In the absence of a sibling, all of the parents attention is focused on the only childwhich is natural.

But the problem starts when this attention becomes overbearing- an only child constantly runs the risk of being weighed down by his parents expectations. When a parent has only one child to vest all dreams and ambitions in, the parent sometimes can become demanding, knowingly or unknowingly. So much so that the only child is cornered into playing multiple roles and tasks to fulfill his parents varied expectations. It is easy for parents to fall into the stereotypical mode of raising an only child. Irrespective of the number of children parents have, every parent endeavors to provide the best possible advantages and support to their child. It is therefore natural to assume that every parent has high expectations from their child. Although these expectations may vary in degree, all parents hope and expect that their child grows up to be responsible, well-adjusted, successful and good human being. In case of parents of an only child, this particular mind-set could take on added proportions. In their zest of being perfectly good parents, these well-meaning parents may inadvertently channelize all their love, attention, energies and resources on their only child. In the bargain, parents of the only child could run the risk of causing under-development of some vitally important skills in their only child.

It may happen that the expectations differ when parents have only one child; however, this does not necessarily justify parents going overboard or harboring unreasonably higher expectations from their only offspring. In fact, doing so could have serious repercussions both for the parent and the child.

It would do well for parents of only one child to exercise caution and do all they can to raise their only child in the best possible way to avoid disappointment in the later years. Here are some precautionary measures parents of an only child need to take:
When raising an only child parents may worry that the child will be lonely. They may even feel guilty for not having another child, often feeling that they are depriving their child of the social interaction of growing up with siblings. While an only child may not have siblings to play with there are advantages. An only child doesnt have to compete for attention nor share toys. Parents of only children may tend to be overprotective especially if they have lost a child previously or are unable to conceive future offspring. Only children like firstborns may tend to act older than their age which may be due in part to the fact that they spend a great deal of time in the company of adults. Many only children may even prefer to be around adults rather than be in the company of other children their own age. Being an only child myself, I can honestly say that as a child I felt more comfortable around adults than I did other children. This isnt to say that only children do not get along well with other children; the relationship of an only child to other children is normally the same as it would be for children that grow up with siblings. Each child is different whether an only child or a child of a large

family. An only child may also grow up to be a perfectionist since parents often tend to set expectations high for only children and firstborns. They are usually given more responsibility and may tend to become emotionally mature at a younger age. Since they normally have their belongings all to themselves some only children may have some difficulty with sharing and may not like others touching items that belong exclusively to them. But once again, each child is different. It is a common misconception that only children are selfish and do not like to share. This may be true for some only children but the same can be said for other children as well. Often, two siblings of the same parents are described as being as different as night and day. Some only children may be even more willing to share their toys or other belongings because they welcome the opportunity to do so. Since they dont normally have other children to share with they may be more willing to share when the opportunity arises. Parents may appreciate the advantages of raising an only child such as an absence of sibling rivalry, no fighting, arguing or teasing. Of course similar situations can occur with friends, neighbors, schoolmates and cousins. There is no perfect parenting situation; that much is certain. Raising an only child does afford the parents more time to devote to one child and lessens the financial strain of sufficiently providing for ones family. In a family of two or more children parents tend to compare them to each other. It is not a good practice to get into but unfortunately most of us are guilty of such behavior at one time or another in our parenting. How often have you said something like Why cant you keep your room clean like your sister? or Why cant you get good grades like your brother? You know what Im talking about. I dont really believe that as parents we do this purposely. We dont mean to make our kids feel bad or make them feel inferior by comparing them to a sibling but whether it is intentional or not, most of us have done so at one time or another. Children tend to compare themselves to their siblings as well with such statements like Why cant I be pretty like my sister? or Why cant I be good at sports like my brother? An only child may have a stronger sense of self since they do not normally grow up in an atmosphere of comparison. Only children are thought to be intelligent and high achievers. Although some studies may indicate this to be true there is no concrete evidence of such. If such beliefs are true of only children it may be due partially to the fact that only children may find themselves having to provide a fair amount of their own entertainment. Since they have no distractions brought on by interaction with other children they may tend to immerse themselves in their activities. They may read more and concentrate with more intensity on their interests. Of course this is only speculation but it does seem reasonable that children who do not have other children to occupy them may turn to the creativity of their own minds to occupy themselves. Many people view an only child as being spoiled but thats not necessarily true. An only child may have an extremely close bond with one or both parents however that is not unusual considering the close relationship that develops between an only child and his/her parents. As an only child, I never really missed having siblings so I honestly dont feel as though I lacked anything in my childhood. I will admit there have been times in my life when it would have been nice to have a sibling to lean on during difficult times. But even if you do have siblings there are times in life when you have to rely upon yourself and find your own inner strength. An only child is no more special than a child raised in a large family nor is he or she deprived in any way. Each family is special in its own unique way and so is each child.

