Shepherding the Sexual Addict ~ A Journey From Brokenness to Wholeness

By Allan Love, B.Th., M.C.S.

Carey Theological College The Pastors Life, DPM 924 Dr. Bruce Milne August 2, 2006

Introduction

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. 1 It is easy to look upon our society and judge it as sexually oriented, charged, crazed, obsessed and perverted no one would argue with this judgment. 2 The question is, How will the church respond to this reality? Regrettably, some segments of the church have countered with disgust and anger, while other segments have reacted with silence simply ignoring the situation with hopes that it will not affect or contaminate them. Neither are, the responses of Jesus. Jesus looks upon the people, the crowds in our cities, in our towns and villages who are gratifying, and indulging in, the desires of their sexual appetites in an ungodly manner, with deep love and compassion. 3 He would characterize the sexually addicted as, harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.4 They are harassed, troubled, distressed and mangled by their addiction and

1 2

Matthew 9:35-38 (NIV, which is the version used in this paper). The following are a list of recent to current statistics on sexual addiction in American society: 1) annual rental and sales of adult videos/DVDs tops 4 billion dollars; 2) the pornography movie industry produces over 11, 000 new titles each year; 3) 48% percent of all unsolicited e-mails contain pornographic messages; 4) up to 24 million people are sex addicts; 5) sex is the #1 topic searched for on the internet; 6) there are over 372 million pornographic web pages on the internet (approx. 12% of total websites); 7) the average American will view nearly 14,000 sexual references per year on television. See www.bebroken.com/bbm/resources/articles/stats.shtml. 3 Gk. splagcnizomai to be moved as to ones bowels. The compassion felt by Jesus is of the gut -wrenching order. 4 Matthew 9:36.

are helpless, unable to overcome their sexual cravings and behaviors. What is the way out, the way forward, the way towards healing for them? How are the chains of their addiction broken? The implication of Jesus words is that it is thro ugh a shepherding ministry that the sexually addicted are helped and restored. Without such a ministry they remain vulnerable and helpless, continuing in their state of sexual bondage and brokenness. It is the intent of this paper is to present a case for shepherding as the means for healing the sexually addicted - and in doing so, constructing a pastoral 5 theology for persons dealing with sexual addictions. 6 Additionally, it will be argued that a holistic, integrative approach - where the healing process is brought to bear upon the emotional, social, intellectual, physical, behavioral and spiritual arenas of the addict 7 is essential to a fruitful, restoring process. Various alternative approaches will be identified and evaluated as well. 1. The Way of the Shepherd 1.1 Ephesians 4:11-12 ~ It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors (lit. shepherds) and teachers to prepare Gods people for works of service, so that the body of Christ ma y be built up. Foundational to understanding the way of the shepherd is defining the word prepare. Surveying the use of this word 8 in the New Testament we discover that it has a three-fold meaning: 9

5 6

The New Testament word for pastor is poimen - which literally means shepherd. In this paper I will be focusing on male sexual addiction, though the principles and practices discussed in this paper are applicable to women as well. 7 This ensures that matters of body, mind, soul and spirit are addressed. 8 Gk. katartismos.

To Mend/Repair (to fix what is broken): Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets.10 I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.11 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.12 To Establish/Replenish (to supply what is lacking): Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.13 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at Gods command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 14 May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for his doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.15 To Train/Realign (to bring in alignment with original design): A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.16

I am indebted to the work of Greg Ogden, Unfinished Business ~ Returning the Ministry to the People of God (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2003), pp. 130-156 in defining the word prepare. 10 Matthew 4:21, cf. Mark 1:19. 11 1 Corinthians 1:10. 12 Galatians 6:1. 13 1 Thessalonians 3:10 14 Hebrews 11:3. 15 Hebrews 13:20-21. 16 Luke 6:40.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.17 We see from this brief survey on the use of the word prepare in the N.T. that the role of a shepherd 18 is concerned with repairing, replenishing and realigning (3RStrategy) Gods people so that they may reach and attain unity and fullness in Christ. 19 The meaning and usage of prepare suggests that the totality of a person is considered and examined. 20 Therefore, the shepherd when implementing this healing and restoring process will need to address the issues related to the body, mind, soul and spirit. 1.2 Ezekiel 34:2-6 ~ This is what the sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd. To reinforce and develop our understanding of the shepherding role it is important that we look back to the Old Testament, for that is where the biblical understanding of a shepherd is both developed and established. 21 The text from Ezekiel is extremely helpful in that it identifies the fundamental roles of a shepherd that correspond to the 3R-strategy:

