TheMadnessoftheDay(v1) MauriceBlanchot Translation:JordanYentzer

Iamnotlearned,noramIignorant.I'veknownjoys.Thesearetoofewwords:Isee,andthislife givesmethegreatestpleasure.Alas,death?WhenIdie(perhapsitwillbesoon),Iwillfeelan immensepleasure.I'mnottalkingaboutthepretasteofdeaththatisflavorlessandoften unpleasant.Tosufferismindnumbing.ButsuchistheremarkabletruthofwhichIamsure:I feel,inliving,unlimitedpleasureandindeathIwillfeelunlimitedsatisfaction. Ihavewandered,Ihavegonefromplacetoplace.Stable,Ilivedinasingleroom.Ihavebeen poor,thenmorerich,thenmorepoorthanmany.Child,Ihadgrandpassions,andallthatI desiredIobtained.Mychildhoodhasdisappeared,myyouthisontheroad.Itdoesn'tmatter: whathasbeen,Iamhappyabout,whatpleasedme,whatcomesbecomesme. Ismyexistencebetterthanthatofeveryoneelse?It'spossible.Ihavearoof,manydonot.Ido nothaveleprosy,Iamnotblind,Iseetheworld,extraordinaryhappiness.Iseeit,thisdayoutside ofwhichthereisnothing.Whatcouldtakethatawayfromme?Andthisselfeffacingday,Iwill effacemyselfwithit,thought,certitudethattransportsme. Ihavelovedsomebeings,Ihavelostthem.Ibecamemadwhenthisrealizationstruckme,forit isahell.Butmymadnessstayedwithoutwitness,mywanderingdidnotappear,myprivatelife wasinsane.Sometimes,Ibecamefurious.Theytoldme:Whyareyousocalm?Or,Iburned fromheadtotoebynight,Iwalkedthestreets,Ishoutedbyday,Iworkedintranquility. Shortlyafter,themadnessoftheworldunchaineditself.Iwasstuffedintothewalllikemany others.Why?Fornothing.Thegunsdidntleave.Iaskedmyself:God,whatareyoudoing?Then Istoppedbeinginsane.Theworldhesitated,thentookbackitsbalance. Asreasoncamebacktome,sodidmymemory,andIsawthatevenontheworstdays,whenI believedmyselftobeperfectlyandentirelyunhappy,Iwasnevertheless,andalmostallthattime, extremelyhappy.Thisgavemesomethingtothinkabout.Thisdiscoverywasnotpleasant.It seemedtomethatIwaslosingquitealot.Iaskedmyself:haventIbeensad,haventIfeltmylife splittingapart?YesIhavebeenbutateachminute,whenIwasupandwalkingthestreets,or whenIstayedfrozeninacornerofmyroom,thefreshnessofthenightandthestabilityofthe groundmademebreathandrelaxuponenthusiasm. Menwouldliketoescapedeath,bizarrespecies.Andsomeofthemshout,die!O!die!because theywouldliketoescapelife."Whatalife,Imkillingmyself,Igiveup."Thatspitiableand strange,it'samistake.

