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This screenplay is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resembelence to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Copyright 2005 by Anderson Evans

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When the servant in Heaven is heir to the Kingdom of Hell, well, you can bet hes going to have some issues.

Diabolicon
by Anderson Evans Almost Blue Publishing Company 2005

CAPTION There are moments when people love crime, said Alyosha thoughtfully. Yes, yes! People love crime. Everyone loves crime, they love it always, not at some moments, You know, its as though people have made an agreement to lie about it and have lied about it ever since, They all say they hate evil, but secretly they all love it. Fyodor Dostoyevskys The Brothers Karamazov CUT TO We are first presented with a cartoon show involving an impressive super-hero battling a frightening villain. The superhero is large and muscular; his costume is dark, shiny, and generally pleasing to look at. The villain is no more than an eyeball with fangs and claws. As they battle, a small flying dog in a green and yellow costume enters the scene. As the Superhero is fighting the eyeball the dog zooms around. When the battle is over the dog urinates on the villain. NIGHT-THRASHER Oh Speedy, now youre marking MY territory! CUT TO INT. VAUGHNS DEN Adam Vaughn and Richard Clowes Diabolicon. Richard 1

has the look of your all-American-though liberally slantedguy, he isnt bad looking, but his appeal is that of a rather boyish charm. He is young, very early twenties, wearing a button down shirt untucked from his khaki pants, his hair is somewhat disheveled. He is smart, but not concieted. He is seemingly with high esteem for himself, but at the same time very susceptible to the way people perceive him. Neurotic, and extraverted, but at the same time private about his most serious feelings and thoughts, sometimes so private he keeps things from himself. Adam on the other hand, is not so complex a character. He is at this point wearing a flashy bath-robe, and an ascot. He holds a glass of champagne in his hand. He is shallow, and has from an early age known of his great ability and has used it to further himself. He is paid by the government to do heroic feats via superstrength, flight, lazer vision, etc, and he is admired by all. Yet, he still envies what he does not have. He knows Rich is smart, that he once attended college, so his manner around Rich is a strong attempt at psuedo-intellectual. The two sit staring at the television. Adam has obviously enjoyed the program he just had the privilege of viewing as he immiediately lets out a harrowing guffaw, while Richard stares forward in dismay. After a brief pause Rich decides to speak. RICH (manic) Im a dog, they made me a dog, why arent you a dog? (Hesitation, then with great fervor) Why am I a dog?!

ADAM Wow, I knew this would be fun to watch, but I never imagined it would be this hysterical. Haha, if only real villains were so interesting. Imagine fighting a giant eye-ball with teeth. Its so comical, its almost, well, tempestuous. RICH Do you even know what tempestuous means? ADAM Children love dogs Rich, theyre endearing. RICH It means furious or turbulent, not comical. And if dogs are so endearing why arent you a dog too? ADAM Im not a dog Rich. RICH And I am? Cut back to Adam just staring at Rich. He looks right through him. RICH Im not a dog Adam. ADAM Why do you always have to be so ambivalent Richard? 3

RICH You have no idea what you just said do you? ADAM Listen, I just wanted to have a good time tonight, they made a cartoon show about us, I thought we could spend some bonding time together, you know, outside of work, but apparently thats too much to ask from my sidekick, well you... RICH (interrupting) Wait, wait, wait... What did you just call me? ADAM Now hold on Rich, before you get all tempestuous. RICH You didnt even graduate high school! ADAM Yeah I was too busy saving the world from international villainy! MOMENT OF SILENCE RICH Im not a fucking sidekick. I come up with all the plans, without me youd never catch a villain. ADAM Vulgarity isnt necessary Rich, in fact its ambivalent. 4

RICH Go ahead Adam, or should I say Night-Thrasher the almighty, tell me what ambivalent means! ADAM (Adams voice fades to very low after FAST!. The only words where the volume raises are Not a hero and You are my sidekick) You are my sidekick! You cant do anything but run fast! You should be kissing my feet for even letting you be so much! If the free world knew who your father really was theyd just assume have you incarcerationed! You arent my partner! Youre not a hero! Youre my backup, my lapdog. You are my sidekick!!! After sidekick, is uttered a fade out takes place and suddenly fade in on Rich floating through the sky with Credits moving below him. As he flies over people children look up and wave, middle aged men salute, women act shy or overly in need of affection...Rich is happy. (The song Oh Sweet Nothin by the Velvet Underground is playing during this credit sequence.) CREDITS CAPTION: CHAPTER ONE BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL CUT TO DARRENS CLASSROOM Darren Livingston is teaching a philosophy class at a public university. He is a graduate student and has much loftier 5

goals than most in his posistion. He begins this class as he begins most others, with a great vigor and excitement for the session he has envisioned, as the scene goes along he realizes he has fooled himself once again and his demeanor begins to dampen as the scene moves forward. DARREN Today we will look at what I consider the greatest work of philisophical value ever penned. Friedrich Nietzsches Beyond Good and Evil. Would todays lecture participants please come up front? Four students from a class of about forty get out of their seats and sit at a table fpositioned at the front of the classroom. The first is a stereotypical looking California teenager. His name is Bobby, he is wearing a yellow long sleeve t-shirt that has the word Hurley printed on it. His hair is spikey and he is constantly chatting with two guys in the back of the classroom whom are wearing very similar dress. The next student is a young man named Daniel. He has bleached blonde hair, a bright turtle neck sweater and leather pants on, and his tone is rather effeminate. In the next seat is a slightly heavy student. His looks are Phillippine in origin. He seems thoroughly confused wearing a Star-Kist Tuna t-shirt and jeans. Finally, we have a very organized looking young woman named Catherine. She is wearing a preppy pink outfit and looks somewhat uneasy. DARREN Now Bobby, you were supposed to research the question, Was Nietzsche a nihilist? What was your conclusion? 6

BOBBY No... But I think he smoked weed! At this point a couple girls giggle, and a few guys that are obviously Bobbys friends also laugh. DARREN All right, maybe he did, maybe he didnt, but tell me, was he a nihilist? If you dont think so do you have a legitimate reason as to why? BOBBY Uh, no? DARREN Bobby do you know what a nihilist is? BOBBY Yeah, we talked about those in high school. They are like giraffes except meat-eaters or something. DARREN Nihilism is a philisophical ideology, not some sort of carnivorous meat-eating zoo animal. BOBBY No, they eat grass too, multivores I think? DARREN Omnivores? BOBBY Right. 7

DARREN Bobby, we need to talk after class. Catherine, can you tell me what an ubermeinch is? CATHERINE Wait, I dont understand what a nihilism is? DARREN A nihilist; nihilism, Ill explain later. Just tell me what you concluded on Nietzsches idea of an ubermeinch. CATHERINE Well, I called Bobby for help and I never got past nihilism. I thought you probobly needed to know that before you went any farther, and I kept trying to figure out what marajuana and giraffes had to do with it, and I just got all confused. I am so lost right now. DARREN Jesus Christ! Chuck? Daniel? CHUCK I didnt do it, sorry Teach. DANIEL (With great femininity) Well, I read the gay science, I didnt understand a word. Was that guy even gay? DARREN I hate my life. 8

DANIEL Huh? DARREN I said, Artistic life. Um, Nietzsche pushes that one should live to create a more artistic ideology of ones self. Darren looks out over the room, he receives confused looks from a few of his students, but most are chatting among themselves as if he isnt even standing there. DARREN Nevermind. Darren picks up off his desk and starts reading about Nietzsche from the class textbook in an uninterested manner as the picture fades. FADE OUT FADE IN INT. MALL FOOD COURT Rich is just arriving while his friend Ross, a conservitive seminary student equal in years to our hero, is already sitting down with a soda and a hoagie. Ross is dressed in a button down shirt and jeans, his hair is well kept, and his demeanor, as usual, is overly pleasent with a hint of meloncholy.

