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0These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Behavior is Purposive
The goal of all behavior is to feel belonging and have significance. Misbehavior is from the mistaken belief about how to feel belonging and significance.
Belonging feeling a part of the group Significance believing you have something to contribute to the group
1These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
About others:
People are trustworthy People are not there for me People are fair People are critical
Children Thrive
when they find healthy ways to find belonging and significance. Misbehavior is a child's attempt to survive a perceived lack of belonging and significance. A Misbehaving Child is a Discouraged Child who mistakenly believes the only way to find belonging and significance is through some form of misbehavior. A Misbehaving Child is speaking in CODE. When we break the CODE we find that the child is saying, Im a child, and I just want to belong.
3These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Developing Relationships with Children According to the Dimensions of Kindness and Firmness
High Kindness
Freedom, No Order
(Permissive)
Low Firmness
High Firmness
No Freedom, No Order
(Neglect)
No Freedom, Order
(Authoritarian)
Low Kindness
Terry Chadsey
6These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
R+
Clean out CO2
INHALE
EXHALE
Lack of Oxygen
LTerry Chadsey
R-
7These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Cortex-back of hand
receives information from hearing, sight, touch
8These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
1. Regather:
Make sure both of you have calmed down even if it means waiting.
2. Recognize:
Whoops, I made a mistake.
3. Responsibility:
Accept your responsibility in the mistake or conflict. Be specific: I yelled at you instead of waiting to calm down to tell you how I felt.
4. Reconcile:
Express regret: Im sorry. Do this briefly. Dont attempt to make yourself feel better by explaining things.
5. Resolve: (Resolve)
Share what you learned. Or, you might propose how you will take responsibility for preventing similar episodes. Or, you might invite the other persons help. How can we work on this together to make it better?
9These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
10These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
The Role Plays Role Play #1 Child Misbehaves Adult responds from column #3 Child responds from column #4 Role Play #2 Child repeats misbehavior Adult responds from column #7 Child responds
in the moment
12These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Four Rs of Punishment
Resentment: This is unfair.
time.
Reduced self-esteem Im a bad person.
13These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
FAMILY MEETINGS
(TP page 139)
2. Reach a consensus on a 2 to 3 hour family activity. All ideas and opinions are valued Decide on the activity you all can live with. 3. Try this at home this week and add #4 below. (or just do #1 and #4) 4. Play a family game and have a dessert.
14These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
1. Have a friendly discussion where everyone gets to voice his/her feelings and thoughts around the issue. 2. Brainstorm for possible solutions and choose one that both you and your child agree to. 3. Agree on a specific time deadline (to the minute).
4. Understand children well enough to
know that the deadline probably wont be met and simply follow through with your part of the agreement by holding them accountable.
15These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
1. Wanting children to have the same priorities as adults. 2. Getting into judgments and criticism instead of sticking to the issue. 3. Not getting agreements in advance that include a specific time for the deadline. 4. Not maintaining dignity and respect for the child and yourself.
16These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
18These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
advice. Process. 2. A shares a problem/ B puts down, criticizes or gets angry or says nothing or walks away. Process. 3. A shares a problem/ B validates feelings using: You feel ________ because ________ and you wish _______. Process.
19These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
When ___________happens, I feel ____________ because __________. I would rather ________________ would happen instead.
Or
I dont like it when ____________ happens, and I feel _________. Im worried that _________________ might happen, and what Id rather see is ___________.
Young children: (Use a fake bug in one hand and a wand in the other to teach young children to express their feelings.)
(Suzanne Smitha)
20These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
together
Plan scheduled special time Share saddest and happiest times of the day at bedtime Use encouragement instead of praise Avoid criticism. Ask the child, How would you like to improve? Encourage self-evaluation Take time for training Ask, What is your understanding of what we decided? Involve child in creating routine charts Teach that mistakes are opportunities to learn Ask curiosity questions, dont tell
Try a hug
22These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Beat It The parent/teacher leaves. Bear It The parent/teacher stays but doesnt
get involved.
Nine Temperaments
( TP Handout pg 67)
1. Activity Level (High/Low) 2. Rhythmicity (Predictable/Unpredictable body routine) 3. Initial Response (Approach/Withdrawal) 4. Adaptability (Adjusts Slowly/Adjusts Quickly to changes) 5. Sensory Threshold (High/Low to Touch, Sound, Taste, Sight, Smell) 6. Quality of Mood (Dark Side/Bright Side 7. Intensity of Reactions (Reaction to Stimuli--Displays Quiet Disappointment/Boisterous Disappointment 8. Distractibility (Easy Going/Intense) 9. Persistence and Attention Span (High/Low Response to a challenging task)
24These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Curiosity Questions
What happened? What do you think caused that to happen? How do you feel about what happened? What effect do you think this might have on others? What did you learn from this experience? How do you plan to solve the problem? How can I help?
25These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Enabling is: 1. Doing too much for them 2. Giving them too much 3. Over protecting/rescuing 4. Lying for them 5. Punishing/controlling 6. Living in denial 7. Fixing 8. Bailing them out
26These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Empowering is: 1. Listening and giving emotional support 2. Teaching life skills 3. Working on agreements 4. Letting go (without abandoning) 5. Deciding what you will do 6. Sharing what you think, how you feel, what you want 7. Sticking to the issue with dignity and respect
27These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Level of Awareness:
Unconscious
Skill Level:
Unskilled
Unskilled
Skilled
Feelings:
28These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.
Skilled
Unconscious
Conscious
Conscious
Top Card
(TP pg. 251)
Pleasing
Comfort
Control
Superiority
29These Charts contain concepts and information originally introduced by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, developed by Lynn Lott, Jane Nelsen and other Positive Discipline Associates and used here with permission, Positive Discipline Association, 2009.