17 18

2 Timothy 3:16-17. In partnership with the other roles noted in Ephesians 4:11. 19 See Ephesians 4:13. 20 This will be argued more fully, as well as demonstrated below. 21 For an excellent overview, survey of the biblical material on the role of the shepherd see Timothy S. Laniak, Shepherds After My Own Heart Pastoral Traditions and Leadership in the Bible (Downers Grove, Il.: IVP, 2006).

Replenishing: taking care of the flock and strengthening the weak (feeding/providing); Repairing: healing the sick and binding up the injured (tending/protecting); Realigning: searching for and bringing back the lost (leading/guiding). Unfortunately many pastors, influenced by the spirit of pragmatism,

consumerism, commercialism and entrepreneurialism have lost the traditional art of shepherding. The result? Many sheep have been lead astray - of which a number, have been by their sexual addictions and woundedness.22 It is time for pastors to recover their rightful role of caring for people holistically and to be doctors of the soul. We now turn to demonstrate how this shepherding model is implemented and appropriated in the context of restoring a sexual addict.

2. Shepherding the Sexual Addict 2.1 What is Sexual Addiction? Its Roots, Causes and Symptoms 2.1.1 Defining the Addiction Sexual addiction is both a sin and a disease that involves any type of uncontrollable, compulsive, repetitive and destructive sexual activity. The activities

usually begin in the form of mental fantasies, pornography, masturbation, and then escalate (though not in all cases) into cyber-sex, sex with a consenting partner, voyeurism prostitution, rape, incest and child molestation. It is a sin in that it is a means by which

22

For a lively discussion on this matter see E.Glenn Wagner, Escape From Church, Inc. The Return of the Pastor-Shepherd (Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 1999).

one indulges in and gratifies the cravings of the sinful nature. 23 It is a way by which one attempts to meet, satisfy their needs outside of God. Sexual addiction is idolatry the worship of sex. It is also a disease in the sense that it has, observable symptoms and a natural progression that, if left untreated, gets worse and eventually lead to death. 24 Furthermore, as with most other diseases, sexual addiction can have a physiological basis in the sense in that it can often be induced by brain chemistry. 25 Mark Laaser helpfully notes, Defining sexual addiction as a disease is also consistent with a definition of sin. Sinfulness has a cause. We inherit original sin when we are born. And sin has symptoms. We dont trust God. We make unhealthy choices. We try to control our own lives. Like disease, sinfulness is a degenerative process. The Bible continually warns us that we can sink deeper and deeper into sin. Sinfulness can eventually kill us. The concepts of addiction and disease clarify and deepen our understanding of the consequences of sin. 26 The following have been identified as characteristics of sexual addiction: 27 poor self-image, mood alteration and escape, sense of entitlement, unmanageability and efforts to control, denial and delusions, tolerance, blackouts, rigidity and blaming, codependency, relational difficulties, sexual ignorance and confusion, cross addictions, attention disorders, depression, anxiety, escalating patterns of sexual activity, withdrawal, depression and mood swings, irritability, abuse of self or others, resistance to supervision

23 24

See Romans 6:11-14 and Galatians 5:16-19. Mark Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2006), p. 25. 25 Tim Clinton, Archibald Hart and George Ohlschager, Caring For People Go ds Way Personal and Emotional Issues, Addictions, Grief and Trauma (Nashville, TN.: Thomas Nelson, 2005), p. 276. 26 Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction , p. 25. 27 As noted by Laaser, Ibid., pp. 46-59.

or criticism, and the use of sexual humor.

Not every addict will manifest every

characteristic, though many will often exhibit a majority of them.

