Friday, December 3,1999 The Magazine of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society

3 Borderless
Humanitarian engineers working
tobuild a better world.
1 7 Glamourous Glitz
This term's semi-formal was
asmash, not to mention glittery
5 Show Me the Money
Where are the improvements to
balance the extra tuition costs?
1 9 The winner is ...
More excellent photographs and
the contest winner.
8 Parading Around
UW ENgineering struts its stuff in this
year's christmas parade.
24 Playing in the Mud
This year's tourney was true
to its name.
Volume 23 ISSlle 16
"For I dipt into thejuture,jar as human eye eould see, Saw the Vision of the world and all the wonder that would be."
_ Tennyson (Loeksley HaH)
Letter From The
Editor
meet Ihal challenge. I would
go so far as to say that my
with the [W
Mal Pixo-;.:.o
2B Mech
have been nothing but posi-
tive, immensely beneficial
and rewarding, and have con-
I
t's a long hard road that I am coming to
the end of with thi5 paper you hold in
your hands. But a road I have not trav-
elled alone. There have been many won-
derful people who have been instrumental
in produci ng the quality publication I hope
you all have enjoyed these past few
months. Producing the Iron Warrior
required tremendOll s amounts of hard
work and commitment from its staff.
Although it is my name featured most
prominently atop the list of contributors on
the right hand side of this page, it is the
name. on the rest of this list that truly
deserve the credit for the lW's success this
term. For without them, no matter how
hard I may have tried, putting together the
[W would have been impossible. And so I
wish to express warmest thanks to all
those I have had the distinct pleasure of
working with these past several month
and will cherish the times we spent togeth-
er, the laughter, the late ni ghts, the near-
infinite levels of caffine intake and the
many other precious and painful moments
that have gone into the making of every
UW engineer's favourite publication. [t is
these moments, as much as the final prod-
uct, that is reaUy what this is all about.
Together we have made something that we
can all be proud of.
But why do I say this road is ending?
Well, this is the last issue of the Iron
Warrior 'where I will be manning the helm
in the Editor's seat. In keeping with the tra-
dition of the Iron Warrior, I have complet-
ed my four month safari in the realm of
editorship and will now pass the torch onto
another who will take up the challenge of
guiding your paper. That may sound odd,
'your paper'. But if you stop to think about
it, it really is. Right on the masthead it
states in bold english that the Iron Warrior
is 'The Magazine of the University of
Waterloo Engineering Society. Which,
beleive it or not, is you.
It has been a distinct pleasure of mine
to steward the Warrior these past few
months and, despite the long hours and
other hardships involved,l am a bit sad to
be moving on. But that is the nature of the
Iron Warrior. It is a dynamic, almost living
entity in its own right. Each new editor
comes into the position, stays for four
months and then moves off again to make
way for the next new editor. Those four
months though, end up being quite the
ride. Each editor both brings changes and
is changed through the experience. Each
editor commits something of him or her
self to this publication and thus by exten-
sion to you, the Engineering Society. It is a
tremendous responsibility, being the care-
taker of your voice and trying to satisfy the
needs and wants of the society. But this is
not as an onerous a task as may first
appear.
Work with the Iron Warrior is also
immensely rewarding. It provides a sense
of pride and accomplishement in a job
well done and also teaches many valuable
life lessons. It is a challenge and as such,
can be a positive experience or a negative
one depending upon how the editor rises to
tributed to my professional
and personal development in a way I
believe nothing else could. Yes , work with
the IW is truly a unique experience that
cannot readily be expressed properly or
totally. It can only be experienced.
One thing I would like to highlight as I
close out my time on this soapbox, is the
tremendous presence of the first year stu-
dents involved with the lW. Clearly, the
frosh presence was keenly felt in the paper
as first year st udents consistently gave of
their time, enthusiasm and creativity, to
help build rw's worth rcading. This was
one of my main goal for the term. I knew
that much of the future of the I W as it is
now known depends
cycling of new ideas,
opini ons. It is what
dynamic and fresh.
on the constant
perspecitives and
keeps the paper
Which brings me to another change
this term which is also interesti ng to note.
Partway through the term, r and my edito-
rial staff, began to earnestly look through
Ihe archives of IWs past. What we found
was extremely interesting. As such, we
began sharing this with you in the form of
occasional reprints of articles we felt were
still of interest and pertinence to UW engi-
neering's current residents. One of the
most interesting discoveries was that many
of the topics that appear in the current
paper, were also prevalent issues twenty
years ago, and even beyond that to the
very roots of UW. It's rather humourous to
notc that despite all the changes and
advancements that have been made over
the past few years, many things still
remain the same.
One final item of note, that many won't
know about until they reaad through this
issue, is that this term, we decided, rather
ambitiously, to end the term off with a
bang and have put together a satire issue of
the Iron Warrior, affectionately called the
Tin Soldier (or TS for short). Little did I
know that doing this would essentially
amount to trying to produce an extra issue
in the term (for a total of seven I have
headed), but what's more, at the arne time
as another. rn retrospect I must have taken
leave of what little sense I still possess.
But it happened, and it all worked out and
is here for you to enjoy. Despite the extra
workload involved, I am still very glad this
has happened. Not only is it something for
our audience to enjoy during the stressful
final exam period that looms menacingly
on the horizons, but also for the outlet it
gave to many of the contributors. I was
astounded - and tremendously pleased - at
the response I got when people found out
we were going to attempt to pull this off.
So much so, that the original 4 pages allot-
ed for this 'spoof issue' quickJy expanded
to eight and even almost ended up at
twelve Uust shy of a regular sized issue for
this term). Clearly, there is quite a well of
enthu iasm and creativity cour ing
through UW engineering.
These past four months have definitely
been a defining point in my life. It was a
time of joy as well as hardship, bringing

The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3, 1999
both succeS5es and failures. But such is the
nature of life as well. Sure, I would have
liked to have opened up the doors of the
Iron Warrior to more people and groups -
and to a certain extent this did happen and
is happening. Hopefully, it will continue to
do so.One thing r wanted this term that
never happened was to have some people
from the AI1S Faculty willing to write for
the paper (we are starting to distribute the
IW in the Art buildings now too) so that
we could develop some serious debate on
the whole Engineering vs. Arts conflict.
But alas, it was not to be. It's a shame, I
think that would have been very interest-
ing, and may have incited contributions
from those who otherwise would not have.
1 wish to wrap up this editorial , my
last , with the following observations:
It is a common statement made by
upper year students that as one progresses
through their degree at UW, one undergoes
distinct changes of perspective. The pro-
gression typically cited is that as one
enters into university as a young, wide
eyed and ideali stic fros h, one does not
leave that way. By 2B or 3A, this idealism
has degenerated into cynicism; which, by
the time f01ll1h year rolls around settles
into full-blown bitterness. It is further said,
upon discussion with previous editors of
the Warrior, that taking on the task of
Editor-in-Chief ages you prematurely such
that you reach the bitter state sooner than
most. Now while it may be true that there
are significant stresses placed on the Iron
Warrior's editor, there is also a lot of satis-
faction involved ill the posi.tion as well, in
knowing that the hard work of yourself
and your staff is appreciated by the rest of
the engineering society. There's a special
feeling you get when, after your many
hours of exhertions, five or six people
immediately stoop to pick up copies of the
most recent IW that you've just dropped
off. Thus, if bitterness is the natural result
of time spent in the IW Editor's chair, then
I would like to think of myself as the
exception to the rule (of course their may
be some out there who may disagree).
It's a long hard road I'm coming to the
end of and [ have cherished every step of
the way as I cherish those who have
walked it with me.
are
ahrays wekome.
The Editor is alwayS illterested ill bear-
inS., viewpoints Of die readership of
cbe lion w.rior.
.. directed to

oc
mjpi80zz@eng.mail.uwaterioo.ca
The Magazine of the University of
Waterloo Engineering Society
Editor - in - Chief
Mat Pigozzo
Assistant Editor
Tania Bortolon
Layout Editor
Richard Kuttner
Advertising Editor
Nick Gaganiaras
Photography Editor
Brad Ellis
Staff
Shaun Chen
Danny Chow
Raja Doake
Sabrina Foster
Matt Gagliardi
Krista Glemser
Yi-Pin Hsiao
Alison Kudelka
Andrew Lin
Rod Locke
Ryan Morton
Andrea Martins
Caroline Page
Stephanie Purnell
Mary Robinson
George Roter
Maria Simoes
Evan Wilson
-
-
-
ShingoYuki !j
Yang-Yang Zhang
Zhan Huan Zholl .=:--':' !'t
Contributors
Jon Bastien
Elliot Biro
Melissa Bond
Peter Creswell
Stu Doherty
Chris Foster
Mark Griffioen
Mike Hennann
Octavion Ion
Ralph Kroman
Winnie Leung
Aron Levitz
Alex Matan
Jenny Mitchell
Jonathan Ng
Michael Raffoul
Ryan Stammers
The Iron Wanior is a forum for thought provoking
and infonnative articles published by the Engineering
Society. Views expressed in The Iron Wanior are
those of the authors and do not necessaril y reflect the
opinions of the Engineering Society.
Tbe lroo Warrior encoumges submissions from stu-
denIS, faculty and members of the university commu
nity. Submissions should reflect the concerns and
intellectual standards of the university in general. The
author'S name and phone number should be included.
All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the
property of Tbe lroo Warrior, which reserves the
right to refuse publication of material which it deems
unsuitable. The Iron Wanior also reserves the right
to edit grammar, spelling and lext that do nOl meet
university standards. Authors will be notified of any
major changes that may be required.
Mail should be addressed to The Iron Warrior,
Engineering Society, CPH 1327. University of
Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G I. Our phone
number IS (519) 8884567 x2693. Our fax number is
(519) 725-4S72. Email CJll be sent to

--.
-
:
!
i
I
Michael Hermann
Class of Systems Design Engineering 2000,
engineering tu-
dent ,m friends
and cia smate , at
the in titutional

or t e
of my Life
P
rovincial, andL.----------""7."----:--7""""'l:-----:----;---;---:-----:---i
you n concept or
University of Waterloo
national level, and I'd gladly do it all two, but it won't teach you what life is really about. It
again. won't teach u that life is about happine s, or that life is
---
O
ver the last four plus years I've learned a great
deal , and I believe it's about time that J thank the
organization which has played such a great part in
that growth. I remember starting my journey through UW
Engineering knowing very little about the Engineering
Society, and knowing even less about the possibilities that
lay before me. Before long I was closely involved in the
society, enjoying every minute of it, even the ones that
came after 4 in the morning. It's not been an easy journey,
but the rewards have been worth every moment. I recall
intense pride over a well-done publication, the thrill of
promoting my chosen school to a new batch of prospec-
tive new students, and intense joy at the sight of hundreds
of happy children and my country's birthday celebrated as
part of my work. POETS, Bus Push, Shadow Days ,
Canada Day, Explorations, the Iron Warrior, Speaker,
Class Rep, VP External, ESSCO, CFES, Conferences . All
of this and more are what my years have been made up of.
f've learned, grown, explored, and expanded my mind and
personality with the Engineering Society. The University
of Waterloo has for me been, and always will be, much
more t han the sum of 8 academic terms and six co-op
terms. It is the experience of a lifetime, something that
has made me into what I am proud to be. ['II soon be an
alumnus of the University of Waterloo, and I'll always be
a member of the Engineering Society. Beyond these
University halls , as a representat ive of our engineering
society, and our school, I've met even more amazing peo-
ple, and learned even more. I've had the chance to serve
I'd like to pecificali thank a few about reaching out and taking hold of the world, and carv-
people who've made all the difference. Kim Whit ar, the ing out what you want, and making it possible through
one who got me started in all this. Chris Foster, who's your own undeniable pa sion and excitement. You are the
been a constant friend and partner in action. Jac ~ c A r a steel and what you choo e to do with these years is the
who taught me so much about determination. Chuck forge. I emphatically encourage each one of yOll to forge
Borchert, who taught me what it means to be a tand-up yourself inlO omething ou are proud of. Be not afraid to
man who believes in helping. Ajay Badhwar, who joined ask for help, and don't hesitate to take a chance. Mistake
me on being "the guys that make fun happen." Mike are good, and learning from them i the reward. Meet new
Olley, who's shown me what true enthusia m can be. people, explore new ideas, challenge yourself. Every
Kathryn Russill, who taught me to enjoy every econd of problem is an opportunity to succeed. These thoughts are
life. Monica Milanowski, who worked with me on my what I've learned, and the sum total of them i that life is
first big event. Jay and Michael Worry, who taught me what you make it. Nothing more, nothing less. It's a11 in
about hard work and getting results. Richard Kuttner, your hands.
who taught me about pride in your work. Thank you to Thank you to the Engineering Society. Thank you for
Mary Bland, Kelly Fawcett, AI Cannistraro, Carrie the fun, the challenge, and the growth. Best of the future
Junker, Sanjay Kulkarni, Caroline Page, OJ Swan, to you, and I'll never forget this.
Carolyn Sparrey, Aron Levitz, Mike Muffels , Jill
Tymchak, every member, original through graduating, of
the Systems Design Class of 2000, and the hundreds more
that I'd like to say a word about. To every person I've ever
worked with, that put up with me, that taught me, that
shared their time with me, to every friend, past and pre-
sent, that's left me with memories for a lifetime, THANK
YOU ALL.]
I'd like to encourage each and every person to go
beyond the confines of the classroom to expand them-
selves, to expand their life. It's more than textbooks and
labs, more than assignments, projects, midterms, and
exams. Life is grand, but only what you make of it. The
classroom won't teach you everything - it won't even teach
Bridging the Gap Between Developed and Developing Countries
George Roter
Class of '99
O
n the eve of the new millenium, many are evalu-
ating the advances of humanity over the past two
centuries , which have heralded unequaled techno-
logical innovation. Advances in communication - the tele-
phone, radio, television, and the Internet - have allowed
knowledge and information to traverse traditional barri-
ers, and impact those living in both developed and devel-
oping nations . Despite increasing instances of western
politicians waxing eloquent about social equality, the
majority of the population on earth continues to live in a
state of poverty. Although the past fifty years have seen a
major influx of money from western companies and coun-
tries into "emerging markets", many areas of the world
continue to receive minimal support. This creates a
vicious cycle where countries pour World Bank and IMP
monies into industrial development and exports (to
become an emerging market for investment), while
neglecting infrastructure and domestic problems, causing
the population to be increasingly impoverished.
Fortunately, there are many people around the world who
have recognized these problems and who have created
non-governmental organizations to assist developing
nations.
One such organization is Medicins Sans Frontiercs
(Doctors Without Borders , MSF) , the 1999 winner of the
Nobel Peace Prize. MSF has been sending volunteer doc-
tors and support staff overseas since 1971 with the goal of
bri nging medical attention to those who are unable to
afford it. This organization allows medical professional
to use their skills and knowledge to aid people in devel -
oping nations. Using this model, allowing professionals to
apply specific skills to aid people in developing nations,
the idea for Engineers Without Borders was founded .
The organization is currently a project being initiated
by two mechanical engineering g'taduates of the
University of Waterloo, for implementation at the
University of Waterloo. The organization seeks to address
three specific problem areas: A lack of third world tech-
nology, deficiencies in the levels of first world awareness,
and the few international development opportunities
specifically available for engineers. A preliminary plan
has been created to address these problems: Applying the
creativity, resourcefulness, and energy of students to
develop technological solutions; organizing lectures. sem-
inars, and workshops on international development chal-
lenges; and creating student placements in international
development with a technological bent. This plan was pre-
sented to many members of the international development
community at the International Co-operation Days
Conference held in Ottawa during the week of November
15th. The idea was met with rave reviews, and the need
for such an organization was confirmed - there are no
existing organizations that specifically address the tech-
nological component of international development. The
relationships forged at this conference will be used as a
steppi ng stone loward implemcnting Ihl' goals of the orga
nization, which would be an innovator in the fie ld of
international development.
To achieve the goals of the organization we need II
group of socia ll y aware engineering students (or thosc
who wish to become more ocially aware) to aid in orga
nization, participat e in events, and eventually partake in
international placements. If you are even a lillie bit inter-
ested, please send an e-mail to George Roter
(groter@i tar.ca) and you will be sent updates on the
progress of the organization (not too many, so don't worry
about your inbox filling). Alternatively, you can visit our
website at www.home.istar.cal-roter where you will be
able to find out more about the organization. (Note that
the website was created for the conference, and thus, the
information currently available is limited. The sile should
be revised within the next month .)
The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999