RICH Sorry Im late ROSS No problem. RICH Did you see that fucking cartoon? ROSS I recorded it, and with the exclamation of, fucking, I assume you didnt like it? Its all youve talked about the last two months, at long last your own cartoon show! RICH Yeah, well, I never had any desire to be a dog. ROSS Is there any reason you said something coming that mind-numbingly far from left field? RICH Allow me to reproduce the televised masterpieces brilliant premise: Night-Thrasher, a gargantuan, muscle-bound muffin of stud is making well constructed and properly placed insults. He is hurling them, as well as his powerful fists at this big fucking eyeball with teeth. Now enter stage left: poorly drawn cartoon mutt flying around at super speeds and eventually whizzing, yes relieving himself, on aforementioned eye-villain. Thats right folks, thank Christ for Speedy...the wonder dog. 10

ROSS Painful, but I guess it makes sense that children would rather see a dog instead of a lanky twenty something who can run fast. At least dogs are somewhat endearing. RICH Im not lanky! Ive been working out, I can bench my own weight...almost. ROSS Ive seen you at the gym, I wouldnt call that benching. RICH Why the hell not? ROSS Because when you get on those machines all you do is squirm around, move the bar thing up about halfway three or four times and tell me you are done with your set. RICH Listen Ross, I really dont need this today. ROSS Whats the matter? RICH I never really gave it much thought, but this television show has me thinking, I mean, about Adam. He takes me for granted. Sure, I can accept 11

the fact that my super-powers are sort of questionable. I run really really fast. But honestly my job transcends its outward appearance. Without me no plans of rescue would be efficiently brought into existence. So yeah, sure, hes the tool with the power to fly and zap people with lazers from his eyes, lift buildings, and all that garbage, but I am the brains. I decide when and where to go, without me hed catch less than half the villains he captures now. ROSS Ah, the feeling of inadequacy. I can... RICH (interrupting) Im not inadequate though! Did you not hear a word I just said? He treats me that way. ROSS Im sorry Rich, sorry. You just cant let stuff like that get you down, you just have to look at the big picture. RICH (Quickly cutting off Ross) Yeah, I guess. Where is Darren, didnt you say he was going to eat with us today? ROSS Oh he had a class this afternoon. I had forgotten hed taken that teaching job over at State. Some kind of ethics course. Apparently hes enjoying it. 12

RICH Its funny how you and Darren seem to remain pretty close, even after you decided to go to seminary. ROSS Yeah. Its not the same as it used to be, but we still keep in touch. RICH Sometimes I wonder if I should have just finished school. I could be teaching right now, I dont know if Im cut out for... you know. ROSS Hey, dont talk like that. You know you are doing a lot of good, you have something no one else has, and youre using it to help people, most of which are complete strangers, dont ever feel like youre not doing the right thing. RICH Thanks Ross. CUT TO CHAPTER II SHADOWS AND FOG INT. RESTERAUNT We see a young man whom is overly reminiscent of a young Woody Allen, or perhaps Peter Sellers complete with white button down and houndstooth sports-jacket. His voice is a characature of an actual voice, the voice of a stand up comic or Lolitas Claire Quilty or perhaps Annie Halls

Alvie Singer, this is an important factor, especially when interpretting his diatribes... ANTONIUS Listen, Im just going to be honest with you. What I know of my family is a childhood illustration combined with a knowledge of myself. But what I know of me I cannot simply place on the heads of the others simply because I hypothesize. But perhaps I can, perhaps I have to? Father, to the eyes of the world a billionaire philanthropist, to the few who see reality the most dangerous man in the world, yet he is not evil, simply alone. Then there is Richard. He hides behind masks of the worldly and is thought by most to have left his great and loving family as well as his education for strange and selfish reasons, but in fact, we find he has b come a superheros sidekick and at heart is still a man with dreams of simplicity. His brilliance is that of one who tried hard, not one who was born with amazing ability, yet I envy him. I believe he is the only one of us that has grasped how to stabilize his life, but Ill know soon enough. Then theres Brad. A true, natural genius, probobly the eternal paradox of genius you know? He could solve world hunger, cure cancer, or discover the secret to eternal life, but unfortunately for mankind his interests tend to slant slightly towards alchohol, breasts, and all that goes along with being the president of the Delta Chau Delta Fraternity (Which after one thinks a moment is no more than the previously alluded to alcohol and breasts). Finally Cusack. He is too far gone to even discuss. After losing every relationship 14

in his life that had defined him he has sunk into an irreperable state of sorrow, so muchto a point where he has reached a seemingly inescapable pit of hatred for himself as well as the bulk of humanity. Theres a reason my brothers are the way that they are, a reason I am the way that I am, but I dont really know if I will ever understand those reasons. The only thing I know right now is that I love you, and maybe thats enough, but maybe... CUT TO INT. VAUGHNS DEN Adam and Rich have just disrobed from their superhero garb. Adam stands in tighty whities and grabs a robe from a hook affixed to the wall. Rich is wearing shorts and a wifebeater, his spandex suit still lying at his feet, he looks to be the much more winded/exausted of the two, and feels the need to discuss the days events. RICH Wow, did you see that woman we saved? God, she was gorgeous! A real fox, you know? ADAM Of course I saw her. She was a somewhat attractive girl. Nice body. RICH (Rich is starting to sound frantic) What I wouldnt do to run into a girl like that in public. She had Nietzsche writings in her hand. Do 15

you know the odds of finding an attractive girl that reads Nietzsche? Do you know how many times Ive read his Thus Spoke Zarathustra? Its a sign, Ive never met a girl that reads Neitzsche, its got to be a sign. ADAM Calm down, just because the idea of a muppet giving a seminar tends to make the tender heart of a woman squeamish and ill in ease is no reason to start making wedding arrangements. Rich goes quickly from frantic to confused as there is a pause; he stares at Adam with a combo of irratation and aforementioned confusion. Adam stares back, and Rich puts his hand to his face, shakes his head, then moves back into conversation. RICH But Adam, have you ever run into any of the beautiful women weve saved? You know, just out and about? ADAM Where do you think I am every Friday night? RICH I was led to believe reconnaissance work...? ADAM I mean besides that. When you find a girl who was saved the day before by a superhero that just happens to have the same phsycho-anatomy as... 16

RICH (interrupting) Wait, what is psycho anatomy? ADAM Body, Rich, my body. Jesus you can be so simple. Girls like my body, I get laid ok? Ive got a very popular alter-ego. Popular alter-ego plus a super save the week before equals a few garunteed rolls in the hay. RICH I always sort of saw you as asexual? ADAM You thought I liked women AND MEN??? RICH No, thats not what Im saying, like you were from some foreign planet where nobody had sex or something, like Morrissey, I dunno, just, I dunno. ADAM Who is Morrissey? Is he the guy on the food network? The guy that says BAM!? RICH Yeah, thats him. You know what Adam, Im gonna try that. ADAM Try what? working in the fast paced market of franchise quality cuisine? Thats madness! 17

RICH No man, no. Im gonna find that girl, Im going to find her and ask her on a date. ADAM Haha, well, you know that might not work for you. RICH Whats that supposed to mean? ADAM How is that workout plan going? I think I can see a difference. RICH Yeah?! I can bench my own weight now. ADAM Haha, right. Well, I gotta go. I have ten minutes to be at the mayors mansion for dinner, and listen I know that its my turn to go on grocery store duty, just dont have time, so if you could take care of that itd be great, also, if you would wash my cape for Thursday Id be posthumously greatful. RICH Posthumously? ADAM Listen Rich if your going to join the fight for the American way, your going to have to do better with your word play. 18

RICH So I need to start making puns out of big words I dont really know the precise definition of ? Adam stares at Rich for a moment, then bolts out the window. Rich stands looking toward the window for a few moments before he walks off screen. CUT TO INT GIRLS BEDROOM Cusack is sitting on a bed smoking. He is thin, his hair is dyed pitch black, he is shirtless revealing a very thin almost frail body. He looks at the young girl who is in the bed still sleeping. He finishes his cigarette, stomps it out gently on the floor, and walks out of the room CUT TO Cusack is now sitting in a public park with his friend Allen. Cusacks clothes reveal that he has more respect for new wavers of the 1980s than the society in which he participates. Allen is dressed in a complimentary fashion, but one which doesnt look so out of place in the modern mix. Allen is playing an acoustic guitar absently and to himself. CUSACK Why do I do it? Why cant I change who I am? ALLEN Dude, you fucked more bitches in one week than I fucked in a whole lifetime, why the fuck are you 19

complaining? CUSACK Im smart Allen, I know I am. ALLEN Dude, youre a musical genius, if we get a band together were gonna be big. CUSACK I dont care about that Allen, cant you understand? ALLEN No. CUSACK Im smart, Im not just some mistake, I can be something. ALLEN Youre gonna be in the band right? CUSACK I mean my old man still loves Rich more than hell ever think of loving me. If Rich walked in the door tomorrow, twenty bucks says hed place him right back on that pedestal he was on before he left. Even with everything hes done. ALLEN Thats life man, it sucks.

