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OPPOSITES ATTRACT BY KEITH MACARIO

2013

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INT. COFFEE SHOP DAY MARGARET MEYER, SIXTY-SOMETHING, sits with HARRY MEYER, SIXTY-SOMETHING, the two wear an ensemble red get up. Margaret thickens her coffee with creamer. Harry blows into his cup of joe. HARRY Blech MARGARET You blech, how can anyone drink it straight. HARRY I like it bitter. MARGARET Youre a bitter old man, no wonder. HARRY You havent aged well either. MARGARET Why did I ever marry you again? HARRY Opposites attract. NAT KING COLES UNFORGETTABLE PLAYS. Margaret squirms in her seat excitedly. MARGARET Ooh, ooh, I just adore this song, Harry. Like a song of love that clings to me, how the thought of you does things to me~ HARRY Could you quiet down, people are starting to stare!

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MARGARET Oh for Petes sake, you are an old bag. HARRY Why hasnt Trisha called? MARGARET Trisha said shed call within the hour. HARRY How long has it been, fifty minutes, twenty minutes, two hours? MARGARET Ten minutes Harry. HARRY What on Earth could that crow be doing? MARGARET You know how she is Harry. HARRY What? MARGARET You have not sipped your coffee yet. HARRY Oh, oh, yes, right. Harry sips his coffee. He sets the coffee down to the table, but his attention is caught. A RED FURRY BALL snuggles into Margarets coffee. MARGARET Shes been too busy with that Daniel, now dont get me wrong, its nice that she remarried, but shes no spring chicken. Margaret lifts the cup of her coffee to her lips.

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HARRY Wait! Margaret pauses. MARGARET What? Whats wrong. HARRY Theres a thing in your coffee. Margaret snatches a coffee stir stick and surveys her cup. MARGARET What thing? HARRY Theres a little red ball of fur in your coffee. Dont drink it! MARGARET Now youre just being asinine, Harry. HARRY It could be poisonous, a bug or something. MARGARET (laughs) Is this some kind of joke? Oh I know, you feel bad about calling me an old hag, well I forgive you Harry. HARRY Margaret, youre a hag and Im a fart, deal with it, now Im tellin you theres something in your coffee. Margaret playfully slaps Harry across the shoulder. Red fur and a pair of eyes surface in Margarets coffee. It giggles at Harry. HARRY There! There it is! Its giggling at me!

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The Red Fur sinks back into the cup just as Margaret looks down. MARGARET Youre joke is old dear. Margaret raises her cup once more. Harry fidgets nervously. HARRY Margaret, believe me. Harrys eyes follow her cup. Vibrating rapidly and obnoxiously on the table so sudden is Margarets Cell phone. She sets her coffee down to answer. Harry sighs. MARGARET Oh Trisha, wondrous youve called. Please do, Please do! Margaret covers the receiver. MARGARET Ill step outside! She returns to her phone call as she leaves. The Red Furred giggling ball reappears in the coffee. REDFUR Hi! HARRY Get out of my wifes coffee! REDFUR Youre wifes coffee is on my gold coin! HARRY Im going to take this stick and fish you out in five, four, three.

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REDFUR Ill poop in your wifes coffee right now. HARRY Dont you dare! REDFUR We RedFords are excellent at laying waste. HARRY What in heavens is a Redford? REDFUR Red furballias, like leprauchans cousins. HARRY Except the pot of gold is my wifes coffee cup. REDUR Just my gold coin, I need it to get back home. Say, would you help me? HARRY No. REDFUR It would be a lot easier. HARRY I hate redfur balls. Redfur sadly frowns, and it swims across the cup. REDFUR If you do it, I will reward you greatly. HARRY No, and even if I wanted to help, I hate creamer in my coffee. REDFUR Help me and I will reward you with one wish.

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HARRY Alright, I wish my wife was more realistic, more profound and not so clueless, I wish she was more like me! REDFUR Sure, just a moment. Redfur lifts his tiny mouth up, whistling in air, blowing out a tune. REDFUR Now hurry! Harry plucks up the wooden stir stick and fishes in the milky pond of coffee. Redfur looks out the window. Margaret pockets her phone and walks to the entrance. REDFUR (CONTD) Shes coming! Harry tosses the stick aside, thrusting the coffee to his lips, gulping down with eyes closed. His eyes dart open, chewing around, he spits out a gold coin. He hands it to Redfur. HARRY Hey, that actually wasnt so bad. REDFUR Thank you Harry! I hope your wish is everything you wanted it to be. Redfur hops away. Harry waves goodbye with a smile. Margaret reseats herself, upset.

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MARGARET Trisha isnt coming, her and her boyfriend decided they needed alone time. Such promiscuity! Why are you smiling all of a sudden? Harry shrugs. HARRY I just dont know, I love you! Margaret looks down to her coffee. MARGARET Oh, why, what did you do?! I was looking forward to that all morning, Harry you selfishgreedy stupid old man! HARRY Margaret, be gentle. Margaret snatches Harrys coffee. MARGARET How do you like it if I just drank your coffee? Hrm?! She gulps it all down, the cup clinking to the plate. MARGARET You know, I think I like it bitter more. La Vie En Rose plays. HARRY Quand il me prend dans ses brasil me partle tout base je vois la vie en rose MARGARET Stop, stop, stop it, youre embarrassing me. Harrys smile turns into a frown, his head droops. Redfur looks up to Harry.

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HARRY I wish you werent so mean. REDFUR Wish granted! Redfur whistles air and blows out a tune. MARGARET Im sorry Harry, you know I love you! HARRY Ive loved you for forty years. MARGARET To another forty years? HARRY Lets aim for another eighty! Harry and Margaret clink together their empty cups and share a kiss. Redfur hobbles with his gold coin towards the kitchen, singing. REDFUR II me dit des mots d'amour des mots de tous les jours et ca me fait quelque chose THE END

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