Matt Gagliardi
JA Mech
W
hen I first saw the posters,l did not know what
to think. ( just could not believe it. It couldn't
be true .. .TaIEng was coming!
Now what the heck was a TalEng and where was it
coming from?
Admittedly when I talked to Tania Bortolon about it I
felt pretty stupid, Tal Eng is the ENGineering TAlent
show. Pretty self-explanatory name once it's explained to
you. So now that I knew what it was, I was even more
excited. Talent show, I could do something for a talent
show. With this I began my I ittle adventure toward
TalEng.
At first is seemed fairly easy, r'd get a band together
and play some songs. Can't be that hard, there's lots of
people here at waterloo that mi ght want to play in a band.
In no time I had rounded up a bass player and a singer just
out of the friends on my floor. With myself, a guitarist, all
that was left to find was a drummer. This was a little more
difficult. After a couple of drummers without
the mysterious disappearance of another, I decided to
search for outside help. With this I ventured to Tania with
my second problem. "Tania, I have a band that wants to
perform in TalEng but we need a drummer!" I groveled.
"No problem, I'll jtlst ask one of the other pelfonners" was
her reassuring answer. Things were definitely looking
good.
I was itting in my room when my friend - who was
going to be my singer - approached me with a long face.
He looked at his calendar and discovered that he had a
paying gig with his own band the very same night.
Understanding that previous commitments take prece-
dence 1 didn't think it was aU that great of a setback. After
I wonder what
she's thinking
right now?
Weavers
A
The
aliI could always sing (heaven help the audience!) . Later
that very same week, my friend the bass player stumbled
into my room. After two all nighters and a stack of home-
work, he just did not have time to practice. Now being a
fellow engineering student, I could really relate.
... And then there was one.
Ironically, it was shortly after this that Tania found a
drummer to play with my non-existent band. After all her
work I could not disappoint her, J was still determined to
perform. That, and I wanted to be on stage again anyway.
So I began my search again to find musicians who were
able to play for TalEng. For anyone who came to the
show, you probably noticed I did not have much luck.
When Saturday the 20th (one week before the show)
arrived I still didn't have any other musicians. I thought
another plan of action was in order. I picked up my
acoustic guitar and started learning some songs.
That last week was intense. I searched for suitable
songs and finally decided on five on the Wednesday
before Friday's show. Somehow Tania found some time to
learn lyrics to a couple of the song and sing with me, and
Thursday ni ght we practiced them for the first time. Not
nearly ready, but completely out of time, we attended
Tal Eng ready to give it our all.
By luck or misfortune I got scheduled to play at one
o'clock in the morning, so I had lots of time to enjoy all
the other acts. There were pipers, drummers, singers,
bands, pianists, and even a talented pair of hands. A diver-
sity of music and talent was di played there on the stage
of the Bomber, and [ was impressed! I was really enjoy-
ing the performance, even laughing at some of Stu's (one
of the MC's) jokes, but I was also worried about my own
performance. J would never have guessed that engi neers
would have had so much musical talent. I felt that 1 would
not be up to the standards set by the musicians ahead of
me. Well, one o'clock came, Tania and I hit the stage, and
we played some music. By then I, as well as everyone
else, had enjoyed a great night and were a little tired, so I
played the best 1 could and had some fun. 1 hope that all
to TalEng
the other musicians did not have as difficult of a time get-
ting to TalEng as I did. All things considered, it was a fan-
tastic night.
For anyone who was there, you will agree with me that
it was a great evening with a lot of talent bandied about.
For those of you who did not come, you missed a lot.
Norte I was generous with the free food and raffle prizes ,
not to mention the tangle toys. Those things are addictive;
it makes it really hard to type while playing with one.
For a TalEng neophyte like myself I was impressed,
and I hope all TalEng's of future are as much fun. One
thing everyone who was at the bomber on Friday night
should do is thank Tania Bortolon and Carolyn Sparrey
for organizing this event. Next time you see them in the
halls , Let them know how much fu n you had.
How
are
?
Open Monday, Tuesday and
Thursday noon to lam.
Wednesday, Friday and
Saturday noon to 2am.
Sunday noon to midnight

Tania Bortolon
2a CIvil
Fours years, 8 months *fingers crossed*.
T
hat's how long we dwell under this umbrella of Waterloo
Engineering. Beyond that, we're on our own. We'll have no
one to hold our hand as we go through the job-seeking
process. Fortunately for us, 2 out of those 4 2/3 years is not spent
here on the Waterloo campus. With the work experience that we
receivt; through co-op, most of us will graduate with full time jobs
already lined up. My point: Co-op is Good.
With the school's population growing steadily and the upcoming
threat of Y2K, the University was anxious to be rid of Access and
it' s many short-comings. The development of the Web-based sys-
tem has been in the making for the past two years. We were
close ... so close. Recently, it was announced that ASI, the consultant
company that was developing the new system, has dropped the con-
tract. Through buy-outs and a change in the company's focus, we
(UW) got screwed. There is no nice way to put it.
So, where does this leave co-op? In the new year, we should see
an improved version of access (hopefully one that has proven to be
Y2K compliant) with a new server which can handle more than the
90 users the CUlTent system accomdates. Aside from that, there are
no concrete plans for new consultants or new programs, as this has
left the co-op department in quite a state of shock. Fortunately,
there is a large number of Waterloo graduates and current students
who have offered to help with both short and long-term solutions.
Currently, there are student groups writing proposals to create a new
web-based system to be completed early next term. Whether or not
these proposals will be taken seriously or not has yet to be deter-
mined. Personally, I'd like to see what our own students could do.
I mean, we are the ones who use the system .. . and complain about
it every chance we get. But we're also the ones who know what the
needs of co-op students are. So, why shouldn't it be us who makes
this system one of the best in existence?

The Iroll Warrior Fnday. December 3. 1999
The Value
My Educati on
Chris Foster
3B Mech
R
ecently I've begun to wonder about the value
of my education or, more importantly. the
val ue added to my education as a result of my
increased tuition. Over the past 5 years, there has been
a 50% increased in the cost of tuition. So what do v.:e
have to show for it? Is the education we receive bet-
ter than that of 5 years ago. Better yet, is the educa-
tion we receive at least on par with that of 5 years ago?
Lets begin at the examination of the TA's. I wi ll be
the first to admit that the TAs my class have this term
are exceptional. We have TAs who will waLk by the
lab at 2:30am to see if anyone needs help, and I salute
those TAs and the abil ity of the University to be able
to fi nd and retain such TAs. Unfortunately, in talking
with other cl asses, thi s is more of a exception than a
rul e. For a student to be told by a TA to come back
during office hours. whil e the TA sits there drinking
hi s or her tea i unacceptable. TAs are reasonably well
paid individuals who also happen to all but need the
job in order to complete their PhD. Perhaps thei r
degree should be more conditional on their abi lity to
assist a class to a satisfactory level. The side effect of
thi is that it may force those who go on to be profes-
sor to become better professors with more of an
understanding of what kinds of situations arise for
undergrad students.
More important than the TAs , is the ability for the
student to attend lectures. I used to believe that if a
tudent mis ed lectures, it was either due to co-op or as
a re ult of their own lack of desire to go to class .
There were, of course, a few special cases; but they
existed for only a small number of classes. However,
due to a recent experience with one of my 5 core
course this term, I have found that my view on thi s
was forced to change.
New rul es within the Canadi an Engineering
Accreditation Board (CEAB) require that students
obtain senior design experience in order for their pro-
gram to be accredited. Recently, the Mechanical
Engineering department began a project which
involved designing a one degree of freedom robotic
arm. The first half of the project was to develop the
truss system for the arm, including all mounts, opti -
mized for weight. Since most of.the time required to
do this is in the actual design, only a relatively small
amount of time is actually spent building the arm. To
ensure that no group is disadvantaged, there are 6 sol-
dering irons and stations in the machine shop where
students can work. When it comes time for the second
half of the project, the controls portion, the situation is
quite different.
To develop the control system, much of the time is
actually spent optimizing the system for speed. This
work has to be done on the test equipment. For the test
equipment, there are three rigs, so the class is divided
up into three sections and each section is then assigned
a rig. This gives approximately' the same number of
groups per rig. Unfortunately; with only three rigs, and
a marking scheme based performance relative to the
rest of the class, everyone wants to be using the equip-
ment as much as possible. To solve this problem, time
slots were allocated, beginning after class, and signup
was based on a flrst come, first serve basis.
So far so, good. Where the system falls is in
the size of the class. For each group to get two hours
a day on the test equipment (a reasonable and almost
necessary amount of time) , time slots must be booked
ending at 4:30am. Now since the signup was on a first
come first serve basis and there were no rules, you can
begin to imagine what really happened. This first
group to signup (the first group to get up while a prof
was lecturing), go the first time slot, and the last group
got the last time slot. This means that one group con-
sistently has from 12:30am - 2:30am, only to be
kicked off the equipment at 2:30am by the group that
has 2:30am-4:30am. 0\\ if thi \Va a one or two
day event, no big deal. But unfortunately. this
occurred for two week traight. When weekend
came, the only de ent time lot a ide from the late
ones were first thing in the morning, an impossible
time for groups ho were up all night the night
before.
But wait! If the time lot in the morning are
impossible for groups who have been up all night
every night for the last week, what about classe ? Are
these students expected to attend morning lectures?
Wit h those slots, it is not actuall y possible for the tu-
dents within those groups to be able to attend morning
lectures; even if they can make it there on time they
will be in no shape to retain anything they are taught.
Now lets go back and look at the tuition, or hall
we say the increase in tuition. In 1995 , this project did
not exist, and tuition was a
mere $1331.00. In 1999-
2000, tuition stands at an
incredible $2296.00. That
works out to an astounding
increase of $965 .00 per stu-
dent. Interestingly enough,
the experiment ri gs for this
project cost an esti mated
$3000.00. So in a class of
86 students, where the
increase revenue from
tuition stands at $82,990,
why is it that my depart-
ment was unabl e to come
up with the funds necessary
to purchase even one extra
experiment rig? Better yet ,
now that r am paying my
$965.00 more per term,
why is it that I am unable to
attend morning lectures?
WITH PAYMENT
SEP
SEP
ALENDAR
NTAl FEES.
ACK OF
Lets now look at the
student service fee, a
described in the course cal-
endar. "Services
available to the tu-
dents include the
English Language
Pr9ficiency Program
(undergraduates
terloo
110
Dept,
only) , the Art
Gallery, Health
Services (selected
services), Safety,
the Walk Safe
Program, Athletics
and Campus
Recreation ,
Career Services,
and Personal
Counselling." In
the last five
years, the cost
of these ser-
vices has gone
from $78.55
(student ser-
vice fee, plus
the atheltics
fee) to
$110.64 per
term. Now
granted,
since I am
unable to
make it to
morning
lectures, I
I'Iade N2L. 3G I
can not verify the fact that
there is $32.09 worth of improvement in these ser-
vices. But I can tell you that the safety van does not
run at 4:30am on Sunday night! Monday morning. So
really, this service no longer e..ven serves to take stu-
dent home at the end of their chool da . This ome-
ho\ doesn't eem right.
In conclu ion, it is no\ cO ting approximately
10 I 0.00 more per term in order to spend les time in
c1as ,get leep Ie . and have the ability to use Ie of
the student ervice. Somehow thi doe not seem
right. It would appear that the va lue added due to the
increa e in tui tion is in fact negative. If the university
wants to maintain its reputntion som ,thing needs to be
done to correct Ihi
... - .... ssessmen
TUITIO 51
co-op FEE $
WO K REPORT MARK N
STUDENT SERVICE FEE
S.F.F.
VOLUNTARY STUDENT CO TR
CANCOP'i
WATERLOO P.I.R.G.
RADIO WATERLOO
FEDERATIO a
1ST)
I ALTH INSUR C ED nL
STUDENT coo I A :r;
THLETIC FEE
FEDERATION HALL
Stuo.,,;
1S 0 No
WIJf!.Ii
00
The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3, 1999

----;-
,
The Right One, Baby!
Zhan Huan Zhou
38 Comp
The most common complaint from engineers regard-
ing arts cour es is that there is "no right answer" to the
questions . They complain that the marking is subjective
and they have to BS their way to a atisfactory answer. In
contrast, the e same engineers always hope that they get
"part marks" for their midterm solution because, even
though the final answer was wrong, they used the proper
method . Thi simple example suggests that art and engi-
neering may not be all that different after all.
There are some things in science that known to be fact.
For example. a water molecule consist of two hydrogen
atoms and a single oxygen atom. Then, there are some
things that are close enough to be fact, uch as j\/ewton's
infamous F = ma, which describes the everyda) world
fine, but fails at near light speeds. Fmany. there are theo-
ries we kno\\ have no clue about whether they right. uch
as GUT (grand unified theory) and the uper tring theory
of the universe. There are also the competing theories of
the origin of life, the development of modern humans, and
countless other topics in the scientific community. Some
of these debates even stretch over to the domai n of the arts
faculty. For example. the emergence of modern humans
is debated in anthropology through the arts faculty. This
could Just as easily be discussed in a biology course
offered by the science faculty
These bounds put between faculties are completely
artificial. At university. regardless of which faculty, the
goal is to teach rational thinking and reasoning.
Answering an essay question isn't that much different than
solving difterential equations. First. you read the question
to understand what the exact requirements are. The next
step is to consider facts, technique, and methods that best
apply to solving the problem. After that, you start the
sol ution with the methodology established in the previous
ste!'. Each step of the solution follows logically from the
one until finally a satisfactory solution is
reached. The difference between the essay and differen-
tial equation is that a computer can tell you that you
answered the differential equation correctly.
When it comes to engi neering, however, mo t prob-
lem cannot simply have a computer spit out the solution.
One example is when designing a product. There is no
"correct" answer when it comes to design . [t all depends
on the specifications and constraints. For example, what
is the best size to choose when designing a television?
That depends if the goal is portabili ty, power consump-
tiOll, afford ability. or some other criteria. An acceptable
solution can be obtained by following the method di -
cussed in the previous paragraph. Keeping in the spirit of
this article, the method described isn't the only method
and isn't necessarily the best. The exact procedure will
depend on the circumstances. Maybe engonecring i n't a
clear cut as you thought.
When writing your finals. don't wOIT) about the fmal
an wers. What is important is that you understand the
methods used and that you u ed logical to arrive
at the an wer. Coming out of unlveNt; with sharp ana-
lytical skill IS much more useful than being able to olve
differential equations. It just so happens that in engineer-
ing, the e skills are taught throuc-h mathematical and
design problems. 1n arts. this same skill is taught by writ-
ing essays and doing presentations .
It is often described that progress doe ' not consi t of
replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It
consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that
is more subtly wrong. Don't get caught up in gett ing the
"right" answer. Just look at how wrong ewton was and
how far he advanced physics ..
Take A Zhance has been regularly featured in The Iron Warrior
since September 1997. Past articles can be found at
http://www.eng.uwaterloo.caIstudentJzhzhou.
tngineers .9l.re Coming 'To 'Town!
Danny Chow
2H
O
n ovember 20. the local Santa Claus Parade
marched from Uptown Waterloo to Kitchener.
The cloudy morning drizzle did not deter thou-
sands of enthusiastic spectators from lining both sides of
King Street for thi s annual family event.
UW Engineering, led by Adrian Enni , put together a
float to welcome this special season of joy and celebra-
tion. In three short days, a small army of volunteers fran-
tically decorated a 42'-long flatbed with reindeers and a
good old-fashion big red sleigh. The float also featured a
Christmas tree barricaded with piles of non-perishable
food items collected for the local food bank.
Like any other important engineering event, the
parade was graced by the presence of the TOOL. The
crowd was definitely impressed by the enormousness of
our mascot. But the real show-stealers seemed to be the
TOOL-Bearers themselves. Dressed in stylish black cov-
eralls, they aluted the onlookers with season's greetings
and the occasional "Ho Ho Ho!" (which won the hearts of
many mothers). As other helpers gave out lollipops,
FEDS tattoos and Frisbees to little kids, comment such as
"look at those handsome fellas!" and "I wish to have one
of them for Christmas'" were heard muttered
under the brcath throughout the parade.
Sadly. not every wish can come true.
All in all. the event was a great uccess
and evcryone had a wonderful time.
Although it may stili be too early to wish
everybody a happy holiday. it's definitely the
time to start hoping for some good luck on
the final exams.
The. Iron Warrior Wants
YOU!!'!
THANK-YOU!
The Iron Warrior wishes to thank all the people who helped
make this term's publications so successful. Without the help
of the many volunteers who did layout, editing, writing ... the
p<1per would not have happened. You should aU be proud of
your efforts.
For anyone interested in back-issues of this term's Iron
Warrior, some copies are still available. Just drop by the IW
office (CPH 1323B) and inquire.
Submissions (of any type) are always welcome!

