For Women OnlyAndy Stanley with Shaunti Feldhahn Seven Revelations about Men 1.

Men need respect (Women need to feel loved and cherished) a. Trust him b. Admire him c. Dont criticize him d. Unconditional respect for him e. We think: love is unconditional, but respect must be earnedin marriage, this is unbiblical. Husbands love your wives unconditionally, Wives respect your husbands (Ephesians 5) Men need it so desperately and feel theyre not respected, they feel beaten downon the other side, when given respect, they will rise to the occasion f. Men, have grace with your ladies while were learning this g. Any time a woman starts a sentence with the words, why did you in the mans mind, you Dodo. h. Barometer: check for anger (when women dont feel loved, we feel its okay for us to cry; we dont feel like its okay for men to get angrybut this is their response to not feeling respected) i. A mans heart is powerfully touched by a few simple words: Im so proud of you. Women love hearing I love you but what really touches our husbands hearts is trust, being proud of him, etc. j. At work, they feel affirmed and respected for what they do, but when they come in the door and they hear, why were you at work so long? it is not surprising they will dive into work and seek affirmation from their jobs. Easy to have affairs because the women at work, though they have never said I love you, they admire and respect him we need to do it in the home. 2. Men are insecure a. 3. Men are providers a. More than bringing home money b. We think: we understand this; but, its not just a matter of wanting to, its a matter of a burden that he has to provide. For us, its not that big of a deal, but its always on the back or front of their mind. c. We need to appreciate their effort to provide and the burden they feel to provide. d. The man feels like his job may be at risk no matter how secure it might be e. Men feel powerful when they provide 4. Men want more sex a. We women think of sex in marriage is just a physical need. b. When you have been pulled on all day, we feel like sleep when you compare your physical need for sleep with his physical need for sex, sleep will more than likely win. c. For the men in our lives, it doesnt mean the sex, it means feeling desired by their wives. It gives them confidence and well-being in the rest of their

lives. They feel rejected if we are tiredand will give a sense of being beaten down. d. We can give them confidence by feeling desired. e. But men dont know how to talk about this: 98% of men said getting sex wasnt enough, but to feel important and desired by his wife f. If she is only responding because she has to, he is being rejected by his wifeeverything can be spinning out of control, but if my wife desires me and displays that in bed, he can conquer anything else g. Allure of pornography: every single magazine picture has one message, that woman saying I want you when he feels it in other places and not his wife, its obvious there would be a huge struggle. If it was just physical, they wouldnt need to look at the magazine. h. For men, premarital sex always seems better. The reason that God says not to have relationships before marriage, because in your memory, the worst physical experience you had before marriage will be better than anything in marriage 5. Men are visual a. Women dont get what that means, but it means two things: i. A man cant not notice a woman with a great body (we dont get this because were not wired this way only 20% of women are) and even if Im forced to turn and not look, I know shes in there somewhere! ii. That image of the woman they saw, goes into a mental rolodex of women the image is burned in his brain and could pop up at any time without warning iii. What is this culture like for our men? It is a visual minefield. How hard it is for a Christian man to keep his mind on things above? It is exhausting! iv. He must take every thought captive tear it down, focus on what shes saying. It causes difficulty for him to listen, etc. b. Women need to dress more conscientiously with this in mind. Men loathe this temptation as much as their wives, but they just have a harder time turning it off. Temptation is not sinso they need to not act on their temptation what do you do with it when youre tempted is key. c. Because women are dressing cute the guy thinks the girl is advertising. Men dont understand why this woman is tempting them. We dont want to be pictured that way, we are just clueless. 6. Men are unromantic clods a. Hesitate to be romantic because they doubt they can succeed b. Men arent romantic because guys are performance oriented, they dont because i. They feel clumsy and feel they cant pull it off right ii. For guys romance is different things: doing things, going out to play with our wives, Home Depot to guys is the same as a candlelight dinner to women 7. Men care about appearance

a. Before you read any further, pray first men cant talk to their wives about this b. They like to see us taking effort to take care of ourselves c. Whats the one more important thing you wish your wife knew: That my wife knew I loved her