Ambrosia

Erin Noelle

Ambrosia
Published By Erin Noelle

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the author/ publisher, except by a reviewer who may uote brief passages for review purposes only. !his boo" is licensed for your personal en#oyment only. !his eBoo" may not be resold or given away to other people. $f you would li"e to share this boo" with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each participant. !his is a wor" of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author%s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All publicly recogni&able characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. !he original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. !he author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. As a part of the Boo" Boyfriend 'eries, numerous characters from other boo"s are mentioned throughout the text. !he following is a list of said characters, the boo"s you can find them in, and the author who owns the titles and characters. $ highly urge you to read all of these boo"s so that you can better understand the context of the character%s personality is used.

(iera and (ellan ) !houghtless trilogy, '* 'tephens *assie + ,ac" -%ing *arter ) !he Perfect .ame/ !he .ame *hanger , ,enn 'terling !rey, Ethan + /eagan ) 0ouble !ime ) 1livia *unning ,esse 2ard and Ava ) !his 3an ) ,odi Ellen 3alpias 0euce ) 4ndeniable ) 3adeline 'heehan

)!o my girls, .abi + 0ani )

5ou are the reason $ live6 you will never "now how much $ love you.

CHAPTER ONE ~ SWEET REUNIONS

I Will Possess Your Heart ~ Death Cab for Cutie

A Drop In the Ocean ~ Ron Pope Overjo e! ~ "atchbo# T$ent

SCAR%ETT 2rapped tightly in 3ason%s strong arms for the first time in eight long, lonely months, the overwhelming feeling of comfort and security engulfed me both physically and emotionally. $ really had no idea how he was going to react to my sudden reappearance and public apology, but his response was definitely best case scenario. /elief had washed over me when he had pic"ed me up in his arms and told me that he still loved me. 7is ability to forgive with ease reassured me that $ had made the right decision. 89et%s get out of here,: 3ason whispered in my ear as he placed me bac" onto the floor. $ nearly lost my balance on my ,ello;li"e legs, but than"fully he still had his arms on mine, and "ept me from falling. $ loo"ed up into his smo"y gray eyes and saw the same bla&ing desire staring bac" at me that $ felt in every nerve ending on my body. 1h, how $ had missed the way he made me feel. $ nodded once and that was all the affirmation that he needed. 3ason grabbed my elbow and steered me towards the direction of the office while the crowd in the bar cheered loudly for our reunion. 2e reached the door that led to the hallway and 3ason turned around to nod his head 8goodbye: in the direction of his friends at the table he had #ust left. $ thought about glancing over at where Ash was #ust to see the expression on his face, but $ didn%t. $ couldn%t allow myself to care what he thought anymore. $ couldn%t allow myself to care about him anymore. 3ason led me through the door with his hand on the small of my bac" and a happy sigh escaped my lips at the contact. 2e stopped in the doorway of the office where 3arcus, 3ason%s brother, was sitting in the des" chair with his bac" to us. 87ey man, #ust letting you "now that $%m gonna head out. !hin" you and the guys can handle it tonight<: 3ason as"ed, getting his attention. 82hat do you mean you%re heading out, /at< $t%s the wee"end before school starts, we%re fuc"ing slammed,: 3arcus grumbled as he spun around. 7e stopped when he saw me and coc"ed one of his eyebrows up uestioning my presence. $ smiled shyly at him and the corners of his mouth tilted up in a "nowing smir". 7e loo"ed over at 3ason and nodded his head, 8Alright man, no worries. $%ll see you tomorrow. 0on%t forget $ need you here by

=>??.: 8!han"s man, see you then.: 2ith his hand still pressed on my lower bac", he guided me down the hallway, through his and 3arcus% small studio apartment, and out the bac" door. 8.ive me your "eys so that $ can move your car up by the building. 2e%ll #ust leave it here and you can get it tomorrow,: he said as he reached out his hand toward me. 8$ can #ust follow you to your apartment so you don%t have to worry about it tomorrow,: $ tried to argue, but he cut me off uic"ly. 8Angel, the only thing $%m gonna worry about is you running off again and that ain%t gonna happen as long as you stay in my sight. 'o give me your "eys and we will get your car tomorrow, o"ay<: 81"ay,: $ agreed without further discussion. 7e was scared $ was going to run again, so if me not having my car made him feel better about it, $ was more than fine with it. $ wasn%t going anywhere. Not this time. 'everal minutes later, my car was moved and $ was climbing on the bac" of 3ason%s 7arley. $ had forgotten how much $ loved to cuddle up against him while my arms were wrapped tightly around his mid;section. $ pressed my chee" up against his bac", over#oyed at how the night was turning out, as we made the uic" trip to his apartment. 7e pulled the bi"e up next to his building and helped me off. !he brief contact of his hands on my waist, ma"ing sure $ was steady on the ground, caused my heart to race and my body to tingle all over. !he physical reaction that he initiated in me was incredible. 3y body craved his touch when $ was near him. $ followed him anxiously up the stairs and through the front door. Neither of us had said a word since $ had agreed to leave my car& and $ was dying to "now what was going through his head. 7e led me straight through the living room, down the short hallway, and into his bedroom. A few steps into the room, he turned around and loc"ed his eyes on mine. $ wasn%t sure what he wanted me to say or do, but $ "new that $ owed him an explanation for what had exactly happened the night that $ had left him. 83ason,: $ began, loo"ing down at the floor. 8$%m not even sure where to start@: 7e too" one step towards me, closing the distance between us, and cupped my face in his large hands. $ can%t even describe the loo" in his eyes at that moment ) he was so torn by the multitude of emotions that $ evo"ed in him. Before $ could further analy&e his intentions, his mouth crashed down onto mine, possessively and greedily, and $ submitted to him instantly. 3y lips parted giving his tongue access and he too" every bit $ allowed him. !here was nothing sweet or sappy about the "iss, it was domineering, intense6 purposeful. $t was a "iss that told me that he was in control of whatever relationship we were going to have from that point on. 82e can tal" later, Angel,: 3ason said as he pulled his lips a short distance from mine. 8$%ve thought way too long about what $%d do if $ ever had you in my arms again, and tal"ing isn%t a big part of it.: 7e grinned naughtily and $ couldn%t help but smile bac" at him. $ reached up and ran my hands through his short, dar" hair and pulled his face bac" down to mine. $ nibbled at his bottom lip, pulling his lip ring into my mouth and suc"ing gently. 3ason closed his eyes and moaned lightly. 2hen $ released his lip, his eyes shot open and he immediately pic"ed me up and carried me to his bed. 7e laid me down on my bac" in the same star" white bedding that he had when $ was last there. 7e positioned himself on top of me so that $ could feel his body pressed up against mine in all of the right places, but not so that he felt heavy on me. 7e leaned down

and pressed his lips to the sensitive spot right under my ear. 8$%ve waited too fuc"ing long for this. $ can%t believe you%re really here, Angel,: he murmured against my s"in. 8$ need you so bad. $%ve wanted you for so long.: 7e continued "issing and lic"ing my nec" and #aw line. 7e "new exactly what he was doing, and he wasn%t playing fair at all. $t didn%t ta"e long for my body to respond to his attac". $ could feel the heat spread throughout me, and the ache in my core began to throb. $nstinctively, $ wrapped my arms around his nec" and pulled him closer to me while lifting my hips to grind against his. 85ou "now we really need to tal", right<: $ managed to as" between his very distracting "isses. As much as $ would%ve loved for us to #ust "iss away the last eight months, $ "new better than that. 3ason rose up slightly so that he could loo" at me. 8Not tonight, 'carlett. Please,: his eyes begged. 8*an we have one night, #ust us, before we have to rehash all the other shit<: $ wasn%t thin"ing straight, $ was completely enthralled in the excitement and passion of seeing and touching 3ason again. !here was no way $ was denying him anything he wanted. $ nodded my head at him, 82hatever you want, $%m all yours for as long as you%ll have me.: !hat was exactly what he needed to hear. 81h my .od, 'carlett@: 7e lowered himself bac" on top of me and pic"ed up on his tantali&ing torture. -eeling his solid body against mine, inhaling his clean masculine scent, hearing his raspy voice say my name@ the assault of all things 3ason on my senses was too much for me to ta"e. !he last thing $ had planned on was to be bac" in his bed so soon, especially before hashing out everything that had transpired in the previous eight months, but $ simply could not resist my bad boy roc"er. 8$ want you, 3ason,: $ whispered breathily in his ear. 8$ need you.: !hat was all it too". 4nli"e our first and only other time together, when 3ason was patient and deliberate with each movement, this time he was wild and almost frantic. *lothes went flying as we tore at each other, anxious to be s"in on s"in once again. 1pen; mouthed with teeth clashing, our "isses were desperate and demanding. 2e couldn%t get enough fast enough. 7e attempted to move down my body to treat my lower half to the enticing things he could do with his mouth, but $ stopped him. $ couldn%t wait any longer. 8$t%s gonna hurt, Angel, if $ don%t get you ready,: he tried to explain. 8$ want to feel you ) hurt and all.: .iving me exactly what $ as"ed for, 3ason reached into his night stand and pulled out a foil pac"et. 7e uic"ly opened it and put on the condom, and within a minute he was bac" between my legs. $ could feel the head of his coc" pressing against my wet slit and $ whimpered in anticipation. /esting his forehead against mine, a small smile played at his lips, 8Are you ready< $%m gonna slowly wor" my way in,: he explained. 8Not slow, please. $ need you now.: $ panted. 8$f you%re sure@: $ nodded my head before he could even get the entire sentence out. 'econds later $ was screaming to the heavens above as 3ason did exactly what $ as"ed him to do. $n two stro"es of his hips, he had filled me completely and once again, $ was connected to him the way $ had never been connected to anyone else. $ dug my nails into his bac" and bit down on his shoulder as the pain and pleasure rolled through me, mixing and molding, together pushing me to the edge of a cliff. $t didn%t ta"e either of us

long to find our release as our desperate pace from "issing transferred directly into our love;ma"ing. Every muscle in my body clenched as $ began my free fall, clinging to 3ason%s body as if my life depended on it. 3ason cuddled me against his chest after we had both caught our breath and stopped seeing spots. $t didn%t ta"e long for the uestions and doubts about what we had #ust done to creep into my thoughts, but $ uic"ly pushed them away. 2e had a lot of things to tal" about, a lot of things to wor" through, but right then, the most important thing was that 3ason loved me and $ loved him. "ASON 9ying on my bac" with 'carlett sound asleep on my chest, $ stared at the ceiling and too" a deep breath for the first time since $ saw her standing on that stage. 3emories from the last time she was in my bed came pouring through my mind& and $ instinctively pulled her closer to me. $ wasn%t going to do much sleeping6 the thoughts and emotions racing through me had my adrenaline pumping. Plus, $ wasn%t ta"ing the chance that she might wa"e up and bolt again. -uc" if $ was going to let her run away from me again. 2e probably should have had a serious tal" before #umping bac" into each other%s arms and bac" into bed, but li"e always, the minute our s"in touched, the moment her lips met mine, $ #ust wanted to drown in her. Even after how angry $ was with her, after the hurt and pain that she inflicted on me, after how much $ once thought $ fuc"ing hated her, all it too" was seeing her angelic face in front of me and all was forgiven. A couple of months ago $ had finally accepted that $ would never see her again. 1f course that was about the time that $ met Bentley and everything had changed. $ "new $ would have to tell her everything soon, but selfishly, $ wanted to spend more time en#oying her before dropping the bomb. $ wasn%t sure how she was going to react6 my stomach clenched at the thought. $ couldn%t fuc"ing believe that she had come bac" when she did. 2hen everything was out of my hands... $ closed my eyes and turned my head so $ could inhale the scent of her hair. $t was #ust li"e $ remembered, a mixture of coconut and pineapple and maybe some other fruity shit. $t always reminded me of being on vacation and $ smiled at the thought. 7opefully $ could "eep 'carlett here at my apartment the entire wee"end and it would be li"e a little vacation before we had to face the real world. $ was dreading having to deal with all of the shit from the past, and figuring out what we were going to do in the future, when $ was gone@ and she was here, with him.

CHAPTER TWO ~ RI'HT NOW

Your Guardian Angel ~ The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (o)r Winter ~ Sister Ha*e+

SCAR%ETT !he next morning $ wo"e up to the smell of bacon and coffee and the sound of pans banging around in the "itchen. $ could hear 3ason singing along with whatever music he had playing. Either he was purposely trying to wa"e me up to #oin him or he really suc"ed at uietly preparing me brea"fast in bed. $ was going with option number one. .roaning, $ rolled over and hopped down from the ginormous bed. $ was still na"ed and not really sure where my clothes had been thrown. $ didn%t see any of them around on the floor, but $ noticed his blac" t;shirt that he had on the night before draped across the dresser, so $ #ust threw that on and went to find him. !he sight of 3ason wor"ing in the "itchen stopped me mid;route6 it truly was a sight to behold. 7is bac" was facing me so it allowed me a few moments to gaw" at this gorgeous male specimen that $ was@ well, $ wasn%t sure what we were. 0ating< 9overs< Boyfriend/.irlfriend< 2hatever he was, this guy claimed to love me and $ had spent the previous night in his arms, so $ was happy with that. 5ou could tell by his broad, muscular frame that he spent uite a bit of time in the gym, and the in" that covered at least half of his exposed s"in indicated he spent the rest of it in a tattoo parlor. 7e was standing at the stovetop, flipping what appeared to be panca"es, wearing only a pair of thin cotton pa#ama pants. 7is bac" was Adonis;li"e and the pants sat #ust perfectly on the top of his ass, framing his entire flawless physi ue. 7oly hell. 3ason was engrossed in his coo"ing and singing, never even noticing my presence. $ was uite en#oying the show that $ was receiving. 2hat could be better than a sexy ass, half;na"ed man, coo"ing me brea"fast, while singing a song about never letting his true love fall and standing up with her forever in the sultriest voice ever< 4mmm@ nothing, that%s what. 3y body li uefied and $ needed to touch him immediately. $ uietly tiptoed up behind him #ust as the song pic"ed up tempo. 7e was really getting into it and began moving his hips and dancing in place. /ight after he finished begging for her to stay, $ slid my arms around his waist and "issed his bac", directly between his shoulder blades. 8$%ll stay with you, 3ase.: $ whispered in his ear. 0ropping the spatula, he spun around with a huge smile on his face and pulled me against him. 8.ood morning Angel.: 7e "issed the top of my head and grabbed my ass at the same time. $ s uealed and leaned further into him. 7e loo"ed down at me and brushed the

pad of his hand over my chee". 8$ hope you%re hungry Acause $%ve coo"ed up all "inds of good stuff for you.: 7e leaned down and gave me a swift pec", but uic"ly turned bac" towards the food. 8'hit, $ burnt that oneB $t%s all your fault for distracting me,: he teased, loo"ing at me over his shoulder as he disposed of the blac" flap#ac". $ moved over to the side of the range and hopped up onto the countertop, so that my legs were dangling in front of me, and $ could see his face while he was coo"ing. 3ason loo"ed over at my bare legs and raised his eyebrows as a devilish smir" crept on his face. 82hat<: $ as"ed loo"ing down at my lap and noticed that his t;shirt was #ust barely covering my crotch. 8$ couldn%t find my clothes so $ put this on. $s it o"ay that $%m wearing your shirt<: $ half;whined. 81f course it%s o"ay, $ li"e you in my clothes.: 7e turned off the stovetop and removed the s"illet from the heat before wal"ing over in front of me. 3y breath caught as he placed both of his hands on my legs and pulled me towards him so $ was #ust barely perched on the edge of the counter. 7is hands pushed opened my "nees far enough that he could position himself in between my thighs. !he cool air that tic"led my na"ed folds reminded me that $ didn%t have any panties on, and then the feel of 3ason%s bare stomach pressed against my clit made me shudder and my eyelids to get heavy. 7e loo"ed down and pulled the hem of the shirt up, confirming that he felt my na"ed sex rubbing against his abs. 81h shit, 'carlett. 2hat are you trying to do to me<: 7e growled the words at me as his hands slowly began moving from the inside of my "nees up to my core. All of the li uid in my body rushed to the apex between my legs when his fingers found their ultimate destination. 83ason, oh .od@: $ threw my head bac" at his first caress and moaned loudly. 7e leaned into my nec" and "issed me under my ear at the same time he slipped one finger into me. 83mm hmm@ $ li"e the sound of that,: he said, not moving his mouth from my s"in. 7e uic"ly added another finger to the first and began moving them in and out of me. Abruptly he withdrew his hand from me and dropped to his "nees. !he t;shirt was now bunched around my waist so that my lower half was completely exposed, and his eyes were fixed on my wet, pulsating sex. 2ithout wasting another second, he leaned in and made a teasing swipe at my swollen nub with his tongue. 7e tried to torment me by pulling away, but $ was too uic". 'omehow $ managed to stay perched on the edge of the countertop and grab the bac" of his head with my hands, guiding his mouth bac" towards my ache. 7e chuc"led at my shamelessness, but happily obliged my silent re uest. After uic"ly bringing me to an orgasm with his talented mouth and hands, he slid me off the granite surface and turned me around so that my bac" was to him. 87old on here,: he instructed me as he put my hands on the counter where my legs had #ust been. $ was bent over, my bac" arched and ass stic"ing up in the air as if $ was presenting myself to him. $ didn%t hear him pull his pants down or grab a condom, but moments later $ heard the ripping of the pac"age followed by the tip of his erection nudging me. 7is strong hands grabbed my hip bones li"e they were handles and in one swift motion, he impaled himself inside of me. 81h .odB: $ cried out. $ was extremely sore from the night before and my body still wasn%t used to 3ason filling me up. 8Are you o"ay< 0o you want me to stop<: he as"ed, leaning down and "issing my shoulder gently. $ loo"ed over my shoulder at him and his hungry, hooded eyes stared bac"

at me. $ loved how much he wanted me6 it turned me on incredibly. 8No, don%t stop. Please don%t stop,: $ answered and wiggled my ass against him. 7e said something under his breath that sounded li"e 81h fuc" me,: but $ wasn%t sure. $ didn%t have time to thin" about it again because he, still grasping tightly onto my hip bones, began his relentless pounding. $t didn%t ta"e me long to come again and $ felt he hands grab me even tighter, if that was possible, as he followed me into ecstasy. 7e wrapped his arms around my waist and laid himself down onto my bac". $ was still using the countertop as a brace, and his additional, unexpected weight caused me to lose my grip and we both fell to the floor. 'prawled out, half;dressed, on the "itchen floor, our ga&es caught and we both began to laugh hysterically. 3ason managed to discard the condom and pull his pants up from around his an"les. 'itting up with his bac" leaning against the cabinets, he pulled me unto his lap and snuggled into the side of my face. 8$ was going to bring you brea"fast in bed, but it appears you brought the bed to brea"fast,: he #o"ed while "issing my chee". 8Now come on, let%s eat before all of the food gets cold.: 3ason and $ cleaned up in the bathroom, washing our hands and brushing our teeth, before grabbing our plates and settling down at the table. $ couldn%t believe that $ hadn%t even been bac" in town for twenty four hours, and $ had already had sex with him twice and spent my first night in his bed instead of mine. 2e en#oyed a pleasant brea"fast tal"ing about recent movies and music6 both of us avoided 8the conversation: at all costs. $t was li"e we were #ust going to pretend that nothing had happened since the day he left to go to the music festival in 0allas last 0ecember. Evie didn%t die, Ash didn%t completely destroy and trample on my heart and soul, and $ didn%t leave 3ason in the middle of the night after giving him my virginity and telling him $ loved him. $ glanced down at the outside of my left calf and saw the butterfly that was permanently tattooed on my s"in. $t was my daily reminder that it all did in fact happen. 3y daily reminder of Ash 2al"er. $ uic"ly pulled my eyes away from my tattoo and bac" to my plate, hopeful that he didn%t catch me loo"ing at it. $ "new he must "now that it was somehow related to Ash since Ash had the same design on his forearm and had apparently become a regular at the warehouse. $ didn%t want 3ason to worry about any lingering feelings $ had for Ash, even though $ couldn%t honestly say $ was completely over Ash. $ wasn%t sure if $ ever would be; the magical connection $ had felt with him was something that $ had only believed existed in fictional stories, $ couldn%t allow myself to ever be with him. 7e had nearly destroyed my already bro"en self once before and $%d be damned if $ let him do it again. 8Are you going to the warehouse with me tonight, Angel< ,obu%s /um is playing,: his voice pulled me from my depressing thoughts. 8$%ve got to go up there early but $ figured you could hang out and watch !C in the studio apartment there until it got busy.: 8Are you sure<: $ as"ed mee"ly. 8$ mean $ #ust showed up yesterday after@ well, after everything and $ don%t expect you to #ust forgive me and insert me bac" into your life.: 8$sn%t that what you want<: he as"ed with a confused loo" on his face. 82ell, yeah, but what $ want and what happens in real life aren%t always the same thing.: $ tuc"ed my hair behind my ears and too" a deep breath. $ loo"ed into his eyes and said, 83ason, we%re going to have to tal" about it at some point. $t doesn%t have to be right now, but the longer we go pretending that nothing happened, the more this fresh start is built on a lie.: 8$ love you and that isn%t a lie,: he inter#ected. 8And you said you love me, and $

don%t thin" that%s a lie either.: 85ou "now as well as $ do that isn%t enough to ma"e a relationship wor", 3ase,: $ replied softly. 7e pushed away from the table abruptly and too" our plates to the sin". 82hy not, 'carlett<: 7e as"ed loo"ing over the bar at me. $ had tuc"ed my "nees up against my body, his shirt was stretched over my legs to my an"les. 89oo", what happened is what happened. 2e were seeing each other, getting to "now each other pretty well6 $ was starting to fall for you, $%m pretty sure you had feelings for me too. 'omething really shitty happened, you came here for me to comfort and console you, and $ did. 'ure, $ didn%t "now the pain you were in, but $ did what $ did because $ cared about you. 5ou frea"ed out with everything and ran away. 1bviously, you%ve gotten your shit together, figured out whatever you needed to figure out, and you%ve come bac" to move on with your life. 5ou said you were sorry last night, $%m sorry too. 5ou said you loved me, $ said $ loved you. 2ho "nows where this is going to lead, but right here, right now, this is what we both want. 'o why do we need to ma"e the past any more than it is< 9eave it there6 focus on right now. End of story.: 8But aren%t you mad at me< 4pset with me< 2ant to "now why $ did what $ did<: 8$ was mad at first, but once $ found out what happened, it all made sense.: 7e wal"ed bac" over to the "itchen table and sat in the chair next to mine. 7e pulled me to him so that we were facing each other and he was holding my hands. 8$ couldn%t ma"e you come bac", Angel. 5ou needed to do that on your own time. 'o $ gave you space@ you "now whatever that damn saying is, -I. o) +ove somethin/& +et it /o& an! i. it0s meant to be& it0++ come bac10 or some shit +i1e that23 I co)+!n0t he+p b)t smi+e at his attempt to )se a +ove 4)ote5 he never cease! to s)rprise me2 6(o) came bac1&3 he sai! matter7o.7.act+ 2 6An an/er or resentment I ever ha! to$ar!s o) $as erase! the min)te I sa$ o) +ast ni/ht2 I 1ne$ then I $as sti++ cra* in +ove $ith o),3 He +eane! .or$ar! an! br)she! his +ips +i/ht+ across mine2 The tin/+e .rom his to)ch ran .rom the top o. m hea! to the tips o. m toes2 6An! I thin1 $e0ve !one more than eno)/h to prove that $e sti++ have ama*in/ chemistr 23 A++ o. his points $ere va+i! an! ma!e per.ect sense2 "a be I !i! nee! to tr an! .oc)s on movin/ .or$ar! a +itt+e more& an! ma be "ason $as the per.ect person to he+p me !o that2 A++ I co)+! !o $as tr 2 6(o)0re ri/ht2 %et0s enjo ri/ht no$&3 I smi+e! at him an! his /ra e es +it )p2 He /+ance! behin! me at the c+oc1 on the $a++2 6I0ve /ot a +itt+e more than an ho)r to enjo right no be.ore I have to /et rea! & so /et o)r ass bac1 in m be!&3 he sai! p)++in/ me o)t o. the chair an! cr)shin/ his +ips a/ainst mine2 He an/+e! me in the !irection o. his be!room an! s$atte! m ass2 'i//+in/& I sc)rrie! a+on/& ta1in/ o.. his shirt be.ore b)r in/ m se+. in the sheets2 "ASON Before following 'carlett to my room, $ grabbed my cell off the bar and tapped out a uic" text to my boys instructing them not to mention our upcoming move in front of 'carlett. $ wasn%t sure when the right time to tell her was, but $ wasn%t ready yet. $ didn%t want her pulling away from me before she had a chance to see how good we could be together. !hen maybe, #ust maybe, she would want to come with me. $ wasn%t going to as" her6 $ couldn%t as" her to ma"e that decision so soon after returning, but if she as"ed to come with me, $%d be ecstatic.

$%d still need to handle the Bentley situation, but she could either understand it and accept Angel or ta"e a fuc"ing hi"e. 1ur hoo"ups were meaningless fuc"s, she filled a void that no longer needed to be filled. 7er only #ob now was to manage ,obu%s /um. .od, $ was so glad she was bac" in Austin. 7ow awful would it have been if she%d been at the bar when 'carlett came bac"< $ cringed #ust thin"ing about it. $ had six wee"s to address that situation before she was due to come bac" in town. 83ase< Are you coming<: 'carlett%s sweet voice called out. 3ase@ $ loved hearing that come out of her mouth. 85eah, #ust a second. $ was putting some of the food away,: $ answered. $ opened and closed the refrigerator door to ma"e it sound li"e $ had been doing what $ said and then went to #oin her in my bed. $ needed to remind her as many times as possible why we needed to be together.

CHAPTER THREE ~ O%D 8RIENDS& NEW 9E'INNIN'S

Hero! Heroine ~ "o#s $i%e Girls A++ At Once ~ The 8ra

SCAR%ETT After 3ason had showered and changed, he too" me to my place to grab some clothes and toiletries. $ needed to chec" in with my new roommate, !essa, anyway. $ hadn%t said much to her the day before when $ had arrived late in the evening. $ had basically put my stuff up in my room, showered, gotten dressed, and left for the night. $ wasn%t sure how this whole stranger roommate thing wor"ed. 2ere we supposed to tell each other when we were going to be there or not< Evie and $ had "nown each other%s% whereabouts every moment of every day, but that was different. !essa came out of her room when she heard us come into the apartment. !he sight of 3ason scared her a bit at first6 she #umped bac" a foot when she saw him. $ couldn%t help but laugh out loud. $ don%t thin" she was expecting a six;foot;something, tattooed and pierced, hottie to be standing in the living room. 87ey !essa,: $ greeted her warmly. 87iya, 'carlett,: she said to me, but her eyes were loc"ed on 3ason. $ couldn%t blame her. 7is presence demanded the attention of any female that shared a room with him. 1nce you got past his massive si&e and the in" that covered his arms and nec", you saw #ust how gorgeous his face was and .od help anyone that got lost in those eyes 8!his is 3ason. 7e%s my, uh@: $ loo"ed up at him, wondering what $ was supposed to refer to him as. !han"fully he saved the pending aw"ward silence. 8$%m 3ason, 'carlett%s boyfriend. $t%s nice to meet you, !essa,: he said as he reached his hand out to sha"e hers. 7er pale face turned a bright shade of pin" as she shoo" his hand. 89i"ewise,: she s uea"ed. !hen, turning to me, she said, 87ey, $%m going to stay with a friend tonight so don%t wait up, o"ay<: Before $ had a chance to respond, 3ason answered her, 85eah, no problem. Actually, 'carlett is gonna stay at my apartment until 3onday. *lasses start !uesday, right<: 7e loo"ed over at me for confirmation. $ nodded to answer the uestion, but was still in shoc" over his announcement. $t wasn%t that $ minded staying with him, but he hadn%t even as"ed me if $ was o"ay with it. 'ensing my mild irritation with him, he wal"ed up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist. 7e leaned down to "iss my nec", 82e%ve got lost time to ma"e up for. 0on%t we, Angel<: $t was my turn to blush and instead of embarrassing myself by trying to tal", $ #ust nodded again. -eeling his body up against mine, even fully clothed, caused me to

tingle all over and lose my train of thought. 8*ome on6 let%s get your bag together. 3arcus is going to "ic" my ass if $%m much later, especially after $ bailed on him last night.: 7is voice pulled me bac" to reality, and $ loo"ed up at !essa who was still #ust standing and staring at us. 81"ay, $%ll be fast,: $ said as $ spun around and gave him a uic" "iss on the lips. $ turned to !essa, 8$ guess $%ll be bac" on 3onday. 2e can go over our schedules then and go grocery shopping if you want.: 8'ounds good. 'ee you both later,: she replied before disappearing bac" into her room. $ decided to ta"e a nap when we got to the warehouse while 3ason did whatever it was he did to help 3arcus. 7e wo"e me up a little after eight o%cloc" when he brought in a pi&&a and sat it on the table. 87ey there, sleepyhead. $ brought you something to eat,: he said as he sat down on the bed next to me, "issing my forehead. 83mmm@ it smells good. But $%m too comfortable. $ don%t want to get out of bed,: $ murmured. 8No problem.: 7e got up, grabbed the pi&&a box, and brought it bac" to the bed, where he sat it down next to me. 8Now, eat up and get dressed. $%ll be waiting for you out there.: 1ne last "iss and he was out the door. An hour later $ was fed, showered, and changed into a pin" sundress and flip flops, always my shoe of choice. As $ made my way down the bac" hallway from the mini; apartment to the bar, $ recogni&ed the voice coming from the other side of the door as Noah%s. Noah meant 3ina and 3axB $ couldn%t wait to see all of my old friends. $ stopped to say hello to 3arcus as $ wal"ed by the office. $ was beginning to thin" that he lived in that chair 7e gave me a friendly smile and waved hello as he continued his phone conversation. 7e was starting to warm up a bit. $ opened the door to the main bar area& and $ was stunned to see how many people were there. 7oly shit, the place was pac"ed. 3y eyes followed my ears and they landed on Noah standing center stage, grasping the microphone, singing directly at 3ina who was sitting by herself at DE 9eaves% usual table. $ then loo"ed over to find 3ax and smiled at the sight of his messy brown hair and youthful face. 3emories of him and Evie passed through my head, but instead of getting sad, my smile grew. Every moment Evie spent with 3ax she was happy, and $ "new he was too. $ loo"ed over to where 3ason should be sitting, but found him wal"ing towards me with a huge grin across his face. 7e loo"ed his usual yummy self, wearing a green and white t;shirt, faded blue #eans, and white *huc"s. 85ou loo" beautiful, Angel,: he said as he leaned down and sweetly "issed my lips. 8*ome on, let%s get you a drin".: 7e grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to his table. As we weaved in and out of the people, $ couldnFt help but feel the stares of the other girls in the room. $%m sure they were wondering what in the hell made me so special that he would choose to be with me@ hell, $ was wondering the same thingB 2e reached the group of tables and several familiar faces greeted me with a smile. *ru&, 3ason%s long time best friend, hopped off his bar stool and pulled me into a big bear hug. 8$%m so glad you%re bac", 'carlett,: he said as he released me from his grasp. 85ou have no idea how much of a whiny bitch /at has been the past eight months. 2e were

about to "ic" him out of the band.: 8-uc" you man,: 3ason retorted with a scowl on his face. 8$ started the damn band.: !he rest of the table laughed at the exchange between the two, but $ hated "nowing that $ had caused him pain and unhappiness. $ stood on my tippy toes and "issed the crease between his eyes, forcing him to relax. 7e pulled me to his body, and $ reveled in his masculine scent. 8'carlett 3ac.regor, get your ass over here right now,: a female voice called out behind me. $ spun out of 3ason%s arms to investigate who was tal"ing to me and saw 3ina standing several feet away with her arms stretched out towards me. 83inaB 1h my .od, it%s so good to see youB: $ exclaimed as $ wal"ed towards her. 2e hugged and #umped up and down in delight li"e giddy school girls. 8$%m so glad you%re bac". $Ave missed you so much. 5ou better not ever leave again. $ have so much to tell you. Are you bac" at /ice< 2here are you living<: 7er sentences all ran together. $ couldn%t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. $t was as wild and spun"y as the unruly blonde curls that framed her face. 8'low down sweetie. 5our uestions are going to give me whiplash,: $ #o"ed. 'he loo"ed up at 3ason who had wal"ed over to us. 7e slid his arm around my waist and leaned down to "iss my chee". 87i 3ina,: he greeted her with one of his panty; dropping smiles. 82e%re up after DE 9eaves, Angel, so $%m gonna go set up with the guys. 2hy don%t you go over to 3ina%s table with her so you don%t have to sit here alone< $%ll meet you bac" here when we finish up.: $ glanced over at the table and saw that the only people left were people who $ didn%t "now. 8!hat%s a great idea. 3ina and $ have tons to tal" about. Plus, $ want to catch up with 3ax and Noah too.: 7e "issed me deeply before wal"ing off to #oin his band mates, and $ turned bac" to 3ina. 82ell, $ guess that%s one uestion $ don%t need to as",: she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at me. 81h, stopB 5ou%re a nutB: $ rolled my eyes teasingly at her. 2e made our way across the room to where she was sitting. As we wal"ed by, she loo"ed up at Noah who was still singing on stage. 7e lifted his eyebrows at her in recognition and then did the same to me when he saw me following her. $ waved and loo"ed over at 3ax, hoping he was paying attention, but his eyes were closed, deep into the song he was playing. After getting comfortable on the bar stools, if that was even possible, and ordering our drin"s, 3ina wasted no time in brea"ing her good news. 'he raised her left hand in front of my face and wiggled her fingers so that the mar uis cut roc" on her ring finger glimmered at me. 8.et outB Are you serious<: $ screamed. 82hen did he propose<: 'he tuc"ed a cor"screw curl that "ept falling in front of her eyes bac" behind her ear and told me the entire story of Noah getting down on one "nee the previous New 5ear%s Eve. 'he said after Evie had died, he reali&ed that we really weren%t promised another day, so he didn%t want to waste any time being apart. !hey had gotten a place together in the summer and the wedding was going to be in the middle of 0ecember, during winter brea". 82hat about 3ax< 2ho is he living with now if you and Noah have your own apartment<: $ as"ed.

'he loo"ed down and $ could see the sadness in her eyes. 83ax isn%t doing too great,: she admitted. 87e got his own place6 he said he really didn%t want to live with anyone else. 2e are all still really worried about him. $t%s getting better, but he still refuses to even tal" to another girl. $t%s li"e he feels he%s cheating on Evie if he does.: 7earing that made me sad too. $ completely understood how he felt. $ had been leery to get a new roommate because $ was worried that $ would be replacing Evie too. $ was still so scared about forgetting her. 83aybe $ need to tal" to him@ not here or anything, but maybe we can grab a coffee and help each other somehow,: $ thought aloud. 8!hat would be great 'carlett. $ "now you are probably the only person in the world that can even begin to understand what he is going through. $t%s so easy for all of us to tell him he needs to get on with his life, but he really thought she was the one, ya "now<: $ nodded. $ "new all too well what it was li"e to find out the person you thought was your soul mate, wasn%t ever going to be there for you again. $t felt li"e this gaping hole in your heart had been torn open, and no matter how hard you or the other person tried, nothing could ever completely fill it. 3y facial expression must%ve matched the gloomy thoughts crossing my mind because 3ina tried to uic"ly change the sub#ect. 8'o, you%re bac" at /ice with me, right< 2here are you living< 2hy didn%t you call me<: 8$%m in the same apartments $ was last year, #ust a different building. $ have a new roommate, her name is !essa, and she seems to be pretty cool. $ really haven%t said more than five words in passing to her, so $%m not sure. $t%s all "ind of weird@: ,ust as $ was about to finish the thought about her not being Evie, large hands wrapped around and covered my eyes from behind. 8.uess who<: 3ax%s deep voice said #o"ingly. $ #umped off the bar stool and flung myself in his arms. 7e held me tightly, oh so tightly, as if we were trying to communicate all of our hurt and suffering through the embrace. 8$t%s so good to see you 'carlett,: he said as we pulled away from each other. 8$%m so glad that you%re bac".: 83e too,: $ answered honestly. 8$%ve really missed you guys.: 'eeing 3ax for the first time in so long did, of course, remind me of Evie, but in all of the good ways. 7e hopped up on the stool next to where $ had been sitting and patted the empty one for me to #oin him. After congratulating Noah on his upcoming vows and saying hello to the rest of the band, 3ax and $ en#oyed casual conversation until 3ason and the rest of ,obu%s /um too" the stage. 'eeing him stand up there, in all of his roc"er glory, reminded me of exactly who $ had spent the last twenty four hours with. 3y boyfriend was a local roc" god, and a mighty fine one at that. -or the first time in nearly a year, $ felt happy. "ASON 'eeing 'carlett come out of the bac" in that flimsy ass sundress filled me with unexpected emotions. 1n one hand, she was so fuc"ing sexy that $ #ust wanted to show her off to every person in the bar and gloat that she was all mine. 1n the other, she was so fuc"ing sexy that $ wanted to tell her to go put more clothes on so that every guy in the place wasn%t thin"ing about screwing her senseless6 she was mine. But overwhelmingly, $ thought that she was so fuc"ing sexy, $ wanted to feel her tight little body wrapped around my hard coc" again. !he last twenty four hours had done nothing to extinguish my hunger

for her. $n fact, it had only increased my desire to have her with me every minute of every day; to ma"e her mine forever. $ "new $ needed to get her out of this city. $t was only a matter of time before pun"; ass emo boy showed up to reclaim her heart. !he one he had already destroyed once before. $ couldnFt allow her to forgive him, because once she did, she would be his again. $ would N1! let that happen. $ "new $ couldnFt as" her to go with me after she had #ust come bac" to get settled and pic" up the pieces of her life, so $ needed to convince her that she couldnFt be without me, so that she would as" to come with me. .od, $ prayed she would as" to come with me.. $f $ could remove him from the e uation, $ felt confident that she and $ could ma"e this wor". 'he had no idea how much $ needed her. 'he was the only one that could fill the emptiness inside me. $ "new how easy it would be to go bac" to the way $ was before the day $ met her. 3y life was a party ) a little drin"ing, a little more drugs, and a helluva lot more women. All of that shit was a temporary plug, but she was a permanent fix. $ had scoured the place all night to ma"e sure he hadnFt shown up. $ was hoping after last night he had gotten the point that she wasnFt interested in forgiving him and he would #ust leave her the fuc" alone, but $ "new that wasnFt the case. $ saw the loo" in his eyes when $ stood there holding her, and it wasnFt the loo" of defeat. 9uc"ily for me though, he had at least stayed away tonight. !he more time $ had with her before he tried to weasel his way bac" in, the better my chance to convince her that our love was real. !he guys and $ #umped up on the stage and greeted the large crowd. $ absolutely loved performing in front of all of these people; the feeling was indescribable, an adrenaline;rush that was unmatched by anything except being inside my angel. $ had changed our usual line;up a bit, so that $ could sing the first song for 'carlett. Before we started, $ loo"ed over at her, sitting between 3ina and 3ax, and blew her a "iss. 9aughing, she reached up and acted li"e she snagged it out of the air. .od, she was fuc"ing adorable. 2ith that, *ru& and $ gave each other the loo" and started All At 1nce. $ sang for her li"e $ had dreamed about doing for months. 7er eyes were fixed on me and $ could see the desire growing inside of her. !owards the end of the song, $ turned around to watch the guys roc" out the instrumental portion and suddenly, $ felt the atmosphere in the room shift. $ uic"ly spun bac" around and loo"ed over at 'carlett. 'he was still loo"ing directly at me, but her eyes told me she "new who was standing behind her. -uc". 3e.

CHAPTER 8OUR ~ &'

Jar of Hearts ~ Christina Perri Sorr ~ 9)c1cherr

Apo+o/i*e ~ One Rep)b+ic : Timba+an!

