CHAPTER SIX LONDON He had arranged to meet Ellen on her return home from work at the house.

The landlord had given him two keys, one for the front door of the house and another for his room. Suddenly there it was, the dwelling that was to be his first home away from home. It was a large imposing house, situated off a well-known road called Willesden Lane that joined Kilburn High Road, the Mecca of the Irish in West London. The address was 20, Callcott Road. Ellens room was on the same first floor landing as his, separated only by the bathroom. The other rooms were mainly let out to girls, with the exception of one other lad, Ellen had told him. Matthew thought his room looked smaller than when he first viewed it. The only window looked out onto the garden at the rear. It was surprisingly quiet, being at the rear of the building in such a built up area. For Matthew in those first few hours it was too quiet, bereft of all the comings and goings of his family that he strangely missed. He unpacked his clothes and put them in the small wardrobe, realizing that he would have to make a couple of trips to bring his possessions from Windsor. He would not however, he concluded, be able to bring them all. This is how it must have been for many Irish people arriving in one of the largest cities in the world he thought as he sat on the bed that was the only seating in the room. He looked in the mirror that sat on a small sink in the corner and felt very alone momentarily for the first time in his life. Where are you Ellen? he kept saying to himself as he continually looked at his watch. He could wait no longer in his solitary confinement that felt like a prison cell and decided to wait outside amongst traffic and people in his new abode. And then a little later than expected he saw her approach. She gave that beautiful broad smile as she came near, almost laughing at his obvious demise. Did you think I had run away? she said skittishly. He put his arm around her waist and welcomed her home with a kiss, wondering if she knew how glad he was to see her. The traffic was slow, she said referring to her bus journey. It was Friday evening and Ellen was finished work for the weekend, with Matthew due to start his new job the following Monday. They went straight to her room, which was a large space that had more facilities including a cooker and a fridge It also looked out onto the rear of the house and had a balcony approached from French windows. This is the business Matthew commented, although knowing it was more to rent. I told you Id sort out some accommodation for you Ellen said, knowing that they would probably spend most of the time in her patch. What would I do without you? he said. She would almost hum like a purr when he complimented her. I prepared something for this evening she said turning on the oven.

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You must be starving? she added. It had been a long time since he had eaten, his mind having being preoccupied that day. She served a casserole that was to die for. All this and youre a Chef as well he said. Ellen explained to him that she had studied cooking in Ireland and at one time had considered taking it up as a career. That evening they bought some cans of larger from an off licence on the corner of the main road. Ellen had the television that she and Pauline had bought for their previous flat and they settled in that evening not wanting anybodys company but theyre own. I bet you miss Pauline sometimes? Matthew said with his arm around her. Yes sometimes she said. She said shed write and let me know how she got on, she told him. It must be quite a change for you as well? she enquired, to which he nodded his head. They talked a lot that night, more than they had ever done and got to know much more about each other. A lot of it was about their past, particularly about their romantic past. Ellen had dated a lot, Matthew learned, but had never been really involved with anyone although attracted to one or two lads in particular in her time. She was a Catholic Irish girl whom he learned that night was a virgin. It was his dream come true and he vowed to make her his alone. He had found his meaning in life and was deliriously happy. He slept with a smile on his face that night, wishing only that she were next to him. She was the most special creature he had ever known and he had the greatest respect for her. He would wait as long as she wanted until she was ready to take the next step in their relationship. But eventually their chasteness, bound by their passionate love, would give way to the perfect union between a man and a woman. He heard a gentle knock on his door that Saturday morning. Wake up sleepy head, breakfasts nearly ready she said. While they were eating Matthew said, We must sort out my contribution towards food and whatever. No rush with that she said, seeming to be just very happy in his company. What do you fancy doing today? she asked him. I dont care really he replied. Maybe you could show me whats what around the area he suggested. And that was exactly how they spent the first day together. Theres a pay phone in the hall if you want to call home Ellen pointed out. Oh God, thanks for reminding me Matthew said, it having slipped his mind. I must give them a buzz, he said fidgeting in his pocket for some coins. Patrick who answered, quickly put him on to Bridget whom he told everything was fine. There was a launderette around the corner where they could wash their clothes. Thats handy, he said, never having used one before or indeed never having washed clothes full stop. Domestically, Matthew hadnt a clue about either cooking or washing. As for shopping for food, it was all new to him.

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Ellen would become his mentor in this respect, a task for which he would become eternally grateful. They lived very near all the amenities, which were within walking distance in Kilburn High Road. Even the pubs were near the shops as Matthew noticed. It was to one of these they went that night called Biddy Mulligans. It was a lively venue attended by young and old Irish people alike and a band played Irish music. It really was like being in Ireland as Matthew commented. This place was manufactured for me, he said to Ellen. Some acquaintances said hello to Ellen in passing, the girls smiling and the males looking enviously at Matthew. It was something he had noticed even walking down the street. Sunday morning they attended Mass. Matthew although having recently lapsed from the church went along to please Ellen. The church in Quex road, Kilburn was packed with Irish families and Matthew had to admit he quite enjoyed it. There you pagan Ellen said putting a drop of holy water on his forehead with her finger. It was something she did every time they would exit a church, as Matthew didnt bother with it. On Sunday afternoon, Ellen suggested that they visit the Edgware Road market. It was a street market that was a bus ride away. The area was full of stalls that sold practically everything. The characters were as colourful as the items they sold and it was crammed with people. It was a great place to go at Christmas time she told him. Before they knew it the weekend had passed and it was time for Matthew to start his new job. It was strange but nice kissing Ellen before setting off to catch the bus on his first day. Every day that weekend was a first day for him in the beginning of his new life. Before long he had settled into his new job and made friends with new workmates. It was all a new challenge and a new area to explore. The sheer scale and diversity of London only hits you when you live in it, Matthew discerned. He was also in constant touch with his family. During one phone call he learned that his sister Bernadette and her boyfriend Andrew were involved in a car crash in Slough. Bernadette had banged her head in the collision. She was worried about what Joe and Bridget might have to say because they had both had some drink. She made light of her injury, saying she was fine. But it was not long before she encountered problems with what was diagnosed as bruising of the brain. She began to suffer from extreme mood swings and depression. It brought on a marked change in her personality. She was suffering from clinical depression and was prescribed tablets for it. She even cut large parts of her hair off and went missing from home at one point and sent them all into panic before turning up at the house of a female friend of hers. It was at this point that the doctor suggested that she be hospitalised for a time.

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In order to do this she had to be committed with Joe and Bridgets consent. There seemed to be no other route open to them. For the second time in their lives as they had to do in the past with there now deceased son Baby Luke, they had to commit another one of their children to an institution. It was heartbreaking for them and all the family. They all visited her in turn, consoling her and telling her, that she would be out of there in no time. She was often tired looking from sedation at times and often agitated and fearful about her detention in that damned place as Matthew called it. It was soul wrenching when she would ask them when she was coming home, often saying that the doctors had told her it would be next week. Thank God that next week finally arrived after successful treatment and she was prescribed suitable medication that brought about a marked recovery. She told Matthew and Ellen that during her time there she had received electric shock therapy, something that had shocked them on hearing it. There were times when nobody could reach her or understand how she was feeling. They all felt deeply saddened, that in a moment, her young life was cruelly changed forever. The normally carefree, balanced, talented, confident girl seemed so uncertain and bewildered at times. She did however; find comfort in her singing and guitar playing. She also found expression in the beautiful, serene, delicate watercolour paintings she would create. But there was an underlying struggle that she would have to endure for the rest of her life. It cost her the break up with her first serious boyfriend Andrew, who was heartbroken when they finished. It was at times like this that Matthew felt very far away from family, but did his best to visit them as often as he could. The big news on the social front about this time was the building of the Irish Club in Slough. It was an idea that was nurtured by the Irish Society in the town for some time and finally their dream of having their own club came to fruition. Matthew had wished that such a fine facility had existed in his time there. Aidan Joyce, a close family friend and former neighbour of Joe and Bridgets was to become club manager. Joe himself was to become chairman of the Irish Society for a time. Matthew and Ellen visited the newly opened club and he introduced her to his old friends. The problem was it was just too far away for them to socialise there regularly. And in many respects, although sadly at times, Matthew felt he had moved on from the former scene. That very night he spotted a former girlfriend Kate in the crowd and knew that even if he lived back there, that nothing would be the same. Matthew knew that London was filled with many places that would interest him. He introduced Ellen to aspects and interests of his life. At weekends they would visit Art Galleries and Museums and the many different sights that the city had to offer.

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London was serviced with the most intricate public transport system, from buses to trains and including the underground rail system. As Ellen worked for the London Transport organization, she had a free travel pass. Matthew often wondered if she went along just to please him. He did learn however, that she did have quite a critical eye for art that surprised him. Such outings would usually happen on a Sunday, as they would socialise in the various pubs around their area of a Saturday night. The Irish saying the craic was the byword for fun among the Irish. The craic was good in Cricklewood, It started in the Crown, There were glasses flying And Biddies crying, Paddy was going to town. There was not a true Irish person there who didnt know that verse. Dancing into the small hours at the Irish venues often followed the sessions in the pubs. It was at one of these dances that Ellen introduced Matthew to Irish friends of hers called Nora Connolly and her boyfriend Mick Kavanagh. Mick who was from Galway worked in the headquarters of a bank in the city and Nora was employed in a local branch of a building society. We wont be stuck for financial advice then Matthew said on hearing this. They struck up a friendship and often went out as a foursome on Saturday nights. This added to the fun and a good deal of banter was entered into between them. They in turn would meet up with other young people and the social life began to expand. Matthew like Ellen had made friends at work and it didnt seem so foreboding and lonely for him any more. That year other news came from one of Matthews calls to home. Margaret, Bridgets sister had been in an accent. After enquiring how she was Matthew asked what the bloody hell is going on down there since I left? He learned that she was knocked off her bicycle by a passing lorry and suffered a spinal injury that incapacitated her for some time. Her working days came abruptly to an end and she applied for and got disability allowance. Bridget called in a favour from one of her former fellow councillor colleges and managed to get a ground floor council flat for her in Slough. At least she wont have to spend the rest of her life in that kip Bridget said to Matthew, referring to the room she rented. The flat was the first place that Margaret ever had that she could call her own. At least I have the key to my own door dear Margaret said to Matthew and Ellen when they visited. She had a walking stick now that she used like an identity badge. She would wave it when crossing the road and bring traffic to a halt like a policeman, Bridget told Matthew. Bridget reckoned she didnt really need it much, but it never left her side. Margaret was a most amusing little woman and would give them all a laugh at times. But beneath her humorous exterior she was often lonely and missed the mayhem of the time she spent with the OConnor family. Her male friend Sydney had moved back to his family home in Derby after his mothers death.

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And although she did manage to visit him there, she injured her back in his house and was reluctant to go there again. They did keep in touch but they gradually became separated by time and distance. The big event of that year for Matthew was the invitation he and Ellen received to his old friend Ivans wedding. Matthew had never met his wife to be Sharon and Ivan had never met Ellen. The wedding took place in Slough and Matthew was looking forward to meeting up with him again. He and Ellen had bought the latest gizmo in the form of a portable radio as a present. The bride Sharon was a slim blonde English girl from the town. Matthew congratulated them both and introductions were made. He noticed a strange look on Ivans face when he introduced him to Ellen. He seemed instantly smitten by her. Ellen had that kind of effect on some men as Matthew knew only too well. After all she had that effect on him the first time he saw her. On this occasion however, he found it particularly embarrassing. He had hoped that his bride had not noticed. During a conversation at the bar Ivan said to him where in Gods name did you find her? Matthew made light of the conversation and he like Ellen settled in and enjoyed the rest of the evening. The next member of Ellens family that Matthew met was her brother Kevin. He like her sister Maeve had a head of blonde hair. He was a stocky built muscular building worker with a strong handshake and had the loudest gravel voice that Matthew ever heard. His conversation was direct and non articulate. We must have a drink sometime he said to Matthew. He and his wife Agnes lived in Ealing in West London, Matthew learned. Youll have to come to the Christening, he told both of them. When he left after what was a short visit, Ellen asked Matthew what he thought of him. A little overpowering, but maybe thats just first impressions, he answered to which she laughed. Thats our Kevin, she said. She told Matthew that Agnes his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl and that they had a son in Ireland. Ellen explained that Agness mother in her home place was bringing up the eldest boy. Matthew found this peculiar, but even Ellen did not have all the answers to the situation. It seemed to be one of those forced marriages because Agnes had become pregnant while they were going out together. Ellens next family news was that her brother Ollie had come out of hiding so to speak. Although annoyed by his absence Matthew could tell she was happy to hear the news. He had contacted their brother Kevin and had ended his self-imposed exile. Soon Matthew and Ellen found themselves attending the Christening. It was at this venue that Matthew would meet up with all of Ellens relatives that were living in London. The church service was followed by food and plenty of drink at an Irish pub nearby. Matthew watched as family photographs were taken.

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It was easy to make out Ellens family the Fitzpatricks by their similar looks and the inevitable blonde hair. It was in the pub that the main introductions were done. Matthew had already met Maeve and Kevin and was introduced to the infamous Ollie for the first time. He was a small man rounded in shape with receding blonde hair and had the look and smile of one hilarious character. Every word that came out of his mouth was in jest and he had an insatiable sense of humour. He was the joker of the family and could entertain a crowd of people on his own. Matthew conceded that he had never met anyone quite like him and warmed to him from the start. He was invited by one and all to visit them and not least by Ellen who Matthew could see had missed him greatly. It was the first time also that Matthew had met Ellens other sister Theresa. She was another stunning looking girl but much more reserved and serious in nature than the others and often smiled more than she would talk. She was married to an Englishman, himself a Londoner called David Shoreditch. He seemed almost intimidated at times completely surrounded by Irish company. They were in general a very jolly, uninhibited, outgoing family in the main and Matthew was glad to be in their company. Invitations to visit were extended by all and a whole new life full of different characters was opened up to Matthew. There were now a variety of things to do and people to see for him and Ellen. They were young happy and hopelessly in love. He smiled the first time she called him darling and she when he called her angel. Soon visiting both families became part of the pattern of their lives. Ollie in particular became their best friend. He lived a little distance away but would make an effort to visit them. He was the life and soul of any given pub and they would meet up with him regularly, particularly at weekends. Ollie could drink like a fish, Matthew once declared. He also loved gambling on horses or greyhounds and they would often go as a trio to some of the greyhound tracks around London. This was a new experience for Matthew and was certainly something very different to do of a given night. Ollie and Ellen would often discuss horse racing and she would sometimes have a flutter in the betting shop herself. Ellens sister Theresa and her husband David lived near a greyhound stadium called White City. David also loved a gamble much to the bewilderment of his wife Theresa. They would often meet up there on a weekend night in a group that would include Matthew, Ellen, Ollie, David, and Maeves husband Gerry who lived nearby in Shepherds Bush. Ellens two sisters Maeve and Theresa would meet up at one of their dwellings during such occasions and look after the children. Neither of them had an interest in gambling as such. Sometimes the whole crowd would meet up at one or other houses after the racing. The whole atmosphere was carefree and everyone was intent on having fun.

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David as an Englishman loved such occasions and through his marriage to Theresa had become very much part of the family. He had been in the Navy as a young lad and had a trade as a toolmaker that was his job. His mother was dead and his relationship with his father and brother was vague. He did however; keep in touch with his sisters. He had a pleasant, polite manner and like Matthew had a great banter with Maeve. There were times when despite all the new company he was meeting and all the new things he was doing, that Matthew would get the urge to visit his family. It was of course to Windsor now that he and Ellen would travel to meet them. The town and in particular the river Thames looked so inviting in the summer months. During their courtship Matthew decided that a boat trip on the river would be romantic. He hired a motor powered boat and took Ellen on a trip up the river to a place called Boveney Lock. Looking for a secluded spot he drove the boat onto a side stream. In doing so he collided with a low hanging branch of a tree that broke the glass on the front. A stream of expletives flowed from his mouth that left Ellen in a fit of laughter. Its not funny sweetheart, I had to put a deposit against damage on the bloody thing he reminded her. Without a thought Ellen picked up the cleanly broken piece of glass and slid it back into place. There she said, youd hardly notice. Splash some water over it and they wont see the difference. He did as she requested and nobody did when he returned it. The two of them did however, walk away in hast that accelerated into a run at one point. Catching his breath he said to her Im beginning to see another side of you. Joe and Bridget would always make them welcome and Bridget would always make them something to eat. Matthew loved visiting there in summer, as it was an area of scenic beauty. There was also an enormous area of open land that was part of the lands owned by the Royal Family beyond Windsor Castle that had walkways the public could use. It was called The Home Park but nearly everyone referred to it as Windsor Great Park. You could walk for miles through the lovely countryside as Matthew did when he attended college in the town. He wanted to show Ellen places that were part of his life. She was the epitome of politeness during any of their outings and would always say very nice. Although some of the public parks in London offered relief on a hot day, they could be crowded and feel confined. Matthew and Ellen found their social life in London expanding and were often going out of a weeknight or two as well as weekends. They were both spenders rather than savers. Ellen was the kindest person in regard to money, never hesitating to lend Matthew some if he was short. Her brother Ollie was the same.

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If he had a good win on the horses or at the greyhound races he would insist on buying the meal afterwards. Matthew had said that he could be a fool with his money sometimes. This was bourn out by the fact that his flat was raided and money taken by two lads he suspected of doing so who attended the racing and had been in his flat once. He, Matthew and Maeves husband Gerry confronted the two at the greyhound track one night. Gerry who was short tempered hit one of them after he sneered at him and Matthew drew a punch at the other. The two suspects ran into the crowd after the altercation. I must be mad getting into someone elses fight Matthew said to Gerry. As for you he said to Ollie whose face was as white as snow, I saw that you kept your distance. Ellen who was aware of what went on was disgusted by the incident. She abhorred violence as Matthew found out. What was the point of all of that? she said. Did you get any money back off them, did they admit it? she asked. They both shook their heads and conceded it had been futile. Ollie never recovered the money and moved address soon afterwards. He moved address more often than a nomadic tribe Ellen once declared. His next abode was to be a small flat in Kilburn near Ellen and Matthew. Ollie was the life and soul of any gathering, being very talkative and very witty. There was however, a secretive side to him that he revealed to no one. The more Matthew tried to tease it out of him, the more sarcastic he became. He did confide in Ellen more than anyone else but always asked her to keep it to herself. He took a lot of getting to know as Matthew found out, which made him all the more intriguing. He had several jobs working in warehouses driving forklift trucks during his selfimposed absence they found out. He was now working for a scrap metal company and was the weighbridge clerk. It was a very lucrative job where backhanders in cash were commonplace from lorry drivers for favours returned. He was in fact now getting huge money. This was reflected in the amounts he would bet at racing on both horses and greyhounds. Matthew saw him put hundreds on any one bet mainly on favourites and saw him collect many more at times. He had scant regard for money and spent it as easily as he got it. He became a sort of celebrity among the racing crowd and sometimes a dread to the bookmakers. He would often ask Matthew or Ellen to lay off a bet for him, putting on a certain amount each. This was because some bookmakers would slash the odds if he tried to put on big bets with more than one of them. Ollie, Matthew and Ellen now became part of a regular crowd of people that attended greyhound racing and they got to know a lot of people attending the various racetracks. Ollie even bought a racing greyhound and it won at good odds one night at the Brighton dog track on the South coast.

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Matthew and Ellen accompanied him that night along with two other friends from the racing fraternity. Ollie ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate and the drink flowed until late. The other two friends consisted of Terence a fellow Irishman and Rosemarie his fiance, an English born girl of Irish parentage. He was a budding property developer and she also had her own business. She was an accomplished bagpipes player, having played with The London Irish Girls Pipe Band. They had a great night and they all stayed in a Bed and Breakfast establishment afterwards. Once after a greyhound race meeting in Wembley involving the same gang, she took the bagpipes from the boot of their car and played them full blast to the cheers of onlookers leaving the races. Another night at the White City track she was so drunk that Terence, Ollie and Matthew had to carry her shoulder high to their car. Ollie seemed to attract people who were as mad and carefree as him. He used to sing a song that nobody seemed to know when he had too much to drink that included the words not to worry about the morning that became his anthem. Ollie and Ellens brother Kevin however, was never to been seen at such places, regarding their pursuit as pure folly. He and Ollie were two opposite sides of a coin. Kevins mission in life was to work all the hours that God sent, in order to amass his fortune. He did this with a fervour that left them all mystified. Their other sister Maeve was a home bird and liked nothing more than being such. She was a great entertainer and her house was full of visitors on any given weekend. Theresa the third sister cast a very cold eye on gambling and was wary of her husband Davids enthusiasm for it, revealing that he would put all they owned on a horse or greyhound. She had to be the sensible one and it led to tensions between them at times. He had now taken up a job driving a delivery truck and was not averse to getting up to some moneymaking tricks himself. He was an ambitious young man and once said to Matthew and Maeves husband Gerry in the pub, that one day he would have people driving trucks for him, a prophesy that he duly fulfilled. That Christmas was a blast with so many vibrant young people coming together, with the hub of it all taking place at Meave and Gerrys house, culminating in a wonderful party. The Irish consumption of alcohol in London was disproportionate to that of any other nationality. While Matthew did a guest singing spot in a pub with a band one night, a fight broke out between two grown men. They were so drunk they couldnt even land a punch on one another. Fist fights or even attempted fist fights would often occur because of over consumption of alcohol. Some were often between work mates or even friends, who would not even remember they happened until told later or would discover a bruised lip or sore nose after sobering up. Matthew paid the obligatory Christmas visit to the family in Windsor accompanied by Ellen.

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Joe and Bridget were making a fantastic job of the house. It reflected both their tastes and talents and looked so elegant. Bridget in particular was in her element showing them the latest additions and furnishings they had made. Matthew smiled knowing that this was their mothers absolute passion and she was damn good at it. He once concluded that she was the only person on the planet that could make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Very posh Ellen whispered in Matthews ear, dreading the thought of Bridget visiting her place. One sunny day in the late spring Matthew and Ellen were walking hand in hand along Kilburn High Road. Matthew noticed that whenever Ellen was happy she would hum like a little girl. It would not be any particular tune. It could even be mistaken for almost a baby sound. Sometimes its the little things that people find most endearing about someone, as it was for Matthew that day. He could feel his heart beating with so much love for her that he stopped her in the middle of the crowded pavement and putting both his hands on her shoulders said, Marry me Ellen? She was momentarily dumfounded and only managed to say not here. Were going to get married no matter where I ask you, he said. She smiled that broad smile on her face and although slightly shocked Matthew knew he had received her answer. Your mad she said as they walked along, but he could feel her body tingling. Youre right, I am mad, mad about you, he told her. She was as nervous as a little bird until they returned home and there Matthew did as tradition demanded, went down on one knee and said Ellen Fitzpatrick will you marry me? to which she having slightly calmed down said Yes darling. After a long lingering kiss she said, Phew its a lot to take in. He noticed that she never stopped smiling that night when they went out for a celebratory drink. He had never felt so happy in all his life and wanted to tell everyone. Ellen being calmer in nature said they should wait until it became official with the ring. Matthew was as excited as she was when they went shopping for the engagement ring. It was not something he would have bought on his own as Ellen would have known by now. Apart from their jobs, everything they did was together. Ellen asked his opinion on the diamond one she had fallen in love with and he agreed it was perfect. Now can I tell everyone? he asked. Go on then she answered seeing he was about to burst from wanting to share their happiness. He felt so proud when telling Bridget by phone, she was delighted to hear the news. They didnt have room to throw a party in their confined living space but thanks to Ellens sister Maeve they had a get-together in her house. Although they met up with Matthews family neither meeting was a proper engagement party. They both vowed that they wanted the wedding to be very different.

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They had no real savings to speak of considering they were planning to get married as soon as possible. Then one evening Ellen was reading the evening paper and saw an advertisement for evening cleaners. They both agreed that if they took up such a job, it would quell their outings during the week and would enable them to save money. Soon they were both working the five nights a week cleaning offices that were only a short bus ride away. It still left them the weekend to themselves but often they were tired from the much longer hours they had to work. One night when they had finished their cleaning job and were nearing their residence, Ellen suggested that they have some fish and chips to take home. I dont think we can afford them, Matthew said in jest. Im hungry Ellen said with both hands on her hips. If you think Im doing two jobs and cant afford to eat your sadly mistaken, she declared almost in anger. Matthew was curled up with laughter much to her dismay. There were times when she could wind him up too saying his dusting skills in the cleaning job they shared were not quite up to her standard. There were times when they both felt like packing it in but persevered with the same goal in mind. The months passed very quickly for them, they being so occupied and wedding plans had to be arranged and booked. Firstly they had a meeting with Father Patrick Hackett, who was the Parish Priest at the Sacred Heart church in Quex Road in Kilburn. He was a tall slim grey haired man from county Cork who epitomized Irish Priesthood in every sense of the word. He went through the legal side of things with them as well as the religious. The one thing they wanted to know in particular like any couple was what the date of the wedding would be. He had one or two dates they thought were a little early, they not having anything else prepared. Otherwise I have The 21st of September 74, he concluded. Thats sounds good, Matthew said and Ellen nodded in agreement. He told them that he would be officiating at the ceremony if that were all right with them. He also arranged for a rehearsal prior to the event and told them to contact him at any time if they needed to. That went well enough Matthew commented. At least it gives us plenty of time, he added. Yes Ellen said meekly, her deep blue eyes staring and her mind starting to blur with all the other arrangements that had to be made. She confided in her sister Maeve who was only too happy to help, she having been there and being knowledgeable in what was required. The big event that was on the horizon for the OConnor family that year was Joe and Bridgets 25th Wedding Anniversary. It was to be held at a venue they chose called The Crooked Billet, a bar and restaurant on the outskirts of Slough. Those who were working in the family including Matthew pooled together and bought them both watches.

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It was a family occasion, but included Sarahs husband Martin and Matthews fiance Ellen. It was a relaxing and enjoyable evening set around a delicious meal and conversations seemed to centre on the present rather than the past. It was a statement in a way that related to where Joe and Bridget and all of them in family were now. It was noticeable at times that all of their children could be found lost in thoughts and memories of these two wonderful people. The other event that year was young Declans first Holy Communion, which Matthew and Ellen attended. How time marches on, Matthew said to Ellen. Even the youngest has officially reached the age of reason, he declared about his younger brother. Later that year they had a surprise visit From Ellens friend and former flatmate Pauline who now lived in New York. This time however, she was not alone. She had met an Italian-American called Luigi. He was a pleasant chap and they seemed very happy together. You didnt waste much time Ellen joked, delighted to see her again. I always knew you two were going to be an item, Pauline said on hearing Ellens news. They socialized with Pauline and Luigi in the limited time they had to spend with them that holiday and learned much about the lifestyle in the Big Apple. It would be a few years before Ellen would see her again but they kept in touch, exchanging Christmas cards each year. Pauline went on to marry Luigi and have three daughters together. Matthew and Ellen had a very sensible Christmas that year by their standards, knowing that the year ahead was going to be an expensive one. Time passed very quickly from then on for them as they had plenty to arrange for the wedding. They began to compile a list of things they needed to do and buy that steadily grew longer and more frightening. It also became more and more costly. They both resolved that they were only going to get married once and decided to throw caution to the wind. They bought their wedding rings in the same jewellers that Ellen had bought her engagement ring, she finding one to compliment it. Maeve helped Ellen in selecting her wedding dress, that Matthew was not allowed to see until the day. He scoured the shops for his wedding outfit and with Ellens approval bought a plain navy suit with shirt and silk tie. She kept her outfit locked in her wardrobe in plastic covering and Matthew did likewise with his. Matthew had asked Patrick to be his best man. He was his eldest brother although being seven years younger than him. He was a little apprehensive about one so young taking this responsibility. But he found out that he had matured a great deal over the past few years. It was decided that there would be one bridesmaid from each family. Nancy, Matthews youngest sister was chosen to represent the OConnor side along with young Declan as pageboy.

