Advance English Language - Learning

SELF
LEARNING-
English
Language
TIPS AND AWARENESS
Kishor Kumar Bhatia
Shape & Sharp your communication Tool
SELF LEARNING- English Language
VOCABULARY SKILL ________________________________________________________________________________ 5
USE OF MUST _________________________________________________________________________________ 6
USE OF SHOULD________________________________________________________________________________ 7
USE OF IF _____________________________________________________________________________________ 8
USE OF WOULD ________________________________________________________________________________ 9
USE OF CAN & COULD __________________________________________________________________________ 10
USE OF MAY & MIGHT __________________________________________________________________________ 11
USE OF HASTO/ HAVE TO/HAD TO /WILL HAVE TO ____________________________________________________ 13
USE OF ABLE TO / ABOUT TO _____________________________________________________________________ 15
USE OF USE TO / WOULD ________________________________________________________________________ 17
USE OF HAVING _______________________________________________________________________________ 18
USE OF I WISH / PREFER_________________________________________________________________________ 19
USE OF LET___________________________________________________________________________________ 21
USE OF GET __________________________________________________________________________________ 23
USE OF MAKE ________________________________________________________________________________ 24
USE OF NOT ONLY BUT ALSO _____________________________________________________________________ 25
GOLDEN RULE ____________________________________________________________________________________ 28
TENSES _________________________________________________________________________________________ 34
PRESENT TENSES __________________________________________________________________________________ 34
Simple Present or Present Indefinite Tenses ________________________________________________________ 34
Present Continuous Tenses or Present Imperfect Tense _______________________________________________ 34
Present Perfect Tenses _________________________________________________________________________ 34
Present Perfect Continuous Tenses _______________________________________________________________ 34
PAST TENSE _____________________________________________________________________________________ 34
Simple Past Tenses or Past Indefinite Tenses ________________________________________________________ 34
Past Continuous Tenses or Past Imperfect Tense _____________________________________________________ 34
Past Perfect Tenses ___________________________________________________________________________ 34
Past Perfect Continuous Tenses __________________________________________________________________ 34
FUTURE TENSE ___________________________________________________________________________________ 34
Simple Future Tenses or Future Indefinite Tenses ____________________________________________________ 34
Future Continuous Tenses ______________________________________________________________________ 34
Future Perfect Tenses __________________________________________________________________________ 34
Future Perfect Continuous Tenses ________________________________________________________________ 34
GRAMMAR RULE _________________________________________________________________________________ 35
GENRAL MISC. ___________________________________________________________________________________ 67
TIPS____________________________________________________________________________________________ 67
HEALTH_________________________________________________________________________________________ 67
Fundamental Techniques in HandlingPeople ___________________________________________________________ 67
SIX WAYSTO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU ________________________________________________________________ 67
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING_____________________________________________________________ 67
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT________________ 67
FUNDAMENTAL FACTSYOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WORRY______________________________________________ 68
BASIC TECHNIQUESIN ANALYZING WORRY____________________________________________________________ 68
HOW TO BREAK THE WORRY HABIT BEFORE IT BREAKS YOU ______________________________________________ 68
SEVEN WAYSTO CULTIVATE A MENTAL ATTITUDE THAT WILL BRING YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS________________ 68
THE PERFECT WAY TO CONQUER WORRY______________________________________________________________ 68
HOW TO KEEP FROM WORRYING ABOUT CRITICISM _____________________________________________________ 68
SIX WAYS TO PREVENT FATIGUE AND WORRY AND KEEP YOUR ENERGY AND SPIRITS HIGH______________________ 68
Apply these four good workings habits: ________________________________________________________________ 68
FUNDAMENTALSOF EFFECTIVE SPEAKING_____________________________________________________________ 69
Acquiring the Basic Skills____________________________________________________________________________ 69
1. Developing Confidence _______________________________________________________________________ 69
2. Speaking Effectively the Quick and Easy Way ______________________________________________________ 69
SPEECH, SPEAKER, AND AUDIENCE ___________________________________________________________________ 69
3. Earning the Right to Talk______________________________________________________________________ 69
4. Vitalizing the Talk ___________________________________________________________________________ 69
5. Sharing the Talk with the Audience _____________________________________________________________ 69
THE PURPOSE OF PREPARED AND IMPROMPT U TALKS___________________________________________________ 69
6. Making the Short Talk to Get Action_____________________________________________________________ 69
7. Making the Talk to Inform ____________________________________________________________________ 69
8. Making the Talk to Convince __________________________________________________________________ 69
9. Making Impromptu Talks _____________________________________________________________________ 69
THE ART OF COMMUNICATING______________________________________________________________________ 69
10. Delivering the Talk __________________________________________________________________________ 69
THE CHALLENGE OF EFFECTIVE SPEAKING______________________________________________________________ 70
11. Introducing Speakers, Presenting and Accepting Awards ____________________________________________ 70
12. Organizing the Longer Talk ____________________________________________________________________ 70
13. Applying What You Have Learned ______________________________________________________________ 70
How To Make Good Personality _____________________________________________________________________ 70
STEPS __________________________________________________________________________________________ 70
TIPS ____________________________________________________________________________________________ 70
Some of the personality traits the GD is trying to gauge may include _________________________________________ 71
Issue, receive, interpret, act on commands ____________________________________________________________ 72
ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR LIFE _________________________________________________________________________ 76
1. Critical Thinking or To Reason _______________________________________________________________________ 76
2. How To Think Critically and Problem Solve _____________________________________________________________ 77
3. How to Think for Yourself ___________________________________________________________________________ 78
4. The Elements of A Productive Mindset ________________________________________________________________ 79
5. How to Develop Your Intuition _______________________________________________________________________ 79
6. Affirmations - How to Make Them Real! _______________________________________________________________ 80
7. Visualization _____________________________________________________________________________________ 81
8. The Benefits of Regular Exercise ______________________________________________________________________ 82
Tips for getting Regular Exercise______________________________________________________________________ 83
9. How to Improve Your Memory _______________________________________________________________________ 83
Tips on how to Improve Your Memory _________________________________________________________________ 84
10. Self-Discipline - The Foundation ______________________________________________________________________ 85
What is self-discipline? _____________________________________________________________________________ 85
How To Develop Self-Discipline ______________________________________________________________________ 85
The Benefits _____________________________________________________________________________________ 86
11. Forgiveness and Letting Go__________________________________________________________________________ 86
How To Achieve It _________________________________________________________________________________ 86
How can we attain forgiveness and letting go? __________________________________________________________ 86
The Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go _____________________________________________________________ 87
12. Patience & Tips On How to Develop It _________________________________________________________________ 87
The Benefits of Developing Patience __________________________________________________________________ 87
Tips on How to Develop Patience _____________________________________________________________________ 87
Situations for which patience is a must ________________________________________________________________ 88
13. Motivate Yourself - 5 Tips To Help You _________________________________________________________________ 88
Here are some tips to get ourselves going: _____________________________________________________________ 88
14. Overcoming Fear _________________________________________________________________________________ 89
Strategies for Overcoming Fear ______________________________________________________________________ 89
As Mark Twain said: _______________________________________________________________________________ 89
Here is list of top 9 fears according to Forbes.com: _______________________________________________________ 89
15. The Art of Conversation or Improve Your Conversation Skills _______________________________________________ 90
Tips on How to Improve Your Conversation Skills ________________________________________________________ 90
Quick-Tips for The Art of Conversation_________________________________________________________________ 91
16. Good Communication Skills -Key to Any Success _________________________________________________________ 91
The steps for acquiring good communication skills: _______________________________________________________ 91
More Tips for Developing Good Communication Skills ____________________________________________________ 92
17. Keys to Making A Good Decision _____________________________________________________________________ 92
The Keys To Making a Good Decision __________________________________________________________________ 92
Points To Consider ________________________________________________________________________________ 93
18. Effective Goal Setting ______________________________________________________________________________ 93
How do you start? ________________________________________________________________________________ 93
The Benefits of Setting Goals ________________________________________________________________________ 94
19. Develop Good Habits in 7 Simple Steps ________________________________________________________________ 94
7 Seven Simple Steps to Develop Good Habits ___________________________________________________________ 94
20. Stress Management Strategies - ______________________________________________________________________ 96
What is Stress? ___________________________________________________________________________________ 96
Strategies for Dealing With Stress ____________________________________________________________________ 96
More Healthy ways to Manage stress _________________________________________________________________ 97
Unhealthy ways to deal with stress ___________________________________________________________________ 97
Harmful Effects of Ongoing Stress ____________________________________________________________________ 97
21. Take Control of Your Life or Personal Leadership _________________________________________________________ 97
As your own CEO, here are some ways in which you can take control of your life and exercise personal leadership: ____ 98
22. Five tips For Managing Change _______________________________________________________________________ 98
23. The Four Stages of Learning a Skill ____________________________________________________________________ 99
Here are the four stages of learning any skill, and then as it relates to personal development: _____________________ 99
24. Increase Your Brain Power with Classics_______________________________________________________________ 100
25. 50 Ways To Be Happier ____________________________________________________________________________ 101
Here are 50 simple ways in which you can add to your happiness___________________________________________ 101
26. The Art of Living Well _____________________________________________________________________________ 102
How to make your life a work of art: _________________________________________________________________ 102
You know you are living well when you:_______________________________________________________________ 102
27. Tips for Overcoming Adversity ______________________________________________________________________ 102
The Tips For Overcoming Adversity __________________________________________________________________ 103
Here are some examples: __________________________________________________________________________ 103
Points to Consider________________________________________________________________________________ 104
28. What is Emotional Intelligence and Why do We Need It? _________________________________________________ 104
Here is what emotional intelligence is NOT, according to Mayer: ___________________________________________ 104
Mayer & Salovey's Four Branch Model of Emotional Intelligence ___________________________________________ 104
These abilities include: ____________________________________________________________________________ 105
29. Overcoming Fear of Failure ________________________________________________________________________ 105
How to Overcome Fear of Failure ____________________________________________________________________ 106
The Benefits of Overcoming Failure __________________________________________________________________ 106
30. 15 Life Lessons __________________________________________________________________________________ 107
The Life Lessons _________________________________________________________________________________ 107
31. How To Build Self-Confidence ______________________________________________________________________ 108
Tips For Building Self-Confidence ____________________________________________________________________ 108
32. Self Confidence Action Plan ________________________________________________________________________ 109
Self-Confidence Action Plan ________________________________________________________________________ 109
Make it a point to do such things as: _________________________________________________________________ 110
33. Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them __________________________________________________ 110
How do we establish healthy personal boundaries? _____________________________________________________ 111
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries ______________________________________________________________________ 111
When we possess healthy personal boundaries _________________________________________________________ 111
34. Relationship Reality Check _________________________________________________________________________ 111
Tips For Maintaining A Good Relationship: ____________________________________________________________ 112
35. Seven Useful Practices to Kick Start Your Day __________________________________________________________ 112
Here's how to kick start your day: ___________________________________________________________________ 112
36. Anatomy of a Successful Relationship ________________________________________________________________ 113
Tips for Building a Successful Relationship _____________________________________________________________ 113
Here are some successful relationship quick-tips: _______________________________________________________ 114
5 Surprising Relationship Myths _____________________________________________________________________ 114


Vocabulary skill
1. Create table in word file and choose daily 20 words from your newspaper reading Economics Times , The Hindu, Business
today etc.
2. Copy the same word in table 10 time
3. Then right click on word & use Synonyms

We can also use Google translation to get word in local language in Hindi. 30days exercise .
Honest truthful sincere frank candid Honest straightforwar
d
conscientiou
s
upright

(H|d|
1

truthful real genuin
e
honest sincer
e
faithful
Pc|
d|
P|

|O|

pure sharp keen-
witted
honest keen

4|
3

well-
intentione
d
well-
meanin
g
sincere honest
Happy pleased joyful glad cheerfu
l
Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy


USE OF MUST


USE OF SHOULD


USE OF IF


USE OF WOULD

USE OF CAN & COULD


USE OF MAY & MIGHT



USE OF HAS TO/ HAVE TO/HAD TO /WILL HAVE TO



USE OF ABLE TO / ABOUT TO



USE OF USE TO / WOULD

USE OF HAVING


USE OF I WISH / PREFER


USE OF LET


USE OF GET


USE OF MAKE

USE OF NOT ONLY BUT ALSO


USE OF LEST & DARE

Golden Rule







Tenses
Present Tenses
Simple Present or Present Indefinite Tenses
Present Continuous Tenses or Present Imperfect Tense
Present Perfect Tenses
Present Perfect Continuous Tenses
Past Tense
Simple Past Tenses or Past Indefinite Tenses
Past Continuous Tenses or Past Imperfect Tense
Past Perfect Tenses
Past Perfect Continuous Tenses
Future Tense
Simple Future Tenses or Future Indefinite Tenses
Future Continuous Tenses
Future Perfect Tenses
Future Perfect Continuous Tenses


Grammar Rule
































Genral Misc.
TIPS
Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
Don't over do ; keep your limits
Don't take yourself so seriously ; no one else does
Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
Dream more while you are awake
HEALTH
Drink plenty of water
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants
Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
Make time for prayer
Play more games
Read more books than you did in 2009
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
Sleep for 7 hours
Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile
Fundamental Techniquesin HandlingPeople
- Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
SIXWAYSTOMAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
WINPEOPLE TOYOUR WAY OFTHINKING
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
BE LEADER: HOWTOCHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVINGOFFENSE OR AROUSINGRESENTMENT
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

FUNDAMENTAL FACTSYOU SHOULD KNOWABOUT WORRY
If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir WilliamOsler did: Live in "day-tight compartments." Don't stew about the futures. J ust live
each day until bedtime.
The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem?
Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have already mentally agreed to accept.
Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. "Those who do not know how to fight
worry die young."
BASICTECHNIQUESINANALYZINGWORRY
Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that "half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to
make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision."
After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision--and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a problem, write out and answer the following questions:
What is the problem?
What is the cause of the problem?
What are all possible solutions?
What is the best solution?
HOWTOBREAK THE WORRY HABIT BEFORE IT BREAKSYOU
Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing "wibber
gibbers."
Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things--the mere termites of life--to ruin your happines.
Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: "What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?"
Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself: "It is so;
it cannot be otherwise."
Put a "stop-less" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth--and refuse to give it anymore.
Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.
SEVENWAYSTOCULTIVATE MENTAL ATTITUDE THAT WILL BRINGYOU PEACE ANDHAPPINESS
Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for "our life is what our thoughts make it."
Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General
Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.
Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that J esus healed ten lepers in one day--and only one
thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than J esus got?
Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude--but to give for the joy of giving.
Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
Count your blessings--not your troubles!
Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves, for "envy is ignorance" and "imitation is suicide."
When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
Let's forget our own unhappiness--by trying to create a little happiness for others. "When you are good to others, you are best
to yourself."
THE PERFECT WAY TOCONQUER WORRY
Prayer
HOWTOKEEP FROMWORRYINGABOUT CRITICISM
Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no
one ever kicks a dead dog.
Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your
neck.
Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H.
Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.
SIXWAYSTOPREVENT FATIGUE ANDWORRY ANDKEEP YOUR ENERGY ANDSPIRITSHIGH
Rest before you get tired.
Learn to relax at your work.
Learn to relax at home.
Apply thesefour good workings habits:
Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
Do things in the order of their importance.
When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts to make a decision.
Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.

- To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasminto your work.
- Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage--not the insomnia.

FUNDAMENTALSOFEFFECTIVE SPEAKING
Acquiring theBasic Skills
Take heart fromthe experience of others
Keep your goal before you
Predetermine your mind to success
Seize every opportunity to practice
1. Developing Confidence
Get the facts about fear of speaking in public
Prepare in the proper way
Predetermine your mind to success
Act confident
2. Speaking Effectively theQuick and Easy Way
Speaking about something you have earned the right to talk about through experience or study
Be sure you are excited about your subject
Be eager to share your talk with your listeners
SPEECH,SPEAKER,ANDAUDIENCE
3. Earning the Right to Talk
Limit your subject
Develop reserve power
Fill your talk with illustrations and examples
Use concrete, familiar words that create pictures
4. VitalizingtheTalk
Choose subjects you are earnest about
Relive the Feelings you have about your topic
Act in earnest
5. Sharing theTalk with theAudience
Talk in terms of your listeners' interests
Give honest, sincere appreciation
Identify yourself with the audience
Make your audience a partner in your talk
Play yourself down
THE PURPOSE OFPREPAREDANDIMPROMPT TALKS
6. Makingthe Short Talk to Get Action
Give your example, an incident fromyour life
State your point, what you want the audience to do
Give the reason or benefit the audience may expect
7. Making theTalk to Inform
Restrict your subject to fit the time at your disposal
Arrange your ideas in sequence
Enumerate your points as you make them
Compare the strange with the familiar
Use visual aids
8. Making theTalk to Convince
Win confidence by deserving it
Get a Yes-response
Speakin with contagious enthusiasm
Show respect and affection for your audience
Begin in a friendly way
9. MakingImpromptu Talks
Practice impromptu speaking
Be mentally ready to speak impromptu
Get into an example immediately
Speak with animation and force
Use the principle of the Here and the Now
Don't talk impromptu--Give an impromptu talk
THE ART OFCOMMUNICATING
10. Delivering theTalk
Crash through your shell of self-consciousness
Don't try to imitate others--Be yourself
Converse with your audience
Put your heart into your speaking
Practice making your voice strong and flexible
THE CHALLENGE OF EFFECTIVE SPEAKING
11. Introducing Speakers, Presenting and Accepting Awards
Thoroughly prepare what you are going to say
Follow the T-I-S Formula
Be enthusiastic
Thoroughly prepare the talk of presentation
Express your sincere feelings in the talk of acceptance
12. Organizing theLonger Talk
Get attention immediately
Avoid getting unfavorable attention
Support your main ideas
Appeal for action
13. Applying What You Have Learned
Use specific detail in everyday conversation
Use effective speaking techniques in your job
Seek Opportunities to speak in public
You must persist
Keep the certainty of reward before you
How To MakeGood Personality
Many people want to be noticed and stand out. You, too, can make your personality stand out in a good way.
Don't be afraid to be different. People will admire you for your unique personality. Be kind and considerate. People who truly practice
these virtues to everyone they meet can be true to themselves and still stand out.
STEPS
Don't be loud. Other people find noisy people to be obnoxious and annoying. We don't want that, do we?
Know when to speak up. Defend friends in tough situations.
Don't be afraid to talk to others. Always look people in the eye when you're talking with them. It makes you appear more
confident. Nobody wants to talk to someone who can't stop staring at their feet. Remember to stand up tall. Never slouch.
Having a sense of humor is a plus. Know the right time to laugh. It's good to crack a few jokes every now and then, but don't
overdo it.
Remember personality doesn't mean that you should have looks. Personality means to represent the people how you are. You
should have confidence in your eyes, voice and your face too which should obviously reflect to others
Don't be afraid to be different. People will admire you for your unique personality.
Be kind and considerate. People who truly practice these virtues to everyone they meet can be true to themselves and still stand
out.
Create a special "trademark" for yourself. People will remember you for it and see how unique you really are!
TIPS
Keep a smart head and keep cool.
Don't shout or be aggressive.
Don't doubt youself.
Be executive in dress
Create your own personal style.
Don't copy anyone

Tipson interview provide valuable Interview tips, interview techniques and interview skills which help you to face interview
questions confidently. We see many people struggle to attend interviews even though they are experienced and best qualified for the
job they are applying.
Interview Tips and techniques can be very handy during times when interviews get very stressful. The best way to overcome stress
during interviews is to find out what are the interview tips that a job seeker should follow prior to job interview and also to be prepared in
advance by way of researching about the company as this will help during the job interview process.
Interview is used as a platform to determine whether you are qualified for the required job position, motivated to do the job and to find if
you are the right fit for the applied position. Interview tips help you to understand what you need to expect during the interview, how to
impress employer during interview, how to express your strong points.
GD is a methodology used by an organization to gauge whether the candidate has certain personality traits and/or skills that
it desires in its members. In this methodology, the group of candidates is given a topic or a situation, given a few minutes to
think about the same, and then asked to discuss the it among themselves for 15-20 minutes. Freshersworld.combrings you an
elaborate section for GD as you had ever seen anywhere else.
Someof thepersonality traits theGD is tryingto gaugemay include
Ability to work in a team
Communication skills
asoning ability
Leadership skills
Initiative
Assertiveness
Flexibility
Creativity
Ability to think on ones feet
Why GDs
The reason why institutes put you through a Group discussion and an interview, after testing your technical and conceptual skills in an
exam, is to get to know you as a person and gauge how well you will fit in their institute. The Group discussion tests how you function as
a part of a team. As a manager, you will always be working in teams, as a member or as a leader. Therefore how you interact in a team
becomes an important criterion for your selection. Managers have to work in a team and get best results out of teamwork. That is the
reason why management institutes include GD as a component of the selection procedure.
Observe the mouth movements of those who speak English well and try to imitate them.
When you are watching television, observe the mouth movements of the speakers. Repeat what they are saying, while
imitating the intonation and rhythm of their speech.
Until you learn the correct intonation and rhythmof English, slow your speech down.
If you speak too quickly, and with the wrong intonation and rhythm, native speakers will have a hard time understanding
you.
Don't worry about your listener getting impatient with your slow speech -- it is more important that everything you say be
understood.
Listen to the 'music' of English.
Do not use the 'music' of your native language when you speak English. Each language has its own way of 'singing'.
Use the dictionary.
Try and familiarise yourself with the phonetic symbols of your dictionary. Look up the correct pronunciation of words
that are hard for you to say.
Make a list of frequently used words that you find difficult to pronounce and ask someone who speaks the language well to
pronounce themfor you.
Record these words, listen to them and practice saying them. Listen and read at the same time.
Buy books on tape.
Record yourself reading some sections of the book. Compare the sound of your English with that of the person reading
the book on the tape.
Pronounce the ending of each word.
Pay special attention to 'S' and 'ED' endings. This will help you strengthen the mouth muscles that you use when you
speak English.
Read aloud in English for 15-20 minutes every day.
Research has shown it takes about three months of daily practice to develop strong mouth muscles for speaking a new
language.
Record your own voice and listen for pronunciation mistakes.
Many people hate to hear the sound of their voice and avoid listening to themselves speak. However, this is a very
important exercise because doing it will help you become conscious of the mistakes you are making.
Be patient.
You can change the way you speak but it won't happen overnight. People often expect instant results and give up too
soon. You can change the way you sound if you are willing to put some effort into it.

