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President and COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health and James L. Hall, Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit
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We each experience loss from the moment of birth. Loss is part of life, and we must all must deal with it.
When loss and grief come your way, what, exactly, will you be dealing with? Grief pains us deeply at many levels physical, emotional, social, intellectual and spiritual. You'll see the results most profoundly in your feelings, which may include anger, guilt, fear, despair, relief, shock, numbness, anxiety and overwhelming sadness. >Hopefully, your personal forecast calls for sunny days and sunny moods. >The reason is that medical studies have repeatedly confirmed that happiness contributes positively to a persons health.
Physically, you may experience tightness in the chest or throat, difficulty breathing, fatigue or trouble sleeping and eating, and medical research is finding grief make you more likely to develop heart problems, as well.
Socially, you might find yourself withdrawn from others, or you might find yourself seeking others out in order to talk. Intellectually, your ability to focus on tasks may be diminished, and spiritually you may experience dramatic changes in or reinforcement of your beliefs.
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It's not surprising, then, that losing a loved one is one of the most, if not the most, stressful event in a person's life.
The stresses are so much that people in acute grief are hospitalized more often for major illnesses, have higher rates of job absenteeism and tardiness, are more prone to accidents and are more susceptible to abuses such as alcoholism and chemical dependency.
A sudden, unexpected death can color and extend your grief because you will have not had time to anticipate and prepare for impending loss. Adjusting to the loss of a child may take years, while for some the grief over the death of an elderly person with an incurable and painful illness might be softened by knowing that the person's suffering has ended.
How you respond to loss also depends on your own life experiences, your support systems, how well-rounded your lifestyle has been, and the amount, degree and depth of your spiritual understanding.
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Talk to people
For many people, what helps most is to share their feelings. You need to be able to tell others your memories, anger, fears and sadness. If there is no one with whom you feel comfortable sharing, you may wish to keep a journal or write a letter to the person who has died. Sometimes joining a grief support group can be helpful, too.
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