Simeon Simms M: 07951709794 E: simsimwriter20@hotmail.co.

uk

HARD
By Simeon Simms

Contents

PROLOGUE: Under the Cemetery

JANUARY: Welcome Mistakes Made Tell Me Its OK Im Dreaming So Im Kissing You Conspicuous

FEBRUARY: Lifes Shopping List Mr Superman I Feel for You

MARCH: Hold the Thought F is for Destroy My World, Oh Crumble Walking Home Amen Ghost House

APRIL: Rivers That Fall G-A-Y

Nervous

MAY: Where We Were

JUNE: Cinnamon & Cast Part 1 Cinnamon & Cast Part 2 I Miss Us Woman in the Dead End

JULY: Storm the Castle Who Has the Power? Every Day

AUGUST: Platinums Prophecy Fungus Clouds Unbend Superman from Strawberry (The Last)

SEPTEMBER: Strawberry High Personal Lunch (The Circus) Forged Into the Mind

OCTOBER: Hard

NOVEMBER: See Me Conversation Duke I and II Roof Tops The All Seeing Eye

DECEMBER: Murder Case One Run Where Darkness Cries New Year

EPILOGUE: I Wanted to Exist

PROLOGUE

Under the Cemetery

Were sat by Danielle Dukes tombstone without scarlet flowers Our bums get numb. Frost surrounds our circle of attention hours Under the moon mine and Beatrices games go bump And when done I lie on her chest, I hear the thump We eat fags to keep the tension going like military Under the cemetery

Danielle we knew her well. One month ago we had sent her to hell And hand in hand we went to her execution to say fair well To no place of robbery did I go; I did not love her so Alcohol and plants should contain all that I will ever know Cut myself open and left for a crow. Im in the military Under the cemetery

She sleeps with a thousand maggots that shall have her As we bless her grave with fags I stand with arms tied and shaking She stands five feet, eight inches. Run my fingers through her hair; Dry, short, dark, and floppy. Spring away from a listening dopy I wanted to stare into her deep blue eyes some more on this date But we better go she said its getting late

I insist that we play another game to melt the snow away I nudge and tickle her in silence until she gives into me red We run as fast as our legs can take us whilst dodging the dead

The foggy countdown smiles and I can no longer see the cemetery; Where our undying love is unappreciated like poetry. Its a date But we better go she said its getting late

My heart races pass the graves with Beatrice not too far behind She jumps at my back and I turn to surrender to her kind I gasp for what dreadful thing has me in its clasps Beatrice is wearing a mask identical to a black crow Minds humming from the plant that knows what I know I do love her so

With a single romantic peck on the lips her grip grows tighter As if her muscles had built themselves, I shiver to the wind a fighter My heart starts to pant: Im in tune to it like my elegant smile I say her name, she lets me go in an instant taking my breath away She has my heart with her along with all my other insides, I know I do love her so

I hit my skull on a concrete coffin after a touch down Scared of the impact that sounded like my brains had fallen out The fog begins to clear and although my vision is rather blurry I can see her rather clearly, in a mask, standing in my funeral She strips down like she normally does at parties, I palpitate You look like me, I said No wait, you are me.

The shovel goes to work as ice cool dirt and earthworms give company Each clump scares me more and more like a killer knocking the door Im shouting for help, Im shouting stop, but Im wasting my breath The dirt pins me down to the coffin as I watch myself kill myself And life flashes back to a year: the beginning, I hear myself kill myself Under the cemetery

The sun is on its way to the world at any moment, however I will not be able to see it. The air underground grows thin

In dirt valley the maggots squirm to get under my skin Lying under the cemetery for love is not dead but death is loved If I were to be saved Im sure Ill put me back in the ground again Under the cemetery

I am the victim of a soul crushing life I am the victim of an unsettled wealth I am the victim of a love unshown I am the victim of no one but myself

JANUARY

Welcome
Welcome back to The Circus Where I try to be myself Am I ever not myself? If you tell me to be myself And I start acting Performing to the stage of dreams Dont shout at me or call down to my lies I am myself only acting Shot out from a cannon Painted blue to a canyon They tell me things I try to hide Strangers And I have to deny When they open me up with eyes In performances under their spotlight Animals and freaks to the water station Break a leg They wish badly on me Im trying to be myself but Im a clown Brought forth to The Circus Used for other peoples use Welcomed to a finger pointing throng Strangers They tell me I dont belong But I am not new to lifes trapeze

People link me to The Society Queers marvel to make believe And all this time I thought I was above them But once underneath their spotlight Im just a clown And Im beneath them all

Mistakes Made
Ruffled sheets which stain the mind dont sleep Broken chains too soon within this week Feel drained, feel tired, feel not to eat? Yet take a pen and write emotions that wont speak Do I love you? Do I like you? I doubt it Whenever your name comes up I chat shit Pour my heart in a box Ill watch you flutter Tell me you love me and listen to the stutter. Ruffled sheets as pure as white dont creep In decadent bushes where I peek Smell brave, smell ready, smell you in heat? Yet take a time out and talk to walls that wont speak We play fight causing laughter behind closed doors Leaving behind two conservative whores I could be defective, I could be confused Sit alone in defiled home and soak in the blues. Ruffled sheets that bear a kiss dont weep Prepared to hold down the things that reek Taste germs, taste perfect, taste just like wheat? Yet cry out pollution for this pale sin that wont speak People walk pass pretending its just the rain But we know its more than that coz Im in pain Dont cry for him they say, he brought it upon himself Im just one in a million and we all need help.

Tell Me its OK
Bathroom lit by candle light The smell of orchids and sweet coconuts lingered with the steam He relaxed and thought about his life And there wasnt a day that went by he hadnt thought about perfection

Helpless and exposed He took down to the depths of his ocean to soak up heat Water droplets ran off his skin like silk His cry was urgent Yet he cried out ever so humbly And it wasnt long until he wasnt alone In shallow, he heard a shout Instinctively he sat up causing a disturbance He wished to pay attention to it but could not As he was in awe of the presence he felt Are you really here?

