A Fearless Self-discovery

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A Fearless Self-discovery
Written by Sen on August 5th, 2012 If you are on this journey towards self-discovery, you are inevitably also on a journey towards a fearless expression, what I also call your natural expression unfolding. The mind immediately will associate something spiritual with these terms, basically because we always seem to associate this journey of self-discovery with some deluded notion of becoming unworldly most of us have a very screwed up idea about what spiritual even means. Though a good part of self-discovery is about understanding your nature as the spirit (life-energy or stream of consciousness), that you are in your essence, this understanding is then used to burn through all the hang ups you have in your human nature, which youve created through holding on to fear-based/limiting thoughts, and thus realize your authentic expression each of us is unique in our human nature, and so this discovery is very personal, and only you can explore this discovery in yourself, you cant trust anyone else (not even your intimate spouse or your therapist of 10 years) with it because only you can meet yourself 100%, no-one else can do that for you. The deal is that in order to discover yourself you have to be willing to be fearless of what you discover, and how your life will change with these discoveries; of course, the more you discover yourself the more aligned you feel, and the more abundant your experience of life is. Its a fair warning that as you delve into this journey of self-discovery, you will reach a point (soon enough) where you realize there is no U turn; basically, when you see a truth about yourself, clearly enough, you cant un-know it again, ever it becomes a point of no return. Of course, there is nothing more liberating than the truth, and you will discover that the more you simply go with your truth the more interesting/enjoyable, and aligned, your life becomes so this is not a risk rather its a path towards the freedom your being/heart desires so much. Basically there are two ways to live 1. You trade your inner freedom, or inner alignment, for a sense of pseudo-security 2. You dont compromise on staying true to yourself Both these choices are valid ways of living life, I am not saying one is higher than the other, its just a choice you are making based on your present state of understanding/awareness, and its where you are right now of course, when you have a deeper awareness of your true nature as life-energy, you cant help but make choice 2 as your default choice, and a conscious movement towards choice 2 is a natural path of growth. Also, when make the choice 2, long enough, choice 1 is no longer available to you because you lose the grip of your minds fear-based pull (which is required to live choice 1). Choice 2 also takes you into the realm of fearless expression, but by fearless I dont mean reckless, a better way of putting it would be that you live an expression aligned with your true nature which includes operating from a place of inner wisdom.

Freedom from suppressing your natural expression

Basically, when you understand that what you call your mind contains a lot of thought patterns which are not really yours, rather they were fed externally by the outside influences or created through some

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misguided interpretation, you realize that you may be living a very disconnected life by following these conditioned patterns blindly. So many beliefs get seeded in the mind, and take roots because we dont question them. Your journey of self-discovery will inevitably make you see all these unwanted weeds (some in the form of deeply rooted trees) growing in the space of your mind/being, and seeing them is a point of no-return, because when you see something false in you, you cant go back to believing it fully. When you make a commitment that you only want the truth, above anything else, this journey of self-discovery becomes a living movement in you. I can just give you an assurance that the truth is what really sets you free, the truth is what makes you feel liberated, its what makes you feel alive, makes you live what you desire to live in your heart. However, its very normal to have a strong fear towards discovering the truth, especially about yourself, about your human nature, about your non-physical nature, and about the reality of life in general. So how do you know whats the truth? Its quite simple, by its very nature, your being only finds interest/resonance in the truth, and the truth is what sticks when you let go of all forms of fear-based suppression its only your fear-based grip that keeps you from seeing/discovering the truth on a constant basis. A few ways in which you keep yourself from discovering/living from a place of truth, are as below - You feel the need to keep convincing yourself about something. (truth doesnt need convincing, it just sticks), for example, you may keep trying to convince yourself that you enjoy your job or that you need to be a millionaire - You get scared if someone opposes a certain thought/belief in you (this fear just indicates doubt, and doubt indicates you are not clear about the truth). - You find yourself trying to convince others about your beliefs (or your way of being), the inherent strategy being that the more people you can convince about your beliefs the stronger you will feel about the truth of it. - You try to find groups who believe in the same things you do, and find security in this group. There is also fear about leaving a certain group that you associate your identity with. - When you discover some truth about yourself, you try to hold on to it with all your might instead of being open to a constantly evolving expression. For example, you may discover that your expression is to be monogamous right now, but its possible that in a couple of years you may want to experience being polygamous if you try to make I am monogamous as a conceptual truth about yourself which you hold onto, you end up creating resistance to what feels like a natural flow of inspiration. - You are not flexible in incorporating new understandings. You dont realize that the moment you try to hold on to a certain understanding, youve already missed the point of the process of awareness; its never about holding-on, its always about being open to discovery anything thats really true will remain true even if you dont hold on to it. - You give in to your fears and cling to what feels like familiar grounds, rather than develop the trust in your life-streams intelligence to fully take care of your well-being/abundance as you live your truth. You dont realize that when you live your truth, you cant help but feel abundant. The primary step towards living your truth is to reduce your mind momentum. If you have a high mind momentum, there is a constant resistance, and emotional pressure, created by the negativity in the mind which keeps blurring out, and opposing, your movement towards self-discovery or your natural expression. Reducing the mind momentum takes time, and its very similar to a detox program, only here you are weaning off from your addiction towards your own mind like any detox/rehabilitation period, its not very pleasant at-times, especially when there is an inner war between the minds

