Bangau oh Bangau

A little story about taking care of oneself

Mohammad Radzi Zainal

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Chapter 1 – Bangau Oh! Bangau

Bangau oh bangau mengapa engkau kurus?

(Stork oh stork, why are you thin?)
Macam mana aku tak kurus, ikan tak mahu timbul.
(How am I not thin, the fish do not come to surface)
Ikan oh ikan, mengapa kau tak timbul?
(Fish oh fish, why do you not surface?)
Macam mana aku nak timbul, rumput panjang sangat.
(How can I surface, the grass is too long)
Rumput oh rumput, mengapa engkau panjang?
(Grass oh grass, why are you so long?)
Macam mana aku tak panjang, kerbau tak makan aku.
(How can I not be long, the buffalo would not eat me)
Kerbau oh kerbau, mengapa tak makan rumput?
(Buffalo oh buffalo, why don’t you eat the grass?)
Macam mana aku nak makan, perut aku sakit.
(How can I eat the graswhen, my stomach is aching)
Perut oh perut, mengapa engkau sakit?
(Stomach oh stomach, why do you ache?)
Macam mana aku tak sakit, makan nasi mentah.
(How can I not ache when I have eaten uncooked rice)
Nasi oh nasi, mengapa engkau mentah?
(Rice oh rice, why are you not cooked?)
Macam mana aku tak mentah, kayu api basah.
(How can I be cooked when the firewood is wet)
Kayu oh kayu, mengapa engkau basah?
(Firewood oh firewood, why are you wet?)
Macam mana aku tak basah, hujan timpa aku.
(How can I not be wet, the rain fell on me)
Hujan oh hujan, mengapa kau timpa kayu?
(Rain oh rain, why did you fall on the firewood?)
Macam mana aku tak timpa, katak panggil aku.
(How can I not fall, the frogs called me)
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Katak oh katak, mengapa kau panggil hujan?

(Frog oh frog, why did you call the rain?)
Macam mana aku tak panggil, ular nak makan aku.
(How can I not call the rain, the snake was going to eat me)
Ular oh ular, mengapa nak makan katak?
(Snake oh snake, why did you want to eat the frog?)
Macam mana aku tak makan, memang makanan aku,
memang makanan aku!
(How can I not eat the frog, it is my food, it is my food!)

That was a nursery rhyme sung many times over by parents to lull their babies
and young children to sleep, and it is also sung by the children themselves. How many of
us gave a thought to what it really means when sung? How many of us actually realise
that we are actually teaching our children about bad things and good things in that one
song - the wrong and the right. Out of the many parents who have probably sung the
song, probably most would not really have bothered to think, give a hoot about the
meaning of the song or even cared to give it further thought other than thinking of it as
just another nursery rhyme.

If you observe, the bangau ( the stork or the crane), was asked why it was thin,
and it answered that the reason it was thin was that the fish would not surface. As the
rhyme goes, one problem was caused by the another, or in those instances one thing led
to another and the list goes on until the ular (snake) put its feet down (snakes don’t have
legs, I can still hear my science teacher screaming at me). The snake in essence said,
“The buck stops here!”

Do you see any similarities in what is happening every day at home, in the
office, in politics, in associations and societies and almost everywhere else with the
content of the rhyme above? Most times, any problem or mistake that takes place is
always explained with reference to or in the name of others and the list goes on and on
and on, and we wait and wait and wait for the person who is going to say ‘the buck stops
here!’. In most instances, people do not want to accept such responsibility for fear of
being blamed. It is always perceived that the people who accepts the responsibility for
those errors is either simply the person who caused the error, or the person who has
nothing better to do or is simply just being plain stupid (for accepting such
responsibility!). Thus, obviously, many people do not care to accept such responsibility.
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Why can’t we just see such persons as people who are responsible enough to take
ownership and who want to do something about the problem rather than pass the buck?

Referring to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, effectiveness training

program, such behaviour (accepting responsibility), is called Being Proactive. Many
people when asked about the meaning of the word Proactive will almost always answer
it in this manner: ‘taking initiative, doing something before being told, giving ideas, etc’.
However, more often than not, people do not have a clear understanding of the essence
of being proactive. Most people—managers, supervisors, executives, CEOs, and parents
for example—would expect such things to happen instinctively, without the people they
are supervising or administering having the awareness that if the fundamental principles
are not understood and adhered to, then those things that are expected to happen will not
happen and what they don’t want will happen, and ultimately what will happen will be
similar to what happened in the rhyme!

This behaviour will then perpetuate and spread throughout the organisation and
become a culture; a culture of irresponsibility that will certainly not help the organisation
in the future. People will avoid responsibility, finger pointing will be the norm, passing
the buck will be the trend and the organisation will not be able to realise its potential and
ultimately will not be competitive in the market place, a culture of ‘co-dependencies’
instead of a culture of ‘inter-dependencies.’

Let’s look at a situation, one that may happen or is already happening in many
organisations. This situation can be substituted with any other situation or incident, it is
the concept that is noteworthy and not the surrounding facts.

GENERIX CORPORATION BERHAD

Let’s visit an incident that happened in Generix Corporation Berhad (GCB)

(names have been changed to protect the identities of characters mentioned here). It
happened in a real company, of which I had changed to protect not only them, but myself
too againsts liability, you can’t be too careful nowadays. You can be rest assured it did
happen to real people in a real company.

. The company recently appointed a new Director of Personnel, Nazri, who had
glowing references from people who gave them and was brought into GCB by the CEO.
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One day Nazri organised a department meeting to enable him to meet the staff
and explain his plans for the department. After the usual rounds of “nice to know you,
lets work as a team, we are all in this together, and just tell me what you need…,” Nazri
started to ramble to his staff about some things that had happened in the company he had
previously worked for, how some persons had done bad things and been malicious to
him and to be aware and careful when dealing with that kind of person. Unwittingly, in a
sense, Nazri, the boss, was essentially saying and giving the impression that he was in
his present condition because of the other person. Being a victim of circumstances, that
is.

