The Quintessential Understanding of the Somber Teenage Mind

Compilation of Poetry by Tucker Brett

As I Lie Awake:

Thank you, everyone, for making this possible. This book is dedicated to the original love that began back in 2009. Youve brought me solace for many years. I love you. Again, thank you all. -tb

Table of Contents
untitled im sorry perfection? under the sycamore tree love can be perfect love is a fictional religion perfection?: part ii power milestone rebellious love up to you how to love cheat perfection?: part iii i love you reconciliation find you who are you? goodbye perfection: part iv healing found slight return madness celebration genesis genesiis crossing values > issues finale recovery limbo legendary beauty: part i cheat: part ii texts from the a.m. migraine tap water break awakening ticking clocks upstairs loved April 2, 2011 May 4, 2011 May 6, 2011 May 8, 2011 May 16, 2011 May 19, 2011 May 22, 2011 May 23, 2011 May 27, 2011 May 30, 2011 May 30, 2011 June 3, 2011 June 6, 2011 June 6, 2011 June 7, 2011 June 9, 2011 June 12, 2011 June 13, 2011 June 17, 2011 June 19, 2011 June 21, 2011 June 26, 2011 July 1, 2011 July 1, 2011 July 4, 2011 July 7, 2011 July 8, 2011 July 12, 2011 July 14, 2011 July 16, 2011 July 17, 2011 July 18, 2011 July 22, 2011 July 27, 2011 July 30, 2011 August 1, 2011 August 3, 2011 August 5, 2011 August 6, 2011 August 7, 2011 August 8, 2011 August 9, 2011 August 11, 2011

field of clovers rain rays gray skies cloak seven days gorgeous love not found (marvins room) almonds and heart cane beyond measure forsaken message to the unknown fall done fantasy unspoken kiss from a rose pictures excuse me in my eyes hold my head red handed something right used to be love: part i nine miles love: part ii irrelevant stuck in time fortitude continue ole untitled sounds kids spaceships corners dig distance: artistically bravo close awhile thriftway hair like wind growth your side of the bed time

August 11, 2011 August 15, 2011 August 18, 2011 August 23, 2011 August 27, 2011 September 2, 2011 September 3, 2011 September 4, 2011 September 7, 2011 September 8, 2011 September 9, 2011 September 11, 2011 September 11, 2011 September 14, 2011 September 19, 2011 September 25, 2011 September 26, 2011 September 27, 2011 September 28, 2011 October 2, 2011 October 8, 2011 October 14, 2011 October 16, 2011 October 17, 2011 October 19, 2011 October 21, 2011 October 28, 2011 November 4, 2011 November 12, 2011 November 16, 2011 November 20, 2011 December 1, 2011 December 17, 2011 April 14, 2012 April 17, 2012 April 23, 2012 May 20, 2012 June 2, 2012 June 4, 2012 July 11, 2012 July 23, 2012 August 5, 2012 November 2, 2012 May 18, 2013 May 20, 2013 May 21, 2013 May 27, 2013

you late dawn of summer dreams: part i days and nights amnesia habits despair senses calendar colors sneak trapped heavens doors: grown thoughts love: part iii remnants of your arms compassion blue moon matter fictitious world trapped: part ii count sheep dreams: part ii heavens doors: part ii love: part iv sight distance: part ii dreams: part iii dreams: part iv trapped: part iii autumn hieroglyphics crazy chambers wicked & weary pulse one in a million predetermined thoughts suffering as i lie awake

May 30, 2013 June 2, 2013 June 9, 2013 June 11, 2013 June 14, 2013 June 15, 2013 June 16, 2013 June 17, 2013 June 27, 2013 July 7, 2013 July 11, 2013 July 11, 2013 July 16, 2013 July 17, 2013 July 18, 2013 July 18, 2013 July 20, 2013 July 23, 2013 August 28, 2013 August 30, 2013 September 1, 2013 September 2, 2013 September 3, 2013 September 4, 2013 September 11, 2013 September 15, 2013 September 16, 2013 October 2, 2013 October 7, 2013 October 8, 2013 October 10, 2013 October 13, 2013 October 14, 2013 October 15, 2013 October 21, 2013 October 24, 2013 October 28, 2013 October 29, 2013 November 3, 2013 November 4, 2013 November 5, 2013

April 2, 2011
please wake me when i'm free, i cannot bear captivity. where my culture i'm told holds no significance, but my inner eye can see a race, who reigned as kings in another place, the green of trees were rich and full, and every man spoke of beautiful; men and women together as equals, war was gone because all was peaceful, but now like a nightmare i wake to see, that i live like a prisoner of poverty, please wake me when i'm free, i cannot bear captivity, for i'd rather be stricken blind, than to live without, expression of mind.

untitled

May 4, 2011
i make bad decisions, they aren't the greatest. i think about regrets, especially the latest. i don't know if i should tell you, cause you won't listen. your eyes when we were together, damn they would glisten. there's very few things, that can make me studder. but when you didn't listen to me; the words that i uttered. apologizing is harder, each and every day. so i can't find those words, that i need to say. i put this poem together, so you may hear, that what i feel inside, is the regretful kind of fear. i'm sorry for breaking you, because you didn't deserve it. those words you said to me, "it's over", i felt worthless. these are the last four lines, i just hope you can tell. my heart's in your hands, my love to you, i sell.

im sorry

perfection?
May 6, 2011
caught my eye, took my breath. wanted to die, had nothing left. you were my world, thought you wouldn't leave. happened out of nowhere, like a trick up your sleeve. can't get over it, cause it kills me all day. never hear me out, with what i have to say. running out of ideas, to try and get you back. asking around "what do i do?", but an answer's what i lack. these poems may be cheesy, as they repeat the same scheme. but i'm able to release my feelings, let out love-filled steam. you were the one for me, i knew it for a fact. we talked all day, til my heart got jacked. that day was monday, this past one, it's true. the love inside of me, soon went from red to blue. now i sit here,

4 thinking of how it would be. but now i see the truth, and happy, i am free.

under the sycamore tree

May 8, 2011
peace and quiet, shade and a breeze. do what i want, as i please. think about life, and what comes next. don't want to talk, not even a text. it's different here, hard to remember. the things that would hurt, make my heart tender. it's just this spot, that clears it all. i think it's the silence, that breaks the wall. the wall of hurt, got in my way. now im just fine, and here to stay. this is the last, of my pointless plea. with thoughts of the past, under the sycamore tree.

love can be perfect

May 16, 2011
like dinner and a movie, and a sweet kiss goodnight. love can be perfect, or as bad as a fight. not easily found, but sometimes given. love can be perfect, it keeps the heart driven. taken advantage of, much too often. those words "i love you.", can make the heart soften. *BANG*, like a small toy gun. it can happen out of nowhere, like when you find "the one". don't let it go, once it's been found. for it will save you many times, and never make a sound.

love is a fictional religion

May 19, 2011
love is a fictional religion, it's worshipped by many. to cupid they pray, and wish for love, t o find them, and to stay. i keep away from those who hate, all they do is exaggerate. at how much love, can tear you down. they ran into pain, and now they frown. i personally spread love, to those who don't believe. that through someone special, love they can achieve. but for those like us, who aren't too sure what's real. i can tell you for sure, that our hearts are pure, made of hardened love of steel.

perfection?: part ii
May 22, 2011
you think it's on the outside, i see it on the inside. don't think down on yourself, you're the essence of true beauty. whether it's your blue eyes, or the lack of "cooties". they all see what you don't, your perfection is power. none can compare, like a 20 mile tower. whether we're walking or talking, you're there by my side. it lets you know, you don't need to hide. bad hair day? i think it's better than ever. let me stop this one, with eight simple letters. i love you.

May 23, 2011

torn apart by distance. both mentally and physically. the two couldn't make it. the tiring nights of love and, pursuit kept them apart. the struggles within could only, make things worse. although no fighting, the two lovers shall strive to, find inner beauty. the man sees the woman as an object, nothing more than a toy. the woman sees the man, at a crossroads. lust within, she wants him dearly. love within, she needs him dearly. neither can realize that, both love not each other, but only themselves. you see, these two lovers are not, really lovers. they are but a figment, of each others imagination. they see themselves as people, whom desire those as good as them. because they believe they are better than anyone else, they have been sworn into secrecy, and lonliness. only to be discovered, by cupid, himself.

power

10 modern day romeo, strives to get her attention. modern day juliet, doesn't care to listen. he wants to say, what he holds within. she wants to stay, but her heart will win. the power of pursuit, and the power of passion, formed together, make the power of obsession. not all is bad in relationships today, but a girl must realize what a man, must really need in her. whether it's love, whether it's desire, only he knows, which one is higher. romeo must now decide, what he truly needs. the woman he has. or the woman he sees. unaware of her love within, juliet fights for the power. her heart is sweet, but her brain is sour. both romeo and juliet, have yet to realize that they were meant to be. as romeo falls, only juliet can see.

11

May 27, 2011

you can't just tell me, "life goes on". as it's much harder than that, especially when everyone's gone. you can't just forget, right out the blue. it takes time and heart, as it's nothing new. then again, "there's always next time". said too often, no need to rhyme. you say you aren't perfect, but that's what YOU think. i know what i'm talking about, but that's what YOU think. the way i see it, there's alot more in life. why do i get so attached? cut free with a knife. you see me now, as not that good enough. i will make a comeback, then the decision won't be tough.

milestone

12

rebellious love
May 30, 2011
you'd do better if you knew better, that's what they used to tell me. i told em' not to bother my love. 'cause they sure as hell don't see. i know what i'm doing, or so i thought. i look back now, and with the wrong people, i fought. deep regrets, sorry nights. simple love, stupid fights. our "love" was established, in less than an hour. but we were foolish, and now times are sour. should've listened to what they said, 'cause they truly wanted the best. i thought i knew what to do, but it was all just a test. God set our path, and no one else will know. but at least for now, my love for you, i can show. don't tell me what you want, because it's only the beginning of our story. we aren't past chapter one, this rebellious love was just a decoy.

13

May 30, 2011

this movie i watched, where the girl dies. the boy's devastated, sits and cries. true heartbreak, something irreversible. the road to new love, barely traversable. now she's in a better place, watching down on him. she'll do what she can, to keep him on the limb. that limb, found on the tree of love. it can withstand anything, from a fire, to a flood. she tells him, from the heavens above, "your heart will never be through, baby i'm gonna leave the rest up to you."

up to you

14

how to love
June 3, 2011
found myself at a crossroads, tough decision. choose the easier path, only started the creation. twisted heart, sets at ease. now i messed up, all i can say is "please". nothing left to say, because i can't say anything. you're truly special, and that's when the phone rang. the path i chose, was the path of anger. easier than the other, i can just say, i love her. don't deserve an apology, but i've admitted my wrongs. so much to think about, while i'm listening to our songs.

15

June 6, 2011
she says he lies, cheats, and plays. he knows she cries, pleads, and prays. he says he loves her, but she knows he doesn't. he can't seem to convince her, cheating? she doesn't know when he wasn't. her love for him, exceeds many others. the little thing keeping them together, snapped by some love wire-cutters. she tells him to leave, because she can't stand to see his face. he tells her "let me stay", she say's "no, go stay at HER place". as he packs his bags, and very few belongings, a bird of yellow feathers, calms her with singing. she smiles great wide, and knows what he deserves. he walks downstairs, doesn't know what he heard. he puts his bags down, and looks for his wife. as he turns the corner, she takes his life. looking down at the gun, that ended her sorrow, she wonders what it will be like,

cheat

16 when she wakes up tomorrow. she hates what he did, but deep down she regrets. her life is now a gamble, and knows what to bet. she leaves his body, in search of someone new. never looks back, her burden is through.

