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Cast of Characters
(In order of appearance)
Funeral Home Director – (can be played by the Stage Manager or other back stage crew as the
role is very limited)
Mr. (Richard) Owens - A man in his mid 60’s and known to be very opinionated and out of
touch with the current world. He is the father of the deceased, Sara Owens.
Andy Watkins - Sara’s fiancée. He is somewhat insecure and physically a small man who is
quick to get emotional. He is in his late 40’s to early 50’s.
Ben Edwards - Sara’s ex-boyfriend. He is outgoing, self assured, and politician like. He is in his
40’s.
Charlie Roberts - Sara’s ex-husband and ex-best friend to Ben. He is pompous, egotistical and
self-centered. He is also in his 40’s.
Grant Holloway - Sara’s friend and part-time lover. He is black, and in his mid 20’s. He is easy
going, unpretentious, attractive and physically fit.
Ethan Stoddard - Sara’s son, whom she gave up for adoption when she was 16 years old. He is
in his mid 20’s. He is a pleasant person. He is sensitive, intuitive and gay.
The play takes place over a four hour period in one afternoon.
3
Scene 1
FH Director
Sorry about that Mr. Owens. I’ll find that door jam to keep the door open because I’m not sure
I’ll get it open again if it shuts. But other than the door, I think you will find this room quite nice
for Sara’s viewing. I’ve put the sign in book over there, and per Sara’s final wishes, we have her
Mr. Owens
I may be hard of hearing, but how come I always seem to be able to hear that trashy rock music.
FH Director
Well, that is the great thing about Ipods – they are easy to change, and from what I could tell,
there are several different playlists to choose from. I’ll switch to another playlist which looks to
funeral home but Mr. Owens lights up the minute he hears it).
Mr. Owens
Who picked out this dress? She looks like her mother in that thing!
Andy
FH Director
Well, I’ll just leave you now. Let me know if I can be of further service.
(FH Director leaves the room. Andy drops his stare as it is evident he is no match
Mr. Owens
I should have figured you’d pick an unflattering dress for her. Jesus Andy, are you scared
Andy
Please! Can we be somewhat respectful here? You may not care that your daughter is dead, but
she was my fiancée and I do! And what in Gods name is this music?
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(He sees the Ipod, walks over to it and changes it to another playlist that plays
Sara McLauchlan or some other woman pop singer with soft pleasant music).
Mr. Owens
Andy
Mr. Owens
(Rushes over to the Ipod, picks it up not knowing how to work it and not realizing
that Andy has locked it. He starts pushing on the wheel and nothing happens).
Andy
(Walks confidently to the casket and looks in. Sadness spread across his face.)
Ben
Yes she was. She was the best looking woman in my life.
Mr. Owens
Thank you Ben, it is good to see you. I’m glad you came. I know Sara is very glad you are here.
Ben
Andy, sorry for your loss as well. Sara was a special person to all of us, most obviously to you.
Andy
(Andy feels somewhat threatened by Ben, but because of his demeanor, he can’t
Thank you, Ben. And I know you miss her too. She still considered you one of her best friends.
Ben
As I did her.
Small crowd for Sara. She had so many friends and people who cared for her in her life.
Mr. Owens
What do you mean? She was a loner in her last few years – she never had time for her friends
and family.
7
Andy
That is not true! Sara had lots of friends. I’m surprised that this place isn’t packed. But there’s a
2nd viewing tomorrow, right before the funeral, so I imagine others will come then.
Ben
That’s interesting. I was told this was the only viewing so I specifically flew in a day early for it.
Mr. Owens
I was told that too. What’s wrong with this funeral home? They’re messed up – they give us this
windowless room with a stuck door, they play outrageous music and now they don’t even know
(Charlie walks in during Mr. Owens line. He stops after stepping just inside the
Ben
God, look what the cat dragged in. Who the hell invited you?
Charlie
(crosses to Andy)
And Ben, you are not worthy of any words, even sarcastic ones.
8
Ben
Charlie, Charlie – how long has it been? Five years now? So just how long are you going to hold
Charlie
Don’t you mean, how long will I hate you because you fucked my wife in my bed for over 3
Ben
Six or one half dozen – doesn’t matter how you say it, that is all ancient history.
Andy
Ben
At least she and I managed to stay friends, even after I moved to the west coast. So Charlie, just
when was the last time you talked to Sara? Did you even know she had cancer? She was
Charlie
Fuck you Ben. You think I’m going to carry on any sort of conversation with the asshole who
ruined my marriage?
9
Ben
Check your timeline Charlie. I seem to remember you screwing around on Sara with quite a few
women by the time she and I got together. I’d say she was exercising her marital rights of
retribution.
