ISSN: 0976-3759

ISSN: 0976-3759

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

ISSN: 0976-3759

ISSN: 0976-3759

From Principal/ Librarian,

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Journal of School Social Work Price Rs 20.00

A National School Social Work monthly dedicated to networking of parents and teachers.

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Volume IX Issue 11

A p r i l 2013 C ont e nt s

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Editorial Prof Visvesvaran P K Patterns of Power Struggle and Remedy at Hand Dr Vijayalakshmi V Pattern Recognition: A Challenge before Parents Prof Visvesvaran P K Typical Relationship Patterns in Families Naidu P J Concept Paper on Control Vs. Autunomy Casework Intervention for the Hearing Impaired Dr Sinu E Changing Patterns in Daily Routine among Urban Commuters Sandhya Rani P J Nafisa Khan and Dr Charumathi P J

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PINCODE: Thanking you, Yours truly,

Honorary Special Editor: Dr Rajendrakumar, Chairperson, Department of Social Work, Bangalore University, Jnana Bharathi Campus, Bangalore

Focus: Pattern Recognition

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Note: Views expressed by the contributors are not necessarily the official view of the Journal.

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

ISSN: 0976-3759

ISSN: 0976-3759

Pattern? Yes! Rigidity ? No! Editorial Identification is, however, only the Ruth Benedict in her anthropological masterpiece first step and is not a solution by itself. Patterns of Culture identifies the Also, any diagnosis is only tentative modal personalities in different and the therapist should have an societies. The typical Dobuan open mind to revise his views as he suffers from chronic anxiety, hostility goes along and as new facts come and paranoia. His gods are hostile up. A corollary to this is the fact that beings and all social relationships are characterized by deliberate fraud, symptoms are a mixed bag and not treachery and double-dealings. On a holdall. For example, a person the other hand, the average Zuni is may exhibit symptoms of anxiety, friendly, co-operative and peace- depression and obsessiveloving. That is because his deities compulsion all rolled into one. Any are benevolent and his culture attempt to put it in anyone particular encourages peaceful resolution of all pigeon hole may fail. More important than this is the conflicts. Erich Fromm refers to the Manus who are highly competitive need to avoid labeling, either the and drive themselves to despair and symptom or the client. For example, death pushed to the brink by intense the childs enuresis may belong to rivalry towards one another. the revenge type (punishing the Identification of patterns is, thus, very parents) or regressive type (arising important for human beings to from sibling rivalry) or may represent understand one another. To adapt both, usually the last. Let not the Swithun Bowers (who uses the therapist label a boy permanently as following phraseology to define a mother-hater or an exhibitionist social work) pattern detection is an though he manifests these art, based on the knowledge of the tendencies alternatingly. For labeling science of human relations. One may prove to be a self-fulfilling should have some knowledge of the prophecy and turn an one-time Freudian theory, the behavioural offender into an incorrigibly chronic approach and the modern schools of antisocial character. Identification of treatment such as the client-centered patterns is a handy therapeutic tool Rogerian therapy to discern typical but let us guard against its fall patterns of behaviour in our clients. out,namely role inflexibility. Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013 02

Patterns of Power Struggle and Remedy at Hand

Vijayalakshmi V* *Dr Vijayalakshmi V, Assistant Professor, School od Social Sciences and Languages, VIT University, Vellore and Honorary Special Editor of JSSW (March 2013).