17

perfection?: part iii

June 6, 2011
you neglect what i tell you is true, because i know what you really are. sitting there just negating what you've always been, close to the truth? i sure ain't far. your personality sometimes gets in the way, but only when it needs to. i like hearing what you say, but too much "me" and we're through. i don't want you telling me what's wrong with you, because i don't care about that. everything from "i'm ugly", to the stupidest "i'm fat". shut up please, cause i'm only focused on the inside. you're heart is made of gold, don't take me on another roller coaster ride. i know i may text you more than you'd like, and i apologize for that. but i do it out of love, don't let me get trapped. when i tell you you're perfect, don't let others tell you i'm not right. because i'm always right and when i look at you, damn, what a sight.

18

June 7, 2011
the thought of your absence, or the thought of your obsession. you're the epidemy of my feelings, my life's one correction. you could be in another country, or another room. the thought of you leaving me, would kill me too soon. all the things i never knew i wanted, are here with you. i tell you all the time, it's something you should know is true. living through the day, i sit and think about what you do. you could be anywhere, but i know we aren't through. one night you'll stumble through the door, and i'll wonder where you were. but you reassure me with "i love you", and that's when i'm sure. no matter the situation, i could be crying or laughing. you look me in the eyes, i know you're trying. it's more than i can take, when you "need to talk". i wait for the bad, but only become the fault. trying too hard is something i'm good at,

i love you

19 but i don't want you take it the wrong way. if you stay and wait, you can see what i'm trying to say. i'm sorry for before, we can just start again. if you don't want that, our love can still win. i'm not perfect, just too far from it. but you sure are, babe, don't have a fit. you're characteristics are one-in-a-million, i wouldn't trade you for anything. when you leave the room, you go out with a bang. just listen to my voice, and hear me true. i'm dead serious when i tell you, that i love you.

20

reconciliation
June 9, 2011
it all started in 2009, when i was just learning the ropes. never loved like this, gettin all stoked. times got harder, feelings got stronger, didn't know what to do, the days just got longer. i made my way through the year, learned some, and lost some. i was able to do what i needed, which was learn to have fun. but after a while, i found what i needed again. i took advantage of it, i knew it was no sin. i look back now, and it was one of my better times. so far back, it's before all my rhymes. but now i want to say something really important, about the wrongs i've done before. to anyone i've hurt, or sadenned even more. i want you to know, that deep down i love you, and you didn't deserve what happened, please know that is true. each of you are beautiful,

21 and of the highest definition of perfect. you gave me your heart, and all i did was hurt it. i don't want you to hate me, unless you absolutely despise me. because i have nothing against you, so just set your hate for me free. there's a couple of you, that i've hurt a time too many, and i want to say that i hate myself for what i did. i had alot wrong with me, and behind it all i hid. what i'm trying to say, is that i suggest one thing. don't let anyone hurt you, but do let your heart sing. none of you deserve the fighting, or the late night crying. but one thing you do really need, is to stop denying. if you feel like you'll get hurt, don't just push what you're going through. because you can just find another love, and everything will be as good as new. i'll finish this poem, with a little reminder. just know that i'm sorry, i never have been a liar. i always mean the best for you, and i hope you enjoy life. you definitely deserve it, and i'll keep searchin' for a wife.

22 all of you are special to me, everything you said, i definitely heard it. but the one thing you should hear me say, is that you are 100% perfect.

23

find you
June 12, 2011
you told me you wouldn't do that. and i believed it completely i guess i hear too much, and ignore the reality. i spend too much time thinking, and not enough time acting. i'm sorry i didn't fit your part, so grab your bags and just start packing. what you did was enough, to set my heart on fire. i'm not saying anything serious, but i'm not being a liar. you hurt me alot, and this was [maybe] the last straw. i had a cold heart of ice, and i'm just waiting for it to thaw. do what you want, cause i clearly can't stop you. i'm done worrying all day, so just know that we're through.

24

who are you?

June 13, 2011
remember back then, when you were there for it all. when you helped me stand through it, never had to crawl. you aren't here to talk to nowadays, and i think it's ridiculous. you need to make up your mind, everything you say makes me conspicuous. too many things going on, you said that last time. and the time before that, back before i could rhyme. i'm not up for what you have in store, because i know what you're about. you come and go all the time, can't make up your mind, all i can do is doubt.

25

June 17, 2011

strive for what you want, thrive off what you need. people can't take the right path, then you can take the lead. fight for what you believe in, don't listen to those who oppose. but be open to new things, so when they ask, say "i suppose". i thrived for what i wanted, and what i thought would be easy. started writing out of nowhere, when my poems were cheesy. now i think, all day and night, about what i will find. i thought she was the one i needed, but now she's left behind. i have one thing to say, cause i know she'll be reading this. and make sure you listen, you'll be off the list.

goodbye

you ended up with pleasure, i ended up with pain. now you see what you've done, can't remove you, you're a stain.

26

perfection?: part iv
June 19, 2011
lost in space, the space in my head. they're like unknown waters, i'm told not to tread. i put one foot in, on the other side of life. looking for someone special, but definitely not a wife. i thought there was something different, and i wouldn't find a flaw. but everyone has something wrong, it's almost like it's a law. so now i realize no one is perfect, therefore this title isn't suitable. i'll just have to look for someone else, but the look is refutable. i think i'm looking, in all the wrong places. it's not the color of their hair, or any of the races. my mentality is sharp, but too dull for perfection. if there's one thing i need help with, it's what is the right direction. so i'll finish this trilogy, with one more thing. it isn't a really good quote, or me trying to sing.

27 i want to love you, but my heart prevents entrance. can't find the exit, only recent love's footprints.

28

June 21, 2011

never properly accredited for the one[s] i love. always geared towards what i once was. everything inside, points toward the outside. can never explain what i want, heart's in constant outcry. one poem after another, about the same damn thing. don't know how else to vent, all my brain does is ring. like a movie replaying, i just sit and stare. wake up in the middle of the night, this love just isn't fair. my heart doesn't care. i'm not on the brink of falling apart, or close to a mental breakdown. just close to madness, monstrosity? my heart deserves the crown. history of being empty, only one thing will fill it. more like "i love you", instead of "piece of shit". always lied to, one thing i know for sure. i'll never give up on love, as i'll die loving you.

healing

29

June 26, 2011

i think i'm seeing what to find. it replays over and over in my mind. something this simple is one of a kind. something this bright can make a man blind. i'll find out what to do, won't get left behind. i'm runnin' on ice, can't keep control. grab love once, can't get a hold. i know what i want, but she needs to see. to get my heart now, before i set my heart free.

found

30

slight return
July 1, 2011
arguing is my enemy, but sworn into battle. i guess my brain thinks love, is too much of a hassle. mountains in my way, aka, your anger. you just left my love hanging, like a coat hanger. you told me to leave you alone, so i did. now i'm sitting alone, like i was when i was a kid. waiting to see what happens, but you're too strong to come back. my brain can't get stronger, but my heart's sharp as a tack. my love overpowers my anger i feel, and i don't know how to let it out. i do what's best for you, and my feelings are real.

31

July 1, 2011
running through my head like a marathon. where's the finish line, my heart you made me pawn. took it over with all that you wanted. corrupted to the point, you couldn't be confronted. you're words weigh more than you're actions. the scale just broke, so much came out your mouth, only put in fractions. waiting to see how much longer til this time frame breaks. don't be like everyone else i knew, straight up fakes. i think sometimes i just try too hard to make it through. you make it harder than ever, even when you know i love you.

madness

32

celebration
July 4, 2011
lights in the air, beating the stars. other lights around, only the cars. music in the background, to cover the sound. happiness worldwide, heard all around. smiles to brighten the mood, even though it's dark in the sky. they show our feelings, when no one knows why. one thing's for sure, that love's in the air. at least we're together, and the feelings are fair.

33

July 7, 2011
brain a carousel, heart a piece of ice. can't get out, caught in a vice. trapped in my feelings, no time for enjoyment. other things more important, looking for employment. smell your perfume, reminds me of summer. can't catch up to you, not much of a runner. i miss you and what you were, when i say that i mean nothing by it. just that now you've hurt me, always carrying a first aid kit. always taking the hit. feelings are touch sensitive, but not here for fast action. i take it slow, not much for attraction. i can tell the time, in the reflection of your eyes. i know when to kiss you goodnight, never need more than two tries. beauty is a gift, you're my present. i'll do what you say, much like a peasant.

genesis

34 i taste your lips, this far away from then. if i could have one wish, it's be to go back when. i made some mistakes, ruined what we had. you don't listen to me, so i come off bad. still feel sad. need your love, just a tad. i want you to take over my heart, like you did once before. make it an accomplishment, new high score. you don't believe me anymore, as i've apologized more than once. i see what i've done, so i sit in the corner like a dunce. i'll say right here and now, what i'm sorry for. the lies i said, and many more. the date i forgot, still makes my heart stop. but most of all, i crushed our heart. said so many times, meaning is torn apart. where you're at now, i'm happy for you. i hope you don't get hurt again,

35 and just go through. but i'll sit here and watch, and wait through it all, did it once before, i won't let you fall. seasons change, but my feelings don't. regret what we had, a feeling i won't. time always passing, and times always aging. messages from the heart, i'm tired of paging. listen to this, or don't listen at all. my poetry is my heart's voice, answer the call.

36

July 8, 2011
poetry bout love, poetry bout you. poetry bout hate, how our relationship grew. songs i bought just to remind myself of you, float in my subconcious. not too many fond of what i say, she leaves me knocked back; unconcious. still plays around, leaves me lagging behind. if this was all just a movie, show me how to rewind. what does it take to get a girl to notice you? i write poems day and night, trying to think it through. they don't seem to like the personality, it's all about the body lately. back then she saw what i was, nowadays the memory sits faintly. sometimes i laugh at myself, 'cause i know she's reading this, knowing it's for her. but i don't say it up front, can't just cause a stir. so now i wait to see if anyone reads this poem, to just add to the unread collection. if only she could look in the mirror, and see the same reflection. feelings transferred through this keyboard, only to be pushed aside. then i sit pulled over,

genesiis

37 waiting for her; curbside. never sure how to start this, never sure how to end this. love's like a game, just a hit and miss. i'm no player, definitely not a jock. this game is impossible, hard as a rock. this poem serves one purpose, and one purpose only. so she can read this poem, and see that i'm lonely. without her.

38

July 12, 2011

across the river, through the trees. past the rocks, then you can see. the one thing glowing, it's beyond the horizon. not some mountain, or a nest of bees not even tryin'. very few words can explain, what this can be called. many adore it, but some are apalled. i'll reason it out, in this really short story. it's about love at first sight, and the findings of a boy. some say it isn't real, but i beg to differ. he sees her, she turns around, first thing he thinks is how he'll miss her. haven't even met, but fallen in love. almost like a gift, from the God above. you must be wondering, who this boy must be. love at first sight is real, 'cause that boy is me.

crossing

39

values > issues

July 14, 2011
they say i value love over life, but i continue to love life, without any strife. it's some kind of special, and i can't misplace it. harder than a drawing, just can't trace it. i'm going to take a backseat now, and watch through the rear view mirror. but from all the way back here, there's no way i can hear her. the past long while, has drained me of happiness. she took everything away, and i feel her less and less. the things i see in my head, are more than just visions. movies that play over and over, hard to make decisions. issues arise, as i fall down. no helping hand, i lose the crown. king of love, i've lost all passion. i write this now, and wonder what happened.