Mr. Owens
Both of you – just shut up! Do you think I want to hear this? Please! And to think you two used
to be best friends.
Ben
(Looks around)
Andy
I didn’t plan anything; everything was set up in advance by Sara. Since she knew her time was
Ben
That’s Sara for you, organized to the end, and then some.
Charlie
More like controlling to the end, right down to her own god damned funeral.
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Mr. Owens
Who the hell invited this idiot? Andy, kick him out!
(Grant walks in during this conversation and wanders over to the sign in table
and signs in. He is dressed more casually than the others. The others don’t seem
Charlie
(He walks up to Andy, daring him. Andy is looking worried, thinking things have
Ben
Pick on someone your own size Charlie. I’ll kick you out if you really want me to - but actually,
I find this quite entertaining, just figuring out why you even bothered to show your face.
Charlie
Don’t any of you get it? I didn’t ask to come, or even want to come – I was practically
threatened. I got this note in the mail dictating my presence here today.
Mr. Owens
Likely story! You showed up to cause trouble. You were nothing but trouble for Sara.
Andy
What note? Who would send you a note? Who in the world wants you here?
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(Ethan walks in during this last exchange and slams the door shut at the end of
Andy’s line).
Ethan
I invited him!
(Everyone stops arguing and turns first to look at Ethan, then at Grant)
Charlie
(To Ethan)
Who the hell are you? And for that matter – Who is he?
(Pointing at Grant)
Ethan
(To Charlie)
(Charlie and Mr. Owens are shocked. Grant, Andy and Ben are not)
Ben
(To Charlie)
Well, I guess that answers the question on how long it’s been since you’ve talked to Sara! You
Mr. Owens
Actually she did, when she was 16 years old. She gave the child up for adoption. And after she
got diagnosed with the cancer, she and Ethan managed to find each other.
Ethan
Ben
Same here Ethan. Sara wasn’t exaggerating when she said you had her eyes.
Mr. Owens
(Still in shock)
How could she have a kid I didn’t know about? 16? She was still in high school!
Charlie
This is crazy; I was married to her for 10 years! She never mentioned a past pregnancy or giving
a child up for adoption. Are you sure he isn’t a scam artist after Sara’s estate?
Andy
Mr. Owens, Sara and her mom hid the pregnancy from you because Sara said you would have
disowned her. Do you remember after her junior year in high school, when she spent the summer
with her aunt? That was when she gave birth and arranged for the adoption.
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Mr. Owens
(Studying Ethan)
Well, looking at you, I can see you are definitely an Owens. God, you look just like my younger
brother when he was about your age. So, that answers that question.
But who are you? And you better not tell me you are Sara’s son too!
Grant
No sir. I’m just a good friend of Sara’s. Anyone mind if I change the music on this thing? (He
Ben
You’re Grant?
Scene 2
(Mr. Owens and Ethan are sitting together talking. Charlie is looking through the
photo album. Andy is frantically trying to open the door. He looks like he needs
some fresh air badly. Another R&B song is playing on the Ipod. Ben and Grant
Ben
Grant
Ben
You know, Sara was quite fond of you. I hope you know that.
Grant
Yeah, I do. She was a pretty cool lady. I miss her a lot.
Ben
Black?
Ben
Yes - that, but also how young you are. Well, I hope this goes without saying, but Andy doesn’t
need to know that your, ahh… “relationship” continued up until her death.
Grant
But it didn’t, we hadn’t slept with each other for the last 6 months, since she got really sick. I’d
Ben
Well, if Andy asks, you haven’t “known” Sara - in the biblical sense - for well over a year, since
Grant
Andy
Looks like Andy can’t handle the fact that his blushing bride-to-be had carnal relations with a
Ben
Charlie, in case you’ve forgotten, let me remind you that you are a racist!
Charlie
Bullshit. I have nothing against blacks, but some things that are just plain wrong, like interracial
or homosexual relationships.
Ben
But screwing around with half the secretarial pool at the law office is ok? Classy, Charlie.
Charlie
At least I didn’t stab my best friend in the back by sleeping with his wife!
Mr. Owens
Charlie, I can’t believe I actually agree with you on something. Not about your fight with Ben,
but with the whole gay thing. Two men together – that is just wrong. The bible says so.
(Ethan suddenly stands up and moves away from Mr. Owens and towards the
door. Andy stops playing with the door and gives Ethan an understanding look).
Ethan
Andy
We just need for someone to hear us. What is through that other door? Can someone check?
Charlie
I will.
(He exits through the other door, leaving the door open. Yelling back into the
main room)
It’s an office of some sort, there is a bathroom in here if anyone needs one, and a refrigerator.
Good, we won’t die of thirst – plenty to drink in here. But it is a dead end, not even a window.
