It is almost impossible to be a doctor and an honest

man, but it is obscenely impossible to be a psychiatrist without at the same time bearing the stamp of the most incontestable madness: that of being unable to resist that old atavistic reflex of the mass of humanity, which makes any man of science who is absorbed by this mass a kind of natural and inborn enemy of all genius.
Antonin Artaud quotes Psychiatry quotes Doctors quotes

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One of the biggest lies ever: The doctor will be with you
in a couple of minutes.
Unknown quotes | added by: ted Doctors quotes Time quotes Dishonesty quotes Being Annoyed quotes

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Dentist: This will only hurt a little. Me: *LIAR!*

Unknown quotes | added by: katie_benson92 Kids quotes Teenage quotes Doctors quotes

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At the eye doctor...Doctor: Please read the lowest line
you can. Me: Made in China.
Unknown quotes Funny Facebook Status quotes Doctors quotes

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Failing to listen to the woman is one of the biggest
mistakes a practitioner can make.
Helen Varney quotes Doctors quotes Listening quotes Labor quotes Birth quotes Advice quotes

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor

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is cute forget the fruit...

Unknown quotes Cute quotes Inspirational quotes Health quotes Doctors quotes Humor quotes

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After you find out all the things that can go wrong, your
life becomes less about living and more about waiting.
Chuck Palahniuk quotes Medicine quotes Doctors quotes Disease quotes Life quotes

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Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
'practice?'
George Carlin quotes Medicine quotes Doctors quotes

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Without knowing the cause of illness, any treatment
must be considered a guess.
Richard Diaz quotes Illness quotes Health quotes Doctors quotes Treatment quotes

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The superior doctor prevents sickness; The mediocre doctor attends to
impending sickness; The inferior doctor treats actual sickness.

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. ~Cicero My doctor is nice; every time I see him, I'm ashamed of what I think of doctors in general. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. ~Seneca

The greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians for the body and physicians for the soul, although the two cannot be separated. ~Plato Body and soul cannot be separated for purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies. ~C. Jeff Miller In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. ~Martin H. Fischer One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. ~William Osler It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. ~Author Unknown Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. ~Robert Burton I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. ~James H. Boren A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. ~Francis O'Walsh Did God who gave us flowers and trees, Also provide the allergies? ~E.Y. Harburg, "A Nose Is a Nose Is a Nose," 1965 I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you. ~Bill Walton

It is a wise mans part, rather to avoid sickness, than to wishe for medicines. ~Thomas More, Utopia [sic] I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. ~Finley Peter Dunne You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. ~Pearl Williams To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. ~Henry Ward Beecher A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. ~Martin H. Fischer Surgeons must be very careful When they take the knife! Underneath their fine incisions Stirs the Culprit - Life! ~Emily Dickinson It is a good thing for a physician to have prematurely grey hair and itching piles. The first makes him appear to know more than he does, and the second gives him an expression of concern which the patient interprets as being on his behalf. ~A. Benson Cannon A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. ~Author Unknown One thousand Americans stop smoking every day - by dying. ~Author Unknown

A hypochondriac is one who has a pill for everything except what ails him. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. ~Voltaire A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. ~Martin H. Fischer It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. ~J.J. Walsh Every disease is a physician. ~Irish Proverb God heales, and the Physitian hath the thankes. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs Drugs are not always necessary. Belief in recovery always is. ~Norman Cousins I firmly believe that if the whole materia medica could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be all the better for mankind and all the worse for the fishes. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. ~Henri Amiel Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. ~Don Herold The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! ~Martin H. Fischer

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. ~Elbert Hubbard When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is - if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. ~Nicholas de Belleville Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. ~William Shakespeare I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. ~Betsy Salkind Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. ~Peter Mere Latham In the nineteenth century men lost their fear of God and acquired a fear of microbes. ~Author Unknown Symptoms, then are in reality nothing but the cry from suffering organs. ~Jean Martin Charcot, translated from French I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most virulent form. ~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat Diagnosis is not the end, but the beginning of practice. ~Martin H. Fischer The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. ~Alexander of Tralles

Physicians and politicians resemble one another in this respect, that some defend the constitution and others destroy it. ~Author Unknown A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. ~August Bier When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. ~Arabic Proverb Medicines are not meat to live by. ~German Proverb Treat the patient, not the Xray. ~James M. Hunter God and the Doctor we alike adore But only when in danger, not before; The danger o'er, both are alike requited, God is forgotten, and the Doctor slighted. ~Robert Owen Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. ~Roul Turley The hospital is the only proper College in which to rear a true disciple of Aesculapius. ~John Abernethy A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. ~Martin H. Fischer Better to hunt in fields, for health unbought, Than fee the doctor for a nauseous draught, The wise, for cure, on exercise depend; God never made his work for man to mend.