Ihavehowevermetsomebeingswhohaveneversaidtolife,shutup,andnevertodeath,go away.Almostalwayswomen,beautifulcreatures.Terrorsiegesmen,thenightpiercesthem, theyseetheirgoalsobliterated,theirworkreducedtodust,theyarestupefied,those selfrighteousmenwhowanttoruletheworld,itallcollapses. CanIdiscussmyhardships?Icannotwalk,norbreathe,nornourishmyself.Mybreathwas madeofrock,mybodyofwater,andneverthelessIwasdyingofthirst.Oneday,theysunkme intothesoil,thedoctorscoveredmewithmud.Thisworkisdoneunderground.Whosaiditwas cold?It'sonfire,it'sabrambledbush.Iroseagainfullyunmoved.Mytactwanderedfortwo meters:iftheyenteredmyroom,Iscreamed,buttheknifecutmeuppeacefully. AmIegotistical?Ihavenofeelingsbutforsome,pityfornobody,Irarelyhavethedesireto pleaseorthedesirethatotherspleaseme,infact,thoughIknowthisisinsensitive,Idonot sufferbutbythem,insuchawaythattolessentheirdiscomfortbecomesformeaninfiniteevil andthatnotwithstanding,ifImust,Isacrificethemdeliberately,Iremovealloftheirhappy feelings(itoccurstometokillthem). Fromthepitofmud,Iexitedwithvigorandmaturity.WhatwasIbefore?Abagofwater,Iwasa deadextension,dormantprofundity.(Nevertheless,IknewwhoIwas,Iwaslasting,Iwasn't fallingintonothing.)Theycametoseemefromafar.Thechildrenwereplayingatmysides.The womenwerelayingthemselvesuponthegroundtogivemetheirhand.I,too,havehadmy youth.Butthevoiddisappointedmewell. Iamnotafraid,Ivetakenafewblows.Someone,(anexasperatedman)tookmyhandandinit plantedhisknife.Somuchblood.Afterwards,hetrembled.HeofferedmehishandsoIcouldnail ittothetableorthedoor.Becausehehadgivenmethiswound,theman,amadman,believed himselftohavebecomemyfriendhepushedhiswifeintomyarmshefollowedmeonthe streetcrying:"Iamdamned,Iamtheplaythingofanimmoraldelirium,Iconfess,Iconfess".A strangemadman.Allthewhile,bloodwasdrippingallovermyonlysuit. Mostly,Ilivedincities.SometimesIwasapublicman.Thelawattractedme,themasses pleasedme.Iwasobscureinmyotherness.No,Iwassovereign.ButonedayIgrewtiredof beingthestonethatstoneslonelymen.Totemptit,Icalledtothelawsweetly:"Approach,that wemayseeeachotherfacetoface".(Ihadoncewantedtotakeherontheside.)Aninadvisable call,whatwouldIhavedoneifshehadresponded? Imustavow,Ivereadmanybooks.WhenIdisappear,allthesevolumeswillchangewithoutany noticewiderthemargins,morecowardlythethought.YesIvespokentotoomanypeople,this strikesmetodayeachpersonhasbeenapeopleforme.Thisimmenseothernesshasmade mebecomewellmorethanIwouldhavewanted.Now,myexistenceisofasurprisingsolidity evenmortalillnessesthinkImtough.Imsorry,butitsnecessarythatIburysomebeforemyself. Ibeganfallingintomisery.Itslowlytracedaroundmecirclesofwhichthefirstseemedtoleave

everythingtome,andthelastleftnotbutme.Oneday,Ifoundmyselfconfinedtothecity: travellingwasnolongerbutafable.Thetelephonestoppedringing.Myclothingdeteriorated.I sufferedfromcoldthespring,fast.Iwenttolibraries.Ilinkedupwithanemployeewhohadme descendintotheoverheatedbasements.Tohelphimout,Igallopedjoyouslyuponthetiny walkwaysandIreportedtohimvolumesthathepassedontothesomberspiritofthereader.But thisspiritthrewagainstmesomenotsofriendlywordsunderhiseyes,IshrunkhesawmeasI was,aninsect,acreaturewhosejawsstemmedfromtheobscureregionsofmisery.Whowas I?Answeringthisquestionwouldhavethrownmeintogreatanxiety. Outside,Ihadabriefvision:twostepsaway,justatthecornerofthestreetthatIwasleaving, therewasawomanstoppedwithababycarriage,Iglimpseditonlybarely,shewas maneuveringthecarriagesoastopushitthroughtheportecochere.Atthismomententered throughthisdooramanthatIhadnotseenapproaching.Hewasalreadysteppingoverthe thresholdwhenhemadeabackwardsmovementandcamebackout.Whilehestoodattheside ofthedoor,thebabycarriage,passingbeforehim,raiseditselflightlytocrossthethresholdand theyoungwoman,afterhavingliftedherheadtolookathim,disappearedathisturn. Thisshortsceneliftedmeintodelirium.Iwasprobablynotcompletelyabletoexplainmyselfand assuchIwassurebyit,Ihadseizedtheinstantafterwhichtheday,havingstumbledupona trueevent,wentrushingtowardsitsend.Hereitcomes,Itoldmyself,theendiscoming, somethingiscoming,theendisbeginning.Iwasseizedbyjoy. Iwenttothishouse,butdidnotgoin.Throughanorifice,Isawthedarkonsetofacourtyard.I pressedmyselfagainsttheouterwall,Iwascertainlyverycoldthecoldenvelopingmefrom headtotoe,Islowlyfeltmyenormousstatureassumingthedimensionsofthisimmensechill,it moveditselfserenelyaccordingtotherightsofitstruenatureandIremainedinthejoyand perfectionofthishappiness,atonce,myheadashighasthestoneoftheheavensandmyfeet uponthemacadam. Allthiswasreal,takenoteofit. Ihadnoenemies.Iwasn'tbotheredbyanybody.Sometimesinmyheadavastsolitudecreated itselfwheretheworlddisappearedentirely,butitexitedfromthereintact,withoutascratch, nothingmissingtherein.Ialmostlostview,someonehavingcrushedaglassintomyeyes.This strikerattledme,Iremember.IfeltasifIwerewithdrawingintothewall,orwanderingintoa shrubofflint.Theworst,itwasabrupt,thedreadfulcrueltyofthedayIcouldntlookornotlook toseewasterrifying,andtostopseeingtoremefromtheforeheadtothethroat.Additionally,I heardthecryofahyenathatplacedmeunderthethreatofasavagebeast(thesecries,I believe,weremyown). Theglassremoved,theyslippedbeneathmyeyelidsafilmanduponthemwallsofcotton.I couldntspeak,becausespeechtuggedonthenailsofmybandages.Youaresleeping,the doctortoldmelater.Iwassleeping!Ihadtostanduptothesevendaylight:abeautifulembrace!