Ben
I have an idea on how to reach somebody. I’ve got a weak signal but let’s give it a try.
Andy
Grant
Me too.
Mr. Owens
phone continues to ring several times and Ben gets a worried look on his face).
Charlie
Hello?
(He walks out of the office with a land line phone in one hand and a six pack of
Ben
Oh shit. Please don’t tell me that’s the only phone in this place?
(Charlie shrugs, puts the six pack on the table, opens one for himself)
Charlie
Mr. Owens
Ben, try 911. Until someone else tries to attend the viewing, we are stuck.
Ethan
Ben
I don’t think this warrants 911 quite yet. Plus, I just lost all signal.
But don’t worry. I’m sure the Director will check on us soon.
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Ethan
Andy
Ben
Grant
Well, if we arn’t getting out of here, we might as well pay our respects properly.
Andy
Ethan
(Looking at Grant)
I do.
Ben
So Ben, mom never finished the story about what happened with you two. She said you were in
love, and then it was over. What broke you two up?
Charlie
Ben
Jesus Charlie, how can you hate her so much, after everything you did to her first?
Ethan
From what mom said, she was crushed when the relationship changed. She referred to you as
Andy
Ethan
Andy
Mr. Owens
Andy, cut it out will you? This is starting to get interesting. I’d like to hear more about Ben and
Sara.
Andy
Maybe if you had been part of Sara’s life in the last several years, you’d already know what
happened. This can’t be happening to me! I’m stuck here trying to show my respects for my
fiancé and I’m trapped with Daddy Dearest, the Ex Husband from Hell, The Love of her Life,
Her Boy Toy and her Illegitimate Son. God, I need a beer!
(He crosses to the table and opens a beer and chugs it down)
Charlie
(whispering to Ben)
Let’s not forget the star attraction – the wimpy fiancé that Sara only agreed to marry after finding
Ben
Andy. Calm down, and slow down on that beer! It hasn’t been that long, someone will be by
Andy
Grant
Amen.
(He stands up, kisses his fingers, leans over and touches his fingers to Sara’s mouth)
Mr. Owens
Grant
Mr. Owens
Grant
Walls, ceilings, houses; you know, latex paints and stains. That’s how I met Sara; she asked me
Charlie
So that’s what happened. Sara dumped Ben for a Boy Toy? Three years ago - isn’t that when you
two split?
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Ben
Nice try Charlie. But we broke up in the spring. I don’t believe Sara hired Grant until the fall,
Grant
Had to be, cause I was still with the Falcon’s, up until September. I got cut then, moved back
here and then started painting. Sara was the 2nd job I got.
Andy
(impressed)
Grant
Yeah. Two seasons. Special teams mostly. My big 15 minutes of fame was in my second year - I
Andy
Holy shit! I remember you! Grant Holloway? Yeah – I had the Falcon’s defense that year on my
Grant
I got injured in practice right before the season started. Compound fracture - my leg.
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Andy
Wow, what a shame. Isn’t that’s the same injury that forced Joe Theismann to retire?
Grant
Yeah. I was just a little kid when that happened but I remember the replay – in slow mo – the hit
Ben
So, why didn’t you play again after your leg healed?
Grant
I’m planning on it. I went to open combines last year, but nobody picked me up. I got to start
training again, get back in playing shape and I’ll try out again this next year coming up.
Charlie
(Charlie walks over to the table and changes the Ipod to different music. We now
Yes! Country music! At least Sara still had some good taste in music.
Ethan
Ben, can I ask you one more question about mom? You two loved each other, were even talking
about getting married and suddenly it is over. I know you initiated the split but it couldn’t have
been because mom did anything wrong, otherwise, why would you stay close friends?
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Ben
Charlie
I’d like to hear this answer too. Ben, the all American guy. A man everyone looks up to, whom
everyone respects, someone you would trust with your life savings or your wife…
Ben
Ethan, Sara was the best thing that ever happened to me. Not a day goes by where I question
what I did three years ago. Or six years ago, when we first fell in love.
(Angrily)
Charlie – you have no idea, because you were blind, you still are! Sara tried desperately to get
you to stop fooling around. I helped her. Don’t you remember all of those times I told you about
some girl you had your eye on, and I said she was trailer trash? I knew you’d never sleep with
anyone with a reputation! I did it to try and discourage you from cheating on Sara. God – she
was at wits end and she came to me wanting to know what she could do about it. And I didn’t
know how to answer her. You were my best friend but I had no idea why you felt the need to
step out on this perfect woman. She was bright, fun to be with, full of feminine energy and loyal.