2.1.2 Roots/Causes of the Addiction Ephesians 2:1-3 As a template for understanding the root and cause of sexual addiction we turn our attention first to Ephesians 2:1-3 and then to Genesis 3:6-13: As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of the world and the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. Any effective shepherding of a sexual addict requires that we examine the theological basis for the addiction, which will influence, inform and guide our understanding of how the following arenas of the addicts life influence and reinforce his addiction: the biological, emotional, mental and the social. First, an addict suffers generational/genetic sin you were dead in your transgressions and sins. Because of the Fall 28 we are all born into sin. We come out of the starting gate predisposed, preconditioned towards disobedience, towards fulfilling the lusts of the flesh. The core of our being is energized, compelled to sin. The only way to overcome this death is through a resurrection of life salvation by, in, through and for Jesus Christ. Any attempts to heal an addict without Christ will bring minimal results at best changes that will ultimately and eternally do him no good.

28

Genesis 3.

Second, sexual addicts are victim to environmental/societal sin you followed the ways of this world. People are not only born into sin, there are also born into a sinful family and society; people are born to love candy and they enter a world full of it. Addicts are born with a sin nature, which is nurtured by their surrounding culture. 29 For example, in a classic study done by Dr. Patrick Carnes, it was found that 81% of sex addicts were sexually abused, 74% were physically abused and 97% were emotionally abused.30 In light of this environmental reinforcement, the healing process for the sex addict will need to have a healthy environment void of temptation, as well as the encouragement and support to move towards forgiving those who have sinned against him. Thirdly, there is personal sin gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. People dealing with sexual addiction are not only born sinners and into a sinful environment, but they continually choose to gratify their lustful cravings, desires and thoughts. 31 Sexual addiction is a battle of the mind. Their

29

Dr. Prew Pinsky, cohost o f MTVs Loveline, provides an insightful perspective on our culture: I have plenty of reasons to call the culture up on charges. The culture is like a living, breathing beast that feeds its own need to exist and grow at the expense of the individual. Our world is full of people with narcissistic problems who look to escape those feelings and be gratified and the culture steps right in to meet those needs. Many of those contributing to the culture are sick themselves. It doesnt not take a shrink to count the number of celebrities who end up in rehab, get into fights, or pose for mug shots. The media has become an instant-response machine, ratcheting our tolerance ever upward in cycles of arousal and gratification. All of this can be arresting, fun, sexy, most of all, it sells, but it doesnt heal. As quoted by Don Williams, 12 Steps With Jesus (Ventura, CA., Gospel Light, 2004), pp. 45-46. 30 Tim Clinton, et. al., Caring for People Gods Way , p. 278. 31 Romans 1:32 to instructive:

mental processes work in such a way that they decide to behave addictively. This mental battle, over time, can be reinforced by imbalanced brain chemistry. Often as the addict engages in the act of his addictions he experiences a euphoric high due to adrenaline and endorphins being released within his brain. What happens over time is that the addict develops a chemical tolerance that requires him to engage in behavior that will provide a greater release of endorphins in order to experience a rush that is pleasurable. Russell Willingham soberly states, When the sexual activity begins in early adolescence as a means of handling stress, loneliness or emotional pain, it is not long before dependency is developed. This process can be well under way by the age of ten or twelve. Once puberty occurs, the young addict-to-be has the added dimension or orgasm and to enhance the addictive experience. As the brain is forced to accommodate this constant release of opioids (opium like neurotransmitters), it creates neural pathways to facilitate their more rapid flow. The sexual addict becomes dependent upon the intense pleasure these chemicals create. The only experience more pleasurable is heroin use. 32 Overcoming the power of sexual addiction will require that the addict be counseled to make healthy choices that will adjust his thought-patterns and ultimately balanced out his brain chemistry. Finally, there is Satanic influence you followed the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient . The sex addict not battles against the forces of sin, but also the forces of Satan. Paul council is most helpful: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil Although they know Gods righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. 32 Russell Willingham, Breaking Free Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus (Downers Grove, Il.: IVP, 1999), pp. 44-45. This reinforces the need for detoxification in the case of many sex addicts.