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Maeves eldest daughter Josephine, Ellens niece, a young girl herself, was to be bridesmaid on the Fitzpatricks side. Patrick and Nancy were also to be the two witnesses. Then there was the prospect of Ellens brother Ollie giving her away. It was what she wanted as her parents were deceased. He was delighted with the honour as they were close. He again was the youngest brother in family. Her eldest brother Eddie was in Ireland and was not attending as she learnt and she did not have the same relationship with her older brother Kevin as she did with Ollie. It was a big thing for him, he being a single man. Matthew although thinking some of the arrangements strange, just wanted to marry Ellen no matter what. Matthew had invited all his aunts and uncles including those in Ireland. He was a little disappointed that none of them were attending from the home country. However, all those living in England apart from his uncle Owen and wife Brenda who were going on holiday abroad that week agreed to attend. He and Ellen were now relieved that their guest list was finalized and arrangements for the reception could be concluded. They had booked the large upper room in the Crown pub in Cricklewood for the occasion. The large pub was a hub of Irish entertainment and many a good Irish wedding reception was held there. It was only a short distance from the church in Kilburn and proved ideal. Matthew loved the total Irish ethos of it all and had also booked an Irish band. Everything was going smoothly at last, too smoothly as Matthew said unwittingly. His mother Bridget objected to the invitation of her younger brother Tonys wife Maura to the wedding. Matthew annoyed at her interference asked why. She told him that she was an uncouth woman who under any other circumstances, other than being married to her brother she would have nothing to do with. What Matthew had heard about her, he never having met her was that she was a basic down to earth type, not prone to Bridgets standard of etiquette. Matthew told her not to be so judgemental as there were going to be a lot more down to earth people attending. She would not hear of her coming even when Matthew pointed out that the invitations were nothing to do with her. He was in fact looking forward to seeing his uncle Tony as he had not seen him in years. Bridgets obstinate mind was made up and she threatened not to attend herself if they were at the wedding. The dirty work of telling Tony and Maura was left to his brother Jim who very nearly stayed away in protest. He was as hurt as Tony but decided to come in order to keep the peace. The two of them had lived and often worked together for many years of their lives. Ellen could not get over the carry on as she called it when Matthew told her. She said it was an awful thing for someone to get an invite, reply that they were coming and then be barred by the grooms mother, if you dont mind. Maybe she has placed ignorance at the wrong door she said coyly.

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To add insult to injury during a phone conversation Bridget asked Matthew if he would consider inviting Sean and Catherine Mc Ginley, who were Sarahs husband Martins parents. Are you out of your bloody mind Matthew said to her. The two people she was trying to secure an invite for were none other than Susans parents. Matthew scolded her for giving preference to them over her own brother and his wife. The only reason Martins invited is that he is married to Sarah, he told her. Thats the only McGinley I want to see at my wedding he concluded. Matthew was shaking with anger after that call and thought its a bloody wonder she didnt ask me to invite bloody Susan and all of them as well. Ellen assured him that the day belonged to them and that nobody was going to spoil it. She could calm him with a look and often had to cool his volatile nature. She advised him to put this matter behind him and instead look forward to the occasion. They had booked a holiday in Spain for their honeymoon, with Ellen having recently acquired her passport and Matthew having his since his trip to Paris. That trip had been recently brought to mind for him having just found out that Ivan was not attending the wedding. He had sent them a set of cutlery with a congratulations card. Matthew was very disappointed, they having been friends since school and he having attended his wedding. It was as though the card empty of words was a final goodbye and time proved that it was. Matthew discerned that friendship could be a very fickle thing indeed. The next news they got in late July was that the holiday company they had booked with had gone into liquidation. They could get their money back through an aviation bond scheme they found out but it would take six months or more. Oh my God Ellen exclaimed as Matthew read out the letter from the company. Thats no good to us, the wedding is in weeks, she added. Oh what else is going to go wrong? she said. I meant to check with the cake people, she said as if in a panic. Matthew could see that the pressure of it all was finally getting to even the normally super cool Ellen. That weekend they met up with Ollie as usual. In conversation he understood their demise in regard to the honeymoon. Well that solves my problem with a wedding present, he said. I hadnt a clue what to get ye, he stated. But now I do, Ill pay for the holiday he declared. Both of them ended up saying no, that it was their problem and that it was too much. He insisted and they said if he did they would pay him back when they got the compensation from the aviation authority. He would have none of it saying Ive plenty of money and I want to treat my favourite sister and of course future brother in law, laughing. He was deadly serious and did as he said much to their eternal gratitude. I dont mind spending bookies money, he told them, they as well as him knowing thats what it was. They booked another holiday in a different Spanish resort feeling the first one had not been lucky for them.

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September could not come quick enough for them now. Matthew had made no plans for a Stag night or Ellen for a Hen do. Both meant little to them. Ollie had invited Matthew to stay at his place the night before the wedding and he accepted because his family lived miles away. It had been arranged for Nancy, Matthews youngest sister and bridesmaid from his side to stay in Matthews room at his and Ellens residence. Matthew and Ellen were fully resigned to the fact that they would reside at the same address when they returned from honeymoon until they found a suitable flat. It was in this aspect that they were found most casual, being so caught up with everything else. It so happened that Mick Kavanagh who was the boyfriend of Ellens friend Nora Connolly, both of whom were invited to the wedding, knew of a flat that was becoming vacant near them. His landlady, whom he knew owned several large properties in the area and he told them that it, was as good as secured for them. It was less than a mile from where they now lived and would be theirs for a small deposit with a reasonable rent. Ellen threw herself back on the bed that evening with a large exhalation of breath and a deep sigh. I only ever want to do this once she said looking at the ceiling. It had been a busy time for them and because of this it had sometimes blurred the reality of the events that were affecting Irish people then on both sides of the water. The situation and ongoing conflict in the north of Ireland had now spilled over into the South and also the British mainland, namely England. The Loyalist paramilitaries had bombed both Dublin and Monaghan, killing thirty-one people, the highest death toll in the conflict in a single day. Matthew incensed by it, feared that there would be an escalation of IRA activities, not knowing then where it was to ensue. That year the war was carried to England itself, with firstly the Guildford bombing and then the Birmingham bombings. Both English people and Irish people living in England were awakened to the fact that they were no longer isolated from the events in Northern Ireland. The attitude towards the Irish in Britain became distinctly colder and suspicion reigned against them. It was more noticeable than it had ever been. Innocent Irishmen were arrested for both bombings to try and placate English anger that by now had manifested itself in marches and public demonstrations. They were tried and convicted by false evidence, mistreated and given lengthy prison sentences. The Irish community was well aware of the fact that they were made scapegoats by the British establishment. And all who knew their history knew they were from a long line of such injustices. Surveillance of Irish activities by the British police and Special Branch undercover personnel were noticeably increased. Irish people could be questioned on the hearsay of an English neighbour suggesting their activities were suspicious. Matthew and Ellen were aware of an Irish taxi driver they knew who was questioned on the hearsay of someone because of the naturally unsociable hours he kept with his job.

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There were also many petty things that would happen such as being snubbed at work as Matthew was by his boss. Matthew confronted him walking into his office saying, If you have something to say to me, say it? The outcome was similar to the many direct approaches Matthew had to make to English attitudes over the years, the boss knowing he was efficient at his job backed off knowing by the stance and the look in his eyes that Matthew was one who could relish conflict. Also in a phone call to Bridget he learned that Joes car had been vandalized at work. Someone had thrown acid on it and had damaged the paintwork. That year would pan out with the Unionist strike in the North bringing down the Power Sharing Executive and a return to political stalemate leading to further conflict. It was against this backdrop that Matthew and Ellen were to celebrate the happiest day of their lives. They kissed each other on the Friday night they would separate before their wedding the next day. Nancy, Matthews youngest sister would spend the night with Ellen and he with her brother Ollie. Have you checked that youve got everything with you? Ellen asked Matthew, knowing that he could sometimes be forgetful about minor things. Ollie had called around to give him a hand and was introduced to Nancy who found him very amusing. Dont worry, he said to both of them I wont let him out of my sight. The two of them walked the relatively short distance to Ollies place, with Matthew carrying his suit and shirt on a hanger in plastic wrapping over his shoulder in case they got wrinkled and Ollie carrying the rest of his things in a bag. It was not an unusual sight in the bed-sit land of Kilburn. People could be seen carrying all sorts of items in this environment at any time, from furniture to televisions. Ollie had cleared it with his landlady, a Greek woman, for Matthew to stay the night. She had a vicious Alsatian dog called Bobo that growled on seeing Matthew whom he was not familiar with. We should have gone for a few pints, Matthew suggested to Ollie even though it was getting late. I got a few beers in, Ollie said. Good man yourself Matthew replied taking one he had offered. Well heres to your last night of freedom, Ollie said smiling. It was Ellen that brought me freedom, Matthew said in a toast that brought a slight puzzled look to his soon to be brother in laws face. Matthew did not sleep very well that night, partly because of the strange surroundings but mostly because of the excitement and expectancy of the day to come. He stirred early and had his first cigarette looking for a saucer or something to put the ash in, as Ollie didnt smoke. Ollie was enviously a sound sleeper who snored like a motorbike. He did however prepare a great cooked breakfast. We cant let you go without a bit of grub inside you, he said. Im getting married not going to the gallows Matthew remarked. Same thing Ollie said in jest. When are we going to see you walking down the isle? Matthew asked over breakfast.

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Ill take the gallows first, Ollie answered, confirming his allegiance to bachelorhood. Time as is does on such occasions quickly begins to pass and they both began to get ready. Matthew knotted Ollies tie after watching him make a mess of it three times. He had learned to tie the Windsor knot as shown by a cousin when he was young, feeling the irony of the name that day. He was not aware of the panic that was taking place at Ellens while thinking of her. Everything was going well except for the hairdressers at which she and Nancy were considerably delayed. And when that was done, the wedding car was late in arriving. Matthew was oblivious to all this and knowing his nature it was just as well. He and Ollie only had a short walk down Kilburn High Street to the turning that led to the church. Oh no Ollie said as he opened the door of his flat, with Matthew following. The Alsatian had made its way up the stairs and started barking at Matthew, he being an unfamiliar face to him. He had to shout for the landlady, she luckily being at home, to remove the animal from their presence. Ollie wound Matthew up on the way to the church about the possible consequences to his new suit or indeed a certain important part of his anatomy on such a day. The night before quickly left his mind as he extinguished a last cigarette before entering the church and being warmly greeted by members of his and Ellens family and aunts and uncles assembled. All of whom he noticed were very well turned out indeed. Joe looked very smart in his dark grey suit and Bridget was dressed like the Queen including the hat. Sarah and Bernadette looked very chic and smiled at him constantly. It was only at this point that he began to feel nervous. Patrick both brother and best man was himself well attired and also refreshingly pensive. Soon all were in position including young Declan in his smart pageboy outfit. All that is except Ellen and the bridesmaids. Ollie was waiting at the back of the church continually walking outside to see if they were arriving as he was going to give the bride away. The time went by and Matthew could hear murmurs of muffled conversation from the people in seats behind him. He found himself constantly looking back and looking at his watch as he had seen the Priest do. Its pushing on a bit Patrick said with a tone of nervousness coupled with his particular sense of humour that only made Matthew more nervous. Matthew looked at his watch and realizing that she was twenty minutes late, hoped that everything was all right. Before he could give it any more thought the organ pounded out the strains of the Wedding March that enabled him to breath properly again. He looked around and there was Ellen with Ollie proudly linking her walking up the isle. She was a vision in white with her long satin dress and train and a veil covering her face. She was carrying a bouquet of red and white roses and a headband of white crocheted flowers adorned her fair hair.

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Nancy and Ellens niece looked beautiful in their long lilac bridesmaids dresses that were patterned with white flowers, each carrying white bouquets adorned with purple ribbons. When she joined Matthew she pulled the veil back and smiled at him. He stared in awe at how beautiful she looked and knew he was the luckiest man in the world. They made their solemn vows before God, the church and the congregation and kissed to an ensuing applause. They signed the register amid the flashes from the photographers camera and walked down the isle together as husband and wife. It had started to rain during the ceremony and despite waiting for it to clear it didnt. Consequently photographs had to be taken inside the church and later at the reception. It didnt spoil their day, they being so happy and in love. It was a surprise to both of them that the chauffeur of the silver Mercedes wedding car was a woman. She looked the part however, in her smart light grey uniform and peaked hat. So thats why the car was late, Matthew joked with Ellen as they drove towards Cricklewood to the reception. The venue was in the upstairs suite of the well-known Crown on the Broadway. It was a large hall that could accommodate plenty of people. The catering people had done a wonderful job with the buffet style food. Joe had made a present to them of paying the bar tab. Matthew didnt think this was right as Joe was not a drinking man, but he had insisted it be his gift to them. Matthew and Ellen had hired a band that was recommended by the head barman of the establishment. After the ceremonial cutting of the cake and the toast with champagne the customary speeches took place. They were both surprised by Patricks calmly delivered speech and oratory skills seeing that he had put a lot of effort into it. Ollies unrehearsed, was short and sweet but delivered from the heart. There was a tear in his eye when he used the words my favourite sister. Soon the music started, the drink began to flow and merriment and jovial conversation ensued. Matthew had only a few pints to drink that day, he being too busy meeting people he knew he might not see that often again. They all seemed to be having a great time he concluded as was he and Ellen. Where the time goes at such functions nobody seems to know, but it does so swiftly. Before Matthew knew it, Ellen had gone to change into her going- away outfit. It was about this time that Laura who was married to Matthews uncle Brian approached him and made some inappropriate complimentary comments in his ear. She was not that much older than Matthew, but was his aunt by law. Matthew was repelled by it and he felt a great deal of sympathy for his muchmaligned uncle that day. It was then that Matthew took to the stage with the band and sang Cant Help Falling In Love for Ellen. A taxi had been ordered for them to take them to the Noke Hotel in St. Albans where they would spend the first night of their honeymoon before flying to Spain the next morning.

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It was comparatively quiet in the taxicab as they sat arm in arm each having their own thoughts of the day. The hotel and in particular the wedding suite was luxurious. They were made feel welcome and special with both flowers and champagne on ice. In the passionate embraces of lovemaking they consummated their marriage until both of them spent, fell asleep entwined like two branches on the same tree. Their blissful silence was broken by the early phone call they had requested. They had a taxi booked to take them to Luton Airport to catch the flight to Spain. Before they were out of bed they heard a knock on the door. Breakfast a female voice said before entering the room. It was placed on trays on their laps and the girl left the room saying, enjoy with a grin on her face. My God, I hadnt expected that Ellen said, holding the bedclothes above her breasts as they both laughed and tucked in. I could get used to this Mrs.OConnor Matthew commented. Soon they were above the clouds with only the clear blue sky above them. Happy? Matthew said as he took Ellens hand in his. Mmm she replied her eyelids feeling a little heavy and resting her head on his shoulder. Before they knew it their well-deserved holiday had begun. They both agreed they could not have picked a nicer place to spend their honeymoon. It was a little coastal resort called Calella that was quiet and unspoiled with few hotels and was quintessentially Spanish. They had rented an apartment and ate out all the time. There was an older couple next door to them that sometimes gave them disgruntling Looks. Matthew surmised that it was probably the noise of the creaky bed at night during their lovemaking that they might have found irritating. He bought Ellen a Spanish hat like a Matadors that he thought looked really sexy on her and she had bought skimpy underwear that drove him wild. For someone only five feet three inches tall, Ellen had the perfect figure. Matthew would gaze at her reclining on the deck chair on the balcony, looking at her perfectly formed exquisite legs that were long for her height and her sweet pear shaped breasts. She looked like a film star in sunglasses. They revealed how much they loved one another. Matthew told her that he had fallen for her on the first night they had met and asked her when she had fallen in love with him. The same night she told him to his astonishment. You kept that quiet for some time he said teasing her. I wanted to keep you interested, she said smiling. You know you had me interested, hook line and sinker, he said. It pays to keep a man on his toes she said laughing. She had a wonderful natural sense of humour that Matthew loved. There was no other girl in the world except Ellen that could tease Matthew without rebuke and make him laugh about it. They had become so much a part of each other that explanations about their feelings seemed unnecessary.

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After breakfast which often happened up to midday, they would go for walks in the surrounding countryside, along the beach as well as the fishing port and the pretty quaint streets of the town. In the evenings they would eat at a Taverna, drink Spanish wine and listen to the strains of Flamenco music. But the night belonged to them alone. The holiday passed more quickly than they would have liked, but they promised each other that it would be the first of many. They returned to London refreshed and with great vigour looking forward to moving into their new abode. The Landlady of the property was a wealthy woman who owned several huge houses in the area. The property was situated in a road called Christchurch Avenue in a place called Brondesbury that was a rather salubrious area not far from Kilburn where they had lived. It was a well to do area and had many mansion-sized houses in which wealthy and professional people lived. The roads were quiet and tree lined and it could look rural particularly in the autumn with the footpaths covered in leaves. The flat in question was a garden flat with a rear entrance that that backed onto an enormous well-kept mature garden. They were delighted with it and it was a real surprise, they not having seen it before the wedding. They thanked Ellens friend Noras boyfriend Mick in particular for enquiring about it for them. He had a flat in one of the landladies other properties and had in essence acquired it for them. They would often meet up with them at weekends as would Ollie and they also became part of their growing social scene. Ellens sister Maeve her husband Gerry and their two little girls would often arrive on a Sunday afternoon and they would spend time in the garden on a sunny day. Mum would love this area, Matthew said to Ellen. Yes but she wouldnt like this flat she commented. They were both proved right about each statement. That Christmas they had a party and invited mainly friends with only the inevitable Ollie attending from the family side. Visits to Matthews family were mainly one way, he and Ellen going there and that Christmas being no exception. They were now firmly rooted in Windsor while Matthew was resident in the capital. There were still times when he would naturally miss the people he grew up with and conversations about times before. Even times when he would miss bumping into old friends of his that were so obviously missing now. Luckily Ellen was a great conversationalist and they would often spend hours talking about their upbringing in Ireland and their experiences in England. In doing so they began to know everything about each other and both expressed an eager interest in each others background. They found they had so much in common, something that was to become a great bond between them.

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Matthew was surprised to learn that when Ellen came to England it was firstly to Manchester. Her eldest sister Maeve had moved there and she and her other sister Theresa joined her some time later. Maeve had a boyfriend there that she knew from home, but when the relationship broke up, She, Ellen and Theresa moved to London. They took up lodgings in the same house in Kilburn where there brother Kevin resided. Kevin then married Agnes, the girl from their home area in Ireland and they moved to another area of London. Meave then met and married Gerry and they settled elsewhere. Then Theresa married David and they set up home, leaving Ellen on her own. Oh you poor little orphan Matthew said on hearing this, realizing how hard and lonely it had been for her, only beginning to learn some of the hardships of her life and indeed all of her families. He would feel shameful at times, comparing his relatively easy journey until meeting her. After all he had his parents and family around him up to that point. He learned how she and her family had a very poor rural upbringing, their father Oliver having died when they were young. Their mother also called Maeve was left to bring up six children on her own. She lost twins at birth and one other little girl called Nora aged only four. Their father had worked as a fisherman and the one thing they had plenty of as young children was fish. Their mother kept hens and reared turkeys for the Christmas season and baked the bread they ate. She also planted potatoes and the vegetables they ate in season. It was a meagre existence only supplemented by hand me down clothes gratefully received from better off relatives. Pride was a word that was not in Mammys vocabulary, she told him wiping a tear from her eye. When her sister Maeve first moved to England she sent home as much money to their mother as she could afford. She learned that Maeve would walk the long distance to work in Manchester saving bus fares in order to save extra money to help her do so. Matthew was intrigued by her stories and the gentle and sorrowful way she would tell them. He also knew that she was the most amazing person he had ever met. It baffled him that she had such a positive sunny disposition for one against whom all the odds were stacked and indeed her immediate family. She was warm, gentle, kind and generous with a generally happy nature. She made him discover how self-centred, self-pitying, obsessive and obstinate he was. Their different temperaments amusingly enough also drew them together. The hotheaded often short-tempered Matthew was always placated by the serene cool headedness of Ellen. Ellen was interested and sometimes amused at Matthews artistic, musical and studious side while he complimented her cooking, domestic and budgeting skills. He drew a portrait of her in the form of an ink drawing and could not believe how still she sat while he was doing it. The things you do for love she said afterwards clearly impressed. He was amazed at Ellens mathematical ability for one who did not have the academic years at college like him.

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She could work out complicated figures and percentages without resorting to pen and paper. If she had a bet to be settled at the bookies she would already have the figure written on the betting slip and it was always correct. She also had the most incredible detailed memory. Matthew sometimes found this attribute annoying if they had a row, she being able to quote him word for word. Her sister Theresa he learned was mathematical, as was Ollie and all of them. It was a family thing as was their passion for horses and greyhound racing. Matthew learned that her uncle had racing greyhounds and the area they came from was famous for breeding and horseracing. It was where her and Ollies abiding passions for the sport was fostered. That year they learned that Ellens sister Theresa and her husband David were contemplating moving out of London. Matthew and Ellen had visited them in their rented flat a couple of times. David was a hugely ambitious man and was always full of plans. He and Theresa now had two little girls and he felt they were stuck in a rut. They could not afford a house in the capital and David who was a toolmaker by trade, found a job opportunity in Luton, a town in Bedfordshire. I want something my father never had, I want to own my own house, he told Matthew and Ellen. Theresa, although a little more apprehensive, began to share his dream. Before long plans were set for them to do so. He and Theresa told Matthew and Ellen that if they were interested, they could put in a word for them with the landlords letting agents, if they wanted the flat. It was a two story flat; huge in comparison to the place they lived in. There was one tenant, an older man who lived on the top floor of the three-story building. They both looked at each other with eager eyes and soon agreed to their proposal. They thought it was very considerate of them, but as they pointed out they would be leaving anyway. Theresa suggested to them that they should consider telling the letting agency a white lie, by saying that Ellen was pregnant. She did this because the flat had always been let out to families and they might not consider it suitable for just a couple. Although a bit taken back, they not having yet discussed having children, agreed to the plan. And as all things do everything fell into place and soon Theresa, David and the girls moved into their house in Luton and Matthew and Ellen having paid the deposit were due to move into their new abode. It was an old three story terraced building constructed out of bricks that had a yellowish colour in them. It was set midway in a road shaped like a crescent and was reminiscent of the many period houses that lined the streets of the capital. It was known as 33, York Road and was in a district known as Acton in the West London Borough of Ealing. Not so fast Matthew said to Ellen as he turned the newly acquired key in the door. What are you doing? she shrieked as he lifted her up and carried her over the threshold. These things have to be done properly, he said as she nudged him in reply.

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This is our first real home, he said with a feeling of great expectation about him. They had very little to bring with them save for clothes, television, some crockery, cutlery and personal items as they owned no furniture. Theresa and David had thankfully left many items of furniture some belonging to them and also previous tenants. They were grateful for all of them, they having to start from scratch. Although they had visited the premises before it looked somewhat different and vaster with many of Theresa and Davids artefacts gone. One of the rooms on the ground floor was completely empty. They could not believe the size of the flat. Neither of them had ever had that amount of space in their lives. This is bigger than some houses Ive been in Matthew said. There was an entrance hall on the ground floor that led to two large reception rooms, which led to a dining room and a kitchen beyond. This led to the back garden, which was exclusively theirs. On the second floor there was a separate toilet and bathroom and two large bedrooms, all of which were part of the flat. The top flat in the building was let out to an elderly gentleman who lived there on his own. Not alone were the thrilled with it, but to top it all the rent was only marginally more than they were paying. No wonder Theresa told us to get in quickly Matthew said, feeling eternally grateful to her and David. As they had finished viewing the place, a key opened the front door and in walked the large portly figure of the other tenant who introduced himself as Ted Brown. He had thinning grey hair almost white and spoke with a soft voice. The first thing that hit Matthew was that he bore a striking resemblance to the Pope. He welcomed them and wished them well and said if they wanted any thing to knock on his door. What a nice gentleman Ellen said, having a puzzled look on her face about his appearance. The Pope Matthew joked. Thats it Ellen laughed, thats who he looks like. A large flat at a cheap rent and the Pope as a fellow tenant, who could ask for more than that Matthew said in a fit of laughter. Neither of them got off to sleep easily that first night being full of excitement and in new surroundings and their heads full of ideas and dreams. Neither of them could have contemplated what this place would hold for them. Ellen found it easy enough to journey to work from their new area but for Matthew it was much more awkward. He resolved the problem by getting another job in an office in a local engineering factory in the nearby Trading Estate called Park Royal that was only a walk away. He was now an experienced cost accountancy clerk and found it easy to get a job because of this. There was a set of local shops only across the main road and it was a ten-minute walk from the nearest Underground Station. One end of their street led to the main approach road from the west into the capital. It was known as the Western Avenue on the A 40 that was the corridor for traffic entering London in an easterly direction and exiting the city from the west. Although it was a very busy main route the noise was not noticeable from the house.

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At the back of the dwelling however, the noise was loud at times when the mainline trains would pass close by taking the same routes in and out of central London. It was something that Matthew and Ellen had to get used to. Ted having lived there so long said they never bothered him at all and that in time they would find it the same. They learned that the flat was categorised as an unfurnished dwelling. This on reading the contract they had signed gave them substantial rights and security of tenure. Ted told them the elderly owners never bothered with the house and as long as they paid their rent on time neither would the letting agents who acted on their behalf. You can furnish it, decorate it and change pretty much anything you like, he told them. I havent seen anybody around here to look at the place for as long as I can remember he revealed. It gave them a great sense of security and an interest in putting their own stamp on the place. It was as they saw very much in need of decoration and furnishings. They concluded that from the financial point of view, they would have to walk before they could run. For once it gave them a focus in their lives and a reason not to spend their money on more frivolous things as they had been doing. They could see a reason and a future for themselves for the first time in their marriage. They started doing things they had never done before, like looking around furniture shops and hardware stores. The first thing that Matthew bought was a wooden step ladder that they would need for painting hanging curtains and even changing light fittings or bulbs. He bought it in a local store and could not have imagined that it would be one of the most enduring possessions he would ever have. Some of the second hand furniture shops around the area offered great bargains for items that looked as good as new. In time they acquired most of what they needed locally and the place began to look like a home. Matthew was amazed at Ellens painting and decorating skills only to learn that she had done so when she was growing up in Ireland. She could hang wallpaper as good as if not better that a qualified decorator. Her patience far outweighed his although he was a neat painter because of his artistic skills. Although arguments would ensue at times mainly due to Matthews impatient nature, they felt a great sense of achievement and self worth and a feeling of belonging. They had become attached to the place and to them it was no longer an address, it was their home, a place to call their own. Matthew learned at lot about the area and about the man himself in passing conversations with Ted whom he would often meet in the hallway. He told him that he had worked for many years in the Ice Cream factory that was located near them before retiring. He revealed that during his time there, he had a relationship with a woman, a fellow employee that resulted in them having a son. They never married and when the relationship broke down, she moved away and raised the boy, now a man, on her own.

