healthy relationships

Attachment in Childhood
By Lori Hirst, LCPC, Agape Counseling, Ltd.

No Strings Attached:

snt it amazing how attachment happens between an infant and parent and then continues to impact a person throughout childhood and adulthood? Attachment can be defined as the bonding relationship between a caregiver and child developed by interactions between caregiver and child, such as consistently providing for the infants basic needs, eye contact, skin-to-skin contact, reciprocal communication (talking, narrating what you are doing in daily tasks, singing, repetition, etc.), playful interactions, and attunement. Attunement can be described as the ability to read each others cues and respond effectively to these needs, whether they are emotional or physical. Mirroring an infant or childs emotions in your own expression and tone of voice can help to build the childs self-awareness in relation to others and the ability to regulate his or her own emotions (Booth & Jernberg, 2010). This initial attachment relationship affects the childs ability to develop healthy relationships in the future, a healthy conscience, and the ability to trust others in relationships. Trauma interferes with building healthy attachment. Also, a parents mental health issues may affect his or her ability to reciprocate emotions and respond consistently to the

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childs needs. Often a removal from the birth parents or having multiple placements and caregivers contributes to unhealthy attachment. People respond to others in different ways when they have healthy or unhealthy attachment. Individuals who have healthy attachments with their primary caregivers will be able to develop healthy relationships with others in that they will have the ability to build trust in relationships, have positive attachments with others, value relationships, and have less difficulty entering and leaving relationships as they change throughout life stages. Those with unhealthy, insecure attachment may: Have negative attachments (clingy or controlling) Have few positive relationships Expect negative and rejecting relationships  Push others away because they are afraid of the risks of being vulnerable or of being rejected or abandoned again F  ind it difficult to trust others because as helpless infants, they could not trust their caregiver, on whom they were dependent, to consistently provide for their basic needs Think adults are not able to handle things and respond unpredictably Feel overly responsible for the well-being of others Avoid relationships Avoid conflict with others A  ttach too quickly to strangers or acquaintances due to not being able to distinguish appropriate social boundaries. (Blaustein & Kinniburgh, 2010) Are you a parent who cannot seem to connect with your child? Are attachment issues affecting your family dynamics? Are you an adoptive parent whose child seems to be pushing you away the more you attempt to show your care and concern for him or her? Professional family and individual counseling can help. There are several approaches that are found to be effective in fostering and repairing a healthy attachment relationship between family members, such as Theraplay and family therapy. According to Blaustein and Kinniburgh (2010), attachment can be strengthened by working on these areas: the caregiver managing their own emotions, attuning to the child, consistently responding to the childs needs, and building routines and rituals. It is never too late to repair or strengthen the attachment relationship between parent and child. Lori Hirst, LCPC, NCC, Therapist at Agape Counseling, Ltd. in Peoria. Lori specializes in working with children, adolescents, and families who have relational and attachment issues. She is trained in Theraplay at Level 1. For more information, contact Agape Counseling, Ltd. at 309-692-4433 or agapecounselors.net. Agape Counseling, Ltd. has offices in Peoria, Morton, and Bloomington, IL.
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Page 50 Healthy Cells Magazine Peoria August 2013

Blaustein, M. E., & Kinniburgh, K. M. (2010). Treating Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents: How to Foster Resilience through Attachment, Self-Regulation, and Competency. New York, NY: The Guilford Press. Booth, P. B., & Jernberg, A. M. (2010). Theraplay: Helping Parents and Children Build Better Relationships Through Attachment-Based Play. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.