Introduction: control. Stay calm and rational in spite A power struggle occurs when a of the situation. Guard your anger person holds a position and another button. Stop and think. Do not react holds a different position and both impulsively. Give clear and specific are unwilling to change their positions. expectations. Focus on influencing It is rarely about the issue at hand. It your childs motivation. is about feeling powerless and Authentic and coersive power: wanting to feel more powerful within Lets look at the difference the situation. The most common between authentic power and power struggle which we could see coercive power. Coercive power in our everyday life is that between arises from judging children and parents and children. Generally, situations as bad or wrong and everyone wants to feel powerful. Our whose ultimate outcome is children are not exempted from these separation from our children. Force feelings so the more we do to give is used to manipulate our child to do them appropriate ways to feel what we, as parent, want them to do. powerful, the less power struggles Force includes the use of guilt, we will have at home. Even if a child threats, punishment, spanking, feels valued, loved and respected, sarcasm, criticism, intimidations, he will still create power struggles humiliation, withdrawal of love, because he is human. But if parents yelling, nagging, or any other attempt consistently keep in mind why their to control or force our child to do child does this, the struggles can be something against their will. Coercive effectively handled and many times power motivates through fear instead avoided altogether. of love and teaches children to be Power and authority: externally motivated rather than The difference between power driven by their own set of rules or and authority lies within us. When you consciences. This allows children to have to confront your child, look for outside sources to blame for emphasize cooperation and not their mistakes or for others to be 03 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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responsible for their happiness. if a mom and daughter battle every On the other hand, authentic morning about what the child is power does not judge a child as wearing to school. While no one likes wrong or bad, but works to solve these routines, theyre difficult to end problems in ways that will unite or once theyre enmeshed in a bond with our children through relationship. understanding and loving Handling power struggle: unconditionally. Its intention is to Stop being part of the power build positive self-concepts and to struggle. It takes two to have a power make sure that everyone wins. It is struggle. It takes two to argue. Make the ability to empower others to a firm commitment to yourself that you become motivated through paying will no longer engage in arguments attention to their own internal feelings, and lengthy explanations. State your wants and desires, and to listen expectations clearly and firmly and quietly for inner guidance. Authentic walk away. Tell your child exactly what power teaches children that they are you want him to do, when he must their own source of happiness. The do it, and what happens if he does end result is closeness, respect, not. Then walk away. responsibility, cooperation and a Do not stay in the situation and sense of joy and aliveness. argue. Go to your room and close Emotional element: the door if necessary. Do not let your In power struggles, theres a child push your buttons. If you get strong element of emotion. You insist angry, even that will be a reward for on one thing, your child insists on your child. Your anger will give your another, both of you dig in your heels child the power over you that he and when the power struggle ends, seeks. You may need to use often nothing is resolved and you find punishment when dealing with power. yourself in a similar battle the next Tell your child what to do. Be ready day. Power struggles can deteriorate with a punishment if your child fails to the relationship between you and cooperate. If you punish a child your child; no one feels particularly because of a power struggle, friendly or loving toward someone with remember two things. First, do not whom theyre battling. punish in anger; this will only Along with that, they can become encourage your child to strike back habitual. Its a habitual power struggle with power. Second, smaller 04 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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punishments work better than bigger punishments. If your child thinks you have punished him too harshly, he will retaliate with power. End with a handshake: When your child does what you ask without an argument, thank him. Call attention to it: Thank you. You did what I asked without an argument. I appreciate that. It shows you are cooperating. As a long-term solution, remember that a childs need for power can be a positive thing. Look for independence, self-reliance, leadership, and decision making. When your child shows these qualities, spotlight them. Catch him being good. As with most behavior problems, the positive approach is the best remedy for handling power. Tips to parents: To help the parent to cope, here are some effective techniques to cut down on the number of power struggles, and perhaps circumvent them altogether. 1. Stay cool, and remember whos in charge. When the parent gets into a power struggle and overreacts, they lose authority over their children. Parents convey genuine authority by keeping their cool. When they overreact, they lose it. 2. Establish a few ironclad rules

and stick to them. Decide on four or five nonnegotiable demands that reflect your personal values and practical goals, such as: No hitting. No TV until homework is finished. Put your dirty dishes in the sink. Dont wrangle over details or negotiate. Simply say, Sorry, that is against house rules. And drop it. Often kids will try to outwit you and start another argument. Dont over-explain and dont renegotiate. Just point to the list. 3. Focus on what really matters. Many power struggles are not worth the hassle. Knowing when to forgo an argument is one of the keys to successful parenting. Keeping battles to a minimum and concentrating on issues that genuinely affect the childs wellbeing is critical. 4. Have realistic expectations. Part of establishing simple, nonnegotiable rules is making sure you have realistic expectations. You cant expect kids to behave like adults. Understand age-appropriate behaviour. 5. Establish an environment that encourages your kids to go along with your agenda. Classic power struggles revolve around body issues sleeping, eating, 05 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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toileting, dressing. Offer limited choices in each of these areas that guide your child toward your goal and that gives him/her a sense of power, even if the choices are limited. Also, look for opportunities to support and agree with your child. 6. Spend positive time. The parent should spend at least 10 minutes a day alone reading or playing with the child. Also, the parent could spend an additional 30 minutes a week playing with the child games, sports, fishing doing something the child wants to do. If power struggles are often rooted in a lack of attention to the child, these positive attention activities can strengthen their interaction and lessen the impact of potential parent-child conflict. 7. Get into your childs rhythm. Being rushed is not compatible with a childs natural rhythm. The dawdling, which is seen by the parent as a challenge to their authority, is normal for children. Time runs much slower for kids than the hectic pace of working adults. 8. Avoid disagreements when pressed for time. Stress and fatigue, on the part of either the parent or child, can turn a benign