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She broke off contact with him and he did not see his son for many years. When he would visit him, which was rare, he came alone. Both Matthew and Ellen were conscious of the lonely solitary life he led. He had a great knowledge of the history of the area and indeed the house that he had spent a good deal of his life in. Matthew once asked him when it was built. This street was completed in around 1865, he informed him. My God that was about the time of the American Civil War Matthew exclaimed. Queen Victoria would only have been in her prime, he added. This street, as the crow flys is seven miles from Marble Arch Ted told him. Matthew was aware that the monument in question was situated at the end of Oxford Street, the main shopping thoroughfare in Londons West End. Theres been a lot of building and expansion since these places went up Ted told him. And a lot of wars and hard times too he added. Did you notice some of the panes of glass in the windows look different to others? he asked Matthew. He had to confess he didnt until Ted pointed some out. The clarity of some of them seemed more blurred on closer inspection. War glass Ted explained. He told him that during the Second World War, when the nearby industrial estate was bombed it resulted in many of the windows in the area being shattered. The glass he learned was hurriedly made resulting in the poorer quality. He gave Matthew some tools to start him off as he put it. Ive no more use for these but Im sure you will have he told him. They looked practically antique but were solid with wooden handles. So well made were they that he possessed them for the rest of his life. If there was any place, type of shop or service they needed in the area or beyond, the first person they would ask would be Ted. On one side the next door neighbours were an Indian family that were so quiet you would hardly know they were there. They grew every type of vegetable in their back garden. Like any neighbours they would say hello in passing, but the only thing they had in common was that or the sky above as Matthew remarked. Their other next-door neighbours were an older retired couple from Dublin called the Bolands who occupied the upper flat. They often had conversations with them and learned that they frequented an Irish club some miles away. They would hear them getting out of a taxi most nights when they were in bed and wondered where they got the energy or the money from. Matthew and Ellen decided they needed a holiday that year and planned to visit Ireland. Ellen had not been to her home place for some years and she and Matthew were excited at the prospect of meeting her eldest brother Eddie for the first time, he not having made it to the wedding. He lived in the house that she and all her family were brought up in, their parents long deceased. Matthew had some driving lessons but had not passed his test yet. Mick Kavanagh their friend offered him his driving licence for the purpose of hiring a car in Ireland.

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It would be difficult getting around in country areas without one he explained to him, with limited public transport in rural settings. Matthew gratefully accepted and copied his signature until he had perfected it. They journeyed by train to the Welsh port of Fishguard and then by ship to Rosslare harbour on the South Eastern point of Ireland. Another train took them to the city of Waterford where they hired the car. Matthew was nervous signing the hire document and had to bite his tongue when the receptionist said, have a nice trip Mr. Kavanagh. The whole thing was a great novelty for Matthew, he never having seen that part of the country and never having driven any distance. He hoped nobody saw him drive off stuttering through the gears. He pulled in along the keys in Waterford city and studied the map the car hire company had given him. Ellen told him they would have to take the road to the town of Carrick-On-Suir via the bridge in the city. He asked a passer by which bridge he should take. Theres only the one bridge, unless theyve built another one secretly was the reply the man gave him. By this time Ellen was bent over with laughter at his demise. A fat lot of help you are Matthew said. You should know this area, he said red faced and flustered. Its been a while since Ive been down here, she answered, adding that it had been by bus. Women and directions, the two things just dont go together, Matthew concluded. Waterford looked an imposing city by the river he thought and an unusual ancient tower shaped building had caught his eye in passing. He later found out it was called Reginalds Tower and was built by a Viking of that name and it was deemed the oldest complete building of its type in Ireland. Soon they were on the open road that straddled the River Suir that was an ancient access point into the fertile hinterland that opened up before them. It was full of the most luscious and richest pastureland that Matthew had ever seen. After passing through some villages, a large mountain range became visible. Wow what are they? Matthew asked not having seen such terrain since he left Kerry. The Comeragh Mountains Ellen answered. Soon they arrived in the small town of Carrick-On-Suir in Ellens native County Tipperary, with its quaint bright coloured ornate buildings and neatly kept tree-lined green at its centre. Matthew was awestruck by the beauty of the place. He learned that Ellen had attended the Technical School in the town and it was where she had acquired her cooking skills. He also learned that she had declined a Chefs course in Cork at the time and was grateful to God that she had. Because if she had taken it up, the chances were that they might never have met. On such pivotal decisions destinies are created he surmised. A few miles from a village called Kilsheelan she told him to take a turn off the main road. It was down a very narrow lane known as a boreen. There past a forested area stood a neat two-storied house almost hidden away that was her home.

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The drive was quite narrow and Matthew managed to scratch the side of the car on entering. A huge man came out the front door and did his best to guide them in. Matthew red faced with embarrassment said he hoped he had not damaged the pier as he was introduced to Eddie who could not take the sympathetic smile off his face. Ive been meaning to widen that, Eddie said by way of consolation. He must think Im a complete idiot, Matthew thought. The fact was Eddie was a very unassuming man with a good sense of humour. It would be a good tale for the pub as he was to find out later. Eddie was a man who carried a great deal of weight of twenty stone or more. He had a ruddy complexion and wavy light brown hair. His hands were like two shovels and his arms were wider than most peoples legs. His gentle quiet voice was out of step with his large physique. His wife Nuala in contrast was a slim dark haired woman who Matthew thought looked older than her years. They both welcomed them with warm hearts and on entering the small kitchen-diner Matthew and Ellen noticed a group of shy children sitting in line on the steps of the stairs, staring out at them. There were three boys and three girls that looked like steps of stairs in sequence of age and one baby girl sitting on a chair. Ellen had told Matthew that her brother had a large family. She wasnt kidding he thought. They were introduced to them all during dinner and the children being shy at meeting them were very silent. One of the younger little girls was clearly handicapped and wore callipers on her legs. She had a smile that would break anyones heart. My God what well behaved children you have Matthew commented. Thats just because they havent met you before Nuala said. Believe me there are times when you wouldnt hear yourself speak in this house, she laughed. Matthew thought them a very nice and warm family and the place was as quaint as Ellen had described. It was a house that had been just as full in Ellens time there as she explained and now another generation of Fitzpatricks dwelt within its walls. It reminded Matthew of other days spent in warm simplicity. Matthew wanted to book into a Bed and Breakfast establishment that night but Eddie and Nuala wouldnt hear of it. How they managed to give them a room to themselves was a miracle as Ellen pointed out, she knowing the layout of the house. They talked into the late hours, when the children were finally persuaded to go to bed. Nuala explained that they were excited about the visit of their aunt from England and her husband whom they had never met. They had spent most of the afternoon, taking turns at going up the lane, looking out onto the main road for signs of their arrival. Ellen caught up on all the news about relatives and neighbours and told them how the rest of the family were getting on over the water. Whats that mountain on its own on the other side? Matthew enquired of Eddie. Thats Slievenamon, which means the mountain of the women, he told him smiling. Matthew could see he was talking to a man that knew about the area; its history and folklore.

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He learnt that an ancient Celtic mythological warrior King named Fionn Mc Cool was looking for a wife to bear him sons that would like him have prowess in battle. In order to find the most suitable eligible and fit woman from those he had chosen, he organized a race between them from the bottom of the mountain. He decreed that he would marry the first woman that reached the top of the mountain to meet him there. Who was it? Matthew asked intrigued. The fair Grainne, whom he married and produced the forbearers of a warrior elite called the Fianna Eddie told him. Eddie had Matthew hooked and he resolved to know more about this area of Ireland. He learned that Eddie had done forestry work as well as construction work for a living. He had also worked in a small factory nearby. You have to take up work as it comes here, he told Matthew, adding that you had to diversify when it dried up too. He was a man with many strings to his bow and very much his own man. He kept a few cattle and sheep that he had gradually accumulated over the years. A hay barn stood on the land that adjoined the house and he rented some other acreage locally for grazing. He grew potatoes and other vegetables and no part of the land was wasted. They even had some apple trees. The little red tractor he owned looked like an antique. The old car that he had parked at the side of the house seemed to tell the story of how he was doing. They lived from week to week and seemed obliviously happy doing so. Ellen had packed some clothes into both their cases, mainly for the children, that were hand me downs that had belonged to her sisters Maeve and Theresas girls. Alas there was no boys clothing available but she and Matthew had money put aside for them instead. Ellen revealed to Matthew that she was saddened by the relative poverty that they still lived in. I thought those days were gone she told him, thinking of the hard times her generation had in the same house. After Mass on Sunday with all the family attending, Ellen caught up with and Matthew was introduced to relatives and neighbours. They were mainly farmers that lived in various parts of the Slievenamon Valley. Their faces were as ruddy and colourful as their characters and the rural accent was one that Matthew had never heard before. Even the Priest spoke to Ellen and welcomed her home, enquiring how she was getting on in England and shook hands with Matthew. Its a wonder you didnt think of getting married in your own Parrish, he said jovially. Id have done a great job for you as you know he added. Matthew had never seen such closeness in an area where everyone seemed to know each other. That afternoon the local pub frequented by some relatives, neighbours and old friends of Ellens was filled with local gossip, song and merriment. Matthew could see she was really enjoying herself. Of a morning after breakfast he often strolled down the lane sometimes alone or with Ellen.

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Listen to that he would say to her, at the silence only broken by the sound of cattle or sheep or the sound of the birds or the ripples on the River Suir nearby. The majestic Comeragh Mountains that rose like gigantic guardians over the valley of Slievenamon were the only thing that blocked the distant view. What a beautiful place you come from he told her. They visited the pleasant local village of Kilsheelan set by the river and the nearby town of Carrick-On-Suir where they would buy some foodstuffs for the household. Nuala would scold them for buying food but it was always eaten. Sometimes they would engage in simple games with the children with a ball or organizing running races up the lane. The simplest things pleased the siblings, they being on their summer holidays. Even getting more sweets than they were used to would delight them. Eddie would be working of a weekday but he pointed out places of interest on the map that Matthew had and he marked them. They wanted to take some of the children on drives with them but Nuala pointed out that there would be war if some were left behind. Only so many would fit in the car. Ellen would point out the houses and the names of the people that lived in them. The school that she attended as a child was itself no bigger than a house. Her memories of it were painful she having been taught by a bully of a teacher who picked on her and her fellow siblings, knowing that he would not have to answer to their father who was deceased. The graveyard where her parents were buried was adjacent to the church that stood near the old schoolhouse. She pointed out the plot where they lay and it was still unmarked by a headstone. Her sister Nora who died at the age of four was also interred there. Matthew comforted her as he saw a tear fall from her eye. She lit candles in the empty church and prayed for her departed. During their limited stay Ellen showed Matthew the entire valley There were small hamlets on the mountainsides perched like nests. There were ruins that were once important castles and mansions of the former ruling classes of both Gaels and Anglo- Normans. Every lane was full of memories for her. She pointed out Gleesons a large farm where she had worked as a young girl doing household chores and minding the children. She worked there for a pittance she told Matthew, but the little she earned helped the household. She would cycle there along the narrow road even in the dark winter evenings. They passed another couple of farms where Ollie her brother had also worked. He worked damn hard from a young age Matthew found out. We needed every penny that came into the house, she told him. She told him to stop the car just outside the tiny village of Ballypatrick. You see that large wall there? she said pointing out what was once the entrance to a dancehall called The Marquee. She told him that it was literally a large tent in which local dances were held. It was great fun he learned, but her mother never let her go there until she considered she was of age. Her elder sister Maeve had to chaperone both her and her other sister Theresa there before she left for England. And were you a good girl? Matthew teased.

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Always she said with a smile, adding You should know that by now. Her brothers Eddie and Kevin also enjoyed many a good nights dancing there he learned. And what about Ollie? Matthew asked wanting to know what he got up to. He was fairly shy at dancing that time, she told him. Ollie shy Matthew said laughing. That was before he had any experience of the big bad world that lay outside this place she explained. He used to bring a bag of sweets and offer them to the girls she informed him. Oh stop Matthew said laughing and starting her off. Wait till I see him again Matthew said. When they reached the valleys end, there was the imposing regional larger town of Clonmel, with its superb Main Guard and West Gate at either end of the main thoroughfare, decorated with the finest shops and hostelries you were likely to find in Irelands green land. The name Clonmel, Eddie told Matthew translated into English as The Honey Meadow. It was named as such because the general area was one of the first recorded places in Ireland where bee keeping and honey was produced by the Celtic monks he learned. There were also places in the region that only a good map could take you, hidden places. The kind of places Matthew loved best. One such place was the NierVally that lay beyond the Comeragh Mountain range and was only accessible by two routes from where they were. Matthew chose to take the mountainous approach into it and the easier Clonmel one out. He was rewarded with the most spectacular views in remote sparsely populated and rugged terrain he had ever been in. The only creatures on view in the higher regions were the stalwart mountain sheep that looked like white cotton wool buds in the distance. One little hamlet called Ballymacarbry that could hardly be called a village was all that existed at the base of the valley below. Matthew could not believe that such places existed in Ellens part of the country. Every day of their holiday took them to different areas and not least when they visited the South coast less than an hour away and sat on a quiet beach looking out at the Celtic Sea. It included the fine seaside resort of Tramore and the rocky coastline permeated by secluded beaches. Youve got it all here Matthew said to Ellen. He realized it was the car that had made it all possible and he had become accustomed to driving on the quiet roads that made it easy. He made a promise to himself to pass his test and get one as soon as he could. They made a couple of brief visits to some of her relatives that holiday. Firstly Ellen introduced Matthew to her uncle Nicholas. He was her late fathers brother who farmed the land that had also belonged to her grandfather on the Fitzpatrick side. He was a tall thin man with a full head of grey hair, who seemed guarded in the way he spoke. His wife Biddy whose family came from nearby was a veritable chatterbox, extracting all the news she could about Ellens family in England.

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She was a jolly woman of simple tastes who always talked with her arms folded and laughed at the simplest thing. Their children like most of Ellens cousins had left home and most had married. There was however one girl Irene, a pleasant single girl still living there and a brother who had a mental handicap, who was notoriously shy and never spoke except in a mumble when forced to greet them. They also met another cousin of Ellens called Nell who with her husband Vincent and rapidly growing young family lived in a bungalow in the country on the other side of Carrick-On-Suir. Vincent had lived and worked with Ellens brother Kevin in London some years earlier. They were both very fit athletes in their younger days in Ireland and were dedicated racing cyclists who raced for a famous team called the Carrick Wheelers. They competed in the gruelling national circuit that took them to the four corners of Ireland. If Matthew thought Ellens aunt Biddy whom he had just met could talk, nothing had prepared him for Nell. She was incessant and most of her continuous ramblings consisted of putting down people including her own immediate family. She told Matthew and Ellen that she practically had to bring herself up at home. She added that her mother never did a thing around the house, apart from sit on a chair. Her father they learned did the cooking and looked after the house as well as the land. Ye should have inherited half that land, she said to Ellen. Matthew could see by Ellens reaction to her statement that an old wound had been reopened. Nell went on to explain to Matthew in particular that when Ellens father Oliver died, her father Nicholas his brother, kept the death secret from his mother who was old and infirmed and housebound. She practically on her deathbed herself, kept asking why her other son had not visited her. His scurrilous brother, Nells father kept telling her even though he was dead, that he would be up to see her any day now. The old lady died not knowing her other son had preceded her and never having made a will. His conspiracy worked and he held on to all the land. None of Ellens family who had practically all emigrated ever got around to contesting the inheritance. It was a bone of contention with Ellens brother Kevin and her sister Theresa in particular. Ellen herself was more inclined to let bygones be bygones only being hurt by the fact that her poor mother could well have done with an inheritance at the time. Her brother Ollie made the correct statement about it all once when the news of the tragic death at a young age of this uncles favourite son Dermot and proposed heir to the land took place. He had no luck for it, he lost the apple of his eye and it broke his heart Ollie had declared. It was one of those ingrained stories that would emerge now and again in family conversations that would inevitably become heated. The other place they visited was where Ellens mother came from.

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Eddie did his best to direct Matthew there, but it was a hard place to find. Ellen only had childhood memories of it and they had to ask directions from the only man they met along the narrow road that wound its way around the side of Sleivenamon Mountain. Eventually they found the land now owned by someone else where her mother was raised. The house or rather what was left of it was a crumbling ruin. My God didnt she live in a remote area Matthew said after negotiating some of the narrowest lanes he had ever experienced. There was not another house in sight and the quietness was deafening. The forested layers of the mountainside were all that was visible on the horizon. The nearest hamlet of a tiny village called Kilcash was miles away. Matthew visualized how Ellens mothers family the Kilbrides would have travelled this route by horse and cart, by bicycle or even walking in all weathers. They must have been hardy people he concluded. The final visit on that holiday was to Ellens aunt Kitty who was her mothers sister. She was an elderly lady who lived on the outskirts of the small village of Cloneen that was on the opposite side of the same mountain. She shared the house with her daughter, a spinster called Maura. Kittys husband was long dead and her sons who lived not far away were married with families of their own. She had one other daughter who lived in Kildare and was married to a publican. Her hair was silver grey and her skin was pale and she had the most piercing blue eyes. She was a great conversationalist and had a powerful memory of people, places and times gone by. And that was exactly what she and Ellen talked about. Her daughter Maura was a strong, powerfully built woman who looked after the land and cattle they had. They offered them some Port, which they drank out of politeness. The rear of their house looked out on to the other side of the mountain that Matthew was now becoming very familiar with. Matthew felt sorry for Ellen about the fact that both her parents were gone and that the memories of that generation resided only with other people. He was however, enthralled by his visit to Ellens part of the country, closet skeletons included. Her place in a sense had now become his place too and they could share memories of it. He had learned so much more about her and her family that holiday and had loved the experience. Before they left Ellen left some money under the mattress of the bed in the room they had given them, knowing Nuala would be embarrassed to take it and only telling her and Eddie as they drove off with them and all of the children waving goodbye. Matthew saw a tear in Ellens eye and swore he saw one in Nualas. He knew they had formed a bond that visit, they getting on very well for sisters in law. They were heavy- hearted on leaving the valley and setting off on their journey back to the big smoke as London was called. Id love to live back here again, Matthew said, drawing a sorrowful look from Ellen. It was a sentiment of many a returning emigrant after a holiday in their homeland.

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It was often coupled with despair, knowing that it wasnt immediately possible. A period of feeling unsettled and restless would ensue until the demanding routine would blur such yearnings. There was one thing that really amused Ellen about Matthew; it was the fact that he identified himself as a country boy. She knew that in his heart and soul, that was what he wanted to be. She saw how happy he was in that surrounding and knew it was his aspiration to be such. His dislike of the city on his return was all too evident, he being almost claustrophobic for weeks. But in reality she thought he was very much a town boy having spent nearly all of his life in towns. He actually knew very little about the countryside as she found out. She would often discuss sayings, items, objects and experiences concerning agricultural life that he knew little or nothing about. Whats that? he would ask and she would explain it. It was through her and her brother Ollie and family that he gained his knowledge about country life. It was also through them that Matthew gained knowledge about horse racing. One Saint Patricks Day the three of them made what was regarded as the pilgrimage to the Cheltenham Racing festival. It was considered to be the pinnacle of National Hunt or jump racing in the British Isles. The Irish attended in droves from Ireland as well as those living in England. They barely made the train that morning and had to run to catch it, as it was about to pull out of Paddington Station. They drank miniature bottles of spirits from the bar on board and began to sing Irish songs on the journey to the West Country track. To say the racecourse was packed was an understatement, but they made up for it with a couple of winners. When they arrived back in London that night Ollie insisted on going for a drink. A jukebox was playing loudly in the pub and Ollie not being able to hear conversation over it, calmly walked over and pulled the cable so hard it snapped from the plug making a flashing spark. The barman seeing it told him to leave and barred him from the premises. Theres plenty more pubs in this town he said as he was leaving followed by Ellen and Matthew. You cant take him anywhere, Matthew said. Shut up OConnor Ollie said a little inebriated after the days proceedings. They were like a strange trio that hung out together and could end up anywhere meeting other people as such. Ellen must have done some thinking about the odd couple or rather trio they were becoming. For it was she that first brought up the subject of having children. They had been using contraception from the beginning and it hadnt become an issue. She found out that Matthew had never really dwelt on the subject, he being deliriously happy with her alone. He did tell her honestly that he would dread having a child that would consider themselves English. If they were living at home he explained it would be a different matter.

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Ellen pointed out that the possibility of that at this time was remote. She told him that his mother Bridget had been giving her hints in conversation and her sister Maeve also. Matthew asked her if she was happy with the way things were and she told him she was. From that point it was as though they entered into a silent agreement concerning mainly his wishes. As time passed the subject receded into the background and they enjoyed each others company immensely as a totally committed couple. It was then that they started to get the travel bug and began to plan holidays. One such trip was to Italy on the Adriatic Coast that included a trip to Venice. Matthew loving art and architecture was enthralled with it. They sat in Saint Marks Square drinking coffee while an orchestra played music by Vivaldi. The sights if the historic city were like an art gallery built on the sea, Matthew declared, he had never seen anything like it. They took a romantic trip in a gondola and took the river bus to places of interest. The small family run hotel that they stayed in was charming and the people were warm and friendly. The resort they stayed in had a long sandy beach that was raked by the staff every morning before the guests went to use it. There was an English couple from Ipswich they befriended while there who were good company. One morning coming to breakfast the wife walked straight into a glass panel, creating a loud thud, she not seeing it for wearing dark sunglasses. Ellen scolded Matthew for laughing but she had not injured herself. The four of them had been drinking together the night before and it didnt do her hangover much good. They exchanged addresses at the end of the holiday but like all holiday liaisons nothing ever came of it. Package holidays had become very affordable at this time in England and had made travel much more accessible to ordinary people and London was at the hub of it. It was a year that was also full of visits from both Ellens and Matthews families. Whether it was aroused by curiosity about their new surroundings or endearment, Matthew could never fathom out. Theresa and David, the former occupants were complimentary about the transformation that had been made to the place. Even Bridget was impressed at the space they now had, she Joe and all of the family having made it to see them. Ellens family, having visited Theresa there, would have been more familiar with it. The news from Ireland that stunned and greatly saddened Matthew that year was the death of Eamon De Valera, one of the founding fathers and leaders of the Irish state. He had been born and raised in De Valeras Ireland and he was an icon to him. De Valeras Ireland was the Ireland Matthew loved; it was the Ireland that formed his soul. Despite the troubles in the North, a documentary about his life was shown on British television, as were excerpts from his state funeral. The Irish exiles weekly newspaper, The Irish Post needless to say covered the event extensively. The present Ireland was never far away for different reasons.

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The Balcombe Street siege took place in central London. Members of the Provisional I.R.A. took hostages and refuge in the street after being pursued by British authorities. The siege ended peacefully with the inevitable surrender and arrest of the perpetrators and thankfully nobody was harmed. It centred attention once more in the capital on the ongoing conflict in Northern Ireland being brought to the British mainland. That year the internment without trial of political prisoners in Northern Ireland thankfully came to an end. One of the most chilling things that happened that year was the Loyalist bombing of a bus carrying the popular Miami Showband who were returning from playing in the North, killing some of the band members. There seemed to be no avenue of society that the conflict had not touched. But normal life continued for the OConnor family and likewise for the Fitzpatricks and indeed all exiled families living in England. In the year that followed Matthew learned that Patrick had become romantically involved with a girl of Polish extraction called Anna. They visited Matthew and Ellen who both thought she was a very nice girl. They ended up playing a golf game called pitch and put on a small-scale course accompanied by Ollie. Patrick had a natural ability in relation to sport, something that Matthew did not possess. However, he and Ollie became very competitive during the game and he narrowly beat Matthew who was paired with him. Matthew declared that he had cheated by giving the ball an extra nudge with his foot. They had a fun day with them and the banter was humorous. Although it was the first time they had met Anna it would not be the last, as she and Patrick had become an item. She was a most attractive brunette and although born in England, came from a strict Polish Catholic family. Her mother on hearing that she and Patrick were having a physical relationship pressured them both into considering marriage. She was relentless in pursuit of this goal. Bridget on the other hand thought him too young for such a commitment, he being only nineteen. She had said this to Annas mother but to no avail. They both finally yielded to parental pressure on her side and announced that they were going to get married. Bridget had huge reservations about this declaring that Anna wasnt even pregnant. Patrick thinking the world of her, though it was the natural thing to do he having fallen in love with her. As arrangements began to be made for the wedding Bridget began to panic. Unable to persuade Patrick to wait and give the relationship time she contacted Matthew about the matter. Maybe if you talked to him, you could persuade him that its too soon, that he could be making a big mistake? she asked him. We dont talk that much at the best of times Matthew explained. He certainly wont listen to me if his mind is made up he added. Maybe itll work out fine, sometimes these things do, he concluded.

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Ellen agreed with Matthew that it was not wise to interfere with affairs of the heart, or in anyone elses relationship for that matter. On talking to him generally Matthew could see that his mind was made up and that was that. And so it was that the wedding took place and a very fine wedding at that. Patrick had asked Matthew to be best man and he duly consented. He wished them both well in his speech. The OConnor side were introduced to a nice Polish family that had a similar culture and background to theirs, bound by the common threads of both Catholicism and emigration to another land. Bridget was apprehensive about the whole thing and said so again on the day. It was a hot summers day and many a gathering took place outside the nice venue they had picked. It was perfect for photographs and everyone was enjoying the occasion, everyone except Bridget. She was as cordial as she could be with Annas mother and family but could not help thinking it was too rushed, too soon. Anna looked beautiful and a sister of hers was bridesmaid. She and Patrick had with the help of her parents had put a deposit on a house in Slough and before long they were busy decorating and doing work on it. It was where Matthew and Ellen next met them. Keeping busy? Matthew said seeing Patrick sanding down the metal window frames, preparing them for painting. Ill be busy for a long time with this place he answered. Theres a lot of work needs doing, he said, showing him in detail as he showed him around the house. Nice place though Matthew commented. Although it was in an estate, Matthew and Ellen thought it had a quiet feel about it. Ellen noticed Anna didnt seem to know much about catering or entertaining. She thought she looked childlike and slightly out of her depth. Matthew thought Patrick looked competent enough although obviously under pressure. But he had always been able to put on a brave face, as he knew. Joes brother Brian, their uncle lived in the same estate near Patrick and Anna. At least you have some nice neighbours Matthew joked with Patrick, he knowing the butt of his wit. Both couples made good wishes and promises of future visits that sadly never materialized. Within a year Patrick and Anna had separated. Bridget did not gloat saying I told you so and although infuriated with Annas mother felt saddened by it all. Patrick although having feelings for Anna had felt imprisoned and simply too young to be so committed. He was still only twenty and felt he had a lot more living to do before settling down as was to prove the case. Anna was devastated by it all and it would be some time before she was involved in another serious relationship. At one point as if trying to forget the hurt of it all Patrick bought a van and toured around Europe for months, leaving Bridget in particular waiting frantically for phone calls letting her know he was all right.

