Loss

A
weaving of words

Part the III

By:
Caleb Alan Kestner
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Loss A
weaving of words

Part the III

By:
Caleb Alan Kestner
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Copyright © 2009 by Caleb Kestner.

All Rights Reserved.

(I make no claim to the illustrations; they are in no way my creation, unless otherwise
noted. If you happen to know the author of one of the pictures listed, as anonymous,
please let me know so I can give them proper credit.)

2nd Story Press

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Printed in the United States

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This book is dedicated to my Mom.

Who gave me words.
Thank you.
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Contents
iiiXXVII. Simply Simplicity
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~13

iiXXVIII. Leaving Normal

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~14

iiiiXXIX. Loss
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~18

iiiiiXXX. Torn
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~21

iiiiXXXI. Pure
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~22

iiiXXXII. War of the Hours

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~25

iiXXXIII. Why to War?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~26

iiXXXIV. Cruentus Rosa

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~29

iiiXXXV. Vitium
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~30

iiXXXVI. Civilization
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~33

iXXXVII. Read it all or not at all

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~34

XXXVIII. Words
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~37

iiXXXIX. Faust
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~38
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Illustrations

Venetian Mask ~ Anonymous 12

The Looking Glass (In) ~ John Tenniel 14

Caravan ~ Charles Theodore Frere 14

Don Quixote ~ Gustave Doré 15

Laputa ~ Anonymous 16

Pandora ~ John William Waterhouse 17

The Looking Glass (Out) ~ John Tenniel 17

Eye’s of Sorrow ~ lilfuzz6 19

Torn ~ Deusuum 20

New Snow ~ Anonymous 23

Black Angel ~ Luis Royo 24

Gunsmoke ~ David Cartwright 27

Red Rose ~ Anonymous 28

Smaug ~ John Howe 31

Angkor Wat ~ Commons 32

Der Bücherwurm ~ Carl Spitzweg 35

Silenced ~ Anonymous 36

Faust ~ Anonymous 39
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“One science only will one genius fit; so vast is art, so narrow human wit.”

Alexander Pope
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Simply Simplicity

Simply simplicity, mask upon mask

New faces painted for every task

Shattered existence never unveiled

Never revealing the things that they've failed

Pain never shown, tears never cried

Knowing with ever laugh that they've lied

Anger is licensed, bound and controlled

Slowly entrapped by the things they've been told

Farewell to infinity, patterns on the floor

Ever situation feeds an appetite for more

Grasping for the moments, things that quickly fade

Locked within this prison of possessions that they've made

Blind to the faults that have encrusted their soul

Ever astounded that they’re never quite whole

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Leaving Normal

Stepping through the looking glass

there is no stepping back

The journey once accepted

is a never-ending track

Adventure leads to places

that we should not dare to go

Questions lead to answers

that we should not dare to know

To wander through the wardrobe

is to leave what’s safe behind

Forever leaving normal

for the hope of what you'll find

A journey of a thousand steps

that cannot be retraced

A single step once taken

that can never be erased

Dangerous the road that flows

away from your front door

Keep your feet or it may sweep

you to a distant shore

Should ever you joust windmills

or travel mystic lands

Blaze trails through rotting jungles

caravan cross burning sand

Remember with each victory

there’s also something lost
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There’s a price for each adventure