Months passed by and one day Badrul, the executive heading the Compensation
and Benefit Section, was called for a meeting with Nazri, and Nazri instructed Badrul to
enrol him (Nazri), into an insurance scheme that was enjoyed by senior management
employees who had served a certain number of years of employment in GCB. This was
regardless of the fact that Nazri did not qualify as he had only been in GCB only for a
few months!

Badrul duly advised Nazri of the qualification criteria and his not meeting them
and suggested that he instead put up a proposal paper to the management to request for
an approval, since he was a member of the GCB’s executive committee. Nazri refused to
listen to the advice, since he knew that he did not qualify and maybe preparing the paper
and getting it rejected was just too much hassle, or it would just start tongues wagging.
However, Badrul, since that day, owing to his refusal to carry out his boss’ instructions,
found himself on the wrong side of his boss. All communication between Nazri and
Badrul became simply transactional and Nazri started getting petty with Badrul and more
besides.

Can you see yourself in this situation as if you are Badrul, both in the
paradigm of being like the bangau and the gang and also being that proactive person, the
ular (snake)? What would you have done if you were in Badrul’s place? More
importantly what, if you were in Nazri’s place, could have driven you to do such things?
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THE BANGAU AND FRIENDS—BEING REACTIVE

The easiest way out for Badrul would have been to be like the bangau and
friends. Just to do as you are told and explain your actions in the name of the boss who
initially tells you what to do. Thus, Nazri would be managing by and also rule by
position power, Badrul on the other hand would not have position or power. If Badrul
gets into trouble, he can always say, “Nazri, my boss, made me do it.” Wouldn’t that be
convenient? Why shouldn’t he do that? For one reason and in the eyes of many reactive
people, his performance appraisal, his salary increment, bonuses and promotion will be
dependent, not on his own performance and productivity but on how well he pleases the
boss! Isn’t this kind of thinking and behaviour typical of reactive people?

Any boss, who gets his/her sense of security and power from position, authority,
power and rank, will immediately see this as insubordination. How could some junior
employee deny and reject the boss’ requests or instructions? Would that not be the ideal
time to show who the boss is? Would it not be time to use all the authority vested in them
to deal with the insubordination? Does it not call for a firm handling of this situation
before it gets out of hand and influences other people? Would it not be the time to show
and use your authority to put fear into people?

Many people would just take the easier road and discard responsibility and let
the social norms and hierarchies dictate what he/she must do when faced with such
situations. If that was the case, and if Badrul had believed that he was dependent solely
on his boss for his well being in the work place, he would have duly executed the boss’
instructions. Badrul would have felt that he was compelled to do as instructed by Nazri,
on the basis that his entire future would have been in jeopardy if he was to refuse, and
consequently he would have felt that he was being victimised. He could also have felt
that he would be doing the right thing to safeguard his future in the company.

However, the problem would have been that deep in his heart, he would have
known that what he was doing was wrong, and that it was against GCB’s policies and
rules, and also against all natural principles of justice and fairness. It would have gnawed
at his conscience, eating at him from inside him. He would have taken solace from
thinking what else could he have done? He could have felt that he was being victimised
or contrary to that, that he was just being a good employee, complying with the boss’
instructions. Many people feel ‘good’ about being victims, being victimised.
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You feel you are being wronged by others, people feel pity, they gather around
you and share their own horror stories, and massage each other’s feelings and egos, thus
stoking each other’s anger and fear. Then finally to justify their actions, the ‘victims’ get
together, forming the Brotherhood of Victims. There is a sense of being together, being
one, being the victims, being the wronged ones. You feel you are helpless to do anything;
the ‘management’ is being cruel and unfair. Note just how at times the whole
management team gets labelled due to the act of one person. They play the shame, blame
and justify game.

How would you explain the boss’ behaviour here? You may feel that there is
nothing much to say about it. It’s simply a case of abusing authority, position and power.
It is case of a boss who is lacking in principles and putting personal needs first and thus
subordinating the needs of the organisation and the many other employees. Nazri is just
doing what he thinks is best…. for himself! In this case, he had broken the very tenet of
the core values that the company purportedly subscribes to.
However, he probably feels that he himself is also a victim, and that by being a
‘junior’ member in a ‘senior’ position he is thus losing out on the extra fringe benefits he
feels he should rightfully enjoy. A cruel irony, wouldn’t you say? Isn’t it strange, here we
have a BOSS, a senior person, who feels he doesn’t get the same benefits as other
people, in a situation where those other people are of lower rank than him and earning
only a fraction of what he earns and over whom he has more authority and who is
generally perceived in his company as a more important person- but he is saying to
himself “I am being victimised”?

One story, two characters, two positions, both compelled by different needs, one
by abuse and the other by the fear of insecurity. Both are victims in their own respective
paradigms.

THE SNAKE—BEING PROACTIVE

Be the snake; be like the snake, not the proverbial snake that seduced Eve, but
the snake in the rhyme above. Be the snake that said that the buck stops with him. Be the
snake that took the responsibility. Be the snake!

You cannot expect anyone to be taking initiative, anyone to be punctual, anyone

to volunteer, anyone to willingly do anything extra, anyone to control their emotions,
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anyone to stop blaming others, anyone to go the extra mile, anyone to do anything by
themselves unless they are responsible - to themselves first of all!

Responsibility is a great word, a good word, everyone wants it. Nobody wants
and likes to be told what to do; ‘disuruh’ (told/instructed to do) makes the person Orang
Suruhan (servant). What is responsibility, what is being proactive? Being proactive has
been defined by Dr. Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People, as being the product of your values and decisions and not of your feelings,
moods, ego, conditions and other people’s treatment. It has also been defined as to be
able to subordinate moods, feelings, impulses, conditions to your values that are aligned
to principles. Reflecting the basic principle of being proactive, you are responsible for
you own choices and have the freedom to choose.

Being proactive is difficult. It is very difficult. And it is not about being nice to
people.

The problem here is, many people believe that they do not have a choice, and
thus they function reciprocally to how they are being treated, or conditioned, or are
feeling. The moment people function as such, they become reactive.