The Iron Warrtor Friday. December 3. 1999
?

Tuition Increases: Does the end justify the mean?
Point
Tania Bortolon
2a CIvil
T
o start off, I'd like to say that r am all for having a lower
tuition cost, as I would much rather focus on homework
and living my life during the weekend instead of my part
time job. But what I am very much against, is all this whining
about the extra fees as though they are not needed. As J look
around this computer lab at all the people who are waiting in line
to complete an assignment; and a J think about students who
have lab time in the late hours of the night or the wee hours of the
morning, I realize that it is quite imperative that this institution
purchases more equipment and funds upgrades to the labs.
The government is obviously not planning on reversing their
budget cuts in favour of the schools. 1 mean, why would they?
From their stand-point, they see that private companies are start-
ing to kick in some coin for their future employees and the stu-
dents are not s uffering (well , at least not suffering unbearably)
just yet. All looks fine and dandy from the top of Parliament Hill.
I think that it is time to face the fact that the government sucks.
Stop complaining or wishing things were as they were before and
move on. This is exactly what the Dean has tried to do.
Here's the basic breakdown of where the additional 20%
tuition fees have gone.
-30% bursaries
-20% central funds (used to run the university)
-50% Engineering Faculty
I find it a little easier to cope with the extra dent in my bank
account when I think about how these new funds are being allo-
cated. How can I complain when J'm in a program that r love at
my school of choice? An increase in tuition is not going to make
me second guess if all this trouble is worth while. But I think I'm
getting off topic now.
I heard that a student strike for the tuition freeze is being
planned by the Canadian Federation of Students. This is some-
thing that J have never understood. We are showing our concern
for our education by not attending classes . I don't buy that. No
wonder the government doesn't take us seriously. We should have
a national student group that attends the budget meetings or is
. involved with the minister of education. We need to bridge the
communication gap between us and the government. r believe
that the only effective way to do so it by using our intelligence as
oppose to using the force of our masses .
To end off this argument, I'd just like to say that we have to
learn to adapt to the changing times, instead of hoping that some-
one will come along to change things back for us. By all means,
if:you would like to "fight the power," I urge you to do so. But at
least be prepared to offer realistic alternatives to the government.
\\(hat we fajl to see, is that there is a trade off for tax cuts .. . and
that is funding cuts across the board. We can't have it all. Life is
tough ... learn to use your hardhat.
YS.
Counterpoint
Krista Glemser
fA Chem
L
ast August, as T shook my piggy ballk, trying to scrap out enough
money to pay for the coming term, I pondered the drastic increase in
tuition fees . Since the deregulation of engineering, the cost has sky-
rocketed by 19% in the pa t year alone from $1,943 to $2,310. This repre-
sents just one of the many tuition hikes Ontario st udents have seen in the last
few years. In fact. post-secondary students have had their tuition raised by
134.2% since 1990.
Due to provincial cutbacks, the university was forced to seek other funds
in order to stay competitive and keep up their high quality of education. It
seems the easiest and most effective way for the university to come up with
the missing cash is to simply increase tuition. But when is it too much, too
fast?
Accessibility is a main concern; the university option needs to remain
available to students from lower-income families. A qualified student should
not be forced to restrict their studies due to their financial situation. If these
of students were from families that made Less than $20,000 per year. [n
1994, this same group made up only 10% of the student population. This
seems to indicate that untvcrsity iii he 'omillg a )11 . III)' for only tht mille
affluent parts of society.
Student debt upon graduation is :Iiso expected to increase with tuition
cost. This hurt:. the indivll.lual s\lId nl and society in general ' nlese students
will be desperately trying to payoff their loan'> instC'lId of buying ars, hOlls-
es. and other things that help put money back into the economy. Thankfully
- for us - there is co-op at Waterloo. I'm hoping it will nut only giv' me work
experience but also enough cash to write the huge check for next teon. If it
wasn't for this aspect of Waterloo I think many more students . would be
graduating with a huge debt. Hey wait a minute, didn't co-op fees increase
too?
Since the university can charge students in deregulated programs more
money there is an incentive to admit more people into these types of pro-
granls. It's no wonder there are more engineers thIS year than ever before.
The question has been raised as to whether or not the quality of these stu
dents is as. high as previous years . 1 suppo e that remains to be seen. I have
great faith; however, in the students at Waterloo.
The next concern would involve the future prospects of the deregulated
programs. Since no one CaD predict the futute, many people wonder whether
there will be enough jobs to support all of these future graduates. It would
be a tragedy indeed if after dropping thousands of dollan on your education
you ended up unemployed because of a rapidly changing job market.
Other programs, including computer science and optometry have also
been hit with a 19% tuition increase, while other undergrad programs are up
by 9% from last year. When will the madness end? If the government does
not freeze tuition, the university will continue to increase fees because it's a
business and like any other business, it requires money to operate.After mil
lions of dollars in provinciaJ cuts to post secondary education, Ontario uni-
versities now, receive the least amount of funding per capita. Hopefully even
during these tough times the university does not simply see us students as a
dollar sign.
The opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the authors, or the fron Warrior staff. Point Counter Point articles are meant to be a
thought-provoking debate on prevalent issues relevant to engineers. They are not intended as a statement of fact.
The Iron Warrior Fnday. December 3. 1999
,



ue\nq
ontox\O as . . tn\S
. \nee.{S
6e
o
3\\ {\g
-- \S .
. S a
\ .
______ .
Starting January 1, 2000, you can register online as a PEO
ngineer 9 student member.
s\g
Membership is free and
open to all engineering undergraduates.
Check out PEO's student website at
vvvvvv.engineeringstudents.peo.on.ca
and 'watch for more information and activities starting in
the new year at your school .
The I ron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999
Friday, December 3,1999 NOT The Magazine o/the University o/Waterloo Engineering Society
VP-Finance seen fleeing to Mexico with sacs of
Loonies. EngSoc budget a shables. President
- expected to take the fall.
En .oc arged with ' , , , ~ D . '
Assau It on Stuffed Teddy Bear. Teddy Sues
for psychological trauma.
11
Go Y2K Yourself
1 3 Dating Woes
Semi-formal didn't go well? This
survey can tell you why.
11
SUV haters unite!
Tired of bright headlights in the
night? Now there's help.
1 2 Nuclear Winter?
UW the target of a second wave
nuclear offensive. Protect yourself.
14 I gotta go Wee Wee!
. Bathroom conspiracy may be the
downfall of Engineering.
1 6 From the Archives
How fast can a Boat Race? In
an ideal situation of course.
Voillme 1 Issue 1
from the Past"
'flWlMA fans line up, only to
find movie out on video
already.
"Originality, I fear, is too often only undetected andfrequently unconscwus pitzgarism" - Dean W. R. Inge (preface to 'Wit and Wisdom')
/1
Letter From The
Editor
assumed that it was pride in
these accomplishments that
fueled me through many long
sleepless nights producing
Mal Pigoz;:.o
28 Mech
your moment's entertain-
ment.
L
OOk on me and despair ye infidels.
The hour of my ascension is at
hand. No one can stop my ultimate
domination of this puny planet. Ha Ha Ha!
Such naivety! The Iron
warrior was little more than a
pawn in a bigger game. A
game that will soon see myself as ultimate
ruler of the world. You see, I have a shock-
ing truth to reveal:
I am really an Arts Student!
Sorry about that, it's in the script for all
of us would be world conquerers. Cliche 1
know, but what can I do? Cheesy lines
such as that come with the territory. That's
the villain's equivalent to throwing down
the gauntlet to all the gooddie-goodie
super guy-types running around. It's a
legal thing dating back many centuries and
is a disclaimer of sorts. Basically, since I
am about to complete my conquest of the
Earth, I have to give everyone two weeks
notice (kind a like severence pay) to get
their act together and try to stop me.
So, at this point you're obviously a bit
confused as to what exactly is going on
here, am I right? Well, allow me a brief
moment to enlighten you.
Many of you are aware that [ have been
editor of the fron Warrior for the past few
months. Ignorantly you lived your merry
little lives, expecting your paper out every
couple of weeks and flippantly glancing
through it during your boring lectures. You
Yes, now that my carefully laid plans
are coming to fruition, my victory is
assured. I can come out from hiding, from
my masquerade as a mechanical engineer-
ing student. If it wasn't for the apathy that
has infected the student population, this
may never have been possible. But the
generaJ lack of caring allowed me to slide
into the position of Editor-in-Chief which
is so key to the success of my plot, without
my true academic alliegances being dis-
covered. From this influential position I
was then able to begin planting my insidi-
ous poisons into this faculty. An age old
maxim states "If you control the media,
you control the minds of the people." Well,
maybe its never actually been said, but you
gotta admit it sounds pretty good, with that
old, full of wisdom rhythm to it. You see,
you can tell I'm not an engineer since - not
only do I use complex words and phrases -
o the Editor:
Andrew Lin
fA Chem
"The Write Stuff"
T
he Iron Wani.or is for good writers to contribute
stuff to or daIly pubhcatlon. The edItor, Mat Pigozzo, recently chal-
Icnged claims made by many Engincers that they "don't know how to
write." Frankly, ( think that's rubbish. I mean, all you need is to slap a few
coherent sentences together, relating to a topic you mayor may not know
anything about. That's aliI ever do ... /t's easier than sketching the curve of
y = (x-I)/(x+l). The Iron Warrior is constantly searching for different ideas
to cover, and different people to cover them. There are a variety of issues that
affect us engineers, yet only a handful of people on the Iron Warrior staff to
report them.
On one hand, I agree with ollr esteemed editor. More of you should get
involved with the Iron Warrior. After all, it's YOUR newspaper, for YOU
engineers. We could use the help covering stories, conducting research, brib-
ing interviewees, stealing photos, plagiarising articles, etc. You're an engi-
neer, which means that your high school marks were good, and so your
English mark was probably up there as well. You can help us. We're not that
good at writing, we just like to say we are.
On the other hand, my greedy side has its arguments. If more people join
the IW staff, Mr. Pigozzo might decide to re-evaluate his current staff. Then
he will discover that some of us are just plain stupid. We will be politely
released on grounds of incompetency, and we will be dragged away from our
word processors kicking and screaming.
Now,l wouldn't mind kicking and screaming, especially after a botched
exam. If it's going to cost me my hard-earned position as a volunteer; how-
ever, then 1 must reconsider supporting my editor's recruitment call. Why
would he search for more writer's anyways, when he's already got as loyal
and dedicated group as us ... ?

The Iron Warnor Friday. December 3. 1999
r can
make such things up as I go along (well I
suppose engineers can to, but they disguise
their fantasies with such words as 'assume'
or 'by inspection'), but I can say pretty
much whatever I want and even though it
may be totally and uncategorically false, it
is all but impossible to prove that 1 am
spewing almost nonsense.
This is exactly what I have done. Using
this paper as a base, and cleverly worded
text that would be seen merely as the ram-
blings of fellow engineering students, I
have carefully planted post-hypnotic sug-
gestions into the minds of all IW readers.
Using all of those who are reading this
now as part of my army of mindless engi-
neers (I apologize for being redundant)
that will unquestioningly do my bidding
and engineer a world where I am the ulti-
mate and sole authority. The best part, is
that none of you will ever know this. You
will forget these words once you have put
this paper down, thinking them no more
than a crude hoax and will go on about
your daily Lives totally unsuspecting of
your dismaJ fate, your worst nightmare:
having one of the Arts students you merci-
lessly teased as your boss. Oh how I shall
laugh long and sweet when the day comes
that you know the full extent of your
doom. But that is for another time. I must
continue to lay bare my plans to you for no
apparent reason, when they are so close to
securing my position as world over-lord so
that some bumbling hero can foil my plots
(1 hate this damn inadequecy complex that
keeps me from succeeding).
Yes, you will continue to live your
Jives as though nothing were awry. Then,
for the remainder of your petty existence
you will think that you are pursuing your
own selfish goals for career advancement
and salary, all the while serving my bid for
global supremacy!
Phew, glad that's over with. That was
quite exhausting ....
YOll know what, I forgot my heart con-
dition in my excitement. I no longer have
stamina I had when I was young (you
know I'm over21 now!!) . r waited too long
to .make my play for global conquest. J'm
just going to retire instead and leave that
sort of thing to younger super-villains. I
know what you're going to say "But you
were so close". Yes, I was, but what is
being ruler of the world if you don't have
your health eh? It's just a question of pri-
orities. So forget what I was saying - I'm
sure you probably already have. In fact I'm
surprised you made it this far.
NOT tlu! Magazine of the Unillersity of
Waterloo Engineering Society
Big Brother
Mat "J. Jonah Jameson" Pigozzo
Assistant Editor
Tania "Lois Lane" Bortolon
Layout Editor
Richard "Jimmy Olsen" Kuttner
Advertising Editor
Nick "Clark Kent" Gaganiaras
Photography Editor
Brad "Peter Parker" Ellis
Staff
Sabrina "Is the seat down?" Foster
Alexander "Pale Ale" Keith's
Rod "Air's too thin" Locke
Glen "Single Malt" Morangie
Stephanie "Missiles Away" Purnell
Evan "New Armpit" Wilson
Shingo "Wat'd Ya Say" Yuki
Contributors
Jon "Gates" Bastien
Elliot "Trump" Biro
Melissa "Clinton" Bond
Peter "a.k.a" Cresswell
(a.k.a. Poke-Mon, Tweety, Marcus)
Aron "AI" Levitz
Alex "Gore" Matan
General J. Mitchell
Ryan "Night" Stammers
The Waterloo Daily Yorker
The TIn SoldIer is a fOrunlfor thought provok.ing and
infonnative articles published in 1be Iron Warrior
by the Engineering Society. Views in The
nn SoldIer are those of the authors and do not nec-
essarily reflect the opinions of tbe Engineering
Society or reality (of any sort).
The TIn SoldIer encoumges submiSSions from stu-
dents, faculty and members of the university commu-
nity. Submissions should reflect the concerns and
intellectual standards of the university in general. The
author's name and phone Dumber sbould be included.
All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the
property of The TIn Soldier, whicb reserves the right
to refuse publicarion of material which it deems
unsuitable. 1be TIn Soldier also reserves the right to
edit grammar. spelling and that do not meet uni-
versity standards. Authors will be notified of any
major changes that may be required.
Mail shouJd be addressed to TM Iron Warrior
Engineering Society, CPH 1327, University of
Waterloo. Waterloo. Ontario. N2L 30 I. Our phone
number is (519) 888-4567 x2693. Our fax number is
(519) 725-4872. E-mail caD be sent to
iwarrior@englMilJlWaltrWoca
Co-op Fee Raised ine Bucks
Fridge Magnets Promised
Re-printed l1'ith penniHion from:
The Waterloo Daily Yorker
September'l999

Needles Hall, UW (The Yorker):
T
he co-operative education fee, which has been
$411 per term for time immemorial, has been
raised to $420, starting in the Spring 1999 teml.
Federation of Students VP-Tuition and noted cannabis
legalization activist, Charles Puslinch, explained how the
amount of the increase was determined. "You see, Co-op
[Education and Career Services or CECS] only wanted to
raise the fee $8.50, for which I feel they provided good
and sufficient reasons. But I figured '419.50' was a pretty
lame number for a fee, and I encouraged them to round it
up and give every kid who attends the Coop 101 sessions
a free fridge magnet that says 'Co-op 101 - 420 at work.'
They were concerned about a lack of attendance at those
sessions, and agreed wholeheartedly with my suggestion.
With SAC (Students Advising Co-op - now defunct) out

