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What did the policeman say to his stomach: Your’re under a vest
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
COMMUNITY
Body and mind
COMMUNITY
NOW is the time to shake
off those summer excesses
with some exercise for The Community Magazine
body and mind! The EPIC
WHAT’S ON
Leisure Centre has some Advertising inquiries please call Lynne or Karen
7 Editorial and distribution inquiries, call Jon
great classes and offers this
WHAT’S ON
month to help you get back 01244 350398
in shape.
Neston Community and e-mail info@ellesmereportlocal.com
Youth Centre has loads of web www.ellesmereportlocal.com
SPORT
8 courses starting this month,
ranging from Japanese Keep it Local/Talkabout Publishing
to machine embroidery, Suite S4a, Chester Enterprise Centre,
details of which you can Hoole Bridge, Chester CH2 3NE
SPORT
find in our centre page pull info@talkaboutpublishing.co.uk
www.talkaboutpublishing.co.uk
PROPERTY
out
16 We’ve also got the return of
the Homeless Cats Gallery,
gardening advice from
We collect unwanted furniture
Janet Heath and health tips and household goods
from Angela Bartlett.
SERVICES
USEFUL NUMBERS DIRECTORY
Jon
28 Keep it Local These are recycled
and used to help
Please note: Jokes are back at the families in need.
bottom of each page this month! If you have any
DIRECTORY
unwanted furniture
We are an or household goods
independently and would like to
owned company, donate them to our ST. VINCENT DE
based right here in Charity please ring
Cheshire, producing PAUL CHARITY
six magazines, Keep 0151 355 0689
it Local, Neston Local, A mutually convenient appointment
Heswall Local, West Coast,Tarporley will be made to collect the goods.
Talk, Overleigh Roundabout and Hoole If you are looking for quality secondhand
Roundabout. For details visit furniture please visit either of our shops at
www.talkaboutpublishing.co.uk Rossmore Road or Church Parade, Westminster.
4
1520_LockKeyAdvertA6_Col 1 12/1/09, 23:10
Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? It ended up as a tie
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
Saturday Club
Open 9am to 1.30pm
A fun way to spend Saturday
mornings with loads of activities
[ Pottery Painting
[ Sand & Water Play
[ Cookery
[ Imaginative Play
[ Little Beavers 18 months - 2yrs +
[ Buzzy Bees 3yrs - 6 Years
[ Computer Classes Special
[ Spanish Classes
introduction offer
(coming soon)
Limited places available £18.50 for the session
must book in advance, including morning snack
ring for more information and light lunch
email b e r w i c k . r o a d @ n t l w o r l d . c o m
web www. b e r w i c k c h i l d c a r e . c o . u k
“A high standard of Care & Education in a
happy and stimulating environment” 5
IN THE NEWS
POLICE arrested a suspected thief in hospital after he was struck by a truck he
was trying to steal. The alleged incident took place on Parkgate Road, Ledsham, in
the early hours of Thursday 13th August.
THIEVES stole pet chickens from the nursery at St Mary of the Angels Primary
School, in Little Sutton, during the summer break.
What’s the difference between a bogey and Brussels Sprouts? You can’t get kids to eat sprouts
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
CAPENHURST Primary School teacher Tom Lewis is cycling 700 miles across
France to raise money for Leukaemia Research.
COMMUNITY
Custard in one ear, jelly in the other. Sorry, I’m a trifle deaf!
Community News
In association with Shell UK, Stanlow
is a fantastic contribution from the students and we are extremely grateful to all of
them for giving their time and effort to raise funds for their local Hospice. Corporate
support plays a vital role in the ongoing provision of care to patients with an
incurable illness and we would urge any local companies to contact us if they would
like to follow Shell’s example.”
8
Stanlow provides jobs for around 800 Shell people and a large number of contractors
Born on 8thon site on 1944:
February a regular basis.
Actor RogerTheir salaries provide
Lloyd-Pack, ‘Trigger’ainboost
Only for theand
Fools local economies of
Horses
the north west and help create further employment.
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
FOR MORE INFORMATION AND TO JOIN CALL EPIC LEISURE CENTRE ON 0151 355 6432
BACK TO SCHOOL?
SHAPE UP, STRENGTHEN &
fitness goals we have the answer – the
SHAPE UP, STRENGTHEN & STRETCH
Easy Line Circuit 1.15pm - 2.00pm
TUESDAY
STRETCH FITNESS PASS
your fitness goals with the
FITNESS PASS is an all you can move
smorgasbord of day-time fitness Simply Step 10.00am- 10.55am
E UP, STRENGTHEN &
TCH FITNESS PASS At EPIC Leisure Centre
classes for just £15 throughout
September.