Yes, she was loyal. But she could only take so much from you Charlie. She and I didn’t plan to
fall in love. I know – everyone says that after it happens. But we didn’t. We fell in love with
each other well before we ever fell into bed. The mental affair started about a year before we
(Calmer)
26
When you discovered what was going on and confronted her, I was terrified that she would end
our affair and stay with you. When she chose me over you, it was the hardest day of my life. I
was incredibly relieved to still have her but I felt the intense guilt of what I did to you. And no
matter how much I loved her, no matter that I could justify it because I knew what an ass you
had been to her, that guilt never went away. I knew I needed her in my life but the price of the
Charlie
Maybe you should have thought about that before climbing into her bed…our bed.
You know, I can forgive Sara because you are right, you are all right – I treated her like dirt for
most of our marriage. But you? What the fuck did I ever do to you? We were like brothers!
Mr. Owens
So Ethan, bring me a beer and tell me about your life. What is your family, your adoptive family
like?
Ethan
(Gets a beer and hands it to Mr. Owens, who attempts to open it but can’t due to
his arthritis. Ethan sees this and takes the beer back, opens it and hands it back to
Mr. Owens)
Well, they live in Texas, my dad and my sister. My mother, my adopted mother, died when I was
5 years old, so I really don’t know or remember her well. I guess that is why I wanted to find
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Sara, I mean mom, because I didn’t... Anyway, my father tried to raise us alone but it was hard.
He spent too much time making money so that we had nice things and never took the time to get
Mr. Owens
Ethan
My sister Gail, she’s two years older than me, she left home when she was 19 and started
searching for her birth parents. It took her 4 years but when Gail finally found her mom, she
called me and told me about this adoption search website online. I went in and signed up and
mom was already registered, so I was lucky, I didn’t have to wait at all.
Ben
Ethan
I don’t know. He doesn’t know I’ve even left the state. I haven’t seen or talked to him since my
20th birthday. He basically kicked me out of his house, and out of his life. He doesn’t understand
me.
Grant
Man, I hear ya. My old man didn’t get me either. “What you wanna to go play football for?
That’s a waste of time! Come work at the steel mill. That’s real man’s work!” He didn’t
Ethan
My father would have loved it if I had played football. I just never had any interest in sports.
Andy
God, I always wanted to play football, or have a son who played football. I was always smaller
Mr. Owens
Ethan
I had to drop out of college when I left home. But I started attending classes after I moved here,
mom was paying for it. I’m working on a degree in computer technology.
Mr. Owens
So, you got a girlfriend here? If you really are like my younger brother, you have the girls
Ethan
No, no girlfriend here, though I have someone special in Texas. Does anyone want more beer?
Mr. Owens
Andy
(purposely interrupting)
Ethan, I’ll take another beer but the six pack is out. Can you get another one?
Ethan
No, not yet. I might as well get this off my chest and say it now.
Andy
Mr. Owens
Charlie
And just what other surprises do you have in store for us darling?
(Lights Out)
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Scene Three:
(The room looks the same; the rock/hip hop music is back on. Mr. Owens and
Charlie are sitting off to one side together. Ethan is hip hop dancing to the music
while the other men watch. There are now three 6 packs of beer on the table and
Andy
Who cares if you can’t play football? Wow Ethan, I’m impressed! You are a great dancer!
Ethan
(stops dancing)
Thanks. Yeah, it is a lot of fun. I’ve learned so many new moves since coming up to this area.
Charlie
Why didn’t you learn a real man’s dance, like the country 2-step then? Oh yeah, never mind…
Ben
Mr. Owens
Listen Ethan, you are my grandson. That, itself is, hard enough to accept right now, but I can’t
Ethan
That’s good, because I didn’t choose it. It is not a decision anyone makes. It just is.
Charlie
That is bullshit, if you wanted to; you could like women. You folks just don’t have the proper
Ben
Charlie, you are so wrong. And because you are not only ignorant, but stubborn, I’ll direct my
comments to Mr. Owens. Ethan is right; homosexuality is not something you grow into or out
of. It isn’t a path you chose to take, it was determined well before Ethan was even born.
Charlie
Ethan
IT ISN’T A LIFESTYLE! How come no one ever says straight people have a ‘lifestyle”? Why
am I the only one here defined by my sexuality? Rather than look at who I love, isn’t it more
important that I am a loving person, and that includes loving lots of people, including mom?
Mr. Owens
I’ve never known anyone gay before. I mean, not personally. Back in my day – when I was your
age Ethan, we didn’t have these issues in our face every day. I suppose there were folks who
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were gay, but they kept it quiet. But you are family now, and God help me, I don’t want to screw
up my relationship with the only living descendant I’ve got, so let me try and help you. Tell me,
have you really tried? I mean with girls, that is. Maybe you haven’t met the right one yet?
Ben
Charlie
(Mr. Owens shakes his head yes, but not as sure as he once was).