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They all perceived that he had grown up very quickly and were amazed at his adventurous streak. He had many stories to tell of his travels on his return. In a phone call to home, Matthew received the news of Sean McGinleys death. Its announcement was as swift as his passing from a heart attack. Sarah in particular asked him if he would attend the funeral of her father in law. He refused not wanting to set eyes on his daughter Susan who had hardened his heart against her. He and Ellen did however; concede to go to the church in Slough the night before the funeral. It was for the sake of Martin, Sarahs husband and they were in the church as a foursome with no other family present. Matthew knowing that Sean, a passionate Irish nationalist was going to be buried locally said looking at the coffin He will have to rest far from his beloved Mourne Mountains. It was the first time that the idea of being buried in England had ever crossed his mind and he hoped it would never come to pass for him. Any news concerning the McGinley family in general was usually drip fed to Matthew by Sarah and sometimes by Bridget. The next he heard about Susan through the grapevine was that she had gone working in Germany with a female friend of hers. It was there he learned that she after some relationships in England met up with an American serviceman serving there. He laughed when he heard that the man was married with a family at home. Now why does that not surprise me? he said sarcastically to Sarah. At least shes moving up the scale of infidelity, in that shes now a bona- fide mistress he concluded. His marriage ended in divorce with her being cited as the other woman. Matthew concluded that it was all very much in character as far as she was concerned. None of the OConnor household told Matthew that they had consequently married until sometime after the wedding. It was the first time that he felt mistrust between him and his family as such, but it would not be the last. It was a surprise when Matthew heard that Sarah and Martin were moving to Canterbury in Kent. It was in pursuit of a career move by Martin. Bridgets cousin Josephines husband Alex apparently had contacts in high places and knew of a prestigious job going there. It was as the position of Bursar, which translated meant Treasurer of college. He would be in charge of the financial affairs of such an institution. It was quite a challenge and step up from his former clerical job but he proved he had the capability for such. Sarah told Matthew that when she went for a farewell drink with her workmates in Slough she had an unwelcome surprise. Sitting in the corner of the pub they went to was Bridgets brother Jim their uncle with a woman in his company. She was none other than Joes brother Brians wife Laura. Uncle Jim was a single man but she was married with two children. Its not what it seems, he said to her nervously.

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He told her unconvincingly, that they were just friends and had arranged to meet for a drink and a chat. Sarah didnt believe that he had come all the way from London for either. It was awful she told Matthew, and described how she wished the ground would swallow her up at that moment. I know that Brian and Lauras marriage has not been the best from the start, she said. But I didnt realize it had come to this. Bloody hell Matthew said, reading all sorts of things into it. Does Mum know? he asked. Yes she said. She was more infuriated with Jim than with her she added. Does Dad know? he enquired. I dont know she said, I certainly wasnt going to be the one to tell him. She told him that Bridget wanted to keep a lid on it, hoping that it was a one off. She asked him to keep it to himself and although saddened and bewildered he agreed. It was all brushed under the carpet and they were never again seen or heard of in each others company. Sarahs untimely appearance may have prevented what could have turned out to be a disastrous affair that would have had consequences for Joe and Bridgets families. Bridget in particular was very sorrowful at Sarahs departure but the beautiful historic town of Canterbury and the fine house they bought would in time compensate with her and Joes many visits there. She was also very proud of the fact that her son in law held such a position and was not shy about telling people about it. It was a place that all of them visited at one time or another. As Sarah gave birth to each of the three boys that would make up her family, Matthew found himself avoiding Christenings if possible for the same reason he would avoid anything that would include the McGinley family, namely Susan. He learnt from listening to pieces of conversation, that she had been in regular contact with his family and was incensed by it. He knew that even after confronting Bridget about it, that she would rather save face than distance herself from her. Matthew had never talked about Susan to his family; he just couldnt and certainly never asked about her. To even think about her would leave him angry. He almost hated her with a passion; such was the legacy she had left him. He abhorred her for acting as though nothing had happened between them. He had grave misgivings about his families contact with her and even more the fact that they couldnt seem to care less about his feelings. They seemed embarrassed by it as the McGinley family of whom Sarahs husband Martin was one were considered to be extended family. No such extension was ever afforded to Ellens family. The younger ones seemed totally oblivious to the situation. Matthew didnt want to drag up the past he wanted to forget it. But inevitably her name would crop up in overheard conversation between some of his family. He noticed that their voices hushed when her name came up in a conversation in his presence, like they had made a mistake. They knew, they knew all right, he concluded.

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It was something that drove a wedge between Matthew and them. Ellen was knowledgeable and understanding about it but quite understandably did not want to dwell on it. Matthew was forced to lock the subject in a dark recess of his mind where it festered unknown to anybody. He was actually grateful for the fact that he lived in London and for the friendship and loyalty that Ellens family had showed him. Joe and Bridget got an invitation to the wedding of Joes nephew in Canada. He was one of his brother Pauls sons of a large family that consisted of boys only. Paul and his wife Carol had moved to Canada in the 50s from Dublin where they met. Paul was a mechanical engineer and had a successful career there. Carol was a medical secretary. They lived in a suburb of Toronto that had the amazing native Indian name of Mississauga. Bridget and Carol had kept in touch by letter and now the odd phone call over the years. Nearly all of her family had moved to the same region of the country. It was Paul that felt very distant from his family, most of them living in England. He was delighted to see all of those on his side that made it to the wedding. But the fact that Mamma and Dadda his parents made it was one of the proudest moments in his life. Dadda had overcome his fear of flying and it was the most exciting trip he and Momma had ever taken in their lives. It was also the first journey that Joe and Bridget had been on outside of the British Isles. Not alone did they all enjoy the wedding, but the different culture and the exciting city of Toronto but marvelled at sights such as the Niagara Falls. Bridget described their experiences to them all and the different way of life there. The sheer vastness of the country was something to contemplate she told them. It was about this time that Matthew was considering a change of career. He had become bored with the repetitiveness of office work and the boring and petty gossip that accompanied it, but had no idea of what he would take up next. Like most things in life he found that once you had made your mind up about something that things would happen. It was through leisurely pursuit that he would find his next job. A friend of Ellens brother Ollie attended Greyhound racing nights and he became acquainted with him. His name was Frank and he was from County Fermanagh in Northern Ireland. He was a big gambler like Ollie. Matthew learned that he had gained a sizable legacy from a deceased uncle. Hell gamble every penny of that, Ollie once told Matthew and Ellen. He would often declare, It will not be beat about a dog he would back at a greyhound track. Although not the shrewdest of gamblers he was a nice chap and pleasant company. He worked as a manager in a branch of an Off Licence company. Matthew engaged in conversation with him about his work. Frank seeing that he became interested told him that he could put the wheels in motion for him if he decided he wanted to pursue that career.

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Matthew was enthusiastic about it but Ellen had reservations on learning that the company wanted couples for such positions. She had worked in a secure job in the wages department with London Transport for years and hadnt planned a change. She could see his heart was set on it, but even then she had reservations about them working together. She wondered at considering it, if it would work out for them. After some time and continuing to meet Frank in the social circle at the Dogs as they called Greyhound Racing, Ellen relented and agreed to give it a try. Before long Matthew attended an interview and was accepted as a trainee Manager. Initially it meant going on an induction course to Manchester for a few days. It was the first time they had been apart since they met. Matthew found it very interesting and learned a lot about the wine trade. The next step was in-house training at a typical branch of the company. The Branch Manager he learned, got extra payment for performing this function. After spending some time there and being taught more about wines and the bookwork side of things the next step would be placements as Relief Manager. This would be standing in for Managers that were on holidays or sick leave. It was during this time that Ellen would join him and found out what she thought of the business. It gave her time to see what she thought of it before leaving her job. She would not officially join him until he got his own branch. And so it was that they got their own shop in West Hampstead, near Kilburn where they had formally lived. They settled in relatively quickly and Ellen being mathematical was great on the till. Her organizational skills came to the fore with displays and soon they had a local young chap working Saturdays with them. My word Matthew said to Ellen observing him, It seems like only yesterday that was me. It did change their routine quite a lot, but the branch didnt open that late and the starting hours were also much later. One day as Matthew was going to the bank to deposit the takings he heard a bus blowing its horn. The driver opened the window and shouted his name. It was none other than his uncle Jim, his mother Bridgets brother. He was a bus driver whose route passed West End Lane where the shop stood. He said he would call in sometime but he never did. There were busy times particularly Saturdays but in the early days of the week it could be very quiet. Matthew had developed the desire to take up Art again, in particular Oil Painting. He had completed some works at home in his time off and then began to work on some in the office at the back of the shop during quiet periods. It made Ellen nervous, in case the Area Manager called. Matthew assured her that they would rarely see him if every thing was going well and the takings were steady. He found that he was starting to accumulate paintings and develop a style. Even after hanging them on the walls of their home and giving some to family, he found he had an excess works hanging around.

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He learned from a phone call to home from Bridget that their former neighbour and now manager of the Irish Club in Slough, Aidan Joyce was looking for someone to paint a backdrop for the stage. Matthew had never attempted a work of that scale, but relished the challenge. He did some research and got the suitable stage paint and decided to paint rugged landscape scene from a photograph of Connemara in the West of Ireland. He completed it in a day using large brushes, much to the astonishment of Aidan who had gone golfing to leave him in peace as he put it. Aidan was thrilled with it. He wanted to pay him for it but Matthew refused. I just wanted to see if I could do it, he told Aidan. Next time you go on holidays to Ireland your welcome to stay in our place he said to him in loo of payment. Then youll be able to see Connemara that youve painted for real It was an offer that Matthew accepted gratefully. Ive heard youre doing a lot of painting recently, Aidan said. Why dont you use the club for an exhibition if you consider selling them? he asked. Ill arrange it for you he promised. Matthew agreed to call him when he had enough works to do so. Oh my God youre going to be busy Ellen said on hearing the news from an excited Matthew. She did bow to his overwhelming enthusiasm, as she knew there was no stopping him when he was in this mood. By the time mid summer had arrived he had compiled a collection of landscapes all of which sold at the exhibition. Even though the prices were moderate he felt a strange embarrassment at taking money for Art. He felt he was just doing something he liked, something he had the ability to do quite easily. Matthews next quest was to get that damn driving licence as he called it. He took some lessons but not enough and eventually passed it third time. They bought their first car, an old Triumph Toledo that needed some work done on it if they were to go on that holiday to Ireland that included a stay at Aidans home place. Joes brother Brian, Matthews uncle in Slough, a mechanic by trade was designated to do the job. He had serviced Joes on occasion and only did family and friends privately. The work was carried out in the drive of his house in Slough. Matthew was surprised to see a girl he knew from the dances in his time in the town at his house. He had once taken her home from one of them. The absence of Brians wife Laura that day embarrassed both him and Ellen, they not knowing what to think. They ignored the situation, concentrating instead on the work that had to be done on the car, with Matthew giving him a hand. In no time at all gratefully the job was done and Matthew asked Brian how much he owed him. He refused to take payment and Matthew promised him that he would do an oil painting for him of an Irish scene.

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He was delighted with the suggestion as Matthew thanked him and shook hands saying goodbye. What do you make of that? Matthew said to Ellen as they drove back. I dont know, she said looking as bewildered as him. Theres something going on there, Matthew concluded. Did you notice the body language between them, and the feeble excuse that Laura was gone out? he remarked. Ellen said that they should keep it to themselves and Matthew agreed, but he knew of Lauras antics at their wedding. It must be a case that whats good for the goose is good for the gander he thought to himself. He predicted that their marriage was on the rocks and felt more than sorry for his two young cousins that would as always be caught in the cross fire. They had the most wonderful holiday in Ireland that year calling only calling into Ellens brother Eddie on route. This time it was Matthews turn to show Ellen the delights of County Kerry that had been his former home before leaving. They drove around the famous Ring Of Kerry and he showed her the Lakes of Killarney and they sampled some of the most beautiful scenery in Ireland. Matthew took a photograph of a view he liked over Killarneys lakes that he would paint as a thank you for uncle Brian for doing such a great job on the car. He took a lot of photographs that holiday including some of Ellens relatives. They stopped in some wonderful Bed and Breakfast establishments, ate the finest of food and enjoyed some great beer and traditional singsongs in friendly Irish Pubs. They would often pass the Travelling People in their round horse drawn caravans on route. Matthew marvelled at the gentle pace at which they moved. When I was young I wanted to be a Traveller he told Ellen. You are a Traveller, considering all the places youve lived she joked. They called into Tanavalla in Listowel and Matthew introduced Ellen to his grandparents. Mamma was in good fettle but Dadda his grandfather now retired, was not well at all. He had a blood disorder that had affected him for some time they learned. They now had all the mod cons including television that Dadda liked but Momma hated, saying that it destroyed conversation. Matthew felt saddened by Daddas demise and although he was as cordial and welcoming as ever, a lot of the spark had gone out of him. He had not lost his sense of wit but seemed to be struggling physically at times. There was sadness in his eyes where once there was a glow. Matthew was frightened by the fragile appearance of the man who meant so much and held so many memories for his extended family worldwide. He took a photograph of him and Mamma outside the house that held so many wonderful childhood memories for him. Little did he know that it would be the first and only time that Ellen would see him in Tanavalla and the last time that he would. He and Momma wished them well and waved them goodbye from the top of the gravel drive. Matthew had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach as he looked in the rear mirror of the car seeing his grandfather smiling and raising his hand in a wave. It was the last memory he ever had of him.

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Matthew took Ellen to see his former abode in Tralee, calling in to see old neighbours and catching up with all the news of which there was plenty. He called at his old friend Stephen Hennessys house and his sister Maura opened the door. She informed him that their mother had died and that Stephen was now married to a girl from the same area and lived in another part of the town. Matthew learned that the girl in question was none other than the one he had once kissed on the railway embankment, namely Pauline Cantwell. A fact that greatly amused him amidst the mixed news he received. On talking to another friend and former neighbour Frank Toomey, he was informed that Sarahs best friend Eileen Tierney had gone to Dublin to take up nursing. How everything changes, he said to Ellen. There bound to over time, she answered. Matthew realized that he like many exiles somehow wanted everything to be the same when they returned home. They consciously knew that it was not possible, but sub- consciously wished that it were. It was something that was in the mentality of the emigrant. They felt robbed of the time and events that had passed in their absence. Thankfully, as Matthew had said, the landscape of their homeland was still most familiar. They had intended seeing a good deal of Ireland that year and in particular the rugged West Coast. They took the Ferry across the River Shannon to County Clare and viewed the spectacular Cliffs of Moher and then drove through the rocky lunar landscape of the Burren, clad in wild flowers, before heading for County Galway. The destination was the house that Matthews friend Aidan Joyce had promised they could stay in thanks for doing the stage painting at the Irish club in Slough. They passed through the splendid Cathedral City of Galway, the gateway to the Gaelic speaking hidden gem of the West of Ireland called Connemara. The address on the paper with a hand drawn map said turn right at Maam Cross by the Peacocks pub, follow road a couple of miles into the Maam Valley and take a left turn up lane, house on right. They missed the turning and ended up outside another pub in the valley called Keanes. They had an idea that they would know where the Joyces home would be. It was a wonderful establishment and to their amazement all the people in the pub were speaking Gaelic. It is after all a Gaeltacht region, Matthew said to Ellen meaning that it was a designated Irish speaking area. The barman knowing the family directed them in English to the place they were seeking. Matthew more than Ellen felt a sense of guilt at not being fluent in his native language and found that the amount he knew had diminished over his time in exile. They picked up the keys as arranged from a cousin of Aidans, a pleasant woman who wished them a nice stay. They were surprised at how modern the Joyces bungalow was. But the mystery was solved when they looked at the old dwelling now gone to ruin that stood on the same land. Thats the place where the Joyces really lived, Matthew said to Ellen.

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They must have built this place over the years he surmised. The views over the Maam Valley and Lough Corrib were spectacular. During their weeks stay in Connemara, Matthew and Ellen explored some of the most beautiful rugged scenery they had ever seen. It was a unique area of Ireland famed for its wild landscape. It was dotted with small lakes, and mile upon mile of stonewalls. Craggy mountains gave way to sparsely populated valleys occupied only by wandering sheep. The seashores and Islands were constantly caressed by the large white Atlantic waves that created a rhythm of sound. Delightful hamlets, villages and few small towns were welcoming along the way. Names like, Leenane, Clifden, Roundstone, Spiddal, Carraroe and Oughterard would become familiar to them for a short time and most of all the Maam Valley. Matthew could not but think of his friend Marcus Joyce, Aidans brother whose homeland and spiritual place it was. He being the first Irish person along with their sister Marie that he had met when arriving in England. He remembered him talking about it and was glad to have such a memory to share. He was very grateful to Aidan and the Joyce family in general for allowing him and Ellen to stay there. What a wonderful place they came from he now knew and what a generous thank you it was for a simple stage painting in the Irish Club he thought. Matthew was now fascinated by the West Coast of Ireland, as was Ellen, they couldnt get enough of it and vowed to see as much of it as they could that holiday. They handed back the keys to Aidans cousin and set off on a carefree journey northwards from Cong towards Ballinrobe in County Mayo. Matthew pointed out that it was in the district of Cong that the film The Quiet Man starring John Wayne and Maureen OHara was made. It was also the birthplace of his Slough neighbour Orla Joyce who was Aidans mother. Her husband Pat Joyce had played accordion music that was part of the score for the film that was made there he told Ellen. They took the road north of Lough Mask and arrived at the delightful picturesque port town of Westport set on the shores of Clew Bay. Look at all those Islands Matthew said seeing there were countless rugged small Islands that filled the huge bay. There was always stunning surprises to greet the traveller on the Western seaboard of Ireland they concluded. They also passed the larger Island of Achill on their journey further north. The next leg of the journey seemed a very long drive through the wild hinterland of North Mayo. Did you ever see a place like this in all your life? Matthew said to Ellen as they drove through countless miles of heath land that they both agreed was the most sparsely populated landscape they had ever seen. This could be Siberia Matthew said at one point. A sudden thought crept through his mind and he looked immediately at the petrol gauge. He stopped the car and looked at the map calculating how far it was to the next town and stated correctly that they had enough petrol to get them to Crossmolina, a nice village situated on the north of Lough Conn.

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From there they passed through the County town of Mayo called Ballina. It was there that they made another brief stop. When turning the key Matthew found the car wouldnt start. Ellen pushed it in a hill start slightly hurting her wrist and scorning Matthew, but it did start again and remained a mystery as to why it didnt in the first instance. Then turning right from Killala Bay, where Matthew pointed out to Ellen that historically a French fleet had sailed to the aid of the Wolftone the founding father of Irish Republicanism. By now Ellen just wanted to stop somewhere despite knowing how buoyed up Matthew was about it all. After a brief stop Matthew insisted that if they kept going they would reach Bundoran that he had heard of in South Donegal. Donegal Ellen shrieked, thats in the North. She reluctantly agreed saying she wanted to sleep in a bed that night, not in the car. There was no stopping him when he was in a mood like this, she knew only too well. They drove the road to the south of Sligo Bay to the backdrop of the Ox Mountains. They noticed some of the highest waves they had ever seen. Matthew remembered hearing that this part of Ireland was famed for its suitability for Surfing and that people from all over came here to do exactly that. They were both surprised at the size of Sligo town, it being much bigger than they had imagined. It was on route from there that Matthew made another stop at Drumcliff overshadowed by the Dartry Mountains and the famous head of Benbulbin. It was the country of one of Irelands most famous poets, William Butler Yates. They both stood by his gravestone in the graveyard of the little church at Drumcliff and Matthew read out his famous internationally known epitaph. Cast a cold eye on life, on death, Horseman pass by The sun was beginning to set when they reached Bundoran. It was a charming little seaside resort with plenty of accommodation to choose from. They chose a nice Bed and Breakfast and settled in for the night. Ellen was tired from the journey and wanted to retire at a reasonable hour. Matthew on the other hand was elated at all the places he had seen that day. Imagine were in Donegal, he said studying the map. Tell me about it Ellen said feeling they had taken on a bit much at one go. The next day after a wonderful full Irish breakfast and good nights sleep Matthew was rearing to go again. Do you ever get tired of driving? Ellen asked him. On a motorway in England maybe but not when you know theres something amazing around every corner he told her. Like the rest of the West of Ireland Donegal opened up before them like a spectacular giant Cinemascope screen. It again was totally unspoilt, with undulating, rugged, mountainous countryside permeated by quaint fishing villages and large deserted beaches on the Atlantic shore. The large fishing port of Killybegs adorned Donegal Bay. It was from here that the big fishing vessels sailed far out into the North Atlantic to gather fish like Cod from the colder waters. Names like Glen Columbcille after a famous Irish saint, Ardara, Glenties, Dunglow, The Rosses, and Gweedore greeted you on your journey through one of the largest scenic and Irish speaking areas of the country.

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Matthew drove as far north as time would allow them, eventually spending the night in the village of Creeslough on the Horn Head peninsula. He was finally persuaded by Ellen to make their way back on what she knew was a long journey. They drove back eventually through the midlands as Matthew had planned. He wanted to show Ellen Roscrea, the town of his birth. During the journey south they passed through many towns that they had only heard of from friends and people they knew living in England who came from those areas. Ellens brother in law Gerry Cahill, who was married to her sister Maeve, came from near Carrick-On Shannon in County Leitrim, a lovely town situated on the banks of the River Shannon. They travelled through Longford and stopped for a meal in Mullingar in County West meath. They never ate a meal as big as was served to them that day. They both laughed when the waitress asked them if they would like dessert. A stomach pump Matthew answered. My God, they must have some appetites here Ellen joked. As they passed through Tullamore, County Offaly, in the midlands, Matthew decided to take the route from Birr north of the Slieve Bloom Mountains, both of which he had heard his mother Bridget talk about and make his way to the town of his birth. Sadly there was only one relative on his mothers side now residing in Roscrea. All the rest by now had left or had died. She was Bridgets first cousin, a woman called Mary who lived on the outskirts of the town with her husband Pat. They lived on the Birr Road as Bridget informed Matthew. He enquired at a petrol station nearby as to what house was theres, it like so many in Ireland having no number. He knew her married name was Wall, but got her Christian name mixed up with that of her sister Kitty. The garage owner looked dumbfounded when he asked for Kittys house, saying that he was about to visit her. After being silent for a few moments he told Matthew that Kitty had died some years ago. The misunderstanding was soon cleared up much to Matthews embarrassment and Ellens amusement. An elegantly dressed lady answered the door and Matthew made himself known to her. Good God she said, the last time I saw you, you were just a little boy, no more than a baby She invited them both in and Matthew introduced her to Ellen. My word your pretty she said to Ellen drawing a slight self-conscious blush from her. She insisted on making tea, served with some cake and the conversation centred on Bridgets early life and both their family connections. Matthew learned that Bridget had been both adventurous and often cheeky as a young girl. She had a particular gift of imitating her teachers speech and mannerisms drawing shrieks of laughter from her classmates. She was however, very studious, extremely well read, and a keen sportswoman he was informed. She was also musical and played the piano and was a fine singer.

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Matthew was aware that his mother Bridget met his father Joe while both of them were performing for the local Operatic Society. Mary told Matthew that when Bridget was young her fitness stood to her when she had to leap a farmers gate with an irate bull in chase. It was nice to hear about his mothers youthful exploits from her first cousin who knew her well. They met her husband Pat briefly. He was a man of few words but polite and most welcoming. Matthew showed Ellen Grove Street where they had lived. He felt a lump in his throat as he gazed from outside the window he had first seen the world from. They went into St.Cronans church, which was empty and he placed his hand in the Baptismal Font where he and other members of his family were baptised. Theyre all gone from here now he said. One day we will all be gone from where we live full stop, he told Ellen. She could see he was beginning to feel down and suggested that they travel on, as was their schedule. The knowing of only one person in the town of his birth was what deflated Matthew that day and that was tenuous at that. Soon there will be nobody left he thought. I will be a complete stranger here one day he lamented, as though he was never part of it at all he concluded. What did you think of Roscrea? Matthew asked Ellen as they drove off. A grand town she said adding, It is after all in County Tipperary with that mischievous smile of hers. She also thought that Bridgets cousin Mary was a pure Lady. It had been a wonderful holiday, one of the best they ever had and was only marred by Daddas ill health. On returning to the claustrophobia of London, Matthew threw himself into painting a scene of the Lakes of Killarney. He was keeping a promise to his uncle Brian for the work he had done free on the car. When he was working on it, it became a distraction from the reality of the busy yet mundane existence in the City. It normally took weeks to get mentally used to the pace again. But losing reality in the tranquil scene forming before him, he could imagine himself being back in such serenity again, all be it temporary. His uncle was delighted with it and it hung on his wall from there on. Sarahs husband Martin once pointed out to Matthew that he observed that all his paintings were of quiet country scenes and void of people. And that slow moving rivers or lakes were predominant in them. My favourite kind of places Matthew explained. He knew that he was always drawn to and inspired by the kind of places he wanted to live in once more and painting them gave him a sense of being there. It was not long before the memory of that holiday was broken by the sad news of Daddas death. He passed away quickly enough after he became very weak they learned and died peacefully. Matthew like all the family were stunned by it, he feeling glad that he had seen him that time and that Ellen had met him if only briefly.

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It wasnt just the passing of a man who held such a special place in their memories they all concluded, but the continuing of the passing of that generation. The generation that had successfully fought and sacrificed to create a free Irish nation like Dadda and their other grandfather before. A nice man Ellen said consoling Matthew. Matthew felt guilty for not being able to go to the funeral, he having used up his holidays and spending all their money that late summer. Joe and Bridget attended from the immediate family and it was a large gathering by all accounts. Poor Mamma, shell be all alone in that house now Matthew commented, feeling just as sorry about her. There she is now on her own, despite having children and grandchildren, all of them scattered like leaves in the wind, he said. She will know the curse of emigration from the other side, he declared. Kate is the only immediate family member living near her now he said referring to her eldest daughter and his aunt who lived not far from her in the town of Listowel. That will put a lot of responsibility on her plate in time to come he added. Some years like that one 77 are often remembered internationally by other more famous deaths such as the passing of Elvis Presley. Matthew like many fans was shocked at his departure at such a young age. He remembered buying his records, listening to him on the radio when he was young and seeing some of his films and even singing his songs. Like all great artists, there was probably nobody on the planet who had not been touched by his talent. He regarded him as an icon of his era like The Beatles. He emulated his voice while playing the guitar and learned his songs that were often requested from him at parties. He always maintained that Elvis and The Beatles were the two most influential modern popular musical artists of the Twentieth Century and loved everything they produced. That year was also marked by the loud knocking on the door in the small hours of an early winter morning. On looking out the bedroom window Matthew saw a policeman and a squad car parked outside. Who in Gods name is that? Ellen said waking. Police Matthew answered as he hurriedly put on some clothes. They learned that the Off Licence, their place of work had been broken into. The police had their address, as Matthew was key holder. They had to go to the shop and wait through the night until next day when the company was informed and people were sent to fix the broken door that had been forced open. Even though tired, Matthew had to check what was taken and be interviewed by a detective. It was an annoying aspect of the job for which little or no training had been given. Another night later also in the small hours, someone smashed the front window of the shop, stealing what could be reached through it and the police called again. They both became wary of thieves in general, sometimes finding that bottles of wine Mysteriously vanished from some neatly stacked shelves. It was a trait that got worse along with having to deal with underage youths trying to buy alcohol and becoming abusive when refused.

