$1,553,293.

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VOLUME TWO

"Part of it went on gambling, and part of it went on women. The rest I spent foolishly." G e o r g e R a f t

AY M 014 2

AUG 2013

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I S S U E 24

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JAN 2015

AUG 2017

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C E D 13 20

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El Pitmaster Cooks

Uncle Esel Speaks

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S / S A N M A R C O S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

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Howd you like to pay to get into Prince Solms Park? The Mayor would like that very much. PLUS: Get a piece of Walnut!

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financial problems. Since those are Ugh. WITH the terms by which she made her Well the big news this week is argument, those are the terms by that Mayor Gale Pospisil has which weve taken her to task. decided to press forward with Anyway, sure as shootin, her plan to start charging people the post-ban police budget came to use Prince Solms Park to in even higher than the year before, access the Comal River. This after presumably because we created a instituting a disposable container new class of criminal hooligans that ban that has driven a substantial amount eat Doritos out of factory packaging. of river tourism out of the City. So, just to be clear: Were spending just On the surface, this seems like madness, as much, if not more money on the Comal given that the Mayor claimed the ban was put in place to 1) Keep litter out of the rivers, this year as we did before the ban. Thats and 2) Save money. After we examined a massive, expensive fail for the Mayor thousands of email exchanges between City assuming she was truthful with her motives. As for her environmental concerns, well, Council and certain river-area homeowners, trash still has to be removed from the rivers, it came as no surprise to First Word readers because the Citys streets drain into them that the actual reason was 3) To keep nonriver-area homeowners off of the river. And every time it rains, and not a single thing has given that, a fee to access the park doesnt been done to mitigate that. Yuck. In fact, this remains the situation even though the State seem so crazy after all. Lets address those Can Ban goals, and ordered the City to take action on this back see how they turned out. As for keeping litter in 2010. The City, rather than comply with out of the rivers, we established that the City the States MS-4 rules (Google that), has spent was purposely inflating litter numbers by about $300,000 on studies, which is what reporting properly disposed of trash that is, they do when they want to stall on something, trash in trash cans, on land - as underwater or simply wish to funnel money to consultants.

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river litter. They further blew up the stats by counting mostly empty 60-gallon trash bags as 60-gallons worth of trash. The Mayor responded to our findings by stating that she didnt believe that the numbers really mattered but nonetheless continued to sell the ban on the basis of the false figures. Council then awarded the clean up contract back to the same company theyve always used, at the pre-ban price. Clean up was supposed to be a non-issue, what with tourist litter eliminated, so it stood to reason the taxpayer should save some bucks on maintenance. Only after a massive public outcry was that contract adjusted, and even then, in a manner that left the possibility of it coming in at the same amount as before the ban. Hooray. We were also going to save some big money on police, what with less garbage in the river and all. I know that sounds crazy, so let me be very, very clear here: WE DO REALIZE THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE CONNECTION BETWEEN CRIME AND SANDWICH BAGS. This was always about the contents of beer cans, but the Mayor insisted, over and over, that alcohol was not the issue, and that the ban was intended to solve environmental and TXCITIZEN.COM

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We must consider the environmental factor another fail for the Mayor, but only if we accept her stated reasons for banning disposable containers. Now, if we go ahead and admit that the real goal of the Can Ban was to keep people from floating the river, which she vehemently denied, then we have a winner, which is why, despite her financial and environmental failures, the Mayor has been lauded by the Comal River-area homeowners. Continued on next page.

Michelle Clark
830.832.8195

Dream Vacation Consultant CCVTravel@gmail.com facebook.com/CruisingCreationsVacations

3

Continued from previous page. To sum up, if she told the truth about the Can Ban, shes a massive failure. If she lied, shes a raging success. Now that Phase One is complete, and tourists are not frequenting the river as they had in the past, its time to put the hammer down and limit the amount of locals that insist on floating the Comal, by charging them admission to a park that theyve already paid taxes to maintain. You know who likes parks more than anyone? Big Mexican families. You know who likes paying admission to use a park? Nobody. Mission accomplished. Council has approved the formation of a stakeholder committee, made up of outfitters and park-and-riverside homeowners, which will be charged with setting the parks entry fee. Let me state this: The outfitters with river access, like Wurstfests Landa Falls, would love a high admission price to the park. As would the local homeowners. Remember, this is Texas Most Corrupt City, and hiring foxes to guard our henhouse is par for the course. The truth is, the entire public is the stakeholder in a public park, not just people who live or work near it. Councils move puts us one step closer to a public river, and a public park, becoming as private as possible. The power players in this city are on a roll, converting public assets, be they land, water, or tax dollars, into private benefits for a privileged few. District Twos Aja Edwards-Patino was the only Council member that voted against the admission proposal. Sadly, District Ones George Green went along with the rest of the gang, which was a huge disappoint to us here, because we really like the guy. Were hoping for better from him in the future. (Disclosure: The TX Citizen leases its office space from Edwards-Patino.) Should the Mayor pull this one off, the only people with free access to the Comal will be riverside homeowners, their friends, one or two outfitters, and members of the Wurstfest Association. Phase Two is coming. The question is, are we going to stand for it? Or do we even have a choice?