in the heavenly realms.33 Satans purpose is to, steal, kill and destroy. 34 And he has clearly utilized sex to destroy, devour individuals, as well as marriages and families. 35 Any strategy that hope to help a person triumph over sexual addiction, can not be ignorant of the devils schemes, and will require the person to fight his addiction through the use of the armor of God. 36 We now turn our attention to Genesis 3:6-13 to enhance our understanding of the support structure of the sexual addict: When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, Where are you? He answered, I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. And he said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from? The man said, The woman you put here with me she gave some fruit from the tree, and I ate it. Then the Lord said to the women, What is it that you have done? The woman said, The serpent deceived me and I ate. From this text we see that there are essentially three layers to a sex addicts behavior and condition - surrounding the sinful core of pride: pain, provision and protection. The core of addictive behavior is pride 37. Adam and Eve did not trust in Gods provision and violated his prohibition - they rebelled against him. They chose the route of self-

33 34

Ephesians 6:12. John 10:10. 35 For example, 47% of Christian families report that pornography is a major problem in their homes. See www.bebroken.com/bbm/resources/articles/stats.shtml. 36 As described in Ephesians 6:13-18. 37 See Proverbs 16:18, which, states that, pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

sufficiency the way of pride. As a result of their disobedience the first layer was formed pain. Both Adam and Eve experienced the shame, the fear, and the void that came as a result of their prideful choice. This brought about the need for the second layer provision. Adam and Eve, because of their condition of realized nakedness, made for themselves fig leaves to cover themselves. They chose to cope with their needs in their own way. And the third and final layer was put in place to protect them from taking responsibility, to be accountable. In the case of Adam and Eve they hid and blamed another for their sin. These layers provide the context for understanding the cycle of addiction that is supported and reinforced by the sinful and satanic framework of the addicts behavior discussed above. Pain: Deep inside every sex addict is a deep wound, an intolerable pain that is in most cases caused by a significant male figure in their childhood (such as their father). They were either abused through acts of abandonment or invasion. 38 This trauma brings about a boatload of shame, feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, depression, loneliness, fear, anxiety and anger. In order to cope with this potent, internal ache and hurt the addict must medicate himself with sexual activity (the provision). Provision: The addict acts out his addictive, sexual charged behavior, which temporarily provides pleasurable feelings (a sexual high) that helps him escape the pain and

38

See Figures 1 and 2 below, taken from Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, pp. 38 and 53. Figure 1 shows how an addict deals with abuse, and figure 2 shows the two kinds of abuse that can be experienced.

overcome the shame. 39 As addicts act out they feel in control, important and valuable. But then there medication wears off, and the pain returns. Protection: In addition to providing for himself, the addict needs to protect himself. He needs to cloak himself through silence, denial, delusion and/or blame. There is no way the sexual addict wants anyone to know either about his wound and the way he dresses that wound. He fears rejection, embarrassment, and abandonment from those around him. As a result he shields himself. Sadly, it is this isolation that insulates him from the healing the he desperately needs. He is trapped in this perpetual, ever occurring and worsening cycle of pain provision protection. In summary we see that the core problem for the addict is a spiritual-relational problem. His addictive behavior is founded ultimately upon a broken relationship with God that has wreaked havoc on his life. As a result of this broken relationship internal choices, decisions are made, and steps are taken which reinforce the addictive behavior. This behavior is continually influenced by sinful environmental and physiological factors, as well as demonic dynamics. The addiction is both a sin and a sickness, which needs to be addressed on both fronts fronts that are intimately related, that is, it is a sickness ultimately rooted in sin (separation from God). All of this to say, that in helping
39

Humans being have been created by God with two core, fundamental emotional needs security and significance, that is, to belong to have intimacy, and to become to have purpose. In acting out, addicts often experience (albeit counterfeit and short-lived) a sense of both security and significance. For example, when a sex addict has sex with a prostitute he feels secure with, and accepted by her which creates a sense of significance and value. Because people are made in the image of God they still retain those God-given needs, yet because of sin, they attempt to meet them in ungodly ways. So when dealing with an addict it is important to help him identify those core needs as being from God, and to help him meet those needs in a healthy way. For excellent resource dealing with this matter see Larry Crabb, The Safest Place on Earth (Nashville, TN. Word Publishing, 1999).

an addict recover, theology is the guiding light but any insights from the field of anthropology, psychology (mental and behavioral), biology that do not contradict biblical theology and are helpful to the healing process, should be integrated into this process. We now turn to the final part of this paper, restoring the sex addict - repairing, replenishing and realigning him with Gods love, grace and truth.

