KEYS TO WINNING WAYS SERIES (4)

KEYS
TO WINNING WAYS

The affirmation key

In the fourth of our series to encourage reflection and personal growth, life coach Jo Middlemiss considers that joy and happiness at work and in the rest of your life follow on from inner affirmation.
compared this serendipitous happening with the idea that joy is something that just is when it is. When we hunt for it, it always seems just out of reach. Maureen and Jenny believed that their joy and happiness was dependent on their appearance. But underneath their appearance was all the conditioning that led them to this belief. Their thoughts about themselves were ugly and that is what they had to change before they could possibly tackle the physical manifestations of their thoughts. Through coaching I needed to bring them to the realisation that the ugliness they perceived started with them. I've been told that we all have something in the region of ninety thousand thoughts a day. The sad thing is we probably thought about eighty nine thousand of them yesterday. Most of the stream of thinking goes by unnoticed so it seems that we have no control over the thoughts and must just accept the influence of them. For thousands of years many great thinkers and philosophers have pondered on the effect of our thoughts (see for example Murphy, 2000; Forstater, 2001; Allen, 2002). I was thrilled to discover recently that chemistry lecturer Dr David Hamilton (2005) is looking into the science behind the idea that the power of thought can actually generate neurons and neural connections in the brain. His book is not an easy self-help read, but a fascinating insight. He believes our continuous replaying of ideas encourages genes to spark into action and thus generate results which we experience in our lives. Because we do not realise the power of our thoughts we are continually surprised by the results. Using this knowledge, I led Maureen and Jenny away from their obsession with their bodies to an awareness of who they really were as people. How could they begin to love and respect themselves enough to stop damaging their bodies in their habitual way? We worked on reprogramming their habitual thought patterns using positive affirmations. A positive affirmation has three elements: 1. Positive 2. Present 3. Personal. It really doesnt matter if initially they had no belief in it. The repetitions re-educate the subconscious mind. The simplest and most effective is I love and approve of myself, and this was our start point. Secondly I introduced them to my friend FRED, a mnemonic for Fear, Responsibility, Ego and Discipline. Its good to have a representation of Fred around a teddy or dog or other visual aid. Fred can show a system of self-examination that helps us put a stop to what is getting in the way of our success. F: Fear is the most awful stumbling block and, nine times out of ten, has no grounding at all. So ask yourself, What role is fear playing in this situation?; What would I be doing / saying / feeling if I wasn't afraid?

AFFIRMATION: The key for Maureen and Jenny?

Maureens issue has a pervasive influence on all of her life. She is unhappy with her weight. There is a whole segment of her mind devoted to her size. She longs for the time when she can make easy choices as to where to shop and what to wear. She is frustrated that she cant move around as much as needs to in her work as a teacher and is convinced the children would respect her more if she was thinner. She has a huge stock of coverall black items because she believes that this will not draw attention to her size. Of course she has tried everything and talking to a coach was her last hope! Jennys issue is in the opposite direction. Also believing herself to be fat and ugly, she is slowly starving herself to death. She feels constantly tired and irritable, and is getting into arguments with colleagues at work. Are these two women terribly different? What is present in their thinking and what is missing - for them to be so concerned with image that joy and happiness is denied them?
Joy and happiness are almost indefinable and yet we know for sure when we are experiencing them and when we are not. Many tracts have been written about the pursuit of happiness. The big question is, do we need to search it out or is it something that we have to accept? Having just acquired a new puppy it is fun to watch him endlessly chasing his own tail. Something that he thinks he can chase, but the more he chases the more dizzy and frustrated he becomes. He just does not know that he is chasing something he already has. Author and confirmed bachelor C.S. Lewis lived in fusty tweedy comfort in Oxford when an American woman called Joy came into his life. After this he wrote Surprised by Joy where he

Until we realise that we are responsible for the situation we find ourselves in then we cannot or will not effect change.
R: Responsibility brings us to that crucial area Cause and Effect. Until we realise that we are responsible for the situation we find ourselves in then we cannot or will not effect change. E: brings us to our Ego and what part it is playing in our immobility. The Ego is the voice that whispers What if...; What will people say...?; Who are you to think you can succeed when youve always failed before? Well I say - and Im not the first - Who are you not to? As Marianne Williamson wrote (1996, pp. 190-191), Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As were liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. D: And finally all this does call for Discipline. Without it we cannot really do anything. Self-discipline does not come easily to many, especially when it relates to our bodies. When both Maureen and Jenny started to see their body as something that was doing no more and no less what they were telling it to do, when they shifted their awareness to the wonder of themselves and others rather than continuously obsessing inwardly about how ugly they were, all

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SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE AUTUMN 2005