40

July 16, 2011

caught in a place, where i have no space. running in circles like a race. running for love like a chase. you think it's lust, but that's not the case. if i could have that love, i would, just a taste. i don't know what happened, just no time to waste. i got caught up in something, moved too fast. didn't watch what i was doing, but now it's the past. i apologize over and over, but it's never enough. i've been through alot, and this is some of the rough. all kinds of things were told, i said what i felt. felt squeezed to death, too tight is the belt. not free from anything, still need to fight. this possessive love, will just stay in sight. i can't help but think, about what could've been. it can't happen now, so then when? fought to the end,

finale

41 my heart has been a Godsend. but this love was caught in the wind. hurt like a fall on a knee; skinned. a hundred reasons to fight, but a thousand to say bye. stuck at a crossroads, don't know which to go by. i'm driving in darkness, and can't see what's next. one thing i missed, was that long lost text. next time this won't happen, and my heart will speak up. next time i'll stop, and say it's enough. i said before, that i'm sorry as ever. tell you i hate you, is something i'd never. one day we can see, what we were meant to be. just not now, and that's my final plea. i'd be willing to change my mind, for one thing in return. i can't say what that is, so that you must learn. kicked down a notch, this part comes to halt.

42 don't think you did this; it's all my fault. i'll leave this for now, in hopes it is read. for the message to be found, and the words to be said. this withdrawl from love, still registered "pending". love is a battle, and my heart is always winning.

43

July 17, 2011

have you ever had that emptiness in your heart? just like a puzzle that's almost done, only missing one part? there's that feeling you get, when you see the part. but it's so far off, you can't seem to start. walking on a tight rope, you can't keep steady. because your attention is on the other side, you start to feel unready. this hit you feel, when you lose the one you love. they make you feel like they came, straight from above. no other way to put it, you fight with everything you can. lay in silence for days, just no other plan. the one choice you have, is to sacrifice all your heart. then go back to the start, and play your part. some are lucky, and some are not. but some lovers always prevail, when they tend to love alot. for those of us who don't always win, keep your head up, and your lights on green.

recovery

44 the love will be ready to go, and your sadness will go unseen.

45

July 18, 2011

years have passed, and i've changed quite a bit. happiness ensued, and taken my hits. i look back now on what made me, and who i wanted to be before. working day and night for what they wanted, became too much of a chore. now i'm here, waiting on fate. unlike others, i feed off love, when they breath hate. i know what will happen, in my years to come. the people i fought for, will come down to one. damn. i can't believe i've come this far, my life is like a limbo, so just lower the bar.

limbo

46

July 22, 2011

oblivious to the obvious, i used to think in the moment. tore down my dreams, my life; destroy it. keep my head up, look down my path. my safe of feelings, these poems are the stash. trapped in the inferno, caught in the heat. used to look her in the eyes, had me on repeat. but i turn around now, to face my enemies. they used to get me crazy, like a bottle of hennessy. empty tank with a love meter, packed full of heart, blazin' like a Kenmore heater. i wrote the letters, spelled out my life. as soon as i looked around, found a knife in my back. only way to hit, is to fight with love. give her my heart, sent down from above. the things i used to say, didn't sound too smart.

legendary

47 don't worry baby, that was just the start. complete breakdown, just barely. got out of love alive, and that makes me legendary.

48

July 27, 2011

defined by flaws, that turn out happy. some girls fix their hair, others leave it nappy. regardless of the staus, everyone takes a look. but they leave em with a trick, then wait for the hook. sometimes beauty can fool, those unweary of the effects. they can bring those sad prom nights, or some late night sex. enough of the nastys, bring in the lovers. she stands over the men, and his love hovers. he barely knows her, but knows she's something special. she says things he needs, but it's not really helpful. he sees her beauty, but waits for more. hopefully she won't be another, to throw him out the door

beauty

49

cheat: part ii
July 30, 2011
quiet as a mouse, alone in the house. wait, one other person, only wearin' a blouse. he kicks it back, not a worry in the world. damaging his rep, his woman finds out; gut curled. gets away with the sex, keeps the girl in bed. "no harm done", is all that plays in his head. the playtoy he brought home, just down for some fun. but she'll be the last, because the relationship is done. he can't respect anyone, thinks he's entitled. but he'll get what's comin', bouta' get titled. "player of the year". she gets in the car, teary eyed, runny makeup. can't think straight, she's had enough. times were tough. going through the rough.

50

she turns the key, starts the car. can't see too well, but her sisters house isn't too far. thunderstorm rolls in, sobbing uncontrolably. going off memory, the road; she can't see. his voice plays in her head, can't get it out. she looks up at the road, and you hear a shout. she lays there on the side of the road, car flipped in a ditch. last text recieved, "you're a bitch". can't move or breath, she knows what he did. this was his fault, her feelings, she hid. he would always tell her, "you're eyes just glisten". looks back now, shouldn't have listened. here come the red and blue lights, she just keeps cryin'. last thing she hears, is the faint loud siren.

51

texts from the a.m.

August 1, 2011
came back for the ride, messed up once. crazy like a carnival, not here for the stunts. the shit i say, when the lights are off. i want to say more, but leave it with a cough. you say things to keep me going, so i stop and follow. it's like you took out my heart? now i'm just hollow. i don't think with my dick, just hear with my heart. i'm not like the other guys, no, not this part. you expect me to follow along, and keep going with this stupid thing we've got. this isn't "love", i'm done just looking for "hot". i'm passed that phase, looking back i didn't know anything. back when i needed a girl, my phone would always ring. i've stopped now, and i'm done just looking for fun. look at me now, not like chris brown, girl i'm done.

52 i was blind to the sights of lust, relationships were a must. left so fast, left you in the dust. didn't care about all of it; ate everything but the crust. you didn't care about me, there was no trust. no more flirting, now i get serious. quit with the shit, you make me delirious. i see you with the other guys, looking for something else. that's not who i am, so i just ask "why?". you must not think i see, not just one guy, i counted; there was three. you play me off like i'm a grain of sand. you were my sand castle, don't be a hastle. ohp too late, don't cry and hate. realize what you did, you're still such a kid. your real feelings? you just hid. kept a cap on what you felt; take off the lid. i can't believe i fell for all that, leaving this town; take off my hat. you walked all over me; floor mat. the days you partied; all alone i sat. quit calling yourself fat, you know who you are. the woman of my [past] dreams, tore me at the seams. dance in my mind, i see the past, only ahead of me.

53 back in time, if only you could see. "i'm just saying, you could do better", just let go? why did i let her. wrote her all those letters. thought it would be better. i messed up on the good ones, kept all the leftovers. finally get a reply, oh, you got some guys over. that's cute. now i'm writing, at 3 a.m. because you all kept me up at night. all my poems, i just look at them. this is my statement, my landmark achievement. she can't break my dreams, only i can reach it. i won't settle for these late night texts, not here for romance, or talking bout sex. i'm here for the long run, i'm done with your mask. off my to-finish list, you were just another task. late night sights, midnight fights. be with me? she might.

54 we used to be tight. is she special? she's my light. what's she like? i know she's right.

55

August 3, 2011
go to sleep with the pain, the heat still remains, unstable; so i need a cane, you act like you don't know my name, tried to change all this, but it's just the same, never good enough, i just seem lame, it's not your fault i guess, so i'm the one to blame? like always. used to rely on your text to be happy, don't need that anymore. i need you out, and there's the door. looking for love? what's that for? used to be rich in happiness, now i'm piss-poor. you used to be worth it, but who praises a whore? water is all i drink, i'm not with that alcohol everyone does. finding what you lost, "oh that's where it was." i sleep with the thoughts, of past laughs. but like i said,

migraines

56 those times have passed. i miss what you were, not what you want to be. you think you know what you're doing, if only you could see what i see. lost three people, in the past thirty days. no sense in trying anymore, always caught in a daze. i said sorry a time too many, because i'm always messing up. i do what i can, but these times are tough. i'm just never enough. if i could have one girl back, it would be you. back in the day, before i knew we were through. i'm the last person you think of, before you lay your head down to sleep. i count our memories, while you just count sheep. i used to be okay, but now i just think. still have migraines, over all this tap water i drink. i need you back,

57 one way or another. instead of asking for you back, i just duck for cover. i used to be a lover, but you found another. my body may leave sight, but my love still hovers. you were the light of my life, i loved you more than you know. i've said what i could, i don't know what else to show. love is pure, you're my cure, "who're you talking about?" i'm talking about her.

58

August 5, 2011
overprotection, misdirection, nights in silence, wanna do something, so let's just try this. i know you won't read this now, but one day you will. this part may go unnoticed, but at least you know how i feel. i went back to the spot yesterday, where spent those many days together. i was never shy at that time, and would say what i wanted to say. i think about you everyday. it sits in my head like a story, like a high school play. not sure where i stand, this isn't what i had planned. don't know what i did, but i know my memory still stands. if your heart takes off again, i wonder where it lands.

tap water

59

August 6, 2011
i've been broken down, no ability to fix. can't do anymore, please no more tricks. i'm told there's others, but for some reason i can't pick. please come back, for the past month i've been sick. i used to say our love would conquer all, i used to wait all day for your call, just to have more time with you, i'd stall. i came in with nothing, left with a haul. a bag of nothings, left me with something, and now i'm paying the price. you left me here, nowhere to steer, and you never thought twice.

break

60

August 7, 2011
i finally came to, and can see what's in store. i got duped once, so i know what to look for. i made a mistake, and i take it all back. i thought it was my fault, but it was a heart that you lack. i put it all behind me, so i know where to go. and through this river of love, i will row. i've started talking again, but not too much. one person in particular, but this love, i dare not touch. i'm too worried to hurt someone, or even say "love". but her beauty is angelic, as if brought from above. i need some time, to see what i need. i'm not begging for your heart, for things like that, i don't plead. i know you're reading this, and you won't say a word. just know how i feel, and my heart can be heard.

awakening

61 my heart is cured, but not always efficient. you don't say much now, but for my love, it's sufficient.

62

ticking clocks
August 8, 2011
this is for you, because i told you i write you something. not sure where we stand, as i don't know exactly what you feel. i know you want to feel that way, but i don't know what's real. i guess i'm just worried something will happen to me, as i've been hurt so many times. it's been so long ago though, back before i wrote rhymes. if you have those feelings for someone else, i can understand. i'm not the greatest guy out there, and this isn't what i planned. if you really mean what you said, you can prove it to me. maybe i'm just blind to love, and i need you to help me see. what you don't realize, is no matter who you choose. that i've been feeling something strong, and that's something i can't lose. you're everything i could ever want, or possibly ever need. i tell you through my voice, but through here i know you'll read. i'll leave it with this; i really do need you, and if he's what you desire, i'll leave you to be, while my heart sits on fire.