Easy Line Circuit 11.10am- 11.55am
PIC Leisure CentreWhether you’ve
Sign up for the pass any time
WEDNESDAY
been
throughout Pilates 9.30am - 10.25am
too busy with the kidsSeptember and come to
as many day time fitness classes as you Easy Line Circuit 1.00pm - 1.45pm
off school possibly
or money can until the end of the
has been tight to Get
allow THURSDAY
month. in early, as at this price,
you to kick-start your are bound to get full
these classes Total Tone & Stretch 9.30am- 10.25am
fitness goals we damn
pretty have quick! Aquacise 11.00am- 12.00nn
the answer – FRIDAY
the SHAPE UP, STRENGTHEN & STRETCH Body Pump 9.30am - 10.30am
*Excludes evening Fitness Classes
FITNESS
*Pass valid from PASS
day you is anuntil
purchase all 30you can move
th Sept. Nifty Fifties 11.30am- 12.30pm
*Offer can besmorgasbord of day-time fitness classes
withdrawn at anytime. SUNDAY
COMMUNITY
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says: “Does this taste funny to you?”
01244 350398 info@ellesmereportlocal.com www.ellesmereportlocal.com
NEWS FLASH
Sizes
from
16 22 to
at
TARPORLEY
Cheshire
CW6 0DX
GABI LAUTON
01829 733851
Brands include
Sonja Marohn Bleu Blanc Rouge Joseph Ribkoff
COMMUNITY
10
Don't forget, there is also the original at 50A, High Street, TARPORLEY, Cheshire CW6 0AG
Opening hours of all three shops: Monday to Saturday 9.30 to 5.30 Evenings & Sundays by appointment
Two oranges went into a pub. One says to the other: “Your round”
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
NEW
BOUTIQUE
36A, High Street
TARVIN
CHESTER
CH3 8EE
01829 740555
Opening
Tuesday
8th September
Brands include
Moschino Love Paul Smith mainline Gio' Guerreri
COMMUNITY
Don't forget, there is also the original at 50A, High Street, TARPORLEY, Cheshire CW6 0AG
Opening hours of all three shops: Monday to Saturday 9.30 to 5.30 Evenings & Sundays by appointment 11
Gleneagles
School of Indoor Soft
Motoring Play Area
Jeremy Bamford
BSc (hons)
DSA/approved
Twin Days
driving instructor 2 for the price of 1,
Ex BSM instructor
SPECIAL OFFER!
For kids Every day
£60 FOR 1ST 5 HOURS aged 0-9 After School Deal
Tel 07961 723039 3.30pm onwards
Ellesmere Port and Chester areas Open seven £4.95 for entrance, incl child’s
days a week meal, juice & ice cream
Pamper Parties (£3.95 if under 3 years old)
coming soon
Parent & Toddler Groups
Mon, Wed & Fri 9.30am-12noon
Entrance, juice & biscuit £2
Under 12 months - free
E llesmere Port
Garage Services
l MOTs l BRAKES l SERVICING
LaurendaLe
Pet Products &
l BODY REPAIRS l WELDING GroominG service
l RECOVERY SERVICE AVAILABLE
Dogs bathed from £6.00
MOTS £29.99 Dogs groomed from £15.00
NEW TYRE BAY NOW OPEN To book an
A range of discounted tyres available
appointment or for
0151 356 5873 OPEN
MON-FRI 7am-6pm;
more information
please call
COMMUNITY
Man walks into a pub with a battery charger. Barman says: “Don’t you start anything in here”
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
Mortgages
‘The ideal Mortgage is not expensive, it’s priceless!’
Devine Mortgages, expertly managed by Jill Devine, are able to
offer mortgages and remortgages from the whole marketplace.
We are totally independent, which means we work for YOU not
a financial institution.
It is a fact that many householders are paying thousands of
pounds in unnecessary interest payments because they have
not taken the time to change their current mortgage deal.
Our expert advisers will find the best mortgage deal for you -
one that provides value for money and importantly is tailored to
meet your financial circumstances.
