XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

XP3
NOT THAT INTO YOU: High School Small Group Dialog
There are devotionals available in your series downloads that correspond to each of the three sessions of this
series. Use these devotionals to continue the discussion from the small group dialogs. They are available online
at www.hopstudents.posterous.com for anyone in your group who isn’t there. You can go to the website and
download the file and then forward it to them. If that’s confusing to you…just ask me!

NOT THAT INTO YOU

Every one of us has experienced it at some point. At one time, we were really into a relationship—whether that’s a
friendship or a dating relationship—and now, well, not so much. We’re just not that into it anymore. So we walk away or
we let the relationship die. But what happens when that relationship you’re not that into anymore is the one you have with
God? You were really into Him at one point. You were feeling connected, directed, close. Now it feels like nothing. How do
you deal with it?

Session One: The Breakup? (September 13)

There is a natural ebb and flow to our relationships, isn’t there? There are times when we feel really close to someone,
and times when we don’t. The reasons vary, but there are times when we’re just not feeling that into a relationship. It’s
true of our friendships and other relationships, but what happens when it’s in our relationship with God? And when it does
happen, why is it so difficult to admit it?

Session Two: Fight for Me (September 20)

When you’re not that into a relationship, you have a choice—to stay or to go. God has made it very clear in the Bible that
He’s not going anywhere. He’s in. But we’re the ones who struggle with the choice, and that struggle sometimes involves
fighting our own feelings and perceptions. It’s a fight that we have to be willing to take on, and a decision each of us has to
make. And though it may feel like it, it’s not one-sided, God isn’t going anywhere. So are you going to fight your own
tendencies to pull away? Are you going to fight for your relationship with God?

Session Three: Do You Know Me? (September 27)

So you decided to fight, to stay in your relationship with God even though you’re feeling not that into Him. And for some of
you, you’ve already seen a big change. There’s a new connection. There’s excitement. But for others, you’re fighting and
nothing’s happening. You’re working, but you’re not getting anything in return. So what’s the problem? It may be that “me”
is getting in the way, that your focus is on you. And in the process, you have made God very small, boring and predictable
—a God you think you know, but One who is actually so much bigger than us.

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XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

XP3
NOT THAT INTO YOU (1): The Breakup?
High School Small Group Dialog
Bottom Line: My relationship with God has moments when I feel close, and moments when I’m just not that into Him.
Scripture References: Jeremiah 2:28-29, 32; Deuteronomy 8:7-17

“God, I’m just not that into You.” It sounds scary to admit that aloud, doesn’t it? But if you and I were completely honest,
we would confess there are times when our relationship with God seems flat. There are times when our excitement fades,
and the spark that used to be there disappears. There can be any number of reasons why. But the objective today is for
your students to have the chance to honestly admit their feelings about their relationship with God, regardless of how
close to Him they may or may not feel.

CAUTION: This week may feel uncomfortable. There’s no resolution. No list of answers. And that’s the point. We aren’t
trying to resolve anything this week, but rather, create a place where students can be honest about their relationship with
God. And if that relationship is flat, they need to know that when it comes to our relationship with God, sometimes we will
feel really close to Him, and sometimes we’re just not that into Him.

Create meaningful conversation. Adjust questions as needed, and don’t feel like you need to answer all of them.

1. Do any relationships come to mind where you used to be “into” someone, but later lost interest? Was there any-
thing in particular that made you lose interest, or did it just seem to happen?

2. In the message, we touched on the idea of not being that into God. Have you ever felt that way? Does it feel weird
to say that out loud at church? Why do you think it is easier to admit not being into a friendship than it is to admit
you are not into God?

3. Can you think of people you know who were into God, but aren’t into Him anymore? (Be careful that this doesn’t
turn into gossip.)

4. What would a relationship where you are not that into God look like?

5. We said that there are two things that generally get us to a place where we aren’t that into God—when things are
going really well, and when things are going really badly. Have you seen any examples of people who were into
God but drifted during good times or bad times? Which of these two things do you think has the potential to make
you lose your interest in God?

6. Why would things going badly cause someone to lose interest in God? Read Jeremiah 2:28-29, 32. What had
Judah done to get them in a place where they felt not into God? (Turned to other gods.) Can you think of times
(even if it’s now) when you didn’t feel that into God because of something you have done? How have you seen sin
affect the way you relate to God? Is there something you can do to help fix the relationship if sin was what broke it
in the first place? (Repent. Turn back to God.)

7. Why would things going well cause someone to lose interest in God?

8. Sometimes you lose interest in God simply because you are bored—not because of anything particularly good or
bad happening, or even because of anything you have done. What do you think causes you to get “bored” with
God?