His mind corrupted with pain A young man with such a bright smile Dark hair and soft skin But if people were to look close enough Theyd see he could do with a good nights sleep He had a lot yet there was something he had that repelled them Fall on knees to love But with always a shortage of friends Liable candidates are reassigned for promotion Made eyes sparkle like a candle in darkness And they leave Though this month a potential got to know him And though found sweet without love the result will be the same

He spoke of himself as a microscopic fish in the waters of love To be seen whilst unseen To not get hurt or hurt others with guards standing down To fall down in prayer while love awaits below with open arms There was a mirror to the wall But condensation shielded him from seeing his true form Did I startle you?

In knowledge to the answer Never known to love Curious cats cry The presence stood and the boat rocked

My child You lost your way Through thoughts of your situation there is a draught Drifting a hundred miles an hour However I am glad you have not forgotten me

Everything out of sync He laid back and listened calmly

My child Ask me all the wrong questions Eighteen years of what you call undeserved torture Unnatural Yes? No? Know that I made no mistake with you You might be Gay You might want something The Cult says I shall never abide But I am love Everyone wants to be loved

So in the end If your intensions are pure And it is love True love Then what does it matter?

The taps talked with drips and drops in the heat As the young mans eyes stayed off the presence It wasnt long until it was gone The dripping plunged into his ocean Making heartbeats and ripples he knew didnt belong to him He held his nose after taking a deep breath Knees bent He slid deep below the surface He stayed there Baptised in a choice

Im Dreaming So Im Kissing You

Youre dancing chasing shapes I yawn and walk to you Your escapades Washing over tidal waves Is there something youd like to say? Is there something I can do for you?

You lose your smile Your brothers here for a while Fast asleep Monday

Watching you watching me Trying hard to march on beats Eagles swoop down to catch their child Out of love

In reality I like you And in my dreams I look for you

Burton

Come to me Please dont shout at me I am following your feet Out the door Carrying your brother to his bed Tuck him in oh sleepy head In the dark I can see your trying To change clothes

Yellow spark of one idea How did we even get back here? This is a dream This is a dream

So I push you up against your wall A wet peppermint kiss so cool Oh so brave in Istanbul I gain a heart

In reality I like you But in my dreams I can make you like me too

Be the one

Conspicuous
I was sat in front of the tele with my legs crossed eating a snack on the living room carpet Dont sit too close. Mum tells me. Youll get bad eyes. And I already need glassed because I sat too close to the television as a child. Its the 20th January, and Im watching liberation for the individuals As the first president of colour enters the White House, or is it the Black House? Im watching full blown rallies of people cheering as trumpets call down the heavens For this day we made in history and we can tell our children we were there How warmly touching it is seeing people come together in my living room But poppies dont pop up out of the pavement in city streets, And you cant stroke a tiger unless its on drugs. But I didnt vote Is this their idea of ideological propaganda? What is the world up to?

FEBRUARY

Lifes Shopping List

BAKED BEANS BAKED BEANS TOILET PAPER SEVEN MILLION COOKED HAM SAUSAGE COOKIE CRISPS A BLACKBERRY A PRIVITE JET SMOKED BACON VINEGAR WHT MED BREAD WHT MED BREAD MILK CHOC DIG RICH TEA LEMONS DRINKING CHOC COLGATE GOLD RINGS TOMATOES MIXED PEPPERS BMW PITTA A MANSION A HOTEL

COLESLAW CHICKEN A PLAYSTATION 3 Refuse to think about it

10:32 am On table five she greeted him with a smile and a jug of water. Hi. He said. She smiled more if possible and asked What you working on? Just a little something: a play. She filled his glass right to the top. I enjoy writing. She said. If I were A Somebody I would publish my diary. You are A Somebody He laughed. You know what I mean. She replied. Her tight black curls shined in the sun like her and his green CK hat shielded him from the breeze. On table twelve were four people talking, wearing shiny shoes and simple hair. So what do you think? asked Ali. Im not sure. I really think he should decide, once hes done in the restroom. I love the idea. Lynn cut in. Its bold and fresh. Exactly what the company needs. But financially Emrick cut back. We would be taking a huge risk. I dont think that this idea is what the company needs. Sorry but bottom line is; we need to be making money not losing money.

On table seven little fifteen years old Helena Bailey was waiting for her mum Mrs Bailey to show up. She turned up two minutes late and was starting to wonder what the hell was keeping her mother. Surely she cant still be shopping for dinner tonight. She should let dad do it, everyone knows she cant cook. They had planned to meet outside Elwoods at 10:30 earlier that day when they were shopping down Knightsbridge for Helenas boyfriends birthday gift. She took out his gift and held it up Hes going to die when he sees this. He shook her hand. Im Giovanni. Grace. She said as her heart randomly started to jump. He wanted to tell her that she had a beautiful smile but Grace! Wait tables, not chat up customers! After her boss caught her sitting down, she bounced up and apologized to Giovanni the script writer. What are your plans later? He asked but she didnt reply. With her focus away from him she inhaled the world and Giovanni was the only one that witnessed her with a gruesome look on her face. He went to look at what she was looking at but, before

his Brazilian eyes could get there everything went dark.

10:39 am Inside and outside of Elwoods people screamed in pain. But Giovanni, Grace, Lynn, Jay, Emrick, Ali, and the terrorist attacker were dead. Thats seven lives, gone, in less than a second. Their world went dark and it was over. Helena, she didnt die but was put in a coma. Lucky; can you call it that? She was severely burnt and her palm was almost taken off when doctors ripped her boyfriends Gucci watch from her hand. Refuse to think about it The Afterlife They were on Earth working so hard They wanted

A MANSION A SPORTS CAR A PERFECT CAREER MONEY DESIGNER CLOTHES THE LASTEST TECH MORE MONEY

But in less than a second It went Theyre dead And theres nothing left No house No money Not even their bodies So what were they working so hard for?