The original completion date for Walnut was April 3, 2013, which has, of course, come and gone. A second completion date was announced, that of August 8, 2013. Now, because it rained last week, a third date has been published. The current completion date is scheduled for August 17, 2013. Since the citizens of New Braunfels have had to live with this vanity project/construction for the last three years, the TX Citizen believes its high time somebody other than the usual contractors made some money off of the deal. Which is why were starting a pool. Special thanks to reader Richard Buford for providing the impetus to get this going. For just $5 per entry, you can buy into any date between July 1, 2013, and August 17, 2017. Should the street open for business on your selected date, youll win 100% of the entry fees (or split them with other entrants who chose the same date). Important: There are two dates at play here the day the City Engineers office signs off on the Certificate of Final Completion, and the dedication date, which is when the myriad of current and former Mayors and Councilmembers will show up to cut a ribbon or something. Were looking for the later of the two dates, as, for the purposes of this contest, the job isnt complete until both events have become a matter of record. You may enter as many times as youd like, with entries spread over as many or few days as youd prefer. You want multiple shares of January 12, 2015? You got it. The deadline for entry is June 30, 2013. Should no one pick the winning date, or construction continue past the summer of 2017, well conduct a poll to see which local charity our readers would like to donate the money to. So write down your selected date(s), put it/them in an envelope with the appropriate amount of cash, and drop it through our mail slot at 1111 N Walnut Avenue. Then wait. \m/ Mike Reynolds Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Altered States

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Fun with Walnut Avenue

On September 7, 2010, construction began on the Boyer-Morrison Parkway, more commonly known as the Walnut Avenue Expansion Project. Since that time, weve run through two Mayors, four changes at the Councilmember level, and the firing of the City Manager under whom the project was started, while the Houston-Owned Herald-Zeitung is on its third Editor-in-Chief. Heck, I wasnt even reporting news at KGNB yet, let alone writing this column. 4

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HELP WANTED
The Tobacco Haus Cigar Lounge & Bar is currently taking applications for cocktail waitress. Advancement to bartender possible. Retail experience a plus, no wait or bar nights and weekends, availability during the day a plus. Apply in person at Tobacco Haus in the Marketplace Shopping Center. The New Braunfels Auction Co. & Gruene Flea Antique Mall Seeking a variety of seasonal temp to hire part time and/or full time workers. Estate sale set up, sales operation, retail, furniture movers, etc. Great fun work environment, part time, flex and full time depending on ability, availability and experience. Great student and summer jobs! Apply in person at 311 FM306 Bldg.#2 New Braunfels TX 78130. Millennium Medi-Spa Large, busy spa is looking for a registered esthetician and a registered massage therapist for full or part-time employment. Must be 608-9989 for more information. AAA Bail Bonds II Seeking Office Staff/On-Call Agent. Please e-mail aaabailkeely@austin. rr.com for more info. Mountain Breeze Campground starting now through the summer. Part-time and full-time positions. Must have a great attitude, because attitude is everything! Apply 830 964 2484 ext 0. OurBlok Are you a connector? We are looking for two professional representatives to help in the area. Salary, commission and bonuses offered based on experience and performance. If you like people and have a service mentality you may be the perfect fit. Past sales experience helpful but not mandatory. Email your resume to Scott@Ourblok.com to discuss further. TXCITIZEN.COM 5 Mile High Yard Works is hiring full or part time workers for fun work outside! Kick the cubical! We are looking for Labor 830-626-3455.
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Alpine Haus We have one position for experienced waitstaff in our upscale restaurant. Knowledge of German language and culture a plus. We Must be reliable. Apply in person from 3 PM to 4:30 PM Thursday through Sunday at 251 S. Seguin Ave. New Braunfels. Camp Huaco Springs Its that time of year again! Were hiring for the reservation office at Camp Huaco Springs. Must work the 3 major holiday weekends and have excellent phone etiquette. Were super flexible with hours part time or full time, and we can schedule around your needs. Seasonal work only. Please stop by the RV Store on River Road to pick up an application. We would really like to hire some Scooter Store employees that have been laid off!

experience necessary. Must be available are also hiring kitchen prep and dishwasher.

dependable and energetic. Please call (830) and a delivery driver. Contact Tommy at

Eclipse Window Tinting is now hiring. Bond Contact Aaron at 830-237-2267.

M4 Cleaning Services is hiring 6

housekeepers for residential & commercial cleaning in New Braunfels. $9.00/hour. Call We are hiring office and bar staff 210-386-6429 Elite Auto Sounds is hiring for the position of sign spinner. Seeking fresh faces bonuses. Apply in person @ Rueckle & 35.

at Mountain Breeze Camp on River Rd or call and enthusiastic personalities. Hourly +

Got a nice opening? Well help fill it, FREE! Send your job listings to gigs@ txcitizen.com. Hire former Scooter Store employees, and well pay you off with up to $1,500 in advertising credit!

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CONCERT IN THE PARK
This Week, June 13: Arms Length hits the Landa Park Dance Slab at 7:30pm. Next Week: South Texas Review. Admission is FREE!

2 CONTEST LOUD PIPES

Got a loud bike? Or working ears? Come on out to Gruene Harley-Davidson for the Loud Pipes contest! Event starts at 11am, with lunch, live music and prizes from noon until 2pm. Saturday, June 15.

TEXAS CAJUN DANCE

Cher La-bas Texas Cajun Band will be playing traditional Cajun music at the Geronimo VFW Post 8456, 6808 N Highway 123, Geronimo on Saturday, June 15, 8 PM-Midnight. $8 donation, benefit for the VFW. Kitchen open at 6 PM with great Cajun foods! Always smoke free open to everyone. Reservations/Info 830-379-1971.

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Spend Fathers Day at the River Road Ice House with live music, silent auction, live auction, and BBQ, all to benefit the West Fire Department and EMS. All day, Sunday, June 16.

BENEFIT FOR 6 WEST, TX

830.542.9134

kayla@txcitizen.com

COUNTRY DANCE
Live, classic country music for the VFWs Veterans Programs at the Geronimo VFW, 6808 N Highway 123, Geronimo, on June 16, 3 - 6:30 pm. Open seating. $7 donation. Hall is smoke free and open to all. Info 830-303-9903.

