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Praise and Encouragement Statements

Praise

Encouragement

I'm proud of you

I appreciate your help.

You figured it out.

Good job. That's myboy/girl! You're always so pleasant. You did it just like I told you. You are too cute for words. You always know the right answer. You're my favorite. You're the best player on your team. You know just how to please me l00Yo. With more work you'll get it right. You outshined all those other kids.

You are so smart! A11A's! I'm going to buy you something

big!

Awesome! Nice work. You reached your goal! What do you think about it? You are unique. You are capable. I have faith in you.

You got an A! You get that quality from your dad. You always lookperfect. You're better than that. I'm impressed. Great! That's what I expected! I like it.

Goodboy/girl.

Wow! You did your best. I love you. I trust your judgment. Go for it! You're dependable. Look how far you've come. You really stuck it out. You worked hard. You can decide that for yourself. Look at your improvement. You accomplished what you wanted.
Keep at it. You can do it. You made it!

Y2

Ilelpful Hints for Empowering vs. Enabling

we have become vividly aware of how skiiied most of us
how unskilled we are in empowering responses' people and life experiences to Our definit ionof enabling is:"Getting between young include: minimize the consequences olth"i. choices." Enabling responses
are in enabling responses and

. . . . . . ' '

Doing too much for them Giving them too much Overprotecting/rescuing Lying for them Punishing/controlling

Livingindeniai
Fixing Bailing them out

young people as soon as posOur definit ion of empoweringis: "Tuming control over to responses include: sible so they have po*.i over their own lives." Empowering

. . . . . . .

or discounting Listening and giving emotional support and validation without fixing Teaching life skills jointproblem-solving process Working on agreements tbrough class meetings or the Letting go (without abandoning) Deciding what you will do with digmty and respect (without lecturing,motaLizSharing what you think, how you ieel, and what you want you what you want) ing, insisting oo ug,""o,ent, or demanding that anyone give Sticking to the issue with dignity and respect

empowering responses' can As you look at the list of enabling lesponses and the list of all the enabling yor, ,". ho* easy it could be to role play (based on yorr own experience) and skills in the empowering behaviors? Do you, on the other hand, feel a lack of experience
responses?

to most of us, we are going to Since we believe the enabling responses are second-nature on teaching the skills of empowerleave those to your own imagination while we concentrate can be used in response to the ment. Ali of the following suggestions are possibilities that neglected homework challenge :

?3

SHOWING FAITH: "I have faith in you. I trust you to figure out what you need. know that when it's important to you, you'll know what to do."

1.

RESPECTING PRIVACY: "I respect your privacy, and want you to know I'm available if you want to discuss this with me."

Z.

EXPRESSING YOLIR LIMITS: "I'm not willing to bail you out with your parent. If your parent wants more information, the three of us can get together to discuss the sifuation. I'11be there while you explain." (A respectful attitude and tone of voice is essential.)

3.

LISTEN WITHOUT FDilNG OR JTIDGING: "I would like to listen to what this means for you." CONTROLLING YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR: "If you need my help with your homework, please let me know in advance."

4.

5.
6. 7.

LETTING GO OF THEIR ISSTIES: "I hope you'llgo to college, but I'm not sure it's important to you."
AGREEMENT, NOT RIILES: "Could we sit down and see if we can work on a plan regarding homework that we both can live with?"

(-

LOVING AND ENCOURAGING: "I like you just the way you are and respect you to choose what is right for you."

8.

ASKING FOR IIELP: "I need your help. Can you explain to me why it isn't important to you to do your homework?"
about/ 10. SFIARE YOLIR FEELINGS: Share yow truth by using the "I feel and I wish because when _" process without expecting anyone great model for children to acknowledge else to feel the same or grant your wish. This is a their feelings and wishes without expectations. "I feel upset when you don't do your homework because I value education so much and think it could be very beneficial to you in your life, and I really wish you would do it."
11. JOINT PROBLEM SOLWNG: "What is your picture of what is going on regarding your homework? Would you be wiliing to hear my concerns? Could we brainstorm together on some possible solutions?" 12. RESPECTFLiL COMMLINICATION: "I'm feeling too upset to talk about this right now. Let's put it on the agenda for the class meeting so we can talk about it when I'm not so

9.

emotional."

