1 THE HEART IS A LONELY MENAGERIE

The Heart Is a Lonely Menagerie

Waleska Luciano Devry

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As a society, we boast independence and self-reliance, and yet it is in our nature to move in another direction. We evolved as social animals, and we hold a number of behaviors that motivate us towards group conformity. Do we also drive on childhood memories and the luxuries of a happier time? The feeling of wanting friends, desiring a peer group, and of needing to feel like we are valuable members of that group is something we all can directly relate to. We usually experience those feelings as a positive thing. Yet, there is a bit of a dark side to our social nature that we might not notice, particularly because we prefer to ignore the obvious. Our biological wiring for group structure is so strong that we will do almost anything to fit in, and to feel anxiety if we dont belong. As children, when we feel like we do not fit in, usually that means we do not feel safe. One will feel like they are a fit to their surroundings when they relate to their environment, socially and culturally. To compare different facets of why one would feel like they do not fit in their surroundings, one aspect would be facing or going through a terrible ordeal. In the story Westbury Court, the author Edwidge Danticat, shares with us a vivid childhood memory, a deadly fire that took the lives of two children that lived next door. The tragedy left her with a sense of guilt: Later my mother would tell us, See, this is what happens to children who play with matches. Sometimes it is too late to say, I shouldnt have. (Danticat,2000). Children are innocent, often fearless, and cannot always see or understand possible dangers in certain situations. Without the guidance of adults, children can be subjected to events beyond their control that can shatter their view of the world and leave them with deep emotional scars and feelings of guilt that never subside. This makes me wonder if it is only by experiencing or witnessing tragedy, that the switch is flipped, opening the child's eyes to the world around them, enabling them to recognize the potential for danger and harm. Therefore, influencing

3 THE HEART IS A LONELY MENAGERIE their views of how they once thought of their home. Danticat mentions that even though her neighborhood was vandalized with graffiti, and garbage piles decorated the sidewalk, the thought of her moving never occurred to her until the day of the fire: Though there was graffiti on most of the walls of Westbury Court, and hills of trash piled up outside, and though the elevator wasnt always there when we opened the door tom step inside and the heat and hot water werent always on, I never dreamed of leaving Westbury Court until the year of the fire (Danticat, 2000 ). An experience that resonates deep within is always the catalyst for change, and reasoning to not fit in ones environment any longer. In Silent Dancing, by Judith Ortiz Cofer , her father saw fitting in as a vital aspect of society and the American Dream to such a point that he demanded his family follow strict rules to maintain the values of his family and ensure they were seen as a model family by those around them : My mother was as new to this concept of beehive life as I was, but she had been given strict orders by my father to keep the doors locked, the noise down, ourselves to ourselves (Cofer, 1995) To be accepted, if not admired, was such a strong impulse in Cofers fathers mind that he was prepared to sacrifice the happiness of his family so they would conform. His idea of fitting in was to be perceived as being the perfect husband with the perfect family in the face of prejudice, in order to rise above cultural stereotypes and show himself as a model of society: It seems that father had learned some painful lessons about prejudice while searching for an apartment in Patterson. Not until years later did I hear how much resistance he had encountered with landlords who were panicking at the influx of Latinos into the neighborhood (Cofer, 1995) the experiences he endured in the search for a home created an obsession to rise above these standards, even to the point of not allowing his family to shop locally or associate with neighborhood people. Though his intentions may have been good, we can clearly see the darker aspects of his quest to fit in as he isolates his family from those around them.

4 THE HEART IS A LONELY MENAGERIE One is often identified by family, culture and environment. As children life is perceived with innocence until such events or life lessons alter this view. Often in adolescence the need to find ones own identity takes the individual down their own path of discovery. In This Old House, Sedaris began his own path to self-discovery by dramatically altering his lifestyle. In order to fit in, the author felt the need to change not only himself but his means of living. Those things he loved as a child, the dining room, the Scandinavian buffet, lost meaning as he developed his own sense of individuality. As his own style changed, clothes bought from Goodwill, seeking to fit a bygone era, he no longer felt accepted in his home. Sedaris father took exception to his new sense of style, arguing that he was a mess and reinforcing Sedaris feeling that he no longer fit within his surroundings: The environment youre looking for is called a psychiatric hospital my father said. Now give me the damn hat before I burn it off (Sedaris, 2007). Sedaris felt that it was a matter of perspective and that given the right environment he would fit in: The way I saw it, the problem wasnt my outfit but my context. Sure I looked out of place beside a Scandinavian buffet, but put me in the proper environment and Id undoubtedly fit right in (Sedaris, 2007). The search for independence and a sense of belonging often leads people to look for a new home, a new place that will accommodate their sense of identity. Sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, and crossing that threshold is when the realization that changing ones outer self is not the answer to ones true identity. Even though the names and individual stories change, there seems to be a common core running through each, that being the sub-sequential struggle to adapt to ones surroundings and fit in with those around ones self. Whether one has the desire to fit in among a social group or even ones own family, ones identity ultimately comes from within. Though family, society and environment are influential, ones surroundings should not define ones self or individuality. To find a place where one will fit, all that is needed is to look within ones self.

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References Danticat, E. (n.d.). Westbury court. Retrieved October 19, 2013 from http://english.basd.k12.wi.us/mocarski/collegeenglish/WESTBURYCOURT.rtf. Cofer, J., & (n.d.). Silent dancing. Retrieved October 19, 2013, from http://www2.hawaii.edu/~facoba/readings/cofer.htm Sedaris, D. (n.d.). This old house. Retrieved October 19, 2013, from http://www.mikecraver.com/sedaris.html