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CUSACK Yeah, whatever. CUT TO INT GROCERY STORE Rich has a shopping cart and is moving it through the grocery store. This cart is full of pairs of things, such as a loaf of expensive honey-potatoe bread and beside it white Wonder bread, etc. RICH (VO) Why the hell doesnt the mayor invite me to dinner? Im not invited to anything. They obviously know I exist, that little cartoon dogs costume was identicle to mine, you know with the addition of that extra hole for that tail. Come to think of it that wasnt even a male dog, or if it was the size of his member was so inadequate it may has well of not been male... Rich, youre overanylizing again, its a childrens cartoon show...Ooof Rich has run his cart into the girl he had helped rescue the day before, a girl we see is the same girl that had been so confused in Darren Livingstons philosophy class. RICH Oh my God, Im so sorry! Rich helps her up, and at this moment realizes who she is.

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CATHERINE Ha, its ok, compared to what I went through yesterday, a guy running me over with groceries isnt such a big deal. RICH It is you! CATHERINE Saw me on the news? Hacksaw Harry was trying to kidnap me, thank God for Night-Thrasher. RICH Yeah, he does a lot of good for the community I guess. Doesnt he have a partner? Some mind-numbingly fast guy? A guy that runs at speeds of a powerful locomotive? A freedom fighter that could outdash the Concorde? CATHERINE Does he? No, I dont think he does. RICH Im almost positive about that, I heard on the news the other day, these pundits right, they are talking about how this kid does a lot more good than Night-Thrasher, hes just not so power-hungry and needy for appreciation and popularity. CATHERINE Oh, well, I do remember this guy in a green suit. He was just standing around kind of looking up, gawking like an idiot. I figured it was just another 22

weirdo, you know how this city is. RICH I hear he makes the plans and stuff like that. The brains behind the operation. CATHERINE Yeah? What sort of intellectual thoughts need to be applied to such a scenario? I mean if you can fly and are invincible, there really isnt much to a rescue is there? RICH (antagonized) I think youd be surprised. CATHERINE Ha, um yeah, maybe. RICH (Feeling ridiculous now is overly polite) Im Rich by the way, Rich Clowes. CATHERINE Nice to meet you. RICH Yeah, so I hear that superhero guy is pretty handsome. CATHERINE Oh yeah, he was handsome. Dreamy. All that. 23

RICH But Ive honestly heard that the other guy you were talking about, the one in the green suit, is even more handsome. I dont think hes as muscular, but I hear he has this sort of classic handsome thing going on. Sort of a Carey Grant meets Gary Cooper sort of thing. CATHERINE Are you president of this guys fan club? RICH What? Haha, no no, I just hear things, just a healthy curiosity. Whats your name? Wait, Ive weirded you out havent I? With this whole discussion of male superheros? CATHERINE This close. (Catherine holds her thumb and pointer very close to touching each other) Im Catherine Parker. RICH Well Catherine Parker, I dont suppose I can have your phone number? CATHERINE Wow, you bump into a girl, knock her to the ground, stumble through a conversation making you seem really pretty gay, and still have the nerve to ask a girl for her number? Youve got balls, its 555-0883.

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RICH I really dont understand it. Im not normally this forward, but yeah, I gotta get back to the frozen foods. The Stouffers lasanga is calling my name. CATHERINE (smiling or smirking...Rich cant tell) Ill talk to you later. RICH Talk to you then (Rich turns around and mutters to himself as hes pushing the cart toward the camera) The Stouffers lasana is calling my name??? Damnit! FADE OUT CUT TO CAPTION CHAPTER III Notes from Underground Theodore Herbert Diabolicon is fifty-two years old, he is the head of the world famous Diabolicon Industries, known as the most charitable buisness organization in North America. In reality the bulk of Diabolicon funds come from an underground terrorist group located in Eastern Europe Teddy is currently in his office overlooking 3 small cubicles, one being occupied by his son Brad who is doing nothing more than browsing through a pornographic magazine. 25

TEDDY(VO) Look at him, its a scientific fact hes probably the smartest being ever to walk on this planet and even with my name the only school that would accept him is the state university. He couldnt even make a 2.0 his first year. What I wouldnt give to see him reading Dante or Camus, but instead hes reading...what is that? Lesbian Orgy-fest? Theve become pretty specific these days havent they? This is what my dynasty has become, a genius with no ambition, a depressive with no genius and an out of touch stoner. Antonius walks in with a card to punch into a time clock hung from the wall beside the door. Behind him Cusack follows. TEDDY (VO) I loved my son once. He betrayed me, why should I love these clowns. They have my name, and they have my genes, so I have to keep them here, I cant ruin the reputation Ive created. I have to keep up the facade. Damned fools. I just cant risk them being in charge of everything, Im scared that even though they know who I am and accept it as long as there is plenty of money in their pockets theyll still fall apart on me when the time comes. Best case scenario, they end up just like Richard. Richard will never understand that what I do, I do out of love. Love for myself, but once upon a time love for my family. The phone rings on Teddys desk. 26

TEDDY (answers) Yeah? Well, kill them all. Yes all of them. CUT TO Rich brushing his teeth in bathroom. It is a closeup, and Adam is off screen, probobly in another room as Rich is having to yell a little, and Adams voice is much fainter. RICH Adam, your costume is better than mine. ADAM So what, your costume is incessantly fine. RICH Yeah, if you like yellow and green spandex. I want poly-alloy armor. You can at least get me one of those fiberglass chest plates! ADAM Listen, its not on the budget right now. RICH What are you talking about?! You have tons of money; you get more every day. The LAPD should be so lucky to get half the tax dollars coming to you every year. ADAM Listen, I take care of you dont I? 27

RICH You call one room in this mansion and use of the downstairs bathroom taking care of me? Ugh, Im sick of you taking care of me, why cant you just give me a portion of the money and let me get my own place? ADAM Come on Richard, you know we need to be close if ever a situation arises. RICH I really dont have time to get into this right now, I have to go. ADAM What, you going on some romantic date tonight? Haha. RICH Yeah. Is that so hard to believe? ADAM Uh, no, thats not what Im saying. You dont have a date do you? RICH I do! Jesus, Adam, you are a real prick, you know that? ADAM Hey tiger, Im proud of you, dont get upset; you just often go out on such excursions. 28

RICH (Critically) Well, Im going on such ab excursuion tonight. Goodbye Adam. Rich walks out and slams the door, Rich grabs a dictionary and opens it up as the scene fades out. FADE OUT CAPTION PART II The New Years Eve Incident CUT TO INT. ADAMS PARTY Rich is standing by a punchbowl, he is distant on the frames horizon. We hear ambient music playing. Rich is swaying and looks intoxicated. The following is heard ADAM (VO) Rich, hurry and get ready. RICH (VO) I told you!!! Im not coming down! ADAM (VO) You have to come down, youll miss the big 29

anouncement. RICH (VO) Im not coming down I said, leave me the fuck alone! The ambient music and voices fade out, and the frame is now moving closer to Rich. As the frame zooms in Rich gives the camera a look of recognition. CUT TO Darren and Ross walking toward him. DARREN Alright, where are the girls? You swore to me last week there would be girls for myself and Sloop John Calvin over here. ROSS Sloop John Calvin? What are you talking about? Im no Calvinist, I told you... DARREN Hey, St. Luke, it was a joke. RICH (almost slurred) Theres no girls, none for you, none for you, and certainly none for me. ROSS Oh no, what happened?

