NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION IN SOCIETY

NIL (APOSTOL) ALINA GEORGIANA RISE, ANUL III

Our verbal language is one dimensional, whereas the mind is multidimensional. Language can only describe one sequence of events at a time; if several occur simultaneously, language has to jump from one to another along parallel lines which creates great confusion to the person listening. There is nonverbal communication in the clothes we wear, the styles and colors. In touching, tasting and smelling, the sounds we hear and the signs and symbols we see. Our dreams are full of nonverbal messages that we seldom understand. We encounter nonverbal communication in all aspects of life, in nature and the environment. Our awareness of nonverbal communication is vital not only for our survival, but also for understanding the needs, feelings, emotions and thoughts of others. Greater understanding of nonverbal communication will enhance the quality of our lives and also will give us the ability to relate to others with a greater degree of understanding, empathy, sympathy and compassion. Humans are in constant physical contact with the outside world through the tactile sensations of their skin. Touch may be the most primitive of our senses. It is the most essential. How we are touchedas well as when and by whommeans more than most of us realize. Highly intuitive people realize this without thinking about it; the rest of us can use touch to our advantage if we understand its mechanics and practice working with it. Among the most reliable receivers we have for receiving nonverbal information about our world are smell and taste. It is impossible to explain how something smells if you have not smelled it before, which is probably the reason poets often use simile to describe how something smells, instead an actual description of the smell. Our taste buds provide four distinct sensations: sweet, sour, salty and bitter. Everything else that we taste is really short range smell. Smell and taste work together closely. When we eat, chemicals are released from the food in the mouth and in the process of chewing immediately travel up the nose. The chemicals then trigger the olfactory receptors inside the nose as odors and the two senses create the true flavor of what we are eating, telling the brain all about it. In terms of nonverbal communication, the most interesting aspect of the sense of smell or taste is how it triggers positive or negative memories and experiences. Memories that sometimes are temporarily forgotten and surface only when the smell or taste brings them back as a forgotten memory.

We learn at an early age the nonverbal messages contained in sounds. Growing older, we sometimes forget them. Infants quickly learn to distinguish the voices of parents and family members from those of strangers. The whole purpose of the giggling we know as baby talk is to help a young child separate sounds that have literal, verbal meaning from sounds that dont. The faces you make when you speak or listen can tell an observant person more about you than any words you say. And, if you are an observant person, you can glean this information from anyone whos speaking to you. The blink rate is a significant nonverbal facial expression and awareness of a rapid blink rate may be worthwhile not only in playing poker or clearing customs, but also reading facial expression for purposes of determining if a person is telling the truth or lying. While a facial expression wont describe objective facts in technical detail, it does say a lot about what a person thinks about his or her position in a negotiation or argument. All of us gesture as we speak: Some of us more than others. Gestures are either used for purposes of emphasizing spoken words or to express feelings and emotions. And they are either consciously or unconsciously made. We gesture in our dreams and when speaking with others even though they may not be present, as when making a telephone call. Whenever you travel to another country do not take for granted that the gesture you use and understand may have the same meaning in another culture, if you do, you may receive an unexpected response and wind up losing a business deal or possible friend in the process. One area of life where nonverbal communication plays a major role is social gatherings with family, friends or even strangers. You can see the effects in these situations right away, with the initial greeting process. People generally greet each other with verbal salutations: hi, how are you?. These greetings may also be accompanied with an embrace, a kiss or both. When a man greets a woman whom he knows well, but is not sexually involved with; he usually gives her a sexless kiss. It is a slight kiss on either side of the face that nonverbally communicates a warm greeting with some affection. Often, when it occurs, the man holds the womans shoulders with both hands making sure there is no other physical contact with the lower body: Otherwise, the sexless kiss may be judged by others as sending certain nonverbal signals. And, when a woman kisses another woman it is seldom on the lips, usually on a cheek. A woman may also give another woman an air kiss where there is no physical contact. They

are familiar gestures of social friendship and welcoming. But the smart observer can pick up a lot of meaning in their absence. Another important nonverbal cue in a social setting is when its acceptable to join a conversation. Everyone finds himself or herself mingling or circulating in a crowd at some point during most social events; its helpful in these moments to recognize the right chance to step into a conversation with other people. At a party or other social gathering, any group of people sends out nonverbal signals to others in the room if their conversation is private closedor open for others to join. They do this in the manner of how they face each other. If two people are standing face-to-face, a closed position, they are sending please dont interrupt signals. And, if theyve moved away from everyone else (or put an obstacle like a table, doorway or hedge between them and everyone else), its a strong signal they would like to keep their conversation very private. However, people are standing in an open positionfacing each other at oblique angles, while occasionally looking around the roomthey are nonverbally saying, its all right to join us. These points may seem obvious, butwhen youre circulating in a room full of people your first impulse may be to look for faces you recognize and rush toward those. The impulse is understandable; but its a bit egocentric. Youll have better success navigating social settings if you focus instead on the nonverbal cues sent by people or small groups. Conversations at social gatherings are different from those conducted at home or the workplace for two fundamental reasons: Most of them take place while individuals are standing and people are usually holding something in their hands ready to eat or drink. Therefore, they are limited in the amount of hand gestures made while talking. When people are holding a drink in their hand during a conversation, they sometimes engage in interesting, different behaviors. A sincere person excited about what they are saying often will set their drink or food down in order to use their hands to emphasize the message. Perhaps they do so because they need to use the entire body in communicating complete interest and excitement in what theyre saying. Their gestures, posture and facial expressions are merely exclamation marks punctuating the spoken words. A person who is just passing time talking nonsense will seldom put down a drink or whatever theyre eating. On the contrary, they may use the glass in their hand as a shield and

place it in front of their mouth as they speak. When observing this, Ive thought of the old Western expression of a person talking through his hat. Another aspect of nonverbal communication at a social gathering is the host of the function has not only to identify the various personalities of the guests, but also to intercede in order to insure that a certain behavior will not get out of hand and disrupt the social function. Being a good host requires a decent eye for nonverbal cues. Some behavioral characteristics are displayed immediately, while others will take a while before you are able to discover them. Etiquette books give information on nonverbal behavior in public places. People should never remove something that is stuck in their teeth and men never clean their fingernails or adjust their trousers. Furthermore, when a man is seen drunk in public hes rarely ridiculed; however, if a woman has had an excessive amount of alcohol and displays the same behavior as a man, shes criticized. Society has many double standards concerning the behavior or men and women.