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This coupled with drunks or winos roaming or staggering around the shop at times, led them to consider that this was not for them. The management were never satisfied with the profit margins, even though they had increased since their tenure. They both had several talks about it and decided enough was enough. They decided that they would wait until the beginning of the New Year to finish the job and make a new start. Matthew eventually rang head office and told them he was handing in his notice. He wasnt amazed that they asked him to reconsider knowing that it was hard to get people to stay in the job. They both didnt know what they were going to do after they finished the months notice that Matthew had to complete by contract. It was in talking to Ellens brother Ollie that Matthew decided to change the course of his working life. Ollie was now working in Construction and was earning more money than Matthew had been as a manager. Intrigued by this, Matthew inquired more and Ollie told him that he knew plenty of men he socialised with that were employed in it. He also told him he could introduce him to some foremen that worked for Building Contractors who would get him a job. What about experience? Matthew asked. Dont make me laugh Ollie said. Youve got two hands and two legs in working order, thats all the experience youll need to start with, he told him. The rest youll learn as you go along he assured him. The die was cast and Ollie told him he would inquire on his behalf when he had finished up. You in the Buildings Ellen said skittishly. You might be surprised, Matthew said feeling that a whole new scene was on the horizon. After all thats where most of our people work he said to her. I can understand why knowing the money their paid he commented. Ollie introduced Matthew to a foreman called Peter McGrath in a pub and he told him that the Sub-Contractor he worked for was looking for men. Although some Building jobs were advertised in the London evening newspaper, most of them were gained through meeting other Irishmen in pubs. It was a social network that acted like an employment agency for Irish Construction workers. On meeting Matthew and talking to him and learning that he came from an office and management background Peter wondered if he was going in the wrong direction. Its down your going now, he said to him, pointing his index finger to the floor. Theres no job security or company pensions in this game, he told him. But Matthew was insistent that he wanted to try something new and Peter offered him the job. He was sent to a Building site where apartments that were called flats were being built. He was introduced to a man from County Kerry called Danny Keogh who was the Ganger-man. The title meant that he was in charge of a gang of labourers who were employed by the Sub-Contractor.

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This Contractor in turn was employed by the main Building Contractor to supply both labour and trades to various sites. It was how the industry worked particularly among the Irish in England. Matthew knew he had a lot to learn on that first day. Danny knowing he was a complete beginner asked him to accompany him to the top floor of the site. He had given him a shovel and a brush. What do I have to do? Matthew asked him. Do, Danny said laughing. Keep out of sight he told him. Youve a lot to learn about this game, he added. You notice I said the word Game, he said. Were paid by the Shift, he told him, explaining that it meant the day. This is Monday, which is recovery day for the Irish nation of building workers in England, he explained. If you see anyone in a suit, or anyone at all for that matter, start sweeping he said. Danny was interested in the fact that Matthew had lived in Kerry where he was from. He was a native of Cahersiveen in the south of the county. He had lived in London for almost twenty years; all of it spent working on the Buildings. He asked Matthew what area of London he lived in and more importantly what pub he drank in. The Irish, Matthew learned could draw a map of London using pubs as directions. They could actually pinpoint somewhere by stating the name of the pub it was near. In this industry it was where they socialized, got jobs and even got paid. Matthew could not believe that he had not done a stroke of work before the first break. There was a canteen of sorts set up on site in a cabin where you could get a cup of tea and sandwich to which you contributed to on a weekly basis. It was there that Matthew met the rest of the crew. Most of them he had to admit looked bleary eyed after a Sunday night of excessive drinking. Trust me, he thought to be the only sober one among them, thinking he was in for a busy day of manual work. At lunchtime after doing little or nothing he thought the site was very quiet. Enquiring of some of the few that were there, he learned that they had gone to the nearest pub for the cure as it was known. This ritual of having the hair of the dog to offset the effects of hangovers was prevalent on Mondays after the excesses of the weekend. How did you get on? Ellen asked Matthew that first evening. Money for old rope he replied. I have a feeling this game is made for me, he told her. He knew as Danny had told him that there would be times when they would be busy. It was the casualness of it all that Matthew liked the most and the characters that worked in the game. Some of the characters that worked in construction in London and were well known, had funny nicknames such as Elephant John or Mick the Horse and it could be said on seeing them that they were well named. Ellen had taken time out from working, but found the days long and soon got a job as a wages clerk, ironically working for a construction company called Carneys.

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The Managing Director and most of the management team being brothers were from a village not many miles from Ellens home place. She needless to say fitted in very well and enjoyed the whole Irish atmosphere of the company. She and Matthew were invited to the Christening of the Company Directors son. It was the most lavish affair that either of them had ever attended. The house situated in Buckinghamshire was a mansion, the swimming pool being boarded over to create a marquee and dance floor for the occasion. Two bands played that night and the food was international cuisine. The champagne flowed and the bar was free all night. I think you might be all right for a rise in salary in the near future Matthew joked with Ellen, seeing how wealthy her boss was. My God havent some Irish people really made it in this country he added. About this time the car that they had bought began to give them trouble and they found it wasnt worth repairing. They bought another second hand one and Ellen expressed an interest in learning to drive. It would be handy for me in my job she told Matthew. He agreed as he travelled to work using the underground train network. Ellen took lessons from a local school of motoring and Matthew would take her to a nearby Trading Estate of a Sunday, where she could practice in their car. She was nervous on the day of her driving test as Matthew wished her well. How did you get on? he asked her on returning from work. I failed she said unable to stop her face breaking into that broad smile he was accustomed to. I passed she said, her face lit up with a glow of self-satisfaction. Well done you, come here, Matthew said giving her a big hug and kiss of congratulations. It was those extra lessons I gave you at the weekends that done it he joked. Soon she was heading off to work of a morning in the bright yellow Renault. A couple of weeks later when Matthew arrived home he found her in a terrible mood. Whats wrong? he asked. I was in a crash, she said. What! Are you alright? he exclaimed in a loud voice. A little shaken, she replied. Do you need to see a doctor? Matthew asked in panic. No Im fine she reassured him. Matthew could see it was her pride that was dented more than anything. She explained that it happened on leaving work. That she turned onto a main road and in crossing collided with another car also driven by a woman. She explained that it was her fault. Well thats what insurance is for Matthew told her. The dent on the car seemed to be more easily repaired than Ellens confidence for a while. Matthew thought that perhaps she needed more lessons before passing her test but would not dare say it to her. She actually became a very careful and considerate driver. Matthew on the other hand was a very impatient driver and would often blow the horn at other drivers he considered were impeding him.

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He was not averse to calling them names either much to Ellens consternation. The fact that Matthew was now working in the Building Industry was not at all endearing to Bridget, as he knew. She practically never mentioned it in conversation, giving him the feeling that she thought he had somehow lowered himself. Joe on the other hand like most of the others couldnt have cared less as long as he was happy at what he was doing. To Matthew it was another challenge, another adventure and he vowed to learn all he could about building to add another string to his bow. He was easily bored and found that every day he was learning something new. He also liked the comradeship of his fellow countrymen and the general skulduggery that ensued between us the workers and them the management and even between each other. He also liked the fact that you were never in one site long enough to get bored of it. It was an industry that suited the rebel and misfit that he was. The next news from home, or rather Windsor, was that Bernadette was dating again. Oh thats nice Ellen said on hearing the news. God knows that girl deserves a little happiness, she added. Ellen had a special affection for Bernadette from the first time she met her at Sarahs wedding. She had made her feel most welcome when she was so nervous that day meeting all the family at once for the first time. Like being thrown into the Lions Den, she had said jokingly to Matthew afterwards. Bernadette had taken up a job with an Optician, an Englishman and native of Slough called Barry Lyndhurst. The romance had blossomed while they were working together in the town. He was a very laid -back man, they all concluded on meeting him. He could be reserved and was quiet spoken, which was just as well as Bernadette was a total chatterbox. It was not long until they were engaged much to the delight of everybody and introductions to his family were made. His father was a policeman, a detective who worked in the field of forensics. He and his wife, a pleasant woman had one other son and lived in a fine house as Bridget put it. They fitted the bill perfectly as to the type of friends and future in- laws Bridget liked. But the most important thing for all of them was Bernadettes future happiness. It seemed no time had passed until their wedding day took place in the little quaint church in the village of Datchet near Windsor. Barry had undergone obligatory religious instruction in the Catholic tradition in order to marry Bernadette; such was his commitment and love for her. Matthew and Ellen met her at the house before she set off for the church. She was so nervous that morning having one cigarette after another. She was wearing the most beautiful white silk dress, bordered with intricate crochet floral patterns. Her veil flowed from a round white almost skullcap type headdress, the likes of which Ellen confessed she had never seen before. They both told her how beautiful she looked. They were the flowers I chose for my wedding too, Ellen said looking at the bouquet of red and white roses. I hope they are as lucky for me as they were for you Bernadette said.

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A lot of people prayed for her secretly during the ceremony that warm summers day, people that is, who knew what she had been through. Matthew noticed that Bridgets tears were plentiful as Bernadette and Barry exchanged their vows. She had nearly lost her as a little girl to pneumonia in Dublin that time and watched her recently battle depression. The reception was most enjoyable and warm and as on such occasions sad times are left outside the door. Their first home was a rented flat in Windsor set on the upper floor of a large house. Bridget thought it most unsuitable, particularly when Bernadette was due to give birth to her first child. But this she did to her first of two boys, carrying him up and down the steps of the house and then the stairs beyond. It was the first place that Matthew and Ellen saw them as a family and could see what a struggle it was for them. It was about this time that Bridget had a vision and an idea that she confided in Joe. She conceived that the plot of land at the side of their house was big enough to build another house, and a large one at that. Joe, although enthusiastic about it, thought they might not get planning permission for it. Bridget through her experience as a former councillor concluded that they would and that she would make sure they would. The idea was that they would sell the existing house and build the new one attached to it and offer the original one for sale to Bernadette and Barry. They as a couple were most enthusiastic about the idea of acquiring such a property with a garden and moving out of their flat. And so it was that the wheels were set in motion and there was no better woman than Bridget in doing so. Like a creature possessed she fought against the planning permission that was initially turned down, using all her council knowledge and knowing how to deal with such people and eventually got it. Matthew laughed telling Ellen the details, Mum verses the council, theres only going to be one winner there. He like all the family knew what a strong, persistent and obstinate person she could be and all the family for being just that loved her. If you wanted someone to fight in your corner there was nobody you could ask for that was better than her. It was at times like these that Joes practical side would come to the fore and in measuring the site he concluded that they could indeed have a good-sized dwelling built. And so it was that a two story four bedroomed dwelling was built next door to their house. Being brand new and architect designed, it became their pride and joy and the new abode for all the family and relatives to visit. Whod have thought it Joe? Bridget said one day when they had it beautifully furnished and decorated. Could you have conceived that time you set off for England with one suitcase and little money in your pocket and tears in your eyes, that we would have this one day? she said.

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True he answered, allowing a little well earned pride that he was not accustomed to, to flow through his veins. Barry and Bernadette duly purchased the original place and were delighted with it. They in turn began to make it their home. There was now an extra place to visit for one and all by simply walking next door. Most of Joe and Bridgets siblings were now maturing and finding their own way in life, all with the exception of Declan, who though years younger than them all was quietly making his way through school. He was a ball of energy like Sarah was when she was young and was enthusiastic about everything. The going on holidays with parents was now becoming less alluring for the majority. Although over the years Joe made sure that all his siblings visited his home place including Declan the youngest and English born. Thus giving them a sense of who they were and where they came from. There were times when Bridget often yearned for a holiday elsewhere, even in Ireland. But she knew that Joes wish was always to go to the place of his birth and understood that he wanted to see his mother who was now alone. On one occasion Matthew and Ellen met up with them there and Matthew was able to share some memories of Ireland with Declan. It was about this time that Patrick, much to the surprise of everyone but particularly Matthew, teamed up with another man to form a musical duo. His name was Kieran Naughton. He was an English born son of Irish Parents. His parents Tom and Bridie had separated and he had one brother called Eamon. The music they played and sang was Irish Traditional Music. Some viewed it with much hilarity initially. Joe who had heard them rehearse was amused at the stage Irish accents they adopted to sing Irish songs. Matthew and Ellen were more in disbelief on hearing it. Matthew told Ellen that they were looking for a stage name. What about The Plastic Paddys she said. It was a derogatory term that was used to describe those who were born or reared in England and had lukewarm Irish aspirations when it suited them. The fact was they were good budding musicians and could hold an audience. Apart from Festivals that took place from time to time, Irish traditional musicians were in short supply in England and particularly in their area and were appreciated. They only performed semi- professional on weekends as they were both working. It was a new and exciting development within the family circuit and in time others such as Declan would join them. Matthew was not surprised at any musical prowess developing in his family as their parents had met on stage and he like Bernadette after him played guitar and sang. It was in the blood he confirmed and was glad to see it continue. It was through this connection that Nancy once the youngest but still the youngest girl met Kierans brother Eamon. The attraction was mutual and soon they were going out together. The most pleasant and level headed pair of brothers you would ever meet Bridget said of them. Whether this was coloured by the fact that she learned that they even as young men had invested in property, nobody knew.

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Matthew in the mean time was now a fully-fledged member of the Construction fraternity. He found that there was quite a diversity of Irish men working in the industry. There were those who had through luck, sheer hard work or tenacity become contractors and thus very wealthy people. Then there were tradesmen who earned great money and had invested in property of their own. Discussions about property were big talking points in many a works canteen among Irish building workers. A lot of them had bought their own homes and being knowledgeable about building knew how to improve or extend them. Matthew would listen intently to such conversations and learn everything he could from them. He would also watch the tradesmen at work and often thought I could do that. There was however, another group of Irish workers who went from the job to the pub every night. They lived in lodgings or dingy rented rooms and their only outlet from the confinement of their cells was the public house. They would often drift between the Pub and the Betting Shop of a Saturday afternoon squandering their money recklessly. There at least they could escape the squalor of their immediate surroundings and socialize with fellow countrymen. It was a strange and yet familiar existence they lived, in that the people they rented the accommodation from were usually Irish. The people they drank with were Irish. The pub they drank in was also owned or managed by Irish people. It was as though they had created their own little Ireland as a compensation for having to emigrate from their homeland. The one thing the room dwellers had in common was that they were single males and often-older men at that. They had come to England in the post war period when the demand for labour to rebuild the country was paramount. For a lot of them it was as though life had passed them by. They were in the main heavy drinkers. That was why a lot of them had not formed lasting relationships with the opposite sex. The other reason was that they moved around a lot following the work where it occurred and so never had the time to form relationships. They were noticeable in the fact that often of a Monday morning they would request a sub, which constituted a loan on the upcoming weeks wages. The contractors were said to almost own such men week to week, as did the publicans and their landlords. Their money just circulated between the three of them. It was like they were engulfed in the Serfdom of the Manorial system of the MiddleAges and that their destiny was not their own. Most of them had little education and had been surplus to requirements in their own land, a fact they knew only too well. They would be known in Ireland as the brother or uncle who had been in England for many years. They would almost be forgotten in their home place.

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And in turn would only have memories of childhood and teenage years of their time there. Some had made it home for Christmass or a summer holiday over the years, but when their parents had passed away they began to lose contact. Even the Ireland they remembered was starting to disappear. Most of them would never get out of that rut and lived lonely lives that were only punctuated by the social life that devoured the money they often had to work hard for. In time it would take a toll on their physical health as well as their mental well being. Sometimes their emotional side would get the better of them too, in that they had to repress their feelings about their demise. The working conditions that they had to endure in their time were appalling. They made a dismal spectacle when they were too old or infirmed to work, with their backs bent and suffering from arthritis from the constant wettings they got working in all sorts of weather over the years. And worst of all they got no thanks or recognition for it. The landlords like the publicans and contractors, once their mentors, didnt want to know them any more. They sought refuge with the local County Councils and the lucky ones were housed in small one-person flats for which they were grateful. As the economic situation began to improve in Ireland and some of their fellow country people began returning home, they became more isolated than ever. In their final years they would become the Forgotten Irish. One day Matthew came across an older building worker who was in an awful state. He asked him what was wrong and the distraught man explained to him that his elderly mother had died in Ireland. He told him that he never attended the funeral. On asking why the man told him that he had no money for such a trip and not enough for even a suit. Matthew asked him why he didnt borrow some from the contractor or a bank. The man told him he didnt have a bank account and owed the contractor money as it was. His contorted face told the whole story. Ill never be able to go home again, the man told him. Matthew learned that it had been many years since he had visited there. It was like he was trapped in a prison of circumstance that there would never be a way out of. The saddest thing was that a lot of them seemed to have lost their dignity and selfrespect and England that once beckoned, as the land of opportunity for them had become the abode of their slow self-destruction. There were times when Matthew himself wondered what he was doing working in this industry. Sometimes the work took him miles out of London and this necessitated getting a lift in the contractors van. It was often packed with fellow workers on a Monday morning, most of who were on the beer the night before. He once said that you would need an oxygen mask from men breaking wind from the nights excesses. You would sit crammed on a wooden bench on a journey of an hour or maybe more to the site.

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Matthew hated working outside the city, preferring to catch the Underground train and travel independently, but you had to take the work as it came. He eventually and purposely found contractors whose jobs centred in the city of London. He once said that if you couldnt get a construction job in the vast city of London, you might as well look for other type of work. He now had his own tools and operated as a handyman and a job called a concrete finisher. He was earning good money, in fact more money than he had ever earned in his life. The Underground trains were quieter in the earlier hours that he would set off for work but very busy in the evening. You were lucky if you could get a seat in the evening rush hours. He often thought what strange surroundings they were. If you made eye contact with someone, they would immediately avert their eyes, either by pretending to read the advertisements above the windows or looking at the floor. A lot of people would have a newspaper or magazine to read, thus consolidating their anonymity. There were faces from all over the world and from all walks of life. There were the office and banking staff in their smart suits with briefcases that never left their side, again only being opened and studied as a social diversion. Matthew never wore his working clothes travelling as some obvious building workers did. He instead had a preference for casual apparel that suited the weather. He felt anonymous among the anonymity of it all. He didnt look like he did any particular job or that he was a particular kind of person. There were times when he was happy in his thoughts, to be exactly that. Often on a journey his mind would wander to other things, such as what he was reading or studying at the time or even to other times. He once had a thought about all the foreign faces that were to be seen in London and realized that like the Irish they had one common denominator, in that most of them were from former British Colonies. They had all responded to the great demand for labour from the post war period onwards and like former obedient subjects of now independent nations, responded to the call, for reasons of their own. The light rocking motion of the train and the repetitive noise that it made in a nonconversationalist environment was like a Buddhist mantra that could transport the susceptible mind to another place or time. The London Underground trains and stations had a life form of their own. They were also the abode of beggars and homeless people seeking warmth in winter and pick pockets during the tourist season. And on dreadful occasions the site of suicides. Whenever the words whether spoken through the loudspeaker or printed on a screen declared trains cancelled due to an incident at a particular station occurred, it meant someone had thrown themselves in front of an approaching train. It was from a fellow building worker that Matthew learned this. People always seemed to be in such a hurry in London whether making their way through crowded streets or across bridges, resembling rugby players avoiding tackles in a match and particularly on the Underground. He once saw a woman dive towards the closing doors of a train. She became jammed face down between them.

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Therell be another one along in ten minutes, the guard shouted to her great embarrassment while checking she was all right. Once he was sitting directly across from a woman of the road, a vagrant lady dressed in shabby clothes with broken shoes and unwashed hair, sleeping in the warmth of the carriage. He noticed what seemed to be a thin trickle of almost red colour liquid starting to run down her leg. Oh Christ Almighty! he said silently realizing that she perhaps in a drunken or weary state was unaware that she was menstruating. It made him feel desperately sad for her and wondered how life had led her to this. She was somebodys child, maybe somebodys sister or even somebodys wife or lover or friend he thought. Apart from the pitiful he could tell by peoples expressions, whether they were happy, sad, worried, weary, pensive or just bored on any given journey in the Underground world. He was however, grateful for the life and love that he had found in the great metropolis and that he never hesitated to grab the adventure when circumstances dictated. Domestically, Matthew and Ellen were very happy as their marriage progressed. They were never out of each others thoughts even while working. Ellen fitted the role of housewife perfectly in that she loved cooking and was a splendid cook. She also took pride in keeping the place clean and tidy and all while keeping down a job. Matthew often envied the amount of energy she seemed to have constantly. She was a perfectionist in everything she did. They had the most exciting love life and it could be very spontaneous at times. Lovemaking could take place any time or anywhere in their abode as only the two of them shared it. Once they were making love in the bedroom on a Sunday afternoon when they heard the doorbell ring. Oh my God, see who that is? Ellen squirmed. Its Maeve, Gerry and the two girls, Matthew said, referring to her sister and family, while peeking through the net curtains in the upstairs room. They had to pretend to be out much to Ellens embarrassment that showed in her face. They learned afterwards they had been playing tennis in the nearby park, where they had joined them on a few occasions and decided to pay them a surprise visit. They would visit Maeve and Gerrys place now and again as they would theirs and no invite was needed. The most regular visitor they had was Ellens brother Ollie. It would usually be on a Sunday for dinner as he was a great fan of her cooking. He and Ellen had a passionate shared interest of betting on horse racing and had many a discussion about it. Matthew had joined them in going to the odd race meeting at some of the tracks around London. Although he did not have the same enthusiasm about horse racing as they did, there was nothing he wouldnt do to please Ellen. Their accommodation of each others hobbies was an enduring strength in their relationship. For Matthews part he was still an avid reader.

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He had given up oil painting at the time, feeling he had gone as far as he could with the style and format that he had developed. He was always involved in one project or another and the lack of brainpower needed in his job left him free to pursue intellectual interests. It was a situation he quite liked, in that he was under no pressure mentally to do so. In his free time he was relaxed in studying the subjects he wanted to learn so much more about. He decided that he wanted to be an amateur historian and joined the library while also buying large volumes on the subject. He began to learn everything about the history and culture of his homeland both ancient and modern. His plan was then to learn about British history, European history and the interconnected history of the world in general. He had not pursued it enough at school or college where the subject of Irish history in particular was non-existent in England. According to the curriculum in his first school there, the world or rather England began in 1066 with the Norman invasion under William the Conqueror. He knew there was a vast history of both Britain and Ireland that preceded that and he wanted to know everything that was documented. The pursuit of knowledge was something that was innate in his character and having left academia behind, it now became his hobby and passion. Having armed himself with such information he found he was better equipped in debates or arguments about worldly events and what lay behind them historically. By 79 the political ground had shifted dramatically in Britain, with the Conservative Party winning the general election, this time under the leadership of Margaret Thatcher, the first woman to hold the post. While the biggest news from Ireland that year apart from a new political leader, was the visit of Pope John Paul to the Emerald Isle. It was evident from the footage on the news that the turn out of the crowds was enormous. Their lives were quite busy and between working and socialising, the time passed very quickly. They would regularly sleep on of a Sunday morning, being tired after the weeks exertions. It resulted in them lapsing from going to Mass on a regular basis. Ellen felt more guilt about it than Matthew who had only gone for her sake. He found the service repetitive and argued that you never learned anything from it, something he would find futile. The pattern of their carefree lives continued until the following year, when they received a letter from the letting agents, through which they rented the flat. It was a letter that was to change the direction of their priorities. It informed them that the owners of the building, who they learned from their fellow, tenant Ted were now elderly, were selling the property. It was a reality check for both of them. They suddenly felt insecure and venerable, as they only had contact with the agents, to which they paid the rent. They were informed, as was Ted that the entire property was to be sold at auction on a certain date. They both wondered where it would leave them as they had no interference from the present landlords and had taken their tenancy for granted.

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In a phone call to Windsor, Matthew relayed their concerns to his mother Bridget, knowing she was wise in these matters. Go for it, this is your big chance she exclaimed. The biggest chance youll ever get, she emphasized. Go to the auction and bid for it, she said excitedly. For Gods sake ye occupy two thirds of the house already she said almost out of breath. As the top floor is occupied by another sitting tenant, its not of much use to most people she explained. But weve little or no savings he replied embarrassingly. Dont worry about that, she said. Do you realize this is the opportunity of your lives? she pointed out, sounding almost annoyed with him. You know that bank manager, whos practically a friend of ours, where we do all of our financial dealings she said. Oh Peter whats his name Matthew muttered, remembering her mentioning him in conversation. Ill have a word with him and tell him the situation and get back to you, she promised him. He and Ellen had a long talk about it that night and although she was slightly put out by what she saw as interference in their affairs, agreed to hear the outcome. Bridget on inquiring, found out that as they were both working and their joint income was good, that on the face of it, the bank would be able to facilitate a loan, pending the amount required. All of this depended on whether they were the successful bidders on the day. Before they knew it the fateful day had arrived. Joe took the day off work and he and Bridget drove to London and met up with Matthew and Ellen at the house. They set off as planned, for the auction house in the city centre, travelling on the underground train network. There were other properties for sale, some sold and some were withdrawn. Matthew in particular was a nervous wreck as it came near to their lot being announced. He also saw that Ellen was pensive as she held his hand tightly. Suddenly after what seemed an eternal wait, their lot was announced. It was an experience that no one could have prepared them for. Sitting there while their future was being gambled upon. Property speculators and investors peopled the hall and as the bidding started at what seemed quite a low figure, fingers and catalogues were raised accompanied by nodding heads. The figures blurred from Matthews mind as he, Ellen and particularly Bridget kept raising their hands. Bridget although a little nervous was relishing it and was the first to raise her hand at times. There were two people mainly bidding against them and finally one, who at the last raising of their hands bowed out. The tall auctioneers hand hit the hammer on the table and shouted Sold, pointing in their direction. Matthew in particular was able to breathe again.

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Youve got it Bridget shrieked and for a pittance at that she added with great delight. It took a little time amid congratulations from Bridget and Joe, for the reality of it to sink in for Matthew and Ellen. They were now, subject to the bank loan, the proud owners of 33, York Road. The reality of having secured the ensuing loan from the pleasant Peter Flynn was to give way to a sense of responsibility, something neither of them had ever embraced in the six years of their marriage. Ellen had stated that maybe it was what they both needed at that time, they having been constantly spending all their money on a regular basis. Whod have thought it Matthew said, holding Ellen in an embrace that night, thinking of the day they moved in with their few bits and pieces. They were both eternally grateful for the wonderful help and innovation of Bridget in particular. They did learn soon however, from their local solicitor and bank manager why the property went so cheaply. Firstly as they had surmised, it was because it was fully occupied by sitting tenants. But what they did not know was that it also did not have full title deeds. This only came to light when their solicitor carried out the search for the title. He told them that they would only have a title of possession and that it would take fifteen years as the law stood to convert it to a title absolute. They also had to take out a one off special insurance because of this, to cover the bank loan. They found they could sell if they wanted to, but that the price would be reflected by this clause. A minor detail Bridget said on hearing this. Its yours and thats it she assured them. The first thing they had to do was inform Ted, who was now their tenant. It didnt bother him at all and they kept his rent, which was little, the same as promised. Well what are we going to do with this place landlady? Matthew said over dinner. I dont know really, Ellen said with a sigh, she being as new to it all as him. Its a building not a house, he declared. Matthew was now knowledgeable in construction, a fact that he was now grateful for. He asked Ted if he could see his flat on the top floor and if he could view the loft. He and Ellen had only seen it of a Christmas time when they had bought him some bits and pieces for the season, knowing that he was a pensioner. They knew that he had done nothing to it in many years. This time Matthew looked at it in detail with surveyors eyes. It was an unpleasant surprise. The outdated dcor, furnishings and fittings, were of post war period and maybe before. A stained bulge in one part of the ceiling in his kitchen drew his attention, indicating a leak in the roof. On inspecting the loft, that was never insulated and the old slates, under which no felt had ever been put, he knew what the first job would entail. Even the pointing that came away on touch needed doing. Looks like youll be needing those old tools I gave you Ted said in jest. Tell me about it Matthew said, his mind working overtime at all that was to be done and how much it would cost.