Sa! ~ "aroon ;

SCAR%ETT $ "new the minute he wal"ed in the door without even turning around. Alarms went off in my head at an astounding rate, creating a deafening sound in my ear. $ felt the second his eyes found me. Every nerve ending on my body seared from the heat of his stare. 2ith every step he too" towards me, my heart beat faster and my body temperature rose. By the time he was standing directly behind me, my body was a disarray of live wires, electrically; charged and primed for detonation. 8'carlett@: 7e leaned in and whispered so that $ could hear him over the loud music. $ "ept my eyes focused on 3ason, who had his bac" towards me. $ felt both 3ina and 3ax straighten up on each side of me and enter protective mode. !he combination of feeling his warm breath on my nec" and hearing my name escape from his lips spar"ed the fire that had lay idle for so many months. 7e evo"ed feelings inside of me that $ never "new possible. $ detested him. $ loathed him. $ despised him. $ could never erase the horrific picture of him and that s"an" together the day of Evie%s funeral. $ wasn%t sure $ could ever forgive him6 $ wasn%t sure $ wanted to. 0espite all of that, $ still loved him. !he connection between us could never be severed@ not by any thing or any one. No matter what he did@ what he said@ who he was with@ none of it really mattered )$ would always love him. And for that, $ hated myself even more than $ hated him. 8.o away,: $ replied sternly, "eeping my stare forward. 3ason turned bac" around and his eyes were loc"ed on us as he sang the last verse of the song, his voice never wavered. 83aybe you want her, maybe you need her, 3aybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another, to another: Never in the history of the universe had there been a more appropriate time or

setting for lyrics of a song. $t was as if 3ason had "nown Ash would be there at that exact moment. 'eeing the determination in his eyes and hearing the passion in his voice reminded me of why $ had come bac"@ why $ wanted to try and ma"e things wor" with him. 2hen the song ended, Ash duc"ed his head down to my ear again, 8Please come outside so we can tal".: $ couldn%t hold bac" any longer. $ spun around and #umped off the bar stool so $ could loo" him in the eye. 89eave. Please #ust leave. $ have nothing to say to you.: $ tried to "eep my voice as calm as possible, but it undeniably shoo" with anger. 2hy did he have to "eep doing this< 82ell $ have a lot to say to you, 'carlett.: 7is cloudy blue eyes captured me instantly, as they always did. 8At least give me the opportunity to say my part. $f you never want to tal" to me again afterwards, $ will respect that and stay away. But $ at least deserve a chance to explain@ after everything between us@: 8%After everything between us% is exactly why you don%t deserve a chance to explainB: $ shouted. 9uc"ily the music had restarted so my outburst was somewhat muffled. 3ost of the people around us had refocused their attention bac" to the band. 8$ thin" it%s best if you #ust go man,: 3ax appeared on my left side in an attempt to rescue me from the uncomfortable situation. !here was an underlying warning in his tone and he stood up tall and defensive, loo"ing at Ash deadpan. 'econds later, 3ina had flan"ed me on the right and her fierce glare was fixed on Ash as well. 8$ thin" you%ve done enough. 'he doesn%t want to tal" to you,: she added in a bitchy voice $ didn%t "now she had. 4nfa&ed by their words or presence, he "ept his eyes on mine, torturing my will power without saying a word. 2e stood still for at least a minute, all four of us silently staring. $ could not allow him to brea" me6 $ would not allow him to brea" me. Not again. ,ust as $ was about tell him to fuc" off, he spo"e. 8At least allow me a proper goodbye to the girl that will own my heart forever. 5ou aren%t so cruel to deny me that, are you<: Well shit. 85ou%ve got five minutes.: $ spun around to face 3ason, who was doing his best to monitor the situation while putting on a show. $ got his attention and held up my hand indicating that $ would be bac" in five minutes. 7e rolled his eyes and wal"ed over to a group of girls standing by the stage and started singing down at them. $ was hoping for a little more mature reaction, but really, what did $ expect< $ could only imagine what he was thin"ing. $ followed Ash through the bar area towards the door, weaving in and out of people and tables. At one point he stopped to wait for me, reaching his hand towards mine. $ loo"ed at him and vigorously shoo" my head. $ didn%t want him to touch me6 $ "new all too well how that that affected me. After ma"ing it outside, $ followed him several more yards until we were on the side of the building. $ preferred this location to our last 8tal": that occurred in the same very public par"ing lot, putting on a show for everyone. -inally, he stopped wal"ing and turned to face me. 3y heart was pounding so hard that $ "new he could see my pulse racing in my nec". 3y palms were sweaty and my throat was threatening to close up. 8'carlett, $ don%t even "now where to start,: he said, running his hands nervously through his long blonde hair. 7is marine eyes were sad and pleading. 8$ "now it sounds lame, but $%m so sorry. $%m sorry for everything.:

8'top, #ust stop,: $ interrupted. !hat was the last thing $ wanted to hear from him. 8!here%s really no reason for you to be sorry, Ash. Actually, $%m the one that%s sorry.: 7e put his hands in his poc"ets and coc"ed his head with a loo" of confusion on his face. 8$%m sorry that $ didn%t listen to you when you told me who you were and to stay away from you,: $ continued, trying my best to "eep my voice low and steady. 8$%m sorry that $ gave you more credit for being a decent human being than you ever deserved. $%m sorry that $ gave you the power to affect me the way you do. $%m sorry that you ever told me that stupid ass story of Eros and Psyche that gave me some false sense of hope. $%m sorry that $ got this damn tattoo that reminds me of you every fuc"ing day. $%m sorry that $ ever trusted you with anything, especially my heart. !o tell you the truth Ash, $%m really #ust sorry that $ ever met you.: 85ou don%t mean that Butterfly@: 7e pulled both hands out of his poc"ets and reached out towards me. 801N%!B: $ too" a step bac" and put my hand in the air to stop his advance. 80on%t you dare call me thatB: $ was seething. 8And it $' true, $ A3 sorry $ ever fuc"ing met youB: !he unwanted tears began falling and there was nothing $ could do about it, so $ let them flow. $ loo"ed him dead in the eye hoping he felt every bit of pain that $ had endured. 8!he night $ left $ was devastated, so incredibly distraught, $ thought my world was crashing down on top of me. $n a matter of hours, $ had said goodbye forever to my very best friend, the person who meant more to me than anything in this world, and $ had wal"ed in on you fuc"ing some whore in the exact spot that $ used to sleep@ in the bed that you told me you never brought any of them to. 8As $ drove that night, $ couldn%t determine which of the two events hurt more, and then $ reali&ed how fuc"ing ridiculous that was. EC$E 0$E0B 0ead@ never ever coming bac". 5ou@ well you were #ust doing what you always did. $t was #ust the first time $ was forced to face the truth of who you are. $ hated myself for ever comparing your importance to hers. $t too" me months to forgive myself for even contemplating the thought. 8$ don%t "now what $ thought we had, Ash, but $ was obviously naGve and borderline delusional. 5ou too" advantage of me and played me for a fool@ so, yay, you won. $ hope you en#oy your pri&e of the pieces of my shattered heart.: !he tears continued to flow in a steady stream down both chee"s, but $ "ept control of my voice and managed to not hyperventilate 8$t sounds li"e you had a lot to say,: he said softly as he too" a step in my direction. $ bac"ed up again until my bac" was against the outside wall. 82hat<: $ as"ed incredulously. 8$nside you said you had nothing to say to me, but you obviously had uite a bit to say.: $ closed my eyes and leaned my head bac"6 $ couldn%t loo" at his beautiful face any longer. 7is voice alone was almost enough to do me in. 8$%m finished now,: $ croa"ed. $ mustered all the resolve $ had left and opened my eyes. 8$ don%t ever want to see you again. $ deserve better than anything you can ever offer me. !his has to be goodbye for us. Please #ust let me move on with my life.: 7e closed the space between us instantly. $ gasped as his body pressed against mine, pinning me against the metal siding. 7is scent was intoxicating and his touch entranced me. 7e loo"ed me directly in the eyes, 82e were made for each other, Butterfly. !here is no doubt in my mind about that. $ "now that $ have a lot to prove to you, and $ plan to do

that every day for the rest of my life. 2hether you want to hear it or not, $ am sorry for everything that happened. !he very last thing in the world $ want to do is cause you pain. And if you aren%t ready to accept this yet, the inevitability of us, $ get that. But understand this 'carlett> it will never be goodbye ) not for you and me.: 7e leaned down and brushed his lips ever;so;lightly across mine before bac"ing up and wal"ing away. $ reached up and touched my scorched lips as $ watched him wal" to his car. 7e turned to loo" at me one last time before getting in. 8$%ll wait forever for you, Psyche.: 3y heart melted a little and then he was gone. ASH 'he let me "iss her. 'he didn%t argue with me when $ told her that we would never say goodbye. 'he smiled, #ust slightly but it was still a smile, when $ called her my Psyche. $ couldn%t focus on all of the other things she said. $ "new she was angry and hurt6 she had every right to be. $ had tried to deny what she meant to me one too many times, and $ was still afraid the last time may have cost me her forever. But finally $ had something $ hadn%t had in a long time ) hope. 0espite her hateful words and lashing out, $ finally felt a semblance of the peace $ could only find in her presence. $ didn%t "now what my next move was, but $ sure the fuc" wasn%t giving up. After experiencing a life without her in it, $ would never give up on her. $ would never give up on us.

CHAPTER 8I<E ~ WHO%E A'AIN

(ear to You ~A )ine )ren*# Pieces ~Re!

(o) Sti++ %ove "e ~ T rone We++s

SCAR%ETT After spending a few extra minutes outside, trying desperately to pull myself together before facing 3ason again, $ wal"ed bac" into the bar. 7e was standing with 3ax, 3ina, and Noah in the bac" of the room, and from the loo" on his face and his arms flailing around while he was tal"ing, he was not happy. 3ina was the first to see me approaching, and she immediately ran to me and threw her arms around me. 8Are you o"ay, sweetie< $s he gone<: she as"ed. 85es, he%s gone,: $ answered softly. Even though $ was answering her uestion, $ was loo"ing directly at 3ason over her shoulder, and $ "new he could ma"e out exactly what $ said. $ saw his strained face relax a tiny bit after registering my words. 'he released her grip on me and "issed me on my chee", 8$%m here for whatever you need, hun. $ gave /at my number so that you can put it in your phone later. $ thin" he%s gonna to ta"e you home now.: 8!han" you, 3ina,: $ said sincerely. 8$ will definitely be calling you. 7opefully we have some classes at the same time and can meet up on campus.: 'he and Noah wal"ed bac" over to their table and $ made my way over to 3ason and 3ax, who were both #ust staring at me. 3ax came over to me and wrapped me in his strong arms. 8$%m so glad you%re bac". $ hope to see you around a lot,: he whispered. 8$ thin" we can help each other, 'am.: 7earing him say Evie%s nic"name for me started the tears all over again. 8$%m sorry, 'carlett. $ didn%t mean to ma"e you cry@: he apologi&ed. 8$t%s o"ay@ it%s #ust@: $ tried to force myself to calm down, but $ #ust couldn%t. $ must%ve loo"ed li"e an emotional wrec" to any bystander. 2ho was $ "idding< $ was an emotional wrec". $ had only been lying to myself to thin" that $ was anywhere close to reclaiming my life. !o thin" $ could come bac" and not brea" into pieces again was foolish.

$ felt two larger arms ta"e me from 3ax%s embrace, and then $ was cuddled up against 3ason%s chest. 8$%ve got her man. 2e%re gonna go bac" to my place. $t%s been an overwhelming twenty four hours for her,: $ heard 3ason say. 83a"e sure you give her my number. $ want to ta"e her to lunch one day next wee",: 3ax replied. 8$ will. 'ee you !hursday.: $ didn%t even care that they were tal"ing about me li"e $ wasn%t there. $ "ind of felt li"e $ wasn%t there, at least not mentally or emotionally. After the Ash conversation and 3ax calling me A'am,% $ #ust chec"ed out ) $ had learned with Evie%s death how to allow the numbness to ta"e over. 8*ome on Angel, let%s get you out of here,: 3ason said as he "issed the top of my head. $ allowed him to guide me through the bac" hall and out the door. $ didn%t even hear him tell 3arcus goodbye. 85ou o"ay to ride or you want us to ta"e your car<: 7e as"ed cautiously, as if he was scared $ would brea" down yet again. 8!he bi"e is fine.: /iding on the motorcycle instead of in the car allowed me several more minutes of silence to get myself together. Not to mention, there was something therapeutic about riding, and $ could use all the therapy $ could get. A few minutes later we were pulling up to his apartment, and $ had managed to calm down and thin" a little more clearly. 7e helped me off the 7arley and led me up to the third floor without a word. 7is silence made me nervous. $ was afraid he was going to tell me that he really didn%t want or need to deal with my drama and all of my baggage, and $ wasn%t sure $ could ta"e any more gut;wrenching moments. 7e unloc"ed the door, and $ followed him in. 7e headed straight for the "itchen and grabbed two beers out of his refrigerator. $ sat down on the couch and waited for him to #oin me. $ "new that we had to tal" about things6 honesty was the only thing that could ma"e this wor". After he situated himself next to me and handed me one of the bottles, $ opened my mouth to say something, but my mind drew a blan". $ didn%t "now how to even start the conversation. 2e were both loo"ing forward, staring at the blan" television screen. 80o you love him<: 3ason as"ed expressionless, never turning his head. 85es.: $ admitted. 80oes he want you bac"<: 87e never had me.: 7e snorted and too" a long pull from his beer. 82hat< 2hat was that for<: $ as"ed. 87e%s always had you, 'carlett. $ #ust had you on loan.: 8!hat%s not trueB: $ exclaimed. $ set the bottle down and dropped to my "nees, moving to where $ was "neeling in between his legs and forcing him to loo" in my face. 89oo", $%m not going to lie to you, 3ase. $ love him. $ will always have a special place in my heart for him. $ can%t explain what it is between us@,: my voice trailed off. 8But li"e $ told him tonight, the feelings $ have for him are dominated by hatred and disgust. $ may find it in myself to forgive him one day, but $ will never forget. $ will never forget the pain he caused me, and $ will never give him the chance to destroy me again. 8$ am far from being over Evie%s death or the feeling of abandonment that Ash left

me with. $t%s going to be a long, tough road ahead, so $%m #ust warning you now. $f you don%t want to deal with all of this, $ understand. $ get it@ really. $ don%t have the best trac" record of ma"ing good decisions when shit hits the fan, but $%m wor"ing on it. *oming bac" here was a really big step for me, and already in one day $%ve faced some pretty serious shit. Not to mention, before yesterday, $ have had sex one time. 1ne time@ with you@ that%s it@ ever. $ #ust got bac", and we got caught up in the excitement of it all. $ #ust wanted to show you $ was ready to give you everything@ that $ "new $ had messed up and $ was so sorry that $ left the way $ did. But it%s all #ust a lot for me to ta"e in right now.: $ paused and reached up to hold his face in my hands. $ pulled his face down towards me as $ sat up on my feet. 1ur foreheads were touching and our eyes lost in each other%s. 8$ need a lot of wor", and $ really want you to be here with me through all of it. $t%s not always going to be pretty, but all $ as" for is honesty. $t%s the only way we are going to ma"e this wor". $ love you, 3ase, and $ really want this to wor". : 7e tilted his head so that his lips #ust barely rested on mine. 8$ love when you call me that,: he murmured. 7e then deepened the "iss, pressing his lips harder against mine, and teased my bottom lip with his tongue. 82hy<: $ as"ed, still not pulling away from him. 7e ended the "iss and bac"ed away a little. 8Because you claim to detest nic"names, yet not only do you let me call you one, you now have one for me.: 7e smiled proudly at me and $ couldn%t help but do the same. 82ell, $%m sure as hell not going to call you /at,: $ teased and made a goofy face. 8*ome on, let%s ta"e a shower and get you to bed, Angel,: he said standing up. 7e pic"ed me up off the floor, and $ wrapped my arms and legs around him as he wal"ed us down the hall. $ buried my face in his nec", than"ful $ found such an ama&ing guy. 8$ love you, 3ase.: 8$ love you too, Angel. And don%t worry, we%ll ma"e you whole again.: "ASON $ "new $ needed to tell her. $ "new she was going to be so pissed when she found out, especially after her comment about how all she wanted was honesty, but damn if $ couldn%t do it in that moment. $ "new if $ told her then, it would be over@ we would be over. And then the inevitable would happen. No, $ had to continue with the original plan. $ had #ust about two months to ma"e her reali&e how good we were together, and then pray that she forgave me for not telling her immediately. $t was my only hope. $ loo"ed down at her flawless face as she slept in my arms for the second time in as many nights. .od, $ fuc"ing loved her. $ had already dealt with losing her once and $ "new how awful it could be. !hat overwhelming feeling of emptiness was still fresh in my memory, and $ wasn%t sure $ could survive that again. Bentley%s image flashed in my mind and $ shuddered slightly. $ had a bad feeling that she wasn%t going to bow out of my bed graciously, and unfortunately $ needed her in my life if ,obu%s /um was ever going to have a shot to ma"e it big. 'he and her brother, ,ag, were co;owners of the 0onovan .roup, one of the best;"nown talent agencies in the 'outh, and she had recently made a huge name for herself by discovering and promoting CanderBlue, the band that had won the .rammy for Best New Artist the previous year. Even though we had agreed to a strictly physical, no;strings relationship, $ doubted that she was going to ta"e re#ection well. At least $ had some time while she was touring with Blue

before $ had to deal with her. $ dreaded that conversation. $ turned my attention bac" to 'carlett and pulled her in tighter before #oining her in peaceful slumber.

CHAPTER SI= ~ "E"ORIES

Addi+ted ~ 'a,ing Abel 9ro1en 9ones ~ Rev Theor

9an/ 9an/ ~ Nanc Sinatra

SCAR%ETT !he following morning $ was wo"en up with something tic"ling my inner thigh. En#oying the comfort of the oversi&ed bed, $ was not even close to being ready to get up. $ grumbled and swiped at the nuisance to get rid of whatever it was. 'urprisingly, my hand was met with the feel of 3ason%s hair that he "ept so closely shaven to his scalp. Oh! 3y eyes shot open and $ loo"ed down my na"ed torso straight into silver pools of lust. $ was lying flat on my bac" and he was on his stomach, between my legs, with his arms looped under my "nees to hold them open. 8.ood morning, Angel,: he said, flashing me a sly smile. 2ithout waiting for me to respond, he returned to his tas", placing feather;soft "isses on the insides of my right thigh, but "ept his eyes focused on mine. ,ust before he reached the spot $ suddenly wanted him to touch so badly, he shifted his weight and moved his attention to the other leg and began the process all over again. $ could see the desire growing in his ga&e as he got close to my sweet spot once more, and $ "new that my expression must have mirrored his. A warm yearning sensation uic"ly flooded my body. 3y hand was still resting on his head and $ attempted to steer him upwards to where $ wanted his mouth, but he dropped my leg and grabbed my wrist, snic"ering at my frown. 85ou need to learn how to be patient,: he playfully scolded me. 8Now "eep your hands behind your head or on the headboard until $ tell you that you can touch me.: 8But you ma"e it so haaaard.: $ pouted with my lip out, but put my arms behind my head as he re uested. 8No, you ma"e it so hard, Angel.: $ couldn%t help but laugh at his awful #o"e. 85ou%re such a dor". All of those fan girls that fawn all over you have no idea how corny you really@ ohB: 7e cut my thought short as he swiped his tongue across my core. 8'hh.: 7e uieted me and then repeated the motion. Umm okay. 2atching 3ason taunt and tease my aching clit with his mouth led to my uic" unraveling. 7e expertly drug his lip ring across my opening as his tongue savored my body.

$n mere minutes, my body began trembling and $ could no longer refrain from touching him. 3y hands flew to his head as $ held his face flush against me as $ exploded on his mouth. Holy shitballs. 7e slowly made his way up my body, "issing and biting every so often, until we were eye;to;eye. $ was ama&ed by his strong, handsome features. $ loved the edginess that his tattoos and piercings added. But mostly, $ was in awe of his ability to love and forgive. As if he could read my mind, he gently "issed me. 8$ do love you, Angel. $ never stopped.: $ closed my eyes and "issed him bac", trying to hide the tears that welled up in my eyes. $ didn%t deserve someone as wonderful as my 3ase. 7e "new that $ couldn%t give him my entire heart, but he too" me anyway. $ couldn%t mess this up, $ wouldn%t get another chance. 'tevie /ay Caughan%s deep voice sang out about the s"y crying as the vibrating cell phone on the night stand interrupted my thoughts and our "iss. 3ason reached across the bed to chec" the caller $0 on the screen and put the phone bac" down. By the loo" on his face, he wasn%t happy with whoever was calling. 8Everything o"ay<: $ as"ed, curious to who would elicit that response from him. $ "new $ had no right to as", but $ couldn%t help but feel something was off with the call. 85eah, it was ,obu%s /um potential new manager;slash;agent,: he answered nonchalantly. 7e lied bac" on the bed and opened his arms so that $ could cuddle up against his chest. 8$sn%t that a good thing< 2hy didn%t you tell me y%all have a manager<: 8$t is a good thing, it%s #ust too early to be calling on a 'unday morning.: 7e "issed my forehead and wrapped his arms and legs around me so that $ was trapped against him. 8'orry $ haven%t mentioned it. $%ve been a little busy thin"ing about other things since you%ve been bac".: $ felt him smile against my hair and $ snuggled deeper into his chest and fell bac" asleep. 3ason and $ spent the rest of the wee"end tuc"ed away in his apartment. 2e made a uic" trip to the local grocery store to get food and drin"s because apparently he did not eat anything other than brea"fast foods and sandwiches. 2e laughed until we were crying watching the first two 7angover movies. $ thin" he was a little surprised at my selection when $ chose the crude comedy from his collection, but $ absolutely loved those movies. Plus, you could never go wrong with four plus hours of Bradley *ooper. 2e spent the rest of the time #ust hanging out ) listening to some music and en#oying each other%s company. 3onday afternoon came too uic" and $ wasn%t ready to leave him, but $ needed to go to my place to get ready for the first day of classes. $ still hadn%t set up my room or bathroom, seeing that $ had been at 3ase%s since $ came bac". 2e too" the motorcycle to get my car at the bar after we finished brunch and a sweet lovema"ing session in the shower. $ hoped that we weren%t moving too hastily with how much sex had already become a regular part of our re"indled relationship, but it all felt so natural and so right. $ also "new how much it meant to 3ason that he was the only person $ had been with. Even if Ash would always have a little piece of my heart, he would never have a piece of my body. 80oes this place have a name<: $ as"ed as we wal"ed hand in hand to my car. $ loo"ed up at the gray metal building that $ had never seen in daylight. 8$ always #ust thin" of it as Athe bar.%:

85eah, it%s called 3.!.%s for 3arcus !empleton%s, but when most people say it, it sounds li"e Empty%s, so that%s what most people call it.: $ laughed. 8$ li"e that@ it%s a good name for a bar@ a lot better than 3.!.%s. 7e was so creative with the name.: 85eah, that%s 3arcus for you. $%ve always been the one with the wild imagination that gets in trouble6 he%s the boring, responsible one.: 2e stopped at my car door, facing each other. $ reached my hand up and cupped his chee". 8$ li"e your imagination and your trouble,: $ said. 7e groaned and turned his hand to "iss my palm. 8Be careful, Angel, or $%ll ta"e you inside and show you #ust how much trouble my imagination can be.: 8$s it weird to say that $%m going to miss you<: $ as"ed. 8$ mean, since $%ve only been bac" a couple days and all@: 8$ hope not, cause $%m sure as hell gonna miss you.: 7e leaned in and "issed me. $ nipped at the ring on his bottom lip, and he wrapped his arms around me and deepened the "iss. After a few minutes, we reluctantly pulled away from one another. $ needed to get to my place that $ had yet to sleep in and $ was sure he had stuff he needed to do. 8$%ll call you later, 3ase, and we will see each other in a few days. $ #ust need to get settled into a routine with my classes. And you need to call your agent bac", 3r. 7otpants@ so that you can become a big roc" star.: 83r. 7otpants, huh< $ get two nic"names<: 7e chuc"led at me. 85ou only get to be 3r. 7otpants when you are playing hot, roc"er bad;boy. 5ou%re always my 3ase.: $ "issed him one last time and climbed into my car before $ as"ed him if $ could stay another night. $ needed to learn to be happy by myself. $ didn%t always have to have a friend or a guy near me to be content, and $ didn%t need to fall bac" into the mindset of emotional dependence. !he previous eight months learning to live without Evie had been complete hell. $ had never reali&ed how much $ needed and depended on her for my sanity and happiness. $t was wonderful that 3ason had reinserted me into his life again so uic"ly, $ was over#oyed and "new $ didn%t deserve it, but $ couldn%t ma"e him my next crutch either. !he next several days were pretty rough for me. 3y classes were all tough, but what wasn%t at /ice< $ felt li"e $ was behind after #ust the first day, so $ spent every free moment reading text boo"s. 3ason and $ tal"ed on the phone and texted as much as possible, but $ missed the feel of his body holding mine and the taste of his lips. According to him, ,obu%s /um was having some intense practices and they were rehearsing pretty much around the cloc". !hey were preparing for upcoming shows that they had boo"ed in Austin, 0allas, and New 1rleans. !here were supposed to be label scouts in attendance at each of the gigs. $ was so proud of 3ason and the rest of the guys. 3usically they were incredible, and it didn%t hurt that they were all pretty easy on the eyes. $ "new that as soon as the right person saw and heard them they would be well on their way to stardom. $ wasn%t sure where $ really fit into that future, but $ couldn%t worry about that. 2hatever happened was what was supposed to happen ) if we were meant to be together, we would figure it out. $ mean it%s how it wor"ed out for (iera and (ellan, right< !he one bright spot in my first wee" of classes was meeting 3ax for coffee !hursday evening. 7e had texted me that morning to see if $ could meet him at !he *hocolate Bar at six o%cloc". $ needed a night away from 0arius, Herxes, and the rest of the

damn Persians6 my eyes were beginning to cross every time $ read the letter x or k. Not to mention, any place named !he *hocolate Bar couldn%t be bad. 4nsure of exactly where $ was going or what the par"ing situation would be, $ left my apartment with plenty of time to spare. $ got there about thirty minutes early, but it appeared to be pretty busy so $ went ahead inside to grab us a table. !he moment $ stepped through the door, $ was mesmeri&ed. -rom the bright yellow walls and regal purple dIcor to the overwhelmingly sinful smells of chocolate and candy and expensive coffee, $ felt as if $ had wal"ed into a dreamland. !he multitude of shelves and containers of every sweet concoction you could ever fathom intimidated me so $ opted to sit at a table close to the window and wait for 3ax. About ten minutes later 3ax wal"ed in and $ waved at him to get his attention. As he crossed the room, $ couldn%t help but notice that even though he was still incredibly handsome, something was missing with him. $ hadn%t gotten a good chance to loo" at him or tal" to him at Empty%s last 'aturday with all of the Ash drama. Before that, the last time $ had seen him was at the funeral. 3y heart clenched inside my chest at the memory. $ loo"ed into his eyes as he approached the table and saw the sadness that still loomed. $ reali&ed that seeing me probably was #ust as difficult for him as it was when $ saw him. $ stood up and gave him a huge hug. $ wanted him to "now that $ understood his pain6 $ "new how hard it was to live without her. 87iya 'carlett,: he said as we bro"e apart and sat down. 87ey 3ax. $%m so glad you texted,: $ replied with a smile. 85ou%ve let your hair grow out, $ li"e it.: $ reached across the table and flic"ed the light brown strand out from in front of his eyes. 7e hadn%t shaved in several days but he pulled off the scruff nicely6 and as always, he was dressed fashionably in some cra&y name brand Jthat $ had never heard ofK #eans and fitted shirt. Evie and 3ax had been hands;down the best dressed couple in the city, maybe even the state. $ made the mista"e of going shopping with the two of them one time, but after six hours of utter hell, $ never repeated it. 80o you "now what you want<: 7is voice bro"e through my daydream. 7e was staring at me li"e he "new that $ was thin"ing about Evie. 81h no, $%m sorry. $ was overwhelmed when $ wal"ed in so $ thought $%d wait for you. 7ave you ever been here before<: 7e nodded and loo"ed down at the table. $ could see the tears threatening to spill over in his eyes. He had brought Evie here. 1h .od. 83aybe we should go somewhere else,: $ offered as $ began to stand up. 8No.: 7e grabbed my wrist and loo"ed up at me. 7e closed his eyes, suc"ed in a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly. 7e opened his crystal blue eyes and spo"e with resolve. 8$ need to do this. $ need to be able to go places that $ went with her. $ need to be able to see you because $ want to be your friend, 'carlett. $ need your help getting past this. $%ve #ust been surviving for the last eight months@ not really living. $ "now that you%ve managed to get yourself together and $ need you to help me do the same.: 3y heart bro"e for him, but $ held myself together. 3y brea"ing down and telling him that $ was still a fragile mess wouldn%t do him any good. And maybe, #ust maybe, we could help each other heal from the devastating loss we had endured. $ had always li"ed 3ax so much6 $ "new how happy he had made Evie and that was worth the world to me. 2e both deserved a second chance at happiness, Evie would want nothing more than for us to be happy. 83ax,: $ began, sitting bac" down. 8$%ll do whatever $ can@ whatever you need.

$%m far from one hundred percent myself, but $ thin" that being friends could help both of us. 'he would want us to move on and be happy, and we both need to figure out where that is.: 7e didn%t say anything for a few minutes6 $ had no idea what he was thin"ing. -inally, brea"ing the silence, he said, 8!his is the best $ have felt since the last day $ saw her. !han" you.: 7e offered a small smile and stuc" his hand out towards me. 89et%s grab a coffee and something ridiculously rich and sweet.: PARTE 2 1ver the next two hours, 3ax and $ tal"ed about what was going on in each of our lives. 2e never mentioned Evie again, but her presence was definitely felt. After we both had demolished a chocolate covered rice "rispie treats and downed three lattes, we decided we should leave. 3ason called and as"ed if $ wanted to go to Empty%s and spend the night with him, and even though $ "new 3ax was going up there as well, $ declined. $ had class early the next morning so $ told him that $ would see him the following night. 3ax made sure $ got to my car safely and we embraced before heading out. 8$%m really glad we did this, 'carlett. 0o you thin" we can meet li"e wee"ly or something, #ust so we can catch up<: 8$t doesn%t have to be scheduled, 3ax. 2henever you need to tal" or #ust hang out, #ust let me "now. $ plan on doing the same with you.: 7e finally gave me the first real smile $ had seen all night, one that brightened his eyes. !he way $ felt with 3ax was so different than being with 3ason or Ash. Even though he was obviously attractive and such a wonderful guy, in my mind, he belonged to Evie. $ could never loo" at him in a romantic or sexual way, and in an unexpected way, it made me feel even closer to him. 8.ive 3r. 7otpants a "iss for me,: $ #o"ed. 83r. 7otpants<: 7e scrunched up his nose in fa"e disgust. 8$ don%t even want to "now where that came from. $%ll tell at that you said hello and good night.: 8!hat%ll wor" too.: $ grinned. 8!al" you soon 3ax.: 7ours later $ was lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. Ever since $ had left !he *hocolate Bar, $ couldn%t get Evie out of my head. $ felt guilty all over again for not pressing the doctor issue more with her. After seeing how shattered 3ax was, it reminded me of all of the people that were crushed as a result of her death. $ needed to tal" to someone or be around someone. !essa was out, not that we were close or anything, and everyone else $ "new in the city was either at Empty%s or someone $ really didn%t want to see. $ loo"ed at the cloc", it read ten;twenty;four. $ #umped up and made a bee;line to the shower. 3y first class was at ten the next morning so as long as $ got to bed by three, $ would be fine. $ needed my 3ase. $ showered, shaved completely, and lathered coconut raspberry lotion all over my body. $ slipped into a charcoal gray mini dress with a scooped nec", threw on my silver flip flops, and grabbed my overnight bag. Exactly forty five minutes later, $ wal"ed out the door and headed towards the person who could rescue me. $ par"ed my car in the bac" of the building next to 3ason%s motorcycle. Not sure if the bac" door would be unloc"ed, $ tested it and was pleased when it opened. $t saved me from wal"ing all the way around the building. $ stopped at 3arcus% office as $ passed by

and said hello. 7e loo"ed very surprised to see me, but said hello in return. $ opened the door and entered the main bar area. $t too" my eyes a moment to ad#ust to the dim lighting, but $ uic"ly began ma"ing my way to 3ason. Because of the crowd of cra&y women ogling whoever the band was on stage, $ couldn%t ta"e a direct path to the table so $ wal"ed around the bac" of the stage and fro&e. !hat%s when $ saw her. !hat%s when $ saw them@ together. 3ason was standing off to the side of the bar and there was a girl@ no scratch that, a woman standing next to him whispering something in his ear. 7is focus was forward and his arms were crossed against his chest, but her hands were on him and he was doing nothing to remove them. Because of how we were positioned, he couldn%t see me unless $ stepped out from behind the stac"ed amps, so $ stood there watching them. 3y stomach hardened into a roc" and my face was on fire. 'he was absolutely stunning, dressed in a solid blac", s"in tight dress that showed off all of her assets. 7er heels must%ve been four or five inches tall which accented her already mile long legs. 7er strawberry blonde hair was pinned up stylishly and her face was flawless. 'he rubbed her palm across his chee" and when he didn%t move, she grabbed his chin and yan"ed his head in her direction. 'he pulled his face to hers and traced his lips with her tongue until she reached his lip ring, where she suc"ed on it. Again, he had no reaction ) he didn%t try to touch her or "iss her, nor did he try to stop her6 his arms remained loc"ed in front of his broad chest. 7er hands traveled down his chest and when she reached the bottom of his shirt, she lifted it up slightly and stuc" her fingertips inside the waist of his #eans. $ decided $ had seen enough. $ had two choices ) $ could either confront the situation or $ could run away again. 4niting all of my inner strength and courage, $ stepped out from behind my cover. $ too" two steps in their direction when 3ason saw me. 7is eyes doubled in si&e and he immediately pushed her away from him. 7e made a beeline towards me, ignoring her yelling after him. 7e reached me in a matter of seconds and grabbed both of my arms and loo"ed me directly in the eye. 8Angel, it%s not what it loo"s li"e. $ promise $ can explain.: !ou have got to be kidding me. "ASON 2hat the fuc"< $ could not believe that 'carlett pic"ed that moment of all fuc"ing moments to wal" in and see me. $ had planned on telling her about Bentley and $ had planned on telling Bentley about 'carlett, but $ #ust hadn%t had a chance. $ didn%t want to ruin mine and 'carlett%s first wee"end together by telling her the entire story and it wasn%t something $ wanted to do over the phone, so $ had planned on explaining everything to her the next time we had time to tal". And $ was definitely going to tell Bentley that she needed to bac" off, whatever thing we had going was over now that Angel was bac". But because $ had been ignoring her calls and texts all wee", she too" a two;day brea" from the CanderBlue tour to come and chec" on me. -uc"ing awesome. $ had told her $ wasn%t in the mood to fuc" around when she showed up unannounced earlier in the night, but she #ust "ept at it@ trying to touch and "iss me. $ thought she would get the picture when $ refused to touch or "iss her bac", but instead of discouraging her, it gave her a night%s mission. And the more she dran", the more aggressive she became. 2hen $ reached 'carlett, her eyes told me that $ was losing her uic"ly and $ better do something or our reunion was going to be short;lived. 8Angel, it%s not what it loo"s li"e. $ promise $ can explain.: $ cringed as $ heard the

lame words come out of my mouth. 8/at, what in the fuc" is your problem<: Bentley%s voice was fast approaching. $ turned around so that $ would be standing in between her and 'carlett. 8Bentley, li"e $%ve told you all night, $. Am. Not. $nterested.: 'he needed to understand the warning in my voice. 'he could be a brutal bitch and if she said one fuc"ing thing to or about 'carlett, $ would lose my shit on her. 82ho are you hiding there /at<: 'he as"ed trying to get a good loo" at 'carlett. 8Aww, did /atboy get him a little fangirl to "iss his feet and suc" his dic" on command<: 8'top. /ight -uc"ing Now.: $ had never before in my life wanted to hit a woman, but in that moment, $ wanted to slap the shit out of her. 'urprisingly, 'carlett stepped out from behind me and grabbed my hand. 85ou heard him. 7e said to leave him alone. 7e%s not interested.: $ could tell by her voice that she was nervous as hell, but $ was so fuc"ing proud of her. 87e%s always interested, 0oll. 0on%t let him tell you otherwise.: Bentley sneered at her. 8Angel, #ust ignore her. 'he%s trying to upset you,: $ said to 'carlett. $ did not li"e where the conversation was leading. $ #ust wanted Bentley to leave. $gnoring me, 'carlett replied matter;of;factly, 8$t didn%t appear that was the case a few minutes ago when you were pathetically rubbing yourself all over an unresponsive statue.: 8Pathetic< 2e%ll see who%s pathetic when he%s living down the hall from me in Austin in a few short wee"s. !hat will probably be you, "ngel# since you%ll be the one here by yourself. 7e has told you he%s leaving soon, hasn%t he<: $ucking shit. $ felt 'carlett%s hand s uee&e mine as her whole body tensed up at Bentley%s announcement. ,ust when $ thought it couldn%t get any worse, it most certainly did. 81f course he%s told me he%s moving, but how we handle our relationship while living apart is none of your fuc"ing business. ,ust "eep your s"an"y hands off of him@ stupid whore.: 'carlett loo"ed up at me and $ could see the fury in her face. 8$%m going to have 3ax ta"e me to your apartment. !a"e care of this now. $%ll be waiting up for you.: 'he stood on her tippy toes and "issed me bris"ly6 she then disappeared into the crowd of people. $ was too stunned to do or say anything. Bentley wal"ed up behind me and whispered in my ear, 85ou%ll be bac" in my bed soon enough6 until then, $%m still your fuc"ing manager. 'o en#oy the next few wee"s with your "ngel because after that, your ass is mine.:

CHAPTER SE<EN ~ SECRETS

The )ire ~ Re, Theor#

Sta ~ Rihanna >.eat "i11 E11o?

SCAR%ETT Pissed did not even come close to describe how $ was feeling as $ tore through the crowd to get to 3ax. $ could not fuc"ing believe that 3ason was moving to Austin sometime soon and he hadn%t told me, and $ didn%t even want to begin to thin" about what affiliation he had with that woman ) it obviously wasn%t someone he had a passing fling with. 2hy in the world did he even pretend li"e we had a chance to be together< 0id he #ust want to get bac" at me for hurting him< 2ell, if so, he had succeeded brilliantly. $ had ta"en the bait ) hoo", line, and sin"er. As soon as 3ax saw me approaching, he #umped out of his barstool and threw his arm around my shoulders. 8'carlett, you cameB: 7e exclaimed. 8$ need you to ta"e me to 3ason%s apartment.: 82hy< 2hat%s wrong< 5ou #ust got here, right<: $ too" a step bac" from him and loo"ed at him dead in the eye. 8$ hate to be calling in the Aneed a friend% card so uic"ly, but $ /EA995 need you to get me out of here.: $ was doing my best to stay calm6 my insides felt li"e a bomb had gone off. 82here%s /at<: 7e as"ed and $ saw his eyes drift over my head and loo" in the direction of ,obu%s /um%s table. $ "new the precise moment that he found him by the loo" of recognition and then distress that crossed his face. %he must%ve still been with him. 8*ome on, 'am. 9et%s go.: 3ax grabbed my hand and led me to the door, ta"ing the path in the opposite direction of them. 3inutes later we bro"e out into the open air and $ gasped for breath. $ was suffocating in the deceit and deception that $ had #ust been slapped in the face with. 7e continued to lead me across the par"ing lot to his car. 2e got inside and then #ust sat there. 0espite the oppressive heat, my body was sha"ing and covered in chill bumps. 3ax turned and loo"ed at me with sympathetic eyes. 8'o you met Bentley, $ ta"e it<: 7e as"ed nervously. 85ou "now about herB<B: $ yelled. 82hy didn%t you tell me<: $ crossed my arms across my chest. $ felt completely ridiculous that $ had apparently been played for a gullible fool. 7e ran his fingers through his hair and leaned his head bac" on the seat. 'taring at the car ceiling, he said, 85eah, $ "new about her, but it wasn%t my place to tell you 'carlett.