CITIZEN
H APPY COW
B A R & G R I L L
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OK TORNADO RELIEF RIDE

Oklahoma Tornado Relief Gift Card Drive and Ride Donate gift cards from any national chain to help out OKs tornado victims (by June 22), and ride with Gruene Harley staff to Moore, OK, to10 deliver the goods on June 23! 9 11

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MISS TX CITIZEN
LIVE competition at the Phoenix Saloon, Friday, June 28 at 8pm. One lucky winner will take home the coveted TX Citizen tiara and sash, as well as a massive amount of prizes, at the First Annual Miss TX Citizen Contest, sponsored by The Phoenix Saloon, Budweiser, The Landmark Salon and Spa, Terrific Massage and Spa, The Perky Peacock and Lisa on Location! Admission is FREE, with 100% of all funds donated at the event to benefit New Braunfels Puppy Playland!

Live at The Happy Cow

FEATURING:

VOTE FOR PUPPY PLAYLAND

Through July 31: New Braunfels Puppy Playland (NBPP) is now a finalist in a the Bark for Your Park contest sponsored by PetSafe, a pet-products firm! One lucky 13 14 15 city will win the grand prize to spend on its dog park, and four other cities will receive $25,000. New Braunfels-area residents are asked to go online and bark (vote) for funding for their citys dog park. To vote, visit www.petsafe.net. Each voter may cast TWO ballots daily, (once via Facebook and once through the PetSafe website), so bark early and bark often! For information on the future dog park in New Braunfels and on the Bark for Your Park contest, go to www.newbraunfelsdogpark.com.

Iron Maidens Blaze Bayley, The Scorpions James Kottak, and John Moyer of Disturbed AND Queensryche in one of their four US dates this year!

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Sat & Sun

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Well get the word out for you! Send the details to18 calendar@txcitizen.com.

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9103 FM 1102 San Braunfels (Hunter, TX) 512.353.0030

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Ernest Servantes lS

diversions
Est. 1986

On the Tenth Day God Made Pork Reeeebs! Ribs have always been a summertime staple in our family, and from spare ribs to baby back, my family would love it when I made them. Many backyard warriors are in a constant struggle to find a way to cook the ribs so that they were tender enough that the bone would slip clean out. Im often asked, Big Ern, we found a good rib recipe, but they come out under, over or dry. In response, I started a quest to discover the easiest way to make a good backyard slab of baby back ribs. First things first, you need to buy good quality meat. Ive found that we really like the ribs from HEB, or one of our local meat providers, aka Granzins. There certainly isnt much meat on baby backs, but they always turn out tender. Next you need to prep the meat. Depending on where you bought it you may need to remove the membrane off the back of the slab before you apply your BBQ rub (recipe below). A secret hint to making sure your rub stays on the meat is to wet them down with water and then quickly rub them down - the water helps rehydrate all the dry spices and makes it easier for them to penetrate the meat. Always season your ribs thirty minutes to an hour before cooking them to allow the seasoning to flavor the meat. As for your pit, you want your smoker at 250 degrees. Here is the key part its called the 2+2 method. Smoke two hours, wrap in foil for two hours its that easy. For the first two hours smoke I tend to use a fruit wood like Westerns Apple or Peach (westernbbqproducts.com). After smoking for two hours, I wrap each slab of ribs with foil. I like to use two cups of apple juice to help steam the ribs and retain the moisture while wrapped. Put them back in the smoker or oven for an additional two hours at 250. When the two hours are done unwrap the ribs, slather on some of Cactus Jacks BBQ sauce (recipe below) and let the slab sit on a cutting board for 15 minutes to allow the juices and meat to relax. Slice the ribs and watch your family and friends eat em up!

Cactus Jacks Baby Back Ribs

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1 tbs of salt 1 tbs of black pepper 1 1tbs garlic powder 4 cups Head Country or Daigles Sweet n Sour Sauce 1 cup brown sugar cup yellow mustard 1 tbsp tomato paste 2 tsp onion powder 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

Cactus Jacks BBQ Sauce

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Ernest Servantes is the celebrity chef behind The Burnt Bean Company, a competitive BBQ team based in New Braunfels. His fire-and-meat-based skill set earned him national recognition when he captured the 2012 Grill Masters Championship, and the accompanying $50,000 grand prize, on the Food Networks Chopped.
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CITIZEN SOUNDCHECK
Thu 6.13
Black Whale Pub
TBA 9pm

Vineyard at Gruene Vino en Verde

ISIS Only Show 7pm

Triple Crown

Dirtys Bar & Q

The Media Writes 7pm

Steven Roloff & Friends 8pm Open Mic w/ Fallon Franklin 6pm Jam Night 6pm

Fri 6.14
Dirtys Bar & Q
James Pardo Band 8pm

Uptown Piano Bar

Barry Adams 8pm

Rabb Rodriguez 6pm Major Major Major, Grow!, Taylor Louis & the Lifeguards, The Canvas People 9pm

Bubbas Big Deck

Roclaholics 3pm

Cheatham Street Warehouse Geronimo VFW 8456

K Phillips & the Concho Pearls 9pm

Freiheit Country Store

Vineyard at Gruene
BJ Thibodeaux 7pm

Fundraiser Dance Cher La-bas Texas Cajun Band Cajun Food @ 6, Music @ 8 Wheeler Brothers w/ Whiskey Shivers 9pm, $12 Bo Brumble w/ The Groove Hounds 9pm Jon Wolfe 8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten Phoenix Saloon

Adam Johnson 5pm

The Happy Cow

Gruene Hall

Kim Meeks & Her Bad Habits 8pm MC & the Mystyx 6:30pm

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten Phoenix Saloon

Vino en Verde
Brett Cline w/ KennCentric 8pm

The Pour Haus

Rileys Tavern
Zakk Goodman 9pm

AJs Ale House

Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show 9pm Cyrus James w/ Hooper Brothers 5pm McClure, Sayle Bot 9pm Ashley Monical 9pm Arms Length 7:30pm

The Groove Hounds 5pm Blackwater Revival w/ True Audio Outland 8pm Modern Don Juans 9pm Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show 9pm Justin van Sant Band 8pm DollFace 7pm