Some products arising from the advice given may not be regulated by the Financial Services Authority. Your
home may be repossessed if you do not keep up repayments on your mortgage. The value of your investments
and any income from them can fall as well as rise and investors may not get back the amount invested. Past
performance is not a guide to future returns. Devine Mortgages is a Trading Style of the Clarkson Hill Group
plc, which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority. Devine Mortgages is a member of the
First Class Financial Marketing group. 13
Why did the biscuit cry? Because his mum was a wafer so long
01244 350398 info@ellesmereportlocal.com www.ellesmereportlocal.com
IN THE NEWS
Take conTrol of your finances
HERE at the Clear Debt Group we are
constantly striving towards finding our
clients new ways of managing their
finances, especially in the current
economic climate.
We are therefore proud to announce
the launch of our new Prepaid
Mastercard ClearCash
not a credit card
no overdraft charges
no interest charges
no late payment fees
Poor credit history, CCJs, Bankruptcy?
No problem, everybody qualifies (subject to verification of ID, 18 or over)
The features associated with the new Clearcash icount are numerous
and means it could soon replace your current bank account
For a limited time only, you can purchase this card at the discounted
price of £4.50. This does normally retail at £9.99 so you already know
you’ll be making over a 50% saving!
on clearcash or to get
your card now visit
www.clearcash.co.uk/chw1268
14
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? Who knows, they never get the house
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
16
Why wife ran away with my best mate. I was really upset. I still miss him.
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
COMMUNITY
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? When his lips are moving
HOMELESS CATS GALLERY
Can you provide a good home for a cat?
The Great Sutton Cat Rescue, run by Gina Randall, finds homes for dozens of
stray cats every year - and they need your help to accommodate these moggies.
Sooty
Sooty’s owner had to move
to alternative accommodation
due to ill health. She is
currently fed by relatives but
desperate for a new home
and owner. Sooty is a black
shorthair female, neutered and
vaccinated and around 3 years old. She is not used
to a busy family household so needs to be placed in Katrina
a quiet home where she can blossom once settled. Katrina is six years
Sooty is used to going outdoors so would need a old and a timid little
home with access to a garden. girl. She needs to
find a home* where
she can be an only
pet as she has been
Poppy badly bullied by some
Poppy is an elderly girl, around of the other cats. She
12 years old, who has now been needs a quiet home
in care for over a year. She without children with
suffered with an overgrooming an experienced cat
problem when she first arrived, lover who can show
but since her feline partner her some time and
has been rehomed, is much patience to settle
more settled and now sports a down. Once her trust
beautiful plush fur coat!! Poppy is earned, she is a
would thrive with a retired person or couple to sweet little thing. She
live out her twilight years. She is neutered, would be happy as
vaccinated and microchipped. an indoor cat.She
has been spayed and
microchipped and will
Kittens be vaccinated before
We have some older kittens looking for homes, now rehoming.
around 4 months old, who need to be homed in pairs.
They are fully vaccinated and treated against fleas and
worms. Quiet homes are sought without young children.
COMMUNITY
There are also several other cats in care still looking for loving and quiet homes.
* Please note that all potential homes will be vetted and a donation is requested at the time of
homing to enable Cat Rescue to continue helping the stray cats and their kittens.
there is an alternative. West Cheshire Credit
Union exists to provide small, lo-cost loans to
people who live or work in the West Cheshire
area. The most a credit union can charge, by law,
is 2% per month, equivalent to 26.8% APR, a
massive difference with any current doorstep
credit business.
`Many of our customers have taken out a loan
from us to pay off a doorstep lender, and then
they save a lot in future interest payments` said
John Dearnley, Marketing Director of West
COMMUNITY
My ex boyfriend borrowed money for plastic surgery. I can’t get it back cos I don’t know what he looks like
01244 350398 info@ellesmereportlocal.com www.ellesmereportlocal.com
SEPTEMBER often provides a blaze of colour before autumn takes hold so if you like bright, bold
colours there is a wide range of flowers to choose from.
Shrubs such as Hibiscus syriacus also known as the tree hollyhock because of the shape of their
flowers, are hardy shrubs with flowers in white, pink and blue. They flower for weeks in autumn.
Perovskia Blue Spire is a small shrub with branches of tiny electric blue flowers. It likes a well-
drained soil in sun and provides colour well into autumn.
Bright, bold colours for a damp soil why not try Rudbekia fulgida Goldsturm in yellow and
pair it with Lobelia cardinalis with its purple leaved foliage and red flowers. Heleniums come in
a range of red, yellow, orange and russet colours, are good for the back of a border and give
colour for a few weeks especially if dead-headed. Japanese anemones are great ground cover
with tall or shorter flowering stems in white or pink. They also flower for weeks, well into autumn.
