Uganda: A Perfect Mother, Wife and Career Woman in One Shell?

BY AGNES KYOTALENGERIRE AND DIANA KADAMA, 29 MARCH 2013

It is a cool evening and the sound of sprinkling water from a fountain is calming. Women clad in evening attire arrive at intervals and the photographers scramble to take their pictures as they walk over the red carpet. It is a fascinator affair and each woman is given one before she is ushered into the hall. "The expectations from our bosses and family are too high. So how does one balance?" ponders Amelia Kyambadde, the trade and industry minister. "While growing up women are taught to be submissive and caring to their families but along the way things to do not work out," she goes on. Kyambadde says the most challenging bit of her job as the principal private secretary to President Museveni was that she had to be away from her family. "I travelled a lot and it took weeks or even months to return home. I never had time with my children apart from talking on phone," she recollects adding that even during pregnancy she had to work till late. However, in 2010 Kyambadde decided to resign her job and join politics to create time for her family. The panelists: Mbire, Konde Mpyisi and Kagina at the event Allen Kagina, Uganda Revenue Authority commissioner general talks of the most challenging bit of her job as having to travel when a child is sick. "I travelled a lot and I got so worried when I left behind a sick child yet I had to work," Kagina narrates. These were among the testimonies highlighting the challenges working women meet. The experiences were shared during a dinner organised by MTN to recognise working women who have made a contribution in society at Serena Kampala Hotel last Saturday. The panelists During the panel discussion moderated by Barbara Kaija, the New Vision editor in-chief, women entrepreneurs interacted and inspired each other. The panelists included URA's Allen Kagina; Aggie Konde, the managing director the NTV Uganda; Thereza Mbire, one of the pioneer businesswomen in Uganda; and Caroline Mpyisi, the proprietor of Montessori schools. The women, drawing from their experiences as working mothers and wives with demanding work schedules, endeavoured to provided answers to questions raised. Who is a successful woman? Does a woman need to work hard to gain as much recognition as her male counterparts at the workplace? How do you deal with a non-supportive husband along with demanding career came?

Emma Achoki, the guest speaker, says there is a journey for all the women and each has got to celebrate who they are at the work place. Achoki is the managing director Oakpark Properties Limited, a real estate company in Kenya. Together with her husband, they started with capitalisation of about Ksh10m in 2005, and today the business is worth millions of dollars. Achoki cautions women on the choices of spouses and encouraged them to be honest and hardworking because employment out there is a man's world. "The partner you get can either support you or bring you down," says Achoki. She describes a woman as one of a noble character; who wakes up early, works hard, cuddles her baby, enters profitable ventures and ensures her family gets all they need. While sharing her experiences, Kagina said each woman plays a character portrait of a mother and a wife and she has got to fit in those roles. She says when at home, she gives it 100%. The same happens when she is at work. "Achieving the roles takes discipline. You have to calculate and over time you grow and perform your best," she advises. Balancing the time Kagina says her strength lies in reserving the weekend for her family to ensure she fits in the mother and wife role. "I have an understanding husband but I never take him for granted," she says. Mpyisi says to fit in her roles she manages time but definitely putting her family first. "Being a parent and teacher, I have to take care of people's children but still maintain the balance," she says and attributes her success to the support from her family and friends. According to Konde, setting goals and tracking them is critical. "I had to sit back and identify where I wanted to be. My dream was to be a managing director before 40 years and here I am," says Konde proudly. She later discloses her quadrant method on balancing career, family, spiritual and social life, where she makes sure she gives 25% of her time to each. Mbire urges women to give priority to the family while they strive to put bread on the table. "Family comes first and money second," she emphasises. Although some entrepreneur women say men look at them with fear, Mbire says mutual understanding is key. "The way you treat your husband is the way he will treat you. Let us be females and give our husbands a chance to be males," she counsels. She cautioned women against alcohol, saying alcohol and success do not see eye-to-eye. Kagina advises the women to be proud of who they are and not to try to take over the man's role. "Respect and enjoy yourself, laugh and be less intimidating to give a chance to men to express themselves," she says.

Dealing with a non-supportive husband requires a lot of patience. "Be open and try to interest your husbands in your work. It may take time but do not give up easily and with time, he will pick interest," Mbire advises. Kyambadde says stigma from family members and bosses is still a big challenge which has resulted into about 20% of families of working women breaking up. She suggested that while planning company events, organisations should invite family members to make them feel valued members of the organisations. She also advised women to consider working part-time to give them a chance to dedicate time to their families. Kyambadde names peer influence and workplace relationships as some of the things affecting performance because they consume a lot of time. She urges women to uphold integrity and decency. Reacting to the question of tracking goals, Konde says women tend to be slow and silent while men are very eloquent at presenting their issues. She encouraged women to get out of their comfort zone, do what men do and even do it better. However, Kyambadde urges the organisers to think about the unsung hero, "the rural woman- our mother". "She struggles to look after the children, her husband and attends to business to raise money for school fees. Surprisingly, during such functions she is forgotten, so where do we place such a working woman?" Kyambadde pondered. She noted there was need to recognise men who were running homes while the wives were out there working.