Being responsible simply means, that a person is “response” “able,” or has the
‘ability’ to ‘respond’ to any given kind of situation, feelings, conditions and treatment. A
person can therefore choose the type of response that he/she wants in any given situation.

Take Badrul’s situation as an example. He could have taken the easy way out
and done what was instructed by his boss Nazri. He did not, however, do that; instead he
chose to advise his boss on what can be done.

Let’s try to analyse this. Why did he ‘insubordinate’? In the first place, was it
insubordination? Presumably, I would think, Badrul governed himself, in his day-to-day
conduct by the rules, policies, values and mission of the organisation. After all,
organisations are made of their mission, vision and values, where the values are the rules
on how people are to be treated, how people are to behave towards each other, between
bosses and subordinates and vice-versa. The rules and policies are about how to conduct
the business of the organisation.
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By being integrated around that mission, vision, values, rules and policies,
Badrul declined to carry out the instructions of Nazri. He suggested to the boss the
manner such requests can be addressed; he was being guided by structures, systems and
processes that existed in the organisation, and he was at all times conscious of what was
happening and what could have been the outcome of that transaction.

Many may have explained their perceived misery in the name of others and may
have shirked their responsibilities by blaming others for their inability to act in a
principle-centred manner. Their behaviour and decisions would have been driven by their
environment. Their argument would have been that the environment, the spouse, the
boss, the economy etc, did it to them. That, they had been mere victims of an existing
‘framework’ that they could not overcome and hence they acted and decided based on
the stimulus..

Otherwise, they might say that they had psychic conditioning, that they had been
brought up in a family environment where they were trained not to question or refuse the
orders or instructions or ‘requests’ of the elders or people with authority. Or maybe, they
would argue that they had inherited their genes from their ancestors, who were perhaps
like that in the old days, obeying without question.

Nurture or nature?. It is true to some extent that we are influenced by our

nurturing and our genetic inheritance (nature). An extract from a religious writing says,
‘Anak-anak dilahirkan seperti sehelai kain puteh, terpulang kepada ibu-bapanya untuk
mencorakkannya menjadi Yahudi, Nasrani, Majusi atau orang-orang yang beriman’
(children are born like a piece of white cloth, it is up to the parents to pattern them to be
what they are supposed to be). The question is what if we have been patterned with the
ugliest of patterns? Does that mean we have no way of changing the person we are?

Being proactive is the way human beings are able to exercise their choices.
Imagine that you are caught in the nurture and nature dilemma and that you are now in
Badrul’s situation with his boss Nazri. Do you have the self-awareness of your dilemma,
between the instruction and the conflict with the policies? Are you aware of your
thoughts around the dilemma? Are you aware of your feelings, your fear and your
uncertainties? Are you aware of the rules and policies in the organisation? Yes, you are
aware.
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Can you imagine the things that will happen if you adhere to the instructions?
Can you imagine the things that will happen if you don’t adhere to the instructions? Can
you imagine what you can do to address the situation? Can you use your creative
imagination to suggest to the boss what can be done? Yes, you can imagine.

Do you need to refer to the rule books all the time to make your decisions? Does
your heart or your conscience tell you what is right and what is wrong? Does your
conscience tell you what you can do and what you cannot do? Yes, you know the rights
from the wrongs.

Do you have the will to act independently from the external influences and do
you want to act independent of the boss’ wrongful instruction? Do you have the
independent will to change yourself, do you want to change your situation, do you want
to act on them? If we look at the religious standpoint from a Muslim perspective, it has
also been said in the Al-Quran:

Ar Ra’d [13.11]: He has attendant angels before him and behind him, who, by the
Command of Allah watch over him. Allah does not change what is in a nation unless
they change what is in themselves. Whenever Allah wants evil for a nation, none can
ward it off. Other than Him, they have no guardian. What the Surah simply mean is that,
Allah (god) will not chabe the fate of anyone, unless they work on the change
themselves.

By those words, nurture or nature can be assumed to be a temporary state, the

parent’s nurturing and the genetic inheritance is a state of transition and it is up to the
person to choose the kind of state they want to be in, or the kind of person they want to
become.

Thus, in Badrul’s case he chose to inform Nazri of what he cannot do and

recommended what can be done and was not swayed by the external influences
particularly of the social hierarchy, which was reflected in that instance by Nazri’s
position power. Nazri chose to ignore his self-awareness, his vision of the future, his
conscience and his independent will to act in the rightful manner.

SO
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So how can we do this - being responsible, and accept responsibility and choose
according to our deepest values which are aligned to principles? First of all, we must
have the sense of responsibility and awareness that we have the ability to choose our
own responses in any given situation. Victor Frankl, in his autobiography “Man’s Search
for Meaning, stated that the last human freedom is the ability to choose our responses in
situations over which we have no control. When we can no longer change the situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves. There were and are times we can, but not as
often, choose the situations we are put into.

These, in the context of fate, have been decided for us and bestowed upon us.
We feel so frustrated and victimised in the situations we are in. In an organisational
context, we cannot choose who our bosses are, the bosses can choose us. We cannot
choose our assignments, but they get assigned to us. We cannot decide whether the road
that we take is jammed or not, we cannot choose how people will treat us and we cannot
choose whether it’s going to rain or not. Thus, our inability to ‘choose’ such things
makes us feel frustrated, helpless, and victimised. We forget that we are not in control
but we want to be in control. The key is to be aware, especially in such situations and
generally in our day-to-day existence, which we are still able to choose our responses to
the situation no matter how vexing the circumstances handed to us by the people
involved or dictated by the environment concerned.
This awareness should lead us to the second thing which is to be able to actually
choose or control our attitude and responses in those situations. I can choose how to see
a situation, and then choose my attitude towards it. The situation may be such that it the
occurrences are against your values, for instance Badrul may have been wronged by
Nazri, the boss, but he can choose his attitude towards the situation or the boss. Instead
of detesting the situation Badrul can choose to look at it as a challenge. Instead of hating
his boss he can look at his boss as someone who needs help, who may be ignorant of the
rules and thus needs to be helped.