Thetimemanagement skills and disciplinesthat you develop as student can help you for the
rest of your life. Herearesometipsto help you develop good timemanagement skills.
Study at the same time each day so that it becomes a habit.
Plan for weekly reviews.
Set aside blocks of study time (about 45 minutes each).
Keep your study area just for studying and get rid of distractions.
Write down assignments in every class including the DUE DATE and then check off items as you complete them.
Take advantage of open time windows.

Use the time you spend waiting, walking, riding, etc. to review what youve learned.
J ust before class, quickly review your notes or readings relating to that class.
Set up school/ College-year calendar
To get a big picture of your semesterdont include too much detail at this point.
Scheduleyour fixed commitments.
Block out time for papers, projects, readings, meetings, scheduled exams, holidays, breaks, presentations, etc.
Allot time for planned recreation, sports, club activities, etc.
Enter important dates for your social and family life.
Leave free time for yourself so you have flexibility.

Make Weekly Schedule.
Once a week block out time on a more detailed level for important commitments and deadlines you need to meet. Schedule meetings
with yourself to work on back-burner items.
Make Daily To-Do List.
At the end of each day organize and schedule your next day. Include routines, errands, and study time.
Every man who wants to develop his personality also wants to become popular. Mans life is a burden without popularity. If we leave
aside certain action, there is not much difference between a man and an animal. Everybody can be popular if he/you takes care of these
few enlisted personality development tips. These personality development tips are very simple to read but they are very effective and
powerful- try in your day to day life.
If you want to progress in life than honestly analyze the traits of your character.
Do not laugh at people when they are in difficulty or trouble other wise you will loose your personality in a moment.
This is a great way to develop your personality by listening everyone politely, even if their ideas are baseless or not of your interest.
During conversation do not keep talking yourself too much.
When ever somebody brings any gift for you, dont forget to praise it. It does not matter even if you were expecting something else.
Make other feel that you love them.
Keep your moral high in case of defeat and be more polite on being victorious.
Solve your problems in a creative way. Try your best not to let these spoil your relations with your friends.
Enlist your bad habits and try to get rid of them.
We should not uplift our standard of living but also help others to do so. Try to remove the feeling of inferiority in others by loving them
and by keeping good behavior towards them.

Issue,receive,interpret, act on commands
Maintain relations
-personal and business
Structure the environment
share information, define jobs.
Clarify ideas before communicating
Systematically think through the message and consider who will be receiving it and/or affected by it.
Examine the true purpose of communication
-One must ask himself/herself this question what am I really aiming to accomplish with this message? The use of language can then be
suitably adjusted.
Take the entire environment, physical and human, into consideration
-Questions such as, what is being said, to whom and when are very important. Your skill lies in how you say it and, of course, your
timing. Adapt your language to the environment.
Be careful of the overtones and the basic content of the message
-The listener will be affected by they way you put across your message. Your tone and facial expressions are also to be considered.
Use crisp language and be clear
-It is very important that the words are well chosen and that you stay as crisp and concise as possible. In other words use minimum words
to send across the message and convey useful information.
Follow-up on communication
-One must solicit feedback in ensuring that the receiver has understood the message. If the person has not understood, tone down the
language.
Be a good listener
-By concentrating on the receivers response you can ensure his extent of interest in you and also if he is concentrating.

Don't waste on bank fees.
Watch credit card fees and interest rates.
Reduce food and beverage expense.
Buy used textbooks.
Brew your own cup of joe.
Supply your own snack foods like donuts.
Skip bottled water.
Look for student discounts.
Buy used electronics.
Get free entertainment.

Every man who wants to develop hispersonality also wants to become popular. Mans life is a burden
without popularity. If we leave aside certain action, there is not much difference between a man and an animal. Everybody can
be popular if he/you takes care of these few enlisted personality development tips. Thesepersonality development tips are very
simple to read but they are very effective and powerful- try in your day to day life..
and by keeping good behaviour towards them.
Be careful of what your say about others because others will say the same thing about us at different times and at different places and in
this way form a public opinion about us.
Some people often have a favourite sentence which they repeat frequently. We should try and get rid and get rid of such a habit.
Independence increases our good qualities and personality and slavery bad qualities.
Independent thinking and freedom to work is the only source of progress and welfare.
Love is the greatest magic in this world. You can do every thing with help of love. Develop this art to improve your personality.
Positive attitude is of great importance in our personality. No body like people who have narrowed out look. In life only that person is
considered well behaved who has positive and healthy bend of mind.
The real beauty of man lies not in his physical appearance but in his work and good qualities. That is why it is important that we improve
mental outlook to develop our personality.
Every individual should develop the ability to adjust with others, because basically man is a social animal, so one can not survive by
living alone.
Some people keep repeating a particular statement and it becomes a part of their nature. At the most you may repeat a statement twice
but it you do it more than that it leaves a bad impact.

Ask someQuestions fromyourself.
Do you behave with your family members in the same manner as you behave with your master or your boss?
Would you like to joke even in such a situation when you that it would hurt the sentiments of other.
Do you take care of this that no one is hurt by you?
Do you take care of the feelings of those who are younger than you?

Personality is the collection of characteristic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are associated with a
person. Personality Development is an improvement in all spheres of an individual's life, be it with friends, in the office or in
any other environment. The progress in and insistence on quality of education coupled with rapid strides in spread of
knowledge calls for equally developed and able recipients. Thus, a definite need is felt for well-developed personality and
character in our life. The vedantic concept of personality development is based on the concept of perfection of each soul and
self-confidence for realization and manifestation of this inner knowledge. Five dimensions are involved in forming the human
personality. These are:
Physical self
Energy self
Intellectual self
Mental self
Blissful self

Well-integrated personality is the sum total of harmonious expression of these five dimensions.
Certain Factors About Personality Development
There are various factors you will need to consider for personality development so that it has a positive effect on your life. Personality
development is all about your individualismand how you control your emotions to act in a way that is most beneficial for you. When we
think and analyze how people around us have behaved or reacted, we are in a way trying to assess how their personalities are, without
really knowing what we are doing. A personality is built up by the kinds of thoughts and feelings we have within us that can result in a
particular behaviour.
Have a positive attitude
Motivate Yourself
Believe in your strong points
Effective Body Language
Handle people the right way

Focusing on personality development can help overcome many hurdles in your life. Problems that may seemto loomlarge otherwise can
suddenly seemto be really miniscule for you. Always fill your mind with positive and fresh thoughts. Remember, how you present
yourself has a lot to do with the way things can turn out for you. So, turn things in your favor with successful ways of personality
development..
SomeTips to Improve Personality LifeStlye
Here are some "Popular Sayings" which will very be helpful for everyone in critical situations.
Don't compare yourself with any one in this world. If you compare, you are insulting yourself.
Life laughs at you when you are unhappy... Life smiles at you when you are happy... Life salutes you when you make others happy...
Every successful person has a painful story. Every painful story has a successful ending. Accept the pain and get ready for success.
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others. Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to
cover the earth with carpet.
No one can go back and change a bad beginning; But anyone can start now and create a successful ending.
If a problemcan be solved, no need to worry about it. If a problemcannot be solved what is the use of worrying?
If you miss an opportunity don't fill the eyes with tears. It will hide another better opportunity in front of you.
"Changing the Face" can change nothing. But "Facing the Change" can change everything. Don't complain about others; Change yourself
if you want peace.
Mistakes are painful when they happen. But year's later collection of mistakes is called experience, which leads to success.
Be bold when you loose and be calm when you win.
Heated gold becomes ornament. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So the more pain you get in life you
become more valuable.

Personality Traits
Personality Traits are intrinsic differences that remain stable throughout most of our life. They are the constant aspects of our
individuality.

The Big Five Personality Traits
The "Big Five Personality Traits" are five broad factors or dimensions of personality developed through lexical analysis. The Traits are
also referred to as the "Five Factor Model". The model is considered to be the most comprehensive empirical or data-driven enquiry into
personality. The first public mention of the model was in 1933, by L. L. Thurstone in his presidential address to the American
Psychological Association. The five factors are Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. The Five
Factor Model is a purely descriptive model of personality, but psychologists have developed a number of theories to account for the Big
Five.
The BigFivefactors Explanation
Openness - appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, imagination, curiosity, and variety of experience.
Conscientiousness - a tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aimfor achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior.
Extraversion - energy, positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation and the company of others.
Agreeableness - a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.
Neuroticism - a tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability; sometimes called
emotional instability.
Personality is the result of man's experience; it is the sum total of all that he has said, done, felt, thought, hoped for and believed in; it is
the result of his reactions to the events of life as they come and go.
Don't give up your heart if you face anything hard in your life. It all depends on our views. Developing Personality is not a one day
activity. It takes time depends on our interest & dedication to improve it. Find out the factor which you are weak in & try to work on that
& Lead a Happy Life!!!!!!!
10 WaysTo ImproveYour Personality
Contrary to what you may think, you can improve your personality.
Until quite recently it was believed that personality is permanent. In 1890 WilliamJames, the famous Harvard psychologist, wrote in his
influential workThe Principles of Psychology, that personality was "set in plaster" by early adulthood. This view prevailed for over a
century; however, the idea that personality is more fluid has gained ground over time. We are now at the point where we realize that we
have influence and control over which traits and characteristics we want to develop or refine.
What is Personality?
The "personality" is the typical pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaviors that make a person unique.
When we say that someone has a "good personality" we mean that they are likeable, interesting and pleasant to be with.
Everyone wants to be attractive to others. To that end, having a good personality is vital - probably even more so than good looks. In
fact, approximately 85 percent of your success and happiness will be a result of how well you interact with others. Ultimately, it is your
personality that determines whether people are attracted to, or shy away from you.
While we can only enhance our looks to a certain extent, we have the ability to improve the personality as much as we want. We can
develop or integrate any trait we deem fitting and agreeable.
Here are someways wecan accomplish this:
Be a better listener.
J acqueline Kennedy Onassis was considered one of the most charming women in the world because she cultivated the skill of being an
exceptional listener. She was known for the way she would look a person in the eyes, hang on their every word, and make them feel
important. There is nothing more appealing than having someone listen to you intently making you feel like you're the only person in the
world.
Read more and expand your interests.
The more you read and cultivate new interests, the more interesting you are to others. When you meet new people it gives you the
opportunity to share what you know and to exchange your views with them.
Be a good conversationalist.
This relates to how much you read and know. Once you have much to contribute, learn how to talk about it with others. No one can read
about or know everything, so it's refreshing to learn fromothers those things we don't have the time to about read ourselves. If you
happen to be shy, join a group like Toastmasters that encourages you to talk about what you know.
Enjoy the article on The Art of Conversation!
Have an Opinion.
There is nothing more tiresome than trying to talk to someone who has no opinion on anything. A conversation has nowhere to go if you
have nothing to expound on. If, however, you have an uncommon point of view or differing opinion, you are more interesting and
stimulating to be with socially (unless you're a know-it-all, of course). A unique outlook expands everyone's perspective.
Meet New People.
Make the effort to meet new people especially those unlike you. It not only exposes you to different cultures and alternative ways of
doing things, it broadens your horizons.
Be yourself.
The next most tiresome thing after having no opinions is trying to be something you're not. Molding yourself in order to fit in, or be
accepted, usually backfires. Since each of us is unique, expressing that uniqueness is what makes us interesting. Attempting to be a
carbon copy of someone else not only falls flat, but reveals a lack of authenticity.
Have a positive outlook and attitude.
Who wants to be around people who are negative, complain a lot, or have nothing good to say? In fact, most of us run when we see them
coming. Instead, be the kind of upbeat person who lights up a roomwith your energy when you enter it. Do it by looking for the best in
people and things. Smile warmly, spread good cheer, and enliven others with your presence.
See: How to Think Positively
Be fun and see the humorous side of life.
Everyone enjoys the company of someone who makes themlaugh, or smile, so look for the humorous, quirky side in a situation - there
always is one. Comic relief is a much welcome and needed diversion at times. When you can add fun and lightheartedness to an
otherwise dull or gloomy setting, others will naturally be attracted to you, not to mention grateful.
Be supportive of others.
Being supportive is probably the most endearing quality you can integrate into your personality. Just as you yourself welcome it, be
the support for others when they need it. We all love a cheerleader in our corner; someone who is encouraging, believes in us and helps
pick us up when we're down.
Have Integrity and treat people with respect.
Being honest and true to your word will bring you the admiration, respect and gratitude of others. Nothing improves a person's
personality more than integrity and respect - respect for others, as well as respect for yourself.
We humans have the power and ability to shape our personalities however we wish. When we develop ourselves to be all that we can be,
we contribute to our own, as well as the happiness of others.
19 Personality Development Tips For BeingYour Best You
Every man who wants to develop his personality also wants to become popular. Mans life is a burden without popularity. If we leave
aside certain action, there is not much difference between a man and an animal. Everybody can be popular if he/you takes care of these
few things enlisted personality development tips-
and by keeping good behavior towards them.
Be careful of what your say about others because others will say the same thing about us at different times and at different places and in
this way form a public opinion about us.
Some people often have a favorite sentence which they repeat frequently. We should try and get rid and get rid of such a habit.
Independence increases our good qualities and slavery bad qualities.
Independent thinking and freedom to work is the only source of progress and welfare.
Love is the greatest magic in this world.
Positive attitude is of great importance in our personality. No body like people who have narrowed out look. In life only that person is
considered well behaved who has positive and healthy bend of mind.
The real beauty of man lies not in his physical appearance but in his work and good qualities. That is why it is important that we improve
mental outlook to develop our personality.
Every individual should develop the ability to adjust with others, because basically man is a social animal, so one can not survive by
living alone.
Some people keep repeating a particular statement and it becomes a part of their nature. At the most you may repeat a statement twice
but it you do it more than that it leaves a bad impact.

Ask someQuestions fromyourself:
Do you behave with your family members in the same manner as you behave with your master or your boss?
Would you like to joke even in such a situation when you that it would hurt the sentiments of other.
Do you take care of this that no one is hurt by you?
Do you take care of the feelings of those who are younger than you?
Essential Skills for life
Devlop Your Brain
1. Critical Thinking or To Reason
Critical thinking is the mental process of analyzing or evaluating information. 'To reason' is the capacity for rational thought, or to think
logically.
Once you have established a solid foundation or a healthy self-concept, it is important to be able to think critically, or to reason.
Everyone thinks; however, much of our thinking is reactive, biased, uninformed and often prejudiced. More often than not, it is also
haphazard and undisciplined.
Why do we need to think critically?
In order to assess our role in, and the consequences of any actions we take, we must be able to evaluate and determine what is taking
place in a given situation.
This requires us to organize our thinking, integrate the information at hand, distinguish between what is fact and what is opinion, and
then weigh potential outcomes.
By thinking critically, instead of reacting emotionally to a problem, we employ strategies which:
Help us learn from an experience
Help prevent it fromoccurring again
Result in a reasonable, effective solution
The quality of life we experience is in direct proportion to the quality of our thinking.

Critical thinking is self-disciplined, self-monitored and problem solving thinking. It promotes open-mindedness, putting things in
perspective, and a positive attitude.
When we don't reason or think critically we subject ourselves to fleeting, erratic or unpredictable emotions. Of course, this does not mean
we should deny or suppress our emotions, for indeed, they are a vital and significant element of who we are. Instead, we must learn how
to make themwork for us, not against us.
Critical thinking helps us balance our emotions, which in turn leads to good judgment and making informed, good decisions.
For the most part, critical thinking does not come naturally. It takes effort, training and practice.
As A. E. Mander wrote in his book Logic For the Millions: "Thinking is skilled work. It is not true that we are naturally endowed with
the ability to think clearly and logically - without learning how, or without practicing. People with untrained minds should no more
expect to think clearly and logically than people who have never learned and never practiced can expect to find themselves good
carpenters, golfers, bridge players, or pianists."

Tips On ImprovingCritical Thinking
Play strategy games, sudoku and solve crossword puzzles.
Read more. Reading improves focus, imagination and vocabulary which results in heightened thinking skills.
Engage in healthy debates in class or with your friends. Argue both sides of an argument.
As Edward De Bono, the lateral thinking psychologist suggests, use the GBI technique, in which you list the good, bad and interesting
points of a position.
Look at a problemfromas many viewpoints as possible.

2. How To Think Critically and Problem Solve
The quote on the right by Jean De La Bruyere may seem a bit radical, however, according to the premise of cognitive psychology, what
you think is what you feel.
While many people believe that your feelings precede, or are independent of your thoughts, the truth is that your feelings are products of
your thoughts.
This revelation can be both daunting and liberating.
Daunting because it makes us responsible for our attitudes and liberating because we have the power to choose our perspective, mood
and thoughts.
When we are aware that we can choose and direct our thinking, we realize that we have the ability to better control the circumstances of
our lives, improve our decision-making processes and generally live more productive lives.
This in no way suggests that we need downplay the many feelings and emotions we as humans enjoy, it's a simply a way for us to
manage and balance them with our cognitive abilities.
Wearethinkingcritically and in problemsolving mindset when we:
Rely on reason rather than emotion
Evaluate a broad range of viewpoints and perspectives
Maintain an open mind to alternative interpretations
Accept new evidence, explanations and findings
Are willing to reassess information
Can put aside personal prejudices and biases
Consider all reasonable possibilities
Avoid hasty judgments
Like any other skill, learning to think critically or problem-solve takes time, perseverance and practice. Knowing which steps to take and
how to apply them helps us master the process.

Steps to Critical Thinking As It Relates To ProblemSolving:
1. Identify the Problem. The first task is to determine if a problem exists. Sometimes when you think this point through, you may come
to the conclusion that there really isn't a problem, just a misunderstanding. If that's the case, fine. If not, and you determine that there is
indeed a problem, you need to identify exactly what it is. According to Barry Lubetkin, a New York clinical psychologist, how
systematically someone weighs the pros and cons of a problem and how clearly the person can define and state it, is also an indication of
highly developed intelligence.

2. Analyze the problem, look at it from different angles. Once you've determined the problem, analyze it by looking at it from a
variety of perspectives. Is it solvable? Is it real or perceived? Can you solve it alone or do you need help? Sometimes by looking at it
from many angles you can come up with a resolution right away. You may also reveal a bias or narrow point of view that needs to be
broadened

3. Brainstorm and come up with a several possible solutions. Problems can be solved in many ways. Brainstorm a list of several
possible solutions. Put down anything that comes to mind and then go over the list and narrow it down to the best possibilities. Having
several viable options leads to obtaining the best results.

4. Decide which solution fits the situation best. Go over your list of possible solutions. Different situations call for different solutions.
Quite often what works in one situation, may not work in a similar one. Take time to determine what will work best for the problem at
hand. One solution usually does not fit all.

5. Take action. Implement your solution. Every problemhas a solution; even if it may be to accept the situation, and move on.Instead of
approaching problems and challenges as insurmountable obstacles, we can view them as opportunities to hone our critical thinking and
problem-solving skills.
Every problem we are able to resolve increases self-confidence and self-worth.
Thinking critically not only helps us handle future challenges more skillfully, it also broadens our life experience and helps us gain
perspective.

3. How to Think for Yourself
Do you think for yourself?
In these times of fast media and ever-growing Internet we are under so many external influences that it can be difficult to know when we
are thinking for ourselves. Unless you are a discerning, very aware person, you most likely don't even know when your thinking is not
your own.
Not that all outside influence is bad or detrimental to forming your own views, but being unable to think for yourself can make you
miserable at best, or a puppet of someone else's programming, at worst.
Admittedly, we are all born into societies or cultures where the norms and customs are already established. We have little choice but to
conform to a large degree to what is already in place. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however, it can be confining and controlling if
we accept everything blindly and never question the status quo.
Does this mean all of your ideas can be original and unlike everyone else's?
Not at all!
Nor does it require being contrary and argumentative just to be defiant or stand out. To think for yourself means that whatever opinions
you hold will be well thought out and come froma position of thorough investigation and thoughtful analysis. It means choosing to not
compromise the facts for the sake of consensus or fitting in. It is not unlike critical thinking - it just encompasses a broader scope of
choices and decision-making in your life.
As an example, how many of us feel the need to keep up with 'the latest'? We wear clothes, listen to music and follow trends that the
media tells us we should in order to be cool. Marketing companies create ads that hypnotize us into a herd mentality as we fall into debt,
wear fashions that are unbecoming, and get caught up in a cycle of over-spending, over-consuming and then stressing out over it. Before
we realize it, we are living lives designed for us by the powers that be and without our conscious participation.
Another trap we fall into when we don't think for ourselves is groupthink. Groupthink, a term coined by Irving J anis in 1972, is a
psychological phenomenon that takes place within a group of people who try to avoid conflict and reach agreement without critically
evaluating options or alternative ideas. The problemwith groupthink is that it hinders finding the best solutions, impedes creative ideas
and thwarts independent thinking. Wanting to be part of the crowd can certainly have its drawbacks!
So how can you cultivate the ability to think for yourself?