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DARREN (excited) Youre sloshed arent you Richie! Ladies and gentleman Mr. Sobriety has placed himself on the same existential plane as Hemmingway. Bartender, Ill have a scotch neat! Darren continues to look sideways to his behind yelling for a bartender. ROSS What happened Rich, you never drink, somethings wrong. RICH Shes gone, she is gone, I try to... DARREN Nothing is wrong, hes just having an emotional r action to the drinkies. Ill bet hes sobbing about some dog that died when he was a child. Floppys gone Rich, itll be ok...now, lets go find that bartender. Darren wanders away holding onto Rich, but Ross holds Rich back and Darren doesnt care enough to keep holding on. ROSS Now, you tell me what happened. Rich looks down, opens his mouth, and the CUT is immidiate. 31

CUT TO CAPTION: 2 MONTHS BEFORE CUT TO INT - RICHS ROOM Rich picks up a phone. RICH Hey Catherine? Richard. Right, right, grocery store Richard. If you dont have any plans tonight I was wondering if youd like to go to dinner with me? How does tonight at seven sound? CUT TO An upbeat piano song plays as we see Rich first arriving at Catherines house with flowers. They move on to do several other activities enjoyed by couples with a newly blossoming romance. The audience should get the feel that a relationship has started and has progressed. At the end of these interlacings the song comes to an end as the couple rolls around in some leaves, suddenly the music is over, and dialouge begins. RICH Why, in Gods name, are we rolling around in leaves? CATHERINE Do you have to question everything?

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RICH Well, Im not the one to grasp humanity at first glance. But seriously, what made someone say, Hey, dirty dead leaves, wont it be invigorating to roll around in them? CATHERINE With some things in life its healthier just not knowing. Leave it up to humanitys inner nature, let the inexplicable truth come out in inexplicable actions that give you emotions you dont understand. Dont ruin it by asking yourself why you felt such an emotion, just embrace the simple gifts life has, there arent many of them out there anymore. Rich smiles, and stutters not knowing quite the right thing to say, and feels he must simply change the subject. RICH You wanna, um, go grab a burger? Or maybe a other walk in the park? CATHERINE Yeah, except I need to go home and change, I have grass stains all over this dress. FADE OUT FADE IN INT. - ADAMS PARTY 33

Rich is now sitting at a table with Ross. ROSS Im not going to pretend I dont know where this story must be headed, but go on, tell me more. RICH (very loud, almost yelling) She was the one Ross, she must have been the one. ROSS Shhhh, shhhh, why are you so sure? CUT TO Catherine and Rich are in the park sitting on a bench, seperated at first, moving closer as the scene progresses. RICH Ive never been good at relationships, I know weve only been seeing each other about a week and a half now, but its been the greatest week and a half of my life. I feel like I really understand you. CATHERINE Rich, you are adorable. I think the truth is that I understand you, and because of this understanding you think you understand me. RICH Youre so intelligent, Ive never been involved with an intellegent person, or at least one that isnt embarrassed to accentuate any sort of eloquence in 34

their conversation. CATHERINE Intellegence can merely be a clever presentation of bullshit. I often wonder what it takes to make one truly more intellegent. RICH I dont even know what intellegence is, its just a other big word that makes me anxious. CATHERINE So intellegence scares you? RICH Ha, yeah, I guess so. CATHERINE What really scares you? RICH What? CATHERINE Of everything out there in the world that scares you, what is the thing that scares you the most? RICH Oh, ok, yeah, good question. Fear is something Im not one to talk to a lot of people about. I am afraid of a lot of things to be quite honest, but I am especially paranoid about loss. I just...well, I dont have very many possessions that I call my own, just 35

a very few things that I feel identify me, most of them arent even positive. But knowing all about who I am, understanding the traits which define me, losing those would be horrifying, and I realize that the removal of those is basically impossible, yet I could sit in misery for hours thinking of life wit out the few intricacies that make my life livable. CATHERINE Wow, well, ok. RICH Hey, I get to ask a question too. Tell me what you look for in a guy. CATHERINE I look for something most girls dont look for an more. Love. The abilllity to love. I dont care what the mans moral beliefs are, I dont care about morals and culture so much, I care about emotion. Its what life is really about, the ability to feel. RICH Do you ever doubt love actually exists? CATHERINE A great many admirable men have asked me that question, and I pity all of them. Love exists Richard, and when you find it, its worth sacrificing everything for. RICH I get the feeling that you could help me look for it. 36

As Rich leans in for a kiss... CUT TO BLACK FADE IN INT - ADAMS PARTY Ross is looking deeply at Adam now with a lot of sympathy. RICH I hate her, I hate her for making me feel like this. CUT TO - Split second of white noise to emulate a channel change INT. -CATHERINES HOUSE - NIGHT Rich and Catherine are watching TV. Catherine has the remote and stops flipping. CUT TO a scene showing Speedy the Wonder Dog with this text on the bottom of the screen with the animated dog flying around. RICH Please change it. CATHERINE Any time Im trying to watch something you want to watch cartoons, but the only cartoon I think is kind of cute you refuse to watch. RICH This one just bothers me. 37

CATHERINE Is it because I was rescued by NightThrasher? RICH What??? Why would it be because of that? CATHERINE Youre jealous, thats cute! RICH Im not! CATHERINE Ah, just admit it! RICH I just dont think youve got your facts straight. that NightThrasher guy, well, he just seems too incompetant to have done something like saving you from a delicately placed bomb by himself. CATHERINE Just because you didnt save me doesnt mean you have the right to belittle the person who did. RICH Im out of here. CATHERINE Why are you acting like this?! CUT TO 38

INT. ADAMS HOUSE - NIGHT Rich shuts the door and sinks down towards the floor and realizes that Adam is right there on a couch. ADAM Well, where have you been? RICH With Catherine. ADAM Perhaps Richard, youve been a bit too preoccupationed with this new girlfriend. RICH Preoccupied? ADAM Its getting in the way of your work Rich! RICH I dont know Adam, Im thinking Im not cut out for this work anymore. Actually, I dont think I ever was. You seem to do fine by yourself, all I can do is run fast. I think Im going to go back and finish college. Here Richards demeanor starts to switch from that of meloncholy to sudden hope. One more year and Id have enough credits to graduate. I could marry Catherine, start a family... 39

ADAM (interrupting) Rich! I need you! This country needs you. Sure you can run incessently speedily, but youve also got what African Americans refer to as Street smarts! RICH What does being an African American have to do with the terminology of the phrase street smarts? Isnt that racial profiling? ADAM You naive fool listen to me!!! I know oftentempos I forget to thank you for your help, but without you many innocents would suffer. Sure itd be nice to give up on all this, start a family, get a nine to five occupation, but can you really do that with a clear conscientious. RICH Conscience. ADAM Richard!!! I think you need to examine this relatio ship you have with your lady friend. RICH Well, now that you say something, we did have a fight just before I got here. ADAM Ah hah, and I bet it was something that wouldnt have been an issue if you werent a super-hero am I 40

right? RICH Actually... ADAM Youve got to end it Rich! RICH But I think Im falling in love with her Adam. ADAM We dont have time for love Richard, justice doesnt deserve poligam...poligamist... Justice doesnt deserve... RICH Poligomy. Wait, no, that makes sense. Thats pr found, almost Kierkegarrdian. ADAM Damn straight. Look to your heart Richard, you know what you have to do. CUT TO INT ADAMS PARTY Now Ross and Rich are standing in front of the ballrooms bar. ROSS Oh my God, you listened to Adam?! You poor 41

sucker. Rich is sobbing at this point still holding a drink in his hand, 5 empty glasses sit behind him on the bar. Darren walks over. DARREN Hey check out Lisa Marie Sexy over there in the yellow, Im gonna go for it boys, wish me luck. Darren dances off screen and suddenly the music stops, Rich wipes his face and looks up. There in froont of everyone Adam has seperated himself (in a tuxedo) and Catherine (in a luxurious dress). ADAM Ladies and gentleman, I have an announcement to make. Myself, Adam Donald Vaughn, billionaire playboy, will soon be settling down. I have asked the mag-nifi-cant Catherine Parker to be my wife, and of course, she has accepted. We hear the sound of applause and see Adam looking to the crowd. The frame zooms out on the couple revealing the excited audience. The applause fades, and as it does CUT to a zoom in on Richs insanely disturbed look of shock and begin playing in the background Let the good times roll, as sung by Nillson. Ross and Darren are standing beside Rich, one on each side, looking to the ground, not knowing what to do or say. CUT back to Adam who is still waving at the audience, still in slow mo, he then meets eyes with the camera (Rich) and gives a big thumbs up. CUT BACK to Rich who goes from shock to a much more 42

disturbing smile and a thumbs up. His face then quickly evolves into intense anger, and Darren and Ross hold him down, he sinks quickly in defeat. Darren puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. FADE OUT (music as well) CUT TO INT. - ADAMS APARTMENT - Night Time goes back to the last discussion Rich and Adam had in the apartment. A different camera angle is being used. ADAM Look to your heart Richard, you know what you have to do. There comes a loud knock at the door. CATHERINE Richard, we need to talk, you cant treat me like this. You cant just run away without any kind of explination. RICH (quietly) Adam, could you fly out of here for a second? ADAM (not quietly) Listen pal, I think itd be better if I stayed. Now, remember what we talked about... 43