that’s not always worth the cost

So whether it’s the seven seas

or past the worlds own edge

Regardless of the paths you take

or promises you pledge

Should find you Never Never Land

and finding choose to go

All that which you had afore

will ne’er again be so

For once you’ve rode Laputa

or Pandora’s Box unbound

Once love has hold your spirit

or wisdom had been found

Once blind eyes have been opened

or sirens song is heard

Once tragedy has struck so hard

that laughter seems absurd

Once Wonderland is entered

your soul is ever changed

The world you left behind you

is ever left estranged

You can return to bridges burned

but o’er them none may pass

For once you stray there is no way

to get back through the glass
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Loss
Worst of sorrows, deepest dread
Throbbing thoughts that fill my head
Hollow heart far less then whole
Un-cried tears that bind my soul
Moments slip through listless hands
Death that know one understands
How can beauty fade so fast?
Future's promise turned to past
Hours lifted up on high
Crashing down as time ticks by
Vibrant life so quickly lost
Is ever death perfections cost?
Who are we to dictate when?
A vapor dies within the wind
But still my mind can't comprehend
Why life so young should have to end
I know that all must cease to be
That death the soul from flesh does free
But knowledge doesn't staunch the pain
Or calm the maelstrom in my brain
My aching pain no logic sees or understanding knows
It merely burns through every nerve or vein through which it flows
I cannot ever truly come to terms with what is gone
It's one more thing I carry as I'm forced to move along
Missing moments, day's undone
Words unfinished, fights unwon
When everything has gone away
And night has finally conquered day
Past the endless sea of death indeed may be much more
But all that's ever left is loss for those upon the shore
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Torn
Torn in two my sides compete
Each the other to defeat
Light and darkness, black and white
Good and evil, wrong and right
Ever hungry wanting more
Ever yearning for their war
Different parts of all that’s me
Two reflections I could see
Past and future, lost and found
Happy heartache, silent sound
True deception, honest lie
Deep within I live to die
Hope eternal yet may spring
Everlasting light to bring
Battles wait still to be waged
Souls in flesh remain still caged
Passions follow passions lead
Hearts are chained and hearts are freed
Chaos of the human soul
Ever straining to be whole
Light to light and sin to sin
What is fed is sure to win
Time unmeasured time to few
What we are is what we do
In the end one side must lose
Beware the torn piece you choose
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Pure

Frozen tears from heaven fall as snow upon the ground

Pure white the only color, silence all the sound
All my tracks are covered, every step that walked away
Unbroken is the path ahead as if to gently say
Your trespasses are covered, your debts have all been paid
Your many sins forgiven, your broken heart remade
Your past is left behind, you your future yet to be
Your present undecided as you struggle to be free
Two roads remain before you, the wide and narrow way
One leads to your salvation, the other leads astray
Redemption has been granted, but still you must decide
Your steps not your intentions will control which one is tried
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War of the Hours

Against my monster I wage war

Ever certain, never sure

A blackness deep inside of me

Locked within, yet running free

Sin’s seduction, bittersweet

Crippled wings, still fight to beat

I yearn to live yet choose to die

I try to laugh, but only cry

The hours pass in dark of night

My soul cries out in search of light

My spirit mourns for what I’ve lost

My fight is weakened by its cost

Loss of love, I fall and weep

Love they gave, I failed to keep

War of the Hours never done

Never finished never won

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Why to war?

Why to war go charging we on steeds of righteous rage?

Slashing through in shining suits the battles that we wage

We justify their dying cries by crying, “we cried too!"

And death breeds hate, breeds rage, breeds death, in cycles all to true

Is peace the just reward of war? Or war corrupted peace?

Is all of man so twisted that this murder we can't cease?

But then again is all death sin? Do all deserve to live?

If someone strives to take a life can we to them it give?

Is it not right to take a life that other lives may grow?

But what if both are victim, both of them the foe?

How can we bind the broken sides and sooth the years of hate?

When will the children of revenge learn blood their thirst won't sate?

War that necessary bane that plague upon mankind.

Ever doomed to die for life we never seem to find.

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Cruentus Rosa

Frozen beauty hearts unfold

Blood red petals spun of gold

Razor thorns of all life's pains

Spot its emerald stem like stains

Blushing blooms that greet the dawn

An instant here, in an instant gone

A leaf unfurls to morning light

And bids farewell the fading night

Grown from grief and misery,

watered by our tears

A symbol of our beauty,

an image of our fears

A painful beauty worth the cost

Risking love that could be lost

Cruentus Rosa, Blood-Red Rose

The splendor of pain

from which

love

grows
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Vitium

Then look upon the monsters maw

Where diamond daggers line its jaw

Its tongue a velvet soft as sleep

And Gold along its throat is heaped

The smell of spices sweet and strong is heavy on its breath

An enticing blend fragrances that masks the stench of death

Its granite eyes give off a glare as cold as winter skies

Hypnotically it stares at you and whispers frigid lies

Its scales are polished silver with an iridescent glow

Its fingers end in milky claws as pure as crimson snow

“My way is easy, fun and fast” it says and smiles wide

“Come taste the fruit of vanity and drink the wine of pride”