Our Decisions greatly affect our lives. Weve all made decisions we wish we could go back and undo. A sort of cosmic do-over. WE learn from our poor decisions and we move on. God forgives and restores. Here is a wonderfully terrifying thought. Teenagers are at a critical formative stage of their lives. The decisions they make now will certainly impact their present but also greatly impact their future. Heres a statistic that will shake you. One out of every one person will make decisions. I repeat, one out of every one person will make decisions. I decided to write that twice. See how that works? Decisions are both active and passive. We can make decisions and act. We can also make decisions not to make decisions and in that we have just made a decision. Confused? We can decide to do something or we can decide not to do something. Either way our decisions have an impact. They impact our lives and the lives of those in our circle of influence. The only real question is what kind of decisions do we make? And for parents, what kind of decisionmaker is your teenager, and what kind of decision-maker are they going to be in the future? Lets dispel some of the myth of raising teenagers. Yes, parents are the mandated spiritual leader of their children. As parents, we have a direct mandate from God to raise our children following His precepts or suffer the natural consequences. Worse, our children suffer the consequences. But lets not confuse parental leadership with personal obedience. Children are accountable to God for their decisions. Parents can pour their hearts out to their children but ultimately its up to the child to follow and obey. As much as parents want to own the decisions of their children, it is both theologically and practically impossible. Gods desire is that parents lead their children by teaching and modeling biblical truths. This is the standard to which parents are held accountable. But parents are never held accountable for the decisions of their children. But let us make the most of every opportunity with our children. Parents have the best opportunity to help their children make decisions that will improve their lives into adulthood. Ive listed five decisions parents can warn their children from making to help keep them from wrecking their future.

Published on July 23, 2012 by Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D. in Surviving (Your Child's) Adolescence I was asked the question: Why can an adolescent who grows up as an only child be so hard upon themselves? I believe the answer is partly found in the nature of adolescence, and partly in the dynamics of the single or only child family.

Consider the dynamics of adolescence first. This is the age during which two powerful new performance objectives bring pressures to bearto act more grown up, and to act more womanly or manly. The first performance pressure begins with the separation from childhood in early adolescence (ages 9-13.) At this point, the young person becomes dissatisfied with being defined and treated as just a child, now wants to start acting older, and feels the pressure to keep up with and measure up to older acting peers. For example, there is the need to experience what is only allowed older people, like getting to watch R-rated movies, social network on the Internet, have a cell phone, go to concerts, stay up and out later, qualify for a driving license, get a parttime job, start dating, go to parties, experiment with recreational substance use, and have some degree of sexual experience. These are all rites of passage into the world of becoming older and more adult.

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The second performance pressure arises with puberty, usually beginning during early adolescence, as hormones change body shape, bring about sexual maturity, and get the journey to becoming a young woman or young man underway. Now, how womanly or manly one appears and acts has powerful social implications with peers as social stereotypes and media icons dictate the definitions to be desired. Being thin and pretty enough can pressure teenage women to diet,