2.2 The Way of Healing: An Integrative/Holistic Approach In our journey thus far I have argued that the role of a shepherd/pastor is key to the recovery process of an addict a recovery process that recognizes his brokenness and moves towards repairing that brokenness by realigning his behavioral and mental processes which have been shaped and influenced by sin with Gods truth. A process that is sensitive first and foremost to the insights of theology, as well as to those offered by the disciplines of psychology, biology and anthropology. Figure 3 below provides an overview of the integrative approach to healing. 40 There are five quadrants in the healing matrix each contributing a component to the healing journey. We will look at each in turn and show how each quadrant is integral to the helping a sex addict recover. Core/Central Quadrant (God Holy Community): Ultimate reality is relationships that is God in holy, Trinitarian community. As human beings we have been made in the image of God, therefore to be in proper alignment we need to be in right relationship with
40

I am indebted here to the work of Neil Anderson, Terry Zuehlke and Julianne Zuehlke in, Christ Centered Therapy The Practical Integration of Theology and Psychology (Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2000), pp. 55-61. For a more detailed treatise on this subject see Eric Johnson and Stanton Jones, eds., Psychology and Christianity Four Views (Downers Grove, Il.: IVP, 2000).

God and each other. The first step of healing is for the addict to recognize and admit to this misalignment and get his relationship right with God through repentance and confession. A significant part of this repentance is for the addict to own his

helplessness and powerlessness to overcome the addiction, as well as to name his addiction as sin. His confession needs to be done in the context of a safe community of people41 who can reveal to him the love, grace and forgiveness of God, accept him as he is without judgment, and to hear his story. In this context realignment will begin to take place and the addict will start to be replenished with the love of God. And this love will begin to meet and satisfy his core needs of safety and significance, undermining the desires of the flesh. The addicts identity as a child of God loved unconditionally will be seen and experienced in ways that will move and empower him towards sexual purity. The addict needs to be led by the shepherd to a safe place and pasture where he can be broken, where he no longer has to hide and cover up for his behavior, and where he can undo the layers of protection and provision, and offer his pain to God among safe people. Healing will never happen in isolation, outside of biblical community. 42 God created us for relationships, and it is in relationships that we will be healed, restored and replenished. 43

41

Confession in community is powerful and life transforming. As James 5:16 states, Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. 42 It is important that an addict finds a sponsor, mentor or accountability partner who can guide and coach him through his recovery. 43 I appreciated the words of author Mike Mason God is love, and in coming to Him, we cannot escape coming through people. There is no separation between the spiritual and the social. Mike Mason, Practicing the Presence of People (Colorado Springs, CO.: Waterbrook Press, 1999), p.15.

Spiritual/Theological Quadrant: From our discussion above we noted that the addict is in a spiritual battle against the kingdom of darkness, led by Satan. In restoring an addict the shepherd needs to bear in mind the possibility of demonic footholds and strongholds that need to be confronted and demolished. Partnering with people gifted in discernment and exorcism may be required. If this quadrant if left disconnected from the core and the other quadrants, extremes and abuses are bound to happen. For exampl e, the addicts core problem will be identified as a demon of lust, and to path to freedom through an exorcism. Unfortunately, such a process has wounded so many people. Nevertheless, abuses in this arena of recovery should never cause us to ignore the potential influences of Satan and demons in an addicts life. 44 A ministry that has contributed significantly in this area is, Freedom in Christ Ministries, that provides a spiritual inventory and questionnaire that an addicts works through with a trained caregiver/facilitator. This 7step process45 leads the addict through a renunciation (truth encounter) process that helps him appropriate and maintain his freedom in Christ. It addresses areas where, Satan most commonly takes advantage of us and where str ongholds have been built.46 Spiritual/Psychological Quadrant: In this quadrant the issue of ones dysfunctional past and wounding is addressed. Here the addict is led by the shepherd to face the hurts of his