Tips on how to think for yourself:
Develop a strong sense of self. Know who you are, what you want and what is best for you. Do not let others, especially marketing
companies and the media, tell you how you should look, feel and act. Do what is best for you. Cultivate your own tastes and enjoy your
preferences.
Be well-informed. Gather as much information about a subject as possible before forming an opinion. Build your mental resources by
reading, observing, and listening for yourself. Then take time to reflect and evaluate.
Be flexible. Look for solutions and outcomes to a situation from as many perspectives as you can. Determine the pros and cons. Are
there other possibilities? Whommight it harm/benefit? What are the potential consequences?
Identify possible biases. Are you being unduly influenced by your culture, upbringing or other people's opinions? Are you being fair
and open-minded? Many times we make poor decisions because we begin with the wrong premise. If we take time to evaluate and judge
based upon what we observe first hand rather than what we've been lead to believe, we can arrive at a more appropriate and practical
conclusion.
Do not buckle under pressure, fear, or guilt. Have the courage to stand up for what you really believe and have deduced yourself. If
you go along with the crowd for the sake of keeping peace, avoiding confrontation, or fear of failure, you do everyone a disservice,
especially yourself. You may have a brilliant idea, or maybe it happens to be the right thing to do. If no one hears about it, a healthy
discussion cannot take place and all possibilities will not be considered. A good idea has the potential to evolve into a better one with
input from a variety of sources.

Thebenefits of thinking for yourself:
You develop self-confidence and trust in your abilities
You attain a greater sense of accomplishment
You expand your mind and boost your brain power
You gain respect fromothers by standing up for what you believe in and by being original
You are more aware and alert to what the media is trying to sell you
You are more open to self-improvement and alternative viewpoints
You are more interesting to others by expanding their thinking and options

You areNOT thinking for yourself when:
You let others, the media, or convention sway you fromdoing what's right for you
You buy into negative, one-dimensional stereotypes based on sex, race or culture
You do something because it has always been done that way - even if it no longer works
You follow old wives' tales, superstitions or fallacies that defy common sense
You don't take time to think things through carefully and fully

As you may have already concluded, thinking for yourself is not easy. It requires deliberate, mindful and at times courageous application,
however the personal rewards are endlessly gratifying.

4. The Elements of A Productive Mindset
What is productivemindset?
A productive mindset is one that makes the best use of your resources - your time, your energy and your efforts. It is not trying to do
everything and be everything, or even doing it in the quickest way possible. It is making the most and best of what you have while
enjoying the process.
In order to make the most of who we are and what we have, there are certain qualities or characteristics that assist us in accomplishing
that end.
Here are some of theelements of productivemindset:
Curiosity - The willingness to seek, question, and find answers for new and better ways of doing something.
Desire or Motivation - Cultivate desire. Without desire or motivation there is nothing to drive us to progress and improve.
Inertia is the opposite of desire and a destroyer of progress.
Vision - To be able to visualize what you want helps you focus on it and gives you an idea of what the outcome would look
like. Without that picture in your mind, it would be more difficult to strive for a goal. We've all read how men of 'great vision'
have been able to accomplish the seemingly impossible.
Critical Thinking - Acquire the ability to assess a situation in an objective manner or to see it how it really is. Look at the pros
and cons and be willing to make the appropriate adjustments.
Self-confidence - The faith and belief that you are fully capable and can do what you set out to. Without self-confidence and
faith you cannot reach your full potential.
Persistence - Most things do not come easily. Be willing to overcome obstacles and adversity. Challenge yourself and persist
in order to reach your goals. Do not let circumstances, the opinions of others, or setbacks, thwart your determination to
succeed.
Positive attitude or outlook - Your attitude, be it positive or negative, can make, or break, you. Possessing a positive attitude
allows for any possibility, while a negative one defeats you before you can even start.
Open-mindedness - There is nothing like an open-mind for generating new and innovative ideas. You become receptive to
groundbreaking experiences when you are flexible and open-minded.
Balance - Ultimately, to function well and get the most from life, we must maintain balance. Working towards goals is
important, but we must also take time to rejuvenate and recharge. Doing too much, or pushing too hard on any one thing, can
lead to burnout and frustration.
By integrating the above elements into our though processes, we not only cultivate a productive mindset, we set ourselves up for
reaching our goals more effectively, develop positive habits and we sharpen our minds to function at high levels.
5. How to Develop Your Intuition
What is intuition?
Your intuition, sometimes referred to as your inner guidance, is a mechanismof inner or instinctive knowing which neither requires, nor
employs logical thought processes.
It is an alternative source of knowledge, level of awareness, or as some refer to it, an inner voice. We all possess this mechanism to
varying degrees, as well as the capacity to develop it further.

Why is developingyour intuition important?
Many great thinkers, from Immanuel Kant to Carl Jung, have emphasized the importance of intuition and the great impact it had on their
personal and professional lives. They defined it as 'a priori' knowledge, and as being an essential and indispensable tool for us, as
humans.
According to J ung, intuition is one of four major functions of the human mind along with sensation, thinking, and feeling. By balancing
all of these functions within ourselves, we have the ability to maximize our potential. He wrote:
"I regard intuition as a basic psychological function that mediates perception in an unconscious way. Intuition enables us to
divine the possibilities of a situation......"

Intuition is also a means of creative self-expression, especially in the worlds of art, music and literature. Nor, is it restricted to the
creative arts. Many have achieved remarkable success in the fields of science, business and entrepreneurship, often amassing great
fortune and fame due to their abilities to make important decisions by following 'hunches', or intuitive, 'gut feelings'.

Intuition is ultimately your connection to the subconscious mind. It is how the subconscious mind communicates with the conscious
mind. This is why it's such an amazing source of creative power, wisdom and understanding. It transcends the realms of experience or
reasoning.

How to Develop Your Intuition Skills
Quiet your mind and listen. Take time each day to experience silence. Practice calming your mind by using whatever
breathing or meditative technique you prefer. Let go of the inclination to think, or analyze, and try to know everything. Be
open and listen. Let your thoughts roamand be open to the ideas and solutions that come to you. When you listen to your
intuition it connects you with a greater knowledge. It usually communicates through symbols, feelings and emotions.
Learn to trust your hunches and gut feelings. If something doesn't feel right chances are it isn't. What may be right for one
person could be totally wrong for you. How many times have you had that feeling in your stomach compelling you to do, or
not do, something for no apparent reason? Listening to it probably helped you avoid a traffic accident, or led you to be at the
right place and time for getting that great job, or meeting that special person. Your intuition is your inner guide, so learn to trust
it. At first, trusting it may be a bit scary, but allow it the opportunity to develop.
Pay attention and be aware. In order to increase your intuitive abilities you must pay attention to what is going on around
you. The more data and information you absorb fromyour environment, the more your subconscious mind has to work with
when you have to make an important decision. Since your intuition uses the information gathered by the conscious mind, the
more you have available, the better the solution. Likewise, knowledge and understanding gleaned fromexperience contribute
to the quality of insight provided by your intuition. Remember, the subconscious mind communicates information to the
conscious mind through your intuition.
Other types of intuition reveal themselves in thought flashes or inspiration. The key is to take notice. The more you pay
attention, the more of themyou will experience. If you've ever ignored your intuition and then had to deal with unpleasant
ensuing circumstances, you know what it feels like. To prevent such mishaps, make sure to pay attention to the tiny hints and
clues you receive.
Employ your subconscious while you sleep. Before you go to bed at night, reflect upon questions and issues for which you
couldn't find solutions during the day. Think about and explore different possibilities. This will trigger your imagination and
put your subconscious to work at furnishing you with creative solutions while you sleep. Be sure to have a pen and paper
handy so when you wake up during the night with some great ideas, you can write them down.
Journal. When you take time to write or journal, you tap into thoughts, feelings and ideas you're not typically conscious of.
This is an excellent way to release inner messages, insights, or hidden knowledge about a situation or problemthat requires
solving.
TheBenefits of Developing Your Intuition
Helps you reduce stress by identifying and dealing with problems more effectively
Unleashes your creativity and imagination
Puts you in touch with your subconscious, and therefore helps you uncover hidden truths about yourself and situations in your
life
By being in touch with your intuition, you prevent the buildup of negative emotions and thinking
Integrates left and right brain functions, giving you a more complete perspective on issues
Helps you make better, more integrative decisions
Improves physical, mental, emotional health
Developing your intuition is like learning any new skill. The more you practice, the better you get at it. As with any new exercise or
routine you're not used to, start off slowly and gradually build your "intuitive muscles."
6. Affirmations - How to Make Them Real!
There has been some speculation as to whether using affirmations is helpful in pursuing personal development and setting goals.
In a word, yes.
Affirmations are repeated positive statements designed to bring about a desired result. The repetitious aspect is meant to influence and
trigger the subconscious mind into positive action.
It's no surprise that on a daily basis we often unconsciously repeat negative statements to ourselves about different situations in our lives.
In doing so we often bring about the undesirable circumstance itself.
We might say to ourselves "I can't do this", "I'm not good enough for that" or "this will never work".
Needless to say, our proclamations become self-fulfilling prophesies.
The reverse can also be true.
If we were to turn the negative statements we frequently utter into positive ones, we would bring about more favorable outcomes.
Take Muhammad Ali as an example. Who hasn't heard his famous declaration?
"I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was." Muhammad Ali
Is there any question in anyone's mind that Ali's repetition of that phrase helped him achieve the status of being "the greatest"?
Another one of his famous maxims was "I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee". No doubt his opponents shuddered at the mere mention
of it.
Another interesting illustration for the effectiveness of affirmations comes fromthe auto suggestion work of Emile Cou (1857-1926) the
French psychologist and pharmacist who introduced the now famous phrase:
"Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better".

As a tool for self-improvement, he recommended that we begin each day by stating it firmly and convincingly.
Cou felt that, as stated in his "Law of Concentrated Attention", whenever attention is concentrated on an idea over and over again, it
spontaneously tends to realize itself. In working with his patients he utilized this law to help them build their self-image.
Since then affirmations have also been used in cognitive therapy and found to work quite well. Needless to say, there's no magic to it and
there are limitations. Certainly you wouldn't make an affirmation that is unrealistic or makes no sense. Ultimately, they are meant to
serve as another helpful tool in furthering your personal development.
The Benefits
When used properly, the use of affirmations can change your attitude and behaviors.
Can change negative thinking into positive.
Help you stay focused.
Help you relax and release tension.
Can help motivate you to achieve your goals.

Tips On Use:
Make up special, meaningful phrases in your own descriptive words. It makes them more credible and therefore more effective.
Write themdown so you remember what they are and are able to use themover and over again.
Always state them in the positive, for example say, "I am good at this", instead of "I will not be bad at this".
Find a specific time and a quite place and repeat them at least twice daily.
State them with conviction, enthusiasm and desire.
Live them. Practice what you affirm.
As you can see employing positive phrases and assertions in the course of your personal development can serve as a useful and
productive tool. Anything you can believe, you can achieve.

7. Visualization
A Key To Achieving Your Goals
Visualization is an important personal development tool. J ust as affirmations can help you motivate yourself and focus better to achieve
your goals so can using visualization or mental imagery.
Although it has only become really popular as a personal development technique since the late seventies and
early eighties, we as humans have been using it since the beginning of time.
Whenever we have an idea or notion to do something we visualize it first. For instance, if we're hungry and want
to eat we picture different food possibilities; whether we want to cook a meal or go out to eat, and whether or not
we want company at our meal. When we have a function to attend we picture what type of outfit to wear and
where we might shop for it.
What is Visualization?
It is the use of the imagination through pictures or mental imagery to create visions of what we want in our lives
and how to make themhappen. Along with focus and emotion it becomes a powerful, creative tool that helps us
achieve what we want in life.
Used correctly it can bring about self-improvement, maintain good health, help you performwell in sports, and accomplish your goals in
life.
In sports, mental imagery is often used by athletes to improve their skills by picturing the achievement of a specific feat, such as hitting
or shooting a ball, skiing a hill, swimming or running a race, among other things.
Using it as a technique invariably results in a much better performance and outcome. This also holds true in business, or in life, such as
in delivering a speech, asking for a raise, or any other situation that requires preparedness and forethought.
How does it work?
Visualization or mental imagery works because when you imagine yourself performing perfectly and doing exactly what you want, you
physiologically create neural patterns in your brain, just as if you had physically performed the action. The thought can stimulate the
nervous system in the same way as the actual event does.
Performing or rehearsing an event in the mind trains it and creates the neural patterns to teach our muscles to do exactly what we want
themto do.
In the case of competitive sports, not only are exceptional physical skills required, but so is a strong mental game. Most coaches preach
that sports are 90% mental and only 10% physical. That's why so many athletes train in visualization or mental imagery along with their
physical routines.
To be effective, like any skill, mental imagery needs to be practiced regularly. The four elements to mental imagery are relaxation,
realism, regularity and reinforcement.
When To UseVisualization
Success. See yourself performing skills at a high level, achieving your goals, being who you want to be and living the life you
want.
To motivate. Envision yourself achieving your goals vividly to remind yourself of your objective and what you need to do to
reach it. Many athletes, actors, and singers "see" and "feel" themselves performing a routine, program, or play several times
perfectly in their minds before they actually do it.
To familiarize or set the stage for a performance/event. Mental imagery can be used effectively to familiarize yourself with
the surroundings before an event, such as a competition site, a racetrack, a stage or a difficult play or routine prior to a
competition.
To do a run-through. Athletes and performers often do a complete mental run through of the key elements of their routines.
This helps them to focus and eliminate some pre-performance jitters, thus making them more comfortable when the time comes
to compete or perform. It also serves as a warm-up or mini rehearsal.
Visualization is a wonderful tool for preparing for anything, and everything. It invariably results in a higher level of
performance.
How to Visualize What you want
Go somewhere quiet and private where you won't be disturbed. Close your eyes and think of the goal, mood, new behavior or
skill, you want to acquire.
Take several deep breaths and relax.
Visualize the object or situation you desire in your mind as clearly and with as much detail as you can.
Add emotion, feeling, and your senses to your vision.
Practice it at least twice a day for about 10 minutes each time.
Persevere until you succeed.
Maintain positive thoughts and a good attitude throughout.
The Benefits of Visualization
Helps you focus better in order to achieve your goals
Inspires and motivates you.
Helps you improve in a sport or skill.
Can be used to rehearse and then acquire new, positive behaviors.
Can boost your mood by using positive, pleasant imagery to alter negative emotions.
Helps build self-confidence.
8. The Benefits of Regular Exercise
You may have noticed that I extol the benefits of regular exercise as part of living a healthy lifestyle in many of my personal
development articles including: 7 Ways to Boost Your Mood, 10 Tips for Maintaining Mental and Emotional Health, and The Importance
of Maintaining Balance, among others.

Scientific research has shown that people who exercise regularly are healthier physically and mentally, have more energy, think more
clearly, and sleep better. Engaging in the habit of regular exercise has also been found to improve your mood, decrease anxiety, decrease
the effects of stress and raise self-confidence.

Why then do many of us abandon exercise programs so soon after taking themon? How can we maintain the motivation needed to make
it an ongoing habit?
Read on and discover the enormous benefits that regular exercise provides and you will be more than convinced to integrate it into your
daily routine.
What is needed to begin an exerciseprogram?
Two things not needed to obtain the benefits of exercise are investing in a health club membership, or purchasing extravagant exercise
equipment. Likewise, while vigorous and sweat inducing activity is good, psychological well-being does not depend upon the intensity or
duration of a workout. More important is the ability to maintain an exercise routine. If you can keep up your programfor a minimumof
two months, you're on your way to reaping the benefits. Not only will it get easier, but you will probably end up enjoying it and will want
to continue.
Benefits of Regular Exercise:
Improves physical health and quality of life - Regular exercise helps reduce the risk of premature death from heart disease,
high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and colon and breast cancers. It increases high-density lipoprotein (HDL, or
good cholesterol) while decreasing triglycerides. This keeps your blood flowing smoothly by lowering the buildup of plaque in
your arteries. Overall it Increases resistance to various diseases by bolstering the immune system.
Improves psychological well-being - Regular exercise improves your mood and reduces the likelihood of depression and
anxiety. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals (endorphins) that usually leave you feeling happier and more
relaxed. You will not only feel better, but look better when you exercise regularly which, in turn, boosts confidence and self-
esteem. You derive self-confidence both fromlooking great by being toned and fit, and fromknowing that you put in the work
and effort to get there.
Increases your energy levels - Physical Activity delivers oxygen and nutrients to your tissues. It helps the cardiovascular
systemwork more efficiently by circulating blood through your heart and blood vessels. When your heart and lungs work
more efficiently, you'll have more energy to do the things you enjoy.
Helps you manage your weight - Needless to say, when you engage in physical activity, you burn calories. When you burn
more calories than you take in, you lose weight. Even taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking during your lunch
break, or just moving around more can help add to your exercise output.
Promotes better sleep - Regular exercise helps you fall asleep faster and into a more deep sleep. Sleep is brought on by
chemicals released in your body which are a by-product of your body burning sugar for fuel during the day. The more sugar
you burn through exercise and physical activity, the more of these chemicals are released, thus helping you sleep better and
deeper. Your transition between the cycles and phases of sleep is also improved by exercise and they become smoother and
more regular. When you are well-rested, your concentration, productivity and mood are greatly enhanced.
Other Benefits of Regular Exercise
Helps maintain and increase muscle strength, improves balance, coordination, reaction time and flexibility; can even improve
mental concentration.
Prevents muscle decay. Inactive people lose muscle fiber at a rate of 3% to 5% every decade after age 30 which amounts to a
loss of 30% of muscle fiber by age 60.
Reduces incidence of many illnesses.
Research suggests that regular exercise can reduce the risk of colon cancer by as much as 50% and may considerably reduce
the risk of breast cancer.
Relieves symptoms of osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis and therefore reduces the need for medication.
Helps control hypertension, high blood cholesterol and diabetes.
Reduces the risk of accidental injury and shortens the recovery period from accident and illness.

Tips for getting Regular Exercise
Before you begin any exercise routine, especially if you've been inactive for a long time, or are over 40 years old, be sure to consult
your doctor. Also, never continue an activity or exercise if you feel persistent or severe muscle or joint pain, chest pain, or if you become
exhausted. Again consult your doctor.
The type of exercise is not as important as just getting into a consistent routine. It can be comprised of aerobic or strength training, but
preferably a combination of the two. Even thirty minutes a day of moderate exercise, such as a brisk walk can be very helpful and
provide heath benefits.
You can start small and build up to more. A less intense objective will help you build physical activity into your daily routine more
easily. Incorporate as much as you can slowly by parking further from the office, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, and by walking
instead of driving whenever you can.
To stay healthy, aim to exercise between four to seven days each week. The total amount of time can be broken down in periods of
not less than 10 minutes each. However, the longer the period of physical activity, the more beneficial it is to your health. Keep in mind
also that very intense activities burn more calories in a shorter time span than low-intensity activities. Remember to stay hydrated.
As we already now know, exercise improves mood, but new research suggests that working out to music, as well as providing fun and
motivation, may give exercisers a cognitive boost. Charles Emery, professor of psychology at Ohio State University, has conducted a
study on the combination of music and exercise and states: "Listening to music may influence cognitive function through different
pathways in the brain. The combination of music and exercise may stimulate and increase cognitive arousal while helping to organize
cognitive output."

All the wonderful benefits aside, never has it been more important to establish a routine of regular exercise than in today's increasingly
sedentary world. Technology is great, but it is not a physical activity!
9. How to Improve Your Memory
There are many ways in which you can improve your memory and the more you work at
it, the better it becomes!
Memory is the mechanism by which we are able to store, retain, and recall information. As
simple as it may sound, the process is a complex one which involves many different parts
of the brain and serves us in a wide variety of ways.

As with so many of our other functions, the saying "use it or lose it" applies as aptly to the
brain, as with anything else. The more you exercise your brain and nurture it with a good
diet and healthy habits, the better you'll be able to process and remember information.

Before we get into how to improve your memory, it would be helpful to understand how it works.
For example here are parts of the brain used for memory:
The hippocampus is the primitive structure deep in the brain that plays the single largest role in processing information as memory.
The amygdala is an almond-shaped area near the hippocampus, which processes emotion and helps imprint memories that involve
emotion.
he cerebral cortex (the outer layer of the brain), depending on what kind of processing the information involves, such as language,
sensory input or problem-solving, stores most long-termmemory in its different zones.
Memory also entails communication among the brain's network of neurons, which are the millions of
cells activated by brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.

Memory can be short-termor long-term. In short-termmemory, your brain stores information for a few
seconds or a few minutes. It is capable of holding, on average, about seven items at a time.

Long-termmemory involves the type of information that requires a conscious effort to retain, and then
recall. This would include studying for tests, factual data, or personal events; such as the first time you
were able to ride a bike, or recalling your favorite movie. Another type of long-term memory is
procedural memory, which involves skills and routines that you perform so frequently that they don't
require conscious recall.
Tips on how to Improve Your Memory

1. Exercise your brain. The best way to exercise your brain is to engage in new experiences or expose it to varied sensory stimulation.
When you break with routine or do something that is challenging, you create new brain pathways. An illustration of this would be
writing, or dribbling a basketball with your non-dominant hand, or taking a totally different route to work. An example of sensory
stimulation, would be smelling a particular fragrance while listening to a certain piece of music. To stir up brain activity in yet a different
way, you can pick something usually done by rote, or on automatic pilot, and consciously change the way you go about it.
It is also a well know fact that people who engage in activities that exercise the brain, such as reading, writing, and playing card games,
can delay the rapid memory decline that occurs as we age.
2. Pay attention. It is very difficult to remember something if you've never learned it in the first place. It takes about eight seconds of
intent focus to process a piece of information through the hippocampus and direct it to the proper memory center. If you do not
concentrate, get distracted easily, or are doing several things at once, your chances of retrieving specific information will be non-existent.

