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Finance Ministers Debate Dropping

Dollar as Worlds Reserve Currency

September 12, 2009

From Banana News:

Ex-Pre-President Proposes Atomic Money

Finance Ministers, Central Bank Presidents, and Royal

Chief Treasurers, from forty one countries and twenty
eight Hedge funds gathered outside Stone Hedge
England, this past week, to thrash out an international
financial reform package. Foremost on the agenda was a
plan to replace the American dollar as the world’s
leading reserve currency and replace it with a market-
basket of cheap proposals, which would, over time, be
converted into a swindle free mix of currencies, coins,
”paper”, metal, trinkets, feathers, and human half-trust.
The new mixed-money metric would replace the dollar as
the “preferred” international transaction currency and
would serve as the new “safe haven” currency which
investors could use to protect their wealth from
inflation, home country mismanagement, and the
explosive shopping binge of a frustrated spouse.

U.S. citizens, representing banking, finance,

manufacturing, the PV-8 group of Ex-Presidents, Ex-Vice
Presidents, and Ex-Vice Pre-Presidents, as well as
representatives of the Northern California group
“astrologers for alien transported space rocks”,
attended the Stone Hedge meetings. However, the
United States officially had no “official” representation
at the “official” component of the meetings. According
to White House sources and Biden-seepage, President
Obama, Secretary Geitnar, Fed Chief Bernanke
“unofficially” attended by, using brow furrowing makeup
and crystal spheres, to masquerade as economists and
astrologers for the Stone Hedge and Capricorn
Investment Fund.

Two weeks prior to the Stone Hedge meetings President

Obama, ordered his staff to ask three hundred
University economists to comment on the plan to create
a new international reserve currency as an alternative to
the dollar. According to Biden-seepage, the White
House staff found that, of the five hundred and ninety
nine opinions offered by the group of surveyed
economists, (one economist reported a lost hand from
an earlier auto accident), three hundred and six hands
voted to switch to a new reserve currency and “free the
dollar” from its “safe haven burdens”, two hundred and
fifty one hands voted to keep the dollar as the world’s
reserve currency, and forty one hands and one foot
voted to reserve the dollar for ”financial emergencies”
such as: “an explosive shopping binge by a frustrated
spouse living in a country with entrance and exit ramp
to Wall Street.”

Led by the French Finance Minister, Monsieur Salay-Du-

Saloon, the Stone Hedge group quickly voted to
establish a new “dollar liberated” international reserve
currency. Unanimity then broke down as the French
demanded that the new “dollar liberated” currency’s
value be linked to the world’s stock of Chateau Red
Wines. After eighteen hours of international squabbling,
intrigue, and wine tasting, former President Jimmy
Carter intervened and got all parties to agree, that
whatever the choice, all new currency bills would remain
free of any image of politicians, historical figures, and
one eyed dollar pyramids. Instead historical symbols
representing each of the world’s twenty-four time zones
would be printed on one side of the new currency bills,
while the flip side would portray an international squad
of bi-valve clams filtering the world’s major ocean

Subsequent proposals to call the new currency “the

clam” was tabled after former President Clinton
intervened and convinced participants that an upward
rising clam market might be perceived as a signal for the
world’s politicians to: “mute up and stay shut.”

Former French Finance Minister, Calay Malure, then

introduced a plan to, instead, to employ living snails as
the world’s reserve currency. Using himself as his own
simultaneous interpreter the former French Finance
Minister, told the audience simultaneously, in French
and English:

“In a world where the speed of markets transactions

imbues artificial value to speed itself, the French
Ministry of Currency and Coinage Research propositions
to introduce to the world at large waa—lauah:

the snail,

- to decelerate the world of finance-so banquers,

entrepreneurs, and exchangers, can down slow the
mark-et and ex-change, and, once again, enjoy the true
value of life: relishing lingering meals of wine and
cheese, savoring copious hours of drifting
contemplation, and sneaking in petite wedges of
nibbling time with members of the mostly opposite

The Former French Minister’s comment, and subsequent

debate over converting international dollars to snails,
led to a litany of complaints about the growing
dominance of digital accounting and electronic trading.
After six hours of squabbling and I-phoning, former Vice
President Al Gore intervened and argued that delegates
must accept the new reality that transmitting money in
digital pulses, was on earth to stay, “provided human
kind does not move itself to a cooler and safer planet”.