Sat 6.15
Black Whale Pub
TBA 9pm

River Road Ice House Tavern in the Gruene

Brian Keane, $5 9pm

Billys Ice House

Rileys Tavern

Freiheit Country Store

Jason Allen w/ Breeland Angel 8pm

AJs Ale House

The Happy Cow

Triple Crown

Black & Tan Pub Cheatham Street Warehouse Concerts in the Park Gruene Hall

Billys Ice House

Beltsander Races 3pm Hell Camino & Perfect Strangers Following Races The Phillip Stevens Band 1pm The Texas Saints 6pm go to stereo w/ The Dirty Heat 9pm

Lethal Smut, Sasquatch Holler, Motel Ball Band, The Christophers, Molly J Hayes 8pm John Maclean 8pm Yesenia Trio 9pm

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten

Uptown Piano Bar Vino en Verde

Black & Tan Pub Bubbas Big Deck

Empty Handed Vagabonds 6pm Bill Carter w/ Grant Ewing & Colin Colby 9pm Larry Joe Taylor 8pm, $12 Streamline Bikini Event Brent Woods Trio 9pm Midnight River Choir 8pm 3 Man Front 8pm

Phoenix Saloon

Sun 6.16
Lone Star Float House & Grill
The Grant Ewing Band w/ Victor Holk 7pm The Blues Buzzards 2pm Al Barlow 2pm Dukes of York 7pm

Chubby Knuckle Choir 7pm Nick Lawrence 7pm Rockadillos 8pm

Cheatham Street Warehouse

The Pour Haus Tavern in the Gruene Triple Crown

Rileys Tavern

Gruene Hall

Roy Heinrich & the Pickups 9pm Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show 9pm George DeVore 8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret Garten Phoenix Saloon

AJs Ale House

The Pour Haus

Baja BBQ Shack Billys Ice House

Ike Eichenberg 6pm Chief Fuzzer, Copper Gamins, 8 Ball Aitken 10pm Ashley Stone 8pm

River Road Ice House Tavern in the Gruene

Wally West & Them Lostbound Souls 8pm Skies of Fire 10pm

Baja BBQ Shack

The Vagabonds 7pm Max & Friends 9pm

Uptown Piano Bar

8

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Dan Adams 8pm

Cheatham Street Warehouse

Blue Water Highway 9pm Two Tons Tuesday 8:30pm, $5 Open Mic w/ Jon Magill 8pm Roots & Branches of Americana 7pm The Blooms 9:30pm Daniel Phipps 6pm Unsurpassed Profit, Tramps on Lean, Evils of Alcohol, We Hate Each Other 9pm

Geronimo VFW 8456

Sunday Dance Paul Sanchez & Wrangler Country Band Food @ 2, Music @ 3 Ruby Jane Smith 12:30pm Shinyribs 5pm Larry Martin Sweeney & Friends w/ Brian Pounds 6pm Pray for West Benefit Steven Vee & Kori Free, +15 More 12pm

Gruene Hall

Gruene Hall

The Pour Haus

Tavern in the Gruene

The Pour Haus

River Road Ice House

Triple Crown

Rileys Tavern

Mon 6.17

Songwriter Showcase w/ John Whipple David Stewart Band 8pm

Wed 6.19
Buffalo Wings & Rings
Steven Roloff & Friends 7:30pm

GREAT FOOD

& GREAT ENTERTAINMENT

Billys Ice House Cheatham Street Warehouse

Haley Cole, Bo Bramble, Jordan York, Tony Taylor 9pm Gordy Quist Trio 7pm Paul Rogers 7pm

Phoenix Saloon Rileys Tavern

Michael Fletcher 9pm Allan Goodman 8:30pm Pickers Circle 7pm

Chris King & the Liberators 8pm

Gruene Hall

Get your Spurs on HERE!

The Pour Haus Tavern in the Gruene Triple Crown

60 Cycle Hum 8pm

Watering Hole Saloon Baja BBQ Shack Cheatham Street Warehouse

Kent Finlays Songwriters Circle 9pm Bill Kirchen & Too Much Fun 7pm Scott Wiggins 8pm

Watch San Antonio Battle Miami

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Gruene Hall

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The Happy Cow

Open Jam w/ Uncle Daddy 8pm Steven Roloff 9pm Buddy Boy 8:30pm

Tues 6.18

The Pour Haus Triple Crown

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Moonlight Social 8pm

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Dine-in only, limit one per customer. Limit one coupon per table. Not valid with any other offers. Maximum discount $6.00. Valid at New Braunfels and San Antonio Location Only. Expires 9/30/13

Buy 1 Meal & 2 Beverages & receive 2nd Meal 50% off

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983 LOOP 337 NEW BRAUNFELS, TX 78130

9

830-626-9464(WING)

TXCITIZEN.COM

SOUND TOWN
OUT OF
Fri 6.14
Antones
Bob Schneider w/ Water & Rust, The Chorderoys 8pm, $18-$150

THIS WEEK IN

Sat 6.15
Antones
Honey Island Swamp Band w/ Mingo Fishtrap, Canned Beets 8pm, $12-$100

SPOILERS
Big movies, ruined.
Featuring Guadalupe Brewing Co. Beers

Biergarten

The Internship

The Continental Club

Club Lineup: The Blues Specialists, 6:30pm Mercy Brothers w/ The Preservation, Nicholas Ginbey 10pm, $10 Gallery Lineup: The Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

The Continental Club

Club Lineup: Cornell Hurd Band, 3:30pm Temeca Jones w/ KP & the Boom Boom 10pm, $10 Gallery Lineup: Scarlett Olson, 8:30pm The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30, $5

Special Events Monthly Fresh Handmade Sandwiches and Salsa Private Parties- Catering Wedding Facilities Available Live Music Every Night Never a Cover Kid & Pet Friendly
1263 Gruene Road 830.625.1045 Call for Hours!