3. Incorporate as many senses as possible. While there are many different learning styles, such as visual, auditory and kinesthetic
(touch), no matter which type you are, you can incorporate all of themin the process of trying to remember something. If you're a visual
learner you can read out loud, even recite rhythmically to remember better. If you're an auditory learner, create a mental image or look at
pictures as you read out loud. Relating information to colors, textures, smells and tastes is also very helpful.
4. Organize Information. A good way to remember new things is to make associations and connect information to what you already
know. Building on what you know helps you remember new material. Also, write important things down in notebooks, calendars and
post-it notes, then reorganize the information in a comprehensive way in order to retain it.
5. Review frequently and over-learn. Go over what you've learned the same day you learned it, and review it frequently. When you
review and over-learn information, it becomes embedded in your memory and therefore, so much easier to recall. It is also much more
effective than trying to cram.
6. Use Mnemonics. Mnemonics are a memory tool or technique used for remembering difficult information. They are clues of any kind
that help us remember something, usually by associating it with a visual image, a sentence, or a word. For example, "30 days hath
September, April, June and November" is a rhyme for remembering the number of days in each calendar month. Another example of
mnemonics would be to "chunk" information. Chunking is when you arrange a long list into smaller units or categories that are easier to
remember. To remember a long number, you could chunk it into groups of 2, 3 or 4 for easier retention. You can also code and structure
information by using vivid mental images. When you make the images colorful or even unusual, they are much easier to recall when you
need them.
7. Practice good health habits. Exercise regularly. It increases oxygen to your brain and reduces the risk for disorders, such as diabetes
and heart disease. Poor health, of any kind, contributes to memory loss. Likewise, get plenty of sleep and eat properly. Sleep is
necessary for concentration and clear thinking, while good eating habits supply the nutrients needed to nourish your brain.
8. Stay motivated and maintain a positive attitude. When you are positive about learning and experiencing new things, you
automatically improve your memory. On the other hand, if you tell yourself you have a bad memory, you will actually impede your
brain's ability to remember. Maintaining a positive attitude sets up expectation of success.

By incorporating the above tips and strategies into your routine, you will be able improve your memory significantly. Not only will you
learn and retain more in school and at work, you will achieve more satisfaction in your personal and business relationships.
10. Self-Discipline - The Foundation
For Success
No personal success, achievement, or goal, can be realized without self-discipline. It is singularly the most important attribute needed to
achieve any type of personal excellence, athletic excellence, virtuosity in the arts, or otherwise outstanding performance.
What is self-discipline?
It is the ability to control one's impulses, emotions, desires and behavior. It is being able to turn down immediate pleasure and instant
gratification in favor of gaining the long-termsatisfaction and fulfillment fromachieving higher and more meaningful goals.
To possess it is to be able to make the decisions, take the actions, and execute your game plan regardless of the obstacles, discomfort, or
difficulties, that may come your way.
Certainly, being disciplined does not mean living a limiting or a restrictive lifestyle. Nor, does not mean giving up everything you enjoy,
or, to relinquish fun and relaxation. It does mean learning how to focus your mind and energies on your goals and persevere until they are
accomplished. It also means cultivating a mindset whereby you are ruled by your deliberate choices rather than by your emotions, bad
habits, or the sway of others. Self-discipline allows you to reach your goals in a reasonable time frame and to live a more orderly and
satisfying life.
How To Develop Self-Discipline
Start with baby steps. No process takes place overnight. J ust as it takes time to build muscle, so does it take time to develop
self-discipline. The more you train and build it, the stronger you become. In exercise, if you try to do too much at once, you
could injure yourself and have a setback. Likewise, take it one step at a time in building self-discipline. So, begin by making
the decision to go forward and learning what it takes to get there.
Learn what motivates you and what your bad triggers are. You can begin by learning about yourself! Sometimes it is very
difficult to fight off urges and cravings, so know the areas where your resistance is low and how to avoid those situations. If
you know you can't resist cake, fries, or other temptations - stay away from them. Do not have them around to lure you in
moments of weakness. If you also know that putting pressure on yourself does not work for you, then set yourself up in an
environment that encourages the building of self-discipline rather than one that sabotages it. Remove the temptations and
surround yourself with soothing and encouraging items such as motivating slogans and pictures of what you want to achieve.
Learn also what energizes and motivates you. Your willpower can go up and down with your energy levels so play energetic
music to perk you up, move around, laugh. Train yourself to enjoy what you are doing by being energized. This will make it
easier to implement desirable and appropriate behaviors into your routine - which is really what self-discipline is all about.
Make certain behaviors a routine. Once you have decided what's important to you and which goals to strive for, establish a
daily routine that will help you achieve them. For example, if you want to eat healthily or lose weight; resolve to eat several
servings of fruits and vegetables each day and exercise for at least half an hour. Make it part of your daily routine and part of
your self-discipline building. Likewise, get rid of some of your bad, self-defeating habits, whatever they may be. They can put
you in a negative frame of mind and hinder your self-discipline. A poor attitude can also be a bad habit.
Practice self-denial. Learn to say no to some of your feelings, impulses and urges. Train yourself to do what you know to be
right, even if you don't feel like doing it. Skip dessert some evenings. Limit your TV watching. Resist the urge to yell at
someone who has irritated you. Stop and think before you act. Think about consequences. When you practice self-restraint it
helps you develop the habit of keeping other things under control.
Engage in sports or activities. Sports are an excellent way to enhance self- discipline. They train you to set goals, focus your
mental and emotional energies, become physically fit, and to get along well with others. Participating in sports provides a
situation where you learn to work hard and strive to do your best, which in turn, teaches you to integrate the same the thought
processes and disciplines into your everyday life.
Learning to play a musical instrument can be another great way to practice self-discipline. The focus, repetition, and
application required in learning to play an instrument is invaluable. Achieving self-discipline in any one area of your life
reprograms your mind to choose what is right, rather than what is easy.
Get inspiration from those you admire. Michael J ordan has always maintained that his greatness as a basketball player came
as much from his willingness to work hard at his craft, as it did his talent. It was his desire through discipline and focus that
made him one of the best basketball players ever. If it worked for him, it could certainly work for the rest of us.
Visualize the rewards. There is nothing more gratifying than accomplishing your goals. Practice the technique that high
achievers and top athletes do. Project yourself in the future. Visualize your desired outcome. Feel how rewarding it is and the
countless benefits you will enjoy. Remind yourself what it takes to get there.
TheBenefits
It helps build self-confidence.
You accomplish more, and are therefore more productive.
You are able to maintain a higher tolerance for frustration, obstacles and negative emotions.
Allows you to obtain better health, better finances and a good work ethic.
You are able to reach your most difficult goals more efficiently.
The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets.
If we are to be masters of our own destiny, we must develop self-discipline and self-control. By focusing on long-term benefits instead of
short-termdiscomfort, we can encourage ourselves to develop of self-discipline. Ultimately our health and happiness depend on it.
11. Forgiveness and Letting Go
How To Achieve It
The ability to achieve forgiveness and let go of past hurts is one of the most critical challenges many of us face on the road to attaining
personal peace and happiness.
While it certainly isn't easy, it is absolutely necessary for long-term mental and emotional heath.
Forgiveness can be defined as the decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of revenge as a result of a real, or perceived
offense, hurt, or wrongdoing against you.
Forgiving someone does not mean denying a person's responsibility for hurting you, nor does it mean minimizing, or justifying the act. It
does mean willing to forgive someone without condoning or excusing what they did, and then letting it go.
According to Dr. Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin and a pioneer in the scientific
study of forgiveness - forgiveness is a choice. It is the process of uncovering and letting go of anger, while restoring hope and moving on
with life. He writes:
"People, upon rationally determining that they have been unfairly treated, forgive when they willfully abandon
resentment and related responses (to which they have a right) and endeavor to respond to the wrong doer based on the
moral principle of beneficence, which may include compassion, unconditional worth, generosity and moral love (to which
the wrong doer by nature of the hurtful act or acts, has no right.)"
In other words, while there is no question that we have the right to feel resentment and the desire to respond accordingly, we have the
ability to make the choice not to. When we do, we refuse to play the role of the victim and we let go of the control and power that the
offending person, or situation, has over us. We choose to not allow grudges, hurt or wrongdoings to define our lives.

How can weattain forgiveness and letting go?
Begin by acknowledging what hurt or offended you. While denying the hurtful offence may be the first thing you may want
to do, it is best to admit that it happened. Reflect upon it; take note how you reacted, and what it has done to your health and
well-being. Be able to articulate what was unacceptable about the situation.
Look for a broader perspective on what took place. Make the attempt to understand the other person. Was the offense
deliberate, or merely mindless and insensitive? Perhaps the person had no idea they hurt you, or was suffering from something
themselves. Did they do it out of selfishness, recklessness, or were there other unknown circumstances at play? Sometimes
going through the process of trying to understand the situation sheds new light on the matter and may lessen the hurtful
response. It is also possible that you may have been oversensitive at the time. Hurt feelings are invariably subjective. Perhaps
you were having a bad day; perhaps they were.

If you happen to know the hurtful act was deliberate, vicious and intended to harmyou, then you may have to 'reframe' the
situation. Reframing is a technique whereby you change the conceptual or emotional viewpoint from which you experience an
event and put it in a different context or frame of reference. For instance, there are those who do harm to others thinking it will
alleviate their own pain and distress. They lash out regardless of whomthey are hurting, or how. Your ability to sort through a
hurtful occurrence and put it into a different "framework" will prepare you to begin the process of forgiveness and letting it go.
Work through the emotions. As well as acknowledging the event, acknowledge the anger, frustration and myriad emotions,
but do not get stuck in them. Practice stress management techniques such as exercise, yoga, deep breathing, guided
meditations, or anything else you find soothing and relaxing. Using cognitive strategies like writing in a journal, or talking to a
wise friend or counselor, is also very beneficial.
In recent studies done on forgiveness coping strategies, it was found that men responded positively when it was presented as a
challenge to them, and negatively when it involved emotion-focused coping. For women, however, it was found to be
positively associated with emotion-focused coping and acceptance, and negatively associated with avoidance. Thus, based on
these findings, if you're a man, it is more helpful to approach forgiveness as a challenge, or goal to accomplish. If you're a
woman working on acceptance, understanding, and compassion may lead you there more successfully.
Commit towards letting go and moving on. Remember first that the act of forgiving is more for your own benefit than
anyone else's. Secondly, forgiveness and letting go take time, so be patient with yourself. Certainly, it can be difficult to
separate what you feel emotionally with what makes sense to do logically. However, if you commit to putting your energies on
focusing on the benefits of forgiveness and letting go, you can more easily move forward with your life.
Letting go can be defined as: "A combination of accepting, but not denying; living in the present and looking forward to the
future without regret for the past, and a willingness to move on and beyond."
Researchers and scientists have been discovering the health benefits of attaining forgiveness. Their studies have shown that
serious mental, emotional and physical consequences can result from holding on to grudges and bitterness. Consequences such
as depression, anxiety and the feeling that your life lacks meaning and purpose, as well as the loss of valuable connectedness
with family and friends become high prices to pay for holding on to resentment.
Get Professional Help If You Need It. If you find it too difficult to forgive and let go on your own, especially if the offending
acts have been traumatic, or are ongoing, then consider working through your feelings and deeper issues with a good therapist.
It would be more than worth your while to gain the peace of mind you seek and to move forward with your life.
TheBenefits of Forgiveness and LettingGo
Increased happiness and health with improved functioning of cardiovascular and nervous systems and less overall illnesses
Restored positive thoughts, feelings, behaviors and promotes overall psychological well being
Increased compassion, understanding and healing
Reduced stress, anxiety, depression and chronic pain
Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
Ability to function better in career, education, work place
Increases hope and optimism for the future
Ultimately, the act of forgiveness releases us from past hurts, memories and enslavement. Alternatively, to not forgive is to surrender
oneself to the control of others and allow the present to be consumed by the past. If we choose not to forgive, we subject ourselves to the
possibility of carrying anger, bitterness and resentment into future situations and relationships, as well as deprive ourselves of the peace
of mind, health and happiness we deserve.
In the end, the best revenge is a life well lived!
12. Patience & Tips On How to Develop It
Patience is the ability to tolerate waiting, delay, or frustration without becoming agitated or upset. It's the ability to be able to control
your emotions or impulses and proceed calmly when faced with difficulties. It comes fromthe Latin word pati which means to suffer, to
endure, to bear.
Needless to say, patience does not come easily to most of us and it's probably harder now to be patient than historically it has ever been.
In today's world of 'instant everything', technological advancements and readily available credit have allowed us to obtain, experience,
and consume practically anything we want - almost immediately.
Do we even need to be patient anymore?
Well, if we want to reach our goals, have successful relationships and achieve personal peace, the answer is a resounding yes!
Anything worthwhile and of importance cannot take place right away. It takes time, dedication and effort to achieve; so even in this day
and age, patience is a virtue.

The Benefits of Developing Patience
Reduces stress levels and makes you a happier, healthier person.
When you learn and practice patience you don't get as angry, stressed or overwhelmed. You are more in control of your
emotions and in a better position to deal with difficult situations with ease and poise.
This promotes longevity and makes you a happier, healthier person.

Results in better decision-making.
When you're patient you take the time to assess the situation, see the big picture, and weigh any pros and cons. The chances of
making a big mistake lessen because you avoid making it in haste. Taking the time to problemsolve requires patience and
deliberation.
Helps develop understanding, empathy and compassion.
You are automatically more understanding and compassionate with others when you yourself are patient. Patient people take
the time to process what they go through and are able to determine what it takes to overcome obstacles so they are more
understanding of others. This results in better, more fulfilling relationships with spouses, friends, children and bosses.
Helps you understand and appreciate the process of growth.
As mentioned earlier anything worthwhile takes time and effort to achieve. As the old saying goes "Rome wasn't built in a
day." Planning, growth, evaluation and measurement all take time, and taking time takes patience.
Tips on How to Develop Patience
Take a day where you make patience your goal for the entire day.
Make a concerted effort to take your time and think about everything you do, be mindful and live in the moment. At the end of
the day, observe all the ways in which you've made smarter decisions, got along better with others and actually understood
what took place. Learn to do it on a daily basis. Developing patience is much like physical exercise because it requires
persistence and effort.
Slow down.
If you have the tendency to rush around and try to hurry things up, want things done immediately and can't wait for things to
take their natural course, STOP. Take several deep breaths before you act or make a move. For example, if you're in a long
lineup at the grocery store or in heavy traffic, make the decision to pause and not get worked up. Do some isometrics, listen to
the radio, or just enjoy the view. Getting impatient won't make things move along any faster, so why get worked up for
nothing?
Practice delaying gratification.
When you want to reach for that dessert, second drink, or buying your tenth pair of red shoes, stop and think about it first.
Maybe you don't need or want any of them that badly after all. You can save yourself some money or added calories.
Practice thinking before you speak.
At times we blurt out the first thought that comes into our heads without considering the consequences. If we're patient, pause
and go over what we want to say, we can avoid hurting or offending others.
Situations for which patienceis must:
Reaching most goals
Losing weight
Having a baby
Bodybuilding
Becoming a professional career person such as a doctor, lawyer, engineer
Becoming a top athlete
Becoming a virtuoso in any musical field
The healing of any wounds or illnesses
Getting over loss or tragedy
Patience is definitely a valuable character trait to develop. It may appear to be passive, however it is an active, purposeful and necessary
formof self-discipline. Without patience many of our actions would be counter-productive and ultimately much time and energy would
be wasted spinning our wheels. Surely, patience is a time-tested virtue.
13. Motivate Yourself - 5 Tips To Help You
To be able to motive yourself, or self-motivation, occurs when a person has the desire and willingness to do something and is internally
motivated to do it.
Sometimes it's very difficult to get ourselves moving and achieve what we want to achieve. The natural inclination is to procrastinate.
Life just seems to get in the way. There is a job to go to, a house to clean, groceries to do, television to watch - whoops!
I guess we get pretty good at finding excuses to not get started on an exercise routine, reading a new book or cleaning out that closet.
The fact is that we are creatures of routine and habit. However, once we allow ourselves to get into the habit of doing something
(especially something we normally resist doing), it's no longer a struggle and we may even end up enjoying it.
When we were young most of us probably didn't like bathing or brushing our teeth but as it became habit, we no longer thought about it,
we just did it.
So what can we do to motivate ourselves to accomplish, or even start working on, our goals?
For starters we can do some critical thinking and ask ourselves what will happen if we don't develop a particular habit or routine. What
would some of the consequences be of neglecting to do so? An important question - right? Many of us don't think far enough ahead when
we need get in gear.

Here are sometips to get ourselves going:
Decide what you want.
It's hard to motivate yourself when you don't have a goal or objective. Set a goal and decide how you are going to go about it.
Then break it down into smaller sections so it's easier to tackle and less overwhelming. Do you want to run a marathon, lose 10
pounds, or make enough money for college tuition? Knowing what you want to accomplish is the first step in motivating
yourself to get started.
Keep track of your progress.
Keep a log or journal where you chart your progress. It can motivate you by gauging how far you have
come and how much you have accomplished. Looking at it alone can inspire you to keep pushing ahead,
not to mention remind you what actions you need to take to get there.
Post motivating pictures or slogans on your fridge or elsewhere.
It is always uplifting to see pictures of people who have accomplished what you're striving for. It makes it attainable and
realistic. Likewise, little slogans like "go for it" or "just do it" can give you the little boost you need. Be sure to also read
inspiring and motivational quotes.
Remind yourself why you want this and focus on the end result.
If you remind yourself that you want to be healthier, go for that promotion or just better yourself, it will re-establish what you
are doing and why. It's not unusual to hit a slump. Sometimes we forget what we set out to do and a little reminder is all we
need to get revitalized. Visualize the end result and 'feel' how gratified and triumphant you will be when you've achieved your
goal.
Make it a habit.
Once you have accomplished your goal or objective make it a habit! If it was to exercise or eat properly, keep it up. If it was to
work for a promotion or any other one-time event, maintain the habit of self-improvement. Once it becomes a habit, it will be
second nature to you and you won't have to think about it anymore. That means you won't be procrastinating, avoiding, or
trying to build up motivation to do it yet again.
Interesting Tip:
There is an interesting point to be aware of if you are too intense or work on a task in the same way for too long. By doing so,
you can actually jeopardize your motivation. Who would have thought! Therefore, make it a point to walk away and take
breaks every now and then. Change the conditions and timetable you're working under. Doing so will give you renewed energy
and a fresh perspective for a project.
Not surprisingly, we all have trouble motivating ourselves from time to time. However, if we remember why we want to accomplish
something, and how great it will feel when we do, quite often it will serve as the only motivation we need to get on with it.
14. Overcoming Fear
Whatever it happens to be, overcoming a fear can be challenging, but when conquered, very liberating.

Fear is an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger and is usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight. It
can be real, or imagined.

It is certainly not always a bad thing. When fear serves as a warning signal for impending danger or a life-threatening situation, it is
necessary and life preserving. If we didn't feel it in certain situations we wouldn't react appropriately and we'd put ourselves at great risk.

If a fear is imagined or irrational, it can be paralyzing and hold us back from living life fully and productively. Many imagined fears,
such as fear of rejection, looking foolish, or of failure are the types of fears we must learn to manage and overcome. If we let them
control our lives, we would never venture forth or strive to become all that we can be.

There are, of course, some fears that our having them, or not, doesn't affect our lives. For example, if someone has a fear of public
speaking, yet has no need, intention, or desire to speak publicly; trying to conquer the fear is of no consequence. There is really no
motivation, or need, to work on conquering it.
If, on the other hand, the fear of public speaking will hold one back from progressing in their career, or getting ahead in any way, then it's
time to work on getting rid of it.