disagreement into a full-blown power struggle. When fresh and mellow, seemingly inane comments or requests can be handled. When either is tired or stressed out, the same comment or question can trigger heated debates. 9. Be creative. Power struggles may evaporate if you figure out how to creatively obtain your childs cooperation. If cleaning their room is a problem, set a timer and have a 10-minute cleanup blitz, with an agreement that you will stop precisely when the buzzer sounds. Or, let your children help out while you are in the kitchen. Power struggle in school: Examining the idea of potential power struggle situations with students, it is important to keep in mind that the social contract is the framework from which we are working. In many cases, what is occurring during a power struggle is the student testing the integrity of the social contract. They are saying in essence No! to our class agreement. When a student defies us openly, we are naturally going to feel angry and offended, and our tendency would then be to exert our power and show the student who the boss is. While this may feel satisfying

ISSN: 0976-3759

in the moment, it produces a number of undesirable effects, including: 1. Engages us in a power struggle. There is no power struggle until we buy into the challenge. 2. Losing sight of the point. The point is that the student needs to be responsible and fulfill their commitment to the contract they have agreed. 3. Sending the message to all the other students that the teacher can get hooked into a power struggle. 4. Sending the message to the other students that when a student says No! to the contract, they are just given some short-term pain, but they are not held responsible in a meaningful manner. Battle field for power struggle: The classroom is the place where power struggles can occur on a frequent basis because teachers always want the students to comply with things they would prefer not to do. However, think of your strategy as getting committment rather than compliance. In a power struggle, each student is equally committed to winning. In this power-struggle, neither the teacher nor the student wins. While the teacher may get some short-term relief by ejecting the student from the room, she has lost valuable teaching time because of

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Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

the confrontation. The student may be happy to escape the class but he is certainly not learning anything while sitting in the principals office. Tips to teachers: Teachers who want to dodge the power-struggle trap can use several sets of techniques to avert confrontations with students and still maintain classroom discipline. The instructor first makes sure to disengage from the power struggle and then uses tactics to interrupt the students escalating anger and to deescalate the potential confrontation. The teachers most important objective when faced with a defiant or non-compliant student is to remain outwardly calm. Educators who react to defiant behaviour by becoming visibly angry, raising their voices, or attempting to intimidate the student may actually succeed only in making the students oppositional behaviour worse! While the strategies listed here may calm an oppositional student, their main purpose is to help the teacher to keep his or her cool. Remember: any conflict requires at least two people. A power struggle can be avoided if the instructor does not choose to take part in that struggle. After a power struggle with a student, teachers may feel unsure of 07 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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how to treat a student upon his or her be valuable both within the school return to the class. A few guiding walls, and outside in their homes and principles will help to ease the communities. Third, the conflict transition back to a productive resolution skills discussed below will teacher-student relationship. act to promote a deeper sense of Teachers should make sure to responsibility, community and communicate to the student that he success psychology among the or she is welcome back to the student body of a school or classroom and that they are making classroom. a fresh start. This is not the time to The first step: revisit the incident from the previous Conflicts cant be solved in the class. It may be helpful to restate the face of hot emotions. It is expectations to the student and to important for all parties within any offer the student an opportunity to conflict to take a step back and discuss the situation with the teacher recognize the reactive pattern that privately when he or she is ready to wants to emerge from within them, do so. By extending these and gain some distance and supportive gestures to the student, perspective. Help students teachers are more likely to get a develop the habit of taking a positive response instead of a repeat moment to turn their attention of the earlier power struggle. If the inward and notice that they most student seems ready to re-engage likely want to react out of a painin the conflict, however, the teacher based mechanism whenever they now has the benefit of hindsight to feel they have been hurt, know when and how to stop the threatened or wronged. Just struggle before it begins. helping students develop their Resolve conflict: awareness alone will save a great Having a system for conflict deal of suffering for all parties over resolution in place for our classroom time. Once they feel they are or school can have many positive ready to approach the problem benefits. First, it will reduce the constructively, they are ready to amount and intensity of the conflicts go on to the next step and engage that do occur. Second, it will help with others to problem solve. students build useful skills to solve The second step: their own problems - skills that will The language in the students 08 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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communication at this stage needs to work to offer information and clarity, rather than blame. A good technique for accomplishing this is the use of I statements. When making I statements its important to avoid put-downs, guilt-trips, sarcasm, or negative body language. They need to simply report information and ones experience. The students need to maintain a win-win mindset throughout the process. And at this stage, information contributes to solutions, whereas blame, attacks, and victim language contribute to losers within the process. This early step requires a great deal of trust on the part of the students. They will be tempted to give in to a competitive win-lose mentality. So in the early stages of facilitating this process, you will be required to provide a great deal of encouragement to your students to trust the process and their classmates. The third step: When each student is required to restate what they heard the other say, it brings both clarity and empathy into the process. Each is important. If there is no clarity, there can be little real understanding, and solutions are

