LEGAL WRITING STUDY NOTES 9 Brevity

Let your words be few. Ecclesiates 5:2

1.

Verbosity.

The problem with lawyers is that they have the great tendency to become verbose. Lawyers have a way with words, since communication is their business. And lawyers take a lot of liberty in expressing themselves, either orally or in writing. This tendency results in more words than necessary in expressing thoughts or in writing documents. Lawyers are known to be gluttons with words. Their documents suffer from verborrhea or an excessive flow of words. As observed by the Supreme Court in one case, [t]he trouble with some pleadings is that they are tiresomely verbose and unnecessarily prolix, as if they were intended more to impress the client than to convince this Court.1 2. Less is more.

Brevity means being less: being less in the number of words and sentences, being less in the number of letters or syllables for words to be used, being less in the number of words for sentences, being less in the number of sentences for paragraphs. The purpose of legal writing is to communicate and to persuade. If this could be achieved with a shorter legal document, after pruning, then the better the legal document would be. When we travel to a place, we always look for the shortest route. If ther es a shortcut, we take it. Thats the same with writing. The reader wants to go to the heart of your message in the shortest and easiest and clearest way possible. If your legal document is long, the court will be tempted to skim through your document, and the court may miss the important points that you have brought out. If its short, then the court may more likely read through it and catch your main points. Suppose the judge, with all the pleadings and papers he has to read in a day, can spare only 15 to 30 minutes to go over your pleading. If your pleading will take 2 hours to read in full, the judge may not be willing to give you his time. If your pleading is short enough to be read in 30 minutes, thats good for you and for your client. Studies show that people tend not to start reading what they cannot readily finish. 2 The worst pleading is the one thats not read by the court. 3. Avoid needless words.

Viray v. Court of Appeals, 9 November 1990 Scalia and Garner, Making Your Case, The Art of Persuading Judges (2008), at 25, citing Susan Bell, Improving Our Writing by Understanding How People Read Personally Addressed Household Mail, 57 Clarity 40 (2007)
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Lawyers need to put to heart this classic advice from Strunk and White: Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short, or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. 3 The secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning thats already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken a sentence. 4 Eliminate every element thats not doing useful work. 5 So trim off the fat from your legal document. 4. Avoid throat-clearing words or needless preambles.
EXAMPLES

It is important to note that. It is worthy recalling in this regard that. It should be remembered in this connection that. Special consideration should be given to. Noteworthy in this regard is the rule that. We call them space-fillers or padding. They add bulk or weight to the sentence but not meaning. 5. Remove useless words.
EXAMPLES

Hereby. In terms of. Whatsoever. For all intents and purposes.

6.

Rewrite sentences to avoid expletives.

Expletives are wasted words that are grammatically correct but are indirect, weak, or passive.
EXAMPLES There

is, there was, there are, there were.

There are arguments of the plaintiff that do not follow the tenets of reason or demands of equity.
ORIGINAL BETTER

Some of plaintiffs arguments do not follow the tenets of reason or the demands of equity. 7. Avoid deadwood words and expression. They aim to explain or clarify but really do not add anything not already found in the sentence.

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Strunk Jr. and E.B. White, The Elements of Style, 4th Ed., 23 William Zinsser, On Writing Well, 2001 Ed., 7-8 Id., 11

EXAMPLES [To get right to the point,] the petition lacks basis. At the end of the street was an abandoned house [that was not occupied]. Stand [up]. The house was small [in size] but cozy [to live in].

8.

Avoid verbose expressions reducible to kernel expressions.

WORDY

The defendant, in an advanced state of intoxication, exited his motor vehicle and verbally assaulted the police officer with profanity.
SIMPLIFIED

The defendant, very drunk, got out of his car and swore at the police

officer. 9. Avoid nominalization. Dont make nouns do the work of verbs. Make payment [pay]. Make provision for [provide for]. Make an allowance for [allow]. Reached an agreement [agreed]. Provide protection [protect]. Caused an interruption [interrupted]. Constitutes a violation of [violates]. Make an application [apply].
EXAMPLES

10.

Root out compound propositions.

ORIGINAL In order to comply with the needs SHORTENED To comply with the needs of ORIGINAL For the purpose SHORTENED To determine

of

of determining

ORIGINAL With regard to the legal provision SHORTENED About the legal provision

11.

Minimize propositions. A knowledge of correct procedure is the duty of all the members of the Bar of our country.
ORIGINAL BETTER

All lawyers are bound to know correct procedure.

12.

Prefer the short word to the long.

Communication is most complete when it proceeds from the smallest number of words and indeed of syllables. 6 Accordingly [so]. Likewise [also]. Consequently [so]. Utilize [use]. Presently [now]. Terminate [end]. Commence [start]. Necessitate [need]. Demonstrate [show]. Inquire [ask].
EXAMPLES

Jacrzun, Simple and Direct 196 (1975); Garner, The Winning Brief, 2 Ed., 238

13.

