto it. Our current behaviors around money and our feelings about wealth are to a large part due to the modeling we absorbed as children. In the excellent book Wired for Wealth, authors Brad Klontz, Psy.D., Ted Klontz, Ph.D., and Rick Kahler, CFP, suggest creating a financial family tree to examine the beliefs that molded your thoughts and feelings about money. I do this exercise every 6 months, and Im always blown away by the new beliefs I uncover. Some are funny, some are sad, but either way its a great way for me to move forward. Assignment: Using a large sheet of paper, draw a family tree with yourself at the base, and your closest relatives extending upward. Include step-parents and other caregivers.

Copyright 2012 Lily Starling, CMT All Rights Reserved

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Part 1 - Write down the following info around each person in the tree, including you: 1. Their financial status and where their principal financial support came from. (Ex: Grandpa Jack was self-employed, Mom was financially dependent on Dad, Grandpa Bill was a preacher and relied on parish charity, stepdad was always underemployed) 2. Significant events that shaped their lives financially. (Ex: Stepmother became pregnant at age 16, was ever after dependent on state support or her male relatives for income, Grandpa Bill was orphaned during the Depression and had to raise his 5 siblings in extreme poverty, Grandma Louise inherited vast amounts of property and money, never had to work) 3. Their attitude about wealth and how they let it be known verbally. (Ex: A penny saved is a penny earned, Money is the root of all evil, Rich people didnt get that way by giving it away, Money is for spending.)

4. Their attitude about wealth and how they let it be known in their actions. (Ex: feast and famine- getting a windfall and getting rid of it in a matter of months, being extremely frugal to the point where kids were outgrowing clothes, even though there was more than enough money to buy new ones, spending lavishly on friends, bailing out deadbeat relatives)

Part 2: 1. If you come up with any other pertinent facts about your familys relationship to money, write them down. Be sure to include yourself. If while you are doing this exercise you get overwhelmed it is just fine to take a break and come back to it. But DO come back to it.
Copyright 2012 Lily Starling, CMT All Rights Reserved

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Once you have filled in the tree, you are going to be shocked by some of the patterns that you see. We all know that patterns show up in families, but until you see the specific evidence of this it can be hard to accept how much influence it has had on you. 2. Write down the contradictions. For example, in my family there is a Marxist socialist and a venture capitalist. So one side is telling me that the accumulation of wealth leads to the downfall of civilization, and another side tells me that capitalism is a full time job! It goes a long way in explaining why I was always stepping on the gas and the brakes at the same time when it came to making money. 3. Once you have written down the patterns, the negative money scripts, and the contradictions, examine and write down how you have responded to them. In most cases, when there is dysfunctional behavior in a family, the children respond either by acting just like the parents, or exactly the opposite of the parents. Both responses are dysfunctional, because they both represent extremes. Write down your thoughts on how you have modeled your familys behavior or gone in an extreme opposite way. 4. Pay close attention to any feelings that come up around this exercise. Have compassion for any dysfunctional money habits and negative feelings you have carried toward yourself when you wanted more money. Maybe you have no trouble making money, but you have a really hard time hanging on to it. Maybe you are always in debt, even though you make enough that you should be saving. 5. Write down how you want to feel and act about money from now on. When you find yourself falling into old habits and thoughts, pick yourself back up and remind yourself that although family of origin influences are powerful, they are changeable. I support you in making compassionate change in your financial life. If you want to read more about why massage therapists in particular fall in to negative financial habits, please go to my free resources page and download the report: Mother Teresas Millions.

Copyright 2012 Lily Starling, CMT All Rights Reserved

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I Believe You Can Make Incredibly Positive Changes in Your Financial Life! Many Blessings to You
Do want to share this exercise with friends who also need this support? Im happy for you to do so! Please include the following: Lily Starling, CMT, is a marketing mentor, certified massage therapist, and creator of FillYourHolisticPractice.com. She empowers health professionals to embrace their expertise, overcome their negative feelings about charging expert rates for their service, and fill their practice with ideal clients. She teaches simple, low-cost, and cutting edge marketing systems that stay true to heartcentered and sensitive healing values. Lily started Downtown Davis Massage in 2011 with 5 clients on the books, and a year later has over 500. You can find tools, tips, and free resources at her website: Http://www.FillYourHolisticPractice.com.

Copyright 2012 Lily Starling, CMT FillYourHolisticPractice.com

Copyright 2012 Lily Starling, CMT All Rights Reserved