Marcus
Jonesiwanna
4B Non-major
ecently, the University of Waterloo hosted a 'town
hall' to discuss the Y2K situation. The Hall had
many professionals and local private business rep-
resentatives all thoroughly educated in the Y2K scene.
Their diagnosis was a positive one, reassuring the viewers
that it would likely be business as u ual come the much
anticipated January 1st 2000.
On hand at this event, listening intently to the com-
ments of the professionals were four members of an inde-
pendent think tank called The Committee of Excellence.
The members present at the town hall - while enjoying the
reassuring words from the experts - did not seem at all
moved or convinced by them. When this reporter later
recognised and asked the members what they thought, it
quickly became obvious that they did not at all share in
the views which had just been put forth. Indeed, The
Committee of Excellence had significantly different ideas
on the Y2K issue.
"All lies!" one member said, "You can take tRis Y2K
of the picture. it wa rubber- tamped and approved II ith-
out further di cu ion. 1an. did I ever make an as out of

CECS Fooled?
When The Yorker a ked CEC \ hy the approved a
plan to as ociate them elve 0 strongly with the number
"420," - which is a known police code number for a
cannabi possession call and ha been adopted b
cannabi u ers to describe their pursuit - CEC Chair
George Fergus responded quickly. "Don't worry, dude,
that VP-Tuition of yours is 'The Man'. He hooked me up
and it's all good!" Fergu then proceeded to fmi h off a
bag of chips, commented at length on how doors just
aren't what they used to be, and then took our reporter to
visit the B I greenhouse and discover why Administration
doesn't plan to raise tuition again next year, "provided the
sun keeps up like thi ."
Students Take Up Arms
With rising tuition fees, some students have taken
issue with the co-op fee increa e. Speaking on the phone
thing and shove it up your a** While you are at it, you
can take the economy and shove that up your a** a well
because that's where it's going. Me, l'm getting a shot-
gun!" .Obviously disturbed by the possibilities of disaster,
I decided to proceed and ask a second member what he
thought. The result, however, was roughly the same.
"I don't know how to explain it except like this:", said
a second member, "Imagine that you need to go to the
bathroom except that your stupid Aunt Marry is u ing it.
You realize that you can't wait and inst ad barge in on her
and start unloading in all directions. She screams and you
lose your concentration. You're now firing everywhere!
God the Humanity! The creams bring your entire family
racing upstairs and there you arc: you're caught with YOlIl
pant down, the place is a mess , everyone's pissed 011 and
all you wanted to do wa take a leak. Me, I'm not gonna
be that guy. I ain't getting caught that way." Indeed, The
Committee of Excellence was, at the very least, dcscrip
tive in their explanations and concerns. I tried asking
more detailed que tions , hoping to get to some of the
major concerns thal people havt;} about Y2K.
"Do you think that home computers will likely be
affected?" J inquired of a third member, hoping for some
solid proof of these apocalyptic predictions. "for sure."
Was the answer. He continued, "The question is will peo-
ple be able to tell the difference and if 0, how. It has been
estimated that some 30% of average computer users find
from hi Brampton office at orlel, Tom Maryhill,
Pre, ident of the newly fom1ed SAC2 (Students Again t
-op ... Again) told The Yorker. "We aren't going to take
thi. imperiali t bullshit anymore. 1 invite all co-op stu-
dents and their ympathizers to gather tomorrrow after-
noon n the Gra y Knoll., ith whatever weapon they can
find, for military drill by some intense PT
(Phy ical Training) with a fa t-paced game of ultimate.
Then we'll hit the Bomber for orne pitchers of Strongbow
and a little beach volleyball. We have got to show the
Admini tration that students have had enough and lhat we
must be taken eriously." Admini {ration has re ponded
b i suing an emergency regulation prohibiting "the play-
ing of beach volleyball and ultimate Frisbee on University
grounds," citing" afcty concerns and a deep distrust of
those new-fangled hippy things."
Filled with rage and winging a two-by-four, Reginald
Woolwich, Pre ident of the UW Ultimate Club, creamed
wildly, "It's called 'ultimate,' ju t 'ultimate,' dammit! Why
can't you idiot get it right!"
------------------
a mouse too difficult to operate and another 40% find the
concept of saving a file a difficult process. Based on these
numbers and a general idea of the average computer user,
I wouldn' t be surprised if nearly 25% of all home com-
puters stop functioning properly after Y2K. This is
impressive on it's own but when considering that our
numbers indicate that of that 25%, only a fractional - 8
percent - will likely REALIZE that the computer i no
longer fully functional, that is what is truly amazing.
Problems? Yes. Are the Y2K related? at bloody like-
ly. They'd still be ignorant no matter wh8f'the &ty was.
Fools"
Indeed, it would seem that The Committee of
I 'd knee had wt'll h)UIHkd III tillS rcpOIll'r.
the 'l:llcnll trend sel:llwd obvious. III 'l'()II1 I to "\
mess)' . My advise: pr'par,ltioll is always kl:Y. Tuke the
advice of the Boy Scouts and nlways I 'pn:par d. In
try alld kidnap a lew; lh 'y millht he 'lui so best to
kecp fI handl ul of thel\l around it possibll.'.
Y2K is II glohul issue which is rapidly rOllling to !1
head. Will th' TbwlI lIall b' vindicated or will the
ommiltee of Excellence prove wilh their gloolllY predic
tions to he the holder of truth . Tn this reporter, rcgardl'ss
of the outcome, the answer to dealing with Y2K is obvi
ow;: Boy Scouts are definitely the way to go.
W-E-A-S-U-L
Alex Matan
WEASUL Founder
and CEO
H
ad enough? Join WEASUL! My fellow
motorists, tell me if this scenario sounds familiar
to you. You are driving down some back road at
night, enjoying your favourite polka CD or the stimulat-
ing discussion on CBC Radio One,just minding your own
business, when suddenly a great, blinding light strikes you
in the face. It keeps happening to you, and the police just
laugh when you ask them to do something about it. You
fear that one day, something evil will happen to you.
'Nothing can be done,' you think, 'this phenomena cannot
be stopped.' Or can it?
I invite you to take a stand. r invite you to join
Waterloo Engineers Against Sport Utility Lighting
(WEASUL). WEASUL works to eliminate the evil nui-
sance of Sport Utility Vehicle (SUV) blinding by devel-
oping and employing system that let the SUV driver get
a perfectly legal taste of their own medicine.
We are all aware that SUV headlights are mounted
extremely high 'up on the front grille for what can only be
reasons offashion. Most of these glorified station wagons
only go off-road when the drivers accidentally jump a
curb turning a corner or when they go on a crazed ram-
page. We at WEASUL say that if it is all nice and legal to
design tecbnically useless features into an SUV that are
annoying to other drivers, then it is legitimate for drivers
of little tin cans like us to do the same.
As part of our "Same to You, Plus Interest" policy,
WEASUL is developing two cheap, yet effective methods
of annoying SUV drivers:
I . Halogen brake lights - The e lamps will replace the
standard, normal light intensity lamps in your brake light
array. When an SUV is following you, blinding your eyes
with the light reflecting off of your rear-view mirrors,
simply flip a switch (or, with the optional voice recogni-
tion module, say "Kit, get that *@$#$ off my tail.").
Instantly, your taillights go to an 'extra-bright' state.
These miniature spotlights will irritate SUV drivers' eyes,
providing the necessary encouragement for them to back
off and be a good member of the motoring community.
2. Reflecting mirrors - Specially aimed mirrors mount-
ed on your vehicle will redirect an SUV's headlight beam
directly into its driver's eyes. Since the mirrors are aimed
the same way as your own rear-view mirrors redirect only
SUV headlight beams into your own eyes. they will only
renect SUV light, not that of normal cars.
WEASUL isn't just about taking the law into our own
hands. We will also exploit the legal system to achieve
our goals. One possibility is a giant class action lawsuit
(or numerous Iluisance lawsuits) against all manufacturers
of SUVs on behalf of everyone who drives a regular car.
We will push for a Large Cash Settlement(TM) for the
past, present, and future victims of the SUV plague.
SUVs constitute a public nui ance, and we could move for
an injunction against their manufacture if they do not
remove the technical fault of poor lighting design.
So become a WEASUL today. All it takes is a little
ingenuity and a lot of spite.
The Iron Warrior Friday, December 3, 1999

Red Alert!
Nuclear New Year1s Approaches
AlTENTION: The following is a Public Service Anouncement directed towards the
students of UW to warn of their impending nuclear annihilation.
Ballistic Missile) or two.
lt is common knowledge
that although the United
States and RUSSIa are
Stephanie Purnell
RI/.l"SlWI Amhassat/or
W
hen the UOlversity or Waterloo was estab-
li shed, it was built with the intention ot becom-
ing an advanced technological Ins tI tution.
What is now the Math buildmg housed a server that was
incredibly powerful In comparison to the computers in the
1950's. The Red Room server, as it IS known, was so
high-tech, the Soviets had it pin-pointed as a secondary
target t hroughout the Cold War for a strategic nuClear
stri ke. During the stand-off between the United States
and the U.S.S.R., the Red Room server was capabl e of
down- loading all the U.S. mi li tary plans in 15 minutes, in
the event of an emergency. Thi s capitalist back-up system
could not be overlooked by the Soviet military, and was
therefore targeted with an ICBM ( Inter-Continental
Evan Wilson
IA Comp
A
s you all know, we at the Iron Warrior are very
proud of our little publication. Once every two
weeks, we get to spread the gospel of the Tool to
over 35 students and 3-odd faculty members of the
University of Waterloo population who read our paper
with pride. To quote our editor, the "cuddly" Mat Pigozzo,
our paper is much like "Walter Cronkite on Prozac."
"Cuddly" was also a quote from Mr. Pigozzo, himself". He
made me put that in to make up for the observations I
made about him in my Scunt article. His mother was not
impressed. Did [ mention that. while in a fit of rage, he
threatened me with a broken beer bottle?
However, things aren't like this everywhere. Not
every university has its own "Sam Donaldson on Viagra,"
or, even, "Peter Mansbridge on Contact c." Take, for
instance, Queen's Univer ity and its engineering publica-
tion, "Golden Words," a sort of "Regis Philbin on Cmck
Cocaine." Not very informative, but damn entertaining. to
say the least.
Whereas the Iron Warrior prides itself on its high cal-
ibre investigative reporting and engineering commentary,
Golden Words prides itself on the sheer magnitude of ref-
erences to the male genitalia between its covers each and
every week. Yes, one would be urprised to ee the phrase
"douche bag" in a publication like the Iron Warrior,
whereas it comes as a shock when the word isn't men-
tioned at least three times in a single issue of the "Golden
Words."
If you've never seen the "Golden Words," it is much
Like a newsprint version of our own "EngiNewsLetter." It
doesn't so much inform the general population of any-
thing, but, instead, simply perseveres to make it laugh.
And usually strike at the lowest common denominator to
do so. And it works a lot of the time.
While the quality of GW is not quite as high brow or
witty as bumour found in, say, The Onion, the works of
Garrison Keillor, or essays by Steve Martin or Woody
Allen, a definite MAD magazine comparison can be
drawn. Many an article would not look out of place in a
"friends", the truce is an
uneasy one. There are
those with faith that all nuclear warheads previously
aimed at the enemy have been disarmed. This faith is bred
of" ignorance, and best left for those who do not believe in
conspiricy theorles .. .!n fact, evidence abounds to point to
the fact that this dIsarmament is nothmg but a hoax to ease
political tension, fool the media and apease the masses.
The UnIversity of Waterloo has recently disposed of
it's famous "Red Room" in order to make way for more
classrooms in the Math buildi ng. Intell igence indicates
that the Russian government has eIt her not received this
information, or doesn't give a rat's patoot. ]n light of the
upcoming Y2K cri sis, it is advi sed that you do not decide
to party in the former Red Room on New Years Eve.
Many agents died to discover that Russia has, in fact, done
no preparation whatsoever for the year 2000 and that its
nuclear launch systems are still active and highly suscep-
tible to the Y2K bug. Anyone unlucky enough to be here
when Moscow's clock clicks over to January I st will be
obliterated along with the rest of campus due to some lazy
bum in Russia . Afterall, whom in Russia do you really
Cracked Ma azine fresh off the newsstand at a fine estab-
lishment such as Farah's Foods, or any other store of that
lineage.
It hasn't been the 60's for almost forty years; however,
and MAD magazine just isn't fresh anymore. As you read,
you think things could have been funnier, but something
went wrong with the delivery. Sometimes you feel as if
Alan Thicke re-wrote some of George Carlin's most bril-
liant work, and tried to perform it himself.
Golden Words; however, does shine when it checks
the gap-toothed grin of Alfred E. Neuman at the door, and
peels some inspirational layers from Madison ,
Wisconsin's "The Onion." (For those of you who have yet
to experience The Onion, visit www.theonion.com. or
pick up their book "Our Dumb Century" at the
BookStore .)
One article in an issue from early this year, welcoming
incommg frosh was headlined with "Queen's University
Welcomes You: A ew Generation of Swarmy, Naive
Alcoholics. " Under the headline was a bottom-of-the-
heart display of just how much Queens loves their pole-
climbing incomers. Here's an excerpt:
"The frosh themselves seem optimistic, in one of those
muddled-up kind of ways." "I can't wait to
go to bars and order stuff and look cool and have guys
want to have sex with me and let them," said one young
moron whose name isn't even worth mentioning for the
sake of journalistic competence. These hopeful feelings
were hared by another slack-jawed chimp, who brayed
like a dying ass at every word the girl said. It was this
reporter's opinion that, in some barely comprehensible
way, the young primate was attempting to obtain a mate.
The editors however, were able to express their true
feelings for their new school mates with this footnote at
the bottom of the article: "We love you, you silly assholes.
Have a great week, and remember to sleep on your side,
so as not to vomit in your sleep and die in some John-
Bonham-from-Led-Zeppelin kind of way."
Sure, it's offensive, but who cares? You liked "There's
Something About Mary," didn't you?
But wait! There's more. The writers also score with
their Calvin and Hobbes parody, much like the EngiNews
does with the Family Circus. Except with John Tesh head
shots threatening to pop up at any moment. Imagine the
comedic possibilities. Oh, wait, you don't need to. The
Golden Words staff already did.
The staff of the Golden Words not only has to be com-

