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The Final Reflection Jordan Davis University of Colorado Denver

THE FINAL REFLECTION 2 Introduction Before taking this class, I have always thought of myself as being one of the best communicators, but after reading week threes perception lecture, my ideas and understanding of how I communicate in everyday life changed. When Professor Pounders wrote down descriptors of a person and asked us to put a label on them, I was stunned by the fact that all of the sentences described her. After this lecture, I tried not to assume peoples beliefs based on what they look like and the other way around. Throughout the weeks that followed, many of the topics covered could be related back to my past and I can now use in my future of communication. Body I am pleased that I am able to find balance through separation in my new relationship. When talking about the Dialect Theory, Knapp talks about achieving balance in Integration/separation, stability/change, and expression/non-expression. In my new relationship, I dont see the guy Im dating too often, but we use this separation as a good thing because we both value the time we do spend together. When we are not together, we talk on the phone, but also give each other time to be with family and friends. When it comes to stability and change, we like the fact that we dont see each other every day, preventing the same dialogue and also keeping the conversations interesting. Lastly, when having conversations when together, our conversations are expressing deep thoughts that we saved for each other, which makes us both feel needed and special. I am disappointed that I underestimated the importance of affection within any of my relationships. The sense of belonging is talked about by Knapp often comes from affection, verbal and touching. A year ago I was in a really good relationship with a guy who said that I needed to be more affectionate, but I felt as though he only meant only physically such as

THE FINAL REFLECTION 3 holding hands or cuddling, two things I dont like too much. After reading chapter seven I realize that all he might have wanted was me to express my affection verbally. I never thought verbal affection was important for ones self esteem and security. Had I realized this before, many of relationships might have lasted longer. I am surprised that I have used the selective perception within many of my relationships. Knapp states that the selective perception is allowing ourselves to only see what we want about a person and overlook important things because of our own needs, desires and emotional states, (2009, p.145). When dating my last boyfriend, I remember him always having money and knowing that he didnt have a full time job. Knowing him from years before, I knew he played paid music concerts and earned money that way. After a while I noticed that he seemed to have more money than what I knew he could be making, but the fact that desired a relationship and emotionally needed him, I overlooked the fact that he might be getting money from doing illegal acts. After reading why perceptions differ, I now see how much my perception was altered, based on my emotions and desires. Ive now realized how much I do this with many of my friends every day. From now on I plan to give my friends and family more compliments. I state this because in chapter 9, Knapp talks about the importance of giving gifts and compliments to friends and family. Knapp talks about the positive feelings that come from giving and receiving compliments and Ive never realized how much friends make me feel good when they complement me. Usually I feel that giving random gifts is what Im good at because they always make my friends and family smile, but complimenting someone daily can really make them feel good about themselves. I say this because one of my close friends compliments me all the time and Ive noticed how confident I have become from these compliments, but I never seem to compliment

THE FINAL REFLECTION 4 her because I assume she knows that she looks pretty, or that her hair looks nice that day. From not complimenting her, I notice that she is insecure about how she looks or thinks about something. From now on I will try not to compare my romantic relationships to that of mass media such as romantic movies. After reading chapter 4 on the communication environment and types of love lecture, Ive realized that I use movies, TV shows and celebrity relationships as an idea love that I want to have. My participation in reciprocal influence talked about by Knapp, as our control on what images appear in the media and how these images impact our lives, has kept magazines and romantic movies portraying unrealistic love. Buying into these unrealistic love stories in the mass media have made it impossible for guys to live up to my expectations. Even if television isnt the direct influence of my expectations and beliefs, Knapp states, television programming shows us what we expect to see and reinforce our biases, (2009, p.117). Conclusion Throughout this Interpersonal Communication course, I have learned a lot about how I communicate with others and have been reminded on what communication skills I need to work on. Although lectures and the book readings helped with most of this reflection of myself, participating in many of the experimental discussions have played an even bigger role in understanding how I perceive people in my everyday environments. The biggest thing I will remember from this course is that my perception communication changed in week 3.

THE FINAL REFLECTION 5 References Knapp, M. & Vangelisti, A. (2009). Interpersonal communication and human relationships. (6th ed.). Boston: Pearson.