Mr Superman
He breathes melodramatically as he takes a look at the world He swoops down to our level in order to seek justice He sees not only with x-ray vision but also with his heart He chooses the path of justice that of which we cover in blood

It gets more complex than good vs. evil But hes so good Aware of what goes bump at night And strong enough to fight back

Today I lied I said that life is terribly simple Good guys are always thoughtful and true Bad guys are always ugly and violent And in the nick of time he comes along and saves the day Here on planet Earth, good always triumphs over evil And we respect him, we appreciate him, we thank him

With a body made from steal he still falls weak to compassion Yes he brings hope to the people of The System Because without hope, we might as well be dead Call him Burton, call him Superman He sees good in me He has hope that I may change and hopes that I dont change him first However its the innocent that get hurt in the good fight Because he lets love and mercy get in the way of justice

Call 999 in an all new English Superhero And hes just a hero trying to save everyone, including me But what about him Life is not a comic book

Burton can hurt, he can fall, he can even bleed Especially by a super villain, like me

I Feel for You

Feelings Im feeling Wonderful and home I unravel the foil Getting excited Take the first bite I trip Explicit laughs I trip Wasnt being a Casanova Its a trick Picturing you in my eyes Eating the chocolate cake you gave me How funny would it be if it were drugged?

Half way through the bulge Dont know how to indulge I settle for being alone I settle for being grown Has someone turned on the heat? Or is it just me? Undo a button Wearing my rapid heartbeat Wishing you were here To help me feel solid I dont need a drink to wash it down I just need you to be around more This cake along with this relationship It makes it hard I try to come out but walls shoot up Sometimes they come down like now

What is in this chocolate cake?

Moving faster to the cake in me With a full hand the action is self-explanatory I sit here pleasurably Committing to the earliest memory Of the earliest fascination Getting a naked idea That fills me with happiness

Take the last piece Feeling the wave I continue to misbehave Lost in the moment Of this chocolate cake Ive made such a mess For this part of me I felt And now that its over I grab a tissue Put back on my belt

MARCH

Hold the Thought

Sipping down songs Were two wild souls Camouflaged by night On the stone cold floor We do magic Bugs bump and grind Exchange what we want Soak in this rare find

Hold the thought

A silent broadcast In The Circus Lonely Bluebell Stream Dancing in mucus

Hold the thought

Virgins in a bomb We park our lives A smoke of cold air Buzzing bee hives

Hold the thought

The skys rolling back Time is flying pass No anaesthetic This feeling wont last And we shall never see A sadder site Lets make tonight count Come hold me tight

Come kiss my night And hold my thoughts

F is for
F is for Feel it Mums loud voice that vibrates from wall to wall Like the bass that shakes the house from dusk till dawn You can hear it two doors down You can smell her indescribable cooking from a mile away Obstructing the smell of weed F is for Fishing I wish I never sold my heart on the black market If I hadnt I wouldve been able to tell my little sisters that everything will be alright But my mind jumps into the south of the river In the duty Thames water And I still dont know how to swim I let the fish feed on my flesh as the current pulls me under Just to escape home F is for Fold The electric runs out We dont have a home number Im claiming benefits Going over the edge, I am Going insane Playing games with a shit hand of cards Its the same routine every day Family issues that we keep to ourselves So when we leave the house we make sure were whistle a different tune F is for Fuck it Were always more than late And its more than I can take

And its cramped within our home But soon I will escape for good And miss the food I should Forget my family Forget my family I want to be free

Destroy My World, Oh Crumble

I hate this world Every time I change my mind the sun is eclipsed I push you away Only by using my fingertips If I told you what my heart said Would you dismiss me again? Then miss me again? We top and tail in your bed While the buildings in my world crumble Youre unclear like outlines of destruction Where my decisions lie When were apart I cant hear my heart When youre here I pray for a fresh start Your eyes listen and I Crumble I am loved yet I only want you In your eyes and in your bed I never sleep to switch off this head Youre the only one that can make me cry The only one that said goodbye And every time you say goodbye After I say I like you My world crumbles into a shattered state of mind You Youre in permanent denial Because I know you like me too Oh Crumble I crumble in a world without you Awake in your bed Crumble

Sneak out the door Crumble I crumble

Walking Home Amen

Dear God, I walk alone And never have I ever Been stabbed, mugged or shot It once were nights dangerous to man Now it doesnt even matter the time of day Walking somewhere can easily get one killed And the only reason Im alive is because of you Theres only us Even when I am alone Youre always around me Even when I am in isolation Youre the friend everyone needs Youre the father everyone needs to run to Youre the mother everyone needs a hug from Youre the brother everyone needs to depend on I dont know All you have done Its been so much for me I could never remember it all But I know that you saved me You save me and will save me Feeling unconditionally loved when alone Too bad I forget because Im busy or moody, sorry Im sorry Im not what a son should be But maybe and hopefully soon I will be I hope that I will grow into a butterfly of your word

No more hurt, walking in shame by roadsides unheard You are my lover. You are my saviour. You are my friend Dear God, I am but a man shredded in bad decisions due to fear Though I walk alone at night judged by skies, Ill always have you near

Amen

Ghost House
Me and my soon to be girlfriend, snuggled up in my cold effulgent bed. Asleep in each others arms. Home alone while my family visit the dead. Noise is white, blank sleight. Neon lights sinking lazily down for lack of warmth. I hear them calling. I refuse to die. I refuse to sleep. Wont close my eyes, just in case of what Ill see: whats on the other side. But hes a friendly one. Isnt he? Lets ask the jury. My soon to be girlfriend with her fingernails in my skin. Acrylic bleeding. He hasnt done me any harm even though he scared me. Gangrene? No. Gas? No. I know hes a he because I know who he is, and hes trapped in black and white static, shouting at me from behind the television screen. Im nineteen and as far back as I can remember I was always able to feel their presence, although they were never seen. Never seen one before until now, and its only because I LIVE IN A GHOST HOUSE.