Strategies for Overcoming Fear
Acknowledge the fear. Whether it's imagined or real, the first step in overcoming fear is to admit that it exists. We all have
fears; it's human nature. Denying or ignoring them doesn't make them go away.
Analyze it. Where does it come from? Is it real or imagined? Can it be put in a different context? For instance if you think it
through to its logical conclusion, what's the worst that can happen to you? Once you've determined what that might be, ask
yourself if you can deal with, or overcome it. More often than not, once you go through the process of analyzing it, the fear
isn't as scary as you originally imagined.
Face it. Allow yourself to feel it, and then do it anyway. Act in spite of your fear and treat is as a challenge for personal growth
and an opportunity to become stronger.
Be persistent. Do the thing you fear over and over again. By doing it repeatedly it loses its power over you and you become
less vulnerable to it.
Develop courage. Sometimes the answer may not be to conquer a particular fear; it may be to develop courage. If you focus
too much on any one fear instead of trying to build courage, you may in fact, intensify it. By developing courage you build
self-confidence and resilience. You also build a healthy approach towards facing all fear.
As Mark Twain said:
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."
Here is list of top fears according to Forbes.com:
Fear of bugs (especially spiders), mice, snakes, bats
Fear of heights
Fear of water (drowning)
Fear of public transportation
Fear of storms
Fear of closed spaces
Fear of tunnels and bridges
Fear of crowds
Fear of public speaking
How many on this list can you count as your own? Decide which ones you may want to work on, and then overcome your fears!
15. The Art of Conversation or Improve Your Conversation Skills
The art of conversation like any art is a skill of elegance, nuance and creative execution.
I happen to believe that there is an art to everything we do and why not?
Without flair and panache most things become drudgery. Why settle for drudgery when you can have art?
When it comes to the art of conversation we've all met people who seem to have knack for it. They can talk to anybody about anything
and they seem to do it with complete ease. And while it's true that there are those who are born with the gift of gab, luckily for the rest of
us, conversation skills can be developed and mastered.
In my article Good Communication Skills - Key to Any Success, I talk about the importance of being a good communicator and I give tips
on how to convey ideas and information successfully. Many of the same tips hold true for developing good conversational skills. Have a
look at the article for added tips which I won't be repeating here.
Conversation is a formof communication; however, it is usually more spontaneous and less formal. We enter conversations for purposes
of pleasant engagement, in order to meet new people, to find out information, and to enjoy social interactions. As far as types of
conversation, they vary anywhere from intellectual conversations and information exchanges to friendly debate and witty banter.
While there is more to having good conversation skills than being a comedian, dramatic actor, or a great story teller, it is not necessary to
become more gregarious, animated, or outgoing. Instead, you can develop the ability to listen attentively, ask fitting questions, and pay
attention to the answers - all qualities essential to the art of conversation. With diligent practice and several good pointers, anyone can
improve their conversation skills.
Tips on How to Improve Your Conversation Skills
Show interest and be curious. People who are genuinely interested in others are usually interesting themselves. Why?
Because they are more open to learning about and understanding new things. Showing interest also encourages the other person
to be relaxed and share information more freely. Display attentiveness by keeping good eye contact and listening actively.
If you happen to be shy and need time to warm up before you share your own views, you can ask open-ended questions or
encourage the other person to elaborate on their insights. This kick-starts the conversation and before you know it you are
engaged in a good conversational flow.
Ensure there is a balance of give and take. A conversation can get boring quickly if one person is doing all the talking while
the other is trying to get a word in edgewise. When that happens whoever is not talking begins to tune out and there is no
conversation!
There can be many reasons for a lack of give and take. Sometimes nervousness can get in the way and you ramble on without
realizing it. Or, nervousness can make you freeze and you don't know what to say next. If you find yourself freezing up, take a
deep breath and do your best to focus; smile, and then reflect on what you want to say. If the other person is the rambler and
you've tried several times to interject but haven't been able to, then excuse yourself politely and move on.
If later on you realize that you were the rambler (heaven forbid), then at least you will have made the most important step
towards improvement which is - awareness.
Determine whether your tendency to dominate a conversation is due to nervousness or self-involvement. Either way, review the
conversation in your head. Look for spots where you could have paused and allowed the other person to talk. For future conversations a
good rule of thumb is after you make a point, pause for either agreement or an alternative point of view. Observe body language for cues
whether to stop or continue. For example, is the person glossy-eyed and therefore bored? Are they moving towards you to speak and you
just keep on talking? Are they looking elsewhere (for an escape) while you are carrying on? In a good conversation each person needs to
express themselves or it is no longer a conversation but a monologue.
Be interesting and have something to say. While you don't have to be a comedian, entertainer, or brilliant raconteur, you do
need to be interesting otherwise what would you say? If you are not well informed, tend not to read much, or have very few
interests, you will have very little to talk about except yourself. Unfortunately, no one wants to hear about your latest troubles,
conquests, or daily routine. Yet so many dull conversationalists believe that's what people want to hear from them. Who hasn't
been stuck with someone at a social event who blathers away about their family history, latest job interview, or the like?
To avoid being that person, become knowledgeable about world events, people in the news, or what's going on locally. Take
time to keep up with the latest music, new technological discoveries, or recent best sellers. No one can know everything, so if
you can enlighten someone during the course of a conversation, you'll be a hit! By the same token, you can learn something
new as well.
Of course, not all conversations are knowledge sharing gatherings or discussions of global import. Many, especially at social
functions, consist of light-hearted and cheerful banter. In such cases, be aware of the tone and mood of the conversation and go
with the flow. If you are not particularly good at one-liners, or much of a jokester, you can always listen, smile and enjoy the
humor. Never act like you feel out of place or ill at ease.
Be relaxed, be yourself. If you are on edge, or trying to be someone you're not, it will show and therefore dooma conversation
to failure before it starts. Admittedly, if you are not relaxed it's hard to appear as if you are. Slow down and take a deep breath.
If you don't do your best to relax, you will end up saying something silly, unintelligible, or unrelated to the conversation. Also
smile warmly; it will make you appear pleasant and therefore more approachable. Worth noting: if you are trying to hard to be
something you're not, you will come across as a fake or a wannabe.
To start a conversation, go up to someone and introduce yourself. It is both polite and necessary to
start things off smoothly. If the occasion calls for it, you can offer a handshake and then smile and
make eye contact. Being friendly puts the other person at ease and opens the door for them to
introduce themselves. If, for whatever reason, your attempt is not well-received and you notice the
other person is cool or standoffish, bow out gracefully and move on. Do not take it as a rejection;
merely consider that the person has their reasons for not reciprocating. Perhaps they are not feeling
well, have had a bad day, or are not in the mood for conversation.
To improve, practice and then practice some more. The art of conversation, like any skill, takes
practice. Do not expect to be adept after your first few attempts. It will take practice as well as
exposure to many different social situations. A good way to get practice before you venture out to
an event is with family members and people you are comfortable with. They can give you helpful and supportive feedback,
which in turn gives you something to work on. You can never have too much practice!
Quick-Tips for TheArt of Conversation
Do not dominate a conversation or make it all about you. A monologue is not conversation.
Show interest and curiosity in others.
Strive for a balance of give and take.
Be an active listener by maintaining good eye contact and asking pertinent questions.
Train yourself to relax by using visualization, meditation, or other relaxation methods. Being relaxed is vital for good
conversation.
Do not interrupt and cut in with your own ideas before the other person is finished speaking.
Maintain an open mind; everyone has a right to express themselves even if you don't agree with what they are saying.
Although this is clich, try to avoid topics such as sex, religion and politics. You would be surprised at how many
people get trapped by themand end up in verbal battle, not conversation.
Be prepared by staying on top of the latest news, developments and world events.
Be approachable by staying relaxed, smiling and maintaining a friendly attitude.
Possessing the art of conversation improves personal, social and work relationships. It gives you the opportunity to meet interesting new
people and introduces you to various new topics and subject matter. With practice and application anyone can improve their conversation
skills.
16. Good Communication Skills -Key to Any Success
Good communication skills are key to success in life, work and relationships. Without effective communication, a message can turn into
error, misunderstanding, frustration, or even disaster by being misinterpreted or poorly delivered.
Communication is the process by which we exchange information between individuals or groups of people. It is a process where we try
as clearly and accurately as we can, to convey our thoughts, intentions and objectives.
Communication is successful only when both the sender and the receiver understand the same information.
In today's highly informational and technological environment it has become increasingly important to have good communication skills.
While many individuals still continue to struggle, the inability to communicate effectively will hold them back not only in their careers,
but in social and personal relationships.
Thesteps for acquiring good communication skills:
Know what you want to say and why.
Understand clearly the purpose and intent of your message. Know to whom you are communicating and why. Consider any
barriers you may encounter such as cultural differences or situational circumstances (gender, age, or economic biases). Ask
yourself what outcome you want to achieve and the impression you want to leave.
How will you say it?
We're all aware by now, that it's not always what you say, but how you say it that counts. Begin by making eye contact. You
inspire trust and confidence when you look a person in the eyes when you speak. Second, be aware of your body language
since it can say as much, or more, than your words. By standing with arms easily at your side you tell others that you are
approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. If instead, your arms are crossed and shoulders hunched, it suggests
disinterest or unwillingness to communicate. Good posture and an approachable stance help make even difficult
communication flow more smoothly. Make sure you speak in a cooperative, non-adversarial tone. Be nonjudgmental.
Listen.
Communication is a two way street. After you've said what you have to say, stop, listen, and look for feedback and clues of
comprehension. While the person is responding avoid any impulses to cut themoff or listen only for the end of the sentence so
that you can blurt out more ideas or thoughts that come to your mind. Respectfully give them your full attention. When they are
finished, to ensure that your message has been clearly and correctly understood, ask open questions and encourage discussion.
Fine-tune your message if necessary.
Reach understanding, agreement or consensus.
Once you have had to opportunity to discuss your message and the feedback to it, re-visit the purpose of the interchange. Have
you reached common ground, solved a problem, or clarified your position? If the purpose was to teach or instruct, have you
accomplished your goal? To communicate well is to understand and be understood. Make sure that your message has been
received as intended and that any questions or concerns have been alleviated. You can even agree to disagree. There are no
guarantees that your communication efforts will be meet with total compliance and agreement. As long as you understand each
other, are cordial and respectful, you can still have a successful exchange.
More Tips for DevelopingGood Communication Skills
To obtain a better command of the English language (or any other language), expand your vocabulary by
readingand writing more. Look up words you're not familiar with. The better you are able to express yourself,
the better your ability to communicate.
Practice your listening skills. Be considerate of other speakers by waiting until they are done before stating your
views. Process what has being said before responding.
Learn to understand and appreciate opposing points of view by being open-minded and making an effort to
see things fromanother's perspective. It will in turn, gain you more cooperation and understanding.
Avoid trying to communicate when in an emotional state. You lose objectivity and may say something
inappropriate or regrettable. Take time to think your position through before speaking.
J oin an organization such as Toastmasters that encourages you to develop a variety of communication skills as
well as allowing you the opportunity to meet new and interesting people.
When you take the time to acquire and hone good communication skills you open yourself up to better relationships, more career
opportunities, and increased self-confidence. Moreover, you reach higher levels of mutual understanding and cooperation while
successfully attaining your goals. All new skills take time to refine, however, with effort and practice you can develop good, even
exceptional, communication skills.

17. Keys to Making A Good Decision
There are important steps and keys to making a good decision.
Good or sound decision-making is necessary for living life productively and efficiently.
All of us are confronted with various decisions to make on a daily basis. Some are small and of minor
consequence, while others are huge and potentially life changing. Some are simple and obvious choices;
others are more difficult and painstaking.
For those that are complex and difficult to make, there is a process we can follow to help us come up
with a good solution.
TheKeys To Making Good Decision
Identify the decision to be made as well as the objectives or outcome you want to achieve.
Do your homework. Gather as many facts and as much information you can to assess your
options.
Brainstormand come up with several possible choices. Determine if the options are compatible with your values, interests and
abilities.
Weigh the probabilities or possible outcomes. In other words, what's the worst that can happen? What will happen if I do A, B
or C and can I live with the consequences?
Make a list of the pros and cons. Prioritize which considerations are very important to you, and which are less so. Sometimes
when you match the pros against the cons you may find them dramatically lopsided.
Solicit opinions and obtain feedback fromthose you trust or have had a similar situation to contend with. There may be some
aspects you haven't thought about.
Make the decision and monitor your results. Make sure you obtain the desired outcome.
Points To Consider
There are no guarantees. Certainly you can never know in advance whether a decision will be correct, therefore, you must be
prepared to take risks.
Look for the opportunities. If you make a mistake, view it as an opportunity to learn what didn't work and why. Many times
decisions are reversible and you can change your mind.
Hindsight is 20/20. On occasion, you might discover in hindsight situations that may have affected your decision had you known
about them earlier. This is normal and typical but should not stall your decision-making process.
Do not get stuck and do nothing. If you've done everything you can to make a good decision and still can't make up your mind, do
not delay making an important decision for fear that you don't know enough or will make the wrong choice.
Don't let fear stop you. Sometimes people become so paralyzed with the fear of making a wrong decision that they panic and lose
sight of what they're trying to accomplish. This hinders making any decision.
Don't second-guess yourself. In the end second-guessing yourself also undermines what you're trying to accomplish. Once you've
made the decision, let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, you will have learned important lessons.
When all is said and done, all you can do is the best with what you have to work with. Incidentally, do not underestimate the power of
intuition, or your gut feeling. After all the facts are weighed and evaluated, it can be the final determinant. Quite often it may be all you
have to go by.
18. Effective Goal Setting
The purpose of effective goal setting is to achieve what you want in life in a successful, focused and decisive manner by taking the right
actions in a lesser time frame.

Who doesn't want to achieve more in less time, yet many of us abandon our goals before we accomplish them. Why is that?
Some of the reasons include: lack of confidence, not having a workable plan for achieving them, being unrealistic by expecting too much
too soon, fear of failure, and lastly, putting too much pressure on ourselves to accomplish them.
Luckily there are strategies and behaviors we can adopt for successfully setting and achieving goals.
How do you start?
Know that you deserve success and achievement.
Before beginning the process of setting goals, know that you deserve success and that it is achievable for anyone who puts their mind to
it. You must believe you can do what you set out to do and that you possess the talents and abilities for doing it. Unless you begin with
this crucial premise, your efforts will be thwarted and you will fall short of accomplishing what you want.
Determinewhat you want.
One of the biggest problems people have in setting goals effectively is not knowing what they really want. Lacking a clear concept of
what you want in life makes it difficult to proceed. The one thing all successful people have in common is that
they are extremely focused and intensely goal oriented. They know what they want and they understand it takes
setting goals to achieve it. A good way to begin the process is to take the time to write down the goals most
meaningful to you and then list what you would need to do accomplish them. To figure this out you can look at
the 'big picture' of your life. Start a journal or workbook and write down for yourself the answers to some of
these important questions:
Do I want to be in the best of health and what will it take to get there?
What do I want to achieve in my career?
What kind of family life do I want?
What kind of lifestyle do I want today and in the future?
How do I see myself in 5, 10 or 20 years from now?
As an example, under the goal of maintaining good health, you can jot down: exercise 3-4 times a week, eat a balanced diet of protein,
fruits and vegetables, get 7-8 hours of sleep etc.
For where you want to be in 5 years, you might include: finish college degree; be earning an income of x amount of dollars; have a
serious personal relationship (or avoid having a serious relationship until career is established).

Plan, organizeand prioritize your goals in smaller, manageablechunks.
If you look at everything you want to achieve all at once, you might find it daunting and overwhelming, so it's best to organize and
prioritize your goals. Instead, devise a workable plan for each itemyou want to accomplish. You know that your health goals need to be
ongoing ones, so establish a daily routine or agenda that you can keep up on a regular basis. For a career goals, categorize them in
monthly, quarterly or yearly chunks. List points, or plan the actions required to attain a particular point in your career. This may include
taking the odd supplemental course, doing extra reading, or volunteering in the community in order to get exposure and experience.
Since careers take time and effort to build, planning and organizing your moves makes good sense.
Review, updateand revise.
Review and update your goals on a regular basis to ensure they are still relevant to you. Doing so also keeps you on track and taking the
appropriate steps and actions. If some of your strategies aren't working, fine tune them, or devise new ones. Likewise, figure out which
obstacles and distractions are getting in your way and determine what you need to do to overcome them. We all know there will be
setbacks and bumps in the road along the way to achieving our goals, but we need not let them hinder or take us off course. Revise and
adjust the game plan where, and when, you need to.
Stay focused and motivated.
Staying focused and motivated is probably one of the hardest things to do when setting goals. It is common to periodically fall off the
wagon however, it is essential to get back on track as soon as possible.
A great tool for keeping you focused is the journal or workbook you've been maintaining. Go over it
regularly as a reference point and to remind yourself what you want to accomplish. Set up routines or
habits that will ensure you stay on track. For example - do your exercises at the same time each day;
drink your protein shake first thing in the morning.
Other helpful techniques for staying motivated include the use of relevant affirmations and
visualization. Many successful people, especially athletes, swear by both. It's important to 'see'
yourself accomplishing a goal before you actually do. Positive affirmations implant positive thoughts
into your subconscious, which in turn, prompt you to take the right actions to achieve your goals.

The Benefits of Setting Goals
Give you the 'big picture' direction you want your life to take
Help keep you organized and focused
Build self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment
Help you achieve success more efficiently and in less time
Make the small day to day tasks more meaningful and purposeful
Goal setting, and certainly effective goal setting, has been a tried and true method for achieving success and accomplishment in life.
Without it we would drift aimlessly and waste valuable time and effort in pursuits that lead nowhere. So start now! Decide which goals
are most meaningful to you and devise a plan for achieving them.
19. Develop Good Habits in 7 Simple Steps
We humans are creatures of habit, therefore to develop good habits should be simple - right! Well, not always.
The problem is that we get very comfortable in doing things the same way each and every day. We usually stick to a daily routine
without having to think about it or taxing ourselves too much on what we're doing. So why change?
Unfortunately, not all of our habits are good or healthy for us. If we are in the habit of coming home after work each day and reaching for
an alcoholic drink to relax instead of getting on the treadmill to let off steam, it will adversely affect our health. Or, if we're in the habit
of snacking on chips and drinking pop while watching television in the evening instead of munching on veggies and sipping on fruit
juice, it will ultimately also have undesirable effects. If we smoke to relieve stress and anxiety, or over-eat, or take our frustrations out on
others, these are all habits we must consider changing or eliminating if we want what is good for us. Where do we begin?
Seven SimpleSteps to Develop Good Habits
1. Identify the habit. As mentioned, most of the time we are no longer aware of our habits, good or bad, so the first thing we need to do
is become conscious of what they are. If that cough has been getting worse, or if we become winded after merely walking up a few stairs,
there is a strong probability that a bad habit (smoking, sedentary lifestyle), or a lack of a good habit (exercise) is to blame. Maybe our
finances are in disarray, which means that we've been in the bad habit of spending more than we earn, or not practicing the good habit of
maintaining a budget and sticking to it. It's time to take a good look at the habits we engage in!
2. Make the decision, and then the commitment to change. Of course, this is easier said than done. How many times have we said to
ourselves, "Yes, I should exercise more and eat better. Not to worry, I'll get around to it sooner or later?" Unfortunately, procrastinating
just makes it harder to change a bad habit. The longer you put off taking action, especially where health is concerned, the unhealthier
you, or the situation, will get. A conscious commitment is necessary because that's what it takes to get the wheels of motion in action.
3. Discover your triggers and obstacles. If you don't know what your triggers are, or if you are unprepared for the inevitable obstacles,
you will set yourself up for failure. In order to develop good habits, we must be aware of what our habits are. All of us, in moments of
weakness and vulnerability, need support or a release for our frustrations. Reaching for alcohol, drugs, over-eating, or over-medicating is
not the answer. If an unpleasant incident takes place at work or a messy traffic altercation occurs on the way home, you have to find a
healthy alternative to your usual way of dealing with it. We all have bad days, but we need not resort to unhealthy habits to alleviate the
stress. Likewise, we cannot let boredom, anger, fear, or anxiety be triggers for bad habits either. Look for healthy ways of dealing with
triggers and obstacles.
4. Devise a plan. Benjamin Franklin had a great plan for overcoming his bad habits and replacing themwith good ones. He developed a
process whereby he listed 13 virtues he felt were important in his life and then proceeded to work on them. He focused on one virtue per
week for a 13 week period. By the end of each week he felt he had mastered the bad habit so he proceeded to the next one the following
week.
During this process he kept a journal of his success with the virtues. Since some of the virtues helped facilitate the acquisition of others,
he put themin a particular order beginning with temperance because "it tends to procure that coolness and clearness of head, which is so
necessary where constant vigilance was to be kept up."
This will work well for anyone who is trying to establish a new good habit - vigilance is indeed needed to make sure you stick with it!
After temperance he worked on silence because knowledge could be best obtained "by the use of the ears than of the tongue."
Franklin had rhyme, reason and purpose for every virtue. He figured that to develop good habits keeping order would free himup for the
things he really wanted to accomplish in life. His resolve, once it became habitual, would help himremain focused in order to implement
all the other virtues. Here for the fun of it is Benjamin Franklin's list of virtues. You can devise a similar list for yourself to help you
incorporate good habits into your lifestyle.
The List of Virtues which Benjamin Franklin incorporated into his life:
Temperance - Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
Silence - Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
Order - Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution - Resolve to performwhat you ought; performwithout fail what you resolve.
Frugality - Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
Industry - Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity - Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice - Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation - Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness - Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
Tranquility - Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Chastity - Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or
reputation.
Humility - Imitate J esus and Socrates.
5. Employ visualization and affirmations. Visualization and affirmations are great for integrating the new habit into your routine.
While visualization is a powerful motivational tool and energizer, affirmations programthe subconscious with the right mindset for
establishing a new habit. Together they allow you to feel and imagine yourself carrying out the correct behaviors making it easier to
adopt the new habit. Certainly developing good habits is easier when employing visualization and affirmations.

6. Enlist support from family and friends. Let people know what you're trying to accomplish. This way they will understand if you
want to pass up the desert or go for a walk instead of stopping at the pub on the way home. When your friends know you are serious
about changing a bad habit into a good one, not only will they help you steer away fromtemptations, they will cheer you on and give you
moral support. We all need support in achieving our goals!
7. Find healthy ways to reward yourself. One of the reasons we develop many bad habits in the first place is because they make us feel
good, even if it's just temporarily. The experience of feeling good is meant to soothe or placate us when we're stressed, dejected, or just
plain out of sorts. For example, you might over-eat and feel really good while doing it, but then you feel twice as bad afterwards. The
same goes for smoking or drinking too much. While you're in the act you feel relaxed and trouble free, however, afterwards you feel
remorse and vow to quit - soon. So, in order to minimize falling off the wagon and slipping back into old, detrimental habits, reward
yourself when you've done well. Treat yourself to a new book, a movie, a concert, or new exercise equipment. If you're short on cash,
visit a friend you haven't seen for a while, go to the downtown art gallery, or enjoy a skinny latte.
The wonderful benefit of developing good habits is that after doing them repeatedly, they soon become automatic. Anything you do for a
long while and consistently enough eventually becomes a habit, and once it does, you no longer have to put much effort into it. Such is
the beauty of it when you develop good habits!
20. Stress Management Strategies -
How to Deal With Stress
Stress management strategies are more important than ever in these chaotic, uncertain, and quickly changing times. Our modern lifestyle
is fraught with deadlines, pressures and various frustrations on a day to day basis. No wonder we find ourselves frazzled, spent and
overwhelmed.
Of course, stress isn't always a bad thing. In small doses it can help motivate you by providing the edge needed to gear up to a higher
level of performance.
Quite often it can be the push that propels you to do your best; however, if you always operate at full throttle, it will take a hazardous toll
on your mind and body.
What is Stress?
Stress is a normal physical response to real or imagined threats. It is the body's 'fight-or-flight' reaction to impending harmor danger - a
necessary defense mechanism wired into us since the beginning of our existence. When working properly the stress response helps us
stay focused and alert. In extreme cases it's what gives us both that extra boost of strength and energy to defend ourselves in life
threatening situations, as well as the ability to react with extraordinary speed and presence of mind in the face of imminent danger.