Yessevendaystotal,thesevencapitalclearingsthatbecamethevivacityofasoleinstantasked meforastory1 .Whowouldhaveimaginedthis?Sometimes,Idtellmyself:Itsdeathafterall, itsworththepain,itsimpressive.ButoftenIdiedwithoutsayinganything.Inthelongrun,Iwas convincedthatIwasstandingfacetofacewiththemadnessofthedaysuchwasthetruth:the lightbecamemad,theclaritywaslosingallgoodsenseitwasassaultingmeunreasonably, withoutrules,withoutagoal.Thisdiscoverytookabitefrommylife. Iwassleeping!Uponmyawakening,Ihadtolistentoamanaskme:Willyoufilecharges?. Bizarrequestionaddressedtosomeonewhohadjustdealtwithsuchaday. Thoughcured,Iwasdoubtfulofbeing.Icouldntreadnorwrite.Iwassurroundedbyafoggy north.Butthatisthestrangething:althoughremindingmeofatrociouscontact,Iwaswasting awaytolivebehinddrapesandsmokyglass.IwantedtoseesomethingoutintheopenIwas satisfiedwiththepleasureandthecomfortofthetwilightIdesiredthedayasIdidwaterandair. Andiftoseewasfire,Irequiredthefullnessofthefire,andiftoseewasthecontagionof madness,Idesiredmadlythatmadness. Intheestablishment,theygavemealittlesituation.Iansweredthetelephone.Thedoctorhaving ananalysislaboratory(hewasinterestedinblood),thepeopleentered,drankadrugstretched uponlittlebeds,theyslept.Oneofthempossessedaremarkablecraftiness:afterhaving absorbedtheofficialproduct,heswallowedabitofpoisonandslippedintoacoma.Thedoctor wasrepulsedbyhisvileness.Heresuscitatedhimandpressedchargesagainstthefraudulent sleep.Again!Thispatient,itseemstome,deservedmore. Eventhoughmyvisionbarelydiminished,Iwalkedonthestreetlikeacrab,holdingmyselffirmly againstthewallsand,assoonasIreleasedmyself,vertigoallaroundmyeverystep.Onthese walls,Isawoftenthesamebulletin,amodestbulletin,butwithratherlargeletters:Youtoo,you wantit.Certainly,Iwantedit,andeachtimethatIrecognizedtheseconsiderablewords,Iwanted it. However,Istoppedwantingonethingratherquickly.Readingwasquitetiringforme.Reading tiredmenolessthanspeaking,andtheleastbitofspeechrequiredofmeIdontknowwhatkind offorceIwasmissing.Theytoldme:Youputcomplacenceinyourchallenges.Thisproposal surprisedme.At20,inthesamecondition,nobodywouldhavenoticedme.At40,abitpoor,I grewmiserable.Andfromwherecamethisuntowardappearance?ItismyopinionthatI contracteditonthestreet.Thestreetsdidnotenrichmeliketheywouldhaveneededto.Onthe contrary,followingthesidewalks,descendingintothebrightnessofthemetros,crossing admirableavenueswherethecitysuperblyradiates,Ibecameextremelylifeless,modestand fatiguedandthen,havinggatheredmanypiecesoftheanonymousdisrepair,Iattractedjustas
1

StoryistranslatedfromtheFrenchrcit,whichcarriesseveralimplications.Itcanmean,simply,a recitationatautologicalcitation,asinarecitationoritcansimplymeanastory.Thisbecomesimportant especiallyattheendofthestory,asthestorywillendwithitsownrecitation,thestorybeingitselfa recitationofitself,thecitationthatallowsthestorycomesfromwithinitbutmustalsosignifyarcitthat precedesit.SeeJacquesDerridasworkLeLoiduGenre,(orinEnglish,translatedbyAvitalRonellasThe LawofGenre),inwhichheunwrapstheimplicationsofthisproblematic.