Ben
Well, that means we all have the choice, right? If Ethan chooses to be gay, then I’ve chosen to
Charlie
(Stands up)
Ben
So, just like I decided to wear my blue suit today rather than my black one, sexual orientation is
another – albeit more complicated - choice that we all make. That also means I can change my
mind, right? After all, that is the definition of having a choice, and you both feel that Ethan could
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change his mind, if he wanted to. So that means I too have the free will to change my mind.
Right? So, I’m going to exercise that choice right now. I am going to change my mind and
decide to be gay, and with that decision, I’ll now be attracted to men. Got it?
Charlie
If that is what you want to do, go for it! Too bad you didn’t do that 6 years ago when - (Ben
grabs Charlie by the suit collar, pulls him close and kisses him straight on the
lips. Charlie is so stunned, it takes him a couple of seconds to realize what has
Jesus, what the fuck are you doing? You stay away from me!
Ben
Nope…it didn’t work. I tried to change my mind but I’m still not attracted to men. Sorry, just
isn’t going to happen, even if you were a good kisser Charlie, it just can’t happen.
Mr. Owens
(Still laughing)
Excellent point Ben! Ok, so if I believe that homosexuals have the ability to chose their sexual
attraction, than that means I too have a choice. But I don’t. That is something I couldn’t change
no matter what.
Grant
whether or not we gonna lay down with someone and get all sweaty and swap bodily fluids.
Right? No one put a gun to your head Charlie, when you screwed all those women, and no one
forced Ben, me or Andy to sleep with Sara, yet none of us were married to her. We chose too
cause we wanted to. But, if we had different morals, we mighta said no.
Andy
I know what you are trying to say Grant, Ethan can chose not to act on his desires. None of us
chose our desire or attraction to women, just as Ethan didn’t choose his to men. But, although he
may decide to never sleep with another man, it won’t make him any less of a homosexual,
because the desire is still there. That desire is within our soul and what ever is right for you, is
Mr. Owens
Ethan, I’m sorry son. I can’t pretend to fully understand all of this right now, but I can certainly
Ethan
(They hug. Ethan looks at Charlie who refuses to acknowledge his stare. He then
(The men are all noticeably getting drunk, and none of them seem to mind the fact
that they are still trapped in the room with a dead body. Soft music is back on the
Ipod.)
Andy
Only you and me are old enough to remember that Superbowl! Damn Joe Namath! He sure had
some balls to pull that win off! Good choice Mr. Owens.
Mr. Owens
Call me Richard, ok? All this Mr. Owens stuff makes me feel old. So, how about you Ben, name
Ben
Andy
Yeah, that was Superbowl XX. Good one. OK Grant, Mr. Football, how about you?
Grant
I was in college. The Titans/St. Louis game. Mike Jones has the perfect tackle on Kevin Dyson.
Man, Dyson was a maniac on the field! So here it is, the very end of the game.
clock. He looks up but no touchdown signal and they lost the game! Man, what a heart breaker.
Charlie
Grant
Just one more inch and the Titans would have won!
Andy
Actually, that would have tied the game sending it into overtime. Funny thing, no Superbowl has
ever gone to overtime. Did you guys know that? Ok, Charlie – your favorite?
Charlie
I’ll pick one where the Pats actually won. 2002 – Vinatieri kicking that long field goal on the
final play of the game beating…I can’t remember who they beat, but it was a great game!
Andy
Yeah, that was a 48 yarder – not an easy kick - he was smoking that day! It was against the Bills.
Ethan
I don’t watch SuperBowls, but I do know a trivia fact about SuperBowl 30.
37
Andy
That was Dallas vs. Pittsburg. Let me guess – First time the MVP award went to a cornerback?
Ben
Andy, you are a machine. Is there anything about football you don’t know?
Grant
Yeah man, you are scary! I thought I knew a lot about football!
Andy
It’s just a passion with me, what can I say? So, Ethan, what was it about SuperBowl XXX?
Ethan
Well, because they number SuperBowls using Roman Numerals, the official website for
SuperBowl 30 was a locked out website for many commercial internet proxy servers.
Charlie
Because of the triple X for the number 30? They thought it was porn?
Ethan
Yep! Servers were reconfigured to allow the word Superbowl preceded by the triple X.
Mr. Owens
Grant
Andy
Well, I’m a big Redskin fan so it has to be Superbowl XVII against the Dolphins. They’re down
by 7. It’s 4th and 1 and Theismann hands off the ball to “The Diesel”, John Riggins, who not only
gets the first down, but manages to hit the sideline escaping the grip of the DB and runs 43 yards
for a TD!
(Grant interjects with an “oh yeah!” and the two act out the run, and missed
tackle and TD in slow motion. The two guys are high fiving each other whiles the
What a game!