Of course, the type of stress we deal with daily is somewhat different from the stress needed to keep us alert and vigilant. The stress that
we need management strategies for is the type that makes us feel 'not in control' and damages health, productivity, relationships and
overall quality of life. While it may appear that we have no control over this type of stress, we have more than we realize.

For one thing, while we may not be able to control certain stressful situations in our lives, we can certainly control how we respond to
themand we can respond by taking charge of our thoughts, emotions and manner in which deal with them.

Stress management entails changing what we can about a stressful situation when possible, or changing our response to it when we
cannot. Ultimately, the goal is to live a balanced life with time for work, leisure and relationships by having the ability to deal with
pressure and stressful situations with resilience and composure.
Strategies for Dealing With Stress
Identify the stressors in your life. As simple as it sounds, many people aren't even aware of what stresses them out, nor does
everyone find the same things stressful. One person's stress can be another's challenge or motivation. Similarly, few people
realize how much their own thoughts, feelings and behaviors contribute to their stress. We are each in charge of how we
interpret events in
our lives. We are also in charge of behaviors such as procrastination, lack of organization, and inattention that lead to deadline
worries, not paying bills on time and inability to accomplish important tasks which, in turn, cause stress. Therefore, the first
import step is to identify the stressors in your life and the ways you might be contributing to them.
Simplify Your Life. If you are burning yourself out by doing too much, start cutting back on some of your unproductive, yet
time consuming and energy draining activities. No one can do everything.
Set your priorities and make roomfor doing what you value and find most important. Equally important is learning to say NO!
Delegate and redistribute tasks if you have to, but don't try to do it all. Hire a cleaning service one day a week, get a baby sitter
to pick up the kids after school, have a lawn service do the landscaping. Feeling stressed and overburdened comes fromtaking
on too much and not balancing it with relaxation and down time.
Reduce effects of stress by eating well, exercising regularly and getting enough sleep. I don't know about you, but when
I'mhungry, sluggish (frominactivity) or tired, I amvery stressed and grumpy! Not getting the nutrients your body needs to stay
healthy causes both mental and physical stress; so does not getting enough sleep. And regular exercise not only releases tension
and stress while you're doing it, it builds stamina and endurance enabling you to handle stress better. Most people totally
underestimate the importance of maintaining good physical health to ward off stress and anxiety.
Accept that there are things you cannot change. As we all know, there are many things in life beyond our control such as the
death of a loved one, job loss, illness, or even the behavior of others. As difficult as it may be at first, in such cases, the best
thing we can do is accept things as they are. Secondly, we can choose how to react to the event. Some constructive ways
include:
expressing what you are going through to a friend or therapist (healing)
keeping a journal to record thoughts and feelings (cathartic)
looking for opportunities for growth; learning fromthe experience (productive)
developing resilience (building inner strength)
There are also more common causes of unavoidable stress such as job interviews, taking an exam, having to make a presentation, a
disagreement with someone, and similar situations. In such cases it helps to to know how to stay as composed as possible. Deep
breathing techniques, visualization (mentally rehearsing the event) and preparing yourself as much in advance as you can, dramatically
lessens the stress you will experience.
Manage stress in healthy ways. Do you currently cope with stress in healthy or unhealthy ways? If your current coping
mechanisms are unhealthy, you are compounding the problem. Unhealthy ways of handling stress include, abusing alcohol,
taking various pills, smoking, over or under eating, watching too much television, taking your frustrations out on others, and
overall avoidance of your
problems. If you are already under stress and dealing with it in ways that are detrimental to your health, you are making matters
much worse by compounding the stress.
Not surprisingly, we all have unique responses to stress and how we choose to handle it. The trick is to find what works for
YOU!

One of the best studied stress relievers is the relaxation response, first described by Harvard's Herbert Benson, M.D. The
beauty of this technique is that it requires no special posture or place. For instance, if you happen to be stuck in traffic, or if
you're having trouble falling asleep you can do it. Here's how:
Sit or lay back comfortably. Close your eyes and relax your muscles.
Breathe deeply. To make sure that you are breathing deeply, place one hand on your stomach, the other on your chest. Breathe
in slowly through your nose and as you do you should feel your stomach (not your chest) rise.
Slowly exhale. As you do, focus on your breathing.
If thoughts begin to interfere don't dwell on them, just allow themto pass and return to focusing on your breathing.
Although you can turn to this exercise any time you feel stressed, doing it regularly for 10 to 20 minutes at least once a day can
put you in a generally calm frame of mind which can get you through typically stressful situations.
More Healthy ways to Managestress
Meditation, yoga, or biofeedback techniques such as brain wave therapy
Exercise by going for a walk, lifting weights, jogging
Spend time outdoors at the beach, in the woods, or sailing
Have a chat with a good friend
Take a hot, fragrant bath
Go for a massage
Listen to soothing music
Set aside 20 minutes a day to do whatever you want, even nothing
LAUGH more; watch a comedy movie or show - it relieves tension (See Article on Humor)
Unhealthy ways to deal with stress
Excessive drinking
Using drugs or pills to relax
Sleeping too much
Over or under eating
Watching too much television
Withdrawing from social activities
Taking your stress out on others
Harmful Effects of Ongoing Stress
Adversely alters your body and brain chemistry (stress hormones, cortisol)
Weakens your immune system
Heart disease, hypertension, heart attack, stroke
Depression and anxiety
Ulcers, gastrointestinal irritabilities
Skin problems, hair loss
Headaches, migraines
Sexual dysfunction
We all know that life can be stressful, sometimes it's avoidable and sometimes not; however, if we take responsibility for how we handle
stress and implement effective strategies to deal with it, stress will become a manageable component of everyday life, not a health
damaging one.
21. Take Control of Your Life or Personal Leadership
Each day you have the ability to make the choice to take control of your life, or to let it control you. You can either be proactive, or you
can let circumstances call the shots.
To take control of your life or exercise personal leadership is to take responsibility for
yourself and for every area of your life. It means being connected with your values,
your vision and to set meaningful goals for yourself. When you do, you become more
productive, more optimistic, able to solve problems more easily and ultimately have
less stress in your life.
No doubt, with all the chaos and uncertainty that is going in the world these days it
may be difficult to feel like you are in charge of your life, and while there are some
things you have no control over, there is much that you do. Understand that you are the
principal architect and creator of your life and that you are where you are at, because
of the choices and decisions you have made thus far.
An interesting concept that I came across in my readings recently, and as it relates to
personal leadership, is to see yourself as the CEO of your own life. If you were to
apply it to yourself, how would run your life? What kind of strategic planning would

you do and how would you envision your future? I would guess that in seeing yourself as the CEO of your life, you would be inspired to
think in a more effective, results oriented manner.
As your own CEO, here are some ways in which you can take control of your lifeand exercisepersonal
leadership:
Determine your values and what's important to you. As I wrote in Have A Personal Value System, knowing what your
values are gives you structure and purpose, which in turn directs you on how to focus your time and efforts. It would be similar
to the 'mission statement' a company would hold. As you probably know, a mission statement typically spells out the overall
goals and drives the actions of an organization. It likewise provides a roadmap and guides the decision-making processes for
management.
In your life your mission statement could be something like: "My purpose is to live life to the fullest by taking the care of my
health, relationships, finances and overall happiness to the best of my abilities."
When you state your objective so succinctly, you can't help but be focused and take the right actions for where you need to be.
This also helps keep you frombeing aimless and scattered, not to mention avoiding hit and miss situations.
Plan, be organized and set goals. Think of the big picture of what you want in your life and then break it down to manageable
parts. For everything that you want to accomplish, you need a strategy or action plan. One way is to set goals appropriate to
your mission statement and then devise a plan on how to go about achieving them. Nothing happens by itself; so taking charge
of your life entails taking the bull by the horns. Rather than daydreaming about what you want or engaging in wishful thinking,
you set the wheels in motion for success. In fact, the planning stages can actually be fun and challenging! Not only will you
achieve your objectives, you will sharpen your critical thinking and problem solving skills in the process. The most successful
CEOs in the world are those who set realistic, achievable goals for their companies, plan the best strategies and then execute
them accordingly. They also set their priorities, organize their tasks and duties and make sure all the different departments are
running smoothly and efficiently. There is a famous quote that states, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
Maintain a positive attitude. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is remain positive when your best efforts to take
control of your life don't go according to plan. As any CEO will tell you, there are always obstacles and roadblocks that get in
the way of any launch or rollout. In another similar example, ask any athlete, inventor or composer. Would you think that
everything comes together for them smoothly and without any glitches? Definitely not!
The quality or character trait that separates those who succeed and those that do not, is a positive attitude and an unshakable
belief in themselves. They do not let negative thoughts or obstacles get in the way of ultimate achievement. Of course, that
does not mean that it is easy; it means that persistence and focus are necessary. Those who cannot maintain control of their
lives quite often want to give up at first sign of trouble or difficulty. When that happens, all else seems to unravel as well, and
they mistakenly feel they have no control of anything at all in their lives. This type of mindset is both counterproductive and
detrimental to progress. Maintaining a positive attitude is absolutely essential for taking control of your life.
Have fun. While taking control of your life involves a lot of planning, strategy and executing, it could weigh you down if you
forget to take time to have some fun. Living a full, productive life requires maintaining balance between work, relaxation and
recreation. Too much structure makes J ack or Jill a dull person.
To take control of your life try an experiment by envisioning yourself as the CEO of your personal company - your own life.
The concept alone will make you feel more in control. Then make the types of plans, choices and decisions that you would
expect a successful CEO would make and you will be surprised at how much more in control of your life you will feel. It may
take some practice and role playing, but the outcome will be - YOU in control of your life.
22. Five tips For Managing Change
Nothing stays the same. Managing change is now more important than ever.
Today, in this fast-paced, unpredictable world, not only is change inevitable, it is happening more quickly than ever before. It is
becoming a way of life.
It's not enough that we have to deal with the normal personal changes that we all go through in life, but these days we also have broader
issues to contend with such as the global economy, the domestic economy (job loss, company closures), the environment, technology,
and changing cultural values.
As challenging and difficult as it may be, and as resistant we are to it, we have to learn to manage change.
Most of us are comfortable with the known and uncomfortable with the unknown. (see Expand Your Comfort Zone)
It is in our best interests, however, to learn to accept change - even embrace it and welcome its challenges.
We can even come to terms with the fact that change can actually be good for us since it helps us develop and encourages us to grow.
Here are Tips for Managing Change:
Take care of yourself
Managing change can be stressful if you are not prepared, so be sure to take care of yourself. Eat a balanced diet, exercise
regularly and get enough sleep. Take time to relax. When you are healthy, you are better equipped and in a better frame of
mind to handle anything. If, on the other hand, you are already stretched to your limits and having trouble coping, change will
only add to your difficulties.
Be open and flexible.
Knowing that change can occur at any time helps you accept and adjust to it when does happen. Be able to let go of
expectations that no longer fit what is currently going on in the world. Certainly, at no other time in history has there ever been
so much change or happening as rapidly as it is today. Even though most of us prefer to settle into comfortable predictable
routines, realize that your current routine is probably temporary.
Stay positive and put it in perspective.
We all have the ability to control our inner and emotional responses to whatever happens. Our attitudes towards it and how we
choose to deal with it is totally up to us. With that in mind, look for the positive outcomes of change - there are always some.
In fact, how you react to it can often determine the outcome.
Take control of your life.
You can manage change by taking control of your life. Use your critical thinking skills. We all know that some change is
forthcoming. Therefore, ask yourself what can you do in advance to help prepare for the transition. Make a list of options.
Determine the best approaches. Take charge of your thoughts and actions. If you are mentally and psychologically prepared
for change, it will not rock your world when it happens.
Make changes.
Become the change agent. Sometimes we are forced into making changes because we allow ourselves to get stuck in a routine
or lifestyle that is no longer working for us. If, however, we anticipate it and become active rather than reactive, we can take
control of a situation. We can look at where we need to make adjustments and then take action. Doing so can prevent the stress
and anxiety that accompany unexpected change.
Change in life is inevitable. Rather than fear or try avoid it, our best course of action is to accept it, meet it head on and allow it to be a
positive, constructive force in our lives.
23. The Four Stages of Learning a Skill
According to a classic psychological model of individual learning, before we acquire any skill there are four stages of learning or
competence that we go through.
It's probably no surprise to anyone that personal development, like anything else, entails becoming skilled at various positive behaviors.
How could it not?
Everything we do requires awareness first, then learning and application and then practice. Merely reading about a healthy self-concept,
developing humor, resilience or positive thinking isn't going to get us there.
We must first figure out what skills we require and then proceed to incorporate them into our thinking and behavior. Easier said than
done - right?
If we understand that there is, indeed, a process and that it takes place in stages, we can be more patient with ourselves and realize that
nothing happens overnight. By understanding the four stages of learning a skill, we can concentrate on the learning process itself and not
feel bad about where we're at and why we don't know everything already.
Here are thefour stages of learning any skill, and then as it relates to personal development:
Unconscious Incompetence
At this stage you don't know what your problems are or how to identify them. You may or may not know that something is not
working, but you have no idea what it is or how to go about fixing it. In other words you don't know what you don't know.
You are going through life feeling that something is missing; you're plodding along but not really paying attention - you just
stumble along.
Conscious Incompetence
With conscious incompetence you are aware of a lot of your problems, but you don't know how to correct them. You may
understand what is needed, but have no knowledge or confidence in how to get it. You may feel overwhelmed by how much
you need to learn.

Soon you begin to realize that you are unhappy with yourself, your relationships, your career and you're stuck in a rut. You
know you have to do something but have no idea what or how to go about it. You start reading about personal development
but feel overwhelmed with how much there is to learn.
Conscious Competence
In this stage you know how to correct your problems but it will take time and practice. You know what you know, and can
apply it as long as you are concentrating and focusing on it. You have to think your way through the process and it feels
unnatural and foreign. It is outside of your comfort zone.
You have realized that there is no other way to improve, but to apply yourself read and do what is needed. It's time to put to
practice what you have read and discovered. It is difficult, yet fun because you are stretching yourself, growing and your life
is becoming more meaningful and productive.
Unconscious Competence
You know what you know and you no longer have to think about it. You have become so skilled at it that it's automatic and
comes naturally. In fact, you do it unconsciously because you no longer have to think about it. Speaking your native language
is an example of unconscious competence.

So here you are on the path of personal development. You know it's an ongoing process, but because you've incorporated many positive
habits, positive thinking and positive behaviors, your life is less of a struggle and more of a progressive journey. You don't think in terms
of obstacles; you think in terms of opportunities and ways in which you can improve yourself.
As I've mentioned the four stages of learning pertain to how we learn anything in life. Until we know better, most things seemeasy. For
example, take riding a bicycle. Before you knew how to ride one, it probably looked easy until you got on and tried to ride it. Then you
realized how incompetent you were at it.
The same with roller or ice-skating. First you had to learn how get up and keep your balance. Not so easy! Then you'd fall a few times
and maybe even get a little bruised (ouch!). In order to get better, you had to keep practicing until you got really good at it. After a while,
low and behold, you no longer had to think about what you were doing and it became smooth sailing.
So it is with any skill. Keep improving and working on yourself until it becomes second nature. Not only will you get the most fromlife,
you will live it to your full potential.
24. Increase Your Brain Power with Classics
Consider reading and learning about Classics to increase your brain power, learning capability, and expand your cultural literacy.
As a big believer in each of us developing our intellectual capabilities, I recommend classical studies as a way to broaden your
knowledge base.
Classics, or Classical Studies, deals with the literature, art, history, philosophy, and culture of ancient Greece and Rome.
Why the Classics? How could reading about classics possibly be of practical use in increasing brain power?
Of course, I'mnot advocating enrolling in an intense university programin Greek and Latin. I'msuggesting instead, that you consider
incorporating more classical reading in your routine and

Here's why:
Because it's fun and entertaining and provides a basis for the enjoyment of many movies, comic book heroes and video games that
contain references to classical history and mythology e.g. Troy, Gladiator, O Brother Where Art Thou (movies), Hercules, The Fantastic
Four (comic book heroes), and God of War (Playstation2), to name a few.
It feeds the imagination if you want to be a writer (or aspiring blogger). J.K. Rowling author of the Harry Potter books studied Classics
and uses much classical terminology and references in her books. The first Harry Potter book has been translated into both Latin and
ancient Greek.
It enriches and broadens our understanding of western culture, history and literature giving us an appreciation for where our language
and customs originated, as well as a sense of connection to the past.
It helps us understand the human condition and ourselves. For instance, Greek mythology was then, and serves today as a study in
human nature, the dynamics of the human mind, human behavior, and the forces that drive us. We learn about jealousy, love, grief,
narcissism, good and evil. It's fast tracking for Life 101.
The skills and knowledge acquired through the study of Classics are highly transferable to other areas. For example, the ability to deal
with precise details, to express yourself, problemsolve, think critically and manage your life are all honed and sharpened by having
studied Classics.
So much of our medical and scientific terminology is rooted in Classics that learning about the Greeks and Romans can facilitate the
study of anatomy, astronomy and physics. Many of our modern sciences have Greek names because the ancient Greeks either invented
them or made significant contributions to them.
Becoming familiar with classical literature gives us perspective and an understanding of European and English literary genres and their
evolution. The Greco-Roman influence has had such an enduring effect on every aspect of Western culture including languages, history,
philosophy, literature, science, technology and art.

Interestingfacts about Classics and Classical Studies:
The first written record of Greece and the oldest form of Greek literature is Homer's Iliad (circa 1000- 900 B.C.)
A book of maps gets its name from Atlas, the Titan who supported the heavens on his shoulders.
The point of vulnerability is an Achilles' heel, because the mythological warrior Achilles had been magically protected in all
but that part of his body.
Our calendar goes back to the ancient Romans and the 7-day-week was introduced by the ancient Hebrews.
The statue of Abraham Lincoln in the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. was inspired by the statue of the Olympian Zeus
by the Greek sculptor Pheidias. The designs on Lincoln's armrests are a Roman symbol for justice and republican government.
Law schools report that their top students come from math, the Classics, and literature rather than from political science,
economics and legal studies as one might expect.
David W. Packard of Hewlett-Packard was a former professor of Greek and Latin, and Chris Martin fromthe band Coldplay
studied The Classics.
E.D. Hirsch J r. who is well known for coining the phrase 'cultural literacy' and for his theories on education states that "As a consequence
of the fact that we learn most easily when we attach the new to the old, people who already know a lot tend to learn new things faster and
more easily than people who do not know very much."
In other words, the more knowledge and background we have of our world and its evolution in language, history, arts and sciences, as
presented in Classics, the better a foundation we have for learning new and current information.
What better way to cultivate and preserve our brainpower?

25. 50 Ways To Be Happier
Who doesn't want to be happier? Furthermore, is happiness as elusive as we may have been lead to believe?
I think not.
Certainly much has been written about the pursuit of happiness lately, however, I believe it is much simpler and probably easier to be
happy than we think.
Perhaps in this increasingly complex world that we live, we are over-complicating what it takes to be happy. Happiness often lies in the
simplest of things.
Here are 50 simpleways in which you can add to your happiness
1. Accept that life is not perfect.
2. Don't take yourself too seriously.
3. Don't take others too seriously.
4. Appreciate yourself.
5. Have meaningful goals - they give you purpose.
6. Get a pet.
7. Cultivate friendships. To have friends, be a friend.
8. Be supportive and seek support when needed.
9. Don't confuse materialism with success.
10. Know that money does not buy happiness.
11. Enjoy what you have.
12. Simplify your life.
13. Be more creative.
14. Be yourself.
15. Be more spontaneous.
16. Spend more time with happy people.
17. Keep a happiness journal for writing about the things that give you joy.
18. Find what you love to do and make it your life's work.
19. Be willing to learn and experience new things.
20. Be flexible.
21. Be open-minded.
22. Enjoy simple pleasures.
23. Practice gratitude.
24. Think improvement, not perfection.
25. When things aren't going well; know that it will pass.
26. Know that it's not what happens to you, but how you perceive it that's important.
27. Learn to live in and savor the moment.
28. Exercise regularly.
29. Get enough sleep.
30. Maintain a healthy diet.
31. Enjoy good conversation.
32. Have a hobby.
33. Take time for fun.
34. Practice moderation.
35. Cultivate an appreciation for the arts.
36. Read inspiring material.
37. Help others.
38. Have faith.
39. As Richard Carlson has said - Don't sweat the small stuff.
40. Smile for no particular reason.
41. Be agreeable.
42. Love yourself.
43. Listen to good music.
44. Watch less TV.
45. Give it your best.
46. Pamper yourself.
47. Practice mindfulness.
48. As Bessie Anderson Stanley wrote in her little verse Success: "Live well, love much and laugh often."
49. Be happy now. Don't make it conditional.
50. Share your happiness with others.

