Parental Warmth and Control

Parental warmth is the degree to which parents are accepting, responsive, and compassionate with their children. Parents who are high in warmth are very supportive, nurturing, and caring. They pay close attention to their children's needs, and their parenting behaviors tend to be child centered (focused on the needs of the child rather than on the convenience or demands of the parents). Researchers see parental warmth as existing on a broad continuumfrom parents who show a high degree of warmth to those who show little or no warmth. At the lower end of the continuum are parents who are rejecting, unresponsive to their children, and more parent centered than child centered. This cold type of parenting is detrimental to the child's development. Numerous studies have shown that children who experience cold parenting are more aggressive, have fewer friends, and perform more poorly in school. Conversely, when parenting is high in warmth, children acquire better social and academic skills, and they show more love and respect for their parents and other people (Maccoby & Martin, 1983; Parke & Buriel, 1998). Parental control is the degree to which the parents set limits, enforce rules, and maintain discipline with children. Parents who are high in control set firm limits on their children's behavior, and they enforce rules consistently. They are involved in their children's lives and use discipline to provide structure for their children's behaviors. Parents low in control, however, are lax, permissive, or uninvolved with their children. Like parental warmth, control is on a continuum: Some parents show a high degree of control, some only a moderate degree, and others very little control or little involvement with their children, When we look at parental warmth and parental control, it is important to consider their combined effects. When warm parents use firm control, for example, discipline tends to be child centered, age appropriate, and positive. When cold and rejecting parents use firm control, however, discipline can be very harsh, punitive, and even abusive. By itself, neither warmth nor control is sufficient for explaining the effects of parenting on children's developmental outcomes. Researchers also draw a distinction between physical control and psychological control. Physical control involves the use of physical means to control children, such as hitting, spanking, pushing, and physically forcing children to do things. Psychological control uses guilt, humiliation, love withdrawal, or emotional manipulation to control children. Both forms of control can be harmful, especially when used by parents who are cold or rejecting with their children. One study of Chinese families, for example, showed that fathers who used more physical control had sons who were more physically aggressive with their peers. In this same study, psychological control by mothers was related with increases in physical and emotional aggressiveness in their daughters (Nelson, Hart, Yang, Olsen, & Jin, 2006). Therefore, the effects of physical and psychological control may depend on the parent inflicting the control and on the gender of the child who is being controlled. THE CRITICAL ROLE OF MOTHERS IN THE LIVES OF CHILDREN Dr. Tesfa G. Gebremedhin West Virginia University

Most of us, the male parents, go through life comfortably, without being conscious of the innumerable tasks our spouses are involved in, raising our children and taking care of their households. Many of us men are still dwelling in the privileges and legacy of our male-dominated cultural norms and practices. If we seriously observe and account the daily tasks and responsibilities of mothers, they are many and varied, as compared with those of fathers, when it comes to the unparalleled obligations and challenges of raising decent children. Recent research indicated that married women with young children work more hours, ranging from 14 to 16 hours per day, than married men who work not more than 4 to 6 hours a day. Women play the role of mothers, spouses, and workers (or farmers). Mothers are involved in many tasks of the household such as raising the children, meeting the demands of their spouses, and, nowadays, they have even become the bread-winners in single-family households. Men think that a fathers role is only that of a provider and consequently struggle with the role of fathering, particularly in a father-to-daughter relationship. They do not even instruct their sons about being fathers let alone instruct their daughters to be mothers. Every father of us, unfortunately, has to find his own way, or from members of our community, in being a good parent in order to effectively collaborate with his spouse in raising their children. The extent to which a father can give to his child, very much depends on what he can receive from his relationship with his spouse. In fact, we all have to take the time to teach ourselves or learn from our spouses to be real fathers, especially the fathers of our daughters. It is a constant state of learning for the fathers and has become involved with the spouses in the interpersonal responsibilities at home. Mothers have a special place in their childrens lives because of the bondage that starts from pregnancy and develops through childhood, youth, and adolescence. A mothers involvement with her children is unique and different because there is a strong emotional and social bonding occurring in between. Bonding with children comes only with a day-to-day unconditional love and care of the family. We need to recognize the inextricable strong link that exists between the mothers and the welfare of the whole family including the father and children. Every thing is well if the mother is well in the household. A Jewish proverb says, God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers. The words of this venerable proverb have strong emphasis on the important role mothers play in raising their children and taking care of their spouses. Like wise, the Italian proverb says, Dietro un uomo di successo ce sempre una grande donna di successo. In Arabic, it also says the same thing, W arra kulu rajil Azen emraa. What it means is that, behind a great man, there is always a great woman. It is unthinkable to find a great man who is unmarried because a man is not complete until he is married. But if there is a great unmarried man, he must have a great mother behind him. In other words, women not only mold and guide their children to be the best citizens, but they also prepare their spouses to become successful at work and in life. Men become the best they can be only with the support and encouragement of women. It is evident that men cannot live without women, but women can live without men because we have observed many of them raising decent children in a household full of love and, care without the support of men. However, it is true that mothers have unique role in parenting, but it cannot be 100% complete without the involvement of fathers.