Thirdly, we must understand that we need to act on those things that we can
control, not on those that we cannot do anything about, yet. We are stressed by many
concerns and those are usually things we cannot do anything about. We are concerned by
the behaviour of our bosses, concerned about our career, concerned about increments,
about the bonus, about promotions, we are concerned about the traffic jams, concerned
about the rain that falls during the evening drive home, concerned about this and
concerned about that. Proactive people do realise this reality. Reactive people hide
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behind what they perceive or believe as ‘reality’ and use this as an excuse to bolster the
decisions that they take.

Reactive people tend to use the word ‘the reality is….’ to explain their choices
not to respond according to their values. It is not that they cannot respond according to
their values (which are hopefully in accord with principles), they choose not to respond
according to their values. They choose to respond according to the dictates of
circumstances and be swayed by people and considerations that provide ‘reason’ for
them not to be value-based. To them the reality is that they cannot change anything.
However, look at what they want to change; the boss’ behaviour, the rain, the traffic
jams, and the problems they are in, the bonus, the salary increment and many more. They
are being controlled by their concerns and that becomes a reality to them. Often their
reality is their endless concern which stops at thought and does not extend to action.

Proactive people are also concerned by those very things. The difference lies in
that they don’t allow those ‘reactive realities’ to become the actual reality in their lives.
They know they cannot change their bosses, they know they cannot stop the rain; they
know they cannot stop the traffic jam from forming, but they know what they can
influence. They can influence themselves! Badrul can influence how he deals with his
boss. He is concerned about his salary increments, bonus and promotion, but he chose to
influence those based on how he performs his duties and tasks, the quality of his work
and his productivity.

People are concerned about their job security, but they know no matter how they
have performed, finally, it is the management who decides when to call for a Voluntary
Separation Scheme which you can choose to apply for. However, someone else will
choose if you qualify. It is also the management who calls for retrenchment. Proactive
people influence their employability by continuously improving themselves. By
continuously improving and upgrading and learning new skills and knowledge, they
would remain employable even if it is not with the same employer. Gradually what they
can influence will grow larger and eventually embrace all their concerns – those
perceived ‘realities’ will shape themselves into a value-based reality that aligns with
principles and influences others also to follow suit.

I had mentioned to people who had worked with me before, several times, about
what is being a professional; a professional is a person who does the things they do not
like equally well to the things that they like.
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THEN

Tough? Yes, I think everyone who has been through these situations knows that
to be proactive is one of the toughest things to do. It is difficult because you need to be
aware, identify, choose and most importantly act on the right things, and you must accept
the responsibility to do so and of doing so.

To be reactive is easy, you don’t need to take any responsibility and thus need
not do anything, and everything will be done for you or rather you will end up doing
what everyone wants you to do or what you think they want you to do. In the present
climate, because of the social mirror, social norms, culture, and other external factors,
people tend to be reactive. To be proactive you need to be responsible.

What makes a person proactive? You need to identify a higher purpose, your end
in mind around a balanced set of principles. Your role as a leader, especially as a leader
to yourself is to pathfind. Focus on the right things. As the boss, you need to identify
what is the meaning and purpose of your position; it’s definitely not to boss people
around but to act as a facilitator to help others achieve the high-priority goals and to act
as a translator to translate the goals of the organisation into something that is specific and
clear that the team can align themselves to.

You need to prepare yourself, focus on the important long term results that you
want and that the organisation wants. Put first things first and execute those things.

Align the structures, systems and processes. Remember that the whole
organisation is an eco-system, people are interdependent, they need to work together and
in order to do that there must be trust and mutual benefit; and then you need to empower
them. Thus, before you can get a win-win situation, you must think win-win first.

How do you deal with someone who does not communicate well in order to
deliver the wins for other people? Seek first to understand them, and only when they
affirm your understanding, only then you can be better understood. You can only do
those things when you choose to. Then you will get better results by creatively working
together, to synergise. Finally, always look for ways to continuously improve,
continuously learn in all the four dimensions that make the whole person whole,
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physically, mentally, spiritually and socially/emotionally. Thus, you become the

transition figure, who models, who walks the talk.

Tough? It is tough, but as the cliché goes, when the going gets tough the tough
get going.

What happened to Badrul? Sadly GCB is not the same great company it used to
be once, it chose to turn a blind eye to its employees and Badrul left GCB for new
pastures. He is heading a department in the new company. He reports to the CEO. He
travels overseas several times a year. Got married, has a kid.

Nazri? Well you can pull the blinds on some the people some of the time but you
cannot pull the blinds on all the people all the time. He too left GCB soon after Badrul,
and landed in a new company, but then left soon after. When there is no sincerity in what
you do, you would eventually be found out. So what do you do? Find new rocks to hide
under…………
It happened 14

CHAPTER 2 - IT HAPPENED

I would like to share with you some experiences that I had gathered in course of
many years being involved with the 7 Habits material and also in course of me
previously being a part of a large corporate organisation, examples of people who were
caught in dilemmas, in dealing with choices, with their bosses and their everyday lives.
Some of these situations were related to me by people I personally know, people who
have stories to tell.

Then too, I saw many types of incidences that fit into the very picture that I had
painted in the previous chapter. Let me share with you experiences of real people, People
who had gone through challenges, some maybe seen petty by some people but I would
assure you they are not in the eyes of the beholders.

THE PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL

I can safely say that many would people shake and shiver when it comes to the
annual performance appraisal. Many do not like performance appraisal time; many
would want to avoid it if they possibly can. It is one of the most awkward moments in
the year where you are given feedbacks of how you had performed during the year. The
awkward moment being to start to fence and parry. The most awkward moment is to give
feedback of your performance especially when you were never given a clear
performance standard to comply to to begin with. This incident that I am about to share
with you happened in a large reputable financial organisation, related to me by the
person herself. Of how she was appraised by her manager, how unclear expectations
were, how she felt she was victimised, and how power came to play. Let’s give the
person a name, Sherry.

