Managing your Teenager

Your teenage childs brain is transitioning from childhood to adulthood. According to teen psychologists, teens are biologically driven to be impulsive and stubborn. However, your child also wants your approval and respect, and they need to know that you are there for them. Remind them frequently that you love them and want the best for them, and keep your reactions proportionate if they disobey you. Your teenage child needs to know what you expect of them. Set clear limits for them and establish the consequences of overstepping them. Teens are old enough to understand and value logical reasoning, so your child is more likely to respect your rules if they know why you set them. Phrase everything to emphasize your love for them and your concern for their well-being. For example, say "Call if you're going to be home late, so I don't worry about you," rather than "Call every two hours, or I'll take away your phone." Instead of punishing your child when they disobeys you or fail to complete a job, allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. Arbitrary punishments will probably make them resentful and less likely to trust and respect you, while logical or natural consequences can convince them that discipline is in their best interests. For example, instead of forcing them to prepare for a group project, point out nonjudgmentally that they will be embarrassed in front of their group if they are unprepared. Then, if they do embarrass themselves, give them suggestions on how they can prepare better next time. Your child may resist your attempts to instill discipline if you do not give them some opportunities to decide things for themselves. Explain to your child that they can have more freedom when they demonstrate an adult level of responsibility. If they participate in household jobs, complete their schoolwork on time and maintain good grades, give them permission to determine their own schedule or stay out later at night. Point out that you don't need to discipline them if they are able to be mature and responsible on their own. Your overall goal as you discipline your child is probably to increase their level of personal responsibility. Ultimately, you want your child to grow into a competent and reliable adult. Explain this to them, and remind them that you expect them to demonstrate more and more self-discipline as they get older. They need to know that you respect them and that you love and support them. Talk to them patiently and clearly about how they can win your trust as young adults. This will show them that discipline is about their safety and success, not about punishment. Teenagers are notoriously hard to deal with, especially when it comes to responsibility and discipline. Walking the fine line between childhood and adulthood, most teens struggle to assert their own free will, resulting in rebellion against their parents. The best way to think of punishment rules for difficult teenagers is to first set the ground rules with your teen and point out the consequences, so your teens know beforehand what type of offense will merit certain undesirable consequences. Your rules should always be spelled out clearly in a home contract that both you and your teen signs, A contract allows you to imagine different scenarios and present proper punishment for each instance of bad behavior. This allows both you and your teen to communicate about behavior and punishment so you are on the same page, without misunderstanding. Revoking privileges is an ideal way to punish your difficult teen. As a minor under your care, it is up to you to say what your difficult teen can and can't do. Hanging out with friends, driving the car and having a loose curfew are all privileges, and you shouldn't feel bad about removing them when your teen has been difficult. They will soon learn that those privileges are earned through hard work and trustworthiness. Most teens are fairly addicted to technology, since it is typically how they communicate with others. Removing your teen's ability to communicate through technology can help them spend some time without