We should gratefully cherish and uphold the love and dedication of our Eritrean mothers who willingly brought us to this world with great pleasure, nurturing us with love and care and raising us to be humble, considerate and understanding with our friends and foes alike. As we are well aware, cultural barriers have been difficult to cross because our mothers were not allowed to see beyond the sacred fences of tradition. However, the role of women in the Eritrean society has altered radically and widely diversified over the years. Eritrean mothers, against all odds, not only challenged traditional roles by engaging in typically male-dominated occupations, they also provided progressive and positive role models for young boys and girls and diligently served the Eritrean villages and communities. During the thirty years of armed struggle, the Eritrean women threw away their veils and skirts to carry guns like their brothers and fight the national colonial enemy. After independence, Eritrean women replaced their aprons with overalls, their wooden spoons with wrenches and pick axes, and their kitchens with offices to collaborate with their brothers in nation building. Currently, contemporary Eritrean women are playing a more active role in professional careers and, at the same time, making all the necessary efforts in the world to raise their children with love and care. Eritrean mothers usually talk about parenting among themselves when they come together. They talk about the activities of their children in school and at home, but not necessarily talk about sex and sexuality. When Eritrean fathers come together, they tend not to discuss parenting with each other, leaving that to the mothers. A mother usually understands intuitively what children do not say, but a father usually does not even understand what children say and do. It is true that we, Eritrean fathers, are concerned about our daughters developing sexuality but we usually do not talk with our spouses or friends about these concerns. Most of the time, we want our daughters to be attractive and beautiful, but at the same time we do not want them to have any sex appeal that will attract the neighborhood boys. We are threatened by boys coming around wanting to see or date our daughters. It is funny when I see it, in retrospect, that we greet them with a stoic and mean expression and a look that conveys a me ssage, If you touch my daughter, I will break your neck. We literally give them an impression that we have a beeper attached to our daughters waist to rally us a signal, when ever they attempt to get involved in sexual activities. We, the fathers, like to be in charge and think that we are in control of the situation, but we usually create a mess and a big misunderstanding between us and our daughters. But, there is always a mother around who put things in order and who heals hearts that were bruised and hurt. When our childrens emotional lives suffer various maladies of the heart, it is corrected and comforted by the mother. When a daughter feels ashamed, fearful, and insecure, it is the mother who instills in her confidence and security. When a son feels the fear of failure that he can never be good enough to live up to the expectation of those around him, particularly to his father, it is the mother who encourages her son to be brave, strong, and to have a good discipline and make moral choices. Mothers are the bank of the whole family where members of that family dump all their hurts and worries . When the family is in total chaos and disorder both emotionally and socially, it is the mother who creates peace and harmony in the household.

Mothers are every thing for children. The relationship is built on unconditional love and care. One day a certain mother ran into (or bump against) a stranger as he tried to pass by to cross a street, she said, "Oh! excuse me please." The stranger said, "Please excuse me too; I was not watching for you." Both the stranger and the mother were very polite. They said good-bye and they went on their separate ways. But, at home, how we treat our loved ones, young and old, is a different story. It was one of the days that this same mother was cooking the evening meal for her family. Her son came into the kitchen unnoticed by his mother and stood beside her very still and silent. When she turned around, she nearly knocked him down. " Move out of the way," she yelled at him with a frown face. He walked away to his bedroom and his little heart was broken. She did not realize how harshly she had spoken to him. While she lay awake resting in bed after dinner, a small voice from a little angel of God came to her ears and said, "While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go and look on the kitchen floor, you will find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers your son brought for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly in the kitchen not to spoil the surprise; you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes." By this time, she felt very small, and now her tears began to fall. She quietly went and knelt by her sons bed; " Wake up, little one, wake up," She said. "Are these the flowers you picked for me?" He smiled, "I found them, out by the tree. I picked them because they are pretty like you. I knew you would like them, especially the blue." She replied, "Son, I am very sorry for the way I acted today; I should not have yelled at you that way." He said, "Oh, Mother, that is okay. I love you anyway." She also said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially the blue." So what is behind this touching story? Our children need our love, particularly the most when they least deserve it. We should be aware that if we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for can easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family members we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. When we come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than we focus into our own family and that is an unwise investment indeed. Relationship is the fabric of our life. We feel like a whole person or a whole family, when all the pieces of the fabric are in their proper place. But, sometimes some pieces of the fabric are torn or ripped off and become difficult or even impossible to have the pieces patched or sown up to make the entire fabric to stay intact for life. For instance, many children have grown up divorced. When a mother and father divorce, the children are divorced as well. Divorce does not improve their lives; it has just the opposite effect on children for the rest of their lives. The effects are not temporary; they shape their lives with fear of confusion, abandonment, humiliation, and rejection and these feelings are carried with the children for years in their lives. Divorce is a traumatic event that significantly contributes to the formation of economic hardship, for both mothers and children, particularly in poor female-headed households. An account of a poor mother based on the true story of Kudusan in rural Eritrea, is a typical example. Kudusan was married at thirteen to Gurja, a twenty year-old man. She never had the chance to go to school as a young girl. The marriage was arranged by her father and Kudusan saw her husband for the first time on her wedding day. Gurja was a poor small-scale farmer before he died of illness after 20 years of marriage. Not long after the

