Bella's Summer Knights

By A Cullen Wannabe

Summary: Summer Beach Trip OUTTAKES for Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights. AH/OC/Language/Lemons Rated M for a reason!

The First Summer: June 2002 BPOV I sat curled up on the couch, staring unseeingly at the worn copy of Jane Eyre in my lap. This was how I spent most of my free time since moving to Chicago. It was so large, loud, and downright overwhelming. I hated it. I hated the crowded streets, the unending sea of concrete all around me, making the whole world gray with the rare splashes of color when someone would finally get creative and use something other than black or gray for the faade of their particular building. I hated the constant hum of traffic on the street below our apartment window. I hated almost everything about this city, the only exception being my big brother and his friends. They made it at least somewhat bearable, but it didn't change the fact that I missed home. I missed the quiet of our house in the country. I missed the long stretches of green all around us and the familiarity of our neighbors and friends in town. Chicago was cold and unfriendlytoo many people crowded into too small of a space, forcing them all to focus on their tasks ahead of them to take the time to greet those around them. It was so foreign to me. I really, really missed home. I sighed as I tried to focus my eyes on the tiny black print to re-read the same sentence again for the fifth time since I had sat down with the book an hour before. I managed to push past the period at the end to start the next sentence when Emmett came bounding in, laughing with Edward and Jasper right behind him. The trio came to stand in front of my seat, all with wide grins and crossed arms. I looked up at them blankly for a moment before sliding my bookmark back into the margin and folding the flimsy pages carefully closed. I looked back up again with a furrowed brow. "What?" I asked nervously, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the way they were looking down at me with devious expressions.

"Enough with the wallowing squirt," Emmett cheered, reaching down to grasp my shoulders while yanking me to my feet. "We are taking you to the beach." "The beach?" was my big insightful reply. He scoffed, "Yeah, the beach. Go dig out your swimsuit; grab a beach towel and whatever else you want to take along. Meet us back out here in ten minutes. We're going to hit Oak Street Beach today and enjoy some of this great sunshine." I nodded in reply before walking back to my bedroom where I rummaged through my drawers. I knew I had a swimsuit somewhere, if only I could remember where I had tucked it. It had been late February when we moved into this place and I found homes for all of my belongings. At that point, swimming had been the furthest thing from my mind. I burrowed into the bottom of my underwear drawer, finally pulling out the purple one piece. I always felt so infantile wearing this swimsuit. It did nothing to help the look of my body, flattening what little chest I had and blurring the slight curvature I had developed in my waist so that I looked like a glorified stick figure with long brown hair. I stared at the mirror in front of me with a forlorn sigh. Mom had promised that this summer she would take me shopping for a bikini. All of my friends wore bikinis now and I had just talked Mom into helping me find one that would make my body look a little less like a surf board at the end of last summer. Of course neither one of us knew at the time that she wouldn't be here come spring. She wasn't here and it was all because of me and my stupid school play. I took a deep breath letting it out in a long labored sigh. Drowning in my own little pity parade wasn't going to help me put on the brave face that Emmett and the boys needed to see. Even if I was completely miserable, I had to let them think I was enjoying myself. I certainly didn't want Emmett to feel any worse than he already did. I threw on a gray Lincoln High School t-shirt and a pair of cut off blue jean shorts before sliding my feet into a pair of sandals. I yanked my blue mesh beach bag out of the closet, tossing my beach towel, walkman CD Player, sunscreen, and my worn copy of Jane Eyre in before shuffling back to the living room. The boys were gathered on the furniture texting on their phones and chattering with each other excitedly. It was obvious they were psyched as Joey and Danny talked about the ratio of hot chicks that would probably be there today. I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to be subtle as I plopped on the couch next to Emmett. I glanced at him before realizing the room had gone silent. I glanced around to find all six pairs of eyes in the room were trained on me. I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I had only known them all for less than four months and while they were all nice enough, it was still just strange to be surrounded by so many guys all the time. The only guys I ever spent much time around were Emmett and Dad. My mom had insisted that I be a girly girl for the most part and I never really had a problem with that. I loved going shopping with my mom and doing makeovers. Along the way, I had gravitated to mostly girl friends at school. Yeah, I had my more butch hobbies like shooting with Dad and survived well amongst the local cops who would hang out on the range, but this was so different. These weren't middle aged balding guys with beer bellies. No, these were unbearably attractive college age guys who smelled even better than they looked and that was without even seeing any of them shirtless. Lord

help me when we got to the beach where they would be running around in swim trunks! I hadn't even kissed a guy yet, much less seen shirtless guys! EPOV I admit. It had been my idea for the beach trip. She tried so hard to hide it, always the brave little trooper, but she wasn't a good liar. Her eyes gave her away every time. Bella was so unhappy here. Hell, I couldn't blame her. She lost both parents and her whole life in the course of a few seconds. She left everything behind to move to a strange city to be surrounded by a bunch of jackass guys who were barely mature enough to take care of themselves, much less a teenage girl. Thank God she was a good kid. I don't know what Emmett would have done if Bella had been a hellcat. At sixteen she was more mature than the rest of us were at twenty half the time. She was smart and funny on the rare occasions that her sarcastic wit managed to push past her depression. The more I watched her, the more worried I got. I didn't know her well yet, but I could tell she was struggling. I just wish I knew what to do the help. The only thing I could really think of for the time being was to get her out there and teach her to love her new city. Things wouldn't be changing for her anytime soon, so the sooner she grew an appreciation for the city I grew up in and loved, the sooner she would learn to acclimate. We waited, keeping ourselves busy as she dressed and got her things together for the trip. Another thing we were all grateful for was that she wasn't a high maintenance chick. Most of the girls we knew would insist on spending half an hour or more to do their hair and makeup before we could leave. Not Bella, though, she would slap something together and come out looking fresh and ready to go, and actually look better than any of those other girls would after spending forever forcing themselves to look attractive. Bella was a natural beauty and we were already anxious for the day when the guys in her school would start to notice. When she came into the living room, she looked more uncomfortable than usual, a fact that wasn't lost on any of us as she stared at her feet, cutting through the room to slouch on the sofa next to Emmett. I still couldn't believe that this tiny thing shared DNA with the monster of a man sitting next to her. They were like polar opposites. After a few awkward moments, we finally piled into a couple of cabs and rode to the beach. We pushed through the crowds to find a place where we could all spread out together, laying down our beach towels in order to claim our tiny pieces of sandy property. The guys all threw down their towels as they eyed the pickings around us unabashedly before taking off for the water to get wet before working their mojo on their picks of the day. All that were left within a few short moments were me and Emmett. Bella hadn't noticed much of anything going on around us she settled into place. She eyed the bikini clad Barbie clones around us, her posture melting before my very eyes. I still didn't understand why women constantly measured themselves against others around them, inevitably finding the one thing that they felt was inferior to the rest and letting it smother their self confidence. I shot a look at Emmett telling him I had it covered as Bella set about digging in her bag to drag out her outdated Walkman CD player with cheap little ear buds. She slid them into her ears before pulling out a pathetically worn out, yellowed book. She sat it next to her before beginning to settle back with her shirt and shorts still on, obviously too shy about her appearance to take them off.

It was pretty much one of the most fucking ridiculous things I had ever seen. The girl was about as slender as you can be, before it became unhealthy, with creamy skin that practically shimmered in the sunlight. I glanced to see more than one of the crispy fried clones around her eye her smooth perfect skin enviouslynot that Bella would ever notice that. Her hair shimmered in the sun as the rays picked up different colored strands mixed in with the brown, which made it far more interesting than the flat bleach blonde color that most of the women around her sported. Her long hair was healthy and smooth, earning more envious looks from the world weary women around her. Each of them should be envious too, because young Bella was most definitely a vision. For the four short months she had been a part of my life, and a great many times throughout those months I would have to remind myself that she was far too young and innocent when the errant thought would push through to the forefront of my mind. In so many ways, her innocence was far more appealing than the overt sexuality of the vixens who typically threw their attentions my way. I longed to find something more pure, and yet the purity I knew first hand was far too sacred to be polluted by me. She settled back onto her towel, raising the book above her head to read and I found myself speaking before I had even thought. I really felt the need to not let her disappear in her books. We brought her out to have fun and partake of a part of what the city had to offer. I needed to help her reach out and do that. She jumped at the sound of my voice, slowly lowering the book to her chest as she squinted at me, her eyes drifting from my face down to my chest as she swallowed hard. She stared blankly a few minutes and I couldn't help but feel excited that she was finding my body appealing. I shouldn't have felt that way, but it was an involuntary reaction. I liked that she liked me. I smiled my trademark smile at her as I shifted closer to her, settling on Emmett's towel just to her right. "I asked if you were really going to keep that shirt and shorts on all day, or if you were going to actually absorb a few of these great rays today." Her cheeks stained pink as she glanced down at her shirt and shorts. She sighed before standing up, unfastening the shorts and shimmying them off of her hips with a little wiggle as they fell to pool at her feet. She grasped the material of her t-shirt, tugging it over her head, revealing a great deal of hidden skin from the deep plunging back of the suit. I swallowed, shutting my eyes and willing my thoughts to stay innocent. Her hair fell back down, sweeping across the creamy white flesh of her back, once again concealing the newly revealed skin from my view to my relief. My relief, however, was short lived as she yanked out her bottle of sunscreen and began spreading it on her arms and down the smooth long lines of her legs. I tried to focus on other things, but it was hard, in all senses of the word, when her hands drifted from her legs to grab a fresh dollop of cream to spread on her face, neck, and chest. By the time she was finished, I was an internal mess, but I was keeping a fairly cool external faade, or so I hoped. She looked up, flushing at my expression before dipping her head to hide behind the shimmering brown curtain of her hair while simultaneously attempting to apply the cream to the exposed skin of her back, displayed once more before my eyes. I cleared my throat and offered to help before I realized what I was even offering. Smoothing the white cream onto her perfect flesh of her back was the total opposite of what I was attempting in order to keep my mind focused correctly.

She blushed nearly violet before nodding awkwardly. My heart was beating furiously in my chest as I massaged the lotion into her cool skin. I felt more than a little panicked that a teenage girl could be making me act so fucking erratic. She was only sixteen for crying out loud, and yet rubbing fucking lotion on her back was making me lose my shit like she was laid out for me in a damn centerfold. I tried to make myself hurry, but the feel of her skin was too tempting. I worked as slowly as I could without being suspicious, finally yanking my hands away when I was done, making a loud announcement of the fact. I picked up her yellowed book at her side immediately to distract myself and hopefully her as well. "Jane Eyre huh? My Aunt loves this book. I personally didn't think it was quite that amazing when I read it at her request." I shrugged with a smile, enjoying her blush in reaction to it. "Must be a girl thing." She smiled sheepishly, reaching between us to take her book back gently, with the care one might treat a rare treasure. "Must be." A look of sadness crossed her face. "It was my Mom's. It was her favorite actually." I looked at her, my heart aching for her loss. I could relate. My mom didn't die, but she might as well have. I knew that feeling of loss and could relate more than most. "You must miss her a lot. It's always hard to lose a parent, but it must be hard as a teenage girl, just when you're reaching the point that you want to talk to her the most about things." She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them protectively. "Yeah, it really is. I miss them both so much. I just keep thinking about all of the important things coming up that they are going to miss. Mom always talked about taking me prom dress shopping, where I would go to college, and how she would help me decorate my dorm. I'm already starting to miss her. Even this stupid swimsuitI've had it for a couple of years now and at the end of summer she promised to take me shopping for a bikini, and now she's not here to go with me. Every day little things just seem to slap me in the face, you know?" I nodded in compassion and silently thanked the heavens that she didn't already have the bikini. I was having a hard enough time keeping my head on straight as it was around her. She was just a kid and I had to stop letting my hormones get the better of me. I decided it was probably best to change the subject, getting her to tell me more about her old high school and her friends. I could tell she missed all of that too. I asked about her hobbies and tried to bring up things in Chicago she might like, hoping it would help her learn to appreciate her new home. Eventually I even got her loosened up enough to laughand by laugh I don't mean those little shy laughs she occasionally allowed to escape these past few months, but rather some real true deep belly laughs. Occasionally I would catch her checking me out a bit in her peripheral vision. I tried not to let on that I noticed because I knew it would embarrass the hell out of her. Eventually she started asking me some shy quiet questions about me. I answered as honestly as I could, skimming over a few of the less than savory details. She was just a kid and certainly didn't need to know about some of my less than wholesome pastimes during my later high school years. I noticed her gaze drifting to my birthmark several times. I could tell she was building up her nerve to ask me. Normally I was a little self-conscious about it, but for some reason with Bella, I really wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know more about me than I had ever cared to share with any girls before. I chalked it all up the fact that she was underage and thus safe. Even if I had some level of attraction to her, it was never going

to happen. I liked the fact that I had someone safe like that in my life. When she finally worked up her nerve, she looked over sheepishly, asking me about the kiss shaped birthmark in a tiny, timid voice. I looked down at it, brushing my hand across it with a chuckle. "It's a birthmark actually. When I was little, my Mom used to say it was my angel's kiss. She said that when I was born my guardian angel must have kissed me to welcome me to the world and his magic filtered onto my skin and left a special mark to let me know I was special." "Awe that's sweet," she blurted out loudly before covering her mouth with wide eyes making me laugh. "Yeah, I thought it was so cool when I was a kid, but now I pretty much forget it's even there. God, I haven't even told that story in years..." I trailed off getting lost in my memories of my mother, which inevitably made me remember my father's death and her subsequent abandonment of me. No matter how much time passed, it always made my heart crumple with pain when I thought of her dumping me off with the maid and leaving me in a crying heap on my aunt and uncle's couch. I was completely lost in my memories, my eyes gazing unfocused at the water in the distance when I felt a tiny warm hand settle on my arm. It patted me gently a couple of times, a slow comforting tingle emanating from her smooth finger tips and sizzling up to warm my cold aching heart. It was a simple gesture, but it really did help so much. Before I realized what was really happening inside me, her hand lifted to settle back at her side on the towel. She looked over shyly to see me looking back at her with a very similar expression. She was still such a total enigma to me. I couldn't make sense of everything surrounding her. I knew she was a sweet and obviously very caring kid. She was beautiful too, there was no denying thatbut there was something else there. Her presence comforted me in a way that none had before. We sat there a moment, continuing to stare shyly at one another when the distinctive click of a camera rang out from in front of us just before Emmett laughed loudly at us as he stood less than a foot in front of us. We both jumped a little, neither of us having noticed he was there. "Come on you two! What's the use in being at the beach if you don't go and enjoy the water! You need to go get wet!" I shook off my confusion with a laugh before standing up, offering a hand to help Bella rise from the ground. She looked up at me through her eyelashes, still seeming so innocently shy. As our fingers connected, that tingling hum started again, sizzling painlessly straight into my heart. I blinked down at our hands, by brow furrowing a little in confusion. In all my twenty years, I had never encountered or even heard of anything like that from simply a touch. I tried to figure out if it was the girl or just the fact that she was someone safe. As soon as she was steady on her feet, I let go of her hand, watching as it dropped lifelessly to her side. She looked nearly as bewildered as I felt. I took a step back, giving her more space before shaking my head to rid it of my confusion. I smiled, gesturing with my hand toward the water, offering for her to go first. She smiled as she stepped off the towel, releasing a high pitched yelp when she was caught off guard by the heat of the sand under her bare feet. I couldn't help but laugh as she hopped and skipped from foot to foot while chanting "hot, hot, hot, so freaking hot" all the way to the shore. She sighed contentedly when her feet hit the cool wet sand at the top of the tide wash.

She tipped her head up at the sky with a serene smile that was breathtaking and I found myself mentally chanting a new mantra, reminding me that she was just a kid. I was inexplicably drawn to this shy quiet girl. I didn't know why, but I certainly knew I couldn't let myself be pulled in too far. All that would accomplish would be to hurt her or me, or possibly even both. I heard Jasper jeer at me from his place in the deep water, snapping me back from my musings. I yelled back, looking at her once more with a small smile of farewell, before rushing into the water knowing I needed to put some space between us. The cool water helped soothe my issues slightly, but it still didn't take away my concern about my draw to the tiny young girl. The guys started a splashing war before a group of hot girls swam up, flirting with us all without reserve. They were hot as hell, hair choices from any one of the colors one might prefer, figures ranging from curvy to ultra slim. Oddly enough, I couldn't really keep my head in the game. My eyes kept drifting back to the shore where Bella stood talking with Emmett, kicking water at one another occasionally. I could tell Emmett was trying to talk her into going for a swim, but she kept shaking her head adamantly. Finally, he decided to strong arm her, swooping her up over his shoulder as he stomped into the lake, splashes flying high above him with each step. Bella screamed as she flailed her arms and legs against him, but underneath the yells were unmistakable giggles. Once he got deep enough in the water, he flung her off of his shoulder, dumping her unceremoniously. I laughed as she broke the surface, grasping his neck desperately. Once she caught her breath she began to verbally browbeat him as he threw back his head and laughed. She stopped, cocking her head at him in confusion as he smiled down at her. "There you are, squirt. I was wondering when you'd come back to me. I've missed you. I'd rather you yell at me any day than do that pretending to be happy shit and failing miserably that you've done these past three months. Be yourself, little sis. That's all I really want..okay?" She frowned at him, but slowly began to nod before releasing his neck and sliding into the water where Jasper snuck up behind her, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her back quickly. She yelped before turning with a devious smile. She hopped out of the water, taking Jasper completely by surprise, before planting her hands on his head and pushing him under. From there the water war ensued as we all laughed and splashed, trying to dunk one another. Above the sounds of our laughter, Bella's bell like giggle rang out making my heart pulse with joy. She was going to be okay as long as we helped her remember she was just a kid and it was okay to have some fun. By the time we went back to the apartment that night, we were all exhausted, but happy. Bella was more relaxed and humorous than I had ever seen her before. She was really quite funny when she let go and allowed herself permission to enjoy life. I knew from this point on, that things were going to start getting better. ~*~

The Second Summer: June 2003

BPOV An entire year and a half had passed since I first moved to Chicago. I had long since grown used to the sights and sounds of the city. Now, only a year since my first summer here, I no longer hated this city and longed for Lincoln, although some days I do more than others. Emmett and the boys had really gone out of their way to include me in their lives. I never had a chance to be lonely because there was never a time where one of the brood I called the Justice League weren't around, books strewn about cramming for a test, or draped across our couch watching a game on the TV. They worked hard to make me feel welcome around them, and for the most part, I did. Of course, I felt more comfortable with some than others, and I could never make out exactly why. From the very beginning of my time with them, Jasper and Edward almost immediately became my new best friends. There really wasn't much of anything I couldn't or wouldn't tell themincluding how Jake had treated me the night of my senior prom. I'm not sure how I would have made it through if Edward hadn't been home when I walked in. I didn't have to say a word; all he had to do was look at me to know that I was in bad shape. The instant he saw me, he crossed to my side and wrapped me in his arms. I melted against him, weeping against his chest. He was so patient with me, so kind and caring as he always was. He sat down with me and helped me to calm down, calling the rest of the boys and letting them know something was wrong. Once I was again able to speak without breaking down into sobs, I told them the whole thing from start to finish. I became nervous as I watched their faces get redder with each passing sentence. Both Emmett and Edward's hands were balled into fists so tight at their sides, that their knuckles were blanched white. They comforted me as best they knew how as a household of men trying to ease the broken heart of a teenage girl. If only they knew that the pain of what Jacob had done was only a fraction of what I had felt in November when I had stumbled across Edward practically humping some nasty fake red headed sorority chick in an alley on my way home from the library. Yes, I cried over my first boyfriend's betrayal of my feelings when I wouldn't let him slide past third base that night, but those tears were minor in comparison to the pain I felt at seeing Edward like that. But, as I said, nobody would ever know that if I had my say. I had done well this year at school. I graduated at nearly the top of my class, which is saying a lot when you are one in such a massive sea of a high school as I attended. In addition, I had taken elective early admission college courses during my study hall and at night, trying to get a leg up on my education. I had made up my mind last summer that I wanted to go into medicine and the schooling required to do that would take a long time, especially if I didn't get an early start. I didn't mind the extra work, it was a nice distraction from missing my parents and dealing with some of my feelings about things happening around me in Chicago, especially in regard to a certain friend of my brother's. At any rate, back to the week we were about to enjoy. This weekend was a triple celebration. Not only had I graduated high school and was about to enter Northwestern with enough credits between the courses I had taken throughout the school year and this summer to be considered a second semester freshman, but the boys had all graduated with their bachelor's degrees the week before my graduation, and Edward was about to turn twenty-two. In honor of our great successes, Esme and Carlisle were taking us to their beach house for a weeklong vacation with the two of them. Despite the fact that I had graduated high school and already well on my way to being considered a collegiate, I was still seventeen. Not quite three months from the day we arrived at the beach house, I would be eighteen, but it still made me underage and unable to be a part of nearly all of the boys festivities. They

were, after all, over 21 and celebrating entering the real world. Thus being so, the first several days I was left to hang out with Esme and Carlisle while the boys enjoyed sewing their wild oats. I understood and yet, at the same time, I felt more left out with them than ever before. Most of the crew made a point to make time for me. They would hang out on the beach with me for a few hours each afternoon between when they rolled out of bed sometime near one or two in the afternoon and had managed to beat the worst of their hangovers, until the evening came. Then they once again donned their clubbing gear and disappeared in a cloud of expensive cologne to party and meet a new gaggle of women to 'enjoy' spending their time with. I passed my time in the interim walking the beach and making a few friends with the neighbor kids near my age, but it just wasn't the same. The noticeable gap between my boys and I seemed to be growing and I looked forward to when I would get a bit older and the gap would narrow again. How sad is it to wish away your early college years so that you can be old enough to spend time with the only true friends you have had in over a year? I guess that isn't entirely fair either though. As usual, Emmett put forth more of an effort than the rest. He would get up and struggle through his hangover much earlier than the rest to spend a few extra hours with me. He even took me shopping for a new suit since the one I had worn last year was far too immature and was getting too small. The shopping trip, however, was a disaster. Between his lingering hang over and his protective older brother tendencies, we ended up waging a mini war in the junior section of JC Penney as we argued over the appropriateness of me buying a bikini. While my stance was that I was out of high school and a grown woman about to enter college, his argument was that I was still under eighteen and since we were using his money to buy the thing, I wasn't getting something he didn't approve of. It took me accusing him of channeling our Dad's stubborn streak, pointing out specific instances in which he had done things to Emmett when he was my age that he backed down a bit and compromised. The suit I ended up with was what is traditionally known as a tankini, with a full halter style tank top upper piece and a full brief type bottoms. It was definitely a step up from the purple one piece from hell, but still wasn't quite what I was hoping forbut at least it hinted I had a bit more of a curvature than a surfboard. The week was nearly over when the boys came home early from a night out, all smiles. I was pretty sure most of them, with the exception of Emmett, were half drunk. Jasper was the first to step in, swooping me up from where I watched them in confusion in a pair of sleep shorts and a matching tank top. I hadn't bothered to cover up with a robe since Carlisle had gotten called into the hospital to deal with something that came up, and the boys, as a rule, didn't come home until sometime close to dawn. I only hoped that they were too buzzed to notice anything as my face warmed with a blush. "Guess what, Bellah Blue? Friday night we're going to have a big bonfire out on the beach to celebrate your graduation and Edward's birthday all at once!" He sat me down with a chuckle before stumbling back a bit, losing his balance to fall on the couch beside Esme who giggled at him. I was just glad he didn't do that while holding me. I looked around in confusion. Emmett saw the question in my eyes and stepped up with a smile, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and holding me close as he led me toward the stairs to our floor. "Well it's this way, squirt. We've been celebrating our asses off all week and you haven't gotten to do anything at all besides chill. So this is in honor of youand the Assward, of course, since it is his birthday, and our last night here before going back

to the city. You did great, kid, you deserve a party!" He kissed me on the forehead as we reached the door that led to my bedroom. I smiled up at him. "Thanks Em. I really appreciate it, butuh, Edward doesn't mind, does he? Having an all ages party might kill some of his fun." Emmett's eyes darkened, "Fuck Edward. He's celebrated all week long. He can live one night without reenacting something worthy of Sodom and Gomorrah. We've neglected you quite enough this week. Tomorrow night, you get to be the focus." I felt my eyes stinging with tears. "Thanks, Em. I have felt pretty left out this week. This is going to be happening a lot more now, huh? I think it's ironic that it happens to coincide with the time when I'm actually going to soon be a legal adult, but someday the gap between our ages will start to close." He smiled down at me sadly, kissing my forehead. "Yes, squirt, it will. Until then, we'll do our best to keep things balanced, okay?" I took a deep breath, the guilt at how much I always get in the way of Emmett's life weighing heavily on my heart. "Well, it's not like I'll have much free time once I start school anyway. I've already arranged to carry nineteen hours this coming semester, so my life will be school more or less. If I can pull it off, I plan on doing that all through my undergrad and taking summer courses too. I want to hit med school as soon as I can. At any rate, you guys won't have to worry about it too much. I'll be too bogged down with classes and homework to have much free time." He frowned down at me, sadness pooling in his eyes. "Don't overdo it, Bells. You need to remember to take some time to enjoy your life. You're only young once and college is when you're supposed to be young , have fun, and make all of your stupid mistakes." I shook my head at Emmett as I opened the door to my room, stepping through the threshold and leaning against the frame. "I won't, Emmett, but school is important to me and I'll have to do it a long time. If I didn't fast track, it would take me four years just to do undergrad, then another four for med school and then four years of internship and residency. I'd really rather not have it wait twelve years for my life to start." He nodded in understanding, but the look of worry didn't leave his eyes. "Okay, kiddo." He turned to leave, but then stopped mid turn to look back with a wide smile. "By the way, Esme is taking you shopping tomorrow to find you something for the party. She and Carlisle will only be here for the first hour or so before they have to go to some dinner party they agreed to months ago. She wanted to make it up to you by finding the perfect dress for tomorrow." "Dress? I don't wear dresses!" He chuckled, "Well, if Esme has her way, you will tomorrow. Goodnight, squirt. Sleep tight!" I chuckled back, "G'night, Em." EPOV I was fucking pissed as hell. The asshole didn't even realize what he was doing. I had been doing a good job all week of keeping my head on straight and my dick well polished. I had toit was too hard for me if I

didn't, and I mean that both literally as well as figuratively. Bella was really maturing right before our very eyes. Every day she was a little more beautiful and a lot more forbidden. Even when she wasn't jailbait anymore, she still wouldn't be an option. Not only was she my best friend's little sister, she was Bellasweet, beautiful, caring, smart, perfect Bella. She was an angel and I was a tenth degree black belt in the art of being fucked up. I knew she was the forbidden fruit, the land of milk and honey that I would never, ever be righteous enough to enter. She was my torture. It was bad enough last summer with her creamy legs and arms, her perfectly smooth back in that purple one piece, but it was a hell of a lot fucking worse after Emmett took her shopping last week, replacing the purple suit with this soft looking black fucking halter bikini thing. It had material that made it like a tank top, not that it did a hell of a fucking lot of good. I went go out on the beach after I woke up that first morning after they bought it, only to find her sprawled out on a towel, with the material rolled up, exposing the expanse of her perfect flat stomach. The hourglass shape of her waist between her soft hips and definitely more developed chest was enough to make me turn and run in panic back to the house to take a cold shower, which didn't even help. I stared at my face in the mirror, disgusted by my perverted impulses. She was the kid sister of our group for fuck sake, still only seventeen, and the image of innocence. She was representative of all that was good in this world, and I was the sick twisted asshole who fantasized about taking her like a common whore. She was the epitome of good and I was the epitome of evil. I stayed in the bathroom for a good hour before I formulated a plan to save me from fucking up everything. I exited the bathroom and cornered the guys in the kitchen. We had gone out the two nights before drinking, and as usual, there wasn't much of a night life around this area. Honestly, we were bored as hell, but I had no other choice. That was the first night, followed with three more in which I dragged them to every strip club and hot spot in the northern suburbsanything to distract meto keep me away from Bella. I had nearly made it tooI was so closebut then Emmett had to go play the big brother card, and now I was totally fucked. We were getting in on the good time at a bar where we were draped in beautiful ladies, when Emmett walked up to me. "Edward, I need to talk to you, man." I slammed back the last of my Jack and coke before following him out the back door to the parking lot. The rest of the guys were already there, tripping all over one another in an attempt to get the number of a really hot brunette in a short black dress. We had become quite good at getting shitfaced early on and keeping it going the rest of the night. "Edward, we need to do something for Bella tomorrow night." "What the fuck are you going on about, Emmett? Tomorrow night is my birthday. We were going to that strip club in the north end of the city where they give the birthday boy special treatment and free lap dances all night." I was growing hard just thinking about enjoying the distraction I so desperately needed from that perfect hourglass stomach. "Edward, she graduated fucking high school with damn near a four point oh after our parents died last year and managed to earn enough credits to start college with half of her freshman year already taken care of.

She deserves a little more than being abandoned while we all get shit faced and ignore her all week. I want to have a party tomorrow night. We can do a bonfire, let her invite some of the kids she met this week on the beach, and give her a fun night as well as celebrate your birthday. I mean, fuck man, haven't you seen enough bare boobs and loose pussy in the back of your car to last you for a few days? This is Bella, fuckface. The last I checked, you actually gave a shit about her and tried to include her, and yet all you've done this whole week is choose nonstop things that aren't appropriate for her. I think we all owe her at least one night on this trip, don't you?" I growled. The motherfucker had no clue what he was doing. I shook my head and thought about the past week. I was doing it all for her, but at the same time I did feel like shit for ignoring and excluding her. As I said, she was the representative of all that was good in my world; of course I liked spending time with her. However, that didn't change the fact that spending time with her this week was more than a little dangerous for the both of us. I was silent a bit too long, encouraging the rest of the drunken hoard to descend on me. "Oh come on, Edward. It's Bella Blue, man. She's worked fucking hard, she deserves to celebrate too," Andy said, slurring only slightly as he begged me with his eyes. "Yeah, Edward, don' be an assing fuckhoooole. We've been shitty to Bellsy Wellsy." "Holy fuck, Jasper! Bellsy Wellsy? What the fuck are you drinking, motherfucking pink cosmos? Grow some balls and drink some whiskey like a real man." "Be a jackaz if you want, Assward, but you know ass well ass we do that she deseverves a hell of a lot fucking more than a bomfire. Sheee's Belllla man, she'sss like a fucking ssaint or some shhhhit." I rolled my eyes at drunk Jasper who was even more of a captain obvious than usual. They were all missing the fucking point. They were right too though, I might know I'm saving her from me fucking up her life, but all she could see was that we were blowing her off. There had to be a fucking middle groundI just had to hope I could find it soon. I ran my hands through my hair, bidding goodbye to the ultimate distraction and saying hello to the tenth circle of hell. "Fine. Fuck! I'll call Aunt Esme on the way home to ask permission. Fucking drive us home, Emmett. I'm done for the night anyway." Half an hour later, we were walking in the front door of the house, making our way to spring the surprise bonfire party on Bella. They decided since we had been such dicks, that we should make a big deal out of it. We walked into to living room to find Aunt Esme curled up on the couch with a book. Bella was standing in front of the wingback chair right next to the fireplace, looking as though she was about to settle back in. Jasper rushed up to sweep her into his arms, spinning her and spilling our good news before we could do it the way we practiced. When he sat her back on her feet, she glanced down toward her toes, a bright red blush flooding her face. I froze, seeing, quite clearly, exactly why she was embarrassed. As a rule, Bella was very particular about wearing a robe while running around the house in her pajamas. She was very modest, with the exception of lying in the sun on the fucking beach. This was of a great relief to me on a regular night. As it was, I was perpetually chanting 'jailbait' in my headand in a few months when she would turn eighteen; my mantra would have to switch to 'angel of innocence.'