RICH I can handle this. CATHERINE (still knocking) OPEN THE DOOR! Adam runs to open the door. Catherine is surprised. CATHERINE Who are you? ADAM This is my house. Im letting Richard stay here, well, he rents out a room upstairs. You must be his lieosin. CATHERINE Liaison? ADAM Its French for, lover. CATHERINE (interested) Really? ADAM Oh sure, I learned... RICH (interrupting) Well, you wanted to talk, lets talk. 44

Rich is in the middle of Catherine and Adam. Catherine is transfixed with Night-Thrashers alter-ego, and Adam gives her one of his cheesy frat-boy smiles. RICH Well? CATHERINE Oh, right, well, its just (finally moves her gaze over to Rich) its just the past two weeks have been wonderful, then all of a sudden today, it was like you were a totally different person. ADAM The little rascal does that sometimes, Im Adam by the way. CATHERINE Really? Adam, Adam, hmmm, you look really familiar to me for some reason. ADAM Well Ive been on T... RICH (interrupting...again) Look, Im really sorry, Ive been having a hard time at work. CATHERINE (Once again her gaze has moved to Adam) Right, work. Adam, did you say you speak French fluently? 45

ADAM Si, seniorita. CATHERINE (slowly and dreamily) Wow. ADAM Say Catherine, Rich and I were going to go see a movie tomorrow night, if you want to tag along... RICH What? Adam, I cant go to a movie tomorrow night. Ross is giving a talk to the congregation at some church, I promised him I would go. I was actually going to see if Catherine would... CATHERINE Well, I can go see the movie with you Adam, I hate the thought of you having to go see a movie alone. ADAM Its a date! Haha, kidding Rich, but I gotta get going. Work to do you know. Rich is standing there transfixed with horror. CATHERINE (as if Rich isnt there) What do you do? ADAM Im a producer. 46

CATHERINE How exciting!! ADAM Yeah, well, bye all! CATHERINE Actually Rich, I gotta go too. ADAM Hey, Ill walk you to your car if you want. They walk out and Rich remains unmoved, confused, and upset. (Transition:) The frame zooms in on his face, it remains the same but when the camera zoomes out he is at the party, and more than a little drunk TRANSISTION INT. - ADAMS PARTY - Night ROSS That sermon was yesterday. RICH (singing) Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. (Stops singing) I was not at your sermon. ROSS So I noticed.

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RICH I was at a bar, I was there! Rhere is where I was, the bar. ROSS Oh, Rich, its going to be ok. You cant do this to yourself. Look, if this girl is going to marry Adam Vaughn, there is no way shes the girl for you. RICH (at the top of his lungs) I love her!!! ROSS Shhh, its alright, its ok. RICH Im gonna do it. Darren walks over. DARREN Do what? RICH Im gonna hurt him. He hurt me, Im gonna hurt him. Rich bares his fists and starts to walk forward. Darren grabs him. DARREN Woah there Kemosabe! Youre good at running, but 48

I dont think you are in any condition to fight the worlds most powerful super... ROSS Shhhh, someone will hear! DARREN Jesus, Ross, lighten up. Richie my boy, lets settle down. Now lets look at our options here. RICH Options? DARREN Yes, options. Lets look at what you can do to resolve all of this. ROSS For instance, you could... DARREN No, no shut up, let me finish. This guy is basically ruining your life right? Am I right? RICH Yes! He dominates conversations, he makes me feel inferior, and now, now he has Catherine. ROSS Come on... isnt that incredibly minimal to the good you two accomplish together?

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DARREN How can one accomplish good? By saving people from death, thereby making this glorified asshole even more of a dominate societal figure? Bullshit! If we are going to be utilitarian about this, all Beefy McSlowit does is prolong the inevitable while at the same time demanding, and receiving I might add, undeserved self glorification. ROSS He saves peoples lives! Put yourself in those victims shoes. Think how... DARREN No! No! Half the people he saves are merely there as bait for this superhero bastard! If he wasnt free to do his good deeds and receive front page billing I doubt supervilliany would even exist. You see the supervillain wants notoriety for being the only being dubious enough to capture said supe hero, otherwise hed just be robbing banks, or cheating the company of which he is already a CEO, not bombing buildings. RICH You know, Dad would love to get his hands on Night-Thrasher. ROSS Dont bring him into this. Your father is an evil man Richard, I mean he...

50

DARREN Wait, shut up Ross. ROSS Ooooh. DARREN Shut up! Ok this is a definite option, and a good one. Lets look beyond what is evil, and what is good. Lets decide what is beneficial. Ive had enough of this do unto others fundamentalist bullshit, now turning Night-Thrasher in to your father. Tell me, what would this accomplish? RICH Well I dont agree with dads ideas. I mean he lied to me growing up, I thought he was this philanthropic saint, then I find out he slaughters millions, and for no other reason than financial gain. DARREN Bla bla bla, now what are you trying to say? ROSS Hes trying to say this man is not a person needs to be involved with. DARREN For the last fucking time Ross, I am not talking to you. Ross shakes his head and looks down. 51

DARREN What are you saying? RICH Well, hes bad, but I need someone, I need my family. Sure we have our differences, but they treated me better than Adam fucking Vaughn ever did. DARREN Exactly. Thats not all though, with Night-Thrasher out of the way you are the only guy around with any super powers, do you know how many honeys you can get with that sort of talent? RICH And Catherine will be single again... ROSS Will you listen to yourselves?! Listen to what you are saying. Rich! This is ridiculous. Youre just the sidekick, all you can do is run fast. Wit Ross last utterance Richard has made u his mind. Darren knows this when Ross finishes, and just smiles a victorious grin. CUT TO CAPTION: CHAPTER III HOMECOMING We see a lobby with a secratary sitting at a desk with a sort 52

of cell-phone ear peice in her left ear. She typing something on her computer, and a young man dresed in a suit sintting down in one of the few chairs placed around the room. The camera is representing Richs perspective. EVIE May I... RICHIE! RICH Hi Evie, how are you? EVIE How long has it been? RICH I guess a little more than a year? EVIE It seems like so much more than that. Weve missed you around here, well, Ive missed you. RICH Thanks Evie, Ive missed you too. Is he busy? EVIE Your father is interviewing a few interns right now. Theres only one left. RICH Oh, well, alright. EVIE Just have a seat, Ill let you know when he is ready. 53

RICH Thanks EVIE Ok, dumplin. Rich sits down and immediately the guy in the suit feels the need to strike up conversation. WHIT Hi, Whit Bradley. They shake. RICH Richard Clowes. WHIT Wow, youre the Rich Diabolicon arent you? RICH I go by Clowes now... WHIT Wow, Im a really big fan of your dad and all hes done for society. RICH Uh, yeah, great guy. WHIT Oh thats right, I heard you two had a falling out. Damn shame. 54