Some delphiniums will flower again in September if their first flush of flowers were removed after
flowering.
You can dig up and split perennials in autumn and as the soil is still warm they should settle in
well before winter. Try to remember to plant daffodils in September (tulips can wait until October)
for flowering next year.
Lawn repairs can be carried out in September. If you have bare patches in the lawn or want to
sow a new lawn, September is a good time for sowing grass seed or laying turf. Scarify to remove
moss and apply a weed killer to control those tough perennial weeds.
Hedges can have their final trim of the year to leave them neat and tidy over winter.
Autumn ripening raspberries such as Autumn Bliss and blackberries will now be in season and
taste wonderful. Some early season apples will be ripening so if you want to grow your own
dessert apples, consider Egremont Russet, Fiesta, Katy or Greensleeves. They will be ready to
eat in September but will not keep for very long, so just pick them from the tree!
What is the best remedy for water on the brain? A tap on the head
When responding to adverts, say you saw it in Keep it Local
Councillor Brenda Dowding portfolio holder for Adult Social Care and Health services
at Cheshire West and Chester Council said: “This additional development in the area
would give the growing number of older people in Ellesmere Port a wider choice
of accommodation options. Residents would be able to benefit from living in an
environment which has been tailored to meet their individual needs.”
Previous plans were dismissed following complaints about the potential design of the 25
building. The council is due to make a final decision in the autumn
Dentist on a first date says: “That was a nice evening, I will see you again in six months.”
HEALTH AND BEAUTY
01244 350398 info@ellesmereportlocal.com www.ellesmereportlocal.com
COMMUNITY
27
WHAT’S ON IN
SEPTEMBER
In the Lounge
Sat 5th: Kiss Da Beat
Sat 12th: Paul Abbott
Saturday 5th September
Sat 19th: Band with no Name Kiss Da Beat
Sat 26th: Reckless Elbow
Members free.
Friday 25th September
Visitors £2 Abbasolutely
WEDNESDAYS ARE COUNTRY NIGHTS
2nd Sept: Dillinger
Members free.
9th Sept: Arizona Flame
Saturday 12th September
Visitors £2
16th Sept: The Crown Top Kings
23rd Sept: Louise Rogan
30th Sept: TBA Paul Abbott
Now taking bookings for the Christmas Dinner / Dance
Fri 4th Dec, Sat 5th Dec, Fri 11th Dec, Sat 12th Dec, Fri 18th Dec, Sat 19th Dec
ENTERTAINMENT
Traditional three course Christmas dinner, with entertainment and disco - £25 per head
Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic? He choked on his own Vimto
Entertainment guide
Essential what’s on info for the next month
Saturday 5th
Quake, at the Olde Red Lion pub, Chester Road,
Little Sutton.
Saturday 12th
Paul Abbott, at the Whitby Club, Chester Road,
Whitby.
Saturday 19th
First Great Sutton Scout Group 50th Anniversery
Celebration, 2-5pm and 7-10pm. Free admission.
Visit www.1stgreatsutton.org.uk
Saturday 19th
Band with no Name, at the
Whitby Club, Chester Road,
Whitby
Sunday 20th
80s Gold, at the Olde Red Lion, Chester Road, Little Sutton
Tuesday 22nd September
CHESHIRE Police Authority ‘Have your Say’ meeting, 7pm at the
Civic Hall, Civic Way.
Opportunity for people to give their views on local policing matters.
All welcome.
Friday 25th September
Abbasolutely, great Abba tribute act at the Whitby Sports Club.
Sunday 14th October
LEGENDARY boxer ‘Sugar’ Ray Leonard is the special guest of
Vauxhall Motors ABC’s Sunday lunch at Vauxhall Motors Sports
and Social Club, 12.30pm. Tickets are £50. To book your seat call
07971 476605.
Get Fit on Foot
ENTERTAINMENT
Weekly walks from July to September at various spots around the area.
Mondays, 10.30am, walk around Stanney Woods, meeting at the Masonic Hall Car
Park. One hour duration
Tuesdays 10.30am, nature walk. Meet at Rivacre Valley Ranger Cabin. Duration 90
minutes. Wear sturdy shoes.
Tuesdays 12.30pm, Whitby Park walk. Meet at the Links Healthy Living Centre.
Duration 30 minutes. 29
Call Sarah Parry on 356 6782.
Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop
Clubs and Societies South Wirral Rambling Club
Action Transport Theatre, Whitby Hall, Tel. Joan Day on 355 1878
Stanney Lane, Ellesmere Port. Tel 357 2120 Supernatural Encounters Association. Tel
Cats Protection: South Wirral Branch. Tel 355 201 5808. www.supernaturalencounters.co.uk
9813. www.southwirralcats.org Sutton Community Sports Centre, EPSSPA,
Cat Rescue. Tel Gina on 356 4301. www. Woodchurch Lane, Ellesmere Port. Tel 339
catchat.org 4352
Cheshire Paranormal Society. Tel Trefoil Guild. Tel 355 7669
John Millington on355 2622. www. Twins and Multiple Births Association
cheshireparanormal.co.uk (TAMBA). Tel 0870 770 3305. www.tamba.org.uk
Cheshire Regiment Association. Ellesmere Unemployed & Resource Centre, King Street
Port Branch. Tel 339 8734 Ellesmere Port. Tel 355 0233
Chester Accordion Club. The group meets in West Cheshire Athletic Club. www.
Ellesmere Port. Tel: 339 9850 westcheshireac.gq.nu/
Cruse Bereavement Care. Tel 357 3235 West Cheshire Credit Union, Trinity
Guide Association (Ellesmere Port division) Methodist Church, Whitby Road, Ellesmere
Email tinaives@hotmail.com Port Tel 355 7430 www.wccu.co.uk
Ellesmere Port Flower Club. Meeting at Our West Cheshire Video Club Email wcvc.net@
Lady’s RC Church, Enfield Road on the third virgin.net
Wednesday of the month, 7.30pm. Call 355 Whitby Club Photographic Society. Tel 355
6454. 3875. www.uk.geocities.com/whitbyclub
Ellesmere Port Hockey Club. Tel 355 7719
Ellesmere Port Music Society. Tel 01829 Schools
751548. www.epmsonline.co.uk Ellesmere Port Catholic High School,
Ellesmere Port Musical Theatre Capenhurst Lane, Whitby. Tel 355 2373
Company. Tel 339 7784. www. Ellesmere Port Specialist School of Performing
ellesmereportmusicaltheatre.co.uk Arts, Woodchurch Lane, Ellesmere Port. Tel 338
Ellesmere Port Philatelic Society. Tel 01244 2400
579309 The Whitby High School, Sycamore Drive,
Fibromyalgia Support Group. Tel Ruth Spicer Whitby. Tel 355 8445/6
on 348 1098
Footloose Musicals. Tel 356 2079 Little Sutton
Sutton Green Primary School, Armthorpe Drive,
Grange Folk Dance Club. Tel 339 0094
Little Sutton. Tel 339 4604
Great Sutton Everywoman’s Club. Tel 334 Little Sutton CE Primary School, Berwick Road,
4162 Little Sutton. Tel 339 3233
Great Sutton Male Voice Choir. Tel 355 5363
Childer Thornton Primary School, New School
Great Sutton Townswomen’s Guild. Tel 355 Lane, Childer Thornton. Tel 338 2170
4263 Rossmore School, Red Lion Lane, Little Sutton.
Karate: Ellesmere Port Shotokan Karate www. Tel 339 3779
epshotokan.com
Little Sutton Community Centre. Tel 356 Great Sutton
6761
USEFUL NUMBERS
In the Bag:
Offering affordable fresh fruit and vegetables at convenient local locations, including Links Healthy
Living Centre every Tuesday. Pre order and drop in between 11am and 12noon to pick up your
bag. Call 356 6970
Youth Zones
Free drop in sessions for 11-18-year-olds, including computers, games consoles, chill ‘n’ chat,
table tennis, arts and crafts and more at Thelwall Road Community Centre, Great Sutton,
Tuesdays 6.30-8pm and Ellesmere Port Library on Monday, Thursday and Friday from 5-7pm. Call
355 7652.
Playschemes
Fun free open access play activity sessions throughout the year for local children aged 6-11 years.
Sessions at Little Sutton Community Centre, every Wednesday 4.30-6pm and Thelwall Road
Community Centre every Tuesday 4.30-6pm. Call 355 7652.
Skateboarding
Free, instructed sessions. Beginners, Wednesdays 5-7pm; intermediates Saturday 4.30-6.30pm.
Build your confidence and skills. The council supplies the skateboards, helmets and pads but if
you have your own bring them along. Suitable for 9-16-year-olds. Call 356 6782 to book a place.