HERES ONE I MADE EARLIER

IF YOU NEED TO HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR THOUGHTS TAKE MORE CARE OF YOURSELF SHOW GREATER SELFDISCIPLINE
sorts of beauty, joy and happiness started to appear in their lives. I asked them to answer the following questions every day for thirty days: What am I happy about today? What am I excited about today? What am I proud of today? What am I grateful for today? What am I committed to today? Who do I love and who loves me? This simple and powerful discipline takes only 10 minutes and encourages a positive outlook before the day starts. I also directed Maureen and Jenny towards Spencer Johnsons little book One Minute For Yourself. In it (2005, p. 56), he says that taking care of yourself encourages inner success and inner success is reflected as outer success: When I take care of Me, I can take better care of Thee and then Together we can take better care of We. With a switch of thinking, some constructive coaching and a good degree of understanding, discipline and affirmation, these two women are well on their way to being thoroughly effective and happy individuals. Jo Middlemiss is a qualified Life Coach with a background in education and relationship counselling, tel. 01356 648329, www.dreamzwork.co.uk. Jo offers readers a confidential and complimentary half-hour telephone coaching session (for the cost only of your call.)

Heres one I made earlier...

ALISON ROBERTS WITH ANOTHER LOW-COST, FLEXIBLE THERAPY SUGGESTION MATERIALS: SUITABLE FOR A VARIETY OF CLIENT GROUPS.

THE FRIENDSHIP VINE

This is a useful collage item to have on the wall of the clinic. It promotes understanding of the friendshipforming process. You are aiming to create an outline image of a grapevine, with roots, branches, and leaves, to which the clients can attach labels in the shape of bunches of grapes, describing the ways in which friendships benefit us, and other labels in the shape of clods of earth, stating prerequisites for achieving friendships. You will need to have constructed the base before your clients complete it. It is worth making the basic framework sturdily, if you think you would use it again. Alternatively, you could make it out of paper as a quick illustrative exercise. It may take the group more than one session to complete the vine.

MATERIALS A piece of board - A2 size is about right. Fibreboard is ideal as you can stick pins into it. Its best to use it landscape. Pale blue fabric to cover the whole board. Old polycotton sheeting is fine for this. Beige fabric to cover the lower third of the board - representing the area under the ground where roots form. Thin strip of greenish fabric to form a grass level. Brown fabric - for the vines trunk and roots. Glue (PVA is good as it doesnt show through the fabric). Leaf-green fabric (several shades of green would be great). Purple paper for the grape-bunch labels (not too dark, as you will be writing on them). Earthy-brown paper for the clod-of-earth labels. Pens, scissors, and pins. BRAWN Stick the blue fabric on the board to cover it completely and add the beige across the bottom third, forming the earth. Draw your vine on the brown fabric and cut it out. Its a good idea to make it a long-branched variety so that you will have lots of room for the bunches of grapes, also leaving room for the clods of earth. Stick your vine on, and stick the grass across where the roots meet the trunk and the earth meets the sky. Write the word FRIENDSHIP along the trunk. Now you have the basic form to which your clients can attach labels. IN PRACTICE - STAGE 1 It is important that you discuss with your clients the reasons for making the board, and begin with the benefits of being able to make friends (follow up with how to make friends later). The clients will tell you why friendship is important, but you should end up with a list including things like: company (for example when going out); someone to talk to; someone to share things and ideas with; someone to take your side; someone to send you a postcard; someone to give you support when you are feeling depressed; someone to try out jokes on. Write down all the suggestions as they are given, and then give everyone in the group some purple paper and scissors to cut out bunches of grapes to stick on the tree. (The tendency is for people to cut shapes that are too small to write on, so suggest to them that they write first, then cut out and pin on the vine.) Now you need to tackle the roots of the vine in a similar way, first discussing the foundations and responsibilities for friendship forming. Make a list, this time including such ideas as: being cheerful; providing support; being loyal; being trustworthy; sharing; keeping secrets. Other roots will mention skills such as going to places where potential friends might be; joining in; talking; recognising a true friend. It is likely that several of these areas will be unfamiliar to your clients, especially the areas that are not a problem to them, so you will need to give an outline description; however, you are not actually teaching these skills at this stage. Again make the suggestions into labels and pin them to the vine, this time using clod-shapes, at the roots. IN PRACTICE - STAGE 2 Ask everyone how they feel about the vine, and which bits apply to them. Discuss how real vines use their roots to draw nourishment from the earth, and can therefore produce grapes. Try to make the point really clearly through discussion that, if the clients work at the prerequisite skills, they will be able to reap the benefits.
Alison Roberts is a speech and language therapist at Ruskin Mill Further Education College in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire.

References
Allen, J. (2002) As a Man Thinketh. Deseret Book Company. Forstater, M. (2001) The Spiritual Teachings of Marcus Aurelius. London: Hodder Mobius. Hamilton, D. (2005) Its the Thought that Counts. Chippenham,Wilts: Dr David R. Hamilton. Johnson, S. (2005) One Minute For Yourself. London: HarperCollins Entertainment. Lewis, C.S. (2002) Surprised by Joy. London: Fount. Murphy, J. (2000) The Power of your Subconscious Mind. London: Pocket Books. Williamson, M. (1996) A Return to Love: Reflections of the Principles of a Course in Miracles. London: HarperCollins.

SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE AUTUMN 2005

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