RICH Yeah, well, things happen. WHIT Yeah, like, what did that retard say in that movie? Shit happens right? RICH Um, I dont recall. WHIT Speaking of shit, my girlfriend... A look of relief covers Richs face when he hears... EVIE Mr. Bradley, Dr. Diabolicon will see you now. WHIT Well, thats me, take her easy brother. Whit walks down the hallway. EVIE So Richard, how are you? How is being a mountie? RICH A what? EVIE I was always surprised you quit school, but I say do what you love, Im sorry your father doesnt feel the same. 55

RICH A mountie? Like a Canadian mountie? EVIE Oh yes sir! Rich your father will see you now. As Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello kicks in Richard walks down a hallway and at the end is a large room. There are 3 doors, and each time Rich passes a door short montages appear in black and white of his childhood. (Door 1: A lab where there are little fetus in jars with the names of each of the Diabolicon boys -- Door 2: The Diabolicons at church, the dinner table, playing catch -- Door 3: Rich and his father in an office, Rich is appearing and dissappearing as his father is obviously telling him everything, Rich is yelling at his father after this, his father slaps him) Then when he reaches the door at the end of the hall and places his fingers on the door-knob the chorus to watching the detectives kicks in and CUT TO a 10 second black and white scene of Rich now screaming at his father then disappearing from the frame appears CUT TO a close up of Richs hand on the knob. As door opens, cut music. The door opens slowly Rich walks in, his father looks at him straight in the eyes. The camera shot shows the brothers are all behind the eldest with gawking jaws outside of the doorframe. RICH Dad? TEDDY Hello Richard 56

silence RICH I...I need to talk to you. TEDDY Whats this about Rich? RICH I dont know if I can tell you here. (Looks behind him, then more emphatically) I dont think anybody should really hear this. TEDDY Boys, Im sure you can catch up with your brother here later. Could you close the door and go back to your offices? They go, and Teddy closes the door. RICH Dad, you know what Ive done with myself the past year. TEDDY Yes son, I believe so, I believe you prance around town in bright spandex making life generally more difficult for your brothers and I, maybe help a few idiotic pedestrians along the way. RICH Well dad, I cant say we see eye to eye any more than we did when I left, but I think there is one 57

thing we have in common. Thats why Im here. TEDDY You here to bargain with me boy? Because I dont think youre ready to do buisness with your old man. RICH Not exactly... Dad, Im going to give you some information... free of charge. Can you make sure nobody finds out Im the person who gave you that information? TEDDY Son, I wish you nothing but contentment. Youve done a lot that I cant say Im comfortable with, but you are still my son. I promise I will not reveal something that could hurt you, that I can swear. RICH Dad, if you mix the two carbon nitrates Glycerin and Methane Condruim in a liquid base up to about four ounces you can deem Night-Thrasher powerless. TEDDY Boy, if this is some kind of trick, I swear I will disown you. The one son I love, the one son that I wanted to flourish, the one son I have trusted... if this is a game I swer to you no longer can my love look past your character flaws. RICH Dad (Rich takes a heavy breath that could be 58

mistaken for a sigh) Night-Thrasher is a blemish on society. He causes criminal masterminds to take action in the way that they do, his existence is reason for most villainy to go to the dangerous extremes in which they hurt more than Night Thrasher can possibly help. He doesnt save people because they need to be saved, he does it for success and notoriety, and I feel he needs to be stopped. I feel that society would benefit from his capture, and I suppose you would benefit too. TEDDY That was powerful Rich, but I dont get it. RICH He stole my girlfriend. TEDDY That I get. Richard I love you and trust you. They embrace CUT TO INT - Diabolicon kitchen - Day CUT TO shot of Rich eating slowly/awkwardly and looking around, the camera starts to turn at a three-hundredsixty degree angle and we see all the different emotions on the characters faces. Antonius is in his own world staring off into oblivion, obviously thinking. Brad has a cell phone in one hand, in the other he is playing with his food. Teddy is trying to hide any discomfort and concern and 59

is concentrating hard on his manner filled etiquette, and Cusack is staring at Rich with anger. Finally the camera is back to Rich RICH So how has everybody been? ANTONIUS Ive been ok I guess. Antonius looks around to see how anyone else might react. CUSACK Could someone please pass the irony? RICH Is something the matter Cusey? CUSACK I just find it funny that you can leave for a year and a half with no explination, then come right back in here and still... you know what? Nevermind, but just keep away from me. RICH What did I ever... TEDDY (interrupting) Richard, hes just being a little cry-baby because nobody cares about him, just ignore it.

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CUSACK Some people would try to soften the blow, I respect your bluntness, you fucking asshole. Cusack leaves the table and as he walks down the hall... CUT TO A montage of life activity is presented for Cusack. It starts out slow and becomes incredibly fast. This montage will involve multiple scenarios of Cusack interacting poorly with his family, getting dressed for a party, going to a party, meeting a girl there and making it with her, waking up, and leaving the girl. We see this in multiple outfits and multiple people, but it becomes so quick the picture is undecipherable. CUT TO Cusack walks up the stairs, into his room, he puts a different shirt on, then begins to put on a tie when Rich bursts in the room. RICH Listen, Im back here because I want to make everything good again. You and I used to get along so well, has so much happened in a year and a half that you and I cant get along anymore? CUSACK People grow up Richard. Most people anyway. Most people get to a point in their lives when they realize every idea theyve ever been presented with, 61

every belief thats ever been ingrained. They find out that its all bullshit. They find out they can hold to these beliefs, make new ones, it doesnt really matter. I found that out at some point when you were gone. RICH What does any of that have to do with us not getting along? CUSACK Its just an explination for why I hate you. I dont like anyone, but you and Dad are the only two people I really hate. RICH I dont under... CUSACK Youre not supposed to, now please just get out of my room. Cusack shoves Rich out the door, slams it, and finishes putting on his tie. CUT TO INT - SOME PARTY - NIGHT Cusack is drinking with a group of people. He is smiling and laughing. CUT TO Cusack talking to some girl. CUT TO him on the couch with that same girl talking more seriously. CUT TO him kissing this same girl, stopping 62

prematurely, then walking outside. He finds some stairs to sit on, buries his head in his arms and sobs. CUT TO INT - Diabolicon residence - Night Rich has just had Cusacks door slammed in his face, and is now moving down the hall, he steps into Brads room. Brad is listening to some high energy punk sounding trendy music. BRAD How tight is this dude? RICH I heard youre president of your fraternity, I cant say Im surprised, you always did have a way with people. BRAD (muttering) Minus my family. RICH Huh? BRAD I fuckin love this band dude, I have a cover band, I play guitar and sing. RICH Thats great Brad. What band do you cover? 63

BRAD Oh and dude, you are gonna love this shit, the bitch Im dating is a fucking model. RICH You call her a bitch? BRAD She has huge... RICH (Interrupting) This is all really impressive man (Rich emphasizes the word man, as if this will allow him to commun cate more clearly with his brother), but how are things here at home? BRAD Lets not talk about that. RICH Dont you think maybe we shoul... BRAD I said I dont want to talk about it. RICH Brad... BRAD Oh dude, I gotta get out of here. Brad grabs his coat which is lying beside where he is sitting 64

on his bed, and rushes out of the room. Rich having only one more brother to try and interact with hopes to find solace in Antonius room, the door is already open and he hears voices from a television screen. RICH Antony, I dont suppose you have anything to say to me. ANTONIUS Haha, a lot has changed. Actually Ive missed you very much Rich. There is nothing I would rather be doing than talking to you right now. I doubt there is anyone I could learn more from. RICH Wow, where am I? When I was here you wanted nothing to do with me or anyone else. Those two who used to look at me like I could do no wrong, they... ANTONIUS The brother you once saw as your protoge shuts you out, the brother that would always listen, even though he never really seemed to comprehend, dashes off as soon as you start trying to get him to open up, and now youve come to option number three, the brother who shut everyone out. RICH Bravo.