In this moment, however, I found myself screaming both mantras in my head as my eyes took in the perfection of her long white legs in the barely there pajama shorts before passing that perfect hour glass waist to land on her chest, exposed quite perfectly in the thin tank top and highlighted by the light from the fireplace, all the way down to the rosy pink hint of her nipples at the tips. Holy mother of screwed! I was never going to get that image out of my head now! Emmett thankfully seemed to notice what I had, although I don't think he saw my reaction in particular, just the view we had the potential of getting. He wrapped his arm protectively around Bella and led her away. o~O~o When I pulled my sorry ass out of bed the next morning, Bella and Aunt Esme had already gone. I was grateful. As it was, I had been up half the night taking care of my issues and trying to find something, anything that would replace the images of Bella in my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw a seductive slideshow of her legs, her hair, her skin. I would remember the sensation of touching her back as I smoothed the sunscreen on her back that first day we took her to the beach, wondering how it would feel to hold her to me with all of her soft skin exposed and against my own. Those images would give way to her lying in the sand with her perfect hourglass figure, the image of her breasts highlighted through the thin cotton of her tank top earlier that night transposing itself over the area covered by the top of the swimsuit. I was so disgusted with myself and yet I couldn't stop. Over and over the slideshow played and no amount of penthouse magazines or jacking off seemed to help. Actually, the jacking off only made it worse as the image would automatically flood my mind of Bella's soft body convulsing in reaction to me as I climaxed within her. God, this was so bad! Bella was too perfect to be part of my spank bank fantasies. I felt horrible for wanting so badly to fuck the only person I had ever known that I could compare to an angel save my aunt and uncle. I knew in the depths of my depraved heart that Bella was one temptation I would never fully escape. After about an hour of wandering around the house, looking for an answer to my problems, I finally decided to take a run along the beach. I ran for two miles before I realized how far I had gone. I was just about to turn around and begin making my way back when a pretty blonde came into view, jogging toward me along the shore from the other direction. When she reached me, she smiled sweetly and the next thing I knew, I was jogging with her on my way back to the house and inviting her to the bonfire that night. I suddenly had my answer to my problem for the night and her name was Heidi. o~O~o The celebration started long before dark so that Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle could be a part of it before they had to leave. The festivities began with drinks for the over 21 crowd, and selections of alternatives for Bella and her friends. I was kind of surprised at how many kids she had met this summer, and more than a little concerned at how many of those kids were boys. The guys and I set out to slap wristbands on the underage so the bartenders would know not to serve them as we waited for Bella to make her grand entrance. Aunt Esme wouldn't let anybody see her until the party was underway, hiding her away in her room to help her do her hair and makeup and to get dressed. I had just put the last of the wristbands on the kids when I glanced up to see Heidi walk up to the party looking very pretty in a little yellow sun dress that make her blonde hair took even brighter. She was going

to be the ray of sunshine to distract me from the luminous glow of the moon, which was how I thought of Bella's beautyor so I thought. It was only seconds after I spotted Heidi that Aunt Esme squealed next to me, rushing toward the deck. "Oh there she is!" I turned to look in the direction of the deck when my heart froze mid beat. There, standing on the deck, looking quite shy and demure, and yet still absolutely radiant was the Angel herself. Her hair was down in soft waves that caressed her bare shoulders and curled around her back. She wore a light blue sundress that was almost white, but not quite. Three thin little straps crossed each of her shoulders, holding the neckline of the sundress up to cover the beauty of the rest of her skin. The breeze blew the knee length silky skirt around her legs as her hair whipped behind her slowly, looking for all the world like one of those cheesy slow motion moments in almost every romance movie ever conceived. My aunt reached her, pulling her into a hug. Bella broke out into a radiant smile that made my heart suck back in my chest. It was a feeling I often got around Bella when her kindness took me by surprise, or when she got too close and I was trying to resist the urge to kiss her. It was like gravity had shifted to a space right behind my heart, pulling it back in my chest, leaving a hole where my heart should normally be. I hated the feeling. It was disquieting and made me feel vulnerable. Quite ironic actually, the devil feels vulnerable to the graces of the innocent. Bella followed my aunt down into the party, relaxing ever so slightly in her skin as she began greeting guests. My aunt motioned for me to join her, pulling us both to stand on either side of her right in front of the fire. She gained the attention of the group before making a bit of a speech thanking everyone for coming to celebrate my birthday and Bella's graduation. She offered a toast in both of our honor before letting the guests return to their mingling and begging off with my uncle. When she left the place where we had been standing, Bella turned to me with a bright smile. "Edward, thank you so much for having this party today. I feel so bad that I'm stealing your birthday in a wayspeaking of" She reached out to tug my hand toward the house. The feel of her hand in mine, combined with how beautiful she looked and all the fantasies I had been battling lately, was nearly too much to bear. I followed anxiously as she led me to the door of the house and down the hallway to her bedroom. Images came unbidden to my mind of pushing her against the wall and kissing her, letting our tongues tangle as the heat of her body bled through our clothes, warming my skin. I shook my head, trying to fight off the impulses to mistreat this Angel, this underage AngelI had to remember. She smiled when she reached her door, asking me to stay outside as she disappeared into the room, reappearing shortly with a wrapped box in her hand. "I didn't want to get distracted and forget to give this to you. Happy Birthday, Edward." I cautiously took the box, glancing at her beaming smile through my lashes. I took a deep breath, pushing away the urge to kiss her. She was a kidmy little sister for all intents and purposes, and this was all so very, very wrong. "So, are you going to open it or just stare at it all night?" She teased, tapping the top of the box gently. I nodded with a small smile before lifting the lid and gazing down. Inside rested a cheap imitation

Blackhawks t-shirt, a season roster for the team, and two tickets for an upcoming game. I looked up at her with a wide smile. I swear the kid remembered every damn thing I ever said. It had been ages since we had talked about hockey and yet she remembered, all the way down to my favorite player, whose name was on the back of the shirt. "Thank you, Bella. This is great. So is this second ticket intended for you to come along?" Her eyes lost a bit of their twinkle and her eyes fell to the floor. I hated myself immediately for even asking. Of course, it was for her. "Only if you want it to beif you wanted to, um, take someone else, that would be okay. I mean, it's your present." I shook my head. "No way. I'd rather watch with you than anybody else I know. Thanks, Bella. When is the game anyway?" I asked lifting the tickets from the box to check the date. "It's the opening game of the season. The seats are crappy, but at least we'll be there, right? I wish I could have had the money to get us better seats, but, well, you know." I shook my head as I lifted my hand to rest on her shoulder. "No, Bellathis is great. I'm excited to go." "Me too," she beamed at me. "Happy Birthday, Edward!" Before I could prepare myself, she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around my neck. My sensed fogged over in a cloud of freesia and strawberry. Damn Aunt Esme for suggesting I buy Bath and Body Works shit for her for Christmas. My arm not holding the box moved up to wrap around her waist as my nose instinctively buried itself in her soft mahogany hair. My hormones kicked into overdrive as my senses became overwhelmed by the sight, sound, smell, and feel of the angel of my torment. She pulled away, the entire hug not lasting longer than five or six seconds, and yet I felt I had endured a trial by fire due to the sensations in my body. Heat pooled between my legs as ribbons of tingling electricity circuited around my limbs and straight to my heart where gravity shifted once again, tugging it somewhat painfully from its position. "Well, we better get back out there, I guess. We are the guests of honor after all. It's pretty rude to skip our own party." Bella drawled with a smile that twisted my guts a little more. I smiled lightly at her with a nod, mumbling something about putting my present away. I walked with her to the door to my room, watching as she walked the rest of the way down the hallway and out the door. I opened the door, slamming it behind me with a resounding rumble. I slumped against it, tossing the box with Bella's thoughtful present on the nearby dresser before grasping my hair with a painful yank. I fought with myself for another five minutes, finally knowing my lack of presence would soon be noticed. I stepped out, my eyes immediately finding Bella in the crowd like she was the center of the whole fucking universe. She was standing with a group of kids, mostly boys, laughing as she sipped on a drink I was pretty sure wasn't the nonalcoholic drinks the rest of the kids were getting. My guess was that Jasper was her supplier. She hadn't really drank before, so I hoped she would be okay. One of the guys said something, reaching out to touch her arm, as she threw her head back in laughter. Her hair flew out around her, bouncing in tandem with her breasts. I shook my head, having to look away,

because if I didn't, my restraint would most definitely buckle. I could not fuck Bella. That would be wrong on so many levels. She was the kind of girl you took home to your mother, married, and grew old with, not fucked. Meanwhile, I was the guy who was too fucked up by his mother to marry anyoneever. I could never give her what she deserved, and anything less was not enough. I went to the bar order two double shots of tequila, desperately searching for something to numb the pain and take away my problems. I joked with the guys and made the rounds, finally meeting up with Heidi surrounded by a group of locals we had met a few nights before. She introduced me to the group before eventually following me to a dark corner of the yard. She was all too willing to distract me as she pressed into my mouth, eagerly tugging at my hair. I tried not to think of smooth creamy skin and perfect breasts bounding beneath soft mahogany hair as the pretty blonde got brave with her advances, reaching her hands down to cup me through my jeans. I closed my eyes and tried to push away thoughts of Bella. Finally, I decided to screw it all and just screw Heidi, dragging her through the back door to my room. There I lost myself in a sea of smooth tanned skin and light hair. Her perfume was so strong I could almost taste it on the air as she writhed around me. The physical feeling was good, but I couldn't shake the fact that this was not what I really wanted. I made all the right sounds, obviously still performing well, even if I wasn't really as into it as I should be, as she screamed my name in a screech that rivaled nails on a chalkboard. I grunted as my body found release that I still could not fully enjoy. I collapsed on top of her, exhausted in every way a man could be. My body ached, my head ached, but more importantly, my heart and soul ached. It was not what I really and truly wanted, but it was enough for now. BPOV My heart shattered into a million pieces on the floor of the hallway as I heard the girl screaming Edward's name as he grunted in obvious enjoyment. The pain of seeing him on the city street was nothing compared to the knowledge that he was making love with a woman I had seen and met so near to where I was. My soul fractured and warped painfully, in ways that I didn't think could ever be healed. I turned and ran toward the kitchen, slamming open the cabinets looking for the bottles of bourbon that I knew Carlisle kept there. Tonight I was drinking for the first time; I might as well do it all the way, right? It was what they always did in the moviesdull the pain with the numbing effects of alcohol. Maybe if I were lucky, it would burn my heart out altogether. I snuck through the front door, hiding around the side of the house by the shed. I could hear the laughing and music of the party in the back yarda party that was supposed to be, at least in part, for me, but all I wanted for the rest of the night was to be alone. I opened the bottle, swilling the liquid with a cough as it burned my throat on the way down. I drank a few more deep droughts, hoping to kill the ache, but it really wasn't working. Finally, feeling the relaxing effect of the bitter brown liquid, I laid back on the grass, staring up at the stars. I'm not sure how long I stayed there, or exactly how much I had to drink, but eventually I heard my name being shouted around the side of the house. I didn't reply until the fourth call when I finally shouted where I was. The hulking build of my brother blocked the light as he jogged toward me, looking worried when he spied

the nearly empty bottle of liquor beside me on the grass. "What's going on, squirt? Don't you like the party?" I sighed. I couldn't tell him the truth. He'd flip if he ever knew exactly how much of my emotions were governed by Edward Masen. "I just got tirrred of the crowd and needed a break. Bessssides, I've never gotten drunk and those fruity drinks Jasper was giving me wasn' cutting it. I figured I needed to have the esperiencesss, just like yopoou said. Ssso here I amesperencing." He sighed, reaching down to tuck my hair behind my ear. He didn't believe it any more than I did. "Come on you lush; let's get you to bed so you can sleep it off. I'm sleeping on your floor tonight in case you get sick, okay?" I shook my head, "No, Emmett. You shouldn't do that. I'll be fine." He snickered. "Said the girl who made the mistake of getting wasted for the first time on bourbon. You just earned yourself at least twice as evil of a hangover as you might have gotten if you had consulted one of us first. Then again, I'm pretty sure you didn't want anyone to see what was going on with you when you grabbed that bottleam I right?" I sniffled and nodded against his neck as he scooped me up off the ground, carrying me through the back door toward the basement. As we exited the staircase into the hall, I could hear Edward talking at the other end. I moaned, burying my face deeper in Emmett's neck. "Is she okay?" He asked, concern that I wished I couldn't hear laced in his voice and not wish it meant more than the brotherly concern I knew it touted. "Yeah, she just decided to get a little too acquainted with a bottle of Carlisle's bourbon and ditch the party in favor of drinking alone by the shed." "What?" He practically yelled down the hallway. "Why?" "Beats me and she ain't talking." I moaned again, screwing my eyes shut and wishing he would hurry up and lock me away in my room. That's right, I wasn't talking and I never would. No way in hell would I ever admit to Edward Masen just how much he hurt me through the simple fact of not seeing me as more than a sister. ~*~

The Third Summer: June 2004 BPOV This summer, our trip is my reward. I worked my ass of this year. I had absolutely no social life, unless you count Robbie, my study partner, slash quasi boyfriend. The most we did all year was reward one another with kisses that did nothing to my libido in reward for correct answers while quizzing one another. It was pathetic. He never pushed for anything more than that and I was actually more than a little bit relieved.

The boys had been very busy this year. Several of the guys moved away leaving only Joey, who we never saw anymore, Andy, Jasper, Edward, and Emmett behind to join the Chicago Police Department. They hated it. The only reason why they joined was because rumors were circulating that Chicago was going to start up a SWAT division and they really, really wanted in. Not a single week went by that they didn't whisper in one or more superior's ear that they wanted to be some of the first, and the big wigs were listening. They had also started spending more time out on the town after work at night. I wasn't home much and when I was, I was locked in my room studying, so I guess they decided they could have their fun. It would have been fine if somehow I didn't always ended up seeing things I didn't want to on my way home from school or the library. I took night classes and worked late most nights in the stacks, so it wasn't unusual for me to be walking home from the 'L' station very late at night. My path took me past Dooley's and nearly every single night I would see Edward though the window wrapped around some skanky tramp or stumbling out the door with one. The saddest part of all though, was that while it still stung, I had grown desensitized to it. I quite simply had to if I wanted to survive. Edward and I had a weird first couple of years after I moved to Chicago. The first year we got really close. He really was like my best friend that I could tell anything to, up until last summer that is. Sometime during that week, it was like a switch was flipped, and all of a sudden there was this weird tension between us. We used his birthday present to go to the game and both really seemed to have a good time. During the few periods where he relaxed and simply enjoyed hanging out and watching the Blackhawks, it was like we were back to where we had been before the summer. Things were good. We did it quite a few times and I grew to really love hockey not only because the game was great to watch, but because it was one of the few times when it was like I had my Edward back. We would make other plans, but inevitably, he would cancel. On more than one occasion, I heard a girl's voice in the background when he would call. The only thing that appeared to be sacred was hockey. What was my response to all of this? I buried myself even deeper in school. I took on so much that some days I felt like my brain was about to melt in my skull. I wasn't living the life of an eighteen year old at all. I had worked hard, and I was about to face another two months of summer school when we returned from the lake house this year, just like the one before. I sat down the day after school got out and sorted through my records and the registration papers for next fall, shocked to find that I had pushed myself so hard, that I only had two 200 level sophomore classes left and then I would have to fill the rest of my schedule with junior level courses. I was in shock. Between the courses I took in high school, the last two semesters on campus, and the two summers I took ten credit hours worth of courses, I had managed to knock out nearly two years worth of classes. At this rate, I should be able to enter Med school a year early just as I had hoped. I looked around my sad excuse for a room that held no memories of the past year that I had spent completely absorbed in school work, with the occasional breaks to go watch hockey with Edward and when Emmett would force me to leave the nest. At this rate, I was going to be a social misfit when I finished school. As I sat and stared at the paper that outlined my accomplishments over the past year, an idea hit me. Our week long vacation was going to have to make up for all that I had missed. For the next week, I was going to unwind and cut loose. The boys were going to be there to watch my back, and I was going to do my best to spread my wings. For the next week, I wouldn't be Bella Swan, geeky college student. I was going to be Bella Swan eighteen year old college sophomore extraordinaire.

I packed my bags, making especially sure that my two new bikinis Esme helped me buy when we went shopping before the bonfire last year and the sarong wraps we bought to match were packed, before eyeing the rest of my wardrobe morosely. Everything I had screamed poor college student. I had nothing to wear out on the town besides the dress Esme bought last year, which I swore I would never wear again. The morning after that whole mess, I was so sickened by the memories I held of that night that I gave it to goodwill a few days later. I could never wear it again, so I figured it should go to someone else who could use it. I eyed my closet a few more moments before picking up the phone to call Alice, a girl that I had met in class last year. She was going to be a junior next year and was going to hopefully get into med school with me. I had a hard time knowing how to take the tiny pixie like girl in the beginning, but I quickly found that she was super sweet and fun to be around. Being that she came from money, I specified I needed affordable clothes and she cheered that it wouldn't be a problem. Four hours later, I had returned home with several bags full of clothes that were the perfect balance of me and of the girl I wanted to be for the next week. No dresses or skirts, no heels, but several outfits that made me feel sexy and fun none the less. With all my new items packed, I closed my suitcase and was ready to go. I smiled as I tugged the suitcase toward the living room where the guys were already beginning to assemble. I had a feeling that this summer was going to be one for the record books. EPOV We made good time getting to the lake house, where Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle were ready and waiting. They were very excited about the week, looking forward to spending time with me and the rest of the group. None of us had much time visit with them lately between all of our busy schedules and I knew they missed us. We were all like their kids in a lot of ways. Along the way, Bella had suddenly turned into a chatty Cathyvery much the teenage girl she really had never been around us up to this point. I had a feeling that it was a good thing though by the huge smile on Emmett's face and the adoring twinkle in his eye. This must have been at least in part what the sixteen year old Bella prior to when we met her had been. I couldn't help but find it a little adorable myself. She was so far away from being the withdrawn girl she had been for so long, especially once school started back up. For the first time in a long time, she seemed like the kid she was meant to be as she babbled on about clothes her friend Alice helped her find to go out and how she wanted to go dancing and do a bunch of fun things while we were away. Even with her showing her young age so openly in her actions, I still couldn't help but be drawn to her. Matter of fact, it was even more so than usual. I struggled so fucking hard throughout the last year. I always had felt a strange draw to Bella. Her beauty was hard to miss and beyond that her spirit was one that you couldn't help but love. The feelings of protectiveness I had for her were astounding, and ironically enough, I knew the one she needed protected from the most was me. I tried many different things over the past year in order to be able to still be close to her without running the risk of getting out of control. Through trial and error, I was eternally fucking grateful to have found one thing that seemed to be safe, and that was hockey. We could go to the games and relax and have fun and for some strange reason, it just felt safe. I could be myself at those games. I told her things I certainly could never tell the guys at those games. It was so fucking stupid because in so many ways she felt like a closer friend than even Emmett and Jasper, and yet the attraction I had for her forced me to keep my distance.

Fucking 'When Harry Met Sally' bullshit I had never really thought about it before, but I guess men and women really can't ever just be friends, because otherwise I could keep Bella as my best friend and not have to worry about fucking mauling her like a horny mountain lion. I would take solace in that theory until I looked at her with Jasper. It was so fucking easy for them. They were friends and he didn't seem to have any problem with it. I guess he really did just see her as a kid sister like Emmett. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried over the past year, even when she was acting like the teenager she should be, I still felt such a strong need for her body. I was beginning to think that God had it in for me. It hadn't slipped my attention that she seemed to have hit another fucking growth spurt in her breasts. If I didn't know for a fact that she didn't have the money, or the inclination, I would swear up and down she had gotten implants. Then, to make matters worse, I had just heard Emmett bitching the day before that my Aunt, the little Judas, went and bought her bikinis at the end of last year. It was fucking bad enough when it was a tank top that she rolled up when she laid out, but now it'll be that view all the fucking time. I made it a point to pack three different pairs of shades for this trip because I knew that Emmett would beat the shit out of me if he caught me looking, and I had learned enough about my reactions to her to know that there's no way I would ever be able to resist the view. As soon as we got in the house, Bella took off for the front door, yelling something about hitting the sand right away over her shoulder. We all watched her run away, feeling a bit bewildered at what almost seemed to be an alternate personality coming through in comparison to what we were used to. Well, all of us except Emmett, who beamed at her back with a chuckle before shaking his head slightly and tugging his suitcase and hers out of the trunk. She had told us when she left that she had packed her swimsuit in her big purse so she didn't have to dig through her luggage to find it when we got there. We all grabbed our things and started toward the house. I couldn't resist anymore. I just had to ask. "So, Emmettum, what's going on with Bella?" He chuckled again, hiking her duffel bag higher on his shoulder. The fucker looked heavy as hell. "I think she's letting herself be a kid again. She's being a bit sillier than she used to be, but she's acting a hell of a lot like she used to act with Makenna when they hit high school. You wouldn't know it by the way she's been since she's lived here, but she was on her way to being little miss popularity back home. In some ways it's a good thing she got out of there when she did, because she was well on her way to following in my footsteps, and the thought of my kid sister out in the country getting shitfaced with a bunch of jocks is not what I wanted for her. She was always better than that." We nodded as we followed him through the door to find my aunt beaming at us. She hugged us all and chuckled as she made a comment about the tornado that blew through a few moments before. She was just pulling a fresh pizza from the oven as we walked in and suggested that we sit down the bags in the living room and eat while it was warm. We all took her up on her offer, greedily shoveling the delicious hot pizza into our mouths with hums of appreciation. I had forgotten for the briefest of moments that Bella was changing into her suit until I heard her voice behind me yelling for us to save her a slice. I spun in my seat, choking on the bite of pizza I was just getting ready to swallow. My eyes watered as Emmett pounded on my back, trying to help dislodge the masticated dough and cheese, as my eyes still stared in astonishment at the blurry bikini clad goddess through my watery eyes.

She looked better than anything I had ever seen in my life as she stood there in a dark blue bikini. The top part was like a thick band of spandex with a string tied between her breasts that came up to tie behind her neck. The rest of her entire torso was exposed, all the way down to where a long light blue skirt thing was tied at her hip, leaving her whole left leg open for viewing up to the edge of the thick strap that served as the side of the bikini. She had her hair tied up in a knot on her head, leaving her neck and back on view to the world too. I finally regained control of my airways, looking back to see everyone looking at me with funny expressions on their faces. Apparently I was the only one with a problem with her appearance. Even Emmett did nothing but smile at her as she walked past us to the fridge to grab out a bottle of water. I tried not to watch, but the sway of her hips as she moved was mesmerizing. When she bent down to reach into the bottom drawer for the water, I forced myself to turn back to my pizza. When I looked up again, she was once more standing, taking a long drink from the bottle, her throat convulsing with her gulps. She brought the bottle back down and sashayed over to stand on the opposite side of the counter from me, reaching out to grab the last piece with a smile. "Thank you, boys," she cooed at us, a smile on her face that made my blood boil painfully with desire. It was all an overload. I was thankful for small mercies when she grabbed her water and a napkin for her pizza before snatching her beach bag off the couch and disappearing onto the deck to go eat her pizza on the beach. We finished our pizza in peace and were just getting ready to take our bags downstairs when Jasper chuckled from the window. "Well that didn't take long. We might want to hurry, guys. The sharks are already beginning to circle." I frowned as I rushed to his side to peek through the blinds to see Bella, stretched out on a lounge chair that she had dragged out from under the deck. Three tall guys with blonde hair were standing next to her, chatting casually while checking her out openly. I growled, yanking my bags off the floor and sprinting down the stairs to my room. I threw the suitcase on the bed, yanking all the clothes out until I found my trunks and tossed them on in a hurry. I grabbed my sandals, hopping down the hall as I tried to put them on while in motion. I laughed when I heard a similar scenario playing out behind me from both Emmett and Jasper. We rushed to her side to find that the guys were already gone. She had her glasses on and her earbuds in as she smiled at the sky, bobbing her head to whatever song she was hearing. She looked so perfect, her body sparkling slightly in the sun thanks to the sheen of the suntan lotion on her skin. Her hair was no longer in the knot, but rather flowing over the back of the lounge chair behind her. The wrap that had been secured around her hips was now lying beneath her, revealing the small bottoms of the two piece suit. She didn't even seem to notice that we walked up until I stepped into the sunlight, casting a shadow across her face. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes with a bright, genuine smile that made the gravity well reappear in my chest behind my heart. Holy fuck did I wish that things were different, that I was different. To be honest, I was more than a little disgusted with myself in the beginning, the way I used women and tossed them away like dirty tissues. At first, I was consciously doing it to distract myself from Bella, but after a while, I started not being bothered by it anymore. After all, what was I really doing besides embracing what I was inside, what SHE had made me. My mother destroyed my faith in people an entire decade before Bella ever entered my life. Thanks to her, I would never have a real relationship because I knew it would never last. Nothing like that ever lasted for me. One

might argue that I could use Esme and Carlisle as a good example, but to me they were angels like Bella. They were meant to make things work and be together forever. They were two parts of a whole. I could never be that for Bella, because a part of me was missing. I would never be whole. I watched Bella, and I knew I should keep my distance like I had been doing. It might have been strained, but it worked. I still had some kind of relationship with her and I really shouldn't have been rocking the boat, but I just couldn't help myself. I smiled down at her before I started talking. "Hey, Bella. What are you listening to?" She opened her mouth to reply when the sound of her name being called from down the beach caught both of our attention. She sat up, bracing her hands behind her on the chair making her chest standout even more. I stifled the groan that threatened to escape my chest. A group of two guys and three girls rushed along the water's edge toward where we were, veering off course to come up to where our chairs sat. Bella's mouth broke out into a wide smile as she stood up and ran toward them. "Oh my gosh, you guys! I didn't know you were going to be up here this week! How are you?" "We're good, how are you?" the tallest boy with rich brown skin and really good muscle tone replied with a smile on his face as he stepped forward to hug Bella. I cringed as I watched her nearly naked body collide with the boy's bare chest. She tipped up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. She moved on next to the dark skinned girl next to him before turning to the lighter skinned trio, sharing hugs all around. Once she was finished and chatted with them for a bit, she motioned for them to follow her to where we had been sitting. Emmett in the meantime had wandered up with Jasper and Andy from their game of football along the water's edge. "I wanted to introduce you guys in case you didn't meet at the bonfire last year." Her eyes dimmed slightly as she mentioned the bonfire before she shook it off and continued. She motioned to the first boy she hugged and began the introductions. He was Seth, the girl next to him was his sister Leah, and the other three were Brady, his girlfriend Kim, and his sister Claire. Once they introduced us, I recognized them all and found myself completely shocked by the boy named Seth. Last year he had been a skinny, gangly thing, although very nice and polite. It immediately concerned me that he might be juicing to have bulked up that quickly. The last thing Bella needed was to get involved with someone on steroids. The group stayed and chatted, talking about a few fun local places that they could possibly get into. Bella got really excited, suggesting maybe we could meet up with them one night that week. I bit my tongue and repressed the sigh that wanted to rise in my chest. This was going to be a long week. The group of kids finally left. Bella settled next to me in her chair with a bright smile, obviously pleased to be vacationing at the same time as her friends again. While Brady lived in the area, Seth and Leah lived nearly eight hours away in Iowa. They only came two weeks out of a year and just my luck they came during our vacation here.

Bella laid back down before frowning. She examined her skin and proclaimed that she needed to turn before she burned. She flipped onto her stomach, pulling her hair over one shoulder as she turned her face toward me. I had never been so grateful for my super dark sunglasses as my eyes immediately roamed the expanse of her back, down past the dip to see the two perfect dimples situated above her perfect little ass. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat until I heard her voice speaking to me. I looked over and asked her to repeat what she said. "The Ataris. Earlier you asked what I was listening to, my friend Alice told me that they had a great song about Summer being over actually, but she said it would make for some cool beach tunes. Wanna listen?" I smiled as she offered me an ear bud. I was breaking all of my proximity rules as I leaned in to listen to the one she offered while she listened to the other. It was a remake of Don Henley's Boys of Summer. I had to admit it was catchy, but it was also sad. My heart began to shudder in my chest when I came to a realization in the same moment that her scent mixed with the tropical smell of her sunscreen hit me. Holy shitthis is totally going to be my fucking anthem this trip. I was sure of it. I mean, I didn't love her. I didn't know how to love anybody really, but this summer and all the shit I felt when I looked at her was going to haunt me long after this summer is over. I must have gasped in that moment because she opened her eyes, cocking an eyebrow at me inquisitively. I chuckled and told her it was a decent cover before getting up and escaping the situation. I did it againforever the fuck up. I had a feeling this summer was going to be even worse torture than the last because the looks that she and Seth were giving one another, I was pretty sure I was going to have to watch them get close. It shouldn't bother meI should be glad she will be taken and the temptation would be somewhat relieved, but I wasn't. Not at all. o~O~o The first night we stayed in with my Aunt and Uncle. It was a nice time. We grilled out steaks and sat on the deck to eat. Afterward we retired to the living room to engage in a heated game of catchphrase in which Bella and my uncle kicked all of our asses hard. I guess medical training made you really good at thator maybe to be a doctor you just had to be that fucking smart. The next day, we all slept in, shuffling out to enjoy the beach when we finally woke up. Today's bikini was an amethyst purple number that tortured me even worse than the first. It didn't even have fucking straps this time and had some wire ring that attached the two halves between her boobs. The bottoms were basically two triangles of material held together by rings on her hips and had little metal stud things decorating the waistline. The girl was trying to kill meI just knew it. The plan for the day was to chill out until around four when we would get cleaned up to go out to eat and then hit one of the places the kids had suggested the day before. There was this club called Atrium somewhere close by that was an 18 and up joint. The under age kids were relegated to the top floor, while the over 21 set could go to all three floors. I knew the night was going to be shit when Bella emerged from her room and about stopped my heart for the second time that day. She had mentioned her friend Alice taking her shopping, but I never expected what she came out wearing. I needed to find this 'Alice' and wring her neck. Bella slid through the door smiling at me as she walked past wearing a pair of dressy looking, but entirely too short black shorts, paired with a white satin looking halter top with a collar on either side of the v shaped neck. The material

in the back of the shirt dipped nearly down to the waistline of her shirt, exposing her entire back. The place was new and pretty decent, although the top floor was kind of lame in comparison to the floors below. We weren't abandoning Bella, though, so we were stuck here for the night. We had been hanging awkwardly for about an hour when we heard some cheering from behind us. Bella's eyes twinkled as she spun in her chair. She hopped up to greet her friends who all nodded with big smiles toward us as she gestured in our direction. Suddenly the whole atmosphere of the room changed and Bella slipped back into her teenage girl mode as she laughed and flipped her long hair as she chatted with the girls. Meanwhile, all three of the guys, including the new guy that Brady brought along named Riley, eyed her appreciatively. Well Brady and Seth were appreciative, but Riley made me want to throttle him within an inch of his life as he practically devoured her as he eye fucked her for the better part of ten minutes, completely unapologetically. As the music changed, the girls grabbed Bella, dragging her to the floor as she protested the entire way. Bella had said she wanted to go dancing, but when it came down to it, she always got shy when it was time to actually get out and do it. We all groaned as the music changed to Britney Spears newest song Toxic. The video was hot as hell, but unless you were getting an eye full of her tits and ass, the song was not that good. The girls however appeared to be enjoying it as they encouraged Bella to move to the music. I watched in awe as she swiveled her hips off beat, trying to learn how to do that sexy little shake that the other girls had already mastered. She laughed as she failed time and again at getting her hips to move smoothly, but I still thought she was the most appealing thing in the entire place. I sighed. I had long ago stopped openly fighting the appeal of Bella. I had accepted the fact that she was beautiful and I, along with the greater part of the male population would give my net worth to taste her and feel her under me. I had just learned that I needed to control it and never, ever indulge it. Just when I was getting accustomed to seeing Bella's hips shimmy on purpose, Riley stepped up behind her, grasping her hips in his hands. I growled and tensed to stand up when Emmett put a hand on my shoulder. "I know man, I know, but let's give squirt a chance to take care of it herself. Trust me, my Dad and I spent a lot of time helping her learn a few tricks to defend herself. If she wants to dance with him, she will and if not then I want to see how she handles it." I sighed, gripping the table so tightly that I worried that permanent impressions of my fingers might be left behind. Bella's face looked surprised and uncomfortable at first, as she stood stiff in front of him with her hands held up in front of her as though she were at gunpoint. He leaned forward and whispered something to her as the girls encouraged her to relax because it was just a dance. My grip tightened when she started moving slowly to the beat, following the directions his hands were providing. At this point, he was keeping a little distance between them and really just helping her keep the rhythm. She smiled as she felt what she needed to do, letting the tension go and moving her body fluidly in sync with the music. The sinuous motions of her hips and legs as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back nibbling her lip was deadly to my resolve. I had to fight every urge to push the fucker away and take over, except I wouldn't be able to keep the space between us. Apparently he could no longer resist the urge either as he stepped closer, wrapping his arm around her waist as his other hand rested on her outer thigh. Bella was so into the dance that she didn't react much at all, just smirking a little at the girl across from her.

