ARTICLE 1:

It was Friday the 3rd, although it felt more like it was Friday the 13th. For
you see, there was nearly a murder……actually murders. Cold and pre-
meditated…..carefully planned out by the perpetrators….the board of
JACO MUN.
They used some feeble excuse about some MUN orientation and brought the
victims into the school…..and unleashed their powers upon them. And by
powers, we refer of course to their horribly inept, painfully comic, and
soporific attempts at explaining the concept of a MUN to the delegates.

We fear it was our duty to take you through the proceedings of the day…bear
with us…..or at least try to.

It started off in the hall, with the Hon’ble board members on stage. To put
everyone at ease, they first sort of exuded this aura of confidence…..shuffling
their feet nudging each other and whispering…..tugging at collars….etc. etc.

Yash started off by stutteringly welcoming everyone, accompanied with hand

movements vaguely reminiscent of Pranav when singing on stage. With great
subtlety the job of explaining was shoved on to Chandrachur. Then a bit of
yelling at the press, a bit more shuffling and nudging and the delegates
departed for their committees, well fed and content.

It is not an easy job to cover all the nonsense that took place in each
committee, but we shall try.

(MAY THE BAFFOONARY BEGIN)

1) SPECPOL: Chaired by the honorable Madhav Rangrass. This went off

quite normally. Madhav was eloquent, exceedingly so. Although how
much effect it had is in doubt. But he tried. But I must say Humza
disappointed me the most….he was the only one who dint teach the
delegates anything. I mean, Madhav taught them that the online study
guide is “complete nonsense” and they should research by themselves
and Nitin taught them how to look cool and stud-like while leaning on a
desk, and texting NON-FREAKING-STOP! But moving on…

2) CTC: Chaired by the Hon’ble Yash Gupta, who spoke…and spoke…and,

spoke…and spoke….till, even the birds almost fell asleep. In fact, so
intent was he on “explaining” the MUN, that he dint notice the PMS
delegation enjoying their afternoon siesta in the corner…or Delegates of
 Switzerland and UK hitting on the Delegate of Afghanistan, NON-
FREAKING-STOP (though rumours abound that Afghanistan harbours a
soft spot for UK)
And you’d think Nitin was cool enough for the whole school, but it seems
Akash and Abhideep are offering stiff competition. They were of
immense help to Yash. Akash leaned against the desk (Nitin-style) and
messed around with his hair NON-FREAKING-STOP, and Abhideep sat
down and stood up with the purpose of pondering some deep and
anxious thought NON-FREAKING STOP (are we seeing a pattern here?)
The 2 of them first made the air thick with coolness. But the air was also
thick with ignorance (of the majority of the delegates who had
understood nothing of Yash’s epic).
But wait ……….there’s still more. This might be an appropriate time to
quote Shakespeare “Heart be still” for we have the mother of all flop-
shows, the…

3) SECURITY COUNCIL!!! : Chaired by the Hon’ble Chandrachur

Bhattacharya but the man of the moment was the co-chair, Pranav
Sridhar , who effortlessly achieved the Herculean feat of making the
Delegates “simultaneously” deaf and unconscious. Indeed, he was so
incoherent, that only a few lucky words caught by the listeners here and
there confirmed he was speaking English and not Swahili. It was
interesting to note the giggles and snores which greeted Pranav and
Chandrachur when Mock MUN began. Chandrachur broke down and
started begging the delegates to speak. Abhyudai maintained his passive
waiteresque stance. (NON-FREAKING STOP). Akash really enlivened
affairs by leaning against a window and checking out a delegate’s phone
(NON-FREAKING-STOP)
Finally, it took one brave soul from LMG to notify the perpetrators that
all forms of torture were banned in the Declaration of Rights, and
besides they had exams, so there was only so much deterioration their
grey matter could handle.

And thus, the ordeal by far one of the scariest things we have ever
witnessed, came to an end.

OH! I FORGOT….to mention the HIGHLIGHT of the day:

SAMSOSAS AND MUFFINS FROM ST.JAMES’ SCHOOL CANTEEN!!!

The serving of such good food was probably the only reason why
litigation wasn’t involved.

Compiled by the loving Press Corps.

Edited by Arvind Suresh,
Loving Editor in Chief of afore mentioned loving Press Corps.