The Iron Wailiol Fllclay. December 3.1999
think cares if a few capitalist bastard get premawrely iOI1-
ized?
It has also been discovered that the administrallon lias
been aware of this fact for some time now and has been
slowly planning a campus wide evacuation. ThIS is the
real reason the univerSIty wants to cut Frosh Week: .0 that
there will - hopefully - be no one present on campus when
errant nukes start to fly. Thi is al 0 the reason for EL
being built underground as it will erve as emergency
bombshelter in the event that Fiery Death rains f"rom the
sky.
NOTE:
This article is not meant to feed paranoia. If it does so.
our official position on the issue is as follows:
"Oops!"
ords???
mended for its humour, but also for its ambition. ot
once, but twi ce this year, did the staff rename the paper
and write a whole issue under this newsprint pseudonym.
"Greg Weekly" and "Goth World" were the titles of these
two one time issues, the former focusing on the life of
"Greg" a suburbanite loser living in his parents basement,
and the latter a magazine designed to train each and every
one of us to become a.mopey, spandex-clad Goth .
Both of these issues were, for the most part, very suc-
cessful in ... weJl in making me laugh . In fact , the Goth
issue was probably the best of the bunch, if not only
because of Sloan' "One Chord to Another," the B-52's
"The B-52's" and the Police's "Synchronicity" being
named three of the eight definitive Goth albums of all
time. (From the Synchronicity review: "The first time I
heard this album, ] was so moved that 1 tried to carve the
word 'synchronicity' into my arm with a razor. But that
proved to be a very long and painful word, so J gave up.
I wish I had stopped at "syn" instead of 'synchro: because
now everyone thinks I'm one of those lame swimmers .
You know, the ones that conform." Well, hey. it made ME
laugh.)
So, all in all, I recommend you do your best to pick up
a copy of "Golden Words." kip the MAD magazine
schtick and read the articles. h' lI be worth your time.
There's just one last thing. This paper, although pub-
lished by the EngSoc at Queens, is actually written by a
group of arts students, who know that they can say what-
ever they want, and the engineers will take all of the heat.
Hey, that's a pretty smart idea. One has to wonder why
such smart people decided against being engineer .
Quiz:
Were ;'9ou a GOOD Date for the Semi
Tweety &
Poke-Mon
Honoured Semi-formoL
Guests and TS reporfers
S
ome of you may have attended this tenn's semi-for-
mal- many thanks to Winnie and Stu for a great job
organizing ... you guys rock. Some of you may not
remember attending. but rest assured that your cool new
dance moves really got you noticed. You may be won-
dering; however. "Did I really impress my date:?"
To help you answer that burning question, we've
thought of a few questions to help you rate your perfor
mance. We'll al 0 gi ve you tips on how to improve for
next time.
You'll be sure to find deep insight into your personali-
ty and future. Remember, honesty is important since
you'll only be lying to yourself otherwise - and no one else
really cares anyway. Trust us, we know. No amount of
sobbing will get you any sympathy from the authors. So
just take the quiz. Then go and wallow elsewhere.
1. Getting ready involves:
a) Shower, shave (legs or face - your choice), deodor-
ant, brushing teeth and getting dressed.
b) Three shots of special blend moonshine that your
cool don gave you for safekeeping. Ponder the alcohol
content of Listerine ... and then swallow it.
c) Liberally apply body any associated anatomy with
black and white anarchy symbols. Select the "special"
contacts for the evening - your lucky red one and a shiny
silver one in keeping with the 'Glitz and Glam' theme of
the night.
d) Make a quick trip to Dr. J to get your implants set
just right to give you that "fresh out of the operating
room" look. Airbrush face and apply several coats of
gloss.
2. Dinner plans?
a) Take your date out for a romantic, candlelight din-
ner. Spend the whole time gazing into each other's eyes .
b) That high-class place, Moody's, with a bunch of
friends. Order up a couple pitchers to share with your
date, but finish them yourself.
c) Patrol block until locating neighbourhood cat. You
and your date have a feline feast. It's the cat's meow.
d) After downing a celery stick and glass of water, you
quickly excuse yourself to purge your body of all that icky
fat. No pain, no gain .
3. You arrive in high style, of course. Your mode of
transportation to the semi is:
a) A rented limousine.
b) Your date has to drive as you'd fmished both the
Listerine and the moonshine. The other altematiye was to
carry you, but that would be uncool for such a high class
individual as yourself.
c) Your custom-made 666cc Harley. Your special
engine randomly emits fireballs to keep those tail-gaters
away.
d) You'll have to be dropped on the roof from your hot
pink helicopter to avoid the groupies waiting for you out-
Formal?
side the door.
.t. When .ou arrive. you first:
a) C heck to see if your fnends are
there.
b) Head tor the har, fal-..e
ID In hand. lhe double ri. tmg action
ha begun 1 Double hots too .. ince
you never know when the) might run out.
c) Find the chaperon and lick the ba \... of hi . her nec\...
with your five-inch green tongue in keeping with the spe-
cial greeting you gi\e all your friends.
d) Immediatel head to the bathroom and hed. our
hair, your teeth, your clothes. our lips. the InSide of your
eye lids. yourtoes. your implant ... you get the pomt. Re-
apply all makeup.
5. One thing that most annoys you on the dance floor
is:
a) That obnoxious couple that keeps bumping into
your date with their grinding, even during the fast songsl
b) The dirty looks you keep getting from other people
on the dance floor. You know they're just jealou that your
tongue isn't halfway down their throat and that they don't
have your alcohol tolerance.
c) People who, are smiling and enjoying them elves.
Soon they will fear us!!
d) Getting groped by all those drunk icky engineer !
6. When the first slow dance comes on, you:
a) Kindly ask your date to dance.
b) Attempt to adjust your beer goggles, but can't get
them to focus. Randomly push your way through the
crowd until you find someone remotely close to your date ,
latch yourself on to their neck while spluttering, "Babe,
you make me so hot !"
c) Rip off your shirt and use a broken beer bottle to
carve 666 in your forehead. Begin moshing while wiping
the blood out 0 your eye and smile at the gasps and
shrieks from the crowd.
d) Look around and realize the complete inferiority of
the rest of the crowd. Go and sulk by the bar. Ask Ih(.'
fresh next to you for some of the special stuff they offered
you when you first arrived. You need 10 drown your sor
row somehow - people don't realize how burdening pcr
fection can be!
7. When the Tool arrives, you:
a) Line up with your date for a picture of your special
night.
b) Fondle that hot, mysterious Toolbearer that you've
had your eye on since Frosh Week. It's after Sunday, so II
doesn't matter who you go home with.
c) Declare the Tool to be in the: service of Satan alld
attempt to wrench it away from the Toolbearers to add to
your collection of minions. Smash wll1dows when your
attempt fails.
d) Wonder why people arc worshipping somethin
o
other than you .
8. The music stops and the light comes up. You look
at the person you've been dancing with for the past
few songs. You:
a) Realize that you're in love.
b) Realize that the leg you've been grinding with for
the last five minutes is actually a table leg that won' t be
giving you too much good lovin' no matter how nice you
treat it. You rush off quickly to find the real thing before
everyone else gets there first.
c) Proceed to smash newly visible furniture, throwing
tables and chairs to liberate them from the tyranny of
gravity.
d) Realize that you've had your walJet and 0011 phone
lifted and have no way of calling your pilot. Kindly ask
the individual with the green tongue for a ride home.
9. The best event you participated in during the
evening was:
a) A mutual kissing contest. Everyone was a winner.
b) An exhilarating round of projectile vomiting with
your best new buds, Sloppy Sam, Drooling Doris and
Messy Max.
c) Wrapping your mouth around the smoke maker
until the beautiful fumes begin to gush from your flailing
nostrils. as you hear p ople nee. yelling "Oh for the
love of God ... ff not even human!"
d) A rejection line COlll cst with your'elf to see how
many egos you could crush. Bonus points awarded for
tears. It's not like any of them ever had a chance with you
anywtl).
10. Your most embarrassing moment of the evening
was;
a) That one lime you passed gas. Hope no one
noti ced.
b) Having your hair catch on tire after Irying to ignite
some loser' fa rts with your li ghter when he wasn't look-
ing. Man those sweet blast were wOl1h it though.
c) Realizing you wore the same outfit a someone else.
Who would have thought that Eaton's sold black vinyl
backless pants? And you wondered why they went out of
busines .
d) Realizing that you didn't follow social convention
by selecting a 2-inch heel instead of the required 2.5-inch
heel. If anyone ever caught you, you would become an
outcast for sure.
11. You think the date went well aose:
a) Your date said that the evening was very pleasant
and gave you a good night kiss when you dropped himlher
off (the limo driver promised not to wllt('h) YOII went
hOll1l' lookinf' forward to Ihl' Ill' I lime Ihe Iwo of" OIl will
Sl'e each other
b) You don' t know ahout YOllr date, hUI Oll slIre hud a
good tlllle . Plus you mncic some IWW huds who dIdn't
mind pl1t1l1l
l
out YOllr fnrt -llt h:m With Ihl' watt r from the
comer plant. ou don't rememher part ahulIl til\' kall
garoo however, out II slIre sounded fun
c) You found live new for our leljoll , and
one of them IS actually pretty cull' for a hUl11an .
d) The indivldllal with the green IOII/.'Ill' show('d yOIl
several new technique, Ihat made the whole
worthwhile
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The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999

ki he S
evealed:
Itls A I About
Sabrina Foster
The Bathrooms
2A Mech
have a couple of beers to kill the rest of the period. You
can see how things start to escalate until you are going
into the Algebra final thinking that an eigenvector is the
name of one of those German songs you sing during
Oktoberfest.
This year, in particular, the frosh population is very
large. As a result, there has been a lot of discussion about
the problem of insufficient teaching space. As a simple
solution, it can be extrapolated, the administration mali-
ciously and strategically decided to ignore the basic bio-
logical needs of the students in order to reduce class size
and solve the space issue. A logical reaction to the student
influx would have been to set up a temporary lava-
tory facility. But I haven't seen any Port-A-Potties
positioned around engineering - have you?
ical engineering. It's no accident that it is known as
femme-eng. Next, they would likely apply to either sys-
tems or civil, focused in E2 and CPH respectively. Each
of these disciplines have a large female contingent
because, frankly, the bathrooms are available. Maybe
you're a female who is much more interested in mechani-
cal engineering. There are two stalls within E3, where
countless hours will be spent doing labs. The choice
between having your legs crossed a large percentage of
your waking hours and learning about support beams or
what colour to paint things rather than crank shafts, is not
a difficult one to make.
Engineering Building Bathroom Breakdown
W
hy don't frosh succeed? Why are there so few
females in engineering? Why are these
females concentrated in certain disciplines?
The administration has been asking themselves these
questions since the university opened more than forty
years ago. Scapegoats such as class size, ineffective
teaching and challenging curriculum answered the first
question. Some of these issues were addressed, but so
many students still aren't making the grade. Stereotyping
and advertising were blamed for the female situation. But
these responses seem weak at best.
New evidence has been uncovered which provides
conclusive proof that these symptoms are manifestations
of an issue that threatens our society as a whole, and par-
ticularly higher education. Yes, I'm talking about insuffi-
cient bathrooms. The University of Waterloo may provide
ten percent of Canada's engineers, but they sure don't pro-
vide their students with the opportunity to relieve them-
selves.
Of the four-thou sand-odd undergraduate and 20
First, the issue offrosh performance will be addressed.
First year students end up spending mo t of their learning
time within the confines of the Engineering Lecture Hall.
The data clearly show that there are a pitiful number of
urinals and stalls within that building. Academic perfor-
mance is clearly related to the time and effort that a per-
son puts into their education. Rather than studying and
getting their assignments in on time, frosh are' instead
wasting all their time travelling to and from the bathroom.
No wonder student's marks are dropping by fifteen per-
cent or more when they leave high chool and go into
engineering at Waterloo.
And then there are the interminabl e lines - how can
you expect a male frosh to get to class on time when all
three stalls in EL are in use? After missing the beginning
of a lecture, you might as well go to POETS and watch
television, for all you are going to be able to understand.
Heck, if it's a Thursday or Friday then you might as well
graduate engineering students, only approximate- 18
Iy eighteen percent are women. At first glance,
16
according to the table, there would appear to be
more than enough stalls around engineering to ,.
meet their needs. But let's be realistic , females _ 1'2
spend about four times as long in the bathroom,
'0 10
doing whatever the heck it is that they do in the

bathroom. As a result, the 25: I ratio skyrockets to z
a lOO: I ratio, with the thirty total available stalls.
When we consider the fact that females can only
go to the washroom in groups of two or more, then
it's at least 200-300: I. The numbers begin to bog-
gle your mind. No wonder women don't want to
go into engineering, they're afraid that they are
going to have to start wearing Depends in order to
go through the four and two-thirds year ordeal. Sure, in a
couple of cases the school has provided women with
lounges with maybe a couch, a few chairs and even a pot-
ted plant in order to make the wait in line bearable, but it's'
far too little, far too late.
Still, ome women do decide, against the advice of
their doctor, to go into engineering at Waterloo.
Logically. these women are going to be entering the disci-
pline that will help them best meet their bathroom needs.
The data clearly indicate that they should apply to chem-
Elliot Biro
Ex- WEEF Director
W
ell it's the end of the term and we just had the funding
council meeting. \ really must say that there are a few
surpri es this term, but all-in-all, \'11 have to say they are
not bad ones. Because of ome disorganisation at the beginning of
the term, some people missed out on submitting proposals. The lack
of proposals; however, allowed us to spend some money to buy stuff
that - and I'm sure that you'll agree with me on this, will make it a
lot more fun to spend your days here.
The proposed funding list is included below.
For my part I think that the allotment was divided evenly
(although it was more even for some departments than for others,
but let me assure you that it all works out in the long run). If you
have any questions about the funding allocation, you can contact me
at ejbiro@engmail and I'll be happy to discuss any concerns you
have.
By the way, for anyone that' interested. next term the Electricals
invited everyone who' interested to a pool tourney the Thursday
before BOT - This will be after they get their table set up and "test-
ed". See you all next term.
Jon Bastien
VP Finance
me. I mean, at this point, we might as well ee how far
into the red we can take thi . So, I thought I'd provide you
with ome helpful hints:
I) U e expensive paper when copying things. For
in tance, the Enginenewsletter could be printer on resume
paper.
I
t has been a while since I've updated all of you on the
financial situation of EngSoc, so here goes. Most of
you seem to be adhering to your budget. What the
heck is wrong with you? The only fun I have as VP-F is
watching our debt rise and rise and ri e while I ponder
how long it will take before someone pulls the plug on
2) If you're going to have a lunch or dinner on your
expense budget, don't have a alad. Have the surf and turf.
3) Donations, donations, donations! - especially to
friends.
4) Don't think small. POETS want arcade game. 1
say, if it' not as big as Playdium, you're not trying hard
enough

The Iron Warrior Fnday. December 3. 1999
c .... E' E>
EngWt.r1ng 9uHding
E3

. Mttnt StallS
OWonan'sSl.aIls
El
If the administration wants to ee more students suc-
ceeding and more femal es within these walls, their going
to have to, invest in some more washroom space. Forget
about more computers or more teaching assistants- give
liS a place to do what comes naturally. The number do
not lie. I encourage all the lonely, male engineering stu-
dents out there to write letters to the Dean pressuring him
to allocate more money towards bathroom improvements
if they have any desire to ever see more estrogen within
these walls.

