l i f e

As children around the world thank their

mothers for all their love and care on
Mother’s Day, Anu Gulmohar
takes a look at people who
are choosing to
stay childfree…

the sunday indian 46 17 may 2009

l i f e childfree by choice

W
e want a baby woman. I, later, fell in love friends who have children.” art, galleries and books, and
just like that with a man who did not care The concept of being try new kinds of foods like
from you!” if he had children and was childfree might leave many Ethiopian food, so it’s a lot of
she said as she inclined to remain childless Indians aghast and under- fun. They’re very accepting of
poked me in my ribs and because it gave him the standably, people childfree by all different kinds of religions
pointed at a newborn’s freedom to travel and pursue choice here are not as vocal and ideas. But outside of that,
picture. Not a fortnight had a career in international about their decision as in the childfree people are very
passed since my wedding and sales and later take the western countries. Childfree different. Some are very
people were already thinking financial risks required to people around the world conservative, some really like
of names of my unborn chil- be an entrepreneur.” though have been seeking kids and are teachers; some
dren! After marriage, parent- Having done his bit of similar-minded people try to have a more adult-cen-
hood is assumed to be a logi- parenting rather early in his through social clubs and tred life, there is a lot of
cal progression, and many life as he helped raise his websites. No Kidding is a so- variety within the people.”
begin to attempt filling into mentally-challenged younger cial group with chapters in Every person has his own
the shoes of a parent without brother, and with little hope countries like US, Spain, Chi- set of reasons for being child-
pausing to think whether the of ever going to college na and New Zealand. LT Ci- free. Some like having time
voice they hear urging them because of not being eco- accio from No Kidding told for themselves, others are
to have a child is really theirs nomically sound, Fred (from TSI about its members, “Here glad of being able to concen-
or just the cacophony of Phoenix, Arizona) told me in New York, there are people trate on their careers. Says LT
in-laws and well-meaning
friends. But worldwide, the
trend is changing. Men and
women have been choosing a
childfree life, where they pre-
fer being labelled childfree to
childless because they’re
childfree by choice and not
incapable of conceiving a
baby. And supporting their
choice are surveys like the
one conducted by University
of Denver, which concluded
that 90 per cent of couples
experienced a decrease in
marital satisfaction after the
birth of their first child!
Mother’s Day begs the ques-
tion, whether you’re a mother
because that’s what you really
wanted… and to give that
couple in their 30s at your
workplace or neighbourhood
with no child as yet, some
breathing space…
Being childfree
Laura S Scott, author of might leave many
"Two is Enough: A Couple's that he had foreseen a life of Indians aghast... people Ciaccio, “I like having a
Guide to Living Childless by
Choice", which will be out in
being stuck in a blue-collar
job, and that he decided childfree by choice here lot of free time, I like
being able to focus on
US in October, speaks of her that he did not want any are not as vocal about just my husband, and
personal experience, “I was just on our relationship.
in my mid-teens when I first
children when he was only
15. “I obtained a vasectomy
their decision as in That’s the biggest benefit
articulated my desire to re- just before my 22nd birthday. western countries for me. I really like the
main childless. I was born I am very proud of that freedom to choose what I
and raised in urban Canada choice!” says Fred. “Today, I want to do. Although I have
and I graduated college at a am 43. I could not ask for a never come across a person
time when women were better life. I am a software of different ages, of all differ who has made the decision
being assimilated into the developer. I have little debt. ent ethnic backgrounds, they because of money, everyone
workplace. I could, and did, I have many stamps in my tend to be very open-minded seems to enjoy the money
find financial autonomy and passport. I own a Rolex. I people. People are open to they save!”
security as a single, childless cannot say the same for my going out, to see new kinds of Closer home, P Srivastava

the sunday indian 48 17 may 2009

l i f e childfree by choice

made up his mind to never ago. The main message to be

father a child for a completely
different reason. “I read the
Bhagavad Gita when I was in
college, around two decades
from this world of suffering
inferred from the Gita is that
and strife. When you give
our ultimate goal is to liber-
birth, you’re actually doing
ate the soul from mortal the opposite – trapping a soul
existence, in a mortal body! I think it’s
morally wrong to bring
People around someone into this
world. Life is a “gift”
the world, especially that is forced on
in our own country, someone full of
suffering and ends
will take time to get in death. Reading
accustomed with the the works of
thought that childfree likephilosophers
Plato, Hume
folks are not child and Schopenhauer
further strengthened
haters my conviction.”
According to a survey
done by Laura S Scott of
childfree people in US and
Canada, the most common
reasons why people chose to
remain childfree is because
they love their life and their
relationship just the way it is;
and because they value their
freedom and independence
and were not up for taking
on the responsibilities of rais-
ing a child. A common per-
ception that people have
about childfree people is that
they are too selfish and self-
centred. “Tell me one thing
that is selfless about wanting
to have children,” retorts P
Srivastava. “Is there any
altruistic sentiment behind
it? I feel none. Everything
that causes one to procreate
is selfish in nature. You want
to create your own flesh and
blood, you want someone to
look after you, you want hap-
piness for your family, you
want happiness for yourself.
Is not all this selfish?”
People around the world,
especially in our own coun-
try, will take time to get ac-
customed with the thought
that childfree folks are not
child haters and that there
can be decent happy people
without children. A shift in
our thinking needs to hap-
pen. The question, “Why are
you not having a child?”
needs to change to, “Why are
you having a child?” for a so-
ciety with happier children
and happier adults. Now
that’s food for thought I’d say,
for your folks and mine!
Motivations to
have children:
10% 6%
12%

The reluctant parents 72%

T
he results of an ICMR (In-
dian Council for Market
Research) survey indicate that
the new generation of urban
Indians would scandalise the
traditionalists who have spent
their best years baking cakes
and playing cricket with their
kids! The verdict according to
this survey, conducted in the
nation’s four metros and Ben-
galuru, among people above
the age of 18 and who have yet
to begin their families, is that
the average age they see them-
selves becoming parents is not
24 or 26 or 28… but 30! What’s
more, people are beginning to
feel that having children will
Future Security
curtail their freedom (73%), Family, societal pressure
and also force them to lead an Desire to experience
motherhood/fatherhood
average lifestyle where they Love of children
will automatically limit spend-
ing on themselves and more on
giving the best to their kids
(69%). An enormous amount
of people chorus that raising
children is no kid’s task but a
full-time job (87%). And the
icing on the cake is the revela-
tion that 72% of the people
stressed that the biggest moti-
vator for having kids is not
their desire to experience par-
enthood (12%), or the sheer
love for children (10%), but the
pressure applied by their
society and families!!

the sunday indian 50 17 may 2009 the sunday indian 51 17 may 2009