When the slower bridge started, she rested her head against the jack off's chest, running her hand behind her to his neck. At that same moment, he gripped her waist, catching her by surprise as he spun her toward him, leaning forward to crush his lips to hers. My teeth made an audible grinding noise as I watched, eyes focused on her hands as she raised them to rest firmly on his chest between them. She pushed hard, breaking the kiss. Her back was to me, so I couldn't see her face, but her posture told me all I needed to know as I watched her hair bounce and her mouth move. She lifted a finger to point just inches from his nose before turning back toward the girls and taking two steps away from his surprised body. The song ended at the same moment she stepped away, giving way to Jimmy Eat World's A Praise Chorus. Bella beamed at the girls before she started bouncing with her hands in the air, singing along. I turned to look at Emmett who smiled at her with a proud look on his face. Meanwhile, I just felt relieved. Another form appeared behind Bella and I almost tensed again, until I saw it was Jasper. He tapped her shoulder. A dark expression passed her face before she spun to look, but quickly transformed into a radiant smile as she stepped so he could stand next to her as they danced facing one another, singing with all their hearts. I smiled. Seeing her acting so free was amazing. I resented the fact that I couldn't be a more active part of it all, but I wasn't ready for that yet. I really hoped that someday I could be the friend to her that she deserved because I missed the hell out of her. The rest of the night, Bella did not sit down once. She danced with Andy, Emmett, Brady, and Seth, all of which were completely respectful and I sat back and enjoyed watching Bella unload a whole year's worth of partying in one night. She didn't even need alcoholshe just needed to be free. It was almost like it was a drug in and of itself. The hardest song to watch her dance and sing to was Objection by Shakira, and that was mainly because I was almost certain she was looking at me when she sang the bridge. The words burned in my head as I heard them, watching her mouth them with this look on her face that made my heart ache. I wish there was a chance for you and me. I wish you could find our place to be away from here. When the chorus started again, there was no doubt in my mind that she was singing to me. Objection, I don't want to be the exception to get a bit of your attention. Love is for free and I'm not your mother, but you don't even bother. When she sang the line about not your mother, she looked straight in my eyes, raising her eyebrow. She had figured it out, to a degree at least. She knew why I was pulling away and it had a whole hell of a lot to do with my mother. Fuck, if I were completely honest, it had everything to do with her. My life would be completely different if she hadn't abandoned me and used me as she had. I spent the rest of the night thinking about things. No matter what I did, I was hurting Bella and it fucking sucked. I knew I had to stop it all, but I didn't really know how. All I did know is that what compromises I had made wasn't enough. I needed to stop letting my past dictate my present and my future. I knew, one way or another, I needed to fix things with Bella. BPOV The dance club had been like vicoden for my soul. I felt hardly any pain. I danced, I had fun, I stretched myself. I learned new things, and most of all, I had fun. I had nearly forgotten what that really felt like. I had a blast dancing with my brother and all of my friends. The only thing that would have made it perfect is if

Edward would step out of whatever the hell funk he had been in for the past year and danced with me too. I missed him immensely. Riley backed off after he got all sucky face with me during the song. I spun on him with a cocked brow and informed him that it was impolite to kiss someone who never even began to offer. He began to protest when I poked my finger in his face. "Listen asshole, you said it was just a dance and so I let go and enjoyed the dance. Dancing does not immediately give you the right to spin me by surprise and stick your tongue down my throat, especially when you preceded it with a promise that I wouldn't have to worry. Now back the hell off and don't even try to dance with me again tonight." I started to turn before spinning back. "See those boys over at the table that I'm here with? That's my brother and his friends and they are all Chicago PD, so I'd watch what I pulled if I were you. The only reason why you aren't already mincemeat is because my brother is letting me handle it. Next time he won't be so kind." I gave him a narrowed look before turning back to the girls and making a point of taking several steps away from him. The next song was one of my favorites. I let loose and jumped with my hands in ear as I belted the lyrics. I felt a tap on my shoulder and started to go off, when I turned to see Jasper smiling at me. The rest of the night was an awesome procession of dance partners, including my brother, my boys, Brady, and Sethall of the guys I was with tonight save stick up his ass Edward. That night, I hummed all the way home, unable to wipe the smile off my face even though my body was completely spent. I had so much fun that I really knew I needed. I made a pact with myself. From this point on, all of our summer beach trips would be my chance to unwind. I would dedicate 358 days a year to college and the remaining seven to having fun and being the girl I really wanted to be. I giggled in the back seat, rubbing my hands together like a vaudeville villain as I thought of the fun to come. o~O~o I was up by nine the next morning and back out on the beach. If I were totally honest, I was hoping to see more of Seth. He was such a sweet guy and oh my god had he gotten hot! When he danced with me the night before, he apologized for Riley, explaining he was a weird friend of Brady's who apparently had no sense of propriety. Seth, however, was the perfect gentleman. The rest of the house had been dead quiet when I got up and grabbed an apple before heading out to lie in the sun. Today I had worn my third new swimsuit. It was my favorite because it just felt so elegant. It was made of a soft black material that bunched over the very supportive cups, fastened and attached between the cups and at the straps with golden buckles. The bottoms were a basic bikini cut with a matching golden buckle on my right hip. I wrapped the black and white cover up around my waist and repacked my bag for the beach before slipping quietly out of the basement door to drag a lounger out into the sun. Once settled, I started up Alice's Ataris CD again, skipping immediately to the Boys of Summer track. It was by far my favorite. I loved the beat and to be honest I loved to daydream that Edward felt that way about me. I know I did for him. I would take his friendship, the way we used to be together, over what we had now any day, but I could never deny that I still had THOSE type of feeling for him, and probably always would. I watched the water sparkle with the rays of the sun as I listened the words. It always hit me hardest

toward the end. I sang along as the song got closer to its ending. I thought I knew what love was What did I know? Those days are gone forever I should just let them go butI can see youYour brown skin shinin' in the sun You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong After the boys of summer have gone I sighed as I listened to the song close, my thoughts full of hopes for a future that would never be. With a sigh I leaned over pulling my copy of Jane Eyre out of my bag as memories of our first summer at Oak Street beach when we had our first serious conversation, the conversation that started it all. I opened the book, but instead of reading, I was remembering. I marveled at the fact that even though we were just getting to know each other and were awkward, it was still so much more astonishingly easier than it had been since our trip last summer and I struggled to know why. With what I heard from Edward's room, you would think it was because of me. That wasn't the case though. During my binge drinking that night that left me with the hangover from hell, I came to the realization that Edward was simply going to be Edward. I had to accept him as he was, flaws and all. Unfortunately, one of those flaws was that he was a man-whorenot a great attribute to find in someone you care deeply about, but that wasn't his fault, that was mine. I resolved in my drunken haze that surprisingly sounded even more rational in the harsh light of day while my head was pounding, that I had to just get the hell over it and deal. That decision being made, I didn't change how I acted toward him at allif anything I kept them more friendly, while being careful not to be flirty and run him off. No, this distance between us was all Edward and I couldn't think for the life of me why. What had I done? Was it because I stole his birthday party? He never seemed that petty, but perhaps he was. Maybe he just got sick of minimizing his life for the kid burdening his lifestyle. Emmett hadn't been the only one to turn his life upside down when I moved here. No answers seemed to make sense though. It was all such a strange mystery. I was so lost in my thoughts; I hadn't even noticed that Seth had walked up until he blocked the sun with his shadow. I jumped, my head jerking in his direction making my muscle spasm painfully. I screwed my eyes up as my hand shot to the tight muscle, rubbing at it furiously. Seth was kneeling beside me in an instant. "Bella! Are you okay? What's wrong?" I kneaded at the hard band in the side of my neck furiously as I mumbled through clenched teeth. "Turnedtoo quick. Muscle spasmneck." "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Bella. Here, can I rub it for you? Maybe it will help you relax." I groaned as my head tried to nod in reply. I scooted further down the chair as Seth slid in behind me, moving my hair aside to see my neck. His warm fingers began to massage gently at the base of the muscle where it tied in at my shoulder, slowly working his way up to the other end that attached to my skull. Seth's

hands were masterful as the combination of his touch and his technique made the muscle slowly loosen far quicker than it would have if I had tried to do it on my own. When the pain finally subsided to the dullest of aches, I rolled my head with a sigh of relief, thanking Seth profusely for his help. He smiled, resting his hand on top of mine between us on the chair. "It was the least I could do since I caused it. I didn't mind." His warm smile made me feel giddy inside. I asked if he'd like to sit with me. He eagerly pulled a second chair from under the deck and settled next to me. We spent the next two hours talking about anything and everything. It was awesome and in some ways felt the way it was with Edward early on. We lost all track of time until Esme stepped out on the deck letting me know lunch was ready. She invited Seth to join us. He looked leery, so I just laughed and grabbed his hand, tugging him toward the house with me. I smiled at the fact that neither of us let go until we reached the door to the living room off of the deck. The boys slowly emerged from the basement, each having different reactions to seeing Seth sitting next to me at the table. Emmett smiled brightly, smacking him on the shoulder playfully as he passed. Jasper looked surprised, but masked it quickly and began chatting with Seth. Andy looked concerned, settling on the far end of the table, taking anxious peeks between bites. Edward, however, was the most confusing reaction of all. He smiled as he entered the room, but when he saw Seth, his face tightened into a scowl, his eyes narrowing dangerously in Seth's direction. I felt Seth tense next to me. I reached a hand out to rest on his forearm as I shot Edward a questioning look. His eyes drifted to mine, immediately melting from anger to what almost seemed like sadness. It made no sense whatsoever, so I chalked it up to hangover mood swings. As the meal continued, we discussed plans for the rest of the week. That night we were going out to dinner nearby and then planned to hit a bowling alley where we were going to bowl and play pool all night. The boys promised me that with a little help, I would be a pool shark in no time. I didn't believe themanybody with my hideous lack of coordination could not possibly be good at a game that requires you to have such good hand eye coordination. The next day we had standing plans to drive over to Gurnee to hit Six Flags Great America. I hadn't been in years and was dying to go. Without even thinking, I turned to Seth in my excitement, asking if he thought their group would like to go too. All conversation around the table grew silent as Seth began to blush, noticing the sudden loss of environmental noise. He whispered he'd check and see. After lunch, Seth and I went back out to the beach, the rest of the boys following shortly after. They played football in front of us as Seth and I continued to talk and laugh. It was nice to find someone else who loved the Animaniacs cartoon show from the 90's as much as I did. His favorite characters were, of course, Pinky and The Brain, a typical choice. My favorite was rather Mindy and Buttons. The little blonde girl cracked me up, her famous line always being, "Okay Lady, I love you, bye bye." to her mom right after she had just begged her to call her Mom or Mommy. She wasn't doing it to be mean, she was just like any typical two or three year old, that just didn't get it. It had been so long since I had a friend that close to my age, that I really enjoyed not having to do the generation gap translation. My boys and I were only four years apart, and yet, at times it seemed like it was a decade or two. For instance, Avril Lavignetotally lost on their group. Not that Seth was a fan, but he knew enough to engage in an actual conversation about whether or not she was a total sell out poser. She

played herself as a bad ass, punk, skater chick, but her songs didn't have the edge that her image touted. Personally, I loved her musicWith You was one of my favorite songs that come out over the year. It was just light enough I could study to, which is how it ended up breaking through the school haze to make it into my top ten last semester. Seth left around four when we all went inside to get dressed for our night out. We were going casual, so I dressed accordingly in a pair of blue jean shorts and a pink tank top with a white band that looked tie dyed that wrapped around my torso just under my chest with a big tie dye heart in the middle of it. I paired it with a pink pair of chucks Alice had insisted on, saying that if I was going to wear Chucks, I had to at least wear girly ones. They matched the shirt perfectly. The drive to the restaurant was quiet. Once we were seated, everyone stared at me with expressions that made my stomach churn nervously. Finally, my stress reached its peak, leading to me blurting "WHAT?" straight across me at Andy's tight face. I felt bad when he jumped at my tone. They looked around the table before all settling on Andy who sighed, folding his hands on the table in front of him. "Listen Bell, I know you're going to flip when we talk to you about this, but we're worried." I furrowed my brow at them, looking at them all like they were freaking psychotic. "Seth seems like a really great guy, but we really don't want you to fall for him and then have to deal with the whole long distance thing. He lives eight hours away and will probably go to college somewhere far away too. We see how you two act together and we just really don't want you to get hurt." I stared at them all, my forehead creasing and furrowing in weird formations before finally laughter began to bubble up from my chest. I leaned over the table shaking my head as tears began to pool in my eyes. "You guys are freaking hilarious! Oh my god! You guys are ten times the mother hen Esme ever dreamed about being, you know that? Of course I'm not going to fall for him. He lives eight hours away and is going to Notre Dame in Indiana next fall on a full ride scholarship. He's a nice guy. I like talking to him and he's a little closer to my age so he gets things that you guys don't always understand. I like him, but I'm not falling for him." They all relaxed, a collective sigh of relief blowing across the table in front of me making me laugh again. "I'm not saying I won't let him kiss me if he tries." Immediately the boys tensed again making me laugh harder. "But it won't be anything to worry about guys. Calm down and relax, please! It's my job to be the curmudgeon, not yours!" The rest of the night passed fairly uneventfully, and far better than I hoped. Edward, Mr. keep himself ten feet away from me eighty percent of the time, actually sat by me and joked around while we were playing pool. It was Jasper and I against him and Andy. Jasper was actually doing a pretty good job of helping me play a halfway decent game. The other guys won, but it was by a much smaller margin than I had anticipated. When we got home that night, there was a message waiting on the counter from Esme. The guys from down the beach were coming along for the Six Flags trip the next morning. Seth had left a number to call to make plans. I smiled, grabbing my cell phone to enter the number. After a little message passing, we arranged to meet in front of our beach house at 8am. Once everything was settled, we all made our way immediately to our rooms to crash. As I lay in bed, trying to will myself to sleep, I couldn't help but smile at the events of the night. It hadn't been quite back to normal, but the exchanges Edward and I shared that night at the

bowling alley had been the best in well over a year, and all I could feel was relieved. o~O~o The boys were cranky the next morning. None of them had woken up before noon all week, so this early morning thing was getting to them. I laughed and called them all girls as they bellyached their ways through breakfast. I had to say, it worked. The second I accused them of being pansy asses, they all shut up. I made a mental note to keep that in mind in the future. It was a bit of a trip to Gurnee, but it was well worth it. I much prefer to go to the parks like this around my birthday when the lines aren't nearly as long, but beggars can't be choosers, and with my college schedule, I wouldn't have time to go in September for many years to come. We piled out of the cars, immediately separating into groups who had plans to hit every coaster in the park while the others were going for slower things to occupy their time. Since I had the stomach of a land lover, learning years ago that roller coasters were only good for one thing, making me puke my guts out, I chose to go with group two. I waved at my boys as they all disappeared into the crowd with Brady, leaving Seth with us girls. Soon enough, I noticed the girls disappearing more and more, making Seth and I ride the slow rides together. I had a ton of fun on the swings, feeling like I was a little kid back at the Logan County fair. We rode a few that still made me sick, which is how we ended up taking a ride on the observation tower to cool off and relax for a bit. By some miracle, we were two of the six people on the ride, getting a side all to ourselves. I slumped back in the seat with a sigh as we slowly rose up to see the park, the observation area slowly rotating above the park. When we reached the top, I felt Seth's hand reach out and take mine. I looked over to see him staring at me with a look that made butterflies flutter in my abdomen. I knew that look, but thankfully this was Seth and he could never be as cruel as Jake. He rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand as he took a deep breath. "Bella, I really want to kiss you, but I don't want to be rude. Would you mind? If not, then I will never ask again." I smiled, he was so stinking sweet it made my heart hurt. I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. I felt the observation car begin to descend. He gently reached over, cupping my cheek in his hand as he leaned forward. He rested his forehead against mine before tipping forward to brush his lips with mine. They were warm and soft, not unpleasant at all, and yet I didn't feel anything, not a thing. My mind began to reel as I thought back over my kissing history, feeling horrible for Seth because I felt more kissing my boring study partner than I did kissing him. The term 'feeling as though you were kissing your brother' suddenly had a whole new meaning for me as I pulled away the same time he did. He had the same bewildered look on his face. We stared for a long moment at one another long moment before we both started laughing. "Oh my God, that was so weird!" Seth laughed with a nod. "Don't take this wrong, but that just wasn't right."

"Like kissing my brother or something" He sighed, linking his arm over my shoulder and holding me to his side as he continued to laugh. The ride was nearly at the bottom. I sighed as I watched the ground growing closer outside the window. A single thought kept echoing in my mind of the one kiss that should have felt like kissing a brother, yet didn't. I hadn't thought about it in over a year. The night before my first date with Jake, I was in a panic. I knew he was going to try for a kiss and I had never actually kissed a guy before. I had this strange and now looking back, prophetic worry that if he were my first kiss, I would forever regret it. I wanted my first kiss to be with someone who I knew meant something to me. I knew who I wanted to be and suddenly I became temporarily insane as I set out to find Edward. It was my luck that I didn't have to go far, I found Edward in my living room on the couch watching reruns of COPS. Emmett had just left to go meet some guys he met at the station to work out and get to know them better. So this was my chance, I had him alone in my apartment, home court advantage. I sat next to him on the couch as closely as I could without being conspicuous. He smiled at me as I sat down, patting my knee lightly twice in a friendly gesture, before turning back to the show. I struggled to gain my courage. I chickened out during the first commercial break, but somehow got brave during the second one. I turned to him anxiously, nibbling my lip and fiddling with the seam of my pants leg. "Um, Edward, I was wondering if you could help me with something." He muted the TV and turned toward me, giving me his full attention. I didn't think, I didn't breathe, I just pounced. Leaning forward, I grabbed both of his cheeks and slammed my lips into his hard. He stiffened in shock, mumbling between our touching lips before he slowly reached up pulling my hands away with a concerned look on his face. Immediately my face burned crimson and my eyes filled with tears as I looked down at my legs in shame. He was totally freaked out by what I had done, but the worst part of all was that even though it was rough and hurried and not mutual, it was amazing. When my lips touched his, I felt this tingle start in my lips, making its way across my face, taking my breath away. Before I could process any more than that, it had ended. We had a long conversation after that. I felt ridiculous as Edward chuckled at my rationale, hugging me around the shoulders with one arm as we talked. I still felt bewildered when I left the couch that day, wondering if all kisses felt that phenomenal. I mean, Edward was more like a brother to me than anything and yet I felt so much even if it was for a few measly seconds. Every kiss in my life since then, I had compared to that first hurried irrational kiss and came up short, but it wasn't until this kiss with Seth, the feeling that I should have felt when kissing Edward that made it even more painfully clear. The relationship I had with Edward was far more than friendship for me and would probably always be so, and yet, for him, I would always be the little sister. I cringed in the seat as the ride came to a stop as it occurred to me that the way kissing Seth felt to me, must have been what it had been like for Edward when I kissed him. For me it was unforgettable while it probably made his stomach churn uncomfortably. I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye as we stepped back out into the sweltering heat. Seth noticed and tipped my chin up to look at him. I shook my head and took his hand, leading him away from the ride. I

could never even begin to explain, and more than anything, I needed to forget. EPOV After the night at the bowling alley, I had real hope that I could bridge the gap between Bella and me once more. I missed her so much. She really was the best friend I ever had. It took two fucking hours to get through the line for one coaster. Two hours to ride for not even an entire fucking minute. Talk about your wastes of time. I left the guys and began to look for Bella and the group she had joined. As I walked around, I found the girls circled around a ski ball booth, giggling as they talked about how cute Bella and Seth would be together. My stomach clenched a little. I shouldn't begrudge her a relationship just because I was a fucking emotional cripple that couldn't ever be with her even if that was what I really wanted. I couldn't help but wonder if I weren't so screwed up exactly what I would feel for her. My chest ached when I wondered if I could actually love her if things were different, if I were capable of love. I circled the areas I thought they might be at and saw them just as they climbed onto the observation tower thing. I watched as they sat down alone on one side of the car, slumping into their seats. I chuckled at the fact that Bella looked green around the gills. I leaned against a tree waiting for the ride to come back down. When the car got low enough that I could see the people inside, I struggled to catch my breath as I saw Seth and Bella engaged in an intimate kiss. They pulled away abruptly, both looking rather intently before they both laughed. My heart had once again been dislocated in my chest at the sight as I wished I could have something like that with Bella. There had been only one time when we ever touched like that. I was so caught off guard by her actions that I pulled her away in surprise at the same instance that I realized that her lips on mine made my whole body tingle in a way I had never felt before. I talked to her about why she had done what she did, getting a kick out of her rationale and yet also feeling my heart swell knowing that I was important enough to her, that she would rather me be the memory connected with her first kiss instead of Jake. I talked her through her teenage angst, but that kiss, however brief, was forever burned in my memory. It shouldn't have been. It was the actions of a confused kid trying to make sense of the worlda confused kid who was most definitely coming into her own and moving on to something real, something I could never provide. I watched Seth put his arm around her shoulder, snuggling her into his side as the ride came to a halt. I couldn't stay any longer. I turned and walked away. I wasn't going to interrupt what was obviously a tender moment. Seth was a good kid, honestly I couldn't think of a nicer guy for my Bella. I froze mid step. My Bella? What the fuck? I took a deep breath, connecting the dots in my mind and finally relaxing my back muscles slowly. Yes, My Bella. My best friend's kid sister and my friend, Bella. My friend, who I was going to make up for being an ass to, Bella. I found the guys stuffing their faces at a hotdog stand, and grabbed a few of my own joining in and feeling a new peace about everything. Life would go on and I would make things rightone way or another. ~*~ Featured Songs:

Boys of Summer by The Ataris Toxic by Britney Spears A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World Obsession (Tango) by Shakira With You by Avril Lavigne

~*~

The Fourth Summer, July 2005 EPOV The past year had been a really strange one for all of us. In October, the guys and I were all informed that we had been accepted into the SWAT training program. We had four days notice to make arrangements before we would be shipped off to a facility on the east coast for training. Emmett disliked the idea the most because we were going to be gone for a full month in order to endure something that the others guys he had talked to equated with Boot Camp. After we went through initial training, we would be spending the better part of the next six months doing nothing but training, traveling to several facilities in the area to expand our knowledge base beyond the basics and sharpen our skills. Our final training camp would be in June, when we normally made our beach house trips. My Aunt and Uncle had decided that we were all mature enough that year, to leave us to our own devices, giving us the week of Independence Day to hang out on our own and enjoy the festivities. Anyway, when we left for New York, Bella was dependably single and entrenched deeply in her school work as always, so imagine our surprise when we came home a couple of days early to discover her making out with her new boyfriend on the couch in the living room. Embarrassment was pretty much a blanket emotion felt by all, but my dismay was also tinged with a stab of pain. I had misunderstood what I had seen last summer between Bella and Seth and the relief I felt from that was worrisome to me. I had a reprieve from having to watch her move on with her life and get involved with another guy. That relief had now ended. In the time between returning from the beach and our shock in November, Bella and I had recovered most of our relationship as it had been before I got all fucked up in my thinking. Things were really good. Matter of fact, we had hit a level of comfort with each other we had never shared before. Ironically enough, the closer we became, the easier it was not to overstep my bounds. The more I understood about Bella, the more I respected her to the point that I could never hurt her in any way. Knowing I was not hurting her and yet still protecting her felt good. It felt right. All this being so, it was hard for me to be the one ditched for a change. Just like most new relationships, Bella became all about this Caleb guy. Any free moment she managed to eke out, she spent with him. I missed her. It was hard to be passed over for someone else, but I swallowed my bitter medicine recognizing that she had probably felt the same way the year before. Things escalated between them quickly physically, far more quickly than any of us expected or saw coming. Hell, when we were nineteen, we would have never held out as long as they did, but then again, we always expected much more from Bella. Unfortunately, Emmett and I discovered exactly how quickly they were progressing in the worst way

possible. We had night training, stumbling through the door well after midnight, both completely exhausted. We sat on the couch only a couple of seconds before sounds that burned my soul filled the air. Emmett and I looked at each other with wide, unbelieving eyes as we heard Bella's voice rasp hoarsely through the walls of the apartment. She was panting and moaning, calling out Caleb's name, all the while my heart pounded painfully in my chest. I had learned to live with my lot in life in reference to Bella, but it still didn't keep hearing her with another guy from burning in my chest like a flash bang buried deep inside my heart. I struggled to keep my shit together, so grateful when the sounds quickly died out, followed by silence. Emmett and I both stared blankly in front of us. I assumed he was wishing as I was that I could pour some bleach in my brain and dissolve the memories of the last ten minutes or so. I would be so much happier if I could forget the sound of Bella screaming the name 'Caleb', even thinking his name made my throat burn with rising bile. We were still sitting that way when the door opened and Bella stumbled down the hall holding hands with the asshole. She giggled when she tripped over thin air in the middle of the hallway before shushing the stealthily quiet boy behind her as if he were the one that had made the noise. When they reached the living room, they both froze, mouths hanging open in surprise. I looked up to see that they both had glassy eyes and very messy sex hair. The boy looked anxiously from Emmett to me and then back to Emmett before he stumbled back against the wall mumbling quickly that he needed to go and would see Bella the next day. He rushed out of the door like a fucking coward leaving Bella to stare at us, her expressions flashing quickly between embarrassment and anger. She stepped around the back of the couch to sit down facing us, curling her legs underneath her, and crossing her arms over her chest. She leveled her gaze at us and even though we didn't like it, we knew we didn't really have a leg to stand on. She was fully aware that we were definitely not innocent. Emmett sighed, running his hands over his face. "What I wouldn't give to be able to erase the last ten minutes like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or some shit. That was something I never wanted to hear." Bella whimpered from the couch, slumping forward to bury her face in her hands. Her whole body was flushed in her blush. She shook her head slowly mumbling something that sounded like 'Oh God, kill me now. I want to die.' Emmett huffed again, rubbing his face with his hands before slouching back in his seat. "I know I have no room to talk and you are nineteen years old and can legally make your own decisions. Just promise me that you were being safe." She looked up with wide eyes before she started to giggle. Emmett and I looked at each other a little bewildered before looking back at her giggling form. She was obviously more than a little tipsy as she had a hard time getting her laughter under control. Eventually, the laughter stopped enough for her to speak through her still present giggles. "I don't think you can get much safer!" Emmett frowned in confusion as she leaned forward looking devious. "There needs to be an exchange of fluids for things to be unsafe, and so far the only fluids we exchanged were spit. He's been working hard to convince me to go all the way, but I haven't reciprocated yet."

Emmett melted into his seat in exhausted relief. I felt it also to a degree, but I hadn't missed the word 'yet.' "Okay, Bella. I'm not going to kid myself. I know eventually that time will come. Just promise me that you will take every precaution. If you need anything, then promise you will come to me, or maybe Esme." Bella and I both stared at Emmett like he had grown a third eye or something. I think we were both shocked he took it all so well. Bella slowly nodded and began to walk out of the room after saying goodnight to the both of us. Just before she left the room, Emmett sat up again looking her way. "Oh and don't forget, kiddo, if you do...reciprocateumuhorally, that it can be dangerous too." She nodded, a serious look crossing her face. "We've both been tested and shared the results with each other. We are both clean, but I will still keep that in mind." She walked away as the bile burning my throat made me gag as it threatened to bubble forth. It was really happening. There was nothing that any of us could say or do to stop her. She had all of her bases covered. After she was gone, Emmett got up, stomping across the living room to yank Bella's phone off the end table while grumbling to himself. I stared up at him, still in shock. "That's it? Really? I thought for sure there would be more yelling and morewell something." Emmett looked at me over his shoulder as he scrolled through her contact list. "Oh, don't worry. There will be something. I might have given her the mature version of the speech, but you can bet pansy ass who was too much of a fucking coward to stick by her and talk to us is going to get the unedited big brother version. I'm looking up his number so I can call him tomorrow." Jasper and I went along with Emmett for his conversation with this Caleb fucker three weeks later. Emmett called him the next day, giving him the rundown and warning him that he was being watched. Two weeks later, Emmett got a call from Bella's friend Alice. She informed him that the dumbass was seen making out with some girl from one of his other classes. After he disappeared into his apartment with her, they didn't emerge for several hours, looking quite disheveled once they did. She said she didn't want to tell Bella, but she thought somebody should know. Emmett thanked her, calling us up right away to make plans. Jasper and I still weren't sure if we were going along to keep Emmett under control or to get a few shots in ourselves. It ended up being resolved without any physical violence. It actually wasn't necessary since the pansy ass pissed himself the second he opened the door. Three days later, Bella came home with red puffy eyes and we all knew why. We hated that she was hurt, but we hoped that the hurt of breaking up wouldn't be as bad as letting things progress even further with him, only to find out that he was a cheating asshole. I was glad to have my Bella back, but it was hard to watch her hurt. A little bit of that spark that was so endearing had died thanks to that fucker. When we returned from our last training trip, Bella was packed and ready to go, but I could tell that she wasn't anywhere near as excited as she had been the year before. She had grown up quite a bit through the whole Caleb experience and I hated to see that bit of innocence that he had stolen from her. We were all quiet as we rode toward the beach house. Aunt Esme paid the company to come in and open

the house for us, stocking the fridge so we would be all set once we arrived. We spent the first night getting settled, eating a delicious supper Bella cooked out on the deck as the sun dropped behind us. The next morning I woke up much earlier than I had on past trips. I stumbled to the kitchen to nab some food only to find fresh coffee on the counter. I poured a cup and took it to the deck to enjoy. The air was already hot and heavy with humidity. I scanned the beach to find Bella already stretched out on a huge towel directly on the sand. She appeared to have her CD player by her, listening as she relaxed in the sun. I laughed as I looked at the boxy looking gray device, thinking I really needed to upgrade her to an iPod soon. I smirked to myself as I realized that her birthday was now taken care of. I finished my food before hopping downstairs to grab my trunks and a towel to join her near the water's edge. She had the music loud enough that I could hear it as I drew near. I was just about to yell out to warn her I was walking up when I heard her sniffle and realized she was crying. My heart tugged, as it always does when she cries, making me feel like a pansy ass myself. I didn't even say a word, sitting down next to her on the big towel, stretching my arms in offering. She immediately sat up, leaning into my side and wrapping her arms around my waist as she continued to sniffle. I didn't even really notice until after she released me several long minutes later that we had been sitting skin to skin that whole time, only her bikini top separating our upper halves. I had been so busy being concerned about her, that I didn't even notice. She looked at me with a sigh before gesturing toward the towel. She lay back down and I settled beside her, reaching my arm out for her to settle closer to me. She lifted her head with a smile, resting it on my arm as she scooted closer. "I wish I understood what I did wrong, Edward. Things seemed good. Then you guys hear us that one time and he acted all freaked out after that all the way until the end. It'd be nice if I could actually find someone who liked me enough for who I am to fight for me. That's three now." I shook my head, making my decision to make us the bad guys instead of letting her know the truth. I sighed and squinted my eyes behind my sunglasses. "I think it's our fault, Bella. After weum overheard you guys, Jasper, Emmett, and I went and talked to him. We were just looking out for you, but I'm guessing we overdid it and ran him off. I'm sorry, sweetheart." It was a mix of half truths, but it was more or less true. She grumbled under her breath before she let loose a deep sigh of resignation. She understood that there was no changing what had happened. We stayed on the towel for the rest of the morning, just talking about stupid shit. I had to admit, it was a hell of a lot more fun than suffering from a hangover. I made her laugh several times. I was grateful that this time I wasn't the one that had caused her pain. It warmed my heart to know that I could help heal her just as much as I had hurt her. Around noon, the rest of the guys trickled out. Andy, Jasper, and Emmett all eyed me a minute with worried expressions before they disappeared when they saw that Bella seemed better. She and I ran inside to make some sandwiches after Bella declared that we should all have a picnic on the beach. We all settled on the towel to eat and afterward retreated to the cool air conditioning of the house once the heat started to become completely overbearing. I clicked on the TV, tuning it to a Sox game as Bella curled up on the end of the couch with a book. I kept

glancing over her way to make sure she was okay, relieved to find that after crying, she seemed to feel better. I never really did understand that about girls, but it actually did seem to help somehow. That night, we went out to Atrium again. We bumped into Brady, Kim, and Claire who informed us that Seth had gotten engaged a few weeks before. I looked anxiously at Bella, but was surprised to see her beaming from ear to ear as she asked all about how it happened and how he had found his first love, Lina, again. I guess they had broken up and lost contact, but Seth missed her and had told Bella all about it last summer when he filled the role I was neglecting as her friend. All the things I saw and thought they meant she was falling for him, was actually just the two of them being friends. When they did finally kiss, the time I saw them and mistook it for much more than it was, she claimed it was like kissing her brother. I made some offhanded comment about the time she kissed me, thinking it would make her laugh, but instead it made her blush and stammer nervously. I should have known better than to bring that up. I knew she was still embarrassed about her rookie move at the age of seventeen. I quickly dropped the subject and never brought it up again. We stayed for a few hours as Bella caught up with her friends and danced a little, but we could all tell that her heart wasn't really in it. It was well before midnight when she asked if anyone would mind if we left. We all shook our heads and followed her as she led us back to the cars. The rest of the week went pretty much the same way. The only good thing about it was that Bella and I really connected again and it was great. I knew I missed her when I was pushing her away, but I never realized just how much until I had her friendship back again. The whole week, I never once even tried to pick up a girl, and neither did the rest of the guys. We didn't have to be told, we could just see in her eyes how that would have made everything so much worse for her. Instead, we made the weekend all about Bella. We didn't go anywhere she couldn't go, even dragging her to a water park where she had a great time beating us down the slides since she was so tiny and seemed to just go faster than us down the chutes. The day of the fourth, we had a massive barbeque on the deck, inviting the neighbors over for an all day bash. Bella seemed to be having a great time as she visited with her friends and helped us make sure all the food stayed stocked. We really weren't used to hosting something like that without my Aunt taking the wheel, so Bella made sure we stayed on track. The sky was just beginning to darken when I noticed a flash. I looked to see Jasper walking around the party taking pictures with a camera. When he reached the deck, he took a candid one of Bella just as she was about to take a big bite from the corn on the cob in her hand. She growled at him, swatting his arm roughly as she yelled. Jasper just laughed before telling her that she had fifteen seconds to pose then if she wanted a better shot. She looked panicked as she glanced down at her shirt that had a sauce stain on the chest just above her right breast. I laughed and motioned for her to stand behind where I sat in an Adirondack chair on the deck. She beamed at me, sprinting behind me. She reached around my shoulders, clasping her hands in front of my chest as she rested her chin on my shoulder. Before I even realized I did it, I reached up, resting my hand on top of her clenched ones and smiled. The flash blinded me momentarily as I blinked. Then I heard her voice whisper in my ear. "Thanks for saving me, Edward. I need to go change my shirt now before I get immortalized as the messiest eater on the planet again tonight." She kissed my cheek and then disappeared. I closed my eyes and took a few steady breaths. I could still feel

the place tingling on my cheek. I groaned at my own ridiculousness before pushing myself off the chair to mingle in the crowd below. There were a lot of pretty women there, including Heidi. She tried to get me to have a repeat of two years ago, but I wasn't interested. I didn't really do repeats. Not only that, I didn't want to do anything to risk upsetting our already fragile Bella. I directed her, instead, to another guy we had met last year. I left them to talk, earning a vicious glare from her. She recognized the brush off, even though I tried to be nice about it. The party went well as everyone gathered on towels at the water's edge to lay back and watch the display that would be shot off over the lake about half a mile up the shore. I was pleased when Bella weaved her way through the crowd to sit between Emmett and I. Halfway through the show, she reached her hands out on either side, taking ours from our laps, whispering so quietly we could barely hear her, and yet we did. "Thank you, guys. I know you gave up some of your own fun this week to look after me. You didn't really have to, but I really do appreciate it." I lifted her hand and kissed the back gently. I rubbed my thumb across it as I leaned in so she could hear me. "We were glad to. We've missed you. Not only that, we would choose you over anybody else any day of the week." She scoffed as Emmett leaned in and agreed with me, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and tugging her closer. She released my hand to wrap both of hers around the bear's waist with a sigh. I watched them with a smile as the finale burst loudly overhead. I was so grateful to have them in my life. I had taken Emmett, Japer, Andy, and Bella for granted for far too long. As I watched the siblings hug, I felt warmth spreading through my heart again. I realized in that moment that I had a lot more family than I ever realized. ~*~

The Fifth Summer, June 2006 Emmett POV It was a big year for our little family. Bella, the most amazing kid sister ever, graduated summa cum fucking laude in three years. We were all there to watch her get her diploma, except for Jasper who had to go to Texas to attend the funeral of his estranged parents. We wanted to figure out a way to go with him, to support him the way he had us, but he wouldn't even begin to let us try. He said that being there for Squirt on her big day was far more important than going with him to attend a service for two people with whom he shared a mutual dislike. He was going to go, sit in the seat for the ceremony, go to the reading of the will, and then come straight home. Bella didn't take it very well, and neither did Jasper. They were both real pieces of work as they moped around drowning in their guilt. Jasper for missing Bella's big day, and Bella for not being able to be there for Jasper, like he always had been for her. He didn't miss it entirely though, since there were three different video cameras there to catch her walking across the stage with that big goofy grin on her face. We all sat together in a group, Carlisle, Esme, Andy, Edward, and me. Carlisle, Edward, and I each had our handheld video cameras trained on her the entire time once we found her in the crowd. We were all so

proud of her. I rarely ever cry, but fuck if I didn't when I watched my kid sister cross that stage with the gold tassels hanging around her neck to indicate that she graduated with one of the highest grade point averages you can get, and shake the hand of the dean. I wondered what Mom and Dad would have said if they had been there. I know they would have been proud as hell too. They had raised one brave, tough kid. After it was over, we all went out for a nice supper, where Carlisle and Bella got lost in Med School land as we all listened in. She was nervous about starting at the med school at Northwestern in August. She kept asking him all sorts of questions about what to expect and tips on the professors. She had worked so hard to get in. She kicked ass in all of her classes, and then the last year she had done so much the years before she didn't have as many classes, but instead she studied her ass off for the MCATs. Our Bella killed it there too, nailing her way in with a 35R, which is awesome considering the US average for student accepted to med schools was something like 29P. It was complicated, but I did know that the absolute best you can possibly get is a 45T, so it sounded to me like she nailed it. I sat across from her and watched in awe, realizing, for possibly the first time, that my kid sis was all grown up. The last three years had definitely molded Bella into a more confident and secure person. She was still shy in some ways and uncertain, but when it came to school or medicine, she spoke with confidence. It was nice to see her coming into her own. Her changes were more than just in the way she handled herself, her looks had gradually changed as well. When she first moved to Chicago, she still had the slightly rounded face of youth, but between he stresses of school and the changes that came with time, her face had thinned, her cheekbones standing out a bit more on her face. As much as I hated to admit it, her body had matured as well. She no longer had the thin, lanky form of a young girl, but rather now had the soft curves of a grown woman, which made her remind me even more of our mother. Much to my stress and horror, I was not the only one to notice these changes. Everywhere we went, she caught the eyes of men all around her. She was completely oblivious to it, which made it much easier to swat them away with a well timed squint or glare. Most of the time, that was all that was needed to keep her safe, but other times we had to push a little harder. After that shithead Caleb, Bella struggled for quite a while to have confidence, and she didn't even know the whole story. It was then that I realized that I needed to make sure she had breathing room. She had suffered enough and I really didn't want to see anything get in the way of her education. The worst part though, was recognizing that the biggest threat was amongst her own protectors. Edward had always been smooth with the ladies, but then a few years ago he got worse...way, way worse. At first, I didn't see the whole picture; I just thought he was being a dick just to be a dick when he went from being so caring and considerate of Bella to more or less blowing her off for cheap pussy and seeming to push her right out of his life. Then, it seemed like just as quickly as he had become a jackass, he turned around and started acting normal again, although he was still picking up tail like there was no tomorrow. It started to all make sense during our summer trip two years ago when Bella started being braver and wearing a bikini on the beach. All of a sudden, Edward was like a manic depressive. One minute he was choking on his food and finding ways to avoid Bella on the beach, and then the next, he was the first one pushing his way out the door to do some flyswatting when a few boys from down the way showed up and began chatting up our girl. It was that first day of that vacation that it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks; Edward had a thing for Bella. The first few days of the trip, I stayed close by. I didn't trust them to be alone and I was freaking the fuck out, worried that he would hurt her. He was a notorious man-whore and I'd be damned if he was going to use my kid sister like he had used all those other skanks. I watched and I listened. It was definitely a

different year. Bella was like her old self again that year. It was like she had crawled back out of her shell and was embracing her age or some shit. She had even found a group of friends from the year before that when we had more or less abandoned her at Edward's request. Brady had a girlfriend, but the other kid, Seth, obviously had a thing for Bella that made me anxious, but practically sent Edward into a tailspin. I watched him watch their interactions with sadness and longing in his eyes. It was as if he wanted those things with her, to be that way with her, but he didn't know how to go about it. After that week, his attitude had really changed. He was like he had been that first year again, bending over fucking backwards for Bella. He still picked up women at the bars, but when we were out with Bella, he barely even flirted. Anytime she was around, he would try to hide it, but his eyes would constantly flutter toward her. It was almost like he couldn't help it, she was the flame and he was the moth. By the next trip, they were closer than they had ever been. It wasn't unusual for him to drape an arm over her shoulder as they walked, or offer her his arm. It wasn't anything that Andy, Jasper, and I hadn't done a million times over ourselves, but when it was Edward and Bella, it was just different. There was a different chemistry there. They both felt it, and yet both denied the hell out of itespecially Edward. Anybody watching from the outside could see the internal battle raging inside him, and it was for that reason and that reason alone that I realized just how much he really did care about her, possibly even loved her. I knew Edward, possibly better than himself, even. He wasn't really one for self control or reservation. If he wanted it, he went after it, and then once he got it, he would get bored and move on. How he was being with Bella was highly uncharacteristic of him, which said more than words ever could. I still wasn't entirely sure, though, until the night of the fourth. All day long he had been near her, watching her back, helping her out. When Jasper cornered her and took an embarrassing picture, she whined until he offered to take another one. I stood back and watched after Edward offered to take one with her, suggesting she stand behind him. She wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her chin on his right shoulder. Without a moment's hesitation, he reached up, resting his hands over hers and they both smiled the brightest smiles I had ever seen. After the picture was taken, Jasper glanced back and me, his eyes saying that his thoughts were right in line with mine. I glanced back to see Bella whisper to Edward before kissing his cheek. She blushed so deeply, that she could be mistaken for a tomato before running away into the house. Edward, however, sat there in shock, blinking slowly as his hand reached up to his cheek. I don't think he even realized he had done it. Then he shook his head and started mumbling about socializing, running in the opposite direction toward the sandy beach. I watched him run away before looking back at Jasper's somber face. "What are you going to do about it?" He asked quietly. I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. "Nothing I really can do, is there? He's not doing anything about it. Actually, I think he's in total denial, well, about what he's feeling at least. He knows he's attracted to her. I'm about ninety nine percent sure that was what our graduation week was all about. He was keeping his distance because he wanted her but didn't know how to stop himself. Now, I guess he's learned a little bit of control." "Think that's part of all the chicks? I mean he's bagged about twice as many as I have in the last year or so."