wedding, Gurja turned out to be a cruel husband and irresponsible father. He mistreated his children and beat his wife constantly by reprimanding her for not bringing a good dowry when they got married. Although she has been a good wife, loving mother, and provided four wonderful sons and two beautiful daughters, the beating continued until the day he died. Even though she could not stand the beating and scolding, she could not move out and leave him because she did not have the skill to go out and raise her children by herself. She could not get help from her parents because they were poor. When her husband died of sudden illness, she was burdened with a high proportion of dependents and typically has been left with no resources to make a living. She was allowed to farm a half share of his village land. She owned only two goats and one working ox which she paired with the ox of her neighbor to plow the farmland. It was very difficult to support her and six children with limited resources. To augment her meager farm income, she started to exploit her untapped and unused skill, braiding womens hair for cash or in kind, as an emergency survival mechanism. Through her determination and effort she managed to survive and raise her children with dignity and integrity. Her children are now all grown ups and married and she even became a grandmother. She is proud of her children and serves her village community as a wonderful role model to young Eritrean mothers who are having the same fate. Kudusans story is not uncommon among many mothers in rural Eritrea, but very few of them like Kudusan become successful in raising their children because many of them do not have Kudusans skills to fall back on hard times. The lesson we can learn from the story is that if relationship is only taking without giving, it is a doomed affair in the making. Thus, fathers and mothers are significant players in patching up situations, partners involved in caring and sharing, and active parents devoted in making home a nice place to live in for children. We all do mistakes in raising our children and in our relationship with our spouses. Since to err is human and to forgive is divine, we should not be afraid to admit when we know what we are doing with regard to our spouses and children are wrong. It is not a sign of weakness to admit and ask for forgiveness for what we did wrong, but shows character and responsibility. Others will respect us for that kind of character. We must always do the right things, even when everyone does as they please with no consideration for the feelings of other fellow Eritreans and the welfare of our children. Obviously, if we have our own communities in our localities, we should never compromise our values and beliefs for something else because we will have the consolidated power of unity and strength. We have to refuse to run away from the things that divide us and overcome our fears so that we may grow as strong and solid Eritrean communities and raise well-disciplined and responsible Eritrean children. It is evident that we have many Eritrean professionals and scholars who have enormous wisdom and capabilities to make unique contributions and differences in our communities. We need to be aware that we are each an angel with only one wing, and we can only fly with two wings by embracing each other.

Essential Reading
Women view 'corporate game' with disdain Fat salaries, fast cars and "playing the corporate game" are of little or no interest to ambitious senior business women. What they look for are companies with an inclusive culture. A new blueprint for business The current recession offers a once-in-a-generation opportunity to shift the dynamic of the workplace from one that is inherently masculine to one where there is a more balanced collaboration of the masculine and the feminine within us all. Women squeezed out of organisational life The battle to break through the glass ceiling into the boardroom leaves many women negative, worn down and disillusioned that they are not being used to their full potential. Female brain-drain "a myth" The "hidden brain-drain" of women opting out of the U.S. workforce to spend more time with their kids is a myth, a new report has claimed. Instead, the real reason for the decline in the number of working women is the overall weakness of the labour market. Why do women in business sell themselves short? Even professional women with discretion over the amount they charge for their work tend to ask for less than men. But while this might suggest that they are doing themselves a disservice, new research suggests that the opposite may be true. Women do best in women-led companies A new study has found that women executives in the U.S. working in women-led firms earn between 15 and 20 per cent more in total compensation than women working in other firms. Women less prepared to sacrifice everything to reach the top It isn't discrimination that is stopping women getting into the boardroom, a new survey has suggested. They just aren't prepared to make the sacrifices needed to get there. Rules of the game for corporate women Why do so many women struggle with "being political"? They possess all the skills they need to succeed in the political arena but all too often, no-one has taught them the rules of the game. So here's a crash course in how to play the game without becoming a man in a skirt. More senior women needed, now

The dominance of a male, macho, risk-taking business culture is at the heart of the world's economic woes and knee-jerk rescue plans may be making things even worse.