Owen Wilson and that guy from Swingers lose their jobs and become interns at Google. They help a bunch of techies find themselves, and in the end they all get jobs at Google. The eros-obsessed Indian chick is a virgin and the guy with the headphones turns out to be in charge of Google Search.

After Earth

Cowboys Dancehall
Mark Chestnut 8pm, $10 21+, $20 18+

Floores Country Store

Bleu Edmondson w/ Javi Garcia 8pm, $12

Floores Country Store

Brandon Rhyder w/ Aaron Einhouse 8pm, $15

omalovesyou.com

Hooligans Bar & Grill

Rock Star Riot 8:30pm, $4

Hooligans Bar & Grill

James Delgado & Friends 7:30pm, $5

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M. Night Shyamalan directed this Fresh Prince vehicle, and like all M. Night Shyamalan films, it has a completely unpredictable, ultra-surprising twist ending. Which in this case is the fact that the Fresh Prince brought one of those monsters that killed his daughter to Earth with him on purpose as a training device for his son to learn to conquer fear or die trying. Doh! His son lives, by the way.

Red Eyed Fly

Pulse Rate Zero w/ Black Thorn Halo, 3Denied, Mile of Dirt, Exit the Sun 8pm, Outside

2013

Start Trek: Into Darkness

Red Eyed Fly

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Upcoming Shows:
June 13
@ 6 Jam Night

Khan gets thawed out by Starfleet. Robocop turns out to be a super bad guy. Khan kills Kirk, instead of Spock, this time around. McCoy brings Kirk back to life with the aid of a Tribble. Robocop dies and Khan gets refrozen.

Sams Burger Joint

Guy Forsyth 8pm, $12-$60

Fast and Furious VI

Sams Burger Joint

Soul Track Mind w/ Big Britches 8pm, $10-$50

Stetson Bar
TBA 9:30pm

Our anti-heroes keep a plane from taking off by tying it to their bitchin cars. Vin Diesel and The Rock live, but Han gets killed after the credits. So stay until after the credits.

June14
@ 6:30 MC & The Mystyx

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby gets shot and hardly anybody shows up to his funeral.

Stubbs BBQ
Henry & the Invisibles w/ Sheer Khan, Kabomba 9pm, Inside, $8

Stetson Bar
TBA 9:30pm

June 15
@ 1 The Phillip Stevens Band @ 6 The Texas Saints

Java Heat
Scary bad-guy Mickey Rourke totally gets killed. They make you think hes going to get away, but then he gets killed.

Stubbs BBQ
The Reynolds Number w/ The Lonely Hunter, Antiques, Aaron Peace 8pm, Inside, $5

Thirsty Horse Saloon

Jay Eric Band 8pm

June 16
@ 2 The Blues Buzzards

June20
@ 6 Jam Night

Iron Man III

Thirsty Horse Saloon

Straight Shot 8pm

See you there!

Ben Kingsley isnt the bad guy after all he just plays one on TV. The real bad guy is that freak that shows up in the elevator at the beginning of the movie. Pepper lives, and Stark blows all the suits up. AD SALES 830.483.9563

10

UNCLE ESEL
Uncle Esel, Im sitting at the New Braunfels post office waiting for it to open and Im thinking... This place sure could use some sprucing up! A little TLC is very much needed here. The bushes seriously need trimming and all the weeds are running rampant. Id love to see some pretty flowers around. Inside is kinda dirty, I Wonder when was the last time it had a good cleaning? There are finger prints on every seeable surface. The displays are all in disarray like Rosss Dress For Less after the Holidays. Where did the German pride go in our post office? Tammy
Dear Tammy, Let me clear up first that Germans are not responsible for creating the concept of post offices and mail. The Romans are largely responsible for the development of a postal system that more closely resembles ours, but Uncle Esel found it most interesting that the Persians created the earliest mail system that, in an ironic twist, was used to gather intelligence and to pass out tax notices and bills. My how things have changed. Strangely enough, as Uncle Esel has mentioned numerous times about the government spying on your emails and such, it now comes out that each and every mail item is photographed and can be used to gather intelligence and put angry wives in jail for sending Ricin laced letters to the President. But on to your question, Tammy. Uncle Esel has used some of his intelligence gathering abilities of his own and found that the Post Office has been without custodian care for about a month, and has a new custodian hired and starting soon. Of course, you probably saw that on your own Facebook post from one of your friends, and it was sure nice of her to do that info gathering for me. Please thank her on my behalf. I would tell you that you should keep a sharp eye out because the USPS has been hemorrhaging for decades and they cant seem to find a way to profit. Perhaps you and some friends should organize something like the public librarys Friends of the Library. I am surprised that theyve actually hired someone with the sequester scare from Obama, because you know how Republicans hate clean parking lots. TXCITIZEN.COM By the way, the Swedes are considered the cleanest in Europe. Love, K

ADVICE FROM

Uncle Esel, What are your thoughts on the river access fee that our Mayor seems to be targeting for next year? Are we all going to pay for the Citys mistakes or am I looking too deeply into this? After all, the City has never charged for this for many years, and now the container ban has reduced the river problems and the higher costs. This can be seen in the lower number of arrests and citations, removal of the crowds, no longer the need to close streets around the Schlitterbahn, reduced overtime requirements of the Police Department etc. Should local residents be paying to use the river? That is what the fee is for according to the Mayor during her Monday with the Mayor on KGNB. (Why I listen to that, I really dont know!) However they are saying that they are charging to have access to the river through the parks. Is this to protect local river property owners from paying to use the river? So is charging for use of the parks but using this money to offset river related costs legal? Hell my property value just jumped 6% this year so the city can collect more taxes. It feels like the suggested prostitution that I never personally witnessed has left the river and now the local residents are getting raped! I spend a lot of time on the Comal river over weekends with a Kayak, and noticed that there are very few tourists on the river using tubing companies. You can always see the locals as by the type of tubes they use. Clearly more than 60% is by regular visitors who have invested in their own personal tubes. I have also noticed over the past two years that the Rockin R exit is empty with very few tubers from Rockin R on the river. I see many Texas Tubes and some from Landa Falls. This is the opposite from 2009, 2010 & 2011. So my belief is that local tubing companies are, where possible, taking the tubers outside of town where there is no container ban. So now the city is not collecting as much as they should on the $1.50 taxes from every tuber using the tubing companies. No wonder the City Council is already jumping up and down