~John Dryden Medicine is the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. ~James Bryce, 1914 It is not a case we are treating; it is a living, palpitating, alas, too often suffering fellow creature. ~John Brown The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? ~Martin H. Fischer Medicines heals doubts as well as diseases. ~Karl Marx A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. ~Harvey Cushing Bedside manners are no substitute for the right diagnosis. ~Alfred P. Sloan, Jr. Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. ~Ovid, Tristia As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. ~Charles V. Chapin Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. ~Lewis G. Janes Until a physician has killed one or two he is not a physician. ~Kashmiri Proverb No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. ~Chinese Proverb

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you - that action on your part which best conserves the interests of your patient. ~Martin H. Fischer To me the ideal doctor would be a man endowed with profound knowledge of life and of the soul, intuitively divining any suffering or disorder of whatever kind, and restoring peace by his mere presence. ~Henri Amiel Medicinal discovery, It moves in mighty leaps, It leapt straight past the common cold And give it us for keeps. ~Pam Ayres When you no longer know what headache, heartache, or stomachache means without cistern punctures, electrocardiograms and six x-ray plates, you are slipping. ~Martin H. Fischer It is easy to get a thousand prescriptions but hard to get one single remedy. ~Chinese Proverb Never forget that it is not a pneumonia, but a pneumonic man who is your patient. ~William Withey Gull It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. ~William Cullen, Practice of Physic The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. ~William Withey Gull A Short History of Medicine 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic." 2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root." ~Author Unknown When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. ~Anton Chekhov, The Cherry Orchard Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. ~Author Unknown A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. ~German Proverb No doctor is better than three. ~German Proverb I will lift mine eyes unto the pills. Almost everyone takes them, from the humble aspirin to the multi-coloured, king-sized three deckers, which put you to sleep, wake you up, stimulate and soothe you all in one. It is an age of pills. ~Malcolm Muggeridge, 1962 Man may be the captain of his fate, but is also the victim of his blood sugar. ~Wilfrid G. Oakley Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. ~Peter Mere Latham Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. ~Warfield Theobald Longcope Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. ~Jan King

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~Erma Bombeck You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. ~Alonzo Clark Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. ~Martin H. Fischer Varicose veins are the result of an improper selection of grandparents. ~William Osler Anatomists see no beautiful women in all their lives, but only a ghastly sack of bones with Latin names to them, and a network of nerves and muscles and tissues inflamed by disease. ~Mark Twain If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. ~African Proverb When you treat a disease, first treat the mind. ~Chen Jen Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. ~John Brown The doctor of the future will give no medicine but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease. ~Thomas Edison Oh the powers of nature. She knows what we need, and the doctors know nothing. ~Benvenuto Cellini

So many come to the sickroom thinking of themselves as men of science fighting disease and not as healers with a little knowledge helping nature to get a sick man well. ~Auckland Geddes, The Practitioner Where a man feels pain he lays his hand. ~Dutch Proverb The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. ~French Proverb Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. ~Ben Hecht, Miracle of the Fifteen Murderers The Lord hath created medicines out of the earth; and he that is wise will not abhor them. ~Ecclesiasticus 38:4 A drug is that substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report. ~Author Unknown Cancer is a word, not a sentence. ~John Diamond The medicalization of early diagnosis not only hampers and discourages preventative health-care but it also trains the patient-to-be to function in the meantime as an acolyte to his doctor. He learns to depend on the physician in sickness and in health. He turns into a life-long patient. ~Ivan Illich Patients may recover in spite of drugs or because of them. ~J.H. Gaddum He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. ~Benjamin Franklin Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. ~Martin H. Fischer