44

See Luke 13:10-17 as an example of healing which reveals an intimate connection between Satan/demons and illnesses. 45 The steps cover the following truth encounters: counterfeit versus real, deception versus truth, bitterness versus forgiveness, rebellion versus submission, pride versus humility, bondage versus freedom, and acquiescence versus renunciation. In these steps, generational sin is also dealt with. 46 Anderson, et. al., Christ Centered Therapy, p. 389. They also state: Realizing your freedom will be the result of what you choose to believe, confess, forgive, renounce and forsake. No one can do that for you. The battle of your mind can only be won as you personally choose truth. Ibid.

past and grieve over the related losses. Additionally, he is encouraged and guided to confront his abuser(s) 47 and to extend forgiveness to him (them). Matthew 18:15-17 is instructive: If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Furthermore, the addict may have buried so deeply some of the painful hurts and memories (thereby being unaware of their ongoing influence on him) which will require him to go through an uncovery process to expose the hurts and wounds. Inner healing, prayer counseling ministries have been helpful in this area. 48 Often the addict in a context of soaking prayer (lead by prayer counselors) is asked to reveal any memories from his past as they come to mind to bring them out to the light so to speak. This process has been helpful in uncovering painful and forgotten memories that need to be processed before greater freedom and victory can be experienced. Psychological/Natural Quadrant: In this quadrant the physiological factors are brought to bear upon the addicts healing. Under a trained physicians care medication may be prescribed to help the addict de-intensify his compulsive tendency for sexual activity. Biochemical imbalances have been found in sex addicts imbalances that may be helped by medication. A number of hospitals and Christian counseling organizations provide

47

When it is safe to do so, and will not bring about further injury. In some cases the law may be asked/required to step in because criminal activity has occurred. 48 A leader in this area of ministry is Leanne Payne particularly her work, The Broken Image Restoring Personal Wholeness Through Healing Prayer (Grand Rapids, MI.: Baker Books, 1981). Her website is www.leannepayne.com.

both outpatient and inpatient treatment programs that should be considered in serious cases of addiction.49 Concerning medical help Laaser wisely states: Medical evaluations are strongly advised. Given the probable presence of other mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and attention disorders, it is important that sex addicts have thorough medical evaluations. Though some family practice physicians are capable of this kind of evaluation, it is usually far better to consult a psychiatrist competent in working with addiction. A growing number of psychiatric clinics use brain scan imaging, such as SPEC scans and Functional MRIs, as part of their evaluations. 50 Natural/Theological Quadrant: The contribution of this area in the integrative matrix is to bring biblical principles and practices that will help the individual work out his heali ng, namely, through the practices and disciplines of the faith. There are a number of key biblical words and Scriptures that instructive: 1 Thessalonians 5:14 And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the weak, help the weak, be p atient with everyone. The word encourage is a translation of noutheteo, which means to influence a person to overcome their unhealthy mental patterns through admonition, warning, reminding, teaching and spurring on. 51 The influence is not merely on the intellect of a person, but also there will and disposition. 52 In caring for a sexual addict the shepherd needs to

49 50

Some examples would be New Life Clinics and Minirth-Meier Clinics. Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction , p. 152. 51 Tim Clinton and George Ohlschlager, Competent Christian Counseling (Colorado Springs, CO.: Waterbrook Press, 2002), p. 58. 52 Steve Gallagher, A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict (Dry Ridge, KY.: Pure Life Ministries, 2004), p. 46. Gallagher notes, based on the meaning of noutheteo, that, the biblical counselors approach is to systematically work through and resolve the different issues people are confronted with. Most emotional problems people encounter