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fear-based pull and your space of being. The way you reduce the mind momentum is through coming to a state of inner allowing, where simply allow a free movement of mind/emotional-space in your open awareness, without attaching to these movements. (A lot of posts on this blog give a deeper understanding of the process of allowing the practice of relaxed awareness, the state of total allowing, the space of being and reducing mind momentum are just some posts you may want to start with).

Beyond ideas of spirituality

Since Siddhartha Buddha became popular as someone who discovered his truth, the whole process of self-discovery has taken on a sitting under a tree, in spiritual garments, with a divine smile and an angelic halo tint, which is actually the reason for a lot of spiritual imagination around this process. Its strange, but a lot of teachers who talk about self-discovery usually fit in (or try to fit in) with the spiritual imagination (the deal of a slow way of speaking, a sweet tone, a beatific smile, a larger than life charisma, slow gestures), mostly because this is the image of an enlightened being the masses associate with I am not saying that these teachers are pretending/projecting, it could well be that this is their natural human personality, just like Siddhartha Buddha or Ramana were living their natural personality. Its just that this type of spiritual personality can create a lot of false ideas in the minds of their students/seekers about how one would be after growing in awareness. These ideas can severely inhibit your process of self-discovery; always remember its a process of discovering who you are, not a process of making yourself into some image of who you think you should be. Awareness is a process of honest discovery, the word honest is of essence here if you dont have the courage to be honest, within, you cant really know yourself. Its so easy to idolize personalities that we admire or feel in awe of, and its not long before we start trying to emulate this persons way of being. If you truly want to grow in self-discovery you have to be willing to stand alone without holding anyone/anything as a model for your life as long as you stay a follower you can never connect fully with yourself. It may seem easy to just stay a follower, and its totally fine if thats what your present state of being is, but if you want to go on this journey of self-discovery you cant hold on to the comfort of depending on the outside to tell you how to be.

The aloneness of self-discovery

A lot of people who get on this journey talk about feeling a sense of being alone, and of course you cant help but feel this way because thats the reality, life inherently is alone because its all there is, and you being the same life-energy are bound to sense this aloneness when you start sensing your reality/truth once you embrace this feeling of aloneness you realize the freedom of it, it doesnt mean you have to be alone and secluded on the outside, its just an inner feeling, its just a sense that you will always have your own individual journey to stay true to. This also means that you no longer cling to your group or even the sense of belonging to a certain ideology only in this total inner aloneness can you really start seeing yourself clearly its a total intimacy with yourself. Its mostly this sense of inner aloneness that people fear, and its one of the fears you need to transcend if you really wish to be true to the highly personal nature of self-discovery, especially in your human nature. If you fear being alone with your journey, you will eventually start making a fear-based choice towards clinging to a sense of belonging. This is definitely an initial challenge for many, but as you let go of this fear and continue on the journey you soon realize the sense of inner wholeness that lies beyond the feeling of aloneness you stop feeling isolated, rather you feel fully connected with all there is, a sense of deep oneness, a state of real belonging, and this can reflect on the outside with you finding compatible relationships. The fear of being alone is just one of the major fears you will contend with, as a human, as you venture on

