Leadership & Self Deception— getting out of the box by The Arbinger Institute

HOW WE GET INTO THE BOX

Feeling: Do my best to help ________________ with

__________________________

HONOR IT CHOICE

BETRAY IT
(Self-Betrayal)

How I Start To See My How I Start To See Principles of Self-Betrayal

Self Others
1) An act contrary to what I feel
I should do for another is
called an act of “Self-
Betrayal”
2) When I betray myself, I begin
to see the world in a way that
Victim Perpetrator justifies my self-betrayal
3) When I see a self-justifying
world, my view of reality
Hard worker Lazy becomes distorted.
4) So— when I betray myself, I
enter the box.
Unappreciated Unappreciative 5) Over time, certain boxes
become characteristic of me,
and I carry them with me.
Sensitive Insensitive 6) By being in the box, I provoke
others to be in the box.
7) In the box, we invite mutual
Fair/Righteous Faker/Phony mistreatment and obtain
mutual justification. We
Important/ Stupid/Ignorant collude in giving each other

Knowledgeable

Abacus & Co. of NY, Inc.

 Leadership & Self Deception— getting out of the box by The Arbinger Institute

IN THE BOX

We insist on doing things that don’t BOX PROBLEMS

Lack of commitment
work from inside the box Lack of engagement
Troublemaking
1) Trying to change others Conflict
2) Doing my best to “cope” with others Lack of motivation
3) Leaving Stress
Poor Treatment
4) Communicating
Backbiting/bad attitudes
5) Implementing New Skills or Misalignment
Techniques Lack of trust
6) Changing my behavior Lack of accountability
Communication problems

In the box we see ourselves and others in a systematically distorted way; as mere objects and no longer
as complex humans. So when we are in the box we provoke others to get in a box as well.

I could help her with that….. Nah—she is just being lazy
I should make her do it herself! I’m to busy and besides
she needs to learn not to procrastinate and get things
done in a timely matter. This will teach her a valuable
lesson.
What is he so upset about? I am doing the best I can—he is
such a negative person always looking to find something
wrong. He has no idea of how hard I work. He only thinks
of himself and what he wants. I can’t wait till he gets
promoted out of here!

BLAME, EXCUSE
& JUSTIFY

Collusion

BLAME, EXCUSE
& JUSTIFY

Abacus & Co. of NY, Inc.

 Leadership & Self Deception— getting out of the box by The Arbinger Institute

HOW DO I GET OUT OF THE BOX?

STOP RESISTING OTHERS

You Betray Yourself when you resist the need to help

someone. When you act on that need you liberate
yourself from self justifying thoughts and feelings.

One person, one feeling, one need at a time!

Abacus & Co. of NY, Inc.

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