Avoid doublets and triplets. Keep and maintain. Save and except. Basic and fundamental. Bind and obligate. Similar and like. Type and kind. Form and shape. Each and every. Protect and safeguard.
DOUBLETS

Cancel, annul, and set aside. Form, manner, and method. Hold, possess, and enjoy. Ordered, adjudged, and decreed. Possession, custody, and control. Remise, release, and discharge. Way, shape, and form.
TRIPLETS

Nonetheless, some doublets and triplets have been generally accepted. Aid and abet. Aid and comfort. Cease and desist. Damage and prejudice. Give, devise, and bequeath. Name, appoint, and constitute. Willfully, maliciously, and feloniously.
EXAMPLES

14.

Avoid redundancy. Fatal death [death]. Extremely unique [unique]. Future plan [plan]. Joint collaboration [collaboration]. Sudden impulse [impulse]. Mingle together [mingle]. Advance planning [planning]. Final outcome [outcome]. Past experience [experience]. Repeat again [repeat].
EXAMPLES

15.

Avoid parenthetical numerals.

Parenthetical numerals are numbers written in words and figures. In the old times, when scribes still used quills to copy documents, numbers were written in words and figures to prevent fraud or to make it difficult to alter figures. Just write either the word or the numeral. When the numbers are not important, or theres no danger of confusion, you can spell out numbers from 1 through 10, and use numerals above 10. 7 Thirty-one (31) students, comprised of sixteen (16) females and fifteen (males), attended a seminar on Legal Writing that lasted four (4) days.
ORIGINAL

Thirty-one students (16 females and 15 males), attended a 4-day seminar on Legal Writing.
IMPROVED

The three (3) plane crew members Jose, Susan, and James -- each carried one (1) suitcase found to hide various amounts of shabu: In the case of Jose, ten (10) grams; Susan, five (5) grams; and James, three (3) grams.
ORIGINAL

The three plane crew members each carried a suitcase that hid various amounts of shabu: Jose, 10 grams; Susan, 5 grams; and James, 3 grams.
IMPROVED

Here are a few more suggestions about writing numbers: a. Spell out approximations. EX The brief submitted was about a hundred pages long.

William A. Sabin, The Gregg Reference Manual 111 (9th Ed. 2001); Garner, The Winning Brief, 2d Ed., 324
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b. For millions and billions, use a combination of numerals plus words for round figures (EX P350 million) and numerals for other numbers (EX P25,379, 894.65). c. For percentages, use numerals plus the percent sign (EX 75%). d. Spell out numbers that begin sentences (EX Fifteen police officers were dismissed for drug use). e. Dispense with adding .00 after a round number unless theres a need for mathematical exactness. 8 16. Put words or phrases positively. Did not remember [forgot]. Did not pay attention to [ignored]. Did not trust [distrusted].
EXAMPLES

17.

Prefer short sentences.

Easy reading is the goal. Keep the sentences generally short and crisp. The mind easily digests sentences offered in small bites. Put more periods instead of commas. Studies on readability show that the reader easily and smoothly grasps the meaning of a sentence that consists of not more than 20 words. Heres a caution, though. Dont bore the reader by a train of short sentences. Vary the length of the sentences to make them interesting. Break the pace. Shift gears. Sentence variety is the spice of good legal writing. 18. Prefer short paragraphs too.

Keep your paragraphs short. Writing is visual it catches the eye before it has the chance to catch the brain. Short paragraphs put air around what you write and make it look inviting, whereas a long chunk of type can discourage a reader from even starting to read. 9 But a succession of tiny paragraphs is as annoying as a paragraph thats too long. 10 Vary the length of paragraphs but as a rule keep them short. String related pieces of information in one paragraph. If you have a new set of information, put it in a new paragraph. Again, the key factor to consider is the readability and understandability of the paragraphs. Consider the following ways to develop paragraphs: a. conclusion. b. c. Begin with a topic sentence, then follow it with details, and maybe a

In a statement of facts, narrate chronologically. For arguments, do a cause and effect, or analogy and contrast presentation.

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Ref: Garner, The Winning Brief, op cit., 324-5 William Zinsser, On Writing Well, 2001 ed., 80 Id.

d. e.

Use the definition or classification method. Write down your ideas in a progression of paragraphs.

f. Connect paragraphs with transitional words Ex: And, But, Besides, Nevertheless, Therefore. g. 19. Vary the sentence patterns in paragraphs.

Put related information in a sequence or list style.

If you have a list of arguments, reasons or information to present, a good suggestion to assist the reader to follow and understand you is to put them in a sequence, through numbers, letters or other enumeration tools. The Courts action violates petitioners right to due process, for the following reasons: First, _______. Second, ________, Third, _________
ILLUSTRATION OR 1. OR

______. 2. _________. 3._________.

First of all, _____. Additionally, _______________. Moreover, _________. Finally, ________.

This sequencing style signals to the reader that the sentences or paragraphs that follow are related and should be considered together. Avoid unnumbered bullet points, like: ______ ______ ______ It is hard for the other party or the decision-maker to make reference to bullet-pointed information. Further Reading 1. 2. 3. Martha Faulk, The Best Sentence Julie A. Oseid, The Power of Brevity: Adopt Abraham Lincolns Habits Clumsy Language and Replacements