$ didn%t "now what, if anything, /at had told you and $ #ust couldn%t@: 7is voice trailed off. $ didn%t say anything. $ was so terribly furious and crushed that $ could not even con#ure up a meaningful sentence. $ really #ust wanted to yell 8$U&' !OU!( over and over again at anyone and everyone. 7e turned and loo"ed at me, 87e wants to be with you. $ "now he does.: $ closed my eyes and shoo" my head, remaining silent. 3ax continued, 8/at and $ became close last year and we%ve stayed tight since everything happened@ so $ "now what he wants. 7e was really starting to fall for you when you left. $t tore him up... he%s been struggling.: 85eah, it loo"s li"e he%s really been struggling.: 82ell what did you expect 'carlett< -or him to sit around forever and wait for you to come bac"< None of us have heard from you in over eight months6 he had no idea if he%d ever see you again. 5ou #ust disappeared.: $ winced recalling the events of that horrific night. 8No@ $ "now,: $ begrudgingly agreed. $ wasn%t stupid enough to thin" that he%d been celibate while $ was gone6 $ #ust didn%t expect him to get into a relationship so soon. 82ho is she< 2hy is he moving to Austin to be near her<: 7e snapped his head up and loo"ed at me. 87e%s moving to Austin<: $ shrugged. 8$ guess so.: !he rage began to simmer and $ was uic"ly slipping into the 8$ don%t care about anything: mode. 0ifficult situations were much easier to handle when $ turned the pain sensors off. 8!hat%s what she said. $ don%t "now6 he really didn%t say anything.: 82hat do you mean he didn%t say anything<: As we continued to sit in the par"ed car, $ gave 3ax the short version of what had happened. $ hoped he could share some insight or advice or anything that would ma"e me feel #ust a little bit better, but instead he played 'wit&erland. 8'carlett, you and /at have a lot y%all need to tal" about6 li"e $ said earlier, it%s not my place to tell you his story. $ don%t want you to thin" $%m hiding things from you, so $%m going to give him his chance tonight to tell you everything. After tonight $ won%t hold bac" or lie to you, but $ thin" he deserves that.: $ #ust sat there, staring off into space, wondering what in the world $ was doing. $ "new it would be tough returning, but $ had only been bac" in 7ouston a wee" and $ was emotionally drained. And all of it for what< 7e apparently had a girlfriend or a cra&y ex; girlfriend that he was about to move to Austin to be with. 8!hat%s fine, 3ax. 5ou%re right6 it%s not your place to tell me. $t%s his. 2ell, it was his.: $t was my turn to lay my head bac" on the seat. !here were no words to describe what $ was feeling. !he engine came to life as he turned the "ey in the ignition and we too" off out of the par"ing lot. !han"fully, 3ax "new the way to 3ason%s place so $ could #ust uietly lay with my head bac" and my eyes closed. $t wasn%t until we pulled into the par"ing lot that $ remembered $ didn%t have any way to get inside the apartment. $ forgot to as" 3ason for his "ey. 8$ can%t get in,: $ stated flatly. 8$ didn%t even thin" about it. 0o you mind ta"ing me to my place instead<: 8/at will be here in #ust a couple of minutes6 he left a few minutes after us,: he answered. 82hat<: $ as"ed confused. 7e lifted up his cell phone and smiled sheepishly. 87e messaged that he was on his way a little bit ago.:

8.reat. $ can%t wait,: $ said, sarcasm dripping from my voice. 8!his should be loads of fun.: 8Please #ust listen to what he has to say, 'carlett,: 3ax wrin"led his forehead in frustration. 7e reached over the middle console and grabbed my hand, ma"ing me loo" in his pleading eyes. 89oo", you "now $ don%t want you to hurt anymore, but from what you told me he wasn%t responding to her and then basically told her to fuc" off.: 8But he didn%t do anything to stop her before he "new $ was watchingB: $ inter#ected. 8'he%s his manager. $t%s not li"e he can #ust push her away li"e some stupid;ass groupie girlB: 87is manager<: 7is words punched me in the gut. $ immediately reali&ed Bentley wasn%t going anywhere anytime soon. 3ason would be wor"ing closely with her on a daily basis, and apparently living near her as well. Awesome. 8'hit@ see that%s why $ don%t need to discuss this with you until after the two of y%all tal".: 7e released my hand and rubbed his face in his hands. 8All $ can say is $ "now what you mean to him and $ "now how you feel about him, and $ really thin" that y%all are good for each other. $ would hate to see something that has real potential never really get a chance because of a misunderstanding.: $ was #ust about to tell him that $ didn%t misunderstand the fact that 3ason was moving away to be near some bitch who was apparently his manager, but the deep growl of a motorcycle pulling into the par"ing space next to us distracted me. $ watched out the window as 3ason got off his 7arley and approached the passenger door. 7e opened the door and held his hand out to me. $ turned to 3ax and gave him a uic" hug, 8!han" you for everything. 2ish us luc"6 we%re going to need it.: PARTE 2 "ASON 'carlett didn%t say a word to me upon entering the apartment. $t was obviously going to be my show, and rightfully so since $ was the one with all of the explaining to do. 8*ome bac" to my room, let%s get comfortable so we can tal",: $ said to her. 8$%m good out here,: she replied in an ice;cold tone. 82ill you be able to ta"e me bac" to my car when we are finished whatever it is we are doing here<: 7er words cut through me li"e a "nife, and $ hated myself for ma"ing her hurt. 'he had lived through enough pain in the last year6 she sure as hell didn%t need me adding to it. 8'carlett, please give me a chance to explain. $ meant to tell you@ $ really did. !here #ust hasn%t been a good time@: 8A good timeB< A good fuc"ing timeB<: 'he shouted. 83aybe a good time would%ve been before you brought me bac" here last -riday and fuc"ed me all wee"end< 1r maybe when $ told you that the only way things were going to wor" with us is if we were completely honest< 1r better yet@ maybe before you told me that you had never stopped loving me while $ was gone< 8Any of those times would%ve been a good time to tell me that you%re currently fuc"ing your manager and about to move to Austin to live near herBBB: 'he was sha"ing with anger and $ desperately wanted to wrap her in my arms to console her, but $ refrained. 7anging my head in shame, $ "new there was a good chance that $ may never see

her again and my chest tightened at the mere thought. 8Angel, you haven%t even been bac" a wee", and $ meant to tell you@ $ really did. $%m not trying to hurt you, $ #ust wanted you to see that this can wor" between us before clouding it with all of the reasons why it can%t,: $ tried to explain. 8514 A/E 31C$N. A2A5 3A'1NB 514 A/E $NC19CE0 2$!7 '13E1NE E9'EBB 514 9$E0 !1 3EBBB: .od, $ couldn%t ta"e much more of watching her hurt without touching her. 8Please 'carlett,: $ begged. 8Please #ust let me explain.: $ could almost hear the inner struggle in her head about whether or not to grant my re uest. 'he wal"ed over to the couch and plopped down. 8Enlighten me,: she said flatly. Not wasting a moment that she could possibly change her mind, $ flew to her side on the couch. 81"ay,: $ began tentatively, 89ast spring ,obu%s /um played at the 'H'2 music festival in Austin which is where we met Bentley and her brother, ,ag. !hey are the co; owners of a reputable talent agency. !hey fell in love with band and offered to represent us. 'hortly after that, things really pic"ed up for us.: 8-or who L ,obu%s /um or you and Bentley<: $ turned on the couch so that $ was facing her completely. 89oo" 'carlett, $%m not trying to ma"e you feel bad or say this is your doing, but $ was in a pretty shitty place in my life. $ was head;over;heels for you and thought you were on the same page, and you #ust fuc"ing disappeared. $%ve already told you that $ don%t want to relive everything that happened ) it%s the past, we both made some bad decisions, we both apologi&ed, and we both want to try and ma"e this wor" now.: 8$t%s not that simple, 3ase. 5ou are sleeping with someone else and you are moving away,: she argued, however she had begun to calm down a bit. 8$%m not sleeping with anyone else.: 8As of when< 9ast -riday< 2hen was the last time you fuc"ed her<: As much as $ wanted to lie to her, $ couldn%t. 89ast !hursday.: 'carlett stood up to leave, but $ grabbed her arm and pulled her bac" down next to me on the couch. 8$ didn%t "now if you were ever coming bac". $ was moving forward with my life6 what else was $ supposed to do<: $ loo"ed straight into her sad brown eyes. 8!he minute you wal"ed bac" into my life, it all changed. $%ve been trying to figure out what to do, but it%s only been a wee", Angel. Bentley has been on tour with CanderBlue since then and $ haven%t had a chance to tell her, so when she showed up tonight, she didn%t "now. !ell me you saw me. !ell me you saw that $ was not responding to her advances@ not even a little bit. $ "ept telling her to bac" off but she%s not a woman that%s used to hearing Ano.% 8$ promise you that $ don%t want to be with her. 3y relationship with her has always been purely physical. $ was #ust trying to fill a void@: 81h, well that ma"es me feel so much better,: she retorted. 8And $%m supposed to believe that when you are living down the hall from her there and $%m living here, that you won%t get the urge to Afill your void% every so often< $%m not stupid, 3ason. $ saw the way that she was acting towards you tonight6 she%s not going to give you up easily.: 8$%ll ta"e care of it,: $ assured her. $ decided to press my luc" and reach out to grab her hands. !han"fully, she didn%t tear them from my grasp. 82hen are you moving<: !he anger from her voice had mostly subsided, but instead it was replaced with sorrow and uncertainty.

8!he beginning of November.: 80o you have to go still< *an%t you do your music thing from here<: 8!he entire band has made arrangements to move there6 $ can%t bac" out on them now. $f it was #ust me, of course, $ would #ust say fuc" it, but $ can%t do that to my friends.: 8'o what happens to us then, 3ase<: /elief washed through me to hear her still refer to us as 8us.: $ brought her hands up to my face and "issed each set of "nuc"les. 8$ don%t "now, Angel, but we will figure it out. -or now, $ #ust want to ma"e the best of the time we have together. $ feel li"e this first wee" with you bac" has been such a roller coaster, and $ "now that%s to be expected as we wor" through everything that has happened, but now that everything is out on the table, we can move past all of the other bullshit and focus on building our relationship. $ can%t ma"e any promises about the future 'carlett, but $ can promise you that right here, right now, $ am cra&y in love with you and $ want to be with you ) #ust you. Please stay with me.: 'he smiled softly and stared deep in my eyes. 8!his is your last warning 3ason !empleton. !here better not be any more secrets or $%m done, no uestions as"ed. $ agree that we can figure out November when November gets here, who "nows what could happen between now and then. $%m willing to fight for us to have a chance, so let%s see where the next two months ta"e us. But $%m telling you right now, $%m not afraid to tell that bitch Bentley exactly where she can go and what she can do when she gets there if she fuc"s with me again. $ don%t care how important she thin"s she is to you6 you better tell her $ come first and she best not forget it.: 2ow. Before then, $ had never seen the possessive and protective side of 'carlett, and $ li"ed it. $t turned me on li"e cra&y "nowing that she wanted to fight for me. $ needed to be insider her6 $ needed to remind her why we were so good together and how much she meant to me. $ leaned forward and captured her lips in mine in a forceful "iss. 'he responded with the same vigor and $ "new that she wanted the same thing $ did. 8'o you%ll stay<: $ mumbled, not moving my mouth from hers. 8-or as long as you%ll have me,: she whispered in response. 7er words were sweet music to my ears. $ #ust had to figure out how to get her to move to Austin with me. $ still had hope that we could ma"e this wor".

CHAPTER EI'HT ~ 8ate

"egin Again ~ Ta#lor ' ift 'ravit ~ Sara 9arei++es

9ro1en ~ %i.eho)se
SCAR%ETT 1ver the next several wee"s 3ason and $ settled into a comfortable routine. 7e and ,obu%s /um continued their exhausting rehearsal schedule when they weren%t playing at the bar. $ had classes in the mornings and spent the afternoons reading and studying. 3ason helped me get a part;time #ob in the evenings at a local music supply store where a friend of his was the manager. $ absolutely loved it because the people $ wor"ed with all loved music as much as $ did and when we weren%t busy, $ got to play both guitar and "eyboard. Between school and spending time with 3ason, $ had very little time for my music, so the #ob was perfect) $ got paid to do something $ lovedB 3ina and $ tal"ed to each other daily and we met at least once a wee" for lunch. !he wedding was approaching uic"ly and she was dealing with all of the final decision; ma"ing while trying to "eep up in her studies6 she often #ust needed an ear to vent to and $ was happy to oblige. 'he crac"ed me up ) $ loved her ability to ma"e fun of herself and the cra&y world we lived in on a daily basis. 7er favorite saying was, 8sane is boring.: 3ax and $ continued our !hursday evening gluttonous get;togethers at !he *hocolate Bar. 7e was thrilled that 3ason and $ had wor"ed things out and were giving it a go. 7e was in his first year of graduate school at 4niversity of 7ouston for social wor", and $ loved hearing him tal" about how he wanted to travel the world to help the underprivileged. !he passion he had for wanting to ma"e a difference and to leave a positive imprint on the world was awe;inspiring and reinforced what $ already "new about him ) he was truly one of the good guys. After filling up on sweets and re;energi&ing on coffee with 3ax, $ would head over to 3ason%s place and we would go to Empty%s together. !hursday through 'unday nights $ stayed at his apartment6 ,obu%s /um played on !hursdays and 'aturdays but we would usually end up at the bar on -riday nights as well. -riday%s were still open mic nights so occasionally $ would perform something that $ had been practicing at wor" that wee". 3ase loved when $ played and sang for him. 7e would always get the goofiest grin on his face when $ was on stage. 2hen $ as"ed him about it, he told me that he was #ust proud of me and that he didn%t deserve me. $ argued that it was the other way around, but nonetheless, my heart filled with happiness and #oy.

,ess, 3eg and their crew had been at the bar a few times and when they came in, $ would spend a while hanging out and catching up. 3uch li"e when $ first saw 3ax, it was hard to not thin" about Evie when $ was with them, but it got easier each time. !he only aw"wardness that remained between us was the issue of their missing roommate. $ wasn%t sure if it was out of respect or hatred for me, but Ash never came with them. Everyone was always very careful not to mention his name, and $ greatly appreciated their regard for my feelings. !houghts of him ran through my head often enough, $ didn%t need to actually hear his name to encourage my subconscious to dwell on him any more than it did. !hings between 3ason and $ were going great. $t seemed once everything about Bentley and the move had come out in the open, he could completely relax and en#oy our time together. 2hen he had explained everything to me, $ was hurt that he had "ept it from me, but $ understood why he had. $t was easy for me to forgive him6 $ believed in my heart he was being honest with me about how he felt and what he wanted. 7e had given me a second chance when $ intentionally "ept information from him in order to be with him, so $ felt $ owed him the same. $ still didn%t "now what would happen to us come November, but $ tried not to thin" about it. 3ason rarely discussed the move either. $ "ept hoping that he would as" me to #oin him at the end of the semester or the end of the school year, even though that was months away, but he didn%t. $ wasn%t about to invite myself to live with him, even though we were already practically doing that more than half of the time. 3ason had bought me a slew of girly bath products and my own toothbrush that he set up in his bathroom so that $ wouldn%t have to bring a suitcase each wee"end that $ came. $ had moved over some clothes that earned their own spot in a drawer and in the closet. Every 'unday when it was time for me to go bac" to my apartment, he would try different seduction techni ues to get me to stay, and as much as $ wanted to do #ust that, $ "new that we needed breathing room so that we didn%t suffocate each other. $t was extremely hard for me to say no to him, especially "nowing that the days $ had to spend with him were numbered, but that was exactly why $ needed to spend time without him. 'oon $ would have to spend every day without him. Bentley called and texted regularly, but 3ason assured me that it was regarding wor" and that she was "eeping their conversations strictly professional. 7e told me that he had tal"ed to her about me and their current/ future relationship, and there was no confusion or misunderstanding about how she was to conduct herself around either of us. $ really didn%t believe that she had bac"ed off so easily, and even if she had, $ "new it was only temporary. 7owever, $ trusted 3ason and had faith that he wouldn%t succumb to her advances. 7e also "new as well as $ did that if something did happen, $ would find out uic"ly. 'he wouldn%t be able to wait to gloat in my face about how she was right and she got him bac". Before $ "new it, 1ctober was upon us and the dreaded November first date was uic"ly approaching. !he rest of the band was excited and $ couldn%t blame them. Not only were they moving to a new place, there was a really good chance that things were about to get going for them musically. $ felt guilty that 3ase wasn%t loo"ing forward to the move li"e they were6 $ "new that our relationship was the only thing holding him bac". $ tried being encouraging and supportive when he did tal" about it, but it was forced from both of us. All of the members of ,obu%s /um had planned to go forgo practice for a few days to ma"e a trip to Austin to purchase furniture for their new apartments and tie up some other loose ends for their relocation. $n total they had three apartments to outfit) Aaron and

'ophie in one, *ru& and 'ebastian in another, and 3ason had his own place. !hey were all in the same building and coincidentally, 'ophie had gotten a #ob in their leasing office. 4nfortunately, it was the same place that Bentley lived as well. $ wanted to go with him for numerous reasons but they had gone during the wee" and $ couldn%t miss class or wor". 7e promised me that Bentley would not be there, she was still on tour, but $ didn%t put it past her to ma"e a surprise trip home "nowing that he was going to be there. But what was $ going to do< 'oon he%d be there all the time. $ tried "eeping myself busy as $ usually did studying and wor"ing the first couple of days he was gone, but it failed miserably. Even though $ usually didn%t see him on 3ondays, !uesdays, or 2ednesdays, "nowing that he was hours away made them even worse. Even meeting 3ina for lunch at 9a 3adeline on !uesday didn%t improve my mood. By 2ednesday afternoon, $ was borderline moping and decided $ needed to pull myself out of my fun". After $ got home from school, $ grabbed a blan"et and my e;reader and went to en#oy the few hours $ had before going to wor" in the fresh air with a boo". $ "ic"ed my flip flops off and settled myself under a shady tree on one of the grassy public areas around campus and lost myself in the story of your not;so;typical love triangle. $ was instantly caught up in the emotions of the threesome that they all loved each other and their struggle to find happiness. Normally, $ didn%t read boo"s about mInages and people who claimed to be in love with two people at once, but this boo" was a part of a roc" band series that $ absolutely loved, so $ thought $%d give it a chance. !hat way of thin"ing really never made sense to me before, but the further $ read the more $ found myself cheering for all three characters to be together. $t didn%t hurt that the author did such an ama&ing #ob of writing sex scenes that got me so hot and bothered, $ had to pac" up early to go home for a cold shower before $ could go into the store. $ could not wait for 3ason to return home the following afternoon. PARTE 2 ,ust as $ was getting ready to stand up and fold the blan"et, $ felt a light tic"le on my calf. 'itting up to investigate, $ saw a huge orange and yellow 3onarch butterfly that had landed on my leg, centimeters from the tattoo of its tribal;inspired twin. 3y heart began to pound and my palms got clammy as images of Ash and the sound of his voice overwhelmed me. 3y chest physically ached as my heart swelled at the happy memories and shattered at the devastating one. $ was fro&en sitting there watching the beautiful creature wal" up and down my leg, almost as if it didn%t even notice my presence. !ears soa"ed my chee"s as $ reali&ed that $ was never going to be free of the hold he had on me. !ime wasn%t healing my wounds and being happy with someone else who showered me in love and adoration didn%t wea"en the enigmatic connection that bound our hearts. $nstead of feeling blessed that $ had found my soul mate, who was supposed to complete me and ma"e me feel whole, $ felt cursed because all mine did was torment my mind and leave me feeling ruined and hopeless. -orced to pull myself together so that $ wouldn%t be late, $ swatted at the butterfly forcing it to move on and dried my chee"s with the bac" of my hands. $ rushed bac" to my apartment and #umped in the shower. As usual, !essa wasn%t there. 'he practically lived at her boyfriend%s, and where at times $ missed having some company, $ was glad to have the place to myself then to regain my composure and not have to answer any uestions about my splotchy face. After $ was dressed and ready to go, $ shot 3ase a uic" text, partially

out of the longing $ felt for him after the numerous days apart, but more out of guilt for my earlier thoughts. "e >@A@BP"? ~ Hea!e! o)t to $or1& miss o) terrib+ 2 Hope o) are /ettin/ ever thin/ ta1en care o.2 "ason >@A;CP"? ~ "iss o) too An/e+2 A++ is !one& can0t $ait to come home tomorro$2 Ca++ me $hen o) /et home toni/ht2 2hen $ got to the store, $ cloc"ed in and put my purse up. $ chec"ed with my boss to ma"e sure there wasn%t anything that he needed me to do, but he said that all was good so $ wal"ed around doing a uic" inspection that everything was where it should be. After cleaning up some sheet music that had been littered about, $ too" advantage of the lac" of customers and sat down at one of the "eyboards in the side room. 'till distraught over the afternoon and unable to pull my mind from Ash, $ allowed myself to sing for him for the first time in nearly a year. -rom the moment my fingers felt the "eys under them, $ was imprisoned to the lyrics of 'ara Bareilles% )ravity. !he song so perfectly portrayed the power that he had over me) it was a force of nature, a law of physics that couldn%t be bro"en, despite how much $ wanted to be free from it. $ closed my eyes and poured all of my heart and soul into my private performance, allowing the instrument and my voice to be my therapy. As $ finished the song, applause from the doorway startled me and my eyes flew open. 8Breathta"ing, as always, Butterfly.: ASH -ate was the only possible explanation that led me to her that day. $ was on my way to my mom%s apartment for our wee"ly 2ednesday dinner, a date $ had yet to miss since she had left my dad #ust a few months before, when $ noticed a guitar shop tuc"ed away in a shopping center #ust a few bloc"s from her house. $t reminded me that $ needed some new strings, so $ pulled in the par"ing lot, fully intending to ma"e a uic" stop. $ wal"ed into the store on a mission and uic"ly found the pac" $ needed and headed to the register to chec" out. $t was only then that $ noticed $ was the only person in the room. $ did a full three;sixty to ma"e sure $ hadn%t missed anyone possibly bending down or hidden behind an instrument when $ saw an entrance to another room. About halfway en route, $ stopped mid;stride as $ heard the first few notes of the song that would un"nowingly change my life. 2hen $ heard her voice follow, $ nearly dropped to my "nees, overwhelmed with emotions. $ uic"ly but uietly made my way to the doorway6 my brain needed visual confirmation that she really was there. !han"fully, her bac" was to the door. $ "new she%d stop if she saw me, and $ wanted to savor every moment before she reali&ed $ was there. 7er performance was devastatingly beautiful, impressively heartbrea"ing. $ "new without a shadow a doubt she was singing for me6 it was almost if she could sense my presence. Every word@ every fuc"ing lyric tore at my soul. Piece by piece it ripped me apart until $ was left completely exposed. 2hen she concluded the piano solo, $ began clapping and commended her. 8Breathta"ing, as always, Butterfly.: 7er body tensed at the sound of my voice and at first, she didn%t turn around to loo" at me. 82hat are you doing here<: she as"ed uietly.

8$ #ust stopped in to grab some strings and there wasn%t anyone out there, so $ came to chec" for someone in here and $ found you,: $ replied. 82hat are you doing here< Are you going to turn around and loo" at me<: 8$ wor" here and $%d rather not.: 'he could be so damn stubborn. 4nfortunately, that was one of the things $ loved most about her. !here were so many things $ wanted to say to her. A lifetime wouldn%t be long enough to tell her and show her how much $ loved her and how sorry $ was. $ decided to not waste any time. 82as that about me<: $ as"ed. 82hat do you thin", Ash<: she snapped. 85ou still feel it, don%t you<: $ "new $ was pressing my luc", but $ had to as" her. 'he didn%t say anything so $ too" advantage of the silence and poured my heart out to her. !here was nothing more hurtful that she could say that she hadn%t already said to me, so the way $ figured it, $ had nothing to lose and everything in the world to gain. 8'carlett, please listen to me. $ am a mess without you in my life. $ thin" about you all day, every day. -or the last ten months $ have been a damaged, bro"en person #ust wandering through life without purpose or motivation. 5ou@ you give me reason and hope. 5ou ma"e me feel li"e $ deserve to be loved. 5ou weren%t the only one that lost a best friend the day Evie died, you "now< $ need you6 you are the "ey to my sanity,: $ confessed without reservation. -inally, she turned around and $ instantly fell deep into those big brown eyes. 7er chestnut hair was thrown into a loose bun and she had on a pair of loose #ean paired with an old Beastie Boys t;shirt. 'he was undoubtedly the most beautiful creature $ had ever laid eyes on. 8'ee, that%s the thing, Ash. $nstead of being the "ey to my sanity, you are reason $ feel insane all of the time.: 'he "ept her voice calm and her stare cool. 8$ can%t escape this hold that you have on me and $ hate it. All $ want is to be able to move on, but $ #ust can%t@: 8!hen don%t,: $ offered. 89et%s try and ma"e us wor". $ "now $ was stupid before and $ didn%t treat you right. $%m so sorry, 'carlett@ so fuc"ing sorry. $t wasn%t fair of me to tell you to live your life without me, when $ "new from the moment $ laid eyes on you, that you were mine forever.: As $ began to wal" towards her, $ could see the tears streaming down her porcelain chee"s. 80on%t cry, Butterfly. Please, no more tears.: $ reached her in three uic" strides and wrapped my arms around her sha"ing body, pulling her to my chest. Neither of us said anything. 2e stood in the middle of the room full of instruments for ten, maybe fifteen minutes, simply holding one other. -eeling her lithe body up against mine@ smelling her sweet citrus smell@ was downright euphoric. -or months $ had dreamed about touching her again, and $ was going to hold her as long as she would let me. 8'carlett<: A guy%s voice interrupted our private nirvana. 8$s everything alright<: 'he #umped bac" out of my arms and nervously began straightening her clothes. 85eah, ,oe. Everything%s fine@ #ust an old friend.: 81"ay, well you need to get bac" out to the main room. !here%s a girl here needing some help,: he said. 7e loo"ed me up and down disapprovingly before turning around and exiting the room. 'carlett loo"ed up at me and smiled wea"ly. 8$%ve gotta go. (eep the strings@

they%re on me.: !hen she wal"ed away. 'till in shoc" and disbelief, $ stumbled through the main area of the store. ,ust before $ opened the door that led outside, she called out, 8AshB: $ twisted around to see her across the room. 8$ never stopped feeling it.: 'he smiled, a genuine smile this time, and my heart #umped in my chest. 'he went bac" to helping her customer and $ left the store with more than #ust hope. $ had fate on my side. *7AP!E/ N$NE ) 0/EA3'

'ide a#s ~Citi*en Cope The On+ Time ~ Nine Inch Nai+s

On+ P+ace I Ca++ Home ~ Ever Aven)e

SCAR%ETT After Ash left the shop, an unexpected peace settled over me. $ wasn%t sure exactly what happened during our encounter, but at some point, $ made the decision that $ didn%t want to hate him anymore. 7earing the hurt in his voice softened my outer shell, but it was when his body crashed into mine, that all of the good memories came rushing bac". As he held me against his chest, $ couldn%t help but thin" bac" to all of the nights $ spent curled up next to his body, the way he smelled, the warmth of his breath on the bac" of my nec" when he slept, the feel of his hand wrapped around my waist and his legs tangled in mine@ all of it. $ missed the nights we spent in his room ) tal"ing about everything and nothing, laughing at our favorite television shows, teaching each other how to play new songs. $ had been completely consumed by the pain and feeling of abandonment, that $ had bloc"ed out all of the reasons that made me fall in love with him in the first place. !he days surrounding Evie%s death, $ lost not #ust one, but two best friends. -or the rest of my shift, $ couldn%t get him out of my mind. $ tried@ 9ord "nows $ tried, but my thoughts "ept drifting bac" to Ash. /ight before $ cloc"ed out for the night, ,oe came up to me and said, 83a"e sure to tell /at that $ got the new amp he ordered. $%ll have it delivered to Empty%s tomorrow.: !hat was when the guilt began to creep in. Even though $ hadn%t done anything wrong, $ "new 3ason would not be happy that Ash had been there and that he would be downright pissed that $ allowed him to hold me for a good while. But $ had to tell him the truth. $ didn%t want to hide anything from him6 $ had already decided that if we couldn%t survive on the truth, than the relationship wasn%t meant to be. $ loved 3ason, and $ wanted to be with him. -rom the day $ had met him, he had been there for me no matter what, and $ really wasn%t sure why. 7e had pretty much dropped his social life except for ,obu%s /um, and dedicated himself to me, even though $

never as"ed him to. And even after $ left him the awful way that $ did, he too" me bac" without reservation the minute $ showed up in his bar. No matter what connection my heart felt with Ash, $ "new that 3ason was the better guy for me. $ owed it to him to give our relationship everything $ could, and $ hoped that by forgiving Ash, $ could finally move on. 2hen $ returned to my empty apartment, $ too" a uic" shower and changed into my pa#amas. *rawling into bed, $ grabbed my phone, getting ready for a long conversation. $ hit the top name in my favorites list and waited for him to answer. 4nfortunately, after #ust three rings his voicemail pic"ed up. $ left a uic" message for him to call me bac", and then grabbed my e;reader to pass the time. !wo hours later $ finished the boo" $ started earlier that day, and $ was over#oyed for the three main characters that all ended up with their happily;ever;after%s. 'ure, relationships li"e that didn%t exist in the real world, at least not in my world, but that was the great thing about fictional boo"s ) they were meant to be an escape from reality. !he damn thing also left me all hot and bothered, and accompanied by the fact my phone still hadn%t rang, $ was frustrated and annoyed. Not wanting to call and leave another message, $ decided to text 3ason instead. $ hoped that maybe he had #ust forgotten to turn his ringer on or something and would see the text. $ laid my head down and not;so;patiently waited to hear from him. 9ingering thoughts of the boo" characters, !rey and Ethan, morphed into Ash and 3ason in my head, and $ wished that real life could be as easy as it was in the boo"s. $ couldn%t wait for 3ason to get bac" the next day6 things were always better when $ was with him.

)))))))))))))

$ hurried up the stairs to 3ason%s apartment, anxious and excited to see him. 7e opened the door before $ even had a chance to "noc" and pic"ed me up into his arms 8.et your little ass in here, Angel. $%ve been so excited to see you all day,: he said as he carried me through the doorway. $nstead of responding with words $ claimed his mouth with mine, open and demanding. $ wasn%t wasting any time with pleasantries and 8how;do;you;dos6: $ needed him and had no problems showing him #ust that. -ortunately, he didn%t seem to either. As soon as he closed the door behind us, he slammed my bac" up against the ad#acent wall and returned the desperate "isses in "ind. After several minutes of pawing at each other and tasting every inch of exposed s"in above the waist, he pulled bac" slightly and $ growled in frustration. 87old on. 2e need to slow down@ otherwise we will be finished before $ give you your surprise,: he said teasingly. 8'urprise<: !he word twea"ed my interest. 82hat "ind of surprise<: $ as"ed. 7e slid me down the front of him until my feet reached the ground. $ couldn%t help but wiggle a bit as my crotch rubbed against his hard coc" on my way down. 85ou little tease@: he #o"ed and swatted my ass as $ wal"ed past him further into the apartment. 81h, $%m not teasing,: $ replied playfully. 8Now where%s my surprise<: $ loo"ed

around the living area and dining room but didn%t see anything out of the norm. 7e wal"ed up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist. 9eaning down to "iss under my ear, he whispered, 8!here are a few things we need to discuss before you can get it.: 81h;"ay@ : 7e continued to "iss and bite at my earlobe and nec", which made it hard to concentrate on anything he was saying. 80o you trust me, Angel<: 81f course $ do,: $ replied without hesitation. 8Especially if you "eep doing that with your mouth@: 7e laughed and too" a step bac". .rabbing my waist, he spun me around so that we were face to face. 7e bent down and lightly brushed his lips across mine. 8Are you o"ay with being blindfolded< $t%s necessary for your surprise.: 0rowning in desire, $ nodded and said, 82hatever you want. $%ll do whatever you want.: !he huge smile across his face told me that $ said the right words, and $ had no doubt that he would ta"e good care of me. 7is next "iss was much more brash, and $ felt his eagerness and enthusiasm for whatever he had planned. 7e led me to the "itchen where he had a line of six shot glasses already filled with a clear li uid. 7e grabbed one and handed it to me, then grabbed one for himself. 7e loo"ed directly into my eyes with a hunger that demanded my attention. 8Angel, this is all about you and everything that ma"es you happy. All $ ever want is for you to be completely satisfied, so tonight $%m going to try and give you #ust that ) total euphoria. All you need to do is relax and en#oy, o"ay<: All $ could do was nod yet again, as my mind raced through hundreds of possibilities that 3ason could have planned. $ had no idea what to expect, but $ trusted him and was open to trying new things. 8!he shots aren%t to get you drun", but it will help ta"e the edge off in the beginning. Being blindfolded can be a bit nerve;wrac"ing at first, especially if you aren%t used to it. $ raised the small glass in the air in a silent toast and threw the chilled li uid down the bac" of my throat. 3ason followed suit and we then repeated the motion twice more, polishing off the drin"s. !he warmth of the li uor amplified my already elevated body temperature, as the anticipation of what was to come had me more turned on than $ could ever remember being. 7e grabbed my hand and led me into his bedroom. $mmediately $ noticed the three strips of blac" fabric lying across the bed. *onfused, $ as"ed, 82hy three<: 1nce we reached the side of the bed, he stopped and faced me. !he yearning in his ga&e made me feel so wanted and sexy. 81ne for your eyes and one for each of your wrists.: !he nerves in my stomach began to come to life when $ reali&ed that he intended to blindfold me AN0 tie me to the bed. $ would be completely vulnerable to anything he wanted to do to me. $nternally $ was battling my brain cycling through all of the possible conse uences by allowing him to do that and my hormones screaming #ust how fuc"ing hot the entire situation was. Either 3ason heard the scuffle or my apprehension was evident on my face, because he leaned down into me and fired the winning shot with a "iss so sensual it nearly dropped me to my "nees. 80o $ get a safe word<: $ as"ed.

9aughing, he shoo" his head. 85ou won%t need a safe word, Angel. $%m not gonna torture you. $f you want me to stop, #ust say so and $ will. Now strip for me and climb onto the bed.: A little relieved that he wasn%t planning anything too cra&y, $ uic"ly did as he as"ed. 3inutes later $ was lying in the middle of the bed, star" na"ed, and waiting for him to restrain me. 3y exposed body shivered with excitement as he straddled me on the bed, still fully clothed. 8/emember, Angel, this is all about you. $%d do anything to fully satisfy you.: 85ou do satisfy me@: $ tried to argue, but he cut me off. 8'hhB No tal"ing bac". As a matter of fact, no tal"ing at all@ $ #ust want you to feel.: 7e stro"ed my chee" with the pad of his thumb, and $ closed my eyes to focus on the sensation. 8$ love you, 'carlett.: 8$ love you, too.: 3inutes later, $ could only see blac" and my wrists were loosely bound to the headboard. $ heard 3ason As clothes drop to the hardwood floor and then $ felt him climb onto the bed and straddle me as he had #ust been. 'lowly lowering his body onto mine, $ could feel the heat radiating from his him, and he was obviously extremely aroused, even though the soft cotton of his boxers still separated us. 85ou are the most beautiful fuc"ing thing $ have ever seen, Angel.: 7is warm breath tic"led my ear and his unrefined words made me wet instantly. $nstinctively, $ moaned and arched my bac" into him. 8/elax, baby. 9et me do all of the wor".: 7e then began a tortuous trail of "issing, lic"ing, and biting, starting at my hairline behind my left ear and moving downward at a snail%s pace. 2hen he reached my collarbone, he drug his lip ring across my sternum to the right side of my body, where he mirrored his previous actions. -eeling that hardness of the metal accompanied by the softness of his lips drove me cra&y. $ forgot that my hands were inaccessible on several occasions and tried to move them to his head, and each time $ grumbled in frustration which 3ason found uite amusing. After a short while, $ was able to completely relax and $ submitted to his seduction. 3y available senses were definitely in overdrive, especially touch. Every time he touched me he left a little fire in his wa"e, by the time he reached my feet, $ was a scorching, sweltering mess. $ thought that $ heard something at one point, but 3ason began doing something incredible with his mouth and $ lost myself in the sensation. A few moments later, as he was rubbing my feet, $ felt something in the room change. 3ason even paused a moment, but uic"ly pic"ed bac" up on his special treatment. 2hen $ felt the weight of someone else climb on the bed next to me, my body fro&e. 8$t%s o"ay, Angel,: 3ason said soothingly. 7e continued to rub and "iss my lower legs and feet. 8!rust me, on this. 2e%re gonna ma"e your fuc"ing world explode.: $ slowly began to relax my tensed muscles. 8$ told you this was all about you. 2e are gonna worship every inch of your body.: 7e continued tal"ing to me in a calming voice until he "new $ was completely accepting of the idea. !he other person had not moved or said anything since sitting next to me on the bed. $ am not sure how or why or what happened, but $ found myself eagerly nodding and surrendering to my sexual curiosity and the frantic throbbing between my legs

3ason stayed where he was at the foot of the bed where he continued to "iss and rub my feet and legs, while the other person straddled my hips and cupped each of my breasts. $ wanted so badly to have my hands free so that $ could at least feel the mystery person to "now sort of what he loo"ed li"e. 3ystery guy used his thumbs to tease my nipples, flic"ing and circling them, ma"ing them harden immediately. 7is touch was soft but potent, and it felt so different but familiar. 7e too was still wearing boxers, but his erection was lined up perfectly with my aching clit. 2hen he shifted his weight once, $ moaned and pressed myself against him, trying to recreate the friction. !han"fully, he answered my re uest and began roc"ing up and down on me, driving me closer and closer to my orgasm. A combination of being caressed, rubbed, and stro"ed in so many places at the same time uic"ly led me over the edge of the cliff and exploding into millions of little pieces all over the ground. As $ lay winded and breathless, still unable to see and tied to the bed, the mystery guy leaned down and put his lips right next to my left ear. 82atching you cum is the sexiest thing in this universe, Butterfly.: ))))))))))))) PARTE 2 $ shot up in bed as !he 9umineers screamed 87o 7ey: over and over at me from my phone snuggled next to me in my bed. $ was embarrassed at the scene that had been playing out in my head and the real;life wet panties $ had on, and thought to myself that the song would%ve been more fitting for me had it played 87ey 7o: instead. $t too" me a few seconds to figure out what in the world was going on, but when $ saw 3ason%s name on the caller $0, $ uic"ly answered. 87ey 3ase.: 87ey, Angel. 'orry it%s so late. 2e all went out for our last night here and $ accidentally left my phone in my room,: he over;eagerly explained. 8!hat%s cool. $ #ust fell asleep reading.: $ had suddenly changed my mind about complete honesty. 'urely dreams that you couldn%t control didn%t count against you and didn%t need to be discussed. $ blamed my out;of;control sub;conscious on the boo"s. $ really needed to move bac" to the young adult genre for a while. 8$ can%t wait to see you tomorrow,: he said longingly. 8$%ve missed you li"e cra&y.: 87ey, /at. !here you are.: $ heard a female voice through the phone. 82e are waiting for you to start the shots.: 3y stomach dropped, and $ hoped that $ was about to get a good explanation for what $ heard. $ stayed silent as he replied to her, 8$%m on the phone with 'carlett. $%ll be inside later6 y%all don%t wait for me.: 8Angel, $ can explain,: he said when he redirected his attention to our conversation. 82here are you<: $ demanded. 8And don%t fuc"ing lie to me.: 3y face grew hot6 $ "new $ wasn%t going to li"e what $ was about to hear. 81n the balcony of my hotel room.: 82ho is all there with you<: 8All of the guys, 'ophie, the guys from CanderBlue, Bentley, ,ag, and his girlfriend, 'miley.: $ didn%t say anything so he continued. 89oo" 'carlett, $ didn%t "now

they were going to be here. !hey came into town today because their drummer is getting married this wee"end. ,ag and Bentley thought it would be good if the two bands met, so we all hung out and had some drin"s. Nothing happened. 1"ay< $%m telling you the truth.: 7is defensiveness put me on alert. 8And now they are all in your hotel room doing shots< And that was her, wasn%t it<: $ was beyond pissed. 85es, that was her and yes, we all #ust came bac" here. $ saw my phone as soon as $ got in, and came out to call you. $ haven%t had anything to drin"@ please don%t frea" out, Angel. 2e are going to have to get used to this. 5ou are going to have to trust me, #ust li"e $%m going to trust you.: 3y stomach clenched even tighter. $ thought about seeing Ash in the store followed by the dream and felt a little guilty. !hen $ remembered that a girl that he had slept with numerous times was doing shots in his hotel room in the wee hours of the morning, and my guilt subsided uic"ly. 82hatever, 3ason. * am the one that has to get used to it@ not we. 5ou get to live the life of a roc" star while $ am stuc" here at school. $ go to class, study, and go to wor"6 you practice ma"ing music; something you love, go out drin"ing, and hang out with a bunch of hot women including one you "now intimately.: $ said with a bite in my tone. $ #ust wanted to get off the phone with him. $ didn%t want to be psycho controlling girlfriend, but he needed to "now that $ was mad. 8$%m tired and $ want to go bac" to sleep. $%ll see you tomorrow.: 8Please don%t be that way 'carlett. 5ou "now $ have to do this. 5ou%ve got to be able to deal with these situations.: 85eah, that%s what $%m afraid of. $%m not sure $ can. .ood night 3ase. Please #ust let me go to sleep. $ don%t want to argue with you. 2e%ll see each other tomorrow.: $ hung up the phone and turned it off and went bac" to sleep, hoping when $ wo"e up in the morning that the phone call had been a dream as well. "ASON -ive minutes after she hung up on me and turned her fuc"ing phone off, $ was on my bi"e headed east on 7ighway 'eventy;one. $ was not about to let her shut down on me over this. $ was not about to let Bentley fuc" this up for me. $ needed her to understand that $ didn%t want to be with anyone else, as long as $ had her. Being without her for #ust a couple of days was about to ma"e me lose my mind. $ didn%t "now what it was about her that stabili&ed me, but $ "new that $ couldn%t be without her. Any previous thoughts $ had about brea"ing up with her to set her free and let her live her life li"e a normal nineteen year old had disappeared after the first day without her. $ was a selfish bastard and $ was going to "eep her as close to me as $ could for as long as $ could. 2hatever it too" to ma"e us wor", $ would do. $ didn%t care if $ had to drive to 7ouston a couple of times a wee", if that would ma"e her happy and feel secure. As $ flew down the highway, $ cussed myself for allowing the night to play out the way it did. $ never should%ve answered the phone. $ was all ready for a night in my room, relaxing and tal"ing to 'carlett for a while when Bentley called. 1f course $ couldn%t refuse the opportunity to meet and hang out with CanderBlue, and my friends would%ve "illed me if they "new $ had declined the invitation. $t turned out a really good thing that we went. $ hit it off with front man, Boone, and it appeared there was a good chance for us to #oin their tour for the second half, which included some international shows as well.