(Andy and Grant are leaning on the coffin, “recovering” from their football
moment).
Mr. Owens
Anyone mind if we change the music again? I think all this testosterone calls for something more
upbeat!
(murmurs of “no problem”, “sure”, “go for it”. Mr. Owens stands up and goes
to the Ipod.)
Sure, no problem. First you have to unlock it, then we can look and see what other songs or
(He continues to show Mr. Owens and we hear several snippets of music as they
Ben
I’m going to see if I can get some signal for my phone in the other room
(He walks into the other room, leaving Grant and Andy standing at Sara’s coffin,
Andy
You know Grant, I know that you and Sara were, um, lovers.
Grant
Yeah man, but that was over when you got together.
Andy
No it wasn’t. I know that for a fact. Because I told her it was ok to continue to see you.
Grant
Grant
Hey man, she loved you. We talked all the time bout you; man, you rocked her world.
Andy
Really? She talked about me all the time? Wow. God, she was the best thing that ever happened
to me. I was incredibly lucky to have her in my life, even if it was for such a short period of time.
You know, we met in the doctor’s office. She had just gotten diagnosed with cancer and I was
Grant
Wow man, she never said anything to me about that. What a bummer. Sorry bout that.
Andy
I’m lucky to be alive, so it didn’t seem like such a big deal at the time I had all those radical
treatments. And after we met, I fell in love with Sara so fast, but knew I would lose her if I
couldn’t keep her happy in every respect. She was simply too vibrant of a woman.
Grant
I feel bad man. I mean, she was really sexy…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that to you.
But she was. We had a great connection between us, but we both had our walls up too. I was still
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in love with football after being cut and she still was in love with Ben, hurt from him walking
out, so neither one of us wanted anything deep or emotional. Even if we did, nothing would
have…cause of how old she was…I mean, how young I am. But we were both cool with that…
You know, she made me feel special, for who I was as a person, not just cause I was good in bed
or cause I played football. She was so easy to talk to…I miss that. I figured when you two
started getting tight, that she’d tell me to get lost, but she never did. But then the cancer got real
bad…I’m sorry man. You know, if I had met you while she was alive…
Andy
No apologies needed. Like I said, I gave her permission. It is interesting, she talked a little about
you but never gave me a clue about who you are. I didn’t know much besides your name and
when and how you met. Not that I wanted any details, but I wished she had told me more about
you. At least that you played football! But I could tell that she admired you and that you held a
special place in her heart. I guess that is why I freaked out so much when I met you. I’ve had
this fantasy in my head that you were just like me. When I met you and saw how different you
Grant
Don’t man. You were the answer to her prayers. You made the last year of her life – as hard as it
was – worth living. And you and me ain’t all that different, we both love the game!
Andy
Maybe so. So, she really talked about me all the time?
42
Grant
Yeah, but she forgot to tell me you’re a football genius. Ok - Superbowl XXII?
Andy
Grant
Andy
Grant
Ya know, you’re a maniac. That’s a good thing. I mean, it’s like you live and breathe football but
you never played the game. I don’t know if I could handle that. I mean, to know for sure that I’ll
never play again? But maybe I’m just fooling myself, cause no one is knocking on my door now.
Andy
Look at me - I could have never been a pro athlete. Ok, maybe a jockey, but not football! And
even the best players in the league don’t play forever. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still be
passionate about the game. Every fall I coach a pee-wee football team and every spring, I referee
a girl’s flag football league. And I run a fantasy football league as well. How much more
(Grant/Andy bump knuckles and Grant walks away to get another beer)
Andy
(Lights Out)
44
Scene 5:
(Everyone but Ben is seen on stage, Mr. Owens is sitting with Ethan. Andy and
Grant are looking through the photo album. Charlie is alone, near the open office
Charlie
Mr. Owens
(A toilet flushes)
Charlie
Andy
What?
Charlie
(laughing)
Ben had this reputation for being able to clear the dorm out when ever he went to the bathroom. I
Grant
Charlie
Trust me, it is only going to get worse! He usually flushes twice and thus he’s only half way
Mr. Owens
Ethan
Andy
Grant
Man, I need to let a few farts go – it might help improve the smell in here.
Ethan
Yeah, maybe if we all did, we could get rid of the Big Ben Bomb!
46
Mr. Owens
We should all fart in Ben’s face, give him a taste of his own medicine.
Grant
(Ethan hands him one, and Grant holds one beer bottle beneath each nostril).
Mr. Owens
(All the men quickly open another beer or two and end holding beer bottles
beneath their noses when the toilet flushes again and Ben walks out of the office)
Ben
Charlie
Counter attack against the legendary pungent Big Ben! What else are we to do, no windows to
Ben
Yes it is!
