Chhavi Swarup (Academic Co-ordinator & Counsellor) GIIS Noida

A Creative Compromise
My dad was a reasonably lenient person. I remember clearly that I generally never used to take advantage of him. But when I touched my pre-teens, I became aggressive and there was a stubborn discussion which took place between us over buying a bicycle and a watch for me. My Dad very categorically told me that he will not get me both the things NOW. I have to earn it by achieving a good percentage in Grade 10th and 12th respectively. That was not the end of my tantrums. I remember I spent the entire week howling and crying and deliberately tried to misbehave. Also tried to talk to my Mom regarding the same issue but realized that both my parents were on the same side. As a parent, now I realize that if both parents have the same view, it really works. After a lot of hue and cry I understood the importance of my responsibilities and I excelled both in 10th and 12th. Therefore I received the bicycle and beautiful watch I had yearned for, from my parents. There is a time for everything my father had said. He was rather looking for the right age and time for me to handle these responsibilities in my life. I wonder nowadays if there is really a time for anything and everything at ANY age.

The question is what is the appropriate age to give CELL PHONES to children? Is it really at the age of 11-12? Parents are usually in a big fix as to when to give their child a cell phone and most importantly when to start trusting them for this responsibility. How far are they willing to join the rut race of making their child the king or queen of gadgets? The problem with giving a phone to a 12 year old is; actually along with ensuring their safety by knowing where they are at all times, you also open up a whole world of problems for them and for yourself. Interaction with strangers becomes a reason of concern. There are others, who will also know where your child is at all times. Moreover there isnt any boundary and time limit to talk to friends and you dont always know who they are messaging and talking to. The repercussions of the above situation can be fatal and various Problems can occur in different forms: 1. Misuse of authority 2. Flaunting the gadget(s) amongst the peer group 3. No value for money 4. Defuse the willingness to earn the incentive 5. Confused state of mind 6. Exposed to inculcating wrong deeds 7. Escalation of expectations and demands from parents 8. Behavioural attitudes and changes due to possession of not suitable for age group 9. Exposure to bad elements, wrong people, getting involved in relationships at an early age 10. Hiding/lying about whereabouts from parents 11. Language skills are being reduced (the messaging text has shrunk to short forms of the words) 12. The study says that radiation causes serious illness which children are more prone to than adults. It is important to explore both sides to truly examine the situation and the necessity of the machine. Lets see the other side of the coin.

When I say A Creative Compromise it means to resolve conflicts amicably within the family. It is very essential that both the parties feel comfortable to talk. Compromise means opening yourself to the possibility that there is always a better way to look towards the problem and require each one us to be willing to view at things from another persons perspective---to accept that there is never just one way of seeing things and finally find a generous solution. Parents and children both need to understand that the word COMPROMISE doesnt really mean giving in to the other persons point of view and it certainly doesnt mean being weak. I will shift to focusing on solutions which require small adjustments in attitude and skills, and the difference will be huge: 1. The cell phone should not exceed the amount to unlimited: Parents need to understand that providing an expensive cell phone at such an early age will invite problems. 2. Monitoring of the cell phones: Check the list of messages and calls (incoming and outgoing) 3. Provide this facility only when they move out of the house: It has become a necessity in todays unsafe world to be in touch with the family members. 4. Refrain them to share their cell number with too many friends 5. Make them understand that it is a necessity not a luxury. 6. Parents should adhere to the full text messaging: Do not use short form for messaging because children do not know where to draw a line and tend to spoil their language skills. 7. Limit the use of cell phones: it is advised to lessen the usage of cell phones for precautionary purposes which extend out not only to our children but us as well. If there is anything that we wish to change in a child, we should first examine it and see whether it could better be changed in ourselves. The choice of whether and when to give cell phones to your child is very personal as it is up to parents to decide if their child is ready for the responsibility and freedom of owning the gadget and it is up to children to ensure they do not abuse the privileges given to them by their parents.