1 GALLEY SLAVES: COOKING & BONDAGE IN ONE TIGHT PACKAGE SETTING: Studio set for a TV cooking show; cooktops

and prep areas downstage, ovens and monitor screens behind; very sleek, very Euro; the dcor is dominated by food arranged as sexual/fetish imagery. The monitors are used for closeups and/or prepared graphics, as in a real TV show; whether there is a camera crew onstage as part of the show is at the discretion of the producer. AT RISE: The show hosts -- CLIVE, a leather Bear; YVONDA, a dominatrix; and JO, a femme lesbian switch chat among themselves before the show; the contestants MARY MARTHA and LIZ wait nearby with the show's two PA's, a PONYBOY and PONYGIRL.

CLIVE ... so we were hoping he could come home today, but his GI wasn't behaving properly, and by the time it settled down, it was late enough we decided he should just go ahead and stay one more night. Places, please, places. VOICE OF GOD MIC Places for the top of the show.

(Everyone moves into position.) Oh, you poor dear. my best. Ours, too. YVONDA You must be exhausted. Please give him

JO If there's anything we can do... VOICE OF GOD MIC

We are live in three... Thank you. Two... CLIVE You're both dolls. VOICE OF GOD MIC

2 (The lights shift; music up; Applause sign lights up; pan of the audience on the monitors; etc.; spot on YVONDA, cracking her whip.) YVONDA Helloooooo, Late Night America! (crack!) Welcome to Galley Slaves, where the soft underbelly of your darkest desires is chopped, filleted, braised, shredded, and served back to you with a splash of raunch and a liberal sprinkling of the lash! (Cracks the whip again; spot up on CLIVE.) CLIVE Where the food sizzles and the bondage is tight! (Whipcrack; spot up on JO.) JO Where your pain and our pleasure come out of the mixing bowl like whipped cream on a nipple clamp! Join us tonight for another red hot episode of / (The hosts have gathered center.) ALL Galley Slaves! America's number one Late-Night Bondage Cooking Show! Yaaaay! (Huge applause from the audience, the contestants, and the PA's; lights ballyhoo across the set; YVONDA cracks her whip for silence, which is near-instantaneous.) YVONDA Ooo. Good crowd. I'm impressed. You know what the whip means. Maybe I should pick out a couple of the really naughty ones and take them home to be punished. (The audience goes wild, replete with cries of Take me!, Me!, and Tie me up!; CLIVE laughs.) CLIVE There's always a few in every crowd, right, Yvonda? boys: if you have to ask for it, you're not worthy. Sorry,

3 (Laughter; more applause.) So, Jo: who are our contestants tonight? Let's hear from them while they can still talk. (MARY MARTHA and LIZ stand with JO in a spot, flanked by the PA's; as they are introduced, they appear in close-up on the monitors, intercut with images of their families in the audience.) JO Clive, tonight we have Mary Martha Snider from Des Moines, Iowa... (Holds for applause and whistles.) ... and her rival, Liz Dickie... (Pandemonium, including huge guffaws from CLIVE and YVONDA; LIZ is maybe a little embarrassed, but actually enjoys the attention; YVONDA's whipcrack quiets the house.) ... that's right, folks, Dickie, from Sparks, Arizona. Ladies, welcome to Galley Slaves! Good luck, and tight ropes! (As the applause swells again, the PA's help LIZ and MARY MARTHA strip down to their underwear and put on ruffly aprons of clear vinyl.) CLIVE Tonight, folks, Mary Martha is going to tempt us with her own secret recipe: Peppered Kielbasa on a Flaming Bun! (An image of the dish appears on the monitor to oohs and aahs; MARY MARTHA giggles and waves.) Man! Doesn't that look like something you'd want to stick in your body, Yvonda? YVONDA Not really, Clive, but I can think of a couple of places in your body it'd fit just fine, even without lube. (More laughter and applause.) Not to be outdone or on this show, undone our dear Ms. Dickie from Sparks will be heating up the studio with her original Split Mango Tacos, oozing with a Tart Cherry Crema. (Monitor images of the dish and LIZ smiling and waving furiously.)

4 CLIVE I could be in the mood for a yummer

My mouth is watering! hummer.

JO I'm pretty wet myself, Clive, just like I bet a lot of our studio audience and those of you playing with yourselves at home are, too. (LIZ and MARY MARTHA cross to their respective cooking stations, each accompanied by a PA.) I'm sure of it, Jo. Welcome, ladies. I am! LIZ You betcha! CLIVE Wonderful! So glad to hear it. Now, for those of you watching for the first time, this is the part of the show where we offer our contestants the chance to double their winnings, simply by making themselves work a little bit harder for the prize. (The monitors show a graphic of a variety of bondage devices: gags, handcuffs, blindfolds, etc.; as they're selected, a large X crosses them off the list.) JO That's right, Clive; for each restraint these ladies add to their cooking outfits, we'll add an extra cash bonus to their winnings, up to twice the original amount! (Another round of applause, led by MARY MARTHA and LIZ.) YVONDA Mary Martha, do you want to double your money? (She hesitates, looking at her YVONDA All right! Let's get cooking!

CLIVE Are you excited? MARY MARTHA

5 family in the audience for support.) All right. MARY MARTHA I'm gonna go for it. (Big applause.) I thought you might. YVONDA What do you choose?

MARY MARTHA I'll take... the ball gag and... the handcuffs-in-front! (Wild applause; she giggles, then lets her PA put the restraints on her.) CLIVE Good golly, Miss Mary! Starting off with two, just like a pro. I'd almost think you're used to cooking like this. (Laughter.) So, Liz; are you going to top or maybe bottom Mary Martha? (LIZ, too, looks to her family for advice.) LIZ I'm going to top her, Clive. (Big applause; whistles.) Atta girl! CLIVE What are you picking?

LIZ I'll take the ankle cuffs, the blinders, and the panel gag. (The audience goes crazy; LIZ's PA adds the bondage items; MARY MARTHA offers her two thumbs up.) YVONDA Whoa! Are you sure you're not a pro, Liz? That's a spectacular way to ramp up the game from the top. (conspiratorially) Make sure you don't leave without getting one of my cards. Nod yes. (Liz nods yes; hops in place in excitement.)

6 JO Now, don't forget, ladies, you can always add to your bondage as we go along, and take home even more money. YVONDA From the look of things, folks, it's going to be a truly exciting evening. CLIVE And we're just getting warmed up! There you have it, folks; our contestants are ready to turn food into sex toys and sex toys into food, and we'll see how they do right after this break. Stay tuned; we'll be right back! (Applause and music up; the hosts cross in and chat with the contestants, as much as they can, of course; lights fade) END