likely to be superficial. If there is no empathy, it is a lost opportunity for growth. In addition, it is a likely sign that students do not sincerely desire a win-win outcome. Successfully restating anothers words shows that one is trying to come out of his or her own narrow point of view into a place of shared understanding. The fourth step: It is important that students within the process adopt the attitude that blame and assigning fault are counterproductive, and therefore to be avoided. Blame is external and past-oriented. Responsibility is internal and present-to-future oriented. An effective conflict resolution process is an effective tool to promote internal locus of control. the skills related to a successful resolution to conflict do not come easily and will take a great deal of encouragement and practice as the concrete experience of success, which can only come with time. The natural tendencies to defend, share ones pain, or obtain justice will be difficult to break. But a powerful resource that you as the facilitator will always have is that taking part in a successful resolution process feels deeply satisfying to the 09 Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

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student. Use this awareness to motivated students to stick with it, and resist bad habits. The fifth step: Resolving conflicts is a creative act. There are many solutions to any single problem. Students quickly learn that it is not about getting someone in trouble or deciding who is at fault. It is about solutions that will make life better in the future. Sometimes this is a matter of compromise or it is a matter of finding a new and better way. Sometimes it is about one person realizing that they need to change a behaviour pattern. The sixth step: After a solution is agreed upon help students develop the habit of shaking hands, thanking one another, and forgiving one another. Forgiveness, and gratitude are powerful mindsets for students to close the process which implies: 1) what is most important about conflict resolution process is that we all grew a little bit, and

2) the relationship is worth the effort it took to overcome the natural tendency to fight, or withdraw. Every time the students successfully execute this conflict resolution process their skills for dealing with conflict, within and without, grow. If they can learn at an early point in life to recognize their defensive pain-driven mental reaction, become responsible for their actions, and to forgive and move on, they will have acquired skills that are as valuable as anything they will learn in their time in school. Conclusion: Win-win conflict resolution skills promote each of the factors: internal locus of control, acceptance and belonging, and a mastery orientation to learning. And recalling our exploration of how to promote responsibility in the classes, it should be apparent how this process can be a powerful tool in the development of a more responsible approach to problems within the class.

ISSN: 0976-3759

From Principal/ Librarian,

Date: To Subscription Division, Journal of School Social Work, 8 (New 14), Sridevi Colony, 7th Avenue, Ashok Nagar, Chennai 600083 Past Subscription no:

PIN: Sir,

Sub: Renewal/ New Subscription reg. Please find enclosed a crossed DD drawn in favour of JOURNAL OF SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK for Rs 1200.00 (5 years subscription) Rs 2400 (10 years subscription) Rs 3600.00 (Patron subscription 15 years) payable at Chennai Service Branch. Details of DD: No: dated drawn on The Journal may please be sent to the following address:

PINCODE: Thanking you, Yours truly,

References: Gnanasekar M (2013): Redeeming the Blackmailer. Journal of School Social Work, Vol IX issue 09, Feb 2013 pp17-24. Lingren, Herbert G (1996): Parent-Child Power Struggles: How to Handle Them. Historical Materials from University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension. Paper 364. Mohan V (2013): Manipulation: Good, Bad and the Ugly. Journal of School Social Work, Vol IX-Issue 09, Feb 2013 pp13-16.

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Journal of School Social Work has a current account (A/C no: 409201010035051) in Ashok Nagar, Chennai branch of Union Bank of India (IFSC Code: UBINO540927.) Subscription can be directly remitted from ANY BANK, anywhere in India.

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Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

ISSN: 0976-3759

ISSN: 0976-3759

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013

Journal of SCHOOL SOCIAL WORK April 2013