THEORIES OF MATE SELECTION In one way or another, a person may meet a dozen of people who fit his/her basic

criteria for a future mate. How does he or she choose among them? Many theories have been developed by social scientists to explain why two people choose each other to marry. These theories have been based on the notion that the individual is free to choose a mate in society. The following theories will try to demonstrate why and how the choice of mate is made. 6.6.1 Exchange Theory Exchange Theory is a middle-range theory that holds mate selection to be the result of a series of conscious or unconscious calculations. Exchange theory is the most widely accepted explanation of interpersonal attraction. Bernard Murstein (1986) states that: each of us has an image of our value on the dating market, based on cultural standards and previous experience. In deciding whether to approach a member of the opposite sex, we compare the persons assets to our own. According to Murstein, the exchange theory asserts that in a relatively free choice situation, attraction and interaction depend on the exchange of value of the assets and liabilities that each of the parties brings to the situation. This theory implies that the basis for a continuing relationship between two partners is that each believes he or she will get as much or more from the relationship as it will cost [Lasswell, M., & T., 1987, pg.154]. Furthermore, the exchange theory was not developed as a mate-selection theory but it has interesting connotations in understanding the way in which two partners choose each other as

mates. Therefore this theory implies that those who are looking for mates all have the same idea to maximise their chances for a rewarding marriage. Each individual tries to compare his or her assets and liabilities with those of a potential partner. If a person has a much higher value, the potential risk of being rejected outweighs the possibility that he or she may be interested. For example, a man who considers himself successful but not good-looking may approach a woman 105 who is good-looking but not high on the career ladder, or a woman who is successful but not strikingly attractive. The man would be less likely to approach someone who is both beautiful and successful. Thus, what one thinks of oneself plays a vital role in courtship as well as in physical attraction. 6.6.2 Equity Theory In simple terms, equity refers to fairness. This theory asserts that most people believe that it is most fair to get benefits from a relationship in proportion to what they give to the relationship. In equity theory, it is said that people get attracted to others from whom they get as much as they give. It has been suggested that the value involved in judging equity may include physical attractiveness, mental health, physical health, family background, family solidarity and popularity. Some other items can also be added such as career expectations, potential income, political and religious status, sexual skill and a host of other personal values. Neither exchange theory nor equity theory should be understood in terms of objective monetary values alone. More often, in interpersonal relations, intangibles like thought and effort are the

primary considerations. Moreover, the equity theory states that people tend to be less concerned by a rigid exchange system in long-term relationships. A more communal relationship exists where the partner will give the other whatever he or she needs without wanting an immediate return on their help. Henceforth, in these relationships, partners are more lenient about what constitutes equity. They help each other, and do not expect immediate compensation, but they believe that things will balance out in the future. Therefore, a form of equity will be achieved over time. 6.6.3 Complementary Needs Theory Robert Winch and other family sociologists have explored attraction as a relationship between two persons who could be said to have needs that the other comple ments. Opposites attract this saying argues that many people are attracted to those who are different from them, 106 especially in their personality traits. People often admire the qualities of others that they personally lack. For example, Winch gives an example to illustrate this theory. Fred loves to eat and Frieda needs to be appreciated. She also loves to cook and Fred hates to cook. When they get together, their mutual needs ensure a satisfying time. Frieda cooks for Fred, who in turn gives her the appreciation she needs [Lasswell, M., & T., 1987, pg.155-156].

Evolutionary Theory Mate selection has been a topic of interest of biologists ever since Darwin (1871) wrote about sexual selection. However, in the last two decades, preferences in human mate selection have become a topic of extensive and more systematic study by psychologists. The results from this research show that men and women in Western societies have highly similar expectations about the characteristics of their preferred mate. Both men and women value most in their partner that

she/he is kind and considerate, socially exciting, creative and intellectually stimulating. Men's and women's preferences differ with regards to two types of attributes, namely physical attractiveness and socio-economic status. Men value physical attractiveness more in their partner than women do. Men also choose women who are younger than them. Women, on the other hand, attach more importance to the socio-economic status of their preferred partner than men do. The evolutionary perspective on human mate selection was developed from Darwin's general theory of the evolution of species. Darwin's (1859) most significant theoretical contribution was the introduction of a number of basic principles in the evolution of species. He argued that those species that were able to adapt to changes in the environment were most likely to survive (natural selection).