$ "new when Bentley invited everyone bac" over to my room, she had ulterior motives, but there wasn%t much $ could do except un;invite them and that would%ve been aw"ward. 7er reason for riding bac" to the hotel with me was because $ was the only person that hadn%t been drin"ing. Again, $ couldn%t say anything without loo"ing li"e a complete dic" in front of everyone. 'he thought she was being sexy by rubbing her fa"e ass boobs on my bac" and pressing her crotch up against me, but she was really #ust annoying the shit out of me. $ wondered what in the world $ had been thin"ing when $ hoo"ed up with her. 1n the wal" from the bi"e to the room, she "ept putting her hand on my arm or my bac", and $ "ept moving out of her grasp, hoping she would eventually get the hint. 4ltimately, she wor"ed for ,obu%s /um, but we all "new that we needed her a lot more than she needed us. $ couldn%t be flat out rude to her and ris" pissing her off, but $ wasn%t going to fuc" her again so she needed to go ahead and stop trying. $ "new that she purposely came outside to say something when she "new damn well who $ was tal"ing to. $ had only mentioned no less than five times that $ had left my phone in the room and needed to call 'carlett. Bentley was a conniving, manipulative, heartless bitch, which made her great at her #ob, but $ had a bad feeling she was going to try and use those same ualities to "eep me from my angel. $ was determined to not let that happen. !hree hours later $ pulled up to her apartment and raced up the stairs. Not caring in the least that it was four o%cloc" in the morning, $ began banging on her front door with my fists. $ didn%t stop until the 3edusa;version of 'carlett flung the door open with an evil glare. $ had to contain myself from smiling at her, not wanting her to thin" $ was laughing at her, but she was so adorably cute when she was mad. Actually she was fuc"ing hot when she was mad. 3y dic" twitched at the sight of her in her barely;there night clothes6 $ wished $ could screw some sense into her about this whole situation. $ wasn%t uite sure how else to tell her that Bentley had #ust been a convenient fuc", nothing else, and not a very exciting one at that. $ wasn%t sure that would score a whole lot of good boyfriend points for me either. 82hat are you doing here<: 'he rubbed her eyes in disbelief that $ was at her doorstep. 8*an $ come in<: $ as"ed. 82ell, since you came all this way@: 'he held her arm out ushering me inside. $ followed her into her bedroom and we both sat on the bed, loo"ing at one another. $ didn%t waste any time, $ began tal"ing immediately. 8'carlett, $ came here to prove to you that you are the most important thing to me. 5ou told me you wanted honesty, and that%s what $ gave you tonight, but as soon as $ did, you #ust fuc"ing shut down on me. 2hat the hell was that<: $ surprised myself at the anger in my voice, and $ "new $ had startled her when her eyes shot up to find mine. $ continued, needing her to understand how much she meant to me. 8And what the fuc" do you mean that you%re not sure you can deal with it< 2hat% s there to deal with< $ love you. $ want to be with you. $ need to be with you. 2e are only going to be a few hours from each other6 we will figure it out. But please don%t play these immature fuc"ing games li"e turning your phone off when you%re upset with meB: Neither of us said anything for several minutes. $ wasn%t sure if $ had pissed her off by raising my voice a bit, but shit, she needed to understand where $ was coming from. -inally, after what seemed li"e forever, she spo"e softly, 8$ wasn%t trying to play games, 3ason. $ was upset and thought it would be best if $ calmed down before $ ended up saying

something $ would regret later. $ didn%t mean to piss you off. $ #ust had a long day and $ was tired.: 'he lowered her eyes to her hands in her lap, and $ had a bad feeling that she wanted to say something else... something $ wasn%t going to li"e. 82hat is it, Angel<: $ as"ed apprehensively. 8$ saw Ash today,: she replied, refusing to loo" at me in the face. 'o much for my fuc"ing blood pressure. $ tensed up as my pulse s"yroc"eted and $ began boiling from the inside. 87e stopped by the shop. 7e had #ust come in for guitar strings6 he didn%t "now $ was there. 7e told me that he was sorry again and he told me that $ didn%t reali&e how much $ hurt him,: she rambled nervously. 8$t really got me thin"ing about how much hurt everyone felt bac" during that time, and $ decided that $%m tired of hating him. $ needed to forgive him because that%s the only way $ can move on from the whole ordeal. 'o, $ did. $ forgave him, and $%m ready to try and put all of that behind me.: 'he loo"ed up at me and $ could see the struggle in her eyes. $ "new that without her hate for him, all she was left with was love. Not really sure what to say in response, $ as"ed, 8'o now what<: $ studied her beautiful brown eyes, scared it would be the last time $ would see them. $ had this overwhelming fear she was about to tell me that we couldn%t be together. 8'o now we figure out how we are going to ma"e us wor". 3ason, this doesn%t change the fact $ want to be with you. ,ust because $ forgive him doesn%t mean that $ will ever forget what happened. $t doesn%t mean $ even li"e him6 $ #ust don%t need to waste any more energy hating him. !he entire situation was awful for everyone involved, you included, and it%s time to #ust let it be. $t%s the only way $ can move on.: 7er words were what my ears begged to hear, and $ did feel some sense of relief at them, but $ couldn%t help but be worried. Actually, worried wasn%t the right word6 scared shitless was a more accurate description. $ honestly wasn%t sure if our relationship could survive me in Austin with Bentley and her in 7ouston with Ash6 something or someone was bound to try and tear us apart, but $ wasn%t giving her up easily. !hings in my life were finally heading in the right direction ) my music career had never loo"ed more promising and $ had a girl that was #ust as beautiful inside as she was on the outside. $ could never be half the person she was, but she made me want to be the best $ could for her. And $ wasn%t about to let anyone ta"e her from me without a fight. $ needed to get her to move in with me in Austin, $ #ust didn%t "now how to as".

CHAPTER TEN ~ ROO" "ATES AND SOU% "ATES

"etter Together ~ Ja+% Johnson "irrors ~ D)stin Timber+a1e

Cra* ~ Dave "atthe$s 9an!

SCAR%ETT 3ason and $ didn%t finish tal"ing until after five in the morning, and $ had to wa"e up at eight for class. $ thought he handled the Ash conversation pretty well, but what he could he really say after what had happened with Bentley< 2e had some issues we needed to wor" through, but $ had faith that we could. *ompletely exhausted, we laid down in my bed, holding one another, for the few hours $ had left to sleep, which seemed to pass in ten minutes. After hitting the snoo&e button twice on the alarm, $ finally rolled myself out of bed and into the shower. 3ason was sitting up on the edge of my bed, dressed and ready to go, when $ came out of the bathroom. 2orrying his lip ring between his teeth and staring off into space, there was obviously something on his mind. $ padded across the bedroom with #ust a towel around me to my dresser to grab a clean bra and panties. 3y near na"ed body must%ve snapped him out of his deep thoughts because as $ leaned forward to grab my underclothes, he magically appeared behind me. Pressing me against the furniture with his muscular body, he bent down to "iss the bac" of my nec" and a moan escaped my lips. 85ou li"e that, Angel<: 7is voice was smooth and sultry. 83mm hmm.: $ closed my eyes and leaned my head bac" onto his chest. 8*ome bac" to my place today and $%ll spend all day ma"ing sure that you feel good6 you can miss one day of classes,: he proposed. 3y eyes shot open at his comment about ma"ing sure $ felt good and images of the previous night%s dream flashed in my mind. 8$ can%t miss, 3ase. 5ou "now that@: 7e continued "issing and nibbling on my nec" and shoulders, and het slowly began sliding the towel down my body until $ was standing na"ed in front of him. 8Please, Angel, we only have two wee"s before $ leave and $ want to spend every possible moment together.: 7is hands reached around to the front of me, each cupping a breast and stro"ing my nipples with his thumbs. 4nable to resist the pleasure he was offering, $ whimpered and arched my bac", pressing my chest further into his grasp and lifting my ass up against his evident erection. 83ove in with me,: he whispered, in between his tantali&ing "isses. At first $ wasn%t sure if $ heard him correctly, $ twisted my body around so that $

could loo" him in the face. 82hat did you say<: $ as"ed. 2rapping his arms around my waist, he leaned into me and rested his forehead on mine, his grey eyes cloudy with hunger, 83ove into my apartment here. 2e can be together for the next couple of wee"s, and then once $ move, $%ll still stay in 7ouston once or twice a wee", and you%ll be there. Plus you won%t need to pay for this place anymore6 $%m "eeping my place no matter what. $t #ust ma"es sense.: 8$ don%t "now, 3ase. Are you sure<: $ was torn between excitement and disappointment. At first $ thought he was as"ing me to move to Austin with him, which $ would%ve done in a heartbeat, but he obviously wasn%t ready for that level of commitment. 'till, the idea that he wanted me to live in his place locally thrilled me. 85es, $%m sure. $ would sleep better at night "nowing that you were here in my bed@ in our bed.: 7e slid his hands up my bac" and grabbed the bac" of my nec", threading his fingers in my hair. Not brea"ing our stare, he possessively placed his lips on mine, claiming me as his. 3y head was spinning with 8what ifs: and 8what abouts,: but between the loo" in his eye and the passion in his "iss, the decision was made for me. 81"ay,: $ whispered into his mouth. 7e pulled away from my mouth and loo"ed at me disbelievingly. 8/eally<: Pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth, $ nodded timidly, concerned that maybe he hadn%t been serious about the offer. 7owever, my fears were erased uic"ly when he returned his mouth to mine with fervor and his hands began roaming my up and down my bac". 80o you have any idea how fuc"ing hot you are li"e this, Angel<: 7e as"ed as our mouths bro"e apart. $ loo"ed down, reali&ing that $ was standing there na"ed, clinging to his fully clothed body. 'lightly embarrassed, $ moved bac" to my dresser for another attempt to grab my clothes. 8No, $%m not, and $ need to get ready for class. $%m going to be so late because of you,: $ playfully scolded him. 'omehow, between his pawing at me and "issing all over my body, $ managed to get dressed in my usual school attire ) an old concert t;shirt, #eans, and flip flops. $ grabbed a granola bar and an energy drin" for each of us from the "itchen as we made our way to the front door. $ wal"ed 3ason over to his motorcycle before heading off to campus. $ wasn%t sure if $ was supposed to bring up the me living at his place thing or wait for him to mention it, so $ #ust hugged and "issed him bye li"e $ normally did. 8$%ll see you tonight at the bar after $ meet 3ax,: $ said, confirming the day%s plans before wal"ing away. 85eah, $%m gonna get some sleep, wor" out, and then $%ll head up there around six. 2hen do you want to get your stuff<: 7e grabbed my belt loops and yan"ed me bac" to him, "issing my forehead. 8!his wee"end, we can hire movers to move your furniture and whatever else you don%t want to a storage unit. $f you want to start bringing some of your clothes tonight, we can get the rest over the next couple of days.: !he way he said we made my stomach somersault, and the reality that $ was actually moving into his apartment began setting in. 8!hat sounds good,: $ said, trying not to sound overly excited, as $ turned to wal" away. 8$%ll see you tonight then. 9ove you.: 8$ love you too, babe.: 7e called after me, and $ stopped dead in my trac"s. $ could

hear him laughing. 8Am $ ever going to get to call you Ababe<%: $ smiled to myself, shoo" my head, and "ept wal"ing. After my classes $ headed to the library to do research for an upcoming paper $ needed to wor" on. ,ust as $ was wal"ing through the large glass doors, 3ina was wal"ing out and we nearly collided with one another. 8'carlett, $%m so glad that $ saw you,: she said, giving me a big hug. 8$ was #ust about to call you with the rehearsal dinner info, in case $ forgot tonight.: *onfused, $ as"ed, 8!he rehearsal dinner< $ thought the rehearsal dinner was #ust for people in the wedding<: 82ell, it is, but@ you haven%t tal"ed to 3ax, have you<: 8No, $%m actually meeting him tonight for our wee"ly chocolate indulgence before heading up to Empty%s,: $ explained. 82hy< 2hat%s up<: 8$ thin" he%s going to as" you to be his guest at the dinner. 7e didn%t "now if /at would be in town for the wedding, and he figured that /at wouldn%t care if ya%ll came together. 5a "now, because he hasn%t as much as tal"ed to another female since@: 7er voice faded, unsure of the right words to say, as she loo"ed at the ground. $ wondered if tal"ing about Evie%s death would ever get easier for any of us. Brea"ing the aw"ward silence, $ said, 8$%ll see if he says something tonight. $f not, $ won%t say anything, but $%ll definitely come with him if he as"s. 3ase won%t mind at all. 7e "nows that $%ll do anything for 3ax and for you.: $ grabbed her hand and s uee&ed tightly. 'he smiled at me and hugged me uic"ly once more. 85ou%re awesome, 'carlett. $%ll see you later.: 8'ounds good. 'ee you tonight.: An hour later, my head was spinning with an overload of information on the string theory. !here were particle spectrums and theories of uantum gravity and super;symmetry partners and a bunch of other shit that didn%t ma"e any sense to me. $ wondered who in the world $ could get to tutor me for this, and immediately $ thought of Ash. 7e loved theoretical physics, and used to ma"e me watch an endless number of coma;inducing shows on the 'cience channel, claiming how incredibly interesting they were. $ didn%t get it then, and time hadn%t helped any, because it still read li"e a foreign language to me. 7owever, calling Ash wasn%t a viable option. -orgiven or not, we weren%t going to be study partners or anything else for that matter. 7e was now #ust a part of my past. 9ater that afternoon, $ called my mom to let her "now about my move. 3y relationship with my parents continued to improve6 however, it was still fragile. !hey didn%t trust my ability to ma"e mature decisions and the only thing $ could do to remedy the situation was to prove them wrong. $ "new they wouldn%t understand or approve of me moving into 3ason%s apartment. !hey had never met 3ason and $ had only mentioned him to them a few times, so dropping the 8hey, we are moving in together@ sorta,: wasn%t going to sit well. $ didn%t want to lie to her, so $ opted for the limited, vague information route and hoped a lot of uestions wouldn%t follow. 9uc"ily, she accepted the story that $ had a friend who had pre;paid for an apartment through the school year that had to move suddenly, so $ was as"ed to stay there and house sit. After hanging up with her, $ began folding my clothes up and pac"ing up bags. $ couldn%t believe that $ was actually moving into 3ason%s apartment ) s ueeBB. $ plugged my $pod in, and danced around my room and singing 8Better !ogether: along with ,ac"

,ohnson as $ continued to organi&e my things. Before $ "new it, $ loo"ed at the cloc" and saw it was time to meet 3ax. After $ loaded what $ could of my clothes and necessities into my car, $ wondered when or how $ should tell !essa about my moving out. !he girl was seriously never at our place, so other than the money part of it, $ couldn%t see that she would care much. $ left her a note to call me and loc"ed the door. $ had spent my last night in that apartment. PARTE 2 3ax was waiting for me at what had become 8our: table at !he *hocolate Bar. 7e already had my gluttonous treat and vanilla latte sitting in front of my chair when $ arrived. 87ey sweetheart, how was your day<: 7e stood up to hug and "iss me on the chee" when $ reached the table. 7e had a smile on his face and a spar"le in his eye that $ had only seen once or twice in the last couple of months. $ arched my eyebrow at him, 8/eally< 'weetheart< $f you are going to brea" my nic"name rule, at least come up with something original,: $ teased. 8And please nothing with wings@: 7e tossed his head bac" laughing, 80amn, if you didn%t li"e Asweetheart,% $ was going with Aflamingo.% 8-lamingo<B<: $ screeched. 82hy in the world would you call me flamingo< !hat%s hideousB: 7e was laughing so hard he could barely tal". 8Because you have s"inny legs and you%re always wearing pin".: $ loo"ed down at my shirt, and sure enough, it was pin". 0amn himB $ was more excited than usual for our tal" because so much had happened that $ needed to tell him about. 3ax was definitely the closest friend $ had6 he "new practically everything about me, and what he didn%t "now was #ust because we hadn%t covered that sub#ect yet. $ found it so easy to tal" to him, and even though $ "new how great of a guy he was when he and Evie were together, $ had really come to understand why Evie had fallen in love with him so uic"ly. 1nce we were settled and ready to overindulge in empty calories and self;gossip, $ blurted out, 8$ saw Ash. $ forgave him.: 3ax coc"ed his head and smir"ed. 8Not what $ was expecting from you today, but go ahead@ spill. 2here< 2hen< 7ow< 2hat happened<: $ proceeded to relive the previous day%s events to him from the butterfly landing on my leg to the time Ash left the music store. $ told him about how $ felt relieved but how $ couldn%t stop thin"ing about all of the good times that we had shared. 80o you believe in soul mates<: 7e as"ed, interrupting my rambling. $ sat silent for a few minutes as $ pondered his uestion. 8$%m not really sure,: $ began. 8$ have a lot of contradictory thoughts and feelings about it. $ believe that some people, for whatever reason, have an immediate attraction or connection with another person that%s physical, mental, and emotional, even though they don%t "now each other@ li"e on a different level. But $ also don%t thin" that .od would be so cruel to #ust ma"e one person on this planet that ma"es you feel li"e that. 2hat are the odds that everyone is going to run into their soul mate during their lifetime< 2ould he really want so many people to not have the opportunity to experience that "ind of love< 3aybe you have more than one soul mate. $ don%t "now@: 3y voice trailed off. $ loo"ed

into his pain;filled blue eyes and my heart bro"e for him. 8$ "now people thought that Evie and $ were cra&y with how fast things moved between the two of us,: he spo"e softly, loo"ing down at his fidgeting hands on the table. 8!hey thought we were young and #ust caught up in the passion and all that, but it was so much more. $t was li"e the moment we met, we had "nown each other forever. 'he really was my other half. $ don%t even "now how to explain it, but $ "new immediately.: 7e loo"ed bac" up with tears threatening. 8$ can only hope that your theory is right,: he continued. 8$ hope that there is someone else that can ma"e me feel the way she did, but $ highly doubt it. $%m afraid $ will never feel that way again.: 80on%t say that, 3ax. 5ou still have so much living to do6 you don%t "now who you are going to meet or what%s going to happen.: 8$%m not saying that $ will never fall in love again. $ believe that you can love multiple people in your lifetime@ even at the same time,: he coc"ed his eyebrow at me "nowingly. 8But $ thin" you have only one soul mate.: 7e reached his hands across the table and grabbed mine. 85ou said something today that made me reali&e something very important. !here are thousands of people, millions even, that never get the chance to meet their soul mate and experience the indescribable feelings of completeness and bliss that $ did, even if it was for a short time. $%ve been too busy focusing on the time that $ don%t get to spend with her rather than appreciating the time $ did have.: 7e smiled slightly. 8'he would want you to move on 3ax,: $ said nervously, unsure of how he would react to my words. 8'he would want you to love again.: 8$ "now. $ #ust feel guilty. $ feel li"e $%m cheating on her if $ even thin" of another girl li"e that,: he explained. 8$t is so overwhelming that $ don%t even bother. $%ve been on one date since she died, 'carlett, and it was awful. $ couldn%t get out of there fast enough. $ refused to touch her, "iss her@ nothing@ $ couldn%t.: 8!here%s no time table, ya "now< $t%s o"ay to still feel li"e that, but #ust "now that one day you will be ready to love again. And when that day comes, don%t be scared@ don%t hold bac". 5ou deserve to be happy.: $ s uee&ed his hand supportively. 80o you thin" Ash is your soul mate<: !he uestion caught me completely off; guard and $ #ust stared at him helplessly. !he loo" in my eye and failure to respond answered what we both probably already "new. 8'o why are you with 3ason<: he continued to prod. 8Because he%s good to me and he loves me and $ love him. 'ince the day we met he%s been there for me, and the day $ came bac", he welcomed me without reservation. $%m happy when $%m with him ) he ma"es me smile and laugh and thin" everything is going to be o"ay. 7e ma"es me feel li"e $%m the most important thing in the world@ that nothing comes before me. No matter what $ feel for Ash, $ can%t forget that he never made me first. 5our soul mate shouldn%t be your dirty little secret. $ didn%t deserve to be treated li"e that.: 85ou deserve to be treated li"e the incredibly beautiful person you are, 'carlett. Always.: 8$ thin" $ will be.: .rinning, $ told 3ax my other piece of news. 83ason as"ed me to move in to his apartment here in 7ouston, and $ said yes. $%m actually moving in tonight.: 3ax smiled bac" at me. 8$%m happy with whatever ma"es you happy, sweetheart. Now finish up your coffee so we can get you to your new place.:

"ASON !he two wee"s that 'carlett and $ had together at my apartment before $ left, $ spent showing her how great things would be if we lived together permanently. 0espite her protests, every morning when she showered and dressed for school, $ made her coffee and brea"fast. $ offered to ta"e her and pic" her up from her school each day, but she usually declined saying it wasn%t necessary. 1n nights we didn%t go to the bar, we would spend the evening coo"ing dinner together and watching movies. $ had never before thought about living with anyone. 'hit, $ had never wanted any girl to even come to my apartment, $ used the bed at the bar for that, but it was different with 'carlett. $n #ust a few months, she had me playing house li"e $ was 3r. -uc"ing /esponsibility... and the "ic"er was $ wanted to. $ assumed that the guys would give me hell about always being up her ass and not hanging out with them other than when we were practicing, but they stayed pretty uiet. $ thin" they all got it, plus they were excited about the move and living in Austin. !hey also didn%t mind that when $ was with 'carlett, $ didn%t stay out all night getting fuc"ed up and dragging my ass to practice the next day feeling li"e shit. 'he grounded me, made me focus, and inspired me to be a better person for her. 'o our living together in 7ouston was li"e a trial run ) if it went well, hopefully she would be open to moving to Austin. $ had decided that $ was going to go there on the first of the month and get settled in the apartment. 1nce $ figured out my routine with rehearsals and shows and shit, $ was going to as" her to move there and go to school at 4!. $t wasn%t /ice, but it was still a respectable school. $ felt much better "nowing that until then, she would be living in my apartment@ surrounded by my things@ sleeping in my bed.. our bed. $n the blin" of a fuc"ing eye, it was the day before $ was supposed to leave and $ thought $ was going to be sic" to my stomach. 2e had planned on spending the day at the house #ust relaxing and hanging out together, but the weight of the pending goodbye hung heavy in the air. 2e were tiptoeing around each other, neither of us wanting to actually tal" about it. Even though we both "new the day was coming, we had done a pretty good #ob of not thin"ing about it until then. After brea"fast, we sat side;by;side on the couch staring at the !C, but neither of us paid attention to what was on. !he thoughts were running so rapidly through our minds, $%m sure a bystander could have heard the brain activity #ust by being in the room. $ repositioned myself and reached my arm down to touch her leg and she #umped nearly two feet in the air. /eali&ing what she had done, she loo"ed up in my eyes and $ could see the worry on her face. 8$%m sorry, $ didn%t mean to pull away,: she apologi&ed sincerely. 8$%m #ust@: $ stood up abruptly and said, 8.et dressed and throw on some shoes. 9et%s get out of here.: 82hat< 2here are we going<: /eaching down and grabbing her hands, $ yan"ed her up off the couch and up against my body. $ wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned down to capture her soft lips in mine. .od, $ was really going to miss feeling her sexy ass body next to me every day. 8$%m not sure, but it%s a beautiful day outside, and we need some fresh air. 'o, go get ready.: $ playfully span"ed her ass as she turned around for the bedroom and $ sauntered after her to get dressed myself.

-ifteen minutes later, she was snugly pressed against my bac", arms loc"ed around my waist, and we were heading south on the interstate. 2e ended up down in .alveston, where we had lunch overloo"ing the water and wal"ing around the shops at !he 'trand. $ couldn%t stop loo"ing at her or touching her6 it was as if $ needed to fill up on her to get me through until the next time $ saw her. At sunset, we got bac" on the bi"e and headed bac" towards the city. $ wasn%t ready to return to the apartment. $ didn%t want to go to sleep. $ didn%t want to wa"e up the next day. $ #ust wasn%t ready to leave her uite yet. 4nfortunately, what $ wanted and was ready for, and what was happening in reality #ust didn%t match up in this fuc"ed up situation. $ thought of the perfect place to ta"e her as we rode bac", the place my grandfather used to ta"e me and 3arcus when we would stay over at their house. $ remembered the bac" roads well even though $ hadn%t driven them in years. 2e pulled up to the dead end road and $ "illed the engine. Neither of us moved off the bi"e. $ reveled in the feel of her tight little body still clinging to mine. 82here are we<: she whispered nervously. 85ou%ll see,: $ responded. 8.ive it #ust a minute.: 1n cue, $ spotted the lights headed in our direction. 89oo",: $ instructed her, pointing at the lights off in the distance. 80o you see them<: $ felt her nod her head against my bac" as she pea"ed over my shoulder to spot them. 8Actually, here, you sit in front of me so that you can see better,: $ said as $ climbed off to allow her to scoot up. $ too" my spot behind her and looped my arms around her waist. $ "issed the top of her head and inhaled her sweet scent. 7er eyes were loc"ed on the lights, wondering what was going to happen, but $ felt her pressing her body against mine trying to snuggle up. $ groaned aloud when she wiggled her ass against my growing coc", and she giggled. !he little vixen "new exactly what she was doing. 2e continued to trac" the lights in the s"y as they grew closer. As the plane made it%s final descent for landing, $ s uee&ed my arms around her tightly and leaned down to whisper in her ear. 8$ love you, 'carlett. Nothing will ever change that.:

CHAPTER E%E<EN ~ UNWANTED

-"eautiful ~ .ariah Care# / .iguel Da +i/ht ~ "aroon ;

SCAR%ETT $ was so glad that 3ason had forced me to leave the apartment and spend the day out with him. 2e were both miserable, loo"ing at the cloc" as we counted our last hours together. !he fresh air, delicious food, and mindless wandering were a great distraction from the impending separation, and it wasn%t until $ was snuggled up against him that night watching the planes ta"e off and land did the reality of him leaving the next day hit me. 'itting par"ed on the motorcycle, emotions raced through me ) fear, sadness, anger, love@ $ was an internal wrec". $ needed him to hold me and tell me he loved me, to tell me everything was going to be o"ay. $ wondered if $ should%ve #ust wal"ed away the moment $ found out he was moving6 if $ shouldn%t have allowed myself to become any more attached to him than $ had already become. $ shoo" my head slightly, forcing myself to bloc" out the doubts and uncertainties $ had about a long distance relationship wor"ing. 3ason tightened his arms around my waist #ust as a landing plane approached us, so low it loo"ed li"e it was going to land directly on top of us, and $ felt a surge of desire shoot through me. $ needed him immediately, needed him to claim me, to show me he wanted me as his. $ leaned my head bac" on his chest and wiggled my ass against his crotch. *huc"ling, he dropped his head to my nec" and brought his mouth #ust centimeters from my ear. 82hat do you thin" you are doing, Angel<: 'hivers ran down my spine all the way to my dampening core. Pressing against him again, $ closed my eyes and moaned ever;so;lightly. 8$ need you now.: 8Aw fuc",: he grumbled. 85ou%re gonna "ill me. 5ou "now that<: 7e dipped his head bac" to my nec", but this time he bit the s"in where my nec" and shoulder meet. $nstinctively, $ clenched my legs together and arched my bac", allowing lust to ta"e control. $ "new that 3ason felt the same overwhelming need to be inside of me because after gently "issing the sensitive area he had bitten, he wasted no time in yan"ing my t;shirt over my head. 7is hands uic"ly found my breasts, and he began teasing my nipples rubbing his thumbs bac" and forth until they pebbled and stuc" out the top of my white lace bra. /eaching behind me, my hand found the button on his #eans and $ hastily unfastened it. $ slipped my hand inside his boxers so that $ could feel his s"in against mine, and $ wrapped my fingers around his growing erection. 2ith my head still resting bac" against his shoulder, $ turned my face slightly to ta"e in his facial features for what felt li"e was the last time. 1ur eyes were loc"ed on one another and it was if we were trying to say everything we so desperately wanted to, but

were afraid to. 8Now,: $ whispered, and that was all the as"ing $ needed to do. 3ason%s hands traveled south down my body as he suc"ed, lic"ed, bit, and "issed all over my nec" and shoulders. 7is hands reached my thighs and he hi"ed up my loose cotton s"irt until it was around my waist. 80o exactly what $ tell you, understand Angel<: he as"ed "issing the side of my forehead. 'till unable to form a coherent response, $ simply nodded again. 89ean forward and put your hands on the handlebars,: he instructed. 0oing as $ was told, he reached down to my ass and grabbed my matching white thong, ripping it straight off my body. 7oly. -uc". $ heard him un&ip his #eans, tear open a foil pac"et, and then felt him read#ust his weight on the bi"e. $ was still leaning forward, grasping the bars for dear life, as $ anxiously anticipated the feel of 3ason buried inside me. $ should%ve been appalled at myself ) half; na"ed on a motorcycle out in the open about to have sex where anyone could drive up and see at any time, but in that moment all of the reasons why $ shouldn%t be doing any or all of those things, made the situation that much sexier. $ was dripping wet before his hand ever touched me, and when his fingers met my slic" heat, $ #ust about came apart right then. 8-uc",: he grunted. 85ou li"e being a naughty girl don%t you<: 83mm hmm@ for you 3ase@ anything,: were the only words $ managed to form in between my muffled whimpers as he spread my #uices all around my aching clit and swollen lips. 7e grabbed my hip bones with both hands and tilted my pelvis to where $ was practically lying flat on my stomach. 3oments later $ felt the tip of his coc" nudging against my throbbing sex. Expecting him to gradually wor" his way inside of me, $ screamed when he plunged deep inside of me with his first thrust. 'till holding my hips, he slowly pulled out about halfway before slamming inside me again. 9ost in the sheer ecstasy of it all, $ threw my head bac" and yelled, 81h my .odB: Bringing one hand up to the nape of my nec", he gathered my hair and wrapped it around his palm. 7e tugged gently on it at first causing my head to #er" bac" a bit, and $ suc"ed my bottom lip in between my teeth to "eep from shouting again. 'ensing how much $ en#oyed him being rough with me, he continued to thrust in and out of me while pulling my long loc"s and s uee&ing my hip. *onsumed in the passion and euphoria, neither of us said another word, our panting and sensual moans were the only audible sounds until we both reached our brea"ing point. $ attempted to stay uiet as my orgasm too" over my trembling body, but it was impossible. 83ason, oh please, yeessssB: $ cried out at the same time as $ felt his body tense up and sha"e as he emptied himself into me. Neither of us moved for several minutes as we allowed our heartbeats to return to a normal pace and we caught our breath. $ tried to wrap my head around what had #ust happened. 1ne minute we were watching planes and the next minute $ was sprawled out on a motorcycle being ta"en from behind. !he sex was so raw and hedonistic that $ felt li"e $ had been on a date with 0euce, my favorite motorcycle club boo" bad boy, himself. 'nic"ering to myself at the thought, $ closed my eyes and waited for him to move. 7e finally released his grip and slowly eased out, collapsing on top of me. 89ets go home and get some rest, Angel. $ love you,: he said as he "issed my chee" and sat up.

After we reorgani&ed ourselves and our clothes, we headed bac" to the apartment for the dreaded last night before he left. 2e showered together, neither of us wanting to be apart from the other, even for a few minutes. 2e spent the rest of the night holding one another, our limbs intertwined, ma"ing sweet love, but when the sun shone through the curtains in the early morning hours, a sic" feeling settled in my stomach and $ was scared again of being left alone. "ASON *ru& showed up at ten o%cloc" on the dot the following morning. 1f all fuc"ing times that he decided to be on time, this was the one instance $ wanted him to be late. 'carlett and $ were both exhausted from lac" of sleep, but $ didn%t want to waste any time with her. $ could sleep in Austin whenever $ wanted. 2e had eaten brea"fast in silence6 $ had #ust thought the day before was tough ) it was nothing compared to the day of the actual move. 2e pac"ed my bags into *ru&%s car and he too" off towards our new home, leaving me to say goodbye to my angel. 'tanding face to face in the living room, $ had no idea that leaving her would be so hard. 'eeing her sad brown eyes stare into mine only added to the pain $ already felt. $ "ept reminding myself that $ would be bac" in #ust a wee" to visit, and then once $ figured out what was happening with ,obu%s /um, $ would as" her to move in with me there. $ hoped $ didn%t go fuc"ing insane until then. Not wanting to prolong the inescapable, $ pulled her snugly against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her petite frame. $ "new she was trying to be strong for both herself and for me, which was #ust another reason $ loved her so fuc"ing much. 8$ will call you when $ get there. $ will be bac" next 'unday for a couple of nights, o"ay<: $ tried reassuring her. 82e will '"ype every day and you can text me anytime, for anything.: 81"ay,: she murmured into my chest. $ pulled bac" from her a bit so that $ could loo" at her beautiful face one last time before leaving. $ cupped my hands around her #awline and brushed my thumb over her lips. 9eaning down, $ gently placed a "iss on her full lips. 8.oodbye Angel, $ love you.: 8$ love you too, 3ase.: And with those final words, $ traipsed down the stairs and onto my bi"e and drove away from my reason to live. 9ife was really fuc"ing cruel sometimes.

CHAPTER TWE%<E ~ 8A%%IN' APART

I .iss You ~ In+ubus

One Wa or Another ~ Eate <oe/e+e

Some Ni/hts ~ 8)n

(o)0re the One ~ T rone We++s

SCAR%ETT (nowing that $ would need a distraction the day 3ason left, $ made plans with 3ina to have lunch and go shopping with her for her honeymoon wardrobe. $ didn%t want to wallow around the apartment alone and watching 3ina shop was always an entertaining adventure. As soon as $ could no longer see him driving off down the road, $ went bac" inside and #umped in the shower. $t was when the stinging hot water hit my face that $ finally allowed myself to cry. And did $ ever. $ stood there for at least ten minutes and #ust let it all out ) my tears flowed at an e uivalent rate as the overhead spray and my sobs echoed loudly in the walls of the shower. Eventually, my body relaxed, my breathing returned to normal, and $ was able to soap up and get out. $ threw on some #eans and a pin" t;shirt, slid my feet in my flip flops and went to the living room to wait for her. -ifteen minutes later, $ was wo"en up by the banging on the door and heard 3ina%s voice from the other side. 8'carlett< Are you in there<: $ #umped up and ran to let her in. 8'orry, hun, $ passed out on the couch,: $ explained as $ ushered her inside. 85ou loo" li"e shit. 5ou%re not going anywhere loo"ing li"e that,: she said as she hugged me and wal"ed into the apartment. 8$ don%t care what $ loo" li"e. $%m #ust going for the company.: 82ell $ care what you loo" li"e so my com+any will suc" if you loo" li"e that. 5our eyes are so swollen you loo" li"e you%ve been sitting around hitting the bong, now come on. At least put a little Cisine in and some lip gloss wouldn%t hurt either.: 8*an%t you show me a little sympathy< 3y boyfriend moved out of town today,: $ whined and made a pouty face.

8Nope. 5ou gotta learn to live on your own and $%m not gonna let you sit around and feel sorry for yourself. 5ou "new what you were getting into with him, you "new he was leaving. 5ou decided he was worth trying a long distance relationship with, so now put on your big girl panties and deal with it,: she scolded me. 8And get your ass ready, 3ax is meeting us at .igi%s at the .alleria in thirty minutes.: $ "new that everything she said was the truth, but "nowing and feeling were two very separate things. 7owever, finding that $ would get to see 3ax made me feel a little better, so $ threw on a little ma"eup and threw my hair into a messy -rench twist to appease 3ina and we left for the mall. 9unch with my two closest friends helped pull me out of my fun", and the delicious Asian;inspired plates that we all shared didn%t hurt either. 3ax left after we finished the meal, claiming that even though hours of shopping with us sounded tempting he really need to do some research for his thesis. Pulling me in for a hug before he headed to the par"ing garage, he whispered, 82hatever you need, whenever you need it, please call me. $ "now you feel alone right now, but you%re not. $%m always here, o"ay<: $ nodded and said, 81"ay, $ "now,: trying my best not to start crying again. $ "new he was #ust trying to be supportive, and $ was so than"ful that $ had people li"e him and 3ina to help me through the rough patches. 7e "issed both 3ina and me on the chee" before heading out the glass double doors, and the two of us girls headed for the clothing shops. !he first night sleeping in the bed alone was tough. 3ason and $ had '"yped while $ lay there until $ could no longer "eep my eyes open. 7e had given me a video tour of his apartment and then sang to me about how much he missed me. 2e promised to tal" the next morning and $ disconnected the call only to find myself suddenly wide awa"e. 7ours passed and $ #ust stared at the ceiling, my mind covering every topic from family to school to religion to 3ason. -inally around three or four in the morning, my body gave up and $ passed out from exhaustion. 3ason came home the following 'unday as promised and we nearly mauled each other before he could even get through the door. $ never reali&ed that you could have a physical dependence on another person, but my body literally ached for his touch, my lips longed for his "iss. 2e did not leave the bed the entire twenty four hours he was there except to shower ) we ate there, we tal"ed there, we watched !C there, and we thoroughly en#oyed each other%s bodies there. $ didn%t go to my 3onday classes even though finals were fast approaching, but $ didn%t care. !here was no way $ was missing any time that $ could spend with him. 2hen he left the second time, it was hard, but not nearly as bad as the first. $ "new that he loved me and that he would be bac" soon6 $ #ust had to "eep reminding myself of that when $ started to feel lonely. $ really had to buc"le down with my studies with less than a month left in the semester. Between school, wor", and spending time with 3ina and 3ax, $ "ept myself busy. $t was at night when $ was alone in the bed that $ was reminded of his absence. ,obu%s /um had hit the Austin music scene running. Bentley had apparently set them up to play in some of the bigger bars and they were received well and re uested often. !hey started boo"ing more and more shows which was great for 3ason and the guys, but meant that he wasn%t able to tal" at night nor was he able to come home to visit. 1ur phone

conversations had been moved to my lunch time, which was normally around the time that he was wa"ing up from being out late the night before. 2e never went a day without spea"ing but $ couldn%t help but feel li"e we were growing apart. 2e even missed one another over the !han"sgiving brea". $ had gone home to visit my family which was less than hour from 3ason%s apartment, but ,obu%s /um was playing the entire wee"end in 0allas. $ was anxiously awaiting the first wee"end of 0ecember, which was Noah and 3ina%s bachelor/ bachelorette parties, but more importantly mar"ed the end of finals wee". All of the guys were supposed to be coming home for the party, and they had given Bentley strict instructions not to schedule anything for them that entire wee"end. !hat -riday $ had my two final exams. $ had been a complete ball of stress due to the countless hours of reading, minimal sleep, and having not seen 3ason in nearly four wee"s. $ hated that we would be split up between guys and girls for most of the night, but the important thing to me was that he would be sleeping in bed with me that night. 2hen $ had finally turned in my last paper, $ stepped outside and grabbed my phone to chec" the time. At the sight of a missed call and voicemail from 3ason, my stomach dropped and $ immediately "new something wasn%t right. $ listened to his message which only confirmed my suspicions. 87ey Angel, $ "now that you%re probably in your finals but $ #ust wanted to let you "now that $%m not going to be able to ma"e it tonight. $ am soooo sorry, but we have an opportunity to play for the tour manager and record label for CanderBlue and we can%t pass this up. $f they li"e us, it could be life changing. $ am so sorry. $ will be home in the morning and will stay until 3onday morning. $ love you. *all me when you get this.: A combination of defeat, anger, disappointment, and loneliness washed over me. $ hurried to my car as the tears began splashing down my chee"s. $ #ust wanted to go home and curl up in bed. As $ approached my car, $ noticed a small pac"age slipped under one of my windshield wipers. 3omentarily forgetting about my devastation, $ grabbed the small s uare wrapped in brown pac"ing paper and bound with a rubber band. 8'carlett: was written across the front in a familiar handwriting. Not waiting to shuffle through all of the possibilities in my head, $ removed the wrapping to find a boo" ) ,onathan 9ivingston 'eagull by /ichard Bach. $nteresting. $ opened the inside cover to find the neatly handwritten words ,$ly with your own wings# -syche. !ou are stronger than you think. .here will be many trials and tribulations to +ass before being rewarded with your ambrosia.( $ slid down the side of my car and sat on the concrete and read those three sentences over and over. 2hat did he "now< 7ow did he "now< 2hy did reading his words after not spea"ing to or seeing him for months stir feelings inside of me that $ thought had been buried forever< 2hy did $ feel li"e everything was falling apart< /eluctantly, $ pulled myself off the ground, got into my car, and tossed the boo" onto the passenger seat. $ couldn%t even let my mind go there in that moment. !he first thing $ had to deal with was my non/relationship with 3ason. $ understood that the music was important and that he felt accountable to his friends, but $ was tired of playing second best. $ needed him to do something to show me that he wanted this to wor". 2ords could only go so far. 2hen $ got home, $ hit 3ason%s name on my call list and braced myself for what $ "new was going to be a tough conversation. 8Angel,: he answered.