to start workshops on getting the private tubers and hence mostly locals to pay taxes to use the river. Higher rivers costs created by our City and lower collections must be hurting! Now the locals must pay as the City is no longer making good on the business of tourism. Paul G.
Dear Paul, Well, youre kind of right about customers going out of town, but its not the tubing companies taking them. After the ban, many people showed up like they had for many years, and found out that it was a huge hassle to bring their business here. Many of them actually said that the experience was not worth it and they would go elsewhere, and this year many of them are. San Marcos is booming with new business that we sent them, and no that generation baseball player (he looks like the old produce guy at HEB) is going to influence them. Meanwhile the city keeps spending and spending even though the mayor said two years ago that a bold decision would finally fix many problems. Now ask her to show you the budget. The idea that the city wants to tax me to get in a river from a public place is just commie talk. This actually would be a walking tax as in a tax for the honor of walking across a public park. Look, city people, last time we checked, its public land and a navigable river and there is no authority to tax that. Losing is stupid, but losing twice is just brain-dead, awe-inspiring stupid. So to be straight, you think the mayor wants to tax a long time New Braunfels industry that is a part of our life and heritage going back generations because it results in trash in the river, drunken behavior, urine in the river and on the banks, traffic congestion, parking problems, law enforcement issues, loud music, an occasional indecent exposure, medical calls, crowds, and more? Well, Im up for that discussion, so when is the next Wurstfest Association meeting? (See what I did there?) Love, K

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Uncle K. Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is well known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. If you find yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, send your question to Uncle Esel at: askesel@TXCITIZEN. COM. Be sure to write Question for Uncle Esel in the subject line of your email. Tattoos / Piercings / Tattoo Removal / Permanent Cosmetics
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MOST WANTED
ARELLANO, OMAR DANIEL PEINADO, PEDRO RAMIREZ
Male 506 265 lbs DOB: 07/04/1980 CHARGE: Evading arrest detection with vehicle Male 508 200 lbs DOB: 09/27/1978 CHARGE: Driving while intoxicated with child under 15 yoa

ARIZA, AUGUSTINE
Male 508 180 lbs DOB: 06/10/1953 CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for engaging in organized criminal activity

Male 602 200 lbs DOB: 06/06/1952 CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance and bail jumping and fail to appear felony

SATTERFIELD, WILLIAM DALE

Dear Mexican: In Philadelphia, where I live, there are three Spanishlanguage stations on regular broadcast television. None of them offer English subtitles. I bet plenty of people of all heritages would like to check out Spanish language television, or the news from Central America or whatever, if we could get subtitles. I called one of the stations (Univisin) about it but they said there are no plans to offer subtitles. Channel 35 here in Philly has Chinese, Korean, German, Russian, Polish, and Italian programming, all with Dear Confused Melody Gabacha: subtitles. Your thoughts? Because he loves you youre no longer just Broad Street Broad
a gabacha to screw, but a mujer ready to meet the familia. Better make sure you incorporate chorizo into your hotdish and Im not talking about your hoo-hah. Dear Gabacha: Your letter has been in my Ask a Mexican! archives for so long that your question is no longer needed but Ill todavia answer it because it allows me to raise a great point. Last year, Univisin announced it was going to offer English-language captions for most of its telenovelas and even some news programs, although it didnt necessarily have gabachos in mind. Rather, the move was prompted by Univisins realization that assimilation is inevitable in this country, and that if it didnt acknowledge

ARRIAGA, JOSE HILDEBERTO

Male 508 150 lbs DOB: 12/18/1976 CHARGE: Unauthorized use of vehicle and evading arrest with a vehicle

VAZQUEZ, ALFREDO RICO

Male 503 156 lbs DOB: 09/23/1956 CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance

CARTER, NATHANIEL ANDREW

Male 607 210 lbs DOB: 10/03/1987 CHARGE: Two countsMotion to proceed with adjudication for possession of marijuana

Male 511 160 lbs DOB: 07/13/1977 CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for unauthorized use of a vehicle

VILLARREALTREVINO, JULIO CESAR

who recommended me as the commencement that English is the ultimate destiny for every speaker in the first place. A big ol :-( to the Mexican in el Norte, it would become as ELAC student on Twitter who asked a very relevant to the Mexican experience as simple question: Donde estas, buey? I will apologize for this for the rest of my life, I will never be able to live this mistake canned tortillas. Its not a new tale the ethnic press has long had a vibrant place in American

MARTINEZ, BENITO III

Male 510 170 lbs DOB: 01/10/1984 CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for burglary of habitation

WHEELER, MICHAEL WAYNE

Male 508 160 lbs DOB: 11/06/1966 CHARGE: Theft of property over $1500 under $20,000

down, and I will do everything possible to letters (the first Spanish-language newspaper try and make this up to ustedes. For starters, published in los Estados Unidos goes back to gentle readers: ELAC is an amazing institution the early 19th century), but the only ones that survive more than a couple of generations temporary phenomena, and that their days are numbered. Thats why this infernal column also has a shelf life: when the Reconquista is finally complete, I will turn the burro over to my gabacho intern so he can explain Americas largest and whiniest minority to the ruling Mexi class. that has long hosted a book festival (where theyve graciously invited me in the past) and Also? Im the biggest pendejo in the world but ustedes knew that already!

$200 REWARD
12

are those that understand theyre only has many amazing teachers and students.