47
Ben
Mr. Owens
You want to hear something funny? The worst gas I ever smelled was from Sara’s mother. Man,
Grant
Yeah, how come girls always pretend they don’t fart? They do, they just try and hide it. Who
Charlie
One of those masculine traits. Like guys not talking about their feelings or admit that they cry.
Ethan
I cried when mom died, and also when I met her for the first time.
Mr. Owens
I cried when Sara’s mom died. Of course that was very sudden and unexpected. And I cried
when Sara was born. But knowing for so long that she was going to die, and then having her
I had enough for both of us. Floodgates. I guess I secretly thought she’d beat the odds and prove
Ethan
You know guys, I feel there is so much about mom that I don’t know. And I don’t know where to
begin to find out. But this seems like a pretty good group to start with. Mr. Owens, tell me a
Mr. Owens
OK. I remember back when she was just 10 years old. I wasn’t around much then. You know –
typical dad - left the parenting to her mom while I went out and earned a dollar or two. I came
home late from work one night and the living room was a mess. Paper and magic markers all
over the place. I knew it was Sara, there were drawings of horses and rainbows, stuff that 10 year
olds draw. But there were also pages and pages with writing on them. She had written the names
of some of her friends, and then added words next to each letter – sort of her description of those
friends. Like her friend Pat, she wrote: perfect, awesome, terrific, for P – A – T. They were
(He pulls out his wallet, opens it and pulls out an old piece of paper with the
Ethan
“RICHARD – Reliable, Interesting, Cool, Handsome, Awesome, Responsible, Dad…I love you
Mr. Owens
Keep it Ethan. I’ve got it memorized and will never forget it. It’s probably the only thing of your
mom’s that I have from when she was young, besides photos.
Ethan
Grant
I have this memory of Sara...it’s nothing, but, ya know, I’ll always remember it. It was the third
day on the job for her. She was always home, hanging inside, but was good about bringing me
stuff to drink, or offering me food. She was cool that way, didn’t know me from Adam, yet
treated me with a lot of respect. This one day, I took a break and was sitting on the deck, away
from where I was painting. And I could see straight into the house through these glass doors.
Sara was there, she was wearing her Ipod, and dancing and singing to some song. Man, she was
sexy…I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, but she was. She was dancing, sort of slow
and sexy, like she didn’t give a shit about anything but the music. After a couple of minutes of
watching her, she sees me. I felt bad, like I was a peeping Tom or something, so I quickly looked
away. She started walking towards me and came out on the deck. I thought she was gonna fire
me on the spot. But she didn’t. She just said, “You like to dance?” I said, “Yeah,” and then she
asked if I liked Stevie. She don’t say Stevie Wonder or nothing, just Stevie, like she on a first
name basis with the man. I said “Yeah” and she said, “Ok then, let’s dance.” She come over to
me, takes one of those ear things out of her ear, puts it in mine, then put her arms around my
50
neck and starts dancin’. Here we are, strangers and slow dancing to Stevie Wonder, and no one
Ben
I remember a time, early on in our relationship. You know how you go through that stage where
you have to be on your best behavior, you don’t want your new woman finding out how weird
you are –
Charlie
Ben
Yeah, what ever Charlie. Don’t get me started on your habits. Anyway, I was totally smitten with
Sara and feeling like a kid who had just won the lottery. I left her sleeping in bed and I went
downstairs to the kitchen to make us breakfast. Grant - your dancing story made me think of this
moment. I’m there in the kitchen, chopping peppers for an omelet, and I’m singing some silly
song and dancing around, because I’m so damn happy I can’t stand it. But I can’t sing worth shit.
And my dancing isn’t much better, I’m sure I looked and sounded like a horse who just broke his
leg or something. Sure enough – I turn to get something out of the refrigerator, and there she is,
standing on the stairs watching me. And the look on her face was not one of shock, concern, or
even amusement, but - how do I say this…she had this look of pure acceptance, appreciation,
and love. She later told me that was the moment when she realized that she was in love with me.
Charlie
Ok, I guess since I am the skirt chasing, foul mouthed, horrible ex-husband, you guys don’t think
I can come up with something positive to say about Sara, huh? But I can. Sara was one of the
51
most compassionate people I’ve ever met, when it came to animals. She could run over a
grandmother, if the old lady took too long crossing the street, but if it was a snake in the road,
she’d wait and let it slither out of the way first. I remember this one Sunday, we were dropping
off some mail at the post office. We were parked in the parking lot and Sara got out of the car
with the letters and walked across to the mailboxes. I see her drop the mail suddenly and rush
over to the edge of the parking lot, near this big tree. She’s on her knees looking at something.