63

August 9, 2011
rhythm shot off, played like a record. sat and talked, i listened to your lecture. opposites attract, so similars detere? it was possible for you, to find me here. the simplest of things, brought me to this place of light. unlike most, this came without a fight. the light in your eyes, seen a mile away. the songs i listen to you that remind me of you, make my head sway. if i could play an instrument, i'd play one for you. instead i'll give you my heart, it's almost brand new. there's times when i think about before, but it's only the past. some was good, some was trash. days like these, i praise to be everyday. but we all need our variety, some to rest, and some to play. i would say this summer was the best,

upstairs

64 because parts of it were. but hearts were broken, and things were learned. i understand more, especially of love, and who not to trust. those who walk out of your life, i guess to them, i wasn't a must. rain is a sign of sadness, and we haven't gotten much lately. we all needed some time away, from this overwhelming madness. the things i'm told, and the things i hear. two different things, but do i really care?

65

August 11, 2011

you came into my life at the blink of and eye, i cherished our time together, and left with a sigh. i meant to show you more, but i didn't have the time. you mean too much to me, i'd steal your heart like a crime. the chances of love like this, are one in a million. if i could tell you i love you, i'd say it times a trillion. our time together, is priceless to me. people may criticize, but only we can see. i'm sorry if i did anything wrong, but even then i'd still feel doubted. i guess it's the weak heart i have, unlike others, it's much less crowded. with the shadows of hearts, with which few remain. i've only loved once, and that thought can't remain. but with you it's different, and i can't put my finger on it. but when i see things like that, i just get hit.

loved

66

you know that i love you, as i tell you almost too much. my heart is still crippled though, so i need a crutch. that crutch is you, and i ask of you kindly. you return me with your heart, that's where i think of you highly. at night like this, when we've only talked for a little bit, i get in these hazey moods. i don't know how to fix them, i guess in my poems, you can find the clues. the smile you give me, and the hint in your voice, show me your happiness. i hope it's from me, but that's your choice.

i love you more than you know, and i don't just say that. i mean every word, even when we feel like crap. as i know you'll read this, just know that i care for you more than anyone. but sometimes i get down, for cautious reasons, and what's done is done. whether you mean what you say, or not.

67 i definitely say what i feel, and that is alot. i try to make myself come across as good-hearted, because that's who i am. i'm not here to hurt anyone, you're not like the other girls, 'cause you actually give a damn. i hope you see what i'm saying, because i think i become boring. our love is a game, and both teams are scoring.

68

field of clovers
August 11, 2011
i tend to rag on myself alot, and i don't really know where it comes from. i looked for someone's heart to fix that, and she gave me some. it's just that i talk about the same things, and at the same times. to the point where i'm blocked, and run out of rhymes. i run in and out, this life's like a revolving door, lose one problem, gain the next. at times i hate love, and other's i need more. a provider and lover, not easy to come across. i let go of some important people in my life, yeah, my loss. but i'm where i want to be, but the future i cannot see. i want her with me, this all looks bad on my part, cause i'm not special, but that's not my plea. it's just that the times to come, will present new problems. or maybe i'm too down on love? i'm no detective, i need someone to solve this one. what's soon to come?

69 will this all just turn to a living hell? what am i supposed to do? only time will tell.

70

August 15, 2011

sticks and stones may break my bones, but love will never harm me. that could never be more wrong, let me know if you agree. this poetry i don't write for amusement, nor for you to admire. i'm not sure why i write it, but with that you think i'm a liar. nothing is ever the truth, but who's to believe. not even ____ , so this trust is relieved. the storm today, was a hint at something. and now i know what it was, "leaving", left with a faint ring. but things will come, and things will go. but people leave, these reasons we don't know. at least we have each other, and that you will find. for healing friends hearts, is definitely not a crime. we rely on each other, through the smooth and the rough. as do i help them, it's never too tough. my way with words,

rain rays

71 can help a mended heart. whether the end of heartbreak, or just beginning to start. so read these words with courage, that you'll find something in the unexpected. you say "that'll never happen", but in years to come you'll stand corrected. i'm only a messenger of cupid, to tell you of what's in store. the love my friends will find, nobody else will ever find more. but as for me, my story still remains. of the people who left, and the people who stained. i apologize for those who i hurt, as i know i've done so. i know you'll be reading this, but don't let hate show. i've pleased all but myself, and now i pay the price. you're stuck eating steak, and i'm stuck eating rice. i get the end of all of it, and i do all the work. you make it seem perfect, but problems still lurk. for what i do next, is unknown to me.

72 you tell me what you want, but neither of us see. as for happiness, i have recently found it. who knows why, but this one seems legit. i didn't tell you before, but now you should know. i won't always tell, but for sure always show. this is for you, and now you will smile. you don't know what i think, but how i feel, you've known all the while. for those of you who got this far, this is the end. in the game of love, the rules i constantly bend.

73

August 23, 2011

attitudes have changed, and views have altered. my sight was skewed, but my thoughts stay haltered. not tied down, but not looking for trouble. you're not who i thought you were, i think i'm seeing double. but everyone's changed, and most for the worse. go up to past friends, then it hits me where it hurts. you people are ignorant, and don't know what you want. so you hurt in return, while i sit up front. for those of you whom i had yet to meet, or much less talk to. you're not what i thought, and anything we had, is more than through. i compliment people, with total respect. and get nothing in return; it all feels like a regret. sorry i'm not perfect, but i'm sure no one else is either. but you go ahead on your pedestal,

cloak

74 talk what you want, as there is no tether. you seem so cool, i'm sure you can find better. so i'll sit here, with my feet up on the desk. relish in my fame, 'cause i know that i'm the best. on the other hand, there are those of you whom i love very much. not those i shake hands with, but the ones i tell everything and such. you know who you are, because i make an effort to talk to you everyday. you're my favorite people, not much else to say. heartbreak and defeat. disease of the heart, not many can beat. i know it can be hard, but please don't retreat. i know alot will happen, in this one simple year. but for those of you who know me, just know that i'm here. i, myself, have no luck in love. it's just the way it plays, but always keep your head up,

75 happiness will come, one of these days.

76

August 27, 2011

the first day of recovery, and he's late for work. he spent his night alone, and what surprises still lurk. he sulks in his chair, typing the invoices as he does everyday. his friends stop by to say hi, but he's unsure of what to say. as he heads out the door, with that one girl on his mind. can't remember where his parking spot is, his hearts in a bind. pulls in the driveway, lays on the floor, wishes but for one thing, for her to walk through the door. the second day of recovery, and he's alone yet again, to not socialize, and only envy, he knows it's a sin. his schedule now abnormal, forgets about groceries. he takes down the photos, and his lovers drapery. not much for recovery, but he's getting somewhere. he's now alone in the world, and no one even cares.

seven days

77

the third day of recovery, he lies on his bed looking up at the ceiling. stuffed with microwave foods, no one knows what he's feeling. in an urge to get out, he goes for a walk. pretty girls pass him by, but he can't stand to talk. with his head down, and nowhere to run. he finds no way out, and want's this all to be done. the fourth day of recovery, with a book in his hand, and a glass of Jack Daniels by his side, he sits in silence, and conjures a plan. with nothing left to lose, he lies in his own thoughts. "do what feels right", is what he was always taught. with another day ahead, he can only think of the past. tears roll down his cheek, and wants this night of pain, to be the last. the fifth day of recovery, and he's back on the job. starved to death from depression,

78 all he's had is corn on the cob. with no recent calls, and not a word from his love, he wants nothing more, than to be taken in from above. the days that await him, are just filled with sorrow. he gives up completely, and will leave it all tomorrow. the sixth day of recovery, and he's packing up his very few posessions. he glances at her photo in his arms, and notices her perfect complexions. he can't take it anymore, he's done with it all. completely hopeless, this attempt at love, was left down the hall. for the next day he would leave, and never look back. everything in his name could fit in his little sedan, now a place to go is all he lacks. one more night of sadness, and he can leave this nostalgic trap. cries himself to sleep, his tears set him to sleep, at the ease of a snap. on the seventh day of recovery, he wakes up on "his" side of the bed.

79 with the other side already made, "goodbye" is all he said. grabbing his bags in the kitchen, he flicks off the lights leaving all his memories there. but then he thinks he sees a familiar car in his driveway, but so focused on sadness, he didn't care. with a lock of the door, he turns around to head out. but there before him is the girl he loves more than anything, the day he prayed for, without a doubt. a tear falls down her cheek, and two tears fall down his chin. this is a new beginning, far from the end. with her in his arms, he holds her with everything in his heart. he has his love once again, and this was only the start.

80

September 2, 2011
it's hard to please these days, like some kind of corny joke, she's "hot as the sun's rays." but like all the others, she's far from broke. walks the halls with overconfidence, weight on each shoulder, two opinions from each little concience. i couldn't think of what to say, cause i'm not so good with words. if anything "hey" is all she would've heard. brand new thoughts are spread like disease, he wants her, and she wants him. stop with the shit, please please please. "meet me there after school", she tells him with aggrivation. only to say hey with a smile, one so clear , it could be a constelation. the minute they're alone, they get down and dirty, stupid teen love, they just think they're grown. they only want the lust, no such thing as "love" for them. but he wants her, and she wants him. tiles on the floor, all stained white. flourescent lights from above, light as a kite.

gorgeous

81 she wanders through the crowd, silent as a mouse. classes go unnoticed, only to end up home. trapped in her room, only one thing she wants, is an unfound love, waiting to bloom. but of course she wouldn't be seen as pretty, "who's that?" the seats next to me in class, are where she once sat. social and happy, he appears to always be. but through his poetry, he makes his decree. with the love of none, but the heart of a million. no one can make him satisfied, chances are one in a trillion. screams from the room at the end, no one understands. tries to satisfy everyone but himself, but he only has two hands. the day will come, where everything's fine. but that's far from now, or until she's mine. dreams and silence, pageants and dances.

82 down the hall and to the left, and you can see the evil glances. there's always that one girl, with the brightness of an angel. but she's bound with a guy, so i lay on the edge, let my feet dangle. one day i'll have the nerve to say something. but for now i can wait, i'm known to be patient. but that's the other me, just someone to create. the smile of perfection. my hearts resurrection. gorgeous is an understatement, she breaks my concentration.

83

love not found (marvins room)

September 3, 2011
girls in my old phone, i should message one and then go. i've been alone for too long. the girl that i would date, is with the one guy that i do hate. he's not what you think he is, even though he leaves you with a kiss. you gotta listen to what I tell you, cause i'm tryna be true. but I know that we're through. you make time for others, and leave me to be. he's what you "need" , you're just attatched like a flea. so let me make a decree. what will it take for you to see? how many guys will you need to go through? more than three? i'm just sayin' you can do better, not spittin' game, i'm just a go getter. I know what you need, cause I gave it before, but you can't decide, so we think you're a whore. i'm just sayin' you can do better, can't talk on the phone, so i just write you a letter. didn't know you were that senseless,

84 but your love was so priceless. now my world is so dark, gotta change the brightness. school's in the morning, but you're up at 6, what's so important? screw that kid that you love so bad, i know you still think about the times we had. screw that kid that you think you found, and since you replied, i know he's not around. i'm just sayin', you could do better. not spittin' game, i'm just a go getter. i'm just sayin' you could do better, and i'll stop lovin' only if you make me.