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour 830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act Code 552.001 st.seq.annotated Public Record and Information disclosure statues. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, June 3, 2013 at 1:42 pm and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. For anonymous tips and rewards, please contact Crime Stoppers at: 24-Hour Phone number 830.620.3400; Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm 830.620.3411. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

COMAL COUNTYS

ASK A MEXICAN!
By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: Im a gringa from Iowa and Ive been dating my Mexican boyfriend for about three months now. He knows Im from a background thats as white as they come, since Im German-Norwegian mix. But he fell in love with me because I think I shocked him. See, I speak Spanish, I listen to Spanish music, and we even met at a club for cumbia and bachata dancing. And he is puro mexicano with no English. He always calls me his sexi gringa/guera pero, lately, hes been calling me his mexicana tambin when weve gone out dancing or for drinks. Why is that? Melodia Confusa

CONFIDENTIAL TO the East Los

Angeles College familia. Ustedes graciously invited me to be your commencement speaker earlier this year and I stood ustedes up last week through a calendar error all my own. I profusely apologize to everyone at East Los Angeles College for insulting you in this way you deserve so much better., Perdname, Profe Godinez, my fellow Chapman University alum,

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or ask him a video question at youtube. com/askamexicano!
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THE

WITH MITCHELL WILBURN

Magic Hats #9 Not-Quite-Pale-Ale wolves and the hot dog highway and other such insanity-fueled ramblings, I asked my most normal co-workers how I could open an article in a normal way. After a few ideas topic. Magic Hat Brewing Company is based not from the nose but definitely from the taste. Oddly enough, the first thing I noticed thinner than I was expecting from anything Frankly, I found that pretty nice and refreshing. I just cant get that whet your whistle feel similarly refreshing. Once again, plenty of apricot, along with some citrus tang from the hops. The little hoppiness was a great compliment to the sweet fruit flavor, keeping it entirely in check from being too cloying. There was also a good balance with pale malts, just enough to form a good backing and tone down any sharp edges. It would be a good not quite pale ale, even without the apricot, but adding it creates one unique while drinking this was that it would be quite interesting to have it soured, or blended with So after last weeks unpleasantness with the in Vermont, but has been picking up momentum This may or may not have something to do Seagrams Coolers, and Pyramid. Personally,

everywhere west of the Mississippi as well. from this was the mouthfeel. Its pretty thin, with being bought by NAB, owners of Labatt, that wasnt macro-brew clear and yellow.

being shot down for being too, shall we say, Im glad for it. I know Magic Hat isnt on the conversation about fruit. After all, the beer Im reviewing is (spoiler alert) a fruit beer. peaches, apricots, and plums are all related? Its entirely true. Chiquita Banana used to shoulders above the grocery store tier beers. #9 Not-Quite-Pale-Ale is Magic Hats in bottles, but Ive seen it on tap at some frequency. The one I had was on tap, a pint,

hard to grasp, I decided on having a normal snob short-list, but I think its a good head and with anything too thick. The taste itself was

Lets start with some facts. Did you know flagship year-round beer. Youll find it more

be an actual anthropomorphic banana with and Ive heard that it is notably better on tap. a fruit hat before being replaced by a lady If you see it, go for it and compare the two. with a fruit (and not animal/people) hat. And to settle the old debate: YES: limes, lemons, oranges, and grapefruits are all picked from the same tree at different times in the season as they ripen. Look it up, smart guy. I didnt. Im being told that one of those things is It pours a beautiful clear pale orange/ amber color. Theres a bit of a white, wet head that retains pretty well for such a light of grain. I cant find an explicit source, but I think its a badly kept secret that the fruit

beer. The nose is all apricot, maybe a bit and refreshing brew. An odd thought I had

Mitchell Wilburn is our resident bon vivant and arbiter of all things not actually true. Maybe this article is spinning component is either partially or entirely a tart lambic. An interesting prospect, and barley. Send your beer questions to him at hops@txcitizen.com. towards the Twilight Zone, so lets get back on apricot. Trust me, you can guess it, perhaps something I may have to think about trying.

TXCITIZEN.COM

13

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The TX Citizen's own Pitmaster, Ernest Servantes, tied for Grand Champion at last weekend's state BBQ championship in Lockhart, placing 1st in ribs, 2nd in brisket, and 3rd in chicken. The tie was broken in the brisket category, with the Chopped: Grill Masters champion narrowly missing the top spot. Check out Big Ern this Saturday at Freiheit Country Store's BBQ cookoff, where he'll make another run at greatness, and on page 7 of this issue of the TX Citizen, where he'll teach you the secret to making fall-off-the-bone baby back ribs! Chairs were ying as Block Buster Wrestling invaded the friendly con nes of Alpha CrossFit last Sunday, with luchadore Santana Jr (below, middle) coming out on top in a three-way battle, and taking home a belt, in his rst hardcore match. #brutal

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14 TX CITIZEN AD SALES 830.483.9563

CANS ALWAYS WELCOME!

Last Word
With Kelly Colby
A North Country Yankee in Prince Solms Court Part II: Texas Food Im wild about food. Calling me a foodie would be a discredit to those of more discerning tastes, though. I dont claim any sort of impeccable palate. My interest in food is much broader, and to be fair, Im much more likely to find something to my taste in a local greasy spoon than I am in a five-star restaurant. Because of this, my trip to Texas needed to include ample opportunities to sample the local cuisine. Mike Reynolds started me out right with a trip to InN-Out in Dallas, but it was hardly the last of my culinary adventures. my decision in one singular respect: Yankees know nothing about making biscuits and gravy. that the name was some derivation of the than that as the Comal River is but a stones throw away. The river itself most likely refers to the southern kitchenware, and again, not eating. at Caf Comal, nothing else mattered. I ordered it as a side and allowed the kitchen to bring me something to go with it. Their choice was perfect,