apply make-up, and wear form-flattering dress, while being strong and tough enough can pressure teenage men to muscle up their bodies, take more physical risks, and act more aggressively. Both adolescence and puberty can cause the young person to be unduly hard on themselves, first for not fitting in and keeping up with more knowing and experienced social companions (I feel out of it!), and second for not mirroring and matching cultural ideals of youthful appearance (I hate how I look!) Its really easy to feel deficient on both counts in adolescence. Although socially sheltered by protective parents, the adolescent only child is still subject to these teenage pressures. At a self-conscious, socially comparative and competitive age, it feels important to be grown up and womanly or manly "enough." Now consider dynamics in the only child family. Whatever else this family may be, it is not usually laid back and relaxed. With first child and last child in one, parents take their parenting very seriously because having an only child is the only chance at child-raising they get. Conscientious, deliberate, careful, forward looking, and highly responsible, they want to do right by their child and for the childs future. In response to their loyal dedication, the child wants to do right by the parents too, and so strives to be conscientious, deliberate, careful, forward looking, and highly responsible too. In an only child family, parents and only child are trying very hard for each other. While parents will say that they simply want the best for their adolescent only child, the teenager may interpret this well-wishing differently: They want the best from me, they really mean! And to some degree the young person is usually correct. With the parents high investment in their single child comes a high expectation of return for her to be well, to behave well, to do well, and to turn out well. For the only child, that expectation can feel like an obligation to repay parents for all they have given. And should anything go wrong in the childs life, from problems encountered to unhappiness experienced, the parents are likely to fault themselves. What could we have done differently to spare our only child this difficulty or pain? Parents of an only child are hard upon themselves. And since the rule of imitation, like parents/like child, is always in force in the only child family because of how closely the only child identifies with parents, the boy or girl learns to hold themselves to high account, to be hard upon themselves, just like the parents. Then there are three additional factors in the only child family that can contribute to how hard the adolescent only child can be on themselves. First, there is striving to match parental performance. Because there are no siblings in the family, the differentiation between parents and children that occurs in the multiple child family, where there is the distinction between the we of parents and the they of children is less likely to be made. In the only child family, the child tends to feel part of parental we, accepted into the parents social world, adultized by primary companionship with parents, socially and verbally precocious on account of that association.

Granted a degree of equal standing and say with parents, feeling much on their level, the only child is prone to applying equal standards to his own performance. He believes he should strive to perform as well as they and so develops exaggerated performance standards in response. Often treated as older than his age and approved for it, he pushes himself to act that way, and learns to be hard on himself in the process. The watchword for parents is: maintain sufficient distinction between parents and only child so he measures himself by standards that fit peers of his younger age, and not the competence of older age of older age adults. So communicate: "It's not fair to expect yourself to do everything as well as us since we have had so many more years of practice than you." Second, there is striving to make parents proud. Because parents loom so important in the only childs life, because they do so much for her, because they matter so much, there is a heightened desire to satisfy parents and make them proud. Conversely, there is often a fear of displeasing, of not measuring up to what parents want, of letting them down, of disappointing them and in the process becoming disappointed in herself. When mistakes are made, when failure occurs, when problems arise, when parental expectations are not met, the only child can be hard on herself because she struggles so hard to please. The watchword for parents is: ease the concern for their approval by constantly affirming the independence and unconditional commitment of parental love, and by being open and honest and accepting when it comes to admitting their own failures and shortcomings. So communicate: "We are meant to be human beings, not perfect ones." Third, there is the only child striving to do well for himself or herself. Thought well of by parents, the only child tends to think well of himself and is usually dedicated to doing well on his behalf, high self-esteem and a strong achievement motivation both hallmarks of most only children. But how well is the question? In general, their reviews of his capacity and potential is overstated by enthusiastic parents as they make more of his accomplishments than is necessarily so, creating the impression that he is superior, exceptional, and outstanding when in more objective eyes he is simply average. So in their enthusiasm and encouragement, parents way say, You can be whatever you want to be! You can accomplish whatever you dream! Meant to be encouraging, these statements can be problematic. To the degree that the only child believes these rave reviews and unlimited potentiality, he may be encouraged to strive to achieve beyond what his operating capacities actually allow. Because he is a star in parental, he believes he must strive for stardom. He may even believe that he has to turn out extremely well or successful to make his parents look good. The adolescent only child can be hard on himself in striving to fulfill his expectation for excessively high accomplishment.The watchword for parents is: help your only child develop a realistic assessment of his capacities. So communicate: "You don't have to do great things for yourself or us; an honest effort is good enough." If the adolescent only child has ample cause to be hard on him or herself, is this necessarily a bad thing? I dont think so. There is often the gift of industryworking hard to accomplish ones goals. There is often the gift of integritysticking to ones values and what feels right. There is often the gift of motivationdetermination to do what one does well. Self-dedication is one hallmark of the adolescent only child, and this includes concern for ones future and taking serious responsibility for leading the only life that one is given