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He was relieved that the floors and staircases were solid at least but knew that there was a lot of work to do. He told Ellen that they would have to start by getting a new roof as a priority and that there was a mountain of work to be done other than that. Well be busy working on this place for a long time he told her. Rome wasnt built in a day she commented. When they got a roofing contractor, an Irishman from County Roscommon, recommended to them by Ellens brother in law Gerry, they found out that a lot more work had to be done as a priority. The brickwork on the chimneys and all the exterior walls also needed pointing with some windowsills having to be replaced. This would be the first phase, protecting the long neglected building from the elements. No wonder we got the bloody place cheap Matthew said on reading the detailed estimate of the cost. They both knew it had to be done and knuckled down to putting funds aside to do so. Itll be worth it in the end Ellen said. Why is something telling me this is only the beginning Matthew replied. When the scaffolding came down on the completion of the work that even included replacing the old guttering and drainpipes they both agreed that the place looked good at least from the outside. It became an ongoing project for them as it was for all homeowners. The only time youre finished with a house is when you hand the keys over to the new owner, a fellow building worker told Matthew. He was now working long hours including half day on Saturday. It was often late evening when he would return home of a weekday and Ellen would have his dinner heating in the oven. He could often feel his eyes closing while watching television, as it was an early start for him each morning. But despite the fact that both of them were working hard, they felt that for once, there was a reason for it. And on many an early morning and late evening they had to remind themselves of that fact. Sometimes, like in any relationship, they would row about something, usually about something trivial or what money was being spent on. Matthew had a tendency to shout and loud at that. Ellen hated anyone shouting at her and would storm off slamming doors behind her. So hard, that Matthew unknown to her would check if the hinges had loosened. They both however, hated going to bed on a row without kissing goodnight and would admit not sleeping well afterwards. But they would make up with as much passion and would wonder why they had rowed in the first place. The shocking death or rather murder of John Lennon that year reverberated around the world and angered Matthew intensely, he being a great Beatles fan. He said he was too trusting, being a champion of peace. It was a time that he thought that any popular music worth listening to had died. Everything that he liked he found was in retrospect. Maybe thats what happens when you get older he concluded. The year of 81 was a year of contrast for Ireland and Britain.

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Tragedy marred Northern Ireland with the deaths of the H-Block hunger strikers, trying to get political status for Republican prisoners and sickened and saddened Irish people the world over, no more so than those exiled in England. In contrast the British had the joy of the much-celebrated Royal wedding of Prince Charles the heir to the British throne to Lady Diana Spencer. Ellen had not been feeling well for a time and told Matthew it was womens troubles. She had confided in her sister Maeve, that she had been having heavy periods. She told her to go and see her doctor, and knowing she was reluctant to go to doctors, tried to insist that she do so. Eventually, after telling Matthew about the painful and prolonged monthly cycles she was experiencing she did. That evening when Matthew returned home, he found her in an awful state. He could see her eyes were heavy from crying. Whats wrong? he said frightened by her appearance. She shook her head without saying a word and tears streamed down her face. For Gods sake tell me whats wrong? Matthew, pleaded as he held her, trying to comfort her. You need to find another woman, she said sobbing. What! Why in Gods name would I want to do that? Matthew said almost in anger, but mostly in fear. Thats what the doctor told me, she said, with the greatest look of sorrow he had ever seen in her pretty face. Now calm down and tell me exactly why anyone would say that to you? he said shaking with anger. He told me I was going through the menopause, she said slowly, trying to get the words out. Thats impossible, youre only a young woman, Matthew declared. Thats what I thought, Ellen said wiping her eyes with a tissue. It happens to very few woman of my age, but it does happen she said almost in a whisper. Matthew thought his ears were deceiving him. You mean to tell me that bastard of a doctor of yours, told you that your husband should find another woman he said. It was his little warped sense of humour, she said bitterly. Ill kill him, I swear Ill kill him Matthew declared. I wont be back to him again, she said. Well you got youre wish, she said to him in a justifiable statement of anger and regret. It pierced his heart like an emotional dagger and transferred all the guilt on to him. He knew she was right, as he was the reluctant one about starting a family. They kissed before sleeping that night as they had always done, but there was a sorrow in it, that neither of them had known before. Im so, so sorry Ellen, Matthew said with a heavy heart. Adding, I dont deserve you, I really dont. Maybe it was meant to be, she said in consolation. Matthew became consumed by guilt, even more than he did by regret. He had many a conversation with himself on the quiet early morning underground train going to work.

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For the first time he cursed the convenience and wide availability of birth control that had led them to such an unforeseen situation. The cold truth was they would be childless and that was final. If only this and only that had happened he would contemplate, before realizing that If was never in a true story. He hoped that Ellen would forgive him in time but knew he would never forgive himself. He found himself drinking heavily at weekends and began to shun drinking socially. It would start on a Friday night when he would put cans of beer and some wine that Ellen liked in the shopping trolley. He would make excuses like he would have a few cans at home, because he was working on Saturday morning. Then he would have some Saturday night, because he wasnt working on Sunday. On Sunday he would have something to compliment the dinner and then to finish off the weekend. He was in good company of a Monday morning with most of his building compatriots in the same boat. It was an emotional period that they had to get over and it was the love they had for each other that got them through. It was something that had for the first time, created a distance between them. One weekend night, Matthew was watching a program of interest on the television. Ellen said she was going to bed and he told her he would follow her soon. While he was still viewing the program, she opened the door. She stood there wearing the most provocative lingerie he had ever seen, and a mischievous smile on her face. Are you coming to bed darling? she asked, beckoning him with her index finger. When he had caught his breath and with his pulse racing, he practically carried her there. Their lovemaking was more intense than he had ever known and he worshiped her with every sinew in his body. Before he could speak, she had placed her hand on his mouth. He knew he was forgiven. The winter of 82 was pleasantly brightened with the wedding of Nancy, Matthews youngest sister to her fianc Eamon Naughton. It took place in January of all months, but they were lucky with the fine if not cold winter day. Bridget who was at the centre of things as usual was greatly excited about it. All her living siblings apart from Declan, who was now a teenager, would now be married. After the pleasant ceremony that always drew Bridgets tears, the reception was held at the Irish Club in Slough. It was an occasion for all the family and relatives to meet up again. Matthew and Sarah had moved away from the area and with Nancy about to move out from home, albeit locally, they had nearly all flown the nest. The family friend and manager Aidan Joyce and his wife Mary organized a wonderful event. The main hall was set out with tables for what was a large gathering of relatives and friends. The only strange thing was that the parents of the groom sat at opposite ends of the main table.

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They having been separated for many years, when the sons were younger, rarely met or spoke to each other. But it was in all a very pleasant and enjoyable evening. Nancy looked beautiful and as composed as ever. She was a very self-assured young lady and never suffered fools gladly. She exuded a confidence that the others often envied and knew exactly what she wanted in life. She had stated more than once that she would like a large family, an ambition she would fulfil in time. Eamon, her husband, a most pleasant chap, was the chatty one of two brothers, with Kieran being more reserved. Their mother Mary seemed a more private person, while the father Tom would talk to one and all. Matthew remarked about how quickly his youngest brother Declan was growing up and could not believe he would be attending college shortly. It would be the same Windsor College that he himself attended. He was always so full of energy and had a very positive outlook on life. He was the one that did not have the burden of being an exile to carry, he being born there. His life, his place, his world, his dreams, was not complicated by it. But his identity was nevertheless Irish despite that. My God, where does time go? Matthew said to Ellen. In looking at and talking to them that day, he was pleased to see that all of them had turned out very well in the years he was away. It complimented the great parenting skills of Joe and Bridget and the individual strength of character they all possessed. He concluded that he would not have been any help or influence to them in the frame of mind he was in when living there. And he was grateful for Ellens influence in changing him for the better. There were four main events that seemed to mark that year. Princess Grace of Monaco, the former Irish-American film actress, was killed in a car crash. Formally known as Grace Kelly she was held in high esteem by the Irish worldwide. Being a princess, she was the nearest they had to royalty. On the sporting scene Ireland won the Triple Crown in rugby, after a gap of many years. It was a great joy for the Irish as were all sporting achievements, and was greeted with great pride as always by the exiles. Events like this throughout the years galvanized the sense of belonging to the homeland and a large contingent of supporters would flock to Twickenham in South London, when Ireland would play England there. That year provided two events that were in total contrast to each other. Britain had gone to war with Argentina over the invasion of the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic. And Pope John Paul had made an historic visit to Britain, promoting the theme of peace. Matthew and Ellen had joined the large crowds on the roadside when the pontiff was heading for a gathering at Wembley Stadium. They saw him quite clearly as he passed them in the Pope-mobile as it became known.

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As they were waving with the crowd Matthew said to Ellen does he look the image of Ted Brown or what referring to their tenant. He finally brought it up with Ted when he saw him afterwards. You could be a security double for the Pope you know he teased him. He was not shocked to learn from him that the fact of the similarity had been pointed out to Ted by friends. Matthew bought a solid state Russian radio in Shepherds Bush market, that the stallholder told him would pick up the Irish national radio station. He and Ellen could listen to programs and the news directly from home. The biggest thrill for them including Ollie was that they were able to listen to the Gaelic football and Hurling matches of a given Sunday, including the All Ireland finals. Developments in technology had led to satellite broadcasts of such sporting events being shown in cinemas in London and elsewhere where large Irish populations existed. The building industry tended to close down for a few weeks during the Christmas period. A lot of Irish lads looked forward to this time and went home on holidays to the families they had there. Matthew found that the Christmas period could be very long after the initial celebrations and family visits. There was often a spare week or more to pass after most people including Ellen had gone back to work. She had now left the wages clerk job and worked part time in a shop only a couple of miles away. Matthew met a middle aged chap from Belfast in one building site who told him that he went to Southern Spain and the Canary Islands every Christmas. He was a married man whos children had left home and he told Matthew that the climate there at that time of year was like the summer in England. The idea appealed to both him and Ellen and they got holiday broachers from the travel agents the following year. They would spend the next Christmas in Spain on the Costa del Sol. They never enjoyed anything like it, for that time of year. The weather was hot and they had Christmas dinner in a beachside restaurant. It consisted of Paella, the traditional Spanish dish of rice, chicken and seafood and washed it down on a warm day with cold beer. This is the life, Matthew said as they clinked glasses in a Christmas toast. To many more Christmass like this he added as Ellen smiled. They even went on a trip to Morocco that holiday, it being Ellens first experience on a hovercraft. They both found it a fascinating and uplifting experience and returned refreshed and invigorated. The following year they booked a holiday in the Canary Islands and fell in love with the place. It was like stepping out of winter and into summer in a few hours flight. They had some very romantic times there. Matthew would always bring some reading material with him. And he liked nothing better than reading a book by the pool or on the balcony after breakfast and his morning swim. Ellen had never learned to swim and wasnt keen to try.

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But she would paddle her dainty feet on the oceans edge as they walked along hand in hand. She would cover her fair skin in sunscreen before sunbathing each day, asking Matthew to apply it where she couldnt reach. There was a nudist beach on One Island and nothing was left to the imagination. Matthew cheekily took a photograph of a naked couple when they had passed by. Ellen thought it hilarious that people would pass by naked, carrying their clothes in a bag. They would lie sunbathing; wearing only what nature had given them, without a care in the world. The nightlife was fantastic and they got to know different people each holiday. Christmas day was spent in restaurants and New Years Eve was a noisy Fiesta with fireworks and dancing into the small hours. We dont celebrate Christmas at all, Ellen said referring to England and even Ireland. It set the pattern for future Christmass and they would look forward to the season instead of finding it a chore. The unexpected death of Joes brother in law John OLeary at a relatively young age was a shock to them all. He was married to his sister Maureen and lived only streets away from them in Windsor. He worked at the airport, as did Joe and his brother Owen. Like Joe he had been promoted to a ramp supervisor and had died of a heart attack. He was the first of that generation that knew each other and had migrated in those years to be buried in England. He was a quiet gentle man, who had his own sense of humour and was a great storyteller. He was a native of Tralee and it was with him and Maureen that Joe had stayed when he first arrived in England. The next news from home was on a sadder note also. Momma, the grandmother had been suffering from dementia. She had been struggling for a while, living alone on the farm after the death of their grandfather some years before. She had been spending more and more time with her daughter Kate in the town. Kate was getting on in years herself and felt aggrieved at times at being the one who because she lived the nearest to her, had been left to be her sole carer. She had asked family members both at home and abroad if they would like her to stay or even holiday with them for even a small time to give her a break. The response was negative and the rest of her siblings seemed content to bury their heads in the sand. Bridget was furious when Joe seemed reluctant to have his mother for any time. A bunch of bloody hypocrites, thats what the rest of you are she said to him in no uncertain terms. Even though it drew both embarrassment and guilt and even sorrow from both Joe and the other brothers and sisters, they all seemed to come up with the same excuse. The general consensus was that it would not be a good idea to move her in her present confused state of mind, from her familiar surroundings. It was something that would fester with Kate and understandably at that. They all of course wanted to visit her, but that would be conceivably that.

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I hope to God that does not happen to one of them or me in the future Bridget said to Matthew. Ive been listening to them going on about Momma this and Momma that since I first met your father, she added. And the first time the woman needed them in her life, she was basically shunned she said in anger. Matthew, remembering the six months he and the immediate family had stayed at her and Daddas farm, when they were waiting for accommodation all those years ago, felt very sad about the situation but knew he had no authority to intervene. Eventually, as time passed and unable to cope with her deteriorating condition, Kate with the help of the health authorities, had Momma placed in care. The nursing home that she was placed in was in Glin, in the neighbouring county of Limerick, some miles away from the only surroundings she had known all her life. But in her condition she would apparently have known little or nothing about it. It was there that all of them would visit her until her dying day. On one such visit, while staying ironically in the home place, Joe and Bridget saw her. Bridget told Matthew that she saw Joe cry, she not really knowing him or her. She told him it was awful listening to her talking about how she must prepare dinner for Dadda her husband now deceased for years, still thinking she was at home. Whether she had any conception of them being there, they did not know. Sometimes bad news often comes in threes it had been said. The unexpected death of Joes sister Angelas husband, Peter Fogerty, from a heart attack in the prime of his life, was an awful shock. Joe and Bridget knew them well as a couple in Dublin in particular when they lived there. She was left with a large family to bring up on her own. To compound things, they had moved to Northern Ireland some years ago, Peters work having taken him there. Joe had often socialised with him, when he was a young family man in Dublin. Matthew remembered them both well, but had not seen them or his cousins except one since leaving Ireland. Peter was a native of Fethard in County Tipperary, not far from where Ellens elderly aunt lived. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral after flying to Dublin and meeting up with Joes sister Betty and her husband Mick. They travelled as a foursome in appalling weather to Peters funeral in the town of his birth and he was interred in the graveyard where his father a former Garda had been before him. Angela now had to work hard and times for her children were hard. She often wished that they could move back to Southern Ireland, but their fate was sealed by their move to the North, she not having the means to do it. The feeling of isolation for them was compounded by the ensuing troubles there, they being Catholics in a predominately Protestant region. It wasnt long after that, when Joe and Bridget got the news that Mick, Bettys husband, the very man who drove them to Peters funeral, all of them having lived closely in Dublin many years ago, was diagnosed with cancer. It was a battle that Mick Heffernan, the gentle giant as he was known, would not win. Mick had been a successful businessman in his time, but things had not been going well for him for a while. They sadly deteriorated even further for him during his illness.

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David, his son had also been working with him and was practically brought up in the business. When the news of his death reached Joe and Bridget who were constantly in touch by phone, it was although expected, still a shock. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral in Dublin and met up with Joes sister Betty and family. Betty was distraught they learned for more reasons than the loss of her husband. The business was finished she told them and they were left with huge debt. So much so, that they had to sell the fine house they had not long bought in a good County Dublin area. Such was the outstanding business loan to the bank that Betty was left homeless. She went to live with her eldest married daughter Rosemary and her husband Gerald Potter, a Dubliner who was a salesman. To say it was a life changing experience from the affluence Betty and her family had known was an understatement. At least unlike her sister in law Angela, her family were reared and independent. Doesnt life deal people an awful hand at times Bridget said of it, remembering the times she Joe and the family lived only doors away from them, when they were young. Bridgets sister Margaret had become feeling isolated and lonely in her little place in Slough, a town that was not changing for the better. She often felt frightened at night and relayed her concerns to Bridget, who asked her if she would like to move. She consented that she would and Bridget knowing her wish, though her efforts and former contacts, once more put the wheels in motion. She managed through the council, to negotiate a little flat for her in old peoples secure accommodation, only a short distance from where she and Joe lived in Windsor. Margaret was delighted with it and was eternally grateful. A local bus service took Margaret directly to her sisters door. She settled in very quickly and would visit Bridget often, while still feeling independent. Bridget found it amusing that Margaret wanted to live on the first floor, learning that she thought she would be safer from burglars being one story higher. This considering that the entrance to the accommodation was through a special security door. The Eighties saw a new influx of emigration from Ireland caused by another economic downturn. This time however, the people mainly young were educated, confident and only wanted to be there on a temporary basis. Even those who took up work in the Building Industry, mainly for the money, had plans for what they would do when they returned home. Matthew by now felt he was a senior emigrant and constantly found he was giving advice to new arrivals on all aspects of living and working in London. They in turn brought him up to date with what was going on at home. He noticed they were more interested in cars; property and earning money as opposed to drinking it all like their predecessors. Even Matthews cousin David Heffernan was working in England for a time. Matthew met him during a visit to Joe and Bridgets. He hadnt seen him for some years but he was still the same pleasant chap he had known in Dublin.

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His fathers business was now gone and he was making his own way in life. He would eventually end up in California after a divorce from his first wife and marry again. Work in the Construction Industry was not plentiful for some time during the 80s. Matthew, Ollie and his brother Kevin ended up working in the same job once and with Kevins son at that. The music scene had become very intense in the OConnor family, with the duo of Patrick and Nancys brother in law Kieran being joined by Declan and another chap, a brilliant fiddle player called Paul forming an Irish traditional band. Of the two family members Patrick played keyboard and guitar and sang, while the budding Declan, who also sang, was emerging surprisingly, as one of the best banjo players in England. They were extremely talented and played at many venues in a semi- professional role. It was a period when Patrick and Declan were very close. They worked only part time, devoting much of their energies towards music. They became a well-known group both locally and in London and played on the same bill as many of the best traditional bands from both Ireland and England. All the OConnor family, relatives and friends from Slough saw them perform. Matthew and Ellen saw them perform in London and were very impressed. I love the adopted accent Ellen teased Patrick. It was something they had adapted to give the songs an authentic Irish sound. The funny thing was that they had grown up with English accents in their adopted country, something that would never change. But they got away with it and even did some professional recordings that people could buy at the venues. Matthew often played them and realized the irony of the fact that he considering himself to be quintessentially Irish did not play Irish music as such. Certainly not enough to be part of a band like them. He had been more absorbed by the Rock and Roll and Rhythm and Blues of the era that he grew up in. His interest in music generally was very broad based. It was the way he treated any subject, that of wanting to know everything he could about it. He did however, like Ballads and some Folk music that drew him to Irish music. The first musical influence that he could remember was when he was a little boy in Dublin. He heard a man on the radio singing a song called Love and Marriage and was enthralled by the voice and style of the singer. He asked Bridget whom that was singing and she replied Frank Sinatra dear. He was a fan of his all his life, no matter who came and went in the music business. Joe and Bridget, as the family knew, had first met during a performance of a Light Opera in her hometown all those years ago. Music had played a big part in the OConnors lives and was about to do so again. It was instrumental in introducing both Patrick and Declan to the women in their lives. They had also been introduced to them through their musical endeavours, in that they both met them at venues where they played. These venues, through the medium of Irish traditional music, attracted Irish audiences and also their English born children.

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In Patricks case, he met and fell in love with a girl of Waterford connections, called Ciara Power, then living in Slough. And in Declans case a girl of Donegal parents living in London, called Irene Keane. Well make Paddys out of them yet Matthew said, joking with Ellen. As the mid 80s progressed, the next family news from Ireland was of the serious decline in Mommas health. Joe and Bridget and all those who could make it had visited her during that period. Even though in some way they were prepared for the worst, it was still very sad when the news of her death reached them. There was nobody in the large extended family of the matriarch that she was that was not touched by it. Like Dadda who had gone those years before her, she had coloured all their lives with memories. She had lived well into her eighties and had passed away peacefully. Joe and Bridget attended the funeral and she was laid to rest with her husband in their native Listowel. Bridget told Matthew that she had not seen Joe cry like that for a very long time. Everything would be different in the ancestral home from then on. Firstly, there was the will that was to become a bitter bone of contention for most of the immediate family. The house and most of the farm was left to the eldest son Peter. But he was not actually the eldest in the family. The eldest as such was their sister Kate who had cared for Momma before she was committed to the home where she died. She like the rest of the siblings including Joe inherited sizable plots of land suitable for building a house on. Peter had lived in London since he was a young man and had his own house and family there. He expressed little or no desire to return to the family home. Many a heated discussion and argument ensued over the will. Bridget surmised that it had Daddas stamp all over it, he being old fashioned in his ways. Further investigation was to prove her right. It had been made many years before and whether Momma being a dutiful wife, fully agreed to it, would always remain a mystery. She practically ended up a tenant in her own home, Bridget once pointed out to Matthew. Seeing Joes plot marked out on paper and knowing where it was Matthew remarked, So thats our little part of Ireland. Bridget thought all of it should have been divided equally as she predicted the house now unoccupied would be sold in the future. Dilemmas like this faced many exiled families in England and elsewhere as the years passed. The house became a holiday home for all connected for some years. But eventually Peter who was getting on in years and having to upkeep it decided to sell. A fairly unknown connection in the home place, with a young family bought and modernized it, even extending the original building. Not being a farmer he continued to rent the land. Ah well, its for other children to delight in now, just as we did Matthew said with a sigh.

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Although some of those who had inherited the plots considered building on them, they never did. They were grazed by cattle as they had always been. The news of Joes stroke sent a shockwave through the family, even more so for those living away like Matthew and Sarah. Thankfully it was a fairly mild stroke but it did affect his left arm and hand slightly. When Matthew visited him in hospital, Joe told him that all he remembered about it was that he was drinking a cup of coffee alone in his office at work and the next thing was waking up in hospital. He told him he was glad somebody had entered the office, probably to request something as they usually did and raised the alarm. Medical staff and first aid trained personnel were always on hand at the airport he told him. Bridget and all the family that visited him were relieved that he had survived without any mobility problems. He did however; have to have speech therapy for his initial, noticeably slurred voice. The episode had frightened Bridget and all of them. He was medically assessed and was glad to take the early retirement that was offered by the airline. He was prescribed high blood pressure tablets that he would be on for the rest of his life and was surprised that he had no symptoms prior to getting a stroke. Bridget told Matthew that his job, a responsible one had been very stressful and that in her opinion, he had escaped just in time. He began to enjoy his retirement immensely, as had his brother Owen who had applied for early retirement before him, having had enough of it. They both felt sorry for the fact that their brother in law John OLeary had never joined them in that respect as all three of them had spent their working lives there, since coming to England. It was a time of life that was beckoning for their generation with their older brother Peter in London reaching retirement age. They had all worked hard in their lives and had brought up their families through thick and thin in exile and were now turning their energies to more leisurely pursuits. Joes pension wasnt much, as he had retired at sixty years of age, he not being of age to receive the state pension. It was then that he and Bridget had a brainwave. They didnt need the upkeep of the large house they lived in, they surmised. They could also see that Patrick and Declan were now in serious relationships and would soon want a place of their own. They offered them the house between them so that they could turn it into two flats. Then they planned to build a small bungalow for both of them next to it. After much battle with the local council they eventually succeeded. Everybody thought it was a great achievement. The council gave planning permission, but only for a one-bedroom dwelling considering the size of the plot. The builder, a local man, made a fine job of it and Joe and Bridget did the rest including the garden in which Joe now a man of leisure took much pride. Matthew once remarked that they should rename the buildings OConnor Close. And so it was that Patrick and Declan became very busy converting the second building that Joe and Bridget had procured, they having now lived in three of them

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since moving to Windsor, with Bernadette and her family living in the original dwelling. Bridgets brother Jim a bachelor had also taken early retirement from his job as a bus driver in London and decided to move in her direction namely Slough, where with her advice and steering got a council flat there. Their brother Tony now married with one son had their own flat in London. Matthew learned that he and his wife had a lot of problems with the boy through drink and drug taking and his teenage years were very turbulent. He was though apparently very intelligent and wrote very deep poetry. It seemed though that he as an only son had a great feeling of isolation from the rest of his extended family. When Jim who often visited them moved away, it seemed to compound his problems that included depression. Bridget had never hit it off with Tonys wife and had only visited there a couple of times. Her relationship with Tony, as was the case with her sister Margaret, was distant to say the least. But Jim kept in touch with them and visited particularly at Christmas as did their other brother Jack also in London. Jim settled in very well in Slough and made friends there. He still had an alcohol problem that resulted in bouts of gout that affected him often. But to his credit he gave up drink and never returned to it again. He bought a little car and would visit Joe and Bridget who praised him for giving up what had been a very big part of his life, particularly from a social point of view. It was during this time that the OConnor family got to know him. He and Joe would have conversations about sport and events of the day and Bridget would make tea or coffee for a group that would include Margaret. Matthew and Ellen would come across one or all of them on a visit, as would all the family. It was in contrast to the inevitable break up of Joes brother Brian and his wife Laura. People were amazed somewhat that the relationship had lasted so long. Rumours that they were both seeing someone else finally came to the fore. Laura moved away from the family home with the children to live with a man she had met. Brian had some lodgers for a while until the house was sold in a divorce settlement. He then moved into his local pub to lodge with the Landlady who although married with children was said by some to be his lover. She was none other than the young woman that Matthew and Ellen had seen at his house some years before, when he had worked on their car and was known to the OConnor family. Bridget said the whole thing was a bloody mess and like them all felt sorry for their two children, a boy and a girl. Brian a heavy drinker would often visit Joe and Bridgets and although engaging in everyday conversation with him, they found the situation embarrassing. But as time passed by, even the most bizarre situations sometimes take on an air of familiarity rather than normality. Patrick by this time had bought a camper van. It was useful for carrying the musical instruments and the members of the band to the various gigs. He and his newfound love Ciara Power even toured Ireland in it.

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He had met her family in Waterford City, they having returned there years before after living in London. He was reluctant to get married again after the failure of his first marriage at a young age. By now he like Declan had taken up full time employment, as theyre financial commitments dictated. They needed money firstly to pay Joe and Bridget for the house, which they did by way of a private arrangement with them. And although it saved them an expensive mortgage, they had to fund the cost of converting it into two separate flats. Between them they had arranged that Patrick would have the ground floor and Declan the upper part of the property. They still found time to play in the band that also provided additional income. Matthew used to joke about the little OConnor property empire that was emerging. Even his youngest sister Nancy was married to a man who was beginning to build one, by buying houses and renting them for future investments. We could have a little property development right here, Ellen said to Matthew one day. She pointed out that Ted their tenant, who was now elderly, might need sheltered accommodation one day. This she said would open the way for them to convert their large house into purpose built flats. You little entrepreneur Ellen Fitzpatrick he said. Mrs.Ellen OConnor to you if you please she replied, reminding him of her status. I can see your mind has been working overtime, since you started working part time, he said. This idea had crossed his mind, even before they had bought it at auction that time. There was one art that Matthew had learned in marriage and that was to let her think that she was the innovator in coming up with many ideas and plans. It paid dividends he discovered. Ted the tenant, as it happened had been very down for some time they noticed. They learned that his best friend, a man he met in a local pub several times a week had died. He seemed very lonely and went out less frequently and seemed to become isolated and withdrawn. One day Matthew answered the door to a man who told him he was his son. It was the long lost son he had talked about years before. His mother, she and Ted having been separated for many years, brought him up. He visited several times more and told Matthew and Ellen that he had applied with Teds wishes for secure accommodation for him. It was outside London and he thought it would do Ted the world of good to mix with people his own age. After Ted had seen the place and met the people there he realized that a whole new chapter in his life could open up. He even told Matthew and Ellen about the facilities there and how he would be looked after. And so it was also that a new phase also opened up for them. He told them before leaving that they could have the furnishings and anything else that was of use to them, as everything he would need would be provided in his new abode.