APRIL

Rivers That Fall

I never cry Humans captive in The System sicken me Their bodies bow down to their hearts Releasing useless buckets of sodium chloride They cause the floods and cry like lost zombies I hate crying

G-A-Y
Im at a gay club for the first time Accompanied by my soon to be wife We get in for free Spend 10 on four shots and dance the night away This is fun Im in my element After hours of two steps and booty shakes We crash out on a chair Leaning on each other for support This mixed race guy is coming out of the toilet and into the main room And hes looking at me And Im looking at him I cant look away Cant check if my soon to be wife can see us kissing with our eyes Walking by, he waves at me as we meet in slow motion I smile, sarcastically Why is he waving at me dough? But I wanted him to I wanted to wave back And he looks fine With a PH Inside out I wish I was out I wish I meet him properly

Nervous
Robots dont think, they say My mouth it runs like tap water Even more when I hibernate I malefunction Especially when I cry I shouldve woren a sign saying PLEASE KEEP DRY Im depressed Im depressing Being unlucky in love cant stop me stressing Im cautioned to stay mean With clearance to drink Drink, drink, drink, drink My features fail to blab a drunk Im words of confusion Its our only weakness Ill think that I love you If shown an once of kindness Look at me but not too hard We play with bandages Eating metal sandwiches Mental state critical... Mental state critical... Must feel Need to bleed I...I... I cant let it show The world is green And Im drilled to this toilet seat With eyes screwed open but tired I malefunction a scrapped canvass Breakdown nervous Too much feelings that I compressed

Are starting to spill out Robots dont think, they say My mouth it runs like tap water Even more when I hibernate

This is the best party ever

I need wiring Smoking... Smoking takes energy I plan to disengage myself

Robots are nasty Robots are useless Robots are disrespectful Robots can drop dead

Designed in this anatomy Strangers try and talk with me But I am the archetype And humans are beneath me

I drank too much poision And smoked too much green

I get crazy, I get lazy And my vision aged with hazy I am beautiful not ugly,ugly Do not mate for I am fugly Take my buzzer and program this Im your friend with two faces Maybe dangerously crazy Intoxicating liquids and... I get overheated and I... and I...

I need wiring Im locked away in the toilet Hearing his laughter like a catchy song Stabbing walls and talking electric Melting into scrap metal As friends try and blow down the door I cant fake their enjoyment Claustrophobic quarantine Self-destruct a time bomb Where did I get this knife from?

MAY

Where We Were
Where we were Looking at the horizon Looking for freedom to hold With the hot sand misshapened under our toes As endless as time Closed eyes

I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

We swam in the sea below 15 degrees And sat by open fires loving life Viewing the sunset Sunrise Stand in the heart of a song

In an unnatural time, politicians have been woken. Men cower in fear as crumbling cities remain in catastrophic events but people dont care, entertainment is of more importance.

Freedom is gone The connection of peace is overthrown by education World inflation Materialisation Things we left behind to enter a world where nature is empowered And we see God in everything

Our Heaven on Earth is robbed by The System That claims happiness to be more than a temporary emotion

Brace yourself in the industrial world of Earth where its very existence depends on the work of the Zombies; refugees brainwashed by The System. Leaders talk of freedom but plan to keep freedom from us slaves. If we fight back instead of tearing our neighbours down, our grandchildrens universe wont dangerously be at stake. We see our neighbours on the homeless mans streets of consumption We see our neighbours at work eating their own brains We see our neighbours in hells nightclubs to accommodate But we dont see whats really in our neighbours hearts Because The System contains Zombies in a marriage, with a bank In a 9 to 5 life with no peace or freedom When all we need is that piece of freedom they stole from us

JUNE

Cinnamon & Cast Part 1

We use our hands to tear our clothes We stand in the mirror to find ourselves We close our eyes to get away We dream of the future to create purpose We switch off our phones to be closed off We feel our hearts to find them wrecked We call the universe to ask for change Because our minds have claws that tears us up

CINNAMON & CAST PART 2

FADE IN: INT. CINNAMONS HOUSE - NIGHT

CINNAMON opens the front door for JUDE who enters.

CINNAMON Hey you made it and on time.

JUDE Is that you listening to grime?

CINNAMON No. Joey took over some time ago. But I prefer it to 80s music from Santo.

CINNAMON walks away and into the living room. JOEY enters.

JUDE Joey. What you saying? Looking to get laying?

JOEY Of course man. Come, lets get a drink first. Ive got so much to tell you, I think I might burst.

JUDE and JOEY walk off into the kitchen. BETTY and NICOLE are walking down the stairs towards AIMEE and ROSE.

BETTY Some girl was just sick in the toilet. I didnt see who it was but it smelled like my dead ferret.

AIMEE Are you sure it wasnt you?

BETTY What do you mean? Im right here telling you the story.

ROSE Sorry. I think I might go soon. Im not really feeling it. Do you want share a cab? Should I call one in a bit?

AIMEE Cool. Im going to get a drink though. We might as well before we go. Its free.

SFX: CRASH!

CINNAMON Who broke that? Was it you? Just put it down.

NAYLA Whats with the frown? (Chuckles) Come dance with me.

JIM stumbles into the living room from the garden.

JIM Hey. Whos in the mood for strip poker? Anyone Strip poker? Shots then, Ill settle for shots. And then strip poker.