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ANTONIUS Rich, things have changed since youve been gone RICH Id like to know how. ANTONIUS Well, take our father for instance. The one son he loved went off to do something that made him feel like a failure, like you hated him. His love for us was only a shadow of his love for you big brother. He just distanced himself from us even farther, started treating us strictly as employees. His only conversation with us at any given point on any given day was some sort of code he has us typing into computers, none of us cared to ask what it was, whether it was some sort of plan to destroy the UN or meaningless jumble, I suspect it was no more than his way of giving us something to do so he didnt have to spend any heart-aching time with us. He just handed out money to each of us every weekend. The work environment, the payoff, and Saturday evening dinner became the only interaction he had with us. We took the money, ate our meals silently, the only one who ever asked anything was Cusack. Everyone had left the dinner table one Saturday night except for him and dad, and he demanded that he deserved to know the truth. Dad, cold and robotically, told him every thing. I was standing there in the kitchen listening to Dad diatribe about who he really was, what he actually did, what you do now, his philosophy on life, and how his genepool was the greatest failure 66

he had ever known. It killed poor Cusack, he lost faith in everything, including you, big brother. RICH Ive got to talk to him. ANTONIUS Why? You knew it would happen eventually, wed all find out. RICH But, Cusack just needs someone to talk to, to e plain things. ANTONIUS Wake up Rich, were not children anymore. Im twenty-one, Brads nineteen, and Cusack seventeen. Were not confused kids anymore, were confused adults. The time for consoling is past. RICH What happened to you Antony? You never said a word to me, just locked your door, and read your books and listened to your records. ANTONIUS I know who I am Rich. I found myself in that world I locked myself away in. Im not pretty, Im not happy, but I understand what life is. RICH And what is it? 67

ANTONIUS A riddle, no, no a joke. RICH Can you be a little more specific? ANTONIUS Well, yes, I definately can. Ive sort of taken to writing short stories, but they are far from marketable. There is one in particular, one of my worst that as often as I rewrite it, I cant seem to make any clearer, but its important to me. Id love for one of the top philosophy students in the cou try to take a look at it. RICH Well, Im not exactly a philosophy student anymore. ANTONIUS Oh, sorry Speedy. RICH Dont... ANTONIUS Id like to talk with you about that too, but let me read my story first. Maybe it will tell you something about me, because I dont think you know much of anything. RICH Maybe youre right. 68

ANTONIUS Who knows, maybe you know everything about me. But the story, its about a young boy in the 1950s that had the power to communicate with God for only one day in his life. He was this WASP, Middle class American Pie in the truest sense. By societal standards this kid is admirable with his naivety and ignorance, his outward showing of love and happiness to those he saw and understood, but he had come to what he considered to be a crossroads, yes at ten years old he found himself at a crossroads. He had done everything he was supposed to, listened to his mother and father, was kind to all he met, and prayed every evening, but there as no happiness anymore. One evening he preyed to God that he could have a real conversation with him. Suddenly he heard a voice. CUT TO INT - Juniors Room - Day Junior is sitting on his bed, head down, eyes closed, hands folded. GOD (VO) Alright Junior, I have a lot of stuff to do, but youve definately been a good Christian boy, I guess I owe it to you to answer a prayer. You always ask for others and this is the first youve ever requested for yourself.

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JUNIOR Thank you God, I sure hope you dont think Im trying to test you or anything. GOD I know you arent, you are as wise as Solomon and I can see this. I know all that you will say, and know all that will come from this conversation. JUNIOR Will my life be a good one, will I make you happy? GOD That will be revealed to you in time, just as the fig tree reveals its faithful fruit. Ask me what you have begged my communion to ask me, but realize that all I answer will be honest and pure truth. JUNIOR God, why do I do everything as I am commanded to do, see no evidence that you do not exist, only see things that show me that you do in fact exist, but I doubt you. My mom loves me, my dad loves me, they say they love me through you. I have seen little suffering, I am sheltered and by the worlds standards I am content, even blessed. But God, I am not happy, and even as I talk to you right now I do not believe that you are there. GOD I expect you to love me, with the love of a young child, and the understanding of a mother. 70

JUNIOR I know, I have ready your Holy word cover to cover twice, and who knows how many times Ive heard certain chapters read to me on their own. GOD I know this. I expect you to love me. To love me with a love that is both transcendent and faithful. To love what you do not see, but experience. To love... JUNIOR (rather than looking into the heavens Junior begins to talk sternly, and to himself. He begins to pace) I dont understand anything. The more I learn about life, about what people believe about what I was taught, the less I understand. I dont understand anything. GOD I expect you to love me. With faith like a mustard... JUNIOR WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!! CUT TO INT - ANTONIUS Room - Night ANTONIUS and Junior begins weeping into his hands, God stops speaking, and well, thats as far as I can seem to get. Im terrible with endings. I cant ever seem to tie everything together in a thoughtful way. 71

RICH Im sorry Antonius. ANTONIUS For what? RICH Im still not sure how similar you and I are, but that story leads me to believe that our similarities are pitiable. ANTONIUS Oh, thank God, I was worried my characters were too silly, you should have heard it before when it was about this girl conversing with her left breast. RICH Stop Antony, stop shutting me out. Thats what Ive had thrown in my face my entire life, thats why I dont understand anything. ANTONIUS Rich, we Diabolicons are all alike. You deal with things differently than I do, and different than Cusack, and different than Brad, but I am afraid we all have he same thoughts and ideas, they just come out differently. Yes, even our father, the evil Dr. Diabolicon feels the same things we do. The hero and the villain, they both think alike, they both see the futility of their occupations but continue out of habit, its very interesting to see.

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RICH I refuse to admit my choices were futile, I was doing good. ANTONIUS You were doing nothing, and you realized it. If it wasnt futile, what are you doing here? RICH I love a girl. ANTONIUS Love (laughs) love. The one thing that convinces us that there is a way out of this confusion, a path to happiness. But if and when you find it Rich, will it last? RICH I already found it Antony, and it didnt last, it was stolen. ANTONIUS You are a romantic, one of the last I think Richard. RICH Have you ever been in love Antony? ANTONIUS I dont know Rich, have you? RICH I dont know either. 73

ANTONIUS Still a Diabolicon. Listen, I am a romantic too, and love is like God Rich. If you can truly find it, if you can actually experience it, its worth sacrificing everything for. God is dead Richard, there is no point in sacrificing anything for a dead God, but love. Richard love is worth everything. CUT TO CAPTION: CHAPTER IV: The Independant Variable FADE IN INT - ITALIAN RESTERAUNT - Night A waiter is standing in the corner of the place, glancing around nervously, with a cellphone pressed against his face WAITOR Sir, I have it all ready, dont worry. The camera zooms out and we see a trey in the waitors hand. He takes a trey with champagne on it to a table where sits Adam Vaughn and Catherine Parker already in mid conversation. ADAM So I say, listen you blubbering moron, I didnt ask you for your life story, I just want some bread before you give me the fucking soup you know? 74

CATHERINE Yeah. Yes bread. I mean, exactly. WAITOR Here is our finest champagne sir. ADAM Just put it on the table Mario. WAITOR My name is Luigi. ADAM Fucking hilarious. Adam pours himself a glass quickly, takes a quick swig and is immidiately knocked out. CUT TO INT - DIABOLICON OFFICE - DAY TEDDY Wake up Night-Thrasher. Wake up. Its ok now, your safe. ADAM (coming to) Wha...DIABOLICON!!! TEDDY Shut up you idiot. Youll notice youre attatched to an IV full of Glycerin and Methane condrium. You 75

have just little enough to keep you concious and able to speak, but unable to break the rope that binds you. ADAM What? TEDDY I could have just killed you with it, and I will, but studies show a man who knows he is going to die becomes like an animal. He knows his fate and he suffers an absolute kind of suffering until he mentally perishes; even before he is truly dead. ADAM Youll never get away with this. TEDDY Ok, now, think about what you just said. Ill never get away with this? I am the most respected businessman, not in the city, not in the state, not even in the country. I am the most respected businessman in the world. As far as anyone who doesnt have close ties with me knows, I am a philanthropist... a modern day saint. ADAM You are no god. TEDDY No, I am not. I know that, you know that, and my boys know that, but thats about it. You wouldnt have known I was tied to any evil 76

organizations had you not met Richard, and yes you and Rich were close to unveiling me, but it didnt happen because you are too lazy, and selfish, and... I digress, I dont want to talk about why you have failed, I just want to get it through your head that you have, alright? ADAM Ill get out of here Diabolicon, somehow. TEDDY Now as I was saying. That isnt possible. I am going to allow this stuff to keep mixing with your bloodstream until you die. It should be about four days. You have no allies. You have no leaugue of fellow justice fighters. You have no sidekick. ADAM I have Rich. TEDDY My God, you are an idiot. How do you think I knew what destroyed your powers? Who but my son could have secured such information for me? ADAM He was a traitor??? All along, My God, I should have known. TEDDY No, you stole his girlfriend. (Anger moves to slight chuckle) It makes you question who really is the bad guy here, you or I? 77