85

almonds and heart cane

September 4, 2011
if i've ever loved you, you should feel lucky. you're one of the few. together as one, what we had grew. until we were through. i'm on one. one last stand, cause i'm here for the taking, but this isn't what i planned. i have my followers, and of course those couple haters, but through all those kids, there's those sure-fire takers. i'm just waiting for one that can write with me, and sit by my side waiting for me to finish. but as soon as i grab hold, things start to diminish. if i could ask for your hand, would you let me take you forever? or would you be like all the others, and let go with "never". you're somewhere out there, but that location is undefined. or you're right next door, and i've just fallen behind.

86

beyond measure
September 7, 2011
caught in a rut, don't know where to sit right now; musical chairs, but who cares? i'm the last on the list, got pulled out like some kind of chest hair. poetry has saved my life three times now, i'm aware of the ability almost like it's a gift from above. since life is a bitch, i'll just give her a hug. maybe then she'll realize that this pain is enough. if not then i can run this myself, let's get this over with as i take off my belt. i write about life and love and the perfections within, when my life is nothing but a ditch in the road. but deep inside i know what i love, and i always will til i'm fully "growed". i told her how i felt, but once again i'm never considered. the streets of young love, sit still and littered. with the love notes and heartbroken tears. i didn't think life would get this bad, and this is what i feared. so nowhere to turn now, and have no one to look to. no guidance can help me out.

87 and for now i'm through. for any girls who've hurt a guy cause he's not perfect, you're poorly mistaken. but if he tells you he truly loves you, he's not fakin'. when you're all he thinks about, day and night, and you don't consider his feelings even once, you're making his heart even more tight. just know that i loved you, and how much you may never comprehend. but i would've given my life for you, and know i just want this all to end.

88

September 8, 2011
whirlwinds of fame, got stuck in the game. as i spoke my mind, nobody came. with this computer in hand, and a mind full of thoughts. she can't find real love; it's just something that she bought. but for me it's like a disease; it's just something that i caught. i run out of words to say, when i'm caught between you and me. it happened more than once, to be exact, i counted three. but for us all to be happy would be something worth seeing, don't you agree?

forsaken

i walk into school with too much on my mind, but the people around me always have something to say. i've got things to do, i don't have time to play. but since this all happened, my life went from color to grey. the things that i mope about are things not worth caring for, if love was my income, i'd be piss-poor. one thing's for sure, is that i can keep my head up through more than you know,

89 but on the inside is what i cannot show. i tell you i love you, but even with no response, it continues to grow. but on this tiny keyboard, my rhymes can still flow. you the best i ever had, but words can't even explain it. i'm always getting hurt, but you don't see me throw a fit. throwing love around like some kind of toy, i don't think they can take the heat. you could learn a thing or two, so just take a seat. i can live in the moment, but my future still looks bleak. when i see you in the hallways, i wonder what you think. homework or friends? all the good you've done, or that long list of sins. you're the one that i want, whoever you are. i want to reach out and hold you, but i'm still under par. somewhere in the back, of your heart i know. that you can find some love for me, but it's out loud you can't show. i need you right now,

90 can you not see my pain? anyone to talk to, these thoughts kept up, i start to feel drained. you make my thoughts go round, unlike any amusement park you've seen. these flowers i'd give you, are they black? or are they green? not that it would matter, because i don't know who you are. someday i'll find you, and then we can get far. with this cup in my hand, i toast to your persistence. things have been kept up, but it's not a great accomplishment. it's almost as if, girls want more. but that's all i have. so much work for nothing, my heart soon feels sore. i guess being right takes too long, so i let you win. but i always look back, at your cute little grin. the happiness in your eyes, i know what you feel. it's "love" at first sight, but who knows, maybe it's real. i don't know what i want,

91 but i need someone to release to. until then my heart's a bomb, and it's ready to blow. letters and regrets, baby don't cry, and baby don't fret. i can keep calm, til i'm at no return. i tell you my problems, but you show no concern. why do i still love you, i don't know that at all. on the edge of the world, would you ever let me fall? stay on your good side, only to be disregarded. like some old birthday cards, i always get discarded. if i were to disappear, would you search from dusk til dawn? if not that would at least miss me a little when i'm gone.

92

message to the unknown

September 9, 2011
ever had something grow? for someone you don't even know? stuck at a red light, should i stop? or should i go. maybe too fast? or just make it real slow. no way to approach, put me in the game. but nowadays i'm the coach. i'm still learning, but my time has come. i know who i want. a name which i can not speak, but they're standing up front. in my line of perfection. but see, the last thing i need, is a slip of rejection. but who am i to say, that you and someone else don't need some interjection? maybe you know this is for you, but that's a one in a million. maybe if this turns out, what we have could be one in a billion. nobody knows who this is for, but for my mind only. yet i speak from my heart, and i guess that's why i'm lonely. for poetry and safekeeping,

93 i'll keep this one to myself. but if you're one of the lost ones. i'm here to help. i can treat you all right, but i'm too much of a friend. maybe that's their loss. and maybe not. but what matters is in the end. when i'm the one who isn't caught. in some useless relationship, so you come to me for help. i give you real love, but you wouldn't know, cause it's something you've never felt. if you're reading this right now, and you think it's for you, inbox me what you think, and then you'll know if it's true. but for all the little girls out there: all these stupid mind games you play, i'm damn sure through.

94

September 11, 2011

silence and peace, you can buy happiness, but with love, there's no lease. if i had you, it all would be different. i show you my feelings, but yours remain hidden. i'd give you my life, or my love for your heart. but you don't give me the time of day, so where could i start? if you could spend a day with me, and realize what i'm about. i'd have you in my arms, and that's without a doubt. i'm not like all the others, so stop dating the wrong guys. you all let go of the good ones, so they forget you with a sigh. i know it's hard, to find what you want. but i'd bend over backwards, and it wouldn't be a stunt. i'm sorry about your past, because you deserve the absolute best. just give me some time, to show i'm better than the rest.

fall

95 i've been alone for too long, and my time is reborn. i know how i feel, but for others, they are torn.

96

September 11, 2011

guess i was wrong, as i always find myself. i don't ask for alot, so i never find help. thought this'd be different, but of course i'm wrong. i try too hard, so things weren't strong. i'm sorry i suppose, but it's whatever. i asked when i'd get love, but the answer was a never.

done

97

September 14, 2011

bag on my back, stroll down the hall. you answer to your name, but don't answer when i call. or maybe i'm just not ready for that, ehh, we'll just never know. i get asked how i am, and i'm just so-so. maybe one day i can be happy with what's happening, maybe that day is soon. but i just gotta realize, that what i want won't bloom. i'm not so good at looking in the future, guess cause i'm not psychic. but i also don't think stupid, like i'm on some kind of teen flick. sometime's i'll wonder, what they're thinking about. knowing it's not me, my heart becomes dry; drought. i probably just ask for too much, so i get kind of confused. when i get what i want, but then i have to choose. i've become exhausted, and don't make time for others. so i just lay in bed, and pull over the covers.

fantasy

98 maybe then will i forget about all this, or maybe i'll just think even more. either way it plays, i'm closing down this store. i'm sitting here, with my neutral thoughts on. i pretend like it's okay, but my heart knows i'm wrong. we'll see what tomorrow brings, cause today isn't my last. but it might be soon, with my heart moving so fast.

99

September 19, 2011

She looks for love, He looks for happiness. two in the same, if they find each other, they'll be blessed. but she looks right through him, and goes with future heartache. so He waits alone, stays coiled, like a snake. but then she's hurt, and He comes to the rescue. aides her through it all, and follows every sneeze with "bless you". but again she doesn't see, what's meant to be. so He's still striving for happiness, but she's oblivious. to her who She "loves" is great, but his heart is hideous. maybe one day they'll find what they want. but no matter what, anytime She's hurt, he'll be there to help, right up front. yet He's still alone, and She's still down. maybe one day, they'll both come around.

unspoken

100

September 25, 2011

when you least expect it, and when you're down in the dumps. it will find you sitting on the curb. or deep in the woods, on some old rotting stumps. but the light of your heart is like a signal. they can see it from a mile away, and can't resist the aurora. like some new kids on the block, they ask you to play. don't run away from it. follow it, as it will change you forever. love. it fills you with everlasting happiness. and sometimes some tears, but cry in sadness you shouldn't. because that's what you should fear. stay away from the negatives. multiply the positives. it will get better, and we can all thrive off of it. if she wants to talk on the phone and cry for hours; go on man, let her. she'll keep you forever. when i find what i want. it'll be when i least expect it.

kiss from a rose

101 and from someone i would've never thought. but i do not really care. for this is all that i've sought. make me happy, make me smile. bring me to you, and i'll stay for a while.

102

September 26, 2011

with nothing to my name, and not a lover in sight . i roam these streets, and never know what's right. so i lay in bed and listen to my tunes, with the volume on max. everyone else can stress, but i'll kick my feet up and relax. i got an idea of what i need, but not where i once thought it was. looking for one thing, it's that one thing that she does. with an unconditional love, and a heart to show for it. i don't understand any of 'em. but she's one girl that i get. won't say names, and won't show faces. i'm smarter nowadays, and looking in all the right places. not everythings perfect, but it's all in place. i just need that girl, so i can float into space. will she find me, or will i find her. maybe a dinner night out, "make that a table for two, sir".

pictures

103

September 27, 2011

to make a girl happy, is all that i want. to be given a chance, i'll take her up front. and show her to the world, because i love her enough. let her into my life, but my heart stays tough. i'm never seen as someone with heart, so just wait and see. but if you don't want love, then just let me be.

excuse me

104

September 28, 2011

times like these. i wonder what they're thinking. i could help them. but they're stuck sinking. i reach out for a hand, but they want someone better. at least i tried, and it ended with "never". it'll happen one day, when i'm truly needed. until then i'll just wait, and this love can stay seated. endless possibilities, but only one choice. who will be the one? whoever listens to my voice.

in my eyes

105

hold my head
October 2, 2011
her smile glows, and brings happiness to all. talk to her in person, then give her a call. when she was thinking of him, i was thinking of us. i'm thinking of later on, she's thinking of what was. taking me back? let me see what i must've missed. nothing i recall, just the first time we kissed. didn't see this coming; reminiscent. she needs someone to talk to, let me make my descent. always lookin' nice, you take everyone's breath. just don't take my love, it's all i have left. turn on me, take something else away. but when you want me there, don't ask for me to come out and play. or you can take the route home, to be with me once again. take me by the hand, just tell me when.

106

October 8, 2011
birthdays pass, and friends walk out. sad times are the worst times, but i can't wait and pout. lovers become nobodys, i pay attention to you, but i never become somebody. what will it take? do i have to buy you things? or maybe it's my hair, maybe you should be more open, or maybe you just don't care.... all i know is when you walk by, i can't help but stare. i just tell myself to wait, when i want to talk to you, i hesitate. so i guess it's my fault. i can't help who i am, bring on the assault. of these putrid peoples, and candid whores. i live off your shit, so feed me some more? call me a monster, i'll call you a bunch of noise. listen here kids, i'll tell you a story.

red-handed

107 it's about the girl who didn't see me, but i saw her. disease spread throughout, and she never found the cure. if looks are what you look at for, you don't deserve to have anything better than that. i know i'm not as hot as the guys you like, so i just lower my hat. you might realize that i'm what you need, no more days you'll lay alone stranded. with you in my arms, cupid caught me red-handed.