JOEY Oh My Gosh, he is absolutely wasted. What a joker.

UNKNOWN Cinnamon, where can I smoke?

CINNAMON In the garden is fine. I may even join you if nothing else gets broke.

MICKY enters the living room.

CINNAMON Micky! Where have you been?

MICKY I came to tell you that someone has made a mess of your toilet. And its blocked.

CINNAMON Thats it I give up. Im going to irrupt.

CINNAMON walks out the living room and into the hallway. He opens the door and exits.

CINNAMON Servile; excessively willing to serve or please others. Like loving mothers. Noble men. A smart dog. Count to ten. But that makes me more angry. I cant even get to three. Its exhausting. Help me Cinnamon help me. Press jump to perform an act of blind kindness. Were strong like an army fighting the war. We are all that and nothing but cattle. Its all about the people. My blood calls me

to it. I have abandoned my post, my origin. Arived at this side of the world in the land of unpredictable cold. Where fluent languages are sold. It does not help to be bold. I believe there is a monster in my thinking. Thrown by peoples company. Centred to be alone. High upon a pedal stool. Fool! Its breaking. Fall, its a long way down. And I shall break my crown. Ill continue to frown. They try to be my friend but they cannot. Sometimes I blame them though its no fault but my own. They cannot set me free or love me for who I am and not what I appear to be; A leader of men. I help them. But the monster says what about me? And thats when I leave. What comes back is something absolutely mean.

CINNAMON is back in the living room. JOEY hands CINNAMON a drink.

CINNAMON Why are you giving me a drink like you bought it for me? You must think life is a game. Did you even bring a drink when you came? And who was sick in the toilet? They have five minutes to clean it all up. Or Im going to irrupt. You and you, were through. Youre too drunk so go home you punk. Yeah you heard me. Shut up. Your face sucks. Getting in the way, youre as big as a truck. Im going to play what I want to hear. If no one likes it, I dont care. Get out! Everyone out!

I Miss Us
The world is lost in us No matter how hard I search I can no longer feel your warmth I miss you Im going to leave Yes I am Like my mother yesterday before she died She said Im going to leave Me I was sleeping Not a care in the world I just shut my eyes for a few milliseconds And somewhere someone took her life Were going to leave Thats what my older sisters said before they left I thought about burying my mother While in The Circus and I wanted to cry Burton offered to cover my place And now that Ive stopped faking around The tears keep streaming down But I cant leave The ice outside the hospital is solid I wait in the dying cold Waiting for the ice to melt So that I may leave also But I cant

Woman in the Dead End

She sat in the back of the taxi weeping. Normally she would be preaching to the city lights a whippersnapper gazing out into fireworks. Yesterday the world seemed so small. Smaller than the tip of the bottom of her heart where she hid the truth.

On her magic taxi ride she climbed into the past where her and her mother used to fallout. She would withdraw her wealth and disappear. Using some sort of transport to teleport herself to a place by the beach in hope that warm sunsets would smile at her and a cool breeze would set her free. But no matter how close she got the truth kept her a washout in the wilderness. She asked to stop off at the Hilton hotel. It was a change for she didnt have much and the airport was closed to her. She gave the driver 7 short of he asked for. She cussed him out and left him with a piece of the wreckage. The wreckage that he then took home and passed on to his wife and son. She dragged the name badge off her suit jacket and once she threw her name into the road she was willing to forget.

Natasha cooked when company came round, cleaned on Sundays, worked Mondays to Fridays and went to a bar after work every other night. She needed those routeens for an excuse to come up missing. Natasha turned thirty alone last week. She is the oldest of her five siblings. Yesterday night Natashas mum went out leaving her three youngest at home. No one knew that she wasnt coming back or that shed get attacked. She was stabbed five times while everyone in the world was asleep and the warfare between her and her mother was active no more. Everything Natasha had was put out to roit. She found herself in a hotel room drinking red wine from the bottle. But nothing could help her forget. Natasha threw the bottle of Melot against the wall and watched her mums blood slide down. Why couldnt she have stayed in that night? When someone dies the little things no longer matter. Natasha loved her mum and that was the truth. She stopped being angry at her and started on herself. Why was I never there for her? She cried while us siblings waved farewell to her, because running away was a luxury we dont have. Should Natasha go back to where the heart once was? Or should she continue to search for a warm sunset and a cool breeze shell never find? Lifes not a picture on a post card

JULY

Storm the Castle

All it takes is a kiss One single kiss Im lying here asleep to the human eye When really Im paralyzed Wait for some guy To place their body next to mine Wake me up

All it takes is a kiss And so well kiss Thats how the story goes Waking me after kissing me And then marry me We will happily Forever and after Thats how the story goes But not how reality flows Ive been asleep For almost twenty years Waiting in sleep Waiting not so patiently Waiting for someone to slay the dragon And my demons while theyre at it Save me

But theres a twist The person that saves me will destroy me Not purposely But will destroy me And all it takes is a kiss And when we kiss Ill stop breathing Its a curse not a cure This Im sure Do not kick down my door Do not try and save me You will kill me If you want to save me Stay away from me

I hear Burton I invite him in willingly Psychologically And I hear his voice so sweet say to me Wake up Im lying here asleep to the human eye When really Im paralyzed I want him to kiss me But I dont want to die Dont kiss me Kiss me Kiss me Dont

Who Has the Power?

He has me Nude like the colour of his living room walls Laying on his sofa Laying on my back Monopolized Dazzled Vision Blur Round his neck Hanging onto to his every word

Spring up like animals in a fight I pull him down to make my tonight Kissed by an angel Waking up a demon But whos who at the zoo?

