Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter

(1974)
I must confess that I stumbled upon this movie while browsing a rare soundtrack site, and was seized by the unlikely possibility that it featured a very young Bill Nighy in the lead. In doing the slightest of research, I discovered that not to be the case; but it was a Hammer movie, and Caroline Munro was in it, and, best and most conveniently of all, it was available on Netflix streaming. Slam dunk, as they say. Kronos, as I read, was intended either as a pilot for a series or as the first movie in a franchise. I had high-ish hopes going into it, as it was the concept of Avengers (Emma Peel, not Tony Stark) mastermind Brian Clemens, and featured a number of supporting roles filled by Avengers alum (chief among them Ian Hendry, Steeds first partner, as a bully) and a terrific score by Avengers composer Laurie Johnson. Kronos himself (Horst Janson, but he even sounds like Bill Nighy) is an ex-Imperial soldier who wanders the world with his hunchbacked companion Grost (John Cater) hunting, as the title suggests, vampires. Kronos is a great swordsman, and Grost is sort of the brains of the outfit. Early in the film they come upon Carla (Munro) in the stocks, and free her for no other reason than to have a pretty girl around (it is a Hammer film, after all). The trio come upon a village where the vampires have been feasting; but these vampires leech life from people rather than blood, leaving them old and decrepit. Naturally Kronos vows to kill them. The set-up is interesting enough, and theres some fun dialogue (though not as much as youd expect from Clemens), but the plot is too straightforward and predictable; of course the vampires are the snotty rich folk in the secluded mansion. Since theres little suspense, we have to waste a lot of screen time on investigations that go nowhere and a suspicious amount of preparation for what ends up being a pretty straightforward attack. To the modern eye, Kronos as a character feels dated. He very much fits in 1974, the kind of handsome stud that every woman wants who drinks and smokes and enjoys the finer things in life when hes not skewering vampires. Clemens at least keeps him somewhat reticent about his past, but hes simply not the kind of hero we would encounter today (except maybe on something like Once Upon a Time); hes too simply written to appeal greatly to the modern viewer. I liked Grost, but the loyal sidekick was hardly a new invention in 1974. He does get one memorable scene where he rants about the cruelty of the world after being mocked by bullies for his physical deformity, but hes mostly there to be Kronos maid. And while I like looking at Caroline Munro, the less said about her role, the better. I liked Kronos far more for the potential it held than the percentage of that potential it realized. The idea, the setting, the variation on vampires this could have been a fun weekly show (the downscale budget and simple characters would work far better on TV), and taken at face value its lack or irony renders it engaging

fun. But its hardly great (its hardly even good), and for every good idea they had theres a bad one waiting to handicap it. Hammer fans, or fans of low-budget 70s films (and youre out there) would get a kick out of this movie; but for most people more accustomed to a modern take on vampires and their hunters, you might want to give this a pass. Its a curiosity at best, albeit an amusing one. May 30, 2013