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The truth was there was nothing that was of use to them, but that it was indicative of the kind nature of the man, who had been a quiet and caring neighbour to them. They could not however, contain their excitement at acquiring total possession of what was now totally their property. After clearing out their former tenants flat they soon saw as Matthew in particular did, the formidable task that lay ahead. They decided that the only way to go was to convert the building into separate flats. Most houses in the street had already been turned into apartments. They engaged an architect and worked with him on a set of plans that included an extension to the ground floor at the rear to facilitate a bathroom there. Matthew was not happy with some proposals, particularly in connection with what would become the ground floor flat. He and Ellen continually discussed how best it could be done, but came to no final conclusion. One Sunday when Ollie came to dinner as he had often done, he recommended a carpenter he had worked with whom he said had worked on many such projects. He said he had heard much praise about his work and got his phone number for them. When Matthew and Ellen met him and he viewed the whole premises, they realized what a talented man he was. He was a man in his thirties called Fergal Mc Nulty from County Donegal, a county renowned for its fine carpenters. He could see possibilities that even Matthew had missed or not understood. He laughed at some of the architects plans on the drawings and came up with much more sensible ideas. Matthew and Ellen offered him the job, which he took and also found an English chap called Dave that did plumbing and electrics. The stage was soon set for the biggest project they had ever taken on. Fergal always worked weekends, mainly Sundays and Dave who was self- employed came afternoons when Ellen would come home from her morning job. Soon the place began to be ripped apart and they had to live with the ensuing mess. Even cleaning up as best they could of an evening although feeling tired. One evening Matthew came home from work and found lots of plastic sacks full of rubble neatly stacked in the front garden. He found Ellens sister Meave was in the house and learned that she and Ellen had done the work. By God, nobody could deny the fact that youre country girls he said thanking them. You havent received my bill yet, Maeve said jokingly. With the exception of the extension that was built by the same man as had originally done the roofing and the exterior work some time before; all the rest was paid for on a daily basis. Materials were measured for by the tradesmen and ordered by Matthew as needed. The rubbish was piled in the front garden until a skip was ordered to collect. There were times when Matthew and Ellen felt drained, both physically and financially. Their social life was nil as everything they had was being poured into the project. Even though Matthew was working in one of the highest paid jobs he ever had in construction. Bridget in particular was fascinated by it all, as property was her forte. Never mind the mess, she said on a visit.

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Adding wait till you see the end result, youll think differently. After what seemed an eternity, everything seemed to take shape and they could see the complete transformation. They had, with the help of Fergal, designed their own flats. He had been ingenious in the use of space and had pointed out to them that they could have three bedrooms in the upper flat, something the architect had overlooked. They were eternally grateful to him as they were to Ollie who had recommended him in the first place. They took pride in decorating, carpeting and finishing what were now apartments. They also decided to live in what was now the smaller ground floor flat that had access to the rear garden. They rented the top floor flat to some drama students for a while. The noise often late at night, even though soundproofing had been installed between the two units was too much for them. When the tenancy, thankfully a short one ended, they decided not to let again. Matthew often used the top flat to play music in and it became a leisure area. It would be, as they knew some time yet before they would have full title deeds to the property. And so they decided to sit on it until the time would come for them to make a decision about their future plans. Until then, they planned to enjoy themselves and have more of those holidays abroad. Matthew through his study of history and archaeology led him to question many things about human society and the deeper meaning of life. What he had read about encompassed many religious beliefs. He realized that the religious teaching he had received in his upbringing had not given him much of an insight into the subject. He decided that there was only one thing to do about it and that was to study the Bible. This he did with the purpose of reaching his own conclusions. Are you going to be a monk? Ellen said skittishly at observing him. Not unless you become a nun and move in with me, he joked. No, Im just going to incorporate it as part of my general knowledge. He vowed to read it cover to cover and because it would take some time he even brought it on their winter holidays in the Canarys. He became hooked on it as he found it shattered many of the beliefs he had been brought up with and opened his eyes to the new ones he had found. The summer of 87 brought the joyous news of the wedding of Declan to his fiance Irene Keane. They had been inseparable, since they met. It was one of those romantic relationships, in that they were made for each other. He had asked Matthew to be his Best Man, who was delighted to officiate for his youngest brother. Although having lived away from him since he was a boy, Matthew thought it was a nice opportunity to get to know him more. He and Ellen insisted that he stay with them before the wedding as it was in London. It would be held in Irenes parish where she and her family lived, only a few miles away from Matthew and Ellen. Irene was the most delightful, pretty and thoughtful girl that you could ever meet. Joe, Bridget and all the family held her in high regard. It was easy to see how she had charmed Declan.

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Declan was understandably nervous before the big day, he being only twenty-one. Both Matthew and Ellen assured him in every way that everything would fall into place on the occasion. He was still apprehensive on the wedding morning and before he and Matthew changed into their suits, Matthew suggested that they go to the local pub for a drink. As they drank a pint together, something that they had rarely done, living a distance apart they entered into brotherly conversation. The boy that Matthew had known in Slough was truly a man and about to be a married man at that. Think of it as another gig, Matthew said about the wedding. Its a bit more than that, Declan answered. Look at it this way, Ill probably be more nervous than you as Best Man Matthew said trying to reassure him. Like all weddings it took on a life of its own. Declan looked so smart in his double-breasted grey suit. He had the straightest mousy brown hair that looked as though it was ironed. Irene looked stunning in her white dress, set off with what looked like a crown shaped headdress that held her veil over her naturally wavy light brown locks. The service was moving and it was noticeable that Bridget reached into her handbag for a tissue, as did Irenes mother, whose first daughter was getting married. The reception was held in a large hall and a good many people attended. The faces of aunts and uncles not seen for a while mingled in the crowd. When Matthew delivered his speech, he noticed Patrick making gestures to him. He told him he would have to speak up, as the microphone was not relaying the sound to the other side of the hall. This he did, now feeling nervous for the first time. He was relived when the toasts were made and asked Declan if he had heard him. No problem he told him. There were times when Declan could be the most laid back person you could ever meet and never fussed over minor details. It was a wonderful evening and Matthew was surprised to see that their cousin Rosemary and her husband Gerald had made it from Dublin with their aunt Betty. Their aunt Carol had made it from Canada, she being on holiday, albeit without her husband Paul their uncle. Ellens brother Ollie had been invited and added to the fun. Irene, now Declans wife, had a nice family. Her parents had a home in Ireland as well as one in London, a fact that Bridget made known to anyone who was interested. She and particularly Joe looked well that day. But the happy occasion was soon blighted with the news that Bernadette had found a lump in her breast and that on examination it was found to be cancerous. The very word cancer had the effect of striking fear into anyone who heard it. Barry her husband and all the family rallied round her in the battle she was about to fight. Why is it that when she found that period of happiness in her life, that it had to be shattered? Matthew said to Ellen, they like all of them knowing what she had already been through. Ellen who had great affection for her said, I know, life just isnt fair. Before that year had passed Patricks girlfriend Ciara gave birth to a son.

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They now lived as neighbours to Declan and Irene in the house that they had converted into two separate flats. Patrick now worked in Social Services, dealing with the handicapped and Declan now worked with the Electricity Board. The main item in any topic of conversation between them all at that time was about Bernadette. About her treatment and whether she was having good days or bad days. The cancer had spread they learned and the prognosis was not good. She had lost a great deal of weight within a year. It cast a dark cloud over all who loved her. During this time she made the most of her time with her husband and two young sons engaging in every activity she could with them. There came a time when she was not dealing with it very well and needed to get away for some respite. She decided to go on a holiday with Patricks girlfriend Ciara to Tunisia. On a visit to Matthew and Ellens, she asked Matthew some deep questions about life and belief. Matthew noticed that while she was having a drink with them that she seemed to be slightly shaking. He noticed the fear in her eyes and it upset him. He had to leave the room in pretence of going to the toilet to hide his tears and the fear and anger that had build up in him. Oh God he said in prayer, show the light of your compassion and let this chalice pass from her. Before the night had ended he heard her laugh again at the lighter conversation that ensued between them all. But no matter how hard it was for him to mask his true emotions, he knew how much harder it was for her. She embraced both him and Ellen on leaving with the warmest hug that night. They felt so utterly sorry for her. Her warmth was palatable despite what she was going through. Her husband Barry, trying to put a brave face on it all, had to be commended for being a rock for her at this time. Despite having to have various treatments in hospital and feeling sick from their effects, she made the utmost effort to spend time with her husband and children. She tried to point her two boys in the right direction in the life that would lie ahead of them. She painfully having to think of the possibility that she might not be there as their guide. She would take them places they wanted to go and on picnics in the summer months. Doing all the normal family things, helped to keep her mind stable. She was not a woman to shy away from the world and would welcome many visitors, from family, friends and even old school mates. The winter of 88 produced one of the most severe storms to hit England in many years. Trees were felled and electricity to many was cut off for a time. This was the case in Windsor where she lived. For a short time candles were the order of the day. In a phone call, Bridget told Matthew that the darkness reflected the mood they were all in.

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Despite everything, Bernadette made a monumental effort to have the best Christmas ever and everyone in the family made sure it was for her and her family. In the New Year, despite being ill and losing a pitiful amount of weight, she to the sometimes-tearful admiration of everybody, continued in the same way. She would sometimes sit in Joe and Bridgets garden when the weather was nice that summer. It would be when the boys were at school and her husband and the rest of them were at work. It was a time that she needed company the most. As the year progressed she and all of them were told that her condition was terminal. It was something that neither she even knowing it nor all of them could take in. Everybody did their best to help her, but the fact was, there was really nothing they could do. A feeling of helplessness surrounded them all. By autumn she was extremely ill and was being administered to by the McMillan nurses and on morphine. Bernadette had requested that she wanted to remain in her own home. Mainly family now made visits and it was heartbreaking to watch her struggle with life. Matthew and Ellen and the whole of the immediate family were with her when they knew her time was short. God Almighty, can this really be happening? Matthew said to Joe out of earshot of the others. I know its terrible, he said with a sob in his voice. Bridget, her face weary and drawn was trying to hold everything together. Wouldnt a little miracle be just wonderful right now? she said, desperately clutching at straws. Her husband Barry was the one that seemed to know the true reality of it all, with fear etched on his face. Bernadette who could hardly speak through drugs and pain asked Ellen that night if she would look out for her two boys. Matthew noticed that she seemed as though she was struggling to breath and her exhalations were deep in a sound that would haunt him. He and Ellen hugged her gently and kissed her cheek before leaving. He told Barry that he would ring from work the next morning. He could hardly speak a word to Ellen on the drive back to London. Its awful, just awful, she said drawing her hand under her eyes. Matthew rang Barry as promised at his first break. He told him in the best voice he could muster that Bernadette had died that morning. Matthew screamed No and couldnt remember any more of the details. One of the bosses hearing him and seeing the look on his face in passing asked him if he was all right. He put away his tools and left work straight away. Ellen consoled him as best she could. Oh that poor girl, God rest her soul, she said. On arriving in Windsor a distraught Bridget told them that they had been taking turns in sitting with her through the night. Even her husband Barry like all of them did not know when her time would come. He had gone into work for a little while to open up shop before returning home. It was Joe her father and Sarah her elder sister who were with her in her last moments.

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Sarah assured Matthew that she just drifted off with a sigh as if going to sleep. By the time Matthew and Ellen arrived in Windsor her remains had been removed to the funeral parlour. Matthew was the last to see her, as Ellen could not bear to see her laid out, a fact for which she profusely apologized to him. He gazed at her face in the coffin, at the unreality that lay before him in that scene of death. How youthful her face looked with not a wrinkle in her brow. Her dark hair was combed back and parted in the middle, just as it had been when she was at school. She looked like she was, before all her troubles began. And despite them she found happiness, a husband and two sons she adored, that was all too brief. He thought of saying a prayer, but he had too much anger in him and was numbed. He kissed her forehead and said Good bye Bernie before the tears began to flow. It was the third day of November 89. Bernadette was thirty-five years of age. Somebody described the service on the day of her funeral as beautiful and moving. They could be assured that for Barry, the two boys aged ten and eight and all the OConnor family, that it was nothing but a tragedy. It was a large funeral and many faces that were known to the family attended, including friends of Bernie as they all affectionately knew her. It was a dark family Christmas that year and everyone tried to make the best of it without succeeding. Matthew and Ellen had booked a holiday earlier in the year in what was now their annual vacation in the Canary Islands. Matthew was reluctant to take the Bible with him, feeling all his prayers had been in vain, but for some reason he did. Unknown to most of them, Bernadette had recorded some songs, one of which she had written, on recording equipment that Patrick had borrowed from his place of work. He did musical therapy with the handicapped people in his job in Social Services. He made copies of the tape and gave one to Matthew. He couldnt bring himself to play it for some time afterwards and when he did he knew why. Her own song had a message it. It contained a reference to secret calls on the telephone. Matthew was to learn, last as usual, that Barry had an affair. It sickened him and he said to Ellen who was taken back as if she hadnt enough problems and suffering in her life. The following year of 90 was greeted with the news that Patrick and Ciara were to wed. It was also the year that the Berlin wall came down. Matthew said he could not conclude which was the more monumental event, that or Patrick finally making an honest woman out of Ciara. She was a very self- assured young woman, some years his junior. Ellen commented that she was more than a match for Patrick and could give as much as she got from him or anyone else. Matthew found both her Irish accent and forthright personality refreshing. She was Patricks type to the ground, with jet-black hair and dark brown eyes.

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Her sister accompanied by her husband came from Ireland to attend the wedding. The rest of her large family including her parents who lived in Waterford City, strangely were not there. It would be in summer, a summer that was still filled with grief. It was even more exacerbated by the news that Barry had already met someone else, so soon after Bernadettes passing. It was a civil wedding ceremony at a Registry Office, as Patrick had been married before. The ceremony was brief, as civic functions tend to be. The reception was held in their back garden of all places. Food and drinks were brought out from the kitchen at intervals, with people constantly coming and going from the house. The guests were seated around tables outdoors and it was just as well the weather was hot. Nancys husband Eamon had even made some home brewed beer for the occasion. No expense spared then, Matthew whispered in Ellens ear. It was a long hot summers evening that seemed to drag on a bit, with the wedding ceremony being so short. Matthew had a good bit to drink that day, unlike Ellen who had agreed to drive back to London. The joviality that marks such occasions was soon marred by the arrival of Barry proudly escorting his new love. She was a young dark skinned Portuguese girl, many years his junior, who seemed unaware of the resentment that most of the family felt towards her. Nancy in particular had to be restrained by Sarah from confronting her. I see the black witch is here Matthew overheard her saying. He could see that she was hurt by her presence so soon after the death of her sister. Matthew wondered why he couldnt have come on his own and conceded that he despite everything had been most insensitive that day. He nodded his head in passing them, not knowing what to say or do and feeling a natural sense of betrayal. It was just too soon to take in, like the wedding itself he thought. If he thought that seemed to change the atmosphere he was in for another surprise. As night began to fall, he could see that Patrick, Declan and the other band members were about to start playing music. He picked up a guitar in the kitchen and ran his fingers across the strings. Just as he did so, he heard an American accent greeting one of the band members. He cringed; it was none other than Susans husband. What happened after that became a blur. He put down the guitar; walked out to the garden and seeing Ellen said, Lets go. He passed Susan without looking at her even though she greeted him by name saying hello. Ellen did as he requested and got into the driving seat. He saw the members of his family, hurriedly saying and waving goodbye as he told Ellen to drive off. What happened? Ellen said as they drove away. Nothing I just had too much to drink he replied. Ive had enough of this day, I just want to go home, he muttered.

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Yes Ellen said turning her head towards him, with a scornful look, knowing it was impossible to talk to him when he was intoxicated and knowing like him the reason he left so abruptly. He learned afterwards that it had been a good night, with seemingly everybody enjoying it. Bridget was extremely annoyed with him for leaving that suddenly and seemed to slightly lose face by it. A fact that gratified Matthew who was not adept at being two faced, no matter what the occasion. The year of 91 in England was marked by the release of what were known as the Birmingham Six. They had spent sixteen years in prison after being falsely convicted of being responsible for the bombings in that city. One of them had even died in jail during that time. The injustice they had suffered greatly angered the Irish population, who despite being relieved at their release, knew, as did the world at large now of the corruption and failure of the British justice system. Joe and Bridget were now beginning to enjoy their senior years. The little bungalow that they had built was easy to keep and they still had the garden that they kept immaculately. They now had time on their hands and were enjoying the fruits of their life long labour spent working and raising a large family. They had bought a newer smaller car that suited their needs. Joe was still a very competent driver despite the health setback he had suffered. They were now able to make more arrangements to see family and relatives, so much so that they started holidaying with some of them. They were quite friendly with Joes elder brother Peter and his wife Rosemary. They went on holidays abroad for the first time with them. Joe had reservations about travelling to foreign countries, particularly in relation to the food he thought he might not like. But after visiting the Mediterranean coast of Italy, a place they loved, he was pleasantly surprised to find that hotels catered for all tastes. Bridget laughed about the fact that that he could have his favourite boiled egg for breakfast that was presented to him each morning, as if by ceremony, by a waiter with a good sense of humour. They could not stop talking about the place when they got back. How they loved the Bay of Naples, the Isle of Capri, and the fascinating Pompeii, culminating with a visit to Rome and the Vatican itself. It had awakened a new interest for them and all the family were delighted that they had found a new well deserved diversion from their often sad and troubled lives. They followed by having a tour of Southern Spain and then holidays in Portugal. One year they with some of the immediate family went to the Canary Islands and were able to relate to Matthew and Ellen who wintered there annually. 92 was an explosive year in two ways for the Irish in England. There was a real explosion with the extensive bombing of the Financial Centre in London by the Provisional IRA. It took place in the early hours and a couple of people were killed. Had it taken place during working hours the toll would have been unimaginable. The devastation that it caused to buildings in the area was vast as shown on the television news.

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It was both shocking and distressing for both English and Irish people and all others who lived in London. People in general were fed up to the back teeth with the whole bombing campaign and the conflict in general. Matthew, like other building workers he knew had worked in that area some time before. He like them and the city population in general were wary that such an event could take place at any time or place in the metropolis. Notices were displayed as they had been for some time on public transport and at airports to report any luggage or suspicious packages left unattended. A regular audio message would be given at times on the London Underground trains. The incident led to serious negotiations, some of them in the background, between the British Authorities and leading members of the Provisional movement with the involvement also of members of the Irish government. Urgency had begun to finally find a solution to the situation. Everybody on both Islands just longed for a fair and peaceful resolution to the conflict. The other explosive news, particularly for the Irish people in Slough and in both England and Ireland was that concerning Bishop Carey, now Bishop of Galway. He resigned from his post after an Irish American woman made public revelations about having a relationship with him and had given birth to his son who was now a teenager. It was also found that he had taken a large sum of money from his diocese that was used to help in the upbringing of their son. The Press had a field day with the breaking story. It was national news in Ireland and had an effect on the Irish abroad on both sides of the Atlantic. It had a big impact on the Irish community in England and particularly those in the Slough area where he had been Parish Priest many years before. The OConnor family were saddened by the events that had overtaken him. They came to known him personally as their priest when they arrived there. Joe had met him first not only as a priest but as the founder of The Catholic Housing Association. An outreach organization that Father Carey had set up to help newly arrived immigrants in the area. Joe had availed of help when first coming there ahead of the family. A function of the organization was to lend money to such as him for a deposit to put on a house. I hardly had enough for my bus fare in the beginning, let alone a deposit for a house Joe told Matthew while talking about the man. By the time I sent money home to Bridget each week and paid towards my keep at your aunty Maureens, I had little left he told him. Bridget stated that she thought Priests should be allowed to marry as in the Protestant tradition. One particular Pope brought in celibacy she explained some centuries ago. She reminded them of the Methodist Minister and his family that lived next door to them when they first moved to Slough and what a nice family they were. Everybody who was part of Father Careys congregation in the area at that time had their own memories of him.

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Matthew remembered his pleasant jovial personality that contrasted with the firebrand sermons he used to deliver. It also brought to mind the etching of the parish church that he did for him when he was leaving, having been promoted to Bishop. I wonder he thought, if he had remained a Parish Priest, would things have turned out differently. But then he remembered Bridget once saying life is not a rehearsal, you only get one chance at it. After the Christmas of 93, Matthew and Ellen arrived home from their winter sun holiday as usual. Ellen was due back at work but Matthew had some holidays left. She could see that he was restless to see his family, particularly his parents. Go on I can see your itching to see the folks, she said. He dropped her off at work before leaving for Windsor. Ill see you later he said as he kissed her goodbye. No rush she said, knowing he hadnt seen them for a little while in the run up to Christmas and New Year. She told him she would visit her sister Maeve after work. She and her family lived within walking distance from where Ellen worked and she had visited her many times thus. It was on Thursday the 7th. Of January that Matthew feeling buoyant and refreshed, drove down the M4 motorway towards his parents home, singing along to a tape he had playing in the car. He greeted Joe and Bridget and Margaret who was there, wishing them all a Happy New Year. They had a wonderful Christmas by all accounts and had seen all the family over the Festivities. They commented on his tan that was still fresh from the holiday. They all seemed happy and contented, particularly Joe who loved Christmas and unlike Matthew always had. They all had a lengthy chat, mostly about family and relations and how they were keeping. Joe and Bridget now had the added joy of their grandchildren that added greatly to the seasonal celebrations. The OConnor clan was growing, much to their delight. Bridget cooked a meal and Matthew enjoyed the day and the catch up. After saying goodbye to Bridget and Margaret with a hug, Joe walked out to the gate with him and shook his hand. Safe journey back he said still smiling and shaking his hand in what seemed a long goodbye. Ill ring soon, Matthew said, noticing he was still standing and smiling at the gate as he drove off. Matthew couldnt help thinking about Joe on the drive back. He felt that in some strange way, he was trying to convey something to him, but what he didnt know. He was in good humour after seeing them and dismissed the thought, soon settling into the weekend with Ellen. They went food shopping as they had been away for a fortnight. Without warning, that Sunday the 10th. Of January, the news that Joe had died of a heart attack reached them.

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The suddenness of it struck them like a bolt of lightening. No, no, no is all Matthew could scream. Ellen tearfully tried to console him, saying, Im so sorry darling, he was a lovely man, God rest him. Matthew went into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed, constantly hitting the mattress with his fists in total grief, compounded with shock, disbelief and a terrible anger. He sobbed like a child, his tears falling on the carpet. I know I know Ellen said leaning over him, but not knowing what to do. Oh Jesus, poor Mum he said trying to compose himself, thinking of what she must be going through. Ive got to get down there, he said. Yes darling she said finally being able to put her arms around him. The drive to Windsor was a blur for Matthew, he feeling that it seemed only moments ago that he had seen him. This cant be happening he repeated to himself. God Almighty he exclaimed, remembering that goodbye a couple of days before. Was that what he was trying to tell me, he recalled. On arriving at the house, he could see Bridgets contorted face. Theres no God, she said to him as they embraced. Wheres everybody? Matthew asked, seeing Patricks wife Ciara. She explained that Patrick and Declan were playing music that day, ironically in London. Wheres Daddy? Matthew asked, What happened? Bridget explained as best she could with Ciaras help, that Joe had a fatal heart attack in the bathroom. He had gone there to have a shave. During the attack he had fallen and hit his head on the corner of the radiator. Just there Bridget said opening the door. Jesus Christ Matthew said, seeing blood on the floor and some splatters on the wall. There was water in the sink but it had been unused. Bridget had called him, he being in there for a while, telling him that a program called Countryfile he always watched, was starting on television. On getting no reply she had tried to open the door, but his body lying on the floor prevented her for doing so. She ran next door in panic and got Ciaras help to open it. Ciara assessed the situation very quickly even trying to resuscitate him but to no avail. The Paramedics on arrival used a defibrillator on him but it was in vain. His body had been removed to hospital where an autopsy was to be carried out. The result of the Post- mortem was that he had died from a massive heart attack. The shock and grief was transferred to all of them and as they gradually assembled, the reality of what had happened began to sink in. Bridget and all his immediate surviving family went to the funeral parlour when he was laid out. He looked so peaceful, like he was asleep as he had often been in his favourite chair. Only this time dressed in his smart grey suit, with the white shirt he always wore for special occasions and neatly knotted tie. Only as they kissed his cold brow in turn, did they know that he was gone. They appropriately said the Our Father in unison, trying to cope with the unreality of it all.

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Bridget made a remark that was almost funny. Thank God they put his false teeth in, he looked dreadful without them, she said. It was a statement to which none of them had an answer. Before they knew it, the day of the funeral arrived. It was a large gathering. Joe and Bridget had made many friends over the years, not only with neighbours but also with their connections with the Irish Society and Club, in the long number of years they had lived in the area. They were well known, as was Joe who Chairman of the Slough Irish Society for some time. It was the first time Matthew saw Declan cry since he was a child, he sitting next to him in one of the funeral cars. The undertakers on Bridgets request drove the hearse past the little retirement bungalow where he had lived happily. A few more years would have been nice, she said to Matthew. Joe had died aged sixty-six years and just two months short of his next birthday. Outside the church in Windsor that they had attended, his three surviving sons assembled to carry the coffin up the steps. Matthew seeing his uncle Brian, Joes younger brother, asked him if he would help them carry it, knowing he was a strong man. During the funeral Mass, Aidan Joyce, a great family friend and friend of Joes, who managed the Irish Club, delivered the Obituary he had written. He gave an Oration about Joe and the family who he had known since they first arrived in Slough. People said afterwards that it was one of the best they had ever heard. It was delivered from the heart but with the great skill that he possessed. It touched on different aspects of his life including emigration and noted that Joes greatest love in life was that for Bridget and his family. Join me in saying Goodbye to the man from Tanavalla he concluded to ensuing applause. Bridget and the family were so grateful to him that day. Patrick and Declan with other members of their traditional Irish band played and sang some songs at the service. Matthew was amazed at their professionalism in being able to do so. Countless familiar faces appeared before the family outside the church offering their condolences. The burial took place at the Catholic section of the graveyard in Windsor Great Park. He was buried next to Bernadettes grave, making it all the more poignant for the family that day. Bridget and the rest of the family threw the customary pieces of soil over the coffin when it was placed in the grave. A strange numbness overtook them all as the priest said the final prayer and splashed holy water on the coffin. Bridgets face in particular looked weary and empty, reflecting the emptiness she felt inside. Only her innate dignity and family got her through that day. She used up every once of the strength of character she possessed not to fold on the worst day of her life and God knows she had more than her fare share of them. The reception took place at the Frogmore Hotel where they had gathered after Bernadettes funeral four years previously.

