CARTOONOPEDIA: A WIT & WISDOM DICTIONARY Text and Drawings by Joe Mannath SDB

4. Abuse
A strong word. A much detested crime. Much more in our awareness than even fifteen or twenty years ago. Abuse involves a disparity of power, whether by age, or position, or the other persons vulnerability. It can be physical, emotional or sexual. Physical: Santoshs father used to come home drunk, scream at his wife and children, and beat them. Santosh has marks on his body from the beatings. Dad would shout and throw things at my mother. We lived in terror. Emotional: Sheelas father used to buy gifts and new clothes for her prettier older sister, not for her. When relatives or guests came home, it was the older sister who got all the attention. Her mother would make biting comments about Sheelas looks and studies. Sexual: Preethi, a college student, looked desperate. I do not know what to do, she told me. My parents are arranging my marriage. I cannot even think of it. My older brother has been making use of me for two years. If I tell my mother, I think she will die. I dont know what to do. Abuse is always a serious matter. It is exploitation of a weaker or dependent person. No one has the right to abuse anyone. No onewhether parent, spouse, teacher, religious, priest, or police officerhas the right to ill-treat or humiliate or sexually exploit another human being. Educators must know that physical punishments are forbidden; the guilty teacher or principal can be fined or jailed. So, too, to publicly humiliate someone, to call them names, to treat someone offensivelyall this is mean, and deserves the strongest condemnation. Wife-beating, cruelty towards spouse or children, abusive behaviour towards students or employees, or violent and humiliating ragging, must be seen for they area shameful act of meanness, and a punishable crime. Sexual abuse means any sexual interaction between an adult and a minor (someone below the age of 18). By extension, it also means sexual activity with a dependent adult (e.g., ones student or employee) or a vulnerable person (e.g., patient or client). It is always illegal. It is a crime. Sexual abuse includes: incest (sexual activity among relatives, whether by blood or by adoption), rape or others forms of sexual activity, whether violent or not. It also includes indecent conversation, allowing or asking a minor to take part in sexual activities, exposing him/her to pornographic materials or engaging a minor in any other activity meant to procure sexual satisfaction to the adult. Indian law distinguishes between grave sexual assaultintercourse, forcing minors to have sex with one another, causing physical injury, or forcing children to pose for pornographic photos or filmsand sexual assault, which includes sexual touching, voyeurism, showing oneself naked to a minor, showing pornographic films or photos to minors or making children watch any sexual activity. Most sexual abuse takes place in homes. Many more girls are sexually abused than boys. About one-third of the women and one-eleventh of the men were sexually abused as children. Eighty-five percent of the abusers (the adults doing this to children) are male. They come from all social classes. Just in 2010, according to National Crime Records

Bureau, 5484 children were sexually assaulted in India and 1408 children were killed. Another shocking figure: 10,670 children were kidnapped. According to these figures, UP and Bihar are the most crimeprone states. India has the dubious distinction of having the world's largest number of sexually abused children, with a child below 16 years raped every 155th minute, a child below 10 every 13th hour, and one in every 10 children sexually abused at any point in time. (Frontline, October 11, 2011) In case you hold the romantic view that the Indian family is wonderful for kids, the following information may help to shock you into awareness: The Delhi-based Sakshi Violation Intervention Centre in a 1997 study that interviewed 350 schoolchildren, found that 63 per cent of the girl respondents had been sexually abused by a family member; 25 per cent raped, and over 30 per cent sexually abused by the father, grandfather or a male friend of the family. A 1999 study by the Mumbai-based Tata Institute of Social Sciences revealed that 58 of the 150 girls interviewed had been raped before they were 10 years old. RAHI, a Delhi-based organisation that provides support to victims of sexual abuse, reports that, of the 1,000 upper and higher-middle class college students interviewed, 76 per cent had been abused as children, 31 per cent by someone known to the family and 40 per cent by a family member, and 50 per cent of them before the age of 12. (Ibid.) The effects? Says Dr. Preethi Menon, a Chennai-based paediatric psychiatrist dealing with child

sexual abuse, "Sexual abuse has immediate as well as long-term effects on the child, from emotional and behavioural problems to abnormal sexual behaviour and psychiatric disorders. Suicidal tendencies and drug abuse are common long-term effects."

Schools and college need to have in place policies for the protection of minors. (See, for instance, Protection of Minors in Salesian Institutions, prepared by the Salesians of Don Bosco.) Educators and religious personnel should know what contacts and activities are appropriate in dealing with minors (e.g., a handshake or a pat on the shoulder or verbal praise or holding the hand of a child while crossing the road), which activities need to be used with caution (e.g., overnight trips with minors), and which are always to be avoided (e.g., any intimate or sexual touch, or being alone with a child without the parents consent, or taking a minor to the adults living quarters, or developing an exclusive friendship with a minor). Children and adolescents need to experience our love and kindness, of coursebut shown through our caring presence, hard work, sacrifice, meaningful guidance, spiritual practices suited to their age and helping some of them get over the effects of poor or abusive family upbringing. One simple guideline: Touch childrens hearts and minds, not their bodies. Avoid physical contact with those in your care (Dont kiss or kick!). Teachers, priests and religious will do well to leave the physical part of care to the parents. You are also likelyespecially if you are a counsellor, retreat preacher, formator or spiritual directorto come across victims of survivors of sexual abuse. According to a 2007 study by the Government of India, 53.22 per cent of Indias children have experienced sexual abuse. As for candidates to convents, higher numbers than we may think are girls who have been sexually abused, mostly in their families. These victims or survivors need help. Some need professional treatment. This is an area where much needs to be done. You can helpas an educator or counsellor or youth workerin three ways: (1)

prevention: by making sure that abuse does not occur in your life and in your setting; (2) healing: by helping victims to find a safe setting and healing treatment; (3) awareness: by making parents, teachers and others more aware of the problem, of its consequences and of the remedies needed. REFLECT: Do I really respect peoplein the way I speak, behave, relate? Do minors and dependents feel safe and free with me, or do they live in fear of my abusive words, violence or inappropriate attentions? Do I use my authority to serve, never to humiliate or boss over or sexually exploit? What steps have we put in place to prevent abuse, to heal those already injured and to make adults conscious of their responsibilities? DO: If you have been abused, get help; get healed. You CAN be healed. Do not let the wounds fester. * If you have been abusive, you need to stop. It is a crime, always serious. Do not prolong it even by a day. * If someone in your care has been abused, provide help for healing. If head of an institution, take steps to prevent abuse, and get help for those already abused. * If you are aware of minors or dependents being abused (physically, emotionally or sexually), report it to competent authorities without delay. (Email for feedback: jmannath@gmail.com)