the distraction of friends to think about their difficult behavior. Take away the computer, cell phone, home phone or gaming device until they commit to better behavior. Giving your teen added responsibility when they have been difficult may seem counterintuitive. But by adding to their list of responsibilities, such as taking care of the home, washing the car or caring for smaller siblings, you give your teen a purpose around the home. While they'll likely balk at the idea of more chores, it will teach them that difficult behavior only nets them more in the way of responsibility, which ultimately cuts back on their freedom and time with friends. When your teen is in trouble at school, your first instinct is to contact the teachers and principal to see what you can do to make things better. But sometimes rushing to your difficult teen's rescue only teaches them that they needn't feel responsible for their actions, knowing you'll swoop in and clean up the mess. Instead, allow natural consequences to occur. It may be hard at first, but it's the only way that your child will learn to be accountable. This is an ideal form of punishment. Teen problems can seem overwhelming for parents and adolescents alike. Insecurity about his appearance, friends, which college he has chosen or plans for the weekend might blow up into a major issue for your teen one moment and fade into history the next. You can help your teen understand and deal with his problems by establishing good communication patterns and treating his worries with a good dose of empathy mixed with equal portions of adult wisdom and patience. Read about the physical and emotional changes teenagers go through, and try to remember your own experience. Your child probably feels as confused as you might about her struggle for independence, sudden preoccupation with appearance and desire to fit in with her peers. Not every teen becomes a rebellious stranger, but pediatricians suggest that parents ready themselves for mood swings and conflict during adolescence, according to Kids Health. Knowing what you might face will help you prepare Identify and address the problem, but avoid making assumptions. The solution to your teen's problem depends on the underlying cause. You might feel your teen was defying authority or foolishly choosing video games over education when he cut classes one Friday afternoon. Further questioning might reveal a bullying issue at school that made him afraid to attend physical education class. On the other hand, he might have given into pressure and spent the afternoon at the movies with his peer group. Build your teen's self-esteem every chance you get. Avoid comparing her to others. Instead, address her individual style and personality. Help her develop a healthy self-image by praising her efforts on the track team, kindness to her siblings or refusal to give up on a difficult homework assignment. Compliment her new hairstyle, beautiful smile or gorgeous eyes. Inner attributes such as honesty or integrity are obviously important, but teenagers also need to hear positive comments about their appearance. Talk with your teen about some of the problems you faced as an adolescent. Avoid telling him how silly his current worries over hairstyles, clothing and friends will seem once he reaches adulthood. Instead, share with him how miserable you felt when you found that first pimple or did not make the cut for your high school swim team. Being honest about your teen experience helps relieve his feelings of isolation. You also become living proof that the angst of adolescence is only a temporary condition. Continue your role as parent. Your teen needs you to act as a guardian, coach and advocate rather than another friend. Sympathize with the difficulties she faces, but maintain your expectations regarding household rules, grades and respect for authority. Solve problems when possible or appropriate. Your teen's acne can cause debilitating social stress. Physicians can prescribe treatments that might diminish or clear acne lesions. Many teens face weight issues, which can severely damage self-esteem. Look for a program that emphasizes balanced nutrition and appropriate exercise routines rather than weight loss.

Watch for warning signs that might indicate your teenager is experiencing more than a temporary problem. Rapidly falling grades, signs of alcohol or drug use, drastic or persistent changes in behavior and sudden legal difficulties can signal the need for professional advice. Talk with teachers, coaches or your family physician, and find the appropriate resources to help. A teenager is at a crucial stage of development, and the volatile nature of the child's emotions may cause the parents to worry. However, teenagers go through many emotions, some of which are stronger than others. Helping them handle these emotions can prepare them for adulthood. During this time, it is important for parents to aid their teenage children and help them develop the skills to manage the emotions. Educate yourself about the developmental changes your child is going through. Be empathetic and try to relate to the child's emotions. Prepare yourself by reading books on teenagers Create an open environment in your home. If your child has questions about her sexual development, answer them honestly. Tell her that it's alright to be self-conscious and ensure her that you are available for help. Encourage the teenager to participate in extracurricular activities. This helps her socialize better and keeps her engaged in constructive activities. Children involved in academics or sports activities are happier and less aggressive. Support the child's social involvement by being a part of it. For instance, if you are part of a same sports group as your child, it creates a healthier social outlet for him. Give the teenager a journal. She can express her emotions in one and vent them in a healthy and constructive manner. Pick your battles carefully. It is always better to let your teen do something harmless like dyeing his hair or joining an outrageous garage band than to antagonize him and push him toward breaking rules. All these situations that we face during managing Teen troubles has often, if not always, to do with the emotional status of both, the parents and the child. Emotional stability can only be expected on a sound foundation of spirituality and moral responsibility. Both, the parent and the child need to learn the art of Positive Thinking You are what you think! This simple but accurate statement indicates that what we say, what we do, and what we feel all have their origin in the mind. The energy of the human mind is one of the greatest, but least understood energy resources of the universe. When we understand and harness this energy, we possess the keys to happiness and contentment as well as to improving our relationships and circumstances. POSITIVE THINKING: MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR BEST FRIEND How we think about our self and how we use our mind immediately affects our relationship both with our self and others. Trust, love, respect, understanding, and good communication characterize any good relationship. Are we our own good friend and companion? Thoughts are like seeds. Loving and happy thoughts produce beautiful flowers and nourishing fruits; or thoughts can be spiteful and depressed, producing painful brambles or poisonous weeds. We can master our life by producing those fruits which are wholesome, attractive and nourishing, and which give us the most happiness and contentment.