I nodded. "Yep, I'm thinking that's probably what's been up." Jasper sighed, "We'll keep an eye on them. If they did ever get their shit sorted, it could only end up one of two ways, totally fucking awesome, or fucking apocalypse now." I groaned, my head starting to pound mercilessly as I nodded in agreement. Later that night, Bella pushed past her friends from down the beach to settle between Edward and I on the sand to watch the display over the lake. Toward the end, she grabbed both of our hands, thanking us for taking such good care of her. My heart melted a little more about them as I watched the adoration in Edward's eyes as he lifted her tiny hand to kiss the back like he stepped out of one of her damned Jane Austen novels. All I could see was him as he smiled a little behind her hand in the same moment that she sucked in an unsteady breath. Knowing that neither of them were ready to deal with their shit now, not to mention really feeling the need to hug my kid sister, I tugged her toward me, wrapping her tiny frame in my arms. She snuggled up to me as I kissed the top of her head. It was moments like those, being close to her and feeling that love we had for each other, that made it all worth it. It had been a hard few years, but we pulled through because we had each other. Even that night, all of those years later, I still wanted to fucking punch that asswipe of a social worker for even suggesting I put her in foster care. She was my sister and we belonged together, end of story. I shook my head bringing my thoughts back to the night at hand, as the discussion slipped from med school to our summer trip. Carlisle and Esme were once again letting us use the house without supervision. They were no fools though. They knew that this was a banner year and we were going to celebrate it properly, even if Squirt was still a few months shy of legal. They set down some ground rules about no underage drinking, besides the obvious exclusion before turning to Bella with wide smiles full of pride. "You, dear girl, go and have some fun," Esme told Bella as she pushed some of Bella's hair behind her ear before nudging her chin affectionately. "You haven't taken the time to enjoy yourself nearly enough these past few years. You let these boys take care of you and just let go for a few days, okay?" Bella blinked at her in surprise before a shy grin spread across her pink face. "Okay, Esme. Thank you." Carlisle chuckled behind Esme reaching past her to nudge Bella's shoulder. "Although, I would suggest staying out of my bourbon this time." Bella blushed deeper, looking up through her eyelashes with a nod. She ended up asking Edward and I to take her to their condo after we returned that summer where she admitted to stealing Carlisle's bourbon to drink and learning a major lesson in the process. To this day, she has yet to admit to why she broke into the hard stuff, but I'm convinced that she got her heart broken thanks to Edward's blonde bimbo that night and hid in the booze because there wasn't much else she felt she could do about it. She hasn't really drank since, which was another reason we were going to make sure she enjoyed the shit out of her bash this year. On the ride out to the beach house, Edward and Bella sat in the back with Jasper, picking the shit out of each other as we rode up in Andy's SUV. If it wasn't Edward tickling Bella's ribs, it was Bella tugging at Edward's hair. I finally had to channel Dad when Bella found an old unused set of chopsticks tucked in the back pocket that they pulled out and started fencing in the back seat with them, squeezing poor Jasper against the door as Bella kept getting backed further away when Edward got the upper hand.

I turned to tell them to stop when Jasper and I locked gazes. An amused twinkle was in Jasper's eyes as he rolled them with a crooked grin. Yep, we were reduced to first grade level flirting on the playground with these two. I shrugged guessing it was better this than Emoward acting like a dickwad. I reached between the seats to grab their sticks as they clashed between then, grinning at each other like fools. I shook my head, yanking it out of their hands, causing them both to look at me. "Okay you two, do we have to turn this car around and leave you at home while we go enjoy our vacation at the beach?" Jasper snorted a chuckle while Andy just shook his head slowly, his shoulders vibrating with his suppressed laughter. The both turned to sit correctly in their seats, staring at me like little kids, making me laugh even harder. "Did you guys get into some wacked out Juicy Juice or something? You act like you're in grade school." They apologized before Bella mumbled, "Well, he started it." Edward turned his crooked grin at her, "I so did not. You're the one that ripped half my hair out. I was just paying you back." "I was TRYING to get that ball of fuzz out, coppertop. I wouldn't have actually pulled out hair if you would have just stayed still and let me, but no, you had to jump away like I freaking electrocuted you or something." "Well you surprised me. You can't go catching a SWAT officer off guard; we're trained to react instinctively." She scoffed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Well SWAT guys are also not supposed to let a twenty year old woman sitting three inches from them take them by surprise either, so I don't think you're argument is very valid." I looked next to me at Andy who glanced in the rearview as Lucy and Desi continued to argue semantics. This was definitely going to be an interesting week. We finally arrived at the beach house after another fifteen minutes of listening to the old married couple, who had yet to realize they were totally head over heels for each other, argue good naturedly. We walked into the house to find that not only had it been opened and stocked with food, but the living room was draped with a banner that said 'Congratulations Bella.' There were also different little touches all over the house. Among the new additions was a newly constructed wet bar to the left of the fireplace, fully stocked with ingredients to make any drink we could dream up. We actually managed to get there earlier than usual, so we took our time settling in before throwing together a lunch to eat out on the deck. When we finished, we cleaned up like the responsible adults we were supposed to be before deciding to head down to the beach to play some football. Bella followed us out to the water's edge where she stood by watching a moment with her hands behind her back before she stepped forward shyly and asked if she could play. We all looked at her in shock. Bella was not a sports player. With her general lack of overall coordination, she usually stayed as far away from hands on sports as possible. She giggled as we all gawked at her with

open mouths before shrugging. "I'm bored and I want to learn to throw. I used to try to toss your ball with Makenna after you left for college and it always did this stupid wobbly thing and never went straight. I thought maybe if you didn't mind, you could show me how to throw?" I laughed, shaking my head as I walked over, jamming the ball into her stomach. She huffed, bending over slightly as she reached out to grab the ball in her hands. For the next five minutes, we gathered around her, taking our time trying to explain how to hold, using the laces to held judge her hold. I watched her fumble simply trying to hold the ball, noticing her hand was so small, she wasn't able to get a good grasp on the side of the ball. Finally, after several failed attempts, Edward stepped to her side and whispered in her ear before adjusting her grip and stepping back with a nod. She looked at him for a long moment before planting her feet and bringing her hand up by her ear before tensing her muscle to launch the ball. It spun perfectly from her hand over my head where Jasper sprinted, catching it with an audible thump. Bella squealed, hopping on the balls of her feet before turning to jump into Edward's arms, lacing her hands around his neck. He held her at the waist as he beamed down at her. It was almost like one of those slow motion moments in a fucking chick flick. After a few seconds they stepped back again as Jasper tossed Edward the ball. He handed it to her, helping her get her grip and stepped back. This time she didn't look at Edward for encouragement, immediately lifting it to her ear and launching it again, toward almost exactly the same point down the beach. Soon we started a game of touch football, since Bella was playing with us. Playing full contact with Bella in the vicinity was begging for a trip to the ER. Jasper and I lined up, having Bella stand behind us as Andy hiked the ball to a waiting Edward, taking off for the area behind us where we set up a makeshift goal. Andy took off getting tangled in me and Jasper, shifting to full contact on instinct, just as Edward changed tactics to make a run. He dodged past me as I tried to reach out to stop him just as Andy pulled free from Jasper just enough to snag me, pulling me to the ground in a pile with him and Jasper. We watched as Edward sprinted toward a surprised looking Bella. For a split second, it looked like she would cower and let him run past her, until she took a deep breath and began running to meet him a few feet in front of the goal. She never stood a chance, but it didn't stop her from jumping up onto Edward's back, hanging like a limp rag doll from his shoulders as he laughed and continued toward the goal. He was almost there when she decided she wasn't doing any good and needed a new tactic. She wrapped her legs around his sides to support herself before releasing one handhold and shifting her hand to a ticklish spot she had accidentally discovered on his ribs. The second she started attacking his weak point, he jerked, losing his balance, sending the both of them tumbling to the ground just shy of the goal. The guys and I hopped up, instantly worried about Bella, seeing as how she landed half under Edward's side. When we got close, we heard the unmistakable sound of Bella's laughter over Edward's concerned voice asking if she was hurt. Her laughter grew louder as he shifted away. She leaned up on her elbow looking around, a bright smile breaking out on her face as she hooted throwing her fists in the air. "I did it!" She pointed at Edward with a proud expression on her face. "I took you down before you got the goal! I actually played football and didn't die!"

We all started cracking up as Edward stood up slowly before lending Bella a helping hand. "You know it doesn't really count when you cheat. I'm pretty sure it's in the official rules that tickling is an illegal maneuver." We all booed Edward, shoving on his shoulders as we walked as a group toward the house again. It was a close enough call that none of us felt like playing anymore and risk hurting Bella. We were all proud of her though, she had done pretty well for an uncoordinated shrimp. The week seemed to go on just like that. It was all so easy and fun. For the first time, there didn't seem to be any real tension, although I'm pretty sure that's because tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber were full out denying what they really had between them. Edward, I guessed, had convinced himself that it wasn't more than a really close friendship that they shared once he pushed past the attraction. He'd never had a relationship that was anything more than a fuck buddy, and even though his aunt and uncle were a perfect example, he couldn't see himself clearly enough to know that he was on the verge of having what they had with my kid sister. After watching them this past year in particular, I wasn't as freaked out about it because I recognized it for what it really was. My only fear is that he would end up hurting her before he sorted it out himself. Bella, on the other hand, assumed that Edward didn't feel that way about her and just saw her as a kid sister. She was the kind of person who would resign herself to the fact and just be happy spending time with that person, even if it wasn't how she wanted. Thus, we were left with Clueless Flirtopia 2006, they flirted like crazy, but wrote it off as friendly banter. We went out almost every night, finding a fun new place to hang. We were down to only two days left as we went out to meet Bella's friend from up the beach Thursday night. Most of them still had one year left of college before they got to graduate since Miss Smarty Pants had fast tracked so efficiently. Brady was there with Kim, who was now his fiance. Seth was there with his pretty little wife, Lina. Bella had so much fun getting to know Lina. I was glad she could be friends with her so easily. Brady's sister Claire came with a boyfriend, as well as Seth's sister Leah. We all sat a big table at this joint that happened to be holding a Karaoke night. We all sat and ate and enjoyed the company until the group started getting up to sing. Pretty much the whole table with the exception of Edward, Bella, and I signed up to sing. Things were fine until Bella's friends started pushing her to go up and join the fun. I saw the panic starting to build at the same time Edward did. I looked around to find Andy and Jasper at the bar getting another round of shots. They were really shitfaced and would probably have to be folded into the fucking car when it came time to leave. Edward looked at me with a worried expression, seeing Bella's mounting anxiety and yet not knowing what was causing it. We hadn't shared that one detail, at Bella's adamant insistence. They didn't know about the play, or Julliard, or Bella's irrational guilt. She and I bore those burdens alone. I was just getting ready to ask Edward to get the guys out to the car while I found a way to delicately extract Bella from the situation when the DJ called out from the booth that Bella was up next. Bella froze in her seat, her breath growing shuddering and fast. Edward was kneeling beside her in a flash. He turned her to face him, as she stared at him with panicked eyes, her hands balled tightly on her lap. He muttered 'fuck' under his breath as the DJ insistently called for Bella while the rest of the kids at the table looked on in total confusion. I turned to one of them, yelling for them to go tell him to just pass her

over as Bella's breaths turned into loud gasps. Her hand flew to her chest, fisting her shirt right over her heart as she began to sob. I dropped next to Edward, trying to calm her and tell him to get Jasper and Andy out and take a cab home so I could get her home right away. He turned to look at me, his eyes wild with panic, but his voice calm and steady. "Emmett, have you ever dealt with panic attacks before?" I shook my head, feeling bewildered and helpless as Bella continued to freak, while everyone else in the room watched on. "I had them a lot after my Mom left. Let me take care of her and get her home. I think I can help her push past it. You get the guys and take the cab, okay?" I stared for a moment, calculating in my head what I should do. Finally, I realized that next to me, she was in the safest and most caring hands. Not only that, he knew what this was, he had suffered through it himself, he could relate in a way that I couldn't. I nodded, handing him the keys before swooping her up in my arms, carrying her to the car. We hurriedly buckled her in as she curled up in the seat, staring blankly ahead as she continued to breathe in loud gasps. My heart burned in my chest as I watched them speed away. I rushed back inside, calling for a cab as I walked. I grabbed Jasper and Andy, telling them to go outside before apologizing to her friends and paying for the food. Less than ten minutes later, we were in a cab on our way to the beach house. When we got there, I left the drunk fuckers to fend for themselves after tossing the fare to the driver. I sprinted inside, past the SUV parked crookedly in the drive. I slammed through the front door, racing down to the bedrooms and freezing outside of Bella's room as I watched through the crack in the door. I couldn't see the bed directly, but I could see it's reflection in the vanity mirror. Edward was sitting with his back against the headboard as Bella curled against him, her breathing now more stable, but continued to hitch as she cried on his chest. Edward had his left arm wrapped around her shoulders, his right hand running over her head and through her hair as she whispered it would be okay. I wanted to go to her, but I also didn't want to disrupt the calm she had finally found. I stayed there and listened intently while watching Edward's every move. His face was filled with pain and concern that mirrored my own as he held her and whispered to her, kissing the top of her head occasionally. "Bella, what happened in there, sweetheart? You were fine and then you slowly started to get more anxious, but were under control until they called your name. Why did that make you panic, honey?" Bella fisted his shirt tighter in her hand as a fresh wave of sobs poured out of her. "It's all my fault, Edward. They died because of me." Edward kissed her head again, his eyebrows furrowed deeply in confusion. "What do you mean, sweetie? Do you mean your parents?"

She nodded, sniffling loudly. Edward shook his head as his cheek rested against her hair. "No, Bella, they died in a car accident. That's not your fault." She sat up, shifting to look him in the eyes, her face frozen in pain. "But I did, Edward. They were coming home because of me, because I was in a stupid fucking musical at school and I would have been upset if they didn't come. They should never, ever have driven in that shit, but they did it anyway because of me and now they're" Her breaths began to turn into those gasps again as she grabbed her shirt over her heart again. Edward shifted on his knees to face her, holding her cheeks between his hands. "Deep breaths, Bella, calm down. Come on, pace your breathing with me. In, two, three four; out, two, thee, four." He continued a few more times as she focused on him, breathing in and out as directed. After he was satisfied she was okay again, he took a deep breath and continued the discussion while rubbing his hand comfortingly up and down her back. "You did not cause them to die. They were proud of you and wanted to support you, but in the end they made their own choices. Just because they were coming home to see you didn't mean that you forced them into it or somehow are to blame." She shook her head in denial as Edward brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Bella, do you think that my father's death was my fault?" She frowned at him. "How could it be, he had cancer. You can't control cancer and you can't cause it." He smiled a tiny bit, nodding his head in agreement. "Yes, and you can't control the weather, the path of a car on a road, or the decision of two people who were not you to get behind the wheel." She shook her head in denial. "It's totally different, Edward." He shifted back to the headboard, tugging her to settle back with him as the resumed their previous position. "No it's not, Bella. It's very much the same." They were quiet for a long while as he continued to soothe her. After a while, his whispers became a soft hum of a familiar song that I recognized from that City of Angels movie, I couldn't remember the name because it didn't really seem to have anything to do with the song. I stood and watched as Bella slowly melted into Edward's side as he continued to hum to her, rocking her gently and stroking her hair. Soon she fell into a deep sleep. When I was sure she was out, I opened the door motioning for him to come out and talk to me. He carefully slipped out from under her, tucking her in with the thick comforter and kissing her on the forehead. He whispered something I couldn't hear before joining me in the hall. "How much did you hear?" I sighed. "Pretty much all of it." "Did you knowthat she blames herself?" I sighed with a shrug. "I didn't know she blamed herself that much, but I knew a little bit. She's refused to sing in public ever since."

He looked surprised. "Did she sing in public a lot?" I chuckled, motioning to the main floor. "I think we should grab the other guys. The cats out of the bag now and you should all know the whole story." He followed me up the stairs, looking confused and annoyed. Jasper and Andy had sobered considerably since we left the bar. They were just as worried about Squirt as I was. They stared at me in amazement when I told them all about Bella and how singing had brought her out of her shell. I told them about Julliard and the audition that she refused to go to the spring after they died and the second audition Julliard offered her due to the family crisis, which had kept her from being able to perform the year before, that she also refused. I couldn't help but find it a little funny that Edward was really pissed at me for not making her go. He really was her number one protector these days, even when it came to me. "Yeah, because having a panic attack on stage would have definitely gotten her in, Edward." He grumbled as he folded in on himself in the chair. He wasn't happy that we had kept this from them for so long. I couldn't blame him. It had been four years, during which they had been a very important part of our lives. They should have known, but it was Bella's story to share really, not mine. We all went to bed with heavy hearts that night. I bunked down on the floor in Bella's room just in case she had a rough night. I was on the far side of her bed, on the opposite side of the wall, and not visible from the door of her room. Edward never knew I was there during any of the four times he came in to check on her throughout the night. I smiled to myself as he stealthily shuffled in and out for the last time just before dawn, once again pressing a kiss to Bella's forehead before he left, just as he had done every time that night. The next morning, we all handled Bella with kid gloves, worried we might set off another attack, but surprisingly enough she seemed fine. I don't know if it was Edward helping her through or if she was just pushing everything back down again. I really hoped it was Edward's help because if she was avoiding again, all that was going to happen was that she would get overwhelmed again later. The day went smoothly, no signs of freak out, so we went ahead with our plans. We had another big bonfire that year, inviting the neighbors again. Her friends all apologized for the night before. The guys and I watched her for any sign of a reaction or distress, but she handled it fine. She laughed it off, making some joke about being allergic to clichs. Her friends laughed and didn't push further, even though you could tell they knew that there was more to the story. We kept bringing Bella mixed drink after mixed drink, keeping them pretty lightly mixed to ease her in to her first drinking experience in three years. She had fun, quickly relaxing in her skin. She made her rounds, saying hi to everyone and accepting their congratulations. By the time ten o'clock rolled around, she was pretty well lit. It was kind of fun actually because it seemed that she was going to be a giggly drunk, which didn't really surprise us. What did catch us off guard, however, was that she had the mouth of a fucking sailor when she was loaded. We couldn't help but laugh our asses off as she walked around the party, throwing her arms around strangers telling them to go get more because 'tonight is a night for being fucked the hell up.' Edward wondered if she would even remember, so he ran to grab his camcorder, catching it all for posterity. Someone commandeered the sound system, cranking a strange combination of songs that seemed to have

no rhyme or reason, but Bella didn't seem anything but excited. She started grabbing her friends and ushering them to a spot not far away from the bonfire. She dragged her foot through the sand to make a large shape that was supposed to be a square, but looked a lot more like a psychedelic pentagon, which she then proclaimed in a screaming voice. "Now THIS is a dance floor, so if you don't want to dance, you had to get the fuck out." She threw both arms in the air, release a trilling squeal that we had never heard before from her tiny body. Loosened up from the alcohol, she began dancing with her friends, slipping easily into a smooth rhythm. Some songs seemed to excite her more than others. There was one in particular that she had always loved and went bonkers for, bouncing around like a toddler on espresso. Are you gonna live your life wondering, Standing in the back, Looking around? Edward's head shot up when he heard the music and then smiled down at her bouncing form. I remembered her reacting like that to the Jimmy Eat World song once before. Edward had been the only one not to dance with her that night. "I have some fuckery to make up for. Catch you later!" With that, he took off down the stairs and straight to Bella. He was a bit tipsy himself by now and I was wondering how this would all go down. When he reached her, I heard her screech something, holding out her hands and jumping into his arms. He wrapped his hands around her waist, smiling as though he just won the fucking lottery. They smiled at each other for a few seconds as the song continued through the chorus. I listened to the lyrics thinking that THEY should be listening a little more closely themselves. Are you gonna waste your time thinking, How you've grown up, Or how you missed out? Things are never gonna be the way you want. Where's it gonna get you acting serious? Things are never gonna be quite what you want, Or even at 25, You gotta start sometime. I'm on my feet I'm on the floor I'm good to go. Now all I need is just to hear a song I know. I wanna always feel like part of this, Was, Mine. I wanna fall in love tonight. After the chorus, they let go, turning to face the group as they bounced to the music, looking at one another from time to time, but usually at the point when the other wasn't looking. Part of me wanted to go down and just smack the shit out of both of them to get them to wake up, but the rational part of me who really wasn't ready to deal with that coupling resisted. Obviously, they weren't ready yet, maybe someday, and with any luck, after Bella was done with school so the distractions wouldn't be as bad.

Are you gonna live your life, Standing in the back, Looking around? Are you gonna waste your time? Gotta make a move, Or you'll miss out. Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about. Stick around nostalgia won't let you down. Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about. Whatcha gonna have to say, For yourself? I'm on my feet I'm on the floor I'm good to go. Now all I need is just to hear a song I know. I wanna always feel like part of this, Was, Mine. I wanna fall in love tonight. Bella looked so fucking happy. I wanted to just freeze time. Just before the end of the second time they played the chorus, Jasper and Andy joined them, bouncing with them before Jasper picked Bella up, swinging her around as she laughed. I couldn't resistI had to join them. I began making my way down as the bridge started. Crimson, And clover, Over, And over. Crimson, And clover, Over, And over. Crimson, And clover, Over, And over. Our house in the middle of the street Why did we ever meet? Started my rock 'n roll fantasy. Crimson, And clover, Over, And over. Don't don't, Don't let's start. Why did we ever part? Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.

I reached the group in the middle of the bridge, earning a bright smile from my kid sis as she jumped into my arms, planting a loud kiss on my cheek. "I love you, Embear!" She shouted over the music as she smiled at me with glassy eyes. Her breath hinted strongly of rum. "I love you too, Squirt! Are you enjoying your bash?" She beamed even brighter raising her hands above her as she squealed "YES!" The next part of the song started, which was an altered version of the chorus. I laughed and twirled her the same way Jasper had a few moments before as she giggled. When I sat her down, I kept my hands on her because she seemed unsteady. When she had once again gained her balance, I let go. She stumbled back, falling against Edward who grabbed her waist, steadying her as she leaned against him. She didn't even bother trying to step away, instead, putting her hands over his and swaying to the beat. For a minute, he looked panicked, trying to figure out what he should do. He looked at me and I smiled. His eyes began to grow calm as he relaxed into the sway, leaning down to whisper in her ear. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled before kissing his cheek. I watched his body tense a moment as his eyes closed, but Bella never noticed as she turned to yell something at Jasper. She and Edward kept dancing that way, a careful bit of distance between them created by Edward, until the song ended. I'm on my feet I'm on the floor I'm good to go. So come on David sing me something that I know. I wanna always feel like part of this, Was, Mine. I wanna fall in love tonight, Here tonight. I wanna fall in love tonight, Here tonight. I wanna always feel like part of this, Was, Mine. I wanna fall in love tonight. I wanna fall in love tonight. I wanna fall in love tonight... It wouldn't be tonight, but I had no doubt that someday my kid sister was going to figure out a way to fix my broken friend. ~*~ Featured Songs Iris by GooGoo Dolls A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World ~*~

The Sixth Summer: August 2007 BPOV I had a secreta huge, massive, really hard to keep, secret. It's not easy keeping secrets from those you love, especially when they all watch over you like your own personal bodyguards most of your life. Unfortunately, I had no choice. After what happened with Caleb, I made up my mind that I was going to keep my boys away from any potential boyfriends from then on. With this in mind, when I met Damon in my Gross Anatomy class, I kept my lips sealed tight. The first day of lab, we were separated off into groups of four, our lab partners for the remainder of our cadaver dissection course. Yeah, the irony of how the telling of how we met lacked any form of romance was not lost on me. I never considered myself a queasy person, but the first day walking into the lab, the smell of the preservatives used on the bodies was hanging heavily in the air and burning my nostrils was only the beginning of the hardship that was this course. It was something every medical student has had to deal with in their education, but the idea of cutting open a dead person to learn about the body was still difficult to swallow. From the beginning, our group got along well for the most part. All the groups in the class were paired in an equal number of girls and boys. My friend Alice, who I had lost touch with the last year or so of our undergrad studies, happened to be in the class, but was unfortunately sorted into another group assigned a table on the far side of the room from ours. Instead, I found myself making a new friend in a quiet, kind girl named Krista, who was the other double x chromosome toting member of our group. The fourth was a cocky asshole named Alistair. He was an import from London who apparently was listed somewhere way down in the line of succession to the throne. Over a hundred people had to die before he would be king, but that didn't keep him from thinking he was better than the rest of us put together. I never did gather why he was in the US if he was so freaking important in England. We started off as nothing more than partners in a lab group, but by the time we started drifting closer to the holidays, things started to change. It all began with a few lingering looks, followed by leaving his hand over mine just a bit too long when I passed him the probe in order to loosen the connective tissue surrounding the inguinal ligament during our muscle study. Christmas break was a nice respite from the intensity of school, but I often found myself wondering about Damon. Knowing I had someone that actually had interest in me made it easier to deal with spending time with the boys. All of the relationship dynamics within our tightly woven group shifted once more when I turned 21. I was suddenly finding myself spending a lot of time in Dooley's. I loved Mama D and didn't mind patronizing her bar, but it got old really fast. What made it even worse was having to watch the boys interacting with all the women there. Up until this point, with the exception of seeing Edward walking out with some slut on his arm, or occasionally catching a glimpse of Jasper sneaking away with a girl as I passed by, I hadn't really had to see that part of their lives. That all changed once I became a part of their regular hunting ground. The first few times I went with them, it was awkward and uncomfortable. I could tell they wanted to go do what they did best, but at the same time, they didn't want to leave me out or for me to see what it was all really like. It was less than a week before I sat them all down. "Okay boys, listen up and listen good. I'm a grown up now. That being said, I KNOW you all pick up women

at the bar. I can tell that I'm holding you back because you feel like I shouldn't be subjected to it or whatever, but the truth is, I'm going to be in this part of your life from here on out and so eventually you have to get over it." They all looked at me as if I was insane, making me laugh a little. "Hey, I'm not saying that it won't be like the freaking Twilight Zone for me to witness it, but I don't want to be a burden on you guys if I get the chance to hang out with you. I'm a big girl now. I can handle it. So, please just live your lives, okay?" They all nodded in a humiliated looking daze while Emmett frowned at me with his arms crossed. I knew he wasn't a celibate man. He had done more than one walk of shame since I hit my college years. That being so, I had still NEVER seen him with a girl. I never caught sight of him sneaking out with some giggling drunken chick or watched him even chat up a girl except at our beach parties and then he never really pursued them beyond a nice conversation. It took a little time, but eventually they started acting the way they normally would, even while I was around. I'm not saying it was easy to watch any of them, especially Edward, flirt with women, but I was slowly starting to grow desensitized to the sight. That being said, having someone of my own to think about and hopefully expand a little of my relationship experience with was a bright prospect on my slightly gray horizon. Throughout the duration of my break, I focused on the possibility of things to come to push away the sting that still pushed through the thick skin I had begun developing. When we returned to school the first Monday after New Year's, Damon surprised me by waiting outside the building when I walked up. He offered to carry my book bag, walking with me toward the lab and helping me to shed my heavy winter coat to hang in the hall before entering the Anatomy lab. Throughout the entire lab, I kept catching him looking at me. The last time I caught him, he actually smiled sheepishly at me as I blushed. When the lab time was over, the group congregated in the hall to collect our belongings and discuss when we would have our next study group meeting. Up to this point, we had been splitting our time between our four places evenly. This time, it was going to be Damon's turn to host. Once our plans were all set, Damon grabbed my arm before I could leave, asking me to wait a bit before I took off. Once the rest of the crew was out of earshot, he asked me if I would like to go out to lunch before our next lab. Butterflies churned in my stomach, as I grew excited at the prospect. I was more than a little surprised because I never really got any attention from guys, not to mention asked out on a date. Then I stopped, wondering if it really was a date after all. "So do you mean, like adate?" He smiled and nodded. I blinked at him a few times, marveling at how his sky blue eyes sparkled hopefully at me. He had a dimple in his left cheek that winked at me as he waited with a patient smile for me to gather myself and respond. My eyes wondered to his soft blonde hair that waved lazily in a style that stopped just below his ears. He was really cute and I found myself wondering why it had taken me a while to recognize it. I finally pulled myself back to reality, clutching my bag to my chest as I finally managed to agree to go. We made plans to just go straight from our morning biochemistry section. He offered for me to just ride with him, which I readily agreed, feeling excited for my first date in well over a year.

The date went far better than I had ever hoped and led to more and more dates. Soon I found myself lying to the boys about how long our study sessions lasted on the weekends, just to steal more time with Damon. Within a month of our first date, Damon officially asked me to 'be his girl,' making me laugh harder than I had in a long time and insulting him. I felt horrible, but to be honest, I guess there wasn't a better way of saying it without sounding as though we'd stepped back into the fifties, professing ourselves as 'going steady.' Our physical relationship had progressed slowly from there. Everything was new to me again after being away from it so long, and I was scared of being hurt again. It took a couple of months before we were to the point where clothes were coming off on a regular basis, but we still hadn't rounded into home yet. It wasn't for his lack of trying, but something just kept nagging inside me. I just couldn't take that last step. I had no name for the mental barrier, but it was there none the less. We stayed stuck in the finger screwing/oral zone for well over two months as I struggled with pushing past my fears to finally letting go of the virginity I had been holding onto so fiercely. I couldn't admit, even to myself, for whom I was subconsciously saving it, although deep down I knew. It was the end of June, the day before Edward's birthday that everything changed for me. We were out at Dooley's, a typical night out with my boys. I had a late study session that night, which meant by the time I arrived, it was already pretty late and the boys had pushed past drunk to shitfaced more than an hour before my arrival. I sat down next to Andy at the table; a long island iced tea clutched in my hand as I scanned the room. I found Emmett first, leaning against the bar smiling down at a thin blonde who seemed to be actually conversing with him in a halfway stimulating manner as he nodded along. I could be wrong, she could be telling him all about the exact shade of her lipstick, and how it matched her dress perfectly, and Emmett was just being polite, but from across the room it appeared to be more. I spotted Jasper next. He was sitting at a table with three girls across the room. He leaned in obviously telling the punch line of a joke as all three tossed their heads back in joyful laughter. Jasper leaned back, crossing his arms, a smug expression that only those of us who truly knew him would recognize spread across his face. He was in and he knew it, now he just had to figure out which one he wanted. My eyes scanned the room twice more before I finally caught sight of a shock of bronze hair. Edward was along the far wall, a girl in a microscopic red spandex strapless dress trapped between him and the wall as they practically screwed in the middle of the busy bar. I took a long drag of my drink, relishing in the warming effect of the alcohol as it hit my stomach. I had almost pushed myself past it, like I did every other night when I ended up witnessing things I would much rather forget, when they broke apart and Edward turned my way. Even from across the room, I could tell he was so drunk that he was just a feather's breadth from passing out. His glassy eyes locked on me. He blinked three times slowly before his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened. I had never had him look at me like that before and I really didn't understand it at all. It just didn't make sense. He stared at me like that for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a few seconds, before his nostrils flared and his jaw tightened more. The hussy that clung to him reached her brightly painted hands up to grasp his face, trying to turn it toward her, but he refused to budge. I saw his eyes flash with something one more time. He nodded to me once before turning back to the girl, attacking her even more ferociously than before. I watched in pained horror as his hand found her leg, moving up her thigh, to push her skirt up.