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this journey of self-discovery, the other fears would be the fear of becoming dysfunctional, of being ridiculed/ostracized, of being different, of being financially un-supported, of becoming a failure/loser, of messing up your life, of becoming reckless, of becoming bad, of staying confused and unproductive, etc you can imagine that its quite a challenge to move through these fears, but eventually you notice that these are just the fears of the mind based on its imagination; the process of self-discovery, of coming to your truth is nothing like what your mind fears, rather it brings you to living your true potential, and nature, in a fearless and abundant manner.
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15 comments
eighty90 says: August 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm you soon realize the sense of inner wholeness that lies beyond the feeling of aloneness Love this! Reply happy says: August 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm hello sen, a year ago i had an accident and broke my tooth. I was impatiently waiting for the dentist and there is his father, a general physician who used to do his practise infront of his office. I dont know what came in my mind and i asked him to check my blood pressure. His did and it comes out to be 160/100. Since then i have developed this fear of having a heart disease. my physician conducted lipid profile and it all comes out to be above well. Physically i am quite healthy with zero percent fat. I used to go for a daily 1 hour brisk walk. Still whenever i do something my mind goes to check my heart beat. while driving i know it is nothing but adrenaline rush, i always remain fearful as if i am getting high blood pressure. I am aware of fight/flight responce and everything but still my focus always goes on my heart beat due to which i have developed inner resisstance towards heavy heartbeats which make the things worse. My physician prescribed me anti depressants but i dont want to take it and want to come out of it in a natural way. Please help me.