POSITIVE THINKING COURSE THE AIM

Rajyoga Meditation as taught by the Brahmakumaris Ishvaria Vishwavidyalaya is one of the ideal way to get complete control on ones mind and body and thus enjoy total physical, mental, social and spiritual wellbeing.
The aim of the Positive Thinking course is to give you an understanding of the nature of thought. You will learn methods for being more positive and constructive at home, at work and in your relationships with your teens. Topics covered include Understanding the energy of thought, Getting to know the mind, Taking control of lifes experiences, Developing self esteem, Creating ones own reality and Making daily living a positive experience.

Managing a troubled teen also causes lot of mental and physical stress. Here again, by learning to meditate, you can get rid of most of your stress. Stress Free Living Stress has been identified as a leading cause of many physical and psycho-social problems. Largely psychological, rather than physical in origin and therefore much more difficult to prevent and remedy, Modern stress affects nearly all of us at some point in our lives. Regardless of its origins, stress drains our physical, emotional and mental energy. Several myths exist about the causes of stress and the most effective ways of dealing with it. A StressFree Living seminar can free you from these illusions and misconceptions and give you a new perspective. You will learn how to: Identify different levels of stress and rise above them to create a relaxed mind and body; Protect yourself from negative influences; Gain confidence in dealing with difficult relationships; Empower your ability to respond effectively in high stake situations.

The troubled teen most often than not is affected by a low self-esteem. Rajyoga meditation would help them to regain that self-esteem and be very well equipped to deal with all sorts of emotional upheavals in the future. Real self-esteem is when, no matter what anyone says or does, you can respond positively. You do not need to get upset because you value yourself. With self-esteem you can progress in life with spirituality, empowerment and leadership. This is a dynamic and interactive course focusing on experiencing and accepting the eternal inner beauty within each one of us, and living it powerfully and consciously in all life's relationships. THE SELF-ESTEEM COURSE IS DIVIDED INTO FOUR PARTS: Identifying factors which influence self -esteem The effect of our words and actions on our self -esteem

 Valuing and expressing the inner self Accepting the real self and living in self-esteem And finally, the most common expression of all our frustrations and failures in our ability to manage our relationships is ANGER. Meditation has a profound effect in controlling and managing this vice. Overcoming Anger Anger is an expression of inner pain; an indication that all is not well in our world. It is one of the most powerful and destructive emotions. Whether it seeps out in the form of irritation and resentment, or explodes in full rage, it causes damage to us and to others. Anger also has many subtle faces which influence our behavior and our relationships. How can we change the anger within and use our energy in more positive ways? This anger management course will cover the following: Understanding the underlying causes of anger The effects of anger on our well-being Using our energy in a more productive way Learning Rajyoga Meditation leads to a deeper understanding of yourself, your intrinsic positive qualities and your innate value. In time, this understanding becomes a natural part of your day to day awareness, constructively influencing how you see yourself and how you relate to your world. In the process of exploring these universal concepts in the privacy of your own inner world through meditation, you will come to a firsthand awareness of the interconnectedness of the human family and the rights, roles and responsibilities of individuals. This is very important in your spiritual development and will give you a fresh perspective on values such as justice, freedom, respect and love. These in turn, shall be your most valuable assets in managing your relationship with your teen child. The concepts presented in this course are simple yet profound and are accessible to individuals of all backgrounds and beliefs. Simple and honest effort is the only prerequisites for success in meditation. As in any field of endeavor, the rewards of meditation and spiritual study are in proportion to the time and effort you invest. Both you as a parent and your child shall reap a lot of benefit by undergoing such a meditation course from your nearest Rajyoga Meditation Centers. OM SHANTI.

Dr.Somnath Saha, An Anesthesiologist from Alipurduar, West Bengal, attached to the Railway Hospital at Alipurduar Junction. He is an experienced teacher of Rajyoga Meditation, as taught by the Brahmakumaris

Ishvaria Vishwavidyalaya, Mount Abu. Contact: Mobile: 09002052514 Email: somu1966@yahoo.co.in

Facebook: drsomnath66@yahoo.com