The field of Western medicine has become literally nothing but medicine. Doctors are on their way out, to be replaced by self-serve pharmaceutical vending machines. ~Grey Livingston The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. ~Samuel J. Meltzer Man is a creature composed of countless millions of cells: a microbe is composed of only one, yet throughout the ages the two have been in ceaseless conflict. ~A.B. Christie Our profession is the only one which works unceasingly to annihilate itself. ~Martin H. Fischer On J-Day our profession will have a lot to answer for! We might at least have withheld our hands instead of making them work against God. ~Martin H. Fischer The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. ~James B. Herrick Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive. ~Author Unknown Men are not going to embrace eugenics. They are going to embrace the first likely, trim-figured girl with limpid eyes and flashing teeth who comes along, in spite of the fact that her germ plasm is probably reeking with hypertension, cancer, haemophilia, colour blindness, hay fever, epilepsy, and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. ~Logan Clendening Don't take your organs to heaven with you. Heaven knows we need them

here. ~Author unknown, attributed to both Dan and Barbara Hladio and Thomas Boyadjis, Sr. 'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. ~Ovid 150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. ~Jim Carrey And lo, The Hospital, grey, quiet, old, Where Life and Death like friendly chafferers meet. ~William Ernest Henley For the most part, Western medicine doctors are not healers, preventers, listeners, or educators. But they're damned good at saving a life and the other aspects kick the beam. It's about time we brought some balance back to the scale. ~Claire Todae You have two chances - one of getting the germ and one of not. And if you get the germ you have two chances - one of getting the disease and one of not. And if you get the disease you have two chances - one of dying and one of not. And if you die - well, you still have two chances! ~Author Unknown A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. ~Martin H. Fischer The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. ~William Stewart Halsted The public blabbers about preventative medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. ~Martin H. Fischer To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him. ~Horace

Nowadays the clinical history too often weighs more than the man. ~Martin H. Fischer Hypochondriacs squander large sums of time in search of nostrums by which they vainly hope they may get more time to squander. ~Mortimer Collins One doctor makes work for another. ~English Proverb Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too. ~Anton Chekhov, Ivanov Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. ~Giorgio Baglivi Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. ~Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, 1973

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx Feeling, Need, Golf

But the person who scored well on an SAT will not necessarily be the best doctor or the best lawyer or the best businessman. These tests do not measure character, leadership, creativity, perseverance.
William Julius Wilson Leadership, Best, Character

It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
Jesus Christ Need, Sick, Call

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Orson Welles Three, Stop, Unless

As far as service goes, it can take the form of a million things. To do service, you don't have to be a doctor working in the slums for free, or become a social worker. Your position in life and what you do doesn't matter as much as how you do what you do.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Life, Working, Free

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck Office, Died, Whose

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman Two, Quit, Places

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.
Arthur Schopenhauer Stupidity, Weakness, Mankind

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin Better, Away, Felt

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Frank Lloyd Wright Mistakes, Plant, Architect

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Earl Wilson May, Able, Read

When we are sick, we want an uncommon doctor; when we have a construction job to do, we want an uncommon engineer, and when we are at war, we want an uncommon general. It is only when we get into politics that we are satisfied with the common man.
Herbert Hoover Politics, War, Job

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.
Marcel Proust Knowledge, Pain, Kindness

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.
Willie Nelson Down, Old, Another

As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.
Jack Kevorkian Experience, Medical, Wish

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield Mother, Ugly, Born

Three-quarters of the sicknesses of intelligent people come from their intelligence. They need at least a doctor who can understand this sickness.
Marcel Proust Need, Understand, Sickness

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: It's a girl.
Shirley Chisholm Girl, Emotional, Says

Myself when young did eagerly frequent doctor and saint, and heard great argument about it and about: but evermore came out by the same door as in I went.
Omar Khayyam Great, Did, Same

Cancer affects all of us, whether you're a daughter, mother, sister, friend, coworker, doctor, patient.
Jennifer Aniston Mother, Friend, Whether

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession.
Martin H. Fischer Work, Yourself, Must

I wished to God the doctor had handed me a pamphlet that said, 'Hey, sorry about the autism, but here's a step-by-step list on what to do next.' But doctors don't do that. They say 'sorry' and move you along.
Jenny McCarthy God, Sorry, Said

You've probably read in People that I'm a nice guy - but when the doctor first told me I had Parkinson's, I wanted to kill him.
Michael J. Fox Nice, Him, Wanted

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Matthau Live, Pay, Gave

My mother raised three children on her own and my dad was a doctor working 16 hours a day.
Christopher Meloni Dad, Mother, Children

Don't bring your need to the marketplace, bring your skill. If you don't feel well, tell your doctor, but not the marketplace.

If you need money, go to the bank, but not the marketplace.

Jim Rohn Money, Need, Tell

Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.

Hippocrates Good, Must, Cannot

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Joe E. Lewis Diet, Tired, Happened

We approach people the same way we approach our cars. We take the poor kid to a doctor and ask, What's wrong with him, how much will it cost, and when can I pick him up?
James Hillman Him, Same, Poor

I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.
Keith Richards Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/doctor.html#lDt5cegFOmUCfI6p.99