BUILDING GODLY HOMES

Introduction: A Is has been said that "Marriage is made in heaven." So is thunder and lighting! a Marriage is tough! *If it werent for marriage, most men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.... *Any married man should forget his mistakes because theres no reason for two people to remember the same thing... *A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is just the beginning of a new argument. Thesis: We need to learn the keys to having a healthy family if we want to fend off the attack of the enemy on our families. Texts: Ephesians 5: 1-33; I Corinthians 13 The Family was and is designed by God. It was designed to be a place of safety from the world. Its a environment were the art of nurturing takes place. Its a location were children are born and raised. Its were love takes place on a daily basis. Its were encouragement is dished out in large doses. Were discipline is found and respect is taught. T.S.- Lets look at the keys needed to build a healthy family unit. I. The first key is God is the foundation on which the family is to be built on. He is to be our Master Architect. He is our firm foundation! a. This is why Ephesians 5:1 tells us to imitate God We need to be like him in the family and in the relationships within the family. We need to act and react like him. i. We need to use his blueprints and build on the foundation he has laid out for the family. b. This means love radiates out of our lives as leaders in the family. i. When we say love we mean genuine authentic love! Like God! ii. Ephesians 5:1-4 (Message) Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant.

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He didnt love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Dont allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip d. With God as the foundation and the model we discover the healthy family unit starts to emerge by God like actions and is built upwards. i. When we build according to his plans and use his resources the healthy family emerges out of ground and grows. iii. Ephesians tells us what not to do in verses 1-16 1. No evil ways no immorality, harsh language, swearing at each other, put downs, character assassination, no sexual promiscuity, no lies, no deception, dont listen to what the world tells you to do. 2. These types of behavior and actions will destroy the family not build a family. II. The Second key to a healthy family unit is spelled commitment to submission. b. Submission means the act of surrendering to a decision or action of another. i. Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 1. We in the family need to submit to one another because this brings great joy to the family AND GLORY TO GOD ii. Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. iii. Ephesians 5:23 (NIV) 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 1. Yes, the husband is suppose to be the head of the family leading the way but he needs to be Christ like while doing it. He needs to be a servant leader like Jesus. 2. He said, Not my will Lord but your will be done! a. I chose to Lose! b. I will not Quit! c. No Pride!

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4. Its called self-sacrifice! The Christ like thing to do! iv. Ephesians 5:24 (NIV) 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. v. Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 1. Husbands need to love their wife and family like Christ loves the church. 1. If you build on Gods foundation and follow his blueprints your family will be clean and holy. III. The third key to a healthy family unit is loyalty and faithfulness to your marriage and spouse. a. We must have strong moral values. b. Infidelity creeps up on a marriage because of broken relationships and lack of love for the other. c. Faithfulness to the marriage is a matter of honoring Gods way. IV. The fourth key is Respect for your spouse as a best friend. a. You must want to please and support the other. i. See Ephesians 5:33: 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. b. This means being a partner in the family. i. This means communicating in a positive way. 1. We in the family unit must have 10 positive remarks to every one negative remark we make. 3. Communication breakdown happens when respect is gone. ii. Respect and honor for your spouse is essential. d. This means showing others that you love each other in public and private. This also includes the children. V. a. i. The fifth key is you need to be a good parent. A good parent is one who does the following: You have your spiritual life in order and you are focused on Jesus.

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1. This means that your spiritual commitment directs your life and the way you respond to life issues. ii. You are not satisfied with being a survivor of parenthood. 1. You actually want to enjoy life and benefit from raising your kids. 2. You want to make a difference and it shows in your kids. iii. You understand that you are accountable to God for the way you raised your children. 1. Deut. 6:1-9: 1These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you. 4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.5Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. 2. You realize raising your children for God has divine rewards and a divine purpose. iv. You have learned that personal happiness comes from self-sacrifice not self-gratification. v. You model for your children a Biblical lifestyle and exhibit being a good role model. Ephesians 5 vi. Love is spelled time! 1. Good parents spend time with each other and with their kids. VI. The sixth key is you need to have a strong faith in God and be willing to pass it on to your kids. You need to be their teacher.

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a. You are intentional about you faith. b. You teach your kids godliness c. You share His story, your story to your kids, then they pass on their story. d. When the church and families unite God does miracles. VII. The seventh key is having the willingness to forgive and be forgiven. a. Why should you forgive? b. Stanley wrote A person who has an unforgiving spirit is always the real loser, much more so than the one against whom the grudge is held. He adds, Un-forgiveness, by its very nature, prevents individuals from following through on many specifics of the Christian life and practically necessitates that they walk by the flesh rather than by the spirit (17,18). ii. He also expounds in his book on how un-forgiveness devastates the one who refuses to forgive. Let me summarize them. 1. When we choose to not forgive in one relationship we discover that it spills into other relationships and it destroys them. 2. When the unforgiving person stands around and waits for the other to make restitution he loses out on life because they never make any progress in their game. That sad fact is as they are standing around waiting they form fleshly patterns of behavior and incorrect thought processes. 3. Regardless of how wrong the other person may have been, refusing to forgive means reaping the corruption in life. And that corruption begins in one relationship including the relationship with God, and works its way into all the rest (25,26). c. John MacArthur gives us reasons why we need to forgive in his book and series, The Art of Giving and Receiving Forgiveness. i. Un-forgiveness imprisons people in the past. 1. I always say dont let the past dictate the future. ii. Un-forgiveness provokes bitterness. 1. The Bible calls it the root of bitterness in Hebrews 12:15. 2. He states, Bitterness is the cancer of the heart. a. Forgiveness is the most godlike act that a person can do.

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b. Forgiveness affirms unmerited love. c. God promises his love to those who forgive others. d. Forgiveness prevents hate. e. Un-forgiveness results in discipline by God. f. The unforgiving will not be forgiven by God. d. Jesus makes it very clear that we have to forgive. This is the primary reason we are to forgive others because He said so. Conclusion: Theodore Roosevelt said in 1917, No other success in life-not being president, or being wealthy, or going to college, or writing a book, or anything else-comes up to the success of the man or woman who can feel that they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up and called them blessed. Chuck Swindoll said of the family, Whatever else may be said about the home, it is the bottom line of life, the anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. It is the place where lifes bills come due, the single most influential force in our earthly existence. Summary of 7 points: 1. Build on Gods foundation and use his blue prints. 2. Commit and submit to each other and the family unit. 3. Be loyal and faithful to the family and to each other. 4. Respect each other in the family. 5. Be a good Godly parent. 6. Teach your kids about the Lord and his ways. 7. Forgive one another like Christ forgave each of us.