I had become the master of mask wearing when it came to seeing Edward with someone else, but this was beyond my skill. I gasped, tears pooling in my eyes as I realized that this was a message for me. Somewhere along the way, he figured out I had a crush on him, and he was letting me know in no uncertain terms that it was never going to happen. He was showing me what he really wanted and it would never be me. I heard a growl in the same moment that I felt a hand on my arm. Andy looked at me in concern before looking back in the direction I had been gazing. Evidently, he had seen the whole thing play out. I heard another low growl rumble in his chest as he glared at his friend who now had the girl's dress pushed so high up that we were getting a view of the bottom of her barely there black lace panties. He turned back to me, trying to comfort me as I struggled to pull away. I had grown tough when it came to all of this, but we all had our limits and I had just surpassed mine. With a whimper, I pulled away, telling Andy I was fine and I just needed to get home. It had been a long day, and was quite true that I was exhausted. I got up and pushed my way through the crowd toward the door. Emmett grabbed me when I passed somewhat near where he had been standing. I pushed him off, telling him I just needed to get home before sprinting toward our apartment once I reached the door. Before I left, I cast one last look behind me, just in time to see Andy reach Edward, tugging on the back of his collar, and Emmett shoving his way in that direction through the crowd. The final barrier fell that night. I had no reason to save my virginity because the one person I wanted to give it to the most didn't want it. My heart clenched painfully in my chest as the scene replayed on a loop in my head. I knew I was in no shape to make the decision that night, but I knew, in the not too distant future, I was going to stop resisting Damon's advances and finally give myself to him completely. He had been so patient over the last six months, so kind and loving. He deserved the gift of my virtue. Emmett came home, coddling me as though I were a four year old. I asked him what happened after I left, but he refused to tell me beyond saying that Edward was about to pass out so Jasper took him home. I knew there was more to the story. I knew that they had given him shit about what he had done, but now that I was a little further away from the display, I found myself grateful. He had released me in a twisted way. I knew now that pining for him was fruitless and I was done. Emmett still worried, but I finally convinced him I was fine before leaving him to get ready for bed. Before I went to sleep that night, I sent a text message to Damon, telling him that I wanted to see him the next day if he had time. Before I fell asleep, he replied that if he didn't have the time, then he would make some. Two weeks later, after a fancy dinner and a little dancing in his living room by the light of a few mismatched pillar candles, Damon and I made love for the first time. I can't say that it was all harps and fireworks. Actually, I didn't enjoy it at all. It burned like hell and it never really let up enough for me to enjoy it. I walked away learning one thing; I really didn't get off on pain. Matter of fact, pain seemed to block all my pleasure sensors. To make a long story short, it sucked. The only good thing was the tender way that Damon spoke to me through it all, apologizing for the pain and promising to make it up to me later. When we were done, he held me all night long, leaving me with some major explaining to do to my brother when I finally answered my ringing phone before dawn the next morning. I made up a lie about breaking out some alcohol while we studied and drinking too much so we all passed out in Krista's living room. I was a horrible liar, but since I had been known up to this point as being an honest person, Emmett didn't question it.

When I got off the phone however, I did have to explain to my boyfriend why I lied. He frowned at me, saying he didn't like that he was a secret. Once I explained how they were with me and my past experiences, he quickly forgave me and played along. Ever since that night at Dooley's, things had been awkward with Edward again. He came to me and apologized afterward, saying he didn't even remember doing it, but I saw something in his eyes that told me that he actually did. I said I forgave him, but in truth, I hadn't completely. Even though I was glad that I was finally free from the restraints of my crush, now knowing full well that nothing would ever happen between us, the pain of seeing that look on his face took much longer to fade away. If you add all of this together, it was quite obvious why, for the first time ever, I wasn't looking forward to going to the beach house. It was hard to keep the lies straight, and it was hard knowing that this year wouldn't be the skank free zone it had been in recent years. I was a part of their world now and I knew, as sure as I knew that the sun would rise in the east, that things wouldn't change while on vacation. The entire ride was quiet. Everyone was a little tense when we were all together since the whole mess happened. Tired of the suffering, I finally pulled my cell out, texting back and forth with Damon, who was saved in my contacts as Dame, so I could easily cover and say it was one of my gal pal's nicknames. It was dumb, but my other nicknames for him would have gone over even worse than his first name if any of the boys happened to see my caller ID. Yeah, I could really picture the scene if Emmett picked up my phone to see Hot Stuff or Sweet Ass blinking up at him. I bemoaned the car ride as he teased me back sarcastically about how he felt so sorry for poor me, having to sit at the beach all week and get a tan. He also couldn't resist throwing in a jab about how he could have come to visit if I allowed his existence to be known. Once we pushed past the angsty arguing, he started actually joking around, making me giggle more than once, garnering the attention of the rest of the guys in the car. Jasper leaned over my shoulder, asking what was so funny. I quickly erased the inbox before he could see more than the message alert. "Who the fuck is 'Dame?'" He asked with a crooked smile. I wondered if he suspected something, but quickly pushed it away. I was being too sneaky for them to catch on. My alibis were airtight. "My friend, Erica Damien, we call her Dame for short because she prefers it." Just then, the message flashed on the screen. I glanced down hoping it was somewhat ambiguous and wouldn't give us away. It had a hint of flirtation, but just light enough that I hoped he would miss it. "So what, is she a lesbo who has a crush on you or something? She's awfully flirty if you ask me," he responded with a frown. I snapped the phone shut, silencing the alert as I turned to him. "No, Dame isn't a 'lesbo.' We just like to joke around." Not a full on lie, but shit, he was really starting to suspect something. Thankfully, I was saved by the driveway of the beach house, escaping with my bags to settle in my room. As soon as my things were put away, I changed into my suit and took my phone and iPod with me to hit the beach. I freaking loved my iPod. It was the best present I had ever gotten. I settled into my beach chair, typing away on my keyboard to send a text telling Damon that we made it and I was on the beach missing him, when the sun disappeared from the sky. I looked up to find Edward

frowning down at me, his hand pushing through his hair. "We need to talk, Bella. Things have been fucked up for weeks now and I just want to find a way to fix it." I sighed, hitting send and putting my phone away before gesturing to the end of the lounger since he hadn't brought one with him to sit on. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them protectively as he settled at the other end of the lounger, straddling the frame to face me head on. We sat in silence for a while, neither knowing what to say until Edward finally sighed again, looking down at the seat as he spoke. "Bella, I know you are still mad at me. I don't know what else I can do besides say I'm sorry. What can I do?" I sighed, rubbing the goose bumps that had risen on my legs. "I don't know, Edward. That look you gave me. You looked like you absolutely hated me. Then the way you were with her, it was like you deliberately were trying to hurt me or something. I just don't understand why." He moaned, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck, Bella. I don't even remember most of the things that happened that night." He looked up and there was truth in his eyes. His gaze darted to the left as his hand fell to his lap, gripping his shirt in his fist. "I don't even remember you being there that night." Lie He looked back at my eyes. "I would never do something for the express purpose of hurting you." Truth His eyes fell back down to the chair. "I could never hate you." LIE? What the fuck? His eyes came back up to meet mine, the green shimmering with buried emotion. "Bella, you mean more to me than you will ever know. I am always going to care about you. It makes me hate myself when I hurt you, whether or not I do it intentionally." Truth. Truth. Truth. "Edward Masen, you forget how well I know you. You do know that I can read your face like a book, don't you? I know when you are lying and when you aren't. I also know that drinking only breaks down the inhibitions. It doesn't make you do things that you don't really want to do or say deep down. It's a filter buster, not an action inducer." I tried to keep my voice even and steady, but I could keep it from breaking when I asked the question that had haunted me for over a month. "Why did you hate me, Edward? I know your expressions, I know you. Your face was filled with hate when you looked at me. Why?" His eyes grew large as my tears fell in spite of my herculean efforts to hold them back. I tightened my grip on my knees, watching as his form blurred in front of me. He stared at me for a few seconds before he was in motion. He slid the length of the lounge, wrapping his arms around me, stroking my hair. His voice broke as he answered me. "Oh God, BellaNO! I didn't hate you. I could never hate you. Never." Truth. I didn't need to see his eyes to know it was the truth. I finally stopped crying, shoving an annoyed hand up to swipe at my swollen eyes. "Then why? I don't

understand. If you didn't hate me, then why did you look at me that way? And don't lie to me. I know you were lying earlier when you said you didn't even see me there and when you said you didn't hate meso explain it." He chuckled darkly, shaking his head back and forth slowly. Finally, he looked up at me, looking straight through my eyes and into my soul. "Look into my eyes so you know the truth, Bella. I can't tell you what was going on with me. It's something that I struggle with alone. Now that being said, I cannot, do not, could not ever hate you. Not if you did the most horrific thing imaginable. Not if you hated me with the fire of a thousand suns. I could never hate you. Am I lying?" I stared into his jade eyes, blinking slowly as I read the sincerity behind them. I finally mutely shook my head. He smirked at me, running his hands up and down the gooseflesh of my arms. "Are you cold?" I shook my head in another no. "Are we okay now? Is there more we need to talk about?" I shook my head again because I could never divulge the rest of my pain from that night. The inner torment and the stripping of the last vestiges of my childhood crush that had preserved my virginity up until a couple of weeks ago would have to stay my secret. Those feelings would follow me to my grave without ever being discussed. He smiled at me as I smiled back with a nod, picking up my phone as he walked away, asking Damon what his plans were for the week and if he would want to come visit if I managed to wrangle some free time that week. The first two nights, we hit the town. As I suspected, it was all old hat as the boys eventually drifted off to chat up someone who caught their eye. Andy was the only one to stay by my side both nights. The second night my phone buzzed with a text. I opened my phone to read it, shooting off a quick reply. When I put the phone down, I looked over to see Andy smirking at me. "So how's the boyfriend?" My mouth fell open and my eyes bugged out in reaction, my normal mask stripped by the alcohol floating in my system. I pulled myself together, trying to recover, but it was too late. Andy laughed, peeling the label on his beer bottle away. "Bella, only those who want to believe that you're staying single are oblivious to it, but I've known for months you're seeing someone. I'm guessing a guy from your study group?" I blushed and nodded, as I took another big gulp of my drink. "Wanna tell me about him?" I shook my head. He chuckled, "Well, if you change your mind, you can come to me. I won't tell the others anything unless I'm

forced to for your own well being. Okay, Bells?" I smiled at him before leaning over to hug his neck. "Okay, Andy. Thank you." He waved me off with a hand before an uncomfortable shadow drifted over his face. Finally, he cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "Um, since Em doesn't know, I have to do the big brother thing now. I apologize in advance." I threw back my head and laughed. "Yes, Andy, we're being safe. I'm on Depo and we use condoms. Don't worry about that." He sighed in relief, wiping the sweat that had accumulated off of his brow. We sat in silence a few moments before I leaned over conspiratorially. "His name is Damon. He looks a little like Jasper, same hair, same build, but more blue to his eyes and longer hair. He's a really nice guy and he treats me really good." "How long exactly have you two been an item?" I smiled, "Flirting started in late November, but we didn't go on our first date until January. We've been seeing one another ever since." He chuckled. "Wow kid, you've just managed to have kept a successful relationship longer than any of us, and you did it all on the down low. Maybe you should have gone into espionage." I really laughed then, nearly falling out of my chair while spilling half my drink on the table. "Yeah, the spy who tripped her way into getting killedsounds like me alright!" I felt the seat next to me shift, as Emmett slid in next to me asking what was so funny. I didn't even answer, finding that my lack of response made the joke even more humorous. We soon left, Andy shooting me a knowing look before we all crashed for the night. After two nights of sitting around watching the guys pick up chicks, walking home with several numbers each, I decided I wasn't interested in going out the next night, hoping I could manage a little covert op with Damon that night if I could manage to get the house to myself. My plan backfired when the guys offered to stay in with me instead. Andy sent me an apologetic look as my dreams were squashed with a rented movie and delivered pizza. We had fun as we sat around stuffing our faces and laughing at the movie. About halfway through the night, someone decided that Margaritas were in order, using the wet bar to set up an elaborate display of salted glasses into which heaping mounds of frozen alcoholic beverages were dispersed. It didn't take long until we were all completely toasted. I giggled my way through the night as the boys acted like total lunatics. Sometime around my second drink, they shoved all of the furniture toward the edges of the room, using the newly opened space as a dance floor as they did the most hilarious dances to Justin Timberlake's Sexyback and Weird Al Yankovic's White and Nerdy. I swear I almost peed my pants watching all four of them getting their faux geek on during Weird Al. The night continued as such, blurring into a drunken haze that suddenly cleared a bit when one of my

favorite songs started up on the radio. I jumped out of the chair I was curled up on in the corner, staying safely out of the fray, yelling for Emmett to turn it up as I let out a whoop. The boys looked at me a little strangely as I began to rock from side to side to the beat with my hands above my head as I yelled out shaking my head side to side quickly. "What the hell is this shit, Bells?" Emmett yelled over the blasting music. "It's fucking awesomemy friends listen to it during study breaks. It's a great song to cut loose. Just listen and give it a fucking chance, numbnuts!" I yelled with a smile as I smacked my big brother on the shoulder. They watched me, a little in shock as I chanted along to the lyrics while bouncing to the beat, just letting my body do what the music told it to do. The boys started smiling and bouncing around a little bit into the song, getting into the groove and busting it loose. We fell into an easy rhythm as I yelled across at Emmett, "Pump It" and he finally caught on replying with "Louder." The boys really caught onto that part. I had seen the video a few times and loved it. It's probably the real reason why I loved the song so much. The boys all paused in shock as I got in touch with my inner Fergie during her solo, moving in the middle of the group and swaying my hips like she did in the video to the best of my ability. I swung my hair and snapping toward them when it was the right times according to the video. The funny part was that they were so shocked, they actually jerked back as though they had been hit. When the song ended, they all laughed, asking me where I heard about the song. I told them more about our breaks during study sessions and the music video, which then prompted Edward to boot up the computer to check it out on Youtube. They were pretty impressed with it, and especially with my halfway accurate recreation of Fergie's belly dance, except without quite the full grace. We continued on into the night, the boys growing weary and settling into the seats, as we kept the drinks coming. We moved out on the deck sometime around midnight, keeping the music cranked with the doors open so we could still jam. I had a pair of sunglasses perched on top of my head after a really funny rendition of Corey Hart's Sunglasses At Night with Edward and Jasper. I was taking my turn as waitress, bringing the boys a fresh round when I came face to face with a grinning Emmett. "Picture time, squirtwhat will it be this year?" I looked around in confusion, my brain highly compromised by the massive amounts of Tequila. I had a full glass in my hand, taking a deep sip as I tried to think of a fun picture. Before I could even think of anything, I felt a hand grab my waist, tugging me downward. I yelped as I fell onto Edward's lap as he sat, grinning madly on the deck chair. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Edward?" He laughed, "Taking our yearly picture, Bellllllah. Come on. Shitface has caught at least one of us being goofy as hell every year since you've been here. We need to do a good one for this year." I smiled at him, feeling all kinds of mischievous as he smiled back with an equally dangerous glint in his eye. Before we could decide to do anything, a bright flash filled the air around us. I blinked, shaking my head a little to try to return my vision so I could actually see anything. When my sight cleared, Edward was laughing again. I growled and smacked his shoulder before pushing my way out of his lap to sway my way toward the house. I finished my drink, leaving the glass on the sink

and disappeared to the basement after yelling I was done and going to go pass out. EPOV Somehow, I had managed to fuck everything up with Bella again about a month before our beach trip. I fucked up so bad that Emmett said they had to convince her to come along to the beach. He smacked the back of my head, telling me I needed to fix my shit. I knew he was right, but fuck if I knew how to do it. Things had been strange with Bella ever since she started med school and turned 21. It was strange having her with us at the bars, but we weren't going to try to keep her away either. That would have been really fucking unfair. Instead, we tried pretty pathetically to keep ourselves discreet when scoping the chicks around us. It wasn't long before she sat us down and told us not to bother. It was really fucking strange picking up chicks with Bella in the room, but eventually it got to the point where we didn't notice anymore, almost like we forgot she was there, or at least I did to a degree. That was until another dickwad would start making eyes at her bringing out the guardian in me. I'd be damned if she would get worked over by some shit like me. Unfortunately, times like those reminded me just how attractive Bella was again, bringing my own suppressed attractions to the surface. In the beginning, it was nearly impossible to keep myself in check. The more time I spent with her, though, the less the problem brewed to the surface. It was kind of like when you walk into a room where fresh baked cookies are, your mouth waters and it about drives you crazy with longing until you get a bite, but the longer you stay in the room, the less you notice it. The smell is still there, and you still want one of those fucking cookies, but the compulsion isn't as strong when you've gotten used to the delicious smell and don't notice it as much anymore. That is until you step outside for a while and then come back in, or even worse you see someone else eating one of the cookies, licking their lips and humming at the flavor. Then you want one more than you did in the first place. That was how it was with Bella. Every fucking time some guy would look at her like he wanted to devour her before fucking the shit out of her, it reminded me just how much I wanted to do that very same fucking thing. The blasphemy of the thought alone brought my own self loathing back to the surface nearly every time. It was then that I would go on the hunt again and find someone else to distract me. The night that Bella is so upset about was kind of along those same lines. I was so fucking plastered that I barely remember, but I recall enough to know why she was upset and that I could never tell her the real reason behind the look that upset her so fucking much. You know, I don't think I even caught the slut's name that I was playing tonsil hockey with when she came in. All night long, the guys had been excited that Bella was coming to join us. Ever since she started med school, we didn't see much of her at all. If she wasn't at school, she was studying or with her school friends in their long as hell study groups. She had gone out with us a lot in the beginning, but once January rolled around, she had all but disappeared. We all missed her. All night long we had been watching the door, waiting to see her come through with a smile, but it kept getting later and later, and still no Bella. Her fucking study sessions had stolen her from us a-fucking-gain. After a while, we gave up and slowly dispersed to find other ways to entertain ourselves. I met Miss barely there dress, and after a couple of shots, she jumped me out of nowhere. She caught me by surprise, but soon enough I got into the make out session. When we finally broke for breath after shifting

against a wall where we could get a little better friction to release the tension, I turned to see if Andy was still at the table to tell him I was going to take off when I spotted her. The reaction of seeing her after so long, hit me like a lightning bolt straight to my groin. It was like walking into that room with the freshly baked cookies, the temptation of her was nearly fucking impossible to resist. Suddenly I felt frustrated that I was back at square one. I hated myself for the fantasies that flooded my mind as she stared at me with wide, confused eyes. I saw distress and hurt on her face as she took in my position and my face, which pissed me off even more. I was angry at her for torturing me, but I hated myself for being angry with her for something that wasn't her fault and for my own vile reactions. I felt red dress girl tugging my face back in her direction and I growled, not wanting to look away from the object of my deepest darkest fantasies for the past five years. My anger grew, as did my resolution. The only way to deal with all of this was to fuck it out of me. I didn't even realize I nodded, as my decision was made. I turned back to the bony skeleton in the red spandex dress, with enhanced silicone breasts, trying to lose myself in other sensations. She felt so wrong, not anything like the soft graceful curves that I had held while sitting on a bed last summer, trying to calm a misplaced guilt over the death of two people who made their own choices. The smell of Chanel number five was the opposite of the soft floral aromas that were so distinctively Bella. It was wrong, but it was a distraction, a relief, a coping mechanism. I was just getting to the point where Bella was fading in my mind, as my fantasies moved on to what the stick figure in my arms would look like splayed out on some overly girly fabric that no doubt shrouded her bed when I felt my collar constrict around my throat, forcing me away from my distraction. I coughed, rubbing my throat, turning to find Andy standing in front of me, anger rolling off of him in nearly visible waves. "What the fuck, Andy?" "I should say that to you, Assward!" He yelled back. "What the fuck is up with you giving Bella the fucking stink eye? You treated her like fucking shit for no damned reason! What the hell is up with you?" I shook my head. What the fuck had I done? "I fucking looked at her. That was all." "No, shitface, you glared at her like you hated her guts." I scoffed, "I fucking did not, now back off and let me get back to." I turned to see Miss Red Dress had disappeared. I mumbled an annoyed fuck under my breath, well there went my distraction for the night. Andy opened his mouth to say something when Emmett shoved him aside, placing a massive paw in the middle of my chest, shoving me against the wall. "What the fuck did you do to my sister, asshole?" "What the fuck?" I yelled. "I didn't do anything you retards! I looked at her. Since when was looking at someone grounds for a beating?" "No, you Asstard. You were cruel to her the way you looked at her like you hated her guts, nodded at her

and then turned to dry fuck the bitch you were messing with. Hell, you pushed the bitch's skirt up so high, the whole place got a look at her black lace thong." Andy yelled in my face, poking his finger into my chest with each new comment. The world began to spin as everything went blurry. Shit, she thought I was hating on her. I was angry at her being there to torture me, blaming her a little for things that weren't her fault, but I didn't hate her. I could never fucking hate her. The guilt mixed with the gratuitous amounts of Patron I had been sucking down took me under as everything went black. I apologized a few days later to a distant Bella who claimed to accept my apology, but I could tell she didn't really, not completely at least. Not knowing what else to do, I left and let things be, but everything was a little off after thatwhich is why I had made up my mind to talk to Bella as soon as possible after we got to the house. Not long after we arrived, I found her on the beach. As we talked, she shocked the hell out of me by calling me out on my lies or stretching of the truth. I had never realized she knew me that fucking well, but she did. So I came out and told her all I could without letting her know precisely how much of an asshole I was. I think by the end, she had accepted my apology and believed me when I said that I did not, nor could I ever hate her. The week was still strange, but better than it had been. Mid week she said she didn't feel like going out again. I couldn't blame her. It couldn't be fun sitting around watching us flirt, while we were swatting away all the ones that might be coming her way. Instead, we stayed in. Surprisingly enough, it was a hell of a lot more fun than hitting another bar full of the same people with different faces. After the movie and pizza, Jasper pulled out the blender, making pitcher after pitcher of Margaritas. Bella was at least laughing at us now, but she was still just hanging out on the chair in the corner, drink after drink running into her body as she laughed at us. She was pretty plastered, but not as much as I expected her to be after drinking so much. I was totally caught off guard when another song on the satellite radio station we were tuned to started that I hadn't heard before. Suddenly, she was off the chair, bouncing and yelling for Emmett to turn it up before having some kind of dance mixed with an epileptic fit as she jumped around, thrashing her head and yelling along with the music. I watched in amused shock as she and Emmett yelled at each other over the music, discovering that this was a song she and her friends danced to when they took a study break. The song seemed repetitive and not really as much of a song as some kind of some rap chant type thing set to upbeat music and a bit of yelling, but it did grow on us, especially in light of Bella's enthusiasm. Soon we were bouncing along with her and yelling out the parts we could make out, all of us laughing and really fucking relieved to see Bella loosening up again. This whole trip had been so fucking tense; it was nice to have a touch of last year back for a little while. Then Bella stepped in the middle of the circle, putting me in a fucking daze again as she did this belly dance kind of shit that was hot as hell. We all watched in shock at how smooth she was, considering it was Bella. Then again, it seemed alcohol somehow helped her find the rhythm of the music that she was too restrained to find when sober. I shifted to hide my reaction to her, but this time I didn't feel quite so guilty about my reactions. I mean, fuck, this time she pretty much asked for it with that hip swivel thing she did. That, and maybe I was too drunk to care anymore. She was here, she was happy, she was smiling, and for the first time in what

seemed like too long of a time, we were all having fun. I wasn't going to fuck it up by going all emo now. When the song was over, she revealed that the music video was really cool and she was doing the dance Fergie does during her solo. Unable to resist checking that shit out, I booted up the computer, finding the video on youtube as we all crowded around and watched. I was fucking impressed, Bella hadn't done it exactly perfect, but it was pretty damn close. I would have really lost my shit if she had been dressed like Fergie when she did it though. It was hard enough not to pull her to my room when she danced like that wearing a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. Lord help me if she had showed that perfect hourglass waist as she did it! As the night wore on, I started feeling like I needed a bit more space to spread out. Bella stopped all the distant shit and was actually acting like her old self. It was good because I fucking missed her, but it was also bad because it had been too long and I had gotten out of the habit of schooling my impulses when it came to her, especially while loaded. We laughed as somehow the channel got changed to some 80's shit and that stupid song about wearing sunglasses at night came on. A few seconds later, Bella disappeared before skidding back on the deck wearing her sunglasses and the goofiest grin I had ever fucking seen. Soon I found myself next to her along with Jasper, all three of us wearing our damned sunglasses while singing horribly off tune, completely on purpose. When it was over, we all pushed them up so we could actually fucking see again before Bella went back in to refresh our drinks, bringing a fresh round for everyone on a tray. She handed them around, grabbing the last one before tossing the tray back through the door onto the living room floor. When she turned around, Emmett was holding his camera up with a stupid smile on his face. I barely paid any attention to the conversation, except that he was telling her it was picture time. In a split second, before I could get a handle on my impulses, I had grabbed Bella, pulling her down on across my lap, feeling like a fucking Casanova. I was particularly careful to keep her settled away from my very prominent issue. The weight of her felt so fucking good on my legs. I really wanted to roll her under me and just kiss the living shit out of her, but I at least schooled that impulse into submission as I looked at her. She gasped, looking over at me in surprise as I smirked at her. I fed her some line about taking our yearly picture, which wasn't actually a lie. I hadn't even realized there was a picture of the two of us every year at the beach until Aunt Esme gave me that collage frame and I started looking through old pictures to find things to fill it. Before I knew what the fuck I had done, I had filled every single fucking frame with a picture of Bella and me, for the past several years. When I saw what I had done, I decided it was a good idea, leaving the original posed model shots in the holes that were left. Don't ask me why I did it, because I honestly couldn't tell you, but it just felt right. Her glassy eyes lit up in a mischievous smile while looking back at me. A bright fucking light filled the night around us, blinding me pretty thoroughly. When I could see again, Bella was blinking at me, her nose crinkled in discomfort. It was so fucking cute I had to laugh. The spell was broken, my body fell back under my control again, and I remembered who she was and what she stood for. I mourned the loss of her weight from my legs when she got up to go back inside. She never returned, only yelling through the door as she ran downstairs that she was going to pass out. Once she was gone, three faces with stone like expressions stepped around me. I looked up furrowing my eyebrows as I tried to figure out what was happening.

Emmett growled a little under his breath as he looked down at me. "Don't you fucking dare treat my sister like one of your sluts. You pull shit like that again and I will remove your balls and hang them as a decoration above your fucking mantle." My eyes grew wide as I stared up at his face. "I know you are confused about her. I get that and I'm not going to give you shit over it. But don't play with her fucking emotions, Edward, or there will be hell to pay." I swallowed hard and nodded. I knew he was right. I had really crossed a line just then, but I was confused too. If he was so pissed about it, then why did he take a picture of it? It didn't make any fucking sense whatsoever. Andy and Jasper took their turns to back up Emmett's claims before they all left me alone on the deck in a fucked up, drunken mess. I threw my arm over my eyes and thought about all the shit that had happened over the last few years. I realized the rollercoaster I had put Bella through with my hot and cold attitude towards her while I struggled to sort my own shit out. I really was a bastard and tonight I had crossed the line back into the hot territory again. I really needed to find a balance, somewhere in between where we could be friends and not constantly confuse the both of us anymore. Someway, I had to find it. ~*~

The Seventh Summer, August 2008 BPOV I really hoped the guys didn't ever discover that Andy knew about Damon if he ever comes to light at all, because I'm sure they would totally rip him a new one. That would be especially true since I caught the son of a bitch screwing around on me. He thought he was so fucking sly only seeing her on weeknights when I was bogged down with school work and then spending time with me on the weekends. The dumbass wasn't smart enough to keep it behind closed doors so that I wouldn't happen to walk by the restaurant she worked at just as he leaned in and kissed the shit out of her in front of everyone. To say I was pissed was an understatement. To say I was frustrated I didn't have anyone to talk to was an even bigger one. I fumed as I paced in front of the restaurant, the dumbass not even observant enough to see me stalking back and forth in front of the plate glass window. I still didn't even know how he managed to get into med school, much less survive this long in the program. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I called the one person outside of my school friends who were fond of us both, to come stay with me and help me sort my feelings out since I certainly didn't have the clarity to do it on my own. Ten minutes later, he parked out front. I slid in next to him and began to relay the whole story while casting the evil eye on the perfectly matched set of blondes. It was kind of creepy actually, because they sort of looked like alike. They could have been siblings with the similarities, but I had never seen a man grope his sister like that, and this wasn't some backwoods place like in Deliverance. Andy hugged me as I cried on his chest, feeling the first true pain pushing through the anger. Not long after his arrival, they flaxen couple left the restaurant, walking down the street hand in hand, occasionally sharing kisses and caresses. Probably what hurt the most is that we had never been like that. It was mostly my fault, keeping us secret from the boys meant keeping the public displays of affection to a minimum.

Moments later, they disappeared into an apartment building a couple of blocks away from the diner. The reality of it all began to set in as my heart shattered onto the floorboard of Andy's car. Andy held me as I wept again, clutching his shirt in my fisted hand. I had never ached this badly outside of watching my parents be lowered into the ground at their funeral. Even Edward, with all the fucked up things I had to see with him and his women paled in comparison to the ache that the betrayal of the boy who I gave myself to completely. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Love wasn't supposed to hurt like this. I can't say that I had that feeling that is talked about in books and movies of your heart racing and your whole world revolving around that person when it came to Damon, but I did love him in as much as I could love someone else. It had become obvious to me long ago that the kind of romanticized poetic love that everyone searches endlessly for didn't exist. Worse than that though, obviously what Damon and I felt for each other wasn't enoughso did that mean that I didn't know how to love? Would I never find someone to share that kind of bond with? I was left in the wake of Damon's betrayal with not only the pain or rejection, but an overwhelming sense of helplessness. I realized I was damaged, probably irreparably, and with that, I was doomed to a life of loneliness. Andy drove me home, promising me that things would get better. I still had two months left before the term was over. I wondered how I was going to pass when all I felt was numb and lost. With a deep sigh, I finally curled up on my bed, pulling the blankets over my head in an attempt to hide from the world, before falling into a fitful sleep. The next morning I was awoken by Andy banging on my door. He smiled at me, offering to give me a ride to school so we could talk. I maneuvered in what could only be described as a zombie mode, as I dressed and assembled my supplies for class. I was so out of it that I hadn't even noticed Andy's bandaged hand until we got back out to his car. "Oh my God, Andy! What happened to our hand?" He smirked at me, his eyes twinkling deviously. "It had a slight collision with your ex asshole's face." My mouth dropped open in surprise. Andy talked a good talk, but he was never one to go do the violent handywork. That usually was left up to Emmett, Edward, and occasionally Jasper. "Andy, thank you, but you really shouldn't have." He shook his head as he scoffed. "The fucker had it coming. I know you won't let me tell Emmett, even though I believe these circumstances fall under the 'for your own good' clause. I also know though, that at this point he'll just hover and make it worse for you. Anyway, since he couldn't do what I know he would have, I decided to do it for him." "Oh, Andy," I whined sadly, looking at the thick gauze wrapping his hand. "It's okay, Bells. I really, really fucking wanted to do it this time. That guy is a class A prick. Needless to say," he said holding his hand up with a smirk, "I don't think you'll have to deal with him for at least a few days." I smiled, leaning across the middle console to hug his neck. "Thank you, Andy. You really are a wonderful surrogate big brother and friend."