Working Girl: A History of Women in the Workplace

A look at the history of women in the workplace shows great progress. But experts say they have miles to go before overcoming the many problems women in the workplace face. By Kristina Cowan Sandra Day O'Connor-the first woman named to the U.S. Supreme Court-graduated third in her class from Stanford Law School in 1952. According to the Supreme Court Historical Society, when Sandra Day O'Connor pursued a job as a lawyer, she faced intense discrimination against women in the workplace and was repeatedly rebuffed by firms that wouldn't hire women. But Sandra Day O-Connor did get an offer to work as a legal secretary. Women have come a long way, looking back at the beginning history of women in the workplace. NALP, The Association for Legal Career Professionals, says 45 percent of law firm associates are women. Women enroll in college more than men, and their workforce numbers have improved. Mark Penn writes in his book "Microtrends" that "While women dominated first in teaching and nursing, their upward mobility has led to a new tier of professional success beyond those careers. ... As women everywhere have entered the workforce and gotten more education, a whole new set of professional jobs is opening up to them." Penn says "women are on the verge of taking over word-based professions, like journalism, law, marketing, and communications." But despite the rising number of women in the workplace and America's offices and classrooms, there are still problems. Women in the workplace are still underrepresented in professions involving math and science, and a gender pay gap remains.

Education and the History of Women in the Workplace

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, women made up 42 percent of undergraduate enrollment in 1970, some 50 percent in 1977, and 57 percent in 2005. They're also gaining ground in advanced degrees:

Women accounted for 47 percent of law school enrollments in 2006-2007, according to the American Bar Association, up from 8.6 percent in 1970-1971; In 2006-2007, 49 percent of medical school enrollments were women, up from 9.6 percent in 1970-1971, according to the Association of American Medical Colleges.

Meanwhile, more women are working than ever before in the history of women in the workplace. In 1970, only about 43 percent of women 16 and older were working; by 1999, that figure jumped to 60 percent, the Bureau of Labor Statistics says.

Experts say higher education is a big reason why there are more women in the workplace and pursuing different careers. "I think a lot has to do with a thirst for education and the opportunities now provided to [women]. ... We've made a giant step forward in 50 years and a lot has to do with opportunities in education," says Vicki Donlan, a Massachusetts-based author and consultant. Karen Page, a New York-based author and founder of professional women's organizations, says as women are successful and visible in different fields, they serve as role models to younger women struggling in the workplace. "For decades, career advice books have suggested that women look for fields where other women have succeeded; it's much harder to be a pioneer," she says.

A Gender Pay Gap, and Other Hurdles for Women in the Workplace
Though there have been great strides for women in the workplace, experts say they have miles to go before they overcome all of the equality problems. Women in the workplace particularly face hurdles within math- and science-related fields such as technology and engineering. "I just think historically there's a tradition that women shouldn't be interested in this sort of thing. It's a shame and I've seen this happen with people I know who were very good in math and science and just moved away from that in their high school years," says Dr. Laurence Shatkin, a career information expert. He says that because of the given history of women in the workplace, women can be discouraged from these fields by teachers, employers, and even themselves. Along with the problems women in the workplace face, there's the issue of the gender pay gap, a problem which has continually promoted inequality among men and women in the workplace time line. The American Association of University Women Educational Foundation's 2007 report, "Behind the Pay Gap," says college-educated women in the workplace still earn less than their male counterparts (controlling for hours, occupation, parenthood and other pay-related factors). Experts have different ideas about why the gender pay gap exists. Sally Haver, senior vice president of business development at The Ayers Group in New York, says, "People who are hiring will pay less to women because they think they can, or they can get away with it or women aren't as pushy, aren't as convinced of their value to the company." Linda Babcock, an economics professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, says women are less likely than men to negotiate to reach the next level of the organization. As long as a gender pay gap remains, there will be women struggling in the workplace for equality. Tips for Better Communication Between Men and Women in the Workplace
Typical Complaints Women Have About Men

Addressing women as "girls," "gals," "honey," "babyyoung," "lady," "darlin'" A lot of women dont want to be called ladies at work Making women into objects... I have a car, a boat, a dog, and a wife. Using expressions that only use sports, violence or sexual connotations... We murdered the competition. More bang for the buck Making decisions about work with each other and not including women. Then telling women, Last night we got together and decided... Typical Complaints Men Have About Women

Not getting down to business soon enough Taking things too seriously Trying to be "one of the boys" (Using profanity, telling sexist jokes, etc.)