When bad things happen to children, many struggle to cope, and some fall into debilitating silence. A new treatment program is helping kids tell their own storiesand heal.

When raising an only child parents may worry that the child will be lonely. They may even feel guilty for not having another child, often feeling that they are depriving their child of the social interaction of growing up with siblings. While an only child may not have siblings to play with there are advantages. An only child doesnt have to compete for attention nor share toys. Parents of only children may tend to be overprotective especially if they have lost a child previously or are unable to conceive future offspring. Only children like firstborns may tend to act older than their age which may be due in part to the fact that they spend a great deal of time in the company of adults. Many only children may even prefer to be around adults rather than be in the company of other children their own age. Being an only child myself, I can honestly say that as a child I felt more comfortable around adults than I did other children. This isnt to say that only children do not get along well with other children; the relationship of an only child to other children is normally the same as it would be for children that grow up with siblings. Each child is different whether an only child or a child of a large family. An only child may also grow up to be a perfectionist since parents often tend to set expectations high for only children and firstborns. They are usually given more responsibility and may tend to become emotionally mature at a younger age. Since they normally have their belongings all to themselves some only children may have some difficulty with sharing and may not like others touching items that belong exclusively to them. But once again, each child is different. It is a common misconception that only children are selfish and do not like to share. This may be true for some only children but the same can be said for other children as well. Often, two siblings of the same parents are described as being as different as night and day. Some only children may be even more willing to share their toys or other belongings because they welcome the opportunity to do so. Since they dont normally have other children to share with they may be more willing to share when the opportunity arises. Parents may appreciate the advantages of raising an only child such as an absence of sibling rivalry, no fighting, arguing or teasing. Of course similar situations can occur with friends, neighbors, schoolmates and cousins. There is no perfect parenting situation; that much is certain. Raising an only child does afford the parents more time to devote to one child and lessens the financial strain of sufficiently providing for ones family. In a family of two or more children parents tend to compare them to each other. It is not a good practice to get into but unfortunately most of us are guilty of such behavior at one time or another in our

parenting. How often have you said something like Why cant you keep your room clean like your sister? or Why cant you get good grades like your brother? You know what Im talking about. I dont really believe that as parents we do this purposely. We dont mean to make our kids feel bad or make them feel inferior by comparing them to a sibling but whether it is intentional or not, most of us have done so at one time or another. Children tend to compare themselves to their siblings as well with such statements like Why cant I be pretty like my sister? or Why cant I be good at sports like my brother? An only child may have a stronger sense of self since they do not normally grow up in an atmosphere of comparison. Only children are thought to be intelligent and high achievers. Although some studies may indicate this to be true there is no concrete evidence of such. If such beliefs are true of only children it may be due partially to the fact that only children may find themselves having to provide a fair amount of their own entertainment. Since they have no distractions brought on by interaction with other children they may tend to immerse themselves in their activities. They may read more and concentrate with more intensity on their interests. Of course this is only speculation but it does seem reasonable that children who do not have other children to occupy them may turn to the creativity of their own minds to occupy themselves. Many people view an only child as being spoiled but thats not necessarily true. An only child may have an extremely close bond with one or both parents however that is not unusual considering the close relationship that develops between an only child and his/her parents. As an only child, I never really missed having siblings so I honestly dont feel as though I lacked anything in my childhood. I will admit there have been times in my life when it would have been nice to have a sibling to lean on during difficult times. But even if you do have siblings there are times in life when you have to rely upon yourself and find your own inner strength. An only child is no more special than a child raised in a large family nor is he or she deprived in any way. Each family is special in its own unique way and so is each child.