He beamed at me from behind the wheel. "Hey, I never had any sisters or brothers. You're the closest thing I will ever have to one, and nobody fucks around with my kid sister." I smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek before hopping out to run up to the building and escape the warm day as we transitioned between Spring and Summer. Knowing that I didn't have to see his crass face did make going inside much easier than I had expected. Damon came back nearly a week later, still sporting a very colorful set of raccoon eyes, which had now begun to fade to a sickly green around the outer edges, while his eyelids were still nearly black. I couldn't help but smirk at him from across the room. Thankfully, we weren't lab partners this year, so I wouldn't have to interact with him any more than I chose to do. I'm not sure how I did it, but I managed to push my way through the last few weeks of classes. It wasn't my usual standard when it came to test scores, but considering the fact that I was still wallowing in my own personal torture, I thought it wasn't too bad. That being said, the last thing I wanted to do this summer was go to the beach. I didn't want to go relax in the sun and watch everyone else have fun. What I really wanted to do was curl up in my dark room and indulge my emo side, while eating copious amounts of Hagen Dazs, and listening to sad whiney music. Unfortunately, my brother wouldn't' hear of it. Heck, even if he did know, he never would have let me stay home and be a lazy sack of potatoes all week. I quickly gave up on my protests, dragging out my suitcase and grabbing random crap to throw in it. When I zipped it closed, I wasn't even sure if I had remembered to bring a swimsuit, not that it mattered, I did not intend to get out on the beach this week. What I did make sure to bring was an armload of books to take my mind off of everything, clearing out Emmett's stack of Stephen King books and leaving my once beloved classics behind. The shit only served to brainwash the silly young girls of the world into believing in that sappy love shit anyway. No, I was going to lose myself in death and destruction, and maybe if I was really feeling up for it, a nice pandemic plague, leaving a few select individuals behind to duke it out with the devil. In addition, I had also grabbed my iPod, connecting it to my laptop to upload the most depressing, sad, wallowing song list I could get my hands on, and then following that with the most vindictive, payback, moving on with my life playlist to round it out. Eventually I would be working my way up to motivational, I'm better than your skanky ass stuff to remind me that I was going to be better than fine without him, but I knew I wouldn't get there that week. The boys all eyed me as I dragged my suitcase behind me sullenly, tossing it on the pile in the corner with no regard for how it landed or whose case it landed on. I shuffled over to plop on the couch, popping my earbuds in my ears before choosing a song to play. Just before the music drowned out their words, I heard someone ask why I had turned into a sullen teenager now that I was in my twenties. I glanced at Andy under my lashes without looking up to see him smile at me sadly before shrugging his shoulders in reply to the query as the angry words of Alanis Morrisette's You Oughta Know drowned everything else out. When we reached the house, everyone piled out, excited to get inside and start our yearly vacation. For the first year ever, I was the last one to drag my stuff inside, carrying it to my bedroom where I tossed it on the floor before collapsing on my bed with my arm over my eyes. I could hear the guys laughing, shuffling outside of the door as they prepared to take off to the water's edge. One of the boys knocked on the door on his way by. I didn't reply, just laying there unmoving as I heard the

door slowly open. I heard Edward's voice call to me quietly, but I didn't respond. As I hoped, he assumed I was asleep, closing the door quietly and leaving me alone in my room listening to Chevelle croon about shoving the pain below. I should probably be doing that, but right now, I preferred to do the girl thing and wallow. Later that night, I had still not moved when another knock rang out at my door. Deciding that I had probably reached the end of my freebie wallow time, I called out for whoever it was to come in. Emmett lumbered into the room, the bed dipping deeply at my side as he sat down on the edge, frown lines marring his forehead. "You okay, Squirt? It's not like you to not hit the beach as soon as we get here. You sick or something?" I sighed, massaging the headache brewing in my forehead. "Kinda, brother bear. I've got a headache and just didn't feel like getting out in the sun." He sighed, running his hand over my forehead like our mother used to do when we were sick, checking for a temperature while also smoothing the hair away. "Supper's ready if you want to come up and eat. Edward grilled out steaks and corn on the cob and Andy made potato salad." I smiled up at him, although I knew it came off flat. "Sounds good," I mumbled, reaching my hands out for him to take and assist me out of bed. "Lead the way." He smiled, wrapping and arm around my shoulder as he led me from my room and up the stairs. The stereo was going and the boys all seemed to be cheerful as they shuffled out to the deck with plates and silverware. I followed them out, carrying a handful of glasses that had been waiting on the counter to be taken next trip. I sat between Emmett and Andy and picked at my food as the boys joked loudly, although I didn't miss the sly looks my way from time to time by each of them. It was Edward who finally addressed me directly. "Did I overcook it, Bella? You always put away my steaks like nobody's business, but you've barely touched it tonight." I looked up at him sheepishly. I had hoped they hadn't been noticing my lack of appetite, but obviously, I was wrong. "No, it's delicious. I'm just not that hungry. I've got a bit of a headache." I replied quietly. Nobody really responded to my answer, but I still noticed the furtive glances. I helped them clean up, disappearing back into my room the second I was done with the last dish, telling them all I was turning in with the hope that sleep would chase the building migraine away. They all wished me a good night and stayed quiet until I closed the door to the stairwell. I smiled as their voices all started at once the second the door was closed asking what was going on with me. Only one person knew the real answer, and I hoped he wouldn't go blabbing. The next morning I was awoken by loud pounding on my door. I moaned, rolling over and slamming the pillow over my head to muffle the noises. Seconds later the door flew open and massive hands grabbed the pillow, pulling it off of my face. "How you feeling, Squirt?" The booming voice of my brother echoed off the walls, making me moan and grab for the other pillow in order to hide, as Emmett grabbed it out of reach. "Come on, kid. I think you need to get out and get some fresh air. It's eleven o'clock. You've been in this room for the better part of eighteen hours with the exception for supper last night. Obviously sleeping isn't

helping, so maybe getting off your ass will!" "Damn it, Emmett. You're killing my head! Will you shut the fuck up? I feel like I've been hit by a fucking truck. Please just let me stay inside and rest. I promise if you give me today, I'll get out tomorrow if the sleep hasn't helped." "You promise?" I groaned, "Yes, Emmett." "Cross your heart and hope to die?" I sighed, grabbing the pillow from his hand to hide again. "Yes." "Stick a needle in your eye?" I sat up hitting him repeatedly with the pillow as I yelled. "FortheloveofGodEmmett! Leave methe fuckalone!" He chuckled, shaking his head as he got up and headed for the door. "Just remember, you promised." I groaned, tugging the blankets up over my head as I tried again to hide in the darkness. Sometime around one, Andy came in with a sandwich and juice. I thanked him as I moved to lean against the headboard. He sat the tray in my lap. "Sweetheart, I know you're still upset, but this isn't good for you. This isn't going to solve anything. I hate to do this to you, but if you don't snap out of it by later tonight, I'm telling the guys everything." I jumped, my heart pounding so hard I could feel the movement of my blood coursing around my ears. "Oh please don't, Andy. The last thing I need is to have that mess on my hands. Not only that, Emmett would be so disappointed in me for lying all that time. You know, I think that's the worse part of it all. I did so many things I would never normally do. I was so deceptive and greedy, betraying many of my own virtuesand for what? To have some stupid cheating boyfriend for a year and a half? I would have been better off not changing who I was in order to have a relationship and letting you guys chase him off like all the others. At least then I wouldn't be in this mess, feel the way I do, or hate myself as much as I do right now." Andy sighed, reaching out to run a hand through my hair, pushing it back from my face. "Honey, this is a lesson we all have to learn at sometime in our lives. You would have learned this one years ago, I'm sure, if life hadn't thrown us all the curveball that it did. Once you moved here with Emmett, he was so dead set on protecting you from everything, that he didn't give you the chance to make all the mistakes and learn all of the lessons that he should have. So now, you're learning them a bit late, but at least you're learning. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this is all going to blow over and this whole situation will be something that you're going to laugh over, or at least tell to your girlfriends on drunken nights when you're sharing horror stories. And guess what? On that night with your friends, you're going to find out that almost every one of them has a story nearly as traumatic as yours, or in some cases even worse. " I sighed, picking at the sandwich as he continued on. "Love is a messy business, Bella, but someday you'll meet someone who is the right match for you. When that happens, everything will work itself out."

I nodded, thanking him before he let himself out. I slowly ate the food he brought me as I thought about his words. I couldn't help but feel silly as I replayed the conversation, realizing we sounded for all the world like some Saturday Morning Special directed toward teenagers teaching morals like the dangers of drugs and underage sex. I sighed, rubbing my temples as I realized he was right. I needed to start small, but I definitely needed to push myself out of this funk. Once I finished my food, I got up to shower, tossing on a pair of cut off shorts and a tank top. I combed my hair, leaving it wet and loose around my shoulders as I slid on my sunglasses and sandals before stepping out into the bright sunny day. I looked up and down the beach to find it deserted. I hadn't heard the boys in the house, so I peeked around the side of the house to see the car was gone. Evidently, they decided to run an errand or just get out for a while. I threw in my earbuds and began to walk along the damp sand at the edge of the waterline, simply wandering without purpose. The lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel Eyes bounced around in my head as I kept pace to the beat of the song with my steps. I sighed as I felt a kinship to the girl in the song, and also empowered as I listened to the chorus a second time. Because I can't breathe, I can't sleep. I'm barely hanging on. Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one. Broken up, deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I cry. Behind These Hazel Eyes. Just as the song was wrapping up, I heard the shouting of deep voices behind me. I turned to see all four of my boys, barreling down the beach toward me at full speed. Not a one of them had their shirts on, displaying the rippling of their muscles as they ran. Suddenly, without any warning, I broke out into hysterical laughter. I glanced around noticing the girls splayed out behind me in the deeper sand, all staring with drool running from their mouths as they watched the boys sprint toward me, making me laugh all the harder. It felt good to actually release some of my energy in another form besides tears. When they reached me, they all stepped around me, beaming down at me with sparkling eyes. "She's Alive!" Jasper shouted, tugging me into his side. I cut my eyes toward the girls who were all staring at me with pure hatred, making me laugh even more. "Hey, she's my sister, get out of the way!" Emmett boomed as he elbowed Jasper's side to get his arms around me, tugging me into a tight hug. "You feeling better, kid? You had me worried." I sighed, feeling bad that my emo sulking had upset him. I smiled up at him as I wiggled my nose. "Yeah, I think so. I'm not going to overdo it, but I do feel better." I cast a look Andy's way as he smiled and nodded, some of the tension in his shoulders releasing at my

affirmation. Edward smirked down at me from across the circle. The perfection of his lips and his green eyes still made my heart skip a little even in my depressed state. "Well, we've got a surprise for you, Bella. So how about we get you back to the house?" I smiled at him with a nod before accepting the hand he stretched toward me in offering. He held it for a few steps before yanking it so that I bumped into his side as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Bella. You had us all worried. You sure you're okay?" I chuckled as I nodded up at him, the smile on my face actually reaching my eyes for the first time in months. "Good!" he shouted before turning to sweep me up bridal style, taking off down the beach in his arms. I squealed in surprise before holding on to his neck tightly as he dashed back toward the house. I heard the boys yell behind us before the sound of three more sets of thundering feet sounded behind us, slowly catching up to us. Edward was just slightly faster, even with the extra weight, beating them to the house by a few seconds. He rushed up the deck steps to set me on my feet on the dark brown wood. I watched in a lusty haze as he bent at the waist, panting with the exertion. Sweat glistened along his long, firm, tanned muscles, making me tingle down below. I had really blocked out my attraction for Edward over the past year. Between what he had pulled at Dooley's and the fact that I felt guilty letting myself look while with Damon, I had just done my best not to look his way when he wasn't fully covered up. Edward had always caused responses in my body from the first summer I met him, but this year, having known what I actually feels like to be physically connected to a man in every way, the attraction had increased tenfold. I got lost for a few minutes in my daydreams of sweeping my tongue across the long lines of his pecs and abs, kissing my way down his perfectly carved chest as my fingers explored the peaks and valleys of every sinew. I could almost taste the sweat on my lips as I would work my way back up to his neck, sucking and nipping at the corded flesh before our mouths would meet in a slow, needful kiss. Unfortunately, that was as far as the daydreams got before the rest of the boys regained their breath and started speaking, pulling me back to reality, but not before my underwear became thoroughly drenched. They all tossed on t-shirts they had laying around on the deck before shedding shoes and gesturing for me to go into the living room. I stopped as I stared around at the spread before me, shoving my sunglasses onto the top of my head. There was every form of movie food I could dream up, along with a selection of movies fanned out on the coffee table in front of the couch. The smell of sweet kettle cooked popcorn filled the air making my mouth water. The boys chuckled as they watched my wide, childlike smile fill my face. I ran over to plop on the couch, finding a wide selection of movies ranging from Something About Mary, a personal guilty pleasure, to Blackhawk Down and everything in between. I giggled as I looked through the titles, finally deciding that I needed some comedy, going with Something About Mary first. The boys plopped down with me as we watched, all of us moaning at the gross parts. I had to admit, I had a whole new respect for how disgusting the cum hair gel was now than I ever had before.

Night time came, and along with it arrived the time that we would all normally go out. The boys tried to talk me into going, but I just didn't think I was ready for it yet. I begged off, claiming that I did not want to do too much too quickly and have my headache come back. I walked over to plug my iPod into the sound system since I was on my own for the night, just planning on chilling out while they went out on the town. The boys came up twenty minutes later, all cleaned up and ready to enjoy a night out at one of our regular summer haunts. I promised them I would just relax, waving them off as they offered one last time to stay. I wasn't going to be responsible for them missing out on having some fun, so I told them I'd be fine hanging out with my movies and junk food. Soon I had the house to myself. I watched another movie, mistakenly choosing Eurotrip, completely forgetting it ended up with happy, if not totally screwed up, couples getting together in the end. After watching the dorky guy who tried to get laid all across Europe end up being faithful to Michelle Trachtenberg's character, even if he tried to make it sound like he wasn't, was enough to send me into another bought of depression. I growled, turning off the TV and flipping on my iPod before moving over to the wetbar that now held all the alcohol of the house in one central location. I perused the bottles, finding nasty bottles of scotch and more of Carlisle's bourbon before laying hands on the bottle of Jack Daniels we had picked up before we headed out so we weren't drinking away Esme and Carlisle's stores without replacing them to some degree. I looked around eyeing the coke speculatively, before curling my lip in a snarl, taking the whole fifth with me to huddle down on the couch. I had switched to my vindictive angry playlist, bouncing my head to the beat as Evanescence's Everybody's Fool played. I opened the top, tipping it back to take a big drink, smiling at the warmth. It was time to get out some of my anger and annoyance while I had the house to myself. I took a few more deep gulps before getting up to move the coffee table under the TV and shoving the couch aside as best I could so I had a little dance floor as I began to sing and bang my head to song. By the time the track ended, I was a little dizzy and a lot nauseas. I plopped back on the couch, picking up my cell phone to send a text to Damon. I know, angry drunk texting was not cool, but I just wanted to let him know exactly how much of a dick he was. The songs changed one after the other, as I became more and more numbed by the quickly disappearing amber liquid in the tall squared bottle. Soon the music switched to a country feel, making me laugh. Nobody could do angry rebound music like country singers could. I hopped up, singing along with Carrie Underwood as she talked about abusing her ex's precious truck, teaching him a lesson not to cheat again. I would never actually do it, but the wonderful daydreams about slashing the tires and beating the shit out of Damon's precious Ford F150 were vindicating none the less. I was halfway through loudly singing along with Miranda Lambert's Kerosene, only about an inch left in the bottom of the bottle, sloshing around as I gestured to the music. I was so lost in my angsty girl wallowing, that I hadn't even heard the door. I did, however, about jump out of my skin when I heard Edward's slurred voice from the vestibule yell out "What the Fuck?" EPOV Something was up with Bella. She was really depressed and shit and none of us could figure out why. To be honest, I was starting to get worried because she had never been this fucking antisocial. Even when she was pissed as hell at me, she still would be on the beach before the rest of us could even get our shit to our rooms. So when she never came out the first day, I was immediately suspicious.

When she didn't get up before Emmett had to go wake her up the next day I knew something was really fucking wrong and it wasn't just a damn headache either. Bella always said nothing would keep her from her beach, so for a headache to keep her locked in her room was just plain strange and not like her at all. After she stayed in her room through lunch the next day, I suggested we do something to help encourage her out of her room. After some brainstorming we came up with the idea of a movie and junk food afternoon. Excited by the prospect of pulling Bella out of her room, we all piled in the car to go. We had a hard time deciding what to rent. It would have been a lot easier if we had a chick with us to help. Andy seemed to adamantly turn down all the lovey dovey chick flicks, saying that since she didn't date much, it might make her even more sad to have that shit shoved in her face. When we got back to the house, loaded down with every kind of theater junk you could think of, we laid it all out and went down to go find Bella and let her know what we had been up to. We were all shocked as hell when her room was empty. We searched the house and she was nowhere to be found. Feeling hopeful for the first time in the past couple of days, we stepped out on the deck to see if she was hanging out, feeling immediately disappointed that she wasn't there, until we started scanning the shoreline, seeing an outline that looked a lot like her, walking down the shore, about a quarter of a mile away. Within seconds, we had all tossed off our shirts, hopping down the stairs and sprinting down the shore toward her. When we had gotten halfway to where she was, Emmett started yelling out her name, soon after we joined him. The wind blew her hair all around her as she slowly turned our way, her frown slowly turning into a smile that then turned into her cackling like a fucking hyena. If I wasn't so fucking relieved to hear her laugh, I would have been worried. We quickly led her back to the house, my impatience leading me to carry her the rest of the way to the deck. She seemed so happy as we all sat around laughing at the stupidity that was Something About Mary. We watched two more movies with her before we had to get ready to go out. I was disappointed that she didn't want to go with us. I hoped that maybe she would want to get out for a while again, since her walk seemed to go so well. She wouldn't let us stay home with her either, which made me feel bad, but at the same time, I was looking forward to getting back out and enjoying the local flavor of the northern suburbs. It was hard to get into the night, knowing Bella was all alone back at the house. Part of me wanted to just grab a cab and go back to surprise her and just chill. We hadn't hung out just the two of us in nearly a year. Between classes and study groups, she never seemed to have much spare time, up until recently at least. The last couple of months she had been around more, but was stressed about school and didn't hang with the rest of us much, choosing to study in her room when we were around instead. About an hour into our night at the club, I finally had ingested enough alcohol that my worries about Bella faded into a nice general buzz. It was then that I finally realized there was a nice selection of hotties to choose from in the place that night. After glancing around a few times, I zeroed in on a pretty little gal with auburn hair. She was sitting in a dark corner with a few girl friends; slowly nursing some kind of hard alcohol on the rocks looking like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. My mind drifted back to Bella, and my brain slipped into this fucked up logic that if Bella wouldn't let us take her out and have some fun, then I would help this poor girl who seemed so sad. I walked over, asking her to dance. She looked surprised as she slowly assessed me, looking from my face to

my body and then back to my face as a twinkle lit her eyes. We spent the next hour drinking round after round of her really dry brand of Scotch on the rocks, taking time to dance between drunken ramblings about fucking repressive responsibilities and needing to unplug. Eventually our dancing turned more adventurous, making us both hot and bothered. Images of having her laid out on her bed while I chased away her repressive shit made me even harder. She noticed, smiling at me through her glassy lustful eyes. Next thing I knew, we were in a cab making our way to a neighborhood really close to the beach house. We stumbled our way into her middle class brick home, kissing and rubbing as we closed the door behind us. After a few good minutes of groping, she asked me to excuse her for just a minute, disappearing into a room down a long hall, leaving me alone in her living room. I checked my breath and felt my back pocket to make sure I had replaced the rubber before I left the house. I was all set, now all I had to do was wait. I wandered around the cream colored room, noticing a bunch of pictures on the fireplace in the dark room. I stumbled my way over to the mantle, examining the pictures that made my stomach run cold. There in a fancy sliver frame perched a picture of the cute girl I had brought home. She was standing next to a man while wearing a wedding dress, smiling sweetly up at him as the picture was taken. I walked down the row, my stomach's contents threatening to burst out of my throat as I looked at scenes of the man and woman smiling in photographs with children of various ages, looking like perfect mixtures of the pair seated all around them. The most recent picture showed a family of six, the oldest child appearing to be about ten, the youngest only a couple of years old. I heard her gasp behind me as I spun dizzily in her direction. "Are you fucking married?" I heard her whimper, but could not make out her face. "We're notI'm nothe's." "Answer the fucking question. Are you married or not? And where the fuck are all these kids that look just like you?" Her breath hitched as she fell onto the chair behind her, bending at the waist. "They're out of town with their father. He's interviewing for a job near his family and he took the kids with him to visit while he's there." "Okay, that's where the fucking kids are, but you still haven't answered my question. Areyoufuckingmarried?" She looked up at me, a car passing by at the exact moment revealing the bitter expression on her face. "Does it really matter? You came back here to fuck me. I need to feel like a fucking woman again, not some slave to that man and those kids who suck the life out of me like fucking leaches. I don't want to move to fucking Oklahoma. There's nothing in Oklahoma but flat fields in every direction. It's one of the most boring states in the whole fucking country. Why should we leave here to go there of all places?" "Fuck. I thought I was a selfish son of a bitch! You committed yourself to this man, you had children with him who love you and depend on you. How can you not want to be with them wherever the fuck they are? You, you're just like her. You're just like my fucking slut of a mother. She dumped me with my aunt and uncle to go whore it up in Europe and blow all her millions on drugs and shit. Oh hell no. I am out of here. I don't fuck married women, and I definitely don't fuck married moms. Fuck this shit!"

I listened to her sob as I stumbled out the front door to the street. I was pretty sure I was only a few blocks from the house, so I started walking, squinting at the road signs as I met each street until finally I found the right one. I looked up and down the road before I recognized a few houses and took off in the direction of a bed I could pass out in and forget this fucking awful night. I walked up to the door, surprised to hear some country song that sounded like they tried to make it popular by adding some rock elements. I walked further in to see Bella, standing in the middle of the room, singing along with a nearly demolished bottle of Jack in her hand. She was obviously drunk as hell, not even able to stand up straight and yet her voice sounded amazing as she sang along. I tried to focus on the words, noticing it mentioned something about 'trade the truth in for a lie, cheatin' really ain't a crime,' but none of it really soaked in as I stood mesmerized by her voice as she crooned along. I didn't even really have the chance to focus on the fact that it hurt my feelings that she traded going out with us for getting drunk back here, alone like an alkie, singing along to angry girl country rock shit. It wasn't until the line "I'm giving up on love, 'cause love's given up on me," that I was slapped into reality. Why the fuck was Bella listening to some sappy guy hating song about cheating anyway? All the hurt I felt about her ditching us to party solo, combined with the angsty feeling the cheating bitch brought up in me all boiled out as I leaned against the door. "What the Fuck?" Bella spun too quickly for her drunken equilibrium with wide, surprised eyes. She stumbled forward to cut the music, nearly falling on her face as she did, turning the volume so low you could barely hear it. The annoying country twang of the banjo or whatever hell instrument they tossed in to ruin a perfectly good fucking beat stopped. "Shit, Edward, you scared the shit outta me." She slurred as she stumbled back to the couch. She looked back over squinting like she was confused as I walked over to plop next to her, yanking the bottle out of her hand and downing the last inch left in the bottle. "Where's everybody?" I groaned. I didn't want to tell her this story, but I wasn't going to lie. "Ugh, I picked up a chick tonight, went to her place only to find out she was married with four kids. I flipped out on her for being a fucking selfish bitch and walked back here. It was only like eight blocks or something." The music changed to something slower that I recognized as Saliva's Rest in Pieces, although it was barely loud enough to hear. I looked over at Bella, expecting disgust or annoyance, but instead she was starting at me with the softest look, tears welling in her eyes. "Bella, what's wrong?" A second later, she jumped across the couch, wrapping her arms around my neck burying her face in the crook of my neck. "You are such a good guy, Edward. You think you're not, but you are." I tugged on her arms, leaning her back so I could see her face. "What the hell is going on with you, Bella? Would you please tell me what the fuck is wrong?" She cinched her eyes closed shaking her head. "I don't want to talk about it. It's over and I'm going to move on and just deal with shitbut I want to just say that you are a good man. Most men wouldn't give a fuck,

they'd fuck her anyway if she'd let them, but youyou have in..interintegrity. You pretend you don't, you hide it deep, but you do." She moved her hands up to cup my face, moving in as she made her drunken speech, only stopping when she was less than an inch away from me. Her deep brown eyes looked so intense, her goodness shining underneath. I felt my control buckling around me between the look in her eyes, the closeness of her body, and the alcohol chipping away at my resistance. The only thing I really wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss all her fucking sadness away. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but my Bella was unhappy and that made the whole universe fucking wrong. The iPod fell off the shelf, hitting the button that switched the feed to the satellite radio channel just as Falls on Me by Fuel started and I groaned at fate's twisted torture. That fucking song always made me think of Bella every time I heard it. It made me want to kiss her even more as she started singing along to the music as she curled up into my side, burrowing her face in my chest. I've seen you hangin' round This darkness where I'm bound An' this black hole I've dug for me And silently within With hands touchin' skin The shock breaks my disease And I can breathe All of your ways All you dreamfalls on me It falls on me And our beautiful sky The light you bring Falls on me It falls on me.hahhhhah Ahh, your faithlike a pain Draws me in again She washes all my wounds for me With darkness in my veins I never could explain

And I wonder if you've ever seen Will you still believe? By the time the chorus was supposed to repeat for a second time, she had completely melted into my side, her breathing steady as her body curled toward me, her left leg tossed over my right. My heart ached more than usual as I held her by my side and wondered what my life would be like if things had been different. I marveled at the fact that my world could be completely different. I might have been married with kids and a house in the 'burbs of my own. My heart lurched again at that thought. Any life that didn't include Bella in some form or another just felt wrong; even to consider it for the briefest of moments seemed nearly blasphemous. I reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear so I could see her beautiful face, relaxed in a deep alcohol induced sleep. My own eyelids felt heavier as I stared down at the angel at my side and for the briefest of moments, I began to imagine a life with her by my side. It was too beautiful for wordsif only I weren't the fucked up asshole that I was. I scoffed as the bridge began. My last thoughts were, 'if only' as my eyes fell shut for the last time, leaving me to fall into a deep sleep. Am I that strong? To carry on I might change your life And might save my world Could you save me?...Huhhhhhah I woke up laying awkwardly on the couch, my chin resting on my chest, making my neck scream in pain. I moaned, shifting a little before flashes of the night before came forward. I jumped up, looking around to find Bella was no longer sleeping next to me, her spot on the couch holding no lingering body heat. She had either gotten up herself and gone to bed, or more likely considering how much she had drank, one of the guys carried her to bed. I squinted toward the doors to the deck noticing how bright the sun was as it shined from its place quite a distance above the horizon. I guessed from the sun that it was probably close to nine or so in the morning. I shifted again, moaning as my neck popped loudly. I whimpered as I stumbled toward the kitchen in search of some water to relieve the sandpaper feeling in my mouth. Before I could even make it to the counter, the thundering sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs informed me that Emmett was up and making a direct beeline for me. The door slammed open before he stormed to my side, yanking the water bottle out of my hand and slamming it on the counter. "What the fuck happened last night, Edward? I come home to find my sister so fucked up that I could probably light her breath on fire and all snuggled up with you all wrapped around her." I sighed rubbing my hands through my hair. "It's all pretty fucking fuzzy man, but I'll tell you the best that I

can." Ten minutes later, Emmett was frowning down at me before casting a look toward the door leading to the basement. "Okay, man, thanks for telling me all that shit. You're right, something is up and I sure don't fucking like her drinking alone. I'm going to find out what the fuck is happening." I groaned in response before getting up to get another bottle of water and two Tylenol from the cabinet. "Okay, man. I really need to shower and crash to sleep this shit off some more. Just do me a favor and update me later?" He nodded absentmindedly as the basement door opened, revealing Jasper and Andy, both looking worse for wear. He stalked to their side, grabbing them both by the elbow and leading them toward the deck. I watched, squinting at the sunlight, before they disappeared through the door. I stumbled into the basement for a few more blissful hours of escape from my pounding head and all of the fucking drama. BPOV I woke up the next morning tucked warmly in my bed. I groaned, rolling to my stomach and pulling the drool soaked pillow over my head to hide from the light peeking in through the edges of the blinds. I wiggled in my sheets a time or two, trying to find a sweet spot when I froze, pushing up on my elbows to look at the clock as memories from the night before flashed behind my eyes. Jack Daniels, straight up, singing along to Carrie and Miranda, Edward scaring me, catching me doing the whole boyfriend survival ritual, Edward telling me about why he was home so early. My heart skipped a beat as I remember hugging myself to him, telling him that he was a good man. He had turned down a married woman, walked away from an easy lay because he felt it was wrong. The total irony of Slutward turning down a hot and ready woman on principle reignited that piece inside me that had always seen the good inside him and loved him for it. I cringed as I remembered my drunken confession that I knew he was a good man hiding behind bad deeds as I held his face in my hands, his eyes growing wide and looking panicked. I'm sure for him it felt like a repeat of the first kiss debacle of 2002. He stayed stiff and uncomfortable next to me for the rest of the night as I clung to him like white on rice until I passed out while curled into his side. Oh Holy Hell! Why did I always have to make stuff so much harder than it already was? In the same ridiculous moment, I rekindled my freaking teenage crush on Edward and managed to freak him out again. Way to go, Bella! I groaned again as I shifted to the side of my bed, rolling out while clutching my head in my hands as it pounded painfully in a strange rhythm that reminded me of an African tribal band. I happened to look at my bedside table, smiling as I saw two Tylenol and a bottle of water waiting for me. I took them before shuffling to the shower, letting the steam and the streams of hot water pounding my back release the tension in my body. I felt a bit more human as I dressed and dried my hair before slowly making my way upstairs. All the boys besides Edward were congregated in the living room, before them sat a plate heaped with bacon and eggs, toast and a tall glass of orange juice. "Have a seat please, kiddo." Emmett said with a loving smile.

I glanced at a guilty looking Andy, smiling slightly at him as I took my place between Emmett and Jasper on the couch. "Go ahead, eat up, Squirt. This might take a while." I sighed, picking up my fork to stir the scrambled eggs, already salted and peppered for me. I scooped a forkful into my mouth, trying to force myself past my body's protests, knowing that it would help me feel better in the long run. Once I had taken a few bites, the dreaded conversation began. "Bella, Andy told us all about what's been going on with this Damon fucker. I'm really sorry that happened to you, but more than that, I'm really sorry that you felt you couldn't tell us about it. I want you to know that I love you and you can always come to me, no matter what. I knew something was wrong, but fuck if I knew what it was. Thankfully, Andy already took care of beating the mother fucker for us, but I just want to make sure that you know that we are all here for you." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "Does Edward know?" He shook his head. "He told me about what happened while we were gone when he woke up about 9:30, but he went back to bed right after. He was asleep when Andy told us what he knew about this Damon guy." I cleared my throat, taking a long drink of the OJ. "Can you guys do me a favor and not tell him?" Emmett frowned at me, "He wants to know what's wrong, kiddo. We can't leave him hanging. Why don't you want him to know?" I shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't. It's bad enough all of you know. He'll just act weird around me if he knew. I already freaked him out enough last night. I don't need to weird him out even more." Emmett smirked at me. "Freaked him out how?" I sighed. "When he told me about blowing off the married chick, it really resonated with me considering all the shit I've been going through, so I sort of hugged him and almost kissed him when I told him that he really was a good guy even if he tried to prove otherwise all the time. His eyes were so big and he got all uncomfortable and stiff next to me, but I was so drunk I didn't care. I just curled up to his side because I wanted to be close to him and passed out. I'm sure he felt like he was reliving the nightmare of the night I kissed him when I was sixteen." "Excuse me?" Emmett bellowed, his face getting ten shades of purple. "He fucking kissed you when you were sixteen? I'm going to fucking kill him." I started laughing as I put my hand out on his arm. "No, Emmett. He didn't kiss me. I kissed him. It was stupid and I was freaking out about Jake being my first kiss, so I sort of attacked Edward. He stopped me and explained to me that I shouldn't be freaking out and helped me calm down. He never told you guys because he knew you'd freak out. Anyway, I totally freaked the shit out of him that night. He acted weird around me for weeks after that, and now it will be the same thing all over again." Emmett smirked down at me as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Kiddo, kiddo, kiddo, for someone who knows so much about Edward, you sure do read him wrong sometimes, especially when it comes to his reactions to you." He kissed my forehead as I scowled up at him in confusion.

He laughed down at me shaking his head. "Never mind, it's not a big deal. Just know that you didn't scare him and even if he does get weird about it, he'll get over it quickly. He's always had a soft spot for you. You guys may hit your rough patches, but in the end, you always work it out and manage to be friends again. This will be no different. I relaxed into his side with a sigh. I hoped he was right. To my relief, the rest of the week wasn't that bad at all. Before it was all said and done, the boys even got me to go out a couple of nights. Edward was fine too. I figured he probably just didn't remember any of it. I breathed in a huge sigh of relief. I so dodged a bullet there! We were on our way back home, for some odd reason listening to the local radio station when they announced a new song just released that week from Pink. I cheered, excited to hear the newest from one of my favorite artists while the rest of the guys all groaned. I begged Andy to turn it up, bouncing along to the beat from the beginning, but once I heard the lyrics I was in love. Miss Pink just gave me my freaking anthem to get my through the rest of my recovery time. Andy, Emmett, and Jasper smiled at me knowingly as I bounced around in the back seat, bobbing my head to the music while Edward stared at me like I were an alien, blissfully out of the loop. By the second run through of the chorus, I was singing along, all the boys turning to me in surprise, except for Emmett and Edward who smiled at me happily. So, so what, I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves and I don't need you And guess what, I'm havin' more fun And now that we're done I'm gonna show you tonight I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool So, so what, I am a rock star I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight When it was over, I clapped my hands and squealed in an Alice like fashion. "Oh my God! I freaking love that song. As soon as we get home, I am going straight to my laptop to download it! That was freaking awesome!" The guys all laughed as we made our way through the traffic back to the heart of the city. I smiled at them knowing that they just didn't understand, but in that moment, I finally felt like I was really going to be okay. Suddenly the school year ahead of me didn't seem anywhere near as daunting. I was strong, independent, and I was going to make it. I didn't need a man in my life, I already had four, and for now they were all that I really needed. ~*~ Featured Music: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette Send the Pain Below by Chevelle Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson Everybody's Fool by Evanesence Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood Kerosene by Miranda Lambert Rest in Pieces by Saliva Falls On Me by Fuel

So What by Pink

~*~

The Last Summer "Before", August 2009 BPOV The music was pumping, the sand was crowded, and the alcohol was flowing. This year we had not only the normal beach crew on hand for my blowout bonfire in honor of my graduating Med School, but we also invited all of my fellow classmates, minus one big poser, aka my ex. Everyone came except he who was not invited, and Alice whose parent's took her to Monaco to celebrate her success in style by blowing lots and lots of money. Emmett was happily sitting on a lounger by the water with Rose draped across his lap. I was so happy for them. At first things were a bit strained, but eventually I learned how to take Rose and she learned how to accept me and eventually we managed to develop a pretty decent friendship. I expected that sometime pretty soon my life was going to make another big shift. At least this time I knew to expect what was coming. I made my way around the crowd, making sure everyone was having a good time. Fun seemed to be had by all as I drifted in and out of the clusters of people around the fire. I shimmied past a group of girls all flirting with Edward, rolling my eyes at the display that was pretty much par for the course while in his company, to fight my way back to the bar. I asked for a double shot of Patron and a large long island iced tea, downing the shot immediately, biting into a tangy lemon wedge to kill the bite before turning back to the group in front of me. Edward looked over the head of the blonde in front of me and smiled wickedly, raising his glass in the air that the girl had just handed him as if in a toast, before tossing back the shot. "I'm really proud of you, Bella." He yelled with a slur over her shoulder. The girl looked over her shoulder giving me a dirty look. By this point, I was so tipsy I shot a snarl back at her, displaying my fingers like claws as I hissed. She leaned away with wide eyes before trying to hide behind a laughing Edward. I chuckled before walking away. I was feeling way too good to let any hussy who felt the need to go possessive on the guy I had been friends with for the better part of a decade get the upper hand. It was my party for fucks sake. I was going to enjoy it. I only made it two steps before Jasper's smirk blocked my way. He looked over my shoulder and left before laughing even harder. "Never knew you were a tiger under all that sweetness, Bella Blue. I do believe you scared that little girl to death." I glanced back to see her looking my way timidly before jerking her head back to observe Edward's harem. I laughed turning back to look at Jasper. "Little miss thing tried to go all bitchy when Edward told me he was proud of me. I swear, if the girl can't even handle how he treats a friend, then I can't even imagine how she'll cope with the rest of the skanks out to nail him." Jasper chuckled, mumbling something under his breath about being observant and seeing the biggest threat in the room, but it didn't make any sense. I figured he was probably as drunk as I was and just

chalked it up to drunk rambling. Andy walked up while we were talking, offering me the second shot glass in his hand, smiling at me as I took it and tapped it against him before tossing it back with a hiss. Seconds later, I was raised airborne as two strong arms wrapped around my waist, shifting me until I was perched on a pair of wide shoulders. I screeched until I looked down to see Emmett's curly hair. He turned in a slow circle, his voice booming loudly above the murmuring chatter of the conversations taking place around us. "Attention, please! Hey everybody, look over at the beautiful girl sitting on my shoulders! Yo, Assholes, I want you to listen!" Finally after I almost lost my balance laughing, the crowd was all staring at me with bright smiles. Normally I would have been mortified, but at that moment, I could have cared less. "Thank you all for coming," Emmett yelled again. "I think you all know why we're here, but just in case you missed it, my kid sister hear became Dr. Swan this last week! So I want you all to join me in lifting a glass in order to toast the smartest gal I've ever known in person and the best fucking sister any dude could ever ask for!" Jasper stepped up, handing me a huge glass filled with some foreign red liquid with a smile. Emmett waited to make sure I was ready and balanced before lifting his glass above the crowd. "To Bella!" "To Bella!" the crowd yelled in reply. I saw dozens of faces of my school friends and beach friends, but the few that stood out amongst the rest were my boys. Jasper and Andy looked so proud and Edward stared at me so intensely it gave me shivers. His harem appeared to have been forgotten. I smiled lifting the glass to my mouth to take a drink of whatever Jasper had given me, only to spew it out in a fiery mist. "What the fuck?" I screeched as Jasper, Andy, and Emmett all laughed. I looked up to see Edward doubled over in laughter before he started shoving his way through the crowd toward us. I felt myself being lowered to the ground just as he reached us, a chuckle in his voice. "Are you okay?" I groaned. "Yeah, they're just trying to kill me by making me drink fire." Edward took the cup, sniffing it with a crinkled nose before looking up at Jasper. "What the fuck is this, man?" Jasper chuckled. "My own creation, one of her long islands mixed with some of that moonshine I brought back from Texas and a shot of Patron just to top it off." Edward punched Jasper's shoulder looking annoyed. "You trying to fucking kill her, asshole?" Jasper groaned, rubbing his arm. "Fuck, Edward! I knew she'd spit it out, you douche. I never would have let her actually drink it. I just thought it'd be funny." "Yeah, well find a better way next time, asshole. If she actually drank that sludge, she could have gotten alcohol poisoning from that homemade shit. I thought you'd be more careful than that when it came to our girl." Jasper smirked at him, one side of his lips almost snarling. "Yeah, well if you actually spent some time with her tonight instead of trying to get your cock polished, then maybe you would have been around to catch me before she actually drank the shit. The party's supposed to be about her, shitface, not you."