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Reply Sen says: August 14, 2012 at 8:47 pm A fear about health (or death) makes you vulnerable to any thought that the mind can generate regarding a health issue. To be free of this fear you have to first allow this fear, which means you have to allow the fear of death or fear of a heart-attack within you, until you are no longer afraid of it. Its not about trying to convince yourself that it will never happen to you, because no matter how good you get at convincing yourself you always know that nothing is certain, you cant even be 100% sure than a health failure would not happen, and your mind knows this. So instead of fighting this fear, allow this fear in, and become okay with it to the point of no longer fearing this possibility. Gary says: August 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm Sen, first of thanks. I have been trying to reduce my minds momentum for several months now. I have come to realize my life had become motivated totally by my negative view of everything. It has been a relief to let go and allow the thoughts to flow without putting focus on them. There are many negative aspects that I keep letting go but they continually come back. I was wondering if they is a pointer or plan to reduce there occurance. I am trying to be patient but I feel the constant wash of these negative thoughts. How do I free myself and forgive myself for my past mistakes. By letting go now will I eventually lessen the anger and pain? Reply Sen says: August 14, 2012 at 9:01 pm Gary, You need to first be allowing of the presence of the negativity in you, without pushing away from it. You are trying to be patient, you are trying to forgive yourself etc, but eventually your attitude is one of maintaining a distance from the negativity that arises, where you label it as something untouchable in you, you even look at it as past mistakes which itself is a resistive label to begin with. The state of allowing is about being open to the presence of the negativity in you, without resisting it, without trying to find a better place its this open inner allowing of the negativity that finally brings out a seamless integration of the dark and light nature in you, that dissolves the momentum of imbalance (which you call negativity). The anger and emotional pain will lose their momentum, and dissolve, but for now you need to be open to allowing their presence in you, not in an attitude of holding distance and waiting patiently, rather with the attitude really letting go of any resistance to their presence even though they are unpleasant. Meghan says: August 7, 2012 at 12:42 am Thanks for another great article! I was wondering if you had a perspective on dreams. In my waking day I feel aligned, and I am pursuing my longtime goals with ease. Its awesome. However many of my dreams have a pretty negative tone to them, any thoughts? Reply Sen says: August 14, 2012 at 9:06 pm Meghan, we sometimes have a sense that we are aligned in terms our positive behavior
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which can mostly just be a proclivity for light-natured behavior while suppressing the dark nature components (not wanting to face their presence in you). When you sleep, your mind does not have this resistance/suppression, and all the dark nature energy that you were suppressing in you starts coming up, and results in dreams that are imbalanced in dark nature. Its simply a wake up call for you to consciously let go of any suppression you might have towards dark natured emotions in you like sadness, anger, jealousy, self-loathing, anxiety, worry etc, and allow their presence so that a release of their imbalanced momentum, within you, can take place. We sometimes try to be all sunny and positive, and we tend to do that at the cost of trying to suppress any dark natured emotion or thought that comes up, and this suppression keeps building the imbalance of that nature in you. You can get further insights in the post http://www.calmdownmind.com/healingthe-imbalance/ Jenny says: August 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm fear of becoming dysfunctional, of being ridiculed/ostracized, of being different, of being financially un-supported, of becoming a failure/loser, of messing up your life, of becoming reckless, of becoming bad, of staying confused and unproductive, etc This basically sums up ALL of the fears that are coming up for me now. I just quit my job that I HATED and I didnt plan it. It had been building up and I was feeling quite depressed so I just quit! It was very liberating..however, now I feel like a loser. I am scared that I wont have money. I am scared that I wont ever feel like doing anything ever again (because right now i dont feel like doing anything except hang out around home haha). My mind keeps wondering if this is depressionbut I am also aware that this could be a trick of the mind. I also fear making the wrong decision based off of these fears. Right now my husband is working and we seem to be ok with moneybut he makes comments here and there about money being tight. It makes me feel like I need to get a job and I want a job one where that I feel I am naturally good at and fit in with the people and is fun! But I am scared I wont find it and will end up in another job I hate. Are these normal fears? Any advice?? Thank you SEN! Reply Hrishi says: August 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm self-discovery has taken on a sitting under a tree, in spiritual garments, with a divine smile and an angelic halo tint, which is actually the reason for a lot of spiritual imagination around this process. HahaI seriously enjoyed reading this Sen! How true! On a side note, for those who are unable to grasp the full significance of the resistance they give the world, one can understand it using basic science. Imagine a wall. Imagine you are unarmed and unable to break it down. It therefore simply exists. It is like the truth. It neither attacks you nor resists you, not till you attack it. However the egoic mind tries to break down this wall uselessly. If you push against this wall, the wall pushes back. In Physics, this is called a Normal Reaction. The harder you push, the harder it pushes back, resisting you all the more. Or rather, you are resisting it causing you unnecessary frustration. The more you resist the wall (and hammer away against it) the more frustrated you will become because of the increasing resistance you feel from it. All our frustrations are a reflection of how much we fight against what is. That is the meaning of