(Questions continued on next page)

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XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

9. In dating relationships, there is a term people use to figure out where the relationship is or where it’s going. It’s
called a DTR—defining the relationship. Take a few minutes to have a DTR with God. How is your relationship
with God today? What was it like several months ago? How do you want it to be several months from now?

10. Is it hard for you to be honest about where you are with God? Why or why not? Are you satisfied with where you
are? Do you want it to change? Do you believe that’s possible? Why or why not?

CLOSING CHALLENGE: Take some time this week to read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. Read the verse keeping in mind
where you are in your relationship with God. Understanding that there is a season for everything, what kind of season
does it feel like you are in with your relationship with God? What kind of seasons have you been in before, and what kind
of season are you hoping to arrive to?

If a student realizes that they are not into God because of a particular sin in his or her life, and that student wants to re-
pent and turn away from that sin, spend some time this week helping that student figure out the steps and boundaries he
or she needs to take to turn away from that sin.

NOTE: There are devotionals available that correspond to each of the three sessions of this series. Use these devotionals
to continue the discussion from the small group dialogs. If your leader has posted the devotionals to your youth group’s
web site, direct your students to the site this week. Or you can get the devotionals and e-mail them directly to your
students as a way of connecting with each student during the week.

www.xp3students.org 3
© 2009 The reThink Group, Inc.
XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

XP3
NOT THAT INTO YOU (2): Fight for Me
High School Small Group Dialog
Bottom Line: God never leaves, but sometimes I have to fight my own feelings and actions to stay in relationship with
Him.
Scripture References: 1 Timothy 1:18-19; Isaiah 49:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:12; 2 Timothy 4:7; Hebrews 13:5

God never leaves, but sometimes we drift away—we want to make that really clear today. When we’re not that into God, it
seems easier to walk away. It’s a fight to stay in—a fight against our own feelings, tendencies and convenience. Help your
students see that a growing relationship with God takes more than just investment on God’s part. It takes investment on
their part too. Also, today would be a great time to begin to offer ways to help students connect with God. Encourage them
to read their Bibles this week. Use the verses from this session as a starting point. Introduce other spiritual disciplines.
You may even want to join with your students this week as they try out a spiritual discipline. Check in with them via
Facebook, text or e-mail to see how things are going throughout the week.

Create meaningful conversation. Adjust questions as needed, and don’t feel like you need to answer all of them.

1. Are there relationships in your life you work to maintain (call, e-mail, visit, hang out, post on FB, etc)? What de-
termines how much effort you are willing to put into these relationships?

2. What are some reasons why people choose to walk away from relationships? What makes some relationships
stick and some not?

3. What are some relationships you are willing to fight for no matter what? What makes them worth sticking with? Do
you think you will always feel that way about those relationships? What might make those feelings change?

4. When you think of a relationship with God, do you tend to think it should come easily or be a challenge?

5. Read 1 Timothy 1:18-19: “I’m passing this work on to you, my son Timothy. The prophetic word that was directed
to you prepared us for this. All those prayers are coming together now so you will do this well, fearless in your
struggle, keeping a firm grip on your faith and on yourself. After all, this is a fight we’re in. There are some, you
know, who by relaxing their grip and thinking anything goes have made a thorough mess of their faith” (MSG).
Have you ever thought of your faith as being a fight before? How does it make you feel to know that sometimes
faith is a struggle? Is it a relief? Is it discouraging?

6. Are there are particular areas in your relationship with God that are difficult to fight for? Maybe it is in reading your
Bible. Maybe you have a hard time praying on a regular basis. What are areas of your relationship with God that
are a challenge for you?

7. In the areas that are a challenge in your relationship with God, does it ever feel like God has forgotten you? What
makes you feel that way?

8. When you feel this way, how do you combat your feelings with what you know to be true? What do you know to be
true?

9. Have you ever thought about the idea of God being the One who fights for you? Does that change the way you
approach Him or your relationship with Him? How have you seen God fight for your relationship with Him?

(Questions continued on next page)

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XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

10. Most of us have already had times in our lives when we have felt distant from God, and for those who haven’t they
will most likely come at some point. When you have felt that way, what are the reasons you stay with God? What
makes this relationship worth fighting for?

Think of moments now when your relationship with God and the reason you stayed with Him became personal in
your life—when you saw Him work in a personal way on your behalf, when you experienced Him. Maybe it was
when you heard a certain song that reminded you of God’s love, or being outside and seeing His creation that re-
minded you of God’s care for the world, or maybe it was when someone reached out to you when you really
needed it and it reminded you that God is looking out for you, even when times are hard.