87ey, $ got your message.: $ said flatly. 8$%m so sorry about this, 'carlett. 5ou "now $ wouldn%t do it unless it was /EA995 important.: Afraid $ would lose my nerve if $ waited any longer, $ unloaded on him. 82hen do $ become /EA995 important, 3ason< $ haven%t seen you in over a month. 5ou told me you would come home every wee" and $ have seen you once.: 8Angel, you "now that $ have to do these shows. /ight now it%s about getting us out there as much as possible. $ miss you li"e cra&y, there%s nothing $ want more than to come home to you, but when $ agreed to commit to this with these guys, $ didn%t "now...: 85eah, $ get that. $ "now $ wasn%t around, and $ really do understand, but it doesn%t change the fact that $ always come after them and the music, and $%m tired of never being first. $ don%t want to sound li"e a selfish brat, but it%s li"e you%re not even trying. 5ou do whatever your whore of a manger tells you to do, li"e her little puppet. $f you turned down one show would it be !7A! big of a deal in the grand scheme of things< No, it wouldn%t, but you%re too afraid of standing up to her for some reason, and $%m the one that gets to sit here alone. 5ou moved me into this apartment claiming it would be easier for us to be together the nights you stayed in 7ouston, but the problem is you%re NECE/ in 7ouston. $nstead $ get to loo" around this place and be reminded of you all the time and the fact that you%re not hereB 8 8Angel@: he tried to cut in. 8'top, let me finish. !his isn%t what $ signed up for, 3ason. $ love you and $ miss you and $ want to be with you, but this isn%t being with someone. 1ne five minute phone call a day isn%t a relationship. $ feel li"e you%re ready to move on with your life, and $ don%t blame you for that. $ "now you love your music and $ really hope that you become a huge success. But $ can%t help but feel li"e $ don%t fit into that future. 5ou%re there and going places6 $%m here and going to school.: 87ang on one sec, someone%s "noc"ing on the door,: he said. $ rolled my eyes and sighed. $ heard him answer the door and then several male voices in the bac"ground. 3ason then said to his friends, 8$%ll be right there@ yeah, $ "now@ $%ll meet you in the car in five.: 81"ay, sorry, that was *ru&. 7e%s ready to go.: 85eah, $ heard and please stop saying you%re sorry for everything. .od, it ma"es me feel awful that you%re always having to apologi&e to me,: $ said frustrated at the entire conversation. 89oo", go do what you%ve gotta do. 5ou%ve got people that need you. $ #ust want you to really thin" about what you want and where you see this going. $ can%t do this by myself and that%s what $ feel $%m doing right now. 'o let me "now what you want, but something%s gotta change, 3ase.: $ hung up the phone without saying anything else and before he could reply. !en seconds later it vibrated in my hand with a text. "ason >FAGGP"?A (o) .or/ot to sa I +ove o)2 "e >FAGFP"?A (o) 1no$ I +ove o)& b)t sometimes that0s not eno)/h2 "ason >FAF;P"?A Don0t be st)bborn2 I +ove o)2 $ decided to ta"e a nap before going to 3ina%s party. $ felt terrible, $ didn%t "now what to thin" about anything anymore, and $ #ust wanted to sleep and ma"e it all go away for a little while. $ didn%t thin" $ was being unreasonable to want to see him more than once

a month, to tal" to him for one short phone call each day, but $ also "new that $ was playing with fire by basically giving him an ultimatum ) change or else. $ laid my head down on the pillow and passed out within seconds. !he room was pitch blac" when $ wo"e up. $ loo"ed over to the alarm cloc" and saw that it was eight fifteen. 'hitB $ had slept way too longB $ sent 3ina a uic" text that $ was running a bit late and would meet her at nine thirty, and began getting ready. $ had never been to a bachelorette party before6 3ina was my only cra&y friend getting married at twenty. $ wasn%t sure uite what to wear, but $ "new that we were going to a dueling piano bar to begin the night. 3ina had told me that she had a fa"e $0 for me, and $ hoped that it wouldn%t be an issue. Nonetheless, $ opted to dress up uite a bit more than $ normally did, in hopes $ loo"ed a little older. An hour later, $ was dressed in a form fitting blac" sleeveless dress that hit mid; thigh with blac" strappy heels. !he dress was very plain in the front, but the bac" was absolutely stunning) completely fabric;less down to the small of my bac". $ applied my ma"eup heavier than $ usually wore it and styled my hair in an up;do with loose hanging tendrils to leave my bac" exposed. 9oo"ing in the mirror, $ hardly recogni&ed the young woman staring bac" at me. Evie would%ve been so proud at how $ loo"ed, but $ couldn%t help but wonder what she would thin" about everything else going on. $ hadn%t had time to mentally revisit my last conversation with 3ason since wa"ing up from my nap, and as the insecurities and uncertainties of where my life was going loomed over me, $ too" a deep breath and put up a mental bloc". $ didn%t have time to analy&e any of that. $ needed to go out and have a good time and ensure that 3ina had a memorable night. $ needed a brea" from thin"ing. PARTE 2 At a little after one in the morning, the limo pulled up to Empty%s and all of us girls spilled out, giggling and acting silly from way too much alcohol consumption. 2e had a blast at the piano bar singing and dancing, and had ended up spending the entire night there before coming to our home base. 2e were supposed to meet Noah and all of the guys from the bachelor party there for a night cap. As usual, the guys had claimed their normal table, each sitting in the same chair they always sat in. Even though $ "new they had seen us come in, $ #o"ingly snea"ed up behind 3ax and put my hands over his eyes and whispered, 8.uess who.: 87mmm. $ bet it%s someone that%s dressed in pin",: he #o"ed. 82rong. No pin" at all tonight,: $ said laughing as $ dropped my hands and allowed him to spin around and face me. 82owB 9oo" at you girls. $mpressive,: he complimented all of us standing around the table. 3ina was already in Noah%s lap lic"ing his nec" li"e a ravenous nymph. $ couldn%t help but chuc"le at the two of them. 3ax slung one arm around my shoulder and #oined me in laughing at the P0A clinic being put on by the engaged lovebirds. All of a sudden, my face got really flushed and $ felt a bit nauseous. Assuming it was the excessive amount of alcohol that had finally caught up with me, $ excused myself to the restroom to splash my face with water and cool off. 2hile $ was in the stall, $ chec"ed my phone to see that $ had missed a call and message from 3ason. $ felt bad for acting selfish and immature earlier in the day and wanted to tell him how much $ loved him and couldn%t wait to see him in the morning. 2ithout listening to the message, $ hit the 8call

bac": button on my phone and waited for him to answer 87ello<: a female voice said into the phone, and $ immediately "new who it was. 89et me tal" to 3ason, Bentley,: $ demanded. 87e%s in the shower right now. *an $ ta"e a message<: 'he as"ed in a fa"e ass sweet voice. 8/eally< 7e%s in the shower< 2here are y%all<: $ had only thought my face was flushed before. 'he was going to cause me to burst into flames $ was so hot. 82e are at his apartment. $s this 'carlett<: 85es, this is 'carlett. 2hy are you there and why is he in the shower<: Alcohol had pretty much erased any filters $ may have normally had when spea"ing to her. .iggling into the phone, she said, 82e have been celebrating ,obu%s /um invitation to go on tour with CanderBlue and things got a little out of control so he needed a shower.: 82ho%s all there< 9et me tal" to *ru& or 'ophie.: $ spat. 8$t%s #ust me and /at here, "ngel#( her voice morphed from sugary sweet to mega; bitch. 87e and $ had a long tal" tonight, and $ thin" it%s time you #ust flew on along to someone else. 7e%s gonna be gone for the next six months and doesn%t have time to babysit or worry about you anymore. 0on%t worry though, $%ll be sure to ta"e good care of him. $%ve had plenty of practice and "now #ust what he li"es.: ,ust then $ heard 3ason%s voice in the bac"ground call out, 8B< 2here are you< Bring me that towel right nowB: $n a whisper, she returned to the phone and said, 8.otta go, he%s ready for round two,: before hanging up on me. 'itting there staring at my phone, my body began to tremble with pure rage. $ could not believe the conversation that had #ust ta"en place. 7e didn%t even have the decency to tal" to me and tell me he didn%t want to do this anymore before hoo"ing up with her of all people. $ couldn%t believe that had #ust happened. 2hat was $ going to do< 2here was $ going to live< 7oly shit. $ didn%t "now what to do next, but $ "new that sitting in the bathroom stall alone wasn%t going to fix anything. $ decided that $ needed another drin", and $ would #ust deal with all of it later. $t was the only thing $ could thin" of to numb me to the overpowering despair that was slowly ta"ing over. $ re#oined the party out in the bar, trying to loo" li"e nothing had happened, that my life had not #ust changed with one phone call. 4nfortunately, 3ax "new something was wrong the moment he saw my face. 7e motioned for me to go #oin him and $ scurried over to his chair. 82hat%s wrong< 2hat happened<: he as"ed concerned. 8$ need a drin",: $ answered. 81", $%ll get you a drin", but what happened< 5ou were in such a good mood when you got here.: 8$t%s over between 3ason and me. 7e%s with Bentley again,: $ replied emotionless. 1peration shutdown was underway. 82hat do you mean<: he as"ed unbelievably. 8$ #ust got off the phone with Aem. ,obu%s /um is going on tour with CanderBlue and 3ason and Bentley got bac" together tonight,: $ answered. !urning around to loo" at him, $ pleaded with him, 8*an we get out of here< $ #ust want to get somewhere so that $ can drin" until $ pass out. $ #ust want to not thin" about anything for a while.: 2ithout saying another word, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the bar,

out the door, and put me in his car. 9uc"ily my car was already close to his place, since he lived at the same apartment complex as Noah and 3ina. 2e pulled into his par"ing spot after a short, silent road trip and $ followed him inside. 7e led me straight to the "itchen and grabbed two shot glasses from the cabinet. 8Are you sure you want to do this<: 7is piercing blue eyes had #ust as much pain in them as $ felt. 8Pour them,: $ responded. 7e grabbed a bottle of te uila out from the free&er and filled up each of the tiny glasses. 2e both grabbed one and held it out in the air to toast. 8!o forgetting it all@ at least for tonight,: he offered. 8!o forgetting it all,: $ repeated. 2e clin"ed our glasses together and tossed the potent li uid down the bac"s of our throats, slamming the empties to the bar. $ shuddered as $ felt the burn down my spine, but couldn%t help but smile a bit once it had settled. 3ax held up the bottle and as"ed, 8Another<: .reedy to further escape the sorrow and destruction $ felt, $ nodded yes. 'ix shots later for each of us, 3ax and $ had moved to the couch in his living room, #o"ing around, flipping through the channels. $ had stolen the remote from him when he had left it on a sports tal" show for entirely too long, and he lunged at me to try and get it bac". $ unsteadily #umped off the couch, #ust out of his reach and too" off running around his apartment trying to "eep it from him. 7e chased after me, and due to the lac" of places to run and my being way more than a little tipsy, he had me cornered uic"ly. 2e were both laughing so hard we could barely move, but instead of conceding defeat, $ made a final attempt to escape. As $ tried to run by him, he slung his arm around my waist and tac"led me into the couch. $ couldn%t stop giggling as he tried to wrestle the remote away out of my hands. 9ying flat on my bac" with him straddling my thighs, he tried to use his weight to hold me in place. *hanging his strategy, he began to tic"le me to see if $ would drop the treasured item, which $ did@ over the arm of the couch above my head. 85ou little bratB: he #o"ed. 7e stretched his body forward , hovering over mine, and reached over the furniture to grab the remote off of the floor. As he brought his arm bac" over and roc"ed his weight bac"wards, his body rubbed against mine and $ whimpered. 7is stormy eyes shot to mine and $ swallowed hard . 7e relaxed his body so that he was lying on top of me, but not crushing me with his weight. 1ur faces were mere inches from one another, and $ couldn%t do anything to control the pounding of my heart or the fluttering in my stomach. 7e leaned his forehead down so that it was touching mine. 8'carlett,: he breathed. 83ax,: $ whispered bac". $n the few silent moments that followed our names being spo"en, as we loo"ed helplessly lost in each other%s eyes, the thought crossed my mind that these drun"en te uila nights $ had read about over and over again never ended up good. But despite that "nowledge, when he brought his hand to my face and began brushing his thumb bac" and forth on my chee", $ closed my eyes and leaned my face into his touch. $ felt his coc" #er" against my thigh and $ muffled my moan. 89oo" at me 'carlett,: he said uietly. $ opened my eyes and loo"ed at his handsome face. 8$ wanna "iss you so fuc"ing bad right now,: he confessed. 7is words made me

clamp my legs together, trying to ignore the building ache. Allowing the te uila to bloc" out all the reasons why his idea was a really horrible one, and instead remembering what we had toasted to with our first shot of the night ) to forgetting it all, $ selfishly replied, 8!hen "iss me.: "ASON $ had been loo"ing forward to going home to see 'carlett since the minute $ had left her the last time. 9iving apart was fuc"ing "illing me6 $ had already decided when $ went bac" for the bachelor party wee"end, $ was going to as" her to move in with me since her semester was over. $ #ust couldn%t handle it anymore. 3y stress level when $ wasn%t with her was out of control, and $ had basically become a dic" to be around. $ was constantly struggling internally about the right thing to do by her or by the band, and "new that if she lived in Austin with me, $ could do both. $ hated the fact that $ wasn%t able to ma"e Noah%s bachelor party, but even more because it was one more night that $ spent away from Angel. $ had good intentions of going bac" to see her at least wee"ly, but our schedule had been so incredibly busy, that all $ did was eat, sing, and sleep. 7owever, $ "new when Bentley had told me who was going to be at the show and why we had to play, that there was no option. $ had called the guys and told them about the delay and we got our asses ready as soon as possible. !he afternoon phone conversation with 'carlett had gone less than ideal. $ "new she was frustrated with how the first month had gone, shit, so was $, but $ had no idea she was as pissed as she was. 7ow could she even thin" that $ didn%t see her as a part of my future< 0id she even listen to me when $ tal"ed to her sometimes< $ "new that $ #ust needed to get through this performance and then $ could get home to her to tal", and possibly fuc", some sense into her. $ didn%t want to be without her for another day. (nowing what was at sta"e in that one performance ) the opportunity to open for a chart;topping band, $ felt nerves in my stomach for the first time in years before grabbing the microphone. $ "new halfway through our first song that we were on and sounded good, $ only hoped the people who mattered agreed. 2e waited in a bac" room for Bentley after our set, not sure if we would find out the decision immediately. After what seemed li"e hours, she wal"ed in with a huge smile on her face and told us to pac" out bags because we were going on a long road trip. Elated does not even begin to describe the overwhelming feeling of #oy that $ experienced when $ heard the words come out of her mouth. After we all congratulated one another, $ couldn%t wait to call 'carlett and tell her the good news, even though $ "new she was out with 3ina and the girls. $ hoped she%d at least have a chance to chec" her messages at some point. 7earing her voice on the greeting brought a smile to my face and $ left her a short message. 87ey 'carlett, please give me a call when you get a chance. $%ve got something important $ want to tell you.: $ headed bac" to my apartment to get a good night%s rest before ma"ing the drive the following morning. $ had #ust gotten settled and was about to #ump in the shower when $ heard a "noc" on the door. Assuming it was one of my band mates, $ opened the door with #ust a towel wrapped around me to see Bentley standing there in a nearly sheer night gown. 7er eyes roaming up and down my body, she as"ed, 80o you have any mil" $ can borrow<: she purred. 83il"< /eally< At nearly two o cloc" in the fuc"ing morning, you need mil"<: 7er

attempts to get me to sleep with her were borderline pathetic, and $ was getting tired of telling her to leave me alone. $t also pissed me off that she as"ed for mil" because that made me thin" of 'carlett and her mil" obsession, and $ remembered that it was Bentley%s fault $ hadn%t seen her in over a month. Pushing her way past me in to my place, 8.od, you don%t have to be such an asshole. -ine, $%ll leave you alone. 5ou got all fuc"ing boring anyways. 2hat did she do to you< 'uc" all of the fun out< 5ou don%t drin", smo"e, go out@ nothing anymore. 2hat "ind of roc" star are you supposed to be<: $gnoring all of her ridiculous uestions, $ replied, 87elp yourself to what you need from the "itchen, $%m getting in the shower. 9oc" the door on your way out please.: 2hen $ got out of the shower $ noticed that the towel $ had out was missing. !hat fuc"ing bitch. $ yelled out, 8B< 2here are you< Bring me that towel right nowB: $ climbed bac" into the shower to be hidden from her and a minute or so later she sauntered in with my towel across her arm. 81h come on /at, its not li"e $ haven%t seen you na"ed before. 5ou are pathetic.: 8-uc" you, Bentley. ,ust do your #ob and leave me alone. .et out of my apartment li"e $ already told you to do.: !hirty minutes and a beer later $ had calmed down from the B incident, but was concerned that 'carlett still hadn%t called or texted bac" since my last message. .oing on tour changed things uite a bit, but that didn%t change the fact $ wanted her with me all the time. $ hoped she was ready to visit a lot of new places. 3y biggest concern was her ta"ing time off for school, but an opportunity to travel li"e that was once in a life time and $ hoped she be up for the adventure. *rashing in my bed for what $ hoped was the last time alone, $ fell asleep thin"ing about my angel curled up in my arms.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN ~ 9AD DECISIONS

Collide ~ Dish alla 'one 'one 'one ~ Phi++ip Phi++ips

Scene T$oA Ro/er Rabit ~ S+eepin/ With Sirens

Whatever It Ta1es ~ %i.eho)se

SCAR%ETT 3ax%s lips crashed onto mine as we became a needy, voracious mess of mouths and hands and limbs. 2e pulled and tugged at each other%s clothes as we "issed, suc"ed, and bit each other li"e wild animals. 3oments later we were both stripped na"ed and $ was lying underneath him, reveling in the feel of his s"in against mine. 1ver the next twenty minutes, our actions were completely thoughtless. $ was (iera, he was (ellan, and all thoughts of 0enny or 3ason or anyone else were totally buried under the alcohol, and the combination of our need to feel wanted and our want to feel needed. 2e groped and caressed one another until neither of us could resist the desire to be intimately connected. 2ith our bodies glistening in sweat, our labored breaths gasping for air, and our intoxicated minds lost a million miles away6 3ax positioned himself between my legs and buried himself inside of me in one swift thrust. 2e both screamed out at his initial entrance as my body stretched to accommodate him. After pulling out slightly, he plunged bac" inside of me, and several stro"es of his hips later, he had established a steady rhythm. 2e were lost in the madness of the entire experience, eyes closed, forgetting it all. As $ felt my climax building, $ wrapped my legs around his hips, holding his body close to mine. 7e buried his face into my nec" and my fingers ran through his hair, tugging gently. 81h my .od, 'am, you feel ama&ing,: he growled into my ear. $ fro&e instantly at his use of Evie%s nic"name for me. 3y eyes flew open, and $ saw his e ually;panic"ed face staring bac" at me. Neither of us said a word or moved an inch for a few moments. $ sobered up immediately, suddenly aware of my surroundings and the happenings of the previous day and night. 8$%ve gotta get out of here,: $ whispered.

7e nodded, and $ could see the guilt wash over his face. 8$%m sorry,: was the only thing he said before rolling off of me and disappearing into the bathroom. $ scurried up off of the couch and put my clothes on as fast as possible. $ rushed across the par"ing lot to the safety of my car. $ was definitely going to be sic", and $ only hoped $ could ma"e it home first. $t was then that $ reali&ed that $ didn%t have a home anymore. $ obviously couldn%t live at 3ason%s place. 1h@ 3ason. !hin"ing his name made my heart and my head hurt. 2hat had happened since $ last tal"ed with him on the phone< $ couldn%t believe that he would #ust ma"e the decision to go ahead and move forward with his life li"e $ suggested without telling me. $ should%ve demanded to tal" to him, to ma"e him tell me that he didn%t want to be with me, but hearing her voice in my drun"en state, #ust ripped my heart out. Not only did he want to move on, but he had already gone bac" to her. $ felt stupid and humiliated. And then more drin"ing@ more bad decisions@ 3ax. $ couldn%t allow myself to start to thin" about what had #ust happened. $ drove to my soon;to;be old apartment #ust in time to lose the contents of my stomach in the toilet. After several minutes of alternating between actual vomiting and the #ust;as;awful dry heaving, $ cleaned my mouth out and began moving in auto;pilot mode. $ began throwing my things in bags, grabbing only what $ needed. !a"ing one last loo" around before leaving 3ason%s place for the final time, $ began to cry. 7ard. $ flew down the stairs, retreating to my car once again, threw my bags in the bac", and collapsed into the driver%s seat. $%m not sure how long $ sat there and cried, but $ could see the s"y begin to lighten as the sunrise teased the hori&on. 3y brain was moving so fast that $ couldn%t focus on any one thing. 3y heart was beating so hard in my chest $ was afraid $ was having a heart attac". $ had millions of uestions and no answers. $ was completely alone@ li"e only one other time in my life. 'obbing uncontrollably, $ reached across the passenger seat to the storage compartment to get some tissues, when $ saw the boo" sitting there. 2ith everything that had happened in the day, $ had completely forgotten about the pac"age Ash had left on my car. -orgetting my original ob#ective, $ pic"ed it up and opened it to read the message he had written inside. ,$ly with your own wings# -syche. !ou are stronger than you think. .here will be many trials and tribulations to +ass before being rewarded with your ambrosia.( $%m not sure why or how or what or anything else about that moment, but instantly $ "new what $ needed to do. $ grabbed my phone and made the call. 87ello<: 7e answered sleepily. 8$ need you.: ASH 3y phone ringing before the sun came up was never a good thing, especially on a 'aturday. $t usually meant someone was in #ail or in the hospital, neither of which $ felt li"e dealing with@ at any time really. $ reached over and grabbed it off the bedside table and answered without even loo"ing at the caller $06 $ was putting ten to one odds that it was my dad. 87ello<: 8$ need you.: 7earing 'carlett%s voice on the other side of the phone, $ shot up in bed and was

instantly awa"e and alert. 8'carlett< 2hat%s wrong<: $ as"ed, my heart pounding as $ was both excited to hear from her and fearful that something was seriously wrong. 8$ don%t even "now where to start,: she began, sniffling in between words. (nowing someone had made her that upset, that she was crying and most li"ely alone at a ridiculous hour, filled my body with rage. $ was gonna "ill whoever did this to her. 82here are you< $%m coming to get you.: $ was out of bed, throwing on my #eans and t;shirt as $ spo"e. $ needed to get to her as uic"ly as possible. 8No, you don%t need to do that. $ can meet you somewhere. $ #ust need@ $ don%t "now what $ need@ $%m a mess,: she said as she bro"e down again. 8'carlett, $%m coming to get you right fuc"ing now. 5ou aren%t driving anywhere in that condition. 2here are you<: $ demanded. 8$%m in my car at 3ason%s apartment. !he address is @: $ tuned her out at that point. $ "new the fuc"ing address. $ had made sure she got home safely from wor" enough times over the last month to "now where the .od damn apartment was. Ever since he had moved away and she was living alone, $ had ta"en it upon myself to ma"e sure that she made it home safely on the nights she wor"ed late. (nowing she was driving home alone close to midnight scared me and $ wasn%t about to let anything happen to her. 9ess than ten minutes later $ pulled up in front of her par"ed car and saw her sitting inside. !he entire drive over was a blur, $ was completely focused on my final destination. $ didn%t even turn the engine off in my car6 $ #umped out and approached the driver side door. 'he loo"ed up at me through the window with puffy, red eyes and mascara;strea"ed tear lines down her chee"s. $ opened the car door and didn%t wait for her to say a word. $ scooped her up out of the seat into my arms, and cradled her to my chest. 8$t%s o"ay, Butterfly. $%ve got you now. $t%s gonna be alright.: $ whispered into her hair as $ wal"ed her to my car and set her on the passenger seat. 80o have anything you need to bring with you< 2e will get your car later.: 8$ have my bags in the bac" seat,: she mumbled. $ hurried bac" to her car and grabbed the three large bags, loaded them into my trun", and slid into my seat. 9oo"ing over at her, $ didn%t want to push her to tell me what was going on, but $ wanted her to get cleaned up and comfortable. -rom the loo"s of her, she hadn%t showered or slept from the night before. 8$s it o"ay if $ ta"e you bac" to my house< $ thin" you need a shower, a meal, and a nap and then we can figure out what%s going on.: $ truly expected her to tell me no, to give me reasons why she shouldn%t or couldn%t, but instead she #ust nodded. 'he was completely defeated, and my heart bro"e for her. No matter what her and my relationship status was, her happiness was paramount. $ would do anything to ensure that she was content and completely en#oying life, as hard as that was for me sometimes. PARTE 2 ,ust before the sun finally became fully visible, we arrived at my house, and $ loo"ed over to tell her that $ would get her inside, to find her passed out against the window. $ scurried over to the opposite side of the car, lifted her up, and carried her inside. 1f course ,ess was leaving for her morning run at the same time that $ wal"ed through the

living room with 'carlett. 82hat in the world are you doing up<: 'he stopped mid;stride on her way to the "itchen when she noticed who $ was holding. 'he loo"ed up at me and smiled, "nowingly and sympathetically. 8Be careful, Ash. $ "now how you feel about her, but $ don%t want you getting hurt either.: 'he s uee&ed my arm as she wal"ed past me, resuming her mission to fill her water bottle. $ continued down the hall to my room, where $ laid 'carlett on my bed. After retrieving her bags from my car, $ tried to nudge her to get her stir, but she wasn%t reacting whatsoever so $ decided to #ust let her sleep. 'he could shower and eat once she rested some. Not "nowing what to do with myself at that point, since $ was wide awa"e and dying inside to "now what had happened to her, $ got out my s"etch pad and began to draw the face that graced my dreams on a regular basis. !he face that $ was searching for before $ even "new $ was loo"ing. !he face that was sleeping in my bed at that moment. !he last face $ wanted to see every night before going to sleep, and the first face $ wanted to see every morning. A couple of hours and six drawings later, she rolled over and attempted to open her eyes. 'hutting them uic"ly and hiding her face into my pillow, she groaned. 84gghhh@ turn the lights off please. 3y head is pounding.: 4nsure of how much she would remember or what "ind of mood to expect her in, $ approached the bed and gingerly sat down next to her. 8!he lights are off 'carlett. $t%s #ust the daylight outside,: $ said softly. 'he tilted her head enough that one eye pea"ed out at me. 8$%m so sorry $ bothered you. $ will get myself together and get bac" to my car and be on my way.: 7er voice was still sha"y and scratchy. 8'top. ,ust stop,: $ wasn%t going to let her run from me again. 85ou are gonna get up and ta"e a shower while $ ma"e you something to eat. 5ou don%t have to tell me right now what happened, but $ "now something did otherwise you wouldn%t have pac"ed up all your shit from that fuc"er%s apartment and called me crying in the middle of the night. Now $%ve left you some pills for your head and a glass of water on the table. 5our bags are on the chair over there but if you need anything of mine, you "now where it is. $ haven%t changed anything.: $ got up and went to the "itchen, hoping she would listen. $ needed to tal" to ,ess and 3eg as well to let them "now $ was going to tell 'carlett she could stay as long as she wanted. $ would sleep on the couch or whatever, but $ was going to be there for her this time. $ had sworn to myself $ would never let her down again, and this was my chance to show her. What the fuck had ha++ened0 ,ess and 3eg were both sitting at the "itchen table as $ emerged from the hall, and they aw"wardly stopped tal"ing as soon as they saw me. $ rolled my eyes at their obviousness. 8*ome on, out with it,: $ said as $ began getting out ingredients from the refrigerator. 82hat are y%all whispering about< 2hat story have you come up with< A*ause $%m curious as hell too.: 'etting the food down on the countertop, $ loo"ed up at their faces and smir"ed. ,ust as ,ess was about to say something, $ heard my bedroom door open and close followed by the bathroom door and $ smiled at the small victory. 'he was at least going to stay long enough to shower and eat.

82hat happened< 7ow did it happen<: 3eg as"ed. 85eah, why were you carrying her in, passed out, at six o%cloc" this morning< 2here did you get her<: ,ess added. $ continued wor"ing in the "itchen, throwing together a grilled ham and cheese with some soup, as they peppered me with uestions $ didn%t have many answers for. 8'he called me early this morning and said she needed me, she was in her car at her and /at%s apartment with her shit pac"ed up, and from the smell of her she had uite a bit to drin". 'o $ brought her bac" here. 'he passed out in the car and she%s been out cold up until about ten minutes ago.: $ loo"ed up at them and shrugged. 8!hat%s all $ got. $%ll do whatever she needs me to do.: 89i"e $ said this morning Ash, be careful,: ,ess warned. 8$ don%t want you getting your hope up for something that%s not gonna happen.: 8$ want her to be happy and healthy, ,ess. !hat%s it. $f $ can help her be one or both, $ will do everything $ can to do #ust that. 82ell, $ li"e her and want her to stay, so $%ll help "eep her here Ash,: 3eg chimed in, as she folded her long, dangly legs underneath her. 8,ust tell me what to do.: 8!han" you, 3eg, $ appreciate the offer, but $%m not loo"ing for a hostage or "idnapping scenario here. 2e don%t have to "eep her here, but $ want her to feel welcome for as long as she needs to stay.: $ finished up the food #ust as $ heard the shower turn off. 8$%ll "eep y%all updated if $ find out any more.: $ turned my focus to ,ess and pleaded with her, 85ou "now what%s coming up on !uesday. $ don%t thin" this is related, but when that happens, $%m scared $%m gonna lose her again. -orever. Please.: $ "new she couldn%t tell me no when she "new what this meant to me. $ also "new that it was hard for ,ess to see 'carlett because she reminded her of Evie. $t had gotten easier for her as she had gotten used to seeing her at Empty%s over the last four months. $ had stopped going after she and $ had our discussion in the par"ing lot. $ didn%t want to see her there with him, $ was glad to hear that she had seemed to be happy, but $ didn%t need it thrown in my face either. ,ess and 3eg would tell me when they saw her, and that was good enough for me. 85ou don%t fuc" this up either, you got it<: she replied. 85eah, $ got it,: $ said, chuc"ling. !here was no way in hell $ was gonna fuc" this up. $ put the dishes on a food tray and too" it bac" to my room6 $ assumed that 'carlett wasn%t going to be in the mood for sociali&ing uite yet. 'he was sitting in the middle of the bed staring off into space when $ wal"ed in carrying the tray. $ didn%t li"e the empty loo" on her face one bit. 87ere you go, Butterf;.: $ stopped myself before completing the word. 8$ brought you some food. 0o you feel better after your shower<: 8!he bed,: she responded, still not loo"ing at me. 87uh<: !urning her head and loc"ing her big sad brown eyes on mine, she said, 8!he bed. 5ou said nothing had changed, but this is a different bed.: 85eah, $ got a new bed a while bac".: $ hoped she would not as" anything else about the bed. $ scooted the tray in front of her. 82anna watch !C or something while you eat<: 8*an you play me something< $ thin" $ need music therapy right now.: A half;smile played on her lips as she too" the first bite of sandwich. 83mmm@ $ was so hungry.: 8.ood. 5ou loo" li"e you need to eat.: $ grabbed my acoustic and sat down on the

chair. 82hat "ind of music therapy do we need<: 8'omething chill@ nothing too sappy,: she said in between bites. 82hy did you get a new bed<: $gnoring her uestion, $ began playing for her, loving the smile spreading across her face. 7oping the lyrics of the 'leeping 2ith 'irens song $ had recently learned would inspire her to not only open up to me, but to remind her that she had ultimate control of her life. !he last thing $ meant to do was to ma"e her cry, but when $ loo"ed up after the last chord, the tears were pouring down her face. $ uic"ly set the guitar down and went to her side on the bed, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close to my chest. 8$t%s gonna be o"ay, 'carlett. $ promise, it%s gonna be o"ay.: $ attempted to soothe her. 8$ don%t "now what $%m doing Ash. Everything that $ believed about my life yesterday morning is no longer true. $ no longer have a boyfriend, a best friend, or a place to live. $ "now damn well that $%m to blame for all of it@ $ #ust don%t "now what to do about it. $ don%t "now where to even start,: she confessed. 8$%m #ust so tired of everything. $ wanted to leave town last night so fuc"ing bad. $ #ust wanted to drive away@ #ust li"e last time shit happened, but $ didn%t. N1111@ instead $ stayed and involved you in my mess. $%m really sorry.: 80on%t say you%re sorry again. $%m serious; that%s enough. $%m glad you called me and didn%t leave.: $ rested my chin on the top of her head as $ s uee&ed her tighter. 81"ay, what%s first< A place to live< 5ou can stay here as long as you need to. $ will sleep on the couch to ma"e you more comfortable. 2hat%s next< 0o you have any finals left<: 'he shoo" her head, 8No, $ #ust finished yesterday. $ #ust have 3ina and Noah%s wedding next 'aturday.: 8'o you don%t have anything between now + then<: $ as"ed, the wheels in my head were wor"ing in overdrive. 8No.: 80o you want to go to *alifornia to my sister%s house #ust to get away from all of this for a few days< .ive you a chance to thin" about things clearly.: $ offered. 'he pulled away from my grasp and stared up into my face. 8Are you serious<: 80ead,: $ replied, uic"ly losing myself in the closeness of her. 82hen<: 8!oday.: 89et%s go,: she agreed. 9ess than an hour later we were both dressed, pac"ed, and on our way to the airport.

CHAPTER 8OURTEEN ~

Do n ~ Jason Wal%er Who0s 'oin/ Home With (o) Toni/ht ~ Trapt

SCAR%ETT 2hen Ash as"ed me if $ wanted to go to *alifornia to get away from everything for a few days, the idea sounded perfect. $ didn%t want to face anyone, $ didn%t want to have the conversations that needed to be had, $ #ust wanted to run as far away from it all as possible. 7owever as $ sat in the terminal of the airport, $ began to have second thoughts about my hasty decision. $ had pretty much been silent for the entire day since we had left Ash%s house. 7e had ta"en care of everything at tic"eting and chec";in, only as"ing for my driver%s license on several occasions. $ followed him around li"e a lost puppy, which wasn%t too far from how $ felt. 3y life was in shambles and $ was putting my trust in the one person that $ "new could drag me down even further. 'ounded li"e a brilliant plan. 80o you want to tal" about it anymore<: Ash as"ed sincerely as he turned to face me in the uncomfortable blue chairs that we waited in. $ continued to stare straight ahead out the window at the planes ta"ing off and landing. 3y thoughts drifted off to the memory of 3ason%s last night in 7ouston when we had sat on his motorcycle doing the same thing. 2ell, we did more than #ust sit, but nonetheless, the planes made me thin" of how happy we were together that night and how $ had really thought we had a chance to ma"e it wor". $f $%d had any tears left, $ definitely would%ve been crying, but instead $ #ust sat there expressionless. 82henever you%re ready 'carlett,: he said with a small smile. 8No rush.: $ tilted my head slightly so that our eyes met and my stomach tightened. 1nce he "new what $ had done with 3ax, he would lose all respect for me, and $ didn%t even want to thin" about how ,ess or Evie%s parents were going to react. $ was reali&ing that with one drun"en bad decision, $ had pretty much alienated myself from the ma#ority of the people in my life who cared about me. $ wasn%t even sure if $ would be welcome at 3ina%s wedding the next wee"end. 3ax was one of Noah%s groomsmen, and $ honestly had no idea where in the world we stood at that moment. 82hy are you helping me<: $ as"ed him. 8$ consider you my friend, 'carlett. $ help my friends when they need me.: Ash shrugged and loo"ed away. 8'o any friend that you had in need of help, you would ta"e to your sister%s house across the country<: $ coc"ed my head, almost daring him to answer affirmatively. 7is blue eyes snapped bac" to mine and without him saying a word, $ "new. $

needed him to say it though. 85ou "now it%s different,: he said softly. 8!ou1re different. And $ let you down once6 $ won%t do it again.: /eaching his hand out towards me, he pushed my hair out of my face and tuc"ed it behind my ear. As his fingertips lightly brushed my s"in, a tingling sensation ran down the length of my body and $ shivered in response. 7e uic"ly pulled his hand away and turned his attention bac" to the window. 'aved by the announcement that it was time to board, we both uic"ly grabbed our carry;ons and eagerly stood up to get in line. After we were settled in our seats, the flight attendants did their spiel about what to do in the event of an emergency. $ tuned them out as $ always did ) if the roof flew off the damn thing or the plane landed in the ocean, $ #ust accepted that $ was a goner. 2hen they made their final announcement to turn off cell phones, $ leaned down to ma"e sure that mine was off but couldn%t find it. $ actually had no idea where it was, $ didn%t remember seeing it after calling Ash for help. 80o you "now where my phone is<: $ as"ed as $ searched through my purse. 85eah, it%s at my house,: he answered. 82e are going to get you away from everything, you don%t need it.: $ stopped digging and loo"ed up at him. 8But what about my parents< 1r 3ina< 1r @: 8$ called your parents and 3ina and 3ax and told them all that you were safe. $ told them that $ was going to ta"e you away for a few days to help you get through everything.: 7earing him say 3ax%s name made me cringe. $ wanted to as" about his specific reaction to the call without seeming suspicious, but $ was more worried about what he had told everyone else. 8!hrough everything< 2hat the hell did you tell them<: $ hissed. 7e winced at my tone. 8$ thin" everyone is a little worried about you with !uesday coming and all. $ didn%t say anything about /at or whatever happened, but even though they didn%t as", $%m sure they were wondering why $ called. $ #ust figured you could tell them when you were ready.: 8!uesday< 2hat are you tal"ing about<: $ didn%t even bother rac"ing my brain to figure out what he was referring to. 7e gave me an odd loo" and coc"ed his head to the side. 84mmm@ the one year anniversary of@: 81h my .od,: $ murmured as his voice trailed off. $ hadn%t even reali&ed what the date was on !uesday. $ had been so wrapped up in me, $ hadn%t even thought about the anniversary of Evie%s death. $ mean $ "new when it was, $ #ust hadn%t even thought that far in advance. $ was so disgusted with my self;centered behavior6 $ really thought $ was going to be sic". At that moment the plane began to ta"e off down the runway and $ pulled my "nees to my chest, burying my face in my hands. $ felt Ash move the arm rest between us and move closer to me. 7e wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into his chest. /oc"ing me soothingly as the plane ascended into the air, $ drifted off to sleep as he held me tightly. 7ours later $ wo"e up as the plane touched down on the landing strip at 9AH, still cuddled up to Ash%s body. $t had been so long since $ had been that close to him, but his smell was still so familiar and it inexplicably put me at ease. $ tried to sit up to get my things together, but he tightened his arms around me.