Sherry was an administrative assistant in one of the many departments in the

organisation. She was in her fifteenth year with the organisation when I met her where
she was a participant in one of the seminars that I was conducting. From the interactions
that we had during the three day program, she seemed to be a person who is dedicated to
her work and assignments, but something seem not to be right. And one day, she related
to me this:
It happened 15

It happened during their end of the year performance appraisal, a moment that
many people, as she mentioned, dreaded. Then it her turn came. The manager went
through the usual dog and pony show. Informing her how well she had performed during
the year, and how she had achieved her Key Performance Indicators (KPI).
From the performance rating system adopted by the organisation, where you are
rated between 1 to 5, 1 is when you did not meet your annual KPI and performed badly,
and 5 when you not only exceeded your KPI but also performed excellently, with the
manager mentioning that she had met her KPIs, she expected that she would be rated as a
‘3,’ meeting KPIs.

Suddenly the manager dropped a bomb-shell, “Sherry, I cannot rate you a ‘3’ and
have to rate you as a ‘2’ since you are being friendly to a person that I don’t like.”

To be rated a ‘2’ tells you that your performance have not met the agreed upon
annual KPI. And how devastated would you be when you are informed by your manager
that your performance only deserves a ‘2?’ And the worst thing was that, you were rated
based on a not-mentioned before performance measurement criteria, “Mixing with
people boss don’t like list.” Just imagine that, just imagine also, if any of your loved
ones, who so happen to work in the same organisation, being on the list.

Managers have this technique of conducting performance appraisal; first give a

glowing tribute to your performance, telling the candidate of how well they had
performed during the year in appraisal. All the positively sweet things, sugar coating
everything; how they have been excellently doing their jobs, being involved in the
activities of the department or organisation.

Then, to suck out all the sweetness and energy by giving the candidate, the stick,
like the one handed to Sherry.

So Sherry with great pains asked me, “What should I do?” What can she do?

“What do you think you should do?” I asked her back.

This is where, how you felt about the incident, knowing what to do, wanting to
do it and actually doing it comes together. And what a dilemma we are in when all three
come together.
It happened 16

First of all, Sherry was fully aware of the wrong treatment she was receiving
from her manager. On how she was appraised and how the benchmark used was
something not informed to her. Of how she felt by being treated the way she was treated.

Then she started to explore her options, she cannot turn back time, but she sure
can explore what to do next, the next time the KPIs are being discussed, and the next
performance appraisal, how she can opt to respond to the manager’s appraisal. How she
can choose to enquire from the manager of what other performance criteria being used to
appraise her performance. She can also explore the option of not doing anything, and just
let things continue as it is and continue being the victim she thought she was.

Then she would need to evaluate what are the right and wrong options, and the
consequences of acting on those options. And please understand that we are only in
control of our actions, we can imagine but not in control of the consequences. I bet in her
heart, Sherry knows that she needs to act on the right things; it is just not right to be the
victim she felt she was.

Finally after having evaluated all her options, the rights and the wrongs, she
needs to act on her choice. This is where many of us failed, actually knowing what to do
and actually carrying them out are two different things. Sherry might be aware of her
choices and each of her choices would carry their own respective consequences, some
are positive some are negative.

For instance, should she choose to highlight to her manager of how unfair the
manager have been treating her, the manager may use his position/power to ‘black-list’
her. Or even that the manager will not say or do anything otherwise and let it remain and
linger. The manager may act on the unfair treatment that Sherry had experience and try
to better the situation. Choices! Choices! Choices! And sometimes people prefer not to
act on those choices and let things remain as it is and hope that the manager would one
day come to realise his follies and act on them and in the mean time Sherry would
continue feeling like a victim.

To this very day, I do not know what action Sherry took, as I have not been in
touched. You may wonder what my advice was to her, and this was what I said to her,
“During the KPI discussion and after all the need to be achieved had been discussed and
highlighted, you may want to ask your manager a question. Ask him, ‘Is there anything
It happened 17

else that I need to comply to, for example, are there anyone that I need to avoid and is
there any behaviour that I need to comply and avoid so as not jeopardise my
performance ratings?’”

DO AS I SAY

This happened to person I personally know, Raymond, who so happen to work in

a manufacturing concern and was responsible for procuring raw materials required for
the products that they are manufacturing. In procuring the raw materials, he has to
comply to certain quality standards that in return would ensure the quality of the finished
goods and the materials being sourced comes from all over the world and he had to deal
with middlemen, transporters, regulatory bodies, and any players involved in getting the
materials to the door step of the factory, and some of them had been doing business with
the company for many years.
There were many competing manufacturers who would source for the same raw
materials as they were producing similar goods. The raw materials were organic, and
were subject to quality issues and the costs of the materials fluctuate like any great
economic situations, supply and demand. So he was fighting a battle against not only the
competitors but also suppliers who would sometimes play the competitors against each
other and also the statutory bodies’ bureaucracies, and anything beyond these is not
going to help his cause much.

Sometimes during the year, the company appointed a new CEO, Gerald, and like
any good CEO, Gerald called for a briefing from each manager to learn and understand
the business and see what he can do to improve. And Raymond duly did his briefing and
also highlighted the challenges he faced in carrying out his responsibilities.
Many months passed by and Gerald had gotten more and more involved in the
decision making process and up to a point was seem to be actively participating in the
respective functions day-to-day operations, pointing out what to do and what not to do,
and Raymond was not spared either. And this seems to go on.

One day Gerald called upon Raymond and enquired, “Raymond, why is the raw
material cost have been fluctuating up and down and why are they not pegged to a
certain ceiling price?”
It happened 18

Raymond in his good natured manner then replied, “You see Gerald, we have
been sourcing the raw materials from various suppliers and they in return have been
sourcing them from many locations. We had agreed that the quality of the raw materials
that we are going to use for our finished products must comply with a 98% compliance
threshold as a standard and that is a high compliance standard that we are imposing on
the suppliers,” he responded.

Raymond then continued to say, “There are not many locations in the world that
would be able to comply to the standard that we are imposing and from what I gather, the
suppliers are having difficulties themselves in containing the price fluctuations, as the
there are various costs elements that are not within their control. These would include the
cost incurred by the people who extract the raw materials, and the bulk transporters and
carriers themselves.”