11. How does having a personal experience with God make you want to fight for your relationship with Him?

CLOSING CHALLENGE:
As you close your time together, brainstorm ways as a small group where you can work on the areas in your relationship
with God that might be challenge. How can you encourage one another to fight for these areas of your relationship with
God? How might you work on being more diligent in reading your Bible, or more focused in your prayer time? Then
encourage the group to follow up with one another this week to see how they are doing—to see how deciding to fight for
the relationship has worked for them this week.

NOTE: There are devotionals available that correspond to each of the three sessions of this series. Use these devotionals
to continue the discussion from the small group dialogs. If your leader has posted the devotionals to your youth group’s
web site, direct your students to the site this week. Or you can get the devotionals and e-mail them directly to your
students as a way of connecting with each student during the week.

www.xp3students.org 5
© 2009 The reThink Group, Inc.
XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

XP3
NOT THAT INTO YOU (3): Do You Know Me?
High School Small Group Dialog
Bottom Line: When I am so focused on me, I can miss seeing God for who He really is and make Him into someone who
is easy to walk away from.
Scripture References: Job 3:3, 11, 20-21; Job 7:19-20; Job 38:4-7; Job 42:2-6

We’re in the final week of this series, and by this point, you may have some students who have renewed their commitment
to fight for their relationship with God. Some will have spent time over the past week or two connecting with God by being
intentional about reading the Bible, praying, journaling, serving or trying some other spiritual discipline and for them,
things may be looking up. Others may have tried, but quickly became frustrated because they just couldn’t get into it and
there may be a good reason for that. This week, we are going to dig deeper and see how a one-sided relationship with
God, one that is all about “me”, can keep us from being into God. This week, give students a reason to fight. Give them a
reason to hope, to keep connecting with God.

CAUTION: Like we have talked about in this series, there are seasons in our relationship with Christ that are just dry,
when it seems as if nothing is going on, and we stay in because we are committed to fight. There may not be a cause.
There may not be a reason. It may be as simple as realizing that God is bigger than us, and that there is more going on
that what we can see, know or expect. That can be an uneasy place to land. If you feel comfortable, share a time in your
own life when you went through a season when you were just not into God, maybe when you felt like He had forgotten
about you. And then let students know how He showed you that wasn’t true, and you learned more about God in the
process.

Create meaningful conversation. Adjust questions as needed, and don’t feel like you need to answer all of them.

1. We talked last time about making the decision to fight for your relationship with God, even when you aren’t that
into Him. Did any of you make the decision to do that last week? Has anything changed in your relationship with
Him as a result? (It is okay to say if things have stayed the same!)

2. When you decide to fight for God, how do you expect God to respond? What do you expect to happen to the rela-
tionship?

3. What about Job’s story stood out to you the most? All the terrible things that happened to him? His response?
God’s response to Job? Were there any moments when you felt you could relate to Job?

4. When you come to God with questions about your circumstances, your relationships or your faith, what are some
of the things you ask Him about? How do you imagine God will answer the questions you bring to Him?

5. Read Job 38:4-7. Based on how God responded to Job, how do you think God would respond to you and your ex-
pectations of Him?

6. How would you feel if after voicing your questions to God, He responded in a different way than what you were
asking? How would you feel if, instead, you learned about a different side of God or saw a different part of Him
that you had never seen before?

7. What are some ways you view your world in a self-focused or me-focused way? This can be in ways other than
just your relationship with God—it can relate to your relationship with your family or friends, your circumstances,
anything.

(Questions continued on next page)

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XP3: NOT THAT INTO YOU HIGH SCHOOL SMALL GROUP DIALOG

8. Think through some of the reasons you are not that into God. How many of those reasons are about me-focused?
9. What are some ways that you can work on creating a God-focused world for yourself? Brainstorm together as a
small group. This can include serving at your church, or in your community, taking your mind off of your own prob-
lems by being a good friend to someone else, helping your little brother with his homework, doing some extra
chores to lighten the load on your mom, or taking some time to focus on the character of God, over what you ex-
pect to get from God.

CLOSING CHALLENGE
This week, try to be aware of how often what you say centers around you. Work on being more intentional about shifting
your focus from you, to God and to others. As you do this, pay attention to how your attitude changes, your perspective
becomes different. After trying this for a few days, do you still feel like you just aren’t that into God?

NOTE: There are devotionals available that correspond to each of the three sessions of this series. Use these devotionals
to continue the discussion from the small group dialogs. If your leader has posted the devotionals to your youth group’s
web site, direct your students to the site this week. Or you can get the devotionals and e-mail them directly to your stu-
dents as a way of connecting with each student during the week.

www.xp3students.org 7
© 2009 The reThink Group, Inc.