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God youre going through it at the moment Marcus Joyce, Matthews old friend said to him. For the bereaved, receptions are often blurred, as it seemed for Bridget in particular. Matthew noticed at one point she was sitting in one of the quieter corners, alone in her thoughts and almost oblivious to people around her. For the first time the reality that from now on she would be living life without her beloved Joe, seemed to have hit her. The reception went on into the night and the wake into the early hours. Matthew learned afterwards that Joe and Bridget had booked to go on holiday with Joes brother Peter and his wife that year. Bridget said later of it, Man appoints and God disappoints. Its afterwards when the crowd has gone that the real void that death leaves begins to appear. Bridgets voice was gentler, more sorrowful in listening to her even on the phone. Margaret visited her practically every day and now even stayed of a weekend with her and all the family called in regularly. But when you spend your life with somebody that has become part of your every thought, your every meal, your every night and your every dream, you still expect to wake up beside him or her every morning. Why didnt I tell him I loved him? Matthew said to Bridget. He knew, he knew all of you did in your own way she assured him. It was the first time that Matthew had thought about the fact that both Joe and Bernadette were buried in foreign soil. Even consenting to the fact that there was no good place to be buried it had a marked effect on him. Joe was a hero to Matthew. He was not like the historic heros that led armies or sacrificed themselves for one great cause or another. He was the one that had to lead his little army whenever and wherever destiny led him. He could often be a silent leader, not wanting to burden his children with the hard decisions he had to make. But when they came he had always found the courage to deal with them. He was never a drinker and yet enjoyed his leisure without it and was always able to provide for his family because of that. Bridget once told Matthew that Joe could never tell a lie. It would almost infuriate her at times, when even a little white one could be necessary for some reason. He was a dignified man who personified integrity. He was also a very private man about whom Matthew wished he had known so much more. He was an orderly man whose view of life was that everything should be in its rightful place. He once said that if human beings were like the animal kingdom, very little would be wrong in the world. There was a saying that Joe had, that always amused Matthew. He would say Its as easy to do a thing right as it is to do it wrong. He thought it ironical as Joe had strived to do everything right in life, but life through no fault of his own, often wrote a different script. He was in fact, all the things that Matthew wished he was himself.

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A great chasm had opened up in Bridgets life after his passing. She began drinking often alone and often during the long empty days that followed. In the past she would have had the odd glass of sherry socially. But this was different as she had been averse to drinking in general all of her life. It had been a sober house. She was using it as an anaesthetic to kill the pain. She told Matthew that losing him was like having half her body removed. She hadnt driven a car since she was a young woman and Joe had always taken them everywhere. She now walked or used a bicycle to go to the local shop, often walking beside it, using it to carry a bag. All the family living near helped her as best they could. Declans wife Irene was particularly kind to her, always calling in to see if she needed anything from the town, when she was going there. All the family now had two graves to visit, side by side as Bernadette and Joe had lived. The view from beyond the graveyard encompassed the vast expanse of countryside that was Windsor Great Park. Comparing the surroundings of other burial places it could almost be said to be a pleasant place except for the sorrow it held. Visiting Bridgets was where the real emptiness lay. Joes favourite armchair where instinctively nobody sat but could now conspicuously do so feeling odd. The lack of his strong presence making everything seem out of balance. Matthew remembered asking Joe once if he was settled in the little bungalow. My next move now will be to Windsor Great Park he had answered him. Matthew noticed that a few tiny specks of Joes blood behind the radiator in the bathroom, where he had fatally fallen were still visible and had to grit his teeth to stop him crying. He learned from Margaret who now stayed with Bridget every weekend that she never turned off the lamp in her bedroom at night. It was like a beacon that that was lit, that somehow illuminated her presence to him. Like a candle burning in a church or the light in her heart that beat so sorrowfully without him. A year and a bad year at that hadnt passed but there was more bad news. Bridgets brother Jack was seriously ill. He was suffering from emphysema, a battle against which he would not win. His death was another blow to Bridget, Margaret and all the Ryan family. He was the eldest in family and much thought of by them all. He was a quiet refined man who was highly educated. As an electrical engineer, he had worked on aircraft with the Irish airline, Aer Lingus when it was a fledgling organization. As part of his training he had gone with a group of technicians to California, a work trip that was unheard of in Ireland in those days. He left aviation after some years and pursued his career in England. His final job was as a theatrical technician, a job he enjoyed. He and the only known woman in his life Patricia Dalton lived together for many years before marrying and had no children. Although having lived in London for many years, they had never bought any property, having always rented.

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They did however; build a bungalow on Patricias families land in County Dublin. They spent much time there and had presumably planed to use it as a retirement home. Jack had expressed a wish to be buried in Ireland and arrangements had to be put in place to ensure this. A church service was held in their local parish in Tottenham, North London, where they lived. It was this service that all his relatives in England attended. Matthew thought Bridget seemed numbed by it all by now, but she put her best foot forward and her best dark clothing on to pay her final respects to a brother she admired and thought so dearly of. She still had tears to cry from what Matthew called a well of sorrow. The former aviation mans remains were flown to Dublin. The funeral Mass was held in the church he and Patricia had attended when there and he was interred in her family plot. Matthew shared in memories of him, particularly of his youth in conversation with Bridget and Margaret. His wife Patricia moved back to their Dublin home shortly afterwards. On a wider scale for Irish people that year, the Provisional IRA announced a permanent ceasefire, much to the relief of the people in both Ireland and Britain. So much hope rested on the announcement that the Republican movement had now committed to pursuing their goal politically. Matthew attended a leaving party in Slough with Bridget and Margaret. It was for Aidan Joyce the long and trusted family friend who was returning to Ireland. He was going back to his roots in Connemara and had vacated his job as manager of the Slough Irish Club that he had held for many years. Matthew having once stayed in the house he was returning to gave him his best wishes. It was the beginning of a trend that was noticeable among Irish people in England. Ireland was now an up and coming country and economically had changed dramatically. That year also saw the visit of Joes younger brother Paul and his wife Carol from Canada. Paul alas, had not made it to Joes funeral as he was undergoing treatment for cancer at the time and was too weak to travel. After visiting Ireland he and Carol made it over to England. Matthew through Bridget invited them to their place. Ellen had never met him before and Matthews memories of him were in childhood. He looked painfully thin even for a man who was never known to carry much weight. It was a nice get- together on a very hot day in the back garden and Matthew was glad to see him after what seemed a lifetime. He thought he looked a lot like Joe as he had observed in photographs that Carol had sent to Bridget over the years. He was a nice quiet relaxed man with his own sense of humour about Canada and days of yore in Ireland. There was through the banter and laughter that afternoon a certain underlying sadness that Matthew saw in their faces. He learned through Bridget afterwards that he had leukaemia.

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It seemed no time after that visit that the news of his death at the mere age of 64 reached them. He and Carol had six sons in family. Another OConnor dynasty was emerging in the land of the Maple. In the summer of 95,Bridget received an invitation from Jacks widow Patricia to visit her in Dublin. She asked Matthew in a phone call if he and Ellen would like to accompany her, as she did not want to travel alone. It so happened that Matthew had finished a building contract and it being a hot July, he and Ellen thought it might be a nice break. The three of them flew to Dublin airport where Patricia met them. She was a non-stop conversationalist from the word go, but a great hostess nevertheless. There were two bungalows on her family plot, one of which her brother Paddy and his wife Nuala lived. She and Jack had planned to retire there but alas for him it was not to be. They lived quiet near the airport but the area was in a rural setting. The only thing that set it apart from that was the noise of aircraft taking off and landing. Matthew noticed that there was a pub practically next door. It was an interesting holiday from the point of view that they saw the heart of Dublin City having the luxury of getting there by taxi on each trip. Ellen hadnt been in the city since she took a trip there with her sister Theresa many years before. Although seeing sights that were in all their memories they consented that it was a very busy place now, but found the people friendly and witty. They even took in a play in the Abbey Theatre. Paddy and Nuala had a daughter Sandra who was dating a chap from Liverpool called Steve. She was a nurse who had done voluntary work in Romania in the notorious orphanages there. It was sad to listen to her account of what she found there. Nuala was originally from County Mayo and had met Paddy while working in Dublin. She was a religious woman while Paddy loved his drink and did various jobs for farmers and other people around the area. They had a couple of sessions with all of them in the local pub and a meal out in another one. But mainly it was Patricia who laid on some wonderful meals and kept the wine flowing into the early hours coupled with conversation about Jack and old times she and Bridget in particular remembered. She had a little pet dog that never left her side and lay on the settee when it was vacated. Matthew felt he had not seen enough of his late uncle Jack over the years. He discerned that a distance of ten miles or more in the manic city and lifestyle of London could constitute an ocean in terms of co-existence They visited his grave where Patricia had gone often, she still in grief and stood silently in their memories of him. They visited the delightful village of Swords that was nearby and a Curate at the Church of Ireland told Matthew the history of the place and the splendid Round Tower.

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He told him that Brian Boru; the famous High King of Ireland was waked there on route to Armagh following his death at the battle of Clontarf in 1014. It was a delightful break that they enjoyed and it was a great distraction for Bridget. Matthew had not seen her laugh for a while as she did on that trip. He was so glad to have spent that time with her, seeing her enjoy herself and being able to put recent events behind her if only for a little while. They could see that Patricia was trying to conceal her tears as they headed for the departure lounge. She looks so lonely Bridget said. Adding I know exactly how she feels. Matthew and Ellen arrived back to the best possible news, in that they had finally been able to secure the full title deeds to their property. It had been a long wait of fifteen years to do so legally, but they had virtually rebuilt it in that time. A great sense of freedom entered into their mindsets and they had many a discussion about what they would do. Your life would be over in this country before you know it Matthew said to Ellen. This city is not changing for the better he remarked. Ive seen youngsters selling drugs at the top of this road, he said. And you dont feel safe walking the streets after dark, with muggers hanging around street corners he added. I want to get the hell out of this place at the first opportunity he told her. We would need to think it over before making any rash decision she replied calmly. Fair enough, but thats what I will be doing from now on he conceded. Matthew had been in between jobs when they went on the trip to Dublin. On his return one of his contacts told him of a contract that was starting on the London Underground. He knew the network like the back of his hand from travelling it every day. The job involved upgrading the stations for safety reasons. This had been undertaken since the tragic fire at Kings Cross station that resulted in a tragic loss of life there. It had been government driven and the contractor told him it would involve years of work. Oh great Matthew had said to him on the phone, his mind now being in a very different place. He took the job, which was a supervisory position, the contractor by now having faith in his ability. He was in charge of one station at a time until the works were complete. It involved paperwork and dealing with tradesmen and labourers not to mention the Underground staff and Health and Safety Officers. He had to undergo several training courses that he found interesting, including fire fighting. Everything that was made of wood was taken out and replaced with metal, particularly the escalators. The cause of the death toll at Kings Cross was that a wooden escalator had caught fire, cutting off the means of escape for the unfortunate people that were trapped in the inferno. He spent most of his time walking around with a large set of keys opening up areas for construction workers and supervising deliveries and storage. He worked in a few stations before being placed in Notting Hill Gate.

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It was one of the busiest intersections on the Underground and could be a logistical nightmare at times. He was responsible for all aspects of safety on the building program and constantly liasing with Construction and Underground management. Sometimes during quieter periods in the little office where he sat, he would think deeply about things. He began to analyse life and the marked impression his fathers death had left on him and the relatively young ages that generation of exiles were dying at. He concluded that existence for any human being was but a short interlude between two extremities of non-existence. One before you are born and the other after you die. He recalled Joe once saying Theres only a few years between us all. How right he was he thought? He now saw clearly that he and Ellen had the opportunity of changing their lives completely. They could sell out and move back to Ireland, where properties were a fraction of the price they were in London. They could pay off everything they owed and have a fresh start away from the humdrum life in the big smoke. He put it to Ellen who was more cautious and less impulsive than him. Mm youre right about the fact that it could be done financially, she said. Adding but its a big decision and theres a lot to think about. Are you happy in your job? he asked her. Is that what you want to do for the rest of your life? he enquired. Well I could take it or leave it she answered. The same as that he informed her. If we stay here or move somewhere else in London we will lose the ambition to move back, he declared. I dont want to grow old in this place or be buried in this soil he told her. Theres so much I want to see and explore in Ireland, he told her. What have we got to lose, you only get one chance at this life and this is ours he pleaded with her. Your right of course but at least give me some time to think it over? she asked. Where would we live? she asked. In the Valley of course he said. In the Suir Valley where you come from, where else he said. I known as many people there now as you do, well almost he explained. We could rent at first and that will give us plenty of time to find a house we liked. A bungalow Ellen, weve always said wed like to have one of those lovely bungalows back there. She agreed with him eventually but was more apprehensive than him about such a big move. She sensibly said that they should get the property valued before thinking further. This they did and were pleasantly surprised by what it would potentially sell for. They were both aware that there was another side to making such a decision. That was the emotional side. They talked at length about the fact that they would be leaving family behind in England. Ellen asked Matthew if he would miss his family.

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He told her that he would miss being able to drive down to Windsor to see his mother at the drop of a hat. But that his fellow siblings were now preoccupied with their own lives and families. Youve given this a lot of thought havent you? Ellen said. She told him that out of her family, she would miss Ollie and her sister Maeve in particular. But once weve settled in they can all come and visit us Matthew said. He did however; think that telling Bridget of their plans was not going to be the most pleasant thing. He decided to tell her sooner rather than later. Apart from a moment of silence he was surprised at her positive reaction. Ireland is not the distance it was when we first came here, she said, but turning her head away as she said it. They told everybody in turn including Ollie what they were contemplating so as they could get used to the idea and couldnt say that it was a shock. Ollie looked saddened by it, as they had been a social trio from the first time Matthew met him. He living alone would be more affected by it than most. That autumn they put the property on the market, knowing it would probably take some time to sell. The market wasnt as good as it had been and was competitive and it would take a lot longer than they thought to sell. A few potential buyers showed some interest but never followed up. It was approaching Christmas that year and Matthew and Ellen had booked another holiday in the Canary Islands. In Matthews job, one of the managers in the main company invited him to go for coffee in a nearby restaurant. He said he wanted to discuss something with him. He offered him a job that would mean promotion with the company and an eye watering salary. Matthew declined telling him of his plans to return home. How bloody ironic does it get he said to Ellen telling her. He was so frightened now about any temptation that could interfere with his dream that he left the job that Christmas. Ellen didnt seem quite ready to quit her job just yet. Matthew thought someone should be in the house to talk to prospective buyers and show them around and talk about the property. Having time on his hands, Matthew found another artistic outlet in composing music and writing songs. Patrick had quit the band by now and had given Matthew a keyboard he had replaced. He had made the decision to quit playing music publicly much to the regret of the others but particularly Declan. He had enough of the unsociable hours that separated him from Ciara and the two boys especially at weekends. Declan and Irene now had a daughter, but he was totally committed to music that was the consuming passion of his life. Matthew was aware that Patrick had written songs and liked one in particular that he had sung with the band. They both decided to collaborate their efforts and Patrick bought a second hand home recording studio that he would set up in his front room.

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For some reason he wanted Matthew to sing a selection of his songs as well as his own. It would usually take place on a Saturday morning. Matthew would call early and visit Bridget first. This coupled with recording the songs to Patricks wonderful accompaniment on his new keyboard, made them special times. Times Matthew knew he would miss. The year of 96 was again marred by a death in the OConnor clan. Uncle Peter had passed away suddenly in the end from what they thought was heart failure. He had apparently been fighting stomach cancer for some time. He was the eldest son and the third to die within four years of that family. God Almighty Matthew said on hearing the news. Its only three years since I was talking to him at Daddys funeral and he seemed fine. Peter had gone to London as a young man, it was there that he met and married his wife Rosemary a girl from Cork. They had four children now adults, two boys and two girls. He was a very patriotic Irishman but it was never reflected in his English born children. They eventually settled in Mitcham south of London He was a very strong man in every way, until that blasted thing got hold of him Bridget said meaning cancer. They lived near Mitcham Common, large parkland where he would often walk and it became his open space in suburbia. It seemed that it was only at funerals now that the extended family met. The burial after the service at his local church took place in Streatham Park Cemetery. It was one of those large anonymous graveyards around London that looked like a forest of headstones. The wake was held in the little Irish Club that he had been involved in from its inception, even volunteering during its construction. Matthew could see a reflection of his late fathers life in uncle Peters. He had a long look at his cousins and aunt that day, feeling that it was probable that he might not see them again. Bridget had constantly been in touch with Rosemary and that was how news of their family had filtered through over the years. Matthew thought about those who had departed that day and felt that forced emigration of so many Irish people to England and other destinations was immoral. It was something that had filled him with great anger since his arrival there. Then to watch them and their descendants dilute into another culture. Only having the aspiration of an occasional holiday in what should be their homeland. In the future he could see that a whole generation would assimilate into the English population. They would only be recognized as having Irish connections by their surnames. There would be no need for Irish Clubs or Dance Halls the Ballrooms of Romance. These were the places where they met their future husbands and wives. Most of all he felt sorry for those who did not have the means or the will to return. Some thinking that too much time had passed and that many of the people they had known at home had passed away. Or that times they remembered had changed since their crossing.

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And those who felt anchored by family, job, health or circumstance. One such story saddened Matthew greatly. It concerned Pat Joyce their neighbour in Slough and father of the Joyce family. Through ill health he had contracted gangrene and had to have amputation to his legs. He had been such an active man when working for the council. He was a great character and wonderful accordion player and had performed around the area for many years. When he was confined to a wheelchair his mind wandered back to his native Connemara and happier times there. He lost his mind in exile, unable to except the reality of his situation. It transported him back without him physically getting there until he died and was reunited with his native soil. Ellen once said to Matthew that she thought he himself wanted to relive his childhood in Ireland, cutting out the emigration bit. He had to confess that she was right and that she knew him better than he did at times. She also asked him what he intended to do if they went back to Ireland. Nothing except hold on to time as long as it is humanly possible, he answered. And make every day last as though it is our final one he added. I worry about you sometimes she said annoyed by his laughter. He had been reading books about Irish Archaeology, a subject that began to fascinate him. He was enthralled by the enormous heritage of ancient sites that lay undisturbed throughout Ireland. The country was famed for its abundance of antiquities he knew. He expressed a great desire to see such places on his return. Theres great horse racing in Ireland also as you know, he said reminding Ellen that her hobby would be plentiful too. Not to mention great pubs drawing a look from her. As for places to see, need I say more he concluded. The one out of place thing they did know was that most of their immediate family would be in England. The time for contemplation would soon be accelerated however, with increasing interest in their property. Many interested parties had viewed it over the best part of a year. But it was two young city types, with good jobs in the financial sector that put in a definite offer. My word its really happening Ellen said. I know and we need to shake a leg Matthew commented. We need to take a trip home and see what the lie of the land is, Matthew urged. It was now autumn and the way things were going they would be moving back in winter. In needing to get things moving they booked a flight to Cork airport and hired a car to get around. The weather was terrible on their arrival with heavy rain all the way. It was so nice to see Ellens brother Eddie and all the family again, if a little unexpected that time of year. They asked him if he knew of any places that were to rent. He told them it would be tough to find somewhere at that time of year. He directed them to estate agents in the local area, particularly in the larger town of Clonmel, where he thought they might stand chance.

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There was little or nothing available and that which was, existed many miles away. They wanted to stay in the area they knew, as they wanted to buy a property there. As the days went by a panic set in and they wondered what they would do. We should have been looking in the summer, Ellen said, This is all a mess. They had nearly accepted house rental miles away when returning to Eddies one evening. I might have a solution for ye he said pointing his finger at the ceiling. You know Biddy Byrne, who lives up near the old graveyard, Eddie said to Ellen. Seans daughter, he explained. I knew him when he was alive, but I cant really remember her she said. Well I was talking to her in town and since her husband died, she has been thinking of letting the annex to her house he said. I told her you might be interested he added. I hope you dont mind? Not at all Ellen said with Matthew nodding approval. Theres no furniture in that part of the house as nobody has lived there for years, he told or her. Well its worth a look at this stage Matthew said. They called at the house the next day and were greeted by a petite sallow skinned woman who looked older than her years. She had two sons and one daughter all of school going age. This is it, she said, opening the front door to a two-bedroom annex that had a large room that doubled for a kitchen and lounge. It had a range solid fuel cooker that also heated the place. It was void of anything apart from an old chair and some potted planted plants she kept indoors. After enquiring about the rent, which was obviously cheap, they accepted it thinking it would do for the time being. At least they would have somewhere to stay and store furniture to begin with on returning. I hope the winters not going to be too harsh Ellen commented, saying that it felt cold. They thanked Eddie for his efforts and Nuala for her hospitality, they were both delighted to have them staying near. They had stayed at a Bed and Breakfast in the local village of Kilsheelan during that trip and in conversation with the woman who ran it they told her of their plans. Oh good for you she said on hearing of their impending return. Matthew asked her for her phone number saying they might stay again when waiting for their furniture to arrive from England. There Matthew said to Ellen All sorted. Sorted, have you seen the state of that place? she said It will need cleaning from top to bottom and a lick of paint wouldnt do it any harm No problem, Ill have it done in no time, he promised. Yeah she said using the side of her mouth. She always did that Matthew discerned, when she was not sure about anything. What have we let ourselves in for? she said at one point. They said their goodbyes; only this time they would see them again sooner rather than later. It took longer than they expected to complete the sale. They became impatient, as they had no experience of selling property.

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Ellen gave in her notice at work and they now had time on their hands together. They had time for a little while at least for family visits and to sort out what they would be taking with them. They visited Ellens sister Maeve on a few occasions, more often than they had done while working. She thought they were brave in what they were doing, but wished them well. Her family was her life and in the future she saw that grandchildren could come and was settled because of that. You on the other hand are as free as birds to go where ye want, she told them. Ellen was aware that her other sister Theresa who lived further out visited Maeve every other weekend. Her two daughters had always mixed with Maeves. And then there was Ollie; he was the only real dilemma as he had always lived alone. Matthew knew that he would miss Ellen greatly, they being close. He would have Maeve, whom he got on well with. But his relationship with their sister Theresa and brother Kevin was not as deep. The family would now be split with Eddie and now Ellen on the other side of the water. As for Matthew it would be a big wrench, in the sense that he had no immediate family living in Ireland. He took comfort in the fact that Bridgets sister Margaret visited her practically every day and stayed every weekend. All the remaining family including her brother Jim lived near. He said to Ellen that he could count on his fingers the number of times any of them had visited him in all the years he lived in London. They were kept busy packing every household item including crockery in newspapers they had saved. You dont realize how much stuff you have until you move? Matthew said. Tell me about it Ellen replied, neatly placing each item into cardboard boxes they had got from the manager of the local Off Licence. Remember all of them we had to get rid of when we were in that game Matthew reminded her. Soon everything was packed except for the few items they needed including the kettle, that were designated for the last open cardboard box. Ellen, like all women were very organized packers, unlike men who would throw things in anyway. It was one of those qualities they had developed somewhere in their evolution, like cooking, washing and ironing, cleaning, making a bed or even organizing furniture in a room. Their clothes except for those the needed were neatly on hangers in large plastic bags that were normally used for refuge. Ellen had allocated a lot of items that were to be transported in their car. They were mainly clothing and shoes but also personal items. Matthew wanted to take his paintings, books, guitar and even his keyboard. Seeing them lined up he said, How the hell are we going to fit all these in the back of the car? He estimated that even with the seats down, it was going to be a very tight squeeze. But he hadnt counted for Ellens amazing use of space. I wont be able to see a thing only in front, he complained. Oh youll be all right, she said reassuring him, when in truth it was she that needed

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Reassuring full stop. It was a misty day when Matthew made his final visit to the graves before the fast approaching time of departure. He looked at Bernadette and Joes headstones and read the details on them that included the place of their birth. He remembered the saying set in stone that meant finality. But he thought about them when they were alive and recalled their faces and their smiles. He thanked Joe for the wonderful memories he had given him and all the places he had taken them. He thought of Bernadettes infectious laughter and courage through her short and troubled life. Let my eyes take ye back again and may your spirits join me as I roam through the valleys and gaze out on to the rugged sea he prayed. In seeing his mother he thought about her loss in recent years, it was palpable. She was going to miss him he knew and he her. She was the first face that he saw, the first voice he heard and the first embrace he felt. He felt sorrowful and guilty at leaving her when she was so vulnerable. Her voice was soft and full of resignation when she spoke to him now. In wishing him well, he could see her eyes were heavy with emotion and regret. He thought of how many times he had created a smile, laughter or even anger in those eyes. But seeing them so subdued and brow beaten was heartbreaking. He could only repeat the invitation to visit him as soon as possible. He asked her if she and all the family would like to come up to London to have a final farewell. A week passed and then another until finally there were days to go. Matthew was angered by their non-appearance that was a pattern since he moved there. They eventually arrived one night two days before they were due to leave. It was a brief goodbye by any standards, permeated by promises of visits by them all. Thatll be a change, they all visiting me Matthew said to Ellen afterwards. He didnt have time to dwell on it in the next forty-eight hours, even after receiving the news that Declans wife Irene had given birth to a baby boy. The timing was all down to the solicitors and the final transactions with the bank. They had planned to go night sailing, as they knew they would be leaving some time in the afternoon. Matthew was like a man possessed about the logistical side of things, constantly looking out the window. Thank God for that he said as he saw the furniture truck pull up outside. A little late but nevertheless there here he commented. It was strange watching all your worldly possessions walk out the door he thought. He gave the driver whom he knew would be delivering their furniture to Ireland a drawing he had made in the form of a local map with an arrow pointing at the house he would be delivering to. Thats handy he said, some of those places there are hard to find. Matthew told him hed give him a ring when he landed to arrange the transport from the storage depot. Dont worry mate, were over there every week he said.

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After contacting the solicitor for what seemed the twentieth time, the final transaction took place. The keys were hurriedly handed over to the new owners without sentiment. They both looked at the house and road as they boarded the overloaded car, submerged in their own thoughts. We checked everything, didnt we? Matthew said thinking they might have left something behind. About a hundred times Ellen assured him, becoming weary of his panic. When they reached the motorway Matthew could feel the front wheels were hardly on the ground with the weight that was in the back. We should have put a couple of concrete blocks in the front to balance the weight he said Oh stop fretting Ellen said, Itll be all right. It wasnt long before they passed the familiar exit that accessed both Slough and Windsor. In looking at the Windsor sign Matthew thought Bridget would be making tea about now for her and Margaret probably. In looking at the Slough sign he had a dark thought that only he alone would know. The drive to Wales seemed to take forever despite several stops. They were early for the night boat at Fishguard and it seemed an eternity before it sailed. They looked out the window as it pulled out. Goodbye Blighty Matthew said as the harbour lights faded out of view. I wouldnt get it for murder he thought to himself, about being confined to exile there for thirty-three years. They were tired but it was cold and they couldnt sleep. There were few people on the boat that time of year it was almost eerie. Matthew looked at the date on his watch fancy that he said, its the thirty-first of October. It was on the thirty-first of the month that we originally set off for England, he explained. That means itll be the first day of November when we land in the morning, he said. Also the first day of the rest of our lives he declared. He looked down at Ellen who enviously had nodded off momentarily with her head on his chest. What they didnt know was that a couple of days earlier her brother Eddie had suffered a stroke and was in hospital. Nuala hadnt contacted them, thinking they had more than enough on their plate. It was surprisingly dry but overcast when they disembarked that morning. Ellen was starting to drift off again as they drove from the boat with the welcome car heating on. When they entered the Suir Valley on the final few miles of their journey Matthew stopped the car and turned off the engine. What are we stopping for? Ellen asked, almost in a daze from lack of sleep. Were home angel Matthew said leaning over to kiss her. Lifting her heavy eyelids and about to respond she said Mm yes darling. END

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