Gerald responded, “I want you to do as I say. You tell the suppliers that the price
per tonne will be pegged at the value that was agreed upon earlier this year and we
would not pay a single sen more!”

Raymond was caught in a situation where the CEO had decreed that the
company will not entertain any price fluctuation for the materials they are purchasing
and knowing the fact that price fluctuation is there to stay because of cost elements that
were beyond the control of the various parties involved, and yet to comply to the quality
standard imposed.

Raymond tried to convince Gerald of the futility of trying to peg the price and he
was rebuked for what was perceived as favouring the suppliers.

Being the responsible person he is, he duly called all suppliers and to advice
them of the instruction Gerald had imposed on to them, pegging the price at a certain
level per tonnage and to comply to the 98% quality threshold. The suppliers were far
from happy with the development and they started to impose their own demands.

One supplier said, “We would comply to that if you agree to accept a 90 tonne
delivery at any one time.” This was three times the usual amount of delivery the
company can take at any one time. If the raw materials are not consumed within a certain
period of time would render them deteriorating below the quality standard.
It happened 19

Another supplier indicated, “You can have the price per tonnage you demanded
if you lower you quality standards to 95% instead of the 98% you usually impose on us,
not anything higher.”

“You can have the material at the prices you want, if you provide the
transportation from the source location till your door step,” quoted one supplier bearing
in mind that the materials were sourced in remote locations, overseas.

He tried reasoning with the suppliers, calling in the favours and the leeway he
had previously provided them. And they explained to Raymond of their situations and
they stood by their position.

He went to Gerald informing him of the demands made by the suppliers which
was responded with “Do as I say!”

So Raymond was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. What would
you do in Raymond’s place?

“When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change

ourselves,” said Victor Frankl.

That was what he exactly did, and I will not judge his actions, but changed his
actions he did.

After he evaluated his options and saw no way out, the situation had reached to
an impasse, a no win situation, and he decided to do something different. He realised that
Gerald had never had any contacts or interactions with any of the suppliers, and all these
while whatever communications between the company and the suppliers were done
through him, and since Gerald became the CEO he hardly have time to meet any of the
vendors and suppliers. So one day he arranged for a meeting between Gerald and the
suppliers. So they can meet face-to-face, to try to understand each other out, feel each
other out, and maybe to thrash out whatever differences that they have, between the
suppliers and the company.

Raymond needs to work up extra courage and consideration, to advice Gerald of

his intentions, and to duly convince the suppliers of the same thing. And he advised both
parties that when the meeting take place, he would not joint them.
It happened 20

So on the evening the meeting actually took place, Raymond excused himself
and he was not even around when the suppliers arrived for the meeting. And he did not
know what transpired.

The very same night, Gerald rang Raymond up and said, “The suppliers and I,
we had discussed things and have come to an agreement….”

When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change

ourselves.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ

Many years ago, I was conducting a workshop for a certain manufacturing

concern at an off-site location. After everyone, including me had introduced ourselves;
we embarked on the 3-day long workshop.
During the course of the workshop, participants were required to do exercises
found in their participant workbook, and this was when I started to realise a participant,
Long, who did not do much writing, for that matter she was not writing at all.
Alarmed by what I saw, my first thought was she might not be interested. But I
was forced to challenge my paradigm when during group work sessions; she was
actively participating, expressing her ideas and opinions.
As the day progress the situation with her writing, did not change. So I decided
to try to find out why.

As the first day progressed to an end, before everyone left for their rooms, I
approached Long and said to her, “During the writing exercises, I saw that you were not
writing. Is there anything that I can do to help?”

She paused a long pause. From the looks on her face, I know that Long was ill at
ease by my question and I decided to change my approach and said, “If there is anything
that you need help about you can tell me.”

With her eyes cast downwards, I saw that it was very difficult for her to open up.
I guess she must have needed to work on extra courage to tell me these, “I don’t know
how to read and I don’t know how to write.” She said softly.
It happened 21

With another friend of her present, we sat down and she began to share with me
the following story:
She came from a broken family. When she was at a very young age, her father
and mother decided to end their marriage. At that time, Long being the eldest at five
years old, has three other siblings.

The father left the family, and the mother one day maybe decided that she could
not cope with four young children, too left. Long and her siblings were taken in by a
relative who has a family of his own.

With the extra mouths to feed, Long started to help at her young tender age, by
selling ‘kuih’ (cakes). Peddling her kuih around the kampung she was staying to get
some pocket money and to help her uncle and family to make ends meet.
When the time came for her to be enrolled in a school, the family she was
staying with, decided that they could not afford to spent on her education. Thus she did
not enjoy the one thing children her age enjoyed. School!

Long continued selling kuih, peddling them all around the kampung she had
been staying for the last many years and doing it diligently. But now, instead of the
pocket money, she resolved that every sen that she earned selling kuih will be used to put
each of her siblings through the one thing she did not get to go to. School!

As the years gone by, Long had managed to put every one of her younger
siblings through school. She worked every single day to earn enough so that her siblings
were not deprived of what she had missed.

When I met Long during the workshop, she was in her mid-20’s, and had worked
with the manufacturing concern for several years. She was responsible for the quality
control of the finished goods, at the end of the manufacturing process. When I spoke to
one of the managers of the company, he told me that Long had been accorded the
“Employee of the Year Award” several times, not once, it was no flash in the pan.

She had travelled alone, half the peninsular, to work in the company, sending
money back to her siblings without fail. The day we spoke, Long and her siblings were
now staying together in the same house. And they were already teaching Long how to
read and write.
It happened 22

CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT?

‘Tea Lady’ that was what her job title said. Kathy, in her mid-40’s, was a tea lady
in a financial institution. She was attached to a certain floor in a large multi-story
building, making anda serving coffee and tea to the people there and to visitors who
occasion the floor for meetings or discussions.