Edward took a step closer to Jasper just as Jasper's hand balled up at his side. I looked around hoping Em or Andy was seeing this, but both were now busy with their girls. I rolled my eyes before putting my hands between them, pushing them apart to stand between them. "You two, back the fuck off." I turned to Edward, reaching my hand up to his cheek. "I'm fine, Edward. See? I didn't drink it and I'm fine." I couldn't help but notice he closed his eyes when I touched him for a moment before opening them, looking down at me with a softened expression and nodding. Once I was convinced he was calm, I turned to Jasper. I reached out to his arm, sliding my hand down to his fist, holding it in my hand. "Same to youdon't think I won't pay your ass back later, but it won't be tonight and for now I'm just fine. The only thing that can get me down tonight is for the two of you to fight." I shifted so I could glance back and forth between the two of them. "Now this is my party and I don't want any emo bullshit, so you guys go and do what you do best. You got a decent little barrel to shoot 'em out of tonight, so go find whatever distraction you'd like. Meanwhile, I think I'm going to go do a little shootin' of my own." I smirked nodding toward two hot guys talking by the fire. I glanced back at Jasper and Edward, who were both scowling before I took a step in the direction of the two guys. It only took all of five minutes to decide that both of the guys were as dry as three day old toast. Now it was suddenly clear why they were standing alone in spite of being quite attractive. I soon discovered they had come with Alistair, which suddenly explained so much. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I begged off and hid on the opposite side of the party. A deep velvety chuckle behind me caught me off guard. I jumped and spun to see Edward smirking at me. "So I assume that the guys weren't as interesting as you thought." I rolled my eyes with a chuckling groan. "Oh my God, E. They made Ben Stein seem energetic and intriguing. I don't think I've ever almost fallen asleep standing up before! I think I need to find Jasper's mixed drink from hell just to find my buzz again." He chuckled, shaking his head before handing me a long island iced tea that I hadn't noticed he was holding. "Isn't some bimbo in your harem waiting for this? Don't want to disappoint one of your groupies." He snorted. "I got this for you, Bells, but if you don't want it I can" "NO!" I shouted, yanking it from his hand before downing almost the whole thing in one long guzzle. "Whoa! Slow down ya lush! If you're not careful, we're going to be making an ER trip. I wasn't kidding about the alcohol poisoning!" I giggled, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "I know, Edward. Doctor, remember?" He snorted. "Doctor who rarely drinks and forgets, perhaps, that not everyone reacts the same to alcohol. Just go easy, sweetheart. We want to have fun tonight, that's all I'm saying." I nodded with a sigh before handing him the cup that still had about two inches left in the bottom. He smiled with a nod before draining the last of the liquid, scoffing as he crushed the cup in his hand.

"Girls and your sweet drinks, I swear! You might as well just drink a soda." I cocked an eyebrow smacking him on the upper arm. "Hey, it's a long island iced tea, it's not like it was a cosmo or something!" He chuckled, resting his arm across my shoulders to hug me to his side before kissing my temple. "I guess I'll give you a pass then." I smirked. "Better, it's my party; I'll drink sweet drinks If I want to." I replied in a singsong tone earning another chuckle. He stayed by my side for the next fifteen minutes before I realized that we weren't surrounded by his normal crowd of cock seekers. "Hey, what happened to the harem that has spent all fucking night crowded around you?" He smirked down at me. "I swatted 'em away. Jazz was right. This is your party and I haven't even been spending it with you. Sorry, Bells. I'm a shit friend." I snorted. "Nah, you're just a tail chaser. I got used to that a long time ago, pal 'o' mine. It doesn't exactly shock me anymore, but I appreciate the effort." He smiled down at me before tugging at my hair on the far side of my head where his hand rested on my shoulder. The rest of the night he stayed by my side. Jasper smirked at us when he noticed that Edward had shaken the bimbos and had chosen to spend time with me instead. Soon the crowd began to thin and the fire burned down to lightly glowing orange coals. Emmett and Rose disappeared about an hour before the last of the guest left, Andy following soon after leaving only Jazz and Edward to hang out with me. After the last guest left, Jasper walked up to us where we were sitting next to the dying embers, poking the coals with a stick to make them brighten at the intrusion. "Hey guys, I'm going to go turn in. I say we just tackle the mess in the morning after we all crawl out of our rooms. Cool with you guys." I nodded emphatically. Feeling dizzy from the fast motion, I groaned as I gripped my head in my hands, earning a chuckle from the two boys. "Keep an eye on her, Edward." I heard Jasper say, before walking away. Edward and I were alone now, sitting side by side on the sand with our arms wrapped around our bent legs. "So, did you enjoy your party, Bella?" I smiled over at him, only barely able to see his shadowed face in the light of the half moon. "Yeah, it was pretty great. Thanks for hanging out with me." His arm snaked out to hook over my shoulder, pulling me into his side. "You bet, Bella. I've missed you the past few years between the school stuff and everything. I hope we can hang out more now that you're out of school." I scoffed. "Not so sure about that, Edward. School was the easier part of the process. Now I get to do my

internship and residency. It's hard hours and a lot of stress, but I promise to make time for you if you promise to make time for me." He smirked down at me. "Alright, I'm going to hold you to that." I smirked back. "You better." The world was spinning slightly around me as the full effects of my night combined with my need for sleep started winning against my will to stay up. I blinked a few times as he continued to look down at me, his eyes shadowed, but his gaze obviously directed at me. "You're so beautiful, Bella. Do you know that?" I blinked up at him again, wondering if I'd already fallen asleep. He smirked again. "You are, so don't ever forget that." He started leaning in toward me slowly. I took in a deep breath as he stopped just inches from my lips. "I want to kiss you. I always want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?" I squeaked in response, managing to nod slightly, but I was quickly losing the battle with consciousness. He leaned in just a little closer and then the world went black. O~O~O I woke up the next morning in my warm bed with a pounding headache and a fuzzy memory. I was still dressed in the shorts and halter style tank top I had been wearing the night before, but someone had managed to shed my shoes and get me tucked under the covers. Try as hard as I might, I couldn't remember anything past Emmett's little speech. I know that wasn't the end of the night, but the rest of the details were spotty. I had a few brief memories. Jasper and Edward almost fighting. The snooze boys. Edward bringing me another drinkand then nothing. I groaned, rolling out of bed and stumbling my way up the stairs to find the rest of the crew in no better shape than me. We slowly and painfully cleaned up the mess in the yard and on the deck, hiding from the sun behind our dark shades. Once the work was done, we all collapsed in the living room to recover in peace. As we all sat down to eat the delivered pizza later that afternoon, I found myself staring at Edward as I tried to remember what the hell had happened the rest of the night, only to find him looking at me with a similar expression. Obviously, I wasn't the only one who drank enough to have blacked out a bit. After a few moments, I gave up with a shrug before grabbing a second slice of the sausage and mushroom, finally giving up on ever remembering. It probably wasn't a big deal anyway. Soon we would be packing up our bags to head home with one more summer behind us, but I was sure we would definitely return next summer for another typical week long getaway. ~*~

Two Years Later: The First Anniversary I cackled as Edward snatched my waist, rolling me under him while voraciously attacking my ribs with his long fingers. My vision blurred with tears as I gasped for breath as he continued his assault until finally I

yelped that I was going to pee if he didn't stop. That did ithe was off me and across the room in two seconds flat with his hands in the air. I laughed, jumping up and sprinting to the adjoining bathroom, locking the door behind me. "Gotcha!" I teased from the safety of the bathroom, my voice echoing off the fancy marble surrounding me. "You didn't think this through very well, though, love. You may have gotten away from me now, but you have to come out of there sometime for food. I'll just wait right here." I walked to the small refrigerator under the counter opening the door loudly so he might hear with a contented sigh. "Not for at least a few days sweetheart, or did you forget you stocked the fridge with sexy foods? I can probably last until after the rest arrive on the chocolate covered strawberries and wine alone." He grumbled unhappily as a thump hit the door, which I assumed was probably his pouting head. I giggled, taking one of the strawberries out and taking a bite. I hummed appreciatively as the strawberry juice gushed past my teeth followed by the delicious blend of the chocolate shell as it collapsed on my tongue. "Mmmmm, these are far too delicious be to legal. You know, if you promise to be a good boy and stop with the tickle torture, I might be willing to shareor better yet, I might just use you as the plate." He groaned loudly, a second loud thump that I no longer doubted was his head bouncing off the door reverberated around the room. "You are a little evil, Dr. Cullen." I giggled again. "I don't think you would be saying that while I lick this strawberry juice off your excited" A louder thump interrupted me. "Bella, oh Jeez babyplease come out of there. I promise I won't tickle you." I snickered. "Do you promise on your signed White Sox Ball?" "Yes," he sighed. "Do you promise on your trust fund?" "Geez babe, I already said yes." "Waityou didn't say yes so I don't believe you." Two thumps were my reply along with, "Oh for fuck's sake Bella, yes." I giggled. "Do you promise on the finish of the Volvo's paint job?" I heard a loud hiss on the other side of the door before one final defeated thump landed just opposite of where my head was no resting. "Yes, baby. I promise." I smiled, carefully unlocking the door and opening it to reveal a very frustrated and apparently very turned on Edward. I lifted the strawberry to my mouth, taking another bite as I gazed at him through my lashes. He growled, reaching over to pull me against him as his mouth crashed onto mine. He quickly parted my lips

and lid his tongue against mine, humming at the flavors he was now enjoying as well. He spun us quickly to the massive bed in the upstairs guest room of the beach house, tossing me in the middle before climbing over me. He tugged at the sash of my robe, opening the material and pushing it away before taking the strawberry in my right hand with a smirk. "You teased me about it, but I'm going to be the one doing the licking." I moaned as the cold chocolate covered fruit made its descent from my chin to my chest, dipping between my breasts before coming up from underneath to circle on straining nipple before drifting across to circle the other. I watched Edward's face as his eyes grew dark with lustful concentration as he moved down to aimlessly draw on my stomach while his tongue followed the path of strawberry juice he had just created. I hissed as his tongue lapped excitedly over the sensitive taut nubs before his talented lips and tongue traveled down to my stomach. Once he felt satisfied with his work there, I watched with panting breaths as his hand holding the strawberry slid down. The cold of the fruit made me hiss as he pushed it past the top of my lower lips to circle my clit slowly. He kept the motion with the cold fruit as he shifted his body down to align himself with my now cold and tangy center. My hands buried themselves in his hair as he lapped at the flesh above my lips that he had not yet cleaned until finally I got tired of his stalling and positioned him where I wanted him. He looked up at me with a smirk and a tiny chuckle, keeping his eyes locked on mine as he pulled the fruit away and bit what was left up to the stem between his fingers. He hummed with pleasure, rolling his eyes as he tossed the stem behind him to fall somewhere on the floor. His fingers returned to my excited flesh as he chewed the last of the fruit, exaggerating as he swallowed down the last of the bite in his mouth. His face broke into a wide toothy grin. "The strawberry tasted so good on your skin, but I have to say that it was fucking awesome when mixed with your juices. I think I need some more." With that, he dove his tongue between my sticky folds, lapping deeply of my flesh, flicking my clit between long laps at my outer lips. I arched off the bed, whimpering and moaning at the heavenly sensations echoing throughout my body. My fingers dug deeper into his bronze strands, tugging and pushing with my growing arousal, the tightening in my body reaching critical so much more quickly than usual. He latched onto me, sucking my clit at the same moment that two of his fingers dove in and curled, tapping quickly at the spongy flesh inside. I rose up off the bed, balancing on my shoulders as I screamed, my body exploding powerfully. From the sensation of his moans and the way he gripped at my ass, pulling me in closer as he plunged his tongue in my entrance, all the while his hips grinding his erection into the mattress to relieve some of his own tension. It seemed like I floated forever before I finally started coming down from my bliss. Edward pulled away as my body finally relaxed, smiling triumphantly at my flushed face. "Yeah, I did that." I snorted a chuckle, smiling down at his proud face. "I love you, Edward. I've really missed you the past few weeks. I really can't wait for my residency to be over so that I don't have to keep up these crazy hours."

He sighed, sliding up my body with a serious look on his face. "I love you too, Bella. We don't have that much left to go and then both of our work lives will calm down some and we'll have more time together." As he slid up over my body, he gripped himself and slid into me seamlessly as his lips reached my mouth. We both gasped before our lips met. It started off gentle as he slowly slid back and forth within me, kissing me passionately, pausing occasionally to look deeply into my eyes. His pace sped up as he felt my body tightening around him again, just on the edge of exploding as he gazed into my eyes, equal parts love and lust flooding over me. Suddenly the string snapped and my toes curled as my body spasmed around him, arching to get closer and pull him deeper. He followed closely behind, collapsing on top of me, holding himself off my upper body by his elbows. He smiled down at me, reaching a shaking hand out to brush my hair away from my face. "Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Cullen." I sighed, smiling back. "Happy Anniversary, Mr. Cullen." We stayed locked in our room most of the morning, only venturing into the fridge in the bathroom to scavenge for food when our stomachs began to rumble, not ready to leave our place yet. We finally showered and stumbled down the stairs to the living room sometime around two in the afternoon. I whipped up some lunch while Edward opened the doors to the deck and began setting the table on the deck for us to eat. Once our stomachs were full, we changed into our swimsuits and went out to sit on the beach. We decided lawn chairs didn't allow us to sit close enough, so instead we took out a big blanket and laid it out on the sand. Edward laid back motioning for me to join him, but instead of laying next to him, I stretched out perpendicular to him, propping my arm over his chest to smile down at him as he smirked up at me. "So are we doing this today, then, or are you going to chicken out again?" He frowned at me. "You know I want to, but you end up getting someone who's not hygienic and it could be dangerous." I rolled my eyes. "Edward, you researched the heck out of this. You know this guy is the best in the business. You've seen his past work, you've checked all of his credentials, and you even went as far as to checking if he had a record. He's awesome, he's clean, and he does the best work of anybody in the tri state area. We have our appointments at five. Are you going to do it, or not?" He sighed, reaching down to grab my hand resting on his chest. He kissed my ring, massaging the flesh just below it. "You know I hate that you can't wear your ring at work and want something to symbolize our marriage, and I know you hate that I can't wear my ring at work now either. It makes sense, but are you sure you can handle it, love? It's going to hurt doing that just above your knuckle." I sighed looking down at my ring finger. The ring was already putting a permanent indention in the flesh of my finger. There was just enough space between my ring and my knuckle to get something tattooed as a more permanent wedding ring. We had been tossing the idea around ever since the wedding, but we had a hard time deciding on a design, and then Edward insisted on researching the hell out of it before we even got to this point. Finally, we found online where couple had gotten one another's names tattooed across their ring finger and realized that it was so simple that it was perfect.

"It's worth it. I can handle it. Can you?" He rolled his eyes pointing to the starburst shaped scar on his chest. "I took a bullet to the chest, Bella. I think I can handle a little needle." I smirked down at him, leaning in to kiss the scar before shifting up to kiss his lips. "So, are we on then?" He sighed, reaching up to run his finger across my ring again. "If you are, then I'm with you." I kissed him again before rolling onto my back to rest my head on his stomach while staring up at the crystal blue sky above littered with small, puffy, cotton-like clouds. I reached my right hand up to hold the one resting on his chest, his free hand running softly through my hair. I sighed, enjoying the feeling of just sitting still together for a moment. We never got to just sit and relax like that. We were both working hellacious hours. My residency was kicking my ass, but I was still loving every second. Meanwhile, the boys were working crazy hours trying to get the facility up and running while still expanding their training and working to fix up some of the out buildings to accommodate week long guests. Whatever time off we did happen to have together was either spent sleeping, making love in stolen moments, and overseeing the beginning of construction on our house. It was hard right now, but it would all be worth it soon. We just had to get through these first couple of years and then we'd have more time. We stayed like that, just relishing in the calm and quiet of just BEING together, for the next two hours before we packed up and returned to the house. We took another shower to get rid of the sand and make ourselves presentable again before heading into town. We had supper at a nice little restaurant about a mile from the shop where we were getting our ring finger tattoos. As we walked into the shop, we were immediately hit with the mixture of antiseptic and ink in the air. There was a big guy in a chair at the far end of the gallery, laying on his stomach as the small woman working on him stood on a step stool to lean over and fill in coloring on the massive scene that covered his entire back. Another slender woman with several facial piercings and a tattoo sleeve up her right arms walked up to greet us, looking at Edward like he were something to devour. I wrapped myself around his waist, resting my left hand on his chest as I smiled at the woman. "Hi, We're Edward and Bella Cullen. We have an appointment with Chad at six to get our wedding band tattoos." She looked at me appraisingly before smiling wryly in my direction. Some women were clueless when I would mark my territory, others would just get more aggressive or shoot me dirty looks, but the rare few like this woman respected the estrogen. "Sure thing. You guys go ahead and take a seat at his chair right over there and I'll go in the back and get him." She sashayed behind a curtain leading to the back room while Edward and I walked to the chair she indicated. I looked up with a smile. "So, who is going first?" He huffed and I smiled. "It's okay, baby. I'll go first and then you can watch and go after me." He furrowed his brow at me. He didn't like the suggestions, somehow bruising his male ego slightly.

"Unless you want to go firstit doesn't really matter to me, babe." With a groan, he finally sat down in the chair running his hand through his hair a few times. Chad walked out with a big smile. I was surprised because while most of the time you picture big scary guys working at tattoo shops, he seemed pretty clean cut and sort of average. The only thing that made him stand out was the large dragon tattoo that wrapped up one warm and disappeared inside his shirt only to reappear at the collar of his shirt. I was pretty sure there was a lot more ink behind the shirt, but you couldn't see any of it. He reached out to shake Edward's hand first, before turning to me with a wide smile. "I got your email last week with the picture of what you wanted. Great work by the way. I love how the names sort of blend into the scrollwork. I have the templates right here. I did have to adjust them very minutely to fit the space you requested, but I think it's going to look fucking awesome." He handed us a folder with the templates on sheets of special paper inside. I smiled brightly at the design, turning to look at Edward who smiled back at me. "So, is this good?" We both nodded and he smiled. "I just have a few quick forms for you to fill out and then we can get on with it." Edward and I filled out the paperwork while he set up the machine and collected all the materials he needed. Ten minutes later, Edward was sitting back in the chair, handing me his ring as Chad began prepping his finger and aligning the template in place so that my name faced Edward so every time he looked down at his finger he could see it and think of me. We decided to go with Bella instead of Isabella, since I so rarely went by that name. Honestly, Isabella felt like someone else entirely. After a bit of time, Chad settled in, turning on the machine as the needle buzzed to life. Chad's face was a mask of total concentration as he began working on the tiny intricate scrollwork of the design on Edward's hand as Edward hissed. I became nervous as my tough husband who scoffed at having a problem with getting this done turned bright red, his lips pulled into a tight line, growing tighter when Chad worked directly over the bone of his finger. Thirty minutes later, Edward's design was done. I smiled, snapping a picture on my camera of the masterful way my name now literally graced his skin. Chad applied something to Edward's red and tender skin before taping gauze over the spot. He set about cleaning his instruments and changing out the needles in preparation for my turn as Edward and I switched places. I placed both of our rings in my purse for safe keeping as I settled in and tried to prepare myself for what was obviously going to be quite painful if Edward's expression was any indication. "Are you sure you want to do this, love? It hurt pretty damn bad since it was so close to a bone. I'll understand if you don't" I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. "You are my husband and I want to have this to signify it even when I can't wear my ring. It might hurt, but I'll get through. I'm a woman; we're designed to endure pain. Just ask any woman who suffers from major cramps every month yet still gets out of bed and does all the things she has to do." He chuckled, kissing the back of my right hand that he held as he sat next to me. Chad came back chatting with us as he prepped my hand and aligned the 'Edward' stencil on my left ring finger. He smiled at the fact that it was our anniversary, congratulating us for making it through our first year. Apparently, he's had

several people come in to get these a day or two after their wedding only to return a few months later to ask for it to be changed. When he was ready to begin, he asked if I was ready. I took in a slow trembling breath before nodding. I watched as his hand lowered in slow motion, hissing as the sting bit into my skin. I didn't know how to describe the pain of the needle striking, but what followed would definitely be referred to as an ache and burn. The pain was definitely much worse when he worked over the bone and just above the joint. I cinched my eyes tight, feeling a tear escape that was quickly caught by Edward. I looked down to realize I was totally crushing my hand. I tried to loosen my grip and apologize, but he held me tighter with a smile. "Eh, just call it practice for when I have to hold your hand while you're in labor. I'm sure that will be much worse for you than this and you'll be squeezing a hell of a lot harder." I chuckled a second before hissing again as Chad hit a particularly tender spot. Chad apologized, pulling the needle back and brushing a cool cloth across my finger. I sighed at the coolness, but still found myself grimacing slightly at the rough feel of the terrycloth. After a short break, Chad resumed the work finally pulling away with a triumphant smile as he wiped at the spot one more time. "All done. You guys were quite the troopers. Most of the guys that come in here get themselves drunk before getting work done so close to a joint like that. It hurts like a mother fucker, but it looks so fucking cool." I looked down at my finger with a smile as the elegantly scripted 'Edward' blended nearly seamlessly with the beautifully scrollwork around it. Edward took a picture before Chad cleaned and taped gauze over it. I began grabbing my things as Edward followed Chad over to the register to pay. As I passed the girl who had greeted us when we arrived, I locked eyes with her and smiled. She smiled back before mumbling too low for the guys to hear, "You are one lucky bitch. He's hella hot and totally fucking in love with you. You better hold on to that beefcake or I'll have to kick your ass." I chuckled with a nod. "Don't worry. I have no intention of ever letting that one go. It took me too fucking long to land him in the first place." She laughed with a nod as I walked on over, wrapping my right arm around Edward's waist as he shook hands with Chad. We went back to the beach house, helping one another with following the aftercare instructions we were sent home with before crawling into bed. Even though the rest of our bodies were all for doing something again before we passed out, neither one of us thought we could do so without aggravating our sore hands, so we wussed out. The next morning, we were awakened by the wound of noise from the main floor below. We both groaned. "They're really fucking early," Edward mumbled into his pillow with a sigh. I chuckled before getting up and cleaning up quickly before tossing on some shorts and a tee shirt to go downstairs and greet the rest of the crew. The livingroom was chaos as everyone carried in baby gear galore. Emmet and Jasper immediately began

installing the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs leading to the loft and the ones going to the guest rooms in the basement while Rosalie struggled to set up a playpen in the corner of the living room. They had a second one that was being hauled downstairs for Emma to sleep in later. I shimmied between the boys who were struggling with making the spring action gate grip the rounded post of the banister. They stopped to give me a quick hug before letting me pass. I walked over to Alice who was holding Emma while Rosalie expertly snapped the sides of the playpen in place before setting the floor in the bottom. The second Emma saw me, she squealed and lunged for me. I grabbed her, but immediately let out a hiss as the pain radiated up my arm when her leg came in contact with my new ink. I shook my hand out beside us, thinking for some stupid reason that shaking it would help. I guess I took Dad's 'just shake it off' method to heart. Rosalie and Alice were on me in a second. "Oh my God, you guys did itdidn't you?" Alice squealed as she peeled back the tape and gauze as Rose took Emma from my arms. When the design was revealed they both sighed. Emmett's head popped over her shoulder with Jasper looking over mine. "Wow, so that's it huh? Did it hurt?" I nodded hastily. "Oh Heck yeah it did. I think I almost broke Edward's fingers I was grabbing so hard when he did the part directly over the bone." Emmett looked at Rose. "You sure you really wanna go through that, babe? I mean, all that really matter is that we know we're hitched right?" Rose rolled her eyes, smacking his arm. He chuckled before he and Jasper went back to work putting the gate up. I turned back to Rose and Alice. "So did you guys hear the bad news?" They gave me a confused look. "Andrea called. She, Andy, and the baby won't be coming this year. Aleah had a reaction to her immunizations and is really not feeling well. The poor things were all up pacing the floors all night last night. She called me around eleven to let me know that she didn't think they would make it, and then I had a text just before I came down saying it was a definite no go." "Oh man," they both grumbled at the same time. "I had matching outfits I was going to put the girls in and take their pictures on the beach," Rose bemoaned, sitting Emma in the playpen. I nodded, knowing that she and Andrea had been doing a lot of stuff like that with the girls. Rose and Andrea had really bonded since their move to Joliet. Between our residencies and the fact that we weren't living there yet, Alice and I felt a bit left out, but understood at the same time. We were happy they could lean on one another. Edward came down shortly after, everyone demanding immediately to see his ink as well. Once everything was all settled, we all changed and headed out to the beach. Edward and I really could get out in the lake with the new tattoos, so we volunteered for baby duty when she wasn't in the water with her parents. As the lights began to fade in the sky, the boys built a bonfire while Rose took Emma in for a bath and

supper before she tucked her into bed. The fire was just hitting a nice high point when she emerged from the house with the baby monitor in her hand. We all settled back to watch the flames, cuddled together in couples. A couple of hours later, Emmett and Rose were the first to call it a night, having been up since six am with Emma and would be up again the same time the next morning. Alice and Jasper followed soon after claiming exhaustion, but we knew that they were having the same trouble finding time together as he had. I cuddled closer to Edward by the fire, relaxing into his warm side. My eyes started to drift closed when a vision popped up in my mind. The two of us were sitting side by side at this beach, in the same place we were now. I could smell the alcohol in the air. Edward and I were talking and leaning closer, our lips touched and his hand went up to my hair as pure elation filled my body and then I passed out. I sat up straight and looked at Edward with wide eyes. "Oh my God!" "What?" he asked, reaching out to rub my arm with his hand. "What's wrong?" "Oh my God, oh my God. I didn't remember it. I remember trying to figure out what I was missing the next morning, but I didn't remember it. Did you remember it?" He shook his head in total confusion. "Remember what, love? I don't know what you're talking about." "The kiss. We kissed. Heretwo years ago at my party for graduating Med school. Everyone left and we were both drunk and we were sitting here alone and we started to kiss and then I passed out. I didn't remember it until just now. Oh my god!" He frowned at me, obviously not remembering at all. Then slowly his face muscles began to slacken as his mouth fell open a little. "II think I do remembersort of. Holy Fuck!" I climbed onto him, straddling his lap, and holding his face between my hands. "Do you remember anything else?" He looked into my eyes, but he wasn't seeing me, he was trying to remember and then a slow smile spread across his lips. "I had been following you around all night. I usually hid myself in a group of girls to keep my distance, but Jazz called me out that night and so I wanted to prove to him that I wasn't a douche. By the end of the night, between the alcohol and how fucking beautiful you looked with your wind blowing in the air, I totally lost my control and told you as much. I couldn't resist it anymore. I leaned in to kiss you and then a few seconds into the best fucking kiss of my life that far you pass out on me. I carried you to bed and tucked you in after taking off your shoes and then passed out in my bed. JeezI didn't remember any of it until just now." He smirked at me and I lost all control. I leaned in and kissed him passionately, moaning at the taste of him on my tongue. Before I knew it, I was laid out on the towel by the fire, Edward on top of me grinding his harness into my dripping wet core. "If we hadn't been so fucking drunk, we would have probably gotten together three months sooner." He mumbled into my mouth as his hand snaked up under my shirt, rolling my right nipple between his fingers. "Mmmmmahyeah, but things turned out the way they were meant to be. All that matter is we finally did figure it outand now you're mine!"

He moaned, leaving my breast to flick open the button on my shorts, dragging the zipper down and sliding his hand into my panties to slide over my slick heat. "And this is mine" I wiggled against his hand as my right hand slid down doing the same to his jeans, reaching behind his underwear to grasp his erection in my hand, stroking it twice. "And this is most definitely mine" With a growl, he sat up pushing down his pants and underwear to his knees before reaching for mine and yanking them off of my legs. He lowered himself back down, his head pushing into my entrance immediately as he braced himself on his right hand above me. I moaned wrapping my legs around him and pulling him in deeper until our hips met and he was seated fully within me. We both moaned as I wriggled underneath him. We opened our eyes as I lifted my left hand to his chest resting it over his heart. "And this is mine" He smiled. "Yes, it's all yoursjust as this is mine," he said, resting his hand over my heart that was fluttering speedily in my chest. We made slow sweet love in front of the fire that night. We didn't even notice the sting in our hands as we explored one another, grasping tighter and closer all the while until we both exploded together, the stars behind our eyes outshining the ones in the sky above us. Once we recovered, I carried our clothes as Edward carried me up the stairs, stepping preciously over the wooden child safety gate that stood between us and our room before laying me down in our bed, and curling up next to me. I curled up into his side, resting my head on his chest, right over the rhythmically beating heart that was all mine. ~*~

First Summer of Parenthood EPOV My eyes flew open the second I heard the tiny grunting noises coming from the bassinet with the frilly white eyelet ruffles at the end of our bed. I looked over to just barely see two tiny fists flying back and forth randomly above the tiny perfect person inside. I smiled, moving as quietly as possible to get to my daughter before her grunts turned into cries that would wake her exhausted mother. Bella insisted that since she was nursing and didn't want the chance of Hailey developing nipple confusion, that she take every single night feeding. She was doing great recovering from the delivery, but the poor woman still needed her rest. I lifted my beautiful princess carefully from the bassinet and tip toed out of the room with her, hoping to buy Bella another half an hour of rest at the very least. I carried Hailey to her nursery where I cooed at her while I changed her diaper, tickling her belly and telling her how much I loved her. I never dreamed I was capable of love until I met Bella and then she opened my heart so completely, so much so that I couldn't imagine how I could have room to love anything or anyone else nearly as much. Then Hailey was born and

my heart was so full of love for both of my beautiful girls that it literally felt like it was going to burst straight out of my chest. Even now, two weeks later, I still wasn't entirely used to the things I felt when I watched my beautiful wife feed my perfect daughter in the most natural way possible. Once I put a clean diaper on her, I took my time changing her into a little summer dress with a matching diaper cover that had been amongst the mountain of clothes Alice gave Bella at her baby shower. I slid one of those little elastic bands with a bow attached on her head, kissing the soft fragrant tufts of black hair as I settled into the rocker in the corner of the nursery with a contented sigh. My memories began to replay in my mind as my daughters tiny eyes began to flutter closed as she lifted a fist to her tiny bow shaped lips, sucking her knuckles comfortingly. I came home from work to find Bella curled up in a ball on the couch, a blanket draped over her legs with a box of Kleenex at her side and a pile of used white tufts sitting next to it. I walked closer to see that she had fallen asleep with her head resting against the back, her red eyes and streaked cheeks informing me that she had been crying, and from the pile of tissues, I assumed it was a lot. I knelt down in front of her, rubbing her arm comfortingly. She jerked awake when she felt my hand on her arm, her big brown eyes blinking at me slowly as they filled with tears. "What is wrong, love? Why are you crying, sweetheart?" She grabbed a tissue from the box, dabbing under her eyes as her free hand shot out to grab mine, gripping it tightly. "You're scaring me, baby. What the fuck is wrong, Bella?" She sniffled, her lips trembling as she began trying to talk, but only managing to emit a series of unintelligible vowels. I sighed, moving to sit on the couch before grabbing her to pull her onto my lap. "I'm here, baby. No matter what it is, we're going to be okay. We'll figure it out together, but you HAVE to tell me what's wrong for me to be able to help." She let out a hitching sound, shaking her head as she reached into the pocket of her hoodie. She pulled out a plastic storage bag with a long white stick inside. I took it in confusion, looking down to see that the white stick was actually a home pregnancy test with two pink lines. I blinked a few times not able to comprehend what the small white stick meant for a moment before realization began to dawn on me. A Cheshire cat worthy smile spread across my face as I wrapped my arms around Bella, kissing her everywhere I could reach. "Bella! This is Wonderful! Oh my God, baby! I love you!" She turned a little more toward me, straddling my legs, wrapping her arms almost too tightly around my neck as she buried her face in my shoulder and sobbed even harder. I kissed her temple and rubbed her back soothingly. After a few minutes, I gripped her shoulders to pull her back slightly to look me in the eye. "This is going to be great, Bella. You'll see. The timing is perfect. The facility is doing great and is self sustaining now, and you're already well into your last year of your residency. It's perfect."