87ow are you feeling<: he as"ed. 8$%m o"ay@ $ #ust don%t "now what the hell $%m doing,: $ confessed. 7e "issed the top of my head. 82e are gonna fix you Butterfly. 2hatever it is@ we are gonna get you flying again.: $ wished $ could believe him. $ really did. 4nfortunately, $ didn%t even "now where to begin. After getting our luggage from baggage claim, we went to meet Ash%s sister in the pic";up area. $ really had no idea what to expect when meeting her, but what $ wasn%t expecting was a female version of him. 2hen $ saw her standing across the room, $ "new it was her immediately. 2hen she noticed us wal"ing towards her, her face lit up and she began waving at us. 1nce we reached her, Ash immediately pic"ed her up in a bear hug and swung her around. $ couldn%t help but smile at their obvious love for one another. !here was no doubt they were siblings with the same dirty blonde hair, facial bone structure, and stri"ing blue eyes. Even though $ "new she was closer to thirty, she could%ve easily passed for twenty, and her body would%ve made models everywhere #ealous. 'omething about her loo"ed so familiar but $ assumed it was because she loo"ed so much li"e him. 8*rys, $ would li"e you to meet 'carlett,: he said as he set her down on the ground, and turned his attention towards me. $ smiled and stuc" my hand out in greeting, but instead she threw her arms around me . 8'carlettB $%m so happy to finally meet you, well officially anyway,: she said cheerfully. 8$%m *rystal, but $ guess you already "new that.: $ was confused by what she meant about 8officially: but didn%t want to as", so $ #ust smiled and replied, 8$t%s so nice to meet you too. !han" you so much for having us on such short notice.: 81f course. Ash is welcome at my house anytime6 he practically lives here when he isn%t in school anyway. And any friend of Ash%s, is a friend of ours.: 'he uic"ly loo"ed over at him and lifted her eyebrows before grabbing my elbow and pulling me towards the door. 8*ome on, let%s get home. 2ill is grilling stea"s and the boys can%t wait to meet you.: $ loo"ed bac" at Ash, and he had a silly grin on his face and chuc"led. 81h $ bet they can%t. !hey are gonna be all over you. !hey love pretty girls@ 4ncle Ash has taught them right.: $ #o"ingly rolled my eyes at him and allowed *rys to lead me to the car. About an hour later we pulled up to the modest two story house, and before we even pulled into the driveway, two little blonde boys came bounding out the door, with whom $ assumed was *rys% husband, 2ill, chasing after them. Not waiting for the car to stop, Ash #umped out of the car and went running towards them, pic"ing them both up, one under each arm, and too" off across the yard. 7is sister started laughing and sha"ing her head as she got out of the car. 8'ometimes $ thin" all men get mentally stuc" at the age of six.: $ shyly stood next to the car, not really "nowing what $ was supposed to do. 2ill met his wife with a "iss and then wal"ed over to me. 85ou must be 'carlett,: he greeted me with a hug. 82elcome to our house, please ma"e yourself at home.: 0amn if he wasn%t a blonde hottie as well. !his was the nicest, best loo"ing family $ had ever been around. $ turned to get my bags from the bac" of the car, but *rys grabbed my arm again and led me toward the house. 8!he boys will get the bags. *ome inside and relax, let me

show you around.: PARTE 2 After the full tour of the house, she and $ went to the "itchen to ma"e drin"s as the guys finally made their way inside. !he little boys came bounding into the room, both red;faced and sweaty. 81scar and Evan come meet 'carlett,: *rys said as she grabbed a couple of beers out of the refrigerator. $ bent down to be eye level with them as they approached me. 87i boys,: $ smiled at their adorable faces. 87i 3iss 'carlett. $%m 1scar. $%m six,: the older of the two boys said. Evan, the younger of the two, bashfully stood behind his big brother. 8$t%s very nice to meet you 1scar. And you too Evan,: $ said as $ reached around and lightly tic"led the toddler. 83ommy says we need to be really nice to you Acause you%re special to 4ncle Ash,: 1scar said proudly. 8Boys get out of here,: she tried to cut him off. 8.o outside with 0addy.: 2e both pretended that he didn%t say anything and she handed me two beers. 81ne for you and Ash, $%ve got ours. 9et me grab these appeti&ers, and we will head outside as well.: !he rest of the evening was very en#oyable. !he weather was perfect for outside dining. !he guys grilled, *rys and $ tal"ed li"e old friends, and the boys played on their play set. -or a little while $ completely forgot about everything that had happened in the previous couple of days and was able to relax. 5ou could tell immediately that *rys and 2ill were ama&ing parents. Everything they tal"ed about revolved around the "ids, and they were attentive to their needs but not overbearing. 7owever, $ was not prepared to see how ama&ing Ash was with the boys. !hey obviously admired their uncle and wanted to do everything li"e him. At one point he was chasing them around the yard, and $ hadn%t even reali&ed $ was staring at him, but he stopped mid;#og and turned and loo"ed at me. 7e smir"ed as if he had caught me doing something, and $ rolled my eyes and stood up to get another beer. $ heard him laughing as $ wal"ed away and couldn%t help but smile myself. No one had discussed sleeping arrangements before we headed in for the night. $ had noticed during the tour that there was only one guest bedroom, but was more than o"ay with sleeping on a couch. After all, this family had ta"en me same day notice6 $ almost couldn%t believe $ was even there. 8Ash, will you show 'carlett where everything is in the bathroom and bedroom upstairs< $%m gonna bathe the boys in my room,: *rys said as she finished rinsing the dishes and loading them in the dishwasher. 2ill was trying to corral 1scar and Evan into the master bedroom downstairs. 85eah, $ thin" we are gonna shower and get some sleep. 2e%re two hours ahead sis.: 7e "issed her chee" and then faced me. 85ou ready<: $ nodded and than"ed her again for having me before following Ash up the stairs. Both of our bags were in the guest bedroom, but before $ could as", he said, 8$%m gonna sleep on the couch in the game room but "eep my stuff in here. 5ou can shower first,

o"ay<: 85ou don%t have to do that, Ash. $ can sleep out there,: $ offered, opening my bag to get my pa#amas and toiletries out. 8'carlett, don%t@: 7e grabbed my shoulders and made me loo" him in the face. 85ou%re sleeping in here. $ want you as comfortable as possible so you can get some rest. Now go ta"e a shower. Everything you need is in the cabinet in the bathroom.: 'tanding there, staring into his captivating eyes, a wave of desire passed over me. 0esire for him to hold me, "iss me, tell me everything was going to be o"ay. $ was pretty sure he felt something too but all of a sudden, he spun me around to face the door and said, 85ou. 'hower. Now.: $ too" a uic" shower and got dressed for bed so that Ash could do the same. $ made my way bac" to the guest room and slipped into the cool, crisp sheets. !he last thing $ remembered before passing out was the opening and closing of the bathroom door. At some point in the middle of the night, $ wo"e myself up crying from an awful nightmare where Evie "ept appearing and telling me she "new what $ had done. 2ithin seconds, the door opened and Ash came directly to the bed. 2ithout waiting for me to say anything, he lay down in the bed and scooped me into his arms. 8$t%s o"ay, Butterfly. $%m here. $t%s gonna be o"ay,: he whispered into my hair as he rubbed my bac". After a few minutes, $ had calmed down and my breathing had returned to normal. 8'orry,: $ said softly. 8'top. 0on%t apologi&e. 5ou haven%t done anything.: $ didn%t say anything for a few minutes, thin"ing about how wrong he was. $ figured there was never going to be a good time to tell him, so as we lay there in the dar", $ blurted out, 8$ had sex with 3ax.: "ASON !he morning after we had been offered the spot on the tour, $ was on cloud nine. !hings could not be going better for ,obu%s /um and $ was headed west to see my Angel. 1ur sexy conversations on '"ype were no longer helping with the distance, it was #ust ma"ing me want her more and become more frustrated. $ expected her to still be asleep when $ got to the apartment a little before ten since she had been out late the night before. Muietly letting myself in, $ planned on #oining her in the bed, but as soon as $ wal"ed through the door, something felt off. 9oo"ing around the living room and "itchen, everything loo"ed normal so $ continued bac" to the bedroom. !he sight of the empty bed made my stomach drop, and $ hoped that she had #ust stayed out with 3ina because she had dran" too much. $ wal"ed to the closet to ta"e my shoes off before calling her when $ noticed that all of her clothes were gone. 8-444***((((BBB: $ screamed at the empty rods. 2hat the fuc" had happened< $ immediately grabbed my phone and dialed her number. Not surprising, her voicemail pic"ed up before it ever rang. 8'carlett<B< 2here are you< 2hat happened< *all me bac" nowB: $ screamed before hanging up. $ waited about thirty seconds before calling her bac" and getting the same result. 'he obviously didn%t have her phone on and $ was about to lose my mind. 3y thoughts were racing. $t #ust didn%t add up. $ needed to tal" to someone that could give me some "ind

of answers so $ called 3ina. 87ello<: she answered, obviously still asleep. 8$s 'carlett with you< 2hat happened< 2hy did she ta"e her things<: $ peppered the uestions at her. 8No, 'carlett is not with me, and what do you mean she too" her things<: 7er voice filled with concern. 8$ don%t "nowB $ #ust got home, and she%s not here and neither are her clothesB 2hat the fuc" happened last night, 3ina<B<: 8$ don%t "now, /at, and don%t yell at meB 'he was fine the last time $ saw her. 2e went to Empty%s at the end of the night, and 3ax was ma"ing sure she got home o"ay. $ haven%t tal"ed to her since, but now $%m up and worried.: 8-uc"ing shitB $ am so pissed offB $%m gonna try and call 3ax6 you "eep trying 'carlett and let me "now if you get a hold of her.: $ hung up the phone and dialed 3ax%s number. 7e didn%t answer and $ assumed he was probably passed out from the bachelor party festivities. 7owever, $ really fuc"ing needed to tal" to him. $ headed out the door to my bi"e, $ was going to get some answers and fix whatever had happened with 'carlett. 'everal hours later $ was about to lose my mind. $ still hadn%t heard from 'carlett, 3ax was 3.$.A., and $ had a sin"ing feeling that the two were related. $ was sitting on my couch staring at a blan" television screen, contemplating every possible explanation for her leaving, when 3ina called. 87ello<: $ answered eagerly, hoping she had heard something. 87ave you tal"ed to her<: 8Not exactly,: she responded. 82hat do you mean<: 89oo" /at, $%m #ust gonna be honest with you. $ don%t "now what happened, $ haven%t tal"ed to her, but Ash called to let me "now that he had her. 7e said she%s pretty messed up.: 85ou%re fuc"ing "idding meB Please tell me you%re "idding meB: 2hy in the hell was she with him< !his was so much worse than $ had originally thought. 2hat had happened< -ury pumped through my veins6 $ was going to "ill that fuc"er. 8$%m going to get herB: $ was already up grabbing my "ey before $ even had the sentence out. 8$%m not "idding and you can%t go get her. !hey%re not here.: $ fro&e. 82hat do you mean they%re not here< 27E/E !7E -4*( A/E !7E5<B< : 8$ don%t "now. 7e #ust said he was ta"ing her away for a few days and that he would call me tomorrow. $ also found 3ax, he%s at his parents.: 89et me "now as soon as you hear from themB -uc"B: $ said before hanging up the phone. $ don%t thin" $ had ever been so mad in my life. !here weren%t words that could express the rage pulsating through my veins. $ didn%t "now what to do with myself, my mind was a fuc"ing mess. $ "new $ didn%t want to be in that apartment that reminded me of her every placed $ loo"ed. $ #umped up and headed down the stairs to my bi"e. $ wanted to get as far away from 7ouston as $ could. $ needed to get fuc"ed up to the point $ was numb and didn%t care about anything. $ made one last call before going bac" to Austin. 8.et something together for tonight, $%m on my way and $%m ready to play roc" star,: was all $ said when she answered.

CHAPTER 8I8TEEN ~ RE<E%ATIONS

"elief ~ Ga,in DeGra C+arit ~ He!!

9+)rre! %ines ~ Robin Thic1e >.eat2 T2I2 : Phare++?

SCAR%ETT $ honestly wasn%t sure what reaction $ expected from Ash when $ told him about 3ax. -or a split second, his body stiffened and his hand stopped rubbing my bac", but #ust as uic"ly as he fro&e, he resumed his comforting of me, and actually pulled me tighter to his body. 8$t%s o"ay, 'carlett. $t%s gonna be o"ay,: he reassured me as he "issed the top of my head. $ didn%t offer any other information and he didn%t as". $ must%ve fallen bac" asleep shortly thereafter because the next thing $ remembered was wa"ing up to the sun shining brightly through the window. $ groaned and went to roll over only to find my legs completely tangled in Ash%s and his arms still tightly around my waist. $ was torn between wanting to stay exactly where $ was and rising to face the reality that waited for me. (nowing that $ really needed to get up and ma"e some phone calls, $ managed to slip out of his grasp without wa"ing him up. $ made my way to the bathroom to get ready for the day and downstairs to try and find a phone that $ could use. *rys was standing in the "itchen when $ wal"ed in, fighting with the coffee ma"er. 8.ood morning,: $ greeted her. 'pinning around flustered, she smiled at me. 83orning, 'carlett. 0id you sleep o"ay<: 85es, $ slept #ust fine, than" you,: $ replied. 82ant to #oin me for a cup of coffee before 2ill and the boys get up< !his is my thirty minutes of peace that $ get each morning, so $ normally sit out on the bac" porch and

en#oy a little fresh air.: $ #oined her at the counter to add the embarrassing amounts of cream and sugar that $ fancied in my coffee and then followed her to the chairs on the bac" porch. !he weather was much cooler than $ had expected, and $ tuc"ed my legs up under my t;shirt as we sat there en#oying the silence that the early morning offered. 85ou%ve let your hair grow out,: *rys said after several minutes. $nstinctively putting my hands in my hair when she made the comment, $ loo"ed at her uestioningly. 85eah, $ have. 7ow did you "now<: 82ell it%s uite a bit longer from the first time $ saw you, even in #ust a couple of months...: 82ait, when have you seen me before<: $ interrupted. 8!he night you came bac" to 7ouston. $ was at the bar with Ash. $t was the day that we helped my mom move into her new place, and we had gone out for a few beers and so that we could relax after the emotionally draining day,: she answered. !hin"ing bac" to the night $ had returned #ust a few months prior, $ uic"ly replayed the events of that night, and reali&ed that the girl that Ash had greeted off stage wasn%t #ust another one of his blondes, it was *rys. 8Ahhh@ yeah@: $ could only assume that she probably wasn%t the biggest fan of mine after that first impression. 'he laughed at my lac" of words. 8$t%s o"ay 'carlett. $ didn%t li"e you so much that night, but $ get it. 5ou were doing what you thought was the right thing for you at the time. $ can%t fault that.: $ simply nodded and gave her a small smile. 85eah@ too bad $ was wrong,: $ muttered. ,ust then, Ash came wal"ing out the -rench doors to #oin us, still in his pa#ama pants and his hair a ruffled mess. 82hat are you two tal"ing about out here<: 82e were discussing the national debt bro. 2e%ve #ust about got it figured out ,: *rys answered sarcastically as she stood up. 8$%ll grab you a cup of coffee.: Ash sat down in her chair as she disappeared bac" into the house. $ was scared to loo" him in the eye after my revelation the previous night. $ fully expected him to be completely disgusted with me after having time to thin" about what $ had done. 8Butterfly, #ust stop with all of the cra&y thoughts running through your head right now. As much as what you said last night brea"s my heart, $ #ust want to help build you bac" up, not tear you down any further,: he said softly as he loo"ed in my direction. 3eeting his ga&e with mine, $ smiled mee"ly. 8$ don%t even "now where to start. $ #ust feel empty inside. $ don%t "now where to go@ who to tal" to@ $ was gonna call 3ina and my mom but then $ remembered $ don%t even "now their numbers.: 8'carlett, stop. ,ust relax. 5ou will figure it all out, you #ust need to ta"e a step bac",: he said #ust as his sister re#oined us. 'he handed him a cup of coffee and sat down in one of the other patio chairs. !urning to her, he continued, 8*rys, $ thin" we are gonna go out for a drive today. $ want to ta"e 'carlett to see the canyon and then we%ll probably head to the beach. 5ou mind if we ta"e the ,eep<: 8No, of course not. $t%s in the garage. $ thin" we are staying here for the day, 2ill has several items on his 8honey;do: list to chec" off,: she said laughing. 83a"e sure you both ta"e a #ac"et, the wind off the water is pretty chilly.: 81". 2e%ll leave here in #ust a bit. $%d li"e to beat the car clubs out so we aren%t stuc" in a bunch of traffic on P*7,: he replied and then loo"ed at me and as"ed, 8$s that

good with you<: $ nodded as $ too" the last drin" of my coffee, 8$%m ready when you are. $ #ust need to grab my hoodie and tennis shoes.: Ash stood up, ta"ing his cup with him, and said, 8.ive me ten.: 7e disappeared bac" into the house as both *rys and $ both watched him wal" away. $ stood up to follow but before $ got to the door, she spo"e. 8'carlett, $ hope that you figure out whatever it is that you%ve got going on. $ "now the last year hasn%t been easy on you, but it hasn%t been easy on him either. 5ou are both very vulnerable right now. 5ou can help each other, but you can also destroy each other. Be careful.: $ didn%t turn around to respond as the tears pooled in my eyes. $ simply nodded and continued wal"ing into the house. -orgetting my woes for a moment, my heart bro"e for him as $ wondered what had happened in their family in the last year. 'he had mentioned earlier that she had been in 7ouston to help their mom get her own place, so $ assumed his parents had gotten divorced, but wondered if there was more to the story. /egaining my composure, $ rinsed out my mug and went upstairs to grab my things for the day trip. Ash was coming out of the room #ust as $ hit the landing, and $ couldn%t help but be reminded of how good;loo"ing he was. 7e flashed me his beautiful smile and my stomach fluttered despite the fact $ tried hard to be immune to his charm. 83eet ya downstairs Butterfly,: he said as he passed by me. $ uic"ly found what $ needed in my suitcase and #oined him in the "itchen several minutes later. 7e had "eys in hand, ready to go, so $ followed him out the bac" door, off to hopefully find some clarity. ASH 7earing 'carlett say that she had sex with 3ax literally stole the breath from my lungs. !hat was definitely not anything close to what $ was expecting her to say. $ had assumed that her #ac" ass boyfriend had cheated on her, which $ figured was only a matter of time once he had moved away. But to hear those words come out of her mouth@ it was #ust fuc"ing awful@ for everyone involved. $ tried to put aside my personal feelings of disappointment and anger6 no guy ever wants to hear that the girl he%s in love with fuc"ed someone else. Period. And $ didn%t really give a shit that she had cheated on 3ason, but with 3ax< $ didn%t "now the guy all that well, but the few times $ had met him he seemed li"e a pretty cool cat. $ couldn%t even begin to imagine how he felt when Evie died or how he had managed over the last year. 'urely the anniversary of her death was weighing heavy on him, and he was probably desperate to feel loved and wanted. But 'carlett@ my poor Butterfly@ what was she thin"ing< 2hat had happened< $ wanted to as" her so badly, but $ didn%t want to pressure her and push her away. $ could only imagine the personal torture she was putting herself through. $ had caught her a few times at dinner the night before, relaxing and letting go for a bit as she #o"ed around with my sister%s family, but then a pained expression would steal her smile and $ "new she was thin"ing about whatever was troubling her. $ #ust had no idea what it was exactly. $ hoped a day out driving and some fresh *alifornia air would at least help her forget for a little bit. $ "new $ needed it as well because $ had been tense as fuc" since she had called. 2hen $ had left the boo" and note on her car, $ really hadn%t expected to hear from her. $ had thought with the whole Evie one year thing that she would probably be

struggling, and that boo" had helped me find solace and support during the rough family times $ had gone through recently. But to hear from her that very night, and then less than twenty four hours later, to have her at my sister%s house on the 2est *oast, was #ust pure cra&iness. $ wasn%t sure what it all meant, or if it would lead to anything at all, $ #ust "new that $ had to ta"e advantage of the time $ had with her. $ had laid out my feelings for her that day in the music shop, she "new where $ stood, and $ wasn%t going to push her on that. 'he needed an escape, she needed someone to tal" to that wouldn%t #udge her, she needed a true friend@ and $ had vowed to myself the day $ hurt her, that $ would be there if she ever needed me again. After we were both settled in the ,eep, $ turned to her and cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to loo" me in the eye. 8$%m not gonna pretend that $%m happy about what you told me, but $ want to try and understand why you did it. $%m not gonna #udge you cause .od "nows that $%ve made some pretty awful decisions, but maybe if you told me the whole story, $ could give you some helpful insight or advice. 5ou don%t have to, but $ #ust thin" it might help you feel better to get it off your chest.: 'he sighed and closed her eyes, clearly in agony over the whole thing. $ "issed her forehead and released her chee"s from my grasp. 82henever you%re ready Butterfly.: $ started the engine, bac"ed out of the driveway, and headed to 3alibu *anyon. Neither of us said anything for the first twenty minutes of the drive, but it was a comfortable silence. 2e #ust listened to the radio, $ sang along to the songs that $ "new, and she watched the scenery passing out of the window. 2hen the latest /obin !hic"e hit, 2lurred 3ines, came on, $ naturally sang along with the catchy lyrics and even started dancing in my seat a little bit. $ saw her try to snea" a pee" at me out of her sunglasses and hide the smile threatening her lips. 'eeing her face light up fueled the obnoxiousness of my performance, so $ went all out as $ sang the song for her. A few seconds later she gave in and turned to watch me ma"e a fool out of myself. $ had pretended not to notice that she was paying attention, "eeping my focus forward as $ bopped up and down in my seat singing as loud as $ could. At the part where he says, 85ou the hottest bitch in this place,: $ abruptly turned to her and yelled it with a ridiculous loo" on my face. 'he couldn%t hold it in any longer, she fell over laughing. $ tried to continue on, but couldn%t help but #oin her in hysterics after as"ing her 82hat rhymes with hug me<: $t wasn%t until the song was over that we were both able to sit upright and breathe normally without crac"ing up again. $ loo"ed over at her with a forced serious face and she nodded bac" at me with a similar expression, ac"nowledging that we were over it. 85ou "now that doesn%t ma"e sense<: she blurted out. 8-uc" me doesn%t even rhyme with hug me.: !hat was all it too" to get us going again. 2e spent the rest of the trip laughing and coming up with phrases that rhymed with hug me. 'eeing her content and carefree during those moments filled my heart with #oy. !hat was the 'carlett that $ had missed, the 'carlett that $ wanted bac". 2hen we got to one of the top loo"out points, $ pulled the #eep over and par"ed it so we could get out and wal" out to see the Pacific 1cean. 9uc"ily, there wasn%t any fog that early in the morning, and we had a clear view of the beach and water. 2e stood side by side, soa"ing in the beauty of the landscape. 8$t ma"es me feel so small,: she whispered. $nstinctively, $ wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to me. $

had an overwhelming need to ta"e care of her that surprised even me sometimes. 82hy do you say that<: 8Because it%s so big@ $t #ust reminds me of how insignificant my little self is on this big planet. !here%s billions of people that live here, each of them has their own problems, their own worries.: 'he leaned her head against my shoulder and continued, 8'ometimes $ get so caught up in myself and what%s going on with me, that $ forget the big picture. 5ou "now that until you said something, $ hadn%t even reali&ed that !uesday is the one year for Evie. $ mean how could $ not even have reali&ed that< 2hat "ind of person have $ become< $ fuc"ing slept with the love of her life less than a wee" before thatB: 'he twisted out of my grasp as her voice continued to get louder and louder throughout her rant. 8'carlett, we all get lost in ourselves, stop beating yourself up,: $ tried to reason with her. 80id you fuc" your best friend%s@.: she stopped mid;thought and snorted. 8Never mind, $%m as"ing the wrong person when it%s appropriate to fuc" other people.: 'he turned around and began to stomp towards the car. 8!hat%s fairB: $ yelled at her and she stopped wal"ing but "ept her bac" to me. 8$ "now $ fuc"ed up 'carlett, and if you want to tal" about it, $%m more than happy to. $%ve had to live with the guilt and hurt for the last year too, and $ thought we had gotten all of our feelings about this out, but if you want to revisit it, we can. $ don%t thin" that%s gonna ma"e you feel any better about the situation you%re in right now though. $%m here to try to help you in any way possible because $ love you and it "ills me to see you in pain. All $ want for you is to find happiness, even if it costs me mine.: 'lowly she began to turn around, and $ prepared myself for her to lash out once she was facing me, but instead she wal"ed up to me and looped her arms around my nec" in a tight hug. $ wrapped my arms around her waist and pic"ed her up off the ground, holding her against me securely. 89et%s go sit on the beach and $%ll tell you everything,: she whispered.

CHAPTER SI=TEEN ~ RECONNECTIN'

Come &ndone ~ .# Dar%est Da#s Co++i!e >Aco)stic <ersion? ~ Ho$ie Da

Nothin/ ~ The Script

SCAR%ETT !elling Ash everything from the first time $ met Bentley up until the time $ called him to come and get me was li"e lifting a huge weight off of my shoulders. $ didn%t feel any better about the situation or my decisions, but $ felt so relieved to have #ust told someone about it. 7e sat loo"ing at the waves crashing on the shore and listened to the entire story without saying a word, so when $ finished, $ had no idea what to expect him to say. 8Butterfly, how do you view yourself<: 82hat do you mean< About what $%ve done<: $ as"ed disgusted. 8No, in general, you as a person,: he answered as he twisted to face me. 82ho are you< 2hat do you want in life< 2hat ma"es you happy<: 8$ don%t "now@: As $ thought about the uestions, $ reali&ed that $ really didn%t have a good response. 83usic ma"es me happy. -riends ma"e me happy.: $ loo"ed down at the sand where $ had been nervously tracing designs with my fingers and toes. 8'and ma"es me happy,: $ #o"ed trying to lighten the conversation. 7e sat loo"ing as if he was contemplating a serious thought. 82ell, than you should be ,immy Buffet when you grow up,: he said unable to "eep a straight face. 8'hut upB AssB: $ laughed as $ pushed him in the shoulder ma"ing him lose his balance and fall into the sand. 7e sat up and acted li"e he was going to do the same to me but instead grabbed my elbow and pulled me closer to him. Being around him #ust for the previous two days had me remembering how much $ had missed the time we had spent hanging out together. 8'eriously, 'carlett. 5ou really need to figure out the answers to those uestions. $%ve had to do a lot of growing up over the last year, and $ reali&ed that $ had to focus on living my life the way $ wanted to. !hat doesn%t necessarily mean you have to be selfish, but you can%t let others dictate your happiness. 9i"e Aristotle said A7appiness depends on ourselves.%: 85ou%re always so philosophical,: $ whined. 8$t what happens when you study it in school,: he retorted #o"ingly. 83aybe you

should listen to some of it though, most people thin" those guys were pretty smart for a reason.: 85eah, yeah. $ "now. $%ve gotta figure out what in the world $%m gonna do. $ need to tal" to 3ason, 3ax, 3ina, everybody really. !here%s not much $ can resolve until $ do that. $ learned that months after Evie died and $ ran away. $ wished so badly that $ had at least said goodbye to all of you. $ wished that $ had given you a chance to say whatever you wanted to say. And $ felt so guilty about giving 3ase my virginity and then disappearing on him@: !he words came out of my mouth before $ even reali&ed it. 82hat did you #ust say<: Ash interrupted. 7is face was stone cold serious. 82hat do you mean<: $ s uea"ed. 85ou #ust said that you slept with 3ason and then disappeared on him< 'o the night that you came to my house, you gave him your virginity< -uc" 'carlett, please tell me you didn%t #ust say that.: Not sure how to respond, $ #ust sat there uietly. 7e ran his fingers through his hair while sha"ing his head bac" and forth. 8After you came to my house, you went over there, didn%t you<B<: !he anger was evident in his voice. 8!ell me the truth 'carlett.: 85es.: 8-uuccc"""BB: 7e growled. $ could see his #aw grinding bac" and forth so $ reached up and gently placed my palm on his chee". 7e stopped immediately, closed his eyes, and too" a deep breath. 7e turned his face into my hand, "issing my palm. 8$%m so sorry Butterfly.: 8$ "now. 3e too.: 2e spent another thirty minutes or so at the beach, but didn%t tal" any more about that night or my issues with 3ason and 3ax. 2e changed the conversation to music and new songs that we had learned to play. !al"ing about playing guitar made me miss it and made me miss playing with Ash. -rom the first time we had hung out, there was always something about him that made me want to be the best person $ could be. $t always ama&ed me how incredibly intelligent he was, not to mention the musical and artistic talents that he had, and he hid it all behind messy, long hair and flip flops. As we drove bac" to the house, he as"ed me when $ wanted to go to bac" to 7ouston. $ decided that $ wanted to be bac" by !uesday afternoon, so that $ could do something on my own to pay my respects to Evie. !hat gave us one more full day in *alifornia and $ tal"ed him into ta"ing me to 0isney9and. $ figured we could both use a day acting li"e carefree "ids before going bac" to being adults. !hat night $ wanted to as" him to sleep in the bed with me, but $ was scared to@ scared he would say no and scared he would say yes. $nstead $ stayed up reading the boo" he had given me. $t was much shorter in length than $ had originally thought, but much deeper in meaning than $ had anticipated. /eading about ,onathan%s #ourney through life and his ultimate ability to understand the importance of self;love and forgiveness gave me hope that $ would be o"ay when all was said and done with this mess $ had created. !he following day, after brea"fast with the entire family before they left for school and wor", Ash and $ made the hour long drive to the par". $ had than"ed him for the boo", letting him "now that $ had really connected with it and would definitely be reading it again. 7e explained that his mom had given him the boo" the previous summer when he was going through a hard time. $ had heard snippets here and there about something that

had happened, everyone eluding to something that had happened, but $ still wasn%t sure so $ decided to as". 8*an you tell me what happened with your parents while $ was gone<: $ as"ed hoping he would open up to me. 8$%ve heard both you and *rys say something about it, and $ didn%t want to assume incorrectly.: 7e seemed a bit apprehensive at first, but after a few moments, he opened up. 8Basically my dad is a fuc"ing dic". 7e always has been, but for a long time $ #ust didn%t "now any better. 7e controlled my mom for nearly thirty years, not allowing her to have friends or a life of her own while he ran around on her constantly. !he stories $ could tell you about him and other women@: 7e shoo" his head in disgust. 8Anyway, he as"ed me to pic" up one of his girlfriends at the airport and $ told him no, so we got in this big argument that my mom wal"ed in on. $ #ust told her everything, $ was tired of lying for him6 $ had been doing it from the time $ could remember.: 8$%m so sorry, Ash,: $ said as $ leaned over and rubbed his arm. 7e loo"ed down at my hand touching his s"in and smiled. 8$t%s o"ay really. !hings are much better now. 3y mom is on her own and doing really well, and $ have no contact with my dad. $ allowed him to use me as his puppet for long enough and it feels great to finally live for myself. !hat%s what $ want for you, Butterfly. -ly with your own wings. 8Now enough of all of that serious crap, it%s time to have fun. 2e are almost there. 9oo"B: he said as he pointed at the castle and visible rides up ahead of us. 0oing #ust as he said, $ put everything in the bac" of my mind, and allowed myself to have an ama&ing time. 2e spent all day and night there, only leaving when they were closing the gates a little after ten o% cloc". 2e were both thoroughly exhausted as we wal"ed out to the car, but had big grins on our face. As $ went to reach out for the handle of the car door, $ reali&ed that $ had to pull my hand from Ash%s. 2e had been holding hands most of the day, but it was at that moment that $ loo"ed down at our entwined fingers that $ reali&ed how natural it felt and how $ didn%t want to let go. 3y eyes went from our hands up to his face, and $ "new that he "new exactly what $ was thin"ing. 'taring into his eyes, the butterflies in my stomach awo"e, and $ wanted so badly for him to "iss me. 4nconsciously, $ pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth and began lightly chewing nervously. 7e reached up with his free hand and pulled it loose from my bite, rubbing his thumb over it tenderly. 8Butterfly, there%s nothing $ want more than to "iss you right now, but that%s only gonna complicate things for you more. 5ou need to settle things with the other people in your life first, and then decide if this is truly what you want.: 7e too" a step closer to me and leaned down to press his forehead against mine. 8!he next time $ "iss you, it%s forever. $ won%t let you go again.: 3y heart swelled with the love $ had for him that $ had forced to lay dormant for so long. Even though $ wanted to feel his lips against mine so badly, $ also "new that he was right. $ had a lot of issues $ still needed to resolve and adding to that wasn%t going to help my situation any. $ smiled and wrapped my arms around his nec", hugging him tightly. 8!han" you so much for everything Ash. 5ou have no idea how much this all means to me. !han" you for being exactly what $%ve needed6 $ couldn%t have done this without you,: $ confessed. Early the following morning, we were on our way to the airport and my stomach was in "nots as $ thought about the conversations $ was going to have to have when we got

home. As *rys dropped us off at the terminal, $ than"ed her over and over again for her hospitality. 'he hugged me and wished me good luc", adding that she hope to see me again soon. $ honestly responded that $ hoped so too. $ was unable to sleep on the flight bac", my thoughts were racing and $ was nauseous from the overwhelming anxiety and dread. $ still didn%t "now where $ was going to live, Ash had told me that $ could stay with him as long as $ needed, but $ "new that $ needed to find something permanent pretty uic"ly. As the wheels touched down on the ground, $ prepared myself for what was probably going to be the second toughest day of my life@ exactly one year after the other. "ASON !he night that $ got bac" to Austin after finding out that 'carlett had left with Ash, $ was a fuc"ing wrec". $ probably shouldn%t have been riding in that state of mind, but luc"ily $ made it unscathed. After a uic" shower and change of clothes, $ called *ru& to let him "now that $ was bac" and needing a night out. 7e told me that Bentley had already alerted all of them and we were going to the hole;in;the;wall bar #ust down the street so that we could wal" to and from. $ still had no fuc"ing idea what to thin" about 'carlett%s abrupt leaving. $ went bac" and forth between devastation and downright rage. $ wasn%t an idiot6 $ "new that he had always had a hold on her. $ "new that given the chance, he could stir up the feelings that she once had for him, which was why $ had so desperately wanted her in Austin with me, away from him. $ wondered how long she had been seeing him, was it as soon as $ was gone< .od the thought of his hands on her made me want to hurl. $ couldn%t fuc"ing believe the day that $ had gone to tell her that $ couldn%t spend another day without her next to me was the day she decided to leave. 2hat was supposed to be one of the happiest days, a day to celebrate ,obu%s /um going on tour, ended up being one of the worst fuc"ing days of my life. 3y phone ringing pulled me from my thoughts and $ answered without even loo"ing at who it was. 87ello.: 87ey there roc" star,: Bentley purred seductively. $ rolled my eyes at her lame attempt to entice me. Been there, done that, wasn%t interested in revisiting. 87ey B, what%s up.: 85ou want to stop by my apartment before we head out. $%ve got something that will ma"e you feel better.: 8B, we%ve discussed this. $%m not going there again, whatever we had is over. 5ou are my manager, that%s it. And why do you thin" $ need something to ma"e me feel better<: 87mm@ well let%s see. 5ou left to go see your precious Angel, but turned around and came bac" the same day wanting to go out to get shit;faced. $t doesn%t ta"e a genius to figure out you%re upset about something. Plus asshole, $ wasn%t offering me6 $ was tal"ing about some party favors $ got my hands on. But if you want to be a dic", that%s fine, more for me. $%ll see you downstairs in about an hour,: she said before hanging up. -rustrated, $ went to throw my phone down on the bed and accidentally hit the nightstand instead, "noc"ing over a picture of me and 'carlett. !he glass shattered on top of our faces as the frame hit the hardwood floor. -uc" me. $ went to clean up the mess and got lost staring at the photo. 'eeing her face intensified all of the feelings that $ had been fighting all day. 'orrow. Anger. *onfusion. 0isappointment. 7urt. 0evastation. -ury. Pain.

9ots of pain. $ finished pic"ing it up off of the floor and threw it all in the trash, picture included, but not before cutting my finger on a sharp edge of glass. 1f fuc"ing course. Not even bothering cleaning up the drops of blood, $ grabbed my phone and wallet and headed out the door to Bentley%s apartment. 3aybe $ did need something to ma"e me feel better. 7ours later, $ had downed no less than ten shots and six or seven beers, not to mention the pain "iller that B had given me before we left, but $ found that my thoughts "ept traveling bac" to 'carlett. $ was finding it impossible to drin" her out of my system. Actually, the drun"er $ got, the more $ wanted to tal" to her. $ didn%t "now what the fuc" had happened, but $ felt li"e if $ could see her@ tal" to her@ touch her@ that $ could fix whatever had happened, remind her of what we had and what he had done to her. 4nable to resist the temptation any longer, $ snuc" off to the bathroom and tried calling her, but her voicemail pic"ed up on the first ring. -eeling defeated and hopeless, $ re#oined my crew at the bar and ordered more shots. $ clearly needed more to drin" because $ was still able to wal" without falling over. $ #ust wanted to drin" until $ remembered nothing.

CHAPTER SE<ENTEEN ~ 8RIENDS

Ri,er of De+eit ~ .ad 'eason I0++ 9e There 8or (o) ~ 9o ce Aven)e

I Wi++ Remember (o) ~ Sarah "c%ach+an

SCAR%ETT 2hen we got bac" to Ash%s house, both ,ess and 3eg were there waiting for us. ,ess instantly pulled me into a warm, welcoming embrace as soon as we wal"ed through the door, and 3eg followed suit. !hey both told me that $ was welcome to stay as long as $ wanted, and that they were both available if $ needed a female to tal" to about anything. 2e were all extremely emotional due to the nature of the day, $ than"ed them and then followed Ash bac" to his room. 7e cleared out some space in his closet for me to unpac" some of my things. $ tried arguing with him that $ could #ust leave it all in my bags until $ figured out where $ was going, but he insisted that $ not live out of a suitcase. 2hen he pic"ed my phone up off of his des" and handed it to me, $ loo"ed down at it as it was a bomb about to explode in my hand. $ didn%t even "now where to start, who to call first, what $ was going to say. Ash wished me good luc" and left me in the room alone, shutting the door behind him. $ sat down on the bed with a sigh of trepidation and turned it on. $ figured my parents were probably the safest bet. $ didn%t have to tell them about the 3ax issue, and they would thin" $ was #ust upset about Evie. !he conversation with my mom went exactly as $ thought it would; she told me that $ needed to face my problems instead of running away from them, but that she was happy $ was o"ay. $ didn%t tell her about my lac" of a home, $ figured it was best to tac"le that in a different phone call. After hanging up with her, $ decided to call 3ina. $ was con uering the phone calls from easiest to hardest. 3ina answered on the first ring, and after ma"ing sure that $ was physically o"ay, she went into a fifteen minute long lecture about worrying her and that $ was giving her added stress on the wee" of her wedding and that she was going to "ic" my ass when she saw me. $ apologi&ed profusely for causing her additional anxiety during her wedding wee", and told her that $ still needed to tal" to both 3ax and 3ason to settle some things, but that $ would definitely be at the wedding on 'aturday. 'he told me that $ could bring Ash with me if $ wanted to, which really caught me off guard, but then $ reali&ed that she "new $ was with him from his phone call to her before we left. $ "new that she had a ton of uestions she wanted to as" me, but held bac" with the interrogation, giving me the time to

tell her what had happened on my own. !he next call was going to be awful. $ didn%t even "now what to say to 3ax. 2here did $ begin< 2hat had he been going through over the past several days< 7ad he told anyone< 7ad he told 3ason< .od, $ had made such a mess of things. -inding his name under my favorites, $ touched it and held the ringing phone up to my ear. 8'carlett,: he answered apprehensively. 83ax,: $ replied with e ual hesitation in my voice. 82e need to tal".: 8$ "now.: 8$ don%t want to do this over the phone. $ need to see you. *an you meet me<: 85eah, $%ve got to call 3ase first. 7ave you tal"ed to him<: 8No, $%ve only tal"ed to 3ina, but not about@: his voice trailed off. 8!he usual< An hour<: 81"ay, see you then. $t%s gonna be o"ay, 'carlett. 2e%re gonna be o"ay.: $ hung up the phone not feeling much better about things. 3ina was still happy with me, but she hadn%t yet found out what $ had done, so that was sub#ect to change. $ had spo"en with 3ax, but nothing had been resolved. At least $ "new he wasn%t completely disgusted with me. But the most difficult call was the one that had my hands sha"ing and my chest feeling so tight $ was sure $ was going to have a heart attac". $ touched the first name on my screen and waited for 3ason to answer. !he phone rang and rang. 7is voicemail pic"ed up after the fifth ring, and hearing his voice, even on a recording, brought tears to my eyes. 3y heart bro"e for us@ for what we had shared, for what we could%ve had, for what we had both thrown away. 87ey 3ase, it%s me... 'carlett. $%m bac" in 7ouston. .ive me a call when you can tal".: "A= $ got to the *hocolate Bar about twenty minutes before $ was supposed to meet 'carlett, but $ was so anxious to see her, to tal" to her. $ felt absolutely awful about what had happened and $ "new that $ couldn%t put it to rest until we hashed it out. 1n top of that, it was the first year anniversary of Evie%s death. All day $ had been a fuc"ing wrec"@ loo"ing at pictures of us, remembering the times we had spent together, beating myself up for what had happened with 'carlett. $ was happy to see our usual table open and $ sat down, trying to calm my nerves before she arrived. $ had no fuc"ing clue what $ was supposed to say, how we were gonna fix the situation we had gotten ourselves into. $ #ust want to forget the whole thing had ever happened, #ust erase the whole night from my memory, but unfortunately, that #ust wasn%t possible. 'carlett wal"ed in about five minutes after $ did, she obviously was eager to get this conversation over with as well. $ wondered how her tal" with /at had gone, $ truly felt awful for the situation she was in. 3ina had told me that he had come loo"ing for her but that Ash had called her saying he was ta"ing her away@ $ #ust didn%t "now what in the world was happening, but felt $ responsible for it all. $ should%ve fuc"ing "nown better. $ should%ve never gotten so drun", "nowing that we were both mentally and emotionally unstable.

'he approached the table loo"ing nervous and unsure of herself. $ stood up and went to her, pulling her into my arms, and giving her the biggest hug $ could possibly give. $ "new that she most li"ely blamed herself, and $ hated that she had to carry any more guilt than she already lived with. 8'carlett, it%s gonna be alright, $ promise,: $ said. 82hat did we do 3ax<: she as"ed. 8$ don%t "now, but we can figure it out. *ome on sit down.: $ led her by the elbow to the chair and then sat down across the table from her. $ couldn%t help but smile at the pin" hoodie that she had on@ always something pin". 2here Evie always had on something red, 'carlett was always pin". Even though she didn%t reali&e it, she was a toned down version of Evie, much li"e pin" was of red. 2e spent the next hour and a half tal"ing about what had happened leading up to the previous -riday night in my apartment. 'he told me about the conversation that she and 3ason had shared during the afternoon and then the phone call with Bentley later that night. A combination of her insecurities in their relationship and the alcohol she had consumed that night had led her to assume that 3ase had chosen Bentley over her, but $ wasn%t so sure that was the case. 87ave you tal"ed to him<: 8No. $ called him earlier, but $ got his voicemail.: $ put my head in my hands6 $ couldn%t believe what a mess we had created. $ hadn%t ta"en any of his calls. $ wanted him to tal" to her first, $ didn%t thin" it was my place to tell him, but $ did want him to "now. 2hatever the end result, $ wasn%t a person that was cool with lies and deceit. 85ou have to "eep trying him. 7ave you thought about going to Austin<: 8NoB $ #ust got home from *alifornia a couple of hours ago.: 8*alifornia< 2hat the hell were you doing in *alifornia<: $ was completely lost at this point. 8!he night after $ left your apartment, $ frea"ed out and Ash pic"ed me up.: 85eah, $ "new that part. 3ina told me you were with him. But how does *alifornia play into all of this<: 87e too" me to his sister%s house for a couple of days to get away from everything. 2e #ust got bac" today.: 8Ahhh@ so you haven%t spo"en with 3ason since last -riday afternoon<: !he more of the story $ heard, the more $ wondered what all had happened between /at and Bentley@ something #ust wasn%t adding up@ especially after the frantic messages that he had left on my voicemail. 8No@ $ ran away li"e $ always do. $ #ust wanted everyone and everything to go away.: 8And you called Ash<: 85eah@ $ don%t "now. 7e had left this inspirational boo" on my car earlier in the day to help me through the whole Evie thing, and in the middle of my meltdown, $ saw the boo" in my car and called him.: 8And@: $ had a bad feeling $ "new where this story was heading. An already distraught and bro"en 'carlett in a romantic setting with the guy who she thought was possibly her soul mate@ .od, this was all my fuc"ing fault. $ "new better, $ could see it unraveling in front of my eyes that night, but $ #ust couldn%t fuc"ing stop it. $t had been so long@ and it wasn%t #ust because she occasionally reminded me of Evie by the things she

did or said, but because she was@ well, she was #ust her@ sweet, beautiful, unassuming 'carlett. $ "new she was hurting, that she felt abandoned by 3ason@ shit, $ had felt that emptiness for a year. But $ should%ve stopped it before it became the fuc"ing mess that it had become. 89i"e $ said, he too" me to his sister%s house where $ was able to calm down a bit. !here wasn%t much $ could do without tal"ing to you or 3ase, and $ didn%t have my phone to call either of you.: 82hat happened with you and Ash<: $ had to as" even though $ was scared of the answer. 8Nothing. Nothing happened. 7e was #ust a good friend to me. 2e cleared the air between us about everything that had happened, and $ told him about everything that happened with 3ason and Bentley and you.: 'he loo"ed up at me with huge crocodile tears in her eyes. $ reached across the table and grabbed her hands in mine. 8$. Am. 'o. 'orry. $ never wanted to cause you any trouble. 2e were both feeling lonely and needing to feel loved.: !hat%s when the tears began falling fast and furiously down her chee"s. $ used my thumb to help wipe them away, but continued with what $ needed to say to her. 8'carlett, loo" at me.: 9oo"ing at her face bro"e my heart even more than it already was, $ hated myself. 8$ do love you. ,ust li"e $ "now you love me. But we both "now it%s different. $t doesn%t ma"e us awful people for what happened6 it ma"es us human. $t%s only natural for two people who adore each other as much as we do, to want to comfort one another when we feel li"e we did. 2e too" it too far. 2e got caught up in the alcohol and in the moment, and we #ust didn%t stop it when we should have. 2e don%t have to let it ruin us though. $%m still 3ax and you are still 'carlett and we are still best friends. $%ll still be here for you for whatever you need, #ust li"e $ "now you will be here for me. /ight<: Even though she was still crying, she smiled and nodded her head. $ got out of my chair and went to her, ignoring the other people in the restaurant that were now staring at us. 2rapping my arms around her, $ allowed her to bury her head in my chest and cry out the rest of her tears. After several minutes, she lifted her head and pulled bac" to loo" at me. 82e%re gonna be o"ay, 3axi,: she said softly. 82hat did you #ust call me<: $ scoffed. 83axi@ do you li"e it<: 'he was having a hard time to not giggle as she said it. 8$t%s the worst fuc"ing nic"name $%ve ever heard for a guy, but if you want to call me that, $ love it,: $ answered as $ "issed her forehead. 8Now let%s get out of here and fix the rest of this shit. $ need my sweetheart to be perfect.: 'carlett and $ left the restaurant and $ too" her to the reflection pool at 7ermann Par". $t was one of Evie%s favorite places to go when we would hang out, and $ thought it would be a perfect spot for us to both to spend some time remembering the ama&ing person that was ta"en from our lives way too soon. 2e settled ourselves under one of the massive live oa"s that lined the pool, and sat silently for a while, both lost in our memories. After a while, $ finally said, 8$ was scared $ was going to lose you too.: 'he turned to loo" at me and as"ed, 82hat do you mean<: 83y love for Evie was a true love@ a pure love@ an eternal love. $ never even fathomed that $ would be without her, so when $ lost her, $ #ust went into shoc". $ shut down,: $ admitted. 8$t%s #ust since you%ve been bac" have $ felt somewhat li"e my normal

self@ felt li"e $ deserve to live again.: 'he scooted closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder. $ continued, 8$ need you around to remind me that $ need to "eep going. 'eeing you persevere and trying to move on with my life, encourages me to do the same because $ "now that you loved her #ust as much as $ did. $ was so scared that $ had lost you over what had happened, and $ didn%t "now how $ was going to be able to live with myself. $ didn%t get a say in losing Evie, she was ta"en from me@ from us, but if $ lost you over something that $ directly controlled@: $ shoo" my head as my words trailed off. 82ell, that%s not gonna happen 3axi, so stop beating yourself up over it. !he same can be said for me, but $%m moving on and $%m not gonna let it affect us. 2e can%t do anything to change what happened6 all we can do is learn from it.: 8'po"en as if it came straight from her mouth.: 'he laughed, 85ep, she was a pretty smart coo"ie. 'he always had great life advice.: 89i"e a fortune coo"ie,: $ #o"ed. 81oh, spea"ing of fortune coo"ies@: 82e #ust ate dessert and you are thin"ing of food<: $ teased her. 8$ could always go for some .igi%s.: 8*ome on, you and your .igi%s. 2e will stop and get some to;go food and ta"e it bac" to my place.: 8Perfect 3axi.:

CHAPTER EI'HTEEN ~ 8INDIN' A%% THREE

'ame Changes ~ The Weepies (o)r Ca++ ~ Secon!han! Serena!e

Heart Shape! Wrec1a/e ~ Eatharine "cPhee : Derem Dor!an

I %ove (o) ~ Avri+ %avi/ne

Never 9e the Same ~ Re!