Interestingly, I experienced more happiness in the compiling of this list. As I contemplated each point it made me happier just thinking
about it. Who'd have thought it?
26. The Art of Living Well
Think about it - there is an art to everything and living well is no exception. Of any art, this would be the one to master since it
encompasses all the others.
The art of living well is to make your life an expression of who you are, what you believe, and your hopes, dreams and desires. Of
course, to create your life as a work of art is an ongoing, evolving and creative endeavor. And so it should be.
The difference between living well and just living would be analogous to preparing a meal.
When you're hungry you can just throw something together fromwhatever is handy without considering the nutritional value, taste or
visual appeal of the dish. You can shove something down that fills your tummy and satisfies your immediate appetite.
Or, you can prepare a pleasing, nutritious, tasty meal that not only satisfies your visual and practical needs, but also makes it a joy to
experience. Of course the second meal requires more thought, planning, imagination and work in general, but the rewards are
exceedingly greater on every level.
So it is with life. You could live it indiscriminately not paying attention to anything in particular, or you can make it a delicious,
nutritious treat.
How to make your life work of art:
Make each moment count and live it to the fullest.
When you get up in the morning decide to welcome all the challenges and delights each day brings. Be aware that everything
you experience contributes to your knowledge, enjoyment and understanding of life. Every activity can have meaning and
purpose and by acknowledging and recognizing it, you enrich your participation in it.
Express yourself and create the life you want.
You are unique. Express your individuality and share your observations and insights with others. Make your surroundings a
comfortable reflection of that individuality and uniqueness. For instance, if you're a collector, a sports fan or have a particular
hobby, decorate your home with artifacts and mementos that express that part of your personality. It makes for good
conversation and reveals something about you to others.
Establish an open, accepting and appreciative mindset.
Prepare yourself for whatever comes your way. When you do, the possibility of attracting adverse circumstances lessens
because of your willingness to stand up to and face what is. When you maintain an open, accepting attitude life actually goes
more smoothly and without incident. It's as if you're daring life to throw you a curve, but because you aren't afraid, it becomes
unnecessary and therefore loses its impact.
Be who you are and go after what you want.
Be comfortable with yourself and don't be afraid to go after what you want. So many opportunities are missed out of fear of
failure (and success too) and an unwillingness to take risks or put yourself on the line. Life is too short to not give your best
shot at something. Strive to reach your potential. The worst that can happen is you learn a valuable lesson.
Have a solid personal foundation balanced with relationships with family, friends and the community.
We are social beings who need each other for comfort, support and interaction. It's important to cultivate and value all of our
relationships and engage in activities that promote good will and make the community, the country and ultimately the world a
better place.
You know you arelivingwell when you:
Wake up in the morning and can't wait for the adventure that lies ahead of you.
Are optimistic, cheerful and confident.
Are interested in and want to contribute to others and the world around you.
Focus on the good things in your life and improve on what's not working.
Are aware, appreciative and engaged in life.
Turn obstacles into opportunities.
Seize each moment.
We can make an art of living well by expressing ourselves, being open and receptive to new experiences, and by living each moment to
the fullest. We only need to decide to do so.
"The masters in the art of living make little distinction between their work and their play, their labor and their leisure, their minds and
their bodies, their information, their recreation, their love and their religion. They hardly know which is which, they simply pursue their
vision of excellence at whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing."
James Albert Michener
27. Tips for Overcoming Adversity
Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. Overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we face. As Havelock Ellis wrote,
"Pain and death are part of life. To reject them is to reject life itself."
Problems, large and small, present themselves to us throughout our whole existence. Regardless of how sharp, clever, or happy-go-lucky
we are we will encounter struggle, challenges, difficulties and at times, heart wrenching moments.
Is this meant to be a negative, cynical assessment of what we have to look forward to?
Not at all!
In fact, thank goodness for adversity! Learning to deal with and overcoming adversity is what makes us who we are. Every challenge and
every difficulty we successfully confront in life serves to strengthen our will, confidence and ability to conquer future obstacles.
Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, "Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain
dormant in its absence."
When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges, the qualities of strength, courage, character and perseverance
emerge from deep inside of you.
Of course, since we are human, it is very easy to get caught up in the self pity, unfairness of life, or 'why me?' trap. When we do, we fail
to recognize the opportunities for wisdomand growth that accompany adversity. However, as soon we allow ourselves to think more
clearly we are able to let go of self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what's before us.
The Tips For Overcoming Adversity
1. Be aware of, and accept that adversity is inevitable in life. As has already been pointed out, adversity is part of life. To avoid or
resist it will only make it persist. Everywhere you look in the world there is unmistakable struggle. There are floods, tsunamis, wars, and
calamities of all types. Even within your own circle of family and friends there is death, loss and tragedy. Although pain is inevitable,
suffering is optional. So what do you do?
2. Build your internal resources. Before adversity hits, work on cultivating emotional strength, courage and discipline. When you make
yourself aware that certain difficulties are inevitable, you can prepare yourself mentally for confronting adversity head-on. It would be no
different than a warrior going to battle. He (or she) prepares himself physically and mentally for any possibility. He knows it could be
ugly, daunting, and grueling, but he is equipped. More often than not, when you're prepared for the worst, the worst never happens, or it's
much less severe than anticipated.
Another invaluable inner resource is faith. Faith that everything will work out; faith that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and
faith that "this too shall pass." Everything in life has its place and purpose.
3. Build your external resources. Build a support system of family and
friends. When the going gets tough, we all need encouragement and support.
We need someone to talk to; someone to help ease the burden. You would be
surprised to discover how often a friend has had a similar experience and can
help guide you through the difficult time. Even just knowing a friend is there
when you need themcan be most comforting.
4. That which does not kill you doesn't always make you stronger. Sorry
Nietzsche! While I agree with Nietzsche, in principle, that what does not kill
you will make you stronger, I do not necessarily agree with him in practice.
For instance, if you do not have enough built-up resilience or experience in
dealing with difficulty, adversity can crush you. On the other hand, if do you
have sufficient resilience, then indeed it will make you stronger. How so, you
ask? Resilience like any muscle is built up gradually and exponentially with
repeated exposure to obstacles. If you lack practice in confronting obstacles
(as when you choose to avoid them), one traumatic event can take you down.
To underscore this point, developmental research has shown that traumatized children are more, rather than less, likely to be traumatized
again. Likewise, those who grow up in tough neighborhoods become weaker, not stronger, and are more likely to struggle in life.
5. Take inspiration and learn from others who have dealt successfully with adversity. There are many inspiring stories of people
who overcame seemingly insurmountable odds. They triumphed over their adversities to live successful, productive lives instead of
surrendering to it.
Here are some examples:
Helen Keller: Lost her sight and hearing due to a mysterious fever when she was only 18 months old. She overcame her deafness and
blindness to become a strong, educated woman who spoke about, and promoted, women's rights.

Winston Churchill: Overcame a stuttering problemand poor performance in school to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
and one of the most influential political leaders of the twentieth century. He was also known for his powerful and rousing speeches.

Wilma Rudolph: The Olympian born prematurely, the 20th of 22 children. She overcame double pneumonia, scarlet fever and polio to
become winner of three Gold medals in track at the 1960 Rome Olympic Games.
Lance Armstrong: Overcame testicular cancer which spread to the brain and lungs (he was told he had only a 40% chance of survival)
to come back and win the Tour de France seven more times!
*** Lance has since admitted to taking steroids during his cycling career, however, he did still battle cancer and overcame immense
odds. It's unfortunate that his career was not as exemplary as his will to overcome adversity.
J.K. Rowling: Born to a poor family; left a bad marriage with a young baby to live on government assistance; wrote her first Harry
Potter book and was turned down by most publishers until Bloomsbury Publishing picked it up. Need I say more?
Determination, resilience, and persistence enabled all of these great people to push past their adversities and prevail. If they could do it,
surely the rest of us can summon the strength and courage to do overcome our adversities!
Points to Consider
The difficult times in life help us appreciate when things are going smoothly.
Look for the learning opportunities in every adverse situation.
Decide whether you will allow your experience to make, or break you. Depending upon how you choose to perceive it, it could go
either way.
Be prepared to accept the worst, should it occur. When you have prepared yourself mentally for the worst, it rarely ever happens, and
if it does, it seems less so because you are better equipped to handle it.
Cultivate faith, courage and resilience. The more of these qualities you arm yourself with, the lesser the impact of the adversity.
Remind yourself that adversity is part of life. To Accept adversity, helps you overcome it.

Overcoming adversity is one of our main challenges in life. When we resolve to confront and overcome it, we become expert at dealing
with it and consequently triumph over our day-to-day struggles.
28. What is Emotional Intelligence and Why do We Need It?

In its simplest and most concise form emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to perceive, assess, and manage one's own, as
well as the emotions of others. There is, however, disagreement amongst psychologists as to the scope and depth that emotional
intelligence encompasses.
For example, according to psychologist Dr. J ohn D. Mayer, who has published extensively on emotional intelligence and co-developed a
four branch model of it with Dr. Peter Salovey, the concept of emotional intelligence is frequently claimed to be many things it is not.
Current popular EI literature often inaccurately equates it to other personality traits.
According to Dr. Mayer, Daniel Goleman's book (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ), while it is an entertaining
journalistic account that covers many interesting studies, it incorrectly lumps together different psychological qualities that are separate
and independent of each other.
Some of these attributes include social skills, all forms of self-regulation, motives, and warmth, among many others.
Rather than emotional intelligence, such models are called 'mixed models' since they mix attributes unrelated directly, or specifically, to
either emotion, or intelligence.
So what is emotional intelligence?
Here is what emotional intelligence is NOT, according to Mayer:
Agreeableness
Optimism
Happiness
Motivation
Calmness
While these qualities are important, they have little to do with intelligence or emotions, and nothing to do with emotional intelligence. In
an article for American Psychologist, Dr. Mayer and his colleagues point out:
"...groups of widely studied personality traits, including motives such as the need for achievement, self-related concepts such as self-
control, emotional traits such as happiness, and social styles such as assertiveness should be called what they are, rather than being mixed
together in haphazard-seeming assortments and named emotional intelligence. (p.514)"
According to Dr. Mayer, emotional intelligence is the capacity to reason about emotions and emotional information, and of emotions to
enhance thought. Compared to Goleman's more inclusive characterization, a precise definition would be:
"Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions; to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought; to understand
emotions and emotional knowledge; and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth."
People who are considered to have high EI can solve a variety of emotion-related problems accurately and quickly. They can correctly
perceive emotions in faces in others and what the emotions convey. For instance, they know that angry people can be dangerous, that
happy people want to relate with others, and that sad people often prefer to be alone.
High EI people are also adept at managing their own as well as others' emotions. They know how to use emotional episodes in their own
lives to promote specific types of thinking. Solving problems requires less cognitive effort for those high in EI. These individuals also
tend to be higher in verbal, social and other intelligences. They are generally more open and agreeable and are drawn to occupations
involving social interactions such as teaching, counseling and interacting with others.
Mayer Salovey's Four Branch Model of Emotional Intelligence
In the late 1980's, after various psychologists, psychiatrists, and evolutionary biologists had identified a number of human capacities
involved in identifying and understand emotions, in 1990, Drs. Mayer and Salovey proposed that these abilities make up the collective
concept of emotional intelligence . Ultimately they suggested that emotional intelligence be divided into a four-branch model which was
subsequently published in 1997.
The four branch model of emotional intelligence describes four areas of capabilities, or skills, that define emotional intelligence.
Theseabilities include:
accurately perceive emotions in oneself and others
use emotions to facilitate thinking
understand emotional meanings, and
manage emotions

The Four Branches of Emotional Intelligence
Perceiving Emotion - The capacity to accurately perceive emotions in the faces or voices of others. It provides the starting
point for more advanced understanding of emotions.
Using Emotion to Facilitate Thought - The capacity to utilize emotion in guiding
cognitive processes. A good systemof emotional input helps in the contemplation
of important matters. Emotions are also essential for creativity.
Understanding Emotions - Emotions convey information, therefore
understanding emotional messages and the actions associated with them are central
to this skill.
Managing Emotions - Emotions can be managed. Once the information behind
the emotion is gathered and understood, it can be regulated and managed.
Why is emotional intelligence important?
While the definitions of emotional intelligence vary in scope and depth, many believe that it is at least as important as traditional IQ
which is why many companies now use EI testing to hire new staff. Here are some ways in which a high EI quotient is beneficial:
Helps you relate well and cooperate with others in the workplace (understanding other people's emotions and motives)
Helps you achieve your goals (cooperation with others, emotion management, maturity)
Maintain satisfying personal relationships (by managing and balancing your emotions)
Live a more balanced lifestyle (personal and emotion management)
Respond to others with empathy and compassion
Allows you to be more playful and creative (in touch with your emotions)
Resolve conflict more easily
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Fortunately emotional intelligence can be taught and developed. There is much literature and many tests available to help you determine
your current EI and identify where you may need to do some work. Here are some tips to help you along:

Become self-aware. Learn to recognize your emotions and their effects, how you react to your environment and how your emotions
affect your behavior. Use themto find ways to make better decisions and problemsolve in areas where you have weakness.
Observe how you react in stressful situations. Do you get upset quickly? Do you blame others and get angry? How do you behave
when things go wrong? Being able to stay calmand keep your emotions in control in difficult situations is important at home and in the
workplace.
Manage your emotions. Practice controlling impulsive feelings and behaviors. Deal with your emotions in healthy ways; take
initiative; be reliable and responsible; learn to adapt to changing circumstances.
Become socially aware. Take time to observe how you interact with people. Examine how your actions affect others. Do you listen
and think about what they are saying? Are you open-minded and accepting? Learn to pick up emotional cues. Appreciate what people are
saying and why they are saying it. Develop cross culture sensitivity.

Emotional intelligence is an intelligence that has to do with discerning and understanding emotional information. To be sure, an
intellectual understanding of emotional intelligence is very important, but ultimately, the development of it depends on sensory, non-
verbal learning and much practice.
29. Overcoming Fear of Failure
Overcoming fear of failure is crucial for success. For many highly successful men and women who have accomplished great things in
life failure was merely a stepping stone to achieving greatness. Men like Henry Ford, Winston Churchill and Thomas Edison understood
that failing to make the attempt is the 'real' failure and that doing nothing, begets nothing - least of all success. Women like Emily
Dickinson and Marie Curie did not succeed initially and certainly had a more difficult time striving towards it in their day.

Why then would someonehave fear of failure?

Not knowing what it really takes to succeed. One reason is that many of us are so focused on success and the appearances of it, that we
forget what it really takes to achieve it. We rarely think about failure as being a part of life and how many success stories have emerged
from sheer failure. No one talks about how many times Abraham Lincoln failed at getting elected to office before he ended up becoming
president (8), how Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard before becoming a sensation in the computer world, or how Michael J ordan failed
to make his high school basketball team before becoming one of the greatest basketball players ever. In these times of fast media and
instant news, we often see the glamorous side of success rather than the obstacles and hard work it takes to get there.

Having unrealistic expectations. We often expect to succeed on our first attempt at a venture and if we don't, we think we've failed.
How realistic is that? Just because we failed a test, got passed over for a promotion, or didn't get a 'yes' asking that cute girl/guy for their
phone number, does it mean we will never succeed at it? Not at all! Yet fear of rejection, or perceived failure, stops many from trying
again.
The same applies in competitive sports. Athletes must learn to accept loss before they discover what it takes to win. In any sport,
expecting to win from the onset is totally unrealistic. Failure is part of the process of learning how to win; likewise, in the entertainment
and music businesses. Most 'overnight' successes took years in the making before achieving high levels of success.
In his book Outliers Malcolm Gladwell repeatedly talks about the "10,000-Hour Rule", in which he states that the key to success in any
field is largely a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours. As an example, he brings up that The Beatles
performed live in Hamburg, Germany alone over 1,200 times from 1960 to 1964, amassing more than 10,000 hours of playing time. He
also points out that Bill Gates met the 10,000-Hour Rule when at the age of 13, he spent some 10,000 hours or more, learning
programming on a high school computer that he managed to gain access to.
Needless to say, 10,000 hours of practicing anything would include many occurrences of failure, some frustration and falling short of
goals.

Perfectionism. Some of us are afraid of failure because we believe we must be perfect. If we make an attempt and then fail at it, we risk
looking foolish and therefore feel somehow flawed.
For perfectionists everything must be done at a high level with no roomfor mistakes. They believe that if they can't get something done
perfectly, they'd prefer not do it at all. Unfortunately, this type of thinking deprives the perfectionist of real learning and the benefits and
value gained from experience.
How to Overcome Fear of Failure
Only by overcoming fear of failure will anyone be able to achieve success in life. Here are some tips on how to eliminate fear and focus
on success:

Understand and expect that at times you will fail. Realize that you are human and humans make mistakes. Before any of us learned
how to walk, we crawled. We got up, fell down, got up again and continued the process until we could walk expertly.

Don't take failure personally. Instead, view it as a stepping stone. Make certain you learn fromit and then apply what you've learned
to future situations. Refuse to consider it a character flaw or weakness. Doing so will only prevent you fromachieving future success.

No one succeeds all of the time, probably not even most of the time. In baseball, star players fail 70% of the time. Babe Ruth's
batting average was .342 which means he struck out 66% of the time. Wayne Gretzky's career shooting percentage in hockey was
17.57% meaning he missed 82.43 % of the time. Wayne is also famous for saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." So it is
in life. You won't fail at anything if you don't make the attempt. You also won't succeed!

Remember that 'failure' has produced many successes. Consider how many people in history had failed before they became
successful and quite likely because of it. Albert Einstein's teacher told him to quit school because; "Einstein, you will never amount to
anything!" Ludwig Von Beethoven's music teacher said of him "as a composer, he is hopeless". Henry Ford's first two automobile
companies failed.

Appreciate the benefits of failure. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the
better." In other words, your chances of getting things right on the first try are slim to none. The more you try, or experiment, the better
you'll get at it.