If she had a job description, Kathy’s would most probably read like this;
‘Preparing beverages, coffee and tea, for the staff and visitors. Each working day, in the
morning and afternoon after lunch hour or when the occasion necessitates such
beverages. The person would be responsible to manage and order the inventory of coffee
and tea making material, including sugar, creamer and the cleanliness of the pantry. The
person reports to the administration executive. Minimum academic qualification,
primary school education, can read and write.’

Just visualise a typical day at work Kathy would have. Arrive at work around
8.45 in the morning, set her personal items aside. Then boiled water using the electric
kettle a few minutes after that so piping hot water is available when people start to arrive
to work. Take out the pots and wipe them clean put some coffee powder and tea bags in
the respective pots. Assuming the cups and the mugs are in the pantry, she needs to
arrange them out on the trolley that she would take on her rounds.

By 9.00 a.m. the coffee and tea are ready in their respective pots and the mugs
and cups to. Make sure the creamer and sugar packets are stocked enough on the trolley.

9.10 a.m. Kathy would check with the respective people, whether any meeting
was to be held during the day and the number of people in attendance. By that time most
of the people on the floor have already turned up, some would go to the pantry to help
themselves with coffee and tea.

9.15 a.m. till about 9.45 a.m. Kathy would be making her rounds on the floor
serving coffee and tea, by which she would already have served in the occupied meeting
rooms
It happened 23

10.00 a.m. she would most probably be checking on the meeting rooms, for any
replenishments. Making sure the pots of coffee and tea are filled for second helping. And
she would then do her inventory, checking, filling out the order forms and have them
sent to the Administration department, a tasks most probably done once a fortnight or a
month. By 10.30 a.m. what needs to be done in the morning are now done.

By then, she would sit down, do some reading, chat with the cleaners, and other
people who occasion the pantry where she is stationed, make some phone calls and by
12.00 p.m. she is ready to start doing her rounds again, now collecting the used cups and
mugs and the pots in the office and the meeting rooms to get them ready for another
round in the afternoon.

In the afternoon she would have made her rounds by 2.30 p.m. and at 4.00 p.m.
collecting the cups and the mugs and the pots and by 4.45 p.m. her work is done for the
day.

Tomorrow would be another round of the same things. Talk about routines and
monotony.

One day, Kathy, being a staff of the bank attended a workshop, and during the
workshop she saw her work life flew by. She thought that things must change a little. She
needed improvements and some excitements in her work life.

She came to office with vigour and energy. She wanted some changes. What
happened next came as a very big surprise to everyone on the floor.

After the morning chores are all done, she stood in front of the pantry and
scanned the whole floor. Looking and watching people, typing and fielding phone calls,
busy with their work. Pushing and shuffling paper typing their reports on the computers.

Then with great courage and humility she took her first step forward. She walked
towards one of the executive, whom she saw was talking on the phone and typing
something on her computer. Kathy just stood next to the person, waited patiently until
she finishes her phone call and then said, “Can I help you with that?”

The executive turned around, looking at the person who had offered her help,
and saw it was just Kathy.
It happened 24

Looking rather taken aback that it was Kathy the tea lady, she timidly replied,
“It’s okay, I can handle this. Not a problem, just a little thing that needs to be done.”

Kathy moved away and went to another person, and offered to help. And an
almost similar response was heard. This went on for a while. Then Kathy walked
dejectedly back to her corner in the pantry.

Who would blame them so refusing the help? She was a tea lady after all, what
does she know about typing those papers, let alone use the computer. She doesn’t know
head or tail about computers, let alone knowing the difference between a keyboard and a
monitor and a mouse and a disc drive. Between a spreadsheet and a word processor, bet
bolds and italics, and underscore. Let’s not talk about the amount of mistakes and the
kind of speed she would be at if the job was passed to her.

For several days it just went like that.

Imagine the kind of talks going on in the office concerning what Kathy had
done, a tea lady offering assistance to executives. She can’t type, she can’t make head or
tail about the computers, and what she is an expert in was tea and coffee making.

One day she saw the company’s training calendar. And published in it was a
training program, basic word processing, and she decided to enrol and I bet it got
everyone’s, in the training department, tongues wagging. And there went Kathy, being
the only tea lady in the three day course. She learned and practiced, putting aside the
embarrassment she felt initially.

After the training was over, she went again asking, “Can I help you with that?”
And she faced another round over rejection.

In the mornings she came to work earlier than usual, looked for any available
computers at empty desks to practice her word processing.

Then one day, she submitted her loan application, to buy a personal computer. I
guess the assumption was that it would be mainly used by her children. It would be
inconceivable for a tea lady to be using a computer.
It happened 25

Of which she then used to practice her word processing at home.

After the initial rejections and with her persistency and patients, Kathy started to
do the things she have always wanted to do, helping others and that’s not just by being
the tea lady, but expanding her span of assistance.

I am very sure that you had observed much different admirable behaviour by
people, amazed by how they had acted, how they responded, how differently they act,
and sometimes these are just small insignificant acts that brought significant outcomes.
How we sometimes thought, “If only the situation was different, then maybe I can be
like that.”

We are being put into many different situations and many of those situations are
difficult and challenging. And we do not like the challenges. We hope, we pray that the
situations would change; other people would change so we can change. Many times
executives and managers would say “How the situation change when my boss do not
change?” “We are just like that, the reality is the situation is just like that, what can we
do about it?” “Our culture is like that what.”

People expressed their helplessness to change the situation and to change others.
The culture has been there ever since so long and before their time. What can they do
about it? NOTHING!

That is exactly correct; you cannot change the situations and the people, except
changing yourself in those situations and when you deal with others.
 26

Chapter 3 – Helplessness

“Nak buat macam mana, dah macam tu.” (What can you do about it, its just like
that).
“Our culture is like that what!” (We had inherited whatever is presently being
practiced).
“I don’t think I can do anything about the systems, it’s the management’s
decision.”
“I spoke to them, but they are not doing anything about it.”

Many people feel they are helpless to act. In feeling helpless, they tend not to do
anything because they tend to feel that there is nothing they can do or change.

