Inspired by Brooklyn Kiaras house was always the hangout.

Every weekend everybody would go there, our little group of friends. This group has long since disbanded. But we had fun there. Everyone would te t each other, our fingers would be typing away, spreading the word that we were to !eet at Kiaras house. "atching videos on #T$ was all we would do. %nd eat. %nd laugh at stupid, i!!ature &okes that were usually not funny at all. I felt like I finally fit in with these people, like they actually wanted to be around !e. Its funny that right at this very house, 'il "ayne, a rapper I despise, was so!eone who !ade !e co!e to !y senses. ("hy do you hang out with the!)* !y !o! would ask !e and !y sister, (+oure not even like the!. +ou have !ore to offer and I know you know better than this.* "e ignored her. ,he knew nothing about the!. They were fun. They had no worries. -f course, they werent like !y friends in the past. They didnt really have !orals. They were never serious. They worried about who was popular in school instead of who they were as a person. They had no goals. But they were fun, and thats all that !attered. I didnt want to hang out with the s!art, responsible people in school. They were boring. I wanted to be with the cool kids. %t least, I thought they were cool then. I thought it was finally !y chance to be popular, to be like the!. I was always sort of an outcast. .eople didnt treat !e bad. They &ust didnt treat !e like anything. I was &ust there. It was !y fault, though. I was always too nervous to talk to people I didnt know, and when I did I would think they thought I was weird, which I was at ti!es. I was only co!fortable with !y friends, or alone. "hen people did try to talk to !e, I would push the! away. Then I would co!plain about how nobody liked !e. But I never changed who I was. /o !atter how !uch I wanted to fit in, I always re!ained !e. 0inally, this past su!!er, I decided there needed to be a change. "hen this school year started, I started to co!e out of !y

shell. But instead of being !e, I tried to be so!ething I wasnt and it worked, for a while. -ne day, as the seasons were closing in to winter, I was at Kiaras house with the group. % 'il "ayne video ca!e on our favorite channel, #T$. ("hys he trying to be punk now)* said so!eone1 who it was, I cant re!e!ber. (I !ean, the piercings and the tight pants, thats like for white people2* These words ran through !y !ind. 0or white people) "hat does this !ean) %lthough I dont like 'il "ayne, I was standing up for hi!. "hy cant he do what he wants) "hat is for white people) "hat is for black people) "hat is for %sians and 3ispanics) "hy cant people be different) %nd why cant people accept the differences that co!e with each person) ("hy cant he dress how he wants)* I asked. #y friends ignored !e after I 4uestioned the!. Thats when !y !others words hit !e. "hat was I doing with these people) They didnt think like !e. They didnt act like !e. "hy was I settling for these friends &ust to be popular) I reali5ed I had changed so !uch through the years. 'ooking back at !y fresh!an self, I would have never caught !yself talking to these people. I had gone fro! being unsure of !yself to being &ust like everyone else. I started saying things I wouldnt nor!ally say and doing things I wouldnt have approved of in the past. I didnt like what I had beco!e. "hen I first ca!e to ,outh 6akota, I &udged people and assu!ed they were &udging !e. I didnt even give anybody a chance. I re!e!ber doing an essay last year about &udging people before you get to know the!. 3owever, I was being a hypocrite because I was the one &udging everyone. I !ade it see! like everyone else had a proble! when really it was !e with the proble!. I wanted to !ove fro! this state so bad. I prayed every night. 0inally, I gave up hope. I started to like it here, especially when I started associating with the group. I felt loved and

accepted. I was treating these people better than !y own fa!ily, who loved !e !ore than anyone ever could. I was changing who I was all in order to fit in. %bout two weeks ago, the big news ca!e that we were !oving back to 7er!any2 The drea! I had long forgotten had now co!e true and I couldnt believe it2 "hen we !oved here, I said I would stop hiding who I a! and be !e. But instead, I hid !e even !ore by being so!eone else. % friend of !ine, a friend !ature beyond her years, told !e, (If you have to do things or act different for people to like you then theyre not friends with you, theyre friends with so!eone else.* 3er words are true. +our friends are seeing you be so!eone else. ,o theyre not really your friends, theyre the friend of the fa8ade youre displaying. %fter all that has happened this school year, Ive reali5ed a lot of things. I know who I! not, but I still dont know who I a!. I like to eat, a lot. #y favorite food is 9hinese food:and #e ican food and pi55a and #c6onalds. I like ;elda <I beat it seven ti!es=, Ban&o Ka5ooie, .erfect 6ark, /ights Into 6rea!s, and >et ,et ?adio 0uture. I like British accents. -ne of !y favorite songs is the .ok@!on the!e song. I love 7uns n ?oses, #egadeth, Iron #aiden, but I also like T'9 and %aliyah. I like to sing in the shower, !y roo!, the car, and the kitchen. I like saying stupid stuff for no reason. I like to !ake weird faces and voices to annoy !y sister. I like to work out. I !iss band class with #iss #entrup. I want to learn the guitar and get better at the piano and sa ophone. I like watching !y sister play 7uitar 3ero and ?ock Band, and so!eti!es playing it !yself. I like daydrea!ing in the !iddle of class about things that will never happen. I like horoscopes. I like laughing. I like piercings. I like learning in school. I like dancing. I wish #ichael >ackson wouldnt have got all that plastic surgery and !olested little boys. I have to ad!it I like the first 3igh ,chool #usical. The 'ost Boys, ,inging in the ?ain, The .hanto! of the -pera, and %lice in "onderland are !y favorite !ovies. But if you put all these traits together, what does it !ake) "ho a! I)

I try to hide so!e of these things that !ake up !e. I feel asha!ed but I shouldnt. I should be proud of !y idiosyncrasies and unusual ways of thinking. I! different. Its taken !e a while to reali5e this and I! still going to struggle down this path of finding !e. But now that I know whats been hindering !e fro! achieving so !uch in !y life, I can change. #aybe !oving again will finally be !y chance to show everyone who I really a!. This ti!e Ill !ake a good change, a change to be !e.