The writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.

-Dr. Seuss

Hacker Chapter 16 Wordy Sentences Hacker Chapter 17 Appropriate Language Hacker Chapter 18 Exact Words

 Watch the video clip

How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

 Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist. Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered physical therapist. Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin. Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin.

 Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient. Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill. The best teachers help each student become a better student both academically and emotionally. The best teachers help each student grow both academically and emotionally.

 Cut empty or inflated phrases

Along the lines of As a matter of fact At all times At the present time At this point in time Because of the fact that Due to the fact that In spite of the fact that In order to

like in fact, actually always now, currently now, currently because because although, though to

 Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be

verbs and there is, are, was, were Investigators were involved in studying the effect of classical music on unborn babies. Investigators studied the effect of classical music on unborn babies. All too often, athletes with marginal academic skills have been recruited by our coaches. All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes with marginal academic skills.

 Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single

words We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas Jefferson. We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.

 Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because we didnt have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house. We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few employees to do the work. The CEO should dialogue with investors about partnering with clients to purchase land in economically deprived zones. The CEO should talk with investors about working with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.

 Avoid pretentious language

Taylors employment of multihued means of expression draws back the curtains and lets slip the nostalgic vantage point from which she observes American society as well as her lack of comprehension of economic realities. Taylors use of colorful language reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understand economic realities.

 Avoid most euphemisms Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words

thought to sound harsh or ugly Avoid doublespeak Deliberately evasive or deceptive language
Adult entertainment Pre-owned automobile Economically deprived Negative savings Strategic withdrawal Revenue enhancers Chemical dependence Downsize, furlough Correctional facility pornography used car poor debts retreat, defeat taxes drug addiction lay off, fire prison

 Avoid sexist language

Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural
Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely

A journalist is motivated by his deadline. A journalist is motivated by his or her deadline. Journalists are motivated by their deadlines. A journalist is motivated by a deadline.

 Revise language that may offend groups of people

Many Oriental immigrants have recently settled in our town. Many Asian immigrants have recently settled in our town.

1. We learned that the mayor had been engaging in a creative transfer of city employees pension funds. engaging in a creative transfer Embezzling money

2. After a cursory examination of brand-new research findings on textiles, Patricia and the members of her team made the decision to engage in a series of visits to fashion manufacturers in the local vicinity. Cursory examination Quick look Brand-new research findings New research Patricia and the members of her team Patricia and her team Made the decision to engage in a series of visits Decided to visit Fashion manufacturers in the local vicinity Local clothing manufacturers

2. After a cursory examination of brand-new research findings on textiles, Patricia and the members of her team made the decision to engage in a series of visits to fashion manufacturers in the local vicinity. After a quick look at new research on textiles, Patricias team decided to visit local clothing manufacturers.

3. In the governors race, Lena Weiss, a defense lawyer and mother of two, easily defeated Harvey Tower, an architect. In the governors race, Lena Weiss, a defense lawyer, easily defeated Harvey Tower, an architect. 4. Recent military history has shown that lady combat helicopter pilots are as skilled, reliable, and resourceful as men. Recent military history has shown that women and men are equally skilled, reliable, and resourceful as combat helicopter pilots.

 Select words with appropriate connotations

When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women abandoned their jobs in favor of marriage. When American soldiers returned home after World War II, many women left their jobs in favor of marriage.

 Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: the environment and world peace. The senator spoke about the challenges of the future: pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.

 Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbent. These days the training required for a ballet dancer is all-absorbing.

 Use Standard Idioms

Speech forms that follow no easily specified rules

Abide with According with Agree to (an idea) Angry at ( a person) Capable to Different than Intend on doing Off of Plan on doing Superior than Sure and Try and Type of a

abide by according to agree with (an idea) angry with (a person) capable of different from intend to do off plan to do superior to sure to try to type of

 Do not rely heavily on clichs

Use figures of speech with care

Similes & metaphors

Cool as a Beat around Blind as a Busy as a Crystal Dead as a Out of the frying pan an Light as a Like a bull Playing with Nutty as a Starting out at the bottom of the Water under the White as a Avoid clichs like the

 How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

Give handout

Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences, appropriate language, and finding exact words by rewriting the lyrics to a song.

 Summary final copy due

Read Chapter 2 Critiques

Answer these questions

What is a critique? 2. How do you write a critique? 3. What is an authors purpose? How is it evaluated?
1.