I am not going to write about the feelings of helplessness and despair that people
suffer or feel in when they are dying or down and out on their luck, left behind,
abandoned by their loves ones or when their loves one died on them. I am just going to
share with you the feeling of helplessness that one feel in the office, with their bosses,
colleagues, subordinates, clients and about any other people they come into contact with.
I just want to write about what happen in the office.

When I came out of college to work, it was at the wrong end of the 1980s, jobs
were hard to come by, and the country was in a recession. I walk the length and breadth
of Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman and Jalan Bukit Bintang and all over Kuala Lumpur and
up and down the stairs of many buildings with copies of my CV in hand looking for a
job. But alas the country was in recession and no job was to be found for a young fresh
graduate with no job experience. I want to have money to do things a young man would
want to do.

I remember taking the bus from my hometown in Kajang to Kuala Lumpur

almost everyday to look for a job. Many of my friends were fortunate to get a job the day
they left college and several of them were doing their degrees.

My first serious job was with a property valuer company. A friend recommended
me to the job and I reported for duty, eager to earn a living.
 27

The education that I got in college did not prepare me for the job, I was totally
unprepared. I came to work as an accounts clerk, and my job was to prepare and manage
the accounts of the company. What happened on the very first day caught me by surprise.
The majority of the employees of the company were valuers; they need to travel the
whole country to do their job, that is to value properties, land and building, that were
transacted between sellers and buyers. In the course of their job, they would incur
expenses like travelling and subsistence expenses that need to be compensated. Since
they knew that a new accounts clerk was present, the swarmed to my desk and asked
about their expense claims.

To say that I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I was lost, I was ignorant
and I do not know what they were talking about and I do not know what to do. I was
helpless.

I have not even started the day; the bosses were not in yet to brief me of what to
do, where the books were, how much updates need to be done since the last time the
books were updated, reconciliations and so on and so forth. And now a crowd of valuers
were at my table to know about the status of their claims.

I told them that it was my first day at work and I have yet to be brought up to
speed and managed to get some breathing space only after I promised them that I would
look into their concerns. I had found out that it had been more than 3 months since they
had been paid for their claims, and more claims had been submitted since.
 28

Chapter 4 – Everyday Proactivity

I am not an angel, neither am I all white in my heart, but I try to practice the
habits. Hence I am sharing with you some insight and perspective on how to face the
various challenging situations we face everyday. And I am not going to give you,
sometimes ‘goody, idealistic answers.’ I may even tell you to just quit your job.

Everyday we are being challenged in many different situations, everywhere,

anywhere, by everyone and anyone. Sometimes we are challenged by the very people
that work with and live with. Sometimes we are challenged by the very situation we
always want to avoid and the most impropriate time.
These are many a times simple day-to-day situations; traffic jams, queue
jumping, discussions and meetings, the baby crying, the wife talking (or nagging), the
parents complaining, people whining, unwarranted comments and remarks, biasness,
such situations that we face everyday. Sometimes the situations we are faced with require
us to draw on all the strength of the proactive muscles, just to stop ourselves from
blurting out words that we would later regret. These are typically the moments that our
proactivity are being tested, the small situations and moments.
I attempt not to prescribe answers to these testing situations neither would I
judge, but what I would do is to share how people had handled such situations and
managed not be reactive to the person or situation that was testing them.

Many people wait and long for the big, dramatic, earth shattering moments to
test their proactive muscles and Dr. Covey likened these moments to the ability to do
twenty push-ups. The thing is, how would you be able to do twenty push-ups when you
have not been able to do one push-up?
The day-to-day test should be seen as an exercise, one push-up situations, that if
we can handle them properly would enable us to build the proactive muscles. The small
day-to-day tests must be seen as preparing us towards building stronger, larger proactive
muscles that would allow us to face the big, dramatic, earth shattering moments. It’s not
easy; it’s a slow and sure process, baby steps, unsure and sometimes stumbling process
but a surely process that would grow the muscles.
 29

How many times have someone jumped the queue over you? How many times
unwarranted remarks were made of you? Have you ever been in situations where your
opinions and ideas were being belittled? Have you ever seen people complaining how
unfairly have they been treated? Ever wondered why sometimes people hated being a
meeting or for that matter attending a meeting? What happened to that guy who came to
work looking rather dishevelled? Have you heard people griping and complaining of
other people and situations?
Time and time again, we come across some or all those situations or we
ourselves experienced those situations at one time or another. And these are tests, tests
that would help us anyone else to build that muscle, and then building muscle to be
stronger and stronger and stronger.

These small acts of proactivity would help us prepare for the larger, more
dramatic situations. These big dramatic situations would require a larger amount of
proactivity to be drawn from us. What do I consider the larger, bigger dramatic
moments? I would suggest some of them would include; deaths in the family or people
closest to us, loss of employment and properties, getting the bad news that you have been
dumped, being in a natural disaster, the bad news that you are not getting the promotion
that you expected to get. Having a terrible accident or crash, being told that you are
suffering a terminal illness could be lumped into these big dramatic situations. Maybe for
some these would include having the laundry losing their favourite dress, not being
treated nicely by the waiter, being stood up by their dates, missing the last bus or train,
missing their flights and such things that some people may consider as trivial.

This chapter would try to explore the various everyday occurrences that most of
us would encounter that maybe we can use to start exercising our proactive muscles.

QUEUE JUMPERS/JUMPING

My favourite subject and the thing I hate most. I am very sure that many of us
have had experience being queue jumped at the LRT stations, while on the road, waiting
in line to buy the cinema tickets, at the ATMs, in the buffet lines, while in the line to pay
the bills, at the department store, in the hypermarket and in many other situations and
occasions. Oh! How I hate queue jumpers. How do you deal with these challenges and
stay sane and not lose your marbles?
 30

Being proactive means that you abide by the principles that you have a choice,
you are responsible for your own choices, and also that you can choose your own actions
but not the consequences of those actions. By these principles, from my own personal
experiences you would be able to be proactive while facing the challenges of queue
jumping. One other thing that you would need to understand is that, being proactive does
not mean that you need to be nice, and if you want to be nice it does not mean that you
need to deny that you are being angry, or bothered, or even being annoyed by the
situation. You can do all those nicely though.
31