Then she got up, looked up into the tree, then turned toward me and with a frantic look on her
face, waved me over. I got out of the car and by the time I got over to her, she was almost
hysterical. It seems this baby bird fell out of a nest in the tree. And Sara is crying because it is
helpless. The mother bird is no where around so I tell her to just pick it up and we’ll get it on the
grass so that it is comfortable. She tells me we can’t do that. If we touch the bird, the mother will
know and will ignore him and let him die. So I say leave it, and she’ll come back. Sara says no,
a cat could come and kill it or someone will come into the parking lot and run him over. By this
time, she’s really crying she is so upset. She asked if we could stay. Sara wanted to sit in the
car, far enough away so the mother bird wouldn’t be scared, but close enough to watch over him
and make sure that nothing bad would happen to him. And that is what we did. We got back into
the car, and she curled up in my arms, and cried softly for this tiny bird. I remember stroking her
hair, holding her tight and telling her how much I loved her. I think it was the last time I said
Ethan
Funny thing, we both fell asleep. I woke up around midnight, didn’t see the bird anywhere. So I
woke her up and told her the mother bird finally came back and the baby was now safe. I had to
lie to her. If I had told her that I too had fallen asleep and didn’t know where the bird was, I
swear she would have put out a search party for it. And I was too scared to walk over there and
Ben
Interesting. Sara told me that same story Charlie. In her version, you were the hero. You were the
one who insisted on staying to make sure the bird would be ok, not her. I guess she wasn’t the
Andy
I have too many memories to mention. Plus, if I hear any more stories about this amazing
(Andy stands up, moves away from the men and starts to cry)
Sorry guys, too much beer, too many memories and the realization that I’ll never see or talk to
her again. Ah shit. I don’t what I’m going to do without her. I miss her so much!
(As Andy continues to cry, Grant stands first, walks over to Andy and hugs him.
Ethan follows, then Mr. Owens, then Ben and finally Charlie. They are all
Ok, ok…I can’t breath, you guys can stop hugging me now!!
Come on Andy, if you wanna be a football player, you got learn to enjoy a good huddle!
Charlie
Yeah, and I was finally getting comfortable with the whole gay thing.
Don’t even think about it. You weren’t that good of a kisser either!
Ethan
Thanks guys. For the stories about mom. I think we all got a lot out of them, especially me. And
I can now say I know my mom and what made her a special person.
Charlie
What the? The door is locked from this side? And how did you happen to have the key?
(All of the men besides Ethan suddenly turn and look over to the casket and
exclaim things like “Sara, how did you pull this off?” and “even dead, you
manage to have your way”, as Ethan walks over and unlocks the door)
Ethan
Sorry guys. I hated to trick you all, but mom had specific instructions on who to have here and
what to do.
54
Ben
Mr. Owens
Charlie
Grant
(No one leaves the room. Finally, Ben walks over to Sara’s coffin.)
Ben
So, hey you, the love of my life and best friend – I’m going to miss you. Hell, I already do.
Charlie
Damn, she was something, wasn’t she? Looking at her now, I can finally understand how you
(Charlie walks away, goes to put his coat on and starts to leave)
It was nice…no let’s say very interesting meeting all of you. Take Care.
Charlie, wait up. I’ll walk out with you. Grant, it was nice to meet you. Mr. Owens, it was good
to see you again. Andy, you too. Take care. Ethan, you have my phone number and email
address, I expect you to keep in touch. Good night everyone, see you tomorrow at the funeral.
Grant
(He kisses his hand and touches her lips. As he is leaving, Andy approaches him)
Andy
Grant, it was great meeting you. You know – I’ve been to an NFL open combine tryout, as a
spectator, obviously. Let me know when you go, I’d love to see you try out.
Grant
Yeah? Well we may both be going as spectators this year. I’m starting to think about hanging up
my shoulder pads for a while. Maybe forever. But I ain’t giving up the game.
You know, I still got connections in the league. I’m sure I could scrape up a couple of Redskin
Andy
(pause)
Mr. Owens
Well, I have to say this has been more fun than I’ve had in years! Who would have thought it?
And although I’ve lost a daughter, I’ve gained a grandson. Ethan, I’d like it if you would come to
the house and visit with me on occasion. I can show you pictures of your mom from when she
was growing up and you can tell me how school is going. Ok?
Ethan
Mr. Owens
Andy. Take care. And consider putting another dress on her before she gets buried. God, she
looks so matronly!
Andy
You could never look matronly darling. Good bye, and I love you.
I’ve got to talk to the funeral home director about tomorrow’s service. I’ll be back in a few
Ethan
I’ll be fine.
I’m not alone. I’m with my mom. And I’ve got new friends and family surrounding me. All
(Lights out)