regularly noutheteo him. To speak words with passion, determination and conviction, that God will use to empower the addict to take the steps he needs to (such as, Gary your addiction is ruining your life and marriage you need to stop right now going to those strip clubs, otherwise you will destroy your life and your wifes. Do you really want to do this?!), and to give him a vision of becoming who he is in Christ (such as, Gary you are a man made in the image of God and you are righteous in Christ it doesnt not get any better than this! So live the life that represents who you are not the life that is trying to destroy who you are). A shepherd, without being ignorant of the realities in the addicts life, should impart of vision of the addict as a bird in full flight, not as a damaged egg with no future. informative: We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. The goal of working with sex addicts is to, one day, see them presented as perfect in Christ no less will do. And this is a laborious endeavor where much patience and endurance is required. Healing does not usually happen in a day, but it normally happens day by day. 53 In many ways the process of recovery is like planting a seed that will one day flourish and flower that is, daily care54 is given to the plant, where most of the In regards to this, Pauls words in Colossians 1:28 -29 are

are caused either as a direct result of sin in their lives or as an unbiblical response to the sin of others. Ibid. 53 See 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 54 The word parakeleo (to call to ones side) is a helpful NT expression - in caring for an addict (see 1 Thessalonians 3:2 and 4:10). As noted above the sex addict will need a mentor or sponsor someone spiritual who can come alongside of him to encourage, exhort, admonish, comfort and console.

change happens below ground level, unseen by the natural eye. But then, one day it breaks through the ground surface! 2 Timothy 3:16-17 ~ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work . One of the seeds of healing is the Word of God. It is also one of the key tools for the shepherd. He needs to help the addict cultivate a life of Scripture reading and meditation. The Scriptures are useful for four repairing procedures: 55 a) Teaching in righteousness (principles for healing): the sexual addict needs to be primarily informed and empowered by Gods Word 56, not by his past experiences or his current addictions. The Scriptures impart hope and an understanding of who the addict is in Christ that is, that he is first and foremost a child of God whom Christ went to the cross for. The addict is a child of God who

struggles/battles with sexual addiction his addiction is not his identity; it is his struggle. As the addict is informed by the principles of Gods Word his

understanding of whom he is, is corrected and reoriented towards righteousness. The Word of God provides the means by which the addict can live out Philippians 4:8 whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure,

55

I am indebted here to Dr. Phil Busbee, senior pastor of First Baptist Church of San Francisco, CA., for some of his insights on the role of 2 Timothy 3:16 in the journey of healing and recovery given at a seminar at First Baptist Church of Everett, WA., May 20, 2006. 56 Note the Psalmists words The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul (Psalm 19:7). Emphasis mine.

whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.57 b) Training in righteousness (projects for healing): Not only does the addict need to be informed by the Word of God, he needs to perform the Word of God that is, as Paul states it in Philippians 4:9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 58 This training involves providing disciplines 59 and activities that will allow the addict to implement and appropriate the Word of God in his life. For example, the addict needs to be encouraged to pray (God I am helpless over my addiction, please help me) and to praise (God I thank you that you are my Helper!) on a daily basis. Furthermore, he needs to participate regularly in a support group and corporate worship services. c) Correcting and Rebuking in righteousness (prescriptions for healing): Once the boundaries and the practices of righteousness have been established, the correcting and rebuking process comes in as the addict moves outside of those boundaries. An addict will often surrender to temptation and return to his sexual behavior. The shepherd needs to restate the standard of righteousness and call the sex addict to repentance and resistance. The addict will need to avoid/flee the areas of vulnerability in his life. For example, he must avoid places like adult video stores and sexually oriented internet sites. The addict will need to go through in many ways a detoxification process, and the longer he can abstain, the
57 58

Emphasis mine. Emphasis mine. 59 The word training is the Greek word paideia, which can also be translated discipline (cf. Ephesians 6:4, Hebrews 12:5, 7 and 11).

better off he will be. Though when he relapses he needs to be corrected and rebuked in love. Again, this is where the role of a sponsor and accountability partner is so critical to the restoring process. The five quadrants of healing have been identified quadrants that need to be held together by the core of healing ~ relationships. So often in the church certain quadrants are emphasized over the others, with relationships simply functioning in the supporting actor role not in the main character role. All quadrants need to at least be considered as viable means to healing they have potential to contribute to the healing process. . Some may be emphasized more than others in certain seasons of the recovery process yet, all of them need to be anchored to the core. Otherwise the healing will be truncated and incomplete. 60 This is the weakness of a number of recovery ministries that are rooted and guided predominantly by one or two of the quadrants. If a recovery ministry does not address the whole person, the outcome will not be whole it will be partial at best.