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what is often stated that the world is a reflection of how you are within. The more you push against the wall of truth, resisting it, the more frustrating and disappointing life appears. The one who lets go finds life free. Truth is such. You know how far you are from the truth by how frustrated you are. The more you accept what is (what exists- just like how a wall simply is there) you are in line with the truth. You simply let things be. You give them things the space to be and you realize you have space to exist too. You just need to realize (and relax) in the present moment how much space you have to exist as a complete you. In the end, a person who gets free of frustration is the one who lets go of the wall and starts appreciating the space around him/her which he/she has been ignoring till then. There is infinite space around us. One just needs to create space for himself and that is all. You can breathe free. Even if chaos reigns in your life, allow chaos to exist. It is like a life in itself. Give it space like a guest. When you have space, you wont care what others or other things are. They can dance naked for all you care, for you have enough space to exist. The less space you give the truth to exist, the less space you give yourself to be free and exist. That is all there is, I guess. Reply eighty90 says: August 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm Yes! Yes. alex says: August 10, 2012 at 12:48 am really appreciated this analogy hrishi! Maria says: August 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm Sen, I have been reading your blog for a month now and this made me examine more the life that I am living. I can say that I seek the truth behind my questions and the truth behind the answers that I may find in my experiences, and in so doing, I realized that I am overly analyzing all my thoughts and other peoples way of thinking. I noticed that every time I encounter difficulties, since I am a very private person with no one to share my feelings and thoughts with, I developed the habit of looking outside of myself for answers and rely mostly on books, Google, and other peoples writings about the subject. Its been going on for awhile now and I admit I am already tired of myself, and of the ways I deal things in real life. I find it hard to integrate what I learned into a real situation and this leave me a feeling of not being adequate in solving lifes problems. I find it hard when to let things arise and stay surrendered, and when to pick-up the fight and resolve the problem. Since I started being aware of my thoughts, I feel like being always at war with my mind and my intuitive self. I dont even know what intuition feels like anymore because I maybe confusing it with my mind. I am tired of playing games inside of me, of trial and errors and of interpreting what is going on. I hope you can provide an insight to this. Thanks. Reply Radiance says: August 7, 2012 at 6:37 pm

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Dear Sen, Thank you, It was very useful for me to read ways in which you keep yourself from discovering/living from a place of truth Not to blame my self, but to be aware of them and look for an alternative thought. I tend to look for confirmation in others and shre my ideas for comfort, I also tend to get very annoyed when someone opposes my ideas. I am indeed afraid of messing up my life! But I am afraid of the non-authentic life I live today. Then I tell myself it is not that bad lol! I justify the evil Thank you Sen! Reply Radiance says: August 7, 2012 at 6:51 pm Another comment. I think I am use to the loneliness, I have always been a hippy and doing things differently than mainstream. I do crave like minded people but I can do without. What I think is my weak point is wanting external confirmation from external sources that I am making any sense Afraid that if I keep on going with my own bliss I will make a fool of myself or end up on a mess Reply Markus says: August 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm One idea I had a hard time grasping was the idea of finding what I really am. Then one day it struck me, that it was more helpful (for my too logical mind) to look at it differently. It shone a bright light on the idea of nothingness, too. Each lesson learned is an experience showing me something I am NOT. Every challenge in life shows me the ways Ive been/acted/thought have perpetuated that problem. These are the things I need to let go. They are not me, they are my ego or mind or habits. So every challenge shines light on those habits that are NOT my true being. Let them all go, and I become no-thing, free of labels. By becoming nothing, I am free to be anything. At that point, all that remains is my true self. Still have plenty to do to get to that end state, but the idea is now clear to me. Sen, thank you for sharing your essays, they are very good tools. Reply

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Heeding Your Wake-Up Call A Total Inner Independence A Fearless Self-discovery A Wholeness-Based Self Understanding the Reality of Time FAQ on the State of Allowing A Deeper Perspective on Emotions An Unwavering Peace

eighty90: Nice description of detachment! abet: Genius Analogy in the first couple of paragraphs! Great article! kate: wow! thank you very much for creating this and showing people that the strange experience they... chris: Thank you for this, Sen. Im currently in the midst of heeding my wake-up call and your post coincides...

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Gary: My wife and I really enjoyed this article Sen. Thank you! I am curious about your thoughts on humor and our... Zenith: Hi Sean, I really appreciate your mature insight into the structure of the mind. I find myself constantly... Pippa: Dear Sen, Is there any order in which I should read your articles. like read A Total Inner... abet: sen why this slow pace in between articles? you used to come out with a new one almost every day abdi: sen thanks for your helping I want you to tell me how to concentrate on learning new thing like new languages,... Sen: Paul, mindfulness is basically defined as the practice of consciously observing the mind, or being... More recent comments

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