5) If you need a form of transportation, don't rent a
van, rent a couple lUXUry sedans.
6) Prizes for tournaments should never have a tag-
value below that which professionals would expect.
7) Remember, what Bondo doe n't see won't hurt her
for a couple of weeks (by which time the trail of evidence
can be removed) Come on guys and gals, get on your
horse. I mean, look at me. Where do you think I got the
money for all the trendy top-of-the-line fashions I wear
everyday? On that note,l would like to remind everyone
that 1 will be out ofthe country for a short while at the end
of the term. If you need to contact me, too bad!
en
Melissa Bond
President
H
ey there everyone. 1 have an important announce-
ment to make. After many accusations and a long
trial, the judge has handed down her final verdict.
It is with great regret that I now must inform you that
I have been impeached.
Nazrok & Co. Law Association presented a strong
VP-Internal
Alex Matan
2B Elec
VP-Internal
Systems Design Disacreditted!
Aron Levitz
3B Mech
It is a well known fact that for an Engineering program
to remain eligible to give out diplomas to graduates, it
must go over a periodical accreditation review. There are
a certain set of standards that must be exceeded for the
program to remain an Engineering Program.
The Department of Systems Design 'Engineering' has
soc re
case, and my team of defense lawyers ju t couldn't strike
up a strong enough case to sa e me and my reputation.
Therefore, a far as the Engineering ociet}' goes, VP
Finance (Jonboy) will now take over my dutie as Interim
President . Ye , that is correct , Jonboy i now running the
Engineering Society. Please direct all future questions and
concerns to jbastien@engmail.
I apologize for my cri mes and the disgrace thay have
brought to the Society. 1 will now retreat back to my igloo
up north in Fort Frances. At least the pol ar bears will keep
me company.
Have a Merry Christmas!
just undergone such a review, and unfortunately the crit-
ics were less than impressed . It seemed that the courses
met with the Accreditation Board's Standards; however,
their meeting with the school appointed council did not go
as well.
The school is asked to put together a board made up of
professors, graduates and current students to be inter-
viewed by the Accredition Committee. The meeting met
with much criticism. Apparently things began to go down-
hill directly after the opening question posed to the entire
council. Bill Hawkes of the Accreditation Committee
expands,
"We opened by asking a simple, or at least what we
thought was a simple question. "What is System Design
Engineering and examples of specialties which fall under
its umbrella. The question was met with a good 15 min-
utes of dead i l e ~ e and hushed mumbling from the coun-
cil. The silence was only broken when one of the current
students spoke up with, "We like Pink!"
Upon leaving the meeting certain Accreditation Board
memebers wereoverheard saying, "J ust 'cause you don't
have the word system being used in any of your depart-
Ryan Stammers
VP EducatiON
New streams to be introduced in Engineering!
o
o
ATOP, Software Engineering, and the Doubl e
Cohort are three factors that have led the Faculty to
Launch two new streams for Engineering students
beginning next fall. These new streams will allow for
additional students to be accomodated on top of the
current '4', 'S', and '4S' stream students. While the intro-
duction of new streams typically entails a new
sequence of work and study terms, the '4L' and 'SL'
streams are somewhat 'non-traditional'.
--.J
Jenny Mitchell
VP External
I
'm back from my mission. Two of my best men
(Leuitenant Matan and Private Ennis) and I ventured
to Quebec ... to shake things up'a bit. We infiltrated the
enemies defenses by posing as delegates to the
ESSCoFlQ conference. We planted our seeds and the
virus has been set ... and soon we will see the fall of the
Quebec and Ontario engineering schools, leaving
Waterloo to be the one, the only, and the best (not that we
were ever in doubt). There was some opposition from a
few of the more intelligent delegates, but a little face-lick-
ing (an offensive manuever) set them straight. Now all we
need to do is be patient and wait ...
The 'L' designation in '4L' and 'SL' signifies 'Late
Night'. The students entering the new streams will fot-
low the same work/study sequence as steams '4' and'S'.
However, during on-campus terms the 'L' students will
Yes, shadow days have come and gone .... with only a
few highschool students still wandering aimlessly, lost in
the maze of Waterloo Engineering. Thanks goes out
Commander Leung and her Ensin for bringing in these
slaves for two days ... .it was great not having to attend
cIass ... and to have all my meals cooked and my dishes
washed. With such success of these two days, expect to
see in the near future, Shadow Week and Shadow month.
Unfortunately, the ESSCO'lympics had to be shut
down this year. This was a result of the recent exposuure
of illegal conference bidding actions. The Olympics
Committee had actually been bribed with gifts and money
(by Ryerson) to select Ryerson as the host school over
Waterloo. Naturally, we were outraged ... so we sent our
troops and stormed the Olympics Committee's headquar-
ters and demanded change ... otherwise action would be
taken against Ryerson. The Committee didn't even hesi-
tate upon heating our demands (probably because they
knew that an unholy war between Ryerson' and Waterloo
ort
mental di sciplines, does not give you an excuse to make
up a program simply to employ the word." and "Does any-
one know what they do other than have a fond attachment
to a wretched colour?"
Needless to say, after this poor showing the carpet was
yanked out from under the department and it has lost its
Engineering Standing. All students in Systems Design
will now be under the Arts/Fine Arts FaCUlty. Upon inter-
view, the Dean of Arts was quoted on saying,
"We of course will gladly accept Systems Design into
our faculty. We feel they will be a good fit here. Most
importantly we feel that Systems will add morale and
integrity to Arts. People will forget all about laughing at
our entire department and will focus only on Systems
Design"
When the Dean of Arts was asked about the fact that:
"Everyone knows that Systems Blows?"
He returned: "No Comment"
hegin scheduled classes at 8: 1() pili . A typit' ll l tinll' lahk'
will wrap lip wi th a Illb or tut orial ending al '5 :)0 Hil I.
Most of the hurdles for the \JebU1 01 '41.' alld '81.'
have already been II ddressed . The I qlli rcd leclun.'
rooms ar ' generall y empt y ovcnll ghl. As well , r ood
Servi ces is committed to fini sh serving di nner at 7 pm
in order to begin s ' rving the second round breakfast.
Housing and Residences arc looking inlo the possihili
ty of lime sharing arrangements for rooms in Village.
Study into the typical sleep patterns of Engineers h ~ l s
revealed that the transiSlion to the ni ghttime hours
should not be difficult .
Finally, for students in the new streams there will bI!
some unexpected benefits . For cXllmplc, students going
on exchange to universities in the West Australian
Standard Time Zone (WAST) will experience zero jet-
Jag.
- -----------
would ultimately result in waterloo being the victors
based on the fact that Ryerson can't even change a light-
bulb because they aren't a real university and Waterloo
can change one with five students ... one to design a
nuclear-powered . bulb that never needs changing, one to
figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that
nuked lightbulb, two to install it and one to write the com-
puter program that controls the wall switch).
That is all for now. You will be informed about any
change in operations or updates to the mission. Continue
your training young Jedi, you will soon be ready.
General Mitchell
... end transmission ...
The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999
II
'B(ast from the 1W's Past
The Iron Warrior takes a reflective look back at what life was like on campus many years ago.
This is a historical perspective and as such, no editorial censorship of the content of selected material has
occured (beyond that of the original editor) .
by Dave Petro
Scientific analysis has bef'n ap-
plied Lo 1000st every competitive
Bport in an attempt to maximize the
performance of athletes. Quite sur-
prisingly, one sport tha.t has not re-
ceiv d much attent,ion from he i-
entific community is that of boat
racing. ( ci-rnen are stIli baffled M
to why boat are not required.) And
so, in a pioneering study, this arti-
cle will att mpt to place theoretical
limitations on the time r quired for
one boat racing circuit.{5 guys, 10
bet'rs) .
In the first step of our w('
first. develop a model of the human
digestive tract. See Figure I for an
iIIust.ration of the system to be modo.
cUed. OUt} to an unfortunate lack
of research funding, the only model
d vel oped consisted of a single-level
rect.angular funnel wit.h a cylindrical
draining tube. See Figure 2a. a.nd
not.e similarities with original sys-
tem. (i.e. one opening for beer to
go in anei another to go out.)
Figur l
No.at
tedfrom:The Iron
Warrior: June 1987
.....
Figure 2a "Budget" model of di-
gestive tract
The action of racing a single beer
can be broken int.o three motions,
backward flexion, steady state and
forward flexion. During backward
flexion, the digestive pat.h from the
mouth to the esophagus is raised
from a horizontal to an almost ver-
tical orient ation. The steady state
phase involves steady state flow of
the golden throat charmer from the
glass into the mouth cavity which is
drained by the esophagus. ]n the fi-
nal motion, forward fleXion, all Row
has st.opp d and the glass is forced
riownward.
The flow mto the mod I racer
mu be considered at e ch of the
fir t two phases. See Figur 2h for
an iIIu trat.ion of flow during back-
ward flexion The flow thiS
sta.ge can be expre d as.
dVan _ t dVOLl!
dt dt dt
Fr m inspectIon (llik to use in-
spection" when I an't perform
d"rivation) the slora e increase IS
given hy,
dV.tof"age _ w9(lsina)/(sin(8t+aH)
dt
Using Bernoulli's equation for
analysis of the flow through the
<""yHndrical pipe gives
1 .
2 = (Pl-P2)+( I-Z2)+
2, .. 2g
4
Figure 2b Side View of model
ra t during backward Oexion
Ignoring the pres."lure differential
(causing those tasty burps), and as-
nming the initial velocity is negligi-
ble, we can simplify the final velocity
to
-
Assuming the esophagus has a di-
ameter r at 2, We can express th
How rate out of the funnel as,
dVout : r::-:--(-e)
- nr y2gL' In
dt
Integrating the sum 10 (1) gives
'1m = wlsm{aln(lar ((8t+0')))
For the steady state,
d\'s,.. dVou! 2 r.2-L'
- - -1I"r V,g
dt dt
Assuming rca.sonable values for
the parameter . was determined
that the 8 ounces could be rain d
from the glas without spilling 10 a
0 . 8. Allowing 0.1 .
for forward flexion, the lnodel sug-
gests that fluid flow restrictions limit
boat racing times to . 5 Y8, 1
be re)
A more d tailed analysis. con id-
ering pipe fflction and ow turbu-
lence should show that f.h physi at
limit is higher Re arch j contin-
uing i thi new and exciting field
but c rrent analytic I and simula-
tion tools are in d quate Any do-
nations (liquid or otherwi ) would
allow an experilJlental" an lysis for
hi worth ell
Look for these featured stories and more in the next
issue of The Tin Soldier.

Unidentified assailant
steals FSAE car to take
date to Semi-formal.
on .,,""''''''.,..,.''''' ....
worse than the 'Golf
Cart incident'
The I ron War nor Friday. December 3. 1999
Universal Remote Control
Developed.
Even controls
shoes and socks.
ng
around competitions


Andrew Lin
lA Chern
W
hat do you get when you ero s a few hundred
Engineeri ng students and orne fine tunes.
wi th snacks and drinks in ide one Waterloo
Uni versity Club on a Saturday night? On any other day,
you' d likely get a wi ld party ... but on Saturday,
ovember 20, 1999, you got one REALLY wi ld kick-ass
party, aka "The Glitz a nd Gl am Ball," EngSoc' Semi -
Formal for this year. In truth, there were a number of non-
Stu Doherty
Winnie Leung
_ 1
Formal Directors
28 Systems
exy engineers, sparkly glitter, and I 0 gl n were
in abundance at this year's Engineering Society B
__ ...... I.<.mi-Forrnal. The evening got started promptly at
8:00, and most people were through the door before 9:30.
Everyone was looking FINE!! One of the hi gh points in
the evening was the visit from our beloved mascot: The
RlDGID TOOL. This provided seemingly endless photo
opportunities, but the bearers showed endurance) and
everyone who wanted to, got there chance to pose with
'the big *&@#!& wrench' .
Surprisingly - aside from Jessie breaking a flower pot,
there weren't any major mishaps. To top the night off,
everyone got to go home with their very own commemo-
rative wine glass. If you have yet to receive yours you
should get an e-mail in the next few days.
For those of you who were not able to attend, the
Engineers pre ent, bunhey mingled in with the rest of the
crowd ju t fine. And what a crowd it was! Indeed, (bi
year's old-out attendance of '175 made la, t year's 100-
person event eem like a dress rehearsal. Though 1110 t
ere Fro h, many upper-year tudent came to join the
part). Last -minute repla ement OJ Aron Levitz did a fine
job throughout the night. pinning a variety of tunes.
From O's retro to wing to 90's alternative, Levitz play cd
it all. including tudent reque t made throughout the
night. Admittedly. there \Va hardly an room: the teo t-
book of all the tudent who went \\ould probably fill
the dance floor. Fortunately. there was ample eating. as
the University Club is more suited to a con ention than a
dan c e .
Personally.
the highlight
of the
evening was a great success, and it had everything to do
with the support of everyone who heJped out, and all the
great people who carne. The only downsides were the
line-up at the bar, and we could have used a bigger dance
floor as there were few pairs of legs not movi ng to the
excellent OJ stylings of the Super Super Huge Am"
Levitz.
We wouldd like to take this opportunity to say a big
thank-you to the following people: Luke Windi sch, Lcena
Motwani , Kevin Wong, Jason Tham, Aron Levit!. , Danny
Ho, Danny Chow, Li z Parry, Tani a Bortolon , L'lUra (from
o u t ~ 7), Deirdre (at 0 from
South 7). Tau Sang, Al
Cannistraro, Arthur Law, Wil
Aballe, Erika Klyszejko, all
Class Reps, and Betty
Beaver, that dude who did
the poster near our cia s, and
anyone el se we may have
accidentally forgotten .
We would al so like to
SS e

hors d' ue res: green/red peppers, dip, salsa, nachos,
chee e. cracl er , even scallop, fried mushrooms, and
hicken fingers.
not her surprise for the evening wa the arrival of The
TO L, calTied in by the enigmatic TOOL Bearers to the
tune of "Thus Spoke Zoroa ter." If you wanted, you had
the opportunit to have your picture taken with The
TOOL. AI 0 grncing the oc a' ion with her presence was
June Lowe. faculty chaperone of this event for the pa t
,c eral years. A the night clo,cd, and people gathered
their sou enir wine gla e. I wa, remi nded of one Qf the
reasons I cho e to study Engineering. Not bccau e of Co-
op, not because of the challenge. and certai nly not due to
the workload, but because Engineers are the craziest
partiers.
thank the locaJ establishments who donated pri zes:
Pemi's Grill
Pita Factory
Jose's Noodle Factory
With all the excitement during the night we didn't have
the chance to make the .draws. but we have made the
draws now, and the winners will soon be notified .
See you all in the summer.
The I ron Warnor Friday. December 3. 1999

--

So silent, features set in stone.
So quiet and prim and all alone.
her please, if you can;
She's Jong since stopped taking anyone's hand.
dence,
Wrong or right?
holy,
Succumb or fight.
living death, a death of living,
lease choose which way you're giving
into ...
The Sandford Fleming Foundation
I don't really know what I want to say,
but I have to say something
I don't know what I need to write,
but I need to write something
I don't know what I'm thinking of,
but I'm thinking of something
just a feeling I have,
but I can't feel it
ing needs to be said,
but that will be said on a different day
-bye for a while
will be back,
but I don't know when
Miss Blonde with a pristine smile
Miss Blonde always walking in style
ith hair of gold
s fancy as stories told
've got all the jokes
fool those sorry blokes
Miss Blonde most beautiful girl in the place
Miss Blonde with a chemical face
Waterloo Campus Activity
4306 Carl Pollock Hall, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G 1 (519) 888-4008
'l'he Sa:rufJord !Fkming l'oundation is pleased to announce
tfu "Winrur of tIie 1999
tj(fl,ren 9tlarftScfwfarsftip:
. Congratulations, Mefissa
Funding lor these awan1s canes from engineering Sludent cootribufions and depends on them !of continuation.
An 0IpIJIIiza1i0n dtNoIIId to the advsncement 01 engineering education .
The Iron Warrior Fnday. December 3, 1999
Mat Pigozzo I
2BMech
Iron Warrior
Art I Photography
Contest Winner:
I 21 ech
And the Winner is:
Michael Raffoul
You will be notified bye-mail as to
when you can claim your prize.
Thank-you all who participated
The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999

Continuous Agony ...
Stephanie Purnell
I
fA Chem
For those of you who are as fortunate as I am, the co-
op continuous phase is the biggest pain in the kneecap
possible. To add to the stress of postings, and, for the cho-
sen few, interviews, the possibility of landing a job
becomes slimmer and slimmer as time progresses.
I had the pleasure of visiting my co-op advisor last
week. Those of you who forgot to make an appointment
saved yourselves an hour better spent doing homework( or
clipping your nails, or just about anything else). The pre-
cious knowledge gleaned from the meeting included the
following:
1) "There are 1500 hundred students not matched yet,
and 1500 jobs left."
This was a quote from my well-meaning Advisor. As
all statistics, it is meant to twist the truth into something
that looks good on paper. In actuality, there are twice the
amount of jobs for computer engineers as there are stu-
dents. I may have trouble with Calculus, but that adds up
to NOT ENOUGH JOBS FOR THE REST OF US!!!
Mechanical engineering, and especially computer and
electrical engineering, are fIelds that are growi ng. The
chemical engineering field is at a standstill, and, though
there may be a small growth in the area of environmental
consulting, there isn't much growth for the other fields.