60

This is not to imply that following the healing journey described in this paper guarantees a full recovery for the addict. Ultimate healing will be experienced in heaven that is part of the blessed hope. Mark Laasers words are helpful here: There is no foolproof cure for sexual addiction. Recovering addicts may have stopped acting out, but they know they are always at risk to act out again. Therefore, they must be continually careful about maintaining their program, going to meetings, and avoiding slippery places where temptation lurks. As a diabetic, I battle a disease that has no cure. I can manage it, live with it, effectively treat all symptoms, but I cannot get rid of it. There is no permanent cure for diabetes. The same is true for my sexual addiction: It has no permanent cure. But the recovery process does offer me, and many others, healing an ongoing process of improvement. Lives get better, the pain of abuse diminishes, feelings improve, relationships become more intimate, marriages get stronger, and sexual temptation decreases. This is the healing process, but it is not a cure. Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction , pp. 222-223. We could say that the role of the shepherd is to care for the addict, not cure him that is Gods job in his way and timing.

Also, each quadrant has the potential of moving into unbiblical extremes when it is detached from the core as well as disconnected from the other quadrants such as New Age forms of healing and recovery. 61

Conclusion There are two places that people should not be ashamed of showing their baggage an airport and a church. Airports are doing pretty good at this; the church on the other hand, is not doing so well. This needs to change, and it starts with leaders shepherd leaders who are committed to receiving people without judgment and preparing them in love and truth to be the people God created them to be. And this is especially so for sexual addicts. The shepherd needs to guide the addict through a holistic, integrative healing process that is sensitive to all the dynamics of life and human behavior but one that is always anchored in the reality of God as a relational being who longs for the addict to be in relationship with him and other believers.

Where a mans wound is, that is where his genius will be. Wherever the wound appears in our psyche, that is exactly where we will give our major gift to the community. Robert Bly.

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See Figure 3.

QuickTime and a TIFF (LZW) decompressor are needed to see this picture.

QuickTime and a TIFF (LZW) decompressor are needed to see this picture.

QuickTime and a TIFF (LZW) decompressor are needed to see this picture.

Bibliography Anderson, Neil; Zuehlke, Terry and Julianne. Christ Centered Therapy The Practical Integration of Theology and Psychology . Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2000. Clinton, Tim and Ohlschlager. Competent Christian Counseling . Colorado Springs, CO.: Waterbrook Press, 2002. Clinton, Tim; Hart, Archibald and Ohlschager, George. Caring For People Gods Way Personal and Emotional Issues, Addictions, Grief and Trauma. Nashville, TN.: Thomas Nelson, 2005. Comiskey, Andrew. Strength in Weakness Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness . Downers Grove, IL.: IVP, 2003. Crabb, Larry. The Safest Place on Earth . Nashville, TN.: Word Publishing, 1999. Gallagher, Steve. A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict. Dry Ridge, KY.: Pure Life Ministries, 2004. . At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry . Dry Ridge, KY.: Pure Life Ministries, 2000. Ogden, Greg. Unfinished Business Returning the Ministry to the People of God . Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2003. Laniak, Timothy S. Shepherds After My Own Heart Pastoral Traditions and Leadership in the Bible. Downers Grove, Il.: IVP, 2006 Laaser, Mark. Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction . Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2006. Roberts, Ted. Pure Desire. Ventura, CA.: Gospel Light, 1999. Scazzero, Peter. The Emotionally Healthy Church . Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 2003. Wagner, E. Glenn. Escape From Church Inc. The Return of the Pastor-Shepherd. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan, 1999. Williams, Don. 12 Steps With Jesus. Ventura, CA.: Gospel Light, 2004. Willingham, Russell. Breaking Free Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus. Downers Grove, Il.: IVP, 1999.