birthplace in Southern California, I regretted

I found the Nirvana I desired on my first

attempt at Caf Comal. I would have assumed

Spanish eat comer, of course the name is smarter

When I saw biscuits and gravy on the menu

There is no question that New Braunfels is awash in small-production local brews, but in worry that my teeth might rot out of my head a skillet dish with all the typical breakfast fare. a meat-centric place. I suspect this is common to most of New Braunfels, I stuck to Shiner Bock immediately, but I liked it nonetheless. Im told (EDITORS NOTE It was migas.) I ate it with the region. Each morning when I got up, the first or Lone Star; as I mentioned before, the finer its a southern staple, and I know from my relish while I waited for my side to cool a bit. travels that there are a variety of soft drinks that (EDITORS NOTE By relish he means with stop would be some place to get breakfast tacos. things are often wasted on me. Breakfast tacos are an interesting concept I found an exception to this rule at the have a regional appeal. I would gladly trade gusto and delight, not actual relish. Ew.)

In my mind little can compare with the in and of themselves. Essentially, a breakfast Faust Brewing company. I didnt have time to the Moxie we have here for your Big Red. question the diabolical nature of the company ecstasy of a well-prepared plate of biscuits No trip to Texas would be complete taco is what most of the rest of the country calls breakfast, wrapped in a tortilla. Generally name with the bewitching Dana ONeil, but without Texas Bar-B-Que. Dirtys Bar and Q and gravy. The creamy, hearty goodness of delicious, the tacos vary from one location to she did direct me to several of the house ales, filled the bill nicely in New Braunfels. When this dish should be recognized worldwide, the next and most everyone offers some level all of which were exceptionally tasty. I missed Mike and I first pulled up, Dirty, Chris Dausin, but alas it is not. Caf Comal gave me what I craved, of a-la-carte variety. A trips to El Nopolito the chocolate and peanut butter brew by a was at his smoker in front of the restaurant. provides all the sustenance a growing boy few days, but perhaps it is for the best. What I Rarely have I met a restaurateur more cordial, though. As the gravy cooled, it gelled perfectly. like me needs in the morning: my eggs, meat, tasted was so well balanced that my imaginings and he met all of my expectations of Texas. Its I poked at the gravy with a pointed finger and the occasional vegetable all provided on a of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup in a bottle might nice to know that stereotypes all live out there watched it quiver without coating me. (A perfect be better than the reality, and as it is, I can somewhere. He encouraged me to try the ribs gravy does this the moment it begins to cool.) conveniently edible plate. I, no doubt, raised some eyebrows by speculate without any fear. (Notice how I deftly he was working on, and though it need to be I giggled deliriously as I watched the Tabasco pool on the top and begin to eat into the blanket a takeout order, I agreed. tucking in the bottom of my taco to make a try to sucker a gratis sixer out of her?) makeshift burrito, but everyone was elegant The Faust also allowed me to try what I

Against all possible good sense, I covering the biscuits. Nothing more is needed

enough not to gasp or point. During my am told is a Texas specialty: queso dip. With ordered the Dirty Sanchez Nachos as well. for a good biscuits and gravy, and nothing occasional trips to Rudys, I dispensed with the a name like Colby, Im hardly one to shrink While the name has novelty appeal, I would more was needed for Caf Comals. Each bite

formalities of anything other than their delicious away from cheese, and the preparation of this suggest something else based on the images included fluffy biscuit and slid down my throat with sausage-fat-induced ease, and I could feel varieties of meat. Its nice to have the occasion melted cheddar, beef and sour cream, served the name evokes. to go straight-caveman once in a while. I had the opportunity to visit the Gruene with tortilla chips was both simple and tasty. The ribs were a dream. Obviously, there my arteries harden right there at the table. This doesnt represent all of my This was just one of several Texas delicacies is great disagreement over the best regional

Grind on several occasions as well. (Theres I tried, and all followed this common theme of Bar-B-Que. Coming from Vermont puts me in gastronomical adventures, but it certainly that odd type of spelling again. Im told its simplicity made delicious. I tried Frito pie at the the unique position of not having a dog in the provides a good overview. Vermont has its pronounced green.) Im rarely a coffee Spud Ranch. I cant say that the concoction is fight. Im now firmly in Texass camp. Dirtys charms, but the food isnt really one of them. person, but the Grind won me over. They mix original in any sense, but Im told that Frito pie ribs are served with a generous side of sauce In New Braunfels, I found a place my stomach up a mean cappuccino, with foam decorations can only be truly appreciated if prepared in, which is perfect but wholly unnecessary. could explore for 100 visits. Only word count that astounded the bumpkin in me and a and eaten from, the Fritos bag, preferably with I found myself devouring the ribs without holds back my praise. Next week: Texas Leisure caffeine level sufficient to set my teeth on edge. a spork, while at a high school football game. concern for additional condiments. As part of my quest, I asked to be given The deep fried pickles from Freiheit were Aside from the Double-Double I started out typically Texan delicacies whenever possible. more surprising, but quite good with a bit of my trip with and the Del Taco I had planned for Clearly, and not surprisingly, the most common ranch dip. Big Red soda is a puzzler is that the way home, there was one thing I was intent response I got was beer. The country seems bubble gum I taste? The sweetness made me on trying before I left Texas. Ever since I left my TXCITIZEN.COM

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug. blogspot.com.

15

&

Who will take home the honor, the prizes, and the coveted Miss TX Citizen tiara?
Find out Friday, June 28, at 8pm LIVE at the Phoenix Saloon!
ADM

Prizes courtesy of

FREE
ISSIO

LANDMARK SALON & SPA

Vote for your favorite entrant with cold, hard cash! The contestant who raises the most money during the pageant will be named the very rst Miss TX Citizen. 100% of funds raised by all contestants will be donated to New Braunfels Puppy Playland for the establishment of an off-leash dog park right here in New Braunfels!