This means that companies in these fields are not desper-
ate for students to work for them. Other fields seem to
have this problem; as evidence, ] submit the reasoning for
the ATOP program: corporations felt there was a Jack of
qualified graduates in certain technical areas.
2) "The previous job placement rate was consistently
above 90%."
This year the placement rate will be nowhere near pre-
vious figures . There are many factors, but all of them are
caused primarily by the ATOP program. Did Needles Hall
not notice that by dramatically increasing the enrolment in
engineering programs (ALL programs) that there would
be an unprecedented number of students looking for
jobs???!!! This doesn't seem to have been a considera-
tion. If it was, please email me(slpurnel@uwaterloo.ca)
and explain the above statist ic.
3) "You wi.ll most likely have to find a job on your
own, so visit the website to learn about networking."
Thank you for this important advice. Unfortunately,
being cynical makes me think that this means that there
might not be enough jobs , and thin the part about there
being 1500 jobs, blah blah, blah ... is starting to smell like
seafood night in the cafeteria. Hmmm ... J must further
ponder this ... something may come to me eventually .. .
4) Even though approximately 22 of my resumes are
lost like socks in the great washing machine of
Needless HeU, no one knows a single thing about this
mystery.
Ihave kept an accurate record, and this, my friends, is
not an isolated incident. Be afraid. Nor is it a conspiracy
kers don't care what they're doing.
T
' 00
Ian len I Brokers make money on commissions. The more you
2B Comp trade, the richer they get. There are some brokerage hous-
(Off-stream) es that specialize in penny stocks, stocks so obscure and
unpredictabl.e. that almost no public information is avail-
s
o a friend of mine sends me an email asking what I able on their operations.
thought of SPV. His brother's accountant recom- So the broker puts on a suit and tie and .meets you in
mended .it. What does SPV do? Urn, it trades in his office. Boy oh boy, does he have a stock for you. SPV
Vancouver. Is it a mining company? Yeah, it's a mine. is a super-secret mining company that trades on the VSE.
What do they mine? I don't know, but it's trading for 26 It's volatile, but it's trading at 26 cents.
cents right now. 26 cents?! Say no more, buy me 200 shares at once!
26 cent mining company on the VSE, huh? Sounds The deal is done, you shake the broker's hand and
like quality. Add in the fact that the recommendation came walk out of his office with a big smile on your face.
from my friend's brother's accountant, and SPY has "hot Volatile. What a beautiful word. Volatile you'll be
tip" written allover it. able to double your money in a couple of weeks .' All
There are some things you should know about the thanks to your broker, who was kind enough to give you
financial services industry. First, you don't even need a "inside information" on that super-secret stock that no
college degree to be a stockbroker. Second, not all stock- one's ever heard of.
brokers know what they're doing. Third, some stockbro- Is this a get-rich-quick scheme? Of course it is, who
Running, Flying or Dying:
against my person (although, after this article, it could
become as such). Your resumes are safe nowhere. Install
tracking devices, put 10 in the same bin (at least then the
odds are with you), but above all, put no faith in the fact
that it is The One and Only job you want, because that
seems to increase the possibility of your resume being
"misplaced." (Is the $420 I'm paying not enough to see
that this doesn't happen? I'd pay more, but I DO 'T
HAVE A JOB). I tried inquiring about the lost papers, but
it was just as much of a mystery to the people I asked for
assistance.
5) "Staple you transcript to the end of the resume
package; don't make it the second page."
This is the most important piece of information I
received during my hour-long ordeal. It was the Holy
Grail that made all of the suffering worth it. I realise now
that I am a lowly first year student and could not have ever
survived the co-op experience without this life-saving tip.
I am forever grateful and my life is enriched because of
this knowledge. -
If you are a continuous Phaser like myself, you know
that frustration does not even begin to describe the feel-
ings one feels towards the co-op system. If the choice was
go through this process (although I use the term loosely,
because it implies organization) again , or a slow and
painful death, I would seriously consider the option of
gouging my eye out with a rusty spoon. Waterloo is the
best university in the country. If this is the best that
Canada has to offer, I fear for the I{ves of students in
schools across this great land.
It turns out that my
friend had already bought a
couple thousand shares on
advice of this brother's accountant.
was just asking me what I thought after the
fact. That was a month ago. Spy closed at fourteen cents
today.
The moral of the story is that you should never buy
into a company just because some one else thinks it's a
good idea. Do your own research, be your own man.
An Entire Term in 3 Weeks
Jonathan Ng
2A Comp
N
ow, there's something I call the SATlRE state: that
means a Super Advanceq Test where I Remember
Everything. Of course, the SATIRE state is sel-
dom achieved during Final Exam Hell, or FEH! for short.
(Note: You must include the exclamation mark when you
use the term FEH!)
All you first-year students are about to experience
your first run of final exams. For those of you that learned
this material already, that's alright, your nightmare will
come in IB or second year. But remember: FEH! is the
worst time to learn an entire course. For those of you who
actually learned the course during the term, congratula-
tions. You earned the course credit, at the very very least.
Pat yourself on the back - and make sure you have some
fun too. .
But just in case you're panicking, relax. Take a deep
breath. It's not the end of the world (even if you do fail a
course.) First Year is very forgiving. Here's a few tips to
help you thjroguh the challenging weeks ahead:
I) Don't be afraid to ask for help from the TAs and the
Profs. They will help you with problems, although they
won't necessarily teach the course all over again just for
you.
2) Read the textbook and notes! If you don't have
notes get them from your friends! Don't 'sorta learn' the
material.
3) Do the questions (and some extra ones as well).
Doing is the best way of learning. Tt's true!
4) [f you only attend one class in the entire course,
attend the review lectures. At least you know what's being
covered; key points on the exam and where the emphasis

The Iron Wal nm Frtday. December 3. 1999
is placed.
5) Form study groups. Believe it or not, they actually
work.
6) As the Stream 8 Comp Classes show, Exam
Packages work. You probably already know this.
7) If you find you're having big problems with the
course itself, you probably shouldn't have waited till now.
You still have enough time to salvage it, so sign up for one
of the Time/Study Management sessions in the First Year
Office.
8) Relax! Do take it easy and have fun once in a
while. Remember, you won't work as efficiently if you're
too stressed.
You'll all pass if you put yourselves to it. Just remem-
ber to study in midst of partying and activities and friends.
(Yup, this sounds corny, but it's true). Oh yeah, and just
remember you guys don't have projects yet. That's when
the real fun starts.
----- --------------------
Financing Your Business:
Partnering With Angell
Ralph Kroman
What is an Angel Investor?
Business Lawyer
Weir & Foulds
Individual private investors who invest in entrepre-
neurial companies are commonly and affectionately
known as "angel investors". They prefer to take an equi-
ty position in the company either directly through the
issurance of shares or indirectly through other instruments
that are convertible into shares.
Since each angel investor is an individual, there are
substantial differences between angel investors. The
approach of an angel is more "seat of the pants" than a
venture capitalist. A profi le of a "typical" angel investor
looks something like this:
- income exceeds $100,000
- 40-60 years old
- net worth in excess of $1 ,000,000
- previous successful entrepreneurial experience
- expects to hold on the investment for up to five to
seven years (but some angels to "cash out" after
only a few years)
- prefers to invest close to home
- enjoys advising the entrepreneur and likes to be part
of the action
- invests up to $150,000 but may participate in a "syn-
dication" of ot her angel investors bringing the total
investment to multiples of individual investments
- refers deals to other private investors even if the
angel has chosen not to invest
- likes to invest in an industry with which the angel is
fami li ar
- ources deals throu h r
ge s want to make money, they are often
motivated by the energy of a young company. At the same
time, most angels demand high returns .
Angel investors like to see "exit mechanisms" . An
!' . mechanism" means that the angel investor has a
means to cas rove tment. These incl ude a
publ ic offering of shares on a public exchange, a "buy-
back" of investor's shares by the principals of the compa-
ny, or the acquisition of the angel's position, or the entire
company, by a third party. This exit mechanism is often
located in a shareholders' agreement.
Cor porate Angel I nvestors
Although a ngel investors have traditionall y been
viewed as individua l investors, over the years, the term
angel investor has been broadened to include different
kinds of corporate investors. Indeed, this term is some-
ti mes appl ied broadl y to include many kinds of invest-
ments which are made in a company which is in the early
Jonathan Ng
2AComp
(A quasi-disclaimer: this is not an endorsement for fake 10,
underage drinking (or regular drinking for that matter - but I
don' t really care. Regardless of wqat I wri te - if you want to
drink then you will ; if you don' t, you won't.), pyramid chain let-
ters or road trips to the University of Toronto.)
I
magine everybody's discussing whether to go to the
Bomber on Wednesday nights or any other pub for that
matter. Hmmm ... check wallet . ID in place. Or is it?
Cross your fingers and hope it goes through, cross your
fingers and hope it goes through .. .
You know that barrier between legali.ty and illegality?
Do you know why it was erected? Okay ... besides the fact
that we probably don't want drunk kids on the street.
Come to think of it, having drunk kids on the street isn't
very good (but then again, we have drunk adults who are
only marginally better). Sigh!
Well , if you are under the "legal age" of 19 years (no
staoe of development. What kmd of IIldustry contacts does the angel have.
<=-This equity investment may be used to a sist in the Was the angel able to make important introductions to
diversification of the corporate angel' operation (an pro pective clients?
investment in a non-related indu try) or to promote devel- Did the angel connect you to strategic partners?
opment in their own industry by the financing of a suppli- Did the angel help au recruit board members and
er, te hnology de eloper or other indu try participant . managemenr'?
When Do Angel Investors Usually Invest?
An entrepreneurial company goe through. everal
stages of development which are sometime de cribed a
follows:
Seed or COllcept
A concept exists if there is no management team, no
prototype or business plan.
Start-up
A prototype has been or i developed, and the initial
business plan and marketing plan are being refined.
First Stage
The company is now a going concern and is selling a
product or service. A management team i in place and
there may be some setbacks or "growing pains".
Second Stage
Significant sales, assets and liabilities are developing
and cashflow management becomes critical.
Third Stage (also Meo;.o;.alline Stage)
The potential for a major success is beginning to
become evident. Mezzanine or bridge financing may be
necessary to bring the company to "harvest".
Stage Four
The company is determining its options for "harvest"
such as going public, being acquired, or merging.
An angel investor usually funds a company when it is
in the start-up or f irst stage of development. Angels also
become involved in a company which is
and requ ires capital for a turnaround.
Things That Angels Bring to the Table
The ideal investor angel will not just bring money to
the table; the angel will become a valuabl e business advi-
sorwhe w help youe business grow. ecausc compa-
nies in the eady stages of development have limited
resources, they usually cannot utilize the services of pro-
fess ional advisors to help their businesses grow. The ideal
angel investor has not only entrepreneurial expcrience but
al a relevant industry experience. It is useful to have both
of these attribute .
The quality of angels runs the gambit from the sophis-
ticated to those who do not know what they are doing. An
angel investor will conduct due diligence before investing
in your company and, by the same token, a company
should leam as much as it can about the angel investor's
track record before the investment occurs. References
should be checked by all parties. If an angel refers you to
a CEO who ha dealt wi th the angel, consider asking tlte
following questions from the CEO:
I e s s ) ,
why are you in University? Whoops, wrong question.
The question should read: If you are under 19 years old
(or even if you' re above), should you drink, or shoul d you
not?
Note: A pyramid chain letter will guarantee no money,
it will guarantee no alcohol . So keep your fantasies about
geometri c progressions out of your mind and ... I'd say get
a real job, but we all have, or will get, real jobs - eventu-
ally. So that isn' t the solution . Anyways, l mean stay out
of pyramid chain letters. They are evi l. They are also ille-
gal.
A lot of University Life is about , well , drinking.
You'd expect no less. In our Universities, the people
probably just got into the stage where they earned a new
privilege. Also there is evidence (from the ancient
Mesopotamians and Egyptians) that points to the fact that
we've been drinking for at least seven thousand years.
Why should we stop now? Well, we might die. Who
cares? Well , it makes us sad. Who cares? Well, .we might
not be able to stop ourselves. Who cares?
Angel .. , or Devil'l
Angel inve 'tors can be the al ation of a company but
an improper angel can lead to seriou problems. Because
angel investors are individual , au must accommodate
their quirks but the situation hould not be permitted to get
out of control. It is important to do ome "angel manage-
ment".
One of the more important aspects of "angel manage-
ment" is to determine the manner and timing of commu-
nication . Some angels will make endless telephone calls
to the entrepreneur and may require more details that you
have time for. On the other hand, you may be faced with
an ab entee angel investor who is too bu y with other
business obligations to help you with your bu iness. If it
i your expectation is to obtain expertise from the angel,
you hould it down with the inve tor angel before the
inve tment and be clear about the angel's time commit-
ment to your business.
You Too Can Find an Angel - Bulld Your Pipeline
The best way to ource an inve tor angel in Canada is
through referral . You need to be introduced by a credible
source. Networking i a tradition which works and is
especially important when you seek an angel investor.
Networking is hard work; it requires time, energy and fol-
low up. Do not expect networking to pay dividends
immediately. It is a long haul, so be prepared.
With respect to any organization, it is not enough to
merely pay your dues; you must become an acti ve partic-
ipant or else your membership is a waste of time.
Members of groups are usually grateful to those who
assume a leadership role and your networking possibili-
ties will be greatly enhanced if you do so. Time is a very
ilfiited resource or alJ 0 u an the entrepreneur shoo d
research the networking potential of any group before
becomi ng actively involved with it.
There is 1101'('
It is tough fil1ding angel nwn; il' II stroll'
perception that there is Hllgel Illoney wllltin ' tn h'
cd but the cnnduit is not as tiL'vclopcd as it :-.holiid in
order to ll1at<.:h entreprencur:-. with angels. The good I1C\ "
is th.l! it looks like more local resources WIll he dcveloped
in tlw future to help hrill 1 entn:prClll'urs ,l1\d angels
together.
This urucle IS ba_cd upon (I prt'scnwtitll) whIch Ralph
Krollltln gave at Soltwnrc Showcase 'l)<) 111 Markham, Ontario 011
November I J, 199CJ. I'or a lengthier versIon of thb urllclc click
on "What's New" at www.wcirloulds.col11.
See the wonders of apathy in
play? Sweet. powerfu l apathy.
If you choose not to dri nk; however, you mi ss Oul on
many events and places to go. Let's see ... Wednesday
nights? Bomb Shelter. Thursday nights? Fed Hall . Well t
okay, you can go there. Be prepared to haul your fri ends
back home. Pub night? Whoops.
Of course, there's always a way around t hese things.
There are a lot of activities th.at don' t require drinking.
Scunt is a good one. In fact, I' d recommend you don ' t
drink before Scunt. We'd probably have to kick you out.
No UW Clubs don' t require drinking to the best of my
knowledge. That kind of stuff.
Well , in conclusion, I don ' t think J've said that rouch,
but here you go: in the end, it 's YOUR choice as to
choose alcohol or no alcohol. No one else's . After aU, it's
YOUR body.
Just remember: If you drink, don't get too hammered
for your final exams. If you don' t, then just know how to
keep your friends alert. They may just thank you for it
later (or not) .
The Iron Warrior Fnday. December 3. 1999