The former Vice President, then, recommended that

atomic “electrons” be employed as the world’s currency
for conducting international trade. And he suggested
that atomic protons be used as the world’s safe haven
store of value. Mr. Gore then said he thought that those
neutrons which bear a strong resemblance to members
of the Gore family might best serve as a currency for
charity organizations and church groups.

Al Gore’s proposal for an international atomic currency

set the conference ablaze with excitement and was even
embraced, and kissed, by the French Finance and former
Finance ministers as well as the California group
“astrologers for alien transported space rocks”, who,
after embracing Al Gore, dropped their proposal that
Hedge Stone’s with high concentrations of iridium and
shocked quartz crystals be adopted as the world’s
international store of value.

However, conference participants from England warned

that the mass of the electron was 9.10389X10 ^ (-23) of
a gram and questioned the wisdom of linking the world’s
commerce to currency which was too small to see and
which travels at nearly the speed of light. Advocates and
Gore embracers replied that, in the current digital age,
traders hardly see or touch paper money anyway and,
often, cannot distinguish an eagle winged, one pyramid
eyed, solid George Washington dollar bill from blue and
orange colored monopoly money.

Conference participants from England warned that since

there are 10^ (79) number of electrons in the universe,
that the Gore plan would be “a bit” inflationary.
Advocates and Gore embracers replied that only the
electrons that were IMF “stamped”, World Bank
approved, and stripped from their parent nucleus would
serve as “currency”.

Conference participants from England warned that no

one would be able to see IMF stamp marks on any
electron and that any trader who owns a car battery
could generate millions of pounds worth of counterfeit
currency. Advocates and Gore embracers replied that
the IMF voltage regulators would count and validate
electron money as well as, discipline errant bond

Conference participants from England warned that the

crazy laws of quantum physics, with tunneling electrons,
particles moving backwards in time, virtual particles
popping in and out existence, and quantum leaps would
introduce chaos into the financial system. Advocates and
Gore embraces replied that such characteristics already
describe World Financial Markets and that the rules from
quantum physics were better than the current trading
system which had no laws, logic, or rules at all.

Conference participants from England warned that

atomic money could create financial radiation hazards
for traders. Advocates and Gore embracers replied that
widespread trading in toxic assets has already created
such hazards and that liability cancer rates among
mortgage backed security traders were twenty two
percent higher than of the public at large.

Conference participants from the group “astrologers for

alien transported space rocks” warned, with background
chanting and humming, that the proton stash of a
wealthy investor could grow to store so large in value
that if divided up, among heirs, it could set off a nuclear
blast. Advocates and Gore embracers suggested hedge
rocks with iridium and shock quartz crystals be used as
a store of value.
Former President George W. Bush intervened and said
he felt the conversation and new money proposals had
gotten “a bit too small for my Texas taste”.

Former George Bush senior intervened, and said “no

new currency taxes”

An astrologer-economist, with a heavily plowed brow

line, who claimed to represent the Stone Hedge and
Capricorn Fund, intervened and convinced delegates to
adopt Obama’s health care plan.

After, a wedge of time a disheveled former French

Finance minister, Calay Malure, returned to the
discussion, holding a sphere encased in California
scented perfume, and told delegates that the nearby
Hedge Stone Slab pattern, dictated that Hedge rocks,
with iridium and shock quartz crystals, be used as the
transaction currency when trading with space based life

The conference began to lose coherence, as delegates

began rumoring among themselves, after a period of
Trans-continental Biden seepage revealed that, the
United State had unilaterally, chose to abandon the
dollar as an international medium of exchange, permit
its currency to fall to its natural value, and revive the
manufacturing sector of the United States. Biden rumors
also indicated the United States was considering
replacing all its foreign dollar obligations with bonds
backed by a set of: five hundred and ninety nine human
hands and one shoe-free foot.

Odac Snarler

Banana News