Kiss me some more It was good

Then go on Tell me It was all out of pity Ok Thats not what they say But baby Either way

He kissed me Why kiss me? Hes confused

And hes confusing me He told me he has a girlfriend again And told me that he and I were just friends

But if he loves me

(Wow I get ahead of myself) If he is interested in what Ive got inside Im sure I can make it simple Ease my way in slowly from behind Show me a dimple And Ill show you mine

And the game is good Because the risk is bad I let him take whatever he wants And ask him, What would you like? You see I play on it And give in on it Im just a statue of things His Magical prop I am freezing So he can turn me into anything he likes

Just know that I have a penis

(Let me be the one)

Every Day
The weather laughs with me and every stupidity who talks continuously A fuming fix lighting a couple sparks that shows up in a homeless place Walking in the desolate world of East Ham and Limehouse Whilst we burn overwhelming I see the ashes rising, grey flakes kissing my nose Pressed out of the shade to my discovery, I have no eye lids And we laugh, laugh away all the pain and hurt that burns us Every day Building and burning in a supernatural world we enter of just us two Capitalism we smoke and artists cant paint us justice around fires Im poked Everything that matters and has matter can combust, dust to dust Floating beyond galaxies from the fortress to the trees Down and over cities no one tries to reconnect with me I am here and can hear but I am unable to be heard I write poetry in my mind holding his hands, his soft small hands in my heart Love I do not know but Burton I know, the way the rizla curls like his tongue And the cheeky sod blows smoke in my face, but I inhale just to get a taste Christians complaining about our jazz like serial rapists and cold cases and sin Absentmindedly naked in rooms in underwear, then I dont care I get zoots for free like charity and I cant roll so he rolls for me Every day

AUGUST

Platinums Prophecy
In the backseat at 6 years old Cinnamon made a deal with God That when he dies, Hell go to hell So that every other soul wont Its the year 2161 And the economy is crippled Were accused of conquering kingdoms Platinum cyborgs crushed and belittled

I have nowhere to escape to My brother died in my arms for a breakthrough My face is an acquired taste I dont leek Thats what was made of me I am not splendid They dont take our powers away They try and show us we have no powers to begin with While magnolia grows extict And bacteria stains the walls I was made in labratory 106 When I shouldve been at the mall

There is but one race and they dwindle in our future

Reproduction is out of order The Society saw to that Heil to our Princess Scarlet Hell to her

One girl sings There must be more than this Spirit of God come breathe within To ancient ruins lies earthquakes Fathers research embedded to skin A blanket made from the finest silk Holding regulations

Once upon a time were many races and religions But civilians have been kept from the truth If they find her theyll kill her Howling at the stars they bark Snarling fat androids Ready to rip her apart Bloody Marys ripped to shreads Just by being approached In a disloyal world uncoached Where immortality is provoked The suns power they hope to control it But in this dark world it shines on Controlling them For theyll never get it

Fungus Clouds
Im still here In the morning Late at night Ill be there The park The bench The street I need something to eat I know who I am Im misunderstood Nothing good To The System

It all fizzled out In heat Vegetate and wait To magically reappear Blend in with the scenery The dirt on my skin Earthen And slim Intelligently dross I couldve been a king Ying Yang That was a plan To find a queen And now I cant even be seen

Inspirational speaker

I wear thin A talented star I evaporate I dont belong Sit back Watch some kind of sport Hand me a pack Crisp or popcorn Try and recognise the world They turned into porn And I have tolerance towards you Do you have tolerance towards me? Cardboard tears Succeeds hard work Passion was portrayed I let my lightning fade Something was missed Im missing warm kisses and hugs I was someones son Now I sleep with bugs I had an education A loving home But my hot cup of loving is on empty I remember me No one knows I had a life No one knows the something behind these eyes Behind the dirt I have a name but it doesnt exist Because you dont know it So you call me homeless

Unbend Superman from Strawberry (The Last)

The full moon shines Touching the water itself Light years away They huddle below On the stone cold floor Of updated concrete Its a long pathway Lonely Bluebell Stream Solar lamps buy heat Benches in the background Cant swim yet to the deep Candy fell from the robots mouth At their feet he said, Pick me up. The sky smiled with dark Though he was made He wanted to be loved and saved Tempted to fall in and drown he said, Pick me up. By Lonely Bluebell Stream; where they had their first date Once the candy was plucked He turned into a real boy and Hell froze over This will be the last

Increased pressures overflow He falls for a feeling unknown Souls passionately palpable Consumed totally in Kryptonite He had danced to this tune before But Burton was the first to retaliate

This will be the last Like nights hell never fail to push away Stars spoke and rendered them speechless It provided light where they were dark They wished They dreamed Does love hate them? Regardless of the invisible barrier that separates them And brainwashes them They Jinx everything to be merry idiots

This will be the last Robot of Percussion Strings snap in a failed attempt for red lips Its over Bluff Smoked out Puff Its gone over time though love is still Who is strong? Let go, someone will Ashamed Huff This thing Tough A sexy cold creature with a hard grip cant be Let go This twisted thing is killing he

Five mild months spent in a lovely dream With no confession for a love beam Being together unclaimed Reality it rushes in

Dreams of making others feel proud, by colours is torn They mourn and question their identity He hopes he can swim on But cannot swim for free This will be the last

The water boils darker Hearts bleed like a sparkler Full moon, she continues to smile For she is also in denial

This will be the last The only one that held him back was me I couldnt force this to be So I made myself an enemy For the robot turned human is me And my love will be the last The last heaven The last hell This will be the last

SEPTEMBER

Strawberry High
Chew your gum Gooseberries lose the sun I have won Im not done Ringer, ringer roses Catch them poses Lets get dizzy Im not busy Closeness Boldness Be best Restless Win me teddies Roll with paper of strawberries

As far as illusions go You were slow I didnt glow when in slow motion Five alive Be alive Stay alive Jive A flower caught wont be bought for long Roll along the ceiling like nothings wrong The portrait that we possess is useless