NickG.
78 Astrology
Aquarius (January 21-February 18):
Well , this term is almost over. That means a whole
new beginning. That's exactly what you need right
now. A whole tart will a1!pw you to change
your personalitr'(!9: mce the of those
around you . Y0trve Is that what you
really want? 0 Y,0\} Wiln to ...m'eet new people who
will know and appreciate you for who you aren't? Or
do you want to find people who will appreciate you
for who you really are,? The choice is yours.
Pisces (19 February-March 20):
The galaxy is yours for the taking. But, do you real-
ly want .No, not You'd be content
with only what Qeed.:3We" away for a worthy
cause. One man' h i ano r's treasure. Don't
waste your trash .. (kc;At"u fu Jar somebody else.
Just keep givirPncfin tim"e .... rDi shall be on the
other end, Life has a habit of eveni ng itself out in the
long run.
Aries (March 21-ApriI 20):
The new millenjum &pel\s-doo)ll for your current
way of life. T e' of the ce and it is yours to
capitalize on nght no 0 n't make any more excus-
es for yourself. If y w nt something, get up and
get it. Don't wait aro r somebody to spoon feed
it to you, You may not Ike what you get.
Taurus (April 2 1-May 2 L):
Spend some tim with that speeiaf someone, They're
the one needi Ycbu n()W. Don't waste your
time chillin' with eMery 0 else. They've been there
for you and now JI.Qll'v g to here for them. The
guy down on t th you to get your
money. That special omebody is with you for
you. They don't care that you've spent all your
money on the guy on the comer. It really doesn't
matter that much . Unless you owe him mone)"
then be careful.
Gemini (May 22-June 21):
As the world to gai n more and
more to your
favour. Go 0 You only have
a limited am little piece of rock
so make the m the power that surges
below you. Harness it and take off.
Cancer (June 22-July 22):
The word of the You lead a life of
ambiguity, y f - You feel that you
have accom yet you seem to
ges your feats.
Take charge an norant fools realize
the power which you possess. Run with the wind.
Leo (July 23-August 23):
Pick out the smallest piece of paper from your desk
drawer. Now, draw a small sketch representing what
you want to achieve in your life. Fold the completed
sketch on this paper until you can
barely see it in yo,i retty smaJl, eh? Now,
take that folded up paper and
gently t , your roommate can't
see you doing this. A ssaging the paper for a
couple of minutes , throw it in the garbage and light
the garbage on fire. Watch the Little piece of paper
burn. Doesn't it feel soothing to watch your dreams
bum after you've put so much into them? Well , that's
what's going to happen if you keep listening to peo-
ple like me.
Virgo (August 24-Se etUhf>rAl7
The ringing, it doe you have the
power to make it sto omething about it.
It's driving me craz t!' much time wor-
Now the
Elliot Biro
---0
change ... WEEF decid-
ed (it was passed in the
funding council off-
stream and ratified on
the Board of Directors)
Ex-WEEF Director
rying about your future, that the time has corne for
you to help me. Dammit, make it stop!
Libra (September 23-0ctober 23):
As [ sit here and e2,nder the unexplained, I am
shocked by the lack 0 e for those around you .
The e are h been here for you in
all of youlJ lfl1es 0 ne . e, I understand that 1
have been saying the same thing for the last four
months, but dammit, you have a thick skull and
refuse to listen,
Scorpio (October 24- ovember 22):
Wake up dammtriiJtd smell the coffee. It's been
brewing f, 11 t '-'1 three hours. Everybody is get-
ting anno OU I '!\{gy, It is high time you
got up an 'pi '! don't really care what it
is , but yo to If you still can't
think of anything to do, J'Il help you out: finals are
right around the corner.
Sagittarius (November 23-December 21):
Your prospects look good in the near future.
Unfortunately, I don't see you anywhere near them.
That may pose a s pro lem. Well, maybe it
won't be that big of}- 0 All you have to do is
decide whe ot w nt to take advantage of
these pos' fiti u do, then you better get
around to y not, then what are you worrying
about. Everything is going great. You've got
absolutely nothing to look forward to in a long,
meaningless hfe. Congratulations.
Capricorn (December 22-January 20):
You have th' .immense amQlmt of bottled up anger
deep withi OJ'about? You've got to
deal with it r1and not worry about it
later. I th, now. es)erday is a cancelled
cheque, to ? i cheque, and today
is cash. Le s go, you retruying.
T
he funding
council is
quickly
approaching, so now
is probably a good
time to tell all of you
about the changes that
have happened to the
WEEF funding struc-
ture. As most of you
know, the funding
allocations for the
past few terms have
been decreasing. The
reason being, is that
we used to spend the
income that we made
off of our endowed
principal (now on the
order of $2.7 million)
to change the way that we spend our income. WEEF is
now going to start spending a fixed rate on our capital. To
ease us into thi s new funding stmcture, it was decided that
this year we would spend 6% of our principal, and then
from next year on we will spend only 5% as income.
new funding model, the most important one being: if we
always spend only 5% what will happen when our return
drops below this figure? Well , built imo the model is a
slush fund. On years when our income exceeds the 5%
the extra money that is not spent will be put in this hold-
ing account. The money from this account will continue
to be,invested with the endowment until a year when our
rate of return drops below 5%, When thi happens, the
money from this account will be taken out to make up the
difference between WEEF's income and the 5% that is to
be pent. To insure that this overflow account does not
grow too large (thus banking money which could other-
wise be spent on your courses) there is a cap on the
amount of money which can be held. Currently the cap is
10% of the principal. When the 10% is exceeded, the
funding council and the Board of Directors will decide
what should happen to that overflow from the overflow
account (i.e. whether it should be endowed into the prin-
cipal or spent as income) ,
as we made it. During
the mid 90's business
was starting to boom
and interest rates climbed significantly, ergo, we were
able to make an unusually large income from our princi-
paL Now the return on our income has decreased to more
average rates, so now we are allocating the 60 odd thou-
sand a tenn instead of the 100 plus thousand that we were
able to spend a few tenns ago.
This new funding stmcture has several benefits. In the
past, the way we decided on the money that we could allo-
cate to pend was by estimating what the rate of return on
our principal would be. From this estimated rate of return
we calculated the money that we could spend. This meant
that throughout the year we were constantly adjusting the
amount of money that we were spending in each subse-
quent term to account for the changes in the market. This
i n' t so bad when the market is better than we expect, but
when the market goes down this can potentially put us in
the hole. A well , on years when the market went down,
with the old spending model, WEEF would not be able to
spend any money, as well as being liable for money that
would have been lost from the principal (by law, the value
of an endowment cannot decrease). The new model gives
us predictability for spending, which means that we will
not have to guess our income. Another consequence of
using the new model is that the amount of money being
pent will always be growing because the principal is
always increasing. We will not see the fluctuations in the
amount of our spending allocation as we did in the past
couple of years.
There are a few basic questions that arise with this
The second question that commonly comes up is , if
our current funding model needs more predictability why
can't we just use a running average? This funding model
is long a tenn average. It was tested over a 40 year span
using the rates of return and rate of inflation that were
seen from the university's pension fund in the past.
However, should this model be too conservative or too
aggressive for our current economy, it is very easy to
change. This will ensure that we will be won't be holding
too much money back, or spending too much now.
If you have any questions concerning the new funding
structure, feel free to contact me at ejbiro@engmaiJ. I'm
sure that I can clear up any questions that you might have.
Jon Bastien
VP Finance
I
t has been a while since I've updated all of you on the
financial situation of EngSoc, so here goes.Most of
you seem to be adhering to your budget, which is
good. Please remember that I will be leaving soon after
exams (December 15,actually) so if you have any ex pen -
es that you need to be reimbursed for, please let me know
as soon as possible,
I am also pleased to announce that EngSoc has initiat-
ed some actions to help increase the incomes associated
with some of our larger services. Just in case you were
wondering, this money will be used towards the benefit of
UW engineering students (that's you), For instance, the
video games in POETS have started out well, and this
money will be used to help renovate and improve the
facilitie , Also, Novelties and The Iron Warrior will be
aided by our own Mary Bland in the near future in an
attempt to improve the income-producing abilities of
these ervice . So if you see her, feel free the say thank
you. We are also currently attempting to better organize
the accounting books and financial software processes to

The Iron Wall lor Friday, December 3. 1999
clarify the job of the VP-F.
I really don't have much more to say right now, other
than thanks for all of your patience with me this tenn. I
appreciate it.
en
Melissa Bond
Presidellt
H
ey there everyone. I can't beJiev. e (hat it is already
. the end of the tenn. It seems that just yesterday
was the first day of Frosh Week. It has been a
great term. The Frosh have been really involved; we put a
float in the Christmas parade for the first time in years;
and we are in the process of creating a novelties store and
catalogue. The store shou ld be ready by next term. In the
meantime, get your Waterloo En'gineering stocking
.... Oh no! Here it comes ...... .
VP-Internal
Alex Matan
2B Elec
VP-Internal
Aron Levitz
3B Mech
Yes, often the last words uttered by a person directly
before being struck down by an ominously off-course
comet, but also . ore a person is hit with a
n more powerful force .... FINALS! - although the
later will leave a much larger crater in the head of the
reciever than any mere comet could hope ...
So by the time you read this, it will all be over (well
soc re
tuffers in the Orifice. The Oritice will be open unt il
Friday, December IOlh. for all of ) Oll f. hopping and pho-
tocoping needs.
Paul and Paula Plummer A\\ ard
The Paul and Paula Plummer Award is the highest
honour an engineering tudent can receive . 1 would like
to extend congratulates to the following nominee : Ajay
Badhwar, Eliot Biro. Chuck Bor her, Kelly Butt. Bruce
Davidson. Chris Foster. Nicole Hensen. Mike Herman .
Sanjay Kulkarni, Jacqueline McAra, Monica Milanowski ,
Cam Mc aughton, Mike Olley. Jill Tymchak. and Kim
Whitear. Thank you for your contributions to the socielY
over the past four years. The winners will be announced
at Grad Ball in March.
almost). All of the events people have spent many sleep-
less nights preparing have come and gone. So at this point
you are probably asking yourself. "What the hell does a
damn VP-I have to talk about?" So a not to di appoint,
there are a few more knots which need tying before we
can go gently into that good night, (or kicking and
screaming in to finals).
EOT:
Tonight (Dec. 3rd) will be our End of Term Pub (EoT).
Come out for one last bash in POETS and check out the
end of term video.
Directorship Applications:
If you haven't filled yours out yet...GET ON IT! If you
have any questions about anything, feel free to contact
myself or Alex.
So before we all head off into the cosmos to sit behind
CAD stations, design AVAC, or save the world, of course
I will be doing the later, 1 would like to thank all of the
keeping this society running, without you guys we would
ort
The Big Chill
The Big Chill is set for Friday, January I..t.th in the
_ L . Highlights include: hip-hop/electronica in the Great
Hall. Fighlie. and Rctro in th\: atrium (down lIear the used
book store) - L ICFNSED!, dance in the Bomher, comedi-
an and karnoke in Ground Zero, jan upstairs, and vari -
ous wandering magi ians , icc sculptures on the palio, and
more . So there is truly something for everyone. It _hould
be a great time. YOli can gel your ticket. the first week of
January.
Well. time to hit the book. . Thank you very much to
all the directors, class reps, and volumeer thaI helped out
this telm. Ilave a great work term, and. ee you in Mayl
be looking at a societal grid- locI- of astronomical propor-
tions.
If anyone has any questions over the work-term, both
my elf and Alex can be found at your email accounts bu. i-
Iy wasting company time:
Me (Aron) - alevitz@engmait.uwalerloo.ca
Alex - amatan @cngmail.uwaterioo.ca
Without any further ado, I will et off on my journey
into the great unknown (more commonly called the work
term in Calgary .... ). If any of you happen to be Oul that
way give me a ShouL.(all long distances charges apply,
and thank-you for not reversing the charges).
So, good luck on Finals. and before I go 1 would like
to leave you with a quote overheard by not only the
dinosaurs some few million years ago, but also all engi-
neering student much more recently .....
" ... don't worry about it, that comet ain't gonna come
anywhere close to this place ... "
Have Fun
---------- ----- ------ --- --_ .. ----
Ryan Stammers
VP Educatiol1
Here's a quick rundown of what I've been up to lately.
WorldTeach Information Session
On November 25th, Mike Wootton, a '93 Mechanical
grad, gave a presentation in CPA 3386 about his experi -
ence with WorldTeach in Namibia. WorldTeach is a non-
profit organization that provides opportunities for
volunteer teaching in developing countries. If this sounds
interesting but you couidn't make it out to the presenta-
tion. take a look at their weh s ite: www.worldt IIch.org.
Watpubs:
Watpubs offer opportunities for social guthcrins for
co-op students working ill Ihe same city (e,g. Ottawa,
Toronto. and morc ... ). Visit www.C()opstudcnl.uwntcr-
loo.ca to find out morc if y()u'rc going off 0 11 work tenl1
in January.
Finally, thanks to all the Directors. fellow exec, and
everyone else for a great teml ...
See you in the Spring.
Ryan Stammers
jrstamme@uwaterioo.ca
~ ~ ~
Jenny Mitchell
VP External
H
ello Everyone! The last few weeks have been very
busy and With the exam crunch coming it doesn't
look like there will be an end soon. So here's my
spew, to keep you all up to date on what's been happening
externally!
ESSCoFIQ conference was held November 12-14 in a
. small secluded campground about an hour from Montreal.
Now even though this introduction has the makings of a
horror flick, let me assure you that there was absolutely
nothing to be afraid of. With four inches of snow on the
ground only good times could be bad, especially after
warming up with some full contact soccer! Introductions
went well between the Ontario and Quebec schools (even
though the conversation, at times, was difficult). The goal
for the weekend was to share ideas, and work together for
solutions to some common problttms. There was some
great feedback on course critiques. McGill actually runs
2 per term - one before midterms and one before finals (it
would be interesting to find out how the reviews change
throughout the term!). As well, there was ,lots of brain-
storming going on for National Engineering Week (NEW,
which occurs at the beginning of March) and events to be
run. I'd like to thank Alex Matan and Adrian Ennis for
representing Waterloo well. They contributed to the dis-
cussions and showed all those other engineers how to
have a good time. Actually, I should pat myself on the
back too ... .for winning the Super Fun Quiz Machine! (It's
Ryerson's jazzed up and exciting version of Jeor-ardy .... if
you're heading to the ESSCO'lympics, you'll be sure to
see it)!
Discussions ongoing after the conference involved
cutting costs and improving the productivity of confer-
ences in general. This has been a hot topic for a while,
and we may see some serious restructing of ESSCO's
timeline in the near future (i.e. transitions, conference
dates etc.). If you have any suggestions on how things
should be run, please do not hesitate to contact me, or the
ESSCO President Tina Traini (president@essco.on.ca).
Well, we have all been witness to yet another success-
ful round of Shadow Days! Thanks go to Winnie Leung
and Danny for all of their hard work in making everything
come together.
The ESSCO'lympics Applications deadline has come
and gone, and rest assured. Waterloo B will be well repre-
sented. In fact, due to the new regi stration structure, there
are still some spots available for teams. If you are at all
interested in reliving Frosh week or Scunt, this is defi -
nitely the place to be. The Olympics are being hosted by
Ryerson in Toronto from January 21-23. The cost is $75
per team member. J haven't heard anything but great
things about the Olympics in the past, so if you and three
of your friends are interested, let me know ASAP as these
'additional' spots are first come first served.
On December 6th at 4:30 there will be a 1 4 N o t ~
Forgotten ceremony a forum for remembering those
women who died J 0 years ago, and to reflect and discuss
the issue of violence. There wilJ be posters up in the Eng
buildings with the exact location . Please make an effort
to attend.
This has been a very eXciting term and I look forward
to carrying some of the enthusiasm over into the spring
term as VP-X. ff you have any questions about any
upcoming conferences or external events, feel free to con-
tact me. There are stilt many things going on during the
work term, and it's a great way to meet some engineers
outside this little world of ours, Waterloo. Good luck
everyone, on all your exams ... .I'1I see you at the Bomber
on the 20th!
The Iron Warrior Friday. December 3. 1999

ing when a
Motley Crew of
buffed engineers
- male and female
- made their way to the village green for the tradition-
altenn Mud-bowl tournament. A total of twelve teams
showed up in the hopes of walking away with the
Mudbowl trophy. The trials wouldn't be easy; however,
as one of the twelve teams were the Horsemen. the
defending champs. and they clearly weren't ready to
part with their pm:e.
The day saw many superb plays. both offen lvely and
defensively; dazzling move; and punishing hits. Trul y
these tcams had come to plCly.
The day was organized inlO Iwo parts. The ([rst. saw
teams divided into lour divi Ions in which the three
teams competed wnh each other to determine who
would proceed to the semi-finals. The second round
included the semi's and the fjnal match which would
decide the home of the Mudbowl trophy until the next
tournament (not to mention some sizeable gift certifi-
cates generous! donated by McGinnis Front Row).
')burnament Results:
Gamc J.
Blood Hawks 7, Watt the Flux 0
Horsemen 14, All "E"s 0
A Groundskeeper'
Game 1:
Fatbastards 21 , The Chemical Brothers 0
N. L. F. 21, The Hype 0
Game 3:
Horsemen 28, PYU 0
Blood Hawks 0, Mecha auru 0
Game 4:
. L. F. 7, Spike Suppression 7
Fatbastards O. SSBB 7
Game 5:
\Van the Flux O. Mechasaurus 13
All "E"s 7. PYU 0
Game 6:
The Chemical Brothers SBB 28
The Hype O. Spike Suppre sion 21
Sudden Death Quarter Final Playoff:
I L. F. loses to Spike Suppression
Semi-finals:
Mechasa uru 1'+. SSBB 7
21. Spike Suppression 0
j-inals:
Horsemen 21, Mechasaurus 7
Mark Griffioen
Horseman
Horseman Ride Again
In this age of free agency, parity and lack of team loyalty.
it is nearly Impo sible for teams to build anything remotely
resemhling a dyna ty In any league. Evell the HL. the league
of dynast ies. hasn't been able to produce a team that can string
more than two champIonship in a row since the early eighties.
And no! since the Habs of the fJflles na any profeSSional
sports team been ahle to win HYE IU a row. That i ,until now.
At H:30 a.m .. 011 Saturday. ovember 27, twelve teams
gathered on the 'v illage green to partIcipate in this term's
The weather was perfect, cold and messy. I he
ground had been softened by the evenmg drizzle. A large pud-
dle (01 pond) had accumulated in one of the two field. The
teams were splil into four divisions and Ihe matchups were et.
After a long roulld robin and one death tie-breaker.
the four division leaders moved on the the semi-fi nals. The
rcir,l'iug champs. the Horsemen . quared off against Spike
Suppression and SSBB faced Mechasaurus. After the two hard
fought matches were finished. the final game was set:
Horscmen \ . Mechasaurus.
The game (urned out to be another Mudbowl cia sic. Both
team played bard. The first half was a defensive battle. The
Horsemen took a one touchdown lead, but that was shortlived
when Mechasaurus marched down the field and tied it up. This
was the fir.' touchdown the Horsemen had allowed in over
three Mudbowl tournament ..
Thc second half showed more of the same unti nearl .
halfway in. The Horsemen were on fourth down. .......
ec as(\urus territory. A broken play and a scambling quarter-
back resulted in a touchdown pass on the goalline whl h
turned out to be the willner. The Horsemen went on 0 add'
insurance touchdo n at r after a couple of stron t
stands.
Once again, for the fifth straight Mudbowl. the Horsemen
\\t'n t home with the troph . (he Horsemen wanl to thank thn e
who came out to cheer tor 'hem, the fOllr Mech trosh cheer-
leaders (courtesy of the slave aucllon) and lor the
McGinnis gift certificate. The dyna ' ry continues