108

something right
October 14, 2011
rushing through time, don't know where to run. i see your face, and then it's all done. if you were a star, you'd radiate more than any other. they call me smart, but i'm just slick like butter. i'm sorry for the rhymes, i'm kind of off balance. things just happen, now just give me some silence. wait for my thoughts to come alive, or rest during the wait. please don't waste your time on this rickety old heart, although i can love great. if there's anything i could do, it'd be to turn on the music. keep it on high, but your smile makes me lose it. i go crazy for things like this, as they aren't common. i've just been gone for so long, like a bowl of stale ramen. from here you can call me lazy, and that's fine with me. but at least you'll know, that you can drive me crazy.

109

i work hard for what i love, and please all but myself. maybe i'm just exhaggerating, or maybe i need help. if that's what it is, sign me up right now. i've made it this far in one piece, and i just don't know how.

110

like it used to be
October 16, 2011
so much i could say, but so little time. i could lose it in a second, but keep it mine. whether you let it go, or keep it close to home. i'll be here to keep you company, no matter where you roam. i'm sorry for before, and anything to come. i'm just weak for my love, and not some kind of bum. the way i feel isn't like any other, but it may mean nothing. i'll just wait awhile, and see if there's something. if nothing is to happen, then that's okay. it'll be alright, because you aren't a waste. i feel for you and how you feel, and i respect what you want. at these shows of love, i make sure to sit up front. if love was a kingdom, you could be my queen. if not that, i'll still love you more than anything.

111

October 17, 2011

i say what i say. i look how i look. i have what i have. i feel what i feel. no particular distinction, but can't tell what's real. two years of this, two years of that. school, summer and fall. no interactions, i feel trapped. no excuses, i do what i can. plan ahead of time, wait, what plan? guess i forgot, but i remember the good times. back before i knew this would happen, and before i could put down rhymes. is it something i do? or maybe the distance. would i ever hurt you? can't think of an instance. over 72 poems, and not one comes back. i'm not looking for a tangible, so now it's love that i lack. "call it as if it is yours", and i follow that scripture.

love: part i

112 i've said it all before, but i can't feel her. one time, two times, three times too many. i don't need more friends, nah, i've got plenty. a one night stand? why would i want it? i have nothing to show, i'll just stay home and sit. looking through the window, glancing at the words that were often said. "i love you too" is no longer read. give all that i have, for one last moment. hand me a lifetime, and to her i'll devote it.

113

nine miles in the sky

October 19, 2011
100% in, 0% out. frustration is constant; you make me want to shout. i know this is it, because i know how this works. never given the chance; and you don't even hurt. but i do what i can to make a name of myself. this scrapbook of memories, i'll just leave on the top shelf. faded pictures, lost in time. i guess i'm always wrong, so just convict me of this crime. put the handcuffs on, not like much would change. i'm always trapped, but you might find that strange. no one really knows what i feel on the inside; an oasis of feelings. this pale white shell, stays the same, just concealing. this must be the end, or maybe the beginning. i try to stay quiet, but i just find myself singing.

114 the tunes of love never leave me, because i have the essence of love. i'd take it all back. but they've just had enough. take these words to thought. something new can be worth it in the long run. don't settle for mediocre, you think you can stop, but you'll never be done. love ends. ________ begins. mix these hearts together, and just feel the blends.

115

October 21, 2011

roses and a box of chocolates, knock on the door. answers the knock, expects one kiss, gets four. happiness in his eyes, don't test his love. he looks at her like an angel, just brought down from above. with her in his arms, he can't ask for anything else. she dropped her purse, he stops and helps. love on his mind, money in the back. compliments her natural beauty, and not the "nice rack". maybe he sees what they don't, or she just likes him better. we need more love like this, and this guy's the trend-setter. if it speaks to me, it'll speak to you. hardships in love, one of many i go through. but i make time for them, them as in friends. something with heart, something she never sends.

love: part ii

116 i must ask for too much, cause i never get enough. i must grasp for love, but times are gettin' tough. i'd like to have one over, to share some time for thanksgiving. but if i did that, the wrong signals i'd be sending. never go to parties? sucked into the unnecessaries. emotions on her shoulder, one of many things she carries. she flys in, and flys out. getting worried, getting scary. the taunting of the loves galore, can't help but want someone too? you say something now, but later on , will it still be true? nothing matters now, feeling like Kanye. you wanna hear something from me? baby send me a "hey". til then imma study for school. academics matter alot, but lately they don't think that's cool. occupations unknown, send me a message. unfaithful assholes, let me teach you a lesson.

117 love her for who she is, not how she looks when she's undressin'. stumble on my words, then pick them back up. rearrange these feelings, feel bad for me? throw some change in my cup .

118

October 28, 2011

to try? to cry? to whom never will comply? left with nothing to say, just sit and sigh? waiting for the day to arise, but can't look for the contents. take a copy of yesterday, and keep hold of the imprints. no resolution with the past. injured in motion, race of love. to whom i paid much devotion. others i put before myself, and i'm left with the leftovers. i never feel better, so the bar never lowers. if i had a safety net to grab on to, i could pull myself out, but i was left to fend for myself. so much tension but i've yet to shout. do you love her? does she love him? can you be held together? with the simplicity of a hem. the quilt of love. explain where i can get one of those, just give me a nudge.

irrelevant

119

but not all is bad, because i know it will happen someday soon. when the clouds clear up, and the flowers achieve bloom. until then we have snow, and that's when i can be happy. it's just times like these, i can't help but feel crappy. maybe because i'm jealous, of everyone elses smiles. let me into this circle of rejoice. i might just stay a while. i mess things up, and it'll be up and down. prince of love, i couldn't take the crown. take this hand, and i'll show you what you're missing. true love in the eyes, lets leave out the kissing.

120

November 4, 2011
i haven't realized where i am, you have me lost. i put forth the effort, and don't care for the cost. because this is what i've felt, and this is what i know. i do it for you; this isn't a show. but love isn't a given, it must be earned before use. at times it's soothing, and others it's a noose. for you to see it like this, and me to not care, you wouldn't ask what's wrong anyways, and i don't see that as fair. maybe i ask for too much, or not much at all. all i ask is for a text; maybe even a call. but if not that, or anything less. you've always been my favorite, and nothing but the best. unconditional love, we all feel happiness. i just wish everyone could feel your love; the one thing i've forgotten; this. it's been too long,

stuck in time

121 and i'm stuck in time. to love someone more than you love yourself, i can't imagine that being a crime.

122

November 12, 2011

she pulls out her box, from thirteen years ago. pulls out each picture; her memory is slow. the man she had loved, is no longer around. he moved long ago, and never made a sound. she cried many a night, and he never made it back. she tried to move on, but her past stayed black. no letters or notes, no phone calls or voicemails. he didn't fly far off, or get put in county jails. she searched for the last remnants of him, everywhere she went. they all saw her agony, and could hear her repent. she hadn't done wrong, just loved a man like no other. all his friends missed him too; missed him like a brother. but her mind gave up, after several nights of pain. only remembering the moon, and the romantic nights in the rain.

fortitude

123 til' she found the pictures, she had moved on. but as she sat down, along came dawn. getting up for work, another day on the job. now she'd take off, to stay home and sob. would she ever see him once again? she just needed one smile. you begin to love again, after a while. feeling like a kid, she remembers the playground. when she first saw him, his looks were profound. but twenty years later, she didn't think she'd be alone. his location is gone, but her love has grown.

he loads up the truck, and heads down the road. to northern kentucky, who's there, who knows. a faint sigh in his breath, he lost love long ago. with nothing to his name, he's never had money to throw.

124 his father's ford is beat up, but it'll get him to town. maybe grab a drink, then make his rounds. he walks in the bar, and hears the jukebox playing. oddly enough, his rhythm gets his body swaying. like the years before, when she taught him how to dance. he was fortunate enough, to show her true romance. and then he sits down, and pulls out his wallet. this picture of a girl, and he remembers how he got it. the love of his life, he lost thirteen years ago. when he went off for work, his true feelings, he never did show. but he knows what's right. find her and tell her. about 40 miles down, little less than a blur. she needs milk from the store, so she puts on her sweater. wipes away the tears, thinks she looks better. but little does she know,

125 they'll soon return. true loves mysterys, she may never learn. as he arrives to the store, to ask the clerk of the girl. he sees a face beyond an aisle, giving his stomach a whirl. when she hears her name, her heart stops immediately. she slowly turns around, tears rising greedily. he smiles ear to ear, and approaches his love. she cries tears of joy, and looks into the eyes above. with love reunited, and dreams fulfilled. destiny found it's course, and on this they will build. true love's wonders, are amazing at the least. don't fall short of love. make sure it will increase.

126

November 16, 2011

mom's in her room, brother's on the couch. haven't done anything good, 16 year old slouch. everyone has someone to call theirs, i got me, myself, and I. not much to brag about, i could say i'm happy, that'd be a lie. pressure of work, pressure of figure. society's a bitch, it takes all i have, gold digger. give me a hand? i kinda need you right now. ignore me again, heart takes hits, kapow. but you get through it all, and i'm laying in bed. where do i go, day by day. you know what i did, and heard what i said. the pain is too much, who knows how long it'll last. i can't get in the future, i just sit in the past. time doesn't change, but everyone else does. can't keep up, you can't be mine, just because. but you all can read,

continue?

127 i've been saying this shit since June. where's the real friends, you just look at me like a loon. maybe i need to look better, you wouldn't be caught dead seen with me, you're greedy, not a go getter. maybe i'm overreacting, maybe i'm just down. nah, i'm alright. i'm lying, see my frown. so now you know my wrongs, point out the rights. where did they go? i'm not right, sorry, poor eyesight. friends or enemies, how can i tell, when i'm judged for everything. it's like my reputation i sell. nobody buys it, but who gives a damn. i couldn't get three minutes with you, without hearing the door slam. the time of day, the love of a million hearts. my days of sadness, this is where it starts.

128

November 20, 2011

40 miles above ground, head in the clouds. looking down on you all, mom would be so proud. i'm coming down for a while, but who knows what i'll see. i'm sorry for being late, i really had to pee. now where was i at, oh yeah, nice to meet you. when i looked you in the eyes, then i knew. little do i know, but so much i feel. tell me more, break this seal. your eyes are beautiful, your smile is cute. let me take you out to dinner? dressed up, tie and a suit. but i don't know if this is right, i may just be getting ahead. do i keep going? or stop in my tracks; dead. first impressions, some time since i've smiled. don't let me down, let's let this last a while.

ole

129

December 1, 2011
i guess the best of things don't fall through. it happens as often as the sky turns blue. can't piece together this puzzle, i wish i knew the solution. i'll find it down the road, through all the pollution. of the toxins in my mind, i can't filter my thoughts. tissues and ice cream, look what i just bought. society of the lost, i seem to be stuck. SOL, i'm so outa luck. i either do wrong, or i can't be enough. nothing to look forward to, love's a brick house, and i huff and i puff. i love like a madman, and care like a father. is it just me, or is this room getting hotter? guess it's my nerves, you always made me dizzy. can't feel passion, like when i listened to Weezy. i'll leave this alone,

untitled

130 but confidence is lost. never lose control, just see how much it's cost.

131

December 17, 2011

refreshed with love, standing for the silence. the body and the heart, will form an alliance. follow the heart forever, make it a compliance. thoughts of sorrow, and nothing to look for. look at yourself within. your heart is your brain's next in kin. sign me off, keep this on my tab. the bar is full of noise, playing limbo with myself, everyone plays with love like toys. listen to my story, record the moral. nobody is invincible, so never feel immortal. to the pains of love, they happen to all. when you feel it coming on, always answer the call. who knows what might happen, you could find what you're looking for. don't strain your heart, it tends to get sore.

sounds

132 but take this to thought, you might need it someday. or just follow your own path, who knows what they'll say.