manylooksthatwerentmadeforme,thatmademeoutassomethingabitvagueandformless alsoitseemedaffected,conspicuous.Miserymadeitouttobeasdullastheyseeit,andthose whoseeitthink:Therewheretheyaccusemewhoattacksmethere?Thenagain,Ididntwish atalltosportjusticeonmyclothes. Theytoldme(sometimesthedoctor,sometimesthenurses):Youareeducated,youhave abilitiesinnotusingtheseskillsthat,splitupbetweentenpersonswholackthem,wouldpermit themtolive,youdeprivethemofwhattheydonothave,andyourunravellingthatcouldbe avoidedisanoffensetotheirneeds.Iasked:whythesesermons?IsitmydutythatIsteal? Refreshme.Isawmyselfsurroundedbyunjustthoughtsandshortsightedreasoning.Andwhat didtheyputupagainstme?Aninvisibleknowledgeofwhichnobodyhadanyproofandforwhich Imyselfwassearchingforinvain.Iwaseducated!ButperhapsIwasntallthetime.Skilled? Wherewerethey,theseskillsthattheytalkaboutlikejudgesseatedintheirrobesuponwood andreadytocondemnmedayandnight? Ilikedthedoctorsenough,Ididntfeeldiminishedbytheirdoubts.Thebotherwasthattheir authoritygrewfromhourtohour.Nobodynoticesit,butthesearekings.Openingmyroom,they said:Allthatisherebelongstous.Theythrewthemselvesuponthetrimmingsofthought:Thisis ours.Theyinterpellatedmystory:Speak,anditwillputitselfattheirservice.Inhaste,Istripped myselffrommyself.Idistributedamongstthemmyblood,myprivacy,Iofferedtothemthe universe,Igavethemtheday.Undertheirjadedeyes,Ibecameadropofwater,aninkstain.I reducedmyselftothem,Ipassedentirelybeneaththeirview,andwhenfinally,havingnothingleft butmyperfectnullityandhavingnothingelsetosee,theystoppedseeingmeaswell,very irritated,theyliftedthemselvescrying:Ahwell,whereareyou?Whereareyouhiding?Hidingis againsttherules,itisafoul,etc. Behindtheirbacks,Iperceivedthesilhouetteofthelaw.Notthelawthatonetendstoknow,the lawthatisrigorousandhardlypleasant:thislawwasanother.Farfromfeelingherthreat,Iinfact seemedtoscareher.Tobelieveher,myglarewaslightningandmyhandsobjectsofperil. Furthermore,sheridiculouslyattributedtomeallpowers,declaringherselfperpetuallyatmy feet.However,sheleftmenothingtoaskandwhensherecognizedthatIheldtherighttobein allplaces,thissignifiedthatIhadnoplacewhatsoever.Whensheplacedmeabovethe authorities,thiswastosay:youareauthorisedfornothing.Ifsheembarrassedherself:youdo notrespectme. Iknewbutoneofitsgoals,itwastohavemedealjustice.Ittoldme:Now,youareabeing apartnobodycandoanythingagainstyou.Youcanspeak,nothingengagesyouyouroathsno longerbindyouyouractionsremainwithoutconsequence.Youstandaboveme,I,forever,your servant.Aservant?Ididnotwantoneforanyprice. Ittoldme:Youlovejustice.Yes,itseemssotome.Whydoyouallowjusticetobeso offendedinyourremarkableperson?Butmypersonisntremarkabletome.Ifjustice weakensitselfinyou,itbecomesfeebleintheothersthatsufferfromit.Butthisaffairisnt lookingatthat.Everythinglooksatit.Butyoutoldmeso,Iamapart.Apart,ifyouact