If we refuse to see this, for what this really is I love it when youre high I love it when youre high I cant lie My oh my

Goodness you fell on me And the weight, the pressure was that of a fly My oh my I cant believe the symmetry Fight to bring home the salary Its slippery you and me Look, its you, and its me Both single Loafed in Tower Hamlets Where mad monkeys race And roast ducks dance But dont duck out Bike ride to France You love it when Im high You love it when Im high You cant lie My oh my

We have it all And if youre here, then theres no need to call Kiss me like an Eskimo Touch me like a Oh We got caught Ok So long

I hope nothings wrong Ding flipping dong This wont take long I kiss you like an Eskimo Touch you like a woe Lying beside you like theres nothing wrong Grooved to the seventies Were eating chocolate strawberries

I love it when we get high I love it when we get high I always lie My oh my Be sure to tell your mother theres nothing wrong While youre at it tell your brother Theres nothing going on My oh my I always lie But I really, really love it When you and I get high

Personal Lunch (The Circus)

Aden: Did you see her come in? She stinks of alcohol Betty: Rose: Natalie: Anastasia: Aimee: Cinnamon: Stop talking What an asshole Thats what I heard Are you serious? But the thing is Get hit by a bus!

Micky:

I feel to punch him Im not lying I dont like her Not saying nothing I get on so many girls But Im not being funny yeah You make me laugh I dont care

Edna: Maria: Jim: Aimee: Micky: Edna:

Cinnamon:

Drama Its something

Edna:

I told you Theyre disgusting

Micky: Betty: Burton: Sophie:

You can see her thong Oh, I knew that already You people make me sick Go on. Tell me Youre such a bitch I dont think so They piss me off Didnt you know?

Anastasia: Cinnamon:

Aimee:

Natalie: Lauran: Sophie: Aimee:

Selfish is what it is Hey guys Oh, anyone but her I hate my thighs

Lauran: Micky: Cinnamon:

Since when were they friends? Slap him for me Slap yourself And shut up please I cant come in; Im on holiday I cant come in; Im on holiday What. Isnt she coming in today? Wota way Were gonna clash Sorry Im late Turn off the air-con For goodness sake

Peach: Rubicon: Micky: Anastasia:

Edna: Jim: Anastasia:

Jim:

I love you man But I love your mum more

Edna: Maria:

What is she wearing? You lot are so immature

Oh My Gosh Stop gossiping He said She said Mind your business

Forged
One should have the heart they desire No matter the vulnerability How long until two hearts cause stability? I lie where I sleep mentally feeling this drift One Two, Many spliffs I have them in my hand White clumps of magic sand But now I might get hurt I tried to chase those skirts My pass life Time count down As seconds waste Minutes pace Spirits flying into space Im washed away with vodka I couldve never been a doctor If I couldnt save him If I couldnt have him I gave into my script Our relationship is in the crypt I pushed him into the arms of a girl I wasnt thinking Vanilla swirl Oh!

Into the Mind

Some say, that this world isnt real The matrix effect That its all in my head But if its all in my head, then wheres my head? I trust that I am real So does that make you a figment of my imagination? So then I make up this world as I go along And life doesnt exist pass deserted buildings in the distance That I know nothing about

OCTOBER

Hard
Hard money, hard dreams Hard core, hard disease Hard child, hard art Hard deep within a heart Like tears that soak into a pillow Its hard like a star, hard like a scar District line equals hard smell Dribble is hard, and marijuana as well As hard as a flower, her raiser sharp fragrance Wisdom is beautiful and beautiful is hard Hard for the tall coloured girl with spots Hard for the short Caucasian boy who shots Taking drugs is hard, to drown is hard Endless war makes criminals hard Convince a dead horse to wake up in Hong-Kong Its hard to be furious, and hard to sing along As hard as a funeral, hard like grass Hard to fall, try not to kiss ass Its hard to kill, hard like sleep Hard to speak, hard to leap It was hard for Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Poor people in the world, for their supper, they sing Its hard to be a headline, hard to be different Hard to vote because no one listens Its hard like a space that should make noise

Hard to wait for the aliens to deploy Its hard like a mattress Paedophiles and rapists Hard like the police Murders and racists Hard voices, hard weather Harder than a plague, this world is getting redder The cold is hard, the leash is hard The blood is hard, I cant handle hard Chop them up like a crack heads bank card Slowly theyre aware that love is hard As hard as a promise to never ever die Love is hard and I will never know why

NOVEMBER

See Me
Im clubbing in Liquid with my best friend Going for a toilet break before a cigarette then I see them Again and again Toilet Scarlett Nose bleed Doughnuts Bent over with friends sniffing Coke Humiliating Its degrading And time wasting The only thing that gets me shaking on the inside Wheres your pride You havent yet found your way Hanging out and standing in piss Killing your brains that your head will miss For attention So that they love you But if you dont love you, how do you expect someone else to? Back on the dance floor youre jumping out of your head I caught a glimpse of your eyes and saw you beg

If insecure beauty is what he craves

He sets himself up to be a slave By rebelling against what we believe is true Hes doing exactly what The System wants him to do

Unrecognizable Turned away from self-loving From the tears you cry to the drugs you take Soon it becomes too late Hes shut off his senses To shut up people like me Living in the fast lane Living that life style Picturing the mirror braking Seeing the disfiguration on his skin But unable to see it deep within He can feel it

And you lost your beauty, cutie Coz you saw your life as ugly Now you cant stop sniffing even if you wanted to But it get expensive And tasteless Wasters Because the high doesnt last like it used to And you can say Im exaggerating And you can take it to the next level Oh boys Being dirty Sniffing Charlie Congratulation Youre ugly