ADAM How dare you insult me with such a question? TEDDY Wow, still more fiery than froghair. You are going to die! And you are the bad guy by the way. You! You are not a real man. You, being who you are, push me into the allowance of accepting my own identity. ADAM What the hell are you talking about old man?! TEDDY Why?! Are you such a complete fool that you do not realize you have no reason to have any hope left? You are going to die soon. ADAM I wont! TEDDY You are. You have less than four days to live. You really do think you are going to live because you are so self-righteous you think you deserve it. Hahaha, I thought men like you only existed in movies. Arrogant heroes whose good deeds save them from damnation. But what good, what real good, have you ever done? ADAM Are you serious? You know the great things I have done. I am Night-Thrasher, Defender of the 78

Dawn! TEDDY You are Adam Vaughn! Spoiled brat and anti-intellectual arrogant prick. You save people for fame and fortunes. You do what you do because you can, so what else would you do? You are not a hero, you are all too human. ADAM You are a dumb, old man. TEDDY How is that someone is so shallow? Do you know what love is? Do you know what pain is? ADAM More than you ever will. TEDDY You speak like a cartoon character, a character so devoid of anything. Youve never lost anything you loved. Youve never questioned your life. You are empty. ADAM Stop whining to me you cowardly old wash-out. TEDDY How dare you?! Your fate lies in my hand and you treat me as an inferior.

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ADAM You are an inferior. There is a pause. A look of strict determination appears on both facees, and from nowhere two shots are heard. Adam Vaughn and Teddy Diabolicon are dead. CUT TO INT - CUSACKS ROOM - DAY CUSACK Get out! Get out of my room. RICH Dont hate me anymore. I understand, I do, I cared about you. While I was gone, every minute I cared about you. I left because I cared, because I wanted you to be able to see that I had gotten away from all this, and that you could to. CUSACK But youre back. RICH Im human, I made a mistake, I think. I dont know anymore. CUSACK Did he tell you his story? RICH Who? 80

CUSACK Antonius, did he tell you? RICH He did. It was good, interesting.. Really interesting. CUSACK It made a lot of sense to me Rich, too much sense. RICH Of course it did. I think it would make sense to anyone that has the ideal of a soul. I certainly have that... CUSACK Why cant things be like they used to. RICH I dont know, nobody does Cusack, but listen to me. You cant let people like Antony get you down. You cant. You have to stand up for what you believe in. You cant just stand back and not do what you know to be right just because all the riddles life throws at you are so hard. CUSACK Is that what you did Rich? RICH No Cusack. It isnt. I dont think about things sometimes. I rationalize feelings. Sometimes they are bad feelings. Sometimes I dont understand the difference between right and wrong. 81

CUSACK Because there is no right and wrong. RICH No Cusey, there is. There is right and wrong. There must be. CUSACK I dont know. Brad bursts into the room. BRAD Dad and Night-Thrasher are dead. Somehow they.... Oh God... Dad is fucking dead. Brad breaks down. Cusack and Rich both look at one another, horrified. Antonius walks in behind Brad just looking at the floor. FADE OUT CAPTION: CHAPTER V - COPING WITH LOSS CUT TO Rich is running, the camera is focused on him therefore whatever might be in the background is moving too fast for anything to be recognizable. Richs face is frightened. CUT TO Darren teaching a group of students, he disappears and his lazer pointer falls to the ground CUT TO Ross lecturing to a group of five to seven adults in prestigious attire and he too vanishes, his pointing stick falls to 82

the ground. Finally the camera shows Rich pulling both of them into an alley. RICH So what do I do? What would you do? ROSS Youve got to go back, immidiately, before the police get there, and tell the authorities what you know. RICH It wont work. One of my brothers did this. Maybe all of them together, and they hate me, they blame me for a lot of their problems. DARREN How do you know one of your brothers did it? RICH Jesus Darren, think about it. Night-Thrasher obviously didnt kill my old man being that he was tied up and under the influence of dangerous chemicals, and whoever committed the murder shot both representitives, the good and the bad. The only people who know both well enough to see something they didnt like in each of these men just has to be a Diabolicon. ROSS I know how this sounds Rich, but your duty is to turn this over to the police right away, do your best to relay the truth. Dont keep making the kinds of mistakes youve been making since the beginning. 83

RICH Youre right Ross, Ive done too much, this has to stop. It has to end now. DARREN Dont be so hasty Rich. Youve done a lot of wrong things for right reasons. Youre putting too much blame on yourself here kiddo. What good are you going to be to anybody locked up, scoffed at because nobody will or can back up your story. RICH Youre right. Ross, he is right... isnt he? ROSS I give up... RICH Ross, seriously though, what good... ROSS Youve made your decision, I have a lecture to finish. Ross walks away. DARREN He doesnt like it when hes wrong, thats all. Just think it over tonight, go check into a hotel or something, and we can discuss this in the morning. I should be in my office between eleven and two.

84

RICH Ok. CUT TO INT - DARRENS CLASSROOM - DAY DARREN Well thats it class. Remember your papers on nothingness are due next class, and yes you will fail if you turn in eight blank peices of paper. Darren is silent for a moment waiting for laughter, there is none. DARREN (to himself) Come on, that was funny The students are now filing out of the classroom. CUT TO INT - DARRENS APT. - DAY Darren walks into his apartment and turns the light on, places his briefcase on the side table and notices a note which he picks up DARREN Attendance requested... CUT TO 85

INT - DARRENS APT - NIGHT denly, as if from nowhere, Rich appears in frame. DARREN JESUS!

DARREN need to talk pal. I just came to say that Im going to do what Ross

DARREN Thats what I need to talk to you about.

Darren. DARREN

RICH DARREN RICH

RICH What?!

catch someone with super powers.

you all used to go to, that if I got a hold of you

EXT - CHURCH - MIDNIGHT

I hadnt caught you tonight the police would have. What is going on Anthony? What do I do?

against you. They get their inheritance and they get

CATHERINE I want to come with you Rich. Catherine?! CATHERINE

I cant believe it! Catherine, I never dreamed I

ANTONIUS

A sound effect like a space door closing is heard. What is this?

Every...

CUT TO Ross and Darren and Brad. Its not so easy killing Rich without getting my hands dirty, and I have to finish carrying

Ill do it.

CUT TO Rich

Antonius leans over and smiles at Catherine sweetly. Listen Rich, you are safe here for the time being,

CUT TO Antonius is testifying in a court room. ANTONIUS

Antonius opens the forcefield and walks in

RICH

What do I have all wrong? Everything. Me, yourself. You look like you think

95

Love Rich! Im talking about love! Weve won

Darren brings a gun up behind Richs head What?

FADE OUT

CUT TO

Rich and his friend Craig, both dressed overly preppy is a girl at a table just in front of them reading Atlas CRAIG

Her names Melissa, just go say hi. Craig, shes reading Ayn Rand, I hate Ayn Rand

Rich looks to the camera with a sigh as if to let the

CRAIG Melissa!

Um, hi.

Sure, the baseball player.

So are you a philosophy major? You seem to know

99

RICH

That reminds me, I had a question for you the

RICH MELISSA (smiling)

most positive way. MELISSA How ambivalent you are.

MELISSA

So good and bad are concrete? Well for God they are, but thats why the devil

MELISSA

CUT TO

Catherine, dressed as a surgeon is standing over a table with

And now my darling, come back to me. tonius Diabolicon. He opens his eyes, and looks around. Im a disembodied head, Im a Goddamn character

Did you do this baby? Kept my brain alive? CATHERINE ANTONIUS I love you. CATHERINE And as our antagonists seem to accept the strange hand screen as Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones END

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