133

April 12, 2012

two seasons have passed, since i touched any poetry. i've been complaining about life, and blabbering on twitter, mostly. connections have grown, and bonds were broken. things that needed to be said, were never even spoken. it all just gets more difficult, as does all good things. i feel like a bird, that was born without wings. love gets harder to find, because no one knows respect. someone you can trust, you can no longer expect. i only speak the truth, when i say that things will end. because i was in a good place, and the bad never caught wind. but people speak lies, and others move on. i keep to myself, and just wait til dawn. a new day has come, who cares about before. give yourself a break, and you'll want love even more.

kids

134

i remember last summer, when this was all i did. had no sense of security, i was just being a kid. some kids are mature, and some haven't peaked. not talking about puberty, or the things that you preach. sad songs are my forte, as i think better in darkness. my feelings can settle, and i don't feel so heartless. i think about girls, that i wish i could have. and when i imagine real feelings, none of this feels so bad. but who am i kidding, i'm only an average joe. i can't brag at all, or put on a show. let's all come together, and agree on one thing. that in the end we're not different, but very much the same. girls with no makeup, and girls that cake it. don't let others make you, as your beauty is sacred.

135 and guys with big arms, may have the physique above all. but the guy with the heart, is the one you should call. our love is innocent, and so quickly it ends. just one of the many things, that makes us all kids.

136

April 17, 2012

i've never seen, what you can see. but i can see, you and me. let's head to the tree, where you first saw me. no tricks up my sleeve, this love isn't for free. so girl i ask you, do you see me? take my hand, experience something we, will only feel once in a lifetime. he'll never say the things, i used to say. he'll never play the games, we used to play. he'll never feel, the way your hips sway. let us dance in my dreams, so i can somehow take you away, once again.

spaceships

137

April 23, 2012

here were the ones that knew me so well, i couldn't pick myself back up so here they were. i wanted you because i needed you, i know what i want but lately i've felt blue. i'm back to my old ways, i can't deny that at all. i'm tired of lies, i'm tired of it all. i want things back, is that too much to ask. i miss the messages, i miss the peace. your mind won't change, all i can say is please. come back down to earth, get in my dimension. you're on the sideline with him, everyone has suspicion. but what does our opinion matter, when you're so far gone. i miss who you were, when our text messages were long. don't let those times fade, let them continue. i've wanted shit to work for as long as i can remember, hear me out for once so reality can hit you. mirrors are foggy, but you don't need that clarity. i'm clean as can be,

corners

138 i won't ask anymore questions, i'm done playing jeopardy. flightless wings we continue to lay on, nothing ever lifts off. i'm getting sick of the wait, i'm getting close to my last cough. can't say i'm the worst, can't say i'm the best. there's places i want to go, and for you to be the guest. who knows what i want, me and my mind are always in a fight, i just keep talking to myself, so i guess this is goodnight.

139

May 20, 2012

the river says so much, but brings so little. cold and nimble water, the rocks so brittle. dances in the sky, the stars take formation. of the pictures i play in my head, with little concentration. no words left to say, in this sleeping bag i rest. these words are like bullets, here's my bullet-proof vest. here's the start of something new, my soul stays blue, and loves a select few. here's to the lovers, and the couples with a good view.

dig

140

June 2, 2012
get so close, but feel so distant. if there was a sign, i must've missed it. i'm no stranger to anonymity, but i can't see the unknown. what i hold dear, the future hasn't shown. don't let time pass, with no hands to be held. the feeling i want, hasn't been felt. the darkest corner of my heart, still looks for the light. i see you in front of me, now please stay in sight. fade away now, and i can't recover. i'll do my best for this, one way or another.

distance

141

artistically
June 4, 2012
time to think, feelings to grow. nothing to hide, so much to show. i want it to be true, but i can't tell the difference. to take a step ahead, i just need clearance. you don't listen to what i'm saying, this is fading so fast. i can't keep up with change, yet so much has passed. my feelings are so direct, and you know how i feel. but you have something, that i just can't heal. i need your cure, the potion of love. nothing too soft, and nothing too rough. mixed signals, on cupids plane. arrows pointing that way, i only have myself to blame. maybe you'll see this, and know i mean it. because i'm trying my hardest, but i'm taking the hits. i'm not the best,

142 but i know about happiness. i'm not about the rough edges, more like a sweet kiss. take this as a message, directly to your heart. i look like i'm fine, but you're tearing me apart.

143

July 11, 2012

ahead of the times, stay out of the funny papers. clocks on the wall, time's leaving craters. mind is empty, what's the possibility? of you knowing who i am? let's increase the probability. i don't know much about much, we talked a little about such and such. i need a little crutch, this isn't a little crush. soda pops in my lap, memories on my shoulder. days get hotter, but my heart gets colder. house of blues, eyes are green. so tame in the tone, who knows what you've seen. mango, peaches and limes, tropical fruit in the basket. tears like a rain forest, you can never completely mask it. pages turn to chapters, keyboards into typewriters. love into hate, and lovers into fighters. house on the beach,

bravo

144 fire in the cabin. don't run from happiness, who knows what will happen.

145

July 23, 2012

greener grass on the other side, no other reasons but just tell me why? let me know how this will come out, maybe i don't want to hear you say bye.. the bare necessities is all i need, trust and honesty is all i want to see. perfection on the outside, so let me in. i want to know who you are, and let this sickness be free. no explanations for the reason we love, but i can tell you the reason for mine in love with the possibilities, the first being you being mine. i shouldn't have to spell it out, i just don't have enough time. the message may never become obvious, because all of us have something to hide. just stick to what you love, and you'll survive the high tide. i don't mean to brag, i don't mean to boast. but you're the happiness, i need to see up c l o s e .

close

146

August 5, 2012
20 degress below, frozen on the inside. no leaps of faith, across this great divide. that one part you're missing, it's out there somewhere. you want to tell them, but you'd never dare. relinquish the heart, silence no more, scream out the emotions. there's an explanation, beyond this commotion. love's in many places, along the edges of this land. within the grass, and beyond the sand. go deep underwater, and feel the stream. make something of the nothing, let the smile and those eyes gleam. it doesn't mean anything now, but look back in twenty. years, they go by, but my love is plenty. like when we were just little kids, when you ask if they can play. but love isn't a game, and i'm hoping you feel the same way.

awhile

147 jumping through girls? it's just not my style. i need something to love, it sure has been awhile.

148

November 2, 2012
blue skies and shady trees, black nights and dark forest greens. the city by dawn, then sleep by dusk. wind and a breeze, can't ever catch enough. lay in your bed and wait to doze off, but your mind wants to awaken you with thoughts of the times you felt gone. what is this worth to you, this frame on the wall. you've always had direction, since the day you could crawl. messes you've made, and never cleaned up. expecting time to make it dry, but waiting is not enough. and when you're out of time, you stress for more. but when you have too much, your heart is dirt poor. don't spend all your money on useless tangibles, you'll be up all night with crackers and danimals. make good with what you've got, but if you've got nothing good, then what've you really bought? you feel no vibes, lost track of time, down on yourself,

thriftway

149 feeling sublime. but since when is loving a crime? you waste your nights wondering where it is, but it's right in front of you. if you could actually see it, would it prove true? go take a walk, and free your state of mind. keep your heart open, and who knows what you'll find. longing for some feelings, who would've known how you'd pay. so you stay vulnerable to theft, and your heart is a thriftway.

150

hair like wind

May 18, 2013
hair like wind smile like sun heart like rain where you're at i'll never know and that's the real pain your outfits are subtle but scream to my emotions maybe if you don't worry about looks i won't make so much commotion why couldn't this be simple? loving someone takes so much work i sign up for your heart and i only get hurt

151

May 20, 2013

in the back of my mind but in front of my face you're the one thing i know that i could never replace who knows where i've been who knows where i'll go as long as you're there my love for you grows

growth

152

your side of the bed

May 21, 2013
lay your head where mine once was for that side of the bed knows what it does; only teasing me for what i don't have but no sense in being mad and as you go to sleep remember who's listening to the songs you used to listen to and singing to the songs we used to sing with

153

May 27, 2013

time has passed and days are numbered where you went is what i wondered on the wall and in my mind on the clock we passed the time wherever we go and whatever we do can only be perpetuated by the love that we knew

time

154

May 30, 2013

i hate you but i love you you're the remnants of what i once knew i wanna know you so let me show you that you keep my heart beating and i want you

you

155

June 2, 2013
it's late and i can't think straight but maybe if i wait i'll think of something to say but until then i'll stay in bed and dream of things and games you play

late

156

dawn of summer
June 9, 2013
i'm not excited but should i be? i sit in silence and you wait for me the days are warm and the nights are cool from the times running around to the hours at the pool what more will we have besides a summer romance like a four leaf clover i'll just give it a chance but until then i'll dream and wonder where are you are in reality you're lightyears away but in my heart; not too far

157

June 11, 2013

knee deep in water nights deep in my thoughts i can't imagine a day where i haven't caught you on my mind or in my dreams all i can think about is when i was free of sadness and sorrow and everything in between will i ever be comfortable we'll just wait til the next scene

dreams

158

days and nights

June 14, 2013
days and days days and nights night and days nights and fights where was this before when everything was gone before we fell apart before i heard that song that reminds me of you but let's take a trip; sit back, relax, baby now take a sip

159

June 15, 2013

i can't remember or seem to recall the number of times i've thought about you since that fateful fall where we talked and sang and watched the rain and promised it'd be okay before we both came to say farewell

amnesia

160

June 16, 2013

working out of my habits running from the past catching up with the future broken heart in a cast funerals for the dead prescriptions for the weak feeling down on my knees but still on my feet next door to the hate across from the love they pull me from below you pull me from above but where am i to go when i lose my strength and you're still gone and my grip on you breaks

habits

161

June 17, 2013

in times of despair i wonder where the time has gone where we both cared but the clocks are stopped and the watches are broken and it's been far too long since either has spoken

despair

162

June 27, 2013

the smell of air the feel of your skin the sensation of your love the warmth of your smile i want nothing more than to stay here for a while and let you know how i've felt for the days gone and passed but please just promise that this all will last so take me with you wherever you go and i'll always trust you that you must know

senses

163

July 7, 2013
today or tomorrow the next day or next week i'm always remembering of where it used to be be it high or low or near or far you're both simple and different quiet and bizarre i don't know who you are or when we will meet but until that day comes i'll just take a seat

calendar

164

July 11, 2013

we live in a world where the sky is blue and the grass is green where laughs are heard and smiles are seen so we sit together with thoughts interlocked and keep eyes on the clock for the ticks and the tocks but time will pass and words will be subtle so let's get closer and color my life with the chaos of trouble

colors

165

July 11, 2013

when i thought you were there you were gone in a minute if it wasn't for that smile i never would've seen it you really had me going with those slick words of yours i really thought we were okay and i only wanted more but i can tell where this is at and not much else maybe you would understand if you thought of more than yourself

sneak

166

July 16, 2013

paralyzed by the fake life that i'm used to living but when the pair of lies that you feed me day by day keeps me surprised, i'm trapped in your hands because you hold more of me and hours pick up like the sands of time while this depression sinks in and you lay there okay maybe you'll remember what we used to say because neither of us knew where this would go or what this would do but the clock has run out and without a shadow of a doubt i know you won't let anything happen and i can't do anything about it but skip it like the songs that define these nights alone thinking of you and what you're wearing and who you're with for you control my brainwaves and keep me in this steel cage but there's a lock on the door and i can't get out

trapped

167 not because i can't but because i don't want to

168

heavens doors
July 17, 2013
the contemplations of our segregation are sizzlin while i'm spittin in the direction of where my thoughts once were but insanity has me out twistin and turning and wondering where i could possibly bypass your spyglass or however the hell youre seeing me but i'm seeing you the same way i always did but it's okay maybe possibly probably i'll start going crazy and we'll both end up knocking on heavens doors begging to be let in