Conversation
I wasnt attracted to you when I first saw you at The Circus And now Im in serious like with you, Duke We text each other every day, night, morning, good afternoon Hows your day and how do you do? My mums a smart woman, she knows She hasnt said anything to me but I know she knows And you can sometimes be a drama queen around your peeps But when youre with me youre so manly And easy and dare I say it, for the very first time, My man. I wonder if Ill ever tell anyone

Duke I and II
In continuity collude I give myself to you In pleasure In happiness Shh

You make me smile Hiding between cotton Hiding in The Circus The way you look when youre sleeping The way I talk with my soft spoken voice Shh Im chocolate sauce And you can be whip cream When molecules combined Virginity You were my first time Shh

Take me at midnight Keep quiet by daybreak Youre out And Im just warming up I cant come out yet Shh

I dont say a word I dont want to say something I cant do But you give yourself to me In continuity complexity

Roof Tops
Im stood on the roof tops looking down Thinking to myself, how he could grow to reject my love He was young, and it showed in my bedroom I cant, I cant. hed always say then disconnected Who turns off the TV while someone else is still watching? I was sick of it, Its already done. I said and carried on But my touch scarred him somehow I think I made him hate me, just a little bit For loving him the intense and urgent way that I did And now I make wishes that we could go back to being stars Even though he has someone else and I have someone else Its not the same waking up as I did with him Sunken into to his doubled bed or kinked up in my single Thinking about him turns me on, I need to get a grip Its such a long way down from up here Its night time in the city of London and everyones wide awake I can hear the ants below my feet shouting drunk abuse The black birds are dancing in the skies together at arms reach And my Mohawk is blowing in the wind Im praying that the wind dont blow me over Over this 18th century alarming revolution The orange painted town is so, abstract, he loves that word I wanted to be the one, and allow him to come undone Im stood on the roof tops, stalking his neighbourhood Wondering if we ended way too soon or If we went on for longer than we should have But the cosmic buildings cant answer me Because he doesnt live in this neighbourhood, anymore

The All Seeing Eye

Alone On the phone With no cone But a bone So I moan In my zone You should have known Im alone The door locks No need for clocks Wearing socks Holding rocks The way you freeze Blame the breeze Not the verity That Im a tease Its a disease Feel the squeeze Or hear me beg Saying please All alone Off the phone And on our own With a bone We abuse All that we use To open our minds And choose Its old news When were accused But relevant news

If we lose So I moan In my zone I should have known We werent alone Its not the end You and I When we bend The world will cry Because its not Just you and I But us and the world Alone

DECEMBER

Murder Case One

He let me go, he set me free But I want to go where hes gone To the place of the robbery Theres no question, Id be in danger Defending him from the front line Just to let everyone know that hes mine The plans were made over the phone And all his words made perfect sense He was older and smarter than I This is a crime yet I escaped the trial If I dont want to be executed I would have to erase our file But I dont want just the memories I want his body over mine At least one more time But that would cross the line Hes on his way to the execution I sit here and contemplate Whether or not to join him If I dont hell die, and Ill be free But I want to go where hes gone To the place of the robbery

Run Where Darkness Cries

His soul doesnt know where to go. He was afraid, afraid of his own shadow. He tried to be alone, but trouble always found him, and no one knows the secrets he unlocks from his memory. If it were me Adam, Id get myself baptised again or travel through time and space to run and tell a friend. But he remains to be a shadow, untamed, and untouched, trapped in his self-righteousness. Ive tasted the frozen ice around my heart And I was so sick of not being able to cry I wanted to be human and love Although Ill vanish out of sight and into sorrow The black balloon will chip away at my world With isolation again, and selfish gain Prostitution, Ill sell my goodness Because I wasnt honest about the whole of me Though I left church uplifted and happy A puddle of black acid rolling down my face The devil doesnt cry but encourages my disgrace People will look at me, and they will think Drugs, sex and music are the only things Ill ever embrace

Cinnamon tried to fill a dark hole he had inside. After praying and searching for God to fix his life. He stood amongst The Cult and declared testimonial truth, and his friends sang, and he got wet. He thought his work was done, once his soul and the holy water met. But Adam, what came out, was so much worse than what went in. Guided in a tunnel of darkness, where cursed shadows sin.

New Year
Over 30 smiles including Burton wearing party hats Ready for poppers and firework congest Ready to say Happy New Year But we pause in a blackout of consciousness

A manikin I smile in this moment of death For my life is buried in the heart of regret People Ive left behind will be left with pain The unresolved kind I cause to stand overpaid Another year gone and I dont know what to say Have my words all been said at the end of the day? I do not want to repeat this dreadful year So if I survive should I learn how to steer? In a flash, over 30 smiles cheer Happy New Year! And resume the celebration like nothing was dawning I was just here wishing I didnt die this night But am I willing to resolve my mistakes in the morning?

EPILOGUE

I Wanted to Exist
I wanted to be a man of God I wanted to be an award winning writer I wanted to be a champion swimmer Humble and graceful I wanted to be a fantastic lover I wanted to be a father of children I wanted to be courage in darkness So thoughtful and selfless

But even if they should never find me I existed

I wanted to have endless smiles to give I wanted to have a whole heart I wanted to carry a sacred body I wanted to make beautiful art I wanted to be the sound of bass Always a positive thinker I wanted to be Dora the explorer And speak at least three languages

But even if they should never find me I existed In this world and in life I existed

I wanted to help, I wanted to heal I wanted to create, I wanted to feel I wanted to be a child of patients I wanted to fall in love Real love I wanted to hold the door to inner power I wanted to be a temper vanquished I wanted to be hot like the sun in summer I wanted to be soothing like the rain at night I wanted to know myself truly I wanted to be accepted by the world

But even if they should never find me I existed In this world and in life I existed And although its possible you will never read this In this book I existed