never,ifyoulettheothersact. Itcametosomefutilewords:Truth,itiswhatfromuswecannolongerseparate.Iwillfollow youeverywhere,Iwillliveunderyourroof,wewillsleepthesamehours. Ihadacceptedmyimprisonment.Momentarily,theytoldme.Well,momentarily.Duringthe hoursinopenair,anotherresident,anoldmanwithawhitebeard,leaptuponmyshouldersand movedaboutabovemyhead.Isaidtohim:SoyoureTolstoy?Forthat,thedoctorjudgedme quiteinsane.Ifinallywalkedtheentireworldonmyback,aknotofbeingsrightlyinterlaced,a societyofmaturemen,drivenupwardsbyavaindesiretodominate,byaninfantilediscontent, andwhenIcollapsed(forafterallIwasnotahorse),themajorityofmycomrades,theytoo fallen,raineddownuponmeabeating.Itwasoneofthejoyousmoments. Thelawlivelycritiquedmyconduct:Before,Ithoughtyouverydifferent.Verydifferent? Theydidnotmockyousorecklessly.Toseeyoucostlife.Toloveyousignifieddeath.Mendug pitsandburiedthemselvesinordertoescapeyourview.Theysaidtoeachother:Ishegone? Blesstheearththatishidingus.Theyfearmenow?Fearisnotenoughforyou,norare praisesfromthebottomoftheheart,norajustlife2 ,northehumilityinaspeckofdust.And abovealltheydonotaskquestionsofme.Whodarestothinktowardme? Sheliftedsingularlyherhead.Sheexaltedme,butonlytoraiseherselftomyfollowing:Youare famine,discord,murder,destruction.Whyallthis?BecauseIamtheangelofdiscord,of murderandoftheend.Ahwell,Itoldher,andhereisjustwhatisneededtoimprisontheboth ofus.Thetruth,thatiswhatIlike.She3 was,inthisworldoverpopulatedbymen,theonly feminineelement.Sheoncehadmetouchherknee:abizarreimpression.Ideclaredthistoher: Iamnotamantocontentmyselfwithaknee.Herresponse:Thatwouldbedisgusting! Thisisoneofhergames.Sheshowedmeabitofspace,betweenthetopofthewindowandthe ceiling:Youarethere,shesaid.Ilookedatthispointintensely.Areyouthere?Ilookedather withallmypower.Ahwell?Ifeltthescarsofmyglareleap,myviewbecameawound,my headahole,adisemboweledbull.Suddenly,sheexclaimed:AhIseetheday,ah,God,etc.I toldherthatIwasgrowingenormouslytired,butthatmyglorywasunsatiated. Whothrewaglassatyourface?Thisquestionreturnsinallquestions.Theynolongeraskherof medirectly,butshewastheintersectionwhereallroadsmet.Theyhadmeobservethatmy responsewouldntuncoveranything,becauseforalongtimeallhadbeenuncovered.More reasontonotspeak.Wellsee,youareeducated,youknowthatsilenceattractsattention. Yourmutismbetraysyouinthemostunreasonablemanner.Irespondedtothem:Butmy silenceistrue.IfIhiditfromyou,youwouldretrieveitabitfurtheroff.Ifitbetraysme,goodfor you,itservesyou,andgoodformethatyouaredeclaringtoserve.Ihadtomixskyandearthto bringaboutanend. Iwasinterestedintheirresearch.Wewerealllikemaskedhunters.Whowasbeing
2 3

viedroite:droitecouldmean,right,straight,lawful,just...etc NowwedontreallyknowifshereferstoLaworTruth.....?

interrogated?Whowasresponding?Onebecametheother.Thewordsspokealone.Silence enteredthem,excellentrefuge,becausenobodybutmeperceivedit. Theyaskedme:Tellusagainhowthingshappenedexactly.4 Astory?Ibegan:Iamnot learned,noramIignorant.I'veknownjoys.Thesearetoofewwords.Irecountedtothemthe entirestorytowhichtheyhadlistened,itseemedtome,withinterest,atleastatthebeginning. Buttheendwas,forus,asharedsurprise.Afterthisbeginning,theysaid,youcametothe point.How?Thestorywasover. ImustrecognizethatIwasnotcapableofformingastorywiththeseevents.Ihadlostthesense ofthestory,thiscameaboutthroughmanyailments.Butthisexplanationonlymakesthemmore challenging.Inoticedhoweverforthefirsttimethattheyweretwo,thatthiscontortionof traditionalmethod,althoughexplainedbythefactthatonewasanoptometrist,theothera specialistofmentalillness,constantlygavetoourconversationthecharacterofanauthoritative interrogation,surveilledandcontrolledbyastrictrule.Certainlyneitheronenortheotherwere thepolicecommissioner.But,beingtwo,becauseofthistheywerethree,andthisthird remainedfirmlyconvinced,Iamsure,thatawriter,amanwhospeaksandwhoreasonswith distinction,isalwayscapableofrecountingfactsthatheremembers. Astory?No,notastory,neveragain.

exactly=AuJuste