169

grown thoughts
July 18, 2013
surrounded by these grown thoughts maybe i'm missing something but ever since you were missing i've been feeling dismissive and a little less thoughtful and a little less happy but at least the thought of you helps cause it's the thought that counts call me a criminal because i might've caused a scene but only if you had seen me see you in a different light things would be a little lighter and we wouldn't fight as often but i can only control so much or so little because in the end i can only tell you how i feel and never get a reply

170

love: part iii

July 18, 2013
lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of love hatred and attitude tear us entirely so far from where we came how can we leave with nothing - Chloe Mitchell and i still hear myself call your name in the presence of many or in the presence of none because it's a present itself to never be gone but to be the one that never made it completely and to be left behind like those years ago i'll never know what you truly feel and what you felt sorry for was ever real you've made your point i can't go on i'm sorry i'm done

171

remnants of your arms

July 20, 2013
shortly after breathing wonder where this is leading under the trees picking up the pieces but i can't build the puzzle cause i stay puzzled but is this just fiction was this ever real did it ever feel like this was the deal the kept our mouths shut and the doors locked and our ears open but i still can't hear the footsteps of my past walking down the hall coming closer until my head is full so i stand still close my eyes and feel the remnants of your arms in mine

172

compassion
July 23, 2013
compassion on a different level than you can reach it's much different than the love we teach not found in books or lost on shelves but something we both delve deep into like the expansive reaches of the ocean just let your body show me the motion so i can feel your emotion so i can hug your hips and love your smile and we can dance like two crazed out of wack people who fell in love with nothing else in mind but the warmth in our hearts and the happiness we'd find

173

August 28, 2013

once every blue moon i watch the news so it can tell me how to feel about what's going on outside but it's no news that i only feel on the inside and what i feel is blue-er than that blue moon

blue moon

174

August 30, 2013

some say looks don't matter but the more you matter the madder i get when you don't show any interest in the matters at hand so you start to act badder than the girl i am used to and now we're on two different ends of a world in which nothing else matters but looks so now i'm stuck waiting for the day when i matter

matter

175

fictitious world
September 1, 2013
in a fictitious world where the youth doesnt die and pretty girls dont cry i get on one knee and wonder where time went and how we got here because no ones promised tomorrow and to the kids who hurt and their words are hollow all you really need are some simple words to follow: be thankful for another day because there are others who won't be able to say thank you for the sun and the moon and the stars and the nights filled with streetlights and cars so rest easy tonight and never cry to sleep because the days we dont live are the days we cant keep

176

trapped: part ii
September 2, 2013
you're not the one that i want but you're the one that i need baby please listen to me breathe with me think with me go back to the places that you dreamt with me especially the ways that i told you everyday the voicemails i made and the games that you played they never got old and we never got younger so we wasted our time never really talking and learning but rather kissing and screwing for lack of a better word i heard what you meant when you said we need to talk and then time just stops no more to be continued this is what we got into there was no yes or no just a big show where our feelings would grow and know one would know but i WANT people to know that you're the one i shared this with all this time and all this crying

177 and all this wondering why i would never end up okay in the end but now it's through we can't turn back time but we can remember the days where love was alright and smiling was okay but tonight is the night where we both go to sleep in two separate beds so now you rest your head where i rested mine in another day when we were just fine but the moon that you see is the moon that i see and baby just maybe that's okay with me because all good things must come to an end and you were nothing but good and a breath in the wind

178

September 3, 2013
i wake up sometimes and when i can't go back to sleep i'd rather dream of your smile than count a couple sheep

count sheep

179

September 4, 2013
with nights like this there's only so much i can do to mask the pain and when i have no support i feel no remorse for feeling like i do it all just comes and goes and who knows maybe the wind blows the same way my feelings grow and this will all be over before my time comes

dreams: part ii

180

heavens doors: part ii

September 11, 2013
bypass the wishes that you once had nothing you make out to be is really that bad lift your hands off of your heart put them on my shoulders and i'll show you once more where many things end and very few start this is where you'll go and this is where you'll stay no one really knows what this love is for but it'll stick with you forever until you're knocking on heaven's door

181

September 15, 2013

i can't spell your name but i can take the blame the reverberations of your voice hit me like a bullet i can't touch your love but i can always feel it gone in a minute and back in a year never coming back is what i've always feared scared of the future hatred for the present time never shuffles i day dream about that smile but then again who doesnt i tell stories so you can read them but the subject matter doesn't relate to the subject of the matter because i don't know the subject i talk about but what really matters is the reality of this story and what i feel or what i dont my love sinks while everyone elses floats

love: part iv

182

September 16, 2013

textbook definitions of the underlying conditions and the restrictions you've given no glasses but i can see how far this is going you're so transparent but there's know way of knowing i know you have a heart but who knows what's really growing two pillows on my bed one for me and one for you but it'll be two for me and none for you if i can't think of what to do

sight

183

distance: part ii
October 2, 2013
slipped through my hands heavy on my shoulders i thought things would get easier as i got older but i'm nothing more and you're nothing less than perfect because you had what i wanted and gave what i needed i apologize for the silence and am thankful for the presence so i keep my eyes closed so i won't see what i fear at one point we were so close and tonight you're nowhere near

184

dreams: part iii

October 7, 2013
it's 11:11 but what does time mean anymore i could ask if you remember but what good is that for you don't even speak, but i can hear you in my head i walk with you in my thoughts and when i'm dreaming in bed i'm restless and i'm tired and i can't find a cure whether i'll be okay or not, i'm not really sure i'm awake when i'm tired and asleep when i'm not i can dismiss the sadness but only in spots on the carpet that covers my brain somethings never can be cleaned to be feeling so much and still so little, i never would've dreamed

185

dreams: part iv
October 8, 2013
salt on the wound because pain isn't new and before we were through the great divide that pulled us further apart i thought this was a new start but when you start too early i feel like you never really heard me i have trouble with commitment and you could get me through it so all this time i've spent laying and thinking thinking and wondering wondering and dreaming and yet i still have pictures of your face imprinted in my mind like my eyes have been carved into the figure you held so well and as far as i can tell you only get prettier and my attitude gets shittier i digress into sadness while you transgress into another dream i've had many times before

186

trapped: part iii

October 10, 2013
ghosts in the room wandering on the wall no lights in my mind no clearance in the fall spelling out words that i don't mean just how little could i read your thoughts are spacial in the sense that they're special and yet i know so little about them in this garden of eden that we call home through your eyes i'd always roam a garden of kisses but roses were never grown and the water from your eyes only dampen the chances of me saving this whatever this is i couldn't hold it if i wished this swingset of love i could always look above and feel you next to me back and forth it goes i could jump or i could stay but either way neither way is with you and while you're no longer next to me this swingset is meant for two

187

October 13, 2013

i knew that time had passed and leaves have fallen when i lay waiting for you to start calling but my hopes got up and my happiness fell how long it had been no one could tell you stopped liking my pictures and i wondered where you went but into someone elses life you chose your time to spend and now it is dark and there's no room for a smile when i'll see your face it'll probably be a while but as long as you're happy and i'm not in the way you can walk away but i'll always stay but if he causes you pain and i was right all along maybe i was in the right and you were in the wrong now don't let me sleep for i dream of much sorrow i gave my heart to you and yours, i could only borrow

autumn

188

October 14, 2013

save me from this prison slave to the pain always losing never any gain stuck in a cell and you have the key i gave you what i had and you couldn't let me be so if it ends in here and there was never any escape can you give me a break and maybe a chance, just for love's sake because i can't sleep without your face carved into the inside of my eyes i just need a taste of your lips but you keep me starved keep the key because it belongs with you and i'll lay on the cement it's hard and cold as my heart with someone new

hieroglyphics

189

October 15, 2013

why do women drive me crazy? it's not because im crazed and not because im lazy come over to my house and baby just maybe you can crawl beneath my sheets and lay next to me read a book hear my voice stay in my life or make the choice because i'm constantly missing your sweet hellos without your spark my life is always mellow just talk for a little so i can reminisce a day when you notice me is a day i can't forget

crazy

190

October 21, 2013

a chamber for these thoughts a chamber for these feelings a place i need to be to keep up with these dealings i can't sleep anymore because my dreams of you are too real and i'm having withdrawls but there isn't a medication for the way that i feel you became a part of me and i can't scratch my head hard enough to remember why life just couldn't leave me be these nights are getting difficult as the cold comes through and bitters my heart and turns my lips blue i live for moments with your smile i miss the days alone since we haven't kissed in a while but even that is too much to ask since i can't remember when i saw you last goodnight to you because if only you knew last night i saw you in my dreams now i can't wait to go to sleep

chambers

191

wicked & weary

October 24, 2013
at times death is often a greater solution than suffering from the deepest wounds and the darkest cuts but the person who deals these with wicked whips and weary words remains above all else because in the end it is not us who controls our own emotions for only our true lovers can change the direction of where we end up so where will you go? back to a world where i appeared to be happy or back into my dreams.. i guess i'll never know

192

October 28, 2013

no push all the pull jokes on me i was the fool scented feelings smelling like autumn dark and rainy weather makes me wanna sleep longer and as i gently fall asleep once again forgetting your lips only makes this life harder but i'd kill for another moment in time where i know nothing can happen and i'll never lose that kiss that i once took for granted and now i want you

pulse

193

one in a million
October 29, 2013
if i had 1 letter in the alphabet for every time i thought about you i'd have written the bible twelve times over and yet even if i read it one time over i'd be thinking more about you than i would about faith itself because you've been placed so far above my priorities that i can't help but feel weak and tired and lonely because even if god is there to help me i still need that shoulder to rest my head on and no one's shoulder was as comforting and welcoming and loved as yours

194

predetermined thoughts
November 3, 2013
predetermined thoughts undetermined or not don't know where i stand always thinkin always wonderin always lovin i bet myself up for thinking like this but i can't help it when it feels like this you have that effect on me and even when i want to get away your rope around my waist keeps getting shorter now i'm on the border a new love order i wanna feel back again but the times are tied so don't make me wonder why i'm even considering missing you and considering i feel better now maybe the effect you have on me can really heal physically mentally emotionally

195

November 4, 2013
whether or not i suffer a lot and whether you suffer or not i always stay caught in the same spot when we always fought and i always sought to remain in your thoughts and then you forgot what we were not and now i'm stopped at the intersection of loving you and wondering where you went

suffering

196

November 5, 2013
i no longer lie awake for the sake of staying up late i keep myself up at night because maybe you'll wonder what i'm doing and how i am but when my body says goodnight my mind is saying wake up because you could be here in any minute so just as i doze off pictures of you and i float by and keep my heart beating

as i lie awake