She sniffled wiping at her eyes with a look of absolute exhaustion in her eyes. "I wouldn't exactly say that, Edward. My schedule is ridiculous, I'm only about six weeks along, and I'm dead on my feet all the time, and the morning sickness is already kicking my ass. How am I going to get through this year in this condition? What if my job causes a problem with the pregnancy? What if I have to go on bed rest like Rosalie and can't finish my residency? What if I come into contact with something at work that makes the baby and I sick?" She buried her hand in her face. "How am I going to do all of this?" I sighed, running my hand through her hair and across her cheek. "WE will do this together. Don't worry about all of the 'what ifs' and just deal with things as they come. Worrying isn't going to do anything except maybe create a self fulfilling prophecy. We will figure this out. I'm sure you're not the first resident to get pregnant while in the program and certainly won't be the last. Go and have a discussion with Carlisle and a few of the heads of the program and get an idea of what to expect. Legally, I'm pretty sure they have to work with you if you end up having to take some time out from the program. One way or another, we'll get you through this." She whimpered, nodding solemnly before cuddling back up to my chest. I ran my hands up and down her back, all the while jumping for joy inside that it was finally happening. I'd been daydreaming about the day when Bella would carry our child since the day I watched her hold newborn Emma in the hospital nursery. I couldn't be anything less than ecstatic that the day had finally arrived. I kissed the side of Bella's head until she shifted so I could kiss her lips. I ran my hands across her cheeks and down her side to rest on her still flat stomach that would begin to expand with our baby in a few short months. She looked at me nervously as I smiled brightly at her. "I know you're worried about everything, but I have to admit to you that I am so, so, very happy! I can't wait to meet our son or daughter. I hope that he or she looks just like you." She shined a tired smile in my direction as she shook her head, her right hand absentmindedly dipping down to rest on her abdomen. "Don't curse the child. You definitely have the better genes in this marriage." I shook my head with a small chuckle, leaning forward to kiss her lips softly, feeling like the luckiest fucking man in the world in that moment. She did her best to stifle the large yawn that overtook her body before smiling at me sheepishly. With a grin and a wink, I shifted her slightly to wrap my arms under her knees and around her back before standing up to carry her bridal style to our bedroom. "You, my beautiful, pregnant wife, need your rest." She snickered, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm pregnant, not disabled you know. I could walk." I shot her an incredulous look before shaking my head. "Oh no, the mother of my children will not be burdening her precious feet when I can take the advantage to carry her as I am rarely allowed to do otherwise." She chuckled before another yawn pushed its way through her tired mouth. She tightened her arms around my neck burying her fingers in my hair as she rested her head against my shoulder. "Then I guess you should carry on then, but I fully expect the father of my baby to climb into bed with me as soon as he's gotten cleaned up and in his pajamas." My cheeks ached as my smile grew impossibly wider. I loved the sound of that, 'the FATHER of her baby,' I was going to be a father! I rushed toward our bedroom, pulling back the covers before laying her gently on the

mattress. She smiled up at me as I leaned down to tuck her in before kissing her forehead and then her lips softly. Just before I stepped away to go take a quick shower, she grabbed my shirt and tugged me back. "Hurry, sweetheart. I need to feel your arms around me tonight more than ever." I sighed with a nod before rushing through my nightly routine to climb into bed beside her and pull her close to me as I spooned myself against her back. Hailey whimpered in my arms. It was amazing to me that I recognized her signals already. She was getting to the point where she wasn't going to be able to sleep much longer. This was the warning before the big cry would begin. From across the hall, Bella seemed to pick up on our daughter's impending distress with her supersonic mommysense, because she was awake and in the doorway with her arm already under her shirt fidgeting with the clasp on the flap of her nursing bra. I smiled and stood up to allow her to take a seat in the rocker, handing her the boppy pillow that was sitting on the floor next to it so she could get situated. She pulled the foot rest out from under the rocker and got positioned before smiling up at me, gesturing that she was ready. I carefully settled Hailey into her arms and took a seat on the floor at her feet to watch as she fed our baby. It still seemed so surreal to me that women could do this amazing thing. They actually GROW a person inside of their bodies and then they actually have the ability to make food for them inside their bodies as well. Once Hailey was fed and happy, she drifted back to sleep. Bella settled her into the crib to nap before she crossed back to our room to get cleaned up while I made a call to check on how everything was going at the beach house. This was the first time in a decade that Bella and I hadn't made our yearly trip to the beach house. It made us sad to miss it, but we both agreed that we were just getting used to having a new baby and finally starting to get into a routine with her. Neither of us liked the idea of throwing her off just when we were getting settled in. Missing one summer was a small sacrifice. I could hear Emma and Aleah playing in the background, their high pitched squeals overpowering even Emmett's loud voice. It made me sad to hear the commotion and know we were missing it all, but it would be there next year, and Hailey would actually be old enough to enjoy it. Before I was done, Bella came in and wanted to talk as well. I could see that she too was upset to miss out on a summer trip, but we were parents now and it was our job to put our kids first. Hailey was still sleeping when we were done, so we crept quietly downstairs to throw together some breakfast. After a quick assembly of scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon later by yours truly, we settled in at the dining room table. Bella smiled as I sat the plate in front of her, a surprise chocolate covered strawberry garnishing one corner of her plate. I kissed her on the forehead. "Happy Anniversary, Bella. I love you so much." She smiled, hopping up to wrap her arms around my neck and kiss me passionately. "Happy Anniversary, Edward. Thank you." We had only just begun eating when the tiny cries of our newly awakened baby filled the air. I chuckled, thinking that the kid definitely had a keen sense of timing, and hoping she didn't have as good of a spideysense when it came to our sexy times when Bella was allowed to enjoy them again. I walked in,

cooing to her as I picked her up and changed her diaper before carrying her in to the dining room. Bella had inhaled her food so quickly that her plate was nearly empty, but I wanted her to finish in peace, so I settled Hailey in the crook of my arm as I sat down and started eating one handed. Bella smiled, reaching over to tug the front of her dress down and coo at our little girl before returning her attention to cleaning her plate. She saved the strawberry for last, humming happily at the taste on her tongue. My body instantly reacted, making me feel like a jerk for getting horny when I knew there was nothing we could do about it, and a little gross for letting my mind go there while holding a baby. Once she was done, she scurried off to the kitchen where she washed her plate and the pans I had cooked the food in before coming out to clean off the table. When that was all done, she took Hailey so I could finish my food, declaring it was tummy time. She laid out a blanket on the floor, setting the living room boppy (yeah, those things were so invaluable we had one in nearly every room of the fucking house), and propped Hailey up so that she was able to look around from her slightly elevated perch. I slowly took bites of my food as I watched the two of them. Hailey was so adorable as she would try to lift her head and look around, but had so little control that her head sort of bobbed all around until she would get tired and lay it down with her face to one side or the other. Bella stretched out in front of her, talking to her and showing her toys as she tried to get her to look her way. Honestly, I thought it was a bit ambitious trying to get a two-week-old's attention like that, but Bella was relentless. Our day continued on as it had for the past two weeks. I took a short break to run into town to check on the facility. We had hired additional staff, who were in charge of the one small class working through the system this week. When I got back, I found my two girls sleeping soundly in our bedroom. Hailey had been changed into a sleeper, which I assumed was because she somehow managed to soil the little dress she had been in earlier. Bella was curled up on the bed under the covers. I couldn't resist climbing into bed with her and wrapping my arms around her body. She sighed, snuggling back into my chest. I was just about to go under with them when Hailey began to whimper from her bassinet. In an instant, Bella was sitting up in the bed, looking toward the bassinet intently. I smiled, rubbing her arm as we waited to see if Hailey was waking up again or just dreaming. A few seconds later, our question was answered when the tiny whimper turned into a quiet cry. Bella picked up Hailey and carried her into the nursery. I went to follow, but was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. I furrowed my brow wondering who could possibly be here considering everyone we spent time with was at the beach. I made my way to the front door, opening it to find Mom's smiling face, Dad standing behind her with two suitcases in hand. Mom stepped forward to hug my neck and kiss my cheek as I asked what they were doing here. Mom smiled, patting my cheek. "First of all, we're having major Hailey withdrawal. We desperately needed another dose of our grandbaby. And secondly, we are here to babysit so you and Bella can spend some time together for your anniversary. I know you will never talk her into staying overnight somewhere or even going into the city, but I was hoping you could get away for a nice dinner for a couple of hours or so, maybe even catch a movie if Bella pumps a bottle." I smiled running a hand through my hair. "Thanks so much you guys. Maybe if we could get away for a

quick dinner, it would be a nice time, but I don't think Bella will stay away long enough for that. She refuses to give Hailey a bottle. She says something about nipple confusion and having problems nursing or something." Dad smiled, hugging me after sitting the suitcases down in the entryway. "I don't believe that one bottle will cause a problem for them, but either way, we're here to be of assistance. Perhaps you could come home so she could nurse and then go back out for a movie or something." I smiled. "Maybe, thanks guys. Take whichever room you want. I'm going to go tell Bella you're here." Bella was anxious about leaving Hailey, but also excited to be able to do something. She didn't think that we would be able to do much of anything. She took the time to get dressed up, curling her hair and putting on make-up before nursing Hailey one last time before we left. Dinner was nice, but we both found ourselves checking our phones every five or ten minutes to make sure we didn't miss a call. We went home after dinner to find Hailey as happy as can be, staring up at her grandparents as they sat on the floor with her, showing her toys and pictures of animals. I chuckled at the thought that our kids were going to be the most advanced kids ever if their mother and grandparents had any say in the matter. My heart melted in my chest when Bella finally spoke up, letting them know we were there and Hailey's head turned in the direction of Bella's voice, her unfocused eyes looking everywhere for her Mommy. Bella spoke again and she began to flail her arms and legs excitedly, hitting herself in the face in the process. She looked confused, looking toward where her hand had hit her before returning to the task of trying to find Bella. Hailey cuddled up to Bella when she picked her up and carried her to the nursery to feed her. She fell asleep in her mother's arms, happy to have her back. According to Mom and Dad she had been an angel while we had been gone, but it was obvious that she definitely missed her Mommy. Bella laid her in the crib when she was done burping her before the two of us returned to the living room where my parents were stretched out on the couch chatting quietly. They looked tired as did Bella, so I modified our plans slightly. "Sweetheart, instead of the movie, what would you think of going for a walk with me back to the pond?" She smiled happily, wrapping her arm in mine and resting her head on my bicep. "That sounds perfect." I looked to my parents. "Hailey fell asleep, so we put her in her crib. We'll just be on the property if you need us, but she'll probably be down for a few hours. If you could just keep an ear out for her while we're outside, that would be great." Mom smiled, "Of course, sweetheart. Have a nice walk." I led Bella to the double doors that opened onto our back deck. The air was hot and balmy, the humidity making the air feel heavy as you breathed it in. The sun had set a while ago, a full moon taking its place in the sky. The crickets were chirping loudly all around us as we slowly made our way hand in hand through the back yard toward the pond on the back of our property. As we drew closer, we could hear the frogs croaking on the banks before loud splashes informed us that they heard our approach and were frightened off. I led Bella out onto the small dock that jutted out onto the

surface of the lake, to the two wooden Adirondack chairs we had sitting at the end that the boys and I often sat on when we took an afternoon off to fish. Our little pond was a pretty decent size and fed by a small creek that wrapped its way through the area, keeping the water from stagnating, and also providing us a prime fishing hole that was all our own. I sat in one of the chairs, tugging Bella to sit on my lap. She cuddled close, smiling against my neck before she began placing small kisses along my collarbone. I sighed, enjoying the feeling of her lips on me. It had already been well over a month since we had sex and if we followed the doctor's orders we had another four very long weeks to go. Thankfully, we did follow the doctor's orders and stopped having sex a couple of weeks before, or else Hailey might have come before her residency was completed and that would have opened a whole other can of worms. As it was, it ended up working out perfectly. Bella was now able to practice wherever she pleased and no longer was stuck with dealing with the horribly grueling hours. Her lips were deliciously torturous as they traveled back and forth across my neck before I felt her fingers fumbling with the buttons of my shirt, her mouth moving down to enjoy the exposed flesh from her effort. I felt like the king of the assholes as my hard on began to bulge through my pants onto her thigh, but she just looked up and smiled that devious smile that always means trouble. All too soon, my shirt was tossed onto the other chair as her hands began to explore my chest while her lips came back up to my ear, nibbling gently. "I'm sorry that we still can't do anything yet. It really sucks that our anniversary had the ultimate cock block, but I want to thank you for being so patient." I jerked and moaned as her hand slid behind the waistband of my pants, her fingertips brushing across the painful head of my ridiculously hard dick. I half heartedly mumbled that she didn't have to, but it didn't do any good since she already had my pants open and my exposed length in her hand, pumping steadily as she gazed up at me through her lidded eyes. She shifted her position, laying along my legs as they rested on the footrest of the chair, her ass seated against my feet as her mouth came down to where I wanted her most. The selfish prick came out in me as my hands dove immediately into her hair, directing her movements the moment her wonderfully hot mouth enveloped me. I moaned, trying unsuccessfully not to thrust my hips up at her as she skillfully bobbed, her saliva deliciously polishing my neglected peen. Her hand slipped down to cup my balls the same moment she pushed further down, taking me into her throat and without warning I exploded, my sight blinded by the bright flashes of light behind my eyes. She hummed around me as I twitched in her mouth, squirting endless sprays of my seed down her perfect throat. She licked me clean, finishing off with the slit at the top of my head which was so sensitive it was nearly painful. She smirked sexily at me as she slid back up my body, licking her lips until they met mine. I moaned again at the taste of myself on her tongue. It wasn't a pleasant flavor, but the reminder of how fucking lucky I was made it hot. She rested her forehead on mine as we sat together, staring as my hands began to move up and down her body. She threw her head back and moaned as they drifted over her chest and the moan was even louder when my thumbs drifted across the top of her underwear under the edge of her dress. My body reacted to the moisture already waiting there as I pressed through the cotton to tease her clit. "The doctors said no intercourse right? But if I got you off simply through external stimulation, would that go against the orders?"

She moaned, shifting above me as I slipped my thumb under the edge of her underwear, pushing onto the swollen round nub. She rocked above me whimpering as I kissed her neck and continued to tease her. I could feel the wetness increasing around my fingers. I dipped a finger down to capture more to help with the work I was doing above and Bella damn near bucked herself out of the fucking chair. I growled, knowing I could do much better. I picked her up, stepping to sit her in the second chair, ripping her panties away, and spreading her legs, resting her knees over each of the arms of the chair. I shoved the foot rest out of my way to kneel between her thighs, my mouth instantly descending to her sweet excited flesh. I lapped at the juices already waiting for me as my fingers continued to flick across her bundle of nerves. I moved up to lap at her clit with my tongue before slipping back down to her opening and teasing her gently while my fingers resumed working above. Within seconds she was screaming my name as she shoved my face hard against her while I lapped greedily at the flood of juices flowing from her perfect pussy. When the last of her aftershocks passed, she yanked me up to her face, kissing me passionately, only stopping when my once again hard shaft brushed deliciously along her moistened folds. I had to fight every instinct inside me to keep from thrusting deep inside her. I desperately missed the feeling of her all around me, but I didn't want to hurt her either. We stared at each other for a long time, both battling our desires, knowing we didn't want to do something to hurt her by acting impulsively. Finally, I found the will to pull back up my underwear and jeans as she shifted herself, straightening her skirt and staring in frustration at her shredded lace panties. I snickered, leaning forward to kiss her neck. "Don't worry, love. I'll buy you more. I can't help it. I love ripping those flimsy little things you wear. It's just too much fun and I'm a very impatient man when it comes to you and your divine pussy." She snorted, rolling her eyes before handing over my shirt that had been trapped under her as I savored my dessert. Once we were fully clothed again, we walked back toward the house, talking quietly. The house was dark and quiet when we entered, so we tip toed to our room where Bella disappeared to take a shower while I tossed my dirty clothes in the hamper and waited my turn. We had both just climbed into bed when the soft cries of our daughter pulled us up again. We put on our robes and walked in to find my parents standing over her as they changed her diaper cooing happily at her. When they were done they turned to us with a smile. "We've been talking," my dad slowly began as Mom handed Hailey to Bella once she was settled in the rocker to feed her. "I've decided that the time has come for me to retire. I know it's a bit early, but I'm tired of the stress and strain and what else did we work so hard for over these past forty years if it wasn't to enjoy these later years? We wanted to discuss it with you first, but we were thinking that perhaps we might either buy or build ourselves a place somewhere nearby so we can spend time with our grandkids and enjoy them while we can. Would you be opposed to that?" Once the shock over the idea of Dad retiring passed, I smiled widely. "I think that would be wonderful. We really miss being closer to you guys. I'm sure everyone would enjoy having you around, and kids grow so fastjust look at Emma and Aleah! Definitely, I think it would be a great idea for you guys to move out this way if that is what you want." They both beamed at me before looking adoringly down at their first official grandchild. "More than

anything," my Mom whispered before leaning down to kiss Hailey's hand flailing around by Bella's collarbone before kissing Bella's cheek. Once Hailey was fed and happy once more, we said goodnight, tucking her into the bassinet at the end of our bed. We curled up together under the covers and fell into a contented sleep. ~*~

Our Last Summer With FDKK BPOV "Emmalie Isabella Swan, what in the HELL do you think you're doing going out to the beach in that?" Emmett yelled toward the door where Emma and the rest of the girls were trying to sneak out without being seen to sunbathe on the beach. "Daddy, come on. I'm fifteen years old. All of my friends wear bikinis like this. Why can't I? Mom said it was alright when I bought it." Emmett turned his death glare on his wife who was standing next to me in the kitchen trying to assemble our lunch. "I started wearing bikinis at her age, and it's modest as far as bikinis go. I don't see anything wrong with it, Em." He huffed crossing his arms as he screwed his eyes closed shaking his head, his face growing almost purple in his frustration. "That's because you were never a teenage boy and didn't know how they think. I was and there's no way I'm letting my baby girl sit out on the beach so all the boys can be daydreaming about doing things to her that she shouldn't be doing until she's thirty!" Emma groaned, burying her face in her hands as she tried to hide her embarrassment. The kids tried to sneak out again, but Emmett stopped Emma before she could run and hide in shame. "At least go put on a tshirt over itand DO NOT take it off while you're out in public." Emma sighed, rolling her eyes before stomping down the stairs to the room she shared with Hailey on the lower level. Emmett grumbled as he crossed to the counter, snatching a bag of chips and munching while grumbling about finding another gray hair that morning. I snickered shaking my head as the young ones ran around the living room until finally my two youngest sons ended up in a head on collision leaving both of them crying and running to me for comfort. I moved to the couch to kiss booboos and comfort them just as Emma emerged from the basement wearing the thinnest whitest tank top I had ever seen. You could see the color of her bikini right through it. Emmett moaned, palming his face while Rosalie motioned behind him for Emma to escape immediately. After appeasing the kids and helping them slip into their water wings, I sent them out with their Daddy who had just descended the stairs with Elyssa in his arms. I cooed and took a picture of her in her adorable little rainbow baby bikini with the matching rainbow cover up and floppy sun hat that she refused to keep on for more than a few seconds at a time. It was hard to believe that my youngest baby was already eight months old. Babies grow fast anyway, but when you're caring for one with four older siblings as well, it goes that

much faster. Edward took all the kids, including Elyssa, out to the beach. Emmett followed behind, apparently in pain as he looked down to see the crowd of teens around Emma, over half of which were boys. "I swear the man's going to give himself a stroke and we're only seeing the beginning of the boy stuff. I'm not sure how he's going to survive," Rose sighed, as she slid the steaks into plastic storage bags filled with herbs and vinegar in order to marinate. Once the food was assembled and the steaks were marinating in the fridge for later, we walked out to join the rest of the crew on the beach. The year after Hailey was born, the property next to the beach house went up for sale. Knowing that our group was already outgrowing the beach house with the first of our kids, not to mention the ones we had yet to have, we opted to buy it and make it a second beach house. As a rule, the Cullens and Swans stayed in the main beach house, while Andy's Crew, and Jazz and Alice's family stayed in the second, slightly smaller house, but all the congregating and meals took place at the original house. Even after all these years, we kept the tradition going. All the guys got three weeks of vacation a year, one of which was always spent at the beach with the others saved for individual family vacations. As we made our way down, we realized that we had more company. We smiled as we walked over to hug Tanya and Benji. They had moved about five years before to the northern suburbs, so we really didn't get to see them that often since it was a good forty plus minute drive to their place from ours. They tried to make it at least once during our time at the beach house to catch up. "So where are the kids?" I asked, scanning the mob of teens and young ones, trying to pick out Kellan, and his little sisters Sadie and Sondra. "Kellan is the tall blonde guy with the big arms talking to Emma, and the girls are chatting with your Hailey it appears." I saw the girls first, smiling at how happy Hailey was as she gossiped with her friends she only saw once a year, but spent endless hours IMing and skyping with between summer trips. Then my eyes moved to Emma as my mouth dropped open in shock. Kellan was huge! I knew he was a football player, but dayumthe kid looked like he would have fit in with the guys that come in and out of the training facility every week. Emma was toeing the sand between them, giggling with a blush gracing her cheeks as she looked up at him through her lashes. He smiled a blindingly handsome smile at which point she dipped her head and blushed even brighter. I never met Larry, but I'm pretty certain that it was Tanya's amazing genes the kid inherited because he was a freaking hottie. I glanced over at Emmett from the corner of my eyes, watching as he kept an eagle eye on them, the can of beer in his hand slowly crushing under the strength of his frustrated grip. I chuckled before looking to see that Tanya had engaged in a conversation with Rose, and shuffled over to Emmett's side, rubbing the tense muscles in his neck as I leaned down to talk to him. "You really have to chill, brother bear. At least you know Kellan. He's a good kid, comes from good parents, and has a good head on his shoulders. Besides, they only see each other once a year, so stop stressing out so much." He huffed, "It only takes five minutes to get yourself into trouble, Bells. Five minutes of a bad call and then

it's a mistake you have to live with for the rest of your life. She's my baby. I can't stand the thought of her doing anything with a boy. It makes my stomach hurt just to think about it." I snort. "You're going to give yourself an ulcer, man. There are way too many people around to get any privacy and the little ones shadow her everywhere she goes. There's no way they'd get that kind of time alone." "Where there's a will, there's a way." I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I plopped into the chair next to my ridiculous brother. "Em, she hasn't even kissed a boy yet. Rose has talked to her until she was blue in the face. She's a smart kid with a good head on her shoulders and she's nowhere near ready for that. She knows it, we know it, now it's time for you to know it. The time for worrying is on the horizon, but it's not here just yet." He grumbled, crossing his arms before slowly relaxing the clenched fists at his sides. At that same moment, my sexy husband, who looked even more so with our four youngest children hanging all over his body, stumbled out of the water as the kids giggled, clinging to his arms and torso. Edward threw back his head and laughed as he tossed the boys back into the water while keeping a careful hold on Elyssa who giggled loudly at the chaos around her. The youngest of the five, no amount of chaos or noise ever fazed her in the slightest. In her world, that was just what life was likeshe didn't know any different and didn't appear to care to. I laughed, running down to the water's edge to take the baby from Edward just in time for Masen, Riley, and Ethan to pounce on Edward, throwing him off balance to topple under the water with a huge splash. He popped back up with a look of utter shock on his face while his three sons cheered around him, hopping up and down and pounding the air with their fists. They tried like crazy every year and yet this was the first time they had ever actually gotten the best of him. He looked at me bewildered which just made me laugh louder. Slowly his surprise turned into a smirk as everything happened in an instant. Someone grabbed Elyssa from my arms and out of harm's way, just seconds before Edward bounded to his feet to stand in front of me, tipping me over his shoulder and carrying me into deeper water. My traitorous sons all cheered as I squealed and fought the useless battle against my still very strong husband. When the water got up past his waist, Edward paused, slapping my ass with a laugh. "So, Bella Cullen, you think it's funny to see a grown man get dunked by his three juvenile sons, do you?" He turned so he was facing the shore, giving everyone an oh so great view of my flailing legs and widened ass. I felt the cocky attitude had made him complacent as he set about a monologue about how he was always going to be the champion and it was time I got my just desserts for the benefit of our friends and family watching from the shore. I suppressed the chuckle as I grabbed a handful of his swim trunks, prepared to make him suffer when he inevitably tossed me in the water. Did he not learn anything from watching The Incredibles over and over with Masen when he was little? You never take the time to monologue; it gives your opponent time to think of a counter strategy. He finally stopped talking and with a great flourish proceeded to grasp my side, to toss me into the water in front of him. I only saw the surprise for a split second before I went under when he realized not only had I given him an atomic wedgie on my descent, but it had also messed up his balance pulling him under with

me. For the second time that day, the undefeated Edward Cullen had been taken down by his weaker family members. I burst through the surface of the water with a gasp having drifted a little deeper, the water now at my chest, and pushing my hair back so I could see just as Edward's head popped up a few feet away. He narrowed his eyes at me before rushing to stand in front of me again, assaulting my ribs with the fingers of his right hand, while his left one wrapped around my body to drag me to his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist, swatting at his tickling hand until he finally stopped with a smirk, pulling me even closer. I smiled back, wrapping my arms around his neck as I felt our lower halves come into contact. He leaned in closer, his lips claiming mine as he let us drift a little deeper so that only his shoulders and our heads were above the water. With a deepening evil smirk, Edward grabbed my waist, grinding my hips into his growing hardness. I gasped, trying not to moan when the kids were swimming just a few feet away and the rest of our family were up on shore still taunting us. My body moved of its own accord for a moment before I stopped, my eyes opening wide at Edward. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Everyone's watching us." He smirked again, his eyes dark before he leaned in to kiss me again, nibbling slightly on my lower lip. "So the fuck what? They don't know what we're doing." I snorted, shaking my head. "Not yet, but if you don't stop they'll figure it out fast when we both start moaning." He responded by thrusting more forcefully against me as I buried my face in his neck blocking everyone's view of his face with my curtain of hair, biting his shoulder as I struggled with the urge to cry out. I could feel the growl in his chest more than I could hear it, his fingers digging more insistently into my hips, one hand sliding between us to push a thumb onto my clit. I whimpered, screwing my eyes tight as I dug my nails into his back, panting against his neck as an orgasm coursed through me. He continued his thrusts the whole time until finally he let loose a few quiet grunts just as my aftershocks began to slow. He wrapped his arms around me, cuddling me close as we swayed slightly in the slow moving flow of the water. I chuckled as Edward reached between us to open the top of his trunks and rinse away the fluids that had been captured there while I tried not thinking about the fact that our kids were swimming in water contaminated with his semen. It wasn't any different than all the other things floating in the water thanks to the wildlife living in and around the lake, right? With that thought, I felt the immediate urge to usher everyone inside to get cleaned up. I kissed Edward one more time before the two of us began to wade back into shore, telling the boys it was time to clean up and get ready for supper anyway. As we walked toward the house, I went to go take Elyssa from Alice and Rose who snickered at me. "Nice try at being inconspicuous, Bella. I'm pretty sure most of the adults knew what was going on, but the kids were in the darkI think."

Alice nodded toward Emma and Aleah who were looking at me strangely, as Kellan sat next to them playing with Charlie. I felt the blush creeping across my face and neck as I hurriedly tucked Elyssa on my hip and rushed into the house to help get the boys all cleaned up before taking a shower myself. That night we had our annual Cullen Barbeque. Esme and Carlisle came out to join us, sitting around happily helping the grandkids roast marshmallows over the bonfire. The night was going smoothly until commotion broke out along the side of the house in the form of my brother's angry bellowing voice. Edward and I got up and ran for the sound, arriving just as Rosalie stepped in front of Emmett, placing her hands on his chest. "Emmett, you have to calm down. She's fifteen. There's nothing wrong with having your first kiss at fifteen." I glanced the direction of Emmett's glare to find a terrified Kellan standing next to a crying Emma, their hands still clasped between them. I elbowed past my brother to go to my niece's side, wrapping her in my arms and smoothing down her hair while smiling comfortingly at Kellan. "It's okay, guys. It'll be okay. He's upset, but he'll calm down. Trust me, I would know." Poor Kellan was trembling at the bear of a man who was grumbling about ripping off his manhood and feeding it to the fish while Edward and Rosalie tried to calm him down. When Edward tried to soothe him, he turned a blazing eye on him. "You of all people should understand why I'm upset. We know what guys are like and this is my baby girl! Don't try to soothe me, asshole. I'm not going to let my daughter be a notch in some guy's bedpost!" I sighed. "Rosetrade me." Rose looked sadly at her daughter, making sure Edward had Em's full attention before walking over to wrap her sobbing daughter in her arms. I grabbed Kellan's arm, pushing him toward the side door that led to the lower level whispering for him to go through the house and sit with his mom and dad, and we would find him in a little bit. He nodded, reaching out to caress Emma's shoulder, kissing her temple sweetly before disappearing through the door. Thankfully, Emmett was too busy screaming at my husband to notice, although his wife watched the boy who seemed to truly care for her daughter leave with sadness in her eyes. She always knew the day would come when boys would become an issue, and for many years had suspected that Kellan might just be that boy. She was glad it was him and not some random punk who didn't even know Emma. The two of them had practically grown up together; it made sense that they would eventually grow some sort of attraction. Kellan was a good kidhe kept himself clean, kept his grades up, was into sports, and was already being scouted by some major colleges. Emma could definitely do far worse. I walked up, shoving my body between my brother and my husband, both appearing so angry that I wouldn't be surprised if they came to blows. There were several times after we got married that Em and Edward would go head to head, and more than once they digressed into a fist fight. Out of all of those things, nothing would be more important to Emmett than the current situation. At the feel of my hand on his chest, Edward relaxed a bit, stepping back to give us some space. Emmett scowled down at me, but his posture softened also. "I know you're upset, brother bear, but you need to relax. Come on," I said tugging his arm toward the back

door of the house, hoping Kellan did as suggested and immediately went to find his parents. I tugged Emmett through the house, directly to my bedroom on the upper floor. Edward acted as if he was going to follow, but I motioned for him to stay at the party. When we reached the room, I pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed as I kicked the door closed behind me. "Emmett Charles Swan, I know that you're only worried about your daughter, but I have to tell you that I'm disappointed in you right now." He looked up in surprise, not even coming close to understanding. "I know you're worried about Emma and you don't want her to fall victim to the type of guys that you, Edward, and Jasper used to be, but you are totally over reacting! Not only did you just totally ruin your daughter's first kiss which is supposed to be magical and something you remember for the rest of your life, but she chose a really decent kid to do it with! Now instead of remembering the butterflies she felt when she first kissed a boy who cared about her, and don't kid yourself, Kellan is crazy about that girl, she's going to remember sobbing as her Dad storms up, embarrasses her, and threatens bodily harm to said nice boy." He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I put my hand over it. "I know you mean well, Em, but you fucked up just now. Kellan is not only a nice guy, but he's an all around good kid who keeps his nose clean and has a real future ahead of him. You've known him his whole life, Emmett. He's not some cocky jock who is trying to charm the underwear off your sweet little girl with a panty dropping smile. He's the boy who has been running around this beach with Emma every summer since she was two years old. You have a smart girl there, who has chosen really well, and I think you owe her an apology." Emmett sighed as the last of the fight melted from his body. "I know you understand. You have kids too, but she's my baby. I caused so much heartache and I watched you suffer though Jake, and those other jackasses in college. I don't want her to go through all of that. I just want her to be happy." I smiled, plopping on the bed next to him, putting my arm around his shoulder. "And being single forever is supposed to make her happy?" He sighed again, shaking his head. "No, but at least then she won't know heartache." I smiled, resting my head on his arm. "Em, as much as you want to save your kids from the heartache and pain of this world, you simply can't. The best you can do is teach them right from wrong, support them when they reach out to try something new, and be there to help them when life kicks them in the gut. It's hard to let them suffer through, but it's how they learn and grow. Now go find your daughter and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her some of the things you told me just now. Then I suggest you go apologize to Kellan too. The only thing he did was grow feelings for your daughter and explore them in a very sweet and innocent way. It's not like you can blame him. Emma is an amazing girl. There would be something wrong with him if he didn't notice. But I honestly think that there's more there than that." He sighed with a nod before slowly standing and making his way to the door. I followed him out on to the deck, watching as he scanned the crowd for Emma, rushing to her side and whispering to her with his arm around her shoulder before taking a walk with her along the shoreline. I smiled as I watched them start working out their issues. I could only hope that Em would calm down and learn to deal with these things soon, because this wasn't something that was going to just go away. There would be more boys in the future if nothing more happened between her and Kellan, and there was no guarantee that those boys

would be as nice as him. I scanned the crowd to find my husband sitting by his parents, Elyssa dozing comfortably in his arm, both of our youngest boys sitting on either side of him with their heads resting on his thighs. I smiled, making my way toward the group, scooping Ethan into my arms. Carlisle followed my lead, sweeping Riley up and following me to the boys' room in the basement, while Edward made his way up to our room to settle Elyssa in the pack and play in the corner of our room. Once the kids were settled, Carlisle told me to go ahead to our room and he would make sure Hailey and Masen got to bed next. I thanked him before making my way upstairs. I walked in to find Edward leaning over the edge of the playpen, humming softly as he rubbed his hand soothingly across our squirming daughter's back. I stepped to his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and joining in his humming as I ran my fingers through her short blonde hair. She sighed, shifting twice more before finding a comfortable position and melting into a deep sleep. Edward and I slowly tiptoed away from the side of the playpen, sitting on the edge of the bed feeling completely exhausted. I leaned into his side as he wrapped his arms around me kissing my temple sweetly. "Em okay now?" He asked in a whisper so quiet I could barely make it out. I nodded. "Yeah, he's just so scared she's going to get hurt. It's going to take him some time to realize he can't save her from everything, as much as he'd like to." Edward nodded, his hands rubbing soothing circles up and down my back. "I don't even want to think about when it's our turn to go through this with Hailey. I can't believe she's already twelve!" I sighed, "I know. I just hope she makes good choices when it's her turn to start getting involved with boys. I certainly hope she has better luck than I had early on. Sometimes I wish we would have just skipped all the drama and got together that first summer, age difference be damned." He chuckled, his hands getting a little more adventurous. "I know what you mean, baby. It definitely would have saved us a lot of pain. I think things happened the way they were supposed to though. I wasn't ready back then and neither were you. I love you, Bella." I smiled, shifting my body to straddle his on the bed, running my fingernails over his scalp. "I love you too, Mr. Cullen. Think you can stay quiet enough not to wake the baby?" He growled nearly soundlessly again, grabbing my waist to push me down against the hardness straining behind the zipper of his jeans. "I can if you can." I smirked, yanking my tank top over my head before yanking the nursing sport bra I had on underneath next. He smirked back, leaning forward to latch onto my nipple, nibbling as his fingers slid along my waist to dip below the waistband of my jean shorts. I began to giggle, resulting in him pulling way to put his hand over my mouth. "Remember, Dr. Cullen, we have to stay quiet." I nodded as he replaced his hand with his mouth, his tongue delving deep as his fingers released the snap of my shorts. Seconds later, they, along with my panties, were dispatched to the floor of our bedroom as he rolled me underneath him, ripping his jeans off of his body and entering me immediately.

I gasped out loud. He clamped his hand over my mouth and froze, both of our eyes darting to the playpen in the corner where the sound of rustling fabric met our ears. After a second, the sounds stopped, followed by silence. Edward smirked, slowly shifting above me as he released my mouth. "That was close. If you can't stay quiet then we can't do this." I arched as his angle shifted, hitting a sweet spot. I whimpered quietly, panting into the side of his neck and biting his shoulder when the sounds became nearly impossible to suppress. With a quiet grunt and a hitching whine, Edward and I reached completion together before collapsing side by side on the bed. The light of the full moon flooded the room with a blue glow as it shone through the window beside the bed. When I gathered my composure, I rolled to my side, propping myself on my elbow to smile down at my husband of fifteen years. It had been such a long time on paper and yet it felt like yesterday that I had walked down that aisle and agreed to be his wife. Life wasn't perfect, but it was damn close. Edward smirked up at me as I let my fingers trail across the long hairs that had been sprouting more and more across his chest. He reached up to wrap his fingers with mine on his chest, bringing them to his lips to kiss the tips of each finger. I sighed, laying my head on his chest, falling to sleep while listening to the lullaby provided by his beating heart. ~*~

~ The End ~