?.+

INFORMATION VS. ORDERS: "I notice you spend a lot of time looking out the window and talking during the time you have set aside for homework." "f notice you often leave your homework until the last minute and then feel discouraged about getting it done."
13.

These empowering statements and actions may not seem as powerful as they are to teachers who are used to the short-range outcomes of controlling, rescuing, or abandoning. These statements and actions do turn over control to students so they have power over their own lives. The difficult part of this for teachers is that this power often leads to mistakes and failure. It is only when we understand that learning from mistakes and failure is an important part of a successful life process that we will also understand the importance of using these empowering statements and actions.

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The Class Meeting

THE PURPOSE OF CLASS MEETINGS
1. SkiU

buildine

a. The courage to think b. How to think c. Problem solving d. Mutual respect e. Communicationskills
Listening Expressing thoughts and feelings Respecting separate realities (different points of view) Useful power Practice in planning events

f.
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l. 2. 3.

g.

a. b.

SelfReliance

c.

Self confidence based on skills Self esteem based on a sense ofbelonging Courage based on the ability to make a difference

3. Problem solving a. Ownership through participation b. Social interest c. Practice in helping each other d. Discipline problems decrease when kids are involved
ADULT ATTITUDES AND SKILLS NECESSARY TO ACCOMPLISH THE ABOYE

2.

1.

A desire to create an atmosphere of mutual respect for kids and adults at all times. Faith in the abilities of young people to use wisdom and learn skills. (Act like a broken
record.) An interest in long range results for young people rather than short- range. (Replacing authoritarian metho ds with democratic methods) Replacing lectures with questioning skills that draw forth the wisdom of young people. (Ask, "What?" instead of telling what.) An interest in knowing what kids think. (Getting into their world-) ( Giving choices rather than edicts. Elirninate punishment and reward in favor of problem-solving, discussion, sharing and sometimes natural or logical consequences. Winning cooperation instead of using control Patience. The process takes time.

3.

4.
5. 6. 1. 8. 9.

f7

EIGHT BUILDING BLOCKS FOR SUCCESSFUL CLASS MEETINGS

1. Forming a circle

2. Practicing compliments and appreciations 3. Cr-eating and using an agenda 4. Developing communication skills 5. Leaming about separate realities 6. Solving problems through role playing and brain storming 7. Recognizing the four reasons people do what they do 8. Focus on non-punitive solutions

TIIE CLASS MEETING FORMAT

1. Compliments and appreciations 2. Follow -up on prior solutions 3. Agenda items

a. Share feelings while bthers listen

4.

b. Discuss without fixing c. Ask for problem solving helP Future Plans (field trips, parties, projects etc.)

Note: When sharing the agenda item the meeting leader asks the student who PUT the item on the agenda whether they would like to: a) share while others iisten, b) discuss without f,rxing, c) ask for problem solving help. The student chooses ONE option for that meeting..

SIX REASONS CLASS MEETINGS FAIL 1. Not forming a circle 2. Not having them regularly (3-5 times per week for elementary school) 3. Teacher censorship (udging concerns as tattling) 4. Not allowing time for students to leam non-punitive problem solving skills5. Talking down to (patronizing) students instead of having faith in their abilities 6. Not going around the circle and allowing every student a chance to speak or pass.

FOUR PROBLEM SOLVING SUGGESTIONS

2. 3. 4.

i.

Ignore it/walk away Talk it over respectfully with the other person Work with the other student on a win/win solution Put it on the class meeting agenda

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Building Block #3
Using the Agenda
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Buitding Block #4
Developing Communication Skills (page 195)

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Logical Conse'-'

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