It slowly inches closer as its prey begins to near

Promising them all they ask to wash away they’re fear

“Indulgence is such pleasing sport and temperance so dull”

“Lust is such delightful bliss just let your conscious lull”

And as they’re slowly swallowed up the illusion disappears

They realize the choice they’ve made has a price that’s paid in tears
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Civilization
Upon this place that once would be

There sat a still of symmetry

But now that day has gone away

Tomorrows lost in past today’s

The trees once green are gnarled and dry

Once great beauty slowly dies

Here once stood the triumph of man

Now naught remains but deaths cool hand

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Read it all or not at all

Read it all or not at all

the words with which you’re fed

Contemplate before you sate

yourself with what you’ve read

Take the time to see the rhyme

in all you dare to know

The reasons for the learned lore

and all that it might show

Look within as you begin

to ponder what you gain

Remember to in all you do

an open mind retain

Dare stand firm as you confirm

what yet may not be true

Then believe what you receive

no matter what you do

Keep inside the things you hide

until they can be free

Ever blind to thus remind

you of what none can see

Still remains the slight refrains

that never truly leave

Cautious hands that work the strands

of every dream we weave
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Words

A mask of silence a voice restrained

Words withheld to stop the pain

Misunderstanding, refusing to hear

Why try to speak when the sound isn’t clear

Silence is taught so silence is learned

A book not yet written is already burned

My voice tries to speak, they push it away

“Nobody cares what you have to say”

There are those who’d listen, but I’m locked in a trance

The risk of rejection to painful a chance

I’m not always like this and I won’t always be

But you must understand this too understand me

There’s a part of me missing that I’ve yet to find

A feeling of confidence lost in my mind

I’m fixing my problems but the progress is slow

In time wounds may heal but scars always show

I may never be perfect, I may never be whole

I may always be haunted by the flaws in my soul

But I still treasure beauty and I still trust in hope

I have faith in the power of my spirit to cope

I may never be famous I may never be known

My gifts and my talents may never be shown

But that has no bearing on what I might be

The extent of my purpose is left up to me

I’m as strong as my weakness as true as my lies

And I’ll fall just as much as I’m willing to rise
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Faust
As I move along a world gone wrong, nothing seems to last
Every possibility corrupted by the past
The bloody stains of broken veins, to me a message send
Evidence of time gone by when hearts refused to bend
A symphony calls out to me, in sounds that I can't hear
An orchestra of majesty drowned out by roaring fear
And turning I look to the sky, but still I cannot see
For wretched clouds of sorrow drift between the sun and me
A sadness falls as darkness calls, a message all too clear
And the demons on my shoulder whispers lies of hate and fear
“Times running out” the demons shout, “its far too late to turn”
“You made the choice , you sold your soul and now its time to burn”
Deep within I feel the sin, that seals my fate in blood
That turns the purists of my deeds to worse then muck or mud
I have no hope with which to cope, I’m doomed to worse then death
But as the demons cackle the wind breathes one last breath
The morbid shroud of blackened cloud, is split from up on high
The demons look with fearful glares and cease their piercing cry
A shaft of light engulfs my sight, it blinds me yet I see
And something moves within it as my demons start to flee
An angel stands with sword in hand, he’s robed in blazing white
His splendor overpowers and I cower at the sight
“Arise and hear and do not fear,” but still my body quakes
I think of all my many sins, my numerous mistakes
“Its far too late I’ve sealed my fate, I’ve sold my soul to hell”
He says in words of pure compassion “it was not yours to sell”
Weeping I now raise an eye, and see his outstretched hand
“It’s yours but you must chose it, your heart God won’t command”
“But I have strayed and not obeyed, I’ve lived a life of sin”
“For such as you he sacrificed his everything to win”
“How can it be he’d see in me, a soul that’s worth that cost”
“Because you are his children and he loves you, though your lost”
“And that is why he chose to die. So that you might be found”
“And of your own decision by sin no more be bound”
I take his hand and rising stand, I’ve nothing left to say
My final moments now are past, he takes my soul away
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Continued in . . .

It’s A
weaving of words

Part the IV

By:
Caleb Alan Kestner

http://www.aweavingofwords.blogspot.com