Believe in yourself. Rather than giving up when things don't work out, take it as an opportunity to build perseverance and resolve.
Believe that you've got what it takes to work through the obstacles and difficult times. Remind yourself how many failures became
successful because they wouldn't give up. The wonderful poem Don't Quit by Edgar Albert Guest is an inspiring illustration of that
mindset.
Michael J ordan and Failure
The Benefits of Overcoming Failure
You build valuable experience and knowledge
You build strength of character and focus
You find more ways of being creative and sharpen your problemsolving skills
It gives you an opportunity to redefine your goals or set upon a new path, if necessary
You build flexibility and open mindedness
You increase self-confidence and self-worth
30. 15 Life Lessons
They Don't Teach You In School
There is the type of education we get in school and there are life lessons we learn along the way. Both are important.
The only problemis that life moves us far along before we figure out what's going on and the wisdomwe hope to have gained is
sometimes late in coming.
To spare you some of the hard knocks and trial and error, here are some life lessons to help you along.
TheLifeLessons
1. As Richard Carlson says, 'don't sweat the small stuff', and most of it is small stuff. Much of the time we get stressed and worked
up over "stuff" that in the grand scheme of things really doesn't matter. When we allow ourselves get too caught up in it we ruin our
perspective and don't take time to enjoy the moment.
2. Life can be unpredictable and throw you some curves. J ust say "never" and see what happens! To avoid the jolt when life's
surprises come your way, be prepared by being open-minded and maintain the positive mindset that welcomes the life lessons offered.
See the article: Tips on Overcoming Adversity
3. The most boring word in any language is "I". It's wonderful to be self-confident and self-sufficient, however, it's not all about you.
There is nothing more monotonous than hearing someone talk about themselves and their accomplishments endlessly. Being self-
centered is not the same as having self-confidence.
4. People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than any material goods you may acquire on the road to
success. Without the love and support of family and friends in life, material goods are not of much use. Setting your values and priorities
can help you establish what's important.
5. Nobody else can make you happy. Your happiness and state of mind are your responsibility. It's up to each of us to know what it
takes to be balanced and happy. Our relationships enhance our lives and make them richer, but they do not "make" us happy. We do.
Enjoy: 50 Ways to Be Happier
6. Character and integrity count. It's important to be a person of honor. Your good word and deeds inspire trust and confidence from
family, friends and employers. Be the kind of person others are proud to know. See: 10 Character Traits Worth Developing.
7. Forgive yourself, your friends and your enemies. We are all only too human. All of us slip sometimes and make mistakes. Holding
grudges and past hurts only serves to prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest. See: Forgiveness and Letting Go - How to Achieve It
8. A good joke can be better than any pill. Take time to laugh each day. Humor really is good medicine.
9. There are no substitutes for exercise, eating well, and fresh air and sunshine. Never take your health for granted, or
underestimate how much feeling good physically affects your moods. Enjoy this article on The Benefits of Regular Exercise. It's full of
helpful tips.
10. Persistence will eventually get you almost anything. Never give up. Keep your goals and dreams alive.
11. Television probably ruins more minds than drugs. Get away from the TV and read, exercise, learn and stretch yourself.
12. It's okay to fail. Everyone has failed at one time or another. Failure is a great life teacher. It teaches us humility and how to correct
our course of action. Thomas Edison had a great attitude towards failure. He said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that
won't work." See article: Overcoming fear of Failure
13. Learn from the mistakes of others. There's an old Zen proverb that states: "It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an
even wiser man to learn from others."
14. Don't be afraid to show and tell others you love them. Life is short, so learn to give and receive love. Love and be loved.
15. Live so that there is only standing room at your funeral. Be the best spouse, parent, friend, boss or worker that you can be so that
you can leave the world a better place than you found it.
"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that
teaches you a lesson." Tom Bodett
31. How To Build Self-Confidence
When I was in my late teens a friend of mine, an elite athlete, gave me the most profound, yet simple advice that changed the way I
would view myself forever. He told me:
"If you don't think very highly of yourself, you can't expect anyone else to think it of you."
Translation - It means that we alone are responsible for building self-confidence. We cannot depend upon, or wait for anyone else's
approval. We must see ourselves as worthy and capable of achieving anything we choose to achieve.
Ultimately, how we see ourselves is more important than how anyone else sees us.
If we don't work at loving and accepting ourselves, nothing anyone else thinks matters.
In a similar vein, have you ever felt that you don't measure up to others overall? In that case, think about how many times you may have
met a gorgeous man or woman and then afterwards forgot how good looking they were because they had nothing interesting to say or
could add nothing of value to your perspective. I would think it happens more often than not!
Consider that in an opinion poll done by Men's Health Magazine (1,000 American women ages 21 to 54 in two online polls) women
rated traits relating to character and personality much higher than they scored those reflecting physical attractiveness.
In other online questionnaires filled out by both men and women the number one quality found desirable in someone was 'self-
confidence'. Physical attractiveness didn't even make the top 10!
The bottomline is that what you think of, and how you project yourself, is more important than merely having good looks. Building self-
confidence is not only a great way to attract others, but a great way to feel good about yourself!
Tips For BuildingSelf-Confidence
Acknowledge Your Uniqueness.
Believe in yourself and know that you are one of a kind. In the words of Walt Whitman know:
"That you are here--that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse."
There is no one else like you on this planet. No one looks like you, has the same talents, experiences, or perspective as you do. You are
unique and are therefore here to make your unique contribution. If we each focus on what we bring into the world to share, there can be
no comparisons, envy or regret. We are here to "contribute a verse".
Give it Your Best.
When you do the best you can, with the best of what you've got, you can't help but feel good about yourself and that confidence
comes through in everything that you do. Giving it your best makes you unafraid to take risks or step out of your comfort zone
- both great confidence-builders.
Persevere.
Everybody has setbacks and obstacles to contend with. Don't let them undermine your confidence. Treat them as opportunities
to strengthen your resolve and then persevere.
Overcome adversity.
Overcoming adversity builds and strengthens self-confidence. The greatest songs, works of art and literary pieces have been
written by those who have experienced the depths of despair, loss and emptiness and overcame them. Experiencing sadness and
loss, and then rising above them, gives rise to hope and triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were.
Accomplish something.
Set goals for yourself and then push yourself to reach them. Self-confidence soars when you know you can do what you put
your mind to. It makes you feel unstoppable. Likewise, achieve mastery. Mastery experiences are those in which you know you
have worked hard and put in great effort to achieve success.
Separate Yourself From the Event.
You are not what happens to you, nor how you believe others see you. In other words, you are not defined by what happens to
you, nor are you defined by how others see you. You are who you choose to be - a person of character, dignity and self-
confidence.
Confront your fears.
There's nothing that destroys self-confidence more than succumbing to fear. Everyone feels fear at various times; we're human,
however facing circumstances with courage and poise strengthens character and builds self-confidence. Put yourself out there!
If you're afraid to meet new people, attend social events, etc. - don't stay home and fret. Doing builds confidence. Of course,
you'll feel, and probably be awkward the first few times in new situations, however, the more you do it, the better you'll get,
and therefore the better you'll feel about yourself.
Good looks do not equal self-confidence.
Some of the most attractive people in the world are insecure and lack self-confidence. Marilyn Monroe was considered to be
one of the sexiest, most beautiful people in the world, yet she lacked a positive self-image. She misguidedly allowed external
factors, such as the approval of others, to determine her self worth. Good looks may help you feel good about yourself
temporarily, but are by no means enough.
Take good care of yourself. When you are in fit, in good health, and make a point of looking your best, you can't help but feel
confident. This is different, of course, fromcomparing your looks to others. It's about being comfortable with you. Everyone
looks good when they're in good shape, well groomed, and healthy. You can't help but have a glow about you when you take
good care of yourself.
Learn how to give yourself a pep talk.
We all have our down moments, moments of doubt, confusion and uncertainty. When that happens, we must learn how to
restore self-confidence. One way is to understand that everyone goes through such moments. Another is to remember past
successes, visualize the desired outcome, and keep at it! Practice makes perfect.
Self-confidence is absolutely essential to achieving success in any endeavor. You acquire it by doing, learning, accomplishing, and
persisting.
32. Self Confidence Action Plan
How To Start One
While it is wonderful and absolutely necessary to possess personal confidence or self-confidence, is it possible to have too much?
Believe it or not, yes!
Even as most people lack enough confidence, or possess a positive self-image, there are those who overestimate their capabilities, are
over optimistic, take on too much risk and end up crashing and burning.
So why am I even bringing this up?
The answer is, because in order to build true/genuine self-confidence, your self-image must be founded in reality. You must know who
you are. You must have a realistic evaluation of your abilities and you must commit to continued self-improvement. Add to that learning
to maintain focus, motivation and persistence, and you're on your way!
A good way to build and maintain your self-confidence and stay focused is to set up a program or action plan for yourself. Here is an
outline of how you can go about it. You can customize it to your own needs or you can follow the steps as I've presented them.
Self-Confidence Action Plan
Become aware.
Know who you are and what you want. As has been said so many times - "If you don't know where you are going, how will
you know when you get there?" Take the time to figure out what your strengths, aptitudes and capabilities are and how you can
to best use them to achieve personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Draw up a chart or excel spreadsheet outlining your strengths,
what you enjoy doing, and how you can establish goals. List the things you'd like to do and what you have to do to accomplish
them.

For example:
Strengths Personal Abilities Physical Abilities Interests
reliable good memory coordinated basketball
loyal artistic good stamina play guitar
friendly musical quick reflexes writing
trustworthy good writer good runner computers

Some possible goals based on the above set of talents and capabilities might be:
To stay physically fit by joining a local basketball league
Teach guitar lessons at the local YMCA/YWCA
Start a blog on any one of interests to improve writing skills
J oin Toastmasters network and develop speaking skills
If you don't take action or set goals, but just flail about aimlessly without purpose or focus, it won't take long before you
become disillusioned and hopeless. Those who are self-confident know what they want and they work at getting it.

Motivate Yourself.
Self-confidence comes also from the ability to motivate yourself to achieve your goals. Of course, it's easier to just
procrastinate and find excuses for not putting in the effort to accomplish something. Unfortunately, this too leads to inertia,
disillusionment and falling into a rut. One way you can stay on track and stay motivated is to set up a chart of must-do
activities that include:
30-40 minutes of exercise/jogging daily
practice guitar for 30 minutes, 3 times a week
write one article a week for blog
read articles and newspapers for ideas and to sharpen language skills

Take care of yourself.
Even though relying on your physical appearance and good looks as a basis for self-confidence is not a good idea, it is
important to look and feel your best. This means staying healthy and fit, maintaining good grooming habits and making the
most of what you have. Do some research on the best styles and colors for your body type. If you need help, there are many
men's and women's fashion magazines that can give you some great ideas. The Internet is also a helpful resource for finding the
latest trends and styles. Pay attention too, to your attitude. How you walk, talk, and conduct yourself significantly reflects how
you feel about yourself. A good personality, a neat and stylish appearance and a smile on your face can take you a long way
towards success in career, relationships and personal accomplishment.

Develop Your Mind.
And then keep developing it! Not only will people find you interesting and someone who contributes to their own knowledge
and awareness, you will keep your brain sharp and active.
People who get mentally lazy and don't continue to challenge themselves throughout life are more prone to develop dementia,
Alzheimer's and other degenerative brain diseases as they age. Self-confidence will plummet!
Make it point to do such things as:
reading
brain puzzles
playing games such as chess
staying informed of current events
learning about global issues
journaling
memorize people's names
improve your vocabulary

Stay on Top of Things and Reinforce.
Continue to assess and evaluate yourself. Self-confidence can rise and fall depending on what you're doing with yourself. If
you happen to slack off and choose not to keep improving, you will begin to feel uninspired and less confident. Even the most
successful people in the world cannot, and do not, rest on their laurels because personal growth is a continuing process. Make
sure, however that you do not to go overboard and put pressure on yourself to achieve. Learn to gauge yourself and balance
striving to reach your goals with fun and recreation.
As you can see, self-confidence is not only an achievable goal if you set it up as a workable Action Plan, it can also be fun and
extremely rewarding. Take the time to draw up your own self-confidence action plan and tailor it to your particular needs and goals
where necessary. Decide which characteristics you want to develop, work on, or accentuate. Make a game of it. The process alone will
stimulate your creativity and who knows what great things can happen! Enjoy the ride as you become a more confident individual who is
willing to take control of his/her own destiny.
33. Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them
Learning to set healthy personal boundaries is necessary for maintaining a positive self-concept, or self-image. It is our way of
communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth, and will not allow others to define us.
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect
ourselves frombeing manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate
who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. Their
presence helps us express ourselves as the unique individuals we are, while we
acknowledge the same in others.
It would not be possible to enjoy healthy relationships without the existence of personal
boundaries, or without our willingness to communicate them directly and honestly with
others. We must recognize that each of us is a unique individual with distinct emotions,
needs and preferences. This is equally true for our spouses, children and friends.
To set personal boundaries means to preserve your integrity, take responsibility for who
you are, and to take control of your life.
How do weestablish healthy personal boundaries?
Know that you have a right to personal boundaries. You not only have the right, but you must take responsibility for how
you allow others to treat you. Your boundaries act as filters permitting what is acceptable in your life and what is not. If you
don't have boundaries that protect and define you, as in a strong sense of identity, you tend to derive your sense of worth from
others. To avoid this situation, set clear and decisive limits so that others will respect them, then be willing to do whatever it
takes to enforce them. Interestingly, it's been shown that those who have weak boundaries themselves tend to violate the
boundaries of others.
Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own. Many women have traditionally
thought that the needs of their husbands and children are more important than their own. This is not only untrue, but it can
undermine the healthy functioning of the family dynamic. If a woman is worn out mentally and physically from putting
everyone else first, she not only destroys her own health, she in turn deprives her family of being fully engaged in their lives.
Instead, she should encourage every family member to contribute to the whole as well as take care of himself or herself.
Putting themselves last is not something only women do, but many men as well.
Learn to say no. Many of us are people-pleasers and often put ourselves at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate
everyone. We don't want to be selfish, so we put our personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be
beneficial to our well-being. Actually, a certain amount of "selfishness" is necessary for having healthy personal boundaries.
You do not do anyone any favors, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense.
Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable. Let others know when they've crossed the line, acted
inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Do not be afraid to tell others when you need emotional and physical space.
Allow yourself to be who you really are without pressure fromothers to be anything else. Know what actions you may need to
take if your wishes aren't respected.
Trust and believe in yourself. You are the highest authority on you. You know yourself best. You know what you need, want,
and value. Don't let anyone else make the decisions for you. Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to respect your
strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. An unhealthy imbalance occurs when you encourage neediness,
or are needy; want to be rescued, or are the rescuer, or when you choose to play the victim.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.
Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.
Letting others define you.
Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.
Not speaking up when you are treated poorly.
Falling apart so someone can take care of you.
Falling "in love" with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you.
Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don't want.
Touching a person without asking.
When wepossess healthy personal boundaries
We have improved self-confidence and a healthy self-concept.
We are more in touch with reality.
Are better able to communicate with others.
Have better more fulfilling relationships.
Have more stability and control over our lives.

It is never too late to work on establishing healthy personal boundaries.
34. Relationship Reality Check
Every now and then your primary relationship (with your spouse, partner, lover) needs a reality check
to make sure you are both on the same page and in touch with each other.
I've been reading many articles lately about men and women whose spouses/partners have left them
unexpectedly leaving themboth surprised and devastated.
Most of them had no inkling that the relationship was anything but good. They saw no signs of
trouble, unusual behavior, or what was to come crashing down on them.
How does this happen?
Unfortunately it does happen, and it happens to couples that allow themselves to fall into an
unconscious routine.
They begin to take each other for granted, lose connection with each other's thoughts and feelings and generally forget to do the small,
considerate things they used to do in the past. It happens more often than anyone would care to admit.
Before the situation deteriorates to the point of no return, there are some things you can do to make sure you and your partner are in sync
and working together.
Tips For Maintaining Good Relationship:
Respect each other. Try to understand each other's feelings and points of view. Don't try to change one another now that
you're in the relationships. You were initially attracted to each other for a reason. Remember what it was and continue to
appreciate it.
Communicate. Never underestimate the importance of good communication. If something is going on inside of you, share it.
Don't keep your feelings, good or bad, to yourself. If you have a problemlet your partner in on it. Work on a solution together.
It will create intimacy and bring you closer together. When something good happens to you at work or you've achieved a goal,
share that as well. All sharing and exchanging of information brings people closer to each other. Practice communicating with
each other.
Do the little things. Be considerate and thoughtful. If you're getting yourself a coffee, apple or snack fromthe kitchen ask your
partner if he/she wants one too. When your spouse is tired and sore give him/her a back rub or massage. Be aware of each
others needs.
Don't get caught up in the rat race. People get too wrapped up in getting ahead and the mechanics of everyday living. They
rush around doing, getting, and not taking time to live in the moment. By not paying attention to each other you can become
disconnected with yourself and your partner.
Maintain a Sense of Humor. Laugh together. Don't take things too seriously. Barring a tragedy, nothing is so serious that you
can't step back and look at the humorous side. Laughter is contagious and creates intimacy.
Take care of and respect yourself. As mentioned in Love Yourself in order function fully, strive for balance. If you don't take
care of yourself, everything around you will fall apart including your relationship.
Have a Life. Everyone needs a life of his/her own. If you don't have one, you not only tend to invade someone else's space,
you probably become too dependent and therefore less interesting. One of the most important things you can bring to a
relationship is your unique set of qualities and a different perspective. Contrary to what you may think, maintaining your
individuality and having a life of your own strengthens a relationship and keeps it fresh and interesting.
So before things start sliding or become stagnant in your relationship, start developing some good maintenance habits. Communicate,
laugh, be independent, take care of yourself and your relationship will not only survive, it will flourish.
35. Seven Useful Practices to Kick Start Your Day
Our hectic lifestyles often have us running around in circles wondering what to do next. It's not that we don't have an agenda in place; it's
that we often feel scattered or derailed when a wrench is thrown into the plans.
Here are 7 useful practices to kick start your day no matter what happens to threaten your sanity! You can implement some, one, or any
combination of theminto your daily routine. Either way it's bound to give you a boost!
Here's how to kick start your day:
Upon rising take a minute or two to stretch. According to the Mayo Clinic, stretching increases
muscle flexibility, which improves daily performance and overall movement. It also increases blood
flow to your muscles and your brain, while at the same it relaxes you, thus easing tension and stress.
Take a moment for mindfulness reflection. After stretching, slow down your breathing by taking in a
few deep breaths and then concentrate on how you feel, what you see, and what you smell. Not only
will being mindful sharpen your senses, it will help prepare you for the day ahead by increasing your
awareness and ability to focus.
Have a little book of inspirational quotes or passages handy. Have some inspirational quotes handy
from which you can choose one appropriate for the day ahead. For example:
"A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds." Francis Bacon

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through
persistence." Buddha
Whose day wouldn't hold promise with a fresh, bold attitude to begin it?
Visualize a successful outcome for the day. Go over what you want to accomplish for the day and visualize it turning out
well. Of course there are always little glitches to contend with, so see yourself dealing successfully with anything that may
threaten to get in the way. Visualizing is a great way to anticipate what lies ahead and alerts you to any possibilities. Indeed
research has shown that both physical and psychological reactions in certain situations can be significantly improved with
visualization. An advantage indeed!
Take a moment for gratitude. Acknowledge all the good things you have going for you your health, your family, your
opportunities and everything else going well in your life. When you appreciate what you have, somehow more good things
find their way to you. Likewise, studies have shown that maintaining a sense of gratitude can help you sustain a more positive
mood and sense of well being throughout the day.
Let go of any negative thoughts or grudges you may be harboring. Know that harboring ill feelings or negativity towards
someone will only drag you down and prevent you frombeing at your best. Keeping your head clear will leave roomfor
creativity and all the productive things you want to accomplish for the day.
Letting go and forgiving others is also good for your heart. A study fromthe Journal of Behavioral Medicine found
forgiveness and letting go to be associated with a lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as relieving stress. Having a
healthy heart and mind would certainly help anyones overall performance on a daily basis.
Come up with a personal positive affirmation to motivate you. Invent a slogan, or saying, that pertains to you and will
inspire you to be at your best. It could be something like, "I endeavor to make a positive difference whenever I can," or,
"Challenges help me grow". It has been shown that positive affirmations (realistic ones, of course) serve as a great tool to
programyour subconscious mind to help you performwell and have a productive mindset.
As many athletes, performers, business people and politicians can attest to, there are many little techniques you can employ to help you
rise to an occasion - in this case to positively kick start your day. So why not begin every day with these helpful little practices?
36. Anatomy of a Successful Relationship
What does it take to have a successful relationship?
As I mention in the article Relationship Reality Check, quite often couples drift apart and lose connection with each other before they
realize what has happened.
In some cases one of the partners has moved on by themselves, or with someone else, leaving the other devastated.
Not only is this sad and unfortunate because so much is lost, but if the couple had been more aware of what it takes to have a successful
relationship, it could have been prevented.
As with most things in life, a successful relationship does not come about by luck, is a fluke, or happens just because you wish it. It is the
result of knowing what you want, working at it, and being flexible.

While a healthy, successful relationship can improve your life in virtually every aspect, an unhealthy one can drain and demoralize you
when it's not working. Relationships are like an investment. The more you put into them, the more you get back. They take commitment,
cooperation, and mutual respect.
Tips for Building Successful Relationship
Know what you want in a relationship. As with any goal you strive for in life, you must know what you want and why. Do
you want a relationship because you fear being lonely? Do you need someone to help pay the bills? Do you just want someone
to take your frustrations out on every now and then? If this is the case for any of these situations, you are in it for the wrong
reasons.
A successful relationship is not unlike a good partnership. In fact, it is a partnership - a partnership in which both people are
fully invested, respect each other as equals and want the same things from it. A successful relationship is one in which
friendship, intimacy, and shared goals and values abound. Understandably, if two people do not share similar life goals such as
wanting children, living a particular lifestyle, or similar cultural values, discord ensues and the relationship crumbles.
Have a solid friendship. Nothing contributes more to successful relationships than being best friends with your partner. After
all, with whomelse do you share the most; have the most in common, or have chosen to share a life? To have your partner as a
great friend, be a great friend. Be a friend who shares trust, honesty, respect and dependability.
Be willing to give as well as take. Life has its ups and downs as do relationships. Sometimes one partner may be going
through a hard time with a career, health issue, or other challenges. In such situations everyone needs support, encouragement
and understanding, especially from a loving partner. If a couple is not willing to be there for each other in difficult times as
well as in good times, a relationship cannot strengthen and evolve. Weathering the good and the bad together builds intimacy,
character and resilience in a relationship.
Don't take each other for granted. A sure relationship damper is to take one another for granted. As stated earlier,
relationships take work and maintenance. This includes paying attention to, and being aware of, each others needs, feelings
and states of mind. It's very easy to get caught up in the routines of daily chores such as bill paying, grocery shopping and
cleaning and in the process neglect your partner. To avoid getting into such a rut, set aside 20-30 minutes each day to talk to
your partner about something other than chores, work, or pet peeves. Talk about vacation plans, funny things that may have
happened during the day, or interesting items you may have read about.
Communicate regularly. Good communication is essential to a successful relationship. When people stop communicating
well, they stop interacting and connecting with each other. As mentioned above, communication is not merely talking about
paying bills, chores, or work problems. It's about asking each other how the day has gone and listening to the answer.
Be sure also, to take time to discuss any issues that may need resolving between the two of you. One of the worst things that
can come between you is built-up resentment or hurt feelings that haven't been expressed. Be willing to admit when you're
wrong or when you've been neglectful or even when you feel neglected. Expressing feelings not only increases intimacy, it
allows a couple to know each other better.
Be flexible and open to change. Change is inevitable in life. Relationships are no different. In order for relationships to
flourish it is necessary to be able to adapt to the changes. In a successful relationship two people grow together through the
good, the bad, and less eventful times.
Herearesome successful relationship quick-tips:
Stay connected
Have a genuine friendship
Maintain good communication
Let go of ego, or the need to be 'right'
Deal with stress, frustration and anger productively; don't take it out on your partner
Share humor
Don't sweat the small stuff
Have self-love, self-respect
Enjoy shared goals and lifestyle
Ensure there is chemistry
Take interest in each other
Make time for each other - build intimacy

SurprisingRelationship Myths
Successful relationships don't take any work. According to Lisa Blum, a clinical psychologist specializing in
couples therapy, "The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work." She believes that our culture,
parenting styles and educational systems don't prepare us for the fact that even successful relationships take effort.
Arguing ruins relationships. Quite the contrary! What really ruins relationships is not resolving your issues. Blum
declares that, "Fights can be really healthy and an important form of communication and clearing the air." Of course
the type of arguments couples have make a big difference. If they are nasty, condescending or unfair, they don't
resolve anything and leave the couple angry and resentful. Productive conflicts, on the other hand, help the couple
understand each other and lead to reaching agreement.
In order to have a successful relationship you have to change the other person. Unfortunately, you cannot
change anyone else, you can only change yourself. In fact, we sometimes play the blame game and believe that
someone else needs to change. Rather than fall into that trap, figure out how you can be a better partner and do your
best to improve a situation. If you want things to change, you have to change.
If it's true love, passion will never fade. Romanticismand Hollywood movies aside, eventually passion does fade.
Daily life, growing responsibilities, and sometimes a dull routine can quickly dampen passion. The good news is that
passion doesn't have to disappear. Some planning, forethought and sense of fun can sustain intimacy, adventure and
passion. It just takes willingness and imagination.
Jealousy shows true love and caring. Sadly, jealousy is more a demonstration of insecurity and a lack of
confidence in oneself and the relationship than a demonstration of love and caring. In such cases the partner must
work on his/her own insecurity issues.
While you can be supportive and encouraging, a jealous partner must deal with the root cause and reasons for their jealousy, especially
when it's unfounded. Conversely, if you are trying to make your partner jealous, this too leads to problems. More often, than not, it can
backfire and cause different complications.
Ultimately a successful relationship consists of mutual respect, consideration and sensitivity. Attention and working at it result in a
happy, healthy well-adjusted couple.

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