SCAR%ETT 3ax and $ left the par", stopped to get the food, and went to his apartment where $ tried to call 3ason again, but this time his voicemail pic"ed up before the phone ever rang. $ left another message as"ing him to call me, hating this impending conversation hanging over my head. 7owever it went... whatever was said@ $ #ust wanted it over and done with. !he anxiety leading up to it was going to "ill me. 2e continued tal"ing about the 3ason and Bentley thing, and even though 3ax felt that $ was off the mar" in thin"ing that 3ason had chosen to move on and wanted to brea" things off, $ "new what $ heard that night. $ had been drin"ing, but there was no denying her answering his phone at two o%cloc" in the morning and his voice calling out for her to bring him a towel. And for that to happen the night after the conversation we had@ it was pretty obvious to me. 2e then tried to tac"le my living situation issues. $ "new that living at Ash%s house was not a long term option, but thought $ would be o"ay if $ stayed for a wee" or so until $ figured out what $ was doing. $ had given up my student housing for the spring semester, $ couldn%t afford an apartment on my own, and $ didn%t have any other friends that were an option. $t appeared more and more that my only option was to move bac" home and to try to come bac" in the fall. $ shoo" my head wondering what the admissions office at the university would thin" of me. $ came to school for fall semesters, and then had a mental brea"down each 0ecember that "ept me from continuing in the spring. $ highly doubted they were going to go for that again. 82hy don%t we get a place together<: 3ax as"ed.

$ loo"ed up at him with what $%m sure was the strangest loo" ever. 82hat did you say<: 8$ said why don%t we get a two bedroom place here< 5ou can afford the difference of what $ pay for this. 2e are close friends6 what%s the problem<: he answered with a serious loo" on his face. 83ax, after what #ust happened@: 82hat< 0o you really thin" either of us would allow it to happen again< $%m more sure now that nothing would happen than if we thought of this before. 2e both "now what%s at sta"e.: 82hat is everyone gonna thin"<: $ as"ed worriedly. $t really did "ind of ma"e sense. 7e was the only person other than 3ina that $ would even consider living with, and $ "new that we would never again cross that line, but still@ 82ho 'carlett< Ash or 3ason< Because the way $ see it, they are the only people that have to "now about this. $t%s no one else%s business. $f they choose to tell other people, then we will deal with that then. But $ really don%t fuc"ing care what anyone else thin"s if it%s a situation that wor"s for both of us.: $ could tell he was a little frustrated with me. 82hy are you upset with me<: 8Because 'carlett, you%ve gotta stop caring so much about everyone else and what they thin". 5ou%ve gotta start doing things to ma"e you happy.: $ sighed and slumped over on the couch. 8.od, you sound li"e Ash.: 8$%m not sure what that%s supposed to mean but if he said anything that $ #ust did, he%s a pretty smart guy,: he said laughing. .roaning, $ rolled my eyes at him. 81"ay, 3r. Par"er. 5ou%ve got a deal. 5ou%re so sure of yourself that this will wor"@ have you ever lived with a female before<: 83y mom,: he retorted uic"ly. 80oesn%t count.: $ countered. 80amn.: 82ell, get ready. ,ust remember three months from now when you%re ready to strangle me, this was your great idea,: $ warned him. 82on%t happen sweetheart. /emember, we are gonna ma"e you perfect.: 8$%m far from perfect, 3axi, and always will be.: 8No one is perfect until you fall in love with them. And you sweetheart,: he said as he touched the tip of my nose, 8need to learn to love yourself.: 81"ay pot.: 7e started laughing hysterically as he stood up and wal"ed across the room. 8Point ta"en "ettle. $%m gonna call the leasing office and get you a room to sleep in.: !he next few days passed uic"ly as 3ax and $ began setting up our new apartment. Ash was none too thrilled about the living arrangements when $ first told him, but after explaining to him the conversation 3ax and $ had shared, $ thin" he understood, especially since my only other option was moving bac" with my parents or grandparents. Ash helped us move 3ax%s things to the new apartment, and both of them went with me shopping for my bedroom furniture. !hey got along great, tal"ing about music and sports, and $ felt so happy when we were all together. $ still hadn%t spo"en with 3ason. 7is phone had been off permanently, and the voicemail box was full. 3ax had tried calling the rest of the band mates, but none of them answered either. $ tried not to thin" about it much, and being with 3ax and Ash helped, but

it was really hard at night. $ couldn%t understand how he could change his mind so uic"ly, #ust want nothing to do with me or have nothing to say to me. $ thought $ at least deserved an explanation. $ mean $ "new that $ had been no angel@ o"ay, that really wasn%t the right word to use@ $ "new that $ hadn%t been the best girlfriend, but $ wanted to discuss what happened. 7ow do you #ust get up and wal" away from someone you claimed to have loved so much< $ "new that our relationship had been strained with the miles between us over the past month, but he #ust dropped it. 0ropped me. No loo"ing bac". $t really fuc"ing hurt. !he night before 3ina and Noah%s wedding, $ went to the rehearsal with 3ax as planned. Everyone was in an upheaval because Bentley had called and cancelled ,obu%s /um%s gig for the reception the day before. !hey were able to boo" a 0, last minute, but they really had wanted live music. !hat%s when $ had another one of my great ideas. $ slipped away and called Ash, as"ing@ no, begging him to play an acoustic set at the wedding. After several minutes of him rattling off the reasons why he shouldn%t and couldn%t, he finally agreed with the caveat $ would sing at least one song with him. $ was so excited $ s"ipped bac" into the party anxious to share the good news. 3ina and Noah were thrilled with the idea of Ash performing, and the mood of the entire wedding party calmed immensely after that issue had been ta"en care of. 2e had a wonderful evening eating fancy food, drin"ing wine, and laughing at "id pictures of the bride and groom. $t had been a wee" since $ had last tal"ed with 3ase, and even though $ was worried sic" about him and still completely heart;bro"en, $ told myself to forget about it and to concentrate on celebrating the wee"end with my friends% union of love. !he following day, $ went to the wedding venue early with 3ax. 7e had to be there since he was a groomsman, and $ wanted to help with anything that was needed. 3ina was holding up great. 'he was in an excellent mood, her stress level seemed to be minimal, and everything was going #ust as planned. 'he loo"ed absolutely gorgeous in her form fitting Cera 2ang gown, and li"e $ did at most weddings since $ was a little girl, $ couldn%t help but fantasi&e what my wedding would be li"e one day. $ sat with Ash during the beautiful, flawless ceremony, and $ could tell he was nervous about the reception by the way he "ept running his fingers through his hair and popping his "nuc"les. $ tried to calm him down several times by holding his hand or patting his leg, but reali&ed it was no use. 1nce he got up on the stage with his guitar, he would be fine. $ was actually uite loo"ing forward to it6 it had been a while since $ had really heard him sing. PARTE 2 !he 0, played some nice bac"ground music while everyone ate and the ca"es were cut, but right after the first dance and parent dances, 3ina told him it was time. 3y heart swelled seeing him sitting up on that stage. 7e had lost the #ac"et and tie from the tan suit he was wearing, and his nec" buttons were unfastened with sleeves rolled up. $ "new $ had a goofy ass grin on my face, but 3ax had to ma"e sure and point it out to me. 7e wal"ed up next to me and bumped his shoulder into mine. 7e stood there next to me and uietly watched Ash setting up his amp and chair as well. 2hen he was finally situated, he sat down and loo"ed out into the crowd. 2hen his eyes found mine, he flashed me his charm;the;birds;out;of;the;tree smile and win"ed. And the butterflies went wild. 7e grabbed the microphone and began spea"ing, 8Aristotle once said A9ove is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.% !onight $ would li"e to congratulate

Noah and 3ina for finding the other half of their soul, and $ would li"e to wish all of you the same fate. Because you will never "now true happiness, you will never understand immortal love, and you will never experience absolute perfection until you do. !onight $ play for my other half, hopefully one day my better half.: 7e chuc"led at himself before beginning his version of 'econdhand 'erenade%s !our &all. $ was fro&en to the floor, with my mouth open, gaping at the words that had #ust come out his mouth. 3ax leaned into me and whispered, 8'ee, $ told you you%re perfect.: !hen without as"ing, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. !he lyrics to not only the first song Ash sang, but every song thereafter, dug deeper and deeper into my heart. $ danced a couple of times with 3ax and once with Noah, but mainly #ust sat, watched, and listened. 7is voice was so serene, so tran uil@ almost as if everything was a love lullaby. $ "new beforehand that he had expected me to sing one song with him, but it still caught me off guard when he called me name over the spea"ers as"ing me to #oin him for the last song. $ wasn%t sure if it really was such a good idea, seeing how emotional $ was with 3ason%s disappearance and the reemergence of the feelings $ had for Ash that $ thought $ had so carefully loc"ed away. $t seemed his voice was the "ey that opened it right up. 7owever, everyone was staring at me expectantly so $ made my way towards him. !han"fully, there wasn%t a second guitar, so $ only had to sing with him. As soon as he began with the opening chords, a huge lump formed in the bac" of my throat. $ wasn%t sure if $ was going to be able to physically do this, but when it was my turn to #oin him in the duet of Heart %ha+ed Wreckage, $ found my voice and lost myself in the music. 0uring my section of the second verse, he put down the guitar and stood up next to me. 2e faced each other, completely absorbed in each other%s eyes, and sang the remainder of the song acapella to one another. ,3ook at this heart sha+ed wreckage What have we done0 We have got scars from battles nobody won We can start over# better# both of us know *f we 4ust let the broken +ieces go.(

At the end of the song, he closed the small gap between us, cupping both sides of my face in his hands and "issed me li"e our lives depended on it. As his lips seared mine and our tongues danced in harmony, he poured his soul into me, and $ dran" the ambrosia that led to all three things for me ) happiness, immortal love, and perfection. "ASON 0espite everyone telling me to stay away from the wedding over and over again, $ #ust couldn%t. $ wasn%t sure if she was going to be there or not, but $ had to at least try. Bentley had ta"en my "eys so $ couldn%t ta"e my bi"e, even though $ hadn%t had anything to drin" or ta"en any pills since the night before. $ felt li"e complete shit, and $ almost didn%t recogni&e the image that stared bac" at me in the mirror. $ hadn%t bothered shaving that entire wee", and the circles under my eyes from staying fuc"ed up for seven straight days and nights were so dar" that it almost loo"ed li"e $ had been in a fight. 3aybe $ had been in

a fight< $ couldn%t fuc"ing remember. $ called Boone and begged and pleaded with him to borrow his car. $ told him that $ needed to get some things from my apartment in 7ouston before we left the next wee" to go on tour, and that $ obviously couldn%t bring it all bac" on my bi"e. 9uc"ily he agreed, and $ raced to get out of town before he had a chance to tal" to Bentley and tell her what $ had done. 'he was a stupid fuc"ing bitch anyway. Every night during the wee" $ had brought a different girl home with me, couldn%t tell you what any of the loo"ed li"e much less their names, but every morning she was bac" at my apartment, trying to ta"e care of me. $ hoped she would eventually get the picture that $ didn%t leave Angel for her6 $ really wanted no piece of that cra&iness ever again. $ "new that $ was gonna be late, but $ was hoping that $ could at least apologi&e to Noah and 3ina about the last minute cancellation, congratulate them, and of course, see 'carlett. 3y mother had always told me that $ had impeccable timing when $ would wal" in her room watching her snort a line of co"e, and it seemed my virtue of being at the right place at the right time, or the wrong place at the wrong time depending on how you loo"ed at it, had stayed with me. As $ wal"ed up to the outside tent, $ saw my worst fears being acted out right in front of my face ) Ash and 'carlett singing to each other about mending their bro"en love and then ending it with a "iss for the history boo"s. -uc". 3e. !he way $ saw it, $ had two choices> wal" away and never loo" bac" or fight for the person loved, the only person that gave me a reason to live to be a better person. $t too" me about a half a second to decide on option two. $ wanted to #ust wal" up to the fuc"er and punch him in his pretty boy face, but $ "new that wouldn%t help my chances any, not to mention $ didn%t want to cause any more problems with the wedding. $t should have been me up there singing with her anyways. After everyone clapped for them and all that bull shit, they got off the stage and $ too" advantage of the lull. $ #umped up on the stage and grabbed the mic, hoping it was still live. $ tapped it once, heard the feedbac", and pulled it close to my mouth. 8.ood evening everyone. $ "now y%all are about to call it a night, but $ was hoping that $ could sing one song to the newly married couple.: Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention towards me. 8$ was supposed to perform at the wedding here tonight, but $ let someone else tell me that $ shouldn%t. 'o once $ reali&ed what $ needed to do, $ got here as uic"ly as $ could.: $ searched the room for Noah and 3ina, and once $ found them $ waited for them to give me some "ind approval. Noah nodded at me and $ grabbed Ash%s guitar leaning up against the amp. $ fuc"ing dared him to come try to ta"e it from me. $ could sing the song $ really wanted to sing to 'carlett, not that it was bad or anything, but $ was supposed to be singing to the married couple, so a song about never being the same after having my heart ripped from my chest probably wasn%t appropriate. $ hadn%t really thought much about what $ was gonna do before $ got up there, but as my eyes roamed the faces in the crowd it loc"ed on hers and $ "new immediately what $ would do. 1ne of the things $ loved about 'carlett was the way she was always singing and dancing around the apartment, no matter if she was coo"ing or doing laundry or getting dressed. 1ne of her favorite songs to sing was this * 3ove !ou song. 'he would bounce around the place li"e a little ray of sunshine singing 89a la la la la la@ 9a la la la la@: Even though the song was actually about a couple that didn%t ma"e it, $ doubted most people would pic" up on that, but $ "new Angel would understand exactly what $ was trying to say.

$ stared directly at her throughout the entire song6 it was so different from $ was used to singing, but $ was desperate to touch her somehow, someway@ to ma"e her remember what it was li"e, #ust the two of us, how good we were together, how much $ loved her. 2hen $ finished $ set the guitar down and wal"ed off the stage, directly out of the tent, into the fresh night%s air. $ stood there loo"ing up into the starless s"y, wondering what had happened, clueless on how we had made such a disaster of things in such a short amount of time. $ heard the footsteps approaching behind me and prayed that it was her. 83ase, we need to tal".:

CHAPTER NINETEEN ~ %IES : TRUTH

Ta%e a "o ~ Rihanna Sa! 9ea)ti.)+ Tra/ic ~ Ta +or S$i.t

8a++in/ Do$n ~ Rev Theor

'*A/9E!! 2atching 3ason sit on that stage and sing * 3ove !ou to me, was one of the most painful things $ had ever experienced. 7e loo"ed terrible. $ wasn%t sure he had showered in days, and he definitely hadn%t bothered shaving. 7is eyes were dull and lifeless, and his voice was so scratchy, he was nearly hoarse. But there he was, having come all the way from Austin, to sing one song@ to me. Ash stood on one side of me and 3ax on the other, but he continued, unfa&ed by their existence, and reminded me of our times together and why $ had fallen in love with him to begin with. 7e had been assertive and outspo"en from day one about wanting me for me, and had never shied away from expressing his love for me. 7e always "new how to ma"e me feel cherished and appreciated. 2hen he finished the song, he than"ed the audience, congratulated the happy couple, and set the guitar down as he wal"ed off the stage and straight outside. 89et him go,: Ash said at the same time that 3ax said, 8.o tal" to him.: $ loo"ed bac" and forth between them, feeling my chest tighten with dread. $ "new what $ had to do. 9oo"ing up into Ash%s eyes, $ hated that $ had to deal with this so soon after the moment we had #ust shared, but $ couldn%t run away from this situation. $ had done way too much running. 8Please understand,: $ pleaded. 8$ have to address this here and now. $%m not sure if or when $%ll see him again, and we have a lot of things that need to be said.:

7is eyes begged me not to go, but he said, 8Be strong, Butterfly,: and he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. $ turned to loo" at 3ax and he gave me a half;hearted smile. 8$%m gonna tell him. 5ou "now it changes everything, right<: 7e nodded and hugged me, 82e%re right here if you need us.: $ wal"ed outside after 3ason, telling myself to put one foot in front of the other to "eep myself from turning bac". 7e finally stopped and stareed up at the s"y, as if he was loo"ing for an answer. 83ase we need to tal",: $ said as $ approached him. 7e turned around uic"ly and a huge smile was plastered on his face. 8$ "new you%d come Angel.: 7e began to close the gap between us, reaching out towards me, but $ put my hand up to stop him. 80on%t. Please don%t.: 7e loo"ed at me confused. 82e have a lot to tal" about, 3ason.: 7e hung his head and his shoulders slumped. 8$ "now we do.: 82here have you been< $%ve been trying to call you for days, but your phone has been turned off and your message box is full. $%ve been worried sic", and from the loo"s of you, #ustifiably so.: 7e loo"ed up at me with his overcast eyes. 8$%ve had a rough wee". 7ow did you thin" $%d react to hearing you ran off with him< $ haven%t exactly been in the best place mentally or emotionally.: 81r physically,: $ chimed in. 89oo" at you 3ase. 5ou loo" li"e shit.: 82ell $ feel li"e shit, 'carlettB $%m a fuc"ing messB !he person $ love most in this world, the person $ live for, #ust up and fuc"ing left me for the asshole that $ always said she would. Am $ supposed to be happy<: 8$ didn%t leave you for him 3asonB $ left you because after our conversation last -riday, you made your choice. And that%s fine. 9i"e $ told you then, $ felt li"e you were ready to move on, ready to move forward with your career, and that $ was afraid $ didn%t fit into that picture. And you made it uite obvious that $ was right with your decisions last -riday, so don%t ma"e me feel bad that $ sought out comfort from someone else. $ "now your bed hasn%t fuc"ing been emptyB: $ tried hard to "eep my voice down, not wanting the other wedding guests to hear our argument, but $ was so furious with him. 8Angel, $ told you then that $ had to play that show. $ wouldn%t have missed coming home unless it was really fuc"ing important, and it ended up being our tic"et to get on the CanderBlue tour. $ came home first thing 'aturday morning and you were gone. 5ou and all of your shit@ #ust goneB $ called everyone trying to find you, and $ had to find out from 3ina that you left with him. 5ou didn%t even tal" to me, you didn%t leave a note, nothing@ #ust poofB 5ou left@ goneB: 82hat was $ supposed to do 3ase< $ tal"ed to Bentley that night. 'he told me about the tour and everything else. $ was a mess@ a fuc"ing messB $ couldn%t believe $ had to hear it from her mouth and not yours6 so don%t give me shit about not leaving a .od damn note.: 82hat the fuc" do you mean you tal"ed to Bentley that night<: 7e interrupted me. 8$ called you bac" that night after the bachelorette party. 'he answered your phone and told me everything. $ was devastatedB: 8N1111B: 7e growled as he ran he covered his face with is hands and shoo" his

head. 85esB: $ retorted. 8$ had to hear it all from that stupid bitch instead of my boyfriend, who up until that moment, $ thought loved me. $ told you earlier in the day that you were ready to move on, 3ase. $ "new it and $ guess you reali&ed it too. $%m #ust sorry $ drug 3ax into all of this.: 7e uncovered his face and loo"ed at me. 83ax< 2hat does he have to do with this<: $ loo"ed down at my feet and began "ic"ing the gravel on the wal"way. !his was the part $ feared telling him. $ hated that their friendship would most li"ely be destroyed because of this. 82hat about 3ax<: 7e as"ed through gritted teeth. 'till not loo"ing up at him, $ answered truthfully, 8$ was really upset and $ #ust wanted to drown my sorrows in alcohol so he too" me bac" to his place.: $ paused for a deep breath. 8$ needed someone to tal" to. 2e started doing shots and@: 8And what, 'carlett< 2hat. !he. -uc". 7appened<: 7e grabbed my arm and pulled me to where $ was standing directly in front of him. 5an"ing my arm out of his grasp, $ lifted my chin and loo"ed him directly in the eye. $ was still so mad at him over running bac" to Bentley, so hurt that he could throw away what we had. 8$ fuc"ed him.$ fuc"ed him to try and forget you. $ fuc"ed him so that you wouldn%t have the honor of being the only person $ have ever slept with. : 7e didn%t even give me a chance to say another word. 7e too" off bac" towards the wedding festivities on a rampage. 83ason stopB 'top right nowB !his isn%t his faultB !his is about you and meB !his has nothing to do with himB: $ called after him. 7e stopped and turned around. 82hen he decided to stic" his dic" inside of you it became about himB $ don%t fuc"ing care what the circumstances were. 7e "new better. 7e fuc"ing "new betterB: $ wasn%t sure where he came from, but all of a sudden 3ax was wal"ing up behind 3ason. 85ou%re right. $ did "now better,: he said. 3ason%s head whipped around to loo" at him. 7e too" off towards him. 85ou fuc"ing assholeB: he screamed as he punched him in the face without warning. 3ax stood there, not even attempting to defend himself as 3ason reared bac" to hit him again. 8N1111BBB: $ ran to both of them. 8'topB 'top this right nowB: 8.et out of the way, 'carlett,: 3ax said, blood tric"ling down from his nose and lip. 8$ deserve this.: $gnoring him, $ got in between the two of them, facing 3ason. 8'top it right fuc"ing now. 2e are at 3ina and Noah%s wedding and we are not doing this here.: 7e too" a step bac". 7is hand was still balled in a fist and his entire body was sha"ing. $ had never seen the rage in his eyes that he had in that moment. 8!his is not 3ax%s fault, it%s mine@ actually, scratch that, it%s 514/'B 5ou chose 3ase. 5ou chose your music and your career and you chose her. End of.: 8$ didn%t choose her 'carlett,: he said, lowering his voice a bit. 8$ would never choose anyone over you.: 8/eally<: $ scoffed. 8$t sure didn%t sound that way that night $ was tal"ing on the phone with her. 'he was in your apartment and $ heard you call out to her to bring you a towel. 1r did $ #ust imagine that entire scenario<: 82hat< No@ you don%t understand,: he tried to explain. 8$t wasn%t@:

8$ absolutely understand 3ason. $ get it, o"ay< $t%s over. 2e are over. 2e both #ust need to move on.: 8$ didn%t sleep with her 'carlett.: 80on%t feed me your lies, 3ason. $t doesn%t matter anymore.: 8$t does matterB: he said emphatically. 8$ didn%t fuc" her that night.: 82hatever@: $ rolled my eyes. 8A!hat night,% huh< 7ow about this past wee"< 9et me guess@ you%ve been sleeping alone, pining after me. !hat%s the reason for the dar" circles under your eyes.: $t was his turn to loo" down at the ground ashamed. 8'o $%m right then, aren%t $<: !hin"ing about him in bed with someone else made me feel completely nauseous. 8,ust her or others too<: $ wasn%t even sure why $ was as"ing the uestion, $ wasn%t sure if $ really wanted to "now. 8Not her 'carlett, #ust others,: he mumbled. 81h my godB Are you fuc"ing serious< 7ow many< 7ow many 3ason<: $ demanded, again not sure $ really wanted to "now the answer. 8$ don%t "now@ $%ve been really fuc"ed up,: he said as he loo"ed up into my eyes pleadingly. 8$%m sorry Angel. $ thought you left me for Ash, and $ was hurting and $ felt empty and $ #ust wanted to lose myself.: 2hen he said he didn%t "now how many, $ lost it. $ stepped towards him and slapped the shit out of his face. 85ou fuc"ing ma"e me sic". 5ou don%t "now how many< 2hat is wrong with you<: 8Please don%t do this Angel. $%m so sorry. $ haven%t been in my right mind. $ #ust "new that once you were bac" around him, that it would be over for us. 5%all would reconnect with all of your old feelings and you would regret your decision of choosing me. And after what $ witnessed tonight, my worst fears were confirmed.: 8$ never would%ve been in the situation to run bac" to him if you wouldn%t have abandoned me. $f you would%ve made an effort over the last month@ if you would%ve been with me instead of her that night li"e you were supposed to have been, none of this would%ve ever happened.: $ could see his eyes begin to water, but $ didn%t care. $ was so pissed off. 85ou did this. 5ou sent me bac" to him. And you are right. 7e and $ share something that $ can never explain to you. $t doesn%t mean that $ didn%t love you and $ didn%t give our relationship my all because $ didB /ight up until the point $ had to hear that bitch%s voice on your phone, in your apartment at two o%cloc" in the fuc"ing morningB: 8Angel, $%m trying to tell you that@: 8$. 0on%t. *are. 5ou hear me< $ don%t care anymore. $t%s over. 2e are through. $%m done.: $ turned around to see 3ax still standing there, bloody face and all. 7e reached his hand out to me. 8Please don%t do this,: 3ason begged. 8$ understand why you needed 3ax. $ understand why you turned to Ash. 2e can get through this. $ forgive you, $ #ust need you to forgive me and we can save this.: $ swung around to loo" at him one final time. 8.et off the drugs 3ase. !hey are ma"ing you delusional already. !here is nothing left to save. .o follow your dream, $%m gonna go find mine.: .rabbing 3ax%s hand, we wal"ed away, leaving him standing there. $ truly felt in my heart that $ would never see him again. Ash was waiting for us right inside the tent. 7e too" one loo" at both of us and said, 89et%s get out of here.: Not getting an argument from either of us, we said our goodbyes and too" off to the par"ing lot in silence.

"ASON !he drive bac" to Austin was the loneliest three hours of my life. $ felt li"e $ had #ust died. !he happiness $ had found with her was my reason for living, the thought of spending the rest of my life with her was my motivation each and every day. 3y actions over the last wee" without her was proof that $ didn%t fuc"ing care about anyone or anything else, myself included. $ had to go there though. $ had to hear it from her. $ had no fuc"ing idea that Bentley had answered my phone that night. 7er call had never shown up in the call history so $ was sure Bentley had erased it@ thin"ing about how she had fuc"ed up my life made me so fuc"ing pissed off $ couldn%t see straight. $ decided it was best to handle that conversation when $ got bac" to Austin. $ needed to cool down before tal"ing to anyone, especially her. $ needed tal" to the guys first, but as far as $ was concerned she was out. $f ,ag wanted to ta"e over, $ was fine with that, but $ wasn%t dealing with that bitch any longer. And then the 3ax thing@ -444***(((B !hin"ing about it gave me a headache. !he fact that she ran to him because of Bentley made me even more furious. $ was going to "ill someone. $ still wasn%t sure how she ended up with Ash after 3ax or where she had gone@ it really didn%t matter anymore anyways. $ needed a drin" in a bad way and $ wasn%t sure that was even going to ma"e a dent in the pain $ was feeling. After returning Boone%s car to him, $ got on my bi"e and headed bac" to my apartment. $t was pretty late at this point and $ hoped $ could catch up with 'ebastian before he and *ru& headed out for the night. $ "new he would have some party favors sure to help ta"e the edge off. $ "illed the bi"e and headed straight to their place. *ru& answered the door, dressed ready to hit the bars, and $ could see 'ebastian standing at the bar behind him. $ didn%t say anything, $ #ust wal"ed in and into the "itchen and grabbed a beer. 85eah, come on in, fuc"er. 3a"e yourself at home. *an $ get you something to drin"<: *ru& said facetiously as he shut the door and followed me. $ chugged the entire sixteen ounce bottle in one drin", threw that one away, and grabbed another. 8$ need something tonight,: $ demanded. 'ebastian loo"ed up from the #oint he was rolling. 82hat< !his<: 7e loo"ed down at his hands. 8'tronger,: $ replied. 8/at@: *ru& warned. 82hat happened man< $ don%t thin" this is a good idea. 2e leave in a couple of days@: 8'hut the fuc" up. $ didn%t as" for your opinion.: $ turned bac" to 'ebastian and as"ed, 82hat all do you have<: 8$ can get you whatever you want.: $ don%t remember much after that.

CHAPTER TWENT( ~ 8ATE WI%% 8IND A WA(

I Can0t (ot $o,e You ~ 1,er# A,enue Eiss "e ~ E! Sheeran

A++ " Heart ~ S+eepin/ With Sirens

SCAR%ETT $ rode bac" to the apartment with 3ax and Ash followed us in his car. 3ax and $ needed a few minutes alone to discuss the whole messed up situation. 8Are you o"ay, 3ax<: $ as"ed. 7e grabbed my hand closest to him and s uee&ed it tightly. 8$%ll be fine, 'carlett. 0on%t worry about me. 5ou%ve got enough going on in your head than to feel any guilt for me. $ "new how he was gonna react. !hat%s why $ came outside. $ gave you a few minutes alone to tell him, but $ "new once you told him he would come loo"ing for me, and $ didn%t want it to be inside in front of people,: he explained calmly. 8$ would%ve reacted the exact same way if $ was in his shoes, which is why $ let him hit me once. $ deserved that one, but $ wasn%t about to let him do it again. $ can%t believe you stepped in front of me. 2hat were you thin"ing<: 8$ was thin"ing $ didn%t want him to hit you. 5ou didn%t deserve that.: 85eah, $ did,: he replied solemnly. 7e loo"ed over at me and as"ed, 87ow are you holding up< 5ou%ve been on an emotional roller coaster today.: $ shrugged my shoulders. 81"ay, $ guess. $%m "inda in shoc", $ thin".: 82ell you need to get your thoughts together before we get home because Ash is gonna want some answers.: 8Answers about what<: $ as"ed. 3y head felt li"e it was going to explode. 8About you and him, about you and /at, about where you all stand@ $%m sure he%s #ust as confused as you are, sweetheart. 1ne minute y%all are singing love songs to each other, ma"ing goo;goo eyes, and "issing6 the next /at%s singing * 3ove !ou to you and you%re chasing him outside.: 7e stopped and smiled slightly. 8!hen we return, $ have a bloody face, and you have smo"e coming out of your ears. $ "inda feel bad for the guy.: 0espite feeling completely emotionally overwhelmed, $ couldn%t help but giggle at his simplified version of the previous ninety minutes. $t was rather cra&y. 81h .od, 3ax, what have $ done< $%m so sorry $ made you a part of all of this. $%m sorry $ ruined your friendship with 3ason.: 8$ said $%m fine, 'carlett. /eally. $%ll be o"ay. 7ow are you feeling about each of them<:

$ hesitated before answering as $ gathered my thoughts. 8$ loved 3ason@ $ mean $ still love him, you #ust don%t turn off feelings li"e that. But way too much has happened for us to ever reconcile. $ honestly doubt if $ will ever see him again, especially since he%s leaving to go on tour soon. And Ash@ well, you "now how $%ve always felt. Being around him this last wee" has #ust reminded me of why $ used to feel the way $ did. $t was easy to not deal with my feelings for him when $ didn%t #ust have to see him. And after that "iss@ that was #ust@ $ don%t even "now how to put it into words. Being with him feels so natural, so right, but $ thin" $ need some time to myself. $ mean how would that loo" going from one relationship right into another<: 8$ do thin" you need some time to yourself, but #ust let it play out however it feels right. Again, stop worrying about what other people thin" so much. $t%s not li"e you and Ash #ust met and you%re #umping into something new. 5ou both ac"nowledge there was a connection between y%all from the very beginning, and $ "now that you both loved each other. $t may not have been a physical relationship, but you were both emotionally and mentally dependent on one another. 5%all%s relationship was severed without warning6 it%s not li"e you stopped loving one another. 5ou both #ust got better at hiding it.: $ thought about what he said as we pulled into the par"ing lot. 85ou%re right on all accounts. $%m #ust scared of getting hurt. $ don%t "now if $ can go through it again. Between Ash the first time and everything that has happened with 3ason, $%m afraid $%m predestined for heart ache.: 8-ate will find a way sweetheart. 1ur happily ever afters are coming.: 7e turned off the car and smiled one of his precious 3axi smiles that $ loved so much. 8$ li"e that. -ate will find a way.: $ leaned across the seat and gave him a pec" on the chee". 8!han" you, 3ax. 5ou%re the best. $ owe you my sanity... and my entire next paychec",: $ said in an attempt to lighten the somber mood. 2e both chuc"led as we got out of the car and waited for Ash to #oin us. $ watched him as he crossed the pavement and a calmness settled over me. 7e loo"ed so different in the dress clothes compared to his usual shorts and t;shirts or hoodies. $ couldn%t help but stare at the tattoo on his forearm, pee"ing out from his rolled up sleeves. !he names Eros and Psyche stared bac" at me, reminding me of what all they had to go through to be together. But in the end, fate found its way and they were rewarded with her immortal love. $ sighed aloud as $ wondered what fate had in store for me. After we got in the apartment, 3ax went straight to the shower to get cleaned up and told us he was going to bed afterwards. Ash followed me bac" to my room and sat down on the bed. $ sat down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder. 8$t was awful. Absolutely awful,: $ said #ust barely above a whisper. 7e wrapped his arm around me and pulled me snug up against his side. 82henever you%re ready to tal" about it. No rush. $ "now it%s been a cra&y day for you.: 8No, $ want to get it out while it%s fresh in my head. $ "now my emotions are really raw, but after what happened between us tonight, $ thin" we need to tal" about it,: $ said as $ relaxed a bit next to him. $ "new $ needed to be as honest as $ could so $ recapped the conversation for him as best as $ could remember it. 4nfortunately, it didn%t get any easier stomaching some of the words that 3ason and $ had exchanged the second time around. 2hen $ finished the recap, Ash as"ed me how $ was feeling at that exact moment. 8*onfused,: $ replied. !hat was the best word that $ could thin" of to describe the

multitude of thoughts and feelings that were bouncing around in my head. 8!hat%s to be expected 'carlett. $t%s gonna ta"e some time to process it all. $%m sorry that $ "issed you tonight.: $ pulled bac" away from him and loo"ed at him uestioningly. 82hy do you say that<: No girl ever wants a guy to apologi&e for "issing her. 8Because if $%d had "nown you were going to deal with all of this other stuff, $ wouldn%t have complicated things for you. 5ou "now how $ feel about you 'carlett6 $ told you that day in the music shop, but $ don%t ever want to cause you additional stress or cause more problems. $ "now now is not the right time for this@ for the possibility of an us but tonight, $ #ust couldn%t help myself,: he said as he ran his fingers through his long blonde hair, clearly frustrated. 8$t%s o"ay Ash. 5ou didn%t "now that he was gonna show up,: $ said as $ put my hand on his arm, hoping to comfort him. 8And $ was standing up there... $ felt it too. $ always feel it when $%m around you. Always have.: 7e turned to face me, as we both sat on the bed still in our dress clothes, and coc"ed his head slightly. 8/eally< 5ou really feel it<: !he ways his blue eyes bore into mine, $ felt li"e he was loo"ing in to my soul. $nstantly all other thoughts and memories of the night vanished from my head, and the only thing $ could concentrate on was sitting right next to me. $ pulled my bottom lip in between my teeth and nodded my head. 7e glanced down at his arm and $ followed suit. 3y hand that $ had put on his arm to soothe him was rubbing the Eros + Psyche butterfly tattoo on his forearm. 2e both loo"ed bac" up at one another and surrendered ourselves to the moment. $ couldn%t have resisted if $ wanted to. 7e closed the small gap between our faces and brushed his lips lightly across mine before pulling bac" slightly to gage my response. *losing my eyes, $ leaned towards him and was uic"ly met with his mouth on mine. !his time his "iss was much more firm ) demanding and almost desperate. 7is tongue teased my lower lip, tracing it, and then nibbling ever so slightly. 3oaning, $ parted my lips, allowing him entrance to my mouth. 1ur tongues tangled together as we lost ourselves in a "iss for the second time that day. ASH (issing 'carlett at the wedding was wonderful@ ama&ing even6 however, when our lips touched as we sat there on her bed, the voice in my head screamed so loudly, the reverberations could be felt in the furthest tips of my toes. $ had "nown from the moment $ laid eyes on her that she was my future@ my forever@ my happily ever after. 4nfortunately, we both needed to con uer some personal issues before it could be right for us to be together. Now that $ had finally dealt with the demon that was my father and his influence, $ felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, and was ready to give myself to her@ completely and whole;heartedly. $ "new it had only been a wee" since the 3ason bombshell had been dropped on her, but from listening to her explain how things had been the previous month, it seemed that they had been drifting apart with the physical distance between them. -eeling her s"in on my s"in, her lips on my lips, $ was aroused instantly. $ "new that we were a long way from that, if ever, but fuc" if $ couldn%t help myself. $ had waited so long to have her next to me, to touch her again, that at first contact $ was hard.

/eluctantly, $ ended the "iss, "nowing if $ didn%t do it uic"ly, $ may not be able to control my actions. Even after $ had pulled bac" from her a bit, she "ept her eyes closed, and $ caressed her face ever;so;lightly. !he whimper that $ heard her try to hide nearly sent me over the edge, but not wanting to ruin what we were slowly rebuilding before it ever had a chance, $ bac"ed up a little more. 8Butterfly, let%s shower and get you ready for bed. $t%s been a long day.: 'he opened her eyes and $ could see the desire looming her warm caramel;colored eyes. Even though $ "new we couldn%t do anything about it right then, "nowing she felt it too sent me over the moon. 82ill you stay here with me tonight<: she whispered. 8'leep with me li"e we used to do<: 9i"e there was any chance $ was gonna say no to her for anything, especially not that. $t was gonna be a huge fuc"ing test of self;control, but $ was up for the challenge. 81f course. 2hatever you need or want. $%m yours.: After we both had showered, and $ had borrowed some clothes from 3ax, we lay down in bed and she snuggled up next to my body li"e we hadn%t been separated over the previous twelve months. $ slung my arm around her waist, and pulled her closer to me. 2ithout trying to seem too much li"e a weirdo, $ sniffed her hair, remembering the fruity concoctions that she always smelled li"e. $ smiled to myself as $ settled myself onto the pillow and within minutes $ was off in dreamland.

CHAPTER TWENT( ONE ~ $231

.adness ~ .use I0m (o)rs ~ Dason "ra*

SCAR%ETT 2a"ing up covered in all things Ash too" me straight bac" to the numerous nights $ had spent in his bed the year before ) his arms holding me securely against his body, his legs tangled in mine, his masculine scent filling my nostrils, his morning erection pressing into my bac". $ closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind and to ignore the desire spreading throughout my body. $ "new that $ was both emotionally and physically needy from not #ust the last wee", but the last month that $ had been by myself6 however, that didn%t stop the memory of our "iss from #ust a few hours prior from flooding my mind. 2ithout even reali&ing what $ was doing, $ arched my bac" ever so slightly, pushing my ass up against his hard coc". 7e groaned in his sleep and tightened his hold on me. 1h .od. $ lay there for a few minutes as my id, ego, and superego battled one another on my next move. $n that moment, my id was feeling awfully dominate, and it "ept chanting to me the advice that Evie had given me so many times> -uc" it and #ust live. 'o $ did. $ reached bac" behind me, slid my hand between our bodies, and gently grabbed his coc". .ently, $ began to stro"e him on the outside of his boxers. $t didn%t ta"e him long to stir to life as he unconsciously pressed himself into my hand. 'trengthening the grip $ had on him, as $ continued the up and down motion with my hand, $ turned my head to where $ could see his face. 7is eyes were still closed but he was smiling. 2anting to give him the best wa"eup call that $ possibly could, $ twisted my body to where $ was facing him, and began to uietly shimmy down under the covers. !rying not to wa"e him yet, $ managed to get slip his erection out of his boxers. 3y heart was pounding out of my chest6 $ had fantasi&ed what it would be li"e to be with Ash every night $ had slept in his bed from the day $ met him. $ didn%t allow myself a chance to second guess $ was about to do, $ #ust went with what $ was feeling. $ wrapped my hand around the base of his coc" and he #umped slightly and the unexpected touch. $ waited a moment as he relaxed his body, and then began to slide my hand up and down his bare shaft. After wetting my lips with my tongue, $ ever;so;lightly touched it to his head and began swirling it around the tip, increasing the pressure slowly. *ontinuing the stro"ing with my hand, $ parted my lips and wrapped them snugly around his roc" hard coc". $ wasn%t really sure at what point he was fully awa"e and aware of what was going on, but as $ slid my mouth down his length, he moved his hands, threading his fingers in my hair. Any fear or hesitation $ had that he would tell me what $ was doing wasn%t a good idea was erased. 3atching the same rhythm as my hand, $ began moving my lips over his dic"

while running my tongue along the underneath. 8'carlett,: he moaned as he tightened his hold on my hair. 7earing him say my name and "nowing what $ was doing to him, drove me cra&y. $ could feel the butterflies come alive not only in my stomach but deep in my core as well. -ueled by a yearning over a year old, $ devoured his coc", sliding it in and out of my mouth, suc"ing hard on the tip, and then burying it deep into my throat. 8'carlett, oh my .od, that%s incredible,: he said in between breaths. 8*ome here.: 7e tugged my hair in an upwards motion and $ pulled my mouth off his shaft, ma"ing a popping noise as the suction released him. $ moved bac" up his body until we were face to face. 2e both #ust lay there for a moment lost in each other%s eyes, loo"ing deep into each other%s soul, "nowing that once the line was crossed, our destiny would be fulfilled. -ate had determined this inevitable long before $ "new who Ash 2al"er was. No words were necessary and none were said. $ "new exactly what he was thin"ing, #ust as he did me. 1ur mouths collided feverously, craving one another%s taste, and our hands began a fren&ied exploration of each other%s bodies as we ripped away the clothes separating us. 2ithin minutes, we were both stripped free of the barriers, both physically and mentally, that "ept us apart. 7e pulled me onto his lap so that $ was straddling him. 7is eyes roamed over my body, and instead of feeling any apprehension, $ was completely comfortable as he too" me in. 8Butterfly, you are most beautiful thing $ have ever laid my eyes on,: he said as he reached out with one hand and stro"ed my chee". $ leaned forward and brushed my lips across his as $ ran my hands over his chest. As $ sat bac" up, he grabbed both of my wrists and swung my arms around to my bac", and held them there with one hand. 7e used his free hand to rub over my breasts and to pull on each nipple. $ arched my bac" into his touch and felt his coc" twitch under me, and reactively $ wiggled my throbbing pussy to where he was positioned directly against my clit. 8Ash, oh please@: $ moaned. 7e grabbed me and uic"ly flipped us to where $ was flat on my bac" and he was hovering over me. 7e began "issing my nec" and nibbling on my earlobe as his hand traveled down my stomach until it found my hot wet cunt. 8Ah, fuc" 'carlett, you are drenched. $ want to feel you so bad,: he admitted. 8$ want you inside of me love,: $ replied, drun" with desire and passion. 7is fingers slid between my slic" folds and he began massaging my sex, building the needy ache deep inside of me. 3y body was starving for his, my soul desperate to ma"e that connection to him. 8Please@: $ begged. 8$ need you.: 7earing the intensity of my plea, he lifted his body and lined it up with mine. 7is eyes fixed on mine, there was nothing else in the world that mattered in that moment than him and me and our need for each other. 7e plunged deep inside of me with the first stro"e, and $ screamed out. 7e pulled bac" until he was almost completely out of me, but right before that, he slammed inside of me again. And again. And again. $t didn%t ta"e either of long to reach our brea"ing point6 we had both thought about this moment for way too fuc"ing long. 8Ash, $%m gonna cum,: $ somehow managed to say, at least $ thin" $ did. *lose to his own orgasm, he did not let up, pumping in and out of me, until we

were both ready to #ump together. As $ felt the explosion begin to erupt deep inside me, $ held onto him tightly, clenching my pussy around his coc" until $ felt him #oin me in the free fall and collapse around me. $ don%t "now how long we stayed #ust li"e that. 1ur exhausted, sweaty bodies, pressed against each other and our breaths in sync with one another $ would love to say that our first time together was tender and gentle and caring and sensitive, but it was a far, far cry from any of those. !he only thing that mattered was that it was perfect. Earth; shattering, life;altering, soul;fusing perfect. ASH 2a"ing up to 'carlett%s mouth on my coc" was the best surprise@ ever. $ had wanted so badly the night before to further that "iss, but $ was afraid that it wasn%t the right time, it was too soon. 0espite our history together and the connection we had always shared, truth was she had only been bro"en up with /at for a wee" or so, and the argument they had left her emotionally vulnerable. $ wanted her as mine more than anything in the world, but $ had faith it would happen in due time. 'he would always be my Psyche. 7owever, $ also "new it was important for her to find her own strength, to learn that she could fly with her own wings. 'he didn%t need to be my butterfly or his angel or anyone%s anything to love herself and find true happiness. All that being said, there was no way in hell $ was going to stop her once $ wo"e up and reali&ed what she was doing. $ had fantasi&ed about being with her so many times, it was truly a dream come true. 2hen $ pulled her up to my face and loo"ed into her eyes, it was in that moment $ "new she had reali&ed that us being together was inescapable@ unavoidable@ predetermined. 'he owned me ) body, mind, and soul. $ had wanted so badly to ma"e sweet love to her the first time we were together, but once $ touched her, $ couldn%t control myself. 'he was so fuc"ing beautiful and $ had waited so long to have her. $ almost came immediately when $ first thrusted inside her sweet, tight pussy. *alling it heavenly wasn%t even doing it #ustice. $t was completely indescribable and more powerful than anything $ had ever experienced. As we lay there afterwards, struggling to catch our breath and to wrap our heads around what had #ust happened, $ couldn%t help but as" her, 80id you call me Alove<%: 'he giggled and shoo" her head. 8$ don%t "now what you%re tal"ing about.: 9aughing at her stubbornness, 8$ thin" you "now exactly what $%m tal"ing about. 5ou called me a nic"name@ Alove% of all things too.: 85ou%re delusional. $ thin" the hormones racing through your body must%ve affected your hearing,: she attempted to say with a straight face. $ started tic"ling her and she began s uirming around underneath me, trying to control her laughter. 8/eally< Because $%m pretty sure your exact words were 8%$ want you@%: 'he clamped her hand over my mouth so that $ couldn%t say anything else, so naturally $ lic"ed her hand to get her to move it. 8Ewww@ that%s gross,: she s uealed as she pulled her hand bac". 8$ want you inside me love,: $ managed to say in my version of a female voice before dying in laughter. 'he slapped my arm and $ grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on top of me. 8'ay it again.: 8'ay what again< !hat $ want you inside of me<: 82ell, that%s not what $ was tal"ing about, but if you want to say that again, $ can accommodate your wishes,: $ teased.

'he rolled her eyes and tried to act mad, but couldn%t stop the smile that tugged at her lips. 8*ome on love, let%s get out of bed. $ need to shower and $%m hungry.: As she climbed off of me, $ swatted her ass and she s uealed. 8$ need a shower and food too, ya "now. .od, what "ind of hostess are you<: 82ell come on then, love.: $ sat up and watched her wal" across the room na"ed. 2hat a sight she was. 8'top loo"ing at me li"e $%m an animal at the &oo. Are you gonna ta"e a shower with me or not<: 'he needn%t as" twice6 fuc" yeah $ wanted to ta"e a shower with her. $ wanted to do everything with her. $ was up and out of the bed in seconds, following her to the bathroom. 8Are you gonna coo" me brea"fast after we are all clean<: 8!his isn%t a bed and brea"fast,: she said laughing. 82e can go get some food@ and you some clothes.: 'he loo"ed me up and down as $ stood there #ust as na"ed as her. 1ur eyes met and $ wanted to say it so bad, and $ "new it wasn%t the time, but damn if $ didn%t love her so much. 8$ "now@ me too,: she said and then turned and wal"ed into the ad#oining bathroom.

CHAPTER TWENT( TWO ~ "O<IN' IN DI88ERNENT DIRECTIONS

"utterfl# 4'he )lies Alone5 ~ Journe# %e/o Ho)se ~ E! Sheeran

When the Dr)/s Don0t Wor1 ~ 9en Harper

SCAR%ETT 1ver the next couple of wee"s, 3ax and $ wor"ed our way into a comfortable routine. *lasses were out for winter brea", so we had uite a bit of free time around our part time wor" schedules. After that first incredible morning together, Ash expressed his concern that $ needed space to heal from the brea"up and that he wanted me to be sure that a relationship with him was what $ wanted. $ "new without a doubt what $ wanted, but $ agreed to ta"e things slowly. 3ax and $ wor"ed perfectly as roommates. !han"fully, there was never any aw"wardness about what had happened between us because $ wouldn%t have "nown what to do without him in my life. 7e made me tal" about my feelings uite a bit, claiming that $ needed to get it all out or $ would allow it to get in the way of my happiness. 2e tal"ed about 3ason and how $ felt about the brea"up. Even though $ did love 3ase very much, our relationship wasn%t strong enough, or we #ust weren%t mature enough, for it to withstand the distance between us. 'ure, there had been some miscommunication issues, but the fact was he was moving forward with his music and ,obu%s /um and $ was a twenty year old college student with a lot of growing up to do. Being my first love@ my first relationship@ my first everything really made him very special to me and $ would always hold a special place in my heart for him. $ didn%t begrudge him the decisions he made, and $ truly wished him all of the happiness and success in the world. 3aybe one day when he was rich and famous, $ could say $ "new him when. Ash and $ tal"ed and texted every day, but true to his word, $ only saw him a couple of times a wee" at first. 7e would ta"e me out on dates ) dinner, movies, we even went to a musical ) and then afterwards we would go bac" to one of our houses and hang out with our respective roommates. Being with him was the most natural thing ever, $ could #ust be me all the time. -or better or worse, he "new everything about me, the good and the bad. And for the most part $ "new everything about him. 'ex with Ash was nothing short of spectacular. $t was always different, sometimes it was slow and sweet love ma"ing while other times it was nothing more than hot and sweaty fuc"ing. $t was a given on the nights we spent together that we would, but he was also very spontaneous. Any time we got where we were at one of our houses alone, it became a game of what room he would pounce on

me in. Before $ "new it, the wee" of *hristmas was upon us and $ was very excited because $ was spending it with Ash%s family. *rys, 2ill, and the boys were flying in for the holiday, and $ was loo"ing forward to seeing them all again. 3y parents had gone on a 3editerranean cruise for two wee"s and my brother and sister;in;law were going to visit her parents on the East coast, so my grandparents had decided to not have a big dinner. !hey had told me $ was welcome to come to their house, but they understood if $ had friends that $ wanted to celebrate with. ,ess and 3eg had both gone to their parents% homes so we used Ash%s house as the place for the festivities. 7is mom%s apartment could%ve wor"ed, but there was much more space and the "itchen was much more functional at his house. $ spent *hristmas Eve night with him helping clean up and prep the food. As we were standing in the "itchen cutting up veggies for the different casseroles, we tal"ed about childhood memories of *hristmas Eve%s and what not. 'omehow we got on the discussion of our older siblings and as he was tal"ing about *rys, a uestion that $ was curious about for a long time popped in my head. 8*an $ as" you something about while $ was gone last year<: $ as"ed, scared of what the answer was going to be. 81f course, what%s up<: 8'o $ "now that the day $ came bac" and saw you at the bar, you were there with *rys, but what did you do while $ was gone< $ mean we%ve never really discussed those eight months@: $ let my voice trail off, unsure of how he was gonna ta"e the uestion. 85ou mean who did $ do while you were gone, right<: 7e stopped what he was doing and pushed the cutting board aside. 7e turned to loo" at me and raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response !he one bad thing about us "nowing each other so well was he that he "new exactly what $ meant when $ as"ed something li"e that. $ didn%t stop peeling the potatoes nor did $ loo" up at him, instead $ #ust nodded my head. 8/ight after you left 'carlett, $ was devastated. $ didn%t leave my house much for a few wee"s. $ blamed myself, and rightfully so, for why you left. 'oon thereafter, $ went through my angry stage. $ was mad at you for leaving, for running away and not letting me explain. $ thought that returning to the way $ was before you, before $ cared about anyone would help me get over you@ 8 $ "new $ had no right to be mad, but still hearing that he had gone bac" to that lifestyle pissed me off and $ could feel my face getting hot. 7e too" the two steps it too" to get to me and grabbed my wrists, ma"ing me stop what $ was doing. $ loo"ed down reali&ing $ was destroying the potato with the peeler. $ dropped both in the sin" and turned my face to loo" at him. 7is face was serious but reassuring. 8'carlett, after the first wee" or so of acting li"e a fuc"ing #ac" ass, $ stopped. $ #ust couldn%t do it. 5ou were all $ could thin" of. $ "new, $ #ust "new that you%d come bac" or somehow we would end up bac" together, and $ didn%t want to have this exact conversation with you. $ didn%t want you to be disappointed in me again. $ swore that $%d never let you down again.:

8/eally< 'o up until we were together the first time a few wee"s ago, you hadn%t been with anyone since a few wee"s after $ left<: $ found that pretty hard to believe. 85es, $ "now you are having problems believing that, but it%s the truth. 'hortly after that everything happened with my parents and $ got the new research assistant #ob. 3y life #ust got so cra&y that $ didn%t really have time to thin" about it. $ mean don%t get me wrong, $ watched a shit load of porn and too" care of myself plenty, but $ wasn%t with anyone else.: $ "new by the loo" on his face and the calming feeling in my stomach that he was telling the truth, and $ relaxed my shoulders that $ didn%t even reali&e were tensed up. 81"ay, sorry, $ #ust had to as".: 8Anything, Butterfly, anything you ever want to "now@ you as" me. $ don%t there to ever be a problem between us because of miscommunication or assumptions.: 7e let go of my wrists and stepped behind me pinning me in between his body and the sin". 'weeping all of my hair over one shoulder, he began "issing the exposed shoulder, moving his mouth tantali&ingly slow towards my nec" with "isses and light love bites. $ closed my eyes and $ moaned as his touch brought me wet panties instantly. As he continued moving up my nec" with his mouth, his hands grabbed and tilted my hips so that my ass was pressed up against his erection. 80o you "now how sexy you are when you get #ealous and possessive<: he growled in my ear. -uc" yes. $ shoo" my head no and closed my eyes. Not moving his hands off of my hips or his mouth off my throat, he began bunching my s"irt up in his hands. 80o you need me to remind you how important you are to me<: he grumbled. 7is uestion reminded me of something ,esse 2ard would%ve as"ed Ava. 85ou mean a reminder fuc"<: $ as"ed with a chee"y grin. 7e chuc"led at my sassiness. 8Exactly li"e a reminder fuc".: Not waiting for me to respond, $ felt him release my right hip and $ then heard his pants being unbuttoned and &ipped. Not even bothering to ta"e off my red lace panties, he pulled them to the side and plunged two fingers inside of me. 8Ahh fuc", 'carlett, you%re drenched. 5ou li"e thin"ing about me giving you reminder fuc"s, don%t you<: 7e began rubbing my #uices all around my entire swollen lips and throbbing clit. $nstead of answering, $ arched my bac" even more offering myself up to him. 'econds later, again without warning, he thrust his hard coc" deep inside of me. $ cried out with pleasure as he buried himself in me. 2ith both hands holding my hips tight, he began pumping his coc" in and out of me at an almost frantic pace. $t didn%t ta"e long at all for me to feel my orgasm coming on. !he entire act was #ust incredibly fuc"ing hot, and when he leaned into my ear and ordered me to cum, that was all it too". $ exploded all over him, my pussy weeping with happiness. 3oments later $ felt his body tense up and his thumbs dig into my hip bones as he emptied his hot cum into me and cried out, 8-uuuuccc"""B: 7is body slumped over onto me, and he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. 'nuggling his face bac" into my nec", he whispered into my ear, 8!hat%s your reminder that $ love you. Always and -orever. 5ou%re my Psyche and $%m your Eros.: $ "new he loved me, #ust li"e he "new that $ loved him, but we had yet to start saying it to one another. $f you would have as"ed me before if that%s how $ wanted him to express his eternal love to me ) leaned over the "itchen sin" with his semi;hard coc" still inside me, as the remnants of our reminder fuc" began to run down my inner thigh, $ would%ve laughed at you. But #ust li"e everything else with Ash and $, his saying $ love you happened exactly it was supposed to, exactly the way it was supposed to. 8$ love you too, 3uv# but what happens if $ forget again< 'omething li"e this<: $

teased. 8*ause if that%s the case $ thin" $ may have already forgotten again.: 85ou little bratB $%m about to show you what a retribution fuc" is@: 81oh, that sounds li"e fun tooB: $ wiggled my ass against him. 8'top it, 'carlett,: he said laughing. 82e need to get the rest of this stuff ready for tomorrow. Now come on, let%s go clean up real uic".: !he following morning $ was wo"en up with a sweet A$ love you% love ma"ing session before we rolled out of his bed ready to attac" the day. 7is family all arrived around three in the afternoon and $ was so happy to see *rys again. 2e had begun chatting daily via texts #ust about life, and $ considered her one of my good friends. !he guys were in the living room watching some football game on !C, his mom was sitting on the floor playing a board game with 1scar and Evan soa"ing in her grandmother time with the adorable little blondies, and *rys and $ were putting the finishing touches on the meal. ,ust before we were going to sit down for dinner, $ heard my phone ringing bac" in Ash%s room so $ hurried bac" there to answer it. Being that it was *hristmas day, $ assumed that it was my parents or brother calling to wish me a happy holiday, so $ didn%t thin" much about the long distance are code. 87elloB 3erry *hristmasB: $ answered cheerfully. 8'carlett< $s that you<: a familiar male voice said on the other side of the line, but $ couldn%t place it immediately. 85es@ who is this<: 8$t%s *ru&.: !he minute he told me who it was my stomach san" and $ began to grind my teeth. $ wasn%t sure why he was calling, but it couldn%t have been for a good reason. 8$, uh@ $ don%t "now how to say this@: he danced around whatever it was. 8,ust say it. 2hat%s going on *ru&<: $ hadn%t seen nor heard from 3ason in several wee"s when we said goodbye at 3ina%s wedding, but $ had a bad feeling. 8/at 10%d last night.: "ASON $ wo"e up the day after the wedding on the bathroom floor of *ru& and 'ebastian%s apartment. $ had no idea what $ had done or how $ had gotten there. $ felt li"e $ had been run over by a train ) my head was pounding, my vision was blurry, my ribs were sore, and $ had the worst case of cotton mouth ever. 2hat in the fuc" happened< $ stumbled out into the living area where *ru& was playing video games and eating some cereal. 80ude, what the fuc" happened to me<: $ as"ed him. 7e loo"ed up at me and shoo" his head. 85ou lost your damn mind last night, /at. $ don%t "now what that girl did to you, but you need to get a hold of yourself before we leave.: ,ust the mention of 'carlett brought all of the memories from the prior day to the surface. $ still couldn%t believe it what had happened. $ needed to tal" to Bentley A'AP, $ needed to as" about being reassigned to ,ag, and $ needed to tell that bitch to fuc" off for good. $ managed to get myself together as much as possible and made my way to my apartment. After a shower and a cup of coffee, $ began to feel about twenty;five percent drag so $ decided to ma"e the phone call. $nstead of dealing with Bentley%s cra&iness, $

called ,ag direct and told him the situation. 7e agreed and told me that he would ta"e care of his sister and that $ didn%t need to worry about it again. $ felt much better that issue had been resolved. 0espite feeling li"e complete dog shit that morning after partying the night before, $ decided it was a good idea to party again that night with all the members of Cander Blue and their groupies. $ called 'ebastian to ma"e sure he was bringing party favors for us to parta"e in, and then $ got ready to go not give a fuc". 1nce we left to go on tour, $ thought that $ would be able to straighten my act up a bit. $ "ept telling myself that my going out in Austin every night before we left was #ust my mini;farewell tour of sorts. 7owever, the exact opposite happened. !he women, alcohol, and drugs multiplied tenfold. Every day and night it was thrown in our fuc"ing faces and $ after losing my Angel, $ #ust wasn%t stable enough mentally or emotionally and $ got lost in the easy, temporary fixes. *hristmas Eve night was particularly cra&y. 2e had played a show in 3iami the night before, and we were off on both *hristmas Eve and *hristmas 0ay to relax a bit before the European tour started. !he boys and $ decided to go see what all the fuss over 3iami Beach%s party life was all about. 3a"ing sure that $ had a nice feeling running through me before we got started, $ grabbed a mirror and a straight edge to cut up a few lines of co"e that 'ebastian had gotten me the night before. 'norting a line in each nostril, $ too" a deep breath and waited for the tingling feeling to creep up my nose, and then begin the slow drip in the bac" of my throat. 1nce $ recogni&ed the undeniable taste in my mouth, $ wet my finger with my tongue, ran it across the mirror to pic" up any leftover granules and then rubbed it on my gums. 2ithin minutes, $ was alert and ready to go, hoping that $ was headed out for a *hristmas Eve night that $ would never forget.

CHAPTER TWENT( THREE ~ SA<ED 9( AN AN'E%

I Won0t $et You Go ~ James .orrison The 'reat Escape ~ PIn1

SCAR%ETT 82hat did you #ust say<: $ as"ed *ru&, hoping $ didn%t hear what $ thought $ did. 8$t%s 3ason, 'carlett,: his voice crac"ed. 87e%s in $*4 in critical condition here at the 4niversity of 3iami hospital. !hey aren%t sure if he%s gonna ma"e it. !hey said the next twenty four hours are crucial. $ "now its *hristmas and all6 $%m really sorry to have to ma"e this call, $ #ust thought you would want to "now.: 81f course $ want to "now. $%m on my way. 2hat hotel are you staying in<: 3y mind begin racing on what all $ needed to do to get there as soon as possible. 82e are at the Bentley 7otel 'outh Beach.: 8Are you fuc"ing serious<: /eally< 1f all the hotels, that%s where they were staying< 89et me guess, she boo"ed that one@: $ "new $ shouldn%t be acting bitchy with the seriousness of what was going on, but damn if $ didn%t despise that bitch. 8No, 'carlett. /at fired her before we came on tour. ,ag%s here with us.: 81h, o"ay: $ didn%t have time to thin" about the implications of what that meant6 $ needed to get to 3iami uic"ly. 82ell, $%ll be there as soon as $ can.: 85ou don%t have to do that. $ "now it%s *hristmas,: he said. 8$ #ust wanted you to "now.: 8No, $ have to be there. $%ll call the airline as soon as $ hang up with you. $%ll let you "now when $ get there.: $ hung up the phone and did #ust as $ said $ would, $ called the airlines and boo"ed a seat on the next flight out which was in an hour and a half. $ didn%t even bother to stop and thin" about Ash and his family in the other room. 9uc"ily, $ "ept some clothes over his house so that $ wouldn%t have to always bring a bag bac" and forth. $ began frantically throwing enough for a few days into a bag and mentally going through what all $ needed for the flight. As $ was going through my purse chec"ing for my driver%s license and cash, Ash wal"ed into the room with a confused loo" on his face. 8$s everything o"ay, Butterfly< 2hy are you pac"ing a bag< 2hat%s going on<: 7e was loo"ing around the bed trying to figure out what was going on. $ "new that he wasn%t going to be happy that $ was bailing on him and his family and this meal that we had prepared for 3ason, but $ had no choice. $ had to go to him. 8Please don%t get upset, but *ru& #ust called. ,obu%s /um is in 3iami and 3ason overdosed last night. 7e%s in bad shape at the hospital. !hey aren%t sure if he%s gonna ma"e it Ash.: $t wasn%t until $ had to say the words out loud that the tears came. 8$ #ust boo"ed a flight. $ leave in a little over an hour. Please understand that $ have to go.:

!he disappointment showed all over his face, but instead of giving me any grief, he nodded his head. 81"ay, 'carlett, whatever you thin" you need to do.: 8$%m so, so sorry love. $f he doesn%t live, $ would never forgive myself for not going. $ at least need to see him.: $ wal"ed over to him and wrapped my arms around his nec", pulling him close to me. $ "new he was frustrated with the situation, but being the person he was, he tried to hide it for my sa"e. 7e slid his arms around my waist and "issed my forehead. 8.o do what you need to do. $%ll explain it to my family and $%ll be here waiting for you when you get bac", o"ay<: $ nodded my head, trying to "eep more tears from coming for saying goodbye to him. $ leaned up and "issed him hard on the lips. 7e returned the "iss with #ust as much force, sliding his tongue into my mouth, rolling it against mine. $t almost felt as if he was claiming me with the "iss, or reminding me that $ belonged to him, since a reminder fuc" wasn%t an option at the moment. 2e reluctantly pulled away from one another. 8$ love you, Ash6 $%ll be bac" as soon as $ can.: 8$ "now, Butterfly. $ love you, too. *all me when you get there so that $ "now you arrived safely and let me "now how he is. No matter what history $ have with him, $ never want anything bad to happen to him.: 1n my way to the airport $ called 3ax to let him "now what was going on. 7e was angry that $ didn%t call him immediately, saying that he would%ve come with me, but $ explained to him that this was something $ needed to do on my own. At some point $ had to stop relying on other people to be my crutch when dealing with tough times. 7aving dependable family and friends to support and comfort me was a blessing, but it was time $ flew with my own wings. An hour later as the plane ascended into the air, $ did #ust that. 2al"ing through 3iami $nternational Airport at nearly nine o cloc" on *hristmas evening was li"e wal"ing through a ghost town. All of the restaurants and gift shops were closed and the airport staff was minimal. $ thin" $ only passed maybe five or six other travelers in the entire building. !han"fully, $ didn%t have to go to baggage claim since $ only had my one carry on, so $ followed the signs to the taxi pic" up. Every minute $ got closer to seeing 3ason, the anxiety and fear continued to build. $ had no idea what to expect, what he would loo" li"e, if they would even let me see him. $ first called *ru& to let him "now that $ had arrived and to see if $ should go to the hospital or hotel first. 7e instructed me to meet him at the hotel because it wasn%t visiting hours again at the hospital until eight in the morning. $ had completely forgotten to call and boo" a room, but he told me not to worry, that $ could #ust stay in 3ase%s room. $ then called Ash and 3ax to let them "now that $ had landed safely and was headed to the hotel. !he entire taxi ride to the hotel $ beat myself up over being partly to blame for 3ason%s condition. $ had dropped a huge bomb on him at the wedding that night, not only did $ completely re#ect his plea for a chance to wor" things out, $ also told him $ had slept with one of his good friends. $ wasn%t sure what to believe exactly about the phone call $ had with Bentley that night, but after his reaction to what $ had assumed was his choice to be with her, $ was pretty sure that nothing had happened. !hat made me feel even more responsible for the downward spiral that had led to this awful outcome. $f $ had #ust demanded to tal" to 3ase that night, or even waited until the following morning when he was coming home to tal" to him, and get his side of the story before

ma"ing unfounded assumptions@ $f $ had not got so drun" that $ couldn%t "eep myself from ma"ing senseless decisions@ $f $ had not been so hurtful and ugly to him when he came to the wedding@ $f $ had chec"ed on him after leaving him in that state, $ "new by #ust loo"ing at him he was probably close to self;destruction. As the taxi pulled up to the hotel and all $ was left with was a bunch of 8what;ifs.: $ had become a true believer in fate and destiny and everything happening for a reason. 1nce Ash and $ had gotten together, $ reali&ed that he truly was the other half of my soul, and the undying, eternal love that we shared was the "ey to my happiness. But it didn%t ma"e it any easier "nowing that a man $ loved, a man that played a huge role in ma"ing me the person who $ had become, was lying in a hospital bed on the other side of the city fighting for his life@ and that $ was most li"ely one of the main reasons he was there. 2ith a defeated sigh, $ opened the door and climbed out of the car after paying the fare and adding a nice tip. !he outside of the hotel was beautiful, a four;story, white trendy building, located oceanfront and right in the middle of what seemed to be the tourist area of the beach. $t was dar" outside when $ arrived, and the outside lighting rose from the ground, illuminating the two large palm trees outside as well as the name spelled across the top floor> Bentley 7otel. 'taying here was actually a blessing in disguise, as it reminded me that $ wasn%t the only contributor to this horrible situation. $ wal"ed into the luxurious lobby hesitantly, unsure of where $ should go exactly. $ wal"ed over and sat my bag on a large chair in a lounge area in order to call *ru& when $ felt two strong arms wrap around me from behind. 8'carlett, $%m so glad you%re here,: *ru& said as his voice crac"ed. $ turned around to face and hug him properly6 when $ saw his swollen red eyes and tear stained chee"s, $ nearly lost it. 7ugging him tightly, $ tried to comfort him, 81h *ru&, it%s o"ay. $t%s all gonna be o"ay. 2hatever happens@ $ promise.: After a few moments, he pulled bac" from me and grabbed my bag out of my chair. 8*ome on, 'carlett, it%s late. 9et me ta"e you up to the room so that you can rest. !omorrow%s gonna be a long day.: 2e too" the elevator to the top floor and he ushered me into a one bedroom suite that was absolutely gorgeous. 3ason%s clothes were thrown about on the unmade bed and an empty bag of his favorite #alapeno chips was on the counter. 'eeing his things caused a huge lump to form in my throat. 82ell, ma"e yourself at home6 $ "now /at would want you to,: he said, trying not to brea"down again. After $ gave him another hug, than"ed him for everything, and promised him $ would call if $ needed anything at all, he went down the hall to his room. At first $ #ust stood there, not really sure what to do. $ didn%t really want to go through any of his things, but $ needed to put my bag away and order some room service, seeing that $ hadn%t had anything to eat since brea"fast. $n the bedroom $ found the dinner menu and uic"ly called down to order a B9! and fries. $ figured $ had time to ta"e a uic" shower and get comfortable before the food arrived, so $ hurried into the bathroom. !wenty minutes later, $ was clean and changed and waiting for my dinner. $ sat down on the couch to watch some mindless television when $ saw 3ase%s guitar propped against the end table. $ scooted over to grab it, hoping that some musical therapy would help much li"e it did after $ lost Evie, when $ saw the sheets of paper with music and lyrics scribbled all over them spread out on the table next to a mirror and ra&orblade. $ "new that $ probably should%ve left everything exactly where it was, but curiosity got the best of me, and $ pic"ed up the papers to see what he had been wor"ing on. /eading

the words that he had poured out from his heart into that song bro"e me. *omplete. 0evastation. PARTE 2 5eed you# like the air * breathe 6y "ngel# that1s what you are to me Watching you fall is tearing me a+art When you leave there won1t be much left of my heart 7rawn to him -ulled to him !ou 4ust can1t stay away * know the end is near# )etting closer every day !our ha++iness is my ha++iness %im+le but it1s true .hat1s why * can never cli+ your wings &ould never sto+ you 2ecause you are 7rawn to him -ulled to him !ou 4ust can1t stay away * know the end is near# )etting closer every day %o go to him 2e with him

%et your soul free * only wish instead of him *t had been me 6y +erfect angel .hat1s what you1ll always be !eah# that1s what you1ll always be

!here is not a word that exists that could do #ustice to the way $ felt after $ read those words. $ didn%t "now what to do with myself. $ felt as if $ was going to internally combust with the emotions pumping throughout my body. $ pic"ed up the small s uare mirror that he had obviously used for his drugs and chun"ed it across the room, shattering it against the wall. !hat didn%t ma"e me feel any better. $ continued to #ust sit there in the deafening silence , until $ was startled by someone "noc"ing on the door. 8/oom service,: a voice called out on the other side of the door. $ #umped up and wal"ed over to let him in, even though $ suddenly had no appetite at all. After $ signed the tic"et and the guy left, $ put the food on the table, grabbed my purse and sweater, and went to catch some fresh air. $ wal"ed at a snail%s pace down 1cean 0rive, loo"ing at all of the hotels, restaurants, gift shops, and tattoo parlors that lined the street. Everything was closed since it was nearly midnight on *hristmas night6 the serenity and peacefulness of what $ was sure normally hectic and chaotic helped calm my manic state. A little ways down the street, $ saw two seagulls wal"ing side by side almost as if they were humans out for a stroll. $ sat down on the curb and watched them waddle down the sidewal" towards me, every so often loo"ing at each other as if they were tal"ing. 'eeing them made me thin" of ,onathan 9ivingston 'eagull and reminded me of the lessons of self;forgiveness and courage he was forced to learn. As they got #ust in front of me, they stopped wal"ing and stood for a split second, both loo"ing right at me. !hey then too" flight, flying off bac" behind me. $ turned to watch them ta"e off into the night%s s"y when $ noticed the building $ had set down in front of> Eternal !ruth !attoo 'hop. (nowing exactly what $ needed to do, $ #umped up and headed bac" to the hotel. 1nce in 3ason%s/ my room, $ began cleaning up the bro"en mirror from earlier. $ then cleaned his room completely and searched the internet until $ found the perfect thing for the pro#ect $ was going to tac"le the following afternoon, anything to "eep myself busy until $ could get to the hospital. $ finally fell asleep around four in the morning, but $ had no problems getting up when the alarm cloc" went off three hours later. $ was so anxious to see him. $ needed to see him. 1nce $ was ready to go, $ called *ru& to let him "now, grabbed 3ason%s guitar case, and went to meet him on the lobby. As soon as he saw me get off the elevator, he hurried over to me and pic"ed me up in a tight embrace. 7is eyes were still swollen but he loo"ed much better than the night before.

8.ood morning, 'carlett,: he said borderline cheerfully while loo"ing down at the guitar. 83orning, *ru&. 0id you get some sleep<: $ as"ed. 85es, $ did. $%m feeling much better. $ have such a good feeling about you being here to see him. $ can%t wait to get you to the hospital. 'o you are planning on playing music for him<: 8*ru&,: $ warned as we wal"ed towards the door. 8$%m not here to get bac" together with him, and $ can%t promise that $%m gonna ma"e anything better. $%m here because $ love him as a person and $ want him to get better for himself. And yes, $%m hoping that some music might help.: 8Perfect, that%s all $ can as". Now come on.: 1n the ride to the hospital, *ru& gave me the bac"ground on what had happened. $t was hard to hear the details, but $ "new that $ needed to "now. 7e had told me that ever since they had gone on tour, that both 3ason and 'ebastian had unraveled out of control at an alarming rate. 7e said their music was already suffering from it because they were out all night doing who "nows what and who "nows who, and would then show up for practice strung out and loo"ing li"e warmed over death. *hristmas Eve night everyone had gone to some party at a producer%s house in 'outh Beach, and 3ason disappeared with some girl into the house. 7ours later when everyone was ready to leave, they went searching for him. 'miley finally found him unconscious in a bathroom with a bunch of drugs and paraphernalia surrounding him. No one "new where the girl was but when they couldn%t get him to wa"e up for anything and his body was burning up hot, they too" him straight to the E/. !he taxi dropped us off at the front door, and $ allowed *ru& to lead the way. 2e found out that they had moved him out of $*4 because his vitals remained normal overnight, but he still had not wo"en up. 2e found our way to his new room, and *ru& insisted that $ go in first by myself. 7e told me to ta"e as long as $ needed6 he was going to go find some coffee. 2al"ing into that room, seeing him hoo"ed up to the $Cs and machines, was harder than $ thought it would be. $ too" a deep breath and wal"ed towards his bed to get a better loo" at him. 'etting the guitar down on the floor, $ stood there for a minute #ust ta"ing him in. 7e was pale and his face was thinner than normal. !hey had ta"en his lip ring out and his shaggy hair hadn%t been cut recently. $t loo"ed li"e him, but it didn%t. $ reached out and gently rubbed my thumb over his chee" several times, but he did not react. $ sat down in the chair next to him and got the guitar out of the case. $ had searched all "inds of music the night before trying to find the right song to express my feelings and hopes for him. !he first time $ heard PBn"%s !he .reat Escape, $ "new it was perfect. 87i 3ason, it%s me 'carlett. $%m here,: $ began, feeling a bit aw"ward tal"ing to an unconscious person. 8$%m not sure if you can hear me or not, but $ #ust want to tell that $ came as soon as $ heard what happened.: $ too" a deep breath trying to "eep my cool and not brea" down crying. 8$%m so upset with you doing this yourself. 2hat are you thin"ing< 4gh@ $ may #ust "ill you myself when you wa"e up,: $ #o"ed. 8No, really, $%m not even sure what to say. 'o, $%m doing what all musicians do6 $%m gonna sing to you how $ feel. $ really hope you can hear this@: 3indful that $ was in a hospital and that there were people in the next rooms, $ closed my eyes and uietly strummed my guitar, singing my heart out to the lifeless body that lay several feet from me. !hrough the lyrics $ told him that $ wasn%t going to allow him

to escape this life6 $ was going to help him use the emotions that he was fighting to get rid of to give him a reason to be a better person6 $ wasn%t going to let him run away and ta"e the coward%s way out li"e $ had done so many times. $ had learned through my own stupidity that wasn%t the answer, and how he had helped me build myself bac" up when $ came bac", $ was going to do the same for him. !ears flooded my face, as $ put every bit of feeling $ had in singing the final lines to him. $ opened my eyes and too" a deep breath. 'taring bac" at me from the hospital bed were the beautiful gray eyes that $ had come to love so much. 8Am $ in heaven now, Angel<:

EPI%O'UE
A T ist in .# 'tor# ~ 'e+ondhand 'erenade
SCAR%ETT 'itting in the chair at the tattoo shop $ had sat in front of the day prior, $ closed my eyes as the hum of the needle wor"ed steadily across my left shoulder blade. $ used the time to collect the thousands of thoughts running through my mind and to plan my next move. !here were two things $ "new for sure> 1ne, the love $ had found with Ash was a timeless, eternal love that only came along once in a lifetime. 2hen $ was with him, $ truly felt complete. !wo, $ still loved 3ase very much6 it was a different "ind of love, but love nonetheless. $ could not allow him to destroy his life, especially when $ felt an enormous amount of guilt as the primary cause for his downfall. $ now had to figure out how to incorporate both of these men into my life without ma"ing a bigger mess than $ already had. $ had up and left Ash and his family on *hristmas 0ay for my ex;boyfriend who had overdosed, and even though he seemed o"ay with it at the time, $ was sure that discussions would ensue when $ returned. $f the roles had been reversed, $ would%ve been furious. 7owever, 3ase needed me. 7e needed my help, love, and support to get his life bac" together. !here was no way $ was turning my bac" on him after the way he too" me bac" when $ had returned to 7ouston. 7e had helped me to learn to love myself by loving me, and $ wanted to do the same for him. $ owed my happiness to both of them. 1ne taught me how to fly li"e an angel ) to free my spirit, to accept forgiveness, and to love without restraint. !he other had taught me to fly li"e a butterfly ) to embrace change, to celebrate innocence and vulnerability, and to open up my soul. !ogether, they had both given me the courage and the strength to fly with my own wings. !he tattoo artist tapped me to wa"e me from my daydream, and held up a mirror so that $ could see the fresh in" on my bac" ) the words "lis 8olat -ro+riis with birds flying out of a feather off my shoulder. $ smiled and nodded my head6 it was perfect. Even though $ wasn%t sure how it would all wor" out, $ had faith it would. -ate would find a way. 80on%t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. 9oo" with your understanding. -ind out what you already "now and you will see the way to fly.: N /ichard Bach, 9onathan 3ivingston %eagull !he End

Contin)e to .o++o$ Scar+ett& Ash& "ason& : "a# in 1uphoria >9oo1 F ~ +ate GCJF?

ACENOW%ED'E"ENTS

!here are so many people that have helped me throughout this process that $ could write a separate boo" #ust in naming + than"ing them. $ am so blessed to be surrounded with such incredible people in my life. 3y ama&ing family ) $ couldn%t do it without each and every one of you. !han" you so much for the love and support. !racey ) you have no idea, 'issy. $ love you always, 9enora. 3y betas ) you ladies roc"B !han" you for the encouragement and always "eeping me on trac". 3y original boo" club ladies from 3aryse%s boards ) it all started with youB Even though $ haven%t been an active part of the group, you are all always there for me whenever $ need you. !he bloggers ) huge than"s to the wonderful women who run the blogs for their support6 you are the primary reason for my success. $ could never name them all but to name a few> 'ugar and 'pice Boo" /eviews, Boo" Boyfriend /eviews, Becca the Bibliophile, !hree *hic"s + !heir Boo"s, 3y -ictional Boyfriend + Boo" 2hore Page, 2olfel%s 2orld of Boo"s, !he 'ecret Boo" Brat@ seriously, $ could go on + onB 7ang 9e ) in 3eta%s ac"nowledgements $ called you a genius, $ now thin" you are of 3ensa status. 5our vision and ideas for the cover are top;notch and your help with everything else is much appreciated. !os"i *ovey ) the bestest photographer in the worldB !han" you not #ust for the cover but for all of the teasers and everything else Eli&abeth 3offitt ) my 'carlettB !han" you so much for being the face of my girl. -inally, all of these people are so very special to me, not #ust in having to do with the boo", but in my life. 5ou all "now the role you play Jin alpha order, of courseK> Angie, Ass, Brandi, *arrie, *el, *heri, *hristina, *rys, 0ee JxEK, Ela, ,ac"ie, ,aclyn, ,ennifer, ,ody, (aci, (irsten, 9ee, 9isa, the A9issas, 9i&&ie, 3arisa, Nic"i, Nina, /ic"y, 'andie, 'hannon, !raci, + last but certainly not least, my